Screw The Rules, I Have Pony Collection

by DmitriTheWriter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, King Sombra, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Anthology, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Yu-Gi-Oh
Length: 4048

Seto Kaiba and Yami Yugi have a set of three crazy duels involving a lot of ponies. Lots of rule-screwing happens as well.

Seto Kaiba and Yami Yugi like dueling each other, despite both sides' tendency to screw the rules at any given opportunity. What then happens if they're both given a whole lot of overpowered pony cards? Something like this, apparently.

This story is a collection of the whole 'Screw The Rules, I Have Pony' trilogy, in case you couldn't tell by the title. I just made this so my sequel story, 'Duelists Of All Worlds', could have something to be a sequel to.

Published 2018-06-11 06:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-11 06:30:07 UTC

Part One

We begin on the onset of a duel. Seto Kaiba and Yami Yugi stand poised to summon holographic monsters to settle their latest dispute and determine who between them is the better duelist.

"Are you ready, Kaiba?!" Yami said.

"Ready to grind you into dust, maybe," Kaiba replied.

"Then it's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!" Yami said.

Yami started with 2,000 life points, and Kaiba with 4,000. You can tell this will be good.

"I go fir-" Yami said.

"It's my turn!" Kaiba interrupted. "I summon the Alicorn Princess, Celestia!"

A holographic image of Princess Celestia appeared on the field. She had 20,500 Attack Points and 200,000 Defense Points

"That's not a card!" Yami shouted.

"It is now," Kaiba said smugly. "I also summon the Battle Ox and place a card face down on the field. I end my turn,"

Battle Ox shimmered onto the field, with 2,567 Attack Points and 78,841 Defense Points

"It's my turn!" Yami said. "I summon the Dark Magician!"

Dark Magician appeared on the field with 2,000 Attack Points and 24,500 Defense Points, and Celestia dissolved into light and went to the Graveyard.

"Dark Magician's villainous demeanor sends all Alicorn-type monsters to the Graveyard," Yami said.

"As President of KaibaCorp, I declare this invalid!" Kaiba declared.

Princess Celestia appeared on the field once more, looking a bit frazzled by all of this.

"I place three cards face down on the field and end my turn!" Yami said.

"I'm CEO of the world's largest gaming company," Kaiba said. "This allows me to draw five more cards," Kaiba drew seven more cards. "I also summon the Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon!"

A great light began to shine on a space on the field, where Spike appeared, suddenly waking from his midday nap. He had 0 Attack Points and 100 Defense Points

"Wait a minute, where's Blue-Eyes?" Kaiba asked, more than just a bit confused.

"Oh, he's out sick," Spike replied. "So I'm covering for him,"

Kaiba placed two fingers on the bridge of his nose. "Whatever, I'll just do this without Blue-Eyes then,"

"It's my turn!" Yami said. "I summon the Changeling Army!"

A lot of changelings appeared on the field, wherein they all took on the appearance of Dark Magician. "Now you can't tell who's Dark Magician and who's a changeling! I attack Princess Celestia with the Dark Magician! Dark magic attack!"

"You just activated my trap card, Yugi," Kaiba said whilst revealing that trap card. "Giant Mirror. It takes any attack against me and reflects it back to attack your life points directly!"

'I don't think that's a card either!" Yami declared.

"How does that even work?" Spike questioned.

"Don't question it, green-eyes," Kaiba replied.

Dark Magician's magic blast bounced off of the mirror and hit Yami for massive damage. Yami now had 4 life points while Kaiba had...infinite. Because of course he did.

"My turn!" Kaiba declared. "I summon Obelisk, the Tormentor!"

Obelisk, a rather intimidating fellow, appeared on the field, with his 4,000 Attack and Defense Points.

"Because of my special ability from being Seto Kaiba, Obelisk's strength is now infinite!"

Scratch that, make it infinite Attack and Defense points.

"Wait a minute!" Yami realized. "You can't summon Obelisk without a tribute!"

"Do I really need to?" Kaiba asked.

"Yes!" Yami shouted.

