Spike's Substitutesby deadpansnarkerChaptersPrologue: When Spike's away, the ponies will pay.Chapter 2: Rainbow's New Hobby, and a Confrontation Brews...Chapter 3: An Unfriendly Meeting, And Bad Just Got WorseChapter 1: Spike Arrives, and Rainbow's PlanPrologue: When Spike's away, the ponies will pay."Wahoo! This is so much fun..." Never let it be said that Spike wasn't making the most out of his new wings, as he darted between the numerous turrets of the Castle Of Friendship with ease. "Who knew that flying solo could be such an enjoyable experience?" He was referencing, of course, his tendency up until that point of riding his longtime best friend and current employer Twilight Sparkle's back from location to location. But naturally, the difference between hitching a lift and actually being the one in the 'driving seat' was huge, a fact he could now personally vouch for. "Whoopee!!" Nothing held any fear for Spike now. He was airborne and carefree, without a single worry in the... "SPIKE! Are you still messing around up there?! You're taking your first class this afternoon, don't you remember? I appreciate the fact you're excited about your new acquisitions, but not at the expense of ditching your responsibilities, I hope?" Well, maybe one worry. The drake sourly scowled as he reluctantly fluttered into one of the nearby windows, where inside he knew would lurk an uncompromising taskmaster set on disrupting his fun. Of course, he'd never say that to her face. He still needed a job and somewhere to spend the night, after all. "Good. That's better." Twilight offered the dragon a half smile as he safely landed and waited for further instructions. "Anyway, I thought you said you were looking forward to your first time teaching by yourself? Usually, I just have you bring in chalk and rulers and whatnot. The fact that you're getting this opportunity to take a group of eager young minds and sculpt them into the adults of tomorrow, should motivate you greatly!" "W-Well, sorta. Kinda." Spike stammered, missing the clear blue sky outside already. "But I was having such a good time up there! It's a bit hard to be excited about sitting at a desk, listening to the scribbling of pencils and having erasers flicked at you all day when I could be racing Rainbow Dash, dive-bombing with Derpy Hooves or..." "You can do all that later, right now you have a prearranged commitment." Twilight reminded the dragon, before adding firmly. "...And I thought they'd stopped tossing those erasers around! Let me know if it happens again, and the guilty individual(s) will face the longest detention ever. With me. And a copy of The Complete History Of Equestria... Genius Edition. Won't that be a hoot?" "Yeah. Sure. Whatever." Spike slouched depressively as he went to leave, but Twilight, even in the midst of whatever was keeping her highly occupied, couldn't help but notice her special little guy's moroseness. "Hey, Spike..." She stopped her activity momentarily to teleport herself over to the drake and speak soothingly. "I'm sorry to lay all this on you, but when we set up this school, you did say you didn't mind taking on your fair share of the workload. If for instance you were living with dragons, then you could spend all day flying around and breathing fire to your heart's content, but as long as you're here we expect great things out of you, and you haven't let us down yet. So, what do you say? Are you still up to the job? Where's that tireless 'get up and go' spirit we've come to love so much?" At this juncture, Twilight began gently tickling Spike's exposed belly with one of her feathery wings, and despite still feeling a little hard done by, the drake couldn't help but burst into a protracted fit of the giggles. "O-Okay Twilight, ha ha, y-you win as usual, ho ho, I-I'll head off there now, hee hee..." It was slightly hard to answer properly when every atom in your body is screaming at you to roll around the floor in hysterics. "I knew you'd see sense in the end..." Twilight winked at the chuckling dragon. "I'll come along and join you in a bit, I just have to track down these darn glasses of mine. Honestly, I've been searching for them all morning, with no luck. It's like they've been puffed into another dimension. Hmm, maybe I should go and have a few words with Discord..." "Um, Twilight..." Spike stopped tittering just long enough to interrupt the alicorn's soliloquy and indicate the aforementioned spectacles were safely located on top of the alicorn's head. "Oops, what are they doing up there?!" Twilight remarked sheepishly, as she felt their reassuring presence where they'd been all along. "Oh well, mystery solved. We didn't need the great Daring-Do to solve this one, did we? Anyway, you'd better be setting off now. Remember, alongside the standard lesson plan, punctuality is also a good way to set an example for youngsters..." "Okay, okay. I'm goin', I'm goin!" Spike rolled his eyes away from Twilight's stern glare as he prepared to take to the clouds once more. "As if I needed any extra incentive, it'll be nice to be the one delivering the lectures, as opposed to being the one on the receiving end. See you later!" "No problem, Spike. And... good luck." Twilight watched him leave proudly, like a devoted parent who was accompanying their child on the first day of school. Which in a way, it sort of was. "Now, where did I put my glasses case? Oh darn it, I knew I should've asked Spike before I sent him off..." ........................................ Spike drummed his claws impatiently against the pine desk in the classroom, where he was doomed to spend the next two hours or so of the day. At this point however, eternal purgatory might've been a more attractive option. It turned out that his only job during this particular session was to supervise a test, which meant sitting there in dreary silence to watch the hands of the clock wearily tick down... And not much else. Oh sure, he could always look out for 'cheating' etc, but with this bunch of goody-two-horseshoe students he was watching currently, that was about as likely as him and Rarity ever hitting it off. Much as he'd hate to admit it. Now, this tedious task assigned to him wouldn't have been such a big deal if he'd possessed the foreknowledge to bring something with him to do. A Mane-iac feature length spread perhaps, or one of those newfangled magic jigsaw puzzles that gave you a different image every time to put together. But because of his lack of foresight coming in, here he was with nothing to do but etch marks in the soft varnishing with his sharp nails. No prizes for guessing who'll be billed to have those sanded out, he grimaced, wondering if perhaps he shouldn't finally give his claws a trim. What Twilight said earlier was right: I bet my fellow reptiles never have to put up with boring stuff like this in the Dragon Lands. A scratched, dented or even scorched desk is nothing to them. I reckon, if they even have furniture, it's all made of rock anyway... This got him pondering further, and he finally had something to take his mind off the overwhelming tedium. Come to think of it, they don't even know I've got these new wings! Wouldn't Princess Ember be surprised if she saw me soar by right now, with these babies at full stretch for the world to see? But that's an impossible dream, I suppose. I'm stuck here playing the role of a dutiful statue, whilst they're all the way out in the mountains having fun. Taking lava baths, exploring volcanos, polishing their scales... it's not fair! If only I could... just for a little... wait, maybe I can! His eyes flit from the too-slow clock to Smoulder, wedged in between Yona and Sandbar's seated positions. She was having trouble with a certain math equation on section 2 side A, and was using her tail as a makeshift extra finger in her calculations. Judging by the glazed look on her face, It wasn't doing much good. I just have to get her aside after class, Spike smirked with a slight glint in his eye, then hopefully she can make the necessary arrangements. Of course though, there's a certain other matter I have to deal with first... ........................................... "What? A vacation?!" Twilight spluttered from her desk, as Spike dared to venture into her office and ask her the big question. "Whatever do you need one of those for, Spike? Don't we travel enough around the world together?" "Yeah, but most of that is just business. And, I just thought, considering everything I've done here of late, you wouldn't mind if I took a bit of time off... alone." Spike pointed out, trying to get the princess to see his perspective. "Besides, what with what's been happening with my body recently, wouldn't it be good to discover more about my heritage? I mean, I had no idea this stupid molt thing was going to happen, mostly because I've just been living around other ponies all my life! Don't you think it'll be a good idea now for me to do some claws-on research, in case anything like this occurs again?" "Well, what you're saying kind of makes sense I suppose..." Twilight mulled the request carefully, raising Spike's hopes. "...But it still sounds like an excuse for you to go out there and have a 'jolly', while the rest of us are working our tails off here. Sorry Spike, but the answer for now is 'no'. If you like, you can come on my next big diplomatic mission to the Dragon Lands. I'll probably be there for a good few days at least, which should give you plenty of time to go off on your own and..." "But you don't know when that'll even be!" Spike whined somewhat petulantly, as he crossed his arms in a sulk. "I want to go now, whilst these wings still feel fresh. If I leave soon, I should be able to return for the start of next week, when exam season is over." "You only want to go over there, so you can show off in front of Ember, don't you?" A sly Twilight nudged her dragon friend knowingly in the ribs. "Is that what this is all about? Is that why you're so desperate to visit as quickly as possible? Because you can always send her a letter, or..." "W-What?! No!" Spike's green scales almost turned crimson for a moment, and he changed the subject with the deftness of a great poker player. "Anyway, time for the last resort. I was sort of hoping it didn't have to come to this." " 'Hoped it wouldn't have to come', to what?" Twilight stopped staring the test papers she'd been marking to glance at the drake with suspicion. "Now, let's see here." As if by magic, Spike produced a large tome entitled 'The Fundamental Rights Of The Working Pony' from behind him, and began perusing through it with great interest. "Hey, is that my copy of..." Twilight reacted with astonishment when she saw the name on the spine. "...From the topmost shelf?! How on Equestria did you manage to..." "Did you forget about these thingies?" Spike pointed at his leathery wings with undisguised glee, before he cleared his throat to put on a highly officious accent. "All employees must be allowed at least six weeks of vacation time a year, which may be taken when and where they see fit." "Hey, I don't sound anything like that!" Twilight huffed upon hearing Spike's impersonation, but by merely pointing out she recognised the voice, proved that indeed she did. "...Failure to honour these terms and conditions may result in a tribunal, which could lead to substantial damages being awarded to the affected party." Spike continued on with relish, enjoying himself more than he was willing to let on. "Aha! That book is about the rights of the working pony!" Twilight exclaimed with hesitation, thinking that she'd discovered a minor loophole. "Therefore, you're not covered by the text inside... I think." "Really Twi, you wanna start splitting horsehairs now?" Spike slammed the book shut, coughing as some of the dust got up his nose. "I think if we asked any decent lawyer about that, and I told him how much work I've done for you and others around Ponyville since we arrived, we both know who's side he'd come down on." "B-But..." Twilight strained for words, trying to articulate the right ones to convince her valuable assistant to stay. "You're not just an 'employee' to me, and you know that! Aside from the excellent work and support you give me every single day you're here, if you were gone for six whole weeks, I-I'd miss you." Upon seeing the alicorn's pleading look, Spike's stance softened a bit. "Well, I'd miss you too Twi... which is why it's a good job I'm only off for one week! Smoulder is making the necessary arrangements through third parties, and I'm due to depart later this evening. You'll be fine without me for a while, I've seen you deal with much worse crisis than this before!" "W-What... so soon? But, I haven't even had chance to find your replacement yet!" Twilight exclaimed at the future disorganisation this unexpected trip would no doubt entail. "Hey, I'm sure you'll think of someone almost as good as me. I seem to remember you're pretty decent at making lists and planning ahead." Spike gave the princess an encouraging wink, before taking off once more. "Well, see you later at my departure. I gotta go pack, and decide what delicious gems I'll be snacking on the journey there." Twilight was about to object further, but something Spike said to her had struck a chord. Making lists and planning ahead? Hmm, he's right you know. I am slightly accomplished at it. Perhaps this won't be such a struggle after all... Realising that she'd no other option right now but rely on that innate gift, she returned again to her desk, to begin intricately devising a method with which she'd be able to cope with the impending absence of her most cherished worker, employee... And friend. ...................................... "Okay Twilight, what gives?" Rainbow Dash fumed slightly, leaning so far back in a chair that it almost tipped over. "I was just about to feed Tank, then scrub his shell. You wouldn't believe how hard grass stains are to remove." "Yes dear, why would you want to summon us all to the school at such an inopportune moment? I was this close from completing perfection." Rarity sniffed, referring to the hard graft she'd applied to her latest couture masterpiece. "Um, usually I'm not one to complain, but one of my hamsters has a poorly leg, and I should get back to the cottage soon so the poor dear doesn't try to run off without me." Fluttershy described her situation accurately enough. "That's nuffin'! Our monthly harvest to Fillydelphia is set to be picked up in less than an hour, and if I ain't there to supervise, they might try to underpay us again! Granny Smith is such a soft touch, bless her soul..." Applejack clearly had somewhere else to be. "If we could wrap this thing up quickly please, it'd be super helpful! I have a special cake in the oven right now, and the last time I left Gummy alone, he forgot to take it out and when I got back there was nothing left but cinders!" Pinkie Pie obviously didn't want to return to the baking fiasco of yesteryear. "Twilight, I have to confess my own confusion as to all of our presences here tonight." Starlight Glimmer evidently