A Lonely Starby DemonSaintChaptersChapter 1: DoubtChapter 2: Who we wereChapter 3: The Breaking PointChapter 4: RevitalizeChapter 5: ReflectionChapter 1: DoubtTwilight sat in a lonely cage overlooking the bleak landscape of a broken Equestria, wondering just where everything had gone wrong. By all meanings of the word and by every account, she had failed. She had failed to get help from the hippogriffs-turned-seaponies. She had failed to acquire the pearl that would have helped save Equestria. She had been so wrapped up in saving Equestria that she had resorted to using deception and theft to achieve it, and she neglected her title. Instead of making an ally, she had gotten them all kicked from Seaquestria. She had yelled at Pinkie and had driven away her friends. She had failed friendship... But it wouldn't be the first time her friends turned away. Even as the wind from the airship's travel whipped through her mane, Twilight sighed. She didn't want to go down memory lane, but there would be plenty of time to reminisce between here and Canterlot. She might as well distract herself. The week after Discord's defeat, something so horrible had happened that Twilight ran to get the help of her friends. Her friendship report for the week wasn't done; She was so afraid of being pushed back into the torment that was Magic Kindergarten that she was practically falling apart at the seams. Anypony could tell from looking at her that she had been a terrified, neurotic mess for most of the day. Her face was flushed, her mane and coat disheveled, and the panic in her voice was so prevalent that the timberwolves in the Everfree Forest could probably smell it. Even with all of the signs that the problem was clearly bothering her, her friends didn't take it seriously. In fact, they laughed it off, brought out food, and ignored Twilight's breakdown. They continued to have their picnic even after Twilight had run off, even though she was supposed to be there with them. Twilight sniffled wetly, shivering from the cool air blowing through the cage bars. She had made a stupid mistake, trying to invent a friendship problem to solve so she could write to Celestia about it. When the town started fighting and Celestia stepped in, it was only then her friends had even thought to care for her. They had even run in to stop the Princess from "punishing" her, and from then on, they promised that they would take the problems she would have seriously instead of brushing her off, even if the problem didn't seem that big. She thought back to that moment and her heart twinged. Why did it hurt so much? It was so long ago, long before she had even gotten her wings, but it happened; And not even a month later, her brother had invited them to his wedding. She was miffed, of course, that he chose to do it through paper instead of pony to pony, but once she figured out why, she had accepted it. When she didn't like the bride, even after witnessing her horrible behavior, her friends all thought she was just being jealous or overprotective because the bride was taking up all of his time. That wasn't the case, we all know that, but when she went through with her accusations... She knew she was being childish in the final words she flung at the impostor. She knew she should have handled it differently, but she didn't. As a result, her brother chewed her out and kicked her from the wedding altogether, and her friends... Her friends just gaped, but when Shining Armor left the room, they... They knew her. They knew she could overreact to some things and be childish, but they should have known she wouldn't accuse a pony of being evil just to get her brother back! But they left. Even Celestia had gone, and her friends, the ones that were supposed to be there for her... They had abandoned her in the wedding hall as if she'd deserved it all. Because she'd made a mistake. She had been right in the end, but it hadn't mattered. Nopony really thought to apologize when it was all over, and she was still asked to make the preparations for the real royal wedding and was made the best mare again, so things were fixed, right? They weren't. Her friends had promised... Twilight sniffled again, the tear tracks on her cheeks quickly cooling as the wind hit her. It was good to know, even at her lowest point, that the incidents from years ago still came back to haunt her. There were other incidents, too. With all of the problems she'd made, after every stupid mistake, her friends only really came back for her after shit hit the fan. Was it guilt? An obligation? Did they just come back because they felt they had no other choice? She had to wonder if Spike was safe. If he told them she had been captured. If they were on their way to Canterlot right now, cobbling together some form of rescue plan to get her out of Tempest's clutches. She could see the smog hanging over Canterlot now, and colorful dots in dark cages, but unless all of her friends could pull off an invisible Sonic Rainboom, they wouldn't be there. As it was, even traveling normally, her friends wouldn't make it in time to avert whatever they had in store for her. If... If they're even coming. She swallowed dryly. Her cage began to lower. Why would they? They're safer without me there. They're happier without me there. They'll probably go back to the seaponies, apologize, sing a song, preform a sonic rainboom, and ride out the Storm King's reign in Seaquestria. All they've been doing since we left is trust strangers, being as loud and visible as possible, and singing songs... They didn't bother to look for me when I ran from their picnic, or when I went missing and was trapped in the crystal caverns during the impostor's wedding, and... with the way I yelled at them... Another tear fell, but Twilight knew she had to stop crying now, or Tempest would see her despair and further poison the thoughts she had of her friends. It's unfair to think of them that way now. Those were old incidents. I failed friendship. That was me. That was all me... And yet, the poison didn't go away. "I never would have done it, but this isn't Equestria! We can't just dance around with con artists, make rainbooms in the sky, and expect everything to work out! It's not enough. We are not enough." "No, Twilight. We stuck together. We were going to get the help we need. The only thing that stopped us was you!" "Well I'm doing the best I can! It's all on me! I'm the one Tempest wants, I'm the last princess." "You're also the one who doesn't trust her friends!" "Well maybe I would've been better off without friends like you!" The face Pinkie made when Twilight said that was burned into in her mind. It was my fault. All my fault. It's different when you made a princess they didn't know cry, but them, personally...? She was hardly responsive when her cage was lifted from its chain and loaded onto a cart, pulled by two enslaved ponies. Help... isn't coming... She was utterly silent as she was carted into the throne room and beheld the other three princesses, all encased in black crystal. The Storm King, upon hearing her title, laughed in her face, and she continued to go mostly ignored. It did still push a needle into her heart when Tempest emphasized that she was alone now and wouldn't be a problem. It just... Drove home the fact that the Equestria as she knew it