The Crash, The Snub, and Perhaps, Satisfaction
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The Hypnotoad Shampoo Incident
The Crash, The Snub, and Perhaps, Satisfaction
There was something enlightening about the ability to fly, Twilight found. Flitting from one corner of her basement to another, she pondered why she had never thought of it before. The room under Goldenoaks Library had served as a decent enough research facility before her ascension, but now that she could fly, Twilight had found a whole new dimension to the place.
Now she could reach all her scrolls without a ladder.
Still, today was for more than just reading, as strange as that may have been for the newly minted Princess. Today she was doing proper research, with potions, and goggles, and a lab coat.
Specifically, she was researching the merits of morphic field theory; a branch of magic theory that dealt in such areas as flight without wings, the grafting of phantom limbs to facilitate some of the more complex spells, and of course that elusive and oh so complicated subject that baffled magic scholars all over Equestria: the material versus the immaterial.
Twilight had a few samples before her for examination: poison glands of a mundane scorpion, pegasus feathers to represent a halfway point between magical and mundane, and then various vials of bodily fluids harvested from properly magical creatures. The idea was that the more magical the creature, the stronger the morphic field. The more magic was involved in the ability, the greater the odds that it might be concentrated, or transferred.
Twilight triple-checked her notes before getting to work. If she got this right, Princess Celestia would be pleased. She might get rewarded with an honourary title... or rather, something more honourary than the title she had now. Maybe she'd get her own castle. Maybe she'd get even more advanced magic lessons.
Maybe she'd get more books.
With paper and quill in hand, she got to work.
Then the crash happened.
Twilight felt the air woosh over her before she realised something had fallen in, then that same something rammed into her at full speed, knocking the vial out of her magic and spilling its contents. Only after the crash did Twilight realise this was a familiar something: blue, hooved, winged, and decorated with a rainbow-coloured mane and tail. Of course it was.
The something groaned, sniffed the purple stuff that it had gotten splashed with, then smiled. "Uh, hey, Twilight. Sorry about the landing."
"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight stomped a hoof on the ground, removing her goggles angrily, as only a true egghead could. "What do you think you're doing?"
Rainbow cringed and pointed at the open window. "Well, I was just-"
"Come on, you need to get decontaminated right now." Without warning, Twilight cast a containment spell around Rainbow Dash to hold her in a red glow.
This did not go over well. "But Twilight-hey! Put me down! I can walk just fine." She struggled and wriggled with all her might, but the alicorn's magic held her still. She couldn't even fly out.
"Well, clearly you can't, if you can't even be trusted to make a decent landing," Twilight noted. "I'm shocked at you, Rainbow Dash. I thought your days of crashing into random homes were over."
"It's not my fault, Twilight! I'm trying to tell you-"
"No excuses. You need to be decontaminated right now. Gosh, I don't even know what you were spilled with... do you have any idea how badly you might have hurt yourself? I was working with some very important and potentially dangerous substances." She marched right up the stairs with her captive in tow, straight towards the bathroom.
"Well, then, maybe you shouldn't be doing it in a residential area in the first place," Rainbow muttered under her breath.
Twilight ignored the remark. She let the bath fill up, grabbed a vial of special all-purpose magic absorbing decontamination soap from her counter and dunked Rainbow Dash in.
"Oof!" Rainbow Dash tried to stand up, but more magic held her down, forcing her to stay in the suds. "This isn't funny, Twilight. Now let me go!"
"No can do, Rainbow Dash. I have get every last bit of whatever it was, or who knows what might happen."
Twilight grabbed a brush and immediately got to work scrubbing the blue mare's fur.
"Ow! Do you have to be so rough?"
"Oh, don't be such a baby. You did this to yourself, you're lucky I'm willing to clean you up like this. You could have gotten hurt, Rainbow Dash. Though I suppose at least you didn't endanger anypony else this time, or sell them off."
Rainbow Dash grunted. Do the Sonic Rainboom a couple of times, no one cares. Fight dragons a couple of times, no one cares. But you accidentally trade your friend away once, not even for life, and suddenly you’re a slaver. Twilight had really let the authority go to her head after that Trader's Market. "You mean you would have hurt me, Twilight, if you're using stuff that's so dangerous."
"Don't be ridiculous; I have to do this important research for Princess Celestia. You need to be more careful. Now turn around, so I can wipe your extremities."
Rainbow fumed. Even so, she couldn't break free. "I can't move in this magic, Twilight."
"Oh, right, silly me."
Rainbow was tilted back farther, her hooves and flanks exposed to the overzealous Princess.
Then agony struck.
Her heart started pounding in her chest, a vein in the back of her head felt like it was going to pop, her wings flared up with magic.
Twilight was scrubbing her hooves.
