Laughterby Distressing ProseChaptersDear MathildaFamily and FriendsLaughDear MathildaDear Mathilda, My name is Derpy Hooves. I’m a pegasus pony. Hi! I decided to start writing a journal. Doctor Horse said it would be a good idea. And then I thought my journal should have a name. I thought about it and named you Mathilda. It’s a common donkey name. I hope that’s okay. This is going to be a long first entry. I have a lot to tell you about! Like how I found you. I had an appointment with Doctor Horse. We have one every week. He likes to make sure my head and heart keep getting better. We talk about a lot of things and he gives me a puzzle to make sure I can still do it. It’s nice. After that I went to pick up Dinky from kindergarten. Dinky is my daughter. She’s a smart little unicorn pony. A closed street blocked my usual way to her school. There was water everywhere and some loud ponies were working. I can fly okay. I can go pretty fast until I hit somepony’s house. Then I end up in the hospital again. So I walked a different way. I went down another street and passed a shop. It had pens and crayons and notebooks and backpacks and stuff in the window. It was all on sale. I knew that right away. Sale stickers helped me learn to read again. I really like saving bits. I don’t get many. One of the notebooks in the shop window had a donkey on the front. It was huge. That’s good, because I write big. It’s perfect for my journal. It was a huge coincidence I found it, or maybe fate. And that’s where I’ll start, because fate's a funny thing. That’s good, because otherwise it would be cruel. I used to think it was cruel. Now I think fate fell in a bunch of poison joke. It hurts, but it's funny looking back. What am I supposed to do if not laugh? My parents named me Derpy. Eventually, I lived up to it. That's funny, right? Maybe I just have a weird sense of humor. Maybe I have to. Laughing along with the universe and fate’s poison joke and other ponies... I don't know. It's right. I wasn't very happy at first, of course. Before, I got As and Bs in school, except for failing dance because it bored me. Who needs to dance when they can fly like a Wonderbolt as a filly? I was on the fast track to becoming one. I loved my life. Everypony my age admired me. My parents were so proud of me. I outsmarted all of my problems. Everypony liked me, I thought. Ponies couldn't understand my name. Some ponies called me the next Spitfire. Spitfire did too. I heard she was the next Firefly. I forget who that was, but it's really impressive. She's really impressive, too. I wish she still noticed me. I’ll finish writing tomorrow. I have to make dinner now. Dinky’s hungry. So am I. After dinner I’m going to a party for a new pony in town. Pinkie Pie is nice. She always invites me to her parties. She invites everypony else, too. After the party is the Summer Sun Celebration. Everypony will be up all night. I hope I don’t fall asleep on somepony again. What a day! Or is it night? I can’t tell. The sun didn’t come up this morning. The new pony is called Twilight Sparkle. The other new pony is called Nightmare Moon. Nightmare Moon showed up at the Summer Sun Celebration instead of the Princess. She said the night would last forever and Twilight yelled at her. She’s scary-looking and has a mean voice, but she’s silly. Night doesn’t last that long. Everypony who talked to me said I was super brave to work today. I don’t get it. I have to work, or ponies don’t get mail and I can’t buy food. Dinky had to go to school, so I guess Miss Cheerilee is brave too. I left Dinky my lantern because she’s scared of the dark. I probably gave letters to ten different wrong ponies without the light. On the other hoof, I didn’t burn any of them by accident. I’m so sleepy. I accidentally napped leaning against somepony’s door. It was Cheerilee’s and the flower triplets’, I think. I don’t remember well. I’ll go to bed when I finish writing. Dinky already took herself to bed. I’m proud of her. She’s a very responsible filly. Last we I shouldn’t fall asleep while writing. And I should use a pencil. I got ink all over my face. I couldn’t wash all of it off for three days. It was pretty funny. Ponies looked at me strangely when they answered the door. Some of them looked at me with pity. Pity is a lot worse. But some ponies laughed. They’re the ones who know me, like Berry Punch and Davenport. Sometimes ponies yell at them but it’s easier to laugh when somepony else does. I wish ponies would let me decide who can laugh. But right now a lot of ponies are missing. Twilight Sparkle is gone. It’s sad because Twilight was going to stay in the library. Ponyville hasn’t had a regular librarian for a few years. Nightmare Moon is gone too. She was as big as the Princess, and she had a horn and wings like the Princess. It’s sad. It would have been fun to have our very own Princess in Ponyville. I also haven’t seen Rainbow Dash, even when she normally practices stunts. Some ponies are scared. They say other ponies aren’t here anymore either. They’re not just staying home. I would know if they did. I visit everypony to give them mail. But I was going to tell you about Dinky. Dinky is a big filly. She takes care of herself a lot. Sometimes I think she’s already smarter than me. She’s only six! She gets good grades and has