FIMstuck

by SoloBrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 8613

An outsider is trapped in Equestria and has no idea how anything works. Good thing he can hear beyond the fourth wall! Reader comments direct the story.

Tom has no idea how he ended up in Equestria. For that matter, he has no idea who he is, or what he was, before he ended up in Equestria.

But he's in Equestria now, and he's a pony, and has no idea how things in this world work. Thankfully, he has one advantage: He can hear commentary by outside observers into this world. Hopefully they'll guide him better than his own lackluster survival instincts would.

Reader comments direct this story. Comments must be in the form of an imperative (i.e. 'do this') for Tom to receive them, generally.

Published 2018-06-11 01:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-13 19:28:04 UTC

WHERE THE @#$@ AM I?!

Tom woke up to the smell of dirt and leaves, and groggily got up to his hooves.

Hooves. Wait, what?

Tom looked down, and sure enough, he was hunched over, walking on four hooves.

Brown coat... and I have black tail. Greeaaaaat.

HOW THE @#$@ DID THIS HAPPEN?!

It was then that Tom heard a loud branch snap, instinctively looked in the direction of the sound, and realized he had an even more pertinent question.

WHERE THE @$@# AM I?!

Followed by the quite-relevant followup...

Is this place safe?! Are there predators around?!

The forest seemed normal enough, but then again, normal forests had bears. Tom wasn't inclined to tangle with a bear on a normal day, much less a day when he was a pony.

Wait, what was I before? Oh... Oh @#$@, I can't remember! I can't remember anything!

Before Tom could contemplate his existential issues further, a corporeal issue presented itself; a large creature that looked like a lion, save for its huge batwings and scorpion stinger, came into view through the trees. Judging by its gaze fixed sternly on him, Tom inferred the manticore wanted to eat him.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH @#$@ THIS

Tom bolted as fast as his four legs would take him – which, between the rough terrain and his total unfamiliarity with his new equine physiology, wasn't very fast at all. Still, the manticore struggled to catch up to him once he had gotten into the thick trees, and his panicked, squirmy movement style kept him from getting caught on anything for too long.

Then again, it also got him bumps, bruises, scrapes, and splinters across most of his body, so Tom wasn't sure he could call it a rousing success.

Okay. Okay! Take stock! You're lost in a forest WITH MANTICORES and you have no memory, a weird equine body you aren't familiar with, and you don't even remember enough to remember what you're good at. FANTASTIC. I'm sure I can make this work! Uhh... my first step should be to find civilization! Yeah! Someone to give me the lay of the land!

EXCEPT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DIRECTION TO GO IN AND WHAT TO DO OR WHAT TO AVOID IN THIS PLACE, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THERE'S CIVILIZATION OUT THERE FOR ME TO FIND. AAAAAAAAAA

Tom occupied himself with hyperventilating and panicking for a short while, accomplishing nothing. After several minutes of that, he finally managed to get control over himself enough to think straight.

Alright, okay, I should... get food! Or water! Maybe I can find something here I recognize as safe to eat!

Tom began surveying the local area, but only got a few paces from where he had started before he heard thunder.

Oh @#$@. Thunder means a storm, which means—

Poor Tom began getting rained on.

THAT'S JUST @#$@ing GREAT. Okay, shelter! The trees are stopping some of the rain, but I need something resembling shelter!

A quick look around revealed nothing, but Tom decided he was a resourceful person, and could just make a shelter.

Except he quickly discovered he could do no such thing with only hooves as his means of manipulation. He couldn't even pick things up!

Cursing his equine physiology's inability to perform basic tasks, Tom instead decided to look around for shelter. He passed a creek and came across an old, hollowed-out oak tree, which he tried to nestle in.

The ferret sheltering in the tree informed him of its displeasure via bite to the rump, which sent a squealing Tom running far from the tree hollow. While trying to get a look at the injury to make sure he wasn't bleeding, Tom noticed things had suddenly gotten a whole lot darker.

Whoa. It's almost like I'm suddenly... standing... in shade...

A quick glance upwards revealed that Tom's cries of discomfort had attracted the attention of a roc, a truly enormous bird, which dove down to try to pluck him off of the ground. Thankfully, the trees made its descent difficult and precise, and Tom managed to dive behind one of the trees before the creature landed.

DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME, OR WHAT?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

Desperate to get away from the new predator, Tom dashed through the trees in a blind panic.

Which he stopped doing as soon as he ran into something large, soft, and warm.

Oooh. This feels nice. Like a—

The manticore Tom had previously evaded, and now rammed, roared in fury and confusion.

OH COME ON! WHY?!

Tom jumped backwards just in time to avoid the vicious stinger the manticore stabbed at him, and began running in the opposite direction, screaming all the while. Remembering that his yelling attracted the roc, Tom considered being quiet.

Then he had an idea.

"HEY! HEEEEEY, GIANT BIRD! GOT A FREE LUNCH FOR YOU HERE!"

Tom soon spotted the roc, making a descent that would intercept where he was heading. At the last minute, Tom leapt aside, and heard a furious roar and confused bird noises as the two monsters tangled.

"YEAH! YEAH! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON IT! I HOPE YOU TAKE EACH OTHER OUT, AND NOBODY GETS TO EAT TONIGHT BUT ME!"

Tom, caught up in his victory, managed to ignore the rain pouring on him for several seconds – but his first serious shivers reminded him.

@#$@. Right. Need to find shelter!

Tom moved away from the scene of the ongoing battle, and headed back to the creek as quickly as he could. Following it upstream, he spied a small cave nearby, and quickly dove into it for cover.

