Beanhammer 40,000

by Justice3442

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Violence, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Death, Dark, Warhammer, Rainbow Dash, Equestria Girls, Fetish, Science Fiction, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity
Length: 4724

In the grim darkness of the future, there is only Beanis

In the grim darkness of the future, there is only Beanis

With sincere thanks and apologise to Tired Old Man who initially braved this and Nova Quill/Firimill who helped me edit the entire thing.

Published 2018-06-10 06:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-10 06:30:07 UTC

Oh, and also grim darkness, dark grimness, and a big jug of some mysterious liquid labeled 'grimdark' that everyone's too afraid to open

His light-brown Space Marine armor shining in the alien sun in spite of the odd splatter of paste and viscera, Captain Lentil Beanbane stood tall and pointed his Heavy Bean-Repeater towards the crest of an hill already pot marked with ordnance craters and slick with blood and bean paste. His weapon’s bulbous tip protruded proudly in the direction of ensuing combat as Beanbane appreciated both the length and girth of his weapon. Though his mind was more often than not focused on two things, battle and spreading the Holy Word of the Bean throughout the galaxy. It was in these rare moments of calm before beans and blood were spilled, he sometimes found his thoughts wandering.

He took a moment to lament that his suggesting of shorting the name of the Heavy Bean-Repeaters was met with cries of ‘Heresy’, ‘That’s racist’, and ‘What the HELL, man?!’ Was it racist when all races were one under the Mighty Bean? Was such harsh language necessary when all Beanbane had sought to do was save time in the lives of every Space Marine in every chapter? Time that could be better spent preparing for battle and meditation upon that most holy of oblongs? Did it really count as heresy just because he suggested their weapons be called ‘Heavy Beane-’

The roar of engines ripped the Captain’s thoughts back to the battle at hand, the acrid smell of gasoline reminding him that these heretical creatures refused to use a soy-based biofuel.

In his other hand, he raised a Powered Maul, a mighty hammer made all the mightier from the addition of Beanis-tech integrated into its devastating design. He steadied his Heavy Bean-Repeater in the other hand. “Ready your weapons, men! For the beautiful Goddess-Empress and her crown of cascading flame!” Standing along either side of the captain in a neat row, eight Space Marines with pauldrons decorated with emblems of legumes and phalluses all raised their weapons, Heavy Bean-Repeaters, a couple Auto-Pea Shooters, and even a Lima Launcher. He kept his hand in position as his men all took aim at the crest of the hill.

Captain Lentil Beanbane waited… Waited for the enemy war cry that would betray their exact moment of attack.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

“NOW!” Beanbane bellowed as his hammer slammed downward like a judge’s gavel. “LET SLIP THE CURDS OF WAR!”

Tires and rusted metal painted crimson and decorated with flames flew over the top of the hill as a maelstrom of beans flew forth to meet it all. As formidable as these green monstrosities were, and as fast as their machines fueled by heresy might be, they were no matchfor the unending onslaught of beanis-based weaponry.

“WAAAAAAAAAAARRrrrrrrrgaaaaarble!”

The war cry of the creatures became a muted mess as streams of paste and explosions heavy in fiber found their marks, splattered across faces, and tore metal to scrap. Bullets and flames flew and danced amongst the space marines, ricocheting off their heavy armors and licking at their slick battle coating. The smell of burnt blood and baked beans was added to the cacophonous odors of the battlefield.

Several of the vehicles had been stopped dead in their tracks, many due to the sheer volume of paste that now filled their engine compartments. However, one of the hardier attack vehicles surged forth. A red sedan with four massive tires that barreled through the chaos of the battle on a collision course for the Captain. It shot great jets of flame from twin hood-mounted flamers that sent even the bravest of Beanbane’s men diving for cover.

However, the Captain trusted in his armor, infused with the explosive power of beans and their wonderful gasses, as all things good in pure within the Legumium, and stood his ground. As the heat from the flames hit such an intensity that it seemed the Captain himself would be cooked in his own pod of powered armor, he took a wide stride back and to the left before he swung his hammer with all his might.

A great and mighty squelchfilled the air as his bean maul made contact with the side of the vehicle. Sending it hurling end over end as its armor and heavy chassis bent and broke.