was doomed unless something happened. And it did. Twilight was right; She made a mistake, though her arguments were right. They left, she got captured, Spike had told the others, and the others came back. When all was said and done, Twilight stood in the crowd alongside her "friends," her magic restored, Equestria fixed as if the invasion never happened, and Songbird Serenade sang a song about hurting and growing through the pain. When she looked at Twilight specifically, she did her best to smile for the popstar. Can't have the Princess of Friendship looking glum, can she? Twilight had apologized, over and over and over again before the festival continued, until even Fluttershy couldn't take the apologies anymore and told her to stop; That it wasn't the time or place. It still felt like somepony had stepped on her heart, but Twilight stopped. She just wanted to show them how sorry she was for messing things up. Even when she was around them in the crowd, she could feel the tension in their group and began noticing the small, hostile looks she was getting when they thought she wasn't looking. When she did look over, they would quickly avert their gaze. There was only so much she could take. She wasn't going to stop the Friendship Festival to confront them about it. It would have to wait until afterwards. They would have a nice, long talk, maybe sing a song, and hug at the end, and their friendship would be even stronger. The feeling of hostile eyes didn't leave her as she walked over to Tempest, offering her a hoof in friendship. Maybe it'll blow over by tomorrow. Author's Note *slowly puts this here and slides out of frame* Chapter 2: Who we wereTwilight's hooves dragged across the polished marble of the castle floors, her head hanging low as she searched for her friends. Much of the night had been spent at the Friendship Festival, receiving congratulations from most ponies, small glares from her closest friends— though, they had seemed happy when they had to talk to her— and being the poster pony for the festival. So many civilians, nobles, and royals alike had crowded around her, their faces blurring in her vision as she struggled to meet and remember them all, that she'd lost track of her colorful clique in the desire to faint dead on her hooves. Even though she had been exhausted and the action from the Storm King's invasion was long over, Twilight couldn't leave to search for them right away. The Princess of Friendship had to be present for it all, of course, even though all of her friends had vanished at around two in the morning. Celestia wouldn't tell her which rooms they were staying at in the castle, but hinted that they had probably turned in for the night and suggested that Twilight did the same. "With all due respect, I can't just turn in, Princess Celestia. I need to talk with them. It's important." "Twilight, I'm sure whatever it is, it can wait until everypony is well rested. That includes you." Celestia had smiled serenely, then winked. "Important talks are best done when everypony can think clearly. Don't think I didn't see you eyeing that pile of hay." Twilight hadn't slept soundly in weeks, and had already spent most of the early morning hours after the festival trying to find her friends, which devolved into aimlessly wandering the castle and paying more attention to her hooves than where she was going. Her mind was running over every possible scenario, and it hadn't been long before she lost herself in her thoughts. She kept thinking about the glares she was receiving during the festival, how little they actually wanted to talk to her, how they went out of their ways to avoid talking about... it. Maybe it was because they were tired. She thought. They had traveled so far, so quickly, by hoof. They had somehow managed to keep pace with an airship, through all of the terrain between Mount Eris and the capital of Equestria, and none of them had gotten any actual rest since the start of their adventure. Naps on the cold, hard ground were far from restful, and passing out in Seaquestria didn't count. Or maybe it was because of our argument... What I said... She sniffled and shivered as she continued to walk. I flooded them with apologies and I was still met with those looks. And with how Celestia is being secretive with their rooms... It's like they asked her to hide it. They don't even want to be around me. She shivered again. I... I hate this. Why am I thinking badly about my friends? Pinkie had apologized for what she said, but... We all really need to talk. Where are they? She raised her head and didn't realize she was crying until she ran muzzle-first into a support pillar. She could only see a blurry mess, and had to blink through the tears as she rubbed at her nose with one hoof, sniffling. The castle guards didn't question why the Princess of Friendship was openly weeping in the halls, but though they looked uncomfortable with it, they didn't stop her. It was too early for any of the nobility to be up to see her like this, but a few concerned witnesses did keep an eye on her. After taking a few minutes to gather herself, Twilight placed a hoof forward to continue her moping until she heard a familiar voice. Her ears stood erect. They sounded... angry. Slowly, Twilight inched towards the door. "I can't believe her! All that, and she thinks she can just... apologize, and everything is okay again?!" "Rainbow, keep it down. We don't want 'ta attract attention. Unless, ya know, you want Twilight to find us?" Twilight's heart stopped. Rainbow Dash and Applejack were avoiding her on purpose, and they were... still angry with her. "I almost want her to find us! I mean, for pony's sake, what I would do to crack her stupid egg-head right now!" "Rainbow Dash, that's enough." Twilight shuddered— Rarity was there, too?— "I believe you've had enough of acting like a ruffian for a lifetime. While I am angry at her as well, there is no way I would resort to such violence." "Agreed." Fluttershy...? Pinkie must be there, too. They must all be sharing a room, that or they came together to talk... without me... "Yepperooni. She's not a bad pony, Dashie, she just... Ran away with her words. That happens in the heat of the moment." "I don't think you guys were hearing the same things I was. She said she'd rather have friends that weren't us! She doesn't trust us!" Rainbow suddenly quieted, likely stopped by one of the others in the room. "Look, I know y'all are just tryin' to be the bigger ponies, but... We need ta' face this proper." Applejack said. Twilight's ear was practically pressed against the door. "She did apologize a bunch'a times, but... The fact still stands, if she's gonna snap at us when she's under pressure, maybe miss princess would be better off going on adventures without us." Her heart dropped. "Applejack, how could you say that?" Rarity. Air returned to Twilight's lungs; At least all of her friends wouldn't abandon her. "Sure, she may be annoying and neurotic, and... paranoid, and nerdy, and everything in our lives changed the moment she stepped into Ponyville, and... Well, you get the picture, but if we didn't go with her, what would happen to Equestria? As the Elements of Harmony, it's our obligation to help." All of the air she'd just claimed left again. ... I'm an obligation...? "Well, obviously she