had less on her plate than the other equines in attendance, but was equally as curious. "Why not in the Map Room at the castle? Why your office after school hours? And what's the emergency? As far as I'm aware, there isn't anything major going on right now that needs our..." "My apologies everypony, for the lack of warning which led up to this impromptu meeting, but this couldn't wait." Twilight acknowledged the suddenness of the gathering, before she decided to get right to the issue at hoof. "Anyway, here's the upshot of it all: I just saw Spike off, he's spending a week in the Dragon Lands. Something to do with 'getting in touch with his roots' or something, I don't know. I asked him to stay once more, but he refused and flew off anyway. Also, as it turns out, I'm kind of obliged to let him do it by law. Still, I gave him my best wishes, I don't want to get a reputation as a bad sport." "Regardless..." Twilight continued on, ignoring the associated murmurs from those still reeling from the surprise news. "We all have to find a way to pitch in while he's gone, which I'm confident for the most part we can do. The problem is though, there is one pony here for whom his reassuring presence will be missed in more ways than just from an industrial viewpoint. For whom he provides a constant source of encouraging advice when they're down. For whom he reminds them of the small things that you'd forget otherwise. For whom his warm grin and sense of humour have got her through many a difficult situation that she otherwise would've found i-impossible..." Realising that the other six ponies in the room were beginning to stare at her a bit oddly, the emotional alicorn swiftly wiped a stray tear away from her eye to conclude the discussion. "A-Anyway, here is what I've come up with, to hopefully help fill in the yawning chasm caused by his temporary departure. As my closest friends beside Spike, each of you will take it in turns to stay by my side for the rest of the week to offer me counsel, do little odd jobs, make little wisecracks at my expense... that kind of thing, although the last one is purely optional. It might not sound like much, but believe me, your participation with this scheme would help to keep things functioning more than you know, and the school as a whole, too. To this end, I have drawn up a basic chart that'll detail who'll 'play' the role of Spike for each day during his absence, which I will unveil right now." With those final words, Twilight trotted over to a previously unnoticed chalkboard in the centre of the room to unceremoniously fling off the cover, and show the shellshocked onlookers just who'd be on duty as her personal assistant for every given day that week. After studying it closely for a few seconds, one voice was heard to call out in triumph. "Yes, I've got first dibs! In your face, Applejack!" That unsurprisingly, was Rainbow Dash, as competitive as ever. Although, maybe this is one contest she wishes she hadn't emerged victorious from, judging by her hoof-in-mouth expression quickly afterwards and Applejack's own wry grin. "Oh Celestia... I 'won'." ....................................................... "Well, here I am! Ready to live it up reptile style, and show just what I got!" Spike had finally arrived at the warm climate and rocky outcrops near the perimeter of The Dragon Lands, having handily timed it so he'd just finished munching on his last sapphire. There had been a slight tinge of sadness that he'd felt during his journey there, as he would truly miss his friends, students and comprehensive art collection (otherwise known as comic books) while he was away from Ponyville. But no matter! It would only be for a week after all, and he could surely find things to occupy himself with during his holiday to take the edge off his homesickness pangs. Besides, he recalled seeing Smoulder's amazement in the 'shouting closet', at being told that he'd spent the entirety of his existence living with ponies. Maybe it is about time I hung out with my own kind for a bit, he'd mused, thinking he didn't want to be seen as too much of an outcast. The next few days will be the perfect chance for me to do just that. Making a beeline for Princess Ember's room, who he'd been told was expecting him, he happened to fly straight past Garble and his pair of goons, who were perched on a molten island engaged in some sort of weird ritual to see who had the hardiest skull. ...Or maybe they were just head-butting each other for pleasure. As you do. Even though his dealings with Garble were never the greatest, Spike was a cheery soul, and after what happened at the Gauntlet Of Fire, the blowhard larger dragon now held no fear for the confident drake. "Hi, Garble! And... 'friends'." Spike cheekily waved to them all, as he effortlessly flit past them at an impressive speed. Garble paused caving his skull in just long to stare with awe at the retreating figure. "Was that... the squirt? And did he have... wings?!" Author's Note Meap. Updates to this story will be semi-regular, as I have other things to write. This is just an idea I wanted to get out there before the next episode aired. What to expect in the future? Well, apart from switching of perspective between the school and Dragon Lands at least once every chapter, I'm not at liberty to say. But I hope this prologue has kept you sufficiently interested, and I look forward to sharing more with you in the near future. Bye for now! Chapter 2: Rainbow's New Hobby, and a Confrontation Brews...It was the first morning after Spike's unexpected trip away from Ponyville, and everything appeared to be running smoothly at the School Of Friendship. All students were present and correct. The weather was fine and sunny. Every tutor had arrived, ready to teach lessons mostly based around the Element Of Harmony each one represented... ...With one notable exception. The reason this missing pony was so important was that she was supposed to be filling in for a certain absent reptile, and without her invaluable contribution, Twilight's carefully-constructed plans were bound to collapse like a house of cards. Which, funnily enough, the headmare of this fine institution happened to be in the middle of creating, as she waited in vain for her tardy temporary substitute to turn up with growing impatience. "I should've known Rainbow was going to be late on her very first day..." Twilight complained bitterly, as she went to move the five of clubs into prime position at the top of her delicate structure. "I bet she's forgotten about our arrangement already, and is even now soaring through the sky far away, blissfully unaware of the fact she promised she'd be here on schedule. Didn't I express enough how much this meant to me? Was that dedicated two-hour lecture I gave last night on the importance of everything going like clockwork all in my head? I swear Spike, I love her dearly, but sometimes I just wanna.... oh." Not quite used yet to the fact that her unstintingly loyal friend was longer there by her side, at least for another six days, Twilight blushed momentarily at her memory lapse, before returning to her current precarious project. "Now, let's see... if I can just balance the roof like this... and lean the two of hearts to support the surrounding foundations like that... I can finally break my own record for used decks, which as far as I know hasn't been matched by anypony else in the kingdom! Gently does it..." Unfortunately, for all of Twilight's care and attention, her laudable focus was useless in the face of a door crashing open, which had the dual effect of causing a sharp breeze to waft into the room, along with the complete demolition of the laminated makeshift building. Twilight stared aghast at all the senseless destruction of collapsing cards all around her, and began chastising her new visitor without even bothering to turn. Its identity was plainly obvious to her: it was as if the alicorn had eyes in the back of her head, her 'guess' of who it was being completely on the money. "Rainbow, such an honour to finally make your acquaintance. Please, it doesn't matter at all that you missed giving me the alarm call Spike is reliably regular with, so that I had to fly at light speed just to get to work on time. I didn't even have chance to eat a delicious, nutritious breakfast due to your shameless slacking! Would you kindly inform me of the essential emergency that kept you from your sworn duty, then maybe I can begin to understand your shocking lack of timekeeping!" "Oops, sorry Twi. And for interrupting... whatever it was you were doing in here." A sheepish-looking blue pegasus poked her head around the threshold, the scattered cards around the office enough of a clue to tell her that she'd goofed. Again. "In my defence, you were going on a bit of a rant yesterday, even more so than normal, and I probably nodded off at certain points. The bit where you requested to be woken up early must have been during one of those slight naps. On the plus side, the extra rest I got back then gave me enough energy to stay up to make a 'plan of action', which I hope will meet with your approval..." "Wait a minute. Are you implying that my lectures, that take me so long to dictate and transcribe are... boring?" An unimpressed alicorn raised an eyebrow at Rainbow's not-so-subtle dig there. "With such a wandering brain, it's amazing that you even managed to pass the Wonderbolt entrance exam the first time of asking. How you organise yourself for simple everyday tasks, like writing up a basic shopping list, is beyond me." "If you must know, I simply grab everything from the discount aisle and fling it in my trolley, but that's neither here nor there." Rainbow grinned broadly at a frowning Twilight, thinking that she'd just described something terribly clever. "To tell you the truth, I wasn't exactly enthusiastic at the thought of following you around all day to clear up your messes and carry stuff about like some kind of pack mule, but then I stumbled across a great idea! And, I have my favourite author to thank for my inspiration!" "You mean, A.K Yearling?" Twilight's other eyebrow began to twitch at this venture, and not without precedent, a feeling of impending disaster began surfacing in the pit of her stomach. "That's right! Of course you'd know that, considering you were the one who introduced me to her brilliant series in the first place!" Rainbow nodded affirmatively, before reaching into her saddlebag to pull out an empty notebook. "Here's my plan: I'm going to record everything I experience today in here, the same way she tells everypony about her experiences as Daring-Do. The difference being, when my self-penned masterpiece gets published, it won't be under a false name. There it'll be, pride of place in the bestseller section, and I'll be signing autographs for the lucky ponies who've been queueing for hours. I've already written the intro to ' My Day As A Princess's Assistant'. Rainbow Dash: World Saver. Star Wonderbolt. And now, Professional Writer. What do ya think?" "W-Whoa there! Wait just a..." Twilight waved her hooves frantically, thinking perhaps her enthusiastic friend was getting a bit ahead of herself. "Can I just add a slight question mark to your dreams of fame and glory, please? For one thing, wouldn't you have to get my permission to publish this 'magnum opus'? After the disaster that was the Friendship Journal, I'm not sure we need any more 'eye-opening' exposes, thank you. Also, are you absolutely sure you can do this on your own? I mean, writing an entire book is a pretty big deal. Just because you're a voracious reader, it doesn't mean you'd be good at..." "Pffff! How hard can it be? I've done enough friendship reports to get the basics down, and I'm sure everything else will just fall into place!" Rainbow dismissed Twilight's concerns with a slight chuckle, before producing her feather quill to get started. "Now... opening paragraph. Fed Tank, left home, bought journal, arrived at school..." "...Was half-an-hour later, ruined my house of cards, refused to listen to reason..." Twilight rolled her eyes at Rainbow's determination to continue with this patently ludicrous idea, before trying to see the upside of it. "Well, if it helps keep your notoriously fickle attention span on the job at hoof, I suppose it can't be too bad. Okay, first of all I need you to water the potted plant on my desk, it's beginning to look a little thirsty. Then, if it's not too much trouble, you could..." "Done, and done!" Before Twilight could even finish her sentence, her mane had been flicked over her eyes, as true to her name Rainbow 'Dashed' off... only to return a few seconds later with a small nimbus cloud in tow. "This should do the trick!" "W-What the... there's a faucet and a watering can just outside, you know..." Was all that Twilight could add to the conversation, before the eager pegasus squirted the contents all over the leafy life form. Alas, it wasn't just a trickle of moisture that emerged, which would've more than quenched the tiny plant's meagre appetite. Rather, it was a regular flood, that not only nearly drowned the poor thing but soaked the entire desk area, leaving a few inches of liquid remaining on the floor in its wake too. "O-Oopsie." A blushing Rainbow gulped apologetically in the air. "I guess I must've underestimated the amount of rain in that particular cloud. You never can tell, I suppose..." "Ya think?!" An irate Twilight splish-sploshed over to where Rainbow hovered just off the ground, to unceremoniously snatch the notebook from the pegasus's hoof. "Here, let me make a few more entries for you: Rainbow finds a mop and a bucket. Drains this entire room from top to bottom. Regrades the papers that took Twilight all last night to do, but now have smudged ink everywhere thus making them practically illegible..." "Uh oh..." Rainbow began chewing her hooves at this juncture, realising that this day wasn't going to be quite the cakewalk she thought it was, even with the added distraction of her upcoming non-fiction project. With all the extra work it looked like it was going to cause her today, it'd better launch her to international stardom. .......................................... Despite clearly winning the battle for 'thickest skull' amongst his intellectual buddies by a country mile, and with the comfort of his new digs to look forward to, it was a troubled Garble who made his way through the dimly lit cavernous corridors of the royal palace. Who does that puny pony-loving runt think he is? First, he steals away my Phoenix omelette. Then, he ruins my chance to be Dragon Lord only to give it to that unworthy female. Now, he thinks he can just show up, say 'hi' and everything will be forgiven? Not a chance. Just wait 'til I get my claws on him, he'll be chargrilled by the time I've... The optimistic notion briefly crossed Garble's mind that his sighting of Spike in the sky might've just been just an unfortunate optical illusion, bought on by too much brain-bashing and cranium-crushing. After all, it must be impossible for such a pathetic excuse of a dragon to ever learn to fly, and zoom by at such a speed. Maybe he just imagined the whole thing, and this wretched reptilian nuisance hadn't returned to bother him once more. Sadly, this fanciful idea was somewhat dashed upon the red drake entering his stolen quarters. No sooner had his surprise at not being intercepted en route by Princess Ember looking to throw him out began to fade, his adrenaline levels began to rise once more upon seeing which unwelcome guest currently languished on 'his' rocky bed. "You." Garble stated with blunt hatred, as if that single undistinguished word was poison on his tongue. "Hello, Garble." Spike responded with an equally contemptuous tone, not intimidated by the larger dragon's threatening demeanour an iota. "I believe we have a few things to discuss. Let's start with something easy, like the illegality of squatting, shall we?" Author's Note This may shock you, but from now on I'm going to provide an update to this fic about twice weekly. I have been trying to juggle too many stories at once, and as a result my focus goes and I end up losing my place in the general plot of many of them. Well, no more. From now on, it's one chapter fic at a time for me, Until completion I won't be updating any other stories. This will hopefully keep my mind on the job at hand, and I may actually be able to FINISH a fic for once. That's the dream, anyway. 