friends. She’s a very happy pony. I’m proud of her. I was a happy filly too when I was little. Then I took a dare to fly through a building site. It was wide open. It wasn't supposed to be dangerous. I was ten, I think. All the big spaces were even bigger to me. I don't remember the crash. That's okay. I saw one picture, once. It was in the newspaper. It made me throw up. I don't need to see it again. I almost didn't see anything again. But the Princess heard. I guess the crash was really bad if she heard. Or maybe I really was important before. She made sure I had the best doctors. She even visited the hospital. Twice, I think. She's the best Princess. She saved me from being blind. She said she would use sun magic and it would bring back the light. It felt tingly all over my head, and she sounded tired after she did it. I only saw a bright blob at first. The doctors helped the sight I have now come back. It came back wrong, but that’s okay. I guess I'd be okay if I went blind too. I've had a lot of years to live with it. I'm glad I didn't have to. I like seeing things. I don't see right, but the world is super pretty. It has flowers and bees and Spitfire and cloud sculptures and stuff. I'd rather see them weird than not at all. I had to stop flying for a while. After my eyes got better, Mom and Dad taped down my wings because I wouldn't stop trying. My feathers got stuck to the tape. I hated it a lot. I was a flyer, even for a pegasus. But it saved me from more accidents. I couldn't even walk around without help at first. I kept bumping things and ponies. Oh my gosh, the sun is back! Family and FriendsThere was a huge party yesterday. Princess Celestia came back. She brought the sun with her. And it turns out Nightmare Moon really is a princess. Her real name is Princess Luna, and she’s not as big as I remembered. She’s not as mean, either. My bad. Actually, she seemed scared of everypony. She spent the entire party trying to hide behind the Princess. The party was so big, I can’t blame her. I got to thank the Princess again for helping me see. I’m so glad I have you, Mathilda. I wouldn’t have remembered if I hadn’t told you about it. Twilight Sparkle is back too. So are all the other missing ponies. Even my parents came down from Cloudsdale to the party. They love spoiling my Dinky. Maybe they wouldn’t be grandparents if they didn’t. They also love reminding me that I can’t give Dinky enough attention. I’m too derpy. They’re willing to help if I let Dinky live with them. It’s good that they love her so much. It’s also good I have Golden Harvest and her special stallion to help out on busy days. Amethyst Star also helps. She’s Goldy’s adult daughter and Dinky’s best friend. They hang out a lot. But I’m glad Mom and Dad are willing to help if I need it. They’re the best ponies. They weren't at first, after I crashed. They had lots of dreams for me. All of those dreams were gone. They had to move to the ground from Cloudsdale so I wouldn’t fall. I had to go to an earth pony school in Ponyville. I couldn't get good grades anymore. I couldn't fly like a normal pegasus. I definitely couldn't be a Wonderbolt. And when all the fillies who liked me picked on me, I couldn't even be happy. So my parents weren't happy, either. They cried more than I did. They got mad, too, like really mad. They didn't know what to do. Me either. Then Rainbow Dash happened. I noticed her before because we both raced the same races, but then she came to my school. She was everything I lost. She was smart, and fast, and strong, and brave, and a racer. I hated her. I hated her so much I tried to race her again and crashed. She laughed at me in the locker room and gave me a participation sticker. I got super mad. I tried to hit her and knocked myself over. She laughed even more when I started screa~~ming at her~~ Oops. I shouldn't write and giggle at the same time. I sounded pretty funny. I had more trouble talking back then. But I kept screaming at her. She kept laughing. I don't know when I started crying. She stopped me from leaving. It wasn’t hard to push me around or get in my way. She finally asked about it and I told her. I don't know why, but it was good I did. I said how much I hated her. I said I couldn't fly anymore. I said how hard homework was now. I didn't say Miss Cheerilee moved me back three grades, but she knew. I think. Most ponies did. She got quiet while I talked, more quiet than I've ever heard her. After a while I stopped. I was going to cry more, but I couldn't. Then she said the nicest thing. She could have been the Princess. "I'll fly for you." I tried to say something. Then I hugged her. Then I did cry more. Then she hugged me back. I think that was the order. She told me how jealous she was when I was finishing first. She said how mad she was that I was going to be a Wonderbolt and how that got her going and made her fight for what she wanted. She said her parents didn’t do that. Then she said if anypony asked, she didn’t say anything. She'd lose coolness points, or something. She's such a silly pony. We hung out a lot after that, but not with her gryphon friend. Gilda would hit me for being derpy. Sometimes I watched Rainbow practice and I wanted to scream again. Sometimes I do now. But it wasn't as bad. She worked so hard, and when I asked she said she was flying