Amber the Unicorn series

by Amber

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Granny Smith, Romance, Silver Spoon, Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Fluttershy, Random, Crossover
Length: 2387

You've never had so much random in your entire life. Join Amber on her adventures as she fights and discovers many things.

Published 2011-08-04 12:54:28 UTC
Last updated 2011-08-06 14:04:56 UTC

Amber the Unicorn: Bloomberg's Bad Romance

Amber the Unicorn: "Bloomberg's Bad Romance"

It was a hot, sunny day on Sweet Apple Acres. Amber, the orange, brown-maned unicorn was just resting under an apple tree (which wasn't just a tree, as we'll soon find out) after a long, busy day of resting when she saw Spike running towards her. The pony got on her hooves at the strange sight. "He looks relaxed", she thought.
- Hey Spike - she stomped the ground as she greeted him. - What's up, you jumping chupacabra?
- Amber, I... - he panted, exhausted from the long run - I love my 3D glasses. They're exciting.
"Is he talking about these glasses? Wow", thought the pony. She was fascinated and intrigued at the same time.
- I'm so glad to hear this - Amber smiled at him. - Have you heard about the cucumbers?
- Cucumbers? The shy ones or the evil ones? - the little dragon frowned.
- The shy ones - explained the unicorn. - I heard they took over Canterlot and trapped Celestia in a cage for elephants... I also wonder why has Luna turned into a parasprite... It looks like Fluttershade's at it again.
The purple dragon didn't reply. He started break-dancing instead. Seeing that, Amber crossed her eyes and used magic to pick Spike up and put him on the top of Bloomberg's - the tree she was sleeping under - branches.
- HEE HEE! - Bloomberg giggled. - What the hell am I looking at? - his bass voice was loud, deep and strong.
- Dude, that's not how you spell 'tea pot' - Spike shrugged.
- Spike... I love you as much as I love my lady pumpkins - the tree said loudly, but softly, suddenly falling in a romantic mood.
- D'awwwww! - Silverspoon, who suddenly fell from the sky, almost shed tears of joy while watching that heartwarming scene. Bloomberg sighed deeply.
However, Amber, who's been watching all this with great interest, didn't seem pleased.
- Spike, you dirty narwhal! - she yelled. - Back off from my husband!
Then her anger turned into sorrow. She rounded her arms around Bloomberg’s trunk, sobbing loudly.
- Bloomie, my darling!... - she whispered through tears. - But how?... HOW?!... How could you betray me like that...
The tree suddenly jumped, making Amber flinch with astonishment. Meanwhile, somewhere in Cloudstale, Rainbow Dash was dancing can-can, but that's a different story.
- AW YEHAW BABOONS! - Spike shouted joyfully, swinging his hands in all possible directions while falling down from the tree. He landed with a huge crash. A huge bruise appeared on his head.
- Ooooh, maaan, isn't that a sexy bruise I've got! - the dragon started intensively kissing the bruise with passion.
Suddenly, he felt a painful jab on his back. He turned his head around. It was Bloomberg, with his branches akimbo, poking him. He seemed upset.
- Sorry, Bergie. I think I've got a new, prettier lover - the purple dragon winked, grinning.
- Ouuuuuuuoooooo! - yelled the tree with uncontrolled fury. - ARRARRRGH! You're doomed! You're all doomed!
- That's nice! - Silverspoon noticed.
Bloomberg started dancing flamenco, expressing his hate towards ponies and dragons.
- Ready for a Pokémon battle, you weakling? - Amber challenged the naughty tree.
- NAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR! NAAAHRRRR!
The tree's desperate scream was so loud that it disorganized the rules of time and space and opened a portal to the future. It caused the moon to crash onto Earth. An apocalypse began, but unfortunately, Spike, Silverspoon and Amber didn't have the pleasure to see it as they all were already banished to Mars. They all became ornithologists and started a new life on a new colony on a new planet.