thinks she can do better without us." Rainbow snapped. Fluttershy, for once, spoke up. "I've, um, honestly had enough life-endangering, world-saving adventures. Thanks." She seemed to squeak. "N-not that I wouldn't want to help Twilight, but... um..." "But... but..." Pinkie stammered. "But what about Twilight? What if she gets captured again, next time? Don't you think she'd learned some lesson today...?" "Not really. Y'can't just fix this with a bunch of apologies." "Applejack! That's silly, they were just words! Of course they can!" "Pinkie, just because they were words doesn't mean it takes away the sting. If Twi wants to push all the fault of what went wrong in our last adventure ont'a us, maybe she can handle them by herself. I've got an apple farm to run, a family to keep outta debt, and I can't just be torn away every time Equestria's in danger or every time Twilight has a problem that needs fixin'." "Yeah; I mean, I'm a part of the Wonderbolts. It's my lifelong dream, and lately, I've been falling behind because of these adventures... I mean, it's fun being a hero, but I can't just keep putting it off for Twilight if she's going to be like this!" Rainbow huffed. The sounds of her wingbeats stopped, giving way to the sound of her hooves clopping onto the floor. "I... Look, after everything Twilight's said, she makes me feel like a complete moron. I think this one was just my last straw with her..." There was the sound of a hoof scuffing against the floor before Fluttershy spoke up. "... I guess... Ever since we've been going on these adventures, I keep getting torn away from my animals. Hiring a sitter is expensive, and even then, the sitter can't quite communicate with them like I can. And recently, I think some sort of distance has been forming between me and them, just from... not being around as often." She sighed, almost sounding heartbroken. "Angel Bunny hasn't even been accompanying me on shopping trips. He used to do that all the time..." "... Perhaps Angel Bunny isn't the best example, dear." Rarity sighed. "But... There is fact to it. While the fame is nice, I've found that I've been losing my ability to envision something appropriate for my clients that matches their deeper personality to a "T." There's so much I don't know about them anymore, simply because I'm not around. And, in addition to that, I have three boutiques to take care of. The workload gets quite strenuous as it is. I'm falling behind!" There's a space of silence that invades the air, as if the five are waiting for the last pony to speak up. The silence is filled by none other than Pinkie. "... The Cakes have twins to take care of. Doing that at the same time as taking care of the business without me is... I've noticed that they've been a little more stressed than usual. I do my best, but every time I have to leave..." Pinkie sniffled. "I want to help Twilight. I know you guys are mad at her, but... Now that you mention it, the Cakes have these spats, and when I have to leave... I can't bring laughter to Ponyville when they need it most." Much to Twilight's despair, she heard hesitant murmurs of agreement come from around the room. Her ears flattened against her head. She wasn't aware that she'd crossed a line, or that Rainbow or the others had even drawn one. She hadn't even known that the Cakes or her friends had been having such problems. "... How can Twilight even be a crowned Princess?" A much more subdued Rainbow asked. "I mean; She's told us what she used to be like. Did... Celestia just give her her wings after that one magical screw-up as, like... A personal favor? A pat on the head? I was almost eaten by Fluttershy's animals that day." Rarity groaned. "... And I hurt a number of ponies with the weather..." "Heck, I almost destroyed Rarity's brand and boutique." Applejack sighed. "... I almost put Applejack's farm out of business." Pinkie sniffled. "... I almost moved back to Cloudsdale because I couldn't make Ponyville laugh." Fluttershy whimpered. As each pony spoke her piece, the silence got longer. "Well... Darlings, I'll admit, this is quite the predicament." "... You know, if I had a bit for all the times we've gotten into trouble since Twi's shown up, or every time we had to fix one'a her mistakes, I would've been able to fix up my whole farm and hire some extra hooves to work the fields." There was another uncomfortable beat. "... Heck, I would just be workin' to work, not because we need the bits to keep the place runnin'." Applejack sighed. "Just how do we go about breakin' the news to her?" "... I'm not sure. Twilight modeling a few dresses is good publicity, but the adventures just... aren't worth it. I know it sounds horrible for me to say it, but... would you believe that I spent time with Canterlot nobility instead of working on her birthday dress during the first year that we knew her?" ... What? But— but I loved that dress! She just— "Rares, you didn't..." Rainbow said. "Should I just come clean on that? That I gave in to my selfish desires instead of doing something for a friend, and she still loved the unfinished result?" Rarity sighed dramatically. "It's not like I did it on purpose, I just got... carried away with the high society life. But it was so good with publicity and the simple design sold well with the nobility... And surely, the crown has a backup defense force. Is it possible to stop adventuring and just have a casual friendship with her? Do you think she would still help me with modeling after that?" "Well... Twi would do anything for a friend, and... well, maybe for you, even if ya stopped bein' her friend." Applejack sighed. "... Rarity, all this time, I kinda knew you wouldn't go so bare-bones with a birthday present. Once I saw you in the garden party, I think I knew why that dress was the way it was, but we were havin' so much fun..." They're just going to... use me, and lie to me? Twilight shuddered. "Look, no matter how you all want to play this, I... I need to keep my distance from her." Rainbow's voice lost the edge it had kept since the start of the conversation, but it hurt nonetheless. "I think we all should have some space from her for a while." All at once, Twilight wanted to scream. She wanted to do what she had yesterday and start shouting, to get angry and argue with them to defend herself. I... I can't believe this... I have to say something! She couldn't think of what to say. The wind left her sails, leaving her to try to recover any material to defend herself with to salvage the situation, but every time, she came up empty-hoofed. There was no sudden spike of anger to bring down the whip, or the spark of friendship to drive her onward. All Twilight knew was that she just couldn't listen anymore. Just as she was about to turn from the door, she heard two sets of hooves, and Twilight merely stood there, a river of tears falling from her face before her brain caught up with her. "Girls, don't say things like that." Fluttershy was close to the door, but no matter how hard she tried, Twilight couldn't get her hooves to move. The door opened to reveal the faces of the friends she'd had for the past few years. Their eyes widened in shock. "If you girls are so upset that you aren't going to be fair, then maybe—" The pegasus stopped abruptly, startled as everypony stared at the alicorn beyond