Typical Morning

by ShadowArcher141

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 1883

If ponies discovers coffee... Celestia help us all. And her too.

Coffee makes everything better except when it doesn't, which is never.
So coffee makes everything better.
But what if ponies get their hands on these caffeinated drinks?

Published 2018-06-17 21:10:08 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-23 06:02:48 UTC

Is that...?

Luna blinked away the weariness that gnawed away at her consciousness, watching her moon and stars slowly dip beneath the horizon, clearing the skies and making the way for yet another new day. The sound of birds in the distance could be heard in the winds.

She gave a tired and drawn out yawn, feeling just about ready to collapse of fatigue. It had been an especially rough night in the dreamscape. The “nightmares”- and she was being very generous with the word- have seemed to plague a sizable portion of the population last night.

How does one develop a fear in confetti, of all things? Or balloons? How?

And she was just beginning to understand the fear of clowns, too. Oh well.

Nevertheless, Luna took the time to calm each and every one of her subjects down, no matter how silly their fears were. She cared for them and all, but sometimes, she questioned her very sanity while performing her night duties.

Her mind began wandering, and soon drifted to a time before her banishment- back when the nation was still young and when war was still common. Believe it or not, there were actually less nightmares she had to attend to back then in the gruesome world. And by a sizable notion too, in fact.

Equestria had grown just a little bit soft- unable to deal with even the smallest inconvenience.

For Faust’s sake, things like confetti? Or balloons?! And other party items?...

Actually, maybe that had something to do with Pinkie, now that Luna stopped and thought about it.

“That might actually make sense.” Luna murmured to herself idly, noting the sun slowly emerging.

She sighed in bittersweet sadness, watching the first of the sunny rays pierce through the mountaintops and basking the land of Equestria in the morning light. She could recall a time when she was jealous of the unending affection their subjects towards Tia and her sun.

Dark times. No pun intended.

That had been enough to send her over the edge a thousand years ago.

Now?

She scoffed at the very thought. She could care less about the respect and affection. Especially when it came from the subjects of the nation nowadays, and these weird phobias they had…

But…

Her mind did a double backflip before tripping down a slippery slope of depression.

What was her life other than a ruler of Equestria?

What purpose were she to seek other than caring about her subjects?

If she didn’t care, did she have a purpose?

DID she have a purpose??

DID ANYTHING HAVE A PURPOSE?!

“WELL?!” She stopped and covered her mouth, suddenly aware she had said the last part aloud. A tad bit too loud, perhaps.

“Lulu?” A voice called from the doorway to the balcony, causing her face to flare up. “Are… You okay?”

“Tia! We- I am surprised to see you here…” Luna chuckled in embarrassment, turning to face her sister. “I… was just… setting the moon! Yes! Um… and I was just thinking….”

Celestia gave a blank stare, not believing a word of what Luna had said, but still trying to fathom whatever just happened.

“You don’t look too well, sister.” She said slowly and deliberately. “Are you sure you are ready to attend the meeting scheduled today afternoon?”

“The meeting? Hah! I’ll be fine… HMM!!!” She was suddenly aware of a delicious aroma floating from Celestia’s direction. “WHAT IS THIS SMELL?”

Celestia recoiled at the sudden outburst, and took a moment to make sure the comment was not directed towards her. “Um… Is it my shampoo?”

“NO.”

“My perfume?” Celestia was pretty certain she hadn’t used any today.

“NO.” Luna’s eyes twitched ever so slightly. “’TIS A GLORIOUS AROMA. WE HUNGER.”

“Flowers. Wine. Pancakes. Cake.” Celestia began to rattle off all the smells she could think of in the palace, growing all the more concerned about her sister and this unusual behavior.

Luna’s senses heightened, and directed her towards the unremarkable small brown cup Celestia held in her hoof.

“What. IS. THAT.” She pointed, jaws slack, entranced by the simple, but undoubtedly sacred object that was a brown cup.

“This…?” She looked to the cup, then back to the frenzied Luna in confusion. “This is coffee, sister. My pumpkin spice latte.”

Luna slowly reached out to take the cup, seemingly as if possessed.

“WHOA WHOA Whoa Wait a moment, dear sister…” Celestia laughed uncomfortable, keeping the cup safely outside her sister’s reach. “In the case that I did not make this abundantly clear, I said this was MY pumpkin spice latte. Not yours. Mine.”

“WE HUNGER. SURRENDER THE CUP, SISTER, OR FACE OUR WRATH.”

“AHAhaha… Yeah, no.” Celestia stuck out her tongue. “Go get your own coffee, sis.”

Celestia was gone in a sudden flash of light before Luna could tackle her down.

She looked down in tears of shock and denial at her pair of empty hooves.

Cup. Gone.

“TIAAAAA!!!”

-----------------------------------------------------------

“Well! Er. That… that must have been quite an interesting morning, to say the least.” The barista smiled awkwardly, staring in suppressed horror as Princess Luna down yet another cup of dark coffee in a single gulp. The crowd that had gathered by the princess a few minutes earlier had quickly dissipated after the 7th cup. “Um. How about I see you tomorrow, princess?”

“Heh heh…” A small giggling emerged from the dark and vibrating figure. “Just another cup, please.”