It finally came to a stop, but unfortunately for its occupants, the vehicles wheels where now bent and smashed, which hardly mattered as it was upside down as well.

Before the green beasts inside could gather what little wits they had about them, the fuel from the smashed tanks of the flamers intermingled briefly with some of the fire of the battle.

The entire vehicle went up in flames; its doomed occupants hollering in pain as the blaze consumed them.

Beanbane turned to face the rest of his attackers, but it was far too late for them. Those that managed to survive the first onslaught were now too busy being beaten and beaned with beans to make their way to his position. The wretched creatures screamed before their mouths were filled with paste or they were mercilessly flogged by beanis-blades…which also covered the creatures in paste with each heavy slap of their multi-beanis-toothed rods of justice.

And just like that, the battle was over. Captain Lentil Beanbane and his mighty squadron of the Bean Chapter where once again victorious.

He thrust his maul into the air. “Victory! Praise be for the Holy Trinity! The Purple Lady Commander of the Legumium and Creation! The Blue Grand Inquisitor whose love for the bean eclipses all others! And the beautiful, flawless Empress-Goddess who blesses us all from atop her golden throne. May her reign last as long as her endless, cascading fire-locks!”

His men replied in one unified voice. “PRAISE BE TO BEANS!”

“Captain, a word if I may?”

Beanbane looked up from his work and gave an acknowledging nod to his Lieutenant, an able-bodied but worried Marine by the name of Chickpea Megasprouts. The lieutenant had removed his helmet revealing his light-yellowish skin and shaved head, which almost all marines in the Chapter sported as a smooth dome was thought to bring them closer to Beanliness.

“Yes, Lieutenant,” Beanbane replied as he ceased attempting to clean the paste from his Heavy Bean-repeater and removed his own helmet, his own face a burnt orange-color, one that he secretly prided himself as it was perhaps only a few shades darker than that of the Goddess-Empress’s of whom he dreamed about laying his eyes upon.

“I would speak with you privately, if able?” Megasprouts asked in a hushed tone.

Beanbane responded with a solemn nod, and stood up, leaving his weapon at his station. Though truth be told, he was happy for the excuse to cease running a moist cloth over the length of his repeater. Although he often enjoyed the sensation of his firm grip running along the soft-supple length of his personal bean discharger, the act of cleaning it often resulted in the weapon squirting even more paste, which, in turn, had to be cleaned, which often led to it firing off more paste, creating a never-ending cycle of cleaning. He and his lieutenant exited the traditional post-battle yurt which was setup so the men could clean their weapons of war, their heavy armored boots making viscous sploshing sounds as they trudged through the already several inch-deep paste flooding out from the circle yurt.

Soon the two men had found a relatively quiet place amongst the former field of battle, their enemies either lying dead amongst the twisted and burning wrecks of their own vehicles or lying down groaning in agony, their bellies filled to near bursting with the holy mucilage.

“Tell me, lieutenant, what concerns you?”

The Lieutenant’s shoulders shrugged slightly as he looked about, armor cauldrons seemingly wearing heavily on the shoulder of the man. “Sir… I fear I am having…” Megasprouts expression shifted as he looked at Beanbane’s face, as if he was studying it for a reaction “… doubts…”

The Captain’s face hardened like a pot of refried beans that had been left out for too long. “Perhaps this would be a conversation better suited for Chaplain Edamame Stormsoup.”

Megasprouts shook his head. “I fear my words might be misunderstood in the face of someone who has not seen my conviction as closely as you have.” The Lieutenant gave his captain a look so serious it could split peas. “One who knows that my conviction to the all-mighty bean is absolute.”

The Captain nodded. “Yes, beans. Beans, the magical legume. Very well, speak.”

Megasprouts took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s these… these demandable beasts!”

“Watch it!” The captain snapped.

“Sir, I meant no heresy.”

“No, the ‘d’ word,” Beanbane clarified. “Your negativity against these pathetic creatures may indeed raise the concern of the Chaplain, but not I.”

A smile crept across the Megasprouts’ face. “So, you do see it.”

Beanbane frowned. “Perhaps you should speak plainly.”

“These… these things! Their filth should be purged from the galaxy!” Megasprouts cried passionately. “Why waste time bringing them into the tortilla fold of our glorious Legumium?!”