"N-ngg..." Rainbow Dash tried to bite through it, tried to suck it up like she had so often before.
"See? Nice and clean. You need a good scrubbing, Rainbow, especially if you ever want to make it to the Wonderbolts. You really need to work on your tidiness and organisa-"
"STOP!"
Rainbow Dash fell down into the tub. Warm water soothed the assailed nerve endings of her hooves, slowly the spots in her eyes faded.
She surfaced from the sudsy water, finally catching her breath. Her heart still pounded in her chest, though. "Stop, Twilight. This isn't funny. This isn't fair."
"I'm sorry."
Rainbow's ears twitched. Something in Twilight's tone had changed. The alicorn sounded more monotonous, droning, almost. Looking up, Rainbow found her friend frozen, staring blankly ahead. "Twilight? Are you okay? Your eyes are looking kinda... swirly."
"Yes," came the dreamy reply. "I am okay."
Rainbow Dash leaned in closer. Yup, those eyes definitely had lights swirling in them. They didn’t blink when Rainbow waved a hoof in front of them, either. "Twilight, why are you looking like that?"
"Rarity gave me a mud mask yesterday and I combed my hair this morning."
Not the sort of response she was expecting, but it was a start. "Okay, why are you staring blankly ahead like that and why do you have swirls in your eyes?"
Twilight blinked. "I'm not sure. I seem to be under some kind of... influence."
"What kind of influence?"
"Given the nature of my research, I must have accidentally splashed you with secretions of the Bufus hypnoticus. It appears that, rather than extracting the magic, the decontaminating soap caused the morphogenetic field exuded by the secretions have melded with your own, imbuing you with the creature's lethemantic abilities."
About a fifth of that sentence registered. Clearly Twilight was not only following orders, but als taking things literally. In that case, the solution was easy. "Tell me again, and explain it like you would to me."
"Bubbly stuff make you think loud."
Rainbow facehooved. "Explain it like you would to me if you thought I was smarter than a two-year-old."
"I tried to get you cleaned up. I used the wrong soap. Your voice can now control me. What is your wish, Mistress?"
"Are you trying to play some prank on me?"
Twilight kept on staring blankly ahead. "No, Mistress. I cannot think."
"So you'll do anything I say?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Anything?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Okay. First things first: clean me up, but gently this time." Rainbow saw the coarse brush rise up again, and quickly realised Twilight Sparkle's idea of 'gently washing' anyone was based on her experiences with Spike, a dragon who had no problem with being used as a pincushion. So she quickly amended that command. "Wash me as if you were washing Fluttershy."
The brush floated away. Rainbow breathed a sigh of relief.
Twilight grabbed a different bottle of soap, and started massaging it into Rainbow's mane. The smell of it was divine.
"Hey, this is really good stuff. Nice and soft..." She leaned back and enjoyed the gentler affections from her friend. "What kind of soap is this?"
"Flea wash."
Author's Note
So this bit was in the blog, the next part will be about as short, but mostly comedic in nature. It's a two-shot, hadn't done one of those yet by design, might as well.
The Hypnotoad Shampoo Incident
It's the Thought That Counts
Rainbow Dash hadn't counted on getting a flea bath today, but it was better than nothing. Pegasus fleas tended to be very annoying, but only for a short time, as most pegasi didn't mind the electric shock of a quick hop on a thundercloud, and most fleas hadn't evolved to withstand that kind of voltage just yet.
Still, fleas had a habit of re-infecting some pegasi on a regular basis. Not Rainbow Dash, of course; she was too awesome and cool for that, but other pegasi, who were less awesome. And yellow. And surrounded by flea-carrying animals all the time. And prone to getting in infection range of other pegasi.
As she sighed under her friend's administrations, a thought occurred to Rainbow. Twilight would do anything Rainbow commanded. There would be no talking back, no hesitation, no consequences.
"How long is this influence going to last again?"
"A few hours, by my calculations."
Rainbow grinned. This kind of opportunity would only come once. "In that case, Twilight, I have another command. When I say 'go,' you will wash me gently, carefully, as if you were washing a lover." She snickered. "A very special somepony, that you love very much, that you think is the hottest, most awesomest pony in the world. Wash me like you'd wash a pony you want to marry. Understand?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Good. Go."
Rainbow Dash didn't expect much from the command. The gentle massage from that magic was a good start, relaxing her shoulders.
The pressure under her tail certainly was not.
"What the-" Before she could finish that thought, she saw and felt the hand made of magic poke one of its fingers inside, a second one cupping her nethers and feeling up her lips, the thumb quickly finding its way to her nub.
Rainbow Dash moaned and clenched around that prodding finger, even as it pushed in further and further. Her breath caught, she couldn't speak. Was Twilight fighting her somehow? A quick look behind her revealed that Twilight was concentrating, but there was no emotion to it. She was following orders, and somehow that entailed pushing a soapy magic finger into her innards.