the door. "— Twilight!" "... Great. Um..." Rainbow sputtered. "You're... Here." There was an awkward silence, then... "How much did you hear?" Rainbow blurted. At the very least, her... "friends" looked horrified. Tears continued brimming within Twilight's eyes, her ears drooped flat against her skull, but she forced a smile. "It's— It's fine. Everything's fine, who heard what, now?" Twilight wiped her eyes. "I was just— just looking to talk to you, but I see you've got it all under control! No need for ol' Twilight to butt her head in, ha-ha, right? Nope! You need your space, s-so... I'll... so I'll just be—" She bit back a sob. "I'll be going!" Twilight couldn't tell if anypony had cared to follow her when she bolted down the hall, but she heard the shouts of the other ponies far behind her, and her hooves clopped wildly against the tile as she galloped to get away. This was it, wasn't it? She had failed friendship. And now friendship failed her. Light and heat bore down upon her as she awoke from her dirt nap. Twilight didn't remember the flight from Canterlot. One moment she had been fleeing down the corridors, her wings spread as she charged the nearest balcony; The next, she'd appeared in the empty site that was once the Golden Oaks Library, the stump long missing from the filled-in pit in the dirt after her friends dug it up to hang as a chandelier in her castle. She tripped and fell as the ground changed from castle carpet to the soft, loamy soil of Ponyville. She tumbled, but didn't care that she was getting soil in her coat, mane, or mouth; Instead, she curled up in the remnants of what had been her home when she had first met her friends. There were thoughts running through her mind at a rainboom's speed, but all of her thoughts were overtaken by how she shouldn't be sobbing like a filly. She was run through with all of the pain her friends had just put her through, their thoughts spoken clearly on what they really thought about her. Even if she had wanted to move, all her body could do was curl up in the dirt, hold herself, and cry. I miss home. I miss home, I miss my friends, I miss my family. Did they ever love me? Does my family love me? Why, Celestia, why did this have to happen? Why did the Storm King have to invade? Why did I have to try to steal that stupid pearl? Where do I go from here? They were questions she just didn't have the answers to. It was a good thing Ponyville was mostly empty right now. Nopony was there to see the Princess of Friendship at her lowest point. Her friends wouldn't know where she went, if they even cared to find her; Ponyville's proximity to Canterlot guaranteed that most of its population would be able to attend the Festival of Friendship, which was now such an ironic festival for her that it hurt. Her choked sobs were inconsolable, bordering on hysterical. This was when she needed a friend the most, but she had to wonder if she even deserved one. .... Not my... friends... She was spent. Twilight remembered the unobstructed view of hundreds of stars in the sky, but at some point, she must have fallen asleep. Now awake with dry eyes and a terrible headache, she made her way to her crystal castle. She tried to let absolute nothingness consume her mind while the sunlight beat against her half-closed eyelids, demanding entry to make her headache worse. Ponies had yet to start trickling back in from the Friendship Festival in Canterlot, and the train station had yet to start running as it recovered from the most recent invasion. Twilight was grateful for both of these delays. Hardly any pony would see her in the state she was in now, and with the trains inoperable, the only ways for the other five to reach her would be to ask Princess Celestia for a chariot, or if Rainbow or Fluttershy flew all the way to Ponyville on their own. As it was, the abandoned streets allowed Twilight to return to her crystal home without attracting much attention. Entering her castle and finally getting out of the sights of any prying eyes, Twilight allowed her body to sag as she dragged her dirt-covered hooves to the kitchen for some water, swelling it down almost automatically. She was going to have to ask Spike to... Spike. He was back in Canterlot. Twilight froze with her lips on the glass before putting the empty cup aside with a sigh. Celestia... She would make sure he came home safely. He'd likely be in the same chariot as the girls. She wouldn't have to interact with any of them. She couldn't. But I'll have to confront them eventually, won't I? She began to shake and shudder with sobs again as she moved on to the bathroom. I don't want to think about them. I just... need to clean up... Apparently, the best way to think about what you're trying not to think about was to continue with a Don't Think About It mantra. Instead, she let herself scrutinize every detail of the bathroom, every step of showering and cleaning her coat, brushing her mane, preening her feathers... She had been a complete wreck after her nap, complete with misaligned feathers and a tangled mane that would put her "Want it, Need it" self to shame. Her coat had been covered in dirt, and the dried mud running down her cheeks from her puffy eyes made it cruelly obvious that she had been crying, trailing down her face like some messy evidence in a crime scene. She kept scrubbing. Brushing. Preening. Filing. It was almost neurotic, obsessive, except she was hardly really thinking about it at all. It was exactly what she needed right now. All too soon, she had made herself presentable enough to be seen by the public. In fact, she'd overdone it; Even though she had no plans to leave her castle, she had payed far too much attention to detail. If Rarity were here, she wouldn't find a single thing to fuss... over... Rarity. How could she just think of Twilight as a... A business asset!? An obligation to have around when saving Equestria!? A paranoid, nerdy, annoying, neurotic mess who was nothing but a source of trouble and the one who hatched Spike... Who Rarity treats as a pushover, a chore monkey, and merely entertains his crush for her! Then she goes about using it against him even though she knows she will never return those feelings!? How was that generosity!? ... I use him too, don't I...? My number one assistant... When was the last time they'd just gone out for something fun..? No, that changed in recent years. He still helps out, but that's not all he is to me. Rarity may care for his well-being, but she uses him in so many ways and leads him along with lies just to get someone to carry her basket while gem hunting. What will she do when she comes to collect him for that again..? How will she act, now that I'm no longer counted as... being among her friends... and... No, there were other things that she did for Spike. That wasn't the zenith of Rarity's and Spike's friendship. There was— —a twinge in her stomach, chasing away whatever hunger she might have had as her heart sank further and her mind spun faster. "Don't," She told herself. "Just... Don't." She didn't want to retread upon happier memories. So, she moved from one of the many bathrooms to the main kitchen, counting each individual crystal pillar on her way there, since the floor tiles were far too large to keep her occupied by counting the ones she crossed. She'd neglected