for two. I was able to cheer for her eventually. I think she forgot how many ponies she’s flying for now. I remember, though. She’s nice when she’s not being “cool,” and she puts up with it when I mess up. And Rainbow Dash has one thing I still have. I can’t give up, because I would never get past my morning shower. She never gives up, either. I can’t believe how strong she gets when she fails at something. Maybe she’s the next Spitfire now. Okay, now I’m a little jealous again. I’m going to write about Bulk Biceps instead. He’s a huge pony. His biceps are as big as me. He showed me which muscles those are. And I’m not making it up, they’re really big! But his muscles aren’t important. Well, they’re important to him. He hurt himself in the head worse than me. He said it’s because he took the wrong medicine to make his biceps so big. I think he said it was altoids. Mints didn’t do that to me. One of my doctors called my problem rebar. Oh no, I’m going to be late to see Doctor Horse! Bye Mathilda! Dinky clogged the toilet today. She kept flushing because she thought that would work. I had to do a lot of mopping and buy a new bath mat. I have to hire somepony tomorrow. I don’t know how to take out the carpets outside the bathroom by myself. I have to do extra work to get the bits for that, too. I’d be mad if she wasn’t my filly, and if I wasn’t derpy too. I love her so much, even if I’m grinding my teeth right now. The house stinks. So do my hooves, even though I washed them lots. Dinky and I are staying over at Golden Harvest’s place. Golden said Dinky can’t sleep in Amethyst’s room. I don’t know why not, but she was super serious. I didn’t ask. Anyway, I started writing about Bulk Biceps last week. Bulk is really nice. The first time he saw me, I was trying to do a simple trick. All my doctors said not to, but I did anyway. If I go at their pace, I’ll get to be Granny Smith’s age and still not fly straight! So I tried to fly fast through a hoop. I kept missing it, or hitting it and bouncing off. It’s a good thing I’m sturdy. I don’t know when he came. He started cheering before I knew anypony was there. I nearly stopped right away, but he sounded nice. He meant it, not like everypony else who sees me practice. Sometimes ponies cheer to make themselves feel better about seeing me. Sometimes they cheer to be mean. Bulk Biceps cheered because he wanted to see me do it. He yelled “Yeah!” and “Go Derpy!” a lot. It felt good when I saw he was being nice. I didn’t do my trick before I got tired, but I really tried. Then he gave me some roasted cinnamon walnuts. He makes very good cinnamon walnuts. I’ve said a lot of times that he should sell them. He finally started just the other month. His little nut stand makes him happy. Happier, I mean. He was already pretty happy. It’s easy to be happy with him. We meet on Thursdays now. We talk about things and eat cold sandwiches. Well, he yells about things, but it’s nice. I would call it dating if I wanted to date him. I think he knows. He doesn’t call it dating. I don’t think he cares about dating. I had him meet Rainbow Dash once. Now she sometimes meets us on Thursdays too. She’s very busy. But Bulk and Rainbow aren’t the only ponies I know. I know Fluttershy. She’s nice. She started coming to school one day when I was fourteen. I remember because that’s when I was pregnant with Dinky. Fluttershy said she fell from Cloudsdale and likes it on the ground. She has a heart the size of the moon! But it was hard to be around her. I couldn’t stand her pity. I still can’t. So the most important pony I know isn’t a pony. Her name is Zecora, and she lives in the forest. She might be older than Granny Smith. She said she came to the Everfree Forest for rare plants. Well, it rhymed when she said it. Everything she says rhymes. Then ponies built a farm and Ponyville nearby, and Zecora stayed in the forest when the ocean ate her home. I think that’s why she only says rhymes. Ponies get that way too sometimes. I laugh, Bulk lifts, she rhymes. It’s nice, anyway. Rhyming makes her voice pretty. Zecora doesn’t get mail often, but I have to go and deliver mail to her tomorrow. I’ll need to prepare so nopony worries. Everypony thinks the Everfree Forest is dangerous. It’s never done anything bad to me. LaughHi Mathilda! I’m back from the hospital. A timberwolf wanted to play with me after I gave Zecora her package. It was really friendly, but played too rough. I had to fly away and I hit some trees on my way out of the forest. I broke some bones that way. I’ll be okay, though. I’m glad for Goldy and her husband. They let Dinky stay with them the whole week I was in the hospital. They’ll still help with her until I can walk by myself. The doctors said it’ll only be a few weeks because I heal fast. The post office fired me, though. They said it’s because that way I can have some bits to pay for things while I’m hurt. I guess that’s clever. I don’t think that’s why, though. They probably got tired of me damaging letters or giving them to the wrong ponies. I’ll have to watch the newspaper for a new job. I already found some pegasus movers who need more wings. That’s kind of like mail. I hope the job is still there when I’m better. Right now I have a lot of free time. I’m going to try to finish this entry today. I got to sit down and have