(Everyone: Awwww! Is this how it all finished? It can't be!
Me: Don't worry, there's more to come, but until then -)

THE END

Amber the Unicorn 2: Guns Are Dangerous

Amber the Unicorn 2: "Guns Are Dangerous"

Amber the orange unicorn was sitting on a bench in the Equestrian National Park, resting after a long, busy day of resting. Regaining energy through sitting and lying is a hard work and serious business, after all. The bench she was sitting on was located under the shadows of trees, hiding from the burning rays of sun, as for it was a hot day of summer.
For a long time, the pony was staring blankly at the ground, not noticing a very obvious fact - the fact that Fluttershy sat next to her about ten minutes ago. After a few moments, she got a weird feeling of being stalked. Finally deciding to turn her head around, she saw the yellow pegasus next to her, which really surprised and scared the unicorn.
- Don't you ever startle me like that again, Flutterbutter! - she said loudly, facing Fluttershy. - Oooh, and I like frogs, by the way.
- 'sup Amber, umm-umm, I just wanted to, you know, ummie-ummie, ask if you could answer, ummc-ummc, my question! - the pegasus was shouting, but it didn't really impress Amber. She has experienced worse things in her life that pink-maned ponies trying to creep you off.
- I think I coul--
- I am dangerous! Fear me! Will you fear me, Amber? You're going to FEAR ME! Fear me. Please do, Amber.
- I think I got it, but... - the unicorn hestitated for a while, fishing for a right question - where are the turtles?!
Fluttershy's eyes widened. An icy-cold shiver of horror went through her spine. She calmed down and sneezed before answering.
- Well I don't exactly know, but I think they are--
She didn't finish the sentence, because a meteor shower interrupted their conversation. SWOOSH! SWOOSH SWOOSH! The huge, fiery space rocks started falling down everywhere around them. The ground shattered under this great power.
Amber didn't really notice this. She has experienced stanger things already. What has surprised her, however, was a loud laughter coming from the sky. She stood up and started intensively thinking about that sound in order to identify it, when out of fucking nowhere, Applejack appeared. The earth pony seemed to enjoy the beautiful scenery of rocks falling down and fire.
- Howdy, Amber! Howdy, Fluttahsha! Such a nice day we're havin'! - her voice was hard to hear among the roars of wild animals gathering around them.
A lion jumped out of the bushes.
- Hey there, Applejack! Do you recognize that sound! The laughter! Do you recognize it! - Amber had to shout in order to make her voice recognizable, as the roars and shatters were getting louder. Some of the words were still very unclear, though.
- Cannot hear ya, I'm asleep! ZZZZZZZZ! - AJ suddenly lay on the ground, snoozing peacefully. A big hen fell from the tree. Fluttershy picked it up and put it on sleeping Applejack. The hen transformed into a blanket; a talking blanket. "Kitchens are awesome", it whispered.
But then, something amazing happened. High above the clouds, above the treetops, was Granny Smith on an aeroplane. But she wasn't alone. There was something weird about this sight. She was holding a gun. A gun that was about a hundred times bigger than herself. It shot meteors... or were they meteors?
- Ah-ha! Granny Smith! I always knew YOU were the one behind it ALL! - Fluttershy yelled, looking up.
- Haha, are ya seriously thinkin' ya can stop me, mah lil' filly? - Granny shot a meteor from the gun, but the ponies managed to dodge it.
- Amber! Let's fire the power of friendship! - shouted the yellow pegasus. Amber obeyed.
BAZAPP!
A huge thunder, formed by the magic of friendship, hit Granny's plane. It burst into pieces and fell down, but the evil Granny didn't.
- Ha! ha! Ah was prepared for that kinds o' situations! - she yelled, taking out a jetpack from her backpack and putting it on. Then, suddenly, Applejack woke up. The earth pony gasped and started running around with panic as she saw what's going on.
- GRANNY!!! Ah told ya not to play with Papa's gun collection! Now look at what ya did!
Granny Smith looked around. In fact, yes, she caused a fine destruction.
- Uhh...
She saw trees burning and wild animals running around with fear.
- Ehhh...
She saw the ground shattering and Celestia firing thunders all over Equestria in despair.
- Well, actually...
She saw ponies screaming and houses collapsing.
- Okay, sugarcube, ah really didn't know playing around with guns and meteors would cause so much trouble... I cannot see so well, ya know...
And then, an army of buffalos started rampaging the town. "FREE THE SALADS!", they shouted. Most of them were carrying ancient columns on their backs.
- I need some serious fish! I need fish, and I mean it! - shouted Rainbow Dash.
- Dashie, would you please kindly stop singing that annoying song. I'll just delete princess Luna from our database.
- 'kay.
Amber started eating her mobile phone, because when you're bored, there isn't any way of entertaining yourself other than eating mobile phones, preferably with sugar.