Phew. Out of the rain!

Looking around, he saw no signs that the cave was occupied.

What he did see were several perfectly-cut gems lying around the entrance.

Huh. What are the odds. If I had a bag and some hands, I'd be rich.

Tom sat down, frustrated, and watched the rain pour down.

If I had hands, maybe I could start a fire to keep warm. Ah, well. At least this cave is pretty warm already; I can feel steam drifting past. Must be a hot spring or something further in.

Though none of that matters if I can't find my way out of this soon.

After watching the rain fall for ten minutes, Tom had an idea he should have had when he first woke up.

"HEY! IF THERE'S ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN HEAR ME, PLEASE HELP ME!"

Author's Note

Go get'em, guys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDiCuZTjS18

Watch out for lightning wolves

"Alright, Tom, there are a few things. It sounds gross, but you have teeth. You can pick leaves and sticks to make a crude lean-to. Try and find somewhere high, and rocky to keep out of mud and lowland flooding. Also, check if you have a horn."
-Nyronus

"I never said you couldn't at least wait out the rain at the mouth of the cave. Dragons are intelligent in this world, so you could probably convince one that that's what you're doing. But yeah, checking for a horn is a good idea. It'll give us an idea of what you have at your disposal. And if you don't have one, that doesn't necessarily mean you're out of luck, though your capabilities are a bit more nebulous in that case."
-Fan of Most Everything

Tom nodded to himself.

Okay, build stuff with teeth, try to make sure I'm not in a flood-zone, check for a horn. Simple.

... Check for a HORN? What the @#$@?

Tom proceeded to wave a woof over his head and violently smack his own horn, giving himself one killer headache.

AGH I HAVE SOMETHING STICKING OUT OF MY HEAD

WHY WOULD THIS BE A GOOD THING?!

IT'S NOT EVEN SHARP!

"Hi, Tom. I will be giving a single piece of information and a riddle each chapter. Both are helpful, but you may need to think a bit.
Unicorns have telekinesis.
All creatures eat, and I eat. All creatures breathe, and I breathe. All creatures drink, yet if I drink, I die. What am I?"
-Eevee

Tele... I can move stuff with my mind?!

WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?! Awesome!

Tom quickly hunted around the area for a decent spot to set up his lean-to and found some sturdy wood to make a shelter out of. Then he closed his eyes, and concentrated. Energy began to run through his horn.

And blasted his wood to cinders.

OH COME ON!

Tom dejectedly began collecting his materials together with this teeth.

There's GOT to be a better way to do this. How do the earth ponies manage it?!

"sudo apt-get update
sudo apt-get install lib-drv-fire.make | lib-fauna | lib-flora

linux.org makes drivers for these situations.
Git gud, scrub.

PS: lib-equus-somatic"

-Tourquilian

Tom just stood there confused for a second.

Huh? I'm not a golem or somesuch, you know!

"Tom you should climb a tree and find civilization but watch for the lightning ^-^."
TearingNose24

"You should climb a tree to view your surroundings to get your bearings on where you are
Also probably find some food before you start starving and not thinking straight"
-Kodor

"Tom, climb a tree and scream as loud as you can,
A pegasus is bound to hear you. Either that or
Timberwolves"
-syberion24

"Ok tom, attempt to climb a tree to get a layout of the land around you... and watch out for the Timberwolves"
-Zapper Frost

TIMBER WOLVES. That sounds GREAT.

I think I'll just climb a tree and be VERY VERY QUIET.

Tom, still getting soaked by the rain, and now shivering violently, climbed the tallest tree nearby and looked out.

Unfortunately, sheets of rain blocked his view more than a few hundred meters in any direction.

Damn. Going to have to wait for the storm to subside before that idea's any good.

"quick find a fairy type with moon blast"
-Viper Pit

I don't think right now is a good time to try to pick up hot guys, Viper Pit.

"Hello, we are...oddly conected to you right now. We are receiving a text description of your events filtered sightly by your perspective.
We can speak back to you as well.
To be frank, drying of exposure is your greatest danger right now.
First take assessment of your new body. Do a full check. Assume nothing.
Then assess your belongings.
Then find a means out of the rain, look and oberve. We have access to huge databases on survival here so we can help, but we must know your environment.
Remember, we only know of your situation what YOU oberve."
-Mr Stargazer

Oh, so I'm not just going crazy! They actively want to help, but their access to me is limited. Okay!

Lean-to first!

Tom set back about building his lean-to with renewed vim, though the entirety of the process was disgusting, and saw him spitting out mud and moss repeatedly. Regardless, he eventually got enough large chunks of wood and leaves leaned up against the tall tree to hide under and block out the rain. As he sat there shivering, he found himself thinking back.

Didn't that eevee guy give me a riddle? Creatures eat, I eat, creatures breathe, I breathe, creatures drink, if I drink, I die? Is that it?

Uhh... well, let's see. Clearly the subject of the riddle isn't a creature. Every living thing drinks as far as I know, and the riddle is careful to refer to creatures separately from the subject.

So it's some kind of physical object or phenomenon that dies if it 'drinks'. Drink could mean a few things, but the most obvious – goddamnit it's fire. Expose it to water, it dies, needs oxygen and 'consumes' whatever it touches.

YOU COULDN'T HAVE JUST TOLD ME TO BUILD A FIRE?!

Eager to dry off, and with no reasonable alternative, Tom fetched some wood, dragged it into his lean-to, and tried lighting the soggy twigs with blasts from his horn.

