The Way of the Dodging Hoof
The Way of the Dodging Hoof
The Way of the Dodging Hoof
It was early in the morning, and a rooster went out of the hen house near Fluttershy's cottage. The bird took a deep breath to start his crownig, when suddenly, something resembling a white lighting bolt ran past it at extreme speed, pushing it out of balance. The cock spinned for a while, and then fell, rolling his eyes out of dizziness.
The snowy projectile stopped at the cottage's door, and started to look like a very vexed and upset rabbit. Angel started to bash the doors, until the yellow pegasus opened them.
"Oh, hello Angel Bunny." Fluttershy greeted her darling pet. "What d o you want for breakfast? I'm sure you will like... Oh, my, Angel, you're hurt!!!" Fluttershy screamed, when she noticed, that Angel has a black eye.
"Who hurt you? Who?" Fluttershy kept on asking while Angel silently wept and repeatedly pointed his paw towards the woods.
"Was it another rabbit?"
Angel shook his head and started to pretend fainting. Oh, woe is me, the rabbit's face spoke.
"Was it a badger?"
Again, Angel shook his head.
"A racoon?"
Yes! Yes, a racoon!
Angel nodded his head and lied down on the ground, raising his legs high.
I'm about to die, Fluttershy, avenge me.
"So, um, what do you want me to do about it?" asked Fluttershy. "We can go find this creature, and try to talk to him... and if it doesn't help, I can always use the Stare... although I really wish it won't be necessary."
No, Fluttershy, this won't cut it. I need this racoon to suffer, just as I did.
Angel Bunny stood up and shook his head.
"Angel, why did the racoon hit you? I know all the woodland creatures around here, and the racoons are quite nice."
Angel began to enact a pantomime, which would be a heart-gripping tale about cultural differences between rabbits and racoons, the inability to communicate in modern society and about a quarrel about a berry bush, if only Angel didn't try to do the whole thing in 15 seconds.
"Um... okay?" Fluttershy was confused.
Angel stopped his performance, frowned his brows, and pounded his left paw with his right one a few times.
I have his scent. I will hunt him down. Eat his bones.
"No, Angel, I will not hurt this racoon. We will resolve it peacefully, and you will shake hands with him"
Suddenly, Fluttershy realised, that Angel is waving some sort of leaflet in front of her face.
This is racoons' Reckoning.
Fluttershy looked at the leaflet.
"Shān Yáng Short's Dojo. Learn the best ways to defend yourself."
Yes, defend, right. I know one way to defend myself, and it's to attack!!!
Angel beggingly folded his hands and started to shake them.
"Well, " said Fluttershy, "I guess if you want to learn how to defend yourself, I can take you there." Fluttershy frowned. She wasn't convinced it is an entirely good idea. "At least if this racoon tries to upset you again, you won't be helpless".
I will shatter his soul.
Fluttershy packed up her saddlebag, and left her cottage with Angel Bunny.
* * *
When Fluttershy and Angel reached the dojo, it was noon already, but the building was, apparently, closed. There were some ponies in front of the dojo, and all of them were stallions. One non-pony figure stood out from the crowd, and kept his distance from the other. It was Iron Will - the minotaur that Fluttershy has encountered a few months earlier.
Fluttershy looked at the crowd, and realised, that Iron Will is the only person she knew, so she approached him.
"Um... I'm sorry Mr Iron Will..." she started, "But why is everybody standing here? It looks like it is closed."
"Well looky here! It is Fluttershy, my former student!!!" the minotaur was surprisingly content with seeing the yellow pegasus "No Fluttershy, the dojo is not closed. The dojo just accepts only the truly worthy clients! And I, Iron Will, will be the one to enter it today!!! I DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!!"
Fluttershy raised her eyebrow. "But... aren't you the one who teaches how to refuse?"
"Iron Will does not teach, how to say 'no' to Iron Will!" the minotaur said. "And unless I enter the dojo, nobody enters, including YOU!" he shouted, and did a number of hectic gestures with his arms.
"Oh, no, Mr Iron Will, you misunderstood me. I'm not here for the self-defense classes. It's Angel."
