Discord Already Did It

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 1457

Chrysalis has come up with a foolproof plan to take over Equestria, by creating evil versions of her adversaries! The only problem is, Discord already did it... and he's about to tell her so. Based on the latest episode 'The Mean Six'.

Chrysalis has come up with a foolproof plan to take over Equestria, by creating evil versions of her greatest adversaries! The only problem is, Discord already did it... and he's about to tell her so. Based on the latest episode 'The Mean Six'.

Spoilers, of course.

Featured from June 10-11. A certifiable fact.

Published 2018-06-09 22:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-09 22:50:07 UTC

"A word in your ear, Chrissy..."

"...And now my wicked copies of those blasted do-gooders, that I created using my seamless magic, will steal the Elements Of Harmony and conquer the world, under my inspiring leadership naturally... BWHAHAHA!" Chrysalis announced loudly to nopony in particular, making sure to end her extended monologue with the standard stereotypical villainous laugh as she gazed in pride at her new 'army'.

"That plan's a little laboured for you isn't it, Chrissy? After so many months spent brooding and plotting your 'ultimate revenge', I have to say I expected better than this tawdry affair. I was quite entertained at the beginning where you pretended to be the official photographer and stole a piece of everypony's mane, but you didn't even mention that part. If we're being completely straight though, the rest of it is slightly... tired, wouldn't you say?"

"W-What? Who said that? Who dares defy the queen of the changelings?!" Chrysalis stopped cackling long enough to cast an accusatory glare all around, including at her freshly-hatched replicas of six very familiar ponies.

"Who cares? Yawn." said Disloyal Rainbow Dash, ready to curl up for a nap.

"They sound boring. Why isn't there anypony interesting around here?" Miserable Pinkie Pie was not impressed.

"If they have any personal items, they're all mine!" Greedy Rarity showed her true colours.

"I want to see them suffer!" Cruel Fluttershy couldn't wait to torment the stranger.

"E-Erm, it's me! I'm an expert ventriloquist! See?" Liar Applejack announced non-too convincingly.

"Well, they can't be as bad a boss as you, whoever they are." Evil Twilight growled at the thought of yet another lifeform she'd have to mislead and betray.

"Really, Chrissy. I've heard of pale imitations, but these sorry creations don't even pass muster as bad forgeries." The disembodied voice continued to mock the perturbed former changeling leader relentlessly as it boomed around the forest. "First, you lose your throne, then you'll lose a libel suit in court for plagiarising me. Quite the twin accomplishments. You must be so proud..."

"H-Huh?! How did... I demand that you show yourself this instant!" Despite appearing as unflappable as always, there was a tinge of uncertainty to Chrysalis's request.

"Oh, where are my manners, Chrissy? I suppose it's just plain rude not to allow you the pleasure of feasting your eyes on this glorious visage. Your wish is my command, my lady." A nearby tree suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke, only to reshape into the serpentine form of Discord himself. "Seriously, you didn't spot the fanged mouth? The pointy horn? How many weeping willows do you know that have face fur? Really, most disappointing."

"Discord, I might have guessed." Chrysalis rolled her eyes upon spotting the land's most notorious trickster. "You know what I think? You're just jealous because your two recent attempts at taking over Equestria were unmitigated failures. At least you taught me one valuable lesson: never work with anyone potentially more powerful than you in pursuit of your dreams. So, if you've come to request a collaboration, you can just blink yourself back to limbo and stay there."

"Oh, Chrissy. Are you really that far behind on the latest news? I'm a changed Lord Of Chaos these days. Here, allow me to offer you a refresher..." Discord then snapped his claws together to create a floating copy of Ponyville Express, upon which the headline screamed 'HERO DRAGONEQUUS SAVES WORLD FROM CHANGELING TYRANNY'. "I must say, I don't think they caught my good side in the picture. What do you think? More, or less makeup?"

"I don't have any time for this nonsense!" Chrysalis stamped her hooves in frustration, as she railed on Discord angrily. "If it is your intention to 'reform' me, you have even less chance than asking us to join forces! Didn't you get the message from Starlight, when I told her where to shove it?"