The pegasus bucked and gasped, while the front hand kept on stroking her lips, that thumb and index finger rolling her nub about. Waves of pleasure-pain wracked through her body from the rough treatment.
Her mind raced to think of an answer why Twilight might do this. As she found her body heating up, she noticed the hand in front wasn't stroking much at all, not compared to the one in the back.
Frustrated, Rainbow grit her teeth. "Right, of course. Forgot to say 'female lover.' Twilight, stop."
All at once, the pressure dissipated. If nothing else, Rainbow was squeaky clean inside and out now, but this seemed like a good time to get out of the bath.
"Did you just try to give me a prostate exam?!"
"Yes, Mistress."
"That's not funny, Twilight."
"No, prostate cancer is certainly no joke, and I would never allow a mate of mine to fall to it."
Rainbow grumbled. She was angry, she was shaking, but worst of all: now she was horny. She had a perfect opportunity, and it just wasn't working out. But, seeing as Twilight had just demonstrated a complete lack of inhibitions in all matters carnal, it was only fair Rainbow Dash got some relief from the Princess.
"Okay, Twilight. Since you've gotten me excited, you're gonna help get me off." Rainbow lay back on the librarian's bed. "Have you ever had oral sex?"
"No, Mistress."
"Have you ever done oral sex?"
"No, Mistress."
"Have you ever fantasised about oral sex?"
"I have not, Mistress."
"Okay." Rainbow Dash spread her legs wide, giving herself a few rubs to warm up, as if she needed any. "Pretend you're licking at your favourite ice cream. Every little drop you get from me makes you want more, it'll cool you off on a hot summer day. You love ice cream, don't you?"
"Yes, Mistress." Twilight drooled.
"Then get to it. Lick me like your favourite ice cream."
"Yes, Mistress."
Rainbow smiled and relaxed as Twilight went to work. That tongue eagerly lapped at her juices, those lips closed and teased at her folds, and Twilight's warm muzzle breathed pleasantly over mound.
Times like this, Rainbow Dash really wished she had a bigger vocabulary. Wonderbolt training and Weather Patrol duty left surprisingly little time for pornography, which explained why half of Weather Patrol was fantasising about sex nearly all the time. She moaned as Twilight got to work. She was so good, so eager. Just a little more and Rainbow could put this behind her. One climax for relief, that's all she needed.
"Ow!" She jumped when she felt teeth mash down on her privates.
Twilight sat in silence.
"What was that for?" Rainbow asked. The pain had left her hanging on the edge of relief, and even getting to that point now would be a chore.
"I did as you asked, Mistress."
"How?"
"My favourite ice cream is chocolate, with fudge and walnuts. I never take a whole nut in my mouth."
"After that, I doubt any stallion would let you. Except maybe Royal Guards, if they're into that kinda thing. I'm pretty sure they're into bondage, actually, would explain a lot. Ouch, though. Okay, let's try something else." Rainbow Dash let her Pranking Sense kick in and found a good idea. "What do you use to masturbate with?"
"The Ultra Violet Stimulation Wand."
A vibrating wand. Perfect. "Okay, fetch that for me."
Twilight stayed perfectly still while the instrument floated towards them.
"Good. Now use that to get me over the edge." Rainbow Dash spread her legs and presented herself to her temporary slave, then thought the better of it. "Do to me what you usually do to yourself when you're horny in the morning."
"Yes, Mistress."
A gentle buzzing ran through Rainbow Dash's tender sex. The pain from before melted under the tingling from the wand.
"Huh, that's weird. I didn't think vibrators tingled this mu-"
Again, agony snapped her out of her buzz. Electricity surged through her body, frying her every nerve and making her hair stand on end. When the current passed and her body landed, she growled. "What the flying fudgesicle was that?!"
"I did as you asked, Mistress. I gave you the experience I give myself in the morning, when I am distracted by hormonal fluctuations."
Rainbow Dash rubbed at her tortured self. "So you electrocute yourself down there? Why?"
"It is not intentional, Mistress. It is merely difficult to predict when Spike wakes up, and even more difficult to control the voltage during climax. Usually the emotional discharge exhausts enough of my magic to prevent any real damage from being dealt. Usually."
The pegasus held her hooves up. "Okay, okay. Obviously there's no way you're gonna be able to get me off, even if you totally ought to after what you’ve put me through today. So how about something nice and simple, that even you can't mess up with your mind switched off. Fetch me your saucy literature."
"Yes, Mistress."
Rainbow snickered. She'd finally get some dirt on Twilight, something to make her blush. The book appeared right in front of her. Rainbow opened it and immediately regretted trying.
