S.S.D.D

by Xenarch

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Crossover, Human, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 1619

When ponies meet Tehran... (A Battlefield 3 Crossover)

What happens when ponies are forcibly ejected into Tehran? Do they die, do they live? DOES RAINBOW STOP ASKING QUESTIONS?

Rated MATURE for language, and possible gore later on.

Joint story between me and Zaelex.

Oblivion-Xenarch (Me, duh)
Hellfire-Zaelex (You should see what he does as an engie in BF3)
Noob-One of our closer friends IRL, who pretty much sucks at BF3, yet still loves it to hell.
Deadshot-Another one of our closer friends, he isn't too bad, but I wouldn't nominate him for a leader.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-24 18:55:19 UTC

Prologue

PLEASE NOTE THE FOLLOWING: We did this for fun (and no reason) so it literally has no planning at all. One of us just said: "Why don't we put it on fimfiction for teh lolz?" so, here we are. Zaelex is typing the story, as well as including some other stuff so the story makes more sense than in our chat. I am doing the editing work, and obviously we both are doing the main writing before edits. For those of you wondering why it is here, Zae didn't want it on his page. So, yeah.

Prologue

“Ok, why did you give Princess Luna beer again? I mean, do we even know what effect it will have on them? I seriously doubt this was a good idea.” My friend was always worried about the outcome of everything that could happen. Sometimes it could get on our nerves, but it saved our arses a few times, so we usually just decided to hear him out. We didn’t want to end up like the Sergeant, who tuned him out for the second, and last time.

“Don’t worry, we have talking ponies and mythological creatures here, what’s the worst that could happen?” I replied to him, I didn’t know if I should go back, or just keep on going to our camp site. I decided to just keep on walking, I seriously doubted that a little beer would do much to an Alicorn.

I had seen two of those “Humans” as they called themselves,  drinking something out of bottles. When I asked them, they seemed a bit…odd…so, I naturally tried to talk with them to see what was wrong. It was hard to understand what they were saying, and they seemed to stumble everywhere they walked. Perhaps they were tired? That would explain the walking, but what could explain the speaking problem? After a few hours they seemed back to normal, as strange as that is, they didn’t sleep at all. I asked them what was wrong, and they didn’t know what I was talking about. When I reached the subject of the bottle, they seemed to know what I was talking about. They called it “beer” and it made them in a state of “drunkenness.” I had no idea what they meant, and I asked if I could have some. They gave me a few bottles of this “beer” and I flew over to Twilight Sparkle’s library to study them.

“Twilight Sparkle, do you know anything of this beer these humans have?” I asked, hoping that she would shed some light on this odd drink. She and her friends did spend the most time with the humans, even if it was only a couple hours each month.

“No, your majesty, I do not. I have never seen this before.” She seemed disappointed and enthusiastic at the same time. She might want to study this as well?

“Oh…well, that is quite alright. I already have an idea of what it does, I just want to know if it’s dangerous to us ponies. The humans were drinking this, and they seemed a bit…different.” Different wasn’t really the right word, but were there really any words to describe it?

“Different, your majesty?” Twilight responded, she seemed even more willing to study this beer.

“They had trouble speaking, walking, and moving. Their personalities seemed different as well, they returned to normal as this seemingly wore off.”

“Oh…well…usually on their drinks or wrapped foods, they have a paper band around it with the name, and nutrition facts on it. These usually include the contents inside the item. Maybe this applies to the beer as well?” Twilight’s insight was usually helpful, this time was no different.

“Perhaps it does…” I said as I lifted the bottle in front of my face, examining the wrap around it. “No, this does not.” I was disappointed and confused as why there was no list of ingredients on this, as there was on other human items, according to Twilight. “It looks like there is only one option to see what this does.” I said to her, as I took off the cap to one of the bottles.

“Your majesty? What are you…” She stopped as she saw me start to drink from the bottle. This tasted horrible! I was sure that even manure would taste better.

How could the humans like this?!

I then realized that I couldn’t stop drinking it, even though it tasted worse than manure. I had just drank 2 bottles of this, and I started on my third.

I blacked out.

“Ok, for the last time! I will not listen to damn rap! Definitely not Eminem!” Hellfire told me as I told him the list of songs I had. All were rap, so far.