'Til next time, compadres... Chapter 3: An Unfriendly Meeting, And Bad Just Got Worse"So, 'Spikey Sparkle', or whatever your namby-pamby pony friends call you these days, you've finally returned to face your punishment." Garble snarled at who he considered to be his long-term nemesis. "Unless... you have any precious Princesses hiding nearby in disguise, ready to defend you? What should I check for this time? Rocks? Bushes? Or maybe the weirdest, freakiest looking dragon around? Oops, my apologies... I guess that would be you." "Your insults won't affect me anymore, Garble. Why don't you try instead looking at everything I've accomplished while you've been sitting around here, feeling sorry for yourself?" Spike rolled his eyes as he was treated to the traditionally immature 'greeting' he'd expected from his wannabe rival. "In case you hadn't noticed, I also have wings now. Not that not having any meant I was any less of a dragon, but at least that's one less insult you can throw at..." "You mean, these puny little nubs?" Garble somehow had the temerity to launch himself forward and grab one of Spike's new additions, and yanked it slightly as if to check its authenticity. "I bet you got one of your pony friends to magic them on, because there's no way a wimp like you could ever grow them in the natural way through puberty. I bet you don't even know what 'The Molt' is, do ya?" "...A-Actually I do, in fact... you could say I'm an expert on the subject. I went through all the phases: the zits, the bad body odour, the petrification: the works." Spike blew a raspberry to the cackling Garble, neglecting to mention he was clueless on the topic until Smoulder had filled him in. "Anyway, claws off the merchandise! I didn't come here to talk about that or my epic battle with a Roc afterwards, I wanted to tell you to 'beat it', because these are my quarters, and..." "You... fought a Roc? And won?! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard, Spikey Sparkle! You can't belch, you can't wrestle, about the only thing you do well is belly-flop into lava, and you expect me to believe you defeated one of the biggest creatures in Equestria on your own? Ha ha ha ha!" If it had been Spike's intention to namedrop his momentous victory against the oversized bird of prey to get Garble off his back, it didn't quite have the desired affect. "In fact, I don't even think I've ever seen you breathe fire! Only try to 'make friends' and 'spread happiness' wherever you go. Ugh, how disgusting! Definitely not the dragon way... at least that used to be the case." "What are you talking about now, Garble? I did have a schedule I wanted to keep while I was here." A sighing Spike went to check his non-existent watch, instantly regretting that he'd even asked the question. Still, he had all week long... plenty of time to get 'in touch with his reptilian self', or whatever the proper psychiatric term was. "Ever since you stole what was rightfully mine, the Dragon Lands might as well have been invaded and conquered by Ponyville itself!" Garble threw his arms in the air, beginning a rant which looked like it'd been brewing in his head for a while. "We can't steal treasure, torch villages or even swallow up innocents whole now, without their express permission! Instead, we're encouraged to 'share', talk about our 'feelings' and 'forgive' those who've wronged us. I tell you, if I was on the throne rather than that pathetic pretender, I would've declared war on all Equine-kind, day one! Then, we'd see who'd be sleeping in the best bedroom in the palace!" "For starters..." Spike attempted not to lose his temper and tried communicating in simple terms, as if he was explaining obvious information to a hatchling. "That sounds like a pretty good system Princess Ember has implemented. If it wasn't for everyone treating each other with a bit of respect and kindness once in a while, my friends and I would never have been able to make peace with the Changelings. Maybe other dragons, as selfish as they can be sometimes, could learn a bit from that success. I don't think she's asking you to completely change who you are, just show a bit of consideration for others sometimes. Also, and I don't think you're gonna like me saying this much... but perhaps it's just as well tensions didn't escalate that far between our two species." "Huh?" Garble was already losing interest in this conversation (he usually preferred to let his 'rock-hard' abs do the talking) but he felt it was his sworn duty to defend his kind from the slurs of this treacherous traitor. "I don't know what you're on about, runt. We'd incinerate those losers within a few hours! They wouldn't stand a chance! After all, we're much bigger, have sharp teeth, can burn anything we want to ashes..." "...Can we also conjure up enough powerful magic to defeat almighty threats like Tirek and the Storm King, who if not for their help, would have destroyed the entire world, including the Dragon Lands?" Spike irritably reminded Garble of indisputable historical facts. "If just a few ponies could handle those guys on their own, can you imagine what they could do to us, if pushed to defend themselves enough? I think even a blowhard bigot like you could see the futility of such an 'invasion'. Isn't peace so much better, than picking fights you can't win?" "Y-Yeah, well..." Despite his utter contempt for all things pony-related, Garble had to admit the shrimp had a point. Not that he'd ever say that to his face. "It doesn't matter now, anyway. Because of your unwelcome interference, now things will never be the same again! I wouldn't be surprised if head-butting contests, one of my few joys in life now, were outlawed soon thanks to that ignorant female! I don't care if she is related to the former King... if she was deposed tomorrow by some 'unfortunate' accident, I have a feeling that most all of Dragonkind would hold the biggest party ever!" "I hope that wasn't a veiled threat against Ember!" Spike growled slightly at the mere hint of one of his best friends being threatened. "Because if it was..." "Oh, lighten up, Spikey Sparkle! I was only speaking on behalf of a few others, who are sick and tired of having to obey her every command, just because she carries that stupid sceptre around. She better keep a firm claw on that thing, that's all I'm saying. It's the dragon way you know, to rebel against unpopular rulers..." Garble afforded Spike a conspiratorial wink, before abruptly changing the subject. "As for now, I guess it's up to me to be the better dragon and let you keep this room. I wouldn't want to stay in it now, anyway... it absolutely reeks of pony." "H-Huh?! You mean... you're just going to give it up?" Spike was understandably a bit shell-shocked upon hearing this, expecting as he was Garble to put up much more of a protest. "Hey, short stuff... get it right! I'm not 'giving it up' at all, and you better not tell anyone else that! I'm just gonna crash with my buddy Blaze at his place instead. It might not have all the mod cons of around here, but at least it doesn't have a couple of scaly sell-outs living inside!" Garble snarled a parting shot at the nonplussed Spike, whilst gradually edging his way towards the cave exit. "Don't think I've forgotten about what you did to me, though. I was the laughing stock of the entire Dragon Lands for months, after you made me hug every other dragon! It took me ages to restore my fearsome reputation, now I'm going to take my revenge... on your face! Ha, ha! Later, Sparky Spikey!" "H-Hey, you'd still be trapped under a giant boulder now, if it wasn't for me! And, the name is 'Spike'!!" The smaller of the two dragons irately exclaimed as Garble took his leave, but he got no response from the retreating red drake. "Well, at least he's gone now. But why do I feel so hollow inside?" Spike pondered his feelings as he took his proper place on the bed, wincing at how cold it felt to the touch. "Ooo, now I know I should've taken that extra blanket with me... wait, what am I saying? If I'm going to truly experience what it means to be a dragon, I'm going to have to forego some of my old luxuries, and get used to 'roughing' it a bit." ...And to kick my new routine off, perhaps I could begin with a 'relaxing' lava dip, instead of my usual soothing bubble bath. Spike thought optimistically, as he eyed the molten pool in the corner with a gulp.It's been so long since I had one, but I'm a dragon, right? We're designed to withstand the hottest temperatures! What have I got to worry about? Here goes nothing. What Spike wasn't aware of however, was the reason why this particular room was so prized, even amongst the other multitudes of 'fancy' caverns that made up the palace interior. Not only was it the biggest room, with the hardest furniture and in closest proximity to the Dragon Lord, it had an added perk too... which Spike was just about to discover. To his cost. "AAAARRGH!!" He shrieked, upon jumping snout-first into the specially-heated boiling lagoon, which perhaps even would've melted steel upon impact. "It burns! It burns! It felt like I was in the middle of a volcano! In fact, I probably was! Water, water! I need water!" And with a distinctly un-dragon like scream, he dashed off outside, trailing smoke all the way (it wasn't coming from his mouth), hoping against hope to find something cool and wet in the midst of one the driest regions in Equestria. Good luck with that, Spike. Welcome to the Dragon Lands. We hope you enjoy your stay! ...................................... In the comparably more humid and friendlier climes of Equestria, things weren't quite working out regarding Rainbow Dash's temporary ascension to Twilight's personal assistant. Or, to put it more bluntly, it'd been a complete disaster. At least whilst the manic Wonderbolt had been mopping up the flooded interior of Twilight's office and re-marking all of the alicorn's ruined test papers, she'd been kept out of harm's way. Unfortunately, as soon as those jobs were concluded, she'd returned to her newer role. And eager to make up for her earlier mishaps and provide satisfactory material for her book, she was trying even harder than before... to the noticeable detriment of everypony else. "Rainbow, I asked you to 'fetch' Fluttershy for me, not carry her all the way here yourself!" Twilight sighed, upon seeing the identity of the dazed pegasus carried bridal-style in her alleged helper's hooves. "Who gives a flying feather how I did it? She's here now... and that's all that matters!" An eager-to-please Rainbow beamed vibrantly, presenting Fluttershy to the headmare as if she was some kind of special tribute. "W-What just happened?" Fluttershy stammered, having been abruptly snatched in the middle of a particularly stirring speech on the mating habits of Breezies. "Ooh, I've completely lost my train of thought! I don't think I'll be able to teach for the rest of the day..." "Ouch! Ow! Oh, why doesn't this school have a nurse?" A few miscellaneous students Rainbow had bowled over in her headlong rush to get there now hobbled into the office too, in serious need of medical treatment. We never needed one before Rainbow became my assistant... Twilight winced to herself, whilst observing the quickly growing disorder going on around her. It wasn't supposed to be this way! It was meant to be a perfect system, where everypony could ably fill Spike's part until his blessed return at the end of the week. Oh Spike, how I miss you already! If I didn't know how irreplaceable you were before, I certainly do now! I suppose I should try to look on the positive side. Let me check who's next after Rainbow Dash... surely it couldn't get any worse than... Having a cursory glance at her notes quashed Twilight's optimism immediately, and sent a cold shiver running down her back. Uh Oh... Author's Note Well, here's the update. I even went back and rewatched a couple of episodes for research purposes, so there's that. Hope you enjoyed reading it... next one coming soon. Stay tuned. Chapter 1: Spike Arrives, and Rainbow's PlanAs Spike began his inevitable descent to the ground upon arriving just outside Princess Ember's personal quarters (the most airy, spacious cave in the desolate Dragon Lands, naturally) he couldn't help but dwell on how he came into this situation in the first place. The fact that he was a minor celebrity in these parts after winning the famous Gauntlet Of Fire competition had helped smooth over the formalities of his impromptu visit, but a great deal of credit still had to go to Smoulder, whose contacts and powers of persuasion had been an invaluable asset. So it was as the much heavier-built sentries bowed and stepped aside to allow him to enter the confines of the giant cavern that a flashback began unfurling in his head, involving the aforementioned young orange dragoness herself and an 'accidental' after-lesson meeting which had taken place just the previous day. .............................................. "I can't believe I'm going to flunk math! Again." Smoulder announced with a sigh to two of her classmates at the conclusion of school, as she aggressively threw her stationary inside her schoolbag. "If I fail one more test, my family'll kick me out... forever! I'll have to stay with my brother during the holidays, and his place stinks like rotten garbage!" "Hang on a minute... since when have dragonkind been so hung up on calculus?!" A much calmer Sandbar replied, scratching the back of his head in puzzlement. "I thought all your relatives cared about is who was the toughest, most fiercest, had the biggest collection of rare gemstones..." "Yona sorry that dragon friend sad right now..." Despite their initial