tea with Zecora after I gave her package to her. She makes really good tea. She said she isn’t from Atlantis, but I don’t know any other cities that fell in the ocean. But she’s not a sea pony or kelpie. She’s called a zebra. I met her when I was a filly, after the crash. I was in the hospital. It had been months and I still couldn’t see more than a blob. I know it was her because I remember her voice. I don’t think she was allowed to be there, but she was there. She spoke gently and rhymey, just like she does now. She asked plainly, not like the other doctors, and I told her everything that hurt. It took a while because talking was hard. Then she told me to laugh. I was confused. I lost everything I ever wanted. I couldn’t understand how to laugh. Then she told me about poison joke. Well, not completely. She didn’t say its name, or even her own. Not back then. She only told me to find blue leaves in the grass. Then she left. I didn’t understand, but I was curious. None of the doctors and nurses knew what she meant. They let me out of the hospital when I could see again. I found the blue leaves when I looked for a few weeks. They were in the Everfree Forest. I wasn’t allowed to go there, but I couldn’t fly yet. I went wherever I could. I didn’t know what to do with the poison joke, so I ate some. Nothing happened, and I went home. I got in a lot of trouble. I didn’t know the forest was dangerous, but my parents said it was. They were super scared and said they would ground me if I went there again. I said that my wings were already hurt and they laughed. I didn’t know why it was funny. I lost my temper and really did get grounded. I was sent to bed without supper. It’s funny. Other ponies stopped doing that when my grandparents were foals. I woke up wrong in the morning. I wasn’t me. I wasn’t home. I was Rainbow Dash, before I really knew Rainbow Dash. I was fast and strong. I was smart, but not as smart as before the crash. I was almost the pony I used to be. It was incredible! I still remember how it felt. I didn’t know what was happening, but I thought it was good. It wasn’t. Even going to Rainbow’s kitchen for breakfast was weird. Her parents cheered for everything I did. I didn’t know what to do so I ate cereal and and hugged them. They asked who I was and what I did with Rainbow Dash. I said I was Derpy. They said I was the best derpy pony ever and told me to go to school. So I did, but I flew to my school. I didn’t know where Rainbow’s was. The teacher was Miss Cheerilee. She said she was new. She didn’t know what to do, so she let me sit in. Class work was easy. I answered so many questions! Then “Derpy” came in late. I don’t think she was Rainbow. She was super angry, like me. She bumped into all the desks and sulked in the back row like me. She ignored Cheerilee’s first few tries to call on her. She didn’t want to talk, which was lots like me. I poked her. She yelled at me the fourteenth time. She sounded ridiculous, and I laughed. We both got detention. After school, Cheerilee told us to stay in the school’s yard and left. She never said why, but it had to be important. It turned out okay. We stayed at school like good fillies. I got bored and flew some tricks over the schoolhouse. Then “Derpy” got mad again and challenged me to a race. I laughed because she didn’t have a chance. I also laughed because she still sounded funny talking. But she kept saying I had to race her, so I agreed. We set it to three laps around the schoolyard. I didn’t want to leave when Miss Cheerilee said to stay. I won, and “Derpy” crashed into the swing set. I don’t know how she did that. It was way off course and full of big gaps to fly through. We went inside for towels, and she started yelling at me. I laughed because of how funny she sounded. Then I tried to console her with a participation sticker. That just made her mad. Well, more mad. She started screaming and tried to hit me. Then she started crying. I realized what I was doing and couldn’t laugh anymore. She said she was going home, but I stopped her. It wasn’t hard. I told her to tell me what was really wrong. She told me everything I thought I knew already. How hard everything was. How jealous she was. How much she had lost. So I told her the only thing I could think of. “I’ll fly for you.” We made up and Miss Cheerilee came back and sent us home. I was Rainbow Dash for the rest of the week. When I kept going to school in Ponyville, Rainbow’s parents called me the best school-chooser ever. That was nice, I guess. Miss Cheerilee scolded me a lot for not paying attention in class. Reading things or solving for x was boring and easy, though. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. After a week I woke up as me again. I asked Rainbow a few months ago. She said she remembered everything that happened. She said it like she was the one who did everything. Maybe she was. Magic plants are weird. It really hurt to struggle with homework again. I started yelling at one of the bullies at school before she said anything. Then I stopped. I remembered how I sounded yelling and laughed. I laughed until she said I was weird and left me alone. I kept laughing until I cried. Then I cried until I couldn’t anymore. Then Miss Cheerilee stood over me and asked if I was okay. I said yes. She said recess was over and took me back inside the schoolhouse.
