Oh, you thought Magic was beyond me?

by CommodoreDread

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Big Macintosh, Random, Adventure, Prince Blueblood, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 9364

A confused wizard of... unimaginable... power has been transported into an Equestria, were nothing is as it should be and worse.

Jackson 'Call me Wolfgang' Amadeus has been put asleep in a Sarcophagus for the last three thousand years as a punishment for a crime he didn't commit. He would've been asleep for three thousand more had his... containment facility... not been disturbed.

Now the might of one very confused Human has been unleashed onto an Equestria, were nothing is as it should be and worse.

Warning: Story does not include Gandalf

Published 2018-08-10 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-24 20:08:58 UTC

Chapter One: The Human awakes

There are few things in the Equestrian Badlands that are of any particular interest. There are thrice more things that the sand has buried which would make most modern scholars drool at the chance of studying it.

However, there come times in the year where truly unique structures become un-hidden. Such as the rediscovery of lost temples or artifacts. Sometimes ruins of immense archaeological value are found, other times the skeletal remains of long dead creatures are unearthed.

Yet for some reason the convoy of ponies felt like this abandoned pyramid was somehow special, like it contained something important.

In spite of the fact that there was absolutely nothing there. All the rooms were empty, all the traps had been sprung, and even the ginormous statues that lined the entrance hall seemed to be missing things. The knight held no sword, the King and Queen wore no Crown, and the Unicorn mage seemed to be missing a staff and his Horn.

That made it the perfect place for this particular group to settle in for the time, as the group's Pegasi spotted an eternally long sandstorm headed their way, and be left alone; For this particular group of ponies needed to lay low as the Guard have started to actively search for them and their... Goods

Even though this pyramid radiated a sense of importance, which usually would immediately attract explores and adventurers, it was hidden in an enormous cave which was further protected by a large array of, now deactivate, runes which worked to conceal it, the entrance to the cave and the destroyed traps that would have killed anyone who'd put a hoof in.

Keyword being destroyed and would have.

Whats putting everypony on edge was the eerie atmosphere that stemmed from the ransacked and dust covered environment they all found themselves in.

The silent walls of the Zebrican Pyramid echoed the noise that half a hundred ponies and the good four dozen slaves would make. If one were to observe from one of the many catwalks hanging from the ceiling of the great entrance hall, one would've found the the startling similarity between the ponies below and an Ant Column.

By the time the last of the ponies had entered the Pyramid, tents were being set up and patrols organised. After around three weeks march with heavy load from a raid on the nearest 'Free' City on would be forgiven for being tired, so it came to no surprise that many of the Raiderponies had fallen into a Coma like sleep once they had found a suitable place to rest.

Although, most of the ponies had chosen to rest a few of them had elected to explore the quite frankly spooky surroundings, which would scare most ponies into staying as far away as possible. Most of the paroling Raiderponies grimaced at the sight of multiple small groups of ponies leaving into the pitch black corridors of the ancient structure, their only light coming from either a horn or a torch...

"Silver Ace! Bulky Vision! Hold up damn you!"

The navy blue unicorn was panting by the time he had reached the one eyed Pegasus and the Earth pony.

"Why wouldn't you two bafoons wait for me?"

The Pegasus could do naught but roll his eye

"Hey, it's not our fault you unicorns are so slow"

"Hey! No need to bring race into this! We can all talk to each other like the civilized ponies we are"

"Civilized? If we were civilized we wouldn't have our current... employment... now would we?" The Earth ponies gravel voice echoed through the room they were occupying as he interrupted their little spat "Are you done now? I think I saw something shine a few rooms back. Lets check it out. Ace? Rising?"

Ace narrowed his on remaining good eye, whilst Rising did his utmost to look moderate while hiding his burning hatred for the silver Pegasus.

The Dark Grey Earth Pony shook his head and lead the trio through ancient corridors and doorways into desolate empty rooms. Their journey was one spent in silence as the racist Pegasus and Navy blue Unicorn glared death at each other.

"Ah! Vision. Why did you stop?"

Ace snickered as he watched his Unicorn rival bump into the large Earth pony, but then frowned as he too got the itch to know why Vision suddenly stopped

"Look!" he exclaimed pointing a hoof in front of him

"Holy hay!" Rising couldn't believe his eyes!

A sarcophagus twice as large as a pony lay at the other end of the room. Now usually such a thing would still be, unusual yes but, boring. However this particular sarcophagus was laced in gold. Valuable Gems dotted the confine and all three ponies agreed; if they we're to sell it they'd each have enough money to buy an entire chain of islands.

"Woah there! Hold it!" Vision yelled as he caught both Rising Wave and Silver Ace before they could step any further into the room.

"Hey! What gives?" The irritation was clear for all to see on the Pegasus' face

"Don't ya think its strange that the entire place is empty of all valuables except for this fancy coffin here?"

"So what? Maybe the looters couldn't carry that thing or something"

"That, or its cursed" smoothly replied the smug Unicorn.

Sighing the Grey Earth pony grab the Pegasus by the tail and puled him back as Rising cautiously took a few steps forward before half distractedly informing

"Well my fellows, let me just cast a trap detection spell"

"There's such a thing?" asked Ace

"Obviously" Vision rolled his eyes at the Flying Pegasus. Fucking hell, don't they teach anything in the Canterlot Academies?

A few seconds passed as Rising cast the spell. Once the deed was done Rising Wave adopted a confused look, before mumbling something

"Whats that Horny?" asked the Pegasus

"Ignoring the racial slur, to answer your question. I found nothing except a trigger that leads to nowhere. It does nothing as far as I can tell-"

"Then what are we waiting for!"

Before anything could be said or done the Pegasus was already at the sarcophagus trying to take off one of the Gems lining the hull of the object.