her stomach for long enough anyhow, and she knew she had to eat, even if she didn't feel like it. Twilight frowned as she opened the fridge and found nothing but spoiled ingredients. Sighing through her nose, she levitated a trash bag towards the fridge and disposed of the spoiled foods, leaving her fridge almost completely barren. Her mouth twisted into a displeased frown as she viewed her prospects. With a flash of her horn, she got rid of the trash, then shut the fridge and took a look at the cupboards and the pantry. There was another long, drawn-out sigh that left her when she realized she would have gone shopping the day before yesterday, had a certain adventure not kept her away. Had it not happened, the spoiled food in the refrigerator wouldn't have gone to waste because it had still been fresh when she had left to prepare the Festival. She would have been back in two days, but because of the adventure, it took two weeks, and now she had only oats to munch on. She didn't even have milk. Do I have to leave the castle...? Twilight's wings twitched and she flew up to the top of the pantry, slowly lowering herself as she scanned the shelves from top to bottom. Dry oats... but for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? She would have to leave the castle sometime... Right, Ponyville's marketplace would be closed without ponies to run it. So would the markets and stores of the other cities, if she was right about the invasion affecting all of Equestria. "Guess I'm going hungry." She grumbled miserably. Pinkie frowned. Ever since last night's badmouthing of Twilight, she had been getting droopy ears. There was no other sign that her Pinkie Sense was giving her that would normally accompany the droopy ears. Or, were they just drawn-out floppy ears? She knew she felt sad after Twilight ran off, but when the feeling hit her, she just couldn't run after her. Even the prospect of cutting one of the close friends out of her life, and hearing that her other close friends were on the verge of doing it, was upsetting her. She was supposed to be everypony's best friend, but when it came to Twilight... Something changed. She wanted to be her friend still, but— despite their poor delivery and the fact that they were being really mean about it— their other friends had a point. She couldn't just keep dropping the Cakes and her job because Twilight had another mission or assignment from Celestia; They'd hired her for a reason! She lived with them, for pony's sake! Twilight. Ever since the alicorn ran off, Pinkie hadn't felt up to popping up in places nopony would expect. She couldn't follow Twilight, and though Pinkie knew she had already forgiven her for her outburst just like Fluttershy had, there was some new feeling that was just twisting and tearing her up from the inside! She knew she had to go talk to her... Her ears continuing to droop and perk back up periodically, Pinkie soon found herself trotting rather than hopping through Canterlot Castle, wondering if Twilight was in her usual room, or if she would need to ask a guard (or Celestia herself) as to where she'd gone. Of course, she could shout, too. That was always an option. "TWILIGHT! Where are you?!" The pink pony's shrill shout startled a maid, but the guards were about as reactive as ever. Pinkie didn't bother making eye contact with the glaring maid and continued on, through the hall, listening for any sign of her fr— Should she still be called a friend? Yeah, duh, I'm friends with everypony. Responsibility can't get between me and that. Pinkie decided in an instant and puffed up her chest. I'll find you, Twilight. You wanted to talk to us pretty bad yesterday, and you heard some really mean things. At the very least, I'm not going to leave our friendship off like this. No matter which door she checked, she was not finding the alicorn she was looking for. With a frown of deep thought, Pinkie rubbed at her chin. Maybe Spike knows where she is. With a little dragon to look for, Pinkie's face screwed up in even deeper thought. Just where could he be... "AHA! The breakfast hall!" With that, she was off. "Even though it's more brunch than anything!" I really wish Rainbow Dash hadn't said anything... Fluttershy sagged in her seat as she picked at a stack of blueberry pancakes. Tired, dark rings sagged under her eyes as she blandly observed the breakfast food, the background chatter between Spike and Celestia offering a little white noise for her thoughts to get lost in. She just couldn't believe Rainbow had gone off the way she had, and now, not only had she said so many mean things about Twilight, but she was beginning to harbor mean thoughts about Twilight as well! Sure, she'd been mad when Twilight exploded, and she had been mad at Twilight for trying to use them as a distraction while she went and tried to steal the pearl, but she didn't need all of this negativity flowing through her system. It felt bad. It was such an antithesis to what she normally stood for, harboring bad thoughts towards another pony, and what made it even worse was the guilt. Twilight... That poor dear had overheard everything that was said. Nopony had meant for it to be that way, but that made it all the worse. It was like Rainbow's initial torch of anger had sparked something among the rest of her friends. She could see the minor changes in their body language whenever Twilight was mentioned, the flash of anger and then regret in their eyes before they compose themselves... The exception was Pinkie. There was a resigned sadness and regret there, but she had seen the pink pony hopping through the halls this morning, looking for Twilight. Was she going to resign her friendship with her, too? It didn't take much to start a wildfire, especially with so many sparks being shared among five torches. The guilt helped suffocate it, at first, but it wasn't enough to completely stop the blaze that had begun to burn her. It made it worse. The guilt grabbed at the rage and twisted it up inside, making it into something else and bringing back that. Fluttershy didn't want to think about that, but she'd battled it for years, and it nearly killed her a few times. She sighed and put down her fork. "Is something the matter, Fluttershy?" The motherly voice of Celestia brought her out of her reverie. "Well... Yes." Fluttershy frowned tiredly. She was glad that most of the castle staff weren't in the dining hall anymore. "It's... it's about Twilight. You see, we... We had a fight. Well, it was more that Pinkie and Twilight had a fight, just a little while before Twilight got captured... And Twilight said some things that we all didn't take very well to..." Fluttershy hadn't looked up, but if she had, she would have seen Celestia's expression change from kind to surprised. "I see..." "T-to be fair, the rest of us put the blame on her shoulders. She'd gotten us kicked out of Seaquestria just when we'd convinced Queen Novo we were worth saving; But Twilight was trying to steal their pearl so she could save Equestria, and she used us as a distraction without us knowing, so... I don't know, she was stressed about the whole thing, but she shouldn't have tried to steal, and—" Fluttershy sighed. "Twilight basically said she didn't trust us." "Pinkie accused her of not trusting you guys." Spike said over his pancakes. "I