Iron Will leaned down to take a look at the white rabbit, and burst out in laughter. "HA! HA! This puny creature is not worthy of Shān Yáng Short's teachings! When something like you stand in MY way... "
SLAP!!! Iron Will's one-liner was interrupted with Angels right hook. Iron Will dried up and started to rub his jaw. "Well, this rabbit has some fighting spirit, I give him that..." said Iron Will, and moved away from Fluttershy and her pet, "But I'm watching you two!!!" he roared, and pointed his hoof at his eyes, and then at Angel's. The rabbit did the same, and he made a frown.
Fluttershy embraced Angel with her arm, and they moved to the ponies present at the location. Fluttershy recognised one of the stallions, so she walked closer to him, and attempted to start a conversation.
"Um... excuse me?"
"YEEEEEAAAAH?!?!" the white pegasus squalled questioningly.
"I... have a question." Fluttershy gulped. "I take it, that everyone here is waiting until somepony walks out of the dojo, right?"
"YEEEEEAAAAH!!!". This time, the scream was filled with confirmation.
"... And I take it there's not much more that we can do but wait?"
"YEEEEEAAAAH..." Fluttershy could swear, that the roar included a note of sorrow and discontent. "Thank you then."
Fluttershy turned to her cute and short-tempered pet. "Well, you heard everything Angel. Do you still want to wait?"
The rabbit just crossed his arms, and proceeded to stomp with one foot.
* * *
Hours passed, and the crowd in front of the dojo started to thin out. Stallion after stallion, the ponies slowly departed, some of them more patient and enduring than the others, until finally, only three individuals were left - Fluttershy, Angel and Iron Will, who was taking a nap.
Suddenly, a vibrant sound of gong spread, and the dojo's door slided open.
"Angel, wake up!" Fluttershy gently stroke the rabbit's head, but without much effect. Angel was sleeping like a log.
"You! Yellow one! You're deemed worthy! Enter the dojo! Now!" Fluttershy raised her head.
In front of her, a capricorn was standing. He was shorter than her, but his long, twisted horns made him look bigger, and quite intimidating. His eyes were squinted and hidden below big, bushy eyebrows, which shared their snowy color with the capricorn's long and slim moustache and beard, which would be lying on the ground if they were an inch longer. He was wearing a red silk robe, which just emphasized the anger emanating from his face.
"Oh, um, good day." Fluttershy started. "You must be..."
"My name is Shān Yáng!" said the capricorn. "But for you, it is shifu now! Drop your minion! Your training begins immediately!" Shān Yáng commanded, turned away and started going back to the dojo.
"Um, and my name is Fluttershy. Mr Sheng... Shen Yan..." Fluttershy then recalled the leaflet. "Mr Short, I think you made a mis..." the word 'mistake' got stuck in her throat, when Shān turned his head and gave the pegasus a chilling glance with his narrow eyes.
All of a sudden, he picked up a rock and threw it at Fluttershy with great strength. Instinctively Fluttershy flushed into the air and dodged it by mere centimeters.
"No mistakes!" the capricorn grunted.
"Master Sheng! Master Sheng!" it turned out, that Iron Will's nap ended with the gong. "Why are you letting her in, and make a fool out of Iron Will? I demand training, for I, Iron Will, am worthy of your teachings!!!"
Shān Yáng eyed the minotaur up and down. Then he entered the dojo, and slammed the doors shut behind him. Moments later, when Fluttershy and Iron Will were trying to figure out how exactly one can slam a sliding door, he went out again, holding a bucket of paint and a big paintbrush in his mouth. He put those items at Iron Will's hooves.
"You. Paint the fence around the dojo. Careful, long strokes, up and down." Shān Yáng said, and imitated a few strokes with an invisible paintbrush. "Very careful movements. Very precise!"
Iron Will couldn't believe his ears. "Are you kidding me? Iron Will didn't come here to paint your fence!!! I should just..." suddenly, a glimmer of revelation and enlightement appeared on his face. "... I see! Of course, master, your wish is my command!" the minotaur said, picked up the brush and the paint, and walked to the fence.
"Good. Futta-shi! Follow me inside!" said the capricorn, and walked into the dojo.
"It's Fluttershy" the pegasus whispered, and followed Shān, leaving Angel sleeping on the grass.
* * *
"What is the greatest weapon, Futta-shi? Answer!" said Shān, and threw the yellow pegasus a white kimono, which he has taken out of the drawer earlier.
"Actually, I tend to resolve my conflicts as peacefully as possible. I think that violence is never the answer. It is not... nice".
