Author's Note
I hope someday that you will know... the reference I'm making.
Gotta Let Go
There was no way that Anon could have predicted this. Never in a million years would he ever assume that this was the day he would die—all because he decided to get flirty.
All because he decided to rub the belly of Limestone Pie.
It started earlier today, the sunniest day of the week so far, when Anon had been tasked to visit the Rock Farm. Twilight informed him that it was a "friendship emergency," but the way she worded it, he was more than certain she wanted to be alone.
While she was more than interested in everything about him, the alicorn never got used to the fact that a "hairless ape" fell from the sky one day and basically became her roomie. And to be honest, Anon never got used to the fact that he's surrounded by talking technicolor ponies 24/7.
Pinkie couldn't come along, but she had the pleasure of showing him through pictures who everyone on the farm was. When he arrived there in the afternoon, he recognized everypony. Her parents, her siblings—even the monotone one whose name he couldn't remember—and that included Limestone Pie, his soon-to-be murderer.
After he was given a tour of the luscious valley from which their riches were birthed, he came across Limestone tending to a massive boulder, settled near the field. She was polishing the texture with a soft-looking cloth, occasionally looking up to watch her sisters tending to the plot.
Speaking of plot... goodness.
When he walked up to her, she recoiled in a defensive stance, but refrained once something came to her mind.
"Oh, right," she spoke, "you're Pinkie's friend."
Her voice was gravelly and rough, like she was the kind of person to smoke two dozen cigarettes a day, while simultaneously sounding like somepony who was trying to sound like it. Either way, her voice was sandpaper on Anon's ears.
So why was it so hot?
"Princess Twilight sent me here on an important mission," he answered. "It's a friendship emergency."
"... There's no emergency here," she said, raising a cautious eyebrow. "Not even one you could solve."
Anon scrunched his mouth, knowing it was nothing more than a ruse. In the end, he shrugged; he was tired of being cooped up, researched, and feared all at the same time. When he asked Limestone if she feared him, she shook her head.
"You see this boulder?" she pointed at the boulder. Anon nodded his head curiously. "Touch it, and you'll be the one fearing me. Got it?"
She didn't have to ask that twice.
"Good. Now that we're on the same page, how about we sit down for a while?"
"Why...?"
"You just got here. The next train won't be here for at least three hours. That means you're stuck here with nothing and no one."
Anon opened his mouth to argue on that, but realized she was right. He was all alone, with the clothes on his back and nothing more. Shutting his mouth, he sat down at a nearby bench with the bluish-colored pony, and the two had a decent conversation... if decent meant "awkward, aggressive talk while occasionally threatening death to anyone who touched Holder's boulder," so she called it.
But as the time ticked on, the conversation became less of an irrational fear of accidental homicide, and more of a casual, laid-back talk, as if the two had been friends who hadn't seen each other in years. Limestone was laughing and eager to know more about the "strange monkey from outer space."
After an hour, Limestone kicked back her hooves and laid herself across her side of the bench; soon enough, she fell asleep, leaving Anon to gaze at the farmstead that was bestowed upon him. From Marble Pie digging at the dirt with a pick-ax, to Maud Pie monotonously nuzzling a small pebble, there wasn't all too much to really look at and feel accomplished for. For Limestone, it may have been a completely different story, but for Anonymous, he wondered if living here was ever all too worth it.
But considering that they're still living here after several decades, that's a safe assumption that they're doing fine out here.
Anon looked at his watch and groaned. "Great, two more hours, and everyone's busy or sleeping."
He stared at the bluish pony and initially scoffed with a faint smile. But the longer he looked, the more focused his eyes were, focused on one particular part of her body: her belly. Not her face, neck, or fuzzy hoofsies... her skinny but fluffy-looking belly.
Ever since Anon had arrived in Equestria, he suddenly had a fascination for bellies; oddly enough, it was only the bellies of equines. He didn't know if it was their fuzziness, bareness, or overall exposure to the world, but the human could never resist holding out a hand and giving that tummy all the rubs and squishes that it deserved.
And it earned him quite a few deserved slaps and punches over the months. Even then, he still questions whether they enjoyed it or disliked it. The blushes on their face said one thing, but their hooves said another.
And now here was another belly, the belly of Limestone Pie, greeting him in all its fuzzy glory. Even after all this time, he couldn't resist the temptation. He could feel his palms sweat with anticipation, his face heat up with excitement, and his vocal chords readying a squeal that could outdo Fluttershy a thousand times over.
"Floof."
With his mind set and unable to fight back, Anon placed a single hand on Limestone's belly and gave it a gentle squeeze. The mare hardly stirred from her sleep, but she did twitch just a little. With another squeeze, her tongue gently blepped itself out.
That was his cue to rub.
