It started off like any other day. But it turned into the worst day of their lives. None of them could have seen it coming. The angry words flying thick and fast between the two friends, the others watching on, unable to stop them, confused by what was happening. The real blow came later. None of them could have seen it coming, but suddenly it had flown past them, left them feeling utterly broken.
"You know Ah have other friends", Applejack shouted at me. "Ah don't wanna be with y'all all of the time."
I nodded. "I know that. I'm not asking you to be here all the time, but I feel like you're drifting away from us. I don't want you to do that." I smiled at my friend, a touch of sadness in my eyes.
Applejack sighed. "Listen, Twi, Ah need some time to think about this, okay? Ah'll see you in the mornin'." With that, she turned and paced slowly out of the house, thoughts spinning through her head.
I was devastated. This was turning out to be the most serious fight we had ever had. I had never seen AJ so determined to leave us. I had never really thought about it before, but now I could see that there had been obvious signs that she had never been as close as the rest of us were to each other. Before I could dwell on it much longer, I buried myself in a book, anger bubbling just beneath my skin. Words swam before me and I couldn't concentrate, so I decided to just give up trying to read and go to bed.
Settling in later that night, anger gave way to sadness. I certainly didn't want my friend to leave me. I loved her and I thought she had felt the same way. Tears spilled onto my pillow and I eventually cried myself to sleep, lingering thoughts of Applejack in my head.
The next day, practically as soon as we woke up, we were at it again. She showed up at my door early in the morning, Celestia's sun just peeping over the horizon. "Listen", she started, after I ushered her in and offered her some dandelion tea. "Ah just don't think this is working out. Ah've never really fit in with the rest of y'all, never been as close as you and t'others. We've all made this great big deal 'bout bein' friends, and we are, but Ah just feel distant. You 'n Rainbow Dash seem to hold us others above all yer other friends, and I don't like that. Ah'd rather us all be on the same level. That's why Ah feel Ah have to leave."
I gasped in shock. Leave? This was disastrous! I had no idea she felt this way. But...why hadn't she said anything about this earlier? I soon realized I was staring in shock. I had to say SOMEthing. "But, Applejack-", I was interrupted by a knock at the door.
Rainbow Dash peeked in, smile disappearing when she saw the two of us. "I heard about the fight, and I thought I should come over", she explained.
"Ah'm sorry, Dash, that I didn't explain fully what was going on", AJ apologized. "I was a little upset last night."
Dash just waved it hoof nonchalantly. "You don't have to apologize for not telling me", she said, a little too brightly. "But, hey, I know we have differences, but that doesn't mean you have to leave."
At this point, I felt I really should say something. I had to support her, even if it tore me to pieces. I couldn't have her leave thinking I was just being selfish. "Leaving is your choice, but you should really think about it. I mean, yeah, we've fought, but no friendship would be complete without fights. It just shows that we're strong enough to stick together without the tough stuff", I said. I felt a strange mix of anger and regret well up in me. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her to see what I was saying, to stay here with us, even if she felt out of place, even if she had to act like she liked us more than others. But that was selfish. I couldn't tell her that. No way. "I feel like you don't even want to be friends with us anymore", I whispered, half-hoping she wouldn't hear.
"Ah never said Ah didn't want to be friends. We could still stay in touch. Ah just don't wanna pretend that we're so close when Ah don't feel the same way as you two. Ta me, y'all ain't that special. Yer the same as all mah other friends", Applejack confessed.
I was absolutely blown away by this and I could feel the tears springing to my eyes. We weren't special...? We were just the same as everyone else? "Y-you want all your friends to be the same? That just won't work, AJ."
AJ shook her head vehemently. "No, Ah mean the same level, not the same. See, Ah've learned that Ah don't want best friends. Ah just want friends that serve their own purpose in mah life", she said.
"Why?" I asked, confused. I couldn't understand what was wrong with having best friends. I had always that they were just a part of life. "I have pretty much one level of friends and that's you guys. That's why I rever you guys so highly", I said, tears streaming down my face by now. I could see Rainbow wasn't much better. She looked just as confused as I felt.
She decided to speak up. "Listen, AJ, we don't have to be friends that tell each other everything and are never apart, but I never thought of you as just another friend, and I don't want to now. But this has to be your decision. I-I won't try and stop you if you want to leave."
"What?" I was stunned. How could she be supporting this? I felt as if my world was coming apart. Emotions flickered through me, changing from rage to hurt, to confusion. I finally settled on pain. "Being told we're the same as all your other friends...it hurts", I said, voice hoarse.
AJ sighed. "Listen, Pinkie Pie cheers me up all the time, Fluttershy agrees with everything Ah say, and Rarity has made me more open-minded. Ah care about a lot of ponies and there's just no comparison between them. Ah cain't choose best friends."
Rainbow stepped in again. "You guys kind of aren't my friends. I consider you more as sisters. I have other friends, but I don't normalize them, don't put them all in one place", she said, eyes flicking between us.
"Exactly mah problem!" Applejack exclaimed, stamping a hoof. "Y'all want me ta choose which friends Ah like best, but it ain't gonna happen. Ya cain't expect me ta hold any of ya higher than others."