"Ah, yes, I see that you understand it perfectly, Futusha!" the capricorn exclaimed. "First we delude the enemy, lead him to believe, that we are weak and helpless, and then... WE CRUSH THEM WITH OUR SERENITY AND IDLENESS! Now I see, you are a true killer!"
"Yes, then we... um, what?" Fluttershy was shocked. "No, no, no! I never hit anyone in my life! And please don't use that scary word!" Fluttershy squeaked.
"Ah, yes it's always the quiet ones!" Master Shān said. "Don't worry! As the follower of the Way of the Dodging Hoof, you won't ever need to hit anyone..."
"That's truly a relief." for a while Fluttershy thought, that she is in the right place.
"... BECAUSE YOU'LL CRUSH THEM WITH THEIR OWN STRENGTH AND YOUR WILL!!!"
"Oh my."
*
"To become a true master of the Way of the Dodging Hoof" said Master Shān, walking along Fluttershy in the dojo's garden, "you need to be able to dodge the undodgeable! Now, dodge these bricks!". There was, indeed, a pile of bricks laying in front of them.
"Um, excuse me, shifu, but how can I dodge something, that is not even moving?" Fluttershy asked.
"Dodge them!" the capricorn shouted.
"Uh... allright." Fluttershy slowly approached the pile of bricks. She looked at her teacher, who gave her a single nod of the head. Still not sure about the situation, Fluttershy did a quick jump to the side, then immediately cringed and covered her head with her front hooves and wings, sealing her eyes shut. When she opened them, she wasn't too surprised to realise, that nothing has happened.
Shān Yáng Short sighed. "We have a lot to do. Your technique is good, but you lack conviction!"
"But shifu, what exactly you wanted me to do?" Fluttershy asked.
"Well, basically, not much more. Something... LIKE THIS!" Shān jumped to his side, and got to a fetal position, with arms protecting his head. The pile of bricks immediately turned into a stack of rubble and dust.
"Oh my. I guess we do have a lot to accomplish."
*
"The essence of a succesfull dodge" said Master Shān, taking a sip of tea from his cup "Is the will to avoid contact with your adversary. Or with a boulder rolling in your direction, threatening to CRUSH YOUR BODY AND TURN IT TO A BLOODY PULP!!!"
"Uh, I think I have plenty of that kind of will in me, shifu" Fluttershy replied.
The doors to the room opened, and Iron Will stuck his head inside. "Master, " he said, "I painted the fence, just as you wanted. Do you have any other task, that Iron Will can do in your name?"
"Good, good!" Shān said. "Now go wash the dishes. Very careful movements. Very precise circles with your hands, like this!", he said and started to encircle air in front of him. "Now off you go!" he commanded, and the minotaur vanished.
"Now, Flute-a-shii" her teacher continued "to enhance your training, we'll use an ancient technique. It allows you to master any form of combat, any martial art in the matter of hours, instead of years... but you are not allowed to tell anyone about it!"
"Oh, shifu, what..."
"ANYONE!"
"Okay" Fluttershy whispered. "It's really good news, because I need to feed my animals at home. But, um, what is that technique?"
"Music" the goat said and walked to a dusty gramophone in the room's corner.
"Music?"
"Oh yes, music. With the right accompaniment, one can absorb the wisdom of centuries in matter of hours!" Shān blew the dust off the gramophone, and took a record off the shelf. Fluttershy sighted the author's name on the case.
"Joe... Esponito? How long is this record, shifu?"
"About three minutes!"
"Oh, my. I hope it loops."
"Enough talk. LETS TRAIN!!!"
*
"First, you'll train to dodge moving objects!" the capricorn shouted, and pulled a lever next to him.
A headless arrow flew in Fluttershy's direction.
Fluttershy dodged the arrow with ease, and it hit the large shooting shield behind her.
"Well, that wasn't that ha... hey!", she shouted when another headless arrow almost hit her in the arm. "Ok, that was sur.. Ah!". The third arrow hit Fluttershy in her flank. The fourth one was accurate as well. And the fifth. And the thirteenth.
*
"The dodge is shaped by your will, as well as your body! When you want something not to hit you badly enough, the energy of your dodge, combined with your focus, resonates, and creates a wave of mental force!" said Master Shān, and dodged a huge wooden battering ram which was swinging on chains back and forth. Fluttershy noticed, that the trajectory of the huge log was disrupted, as if an invisible hand pushed it even further away from her master.