Dear MathildaDear Mathilda, My name is Derpy Hooves. I’m a pegasus pony. Hi! I decided to start writing a journal. Doctor Horse said it would be a good idea. And then I thought my journal should have a name. I thought about it and named you Mathilda. It’s a common donkey name. I hope that’s okay. This is going to be a long first entry. I have a lot to tell you about! Like how I found you. I had an appointment with Doctor Horse. We have one every week. He likes to make sure my head and heart keep getting better. We talk about a lot of things and he gives me a puzzle to make sure I can still do it. It’s nice. After that I went to pick up Dinky from kindergarten. Dinky is my daughter. She’s a smart little unicorn pony. A closed street blocked my usual way to her school. There was water everywhere and some loud ponies were working. I can fly okay. I can go pretty fast until I hit somepony’s house. Then I end up in the hospital again. So I walked a different way. I went down another street and passed a shop. It had pens and crayons and notebooks and backpacks and stuff in the window. It was all on sale. I knew that right away. Sale stickers helped me learn to read again. I really like saving bits. I don’t get many. One of the notebooks in the shop window had a donkey on the front. It was huge. That’s good, because I write big. It’s perfect for my journal. It was a huge coincidence I found it, or maybe fate. And that’s where I’ll start, because fate's a funny thing. That’s good, because otherwise it would be cruel. I used to think it was cruel. Now I think fate fell in a bunch of poison joke. It hurts, but it's funny looking back. What am I supposed to do if not laugh? My parents named me Derpy. Eventually, I lived up to it. That's funny, right? Maybe I just have a weird sense of humor. Maybe I have to. Laughing along with the universe and fate’s poison joke and other ponies... I don't know. It's right. I wasn't very happy at first, of course. Before, I got As and Bs in school, except for failing dance because it bored me. Who needs to dance when they can fly like a Wonderbolt as a filly? I was on the fast track to becoming one. I loved my life. Everypony my age admired me. My parents were so proud of me. I outsmarted all of my problems. Everypony liked me, I thought. Ponies couldn't understand my name. Some ponies called me the next Spitfire. Spitfire did too. I heard she was the next Firefly. I forget who that was, but it's really impressive. She's really impressive, too. I wish she still noticed me. I’ll finish writing tomorrow. I have to make dinner now. Dinky’s hungry. So am I. After dinner I’m going to a party for a new pony in town. Pinkie Pie is nice. She always invites me to her parties. She invites everypony else, too. After the party is the Summer Sun Celebration. Everypony will be up all night. I hope I don’t fall asleep on somepony again. What a day! Or is it night? I can’t tell. The sun didn’t come up this morning. The new pony is called Twilight Sparkle. The other new pony is called Nightmare Moon. Nightmare Moon showed up at the Summer Sun Celebration instead of the Princess. She said the night would last forever and Twilight yelled at her. She’s scary-looking and has a mean voice, but she’s silly. Night doesn’t last that long. Everypony who talked to me said I was super brave to work today. I don’t get it. I have to work, or ponies don’t get mail and I can’t buy food. Dinky had to go to school, so I guess Miss Cheerilee is brave too. I left Dinky my lantern because she’s scared of the dark. I probably gave letters to ten different wrong ponies without the light. On the other hoof, I didn’t burn any of them by accident. I’m so sleepy. I accidentally napped leaning against somepony’s door. It was Cheerilee’s and the flower triplets’, I think. I don’t remember well. I’ll go to bed when I finish writing. Dinky already took herself to bed. I’m proud of her. She’s a very responsible filly. Last we I shouldn’t fall asleep while writing. And I should use a pencil. I got ink all over my face. I couldn’t wash all of it off for three days. It was pretty funny. Ponies looked at me strangely when they answered the door. Some of them looked at me with pity. Pity is a lot worse. But some ponies laughed. They’re the ones who know me, like Berry Punch and Davenport. Sometimes ponies yell at them but it’s easier to laugh when somepony else does. I wish ponies would let me decide who can laugh. But right now a lot of ponies are missing. Twilight Sparkle is gone. It’s sad because Twilight was going to stay in the library. Ponyville hasn’t had a regular librarian for a few years. Nightmare Moon is gone too. She was as big as the Princess, and she had a horn and wings like the Princess. It’s sad. It would have been fun to have our very own Princess in Ponyville. I also haven’t seen Rainbow Dash, even when she normally practices stunts. Some ponies are scared. They say other ponies aren’t here anymore either. They’re not just staying home. I would know if they did. I visit everypony to give them mail. But I was going to tell you about Dinky. Dinky is a big filly. She takes care of herself a lot. Sometimes I think she’s already smarter than me. She’s only six! She gets good grades and has friends. She’s a very happy pony. I’m proud