As Bulky made his way towards the sarcophagus with Rising Wave both had to stop as the Pegasus somehow found a way to open the thing in here reckless attempt at removing any valuables.

"What the Bucking Hay is that thing!" cried out Ace as he momentarily lost control of his flight abilities after sewing the thing kept inside of the sarcophagus.

"That seems to be the mummy" supplied Rising with a smug smile as he approached the sarcophagus.

With Ace still recovering on the ground Bulky and Rising took a peek in to look at the mummy. What they saw was rather strange. Inside was a creature unlike any other, while it had four limbs none of them looked like pony limbs. The two limbs, where one could guess was the shoulder, ended with some sort of thing that gad five digits poping out.

Had these three ponies finished their schooling they would've known that these were hands as they are possessed by quite a few non-pony creatures.

"Ooh, whats this"

Rising had discovered that alongside the mummy rested a smooth elegant wooden staff with what appeared to be a Blue pearl that was worked into the top of the Staff as to appear as if the staff grew around the Gem.

However as Risings magic engulfed the staff in blue light with the intention of floating it to its master Rising wave got a reaction.

Rising saw a small magic plus before he and his companions were flung across room. He winced in pain as his body made contact with the wall. That's going to leave a mark

"The..." A series of small dry coughs interrupted the strange voice "... Fucking hell? Oh god, when's the last time I drank something?"

Rising was starting to think that maybe messing around with stuff in an ancient abandoned building and with the only thing valuable in the entire bloody place was perhaps a bad idea.

"What the fuck? I thought... I mean... this isn't exactly... what..."

Finally Rising dared to look at where the sarcophagus lay. As his head turned he saw how his two were both already unco-

"Agh!" Rising yelled as he came face to face with the mummy. He immediately tried to scramble back but found that his back was already pressed against the wall

"Woah, Woah there little guy, at least I think your a guy, I'm not here to hurt you-" The mummy paused as it looked towards his partners "... Well, uhh, sorry- hey what are you even doing here? A few thousand years into the future, its been a thousand years right? Does it really matter? Are Zebras are still locking people up and stuffing them in here?"

"Zebras? The only Z-zebras I know of l-live in the F-free Cities"

"Free Cities? Free from what?"

"T-t-t-the Great Equestrian Empire"

"... Great Equestrian Empire? What in god's name is that? I mean I was barley a month in Equestria before I was charged for whatever I did and thrown in here, with this fucking stupid walking stick! I couldn't have possibly changed the Equestria by my mere presence, could I?Who are you anyways?"

"W-we a-are uh... adventureponies?" It was more of a question than an answer.

The mummy picked up on this and simply raised an eyebrow, or at least Rising thought he did, since he couldn't see the mummy's face. In fact he could barley make out any details at all, some sort of nose, a pare of slits were eyes could be seen and two anomalous bulges on the side of his head, which were probably ears.

"S-so, a-are you going to e-eat me, uh, kind and gracious sir?"

That caused the mummy to barked out a laugh

"Buddy, worry not. I may have been unjustly put here butI shall make sure none shall eat you for you are under the protection of Wolfgang Amadeus! The Greatest and most powerful Wizard of- Okay that just went too far. I am sorry."

At that moment Rising had regained enough bravery and attempted to fire a stunning spell at the mummy, With the half thought of thought that maybe, just maybe that thing would sell well on the Slave markets.

The problem being at that very moment the mummy known as Wolfgang Amadeus side stepped the spell as he wanted to take a look at the other two ponies in the room.

As the spell flew by Wolfgang's head snapped towards him as the eyes narrowed and in a strange and out of place accent he said "Zum Teufel verdamt noch mal! Was war den das!? Lad! That's not a very nice thing to do! Although-"

Rising heard no more as the stress of the unexpected situation finally got to him and he passed out.

Author's Note

A/N Has not been checked by a Beta. The chapter may also be subject of change.

Chapter Two: The Human stumbles into problems

"Well that's just ru- Agh! Verdamnter Krampf!"

Amadeus grabbed his right leg as it began to spasm uncontrollably, directly becoming responsible for his loss of stability and eventual 'downfall'

The spasming seemed to go on for a few more moments before ending and resulting in a limp right leg. Amadeus sighed as he got up using the edge of the sarcophagus as a stepping stone.

"How long have I been asleep?"

He mumbled as his eyes traveled around the room. The edges of his mouth seemed to dip a bit as a frown be came evident on his face.

'How long have I laid in that overpriced box that a layer of a few centimeters of sand and dust was able to gather? That cracks became clear for all to see? That rodents and little pests took to calling this place there home? And why the fucking hell is this room so empty?'

Wolfgang limped over to the sarcophagus and grabbed the staff, his staff. He remembered buying it from that all too friendly Merchant as if it were yesterday. Now, come to think of it Wolfgang wondered why such a beautifully carved Staff with a rather large and probably expensive Gem Stone only sold for a few Dozen Iron Hooves, or the thirty Dollar Zebrican equivalent.

Amadeus tried out his staff, testing if he could safely let his weight stress the wooden stick without breaking it.

"Hmpf, it sure would be better if you were T shaped- Woah, Ach du Scheiße!"

Just as he said it the Staff began morphing into something on which one could lean himself more comfortably. The Pearl-ish Gem too began changing position and color.

In his surprise he had dropped the staff and stumbled back onto the sarcophagus momentarily losing focus on the staff and missing the color change.

He blinked a few times and wondered if the Oval Gemstone had always been Green. Wolfgang shook his head before picking up the staff and finding that it has become a far more comfortable leg-compensator

"Damn, I really need to get that looked at..."