"Oh, and I can use that force to protect myself... and my friends as well!" Fluttershy smiled.
"Yes, that... AND TO CRUSH THOSE WHO OPPOSE YOU!" Master Yáng roared, and dodged the giant pendulum again, turning a part of it into a shroud of splinters.
"Huh?"
*
"Try to enhance your dodge, with shouting"
"Well, what should I shout?"
"Anything is suitable. What do you generally shout, when you're in danger?"
"Um, I think that things, like 'Leave me alone' or, 'Please don't hurt me' " Fluttershy said.
"So, what's stopping you? TRY IT!"
"Leave me alone." Fluttershy pronounced gently, with her regular grace, while making her dodge, by flying to the side. The pile of bricks remained intact.
*
"Yay! All the fifteen arrows dodged! Did you see it?"
"Yes, I did, my pupil" the goat said, and pulled the lever further down, unleashing a rain of arrows upon the gentle pegasus.
*
"Please, don't hurt me!" *dodge*
"Louder, Flat or Shy!!!"
"I didn't do anything to you!!" *dodge x2*
"LOUDER!!! THEY WANTED TO KILL YOU!!!"
"You... ARE GOING TO LEAVE ME!!!" *Super Dodge! x3*
A single brick broke in half.
*
Fluttershy tried to raise a chopstick with her hooves, but when she did it, she realised, that she needs another one to eat rice with them, so she put the first one away and started eating directly from the bowl.
"What are you doing?" Shān Yáng asked.
"Shifu, using chopsticks is very difficult, when you're not an even-toed ungulate" Fluttershy explained.
"IF YOU WANT TO EAT LIKE AN ANIMAL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD EAT OUTSIDE, WITH THEM!!!" her master shouted, raging with fury.
"Um, but shifu, we are both animals."
Master Shān thought for a while. "Well, forget what I said."
*
"The groceries?" Iron Will was puzzled.
"Yes, the groceries. Carry the basket very carefully, swing it like this, back and forth, back and forth! Here's the list."
"Well... okay..." the minotaur scratched his head while walking towards the door.
"This is your final test, my apprentice" Shān Yáng Short stood by Fluttershy's side in a long, straight corridor, with hedge on both sides. "Breathe. When you are able to focus your will, your body will no longer be needed to dodge. You will become an immovable object." the capricorn left the corridor, and put his hoof on a lever.
"But master, what if I can't do it?"
"Well, Fluttershy, I guess the best alternative is running for your life then!" her teacher said and pulled the lever. A giant boulder started to roll throught the corridor, and began speeding towards the kind pegasus.
Fluttershy's heart was beating like crazy, so she closed her eyes, and focused on stopping the boulder.
Rumble, rumBle, rumBLE, RumbLE, rUMBLE, RUMBLE, RUMBLE, RUMBLE, RUMBLE!!! * silence *
Dodge it, dodge it, it won't hit me, dodge it, won't do any harm, stop, stop, stop, DODGE IT, DODGE IT!!!!
When Fluttershy opened her eyes, the boulder stood still a few meters in front of her.
'Congratulations, Fluttershy.' Shān said. "Your training is complete."
Fluttershy looked at the sun. "Oh my, the music really helped! I didn't think this whole thing can be done in one afternoon!"
* * *
"... And then I waked up Angel, and went home."
The six ponies were lying on a blanket and were having a picnic. Rainbow Dash scratched her head, and asked:
"But what about Iron Will? Why he did all that your teacher wanted? Wasn't your teacher somehow teaching him some deadly moves through all this fence painting, dish washing, floor sweeping, cart waxing and so on? Because it would be so awesome!"
"Well, " Fluttershy raised her brow, "I think, that he could think that this is the case... but in fact it was only that the Mr Short's house help was ill, and couldn't come that day."
The six friends laughed cheerfully. Rainbow Dash took a sandwich out of the basket and started to chow down.
"Anyway, " Fluttershy ended her story, "I hope I'll never be obliged to use that skill again. Oh, look, Spike is running here. I wonder, why he is in such a hurry?"
"Oh, it is gorgeous out. Just gorgeous" Rarity said, looking around herself.