Surprise splattered across the Captains face like an unexpected stray discharge of bean paste. “Lieutenant! Calm yourself. This conversation is becoming borderline heretical.” He shook his head. “It is not our will, but that of the Holy Trinity that proclaim all those willing to take the bean into themselves are worthy to be taken in by the bean. These are words spoken by the Immortal Grand Inquisitor herself!” Beanbane looked to his left and to his right then leaned forward. “And they say she is ever present. Her speed beyond anything any creature of this plane or the warp could even imagine.”

“I beg forgiveness Captain, but when I look upon these wretched creatures, all I feel is revulsion!” Megasprouts shook his head. “Their pointed ears that stray so very far from their heads! Their ugly teeth similarly miring what could have been a perfectly acceptably oblong shape!”

Though still shocked, it took Beanbane almost all his considerable will not to nod along with what the Lieutenant was saying. He, too, doubted that such alien creatures were worthy of anything but to feel the bean’s wrath before their brutal erasure from the galaxy. Perhaps… perhaps in the Lieutenant he had also found a kindred spirit…”

Megasprouts continued, “And their skin! Such an unsightly shade of green!”

That statement suddenly shook Beanbane from his thoughts. “Wha-what?” Though, yes, these creatures were all rather green, such a skin-tone was not totally uncommon within the Legumium, in fact, it was also the color of—”

“Just like peas!” Megasprouts exclaimed.

The Captain almost couldn’t believe what he has just heard. “H-Heresy!” he exclaimed pointing at the Lieutenant.

Megasprouts dropped his eyelids. “Peas are ick—”

Beanbane caught a flash of blue and the glint of something metal.

Megasprouts didn’t finish his sentence. In fact, he never would. Instead of words of heresy, blood now poured from his mouth as well as a deep cut along his muscular neck. For a moment, fear bounded across his eyes like the legendary jumping beans of lore and then he collapsed to join the dead on the bean blasted field of battle.

Beanbane’s emotions got the better of him and he found himself on his knees cradling the body of his comrade. How many scores had they fought alongside each-other? Perhaps they had even fought together hundred or scores of hundreds of times in this galaxy-wide arena of constant strife to protect the ideals of the Holy Trinity.

And yet, one word out of turn and his trusted bean brother was discarded like an unwanted pod from… from…

Beanbane stared up into the smoke-filled sky and snarled. This wasn’t right! This wasn’t just! Megasprouts deserved to go out fighting against the alien’s horde that threatened the Legumium! Not unceremoniously dispatched for speaking his feelings. Captain Lentil Beanbane vowed then that he’d stand in front of the Goddess-Empress herself someday… Perhaps even the entire Holy Trinity. His voice would be heard by them, even it was to be silenced.

As fate would have it, that day would come much sooner than expected. “Come,” a feminine voice said simply as a slender blue hand was offered to the Captain.

And so, Captain Lentil Beanbane kneeled in front of the golden throne. Still quite unable, or rather, unwilling to look up and see the one perfect creature of this galaxy… A being of angelic perfection. A being whose very thought sent shivers to the very core of his bones with a mere thought. Instead, his eyes stopped just short of where the seemingly endless flowing locks of fire-colored hair that sprung forth from the most beautiful of heads first touched the steps that led up to aesthetic perfection. Amongst the strands that evenly covered the massive throne room like a giant flickering carpet, Beanbane himself was fortunate to be allowed, with his weapons no less, to tread upon those holiest of holy hairs…

After he and his armor were washed, of course.

“So….”

The Captain quivered. The Goddess-Empress’s voice was more melodic than he could have possibly dreamed. Nothing he listened to would ever be as awesome or bring as much joy.

She continued, “I’m given to understand your squad has performed exceptionally well against the Orks that threaten our borders.”

“Y-yes… My Goddess-Empress. It is as you say.”

The tone of the Goddess-Empress changed slightly, and at that moment pure bliss turned to pure dread. “And yet you’re short a lieutenant. Tell me, Captain Beanbane, why is that?”

Beanbane swallowed.

“Look upon me.”

Fear overtook Beanbane and he found the bean that was his head suddenly very heavy. Too heavy to lift.

“Look upon me!” the Goddess-Queen demanded.