I steeled myself. This couldn't be happening. This was all a dream, a nightmare. None of this was real. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. "I'm not asking you to choose between friends", I pointed out. "I'm asking you to allow us to hold you higher than our other friends, even if you don't hold us higher." I didn't want to cry in front of them. I had to get them out of there. But...how? Then another point came to my head and I was swept into a sea of anger. "Why did you let it get this far?!" I yelled, surprised at my own outburst. "For two years, you haven't said a word about it! I want to know why this is so sudden."
AJ seemed to get mad then too, responding violently. "Ah've NEVER been as enthusiastic about our friendship as the rest of ya and Ah've always felt bad fer it." She hung her head.
Wincing, I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't stay mad at her. "I'm so sorry. For everything", I whispered. That was it. I was spent. There was nothing else I could say.
A sudden, harsh crack of thunder broke the silence that had descended over us. AJ, tears springing to her eyes, bowed her head. "Ah'm sorry too." Then, with a strike of lightning, she was gone, racing across town in the pouring rain.
Rainbow draped a wing over me and departed as well.
I stared at Applejack's hat, the only thing left of her after our fight. The only thing I would probably ever see of her again. This was ridiculous. I loved her, and I wasn't going to let her go that easily. I levitated her hat onto my head and charged out of the door into the pouring rain. Her tracks were quickly disappearing into the mud and I ran as fast as I possibly could.
My search was to no avail. I had barely reached Sugarcube Corner when all sign of her tracks had been completely obscured. My tears mingled with the rain that plastered my mane to my body. Head drooping, tail trailing in the mud, I wended my way home. Exhausted I collapsed into the middle of my floor, emotionally spent. I closed my eyes and listened to the rain fall, beating out the sad song of Applejack's departure, never to return.
I woke the next morning with a feeling of a warped reality. Surely all that had happened last night was a dream, just a fevered dream brought on by too much stress. But no, I thought, tugging at the still damp hat perched crazily on my head, it was real. No matter how much I wished otherwise. 'Work waits for nopony', I thought as I got to my hooves. But, Dear Celestia, was it hard to keep my mind on anything but Applejack! And it was only getting worse.
"Twilight! Twilight!" a shrill voice called. Without waiting for an answer of any kind, a pink bundle of energy exploded into my house. "Have you seen Applejack? I haven't seen her anywhere! We were supposed to go to a party today for one of my friends. She promised! I KNEW I should have made her Pinkie Pie Prom-"
I cut her off, placing my hoof gently on her lips. "Pinkie", I said slowly, "Applejack is gone." That was it. Three words sent me spiraling out of control again. I don't know exactly what Pinkie Pie did next. In fact, the rest of the day passed by in a blur, everything swirling into one big crazy mess. I went through the rest of my everyday activities with the feeling that I was detached from it all. It was only when I settled down on my bed with a book that I realized I was due for a letter to Princess Celestia. Sighing, I readied parchment and quill. I found myself writing a letter not to the princess, but to Applejack and, in way, to myself.
Dearest Applejack,
You have expressed some opinions that have changed our relationship forever. And so, if ever looking back at this letter through a screen of gray mane and creaky joints, I am going to write out what happened. We were talking late one night about various friends of ours and the conversation turned to colts. You wanted to hang out with Big Mac more often, but I wanted you to stay and talk with me. I was selfish. I eventually let you go talk with him, hoping it would all blow over. But it was too late. The final blow had been struck. The next morning, Rainbow Dash and I discovered your real opinion of us. You said that you would be leaving because you did not want to place any friends above your other friends. I was devastated. As you continued to talk about varying levels of friendship, a steady numbing pain engulfed me until it was all I could feel. I felt totally empty, as if there was nothing left but sadness. After two years in which I had thought the six of us had bonded, you dropped this bombshell. I guess Rainbow and I could have seen signs but, I at least, was blinded by sheer happiness at having such close friends. As soon as our conversation ended I felt even worse, wishing you would return but knowing you would not. Even now, I still feel as if it can never be the same again, even if you do come back. And, Applejack, if you're reading this, just know there are things I have never told you that may explain some things. I hide the real me. The me who cries at every little emotional tap. I'm weaker than you think. You've told me before that I can't keep a secret, but you have no idea. No one does. Except me. But I have built up a fake me and it is beautifully tough. I have spent years perfecting this shell and as of yet there are no cracks. This is the first one, the first chink in my carefully welded armor. The first and last glimpse into the black hole of guilt and pain that resides in me. I cannot and will not tell you why this exists, I only tell you that it does. And I know it is no excuse for how I treated you, but I hope it at least makes up for it a tiny bit. If it has done that, then it has done it's job. If I am truthful, I envy you. I have never wanted you to know, fearing it would make you feel guilty, but I envy you. You and Big Mac see each other all the time, yet I have to be content with longing for Shining Armor. I didn't want you to take any time away from him, but in my deepest thoughts and desires, I wanted you to be ripped away from him, like I was. I want you to have to go through what I went through. But these are selfish thoughts and I hate when they occur. I cannot help it, though I am trying. Please believe me, Applejack. And I apologize for what is to happen next. I am so, so sorry that I have spilled my deepest emotions. This letter was my hope for patching our friendships, but you will never see it. Again, I apologize and with that, I bid you adieu. Goodbye.