'Alright then," Kaiba said. "I'll sacrifice your Dark Magician and Changeling Army in order to summon Obelisk, the Tormentor,"

Yami held out his hand in front of him like a giant claw. "YOU CAN'T TRIBUTE SUMMON USING MY MONSTERS!"

"As President of KaibaCorp, I declare this valid!" Kaiba said.

Yami began to draw cards. "Whenever I'm about to lose a duel, I draw exactly what I need, because I believe in the heart of the cards!"

"That's stupid," Kaiba said.

"Not as stupid as you having a giant mirror as a trap card!" Yami snapped back.

"I don't even know half of what they're babbling about," Spike said to Celestia.

"Me neither," Celestia replied.

'It's my turn!" Yami said. "I play the five pieces of Exodia!"

All of the Mane Six appeared on the field with puzzled looks on their faces. "Wait, what?" Yami looked puzzled as well.

"Okay then. Together, they form Exodia, the Forbidden One!" Yami shouted.

Their cutie marks began to glow, and the light from their glows coalesced into the form of Exodia, with all of his infinite Attack and Defense Points.

"Exodia! It's not possible!" Kaiba yelled.

"You know, I have summoned him before," Yami said.

"Yes, but that time he wasn't in the form of six brightly colored ponies," Kaiba said.

"What in Equestria is going on here?" Twlight Sparkle asked.

"Beats me. I just hope that we get to fight this scary looking guy," Rainbow Dash answered.

"Wait a minute," Twilight scanned Kaiba's side of the field. "Spike? And Princess Celestia?"

"Hey there, Twilight." Spike said.

"Before you ask, no, I do not know what is going on either." Celestia said.

"Exodia! Obliterate!" Yami shouted.

Exodia shot a beam of light from his palms, which Obelisk then countered with his fist. Obelisk's fist then connected with Exodia, shattering them and sending them both to the Graveyard. The Mane Six were still on the field, though.

"It's my turn!" Kaiba declared. "I summon all of the monsters in my hand! Nightmare Moon! Queen Chrysalis! King Sombra! Tirek! Starlight Glimmer!"

All of the aforementioned characters appeared onto the field, with 78,841 Attack Points and 60,500 Defense Points

"Did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?" Yami asked.

"Yes I did, Yugi. What are you going to do about it?" Kaiba answered.

"Oh horse apples," Rainbow Dash said, looking at the rogues gallery Kaiba had managed to summon. Rarity fainted dramatically, but Twilight stood her ground.

Yami placed one of his hands on his temple and looked at the cards he had in his other hand. "I have nothing to defeat him with!" Yami thought to himself. "Except..."

"I activate Swords of Revealing Light," Yami shouted. "And use it to attack your life points directly!"

"That's not what that card does," Kaiba said.

"Does this look like the face of a man who cares, Kaiba?!" Yami said.

Yami plucked a sword made of light out of the air and threw it at Kaiba. The blade sailed through the air until it came to rest inside Kaiba's chest. Kaiba's life points went from infinity to zero in less than a second.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Kaiba screamed as his monsters dissolved. "I will have my vengeance someday, Yugi!"

"Maybe someday, Kaiba, in a more coherent duel." Yami said.

Part Two

Seto Kaiba and Yami Yugi were back at Kaiba's holographic system, ready to summon virtual monsters in a hopefully coherent duel this time.

"Kaiba, are you ready?!" Yami asked.

"Let's finish this once and for all!" Kaiba replied.

Yami started the duel with 2,000 Life Points, while Kaiba started with 78,841.

"My mo-"

"It's my turn!" Kaiba interrupted. "I play the Pot of Greed magic card! This allows me to draw seven more cards!" Kaiba drew seven more cards. "I also summon Celestia, the Alicorn Princess in attack mode and end my turn!"

Princess Celestia shimmered onto the field, with 3,500 Attack Points.

"This seems awfully familiar," Yami noticed.

"Just wait, Yugi," Kaiba said.

"It's my move!" Yami shouted. "I cast Polymerization and fusion summon the Cutie Mark Crusaders in attack mode!"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders shimmered onto the field with 2,000 Attack Points.

"What in tarnation is this?!" Apple Bloom questioned.