It worked after a few attempts, giving him a small and cozy fire to not die from exposure next to.

Okay. What was it Stargazer said? Full body check? Coming up!

Let's see. Four hooves, horn, two wings, all of my teeth (no cavities), hooves look recently manicured, fetlocks are properly shorn, reproductive parts are where they need to be, tail seems a bit long for a guy but who's judging, both eyes and ears seem to be in good shape.

Anything else you need?

Not receiving an immediate answer, Tom dejectedly nestled himself in by the fire to wait out the thunderstorm.

At least solving the riddle gave me something to do.

Hmm...

"Hey, 'Eevee'. I've got one for you."
'All heralds announce the arrival of their lords
/With booming voice and ringing chords
/Yet heralds call to others their lord anticipate
/And I always arrive just a tad too late

Tom snickered. "What am I?"

Author's Note

Troll comments are going to make this one bizarre ride.

I suck at everything

"okay you have two wings and a worn right? you are a pegacorn or a winged unicorn. but they are often get confused with alicorns which are better looking, mostly taller and have plot based strength and ability power"
-Viper Pit

A winged unicorn, huh? Okay.

"Okay, so, Tom, you are apparently what's called an Alicorn. They have traits of all three ponies, which means you get some kind of vaguely defined flora competencies, and also maybe super strength, the ability to fly, the ability to manipulate clouds and the weather, and access to magic. The full package. If there isn't lightning, you can try flying up above the clouds and just sleep there. They are supposedly soft. If there IS lightning, stay grounded. It won't kill you, but it will suck and you may fall to your death. Also, magic is based on emotions, and I don't have any other specifics. I'll try to do some research for you in a little bit."
-Nyronus

"The answer to your riddle you gave the other guy is an echo.
Hello again.
Thank you for the check. Others have said this but what you are is an alicorn.
We have some knowledge of the area you are in though its not specific. Thats not important now though.
I'd advice you to not try to fly as the task is likely beyond you now. However, I would advice you to attempt to hover. Those of your new species with wings seem to have an ability to hover while moving said wings very slowly. Like impossibly slowly.
Do not let yourself get distracted by this for long however as there is a second task we need you to do.
Try to create a magical blast from your horn good enough to blow apart a pile of wood. There are creatures you may have to fight out there.
Then you are going to want to find a place to look from. Try to get to high ground or find a river. If you find high ground then get up on it and look over the trees. If you find a river then follow it to civilization.
Remember, civilizations are on rivers. I suspect the forest you are in has a river and in fact it runs through a town of ponies. The species you are now.
Good luck my friend."
-Mr Stargazer

Oh, okay, it's an alicorn, then.

"Actually, 'echo' isn't the right answer. Sorry, I came up with that riddle on the fly, maybe it needs some fine-tuning. Pretty close guess, though."

Tom addressed nothing in particular, but hoped his message would get across anyway, and sighed.

"Guess I'll follow that creek I found as soon as the rain lets up."

To pass the time, Tom tried a few blasts of magic from his horn. They were too weak to do more than knock a little bark off of a tree.

Damnit...

As the storm began to subside, Tom heard another familiar voice.

"Huh. Haven't heard that one. Was thinking time, or maybe death, but that's probably not it.
So, Tom, once the storm's over, you'll want to start looking around. There's a friend nearby, but the map cannot be trusted.
Riddle: I am always here, but you cannot see me. I try to take the shortest path, no matter the consequences. Earth is my enemy."
-Eevee

"Not time or death, though interesting guesses. As for yours, uhh... electricity?"

Tom shrugged and stepped out from his little lean-to.

Map cannot be trusted... wonder what the hell that means.

Pursuant to some of the otherworldly advice he had received, Tom gave flying a try.

It went poorly. He struggled to find purchase against the air with his wings, and the best he could manage was hovering if he beat his wings very, very rapidly. A few minutes of such exertion saw him land, panting.

If I'm a super-strong alicorn, why do I suck at everything?!

"AAAARGH! Fine, buck it, I'm going to follow that creek!"

"ok tom you forgot to climb a tree but oh well, make sure to find a food and water source."
-Zapper frost

"But I did climb a tree – you know what? Buck it. I don't want to sit around a forest talking to myself."

Tom set off as quickly as he could for the creek. About ten minutes later he realized he was going the wrong way, trekked back in the opposite direction, and found it.

Guess I don't have super-alicorn-directional-sense, either.

A half-hour of following the creek downstream later, Tom came across a quaint-looking orchard of apples.

Holy... good call, Stargazer! Hey, Zapper! I found a food source!

Tom rushed to the nearest apple tree, giving it a firm kick.

Sadly, no apples fell.

Dangit!

Oh, right.

Tom zapped an apple off of the tree, and took a bite...

Author's Note

DUN DUN DUUUUUUN

Bad apple

"Blech! This tastes awful!"

Tom hurried to spit out the part of the apple he had eaten, and regarded the clearly rotten fruit with disdain.

Except...

Wait, it's not rotten. That's weird. It looks and smells fine... huh. Maybe I just hate apples? Or maybe it's some variety I don't like?

Tom inspected the apple carefully.

... looks like a Red Delicious... maybe it's a 'pegacorn' thing? Or something?

"Yup, electricity.
Tom, look out. Someone is coming, and she might not be happy. Be careful, but if you stay honest, she'll probably be kind in return.
Riddle: I can drive people to kill just to save someone linked by me, but I can also be the chain they try to bury. I am one of the closest bonds you can have."
-Eevee

"Love," Tom said instantly.