With much love,
Twilight Sparkle
I finished the letter, wiping my quill clean and setting it aside. I neatly and carefully rolled up the parchment, grabbing it in my magic with ease. Tears spilling gently onto the aged paper, I trotted to my bedside fire. Without a second thought, I tossed the scroll containing my secrets into the flames, watching them eat my admissions. What I did next I sorely regret.
The fire burned low and I watched the embers glow. A sudden gust of wind blew open the window, swirling the ashes all around me. I trotted closer to the now extinct fire, spotting just one scrap of the hat I had just burned. There was no sign of the letter and for that, I was grateful. Tears dripped softly onto the black ashes, flashing silver as the fell onto the beat up leather; the last sign of my friend.
It was many years later and Twilight was still in the library, a full fledged unicorn. Her mane had just begun to show streaks of grey and she was considering buying reading glasses. She planned on visiting Fluttershy soon. But she had a few minutes until then and she decided to gaze through a few old photo albums.
She selected ones from her first few years in Ponyville. The first page was of Spike smiling proudly in the upper floor of the library. Spike was gone now, he had joined the dragons a few years ago after finally sprouting wings late in his teenage years. It had been a sad day for the both of them, but Twilight received letters from him from time to time. They told of his friends and even a pretty she-dragon he was with. He fit in well enough and was happy, but he did miss the old life occasionally.
The next page was of Rarity. In some pictures the unicorn was showing off new creations; others were candid shots. Twilight laughed at one that showed her snoring in her sleep. The white unicorn in question had moved to Canterlot a few years ago. She opened her own botique there and settled down with Hoity Toity. Sweetie Belle had gone with her and had become a regular city pony, fitting in well with the upper class just as Rarity had hoped she would. The younger unicorn had a talent for singing and made her living off of that, but she did occasionally help her sister out with her shop.
Twilight couldn't help but chuckle at the splashes of pink all over the next page. Every shot of Pinkie Pie seemed like a candid shot. There was one of her eating an entire cake of one bite, one of her and Gummy playing catch, one of her hugging Fluttershy. The pink pony had taken over Sugarcube Corner and was still as wild as ever. Gummy had grown into a fine alligator and even made himself busy as the mascot for the sweet shop.
Light yellow dominated the next shop and Twilight let a soft smile sweep over her face. The shy pegasus and her had been together for a few years now. She savored all the photos of Fluttershy and her animals. It was one of the many things she loved about her, the way her mane fell just so, the soft lilt of her beautiful voice...everything about her was amazing in Twilight's eyes.
Quickly moving to the next page she couldn't help feeling just a touch of sadness. Rainbow Dash had left early on in their friendship to join the Wonderbolts. They still met up occasionally, but the cyan pegasus had turned all business and rarely liked to leave her work.
That left only one more pony. Without turning the page, Twilight shut the book. She didn't want any reminders of Applejack. After their fight they had never spoken again, and the purple unicorn bitterly regretted it. She had tried to find her again, but she had had no luck. Sighing, she replaced the book and headed over to Fluttershy's cottage.
But even her chats with her marefriend could not take the lingering guilt away. There was nothing for it. She had to do the only thing she could. Apologize. But how? That was the question she put to Fluttershy.
"I suggest writing it down. You're great at writing, Twilight", Fluttershy said, giving her a quick hug. "In fact, I would do it right now."
Twilight shook her head. "No, I don't want to interrupt this", she protested.
Fluttershy gently brushed the unicorn's mane back from her forehead. "Oh, Twilight, you're unhappy. And you know I can't be truly happy until you are." With a quick kiss she was gone, trotting into her room to get quill and parchment.
A smile crept unbidden over Twilight Sparkle's face. Fluttershy was the only thing that made her truly happy anymore. And when she gave her the quill, Twilight knew immediately what to write.
Dearest Applejack,
I cannot apologize enough for what happened oh so many years ago. Wherever you are, I wish you as much happiness as I have found in Fluttershy. That's right. We're together now. And, oh, how I wish you could be here to celebrate with us. But you aren't and I know in my heart you never will be. But I feel as if this letter, somehow, will get through to you. As if you'll know. And I hope you do. I truly do. But, dear Applejack, I have finally found peace and solace. It turns out that this was the perfect thing to do. Now I would like to say that I should have respected the opinions you expressed and I realize that now, when it is far too late. However, I think three words will heal the hole in my heart. I love you. I always have and I always will. And I hope, someday, you can say the same.
Your Friend,
Twilight Sparkle
With a final flourish, Twilight Sparkle tossed the letter into the flames, watching it burn into ashes. And as the smoke dissipated so did all the pain and anger she had been feeling all those years. She turned her eyes, misted with tears, to Fluttershy. "I love you", she whispered. And she wasn't just talking to Fluttershy.