differences upon meeting earlier that year, it could be said that the optimistic yak and Smoulder were now firm buddies. "...But Yona also happy because she think she do well on exam! Late night cramming sessions really pay off!" "No wonder you kept nodding off today. Geez, what a racket!" Smoulder shook her head in annoyance at the bovine's habit of obtrusive snoring, before turning back to Sandbar. "They don't, generally. But dragons have such a competitive streak that even in something as 'pointless' as advanced mathematics, if we don't cover ourselves in glory, we get the boot. Literally, and figuratively too." It was just as Smoulder began feeling sorry for herself, with her two chums similarly bowing their heads in solidarity with her plight, that Spike happened by with a steaming hot cup of coffee to interrupt their mutual brooding. He politely waited a few seconds to see if their small pity party would break up of it's own accord, but eventually this seemed unlikely, so he decided to take matters into his own claws. "A-hem!" Spike's sudden throat clearance had the desired effect of rousing his young charges (although, truth be told, he wasn't much older than them himself) from their respective stupors, and they turned to face him with glazed expressions. Each student must've thought he was about to prescribe some extra homework or another such 'wonderful' surprise, so he moved quickly to quash such dire notions. "It's only me, your short-term educator! Don't worry, none of you are in any trouble. I just need to have a little word with Smoulder here about something important." Spike tried to sound as cordial as possible, whilst still carrying the air of someone on a position of authority. His previous experience as a stand-in Princess would surely assist him there, minus all the petty demands of course. Visibly breathing a sigh of relief, Sandbar and Yona quickly made good their 'escape', whilst affording Smoulder up supportive pats on the back on their way out of the door. The dragoness acknowledged them with a rueful smile, before mentally preparing herself for what was sure to be told just what a failure she was at all things sum-related. "S-So Smoulder, how are ya doin'?" Spike decided to start things off with a bit of small talk, as he casually sidled over to his fellow reptile. "Are things okay in the Dragon Lands these days? Do you need anything? How are the other creatures treating you?" "Huh?" Smoulder raised a confused eyebrow at this juncture, quite unsure how to respond to all this unexpected chit-chat. "Spike, are you okay? Because all this enquiring about my health and general well-being is certainly not dragon-like, if that's what you're aiming for..." "N-No, that's not it at all!" Spike began panicking a little at Smoulder calling his bluff, and to distract him from the increasingly tense exchange, took a sip of his very black coffee. "Yuck! How does Twilight drink it like this? She told me it 'keeps you awake'... well, I'm not surprised! You'd spend the rest of the night washing the awful taste out of your mouth!" "...Alrighty then. Well, if there's nothing else on the agenda, I think I'll make myself scarce." Smoulder had no idea why Spike was acting like a bit of a loon. Maybe too much time spent around ponies, and unlike The Molt, this kind of craziness wasn't something she could help him with at all. "Wait! Wait." Spike sidestepped slightly to block her exit, all whilst sighing with regret at his own lack of forwardness. "Look, I apologise. I was just beating around the bush until I could pluck up the courage to ask you my request, but I'm done with that now. Listen, I need a really big favour..." "I thought something screwy was goin' on. Usually, you're a bit weird, but the last few minutes have been wacky even by your high standards." Smoulder pondered to herself briefly, before a long grin creased up her scaly face. "Hang on, you want a 'big favour' from me? You know what this means, don't you?" "E-Er, that you'll do it from the goodness of your heart?" A desperate Spike wondered aloud somewhat optimistically. "Pfft!! Since when have you ever known any dragon, besides yourself, to display such an unspecies-like display of altru... eltru... hmm, now how does that word go again?" Smoulder tried to recall the term she wanted to use, but seeing as it was so rarely demonstrated in her kind, she quickly gave up. "Anyway, what you should know is whenever a dragon wants a 'big favour' from another dragon, it's the done thing that the one doing the good turn is allowed to request a little something of their own in return. Of equal, or larger value in fact. Usually the latter." Uh oh. Maybe I shouldn't have built up how much this would mean to me. Oh well, too late to back out now. "S-So Smoulder, what exactly did you have in mind? A free drink? Tour of the castle? N-Not my limited edition holographic glow-in-the-dark comic book collection, surely!" Spike nervously laughed at the suddenly eager to converse dragoness, as she rubbed her claws together with glee. "Maybe, maybe not. You're the one that came begging to me, remember? First, tell me what it is you want. Then, I'm sure we can come to some kind of mutual arrangement." Smoulder confidently predicted, thinking that perhaps her chances of passing the test had just shot up exponentially. .......................................... Being a moral sort of dragon ( a rare breed indeed), there was no way Spike was going to adhere to Smoulder's first suggestion which was to flat-out cheat, so he did the next best thing. He agreed to extend the deadline for her paper until the day after his return, and the evening beforehand he'd try to go over each one of the questions with her so she'd get a 'better understanding'. A private tuition, basically. Just what I need. After a long journey back home, I have to spend the entire night reciting the ten times table to an underachieving student. What a treat. The sarcasm in Spike's head was almost palpable as he made his way into the Princess Ember's throne room, which was just about the most unfurnished royal chamber he'd ever been in. The only exception was a giant lava bath in the corner, obviously intended for personal use, and the huge chair right at the end, haphazardly carved from the biggest boulder they could find. Dwarfed upon it sat a bored-looking Ember surrounded by various flunkies vying for her attention. She didn't seem inclined to give it to any of them though, in fact her slit eyes appeared to scan around for something else entirely... and as Spike's anticipated arrival was announced by the burly dragon at the entrance, it was evident that she'd finally found it. "Spike! Good to see you again! With wings, finally! I'm so proud!" Without warning, Ember knocked down the fawning sycophants milling around her like skittles, as she flew over to greet her friend with open arms. Well, not quite, as she hadn't got used to that whole 'hugging' craze yet. "So, how are your flying lessons going? What are those 'puny' ponies up to? Is Thorax getting better at being a leader these days? If his subjects are ever giving him trouble again, you just say the word and I'll give him another great pep talk. Or roast them into marshmallows, if he likes..." "Whoa! Slow down there Ember, one thing at a time!" Spike chuckled at the Dragon Lord's ebullient demeanour, recognising it must be tough to be surrounded, for the most part, by a bunch of monosyllabic drakes who just wanted free stuff every day. "It's great to be here, and thank you so much for agreeing to let me stay! Just to be clear though, did Smoulder tell you the reason behind me wanting to come over for a short vacation?" "Hmm, maybe?" Something to do with 'getting in touch with your dragonic roots'?" Ember shrugged her shoulders dismissively. "I'm not quite sure what you mean by that... but if you're referring to non-stop fighting, endless bickering and never having a moment to yourself ever again, I suppose you've hit the jackpot. Congrats, I guess?" Realising Ember was channeling her own recent experiences as Dragon Lord rather than the ones he hoped to have for the next week, Spike attempted to change the subject. "U-Um, so anyway, where will I be staying? After all, it's been a long flight here and before I get stuck in to my planned routine I'd like to relax and freshen up, if that's alright with you." "Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up so soon." Ember grimaced slightly at the question, as she prepared to explain what was going on to her guest. "Naturally, I put you in the second best room in the entire palace. It had everything: a nice, hard rock bed... your own volcanic jacuzzi like mine... a wonderful panoramic view of the empty wilderness outside..." "Sounds uh, great." A sheepish Spike didn't wish to be rude by communicating his real feelings, but let it be said he regretted that his favourite soft pillow couldn't fit in the luggage more with every passing second. "So, what's the problem then?" "The 'problem' is, the minute my back is turned, some trespassing dragon took it upon himself to grab your room for himself!" Ember growled loudly in frustration, causing the throng of reptiles still cloistered by her throne to mercifully shut up in fear. "Just when I'd got the temperature right, too... one hundred and fifty celsius! I was about to deal with the intruder a moment ago by throwing him and his things out, but then this bunch of boneheads turned up, and you arrived, then... ugh! Why does everything always happen at once?! This wasn't in the brochure when I signed up for this gig." "Y-Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. If anyone can relate to your current predicament, it's me." Spike shook his head in sympathy with the newly installed Dragon Lord, referencing all the countless escapades he'd been involved with his friends which'd usually snowballed from something as simple as a lost fork. "Tell you what, I may not be the most intimidating dragon around, but I like to think my negotiation skills rank up there with the best. If you'd just direct me to the room in question and tell me who this dragon is, I'm sure we can come to some kind of arrangement that won't end in an argument or anyone being burnt to a crisp." "Oh, would you? It would be such a great help! Those selfish idiots over there won't leave until they've got their pound of flesh, and it'll probably take all day just to make them all happy. Such are the responsibilities of being the one in charge, I suppose." Ember seemed, for a few solitary moments, to almost be having second thoughts about her recent life choices, but she soon snapped out of it. "A-Anyway, your room is second on the left there, just past the half-finished statue which was supposed to resemble yours truly. I swear, I'm not paying anything to have that monstrosity finished! As for the identity of the nefarious interloper, it's someone I think you know quite well. I believe you might have sighted him and his friends on your way here, if you took the centre-most route? Are they still playing that 'amusing' game to discover which one can damage their brain the most? They did offer to let me join in, but I politely refused. I still enjoy being capable of independent thought, funnily enough..." Ember carried on talking, making allusions to how she was determined to live up to her father's 'glorious' legacy, the places to find the best eruption spots nearby and how gosh darn cute Spike's new wings happened to be, but the distracted drake wasn't really listening. For you see, upon hearing the clues Ember had freely distributed regarding who'd taken up residence in his temporary accommodation, it didn't exactly take a genius like Sunburst to figure out who it was. And Spike, like on so many occasions in the past, began to bitterly regret putting his name forward so readily to deal with the pressing issue. Garble... ........................... Meanwhile, much further away in the clouds just above Ponyville, a very restless Rainbow Dash tossed and turned in her sleep. For a change though, her rapid twitching wasn't caused by visions involving her rather overzealous parents moving in permanently or Scootaloo deciding that the Wonderbolts were 'lame' and it was time to follow a new daredevil troupe (yeah, like that would ever happen) but something else entirely. "Twilight... egghead... lists... books... missing Owlicious..." The dream was so vivid and palpable she could even be heard murmuring out loud, so much so that the earthbound passers-by looked at each other with bafflement and poor Tank cowered in his shell, wondering if perhaps his mistress had gone mad through cider overdose. Just as the trauma-inducing sequence of events in her head reached a horrifying climax (of a ghoulish spectre in the likeness of the Princess of Friendship hanging over a terrified Rainbow to whisper repeatedly in her ear it was 'time to re-alphabetise the encyclopaedias') the anxious pegasus was finally roused from her brief repose, sweaty sheets and all. "T-Thank Celestia that was all just a terrible nightmare! W-Where's Luna when you need her?!" Rainbow experienced a few blessed moments of peace... before a quick glance at her mounted wall calendar told her otherwise. "Oh no! It wasn't just a dream! It's actually going to happen! Why didn't I just say 'no', or that I was washing my mane tomorrow instead?! I'm the bravest pony I've ever met, but I can't even refuse an unhealthy request from a friend?" Rainbow facehoofed, upon spotting the 'Twilight's Helper' entry for the following day, along with many exclamation points. "Sometimes, I think my unstinting loyalty might be a curse in disguise, in cases like this where I'm bound to suffer..." Knowing that, despite the fact it was hours until sunrise, her chances of dropping off again were slim to none, Rainbow rose from under her soaked duvet to sit at a nearby table deep in thought. An overhanging shelf proudly stacked her entire Daring-Do collection, and the pegasus gazed at the brave adventurer on the cover in annoyance as if being spoken to through the written page. "It's alright for you." Rainbow complained, like some incredible psychic connection had been formed. "You only have to risk poison darts, ancient gods and the wily Dr Caballeron to save the day. I have to put up with Twilight's non-stop nerdiness and undiagnosed OCD until tomorrow evening, and still keep my sanity intact. I know which one of us has the better deal. If only there was some way I could make it go easier, something I might do to help her, and not lose my mind in the process. Perhaps... wait! I think I have it! Thank you, A K Yearling!" It was at that precise moment an incredible plan formed in Rainbow's head... well, at least she thought so. She must have been enthusiastic about it anyway, as for the first time in who-knows-how-long she grabbed some paper from a nearby drawer and began scribbling down not-entirely legible words at the rate of about five a second... ...All without being coaxed or threatened. Unbelievable. Author's Note Ready for updates? Cos I got updates. P.S (Remember, this fic is set before Father Knows Beast and The Washouts, so certain things haven't happened yet...)