"Buzz! Wrong again! Would you like to try to answer the question one more time, when the prizes double in value?" Discord suddenly appeared as a cheesy game show host, flashy jacket, terrible hairpiece and all. "As much as me, Thorax and the rest of the good guys would welcome you onto the side of all things lovable and fluffy, we believe that's a decision you have to make for yourself. In the meantime, I'm here to chastise you for your blatant lack of originality, as well as offer you some slightly more innovate ideas for world domination, if you'll listen to them."

Chrysalis wasn't quite sure she'd heard this correctly. "W-What?" She responded, somewhat dumbfounded.

"This whole 'make the Mane Six the opposite of their personalities' thing? That's so like, last year. Or even, seven years ago, by my calculation." Discord winked at no-one in particular, before continuing his tirade. "I didn't even need to create separate entities for them, either. Just trapped them in a maze, teased them for a while and whoosh, job done. But now you're taking a scheme I hatched for a bit of fun, and turning it into a serious attempt at conquering Equestria? Chrissy, I know you can do better than that! Or maybe you can't, which is why I'm offering my services today, free of charge. You're welcome."

Chrysalis was now more than a little gobsmacked. "I-I need to sit down." She gasped, the woods around her spinning slightly.

"You see Chrissy, I know what it's like. Wanting something really small, like the entire world to bow unconditionally to my will, and never being able to quite follow through on my ambition." Discord shook his head sadly as he plunked himself down next to Chrysalis on a spare log, while an unseen violin played a mournful melody somewhere in the background. "Of course, since then I've discovered something much more valuable than being a merciless dictator, but we'll save that for another time. Right now, all I see is a pitiful antagonist in desperate need of consel, and I'm here to help."

Chrysalis, now with her face in her hooves, quickly looked up again upon being described as 'pitiful'. "What did you just call me?!"

"Whatever you do next, let's make it better than one of my hand-me-down connivances, shall we?" Discord widely beamed at Chrysalis, even endeavouring to lightly pat her on the snout. "Now, I was thinking maybe we could try something which involves Gummy, Flurry Heart's rattle, a piece of used strawberry bubble gum and half a pound of the finest yak droppings. You get the droppings, I'll pick up everything else. Does that sound kosher to you?"

"...Get out."

"It's really not that big a deal you know, Chrissy. If you just hold your nostrils like so..."

"I said... Get out!!" Chrysalis was clearly not playing around, as evidenced by her heightened voice and the veins throbbing in her forehead.

"Okay, I get it. Geez, you try and do somepony a good turn..." Discord poked a large stick between his ears to clean them, before deigning to offer some parting advice. "You might think you're destined to succeed in the cozy glow of your own ego, but with such patently unoriginal machinations, I'd wager a filly poses a greater threat than you at present. Well, must dash. It looks like I'll be earlier than expected at Fluttershy's today. She will be pleased. I believe today's brew is ginseng. My favourite...!"

"Just. Go!" Chrysalis flatly yelled at Discord, finally dissipating him with her final shouted word.

A few seconds after the draconequus's departure, Chrysalis hesitantly turned back to her motley crew of underlings, doubt etched all over her face.

She knew that Discord was lying, really she did. But right now she needed some reassurance from somepony, anypony to put her mind at ease...

...Even these manufactured losers.

"I-It will work, won't it?"

Rainbow Dash turned the other cheek. "Don't know, don't care."

Pinkie Pie frowned deeply. "You must be kidding. We're all doomed!"

Rarity clutched her collection of twigs and rocks harder. "Just stay away from my things!"

Fluttershy grimaced in a disturbing way. "That depends. Who can I pick on next?"

Applejack grinned sneakily. "Yes, indubitably! Now, who wants to see my wings?"

Finally, a resolute Twilight had the most of everypony to say. "Of course it will! With me... sorry, you leading us, nothing could stop us achieving my, apologies, your glory! Hmm... that might not have come out quite right."

Faced with this level of staunch backing from her crack troops, Chrysalis noted, what could possibly go wrong?

Oh, horsefeathers... I wonder if Yakyakistan is still open at this hour?

Author's Note

Yep, another one of my after episode specials. Hope you enjoyed it, and bye for now. :twistnerd: