How to Exorcise a Siren

by Smashology

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Sonata Dusk, Aria Blaze, Comedy, Adagio Dazzle, Equestria Girls, Random
Length: 1724

Pinkie Pie is called by the Dazzlings to solve a problem: expel a demon within one of them.

Pinkie Pie is called by the Dazzlings to solve a problem: expel a demon within one of them. Based on 'The Exorcist.'

Rated T for mild language and profanity references.

Cover art from Mirai-digi.

Published 2018-06-19 01:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-19 01:50:07 UTC

Going through puberty

“What an excellent day for an exorcism!”

Pinkie Pie said to herself while standing under a streetlight that illuminated an entire street. It was midnight and she was called by some special girls to do an exorcism. Being the daughter of puritan ideologists and having three odd sisters, you could say it was common for her to do this types of things at home, even if she wasn’t the best. Once she got into the building and knock on the door of the last apartment of the eighth floor, the guests who called her opened. They were the Dazzlings.

“I’m glad you could make it,” expressed Aria with a blend of joy and worry. “The situation is terrible.”

Aria took Pinkie’s hand and dragged her in. She noticed the entire place was completely dark with only some candles around it. Aria guided her into the main room, where Adagio was waiting for them. In the middle of the room was a wild, red-eyed possessed Sonata tied to the bed.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” said Adagio. “Pinkie please, help us. You have to expel the demon within our sister!”

“Calm down!” Pinkie raised her voice to control the situation. Both Dazzlings shut up while the pink girl hanged her coat and fedora hat on the rack of the room. She sighed. “If an exorcism was done for every crazed teenager in the world, there would no longer be cures in the churches.”

“Bu-bu-but–”

Pinkie shushed Adagio.

“Don’t panic! Let’s analyze the scene.”

Pinkie Pie stared to the possessed Sonata, taking a look at the situation.

“Wounds in the face...” The screaming from the youngest dazzling continued. “Diabolical behavior.”

“Fuck me! Fuck me!” yelled the girl tied to the bed.

“Strong desire to fornicate.”

Adagio and Aria were scared of her little sister. Pinkie Pie finally came to a conclusion.

“I’m afraid to tell you that your sister is...”

“Tell us, Pinkie.”

“Going through puberty.”

That was out of place. Not only the conclusion was vague and that Pinkie say it so cynical, coldly and funny yet so serious, but also rushed and out of place. All the dazzlings, from Adagio to Aria and even the possessed Sonata let out a disconcerted, confused and loud “What?”

“Can’t you see she’s possessed?” Asked Adagio, wondering if Pinkie Pie was the right one they called for. “I mean, look at her face!”

Sonata thrashed and wallowed in bed.

“It’s called acne and badly burst pimples.”

“And what about this?”

Adagio unbuttoned Sonata’s pajamas to reveal a blood mark on her belly, which had typed ‘SATAN 666’, with the numbers forming a circle.

“That’s a tattoo, madam! Then she’ll pierce herself and you would know more if I you were more aware of what happens with her.”

Both Dazzlings grunted to Pinkie, because that commentary made them look like they’re both irresponsible towards her sister.

“Fuck me, twat!” yelled Sonata. “Fuck me!”

“I know my sister and she’d never say such a thing,” Aria spoke next, trying to persuade Pinkie Pie.

“Those are the hormones. What happens is that she’s hornier than a nun in convent. I say it for experience.”

Aria gasped because of how the pink girl said it. What was that experience she said about? Was Pinkie hiding something from them?

“Or what?” Pinkie continued. “You’re going to tell me that you were a sweet, innocent cherry at that age?”

“Well...” Aria thought for a moment and finally, admitted her feelings. “Maybe I had my adventures here and there.”

Pinkie, irritated, surprised and ashamed of hearing this, took her water pot and wet Aria with holy water drops.

“You sinner! Save your shames for the confessional!”

Sonata expressed her feelings towards the situation.

“ioauufiouwecfioueiwocfuioeq wuvioeuviofumcioquuewciouqioecuioweu”

“Can’t you see that’s not her voice?” Adagio tried to convince Pinkie again. “Snap out of it!”

“What part of ‘puberty’ did you not understand?” Pinkie asked sarcastically. “Voice change is normal at that age.”

“But that’s only for men.”

“Liar! Then why Aria sounds like a bass?”

“Hey!”

“No offense.”

Adagio continued. “But she’s talking in strange lingo.”

“You should be grateful that she knows two languages. There’s a ton of people out there speaking English horribly dreadful, saying barbarities such as ‘Want to’.”

The last example was odd for the sirens, so Aria corrected Pinkie.

“Pinkie... technically, ‘want to’ is correct.”

But Pinkie looked mad at Aria, didn’t have mercy on her and wet the pink dazzling again with holy water drops.

“Ok, first of all, never, EVER say that word again!”

“Which one?” Asked Adagio doubtful. “Technically?”

Now Pinkie unleashed her anger in Adagio, wetting her like Aria in the process.

