85.5: The Talk

The sounds of Morse code and the speaking of multiple different ponies cuts out within an instant.

There, sit six individuals, “This is Raven, here with Survivor, Courier, Slenderman, Avatar, and Chem. We hope you can hear us once more. Universe 001, Spitfire and whomever else may listen. Universe 015, I hope you tune in Eric. Universe 003, hope you returned safe Kendrick and Doctor. Solare in Universe 009, even though you don’t have the tech. Jack, Twilight from Universe 013. Clyde, even Clive from 014. Heavy, Reznov, Wolfram, Ceaser, Mason, wherever you are. For the casual listener who was confused about our hiatus from the talk show, and our seemingly random transmissions, you need worry no longer. The War of the Combine is over, and we have returned!”

Chem burps out really loud, “So, onto so questions, right?”

Slendy nods, “Real polite of you, Chem. Who doesn’t want to hear a burp before they hear any questions?”

Chem takes a swig of drink, “Ah, shut up you suit wearing, blank faced, beautiful bastard you.” He turns to face the others and slurs his words, “All of you as well! Avatar, you historical bender you. Courier, you beautiful bomb loving cunt you. Raven, you bone thin child looking guy. And you Survivor, you Sprit of Humanity looking mothafucka you.”

Survivor sighs, “You’re too drunk for your own good.”

Chem smiles, “Ah, no such thing. Now, onto questions!”

Avatar takes the question box, “I got this.” He pulls one out, “From Ihatehaters1994, for you Raven. Why do you try not to- wait, what?”

Raven tilts his head, “What?”

Avatar reads out the message to himself before bursting out laughing, “W- why didn’t you- hahhaha, it’s just to good. Ugh, come on Avatar, read it out properly. Why did you not try to start a herd with Sweetie, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom?”

Raven looks back with a dead stare, “What?”

Everyone at the table starts to laugh their asses off. Survivor bangs his fist on the table as he laughs, “It’s too good! It’s too good!”

Everyone, but Raven. He waits for everyone to settle down, “Can I elect not to acknowledge that was even a question to begin with?”

Survivor points right at Raven, “Not an option, not an option at all! We talked about the Heat. We fought side by side and slaughtered hundred of enemies! I remember seeing you a moments away from death without a sign of disgust on your face even as you stared at the Emperor. If you could do that, you can do this.”

He sighs, “Well, it’s simple really. They were my friends, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were not romantically interested in me. The very idea of a herd is one I disagree with, I’m not a Polygamyist. Add onto that I am older than all of them combined, and it would just seem even more creepy.”

Avatar nods, “They followed up the question with another. When will you and Sweetie have foals?”

Raven takes his head within a skeletal hand, and throws it into the table, “Why am I the one asked these questions!?”

Chem makes a pillow under his head when he tires again, “Hey, no head damage, that’s my job.”

Slendy smiles, “You just got all the fangirls. And I would rather it stay that way. That way, you get all the bad questions. I don’t want to see a question asking what my tentacles can do. Don’t take that as a suggestion.”

Raven grumbles, “I’m not even married yet, why would I plan for a foal? We will have a foal when we have a foal, if at all. I don’t even know if I can make a foal. Oh yeah, speaking of my marriage, I want you all there.”

Slender jumps in, “Oh yeah, Actual Slenderman wants to say that you’re all invited to his wedding as well.”

They all nod, saying sure.

Raven makes sure to say, “And no, that doesn’t mean the audience. Especially if your name is Ihatehaters1994.”

Avatar puts on a shit eating grin, “Well, good thing they have one more question. When will the rest of the CMC have foals?”

Raven throws his head into the pillow Chem summoned, and screams, “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!”

Avatar coughs, “Well, I don’t think Raven will be able to function for a few minutes. Either way, it’s time to sign off. Goodbye everyone, and remember to message the Creator to ask questions!”