Amadeus sighed before looking at the unconscious ponies in front of him

"... You guys couldn't possibly be here alone, no one goes out exploring pyramids with no exploratory equipment. You must have a camp somewhere near by. Perhaps the main entrance..."

Whilst deep in thought Wolfgang began to limp towards the doorway leading to a long winding corridor before suddenly stopping. He leaned against the wall and took of the rags that covered his face. He'd be keeping the ones covering his body till he could get some clothes that fit first.

As he peeled away the layers his Black hair became evident shortly being followed by his creamy white eyes and the rest of his unremarkable face.

He sighed once more, took the staff that had caused him so much trouble and continued his journey; now with a free face.

Down the corridor he went before turning right. Following that path, he went down for a bit and turned left. Continuing on he turned right and then left before heading straight for a few seconds.

"Wait a minute... Scheiße!"

His outburst also marked the point in time where stood still as he realized that he had taken a wrong turn and now had become hopelessly lost. He turned left than right, but none of the corridors even felt familiar.

As he passed corridor after corridor of Pitch Blackness, the only source of light being his Staff's white almost ethereal glow, he idly glance up at on of the walls. To his bewilderment he found a mural. The Mural seemed to span the entirety of the corridor. Amadeus, always a fan of History and ruins, retraced his steps to the beginning of the mural and started to try and decipher a story...

The Mural seemed to start with a green expanse of hilly grassland and what appeared to be Zebra figures grazing on it. Moving forwards the Zebras were replaced by a few huts, which were then themselves replaced by some proper houses. A wall was added and for extra 'We lived happily' points a Rainbow was drawn. The Rainbow was broken through by a bolt of lighting and and a... remarkably Human figure stood in its impact site. It was some sort of Bi-pedal creature with two arms coloured in all black save for its eyes which were blood red.

The Daemon-Human-whatever raised a staff and in the next frame the Zebrican city was in ruins...

Bloody hell did those Zebras think he was that guy? It would explain the Frosty reception he was getting in Zebra Land.

The Frame after that showed two very familiar Alicorns fly down from the Heavens with six Orbs orbiting them. A blast from the Orbital friendship Laser saw the the black figure fall into a sarcophagus and said sarcophagus then closing on it...

Okay, this has given Wolfgang more questions than answers. Did the Zebras believe he was thid Black Daemon-Human-whatever? But why in the name of god did they come to this conclusion? He's only been around for a Month before his beauty sleep! Hell, the only thing magic he had was this Staff... which he bought... from a suspiciously black Zebra Merchant... with blood Red eyes...

Rubbing his forehead, Amadeus mused that he really shouldn't have trusted that Zebra. Wolfgang spent a good twenty minutes silently cursing his luck before his stomach grumbled and he remembered why he had wanted to get out of here.

With a heavy sigh he started wandering the halls, heading to where he had thought the exist to this place was, before his ears picked up the faintest of noises.

Amadeus immediately stopped, straining his ear and trying to figure out where it was coming from. After a few moments he was fairly certain where the noises had originated from and started to head in the general direction

As he got closer to where he thought was the exit, or at least the reception, he started to make out scratches, and grunting, which Amadeus assumed belonged to a pony yet at the same time it could be anything else, and... crying? Yes, that's definitely crying.

Once again his eyebrows tried to meet but failed miserably whilst the edges of his mouth lowered themselves and in true Power Ranger fashion created a frown through the power of teamwork.

"Yeah, I don't like where this is going..."

As he got closer to the source he could make out that the crying definitely stemmed from a feminine creature. However, the fact that it took him so long to realize this can only be the fault of the long distance and not poor hearing on Wolfgang's part.

The minute Wolfgang turned the corner he was forced to yell out in surprise, shock and even a bit of fear.

"Ach du Scheiße! Ein Drache!"

For in front of him stood a red scaled Dragon crying furiously whilst banging its head against the wall. In addition to the read scales it also had suspiciously sharp claws and a few spikes on its tail.

Surely it would not have noticed him had he not cursed so loudly. But he did and the Dragon turned to find the source of the exclamation.

As the Dragon turned to regard the unexpected intruder, Amadeus half expected it to be his end and screamed accordingly. The Dragon tried to imitate the gesture as soon as Wolfgang started screaming and threw itself onto the floor with its hands over its head, cowering in fear.

However as previously stated the Dragon tried to imitate Wolfgang's scream, but failed miserably courtesy of a Metal clamp around its snout.

Once Amadeus had calmed down a bit and noticed the poor Dragon cowering in fear from him, he limped over to the cowering Dragon and crouched beside it, petting it while he spoke to it.

"Hey, Hey come on now. There's nothing to fear. All will be well. I'm not going to eat you or anything"

This caused it to look up at him and try to whimper something at him, before whipping its face back down and cowering some more. However upon seeing the metal clamp on its snout he became more convinced than ever that this poor Dragon would be a danger to no one

"Uh... Can you tell me who put that clamp on your snout? Was it those 'Adventureponies' who did this to you?"

It simply nodded and pointed down one of the corridors before continuing to cower in fear.

"God damn it! Snap out if it! Stop cowering in fear! I'm here to help! Damn it!"

His tiny outburst of boiling hot rage seemed to have the opposite effect on the Dragon as it upgraded from laying on the ground with its hands over its head to cowering in the fetal position whilst shedding tears faster than a shark losses its teeth.

"Mein Gott, du bist ja aber ein richtges feigling"

Wolfgang shook his head and forcefully grabbed the Dragons head and took a look at the metal clamp around its snout. Perhaps he could loosen the screws? But for that he'd need a screwdriver.

"You don't happen to have a screwdriver now do- Heilige Scheiße!"

