All Trades

by Chemtest

Rating: teen
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity, Adventure, Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other
Length: 1316

Twilight ends up somewhere unexpected, and finds someone equally unexpected.

What would happen if it was impossible for you to fail? What if it was impossible for you to ever do anything great? What if your entire life was a series of above average?

This is the situation of Jack. He has had enough of this situation.

Meanwhile, far away, the forces of magic and technology collide as Twilight Sparkle works on a teleportation machine. Her destination turns out to be way off mark.

Published 2018-06-09 22:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-12 03:31:31 UTC

Mediocre

Testing, testing

—(Twilight)—

In the Golden Oaks Library stand three. Princess Celestia, Spike, and me. The Princess stands off to the side to take notes, and Spike is making some last checks before testing.

What is it we’re testing? I call it the U.T.P or, the Universal Teleportation Prototype. It sucks in the passive magic in the air, so it can be used for teleportation. After the testing of three apples, two books both small and large, and a frog, I determine it is safe.

“Are you sure this is wise, my student? Maybe I could go instead?” Princess Celestia speaks, as she looks up from a clipboard.

I nod back to the Princess, “Remember, Princess, it’s all for science! And I do not want to put you at any risk. Not that there is any risk, right Spike?”

Spike looks right at me from where he’s standing, “Yep! Totally safe!”

“Have you done any testing with anything else, my student?”

I think back to our previous attempts, “I have tested three apples, two books, and a frog. All have been moved safely with only an one inch variation of the coordinates.”

The Princess shrugs, “Okay then.”

I look back to Spike, “All the power cords are connected? Magic generators at 100 percent? Destination set?”

Spike checks back, then looks back up at me, “All power cords are safely secured. Magic generation is at 100 percent, and not moving. Destination is set to the Apples’ Orchard. All is ready for testing!”

I nod, “Princess, make sure to write down how effective it is, take notes and the like.”

The Princess looks back at her clipboard, “Of course.”

“Make sure to record everything!”

She nods, “Alright then. If you are ready, my student.”

I look back, and see Spike near the switch, “Flip the switch, Spike!”

He flips it, makeing a loud noise.

*Thunk!*

I hear the machine start to power up.

—(Discord)—

Yes, how to get my revenge? If it weren’t for that purple brat, I wouldn’t still be trapped!

Oh, what’s this? The banana bread is made of oranges and the frog is tweeting politics? What is that supposed to mean..?

Oh yes, temporal shift, that’s it! Oh, and the frog is blue? That means the purple brat is the one causing this!

A machine? That looks very easy to tamper with. Yes, let’s do that!

Oh, that will cause chaos! I love it!

Too bad I don’t have any popcorn.

—(Jack)—

I take a look up at my ‘achievements’ that are stapled to the wall. My first debut in Peoples magazine, my jazz album ‘Royal Flush’. Pages of Raven’s story next to the film adaptation, and the many pictures of me in office. The Florida House of Representives, shakeing hands with Pope Francis, laughing it up with Obama. What haven’t I done?

Had friends, that’s what. Aquatintinces yes, but all who were my friends either have drifted apart, or were only friends with me for fame or money. The last true friend I had was before my parents funeral.

Mom and dad were in business, and just so happend to be in the Twin Towers. Of course, the day they went is the day the Towers fell. Dad ended up sacrificing himself to save mom, but it didn’t matter. She died from the smoke and debris inhaleation, still waiting in the waiting room. My brother was always hanging on the edge of depression, and this pushed him over. Meaning I was the only one of my family left.

I inherited enough to live the rest of my life comfortably, but I decided to work anyways. That’s how I was noticed, and why I am considered on of the most popular men alive. Luckily, nobody knows where I live, so I don’t have to deal with that most of the time.

This year I turn fourty, in seven months, May to November. And I’ll still be here, living this life. How time has passed.

Maybe I’ll go to Paris this summer, haven’t gone since I was thirteen. Or maybe Rome, I liked that much better, even if dad got a little cranky that trip.

I sigh, and move to the front door of my large house. I need a walk.

It’s raining badly outside, not that it matters. I’m from Florida, I like the rain.

I grab my raincoat, slip it on, and slip outside. I can walk on the roads easily, no one ever uses them down here.

I still remember the one day I thought I died. The one day where I picked up the ‘Jack of all trades’ ideal.

—(Twenty years ago)—

I just got out of classes for the day, well really night. All is dark, and I walk through the alleyways like I always do. I hear something from behind me, and feel cold metal on my neck, “Give me all your money.”

I stand stock still, “I have none!”

I feel the knife leave my neck, “Then I don’t need any witnesses.”

This is all the warning I got to dodge. Luckily I did dodge, and the knife passed through the space I used to occupy, “Ahhhhhhh!”

I start to yell at the top of my lungs, and the criminal only stabs faster. I get a few cuts on me, and have to continue dodgeing.

Then I hear sirens in the distance, and the criminal flees. The police eventually find me, covered in cuts and scratches.

From that day on, I strove to always be ready for any situation. I do not wish to die, so I must always be prepared. Become what’s said in the rhyme, ‘Jack of all trades, master of none.’

—(Present)—

I’m shocked out of my flashback by a bolt of purple lightning, “Purple lighting? Can’t say I’ve seen that before. I have to check it out.”

I start to lightly jog to where it struck.

—(Twilight)—

I finally arrive, and look around. First off, it’s raining! I know that wasn’t supposed to be today! Maybe I traveled in time by accident? No, there’s no way that could have happend.

Also, I’m on a path, and I don’t see any Apple trees, only regular ones. This path is also very painful to stand on, definitely not paved right. At least there is some light from some tall posts.

Might as well walk down the path, after all, all roads lead to Canterlot.

“Hello there, do you need help?”

—(Jack)—

I start to near the position it struck. What could’ve caused that color? Maybe it was some government weapon? Nah, they would tell me unless it was another country. Besides, why test on a publicly funded road in Kansas?

I see where it struck, and standing there is a pony. Strange coloring from what I see, but whatever. Horses are common out here, this one probably got lost.

I advance closer to it, “Hello there, do you need help?” Not that I expect it to reply, I just like talking.

It has some strange mark on it, one I don’t recognize, and I know everyone in this area. That color doesn’t seem like dye, otherwise it would be washing off, and it’s blending in much better than dye would. Birth defect maybe?

Either way, the pony turns toward me, “Yes, could you point me towards the nearest town?”

Both of our eyes meet, and I don’t know who was more surprised.

It’s a bloody unicorn, and it just talked! Well, this could be interesting, “I can bring you to shelter.” Hey, it’s intelligent, I have to help it so it doesn’t freeze out here.

Then it faints... shit.

Well, guess I gotta carry it.

I pick it up, and wear it like a backpack. Then I start to run back to my house.

Author's Note

I’m going to finish this before Dawn’s Break.