The barista could feel a wave of cold sweat break out as she quickly glanced over to the small but quickly growing pile of empty paper cups by the princess.

“I… I don’t believe that is wise, your highness,” She chose her words carefully. “You see, too much-”

“SERVE YOUR MASTER, MINION.”

The barista filled another cup and threw it at the princess in record time.

“My thanks, Ms. Barista.” The princess smiled happily as she downed it in in a gulp, completely oblivious to the shaking mare that was now hiding under the counter. “Mhmm. Another cup, please.”

That is...!

Celestia, the sole ruler and dictator of the glorious kingdom of Cakeland, was enjoying the day off.

She laughed as she leapt off the ice cream mountain and dived into the giant cake below, only to surface a moment later to take a huge bite.

“Mhmm…” She chewed slowly, savoring the delicious strawberry and creamy flavor of the rich dessert.

There was a soft wave of plattering, and soon a light rainfall fell upon the plane. Much to the princess’s delight, she found it to be chocolate rain!

Everything was going just perfect. She could stay here forever and ever…

Until she was interrupted by a small but definitely present purring noise, and her eyes shot open. She could recognize that sound anywhere.

Parasprites.

The demonic little pests have come to take her cake! Not on her watch…

She gathered her energy, ready to unleased a flurry of spells. She had to rid of the insects before they can multiply.

Then she saw one emerge from inside the cake she is currently swimming in.

“Oh no.”

The giant cake collapsed in upon itself, cake replaced by thousands and thousands of small colorful parasprite, and she fell into the swarm, deeper and deeper and deeper…

Until she shot up from her bed.

It was just a dream. Celestia couldn’t decide if she was laugh or cry. Maybe both.

She briefly considered returning to sleep, but decided that it was too sunny for an extra nap.

Her mind stuttered as she comprehended that it was sunny outside.

The sun was already up.

She was late…?

She stared outside for several moments, slightly confused. Maybe it was Twilight? No matter. Raising the sun a few minutes early couldn’t possible have any catastrophic effects, could it?

No, of course not. An out-of-control star in the sky is no reason for mass panic.

As she exited her bedroom and headed towards the royal kitchens, Celestia couldn’t help but notice more than just a few strange looks from the servants and guards.

Okay, maybe there was reasons for panic.

“Is something the matter, my little pony?” She asked the nearest guard.

“Heh… No! Of course not, your highness.” The guard stuttered, obviously not telling the truth.

She raised an eyebrow in mock exasperation. He grinned nervously and shuddered slightly.

“Very well.” She sighed as she moved onwards, more concerned with getting her morning coffee. She’ll deal with whatever problems that arose afterwards.

“Tia! Good morning...” Luna called as she entered the dining hall. “Uh… Nice… makeup! Heh heh.”

“Morning.” Celestia replied absentmindedly. “Wait. Makeup?”

She immediately looked for a reflective surface, and pulled up the nearest silver plate, and gazed upon an abomination of a creature.

Her face was a mess of ink. Someone must have tried to draw a mustache and monocle and screwed up twice. She could swear she could hear laughter outside the dining hall now.

Celestia silently facehoofed. Luna snickered quietly.

“You did this to me, didn’t you?” She said at last.

Luna burst out laughing.

“Welp. I’ll be getting my coffee now. Sleep well, Luna.” She muttered, starting for the kitchen.

“Oh!” Luna gasped, seemingly to have recalled something. “Wait, did I…? Silly me.”

Celestia looked back, taking note of her sister staring at her coffee. Then she took note of the several empty cups that littered the tabletop. Then she noticed how one of them had a sun insignia label on it.

Celestia gasped and shot up from her bed, covered in cold sweat.

It was just a dream. Another one? She took several deep breaths and pinched herself to make sure she was awake now.

Was that a sign?

No time to lose. Celestia hastily grabbed and hurled the sun to a random spot in the sky, ignoring all the care she would have taken in previous days, before taking off for the kitchen. She gathered many strange looks, but judgement be damned, her coffee was at stake!

Surely that was more important than how the sun rises.

She burst into the kitchen and witnessed the crime of the century. Luna was indeed drinking her coffee.

“YOU!” Celestia shouted, catching Luna spewing out her coffee in laughter. “HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”

“Pfff!” Luna burst into tears. “Oh, heavens above… That look on your face… Simply priceless!”

“UNDO YOUR CRIMES OR ELSE.” Her voice echoed throughout the palace.

“In that case, sister, I think I’ll take ‘or else’.” Luna stuck out her tongue, and teleported away.

Celestia’s eyes twitched.

Celestia slowly sipped the mug of coffee. “So that was my morning.”

“Wow! Heh… Certainly… interesting!” Twilight struggled to keep a straight face.

Celestia frowned at her student’s response to her lament, to which she smiled nervously back. She growled, but didn’t say anything.

“Um, princess?” She giggled and pointed to a spot by her muzzle. “You may have a little something… here.”

Celestia felt her face, but didn’t feel anything abnormal. Then she recalled her dream and those horrible drawings.

She slowly turned to a nearby mirror.

“Dammit Luna.” She muttered under her breath. “You are so going to be banished…”

“Would you like a towel, princess?” Twilight offered, still suppressing a laugh.

Celestia sulked, taking another sip.

“Princess?”

“Yes, please.”