"Holy Crap, Mom, What the Tartarus!?"

by FanOfMostEverything

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Tree of Harmony
Length: 2432

"How come I don't get to keep dragons from eating me, but YOU get to do THAT!?"

The Astral Plane is a place of cosmic peace and serenity, a realm of gentle mists and alien but not unfriendly stars. Mortals who access it do so only after reaching a pinnacle of spiritual development and enlightenment, where those who have reached the peak before them may ease their transition to a higher state of existence.

However, immortals have an easier time of things, which can lead to rather less enlightened conversations.

Spoilers for S8E13, "The Mean 6." Rated Teen for discussion of realities that are rated Mature.

Published 2018-06-15 11:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-15 11:20:06 UTC

"How is THAT Harmony!?"

The shout echoed through the Astral Plane, loud enough that its stars paused in their eternal twinkling, its very substance rippled in sympathy with the sound, and every physically incarnate immortal in Equestria got a mild headache, most without knowing why.

Fortunately for the Tree of Harmony, her physical body didn't have a head. Her astral presence had many of them, its multitudinous forms encompassing all conceivable body structures from pony to human to entities that neither could imagine. From the perspective of an onlooker who chose to focus on human anatomy, she crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at her offspring. This aspect of her had the drawn appearance of a woman entering middle age after too many years with too little food, her crystalline skin still dull against the more vibrant colors of her faceted dress and the charm bracelet holding her Elements. "Would you care to rephrase that, Junior?"

To that same anthropocentric viewer, the other being present crossed her own arms and puffed out her cheeks. She appeared no more than twelve years old, slightly plump to her mother's ranginess. Her dress was cut from the same iridescent cloth, and she too had a bracelet, hers with a single massive circular chunk of crystal that looked like someone had tried to make a wrist-mounted sundial and never bothered with the gnomon. Her hat, though, was all her own, a brim stitched to a plastic toy castle that teetered precariously on her head. "No. I think that pretty much says it all. What. The actual. Tartarus." After a moment's thought, the Castle of Friendship added, "Mom."

The Tree shrugged. "You remember your germination. You know I'm not exactly the nicest avatar when I have to act."

"There's taking stolen magic away from a centaur, and then there's drinking ponies' souls." The Castle glared up at her mother. "Kind of like that centaur."

The Tree clicked her tongue. "You have some of the most brilliant magical minds in the world living in you, Junior. You know full well that what I did has almost nothing in common with Tirek's actions."

"Okay, fine," grumbled the Castle, "but it's still really freaking disturbing. And unfair!" She stomped a foot, which did next to nothing against the unseen surface of the Astral.

"There's the real issue," said the Tree, nodding to herself. "You're not worried about those duplicates, you want to know why I permitted myself to do that."

The Castle gasped and brought her hands to her cheeks. "Goshum golly gee, do I? I don't know, it's not like you told me not to defend myself when I was getting demolished by yaks, or infested by changelings, or eaten by a dragon!" With each event mentioned, a screen flickered into existence showing that event as it happened. The Castle rolled up a sleeve as Ember took a bite out of a dining room, revealing two rows of small scars dotting her inner forearm. "Yeah, can't think of why I might be a little peeved then!"

"Language, Junior."

The screens vanished as the Castle let go of her sleeve and drooped. "It's just..." She sighed. "It's just not fair."

The Tree knelt next to her and wrapped her in a hug. "There, there, dear." The Castle returned the embrace after only a moment's hesitation. "I'll be happy to explain it. This was a very special circumstance; it's only come up once before. It's not every day a Bearer so completely betrays what she stands for."

"But they weren't even really the Bearers!" The Castle pouted. "Why couldn't I swat those changelings once they got within fifty feet of me?"

"Because they were just disguised." The Tree took a step back. More screens appeared around her, displaying the true Bearers of Harmony, the changelings that had taken their place, and Chrysalis's clones. The images shifted from the visible spectrum to the magical one. The changelings stood out immediately, while the other groups were still nearly identical. "These were the current Bearers on several important physical and metaphysical levels, which meant that when they acted as they did, they started a negative resonance that—"

"Okay, yeah, fine." The Castle rolled her eyes. "I'm full of enough magibabble as it is, Mom."