"Is that Princess Celestia?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Whoa, this is so cool!" Scootaloo said.

"I see you're using fake cards as well, Yugi," Kaiba said.

"Well you're the one who started it," Yami said. "I set two cards face down on the field and end my turn!"

"Let me show you how a real duelist plays, Yugi!" Kaiba said. "I send Celestia to the Graveyard in order to tribute summon Nightmare Moon in attack mode!"

Celestia's form shattered into shards of yellow light, and the shards flew over to the Graveyard. Soon, a purple light began to shine on one of the spaces on Kaiba's side of the field. From that light, a chariot appeared, pulled by pegasi with bat wings and piloted by Nightmare Moon, who had 5,000 Attack Points. On Yami's side, the Cutie Mark Crusaders' legs shook violently, with Sweetie Belle hiding behind Apple Bloom and Scootaloo shivering.

"I thought you needed to tribute more monsters to summon that!" Yami shouted.

"I'm Seto Kaiba, I can do what I want," Kaiba retorted. "I set one card face down on the field and end my turn!"

"Unless I can draw something good here, I'm done for," Yami thought. He then drew a card, which was exactly the card he needed.

"I summon the Elements of Harmony!" On Yami's central monster space, a portal of pure white light opened up, and the Mane Six, donned with their respective Element, rose from the portal before it closed.

"This again?" Twilight Sparkle asked annoyedly.

"Didn't we beat Nightmare Moon years ago?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I attack Nightmare Moon with the Rainbow of Light!" Yami shouted. The Elements of Harmony each shot out a colored beam, which converged to form a rainbow bound for Nightmare Moon.

"Not so fast, Yugi!" Kaiba said. "I activate my trap card, Negate Attack!" Kaiba laughed as his trap card absorbed the powerful rainbow. Yami slammed his hand onto his playing surface, his teeth gritted and his hope fading.

"I guess that ends my turn," Yami conceded.

"It's my move!" Kaiba declared. "First, I play my Everfree Seeds magic card, which destroys your Elements of Harmony!" The Elements crumbled to dust from where the Mane Six were still wearing them. They immediately noticed and started to panic. "Next I play Polymerization and fusion summon my Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon in attack mode!"

On Kaiba's side of the field, a white light began to shine, which revealed...Spike yet again taking his midday nap. he had 50 Attack Points.

"Are you kidding me? Again?" Kaiba was not amused.

"I don't know what to tell you, Mr. Kaiba. Blue-Eyes is out sick again." Spike said.

Kaiba placed his right thumb and index finger on the bridge of his nose and grunted. "Alright then. I attack Twilight Sparkle with Nightmare Moon!" Twilight's eyes bulged upon hearing this.

"Oh no, this is absolutely horrible!" Rarity said.

"You can say that again, Rarity," Sweetie Belle replied.

"Apple Bloom? Sweetie Belle? Scootaloo? What are you doing here?" Twilight asked. None of the Cutie Mark Crusaders had any response.

"Ha! You just activated my trap card, Kaiba!" Yami shouted confidently. "I activate Swords of Revealing Light!" Three shining white swords came down from the sky in front of Nightmare Moon. "This prevents you from attacking for three turns!"

"I know what the card does, Yugi!" Kaiba shouted.

"You can do this, Seto!" Mokuba shouted from the bleachers adjacent to the battlefield.

"Shut up, Mokuba," Kaiba replied. "I guess that ends my turn,"

"It's my move!" Yami shouted. "I cast Monster Reborn, which allows me to take any card from the Graveyard and summon it to the field! And I choose Celestia, the Alicorn Princess!"

Celestia shimmered back onto the field with her 3,500 Attack Points, this time on Yami's side of the field.

"Can you even take cards from my Graveyard using Monster Reborn?" Kaiba asked quizzically.

"Who cares? It's what I'm doing," Yami replied flippantly.

"You can do this Yugi!" Joey called out.

"Yeah, you can do this! We support you!" Tea added.

"I'm just here for the food," Tristan said.

"Where did you guys come from?!" Yami asked. "Oh forget it, I attack Nightmare Moon with Celestia!" Celestia shot a magic blast at Nightmare Moon.