The feeling of her fur was incredible, so much softer than any of the other bellies he's rubbed. The texture, the smoothness, the density... it was too perfect. A belly of this rub-able yield should not exist. And yet it does!
"I found it, at last."
The perfect belly. The belly that would go down in history as the one to make men and stallions quiver and fall to their knees in the sheer pleasure of it all. Evolution at its peak.
The dawn of the new age.
Of course, Anon knew he was only taking it so far, but it was enough to say that he really liked Limestone's belly.
After a few minutes of stealthy belly rubs, he took a look at his watch and realized he had another hour and forty-five minutes before the train would arrive. Removing his hand from Limestone's belly, he dried it off from the slowly accumulating sweat and took out his phone from his pocket. Thanks to Celestia, the Internet had no limits.
"Kitter cats, here I—gagghk!"
Before Anonymous could even react, he was suddenly thrust against the hardwood of the bench, hooves clamped around his neck, and angry, furious eyes with the intent to kill staring right back at him.
The eyes and hooves belonged to a pissed off Limestone Pie, who was more than ready to stomp Anon's neck into the bench and flatten it like a pancake. As he frantically tried to push her off somehow, he was thinking—even trying to ask her—why the sudden change in emotion? What was driving her to this?!
"You little belly-touching motherbucker!"
What?! She was trying to throttle you to death over her belly?
Then suddenly, in the mix of near death and adrenaline rushing through his body, Anon realized something. If she started to strangle him after he stopped, maybe...
With a hand free, Anon reached down to Limestone's belly once again and started giving it some not-so-deserved belly rubs. In an instant, the pressure on the human's neck ceased, the angry expression on Limestone seemingly disappeared, and the mare seemed to fall into a pleasant sleep, quickly cooing and curling up as if a feline.
As Anon tried regaining his breath, he kept his hand firmly on her tummy, giving it the occasional scratch to experiment. Limestone, in her sleep(?), winced in joy.
Meanwhile, Anon was trying to realize what the buck just happened. Did Limestone Pie really plunge into a murderous rage over... this? Or was it because he stopped? He chose not to ask her, not even dare to wake her up, but left the answers up for debate.
"It's precious," a monotone voice suddenly spoke out nearby, and already Anon knew who it was.
Turning over to Maud Pie while keeping rubs at their feasible minimum, he asked her what that meant.
"Her stomach is precious. It is her only weakness. Any stallion can roll her over and turn her into the "cutest little thing" they'd ever seen. It is a secret she pledged to keep to family. More than a few stallions knew of her secret."
"... And what happened to them?"
"..."
The sudden silence of Maud was a heavy indicator that the mare whose belly Anon was rubbing at this precise moment slain other stallions for that very reason, or for even knowing of it. No witnesses; a family secret.
A perfect crime.
"Maud, you have to help me!" he nearly began to plead. "I'm not ready to die! I'll never rub a belly again as long as I live!"
"I can't help you, Anonymous..."
"But...!"
"Not until your train arrives."
The human cocked his head, and the odd mare began to explain.
"When your train comes, you need to run to it. Don't look back. I'll tell her you went the other way."
"And... that'll work on its own?"
"Not all of the stallions shared the same fate."
"That doesn't help much, Maud."
"You can trust me."
Where have I heard that before? Anon thought to himself—reminded of the vacation in Hawaii.
But hell... this isn't Hawaii.
Well over an hour passed. It must have been ten minutes to go before the train arrived at the farmstead, and Anon could feel his hand growing tired and cramped, perhaps also numb. When that happened, he would simply switch hands, but with each passing minute, both hands were running out of the strength they needed to keep going.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and just trying to get it out was a challenge. He was so focused on seeing the message on the phone that he forgot momentarily to rub Limestone's belly.
A growl and a near scream was enough to make Anon never forget again.
In the distance, Igneous Rock Pie and his wife watched the scene unfold: The strange monkey-looking creature rubbing his daughter's belly with a passion. He sighed somberly, knowing he had seen this exact same scene in the past.
"I weep for that poor fellow, darling," he said to his wife, Cloudy Quartz.
"I can't bear to watch. Should we prepare to dig? It may take longer, considering this... creature's size."
Igneous turned to his right, seeing Maud standing nearby, occasionally glancing between Anon and Boulder.
"Let's see how this plays out first. He may be another lucky one."
Anonymous would stretch his hands every minute or so, trying to keep them awake and flexible. The notification on his phone told him that the train was only minutes away. Even from such a distance, he was able to hear a faint chugga-chugga and a blow of the whistle.
"Maud," he whispered. At first, the mare didn't hear him. "Maaaud!"
Eventually, he got her attention and eyed the nearby train station, as empty and desolate as ever. A quick perk of her ears allowed her to also hear the sound of the approaching train. She set Boulder down on a nearby rock and gave it a gentle kiss before walking over to Anon, now clearly on edge.