Once again his staff began to morph. It turned from a cheap walking aid into... a Swiss Army Staff? The staff seems to have replaced the T shaped top of the staff with a slightly enlarged Swiss Army knife. If this thing didn't scream Plot device, Wolfgang didn't know what did

"Hmm, It sure would be nice if I had a Pizza right about now..."

Wolfgang eyed the staff suspiciously before sighing in defeat

"Well, it was worth a try"

Shaking his head he took out a screwdriver and was about to start unscrewing one of the screws when the Dragon shook its head free and scrambled madly to get away from him.

It manged to free itself from his grip and was about to Run for it when Wolfgang yelled

"Wait please! I'm trying to help! I'm trying take off that thrice damned clamp if yours! I won't hurt you, Ehrenwort!"

The Dragon seems to gauge her chances. A deathly silenced settled on them for a moment before the Dragon deemed Wolfgang a far to great a threat than it would seem to be worth it and ran for it

Wolfgang, with his limp leg, could do naught but yell

"Nein! Stop!"

In response his staff glowed brightly and suddenly pulsed a green wave of energy which once it caught up with the dragon froze it in place. Holding it there seemed to be a Green aura around the Dragon.

It restarted its crying once it failed to get free, meanwhile Wolfgang looked down to his Swiss Army Staff and could do naught but gape his mouth

"So, you are voice controlled after all? Pull!"

After a few moments of nothing happening Wolfgang sighed for what must've been the sixth time that hour and began making his walk to the Dragon. With the previously extended Screwdriver Amadeus removed the screws from the clamps.

During the procedure the Dragon couldn't stop itself from whimpering in fear as the screws were un screwed. After the last screw had fallen the clamp fell down down in pieces finally freeing her from their grasp

At that very moment the Green field gave away and the Dragon rolled forward before turning its head and spewing fire in Wolfgang's direction.

"Hey! Watch it! Is that how you repay people for helping you!"

"Stay away from me, you- you- whatever you are!" She, as far as Amadeus could tell it was a she, yelled at him with fear evident in her voice

"Oh come on now, what does it take to calm you down?! I took off that clamp of yours for god's sake! What more do you ask?"

"I am grateful for your assistance, but such a trick had been played on me before. I was freed on purpose and fled back to my nest. They followed me and now everyone I know has been enslaved due to my foolishness!" A few tears of regret flew down her cheek

"Wait what? Enslaved? How could Celestia let such thing be?"

"Who?" Asked the Dragon, she herself now also confused

"You know, Celestia" At a further confused look "Alicorn of the Sun?" Still nothing "Monarch of Equestria?"

At that she snarled

"Equestria is lead not by this Celestia but by the Council of five. Five immortal Alicorns of unimaginable pow-"

"Entschuldigung? Celestia no longer rules Equestria?"

"No longer? What are you talking about"

"Just answer the damned question"

"Hmpf. Very well. No, my good creature, last I checked this Alicorn of the Sun you speak of doesn't rule Equestria.

"What about Luna?" At a stare from the Dragon "The Alicorn of the Moon?"

"I know not what you talk about"

"Do you know of the Crystal Empire? Princess Cadence? Twilight? Clover the Smart or whatever?"

"Oh now, Clover the Clever I know"

"Oh really? Who is he?"

"He was said to have been the last Unicorn to have opposed the Alicorn of Five and won. But that's about it"

"Fucking hell... I've only been here for a Month before being put to sleep. How could I have possibly have had such an effect on Equestrian History-

"Look, creature, your over inflated sense of self worth aside, I don't know from where you are, but obviously not from here. I have had about it with you Non-Dragon types and your utter-"

A Green light struck her in the back and caused her to topple over, revealing the sight of a few 'Adventureponies' one of them sporting a wicked Grin.

Wolfgang frowned as he stared right into the grinning Unicorn's face, daring him to blink.

"Well, who, might I ask, are you?" Came Wolfgang's rather tired 'question'

Author's Note

Chapter has not been checked by a Beta

Chapter Three: The Human Stumbles into victory

Wolfgang silently cursed as he found himself facing five ponies alone. His eyes darted around trying to find an exit, but with his limp leg it was just a wast of time.

The leader of their little group stepped forward and grinned like a lunatic

"Oh your gonna make me rich" The Green unicorn mumbled to himself

"Oh please do correct me if I'm wrong but; but I assume your the slavers the Dragon talked about, hmm?"

"And your smarter than you look too"

"Good to know, I'd hate to have to kick some innocent person's ass"

"The only thing that will get kicked will be you, and once you've been trained enough, I'll sell you. The money ponies would pay for an exotic creature such as you, it would make me rich enough to buy all of Equestria Thrice over!"

"Oh really? What makes you so sure I'll make a profit? Hell! What makes you think you'll even be able to capture me?"

"Oh, you'll make a profit alright-"

"Really? Is the demand for humans really that high or do you think that I can make gold out of thin air?"

"No. Don't worry, a specimen such as yourself has never before been seen in Equestria. I personally know quite a few... let's call them... Collectors... who would be interested in having you as their pet."

"As a citizen of the German Republic, the Federal Government would do its utter most to rescue on of their kind. An Army would fall upon you"

At this point, Amadeus was talking out of his ass. Die Bundesregierung didn't even know that a Children's show was real, much less know of a way to come and rescue him. Hell, Amadeus even doubted if they'd do that. But, if their is one thing Wolfgang can do in a stressful situation, its lying. Oh so much lying

His thoughts were interrupted by the chuckling of the Green Unicorn who had so rudely stunned that poor Dragon.

"Well colour me blind and tell me to jump off a cliff!I think this might be the best day of my life! The Council would be pleased to know of another place ripe for Conquest!"

"Whoa there never tempt fate" Amadeus warned the Unicorn

"Perhaps, but I need not hire a seer to know your fate..."

"Good to know" Said Amadeus as he tried to take a step back.