"Nightmare Moon is stronger than Celestia! Your attack is useless!" Kaiba declared confidently. His face changed from a smug smirk to a mouth agape in shock when Celestia's magic blast actually dissolved Nightmare Moon. "Wha-! But how?!"

"Screw the rules, I'm a main character!" Yami shouted. "I end my turn!"

"It's my turn!" Kaiba declared. "Since I'm the president of the world's largest gaming corporation, I get one free monster to summon from my deck! And I summon Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings!"

Chrysalis shimmered onto the field with a black and green glow about her. She had 3,800 Attack Points.

"I activate a quick-play spell!" Yami shouted. "Phoenix Down! This instantly sends any undead monster on the field that I choose to the Graveyard! And I choose Chrysalis!"

Aaaaand she's gone.

"Aah, impossible!" Kaiba said.

"And I send Rarity and Fluttershy to the Graveyard in order to tribute summon my Dark Magician!" Yami added.

"Wait, WHAT!" Rarity could not believe what she was hearing.

"Isn't it still my turn?" Kaiba asked.

"Well you don't seem to care either way," Yami replied.

"In that case, as president of KaibaCorp, I declare this invalid!" Kaiba declared.

Rarity and Fluttershy breathed sighs of relief.

"I set a card face down on the field and attack Twilight Sparkle with Nightmare Moon. I end my turn!" Kaiba shouted.

Nightmare Moon reappeared onto the field. She pawed at the ground and charged at Twilight, and Twilight braced for impact. At that moment, her amount of Attack Points was revealed...to be 5,001. Nightmare Moon promptly dissolved again, and Kaiba's Life Points went down to 78,840.

"That's what you get for trying to cheat, Kaiba!" Yami said.

"Wait, what?" Kaiba said, trying to figure out what just happened.

"It's my move!" Yami shouted. "I use Twilight Sparkle to attack your life points directly!"

"Okay then," Twilight said as she fired a magic blast in Kaiba's direction.

"You just activated my trap card, Yugi!" Kaiba declared. "Giant Mirror! It takes any attack against me and uses it to attack your Life Points directly!"

"Oh not this crap again!" Yami said.

Twilight's magic blast reflected against the mirror and hit Yami for massive damage. His life points scrolled all the way to 0.

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Yami screamed as the Mane Six and Cutie Mark Crusaders dissolved before his eyes.

Kaiba laughed. "I have finally beaten you in a duel, Yugi Moto!"

"Yugi lost?!" Joey shouted.

"How could this have happened?!" Tea asked.

"I'm just here for the food," Tristan said.

"I guess I lost. Congratulations, Kaiba," Yami left the battlefield with his friends.

"You won, Seto! Congratulations!" Mokuba said,

"Shut up, Mokuba," Kaiba replied.

Part Three

This was it. This duel between Yami Yugi and Seto Kaiba would determine who between them was truly the better duelist in a best-two-out-of-three competition. The two duelists stood poised for their final showdown.

"Are you ready, Kaiba?" Yami asked.

"Ready to win again? Of course," Kaiba had a giant smirk on his face, which Yami found suspicious.

"You can win this time, Yugi!" Tea said.

"Yeah, show that creep what's what, Yug!" Joey added.

"I'm still here for the food," Tristan said.

"Then it's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!" Yami said.

Yami and Kaiba each started with 5,000 Life Points, for a fair duel.

"It's my move!" Yami said. Kaiba said nothing in response.

"Aren't you going to declare that it's your turn?" Yami asked.

"Nah. I'll let you go first this time, Yugi. It won't matter in the end," Kaiba replied.

"Okay then. I summon Shining Armor in attack mode, and lay one card face down on the field!" Yami shouted.

Shining Armor shimmered onto the field with 2,000 Attack Points, directly in front of a face-down card.

"I end my turn!" Yami declared.

"It's my turn!" Kaiba said. "I summon Celestia, the Alicorn Princess in attack mode!"

Celestia shimmered onto the field with 3,500 Attack Points, directly in front of Shining Armor. Shining Armor took one step back and began to sweat.