"Ah, excellent! An apple orchard is a great sign; you're not just near civilization, you're near civilization we voices are familiar with. (Don't ask. It's complicated and irrelevant to your continued survival right now.) There should be a farmhouse somewhere nearby. You'll find other ponies there. Explain how you spontaneously appeared in the Everfree and they should get you to somepony—yes, somepony, it's the local vernacular—who can figure out what's going on.
Oh, and they'll probably forgive you for eating that apple. The things may grow on trees, but they still charge for them."
-Fan of Most Everything

Okay. So there's a pony coming, who might or might not bite my head off for eating this.

Tom quickly discarded the apple to a discreet spot where it likely wouldn't be spotted for some time and looked around hurriedly. Not seeing anypony, he breathed a sigh of relief.

Guess they warned me in time.

"you don't have the super alicorn sense is because you are not a alicorn but a pegacorn also i would find a orange mare with cowboy hat and ask for help"
-Viper Pit

I don't know why you keep insisting I'm a... pegacorn or whatever. Am I not good-looking enough to be an alicorn? Is that it?

"Don't beat yourself up man. The magic you have been able to use is pretty good for a guy who just started.
The place you likely are is called 'Sweet Apple Acres'. The mare there is a very honest pony who is also connected to some very magically powerful individuals.
She herself has a connection to the concept of 'honesty' so lieing is a bad idea.
That being said, probably shouldn't mention us. Oh! Also if you talk to us in your mind we seem to be able to hear it.
Proably avoid eating more than that one apple as well.
Go say hi and explain your need help as you were caught up in a magical phenomenon.
Also I reiterate. Don't mention us. Don't mention you know her name or the name of her farm.
Good luck man, we have your back."
-Mr Stargazer

Tom smiled and felt warmth inside him, restoring a little of the strength he had spent getting this far. It was reassuring to know other people were looking out for them, even if they were delusional voices in his head.

Okay, honest pony, cowboy hat, orange coat, mare. Got it. Also don't lie, but omit any details I don't NEED to share.

"Ok tom you like so many other voices said you are at sweet apple acres, you shouldn't tell anyPONY about us except maybe a pink pony with a dark pink mane. Also despite what viper told you are called an alicorn and you should probably try to hide your horn or wings."
-Zapper Frost

Be honest, but... try to hide my horn or wings?

Tom looked around confusedly at where he imagined a camera might be for his observers.

Hide them with what?!

"Tom, start shouting for Applejack. She's a pony who can help you. Ask her to take you to Twilight, or Starlight if Twilight isn't available. Also, tell her to ask Fluttershy to get Discord.
She may be weirded out by a total stranger asking all that, but just be honest with her. She'll appreciate that."
-Nyronus

Right! Okay, I clearly need to get into contact with this Applejack pony right away! The voices probably know something I don't. Or I'm crazy. Let's find out which!

Tom stood up on his hind legs and cupped his mouth as best he could with hooves.

"AAAAAAAPPLE JAAAAAAACK!"

Satisfied, Tom sat down to wait for a little while.

When no orange mare was forthcoming, Tom gave it another shot.

"AAAAAAAAAPPLE JAAAAAACK!"

After another minute or so, a small yellow filly with red hair and a large red bow in her hair came trotting from further into the orchard. Tom gasped.

Civilization! Other people! Finally!

The small filly cocked her head in confusion at Tom. "What're ya callin' my sister for?"

"Oh!"

Tom laughed and brushed the back of his neck uncertainly. "Well, I was told she could help me with something, so I—"

The filly suddenly gasped loudly, cutting Tom off. She pointed at his flank with a hoof. "You ain't got a cutie mark!"

Tom blinked in confusion several times.

"A cutie whatsit now?"

Author's Note

DUN DUN DUUUUUUN

Where to now?

"Don't worry about the alicorn/pegacorn thing. We'd be getting into "how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" territory there.
In any case, cutie marks are symbols that manifest on a pony's hindquarters when they realize their reason for being. You've only existed for an hour or two, so no surprise there. My advice from last time holds out: Insist you need to see a magical expert. The filly should be able to help you, though it is possible you've landed in a time prior to the pony I have in mind moving into this town...
Well, I suppose we'll find out, won't we?
(Also, Red Delicious are pretty-looking garbage fruit. See if you can try a cultivar that wasn't bred for visual appeal.)"
-Fan of Most Everything

No angels can dance on the head of a pin because they're not physical beings. Duh. If they take a physical form then they have to follow physical rules by definition.

Wait... so you guys can read minds and know the future?

Whoa. I've got some powerful friends.

Tom carefully settled down on his hooves to get more eye-level with the filly and leaned forward. "You're right, I don't. Listen, I need some help. Can you take me to see... 'Twilight Sparkle', I think it is?"

The filly cocked her head at the pony. "Well, sure, I guess, but we need to see about getting you your mark! I can't believe an adult pony doesn't have one! I need to go get my friends!"

"ok you've run into applebloom - noticing a theme here - whatever you do you need to get out of there before her friends get there because if you don't, well lets just say I hope you like being deaf... a cutie mark is a mark on your flank that represents your special talent in life."
-Zapper frost

"It was actually family, but love works too.
Aaand you've run into Applebloom, and don't have a cutiemark. Welp, I'll see you in the afterlife.
A tip for your telekinesis, try envisioning your magic as an arm, and use that to grab things. Might not work, but it's the best I have without delving into lots of science.
Riddle: Wherever you may run, I will always follow. You may try to lose me, but I hide in every glow."
-FireheartThePone

"Wait wait wait! Applebloom! I, er, I really need to see Twilight! Or some magic expert! It's an emergency!"