---
MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER PONIVERSE
- Wzbzorg, wzabna zongg tanzga?
- Bzorgz bzz ubzatnozbs!
---

Applejack acquired a magnet.
- Hey Fluttahsha, look at mah new magnet!
- Is it a little critter?
- No, you are, Fluttah!
- Are you a tree?
And then, out of nowhere, Gilda sings a song! She started playing the drums. And Amber likes when Gilda plays drums. The melody fills her nostrills and she can see it. Sweetie Belle got banished to Venus, but there are no free cutie marks on Venus, so she just sat down and teleported to another reality.

THE END

Amber the Unicorn 3: It's an All New World We Live in

Amber the Unicorn 3: "It's an All New World We Live in"

Amber the orange, brown-maned unicorn was just resting in her own house after a long, busy day of resting when she heard some powerful banging on the door. Not waiting for an answer, the Cutie Mark Crusaders dashed inside. They were all holding teddy bears and a few other plushies and mascots.

Cutie Mark Crusaders Teddy Bear Tasters in Other Ponies' Houses! - they shouted together.

With these words, they started munching on the plushies. They were biting their ears and limbs and ripping them off just to make them end up in their mouths. Leather and feathers, which were used to stuff the mascots, were now floating all over the house.

Awww! Yummy! - noticed Sweetie Belle.

Awww! Really tasty! - announced Applebloom.

Ewww! Yuck! - Scootaloo spitted out a few pieces of a stuffed rabbit.

Amber was smiling at the fillies, watching them ruin her house.

But then, they heard a few loud crashes. It was Feraligatr using Hydro Pump to break all the windows in their home. After he was done, he entered the house with a smug look on his face. He was holding a Magikarp in his hands.

Why don't you go and collect some internet cameras! - Amber told him.

Raaaah! - Feraligatr stomped and started gathering energy to use Solar Beam.

Oh you sillyferaligatrilly, water-types like you can't use Solar Beam! - Amber laughed.

But he did. The attack was so powerful that it destroyed the roof and ceiling. Feraligatr and Magikarp exchanged looks. "Ready?", whispered the alligator-like Pokemon. "Ready!", replied the fish-like one.

Magikarp opened his mouth as wide as he could. After a few seconds of preparations, it let out the most powerful, the most amazing and great Roar of Time which sent them to a different dimension as fast as you can blink.

Amber and the Cutie Mark Crusaders looked around. There was nothing there, just huge piles of flying potatoes.

Narrr! It's the eighth time I get teleported to another world this week! - Amber yelled. - Do you know where I can find a trolleybus here? I must hit Equestria with a trolleybus. That's the only solve to this problem... Wait, there are only potatoes there? I'll take care of them, then.

She used her unicorn magic to create a huge bus. The pony picked it up and started attacking the flying potatoes.

Apple, Sweetie, Scoot! You gotta help me! - she shouted.

The Crusaders started fighting, each one her own way. Applebloom was tearing the nasty vegetables apart with her wolverine claws, which have just grew on her hooves. Sweetie Belle was slashing the flying potatoes with her saber-like teeth. "Can I evolve into a saber-toothed tiger?", she thought. Scootaloo was just standing in one place, not moving, and using her telekinic powers to destroy all the enemies.

But then, all the aggresive flying potatoes stopped fighting back and began programming computers while rapping:

Imma a panda, yo, but I wanna be a butcher, I wanna be a lavenda, yo, oh look here come our badgers! Imma potato, yo, but I wanna be a butcher...

Applebloom expressed her disgust through becoming a vacuum cleaner.

Sorry, girls. Being a vacuum cleaner, I cannot jump like a pig anymore.

Scootaloo ate a squirrel.

Diamond Tiara, who was flying around, landed next to Amber.

PASTAAAAH! GIVE ME THE PASTAAAAA! - she roared, causing the ground to shake violently. - PASTAAAAAAAH!

Well I ran out of pasta, but I can give you a shiny new vacuum cleaner - said the orange unicorn, pointing her dirty hoof at Applebloom.

Since there's no pasta, vacuum cleaners will do - Diamond sighed. - Oh nom nom nom! - she started munching on Applebloom with delight. - In return, I can teleport you back to Ponyville.

Diamond Tiara kept his promise. Amber was back to Equestria in all time at all. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, however, all turned into hedgehogs in deep sorrow.

THE END

Amber the Unicorn 4: Somewhere

Amber the Unicorn 4: "Somewhere"

Amber the unicorn was just chilling in Tutankhamon's sarcophagus in ancient Greece in the year 93 B.C. after a long, busy day of resting. There was, however, something that bothered her.

How did I get there?

THE END