of her. I was a happy filly too when I was little. Then I took a dare to fly through a building site. It was wide open. It wasn't supposed to be dangerous. I was ten, I think. All the big spaces were even bigger to me. I don't remember the crash. That's okay. I saw one picture, once. It was in the newspaper. It made me throw up. I don't need to see it again. I almost didn't see anything again. But the Princess heard. I guess the crash was really bad if she heard. Or maybe I really was important before. She made sure I had the best doctors. She even visited the hospital. Twice, I think. She's the best Princess. She saved me from being blind. She said she would use sun magic and it would bring back the light. It felt tingly all over my head, and she sounded tired after she did it. I only saw a bright blob at first. The doctors helped the sight I have now come back. It came back wrong, but that’s okay. I guess I'd be okay if I went blind too. I've had a lot of years to live with it. I'm glad I didn't have to. I like seeing things. I don't see right, but the world is super pretty. It has flowers and bees and Spitfire and cloud sculptures and stuff. I'd rather see them weird than not at all. I had to stop flying for a while. After my eyes got better, Mom and Dad taped down my wings because I wouldn't stop trying. My feathers got stuck to the tape. I hated it a lot. I was a flyer, even for a pegasus. But it saved me from more accidents. I couldn't even walk around without help at first. I kept bumping things and ponies. Oh my gosh, the sun is back!
Family and FriendsThere was a huge party yesterday. Princess Celestia came back. She brought the sun with her. And it turns out Nightmare Moon really is a princess. Her real name is Princess Luna, and she’s not as big as I remembered. She’s not as mean, either. My bad. Actually, she seemed scared of everypony. She spent the entire party trying to hide behind the Princess. The party was so big, I can’t blame her. I got to thank the Princess again for helping me see. I’m so glad I have you, Mathilda. I wouldn’t have remembered if I hadn’t told you about it. Twilight Sparkle is back too. So are all the other missing ponies. Even my parents came down from Cloudsdale to the party. They love spoiling my Dinky. Maybe they wouldn’t be grandparents if they didn’t. They also love reminding me that I can’t give Dinky enough attention. I’m too derpy. They’re willing to help if I let Dinky live with them. It’s good that they love her so much. It’s also good I have Golden Harvest and her special stallion to help out on busy days. Amethyst Star also helps. She’s Goldy’s adult daughter and Dinky’s best friend. They hang out a lot. But I’m glad Mom and Dad are willing to help if I need it. They’re the best ponies. They weren't at first, after I crashed. They had lots of dreams for me. All of those dreams were gone. They had to move to the ground from Cloudsdale so I wouldn’t fall. I had to go to an earth pony school in Ponyville. I couldn't get good grades anymore. I couldn't fly like a normal pegasus. I definitely couldn't be a Wonderbolt. And when all the fillies who liked me picked on me, I couldn't even be happy. So my parents weren't happy, either. They cried more than I did. They got mad, too, like really mad. They didn't know what to do. Me either. Then Rainbow Dash happened. I noticed her before because we both raced the same races, but then she came to my school. She was everything I lost. She was smart, and fast, and strong, and brave, and a racer. I hated her. I hated her so much I tried to race her again and crashed. She laughed at me in the locker room and gave me a participation sticker. I got super mad. I tried to hit her and knocked myself over. She laughed even more when I started screa~~ming at her~~ Oops. I shouldn't write and giggle at the same time. I sounded pretty funny. I had more trouble talking back then. But I kept screaming at her. She kept laughing. I don't know when I started crying. She stopped me from leaving. It wasn’t hard to push me around or get in my way. She finally asked about it and I told her. I don't know why, but it was good I did. I said how much I hated her. I said I couldn't fly anymore. I said how hard homework was now. I didn't say Miss Cheerilee moved me back three grades, but she knew. I think. Most ponies did. She got quiet while I talked, more quiet than I've ever heard her. After a while I stopped. I was going to cry more, but I couldn't. Then she said the nicest thing. She could have been the Princess. "I'll fly for you." I tried to say something. Then I hugged her. Then I did cry more. Then she hugged me back. I think that was the order. She told me how jealous she was when I was finishing first. She said how mad she was that I was going to be a Wonderbolt and how that got her going and made her fight for what she wanted. She said her parents didn’t do that. Then she said if anypony asked, she didn’t say anything. She'd lose coolness points, or something. She's such a silly pony. We hung out a lot after that, but not with her gryphon friend. Gilda would hit me for being derpy. Sometimes I watched Rainbow practice and I wanted to scream again. Sometimes I do now. But it wasn't as bad. She worked so hard, and when I asked she said she was flying for two. I was able to cheer for