“Alright, not Eminem. How about some Red vs. Blue OSTs? Like Falling Towards the Sky?” I asked him, already knowing his answer.

“Do you even need to ask? HELL YES!” He practically yelled loud enough to wake up a dead man.

Knew it.

We started to run to our camp, vaulting and ducking over almost everything in our way. This particular song always got us pumped up. We never used our MP3s near the ponies, knowing that they didn’t really like the swearing all that well, plus the fact that there were almost always fillies and younger ponies near the others.

We reached our camp site and started to unpack our materials. This wasn’t really a camp site, it was pretty much a military barracks with an added kitchen, dining room, and living room. We had built our own entertainment purposes from scratch. We had what we called a Playstation 360. It was basically an Xbox 360 with Blu-ray. Without the Microsoft tendency to have it break after 3-4 years. We had solar panels on top of the roof, which gave the place enough power to last a week without the solar panels being out. These panels came complete with a system which retracted the panels and put a metal cover over them, or removed the cover and pushed them back out. This helped prevent the panels from taking damage.

“Hey, Oblivion, where are Deadshot and the Noob?” Hellfire seemed to always ask the right questions, at least if they concerned our personnel.

“Hell if I know, wait, hold on. Note on DS’s bunk.”

Went on patrol in the jeep. Don’t worry, Noob aint driving. Be back around 0400. –DS

“Oh, well…we don’t have anything to do tomorrow. So…Halo gaming marathon?” Hellfire asked. He knew I was a hardcore Halo fan, so whenever he wanted to do anything that would require me to stay up all night, it was always halo. I never could resist it.

“You already know the answer.” I told him, either enthused by playing halo, or by the fact that noob wasn’t here to use up all their firefight lifes.

We proceeded to play halo. We started to play some “Marinefight” on Halo Reach. This game type you had no shields, but you had a higher damage resistance to simulate Halo 3: ODST. Hellfire being Hellfire, he put the difficulty on legendary, with only elite generals. He was such a troll…

I woke up staring at a wooden ceiling, wondering what happened. A minute ago I was drinking the “beer” those humans had gave me. It tasted horrible, but it was good in some way. I lifted my head up and looked around. This wasn’t the library…it looked different. It was still a tree, but it wasn’t the library. There was a rug, a staircase to the right, and a couple weird objects hanging from the ceiling. I was laying on the couch, and there were animals staring at me. Animals? Animals! This must be Fluttershy’s cottage. I started to get up, when I heard a quiet “Squee!” below me. I got off the couch and looked down, Fluttershy was staring back at me. Terrified and confused.

“Fluttershy? What are we doing in thy cottage?” She seemed to shrink down as I spoke.

“I-I d-don’t know…I t-thought you d-did…” She spoke so softly and quietly that I could barely understand what she said.

Now I know why everypony protects Fluttershy so much.

“What happened Fluttershy? A minute ago we were in Twilight Sparkle’s library.” I replied, getting confused on what happened.

“Well…umm…” She walked closer to me and whispered to me what happened.

“WHAT?! WE DON’T REMEMBER DOING THAT!” I was shocked at what I did, or did I do it? I was not sure, but Fluttershy couldn’t lie, could she? Then I remembered. “THOSE HUMANS! THEY SHALL PAY!” Fluttershy hid under the couch as I started using the Royal Canterlot voice. She seemed even more terrified and confused now. I didn’t speak to her, as I rushed out the door, competing with even Rainbow Dash’s speed as I headed to the Human’s Camp.

Hope you guys like this, cause we are not gonna quit. This is a joint-story between me and Zaelex, we are not planning this at all. This is just out of boredom and for laughs, we decided to submit it here just for the reason of having a BF3/MLP crossover with self-inserts. So, enjoy.

Cancelled

Hey, beautiful people! I apologize for this inconvenience, as shown in the title name. S.S.D.D. has come to an abrupt halt due to Zaelex being busy with schoolwork(8th grade... Wut?). So, I'm gonna try to stray from co-author fics, and just make my own. I will say, Zaelex is going to take some initiative, and actually make another fic, and complete "Turning Point." So, please don't hesitate to check him out.

Zaelex's FicFiction Account: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Zaelex