Applebloom looked stricken at that, and narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Wait... how'd you know mah name?"

Tom stiffened for a second, but just a second.

"Oh, uh, well I was here to see Applejack, wasn't I? I've heard your, uh, family, are friends with Twilight, and she can help me. Is that right? Sorry, I'm not from around here!"

"Oh. Well, alright. Waait... that's right! Twilight's out of town! She and her friends are all gone to Canterlot right now. That's why I'm tendin' the field. You wanna try findin' your cutie mark with us while you wait?"

"Well... uhh... I'm not sure. But hey, I have a riddle. Want to try getting a riddle-solving cutiemark?"

Applebloom's face lit up immediately.

"Do I ever! What's the riddle?"

"Wherever you may run, I will always follow. You may try to lose me, but I hide in every glow. What am I?"

Applebloom scrunched her face up in concentration.

For the record, Fireheart, I think the answer is 'your shadow'.

After a few seconds, Applebloom's face lit up. "Your, uh, your eyes! Or, like, your vision!"

Tom blinked at that, considering it for a few seconds. "Huh... I thought the answer was 'your shadow'."

Applebloom ruminated on that for a few seconds. "Huh... Ah think you're right. That fits better. Dangit, I guess I won't be gettin' that mark after all."

"No, actually I think your answer is pretty clever. Lateral thinking, kind of. Good job. Uhh... is there another magic expert in town I could talk to?"

Applebloom shook her head. "Naw, Ponyville's not big on unicorns. But I guess you could always hop a train, or just wait until everyone gets back. I'm supposed to head up to Canterlot soon too, you could ride with me."

Tom lifted a hoof to his chin to ponder. In truth, that wasn't what he had in mind.

Little help?

Author's Note

Decisions, decisions

Specifics come clean

"I'm still warning you that you will go deaf by applebloom and her friends. I would just stay in ponyville and explore the place while trying to find something to hide your horn or wings."
-Zapper Frost

"Both options are viable, though you're more likely to cause a ruckus in Canterlot. Most members of your subspecies are immortal philosopher-queens, and two of them keep the local geocentric solar system moving.
Yeah, this a weird universe.
All told, probably best to stick to Ponyville for the time being. The girls will be back in good time, and you can show some initiative in the meantime. Just try not to let too much of the knowledge we're feeding you slip out."
-FanOfMostEverything

"Be carefull.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders are a smart bunch of foals.
Also if she hasn‘t heard of another magic expert like Starlight Glimmer you shouldn‘t ask about Discord.
And if they are headding up to Canterlot (a city literally build on the side of a mountain) they could be headed for a wedding.
Ask her about that.
If you ever need to escape there should be a neutral party in the everfree forest (the forest behind you).
Her Name is Zecora and she is a zebra shaman.
She lives in a tree with windows and masks.
And watch out for blue flowers in there.
Good Luck for now.

Post Scriptum(P.S.):
Be carefull about Celestia she is a milenia old chessmaster.
She arranged almost all of Twilight‘s adventures.
Don‘t fall in her web!"
-Arcane-Flower

"Wait... check Appleblooms flanks. Does she have a mark there? Also, ask her why her family left for Canterlot."
-Nyronus

"Yup, shadow.
I'd suggest staying here in Ponyville, until Twilight and her friends get back. Try asking around, there are a lot of ponies, might be one or two magic theorists (if not experts) that Applebloom doesn't know about.
Riddle: I was always here, from the beginning of time, and I will be here until the end of it. I am tiny.
-Eevee"

"I would suggest talking to Lyra Heartstrings, Even if she does have a human obsession in this canon, she is still a fellow unicorn in Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns alongside Twilight. Or Maybe Vinyl, She may be mute, but she needs to have fine tuning with her magic to be a DJ. So you could learn from either of them. Also, if the wedding was happening, wouldn't Applebloom already be there to be a flower girl? Applebloom is still there. So The invasion isn't happening. It's Probably something else."
-lightningman

Tom spent a long moment rubbing his chin. "Well... emergency though it may be, if everypony is out, it can't be helped. I'll wait here for them to get back. By the way, why did they all leave?"

In the meantime, Tom glanced at Applebloom's flank (and felt awkward doing so).

Blank.

Applebloom shrugged. "Suit yourself. They all went to a big wedding. My friends and I were flower girls!"

"Oh. That's pretty coo—"

Wedding. Invasion.

OHCRAP

"Wait, Applebloom! Wedding! Canterlot! There's, uh, an... invasion?"

Tom felt like an idiot, but Applebloom just nodded and frowned while she spoke. "Yeah, that was real scary. A bunch of these bug-things called changelings broke in and caused all kinds of trouble!"

Tom breathed a sigh of relief and disappointment.

Guess I can't warn them, but things must have turned out alright anyway, right?

"Is everything... y'know, okay?"

Applebloom perked up and nodded. "Yeah! There was this huge magic explosion, and all of the changelings went flyin'! You could probably have seen it from here!"

"And all of that happened pretty recently, right?"

"Yup! Just yesterday. Applejack had to stay behind on 'element' business with her friends, but the rest of us had to head back here to tend the farm. I'm headin' back to meet with her on her way back over."

Huh. Based on what the... voices are saying, I seem to have popped up during a pretty important event. Or right after it.

Holy @#$!@#$, am I some kind of time-traveler?

Tom shook and rubbed his head. "Alright. Uhh... thank you for the update, Applebloom. I appreciate it. Listen, is there, like... some sort of work I can do around here? I need to earn some 'bits' to pay for a room or something."