Beanbane did so and his eyes beheld that perfect vision. Beautiful and terrible as the sunrise and the sunset. Fair as the depth of space itself and the stars that dot its blackness. Dreadful and glorious as battle itself. Stronger than the great metal walls and ALL the mountains of Terra.

At that moment Beanbane understood both true love and true despair.

And yet, the vision of Megasprouts lifeless corpse amongst the very monstrosities he had defended the Legumium from remained.

“He… he did not think these ‘Orks’ worthy of inclusion into the Holy Empire.”

“Oh?” the Goddess-Empress asked. Her dulcet voice not that of anger but that of earnest curiosity.

Beanbane nodded. “He felt… He felt they were far too… far too unbeancoming to be allowed to join in our vision.”

A short laugh escaped the Goddess-Empress lips. “Oh, reeeeeally?” she cooed. Another tone that Beanbane found sent shivers to his very core whether he wished it to, or not.

Beanbane somehow found the strength to continue and nodded. “Also, he detested the color of their skin.”

Somehow, that statement seemed to befuddle the perfect Goddess-Empress “That’s uh… That’s… a hrrmmm…”

“And I somewhat agree with my fallen brother.”

“…”

He continued, “but not because of the skin of the Orks.”

“Okay, good, because that made my skin crawl and I’d hate it if you—”

“But because they are different than us PURE blooded humans of Terra!”

“—Aaaaaaand there it is…”

Despite his emotions roiling like one’s insides after a chili cook-off, Beanbane forced a determined look. “This galaxy belongs to only the purest and the most perfect beings!”

“Okay, but I don’t think that statement means what you seem to th—”

“Goddess-Empress, I have a dream!”

The Goddess-Empress sighed. “Oh, here we go…”

“I have a dream that the denizens of this Holy Empire will not be judged the color of their skin”—

“They’re already not.”

—“or the content of their character”—

“Yikes. Just… yikes.”

— “but instead how close the shape of their heads are to that of the bean that came from that purest of pure lands. That land that is the birthplace of mankind and the true cultivators of the beans! Terra!”

The Goddess-Emperor groaned. “You done?”

“Ah, my Goddess…. Er, My Goddess-Empress. Yes, I am done.”

The Goddess-Emperor nodded. “Okay, because I’m not from Terra, stupid.”

Beanbane felt his heart explode and splatter in his chest cavity like a burrito left in the microwave for far too long. “Wha-what?!”

“I’m from another planet… Dimension even! It’s… it’s even written in the Holy Scriptures! It pretty much opens with that! Did you even read them?! Can you even read them?! Just… holy crap, Captain! How much of this nonsense are you taking to heart from that weird beanis cult of yours over what’s really important here?!” Two index fingers pointed to their owner. “Me.”

And with that, the Captain’s worldview was shattered. The most divine Bean Being was not that perfect image he held in his head. She even seemed to mock the foundation of his very beliefs! And what was the most unforgivable thing of all… She had a bit of a potty mouth!

It was no longer a time for words or thoughts, but for action. The Goddess-Queen would regret that the Grand Inquisitor had allowed him to keep his weapons, as he retrieved both in the blink of an eye. Immediately, he was on his feet, and with his first few steps he felt the binds of the Goddess-Empress’s hair wrap around his legs, rooting him into place.

“Hey! OW! OW! That really hurts, you oaf!”

No matter. If he couldn’t reach her to smash her skull with his maul, he still had his Heavy Bean-Repe… Oh, to heckies with it. “Taste the wrath of my Beane—”

And for a split second, Beanbane caught his own mirrored face as something reflective passed in front of his eyes. This object continued downward and just as quickly severed arm from elbow. Centuries of muscle memory kicked in and the hand holding his maul raised to strike, but before the hammer could fall, a blade was thrust upwards into Beanbane’s wrist. The battle was over before it had even begun, and the mighty maul crashed to the hair below.

“Ow! And also, EW!”

Beanbane’s senses finally caught up to the rest of him as his gaze fell upon a woman with eyes as hard as the crunchiest of over-cooked beans and skin the color of lilacs. The Purple Lady Commander of the Legumium! As her blade swung upwards to his neck to finish the job, he uttered the only thing he felt was appropriate in this situation. “Oh fuck!”