know Twilight didn't mean what she said back there. I know you know it too, Fluttershy, but honestly? For an adventure with all of Equestria on the line? The songs, the rainboom, the... Trusting a stranger in a shady town thing? Twilight had a point. We should have taken it more seriously." Of course Spike would defend her. Maybe she should be more thankful for that, but... Fluttershy finally looked up. "It worked out in the end. The pirates, Capper, and Princess Skystar all helped us." "Well, yeah, but they teach safety stuff in preschool. Even magic kindergarten would teach being safe in a strange area, especially if it looks dangerous or shady, and our group was breaking every rule." Spike shrugged. "We drew a bunch of attention to ourselves, which led Tempest right to us, twice. We trusted a stranger and almost got sold into slavery, and the songs? We're lucky the pirates and the seaponies even went with it. We could've been hurt." "I'm surprised to hear you fought at all." Fluttershy startled as Celestia spoke. She was so out of it that she'd almost forgotten Celestia was there. "I do believe you should find and talk to Twilight at the nearest opportunity... After you rest. This entire ordeal has clearly kept you up all morning." She briefly thought about telling Celestia about the night before; About the conversation that occurred in the castle suite, and the alicorn that happened to overhear. She considered asking Celestia where Twilight had gone off to last night. Fluttershy cringed and rose from the table, shame clawing at her insides. She couldn't talk about it; not right now, and hopefully never again after settling things with Twilight. "Y-yeah... I should probably get going back to Ponyville afterwards. My animals must be getting restless, and I don't want the sitter getting hurt from looking after a grumpy bear." As she shuffled through the door to head back to her room, a pink blur sped by her and zipped into the dining hall. With the final touches to her makeup and manestyling completed and adapted to the middle of the day, Rarity trotted towards the dining area with a half-awake Rainbow Dash and a hungry Applejack in tow. "So, you're saying in the entire time you've been awake, you two haven't found the epicenter of your wrath from last night?" Rainbow sighed. "Ugh. Rarity, you just woke me up." "Shame, Dash. You missed'er morning beauty routine." Applejack rolled her eyes. "I looked around the castle a bit, but I couldn't find hide or hair of Twilight. After all we've been through lately, I just can't keep lookin' on an empty stomach." Rarity sighed and stopped briefly, rubbing her forehead. "It's good to know you have your priorities in order." "Now, that there's the pot callin' the kettle black." Applejack shrugged as the dining hall came into sight. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN TWILIGHT?!" It happened before Rarity could even respond, and the three ponies froze. Cautiously, they entered the hall to find an upset Pinkie, Celestia looking calm as ever, and a confused Spike. Pinkie's ears drooped for about two seconds, then perked back up, but she looked more panicked than sad. "I looked for her last night," Spike blinked, noticing Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash as they approached the table and sat down. "I didn't see her after we left the festival. I thought she was with you girls?" Celestia put down her fork. "Twilight came to me last night. She was looking for all of you, saying she had something important to discuss. However, instead of telling her where your rooms were, I told her to get some rest. She was exhausted from your travels." Celestia's mask twitched. Maybe it was their collective guilty consciences speaking, but in that twitch, it almost looked like the Princess was putting something together. "Fluttershy and Spike both had accounts that there was a fight that broke out near the conclusion of the adventure, and both sides said some things that they regretted... I can't help but wonder if the argument continued without her input last night." The elements present winced. Spike just looked around in confusion before his little jaw dropped. "Celestia? Girls? What happened?" He glared at the guilty party. "What did you do?" When nopony offered an answer or an explanation short of stammering or mouthing wordlessly, Celestia spoke. "I was told this morning that my night guards had seen something fairly disturbing to them. The Princess of Friendship was wandering the halls in a daze last night, looking quite upset. It disturbs me to hear that a few reports were of her sobbing before stopping near a certain door; A door to the room where the other Elements of Harmony had congregated." Pinkie's mane lost some of its bounce as her ears drooped again. "It wasn't what it sounded like!" Rainbow blurted. "I fear it was exactly what it sounds like." Celestia's eyes narrowed. "The guards aren't deaf, either; In fact, they have quite sharp hearing. While I won't get into the details of what was said from three particular voices, reports say she stopped to listen for a time, and just after you all discovered her, she fled the castle." "Fled the...? What'dya mean, she fled the castle?" Applejack frowned, looking for any signs of deceit on the Princess's face. "Where'd she get off to?" Celestia raised a brow. Her eyes held the cold and honest truth. "I know where she went, but until you take some time to cool off and think things over, you're just going to make things worse. Talking behind somepony's back is the quickest way to poison a friendship. Unless you have plans to apologize to your dearest friend and talk to her properly, I think you three have done enough damage for today." The elements present lowered their heads, but they were in no position to start backtalking a princess. Pinkie's drooping ears would twitch now and again. "Can I talk to Twilight?" Spike stood from his seat. "She needs a friend more than anything right now." "Of course, Spike. You weren't behind any of this." "Can... What about me?" Pinkie frowned. "I was in the room, but... I need to talk to her. I was looking for her to talk with her, and let her know she's still got a friend in me, even if I can't be around as often." Celestia's frown levied somewhat. "Perhaps, Pinkie. I'll grant you a chariot back to Ponyville, but when you speak to Twilight, choose your words carefully. She's likely in a rather... Fragile state, right now." Her gaze drifted to the three offenders. "You six were her first friends, outside of her family and myself. I'm not sure you understand just how much that meant to her." Author's Note Friendships will be poisoned by holding grudges. Edited. Changed the tone of some sections of dialogue. Tweaked the plot. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, and any further chapters are likely going to include bigger edits until I can start working on more drafts. I'm going to leave the story on hiatus while I edit and draft, but the story will come back to the "incomplete" status when I make a pass over chapter 6. Chapter 3: The Breaking PointThere was no denying it. Twilight was hungry. While she languished on the couch and munched on those dry, dry oats, she knew she couldn't just wait until tomorrow to leave for groceries, and if she waited, it would only increase the chance that she would run into the ponies that made her feel this way. The ones that were ready to cast her away. To make matters worse, Tempest's words continued to hound her whenever she thought about them. Fizzlepop Berrytwist may have been a changed pony, but the poison she'd sewn when she was Tempest Shadow still lingered, even though Twilight had won and had shown her the magic of friendship in the end. I failed friendship, and in return, friendship failed me. Tired of ruminating on the ones she lost, Twilight let go of the pillow she was hugging and stood. I think I'm beginning to see it more clearly. Friendship is a give and take relationship. I knew this already. But if you give too much, and take too little, the moment you need to be given more than what they think you're worth... It causes problems. How much have I taken? Their time, the adventures they all went on together? They never complained about that before; They were always willing to accompany her. Volunteering, even. Her panic attacks? They were few and far between anymore. Needing to be rescued was the result of her own stupid mistake that day, and even then, she never asked them to save her. She frowned to herself as she slipped on her saddlebags and grabbed some bits. How much have I given back? The adventures, the fame, being heroes of Equestria, all the help they needed that she provided when they'd asked... Exposing the fake Cadence at the wedding. Giving up all the alicorn magic in Equestria to save them. Stopping Starlight from wrecking all of their lives and destroying Equestria through time, being willing to wait for all eternity for Starlight to give up if she couldn't stop her, because keeping her friends meant that much to her... If you fail friendship, does it always return the favor? "I saw the truth. My friends abandoned me when times got tough... Looks like I'm not the only one. Face it, princess. Friendship has failed you, too." Yet again, Twilight thought back on Tempest's words and sighed, retrieving the grocery list she had stuck to the fridge two weeks ago, conjuring a quill, and editing the contents. She had to do something. What better than replacing the items that had spoiled? "So try again! Make new friends! And if something you can't control happens that changes things, work through it together! That's what friendship is! ... but just imagine all the others that are out there waiting for you if you just give them a chance!" "How do I know they all won't end the same way?" "I guess it's up to you to make sure they don't." Twilight almost dropped the grocery list as she thought of her old argument with Starlight. ... Should I be giving up so easily? They're my friends. We've been through so much together. If I just talk to them... Can I fix this? Where would they be by now? Would they still be in Canterlot, or would they be in Ponyville? She was fairly certain she had heard the whistle of a train over an hour ago. There was still a twinge in her heart as she thought back to the conversation she'd overheard. The magic of friendship in her was trying to spark back to life, but with each try, it just ached. It felt like it was in her heart and it wasn't going away, caused by all of them, but coming from within herself. She grimaced, left her castle, and walked through the streets of Ponyville, giving a solemn wave to the residents who looked her way when she happened to pass. Friendship is always worth fighting for! Her own words echoed back at her as she tried to force a smile, reminding her of what had sparked her back to life when Discord had taken it from her. Maybe, for her own peace of mind, she should seek them out. If any of the five wouldn't be mad, it would either be Pinkie or Fluttershy. The former had been the first to forgive her before, and neither of the two had been very outwardly angry. Both had defended her in the conversation she'd overheard, but if there was one of them that could assemble the others quickly, it would be Pinkie. As she passed through the market, she immediately spotted a familiar golden chariot in one of the streets. And a sizable distance before her, facing away, was Pinkie Pie with Spike on her back. They seemed to be talking. Twilight halted and glanced around. It didn't seem that the others were nearby, but in the moment that Pinkie started moving, Twilight spied a rainbow mane. A sudden shock left Twilight's heart pounding in her chest. Following Pinkie from a distance was Rainbow Dash, but her movements were erratic. She hid behind an apple cart, with Applejack and Rarity moving in her wake as all three ducked from Spike or Pinkie's gaze. They appeared to be trying to avoid the duo's attention. It was an odd sight to see. None of them had noticed her yet. She had lifted a hoof to follow, but she found herself inching her way back behind a building. "Why am I hesitating? Why are they acting so strange? Where's Fluttershy?" She was suddenly gasping for breath, her anxiety rearing its ugly head back to the surface. "I came out here to fix... Talk things through... That's... That's what I have to do, just calm..." She had to breathe, in, and out. Hoof tucked close, hoof straight out. Breathe in... She would do this. She would fix this, or at the very least, they could talk things over... It's fine. It will all be fine. We've... We? There was no "we." She was alone. I've got this. Peeking back around the corner, she realized she was letting them get away, and quickly began trotting after them. It took a minute to get close, but when she was about to call their names, she picked up a hushed conversation. "Should we really be doing this?" Rarity frowned at Rainbow. "We know the way to Twilight's castle..." "Well, yeah. If Pinkie sees us there, she and Spike would tell us to leave and warn Twilight we were coming. We'd never get to talk to her then!" "We could'a just entered the castle on our own. That place is so big, y'could hide for years and nopony would find ya'." Applejack frowned. "And if we talked to Twilight now, I expect y'all to be civil. That means not throwing hooves, Dash." "Ugh... I know. And I know we have to apologize, but why didn't she confront us then instead of running away? It's not like it'll change anything." Twilight wanted to talk to them. She really, really did. After everything she overheard last night, though, she had to know just what they were going to say, even if it was being spelled out for her now. With a silent casting from her horn, Twilight disappeared in the eyes of any passerby. A simple notice-me-not spell would get her through this, and luckily, they were too busy avoiding Spike and Pinkie's eyes to notice Twilight's casting. Rarity squeaked as a pear toppled off of a cart, almost clocking her on the head when they hid behind it. "Rainbow Dash, it'll change everything. She heard us, and I know you looked just as guilty as I did when Celestia told us that." There was a spark again. The fire of friendship was beginning to rekindle itself, bringing itself back to life. Her friends had just been tired and had gotten carried away, and now they felt bad for the things they said. Maybe they were going to fight for their friendship, or talk it out with her, just like she was going to. They would reach an understanding. Then, this whole mess would be behind