“That one. It’s enough to hear that word from my sister’s boyfriend. Second, if someone knows how to say ‘Wanna’ correctly is me!”

While they were discussing, Sonata felt bad and looked sick. Suddenly, she threw up on Aria. While the middle siren was cleaning herself with her own hands, and trying to contain the digestive system inside her body, Sonata giggled naughtily.

“Care to explain that Pinkie?!” Adagio demanded an immediate answer. “Tell me!”

“Hangover. She went to a party yesterday and now she’s realizing what went wrong.”

A moment that nobody expected occurred: the possessed Sonata started to spin her head in 360 degrees. No pain for her, like if it was the most common thing in the world. She growled and mumbled while her sisters watched her.

“You’re going to tell me that it’s normal to do that too?” Asked Adagio, really insisting in getting one logical answer for real this time.

“No.”

That simple word... that could’ve been the moment where the Dazzlings were right for one time, the smiles were clear on their faces, showing their teeth... until Pinkie Pie spoke again. “That happens when someone sleeps twisted. It’s called stiff neck, it happens to me actually.”

Pinkie Pie instantly repeated Sonata’s actions and spin her head in 360 degrees, with a cracking sound and an ‘OUCH!’ at the end. The Dazzlings were shocked, they couldn’t believe it.

“You see? Your sister is completely ok.”

A thunder stroke, illuminating the room and allowing the people in the room to observed how the siren floated through the air, however the ties kept her in the bed. She levitated from the fitment and, while her sisters payed closed attention to her, Pinkie Pie left her clients unadvised, taking her clothes with her.

“Sorry, but a have party to plan. Got to go, see you later!”

Aria chased her down the apartment and stopped her just in time. “Pinkie, you can’t leave! You’ve to help her!”

Begrudgingly, Pinkie Pie accepted and came back to finish her job.

“Ok, but this is going to be very expensive for you!”

While she was hanging her clothes in the rack once more, the Dazzlings could hear her mumbling grumpily.

“Why did I became an exorcist in the first place? Mom told me to ‘become a lawyer. Follow your sisters’ example. Pinkamena, it’s for your own good’, but noooooooooooooo, one does bullshit just to take the opposite. I don’t even have health insurance. Why did I agree to this in the first place?”

When she finished, she pull of a crucifix from one of the bags from the coat and screamed in her loudest high-pitched voice.

“In the name of Celestia, I order you to free the body of... what’s her name again?”

“Sony!” Answered Adagio.

“To free Sonata’s body!”

“No Pinkie!” replied Aria, correcting her. “Sony!”

Now it was turn for Pinkie Pie being the surprised in the wrong way. She was sure her name was Sonata, so why now the youngest of the Dazzlings was named ‘Sony’?

“Sony?! Are you serious?!”

“Yes.”

Pinkie Pie facepalmed her entire head and sighed, giving her best attempt to understand the situation.

“What’s with people naming their children after silly things?! Then what? Your true names are Adamantium and Ariados?”

“No, listen,” Aria interrupted her, giving her best shot to explain everything. “Sonata bought a PS3 online and when she found out the name of the company, she wanted to change her name to Sony because she found it cute and insisted us to be called that way.”

Pinkie Pie didn’t believe anything. It was absurd and seemed to be fake. In order to calm her down and shutting the sirens’ mouth, she wet Aria once more, but not with holy water drops, instead she used the entire recipient. The Dazzling was soaked from head to toe.

Aria burst into anger. “Stop wetting me, Pinkie!”

“Then don’t say bullshit!”

The party girl focus once more and placed the crucifix in front of her face. She raised her voice and repeated the words.

“The power of Celestia compels you!”

Pinkie Pie screamed louder every time she said the spell. The demon responded every time, trying to scare Pinkie and make her run away. Sonata, unconsciously, convulsing for the effects of the pact.

“Fuck you twat!”

“The power of Celestia compels you!”

“I’ll fuck your mother!”

“The power of Celestia compels you!”

“Mother fucker!”

“The power of Celestia compels you!”

The possessed girl yelled in pain and the room light it up so much that it seemed like everyone became blind. When the effects vanished, Sonata looked great, looked normal, like if the exorcism never happened. She breathed rapidly, but calmed, ignorant of what happened. Agadio saw her. She jumped to the bed and hugged her sister so hard. She greeted a stressed Pinkie.

“Pinkie Pie! You did it! You expelled that demon from her body!”

“Don’t celebrate now!” exclaimed Pinkie. In a serious mood and moving her finger from side to side, like a ‘no-no’, she frowned in a good way and both Adagio and Sonata went quiet. “My mother has told me that, once a demon is expelled, it moves to the weakest body of the place.”

Somebody was out of the picture, it was a matter of time before the screaming and yelling came back. They couldn’t find the source at first, thanks to the darkness of the room, but then they noticed: in the darkest corner of the room, red eyes were glowing. They came closer and closer until they revealed... a possessed Aria.

“Perfect...” said an unamused and discontent Pinkie. “Just what I needed.”