And then all was darkness.

The Goddess-Empress buried her face in her hands, her scarlet faceted jewel poking out from between her arms. “Really, Aria?! REALLY?! All over my hair?!”

Aria Blaze rolled her eyes and swung her long, single curved blade so some of the blood flew off, much to the Goddess-Empress’s chagrin. “It’s not my fault you keep it this long, Adagio.” Aria shook her head. “I mean, would it kill you to cut it every few centuries?!”

Adagio Dazzle narrowed her eyes. “Hey, I have an ongoing bet with that dirty slut Slaanesh!” A smirk made its way onto her face. “A bet I’m totally winning, by the way.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Aria said as she bent down and used some of Adagio’s hair to wipe her blade clean.

“Stop that!” Adagio demanded. “It’s already bad enough I’ll need to get the Adeptus Custodes in here to wash and brush that section!”

Aria’s amethyst eyes made a rotation in her eye sockets. “Wow, yeah. How much it must suck to have a bunch’a practically naked, oiled up, and muscled men fawn all over you!”

“Don’t kink-shame me!”

Aria shook her head. “Honestly, I only bring it up ‘cause it’s just so tame for you…”

Adagio shrugged. “What can I say? After several millennia, I’ve grown to appreciate the simple things in immortality.”

“Yeah, well, speaking of both kink-shaming and simple things, where the hell is that bean freak?”

“Here!”

“Bwah!” Aria jumped forward, startled when she felt a tap on her shoulder. “Sonata! Knock it off! Do you want to get cut?! ‘Cause that’s how ya get cut!”

Sonata Dusk let out a giggle and pointed at Aria’s sword. “Like you could ever hurt me with that.”

Aria’s eyes narrowed. “Believe me, I’ll try one of these centuries. Anyhow, why’d you even let this wack-a-do in here?! Dude was mad speciesist!” Aria shook her head. “Was ranting on about the purity of Terrans, as if that was thing.”

“Right?” Adagio replied. “You’d think the teaming and filthy masses of the galaxy would have figured out by now that they’re all just food for us and we hold them all in equal disdain, but no… They’ve been so caught up in this beanis craze they haven’t even noticed us siphoning the entire universe’s energy to the point where Khrone himself would probably crap his skull throne if he wasn’t too busy joygasming over all the war we create.”

Sonata picked one of the four walls of the giant throne room and stared directly at it. “What a delightful bit of exposition that rapidly fills a ton of backstory.”

Aria sighed. “Sonata, I know I’m going to regret asking this, but… Why do you do that whole… stare at the wall and talk to no one, thing?”

Sonata giggled. “Oh, because when you spend as much time with someone, and more importantly, fucking them in a giant pool of magical bean jizz as much as Pinkie Pie and I have over the millennia, your mental state eventually melds into one entity, of course!”

Aria nodded. “Right, you see? This is why I only ask you this sort of stuff every few centuries, for realzies.” Aria cringed as the final word left her mouth. “Wow… Guess I’m not having sex with you in the bean-paste pools for a few years…”

Adagio groaned. “Can you two just leave already?! As much as I love watching the Custodes work, that also means listening to those incurably insane pillars of nuttiness; and with you two present I’m rapidly approaching my limit for inane banter this year.”

Aria shrugged. “Suits me. I got waaaaay more uses for bean-based gas and weapons I want to work on anyway.”

Sonata gave Adagio a disappointed look. “But don’t you want to go into more helpful exposition like Aria just did for the people reading at home, or like… work or school when they really shouldn’t be? We didn’t even mention how we used the power of beanis to get our gems back or like… How we have Sunset and her friends trapped in a dungeon!”

“No, I don’t want to talk about any of that,” Adagio said simply. She pointed. “Now make like peas and split!”

Aria and Sonata turned and began the long walk over Adagio’s hair towards the Golden Throne room exit. “Dungeon?” Aria said in a somewhat disagreeing tone. “Dude, we gave them like, all of California. I mean… they can’t leave without our say-so, but dungeon’s a bit harsh!”

Sonata shrugged. “Fungeon is just ‘dungeon’ with an ‘f’ and no ‘d’!”