"Twilight, this is a cookbook."
"One Thousand Sauces from Across Equestria, as you asked, Mistress."
"Fetch me the book you read when you're feeling horny."
Right as she said it, a shadow appeared over Rainbow's form. She barely had enough time to duck from underneath the massive tome before it crushed her. "What the... The Lord of the Cockrings? Seriously? This thing's gotta be, like, nine million words long!"
"It is an exceptionally long story, Mistress," Twilight droned. "As are its most appealing features."
"Oh, Twilight...” Rainbow grunted, hoof planted firmly on forehead. “Is there a movie version?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"How long is that?"
"Ten hours and fifteen minutes."
"Definitely not watching that, then. Find me... the most compact porn you have."
Another blink from Twilight's horn, and some magazines appeared in Rainbow's hooves.
"Finally." Rainbow read the titles, and again wondered if Twilight was playing tricks on her somehow. "Equestrian Snake Enthusiasts? The Care and Breeding of Lizards? Why do you even have this? This isn't porn."
"I am keeping it in case of an emergency. And it is meant as pornography, Mistress. This is for Spike."
"But Spike's not old enough to, you know..."
"No, he is not," the dazed alicorn replied. "However, considering the results of his last growth spurt, I took it upon myself to procure a suitable outlet for any desires, should they arise. Giving him an outlet before he reaches critical size seemed the safest option."
That filled Rainbow's head with the thought of Ponyville covered in cream. "Yeah, this isn't gonna work. I think I'd better just go home and ride this stuff out." She got up from the bed and turned to leave. There was a tiny niggling bit of guilt in Rainbow's mind. Then her butt clenched, and she remembered she smelled of flea wash now, and she felt a lot better about the whole ordeal.
She ordered Twilight to go back into the basement, then had her perform a restoration spell on the broken glass to make it as good as new.
Twilight stayed in her entranced state throughout the whole thing, unresponsive to all but Rainbow's commands.
"Okay, Twilight, before I go, I have a couple of final commands."
"Yes, Mistress."
"Number one: you won't remember what happened here, but you will remember these following commands. Got it?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"So anything that happened from the moment I went in through the window until I leave here, you will forget. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Second, you're not going to treat me like an idiot again. Next time something happens, you're going to listen when I say it's not my fault." Rainbow quickly realised this suggestion needed to be more specific. "And the next time after that. And the one after that. Actually, any time something bad happens with me involved, you're going to at least give me the benefit of the doubt."
"Yes, Mistress."
"Thirdly, no more dangerous experiments in Ponyville. This is a residential area, and just because you're a Princess now doesn't mean you can endanger other ponies. Got that?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"So, about the bath time and the, umm, the sexy time?"
"I will forget."
"And the experiments and the blaming?"
"I will no longer experiment here, or blame you."
"Good."
Rainbow Dash moved towards the exit, then sighed.
Wait. I can't leave her like this. How could I live with myself?
Another day, another disaster. Two weeks had passed since Rainbow’s little adventure with the ill-advised experiment, and she was in the library again, this time with Applejack, to discuss Weather Patrol matters.
Specifically, there had been complaints about pegasi sleeping in the apple trees. Of course there was a good reason for that. Of course no one except the pegasi of Ponyville would ever listen to said reason.
"Ugh, Rainbow Dash, you really outdid yourself this time. You can’t just tell your subordinates it’s okay to sleep wherever they want."
"Hey, it’s not my fault we have to do night shifts nearly all the time. And I’m not the one who made that rule, either. So take a chill pill, Twilight."
Twilight bit her lip. Her tail rose up, before shivering.
"What's the matter, Twilight?" Applejack asked.
"N-nothing, nothing at all."
"You really shouldn’t stress out so much, Twilight," Rainbow added. “Chillax once in a while."
Again, she felt the pressure build inside. She crossed her hind legs and stumbled backwards. "Would you two excuse me just a second?"
She dashed off before either of the two could answer.
"What was that all about?"
Rainbow smirked. The sensation of ice cubes on pony privates wasn’t a fun one, but it was funny to see Twilight’s reaction to it. Not that Rainbow Dash would ever admit to that, and no court in Equestria would ever convict her for it. "Probably nothing, AJ.”
“So what do you plan to do about your lazy flyers napping on my turf?”
Rainbow’s nose curled. “Hey, did I ever tell you about this great new shampoo I found? It's something special, Twilight helped me get it."
Applejack quirked an eyebrow. "Err… what does shampoo have to do with anything?"
“Trust me. It’ll make sense in a few seconds.”
Author's Note
As short as it is, this was a slog to write and get done. I think I might be done doing clopfics of any kind for a while. Anyway, I hope it got some laughs, at least.
Royal Guards being bondage fetishists should totally be a thing, if it isn't already.