"You always do that as your first move," Yami noticed.

"What can I say? It works," Kaiba replied. "I set two cards face down on the field and end my turn!"

"It's my turn!" Yami said as he drew a card. "I summon the Royal Guard, and I cast my 'Guards! Guards!' spell card, multiplying him into five guards!"

A royal guard came into being beside Shining Armor, with 1,000 Attack Points. He quickly duplicated into five guards with identical stats.

"Thanks to Shining Armor's special ability, for every Royal Guard I have on the field, he gets 300 extra Attack Points!" Yami shouted.

Shining Armor's Attack Points went from 2,000 to 3,500 in an instant.

"Now I shall end my turn!" Yami finished.

"Well played, Yugi," Kaiba said. "But how will you deal with this? I send Celestia to the graveyard in order to summon my greatest monster yet, King Sombra!"

Celestia dissolved into light, and King Sombra appeared from a sphere of swirling darkness in Kaiba's central monster square. He had 5,000 Attack Points. On either side of him were two Crystal Ponies, armed with spears and 1,500 Attack Points each.

"Oh, but I'm not finished yet," Kaiba slammed a card onto the magic/trap spaces on his playing surface. "I also cast the Endless Staircase spell card, which gives me another token Crystal Pony, increases Sombra's Attack Points by 1,000, andpermanentlysends one of your monsters to the Graveyard! I think I'll choose your Shining Armor,"

Another Crystal Pony with 1,500 Attack Points appeared beside Sombra, who now had 6,000 Attack Points. Shining Armor dissolved into light and went to Yami's Graveyard as Kaiba laughed maniacally.

"Face it Yugi, you're finished! This is your last turn, better make it count," Kaiba said.

That Endless Staircase card is so broken,Yami thought to himself as he drew a card.

"It's my turn!" Yami said. "I summon the Elements of Harmony!"

On Yami's central monster space, a portal of white light opened up, which the Mane Six, adorned with their Elements.

"Why does this keep happening to us?!" Twilight asked, seriously concerned.

"It makes it really hard for me to get my beauty sleep," Rarity added.

Rainbow Dash's eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. "Um, guys..."

The Mane Six turned their heads to see a titanic King Sombra, flanked on both sides by Crystal Ponies, laughing almost as maniacally as Kaiba.

"Next I tribute all of my Royal Guards in order to summon Slifer, the Sky Dragon in attack mode!" Yami shouted.

Slifer, a colossal red dragon with a plethora of spikes on it's back, rose from underneath the battlefield, wielding 6,000 Attack Points and towering over every other monster on the field, including Sombra.

"Now, I attack King Sombra with the Rainbow of Light!" Yami shouted.

The Elements each shot out light beams, which combined into one massive rainbow of death pointed directly at King Sombra's face.

"I activate my trap card, Negate Attack!" Kaiba said. As the Rainbow of Light got absorbed, his and Sombra's laughter got more and more high-pitched and shrill.

"Yami nearly collapsed onto the floor. "I-I-I guess that ends my turn,"

"Don't give up, Yug!" Joey called out.

"We're with you all the way!" Tea added.

"You can't let Sauron win!" Tristan added.

"Hooray! Go, Seto!" Mokuba cheered.

"Shut up, Mokuba," Kaiba replied.

"It's my turn!" Kaiba said. "I cast my Everfree Seeds magic card, destroying your Elements of Harmony!" The Elements shattered then and there, leaving the Mane Six feeling naked before Kaiba's army. "Then I attack Twilight Sparkle with King Sombra!"

King Sombra extended his hoof and surrounded Twilight in a bubble of darkness. When the darkness let up, Twilight's irises were gone and she dissolved into dust, lowering Yami's Life Points to 4,001.

"TWILIGHT!" All of Twilight's friends screamed.

"But wait, there's more!" Kaiba added. "I also play my Sealed Away magic card, sending Slifer to the Graveyard!"

Slifer shined red and was deposited into the Graveyard.

"But Slifer's an Egyptian God card! Surely it should be unaffected!" Yami objected.

"And these Equestrian cards are very overpowered. What's your point, Yugi?" Kaiba said.