Prologue: When Spike's away, the ponies will pay."Wahoo! This is so much fun..." Never let it be said that Spike wasn't making the most out of his new wings, as he darted between the numerous turrets of the Castle Of Friendship with ease. "Who knew that flying solo could be such an enjoyable experience?" He was referencing, of course, his tendency up until that point of riding his longtime best friend and current employer Twilight Sparkle's back from location to location. But naturally, the difference between hitching a lift and actually being the one in the 'driving seat' was huge, a fact he could now personally vouch for. "Whoopee!!" Nothing held any fear for Spike now. He was airborne and carefree, without a single worry in the... "SPIKE! Are you still messing around up there?! You're taking your first class this afternoon, don't you remember? I appreciate the fact you're excited about your new acquisitions, but not at the expense of ditching your responsibilities, I hope?" Well, maybe one worry. The drake sourly scowled as he reluctantly fluttered into one of the nearby windows, where inside he knew would lurk an uncompromising taskmaster set on disrupting his fun. Of course, he'd never say that to her face. He still needed a job and somewhere to spend the night, after all. "Good. That's better." Twilight offered the dragon a half smile as he safely landed and waited for further instructions. "Anyway, I thought you said you were looking forward to your first time teaching by yourself? Usually, I just have you bring in chalk and rulers and whatnot. The fact that you're getting this opportunity to take a group of eager young minds and sculpt them into the adults of tomorrow, should motivate you greatly!" "W-Well, sorta. Kinda." Spike stammered, missing the clear blue sky outside already. "But I was having such a good time up there! It's a bit hard to be excited about sitting at a desk, listening to the scribbling of pencils and having erasers flicked at you all day when I could be racing Rainbow Dash, dive-bombing with Derpy Hooves or..." "You can do all that later, right now you have a prearranged commitment." Twilight reminded the dragon, before adding firmly. "...And I thought they'd stopped tossing those erasers around! Let me know if it happens again, and the guilty individual(s) will face the longest detention ever. With me. And a copy of The Complete History Of Equestria... Genius Edition. Won't that be a hoot?" "Yeah. Sure. Whatever." Spike slouched depressively as he went to leave, but Twilight, even in the midst of whatever was keeping her highly occupied, couldn't help but notice her special little guy's moroseness. "Hey, Spike..." She stopped her activity momentarily to teleport herself over to the drake and speak soothingly. "I'm sorry to lay all this on you, but when we set up this school, you did say you didn't mind taking on your fair share of the workload. If for instance you were living with dragons, then you could spend all day flying around and breathing fire to your heart's content, but as long as you're here we expect great things out of you, and you haven't let us down yet. So, what do you say? Are you still up to the job? Where's that tireless 'get up and go' spirit we've come to love so much?" At this juncture, Twilight began gently tickling Spike's exposed belly with one of her feathery wings, and despite still feeling a little hard done by, the drake couldn't help but burst into a protracted fit of the giggles. "O-Okay Twilight, ha ha, y-you win as usual, ho ho, I-I'll head off there now, hee hee..." It was slightly hard to answer properly when every atom in your body is screaming at you to roll around the floor in hysterics. "I knew you'd see sense in the end..." Twilight winked at the chuckling dragon. "I'll come along and join you in a bit, I just have to track down these darn glasses of mine. Honestly, I've been searching for them all morning, with no luck. It's like they've been puffed into another dimension. Hmm, maybe I should go and have a few words with Discord..." "Um, Twilight..." Spike stopped tittering just long enough to interrupt the alicorn's soliloquy and indicate the aforementioned spectacles were safely located on top of the alicorn's head. "Oops, what are they doing up there?!" Twilight remarked sheepishly, as she felt their reassuring presence where they'd been all along. "Oh well, mystery solved. We didn't need the great Daring-Do to solve this one, did we? Anyway, you'd better be setting off now. Remember, alongside the standard lesson plan, punctuality is also a good way to set an example for youngsters..." "Okay, okay. I'm goin', I'm goin!" Spike rolled his eyes away from Twilight's stern glare as he prepared to take to the clouds once more. "As if I needed any extra incentive, it'll be nice to be the one delivering the lectures, as opposed to being the one on the receiving end. See you later!" "No problem, Spike. And... good luck." Twilight watched him leave proudly, like a devoted parent who was accompanying their child on the first day of school. Which in a way, it sort of was. "Now, where did I put my glasses case? Oh darn it, I knew I should've asked Spike before I sent him off..." ........................................ Spike drummed his claws impatiently against the pine desk in the classroom, where he was doomed to spend the next two hours or so of the day. At this point however, eternal purgatory might've been a more attractive option. It turned out that his only job during this particular session was to supervise a test, which meant sitting there in dreary silence to watch the hands of the clock wearily tick down... And not much else. Oh sure, he could always look out for 'cheating' etc, but with this bunch of goody-two-horseshoe students he was watching currently, that was about as likely as him and Rarity ever hitting it off. Much as he'd hate to admit it. Now, this tedious task assigned to him wouldn't have been such a big deal if he'd possessed the foreknowledge to bring something with him to do. A Mane-iac feature length spread perhaps, or one of those newfangled magic jigsaw puzzles that gave you a different image every time to put together. But because of his lack of foresight coming in, here he was with nothing to do but etch marks in the soft varnishing with his sharp nails. No prizes for guessing who'll be billed to have those sanded out, he grimaced, wondering if perhaps he shouldn't finally give his claws a trim. What Twilight said earlier was right: I bet my fellow reptiles never have to put up with boring stuff like this in the Dragon Lands. A scratched, dented or even scorched desk is nothing to them. I reckon, if they even have furniture, it's all made of rock anyway... This got him pondering further, and he finally had something to take his mind off the overwhelming tedium. Come to think of it, they don't even know I've got these new wings! Wouldn't Princess Ember be surprised if she saw me soar by right now, with these babies at full stretch for the world to see? But that's an impossible dream, I suppose. I'm stuck here playing the role of a dutiful statue, whilst they're all the way out in the mountains having fun. Taking lava baths, exploring volcanos, polishing their scales... it's not fair! If only I could... just for a little... wait, maybe I can! His eyes flit from the too-slow clock to Smoulder, wedged in between Yona and Sandbar's seated positions. She was having trouble with a certain math equation on section 2 side A, and was using her tail as a makeshift extra finger in her calculations. Judging by the glazed look on her face, It wasn't doing much good. I just have to get her aside after class, Spike smirked with a slight glint in his eye, then hopefully she can make the necessary arrangements. Of course though, there's a certain other matter I have to deal with first... ........................................... "What? A vacation?!" Twilight spluttered from her desk, as Spike dared to venture into her office and ask her the big question. "Whatever do you need one of those for, Spike? Don't we travel enough around the world together?" "Yeah, but most of that is just business. And, I just thought, considering everything I've done here of late, you wouldn't mind if I took a bit of time off... alone." Spike pointed out, trying to get the princess to see his perspective. "Besides, what with what's been happening with my body recently, wouldn't it be good to discover more about my heritage? I mean, I had no idea this stupid molt thing was going to happen, mostly because I've just been living around other ponies all my life! Don't you think it'll be a good idea now for me to do some claws-on research, in case anything like this occurs again?" "Well, what you're saying kind of makes sense I suppose..." Twilight mulled the request carefully, raising Spike's hopes. "...But it still sounds like an excuse for you to go out there and have a 'jolly', while the rest of us are working our tails off here. Sorry Spike, but the answer for now is 'no'. If you like, you can come on my next big diplomatic mission to the Dragon Lands. I'll probably be there for a good few days at least, which should give you plenty of time to go off on your own and..." "But you don't know when that'll even be!" Spike whined somewhat petulantly, as he crossed his arms in a sulk. "I want to go now, whilst these wings still feel fresh. If I leave soon, I should be able to return for the start of next week, when exam season is over." "You only want to go over there, so you can show off in front of Ember, don't you?" A sly Twilight nudged her dragon friend knowingly in the ribs. "Is that what this is all about? Is that why you're so desperate to visit as quickly as possible? Because you can always send her a letter, or..." "W-What?! No!" Spike's green scales almost turned crimson for a moment, and he changed the subject with the deftness of a great poker player. "Anyway, time for the last resort. I was sort of hoping it didn't have to come to this." " 'Hoped it wouldn't have to come', to what?" Twilight stopped staring the test papers she'd been marking to glance at the drake with suspicion. "Now, let's see here." As if by magic, Spike produced a large tome entitled 'The Fundamental Rights Of The Working Pony' from behind him, and began perusing through it with great interest. "Hey, is that my copy of..." Twilight reacted with astonishment when she saw the name on the spine. "...From the topmost shelf?! How on Equestria did you manage to..." "Did you forget about these thingies?" Spike pointed at his leathery wings with undisguised glee, before he cleared his throat to put on a highly officious accent. "All employees must be allowed at least six weeks of vacation time a year, which may be taken when and where they see fit." "Hey, I don't sound anything like that!" Twilight huffed upon hearing Spike's impersonation, but by merely pointing out she recognised the voice, proved that indeed she did. "...Failure to honour these terms and conditions may result in a tribunal, which could lead to substantial damages being awarded to the affected party." Spike continued on with relish, enjoying himself more than he was willing to let on. "Aha! That book is about the rights of the working pony!" Twilight exclaimed with hesitation, thinking that she'd discovered a minor loophole. "Therefore, you're not covered by the text inside... I think." "Really Twi, you wanna start splitting horsehairs now?" Spike slammed the book shut, coughing as some of the dust got up his nose. "I think if we asked any decent lawyer about that, and I told him how much work I've done for you and others around Ponyville since we arrived, we both know who's side he'd come down on." "B-But..." Twilight strained for words, trying to articulate the right ones to convince her valuable assistant to stay. "You're not just an 'employee' to me, and you know that! Aside from the excellent work and support you give me every single day you're here, if you were gone for six whole weeks, I-I'd miss you." Upon seeing the alicorn's pleading look, Spike's stance softened a bit. "Well, I'd miss you too Twi... which is why it's a good job I'm only off for one week! Smoulder is making the necessary arrangements through third parties, and I'm due to depart later this evening. You'll be fine without me for a while, I've seen you deal with much worse crisis than this before!" "W-What... so soon? But, I haven't even had chance to find your replacement yet!" Twilight exclaimed at the future disorganisation this unexpected trip would no doubt entail. "Hey, I'm sure you'll think of someone almost as good as me. I seem to remember you're pretty decent at making lists and planning ahead." Spike gave the princess an encouraging wink, before taking off once more. "Well, see you later at my departure. I gotta go pack, and decide what delicious gems I'll be snacking on the journey there." Twilight was about to object further, but something Spike said to her had struck a chord. Making lists and planning ahead? Hmm, he's right you know. I am slightly accomplished at it. Perhaps this won't be such a struggle after all... Realising that she'd no other option right now but rely on that innate gift, she returned again to her desk, to begin intricately devising a method with which she'd be able to cope with the impending absence of her most cherished worker, employee... And friend. ...................................... "Okay Twilight, what gives?" Rainbow Dash fumed slightly, leaning so far back in a chair that it almost tipped over. "I was just about to feed Tank, then scrub his shell. You wouldn't believe how hard grass stains are to remove." "Yes dear, why would you want to summon us all to the school at such an inopportune moment? I was this close from completing perfection." Rarity sniffed, referring to the hard graft she'd applied to her latest couture masterpiece. "Um, usually I'm not one to complain, but one of my hamsters has a poorly leg, and I should get back to the cottage soon so the poor dear doesn't try to run off without me." Fluttershy described her situation accurately enough. "That's nuffin'! Our monthly harvest to Fillydelphia is set to be picked up in less than an hour, and if I ain't there to supervise, they might try to underpay us again! Granny Smith is such a soft touch, bless her soul..." Applejack clearly had somewhere else to be. "If we could wrap this thing up quickly please, it'd be super helpful! I have a special cake in the oven right now, and the last time I left Gummy alone, he forgot to take it out and when I got back there was nothing left but cinders!" Pinkie Pie obviously didn't want to return to the baking fiasco of yesteryear. "Twilight, I have to confess my own confusion as to all of our presences here tonight." Starlight Glimmer evidently had less on her plate than the other equines in attendance, but was equally as curious. "Why not in the Map Room at the castle? Why