However due to his limp leg he faltered and stumbled before using the staff as a stabilizer. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on the perspective, the minute his staff touched the ground it caused another magical wave to appear this one however more dangerous than expected.

The moment the wave made contact with the ponies they were thrown back. One of the Pegasi flew out the door behind them while the rest hit the wall.

The contact with the wall seemed to have decommissioned two of the hostile ponies, the other Pegasus and a Unicorn.

In one fellow swoop Wolfgang was able to take out three of the five opposing Ponies. Quickly regaining their wits the remaining two, The Green Unicorn and an unknown Yellow one, stood and assessed the situation whilst Wolfgang was look at his staff with the amount of curiosity only a new born child could match.

Both Unicorns started to fire Yellow and Green stun, Amadeus could only assume them to be stun, spells which sailed through the air obviously intent on hitting Wolfgang only to be stopped every time without fail by a shimmering white shield.

Seeing this, panic started to creep into both Unicorns as they realized their futility. The Green one levitated a couple of bricks that lay around and threw them at Amadeus only for another shield, this one black as the night sky to appear and stop them mind air before letting them drop harmlessly.

The Yellow one finally having had enough charged the lone Human intent on impaling him on his horn. However, while the Human may lack a functioning leg, he does still poses common sense and side stepped the Unicorn leaving him to crash, painfully may one add, into the wall behind him.

The Human raised a single eyebrow at the display of stupidity, before turning and intending to take care of the Green Unicorn using his staff... as a mace...

However the moment the Human took a step forward he faltered and fell as he seems to have forgotten about his limp leg.

Seeing a moment to escape the Unicorn seized it and charged up a teleportation spell. Moments later he disappeared in a bright Green Flash-like-Flame-shaped explosion.

Wolfgang looked around before sighing disappointed

"So much for peaceful solutions, but I do wonder... Fireball!"

Instantly a small ball of fire was launched at the point where he was looking at

"Levitation!"

The unconscious bodies around Amadeus started to glow a heavenly white as the staffs magic warped them in its aurora and began to hover around him.

For a moment there was stillness as the unconscious bodies were glided into a corner of the room.

"How in the name of God do you work?" Wolfgang asked the staff not excepting an answer nor getting one.

He looked around the room before limping over the the fallen Dragon and picking her up in a white aroura before leaving the room and mumbling out random words associated with magic in hopes of activating more spells

"Haha! That's a six, sorry colts but looks like I won this round!"

A rather old Pegasus was smiling like a lunatic as he spread his forelegs and encroached on the small mountain of bits located in the middle of the the table they were using to play Equestrian Poker, a slight variation of what the Minotaurs played.

Around the table one could see four other ponies, three Unicorns and a Pegasus, all frowning at the fact that they just lost quite a bit of money.

They were on night shift and were spending time playing poker instead of Guarding the entrance of the pyramid like they were supposed to.

As one of them sighed he took a look around and settled his eyes on the catwalks above them. On them patrolled a pair of unicorns who would act as sniper in the case of a slave escape.

He turned to look around their small encampment. Almost a dozen large tents dotted the Entrance hall and served as their main sleeping and recreation area.

Large metal cages dotted the outer most walls serving as the storage area for their Goods. Their so called Goods mainly consisted of Earth ponies, a few Unicorns and Pegasi, two Zebras and a Dragon

"Wait a minute..." The observant one mumbled under his breath as he couldn't spot the red Dragon they had recaptured.

"Oh buck no! Guys the-"

Just at that very moment a Green Unicorn teleported smack dab in the middle of their camp and yelled

"The Dragon's gone!"

Almost instantly everyone at his table scrambled to their hoofs and ran towards the slave pens with the intent on making sure no one else had escaped.

Out of the biggest of the tents stepped a jet black Unicorn with a nasty scar going from his neck all the way to his tail which itself had been cut shorter.

"What in the name of bucking Tartarus is going on?!"

The Green Unicorn from before approached the Angry Unicorn probably wanting to inform him of 'What in the name of bucking Tartarus is going on'

"Scarhoof, sir. It appears that one of the slaves was able to escape and found a-"

"Shut it Von Vanhoofer, I don't care if one of the slaves was able to-"

"Sir, the Dragon managed to escape!" Another Unicorn had joined them, this one able to tell Scar which of the slaves was able to escape

"What?! Why did you not tell me earlier Von Vanhoofer?!"

"I tried but you interrupted me before I could finish-"

"Well okay then, you were saying?"

One could swear that Von Vanhoofer's eye was about to pop

"Erm, yes. As I was saying. The Dragon Slave managed to escape and found itself what appears to be a Mummy of unknown Origin. Using some sort of Dark Witchery it managed to defeat me and my... eh... Patrol" Looting Party was after all a much more unsavory term

He obviously left out the part where the Mummy mentined their was an entire nation ripe for conquest that wasn't part of the Independent Free Cities League. A small detail Von Vanhoofer was sure nopony would mind not knowing.

"We have to get it back at all costs! I want everyone to search for it, immediately!"

"Yes, sir!" Both Unicorns immediately ran off to organize the efforts.

It would be awhile however before any form of search parties could be dispatched to find the Dragon and its Mummy Escort.

Author's Note

Chapter has not been checked by a Beta

Chapter Four: The Human imitates a Horror movie

"Alright... This should be it"

Amadeus let the Dragoness in his hands slowly drift down until she landed on the floor before releasing her from his grasp.

Wolfgang and the Dragoness had moved to what Amadeus remembered as the Reception area. Then again it has bee a couple thousand years. Has it perhaps been re-purposed by now?

Whilst the Dragoness was slumped against the wall in front of the counter, Wolfgang was behind it randomly pressing bricks. If Amadeus remembered right, there was some sort of Storage area around here which revealed itself upon the press of a button or in this case brick.