her eventually. I think she forgot how many ponies she’s flying for now. I remember, though. She’s nice when she’s not being “cool,” and she puts up with it when I mess up. And Rainbow Dash has one thing I still have. I can’t give up, because I would never get past my morning shower. She never gives up, either. I can’t believe how strong she gets when she fails at something. Maybe she’s the next Spitfire now. Okay, now I’m a little jealous again. I’m going to write about Bulk Biceps instead. He’s a huge pony. His biceps are as big as me. He showed me which muscles those are. And I’m not making it up, they’re really big! But his muscles aren’t important. Well, they’re important to him. He hurt himself in the head worse than me. He said it’s because he took the wrong medicine to make his biceps so big. I think he said it was altoids. Mints didn’t do that to me. One of my doctors called my problem rebar. Oh no, I’m going to be late to see Doctor Horse! Bye Mathilda! Dinky clogged the toilet today. She kept flushing because she thought that would work. I had to do a lot of mopping and buy a new bath mat. I have to hire somepony tomorrow. I don’t know how to take out the carpets outside the bathroom by myself. I have to do extra work to get the bits for that, too. I’d be mad if she wasn’t my filly, and if I wasn’t derpy too. I love her so much, even if I’m grinding my teeth right now. The house stinks. So do my hooves, even though I washed them lots. Dinky and I are staying over at Golden Harvest’s place. Golden said Dinky can’t sleep in Amethyst’s room. I don’t know why not, but she was super serious. I didn’t ask. Anyway, I started writing about Bulk Biceps last week. Bulk is really nice. The first time he saw me, I was trying to do a simple trick. All my doctors said not to, but I did anyway. If I go at their pace, I’ll get to be Granny Smith’s age and still not fly straight! So I tried to fly fast through a hoop. I kept missing it, or hitting it and bouncing off. It’s a good thing I’m sturdy. I don’t know when he came. He started cheering before I knew anypony was there. I nearly stopped right away, but he sounded nice. He meant it, not like everypony else who sees me practice. Sometimes ponies cheer to make themselves feel better about seeing me. Sometimes they cheer to be mean. Bulk Biceps cheered because he wanted to see me do it. He yelled “Yeah!” and “Go Derpy!” a lot. It felt good when I saw he was being nice. I didn’t do my trick before I got tired, but I really tried. Then he gave me some roasted cinnamon walnuts. He makes very good cinnamon walnuts. I’ve said a lot of times that he should sell them. He finally started just the other month. His little nut stand makes him happy. Happier, I mean. He was already pretty happy. It’s easy to be happy with him. We meet on Thursdays now. We talk about things and eat cold sandwiches. Well, he yells about things, but it’s nice. I would call it dating if I wanted to date him. I think he knows. He doesn’t call it dating. I don’t think he cares about dating. I had him meet Rainbow Dash once. Now she sometimes meets us on Thursdays too. She’s very busy. But Bulk and Rainbow aren’t the only ponies I know. I know Fluttershy. She’s nice. She started coming to school one day when I was fourteen. I remember because that’s when I was pregnant with Dinky. Fluttershy said she fell from Cloudsdale and likes it on the ground. She has a heart the size of the moon! But it was hard to be around her. I couldn’t stand her pity. I still can’t. So the most important pony I know isn’t a pony. Her name is Zecora, and she lives in the forest. She might be older than Granny Smith. She said she came to the Everfree Forest for rare plants. Well, it rhymed when she said it. Everything she says rhymes. Then ponies built a farm and Ponyville nearby, and Zecora stayed in the forest when the ocean ate her home. I think that’s why she only says rhymes. Ponies get that way too sometimes. I laugh, Bulk lifts, she rhymes. It’s nice, anyway. Rhyming makes her voice pretty. Zecora doesn’t get mail often, but I have to go and deliver mail to her tomorrow. I’ll need to prepare so nopony worries. Everypony thinks the Everfree Forest is dangerous. It’s never done anything bad to me.
LaughHi Mathilda! I’m back from the hospital. A timberwolf wanted to play with me after I gave Zecora her package. It was really friendly, but played too rough. I had to fly away and I hit some trees on my way out of the forest. I broke some bones that way. I’ll be okay, though. I’m glad for Goldy and her husband. They let Dinky stay with them the whole week I was in the hospital. They’ll still help with her until I can walk by myself. The doctors said it’ll only be a few weeks because I heal fast. The post office fired me, though. They said it’s because that way I can have some bits to pay for things while I’m hurt. I guess that’s clever. I don’t think that’s why, though. They probably got tired of me damaging letters or giving them to the wrong ponies. I’ll have to watch the newspaper for a new job. I already found some pegasus movers who need more wings. That’s kind of like mail. I hope the job is still there when I’m better. Right now I have a lot of free time. I’m going to try to finish this entry today. I got to sit down and have tea with Zecora after I gave her