your office after school hours? And what's the emergency? As far as I'm aware, there isn't anything major going on right now that needs our..." "My apologies everypony, for the lack of warning which led up to this impromptu meeting, but this couldn't wait." Twilight acknowledged the suddenness of the gathering, before she decided to get right to the issue at hoof. "Anyway, here's the upshot of it all: I just saw Spike off, he's spending a week in the Dragon Lands. Something to do with 'getting in touch with his roots' or something, I don't know. I asked him to stay once more, but he refused and flew off anyway. Also, as it turns out, I'm kind of obliged to let him do it by law. Still, I gave him my best wishes, I don't want to get a reputation as a bad sport." "Regardless..." Twilight continued on, ignoring the associated murmurs from those still reeling from the surprise news. "We all have to find a way to pitch in while he's gone, which I'm confident for the most part we can do. The problem is though, there is one pony here for whom his reassuring presence will be missed in more ways than just from an industrial viewpoint. For whom he provides a constant source of encouraging advice when they're down. For whom he reminds them of the small things that you'd forget otherwise. For whom his warm grin and sense of humour have got her through many a difficult situation that she otherwise would've found i-impossible..." Realising that the other six ponies in the room were beginning to stare at her a bit oddly, the emotional alicorn swiftly wiped a stray tear away from her eye to conclude the discussion. "A-Anyway, here is what I've come up with, to hopefully help fill in the yawning chasm caused by his temporary departure. As my closest friends beside Spike, each of you will take it in turns to stay by my side for the rest of the week to offer me counsel, do little odd jobs, make little wisecracks at my expense... that kind of thing, although the last one is purely optional. It might not sound like much, but believe me, your participation with this scheme would help to keep things functioning more than you know, and the school as a whole, too. To this end, I have drawn up a basic chart that'll detail who'll 'play' the role of Spike for each day during his absence, which I will unveil right now." With those final words, Twilight trotted over to a previously unnoticed chalkboard in the centre of the room to unceremoniously fling off the cover, and show the shellshocked onlookers just who'd be on duty as her personal assistant for every given day that week. After studying it closely for a few seconds, one voice was heard to call out in triumph. "Yes, I've got first dibs! In your face, Applejack!" That unsurprisingly, was Rainbow Dash, as competitive as ever. Although, maybe this is one contest she wishes she hadn't emerged victorious from, judging by her hoof-in-mouth expression quickly afterwards and Applejack's own wry grin. "Oh Celestia... I 'won'." ....................................................... "Well, here I am! Ready to live it up reptile style, and show just what I got!" Spike had finally arrived at the warm climate and rocky outcrops near the perimeter of The Dragon Lands, having handily timed it so he'd just finished munching on his last sapphire. There had been a slight tinge of sadness that he'd felt during his journey there, as he would truly miss his friends, students and comprehensive art collection (otherwise known as comic books) while he was away from Ponyville. But no matter! It would only be for a week after all, and he could surely find things to occupy himself with during his holiday to take the edge off his homesickness pangs. Besides, he recalled seeing Smoulder's amazement in the 'shouting closet', at being told that he'd spent the entirety of his existence living with ponies. Maybe it is about time I hung out with my own kind for a bit, he'd mused, thinking he didn't want to be seen as too much of an outcast. The next few days will be the perfect chance for me to do just that. Making a beeline for Princess Ember's room, who he'd been told was expecting him, he happened to fly straight past Garble and his pair of goons, who were perched on a molten island engaged in some sort of weird ritual to see who had the hardiest skull. ...Or maybe they were just head-butting each other for pleasure. As you do. Even though his dealings with Garble were never the greatest, Spike was a cheery soul, and after what happened at the Gauntlet Of Fire, the blowhard larger dragon now held no fear for the confident drake. "Hi, Garble! And... 'friends'." Spike cheekily waved to them all, as he effortlessly flit past them at an impressive speed. Garble paused caving his skull in just long to stare with awe at the retreating figure. "Was that... the squirt? And did he have... wings?!" Author's Note Meap. Updates to this story will be semi-regular, as I have other things to write. This is just an idea I wanted to get out there before the next episode aired. What to expect in the future? Well, apart from switching of perspective between the school and Dragon Lands at least once every chapter, I'm not at liberty to say. But I hope this prologue has kept you sufficiently interested, and I look forward to sharing more with you in the near future. Bye for now!
Chapter 2: Rainbow's New Hobby, and a Confrontation Brews...It was the first morning after Spike's unexpected trip away from Ponyville, and everything appeared to be running smoothly at the School Of Friendship. All students were present and correct. The weather was fine and sunny. Every tutor had arrived, ready to teach lessons mostly based around the Element Of Harmony each one represented... ...With one notable exception. The reason this missing pony was so important was that she was supposed to be filling in for a certain absent reptile, and without her invaluable contribution, Twilight's carefully-constructed plans were bound to collapse like a house of cards. Which, funnily enough, the headmare of this fine institution happened to be in the middle of creating, as she waited in vain for her tardy temporary substitute to turn up with growing impatience. "I should've known Rainbow was going to be late on her very first day..." Twilight complained bitterly, as she went to move the five of clubs into prime position at the top of her delicate structure. "I bet she's forgotten about our arrangement already, and is even now soaring through the sky far away, blissfully unaware of the fact she promised she'd be here on schedule. Didn't I express enough how much this meant to me? Was that dedicated two-hour lecture I gave last night on the importance of everything going like clockwork all in my head? I swear Spike, I love her dearly, but sometimes I just wanna.... oh." Not quite used yet to the fact that her unstintingly loyal friend was longer there by her side, at least for another six days, Twilight blushed momentarily at her memory lapse, before returning to her current precarious project. "Now, let's see... if I can just balance the roof like this... and lean the two of hearts to support the surrounding foundations like that... I can finally break my own record for used decks, which as far as I know hasn't been matched by anypony else in the kingdom! Gently does it..." Unfortunately, for all of Twilight's care and attention, her laudable focus was useless in the face of a door crashing open, which had the dual effect of causing a sharp breeze to waft into the room, along with the complete demolition of the laminated makeshift building. Twilight stared aghast at all the senseless destruction of collapsing cards all around her, and began chastising her new visitor without even bothering to turn. Its identity was plainly obvious to her: it was as if the alicorn had eyes in the back of her head, her 'guess' of who it was being completely on the money. "Rainbow, such an honour to finally make your acquaintance. Please, it doesn't matter at all that you missed giving me the alarm call Spike is reliably regular with, so that I had to fly at light speed just to get to work on time. I didn't even have chance to eat a delicious, nutritious breakfast due to your shameless slacking! Would you kindly inform me of the essential emergency that kept you from your sworn duty, then maybe I can begin to understand your shocking lack of timekeeping!" "Oops, sorry Twi. And for interrupting... whatever it was you were doing in here." A sheepish-looking blue pegasus poked her head around the threshold, the scattered cards around the office enough of a clue to tell her that she'd goofed. Again. "In my defence, you were going on a bit of a rant yesterday, even more so than normal, and I probably nodded off at certain points. The bit where you requested to be woken up early must have been during one of those slight naps. On the plus side, the extra rest I got back then gave me enough energy to stay up to make a 'plan of action', which I hope will meet with your approval..." "Wait a minute. Are you implying that my lectures, that take me so long to dictate and transcribe are... boring?" An unimpressed alicorn raised an eyebrow at Rainbow's not-so-subtle dig there. "With such a wandering brain, it's amazing that you even managed to pass the Wonderbolt entrance exam the first time of asking. How you organise yourself for simple everyday tasks, like writing up a basic shopping list, is beyond me." "If you must know, I simply grab everything from the discount aisle and fling it in my trolley, but that's neither here nor there." Rainbow grinned broadly at a frowning Twilight, thinking that she'd just described something terribly clever. "To tell you the truth, I wasn't exactly enthusiastic at the thought of following you around all day to clear up your messes and carry stuff about like some kind of pack mule, but then I stumbled across a great idea! And, I have my favourite author to thank for my inspiration!" "You mean, A.K Yearling?" Twilight's other eyebrow began to twitch at this venture, and not without precedent, a feeling of impending disaster began surfacing in the pit of her stomach. "That's right! Of course you'd know that, considering you were the one who introduced me to her brilliant series in the first place!" Rainbow nodded affirmatively, before reaching into her saddlebag to pull out an empty notebook. "Here's my plan: I'm going to record everything I experience today in here, the same way she tells everypony about her experiences as Daring-Do. The difference being, when my self-penned masterpiece gets published, it won't be under a false name. There it'll be, pride of place in the bestseller section, and I'll be signing autographs for the lucky ponies who've been queueing for hours. I've already written the intro to ' My Day As A Princess's Assistant'. Rainbow Dash: World Saver. Star Wonderbolt. And now, Professional Writer. What do ya think?" "W-Whoa there! Wait just a..." Twilight waved her hooves frantically, thinking perhaps her enthusiastic friend was getting a bit ahead of herself. "Can I just add a slight question mark to your dreams of fame and glory, please? For one thing, wouldn't you have to get my permission to publish this 'magnum opus'? After the disaster that was the Friendship Journal, I'm not sure we need any more 'eye-opening' exposes, thank you. Also, are you absolutely sure you can do this on your own? I mean, writing an entire book is a pretty big deal. Just because you're a voracious reader, it doesn't mean you'd be good at..." "Pffff! How hard can it be? I've done enough friendship reports to get the basics down, and I'm sure everything else will just fall into place!" Rainbow dismissed Twilight's concerns with a slight chuckle, before producing her feather quill to get started. "Now... opening paragraph. Fed Tank, left home, bought journal, arrived at school..." "...Was half-an-hour later, ruined my house of cards, refused to listen to reason..." Twilight rolled her eyes at Rainbow's determination to continue with this patently ludicrous idea, before trying to see the upside of it. "Well, if it helps keep your notoriously fickle attention span on the job at hoof, I suppose it can't be too bad. Okay, first of all I need you to water the potted plant on my desk, it's beginning to look a little thirsty. Then, if it's not too much trouble, you could..." "Done, and done!" Before Twilight could even finish her sentence, her mane had been flicked over her eyes, as true to her name Rainbow 'Dashed' off... only to return a few seconds later with a small nimbus cloud in tow. "This should do the trick!" "W-What the... there's a faucet and a watering can just outside, you know..." Was all that Twilight could add to the conversation, before the eager pegasus squirted the contents all over the leafy life form. Alas, it wasn't just a trickle of moisture that emerged, which would've more than quenched the tiny plant's meagre appetite. Rather, it was a regular flood, that not only nearly drowned the poor thing but soaked the entire desk area, leaving a few inches of liquid remaining on the floor in its wake too. "O-Oopsie." A blushing Rainbow gulped apologetically in the air. "I guess I must've underestimated the amount of rain in that particular cloud. You never can tell, I suppose..." "Ya think?!" An irate Twilight splish-sploshed over to where Rainbow hovered just off the ground, to unceremoniously snatch the notebook from the pegasus's hoof. "Here, let me make a few more entries for you: Rainbow finds a mop and a bucket. Drains this entire room from top to bottom. Regrades the papers that took Twilight all last night to do, but now have smudged ink everywhere thus making them practically illegible..." "Uh oh..." Rainbow began chewing her hooves at this juncture, realising that this day wasn't going to be quite the cakewalk she thought it was, even with the added distraction of her upcoming non-fiction project. With all the extra work it looked like it was going to cause her today, it'd better launch her to international stardom. .......................................... Despite clearly winning the battle for 'thickest skull' amongst his intellectual buddies by a country mile, and with the comfort of his new digs to look forward to, it was a troubled Garble who made his way through the dimly lit cavernous corridors of the royal palace. Who does that puny pony-loving runt think he is? First, he steals away my Phoenix omelette. Then, he ruins my chance to be Dragon Lord only to give it to that unworthy female. Now, he thinks he can just show up, say 'hi' and everything will be forgiven? Not a chance. Just wait 'til I get my claws on him, he'll be chargrilled by the time I've... The optimistic notion briefly crossed Garble's mind that his sighting of Spike in the sky might've just been just an unfortunate optical illusion, bought on by too much brain-bashing and cranium-crushing. After all, it must be impossible for such a pathetic excuse of a dragon to ever learn to fly, and zoom by at such a speed. Maybe he just imagined the whole thing, and this wretched reptilian nuisance hadn't returned to bother him once more. Sadly, this fanciful idea was somewhat dashed upon the red drake entering his stolen quarters. No sooner had his surprise at not being intercepted en route by Princess Ember looking to throw him out began to fade, his adrenaline levels began to rise once more upon seeing which unwelcome guest currently languished on 'his' rocky bed. "You." Garble stated with blunt hatred, as if that single undistinguished word was poison on his tongue. "Hello, Garble." Spike responded with an equally contemptuous tone, not intimidated by the larger dragon's threatening demeanour an iota. "I believe we have a few things to discuss. Let's start with something easy, like the illegality of squatting, shall we?" Author's Note This may shock you, but from now on I'm going to provide an update to this fic about twice weekly. I have been trying to juggle too many stories at once, and as a result my focus goes and I end up losing my place in the general plot of many of them. Well, no more. From now on, it's one chapter fic at a time for me, Until completion I won't be updating any other stories. This will hopefully keep my mind on the job at hand, and I may actually be able to FINISH a fic for once. That's the dream, anyway. 'Til next time, compadres...