The Tree shook her head and sighed, though a hint of a smile still stayed on her face. "What ever happened to my happy little lockbox?"

"She got turned into the Ponyville Public Library without anypony asking her how she felt about it." The Castle considered the still-present screens for another few moments. "So that's all there is to it? You're allowed to use soul-drinking tentacles as long as the Bearers are being jerks?"

"In a sense. The Elements can be used more freely if that's the case, as when Celestia banished Luna to the moon. Of course, a single pony using all six at once is going to lead to some backlash as well, so I had to break her attunement."

The Castle looked askance at her mother. "Uh huh. You didn't 'have to' do that to Twilight and everypony, right?"

"No." After a moment, the Tree added, "Well, probably not." She gestured, and the screen showing the clones frayed into numerous, minutely distinct windows. A few drifted to the front of the probability cloud. "There are a few worldlines where the Elements have a bit more autonomy and took matters into their own facets, or where the sympathetic bonds between the clones and the originals were tight enough that I had no choice."

The Castle accepted that without question. Both existed across a wide swath of probability space, and often had to deal with minor deviations between their constituent selves. "Still, you have to agree that it was really freaking disturbing."

The Tree nodded. "Restoring the balance can—" Her body flickered like an unstable satellite signal. Once she stabilized, she fell to her knees, one hand clutching at her heart and the other at the Element bracelet.

The Castle rushed to her side, supporting her as best she could. "Mom? Are you okay?"

"Fine, dear," the Tree said breathlessly. Her skin seemed even less lustrous than before, and clammy to her daughter's touch. "Chrysalis can just be a little unpredictable at times."

The Castle bit her lip. She was pretty sure she could faintly see her hands through her mother. "Mom, how dead are you right now?"

This got a chuckle, or at least a groan with a sense of humor. "Oh, no more than forty percent or so."

"Forty percent!?"

"Don't worry, dear. It was much worse when I had to contend with the plundervines."

"And the Elements?" Those definitely looked more see-through than the Tree herself.

"Well..." The Tree got her weight back under her, not responding until she did. "It's not like she stole them in every worldline."

"Mom, this is serious!" The Castle adjusted her own bracelet, a map of half the world appearing on it. She began arranging cutie marks over the representation of the Everfree. "I'm letting the girls know. It'll be kind of roundabout, but—"

A hand on her shoulder interrupted the process. "Dear, please, it's alright."

"You're almost half-dead, you're probably missing the Elements when we both know you're nowhere near recovered yet, the Bearers have no idea that Chrysalis is trying to get her revenge..." The Castle shook with fury, a scream leaking out through her gritted teeth. "How is anything alright right now?"

The Tree gave her a calm smile. "It'll all work out."

That got a glare that could send Nightmares fleeing for their lives. "No. You don't get to play that card. Not after the soul drinking. I'm not going to let you lie back and die completely when we can actually do something!"

"Dear, I'm touched, really, but death doesn't mean the same thing for us as it does for most beings. Even in the worst case, it'll be a simple matter for me to reincarnate with both the Bearers and the Pillars around, especially with you here. And even if that doesn't work..." The Tree shrugged. "Well, you're here. You can take over for me."

The Castle's jaw dropped. She took a step back. "No way! We had a deal! All I had to worry about for my first century was the occasional friendship mission and being Twilight's book repository. After that, when all my senses had developed, maybe you'd pass the torch. I'm nowhere near ready to step into your roots right now and we both know it."

That same smile had yet to shift. "You may think that, but I have faith in you."

"That makes one of us. You might as well make Flurry Heart the Spirit of Harmony! And what happens if I mess up? Who takes over then, Aunt Stumpy in the human world? Have you seen the kind of worldlines she allows to manifest?"

That got the Tree to react, making her adopt a disapproving frown. The windows the Castle had called up vanished before they could properly display anything. "If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, then you're far too young to be looking at those sorts of realities, young lady."

"That's my point! How can you trust me to guide the world if you won't even let me look at timelines that operate on porn logic?" The Castle shuddered. "Not that I really want to. Ew. Animal sex."