package to her. She makes really good tea. She said she isn’t from Atlantis, but I don’t know any other cities that fell in the ocean. But she’s not a sea pony or kelpie. She’s called a zebra. I met her when I was a filly, after the crash. I was in the hospital. It had been months and I still couldn’t see more than a blob. I know it was her because I remember her voice. I don’t think she was allowed to be there, but she was there. She spoke gently and rhymey, just like she does now. She asked plainly, not like the other doctors, and I told her everything that hurt. It took a while because talking was hard. Then she told me to laugh. I was confused. I lost everything I ever wanted. I couldn’t understand how to laugh. Then she told me about poison joke. Well, not completely. She didn’t say its name, or even her own. Not back then. She only told me to find blue leaves in the grass. Then she left. I didn’t understand, but I was curious. None of the doctors and nurses knew what she meant. They let me out of the hospital when I could see again. I found the blue leaves when I looked for a few weeks. They were in the Everfree Forest. I wasn’t allowed to go there, but I couldn’t fly yet. I went wherever I could. I didn’t know what to do with the poison joke, so I ate some. Nothing happened, and I went home. I got in a lot of trouble. I didn’t know the forest was dangerous, but my parents said it was. They were super scared and said they would ground me if I went there again. I said that my wings were already hurt and they laughed. I didn’t know why it was funny. I lost my temper and really did get grounded. I was sent to bed without supper. It’s funny. Other ponies stopped doing that when my grandparents were foals. I woke up wrong in the morning. I wasn’t me. I wasn’t home. I was Rainbow Dash, before I really knew Rainbow Dash. I was fast and strong. I was smart, but not as smart as before the crash. I was almost the pony I used to be. It was incredible! I still remember how it felt. I didn’t know what was happening, but I thought it was good. It wasn’t. Even going to Rainbow’s kitchen for breakfast was weird. Her parents cheered for everything I did. I didn’t know what to do so I ate cereal and and hugged them. They asked who I was and what I did with Rainbow Dash. I said I was Derpy. They said I was the best derpy pony ever and told me to go to school. So I did, but I flew to my school. I didn’t know where Rainbow’s was. The teacher was Miss Cheerilee. She said she was new. She didn’t know what to do, so she let me sit in. Class work was easy. I answered so many questions! Then “Derpy” came in late. I don’t think she was Rainbow. She was super angry, like me. She bumped into all the desks and sulked in the back row like me. She ignored Cheerilee’s first few tries to call on her. She didn’t want to talk, which was lots like me. I poked her. She yelled at me the fourteenth time. She sounded ridiculous, and I laughed. We both got detention. After school, Cheerilee told us to stay in the school’s yard and left. She never said why, but it had to be important. It turned out okay. We stayed at school like good fillies. I got bored and flew some tricks over the schoolhouse. Then “Derpy” got mad again and challenged me to a race. I laughed because she didn’t have a chance. I also laughed because she still sounded funny talking. But she kept saying I had to race her, so I agreed. We set it to three laps around the schoolyard. I didn’t want to leave when Miss Cheerilee said to stay. I won, and “Derpy” crashed into the swing set. I don’t know how she did that. It was way off course and full of big gaps to fly through. We went inside for towels, and she started yelling at me. I laughed because of how funny she sounded. Then I tried to console her with a participation sticker. That just made her mad. Well, more mad. She started screaming and tried to hit me. Then she started crying. I realized what I was doing and couldn’t laugh anymore. She said she was going home, but I stopped her. It wasn’t hard. I told her to tell me what was really wrong. She told me everything I thought I knew already. How hard everything was. How jealous she was. How much she had lost. So I told her the only thing I could think of. “I’ll fly for you.” We made up and Miss Cheerilee came back and sent us home. I was Rainbow Dash for the rest of the week. When I kept going to school in Ponyville, Rainbow’s parents called me the best school-chooser ever. That was nice, I guess. Miss Cheerilee scolded me a lot for not paying attention in class. Reading things or solving for x was boring and easy, though. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. After a week I woke up as me again. I asked Rainbow a few months ago. She said she remembered everything that happened. She said it like she was the one who did everything. Maybe she was. Magic plants are weird. It really hurt to struggle with homework again. I started yelling at one of the bullies at school before she said anything. Then I stopped. I remembered how I sounded yelling and laughed. I laughed until she said I was weird and left me alone. I kept laughing until I cried. Then I cried until I couldn’t anymore. Then Miss Cheerilee stood over me and asked if I was okay. I said yes. She said recess was over and took me back inside the schoolhouse.