Chapter 3: An Unfriendly Meeting, And Bad Just Got Worse"So, 'Spikey Sparkle', or whatever your namby-pamby pony friends call you these days, you've finally returned to face your punishment." Garble snarled at who he considered to be his long-term nemesis. "Unless... you have any precious Princesses hiding nearby in disguise, ready to defend you? What should I check for this time? Rocks? Bushes? Or maybe the weirdest, freakiest looking dragon around? Oops, my apologies... I guess that would be you." "Your insults won't affect me anymore, Garble. Why don't you try instead looking at everything I've accomplished while you've been sitting around here, feeling sorry for yourself?" Spike rolled his eyes as he was treated to the traditionally immature 'greeting' he'd expected from his wannabe rival. "In case you hadn't noticed, I also have wings now. Not that not having any meant I was any less of a dragon, but at least that's one less insult you can throw at..." "You mean, these puny little nubs?" Garble somehow had the temerity to launch himself forward and grab one of Spike's new additions, and yanked it slightly as if to check its authenticity. "I bet you got one of your pony friends to magic them on, because there's no way a wimp like you could ever grow them in the natural way through puberty. I bet you don't even know what 'The Molt' is, do ya?" "...A-Actually I do, in fact... you could say I'm an expert on the subject. I went through all the phases: the zits, the bad body odour, the petrification: the works." Spike blew a raspberry to the cackling Garble, neglecting to mention he was clueless on the topic until Smoulder had filled him in. "Anyway, claws off the merchandise! I didn't come here to talk about that or my epic battle with a Roc afterwards, I wanted to tell you to 'beat it', because these are my quarters, and..." "You... fought a Roc? And won?! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard, Spikey Sparkle! You can't belch, you can't wrestle, about the only thing you do well is belly-flop into lava, and you expect me to believe you defeated one of the biggest creatures in Equestria on your own? Ha ha ha ha!" If it had been Spike's intention to namedrop his momentous victory against the oversized bird of prey to get Garble off his back, it didn't quite have the desired affect. "In fact, I don't even think I've ever seen you breathe fire! Only try to 'make friends' and 'spread happiness' wherever you go. Ugh, how disgusting! Definitely not the dragon way... at least that used to be the case." "What are you talking about now, Garble? I did have a schedule I wanted to keep while I was here." A sighing Spike went to check his non-existent watch, instantly regretting that he'd even asked the question. Still, he had all week long... plenty of time to get 'in touch with his reptilian self', or whatever the proper psychiatric term was. "Ever since you stole what was rightfully mine, the Dragon Lands might as well have been invaded and conquered by Ponyville itself!" Garble threw his arms in the air, beginning a rant which looked like it'd been brewing in his head for a while. "We can't steal treasure, torch villages or even swallow up innocents whole now, without their express permission! Instead, we're encouraged to 'share', talk about our 'feelings' and 'forgive' those who've wronged us. I tell you, if I was on the throne rather than that pathetic pretender, I would've declared war on all Equine-kind, day one! Then, we'd see who'd be sleeping in the best bedroom in the palace!" "For starters..." Spike attempted not to lose his temper and tried communicating in simple terms, as if he was explaining obvious information to a hatchling. "That sounds like a pretty good system Princess Ember has implemented. If it wasn't for everyone treating each other with a bit of respect and kindness once in a while, my friends and I would never have been able to make peace with the Changelings. Maybe other dragons, as selfish as they can be sometimes, could learn a bit from that success. I don't think she's asking you to completely change who you are, just show a bit of consideration for others sometimes. Also, and I don't think you're gonna like me saying this much... but perhaps it's just as well tensions didn't escalate that far between our two species." "Huh?" Garble was already losing interest in this conversation (he usually preferred to let his 'rock-hard' abs do the talking) but he felt it was his sworn duty to defend his kind from the slurs of this treacherous traitor. "I don't know what you're on about, runt. We'd incinerate those losers within a few hours! They wouldn't stand a chance! After all, we're much bigger, have sharp teeth, can burn anything we want to ashes..." "...Can we also conjure up enough powerful magic to defeat almighty threats like Tirek and the Storm King, who if not for their help, would have destroyed the entire world, including the Dragon Lands?" Spike irritably reminded Garble of indisputable historical facts. "If just a few ponies could handle those guys on their own, can you imagine what they could do to us, if pushed to defend themselves enough? I think even a blowhard bigot like you could see the futility of such an 'invasion'. Isn't peace so much better, than picking fights you can't win?" "Y-Yeah, well..." Despite his utter contempt for all things pony-related, Garble had to admit the shrimp had a point. Not that he'd ever say that to his face. "It doesn't matter now, anyway. Because of your unwelcome interference, now things will never be the same again! I wouldn't be surprised if head-butting contests, one of my few joys in life now, were outlawed soon thanks to that ignorant female! I don't care if she is related to the former King... if she was deposed tomorrow by some 'unfortunate' accident, I have a feeling that most all of Dragonkind would hold the biggest party ever!" "I hope that wasn't a veiled threat against Ember!" Spike growled slightly at the mere hint of one of his best friends being threatened. "Because if it was..." "Oh, lighten up, Spikey Sparkle! I was only speaking on behalf of a few others, who are sick and tired of having to obey her every command, just because she carries that stupid sceptre around. She better keep a firm claw on that thing, that's all I'm saying. It's the dragon way you know, to rebel against unpopular rulers..." Garble afforded Spike a conspiratorial wink, before abruptly changing the subject. "As for now, I guess it's up to me to be the better dragon and let you keep this room. I wouldn't want to stay in it now, anyway... it absolutely reeks of pony." "H-Huh?! You mean... you're just going to give it up?" Spike was understandably a bit shell-shocked upon hearing this, expecting as he was Garble to put up much more of a protest. "Hey, short stuff... get it right! I'm not 'giving it up' at all, and you better not tell anyone else that! I'm just gonna crash with my buddy Blaze at his place instead. It might not have all the mod cons of around here, but at least it doesn't have a couple of scaly sell-outs living inside!" Garble snarled a parting shot at the nonplussed Spike, whilst gradually edging his way towards the cave exit. "Don't think I've forgotten about what you did to me, though. I was the laughing stock of the entire Dragon Lands for months, after you made me hug every other dragon! It took me ages to restore my fearsome reputation, now I'm going to take my revenge... on your face! Ha, ha! Later, Sparky Spikey!" "H-Hey, you'd still be trapped under a giant boulder now, if it wasn't for me! And, the name is 'Spike'!!" The smaller of the two dragons irately exclaimed as Garble took his leave, but he got no response from the retreating red drake. "Well, at least he's gone now. But why do I feel so hollow inside?" Spike pondered his feelings as he took his proper place on the bed, wincing at how cold it felt to the touch. "Ooo, now I know I should've taken that extra blanket with me... wait, what am I saying? If I'm going to truly experience what it means to be a dragon, I'm going to have to forego some of my old luxuries, and get used to 'roughing' it a bit." ...And to kick my new routine off, perhaps I could begin with a 'relaxing' lava dip, instead of my usual soothing bubble bath. Spike thought optimistically, as he eyed the molten pool in the corner with a gulp.It's been so long since I had one, but I'm a dragon, right? We're designed to withstand the hottest temperatures! What have I got to worry about? Here goes nothing. What Spike wasn't aware of however, was the reason why this particular room was so prized, even amongst the other multitudes of 'fancy' caverns that made up the palace interior. Not only was it the biggest room, with the hardest furniture and in closest proximity to the Dragon Lord, it had an added perk too... which Spike was just about to discover. To his cost. "AAAARRGH!!" He shrieked, upon jumping snout-first into the specially-heated boiling lagoon, which perhaps even would've melted steel upon impact. "It burns! It burns! It felt like I was in the middle of a volcano! In fact, I probably was! Water, water! I need water!" And with a distinctly un-dragon like scream, he dashed off outside, trailing smoke all the way (it wasn't coming from his mouth), hoping against hope to find something cool and wet in the midst of one the driest regions in Equestria. Good luck with that, Spike. Welcome to the Dragon Lands. We hope you enjoy your stay! ...................................... In the comparably more humid and friendlier climes of Equestria, things weren't quite working out regarding Rainbow Dash's temporary ascension to Twilight's personal assistant. Or, to put it more bluntly, it'd been a complete disaster. At least whilst the manic Wonderbolt had been mopping up the flooded interior of Twilight's office and re-marking all of the alicorn's ruined test papers, she'd been kept out of harm's way. Unfortunately, as soon as those jobs were concluded, she'd returned to her newer role. And eager to make up for her earlier mishaps and provide satisfactory material for her book, she was trying even harder than before... to the noticeable detriment of everypony else. "Rainbow, I asked you to 'fetch' Fluttershy for me, not carry her all the way here yourself!" Twilight sighed, upon seeing the identity of the dazed pegasus carried bridal-style in her alleged helper's hooves. "Who gives a flying feather how I did it? She's here now... and that's all that matters!" An eager-to-please Rainbow beamed vibrantly, presenting Fluttershy to the headmare as if she was some kind of special tribute. "W-What just happened?" Fluttershy stammered, having been abruptly snatched in the middle of a particularly stirring speech on the mating habits of Breezies. "Ooh, I've completely lost my train of thought! I don't think I'll be able to teach for the rest of the day..." "Ouch! Ow! Oh, why doesn't this school have a nurse?" A few miscellaneous students Rainbow had bowled over in her headlong rush to get there now hobbled into the office too, in serious need of medical treatment. We never needed one before Rainbow became my assistant... Twilight winced to herself, whilst observing the quickly growing disorder going on around her. It wasn't supposed to be this way! It was meant to be a perfect system, where everypony could ably fill Spike's part until his blessed return at the end of the week. Oh Spike, how I miss you already! If I didn't know how irreplaceable you were before, I certainly do now! I suppose I should try to look on the positive side. Let me check who's next after Rainbow Dash... surely it couldn't get any worse than... Having a cursory glance at her notes quashed Twilight's optimism immediately, and sent a cold shiver running down her back. Uh Oh... Author's Note Well, here's the update. I even went back and rewatched a couple of episodes for research purposes, so there's that. Hope you enjoyed reading it... next one coming soon. Stay tuned.