After a few more tries one of the bricks finally pulled back before it and a few others were pushed down. A Safe like box had been revealed by the removal of the offending bricks.

Usually safes would take a long time to brake into, however this one had been left here for around three thousand years without use nor care. The metal used for the Safe has at this point been weakened to the point of a mere touch being capable of bringing the entire box crumbling to dust.

That is the reason why when Wolfgang touched the safe it dissolved into dust leaving behind his personal belongings, or rather whatever remained.

"Oh god damn it!"

As he took out he discovered that only the plastic cards in his wallet, his phone, headphones and a pair of stereo-typically American sunglasses he had bought for five Euros from the ass end of no where had withered the flow of time.

All that remains of his previous cloth were piles of dust now.

Grimacing he mumbled "Levitation" and grabbed his surviving items with his magic, pulling them out of the hole in the wall. Just in time too , for moments after they had exited their home for the last three thousand years the hole collapsed in on itself

Cringing at the damage he had done he put his items on the rock counter before releasing them from his magic.

Just as he was about to limp towards the counter his decommissioned leg suddenly started spasming again causing great pain to Wolfgang.

Like last time it stopped only a few moments after it had started, however unlike last time instead of a spaghetti leg he regained full control over it.

Astonished he lifted his right leg and carefully tested to see if a certain motion would cause him pain. Thankfully nothing happened and he was able to move his leg unmolested

"I'm not a doctor in medicine, but I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to work like that..." mumbled Wolfgang to himself

Shaking his head while warily watching his leg he stood up and dusted himself off. Finally having recovered enough to stand up he looked towards his phone, grabbed it and pressed the ON button. A few seconds of nothingness later the phone manufacturer's logo flashed for a bit before the phone asked him for his Sim pin.

A few tips later it asked for his fingerprint which he gladly tried to provide. However due to the fact his fingers were covered by Magical-Voodoo-Mummy-Rags whose purpose will remain unknown to Wolfgang for years to come blocked them. And so he settled for tipping in his password.

So he found out that he only had Thirty-seven Pro-cent of Juice in his phone. Immediately his Eyebrows climbed his forehead in surprise. His phone could barley last a day or two without charging, much less thousands of years. Was some sort of Magic protecting his phone? Wisely deciding to conserve his phone power he turned it off before looking at the rest of his items.

He could use his head phones to strangle someone whilst the cards could be used as makeshift ninja stars if one were to sharpen them-

"Wait... Why am I thinking of combat usages for my stuff?"

Disappointed in himself for trying to imitate a Rambo-like mindset, he turned around, whilst grabbing the Dragoness and his stuff in his staff's white aurora, and walked out of the doorway opposite of the one they came in.

However the moment he exited he immediately dropped himself and prayed to god that no one saw him, as it appears Wolfgang had found the main entrance hall.

Which also doubled as the Slaving Ponies Camp.

Wolfgang chanced a glance at the catwalks below him and saw two Unicorns, one Green colored the other colored in a shade of red Amadeus didn't even knew existed, who patrolled them whilst looking down.

Thankfully no one seems to be looking at the third floor, or at least Wolfgang thinks he is on the third floor. It could easily be the fourth or fifth floor and since he could barely stand at his full height in some corridors he couldn't exactly use Metric measurements.

Carefully his eyes again peaked over the edge of the platform but this time focusing not on the Unicorns on the Catwalks but on the Camp itself.

There seems to be a lot of activity down below. And if Wolfgang had to guess he and his Dragoness companion were the cause of it.

Whilst Wolfgang was trying to count how many ponies were down there his eyes stumbled apon the South-Eastern wall and he saw something which made him quietly growl in rage and disgust.

Almost Two dozen cages lined the wall filled with what Wolfgang assumed, correctly, were ponies.

While intellectually Amadeus knew they were Slavers the Cuteness had diminished his normal reaction and their relative inability to beat him in combat also made him diminish their threat level even more in his mind.

However now he had nothing but boiling hot rage and disgust for the Slavers. No matter how cute they were, he would beat them until they turned into red pasta. Assuming of course their blood was even red.

Wolfgang crawled back into the room and out of sight before using his levitation magic and testing something.

"Woah!"

Wolfgang wobbled a bit as the Staffs white aurora engulfed him and lifted him from the ground. He grinned like a madman before using said Staff's magic to collapse one of the two Doorways leading into the room and left the the Dragoness and most of his items there.

He took the Sunglasses and quickly cleared most of the dust from them before wearing them.

As he floated out into the Main entrance Hall he cracked his knuckles and then laughed as he jumped ontop of one of the Unicorns patrolling the catwalks.

"Haha! Überraschung, Mutterficker!"

By the time the Red-ish Unicorn looked up it was already too late. The weight of almost three ponies slammed into him and made the catwalk wobble lightly.

Said pony was already out cold by the time his partner looked towards his previous position to find out what was going on only to find a medium sized fireball heading towards him.

He froze as the ball passed above him and landed on the catwalk behind him almost instantly vaporizing it. He sighed in relief before he noticed that a second one had just eaten away the catwalk in front of him. Instantly he was sent plummeting into Scarehoof's tent, which was luckily big enough to feather his landing.

"What the bloody Hay is going on?!"

Someone shouted as ponies got engulfed in a white Aurora before being unceremoniously thrown around.

"Up there" A Pegasus yelled before she herself was thrown into one of the corridors by the white aurora.

As ponies looked up they saw a strange bipedal creature covered in mummy rags with a Staff in its hand laugh maniacally as it started shooting fire balls downwards.

A couple Unicorns shot lethal beams of Magic at it and the catwalk around it in retaliation, but were hortified to see that anything that even got close to the creature was absorbed by a shimmering white shield.