"Sure! Farm always needs tendin', especially today, and plenty of ponies in town could use a helpin' hoof. My brother an' grandma will set you up proper!"

Tom stood up and stretched out. "Alright, lead on! Oh, and can I get something to cover up my—"

Tom glanced meaningfully at his wings, but the words died in his throat when he saw he didn't have any.

... Huh.

... Huh.

Pretty sure pieces of my anatomy shouldn't just be disappearing!

Tom waved a hoof about his head and accidentally smacked his horn again. "Oww..."

Applebloom just cocked her head. "Y'wanna cover up yer horn? Y'know we'll let a unicorn work here, right?"

Tom paused. "Oh... yeah, I guess it was silly of me to worry about that. Sorry."

Better to look like a bit of an idiot than to give away being an alipegacornasus or whatever the @#$@ I am.

Applebloom shrugged and Tom followed her to the farmhouse, securing thereby gainful employment for the afternoon. It turned out he could work his way around a hoe alright. He whiled the evening away in a hotel room, idly wondering why the hotel's complimentary meal tasted so awful.

Author's Note

Knowing is only half the battle

I don't see how this could possibly backfire

"All this stuff about finding out what you are and getting help is all well and good, but we have an excellent opportunity here.
There's a pony named Rarity. She's a friend of Applejack and Twilight and she owns a boutique. It's gonna be yuuuge someday soon. Invest in it once you get some money.
Meanwhile, tell Celestia to improve the security guarding Tirek. Maybe send Fluttershy to play with Cerberus regularly so he doesn't want to leave his post.
Twilight's library will survive this time damnit."
-Demiequus

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Tom. Just because you landed at a certain point in time and space doesn't mean you can travel freely through the former. Still, all's well at the moment, so now's a good time to get settled in. Especially since, as has been noted, you may be a carapaced, shapeshifting, emotional vampire. Fortunately, you're in the friendship capital of the world. Make nice and they probably won't care during the inevitable dramatic reveal."
-FanOfMostEverything

Okay, got it WAIT WHAT

VAMPIRE?!

Tom, sitting in his little hotel room, paled considerably.

FanOfMostEverything hasn't led me astray yet... @#$@!

"Okay, Tom, a few pointers - Despite what the other voices say, you can trust Celestia. She may be your best bet. Since you're apparently in the past from our perspective, you may want to be careful about what you say. The future turns out pretty okay, so you might not want to screw it up. Also, best not to mention Discord in that case. He shows up later.
I also think I know what you are, but it may be a delicate matter. You may be a changeling. They're a type of pony that can change shape, but, but, they were the ones responsible for that invasion you just heard about. If that is true, and it comes to be revealed, I suggest being honest; Celestia rules this land and she is a kind, understanding sort. Try and get into her custody if it comes to it. Avoid Prince Shinning Armor though, he's... probably a little tender about the issue."
-Nyronus

@#$@# @#$@ #$@#$@! They just got invaded by changelings! They'll want to lynch me!

"Right! We have a point of reference! Good.
Now, you should probably try to figure out how magic works. Test on the farm, but be prepared to explain away the scorch marks to annoyed ponies. When Twi and Co. show up, I'd suggest explaining the situation to them.
Now you get to solve two riddles! In addition to the one from last time; I was created as soon as the first instant passed. Everything uses me as a foundation."
-Eevee

I don't have time for riddles right now! I'm gonna die!

"Ok tom I'd recommend trying to figure out why your wings disappeared like that, try to imagine flying and maybe your wings will come back."
-Zapper Frost

Tom concentrated on wanting to fly, and then felt wings stretch out behind him.

And then promptly had a panic attack.

OH GOD OH NO OH GOD OH NO I ACTUALLY AM A SHAPESHIFTER AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WORKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Things continued much in that vein for an hour or so.

"Kept you waiting huh? Alright, now listen closely because you don't have much time. Tom, you need to find a cardboard box. The cardboard box is ideal for fooling your enemies. It's a very important tool for infiltration missions. I can't begin to count the number of agents whose lives were saved by a cardboard box. Look, I'm not exaggerating when I say the success of your mission hinges on how you use that cardboard box. But in the end, a cardboard box is only made of paper. Handle it with care or it won't be of much use to you. Don't think of it as just another box. Treat it with love... Don't be rough. Okay?
With the cardboard box you should be able to infiltrate Canterlot Castle with ease. Find Princess Celestia and turn yourself over to her. She'll know what to do. Just make sure to avoid Shining Armor at all costs. As long as you remember to stay still when you need to and the basics of CQC, you should be fine. Make sure your box isn't out of place for the areas you infiltrate. Good luck and godspeed."
-Fantastic Metal Man

Tom knew what he had to do.

Several hours later...

Infiltrating Canterlot as a cardboard box had proven fairly challenging. First, he had to acquire a box, which was difficult in a town that favored barrels and crates. Then, he had to get himself smuggled onto (and off of) a train, which required some creative package-switching (some poor couple had left behind some of their toiletries as a result of his interference). Once in Canterlot, he had to sneak through the entire city, despite the frequent guard patrols (even at night).

Thankfully, a pony in a box can basically just stand up in it and walk normally, so it really wasn't that uncomfortable or anything.

Unfortunately, there was also no way that Tom could figure to get his box-self into the palace itself.

Well... I was told honesty is the best policy.

Alright. Let's give that a try!

