Princess Booty Armageddon
Princess Luna walked down the hallway, swaying her wide hips, as she was one to do. Her dress curved hard around her heavy rump, as it has become accustomed to. The dark blue globes bounced with each step, jiggling enticingly at any pair of eyes that passed by. Even by the standards set for a ten-foot tall alicorn, she was big. A pair of cheeks bigger than the average pony’s head swished beneath her starry tail.
The new guards stared at the huge blue moons, pretending they weren’t, through the blushes on their faces gave it away. The old guard was taught by experience, knowing better than to sneak a peek, even if the eyeful was worth the trouble they’d get in.
As much as she used to pretend the act bothered her, Luna relished the attention. She deserved it. There was no ass like hers in all of Equestria. Nopony else could even come close to such beauty when it came to booty.
Well… There might have been one that came close.
The throne room doors opened to Celestia brushing her mane back. Her dress hugged her hips and her backside much like her sister’s, though the fabric that had the herculean task of concealing that huge white ass was fighting a losing battle. Anypony who didn’t turn their head to watched Celestia went she walked by could be declared clinically dead.
Luna momentarily sneered. She’d had just about enough of Celestia’s attitude. The very idea that any butt, even that of her older sister, could be nicer made Luna’s skin crawl. It had to stop. It had to stop now.
As the two sisters walked past each other, Celestia felt a hand smack her huge ass. She jumped, making the white ass ripple from its size and softness.
Her cheeks momentarily turned red, in both senses of the term. Celestia turned her head. “Excuse you!”
Luna’s hips popped to the side, spanking herself and rubbing her hand in a slow circle as she looked back. “Excuse you, Tia. Flaunting it when you haven’t got it? Learn your place,” said Luna with a quick snap of her fingers.
The blush disappeared from Celestia’s face in an instant. This… This couldn’t be allowed to stand. This was a direct challenge. This was a threat. This was a declaration of war.
“Oh I’m sorry,” said Celestia, turning slowly to face her sister, hands sliding off of her own backside. “I forgot that you still think false bravado will make up for your complete lack of an ass.”
“What? Com…! ‘Complete lack?’ You dare say that?!” Luna said as she stomped, jiggling the dark blue moons. “Our backside is the greatest in all of Equestria! Books could be written about our booty!”
“Greatest in all of Equestria, Lulu? Aww, that’s too bad…” said Celestia, her mouth curling into a smug grin. She sauntered to Luna, standing inches away and popping her hips back to make the bountiful sun butt bounce. “Because my ass happens to be the greatest thing about Equestria.”
“Ha!” Luna stood up straight, the fabric of her regal dress tearing at the back, unable to contain such titanic moon butt any longer. “You only think so because you’ve heard that non-stop for a thousand years! Now that our people know there’s a real butt back on the throne, your days of having the best ass in Equestria are over, Tia.”
“You call what you have a real butt? Lulu, you’re as flat as my marble floor, and about as stiff!” Celestia popped her hips so hard that her entire dress ripped apart, the magnificent sun butt exposed at last. Her dress faded away into tiny sparkles of yellow sunlight.
“Keep telling yourself that, Tia! You have no idea how many of our subjects dream about this butt, night after night!” Luna’s horn glowed, a spell firing off in the blink of an eye. Two guards nearby lost their sense of self-restraint as Luna’s dress vanished into thin air, staring at her butt like it was the way to everlasting paradise. One guard, Noble Steed, brushed one of his hands gently across the supple blue cheek, tracing over the black-and-white moon cutie mark. Luna was too focused on Celestia to notice.
“I’ve had foreign dignitaries come to Equestria just for the sake of seeing my ass!” Celestia’s horn glowed. As if on cue, ass ambassadors marched in from behind the white alicorn, bearing gifts of flowers, money, jewelry, and the finest foods. Anything to trade for just a glimpse at her tracts of fertile land in the south. The ambassadors themselves had even brought cameras… Celestia was too irritated to notice the rapid shutter clicks.
“We imagine they left thoroughly disappointed by what they saw!” As Luna firmly stood her ground, her horn glowed brighter. The night guards of Equestria marched in single file behind their princess to admire her butt from afar. Noble Steed, the guard who had managed to get a soft rub of Luna’s booty, had already vowed that he would never touch another butt again as long as he lived. No one else dared get close to the magnificent moons, though Luna could hear their quiet praises and compliments from behind her.
“And I imagine that our people were disappointed when they saw that flat pancake when you came back from the moon!” Celestia’s horn glowed brighter. The sun rose as it had every morning under Celestia’s reign. The creatures of Equestria woke from their slumber to start the day. A few of the most loyal to the kingdom said an extra thanks to the pictures of Celestia’s butt that framed their nightstands. Twilight Sparkle, in particular, brushed her fingertips over her framed photo of Celestia’s ass. She sighed, smiling softly. The thoughts of that booty jiggling were the best part of every morning when she woke up.