"What in the name of all that is holy is going on here?!" Yelled Von Vanhoofer as he came cantering back with a dozen other Unicorns

"Its going to end us all!" Yelled a Pegasus as he and a couple others fled through the entrance

"Oh For Tartarus' sake! Fire at the catwalks!"

a few dozen Magic beams shot at the catwalks on the far end of the hall as to avoid his impenetrable shield. A few moments later the Catwalk came crashing down and causing a huge dust cloud to form

"Is- Is it over?" Someone carefully asked after a few moments of silence

"Not today!" Something suddenly yelled as three dozen fire balls came flying through the dust.

"Fire! Fire everything you've got!" Yelled Von Vanhoofer as he and all other fourty remaining Unicorns blindly fired through the dust.

Once the dust had settled and everyone had noticed that nothing was there the firing stopped. A few Pegasi flew up to where the Creature should have been and shrugged as they couldn't find any body.

Von Vanhoofer was about to say something when suddenly Scarhoof poped up out of no where

"What in the name of this damnable place happened here?! Von Vanhoofer?! Is this your fault you little piece a shit?!"

"Uh no, Sir! It was-"

However Von Vanhoofer was unable to finish as Scarhoof was suddenly engulfed in a white aurora and pulled screaming into a side passage.

No ponies eyes could be moved away from the dark side passage, their leader and arguably their most powerful member, was pulled inside of. Not even when his screams were suddenly silenced. The sight was truly shocking and for a few moments all was calm. Calm as in the calmness before the storm.

"What- What just- Did we- Arggghh!"

The sputtering pony was pulled in by the white aurora into an actually lit passage. Evreypony watch shocked and unable to move as he was pulled in before being pulled left and out of sight. Moments later his cries of help were silenced.

"Take everything you can carry and run for-"

The pony in direct succession to Scarface was about to order an organised withdrawal when he himself was pulled into a side passage. With him also went any semblance of organisation as every pony who could started gunning it for the exit.

Meanwhile Von Vanhoofer and his most trusted subordinates charged up a teleportation spell and disappeared in a bright flash of multi coloured light.

Author's Note

Has not been checked by a Beta

Chapter Five: The Human gets his behind handed to him

Wolfgang was pleased with himself. He had defeated this group of ponies without killing anyone. He didn't believe in Violence but accepted that sometimes it was necessary.

Intellectually Amadeus knew that he could've probably negotiated with the slavers since he had yet to meet something that could penetrate his Automatic defenses. But Wolfgang had a long history of not dealing with criminals and he wouldn't make an exception for some cute multi-coloured ponies.

Especially slavers.

Yet when Wolfgang thought about it he realized his own hypocrisy. He claimed to leave violence as a last resort, but attacked the slavers once he found out about them. Not even trying to negotiate as a formality.

As he floated downwards from his hiding spot, he frowned heavily as he contemplated this. Suddenly Wolfgang got a strange feeling. As if he were forgetting something...

Ah, yes! His Draconian companion. Using his magic he he picked her up, and his stuff which was laying around beside her. As Wolfgang looked up he was pleased to see the Dragoness and his personal items come floating into view.

As they lowered themselves he turned his attention towards the unconscious bodies of the slavers which lay around doing naught but take up space on the floor and those few he grabbed and pulled into hallways like in a horror movie.

As much as it would be satisfying he didn't kill them. Instead he just smacked their head against the wall knocking them out and removing them from the equation. Quickly utilizing his magic he grabbed the unconscious slavers and arranged them in a row.

With that done he went and checked upon his Draconian friend before turning sharply and heading for the cells. Amadeus only loosely used the word cell as cells would imply basic living things are provided for. These cages are however nothing more than two metal surfaces separated by walls of metal bars which serve as the walls. The cages seem to have a small, however Wolfgang was aware that what constituted as small to him was probably medium to these ponies, entrance hatch on the top.

As he approached the cages the ponies inside decided to take a couple dozen steps back. Or at least tried, as after five they hit the metal bars.

There was utter and total silence as nothing happened.

"Uhh, so uhm.. will you, uh... Help us out... but I mean it would be fine if you didn't... uh, please ignore me..."

Wolfgang turned to the speaking pony and as he did so the Earth Pony folded its ears and looked down. It's voice was also reduced to almost a whisper. Truth be told Wolfgang didn't really know why he hadn't helped them yet. It was probably to fuck with them a bit, but that wasn't very kind. And Wolfgang was all about kindness, peace and harmony and so on and so forth.

"Why yes kind lady! I honestly know naught why I haven't opened those hatches for you!"

Wolfgang immediately ditched his neutral face and replaced it with something full of happiness and excitement. His voice reflected this. As the cages were grabbed in his white magic they dipped ever so slightly until their hatches no longer pointed upwards but were now located in front of them.

Amadeus' magic surrounded the Metal Hatches before ripping them off.

"Okay... the door's gone now. You can come out..." Yet no one moved

Amadeus' right eyebrow rose with the intention of hitting the roof. Unfortunately they were restricted in their and only formed a confused look.

"I'm not gonna eat you"

No response

"There's food here"

Still nothing

"Oh well, if your going to do that, then you leave me no choice!"

As his magic engulfed the slaves they were guided out of their cages and were placed in a row. Wolfgang counted twenty five Earth ponies, three Pegasi, two Zebras and four Unicorns.

Still no movement. Each of them was stiff as a stone. Wolfgang rolled his eyes at their fear, but would later come to understand it after having given it a thought.

"Okay... well. Umm, does anyone know the way to the Everfree forest?"

"What?"