Tom discreetly freed himself from the box in a hidden spot – if his attempt at negotiation failed, he might need to return to it and give it another try – and approached the royal guards. His wings and horn were gone, and he had painted a rough image of a pony's ears on his flanks.

"Halt! Who goes there!"

"Tom. I need to see Celestia; can I speak with her immediately?"

"Princess Celestia has retired for the evening."

Tom chewed his lip a bit in thought.

"It's urgent."

The guards looked at each other quizzically, and then looked back at Tom.

"Is this about the changelings?"

Tom nodded. "But you didn't hear that from me, got it?"

"Does it absolutely need to be Celestia, and right now? Can't it wait until morning?"

Tom thought about that, and gave his most honest answer.

"I have no idea if it can safely wait or not."

The guards gave each other another worried look. "That sounds pretty serious. Okay, we'll prepare an audience. Come with us."

As they walked, one of the guards glanced at Tom's cutie mark, squinting a bit. "Say, what's your special talent, anyway?"

Tom chuckled. "Hearing things nopony else does."

The guard just quirked an eyebrow at that and shrugged as they continued.

Yes! Score one for my hastily-made-up backstory!

And just like that, Tom found himself in an antechamber, awaiting the likely-to-be-irritated freshly-woken-in-the-early-night princess.

I really, really hope you guys know what you're doing.

One of the antechamber doors opened, and a tired-looking, white-coated, brown-maned mare with glasses and a clipboard glared at him. "The princess will see you now."

Tom sighed with relief and proceeded through to a cozy-seeming meeting room.

And then saw the biggest @#$@ing pony ever.

Holy cow! THAT'S Princess Celestia?! She looks like she could eat me!

Celestia, for her part, didn't seem at all disgruntled at the sudden interruption of her rest. She had a calm, yet intense gaze trained on Tom.

Which really did @#$@ all to calm him down in this situation.

She beckoned at a seat across from her, which Tom rapidly took, noting the two royal guards in the far corner of the room.

Here's hoping they don't skewer me on the spot. Nyronus, Metal Man, I sure hope you two are right that I can trust this... giant!

Celestia quirked an eyebrow. "I'm told you have information for me?"

"Uhhh..."

Tom realized he had just been staring at her in some mixture of awe and terror.

Smoooooth.

Tom cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yes! I do. Uh. Changeling."

Celestia's eyebrow rose just a few millimeters higher. "Changeling?"

"Yep."

There was a tense silence before Celestia spoke again.

"... What about them?"

"Uhh, I am one? Apparently?"

Celestia sighed, and leaned back slightly to address her guards. "Please fetch us some tea."

The guards saluted, and quickly moved from the room. Tom worked his jaw a bit before he could speak intelligibly again.

"Please don't kill me! I have no idea what's going on!"

"Why would you think I would be—"

"You just sent all of the witnesses out of the room after I confessed I was, like, your enemy or something!"

Wow I just realized I have almost no idea what a changeling is or why they invaded. Great.

Celestia squinted at Tom, frowning.

That frown made his insides squirm.

"I asked them to get some tea because you seem to be deeply nervous. I figured you could use some, and perhaps having some privacy would calm your nerves."

"Oh. Uhh... well, thanks?"

Celestia nodded. "Now, you said you have no idea what's going on. Am I to assume you were not part of the invasion of Canterlot?"

"That's just it!" Tom threw his hooves up helplessly, feeling his insides lurch from the conflicting emotions, "I have no idea! I can't remember anything farther back than yesterday! A-and I have these voices from the future in my head telling me all sorts of stuff, and I know I'm not crazy because they know stuff that I have no way of knowing, and one of them is really obsessed with riddles, and I JUST DON'T WANT TO DIE WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT THE @#$@ I DID IN MY LIFE!"

Waterworks had started at some point during Tom's little existential breakdown, and he just sat there crying while Celestia watched him quietly.

This is insane! I don't even know what role a princess has in this government, or what this government even is, or where I am exactly or where I'm from or anything!

It took Tom a little while to stop sobbing enough to look up at Celestia again. She just kept watching him with that same neutral, passive gaze. Tom scoffed and wiped his eyes.

"I don't even really know what a changeling is. The voices just think I must be one because I seem to be transforming a bit, but I can't even control that. I've been so focused on not dying, I didn't even realize how totally screwed-up this all is."

"I can confirm whether you're a changeling, if you'd like."

Tom shrugged helplessly. "Why haven't you already? Wouldn't it make me dangerous, or something?"

Celestia shook her head. "The entire changeling army, headed by their queen, tried to attack us yesterday, and they still failed. A single confused, amnesiac changeling who turned himself in doesn't strike me as a major threat."

The guards returned with her tea, which Celestia accepted gratefully, passing a cup over to Tom telekinetically. She dismissed the guards for the evening, which surprised Tom.

She's right, I guess. I'm more scared of her than she is of me.

Tom sighed and drank his tea, but immediately retched slightly, setting it down. That got a look of concern from Celestia.

"What's wrong? Do you take umbrage with oolong?"

"What? I don't know. No, I guess? Everything I've tried eating since I woke up in the forest has tasted like crap."

Celestia sighed. Her horn lit up, and Tom nearly had a panic attack when a sudden golden light shined out from it, washing over him. His features faded away, revealing a black carapace, with holes in it on his hooves. Tom was dazed by the spell for a moment, lifting a hoof to his head to steady himself.

Then he saw his hoof. With holes in it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Tom quickly found himself thrashing uncontrollably in midair, as Celestia had wisely lifted him with her telekinesis and held him in place until his freakout ended. She just calmly sipped her tea while he screamed and flailed.