Chapter 1: Spike Arrives, and Rainbow's PlanAs Spike began his inevitable descent to the ground upon arriving just outside Princess Ember's personal quarters (the most airy, spacious cave in the desolate Dragon Lands, naturally) he couldn't help but dwell on how he came into this situation in the first place. The fact that he was a minor celebrity in these parts after winning the famous Gauntlet Of Fire competition had helped smooth over the formalities of his impromptu visit, but a great deal of credit still had to go to Smoulder, whose contacts and powers of persuasion had been an invaluable asset. So it was as the much heavier-built sentries bowed and stepped aside to allow him to enter the confines of the giant cavern that a flashback began unfurling in his head, involving the aforementioned young orange dragoness herself and an 'accidental' after-lesson meeting which had taken place just the previous day. .............................................. "I can't believe I'm going to flunk math! Again." Smoulder announced with a sigh to two of her classmates at the conclusion of school, as she aggressively threw her stationary inside her schoolbag. "If I fail one more test, my family'll kick me out... forever! I'll have to stay with my brother during the holidays, and his place stinks like rotten garbage!" "Hang on a minute... since when have dragonkind been so hung up on calculus?!" A much calmer Sandbar replied, scratching the back of his head in puzzlement. "I thought all your relatives cared about is who was the toughest, most fiercest, had the biggest collection of rare gemstones..." "Yona sorry that dragon friend sad right now..." Despite their initial differences upon meeting earlier that year, it could be said that the optimistic yak and Smoulder were now firm buddies. "...But Yona also happy because she think she do well on exam! Late night cramming sessions really pay off!" "No wonder you kept nodding off today. Geez, what a racket!" Smoulder shook her head in annoyance at the bovine's habit of obtrusive snoring, before turning back to Sandbar. "They don't, generally. But dragons have such a competitive streak that even in something as 'pointless' as advanced mathematics, if we don't cover ourselves in glory, we get the boot. Literally, and figuratively too." It was just as Smoulder began feeling sorry for herself, with her two chums similarly bowing their heads in solidarity with her plight, that Spike happened by with a steaming hot cup of coffee to interrupt their mutual brooding. He politely waited a few seconds to see if their small pity party would break up of it's own accord, but eventually this seemed unlikely, so he decided to take matters into his own claws. "A-hem!" Spike's sudden throat clearance had the desired effect of rousing his young charges (although, truth be told, he wasn't much older than them himself) from their respective stupors, and they turned to face him with glazed expressions. Each student must've thought he was about to prescribe some extra homework or another such 'wonderful' surprise, so he moved quickly to quash such dire notions. "It's only me, your short-term educator! Don't worry, none of you are in any trouble. I just need to have a little word with Smoulder here about something important." Spike tried to sound as cordial as possible, whilst still carrying the air of someone on a position of authority. His previous experience as a stand-in Princess would surely assist him there, minus all the petty demands of course. Visibly breathing a sigh of relief, Sandbar and Yona quickly made good their 'escape', whilst affording Smoulder up supportive pats on the back on their way out of the door. The dragoness acknowledged them with a rueful smile, before mentally preparing herself for what was sure to be told just what a failure she was at all things sum-related. "S-So Smoulder, how are ya doin'?" Spike decided to start things off with a bit of small talk, as he casually sidled over to his fellow reptile. "Are things okay in the Dragon Lands these days? Do you need anything? How are the other creatures treating you?" "Huh?" Smoulder raised a confused eyebrow at this juncture, quite unsure how to respond to all this unexpected chit-chat. "Spike, are you okay? Because all this enquiring about my health and general well-being is certainly not dragon-like, if that's what you're aiming for..." "N-No, that's not it at all!" Spike began panicking a little at Smoulder calling his bluff, and to distract him from the increasingly tense exchange, took a sip of his very black coffee. "Yuck! How does Twilight drink it like this? She told me it 'keeps you awake'... well, I'm not surprised! You'd spend the rest of the night washing the awful taste out of your mouth!" "...Alrighty then. Well, if there's nothing else on the agenda, I think I'll make myself scarce." Smoulder had no idea why Spike was acting like a bit of a loon. Maybe too much time spent around ponies, and unlike The Molt, this kind of craziness wasn't something she could help him with at all. "Wait! Wait." Spike sidestepped slightly to block her exit, all whilst sighing with regret at his own lack of forwardness. "Look, I apologise. I was just beating around the bush until I could pluck up the courage to ask you my request, but I'm done with that now. Listen, I need a really big favour..." "I thought something screwy was goin' on. Usually, you're a bit weird, but the last few minutes have been wacky even by your high standards." Smoulder pondered to herself briefly, before a long grin creased up her scaly face. "Hang on, you want a 'big favour' from me? You know what this means, don't you?" "E-Er, that you'll do it from the goodness of your heart?" A desperate Spike wondered aloud somewhat optimistically. "Pfft!! Since when have you ever known any dragon, besides yourself, to display such an unspecies-like display of altru... eltru... hmm, now how does that word go again?" Smoulder tried to recall the term she wanted to use, but seeing as it was so rarely demonstrated in her kind, she quickly gave up. "Anyway, what you should know is whenever a dragon wants a 'big favour' from another dragon, it's the done thing that the one doing the good turn is allowed to request a little something of their own in return. Of equal, or larger value in fact. Usually the latter." Uh oh. Maybe I shouldn't have built up how much this would mean to me. Oh well, too late to back out now. "S-So Smoulder, what exactly did you have in mind? A free drink? Tour of the castle? N-Not my limited edition holographic glow-in-the-dark comic book collection, surely!" Spike nervously laughed at the suddenly eager to converse dragoness, as she rubbed her claws together with glee. "Maybe, maybe not. You're the one that came begging to me, remember? First, tell me what it is you want. Then, I'm sure we can come to some kind of mutual arrangement." Smoulder confidently predicted, thinking that perhaps her chances of passing the test had just shot up exponentially. .......................................... Being a moral sort of dragon ( a rare breed indeed), there was no way Spike was going to adhere to Smoulder's first suggestion which was to flat-out cheat, so he did the next best thing. He agreed to extend the deadline for her paper until the day after his return, and the evening beforehand he'd try to go over each one of the questions with her so she'd get a 'better understanding'. A private tuition, basically. Just what I need. After a long journey back home, I have to spend the entire night reciting the ten times table to an underachieving student. What a treat. The sarcasm in Spike's head was almost palpable as he made his way into the Princess Ember's throne room, which was just about the most unfurnished royal chamber he'd ever been in. The only exception was a giant lava bath in the corner, obviously intended for personal use, and the huge chair right at the end, haphazardly carved from the biggest boulder they could find. Dwarfed upon it sat a bored-looking Ember surrounded by various flunkies vying for her attention. She didn't seem inclined to give it to any of them though, in fact her slit eyes appeared to scan around for something else entirely... and as Spike's anticipated arrival was announced by the burly dragon at the entrance, it was evident that she'd finally found it. "Spike! Good to see you again! With wings, finally! I'm so proud!" Without warning, Ember knocked down the fawning sycophants milling around her like skittles, as she flew over to greet her friend with open arms. Well, not quite, as she hadn't got used to that whole 'hugging' craze yet. "So, how are your flying lessons going? What are those 'puny' ponies up to? Is Thorax getting better at being a leader these days? If his subjects are ever giving him trouble again, you just say the word and I'll give him another great pep talk. Or roast them into marshmallows, if he likes..." "Whoa! Slow down there Ember, one thing at a time!" Spike chuckled at the Dragon Lord's ebullient demeanour, recognising it must be tough to be surrounded, for the most part, by a bunch of monosyllabic drakes who just wanted free stuff every day. "It's great to be here, and thank you so much for agreeing to let me stay! Just to be clear though, did Smoulder tell you the reason behind me wanting to come over for a short vacation?" "Hmm, maybe?" Something to do with 'getting in touch with your dragonic roots'?" Ember shrugged her shoulders dismissively. "I'm not quite sure what you mean by that... but if you're referring to non-stop fighting, endless bickering and never having a moment to yourself ever again, I suppose you've hit the jackpot. Congrats, I guess?" Realising Ember was channeling her own recent experiences as Dragon Lord rather than the ones he hoped to have for the next week, Spike attempted to change the subject. "U-Um, so anyway, where will I be staying? After all, it's been a long flight here and before I get stuck in to my planned routine I'd like to relax and freshen up, if that's alright with you." "Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up so soon." Ember grimaced slightly at the question, as she prepared to explain what was going on to her guest. "Naturally, I put you in the second best room in the entire palace. It had everything: a nice, hard rock bed... your own volcanic jacuzzi like mine... a wonderful panoramic view of the empty wilderness outside..." "Sounds uh, great." A sheepish Spike didn't wish to be rude by communicating his real feelings, but let it be said he regretted that his favourite soft pillow couldn't fit in the luggage more with every passing second. "So, what's the problem then?" "The 'problem' is, the minute my back is turned, some trespassing dragon took it upon himself to grab your room for himself!" Ember growled loudly in frustration, causing the throng of reptiles still cloistered by her throne to mercifully shut up in fear. "Just when I'd got the temperature right, too... one hundred and fifty celsius! I was about to deal with the intruder a moment ago by throwing him and his things out, but then this bunch of boneheads turned up, and you arrived, then... ugh! Why does everything always happen at once?! This wasn't in the brochure when I signed up for this gig." "Y-Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. If anyone can relate to your current predicament, it's me." Spike shook his head in sympathy with the newly installed Dragon Lord, referencing all the countless escapades he'd been involved with his friends which'd usually snowballed from something as simple as a lost fork. "Tell you what, I may not be the most intimidating dragon around, but I like to think my negotiation skills rank up there with the best. If you'd just direct me to the room in question and tell me who this dragon is, I'm sure we can come to some kind of arrangement that won't end in an argument or anyone being burnt to a crisp." "Oh, would you? It would be such a great help! Those selfish idiots over there won't leave until they've got their pound of flesh, and it'll probably take all day just to make them all happy. Such are the responsibilities of being the one in charge, I suppose." Ember seemed, for a few solitary moments, to almost be having second thoughts about her recent life choices, but she soon snapped out of it. "A-Anyway, your room is second on the left there, just past the half-finished statue which was supposed to resemble yours truly. I swear, I'm not paying anything to have that monstrosity finished! As for the identity of the nefarious interloper, it's someone I think you know quite well. I believe you might have sighted him and his friends on your way here, if you took the centre-most route? Are they still playing that 'amusing' game to discover which one can damage their brain the most? They did offer to let me join in, but I politely refused. I still enjoy being capable of independent thought, funnily enough..." Ember carried on talking, making allusions to how she was determined to live up to her father's 'glorious' legacy, the places to find the best eruption spots nearby and how gosh darn cute Spike's new wings happened to be, but the distracted drake wasn't really listening. For you see, upon hearing the clues Ember had freely distributed regarding who'd taken up residence in his temporary accommodation, it didn't exactly take a genius like Sunburst to figure out who it was. And Spike, like on so many occasions in the past, began to bitterly regret putting his name forward so readily to deal with the pressing issue. Garble... ........................... Meanwhile, much further away in the clouds just above Ponyville, a very restless Rainbow Dash tossed and turned in her sleep. For a change though, her rapid twitching wasn't caused by visions involving her rather overzealous parents moving in permanently or Scootaloo deciding that the Wonderbolts were 'lame' and it was time to follow a new daredevil troupe (yeah, like that would ever happen) but something else entirely. "Twilight... egghead... lists... books... missing Owlicious..." The dream was so vivid and palpable she could even be heard murmuring out loud, so much so that the earthbound passers-by looked at each other with bafflement and poor Tank cowered in his shell, wondering if perhaps his mistress had gone mad through cider overdose. Just as the trauma-inducing sequence of events in her head reached a horrifying climax (of a ghoulish spectre in the likeness of the Princess of Friendship hanging over a terrified Rainbow to whisper repeatedly in her ear it was 'time to re-alphabetise the encyclopaedias') the anxious pegasus was finally roused from her brief repose, sweaty sheets and all. "T-Thank Celestia that was all just a terrible nightmare! W-Where's Luna when you need her?!" Rainbow experienced a few blessed moments of peace... before a quick glance at her mounted wall calendar told her otherwise. "Oh no! It wasn't just a dream! It's actually going to happen! Why didn't I just say 'no', or that I was washing my mane tomorrow instead?! I'm the bravest pony I've ever met, but I can't even refuse an unhealthy request from a friend?" Rainbow facehoofed, upon spotting the 'Twilight's Helper' entry for the following day, along with many exclamation points. "Sometimes, I think my unstinting loyalty might be a curse in disguise, in cases like this where I'm bound to suffer..." Knowing that, despite the fact it was hours until sunrise, her chances of dropping off again were slim to none, Rainbow rose from under her soaked duvet to sit at a nearby table deep in thought. An overhanging shelf proudly stacked her entire Daring-Do collection, and the pegasus gazed at the brave adventurer on the cover in annoyance as if being spoken to through the written page. "It's alright for you." Rainbow complained, like some incredible psychic connection had been formed. "You only have to risk poison darts, ancient gods and the wily Dr Caballeron to save the day. I have to put up with Twilight's non-stop nerdiness and undiagnosed OCD until tomorrow evening, and still keep my sanity intact. I know which one of us has the better deal. If only there was some way I could make it go easier, something I might do to help her, and not lose my mind in the process. Perhaps... wait! I think I have it! Thank you, A K Yearling!" It was at that precise moment an incredible plan formed in Rainbow's head... well, at least she thought so. She must have been enthusiastic about it anyway, as for the first time in who-knows-how-long she grabbed some paper from a nearby drawer and began scribbling down not-entirely legible words at the rate of about five a second... ...All without being coaxed or threatened. Unbelievable. Author's Note Ready for updates? Cos I got updates. P.S (Remember, this fic is set before Father Knows Beast and The Washouts, so certain things haven't happened yet...)