Yami had nothing left to say.

"I end my turn! Draw your last pathetic card and let's finish this!" Kaiba shouted.

Normal Yugi began to think,I can't give up now. My honor depends on this! If I can just draw something that can help me here...

"It's my turn!" Yami shouted. "I play the Crystal Heart of the Cards!"

"What?" Kaiba asked in a deadpan tone.

"It's a spell card that sends King Sombra to the Graveyard, takes the combined Attack Points of your Crystal Ponies, subtracts it from your life points, and then sendsthemto the Graveyard, and allows me to summon Spike, the Dragon Knight in attack mode!"

"King Sombra evaporated into smoke, and each of Kaiba's Crystal Ponies took a jab at his Life Points, lowering him down to 500, and dissolved into shards of crystal. Soon after, another white light appeared, and Spike, or rather the new and improved version of him appeared. He was taller, more buff, armed with a three foot long broadsword, wearing a suit of armor, and just seemed more confident. Oh, he also had 3,000 Attack Points.

"I know I literally just said Equestrian cards were overpowered, but this is just absurd!" Kaiba said with a look of panic in his eyes.

"Alright! There ya go, Yug!" Joey cheered.

"Whoo! Go Spike!" Rainbow Dash cheered.

"Ah, my knight in shining armor has finally arrived," Rarity said.

Wait a minute,Kaiba thought.If Spike's over there, then...

"I end my turn!" Yami shouted.

"It's my turn!" Kaiba said. "Since I'm the president of the world's largest gaming corporation, I get to draw as many cards as I want!" Kaiba drew ten cards.

"That's not a thing!" Yami objected.

"As President of KaibaCorp, I declare this valid!" Kaiba declared. "Next I play Polymerization and summon my Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon in attack mode!"

A blinding blue light shone on Kaiba's half of the battlefield, and soon an enormous three-headed pale white dragon emerged, sporting 4,500 Attack Points.

Kaiba laughed with a sort of juvenile glee. "Oh, how I've wanted to use you for so long, Blue-Eyes,"

"I'm not even finished yet!" Kaiba added. "I also play Monster Reborn, in order to re-summon King Sombra in attack mode!"

The sphere of swirling darkness returned, and out trotted King Sombra once more onto the field with 5,000 Attack Points, along with his two Crystal Ponies with 1,500 Attack Points. Spike's facial expression went from smug confidence to sheer, utter terror in the blink of an eye, as he had to face not only one, but two titanic adversaries.

"This is the end, Yugi! You have no more trump cards left to draw! Why don't you surrender now, and save some face?" Kaiba said.

"I will never surrender, Kaiba! For as long as I believe in the heart of the cards, I will always prevail!" Yami retorted.

"Whatever. I end my turn! Let's see how far your cheesy friendship speeches get you," Kaiba said.

"It's my turn!" Yami drew his card and burst out laughing.

"What? What's so funny?" Kaiba asked.

"I guess they weren't very subtle with this one," Yami kept laughing.

"Spit it out! What did you just draw?!" Kaiba said.

Yami collected himself and tried not to laugh. "I play the Yugi Wins card,"

"What?" Kaiba said in a deadpan tone. "Is that supposed to be a joke, Yugi?"

"No, it's not a joke, Kaiba. Here, you can read it for yourself," Yami played the card face-up facing towards Kaiba.

"'If the person who plays this card is named 'Yugi Moto' or 'Yami Yugi', they automatically win the duel,'. What is this crap?!" Kaiba said.

"It means I win," Yami said.

Kaiba's Life Points lowered down to 0. "Well that was anticlimactic," he said as his Blue-Eyes and Sombra dissolved.

"I'll say. Good game, Kaiba. I guess I'm truly the King of Games after all." Yami extended his hand. Kaiba did the same and they did a long-distance handshake.

From his mansion on Duelist Kingdom Island, Maximillion Pegasus watched the entire duel on his multi-monitor surveillance system, studying the cards used, how they were used, and what they did.

"That sure was anticlimactic," Pegasus said. "But if these Equestrian cards are as powerful as what I just saw, then I may need to look into them a bit more..."