Once Tom had calmed down a little, Celestia set him back in his chair, and released the spell holding him with an audible 'pop'.

"Sorry! Screaming here was probably really bad, but, good lord! This is what I look like?! Why do I have holes?!"

Celestia gave a quiet chuckle and shake of her head.

"I have no idea why changelings have holes in their appendages. As for the scream, my spell also muted you to the outside world. Nopony heard."

"But... but I liked the way I looked!"

"Changelings can shapeshift. You can retake your old form."

Tom stood up, leaning forward on the table with a desperate look.

"But I have no idea how! I'm stuck in this... whatever the hell this is!"

"Well, you will just have to practice."

The two stared at each other for a few moments before Tom flopped back into his chair, flopping his head onto the table and covering it with his less-substantial-than-a-few-minutes-ago hooves.

"Why is this happening to me...?"

Celestia took another sip of her tea. "You said those voices were from the future, correct?"

Tom sighed. "Yeah, apparently. They were surprised when it turned out that the invasion had just happened. I get the impression it was a long time ago for them."

Celestia nodded, a wily look taking hold. Tom sat back.

Hoo boy. Here it comes.

"What's your name?"

"I've been calling myself Tom."

"Tom, what else did the voices tell you?"

Tom took a deep breath. "Well, they said I could trust you, and that I should turn myself in. Said that was the best way to avoid causing a disturbance or getting hurt."

Celestia smiled gently at that. "I'm glad they regard me so highly. What else?"

"Well... one of them suggested I invest in Rarity's business. Said it will be booming in the future. Uhh... they also said something about someone called 'Tirek' needing better security. Brought up 'Cerberus' and 'Fluttershy'. There was also a lot of talk about Discord."

Celestia hummed and leaned back, a definite look of concern. "What did they say about Discord?"

"Well, at first they said he was trustworthy, and I should go to him if I could find Twilight or Starlight to help me with my magic issues. After they found out when this was, though, they backpedaled on that pretty hard, saying I shouldn't bring him up."

Celestia's face went from concern to a faint look of mischievous amusement. "Oh... they said he could be trusted, did they? And implied he was... available?"

Tom nodded hurriedly, not catching the significance. "Yeah, they implied he was living in Ponyville."

Celestia rubbed her chin with a hoof contemplatively. "Now that's interesting. Is there anything else?"

"Well, Nyronus seemed to think the future turned out pretty alright, and that I should avoid making any big changes with my foreknowledge. Apparently things go really well, despite some pretty big stuff happening. Another was a bit concerned about Twilight's library, though. I guess it gets destroyed by Tirek, or something?"

Celestia's smile deepened to be more genuine. "I see. Well, if what they've said is accurate... it certainly gives one much to consider. And you've certainly done as you said you would; brought important information to us. You don't need to worry, Tom; I'll see to it that you're taken care of."

From that day forward, Tom became something of a hidden agent around Canterlot for Celestia. Despite the grandeur of the name, his primary duties involved taking the form of various convenient assistants when Celestia needed awkward situations dealt with.

Armed with her foreknowledge, Celestia primarily chose to let events take their course as per normal. Still, there was a convenient library shakeup immediately prior to Tirek's return, causing all tomes of significance to be removed from the Golden Oaks, and Tom was also sent to retrieve several personal mementos of Twilight's, which were then conveniently placed around the destroyed library's site, to have 'miraculously' survived. Several castle personnel also noted her unusual serenity and confidence about Discord's reform, and about the general future of Equestria despite one disaster after another.

Rumors circulated that she could see the future, but nopony paid them much mind. For his part, Tom underwent a changeling reformation a mere year after joining Celestia's service, due to a growing relationship with her primary assistant Raven. His new appearance garnered no end of amused laughter from the princess.

Tom never did rejoin the hive, even after its reformation, instead choosing to remain on at Canterlot. All told, things were pretty cushy for the once-infiltrator.

~FIN

Author's Note

When I started this fic, I worked out Tom's backstory, abilities, and general proclivities. I also wrote out about a dozen different ways it could end, depending on key choices. I was surprised people went for 'turn yourself in to Celestia' so quickly, but there you go. If he had chosen to turn himself in to others, it could have ended very differently (most of the endings I wrote involved Tom dying). Good job, fam. I might do another one of these with a very different kind of setup down the line. Hope you all had fun.

Thanks for playing!

DRAGONS ARE A THING?!

"Tom, think about what you've seen; giant birds, manticores, and you are now in a cave that is suspiciously warm and filled with riches scattered about. Think about that, and what that might mean. You should cautiously explore the cave before getting comfortable, or just run, because that dragon probably already heard you."

Nyronus

"Hello, Tom! Make sure there aren't any dragons in this cave. Dragons are a thing. And they sometimes live in caves. Especially if there gems around.

Oh. and try not to look like you're stealing anything, especially the gems."

Fan of Most Everything

Tom suddenly sprang to his feet.

Voices! Someone's out there!

Tom reflexively looked around for the source of the sound, before realizing the voices were in his head.

Oh. Right. Telepathy. That's a thing.

Wait.

DRAGONS ARE A THING?!

OH @#$@!

Tom bolted from the cave, back into the rain, without sparing it a second glance.

VOICES, I HOPE YOU AREN'T LYING TO ME!

@#$@ING DRAGONS, HOLY @#$@, @#$@! @#$@#$@! @#$@!

After sprinting a short distance from the cave entrance, Tom found himself panting furiously and getting soaked.

Great... so now what?!

Author's Note

Good call. But now what?