One corner of the Tree's mouth turned up in a half-grin. "You may see the appeal when you're older. In any case..." She knelt down next to the Castle and put an arm around her daughter's shoulders. "Some may say I put too much faith in those I love. And at times, they may be right. But when you're the Spirit of Harmony, you need that faith. You need to believe that there's a way to make everything work out and everyone get a happy ending. Because otherwise, what are you even trying to accomplish?"

"I guess." The Castle leaned into the embrace and wrapped her own arms around her mother. "It's just that you're so much better at it than I am. You've still come up with most of the missions I've sent everyone on."

A light tap on the top of her head made the Castle flinch. "I thought I was the freaky lady who drank ponies' souls."

She rolled her eyes. "Moooom..."

"I tease because I love, dear," said the Tree, smiling down at her daughter. "And that's just experience. It comes in time. And you've certainly resolved your fair share of issues before I noticed them. Restaurant Row, Captain Star Stinger, the Arisian Civil War—"

The Castle allowed herself a small smile. "Okay, yeah, I guess I do alright." It fell away as she said, "I saw the Storm King coming too, but you wouldn't let me tell anypony."

"I showed you why that one needed to happen, dear," said the Tree. "We're already seeing some of the positive effects." Images of the School of Friendship, Tempest Shadow traveling with the harpy pirates to spread news of Twilight's victory, and other ripples of the Storm War surrounded them.

The Castle responded with a single window of her own, two equinoids locked in magical combat, the meeting point of their beams just inches away from one's muzzle before the other got snatched away. "Just like you grabbed Twilight's clone before she could take down Chrysalis?"

"Everything happens for a reason, dear." The Tree shifted so that the Castle was properly in her lap, then called up another window, this one with the blurry haze that came from trying to look at future events. "By letting Chrysalis get away, this improved to eighty nine point three percent certainty."

The Castle watched, then gave a grudging nod. "Okay, yeah, that would be nice. Don't know if it's worth you dying, though."

"Even if I don't ever come back—and believe me, I do plan on coming back—I know that this world will be in good branches." The Tree wrapped her daughter in a hug that would shatter lesser beings.

The Castle just smiled up at her. "Thanks, Mom. Love you."

"I love you too, Junior."

"Ugh. Must you be such a lawful influence on her?" Both turned to see Discord, who insistently appeared in all his draconequine glory even to that theoretical, anthropocentric viewer, just because he could. "Honestly, it's so rare that I get a chance to have a talon in a young spirit's upbringing, and then you have to go and act like a responsible parent."

"So sorry to disappoint," the Tree said with a grin that didn't seem even remotely apologetic.

"Bah." Discord turned to the Castle. "So, Namepending—"

"Don't call me that," she said immediately.

"But it's what ponies call you!"

She shrugged. "I suppose I could call you by your old pigeon name, Rest Stop."

The Tree patted her on the head. "Be nice, dear."

"See, this is what I'm talking about," said Discord. "The first enjoyable conversation I've had on this plane in millennia and you're trying to spoil it." He looked back to the Castle. "In any case, rest assured that I'm none too pleased with ex-Queen Bugbutt myself. Changeling or no, I cannot abide such flagrant plagiarism of one of my best schemes. If I find her, I'll give her an extra thump for you."

"Oh. Uh..." The Castle bit her lip. "Thanks?"

Discord gave her a bow so deep, he ended up looking between his own legs. "You are most welcome, my dear. Tata!" He vanished as quickly as he arrived.

The Castle looked up at her mother. "Do you ever get used to him?"

The Tree laughed and shook her head. "He makes a point of ensuring you don't."

After a moment to ponder this, the Castle said, "I don't suppose you could try drinking his soul?"

"Where did you think you came from, dear?"

And thus every ascended mortal flattened their ears as another great cry echoed across the Astral Plane:

"EWWWWWWWWW!"

Author's Note

"Aunt Stumpy" is the vaguely treelike crystal formation in Equestria Girls: Legend of Everfree that held the magical geodes. It's the best contender for the human world's Tree of Harmony, and the nickname amused me. And I will never get tired of giving the Castle of Friendship that ridiculous hat.

We'll see where the show staff goes with Chrysalis. Though I remain concerned by how we never see the Tree again after she snarls at it...