“I gave them a ‘d’!” Aria insisted. “Rainbow Dash would not shut up until that happened!”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

Out in the desert wastes stands a metal wall. A wall that reaches high into the sky. It was so high, that one might think it extended all the way into space.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

Perhaps it does.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

Few know the wall’s secrets. The Goddess-Empress surely knows, but she doesn’t discuss the wall with almost any being, regardless of their age, standing, or even the services they have provided her own Holy Empire.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

The Lady Commander of the Legumium surely knows, but those who oft speak to her know better than to bring it up, and those she meets outside that circle rarely see her but the once, and then nothing ever again.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

The Grand Inquisitor surely knows, but she is as free willed and perhaps even as chaotic as Tzeentch himself. To seek her is a fool’s errand, and those that find themselves in her presence rarely reflect on the surprise meeting with nostalgia, if they are granted the privilege of either mind or body to think back on it at all.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

But amongst the wall’s many mysteries, perhaps none are so strange as the rhythmic thumping that has gone on uninterrupted for millennia in one very specific section.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

If only the curious were allowed a glance to the other side.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“I HATE beanis! I HATE beanis! I HATE beanis!” Repeated Sunset Shimmer as she rhythmically bashed her forehead against the solid metal wall in front of her, the bruise on her forehead seemingly healing almost before she could smash it into the respectable dent her repeated action had created. Similarly, the long horn that sprung forth from atop her forehead likewise collided with the wall time and time again, however it had worn a nice, cozy groove into the incredibly thick metal and seemed completely unimpeded by the constant ‘assault’ the wall was receiving.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“I HATE beanis! I HATE beanis! I HATE beanis!”

“Sunset, could you give it a rest for like… a week?”

Sunset’s wings ruffled instinctively, but she didn’t turn, nor did she stop pounding her head against the wall. There was no need to do either. Her bespectacled friend Twilight Sparkle was obviously standing behind her in her own semi-alicornified human glory, with a look of deep concern. No doubt all before she said something or another to Sunset that she hoped would get her to stop.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

It wouldn’t. However, Sunset would at least humor her dear friend enough to stop chanting and engage her in conversation. “No,” Sunset said simply. “This thing might block magic and do all kinds of resets when attacked with technology, but I’ve made a pretty good dent with my immortal skull. Gimme a few more millennia and I’m sure we’ll have a way out.”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

Twilight sighed, the same defeated tired sigh that Sunset had heard maybe millions of times before. “Okay, but we’re having a wine and cheese party!” she said in a tempting tone.

“Pass.”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“… Nurgle himself fermented the grapes and aged the cheese.”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“… Fine, bring me like… five bottles and as many plates.”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

Twilight just sighed again. “I guess we can just have the party here, like, usual.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“Honestly, I’m more surprised you bother to go through the rigmarole of asking if I’d stop hitting my head against the wall.”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“Because I won’t stop…”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“I can’t stop!”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“Not until I’m free and beanis is gone forever.” Sunset deadpanned as one eye stared balefully into space. As if making eye contact with some Omnipotent being messing with her happiness and sanity.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“Which, with my luck, is also probably going to take forever…”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“Hey, I have an idea!” Rainbow Dash’s unprompted and unwarranted voice joined the conversation as well as the quiet ‘whir’ of the gears that made up a great deal of her body, this intrusive yet oft-repeated occurrence reminding Sunset of an ancient sitcom where a character would come bursting through the door of the apartment where a good 50% of everything took place, if one replaced this uninvited guest with, say… Robocop.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

Twilight and Sunset both groaned. A groan that had escaped their lips millions of times before.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“How about I fuck the wall down!”

“…”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“With my robo-dick!” Rainbow Dash motioned down to the hydraulic unit already standing straight at attention from between her cybernetic legs.

‘Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“Because I’m totally willing to fuck a hole straight into that wall!”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“With my robo-dick!”

‘Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!’

“…”

‘Thump-Thump-Thump-Thump-Thump-Thump-Thump-Thump!’

“Guys, did you know Aria built me a robo—”

“We KNOW!”

‘ThumpThumpThumpThumpThumpThumpThumpThumpThumpThumpThumpThump!’

“‘Kay, cause like… Aria totally built me a robo-d—”

“WE KNOW!”

The End… or not…

It’ll never end.