Finally! Wolfgang turned to face the Earth pony from whom the outburst came from. Upon seeing Amadeus' confused look he elaborated and not without a hint of fear

"W-what I meant to say was; Why'd ya want to visit that place. Not even the C-Councillors dare enter that place..."

The pony gulped audibly as Wolfgang thought of a response not revealing the tree of Harmony.

"That, I think, is none of your business"

Quickly the Earth pony nodded whilst doing its best to shrink further into the ground

"Oh come on. Chill guys, and gals, I won't kill you! I've set you free! And honestly I can't wait to get out of here! Why aren't you also happy and excited about your new found freedom"

After no response came forth Wolfgang's frustration arrived at its borders.

"Bah, I have no patience nor the strength of will to continue this! Typisch! Nur weil er Deutsch ist heißt es, dass er der Böse ist!"

With disgust evident on his face he turned his face from the assembled ponies, before stopping.

"Wait, where are we?"

"I do believe it to be the Equestrian Badlands, Surrender now or I'll maim the slaves"

Out of the shadows stepped forth that Naval Blue pony Amadeus had sacred into unconsciousness. Behind him were his accompanying Earth Pony, who held a dagger, might be a sword in their eyes, in his mouth and above them flew a Pegasus with a crossbow in hand- er hoof.

"Lad, you do realize that I was the one who kicked everyone's flank here and caused the rest to run away to their mothers"

"Well, they're not us. We never run away from anything. Or me and Bulky Vision at least"

"Hey!" came an undignified shout from the Pegasus.

My only response was to raise my Eye Brow and roll my eyes

"Psh, Yeah. I'm sure it wasn't you who passed out after I side stepped your spell. Hell all I did was looked pissed"

"Erh- Ehm- Enough! Surrender now and I wont hurt the- argh!"

He and his companions cried out as a white aurora picked them up and shook them violently making them loose their weapons. Without looking or realizing what he was doing he used his magic to take off one of the magic prohibiting rings from the two unicorn slaves and put it on the Naval blue Unicorn.

At this point in time Wolfgang had completely forgotten that he had dispatched four other slavers during his fist encounter with the pony who he would later know as Von Vanhoofer. That is the main reason why he was caught off guard when two Pegasi came slamming their bodies at 80 kilometers per hour. In his shock he let go of his staff as it went skittering over the floor. Both Pegasi wanted to hold him down so the Unicorns in their little Spec-Ops group could stun him. However they ran into a little problem in the form of Angry Slaves.

The Unicorn who had his inhibitor removed did so too for his fellow and they both removed the clamps on the three Pegasi before turning and helping the Earth ponies with their shackles. Even though none of the freed slaves trusted the strange bipedal Mummy they realized he was their only hope to anywhere. And so two of the three Freed Pegasi rammed the other pair of Pegasi holding the Human whilst the third one grabbed a crossbow from the ground and started shooting from an overwatch position.

The Earth ponies meanwhile grabbed fallen swords or in some rare cases fallen bows and stated to swarm the two Unicorns handing out stun spells like some sort of organic machine gun.

"Ah. Ah. Ow. My entire torso is in unimaginable pain!"

"Oh stallion up, you little colt!" one of the Earth ponies yelled as he threw the staff of unimaginable power towards Wolfgang.

"Alright! Alright!"

He got up and with a mumbled word the slavers, who at this point were running for their lives, were caught in a dreamy white aurora and suspended in the air. A happy cheer went up among the emancipated slaves as they rejoiced, feeling great for beating a foe who could've never won in the first place due to numerical inferiority and Amadeus.

With a hand on his rib cage, Wolfgang smiled lightly and asked if anyone were hurt. When he got no answer he said "Ah, I see. Still think I'm bad some how."

"Okay folks. Grab the metal bindings and lets secure these scum and their unconscious fellows. We'll wait out the storm grab as much as we can carry and head for the Free Cities-" The Earth pony who had been wordlessly elected as leader was suddenly cut off by Wolfgang

"Free Cities?"

"You know. The ICL? The Ironclad alliance?"

Shaking his head Amadeus replied

"No. I don't"

"But how could this be?"

"Well, for one I assume I have been asleep for the last few thousand years. And secondly, I'm a Human. I wasn't exactly up to date regarding pony politics when I showed up in the first place; all I knew Princess Celestia and Luna ruled this land side by side"

"Who? I don't know anything about any Celestia nor Luna. Equestria is ruled by the council. Each of the Five Councillors control's a Province and its subordinate states. And- why are we even discussing this. Look all you need to know is that a few cities to the east have banded together and opposed their rule, the Council that is. Until now the Councillors couldn't be bothered to take them out and until that time the League represents the last Beacon of hope in this-"

"That's, uh, nice... But I really don't care. All I want is to get to the Everfree forest"

"Are- Are you sure?"

"Yes. Absolutley"

"But you'd need to cross Hundreds of Kilometers on foot!"

"Doesn't seem that bad"

"Across a harsh and unforgiving desert"

"I can always pack enough supplies"

"filled with Xenolings, marauders, slavers, changelings and what not!"

"I can handle them"

"You'd be left stranded at the mercy of the Council and their uniformed goons!"

Sighing, Wolfgang raised his hands in defeat

"God bloody dammit. Fine, I'll come with you to this Iron League"

"

And so the ponies began restraining their former captors and preparing for the night and the following day. For everyone had a plan; The freed slaves wanted to go to the Free Cities, Amadeus wanted to get his hands on the Elements of Harmony as the first step in finding out what happened to Luna and Celestia and fixing it and the slavers wanted revenge.

High in the shadows of the Catwalks. A hooded Pony-like figure disappeared in a muted flash of black and dark blue light

Author's Note

Beta checked by a friend of mine

Notice from 12.7.2019:

The Story is being reworked. Everything after Chapter Seven has been deleted.