"You need to run as fast as you can."
"And if she catches up to me?"
"Pray that it doesn't come to that."
The human gulped silently, eying the gray mare and the distant tracks. The sound of the metal vehicle grew louder and closer. The whistle echoed into the air. The black smoke of the stacks billowed into the air beyond the nearest mountain range.
The whistle blew again, and as soon as that train became visible, the sound went from a muffled whiny to a great hiss that would've made anybody or anypony wince if it was their first time hearing it.
The train began to slow down, the chugging of the engine falling slower and slower, until with a sudden click, the train stopped, its destination reached.
Anon's second chance was here.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaalll aboard!"
"Go."
There was no hesitation. In an instant, Anon was off, lurching from the bench and making a sprint towards the train. Now, Anon was no athlete, but he wasn't the slowest thing on Earth or wherever he was now. In a matter of seconds, he went from the bench at the front of the house to behind the house. The train station went from being hundreds of feet away to a hundred or more.
I'm going to make it! He cried in his mind. I'm going to—
He heard the noise of trampling hooves behind him, but before he could turn around, Anon suddenly found himself on the ground, on his back, facing the sky. Well, had Limestone Pie not been blocking his view.
And his trachea.
"No!" Limestone yelled. "You're not getting away that easily! Nopony touches me there and gets away with it to tell everyone! Nopony!"
Anon tried to face his eventual killer and give off a confused stare, but all he could do was half-ass it as he tried to free his throat from eventually being crushed.
"I'll get rid of you once and for all, you monkey-loving motherbucker! I will be the last thing you ever—"
Then suddenly, she stopped. Her angered face faded away, her eyes closed, she stopped screaming, and before Anon knew it, Limestone was on the ground, seemingly asleep and at peace. It wasn't until he really noticed that he saw Maud standing before him, her hoof resting on her sister's stomach, gently rubbing away.
"You owe me."
With a gulp and a frantic nod, Anon got up off the ground and ran to the train just in time. Sitting behind the wall and away from the windows, he waited for another moment before the train suddenly lurched in one direction, the chugging starting again, and the car began to move.
Before he knew it, the train was off, and the Rock Farm was quickly becoming a distant memory.
As soon as the train disappeared from view, Maud lifted her hoof from Limestone's belly and sat there. The bluish mare sprung up, less so angered and more annoyed at her sister.
"Maud!?" she yelled. "What the buck?! I almost had him!"
"Sis, you can't go and kill ponies that know your secret."
"He's not a pony. He's an ape! And if everyone finds out my secret, the last thing I need is them using it to walk all over me!"
Maud didn't react too much to this revelation, only so much as a sigh through her nose.
"... Sister, it is common in Equestria for ponies to rub bellies."
Limestone recoiled, only slight.
"... What?"
"Every time Pinkie throws a party, it ends with her getting her belly rubbed at least once by a stranger. She doesn't care who it is; she does it after she eats."
She recoiled again, but said nothing. "Uh..."
"Mudbriar rubs my belly a lot; it keeps him happy and relaxed. And between you and me, I enjoy it too."
Limestone's face scrunched up, unsure of what to think. Her throat emitted a confused and angry growl. She gritted her teeth, and then finally, let out a frustrated groan.
"Fine! But you owe me! But if I ever see that ape around me ever again, I will have his plot! Or whatever he calls it... an ass! I'll have his a—"
"Limestone Pie!" Cloudy Quartz shouted from afar. "Language!"
Feeling confused and somewhat defeated, Limestone Pie sighed and wandered back into the house. Standing in the open, Maud walked back over to Boulder and picked the tiny pebble up, rubbing its surface almost elegantly.
"I'm sorry you had to see that."
With a sigh, Anon leaned back into the nearest seat and let himself relax. It'd been several minutes since he left the farm, and there was no sign of Limestone trying to catch up behind him or beside the train, so he was confident he was in the clear at last.
Even after several minutes, he found himself shaking a little. A mare tried to kill him over a belly rub. A belly rub! What kind of sick world is this where a living thing denies the pleasure of having their tummy massaged?
Anon shook his head, letting those thoughts go. He made a promise to Maud, and damn it, he was going to fulfill it. No more would he rub bellies for his own amusement. No more would he look at a mare and only think about how cute she'd look if her belly was massaged to perfection. No more would he—
Then suddenly, a young mare sat down in the seat beside him, minding her own business, all the while making popping sounds with her mouth, all the while simultaneously humming to herself. She had to have been no older than Twilight. Goddamn, was she adorable.
But also... goddamn, that belly. That tiny, fluffy, floofy belly.
...
Well, one more couldn't hurt...