“Is that why you really sent us to the moon, Tia? Because you were scared of the obviously superior competition from our ass? You clearly cannot handle knowing there’s a butt that’s better than yours!” Discord began to cry in abject sorrow as he laid on the floor of his home. For all of his powers and all of his magic, he truly knew now that he could never hope to create anything so utterly perfect as Luna’s gigantic ass. As much distance as he put between himself and the truth – even creating a dimension of pure chaos on a whim – nothing could erase this fact. Every small, soft jiggle of that blue backside was all the argument needed against the forces of chaos. He could not deny it any longer. With a snap of his fingers, the walls of Discord’s home began to fill with picture after picture of Luna’s fantastic butt. As he embraced the truth, Discord slowly but surely smiled.
“Better than mine, Lulu? You must be joking! Your ass can’t even compare to mine!” Twilight walked down the market streets of Ponyville with a soft smile. While Twilight knew her ass could never compare to that of her mentor’s – because honestly, how can anyone hope to improve on the greatest booty to have ever been? – she could let all of Equestria know of such glory. Her skirt was hiked up over her tail, showing her soft purple ass to the world as a tribute. She was far from the only one, as only a scant few holdouts in Ponyville had their asses covered. But Twilight wasn’t worried. If even old villains like the changelings could see how blessed they were to be in the same world as Celestia’s butt, then anypony could be made to see it. “Praise the sun,” Twilight whispered to herself, strolling into the bakery.
“You are right on that point, Tia! Because our backside is leagues above the flat plain you call a butt!” Noble Steed returned to a hero’s welcome in Sire’s Hollow. The pony who had touched the sacred blue booty was paraded through the streets. Banners of Luna’s magnificent blue mountains hung from every home. The book store had sold out of its extra surplus copies of his newest book, Touching the Wondrous Moon Butt. His public speaking tour had sold out as usual, ponies coming from all over Equestria just to hear him describe in his own words what it was like touching Luna’s sacred ass for a fleeting moment. He always loved remembering it, but he loved seeing the ecstatic faces of the crowd just as much. “Praise the moon!” shouted a unicorn named Starlight Glimmer from the crowd. The rest of them couldn’t help but cheer.
“My beautiful pillows would never lose to yours, Luna!” Twilight was driven past ponies reading their daily copies of The Sunbutt Times in Manehattan. Despite being back for her fifth interview on “Why We Love Celestia’s Ass” that month, she still felt butterflies in her stomach. As the world’s foremost expert on all things sun booty, Twilight always had to practice vigorously so she knew just what to say. She even knew how to perfectly frame the pictures of Celestia’s godly white butt that sat in every window of the city so that they got the best possible light. After the interview, it was off to the mayor’s office to propose a new lighting system to make sure the grand photos of Celestia’s plump booty would be lit all day, every day, so Manehattan was never denied its perfection. Then, off to teach a class on why the soft jiggles of that ass were the key to world peace. So much to do.
“Wrong! Our divine mountains could easily crush yours, Celestia!” Starlight Glimmer breathed a sigh of relief as the proposal passed, officially declaring the name of the new country to be Moonbooty. There were still a few “no” votes from the side who believed naming the country after something so divinely perfect implied arrogance. How could they compare themselves to Luna’s ass? How could anything compare? It was impossible, they said! But luckily, the rest of them had the good sense to know it was tribute to the magnificence of Luna’s gigantic butt, not comparison. Discord showed his appreciation in his own way, as a snap of his fingers sent Moonbooty’s new flag flying, one raised on every rooftop, further than the eye could see.
“My sun butt is the best!” A massive white jiggle from the beautiful white ass.
“Our moon butt is supreme!” A titanic blue bounce from the fantastic blue booty.
“Sun butt!”
“Moon butt!”
“Sun butt!”
“Moon butt!”
Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer both had tears in their eyes, holding their hands together. The peace talks between the countries of Sunbutt and Moonbooty had broken down as the queens of the two lands had finally opened their eyes. Hundreds of pictures of Celestia’s ass were right next to hundreds more of Luna’s. The discussions on the two separate ways they jiggled and danced had started a sudden conversation in a way nothing else had before. And then, after watching them, staring at the two fat butts side by side, studying the hundreds of photos… Suddenly, they realized that there was no need for fighting. Such grace, such poetry could be shared by both of them. Twilight and Starlight could go home with pride. The lands of Sunbutt and Moonbooty would know peace at last.
A quick glimpse out the window distracted Celestia just long enough for her to tear attention away from bragging to Luna. She blushed, harder than when she had been spanked before. Confused, Luna turned her head to look. Her eyes went wide.
Picture after picture of their graceful, lovely butts everywhere. Ponies devoting their lives to the study of the immense mountains of the gods. Flags flying, dedicated countries to one princess butt or the other.
The two sisters slowly turned back to each other, their cheeks flushed different shades of bright red.
“… Call it a draw?”
“For now.”