them! It was perfect! With a small boost of confidence, Twilight trotted closer, about to remove the notice-me-not spell. Then slowed to a stop, suspicion and doubt rearing back up from the depths. It was a little too perfect. If they were going to fix this and be her friends again, then what had Rainbow meant? It's not like it'll change anything? Was their verdict the same? She swallowed. She had to be patient. "Well, yeah, but she knows we're not going on her adventures anymore." Dash snorted, pausing at the sight of Pinkie stopping to twitch. "Yeah, sure, we've gotta apologize, but..." Rarity sighed. "Rainbow Dash..." "... But we don't even know how much she really heard, and like I said before, we can't just drop everything every time something comes up." "Rainbow, I know you like going on adventures and kicking bad-guy butt." Applejack frowned at Rainbow. "Don't pretend that's your reason for leaving and just spill the real one already." "... I'm not completely giving up adventuring. Wonderbolts, remember? It's just... Twilight makes me feel like a total idiot. Like I said last night, a moron." Rainbow growled. "She basically told us that she'd rather not be our friends back there, that she didn't trust us, and solely blamed my rainboom for the reason Tempest found us. It was like it was all our fault for failing the mission, when we succeeded in getting the hippogriffs on our side because we did things our way, and she failed for doing it her way. And what Celestia said, about us being her first friends and how much it means to her? I don't even know if that's true." But it is true! Twilight wanted to scream, but it came out as a strangled whimper that her spell dutifully let them ignore. "I'll apologize, I guess, because she was my friend once... but if she wants to be that way, then I'm through. I am not a failure." Rarity and Applejack looked at each other before they continued walking to the castle, Rainbow Dash drifting behind them as they stopped following Pinkie and just... walked. Pinkie was far ahead of them at this point, but Twilight's mind wasn't focused on that as she slowly stopped tailing them, her wings drooping. Her spell fizzled out and died on her horn, but the girls didn't notice. Twilight watched them as they walked away, moving further and further down the street, just as steadily as they were fading from her life. They wanted to talk to her, but she'd heard enough. As the sound of their hoofbeats on the road faded away, the creeping realization that she didn't want to talk to them anymore dawned upon her. The urge had simply slipped away, leaving her empty. It could have been avoided. If they had just talked to her about all of this sooner, then... There were more ponies on the street, now, steadily filtering in from Canterlot and crowding the area as they spotted the Princess of Friendship, completely unaware that her heart was breaking it off with not just one, but three of her friends. Maybe more. All eyes were on her. She couldn't fall apart now. While they remained unaware, Twilight had to wonder if they knew, just from the looks on some of their faces. Friendliness faded to confusion, confusion morphed into concern. Or perhaps they were just reacting to how she herself looked, but it didn't stop her mind from running wild with the assumption that they knew. All of this attention focused upon her and her distraught features, just after her Festival of Friendship, certainly could spark rumors. In her wild mind, this would certainly make the news; Princess of Friendship goes on adventure, loses her friends, probably writes a new book. The Friendship Journal: What not to do in a friendship, volume one. What kind of picture would they use? An old one, or a new one? Should she even care? No. She shouldn't, she didn't, and she wouldn't. Her vision blurred, ears drooped, but she drew herself up into as regal of a pose as she dared and folded her wings. Heavy hooves raised and re-planted themselves as they dragged her back towards her castle. The crowd parted silently before her. All eyes were on the morose princess. It was all she could do to ignore them. Her saddlebags itched, wings fidgeted at her sides. She was hungry. Throughout it all, Twilight just wanted to go home. Pinkie and Spike were on their way there now, but talking to anyone was the last thing on her mind. So, as simple as that, she adjusted her course. She passed Sugarcube Corner— still closed from the invasion, no doubt, and why add more stress upon Mr. and Mrs. Cake?— and walked to the Hay Burger. Since she already knew that Pinkie was going to take a step away from her, she could wait to go home for a little while longer. Heck, while she was at it, she would go shopping. That would stretch out her time. Delay the inevitable. In the meantime, she could have some delicious grease to wash her grief down with. Through some odd miracle, the Hayburger had just opened for the day. Nopony really questioned her as to why she came alone, or why she looked so glum. There were just rumors, whispers, and gossip. By the time she paid and left, she'd heard them all. Absurd rumors that they were never really her friends, that they were just there for photo opportunities, just there to save Equestria, that she was upset because she'd gotten her magic drained, that it was just a side effect of the magic drain, that something happened on their adventure, that she'd have to start again in her lessons in friendship... It went on, or maybe it was her own paranoia that made her imagine the background voices out of the conversations flowing around her. She would not say just how accurate some of those assumptions were, imagined or not. The thought that she should revise her lessons or write a new book weren't completely discarded. She pondered if she should write a friendship journal version two-point-o like her runaway thoughts suggested, and just what she could write in such a book played throughout her brain as she munched down on her hayburger and horseshoe fries. Twilight kept her mind going, task by task, never fully allowing the thoughts of her lost friends consume her as she paid and left, searching for open market stalls. There were very few, but she already knew she wouldn't be getting everything on her list. It was just the way of things lately. All too soon, she found herself heading back to her castle, her saddlebags barely weighed down by the few items she managed to find. At least she wouldn't only be eating dry oats for the next couple of days. The castle was dead silent as she entered. There were no happy calls, angry shouts, or the popping of confetti cannons when the doors opened or shut, just the echoing sound of hooves on crystal as Twilight entered her home and set about getting the groceries away. Once the mundane task was complete, she moved to the study to pen a letter. It would be the first friendship report she'd be sending in ages. Dear Princess Celestia... I know it's been a while since you've last received a friendship report from me, one of the major reasons being that I'm no longer your student in friendship, but I figured I would write to revise one of my previous friendship reports, as I have learned something new about friendship that will save me a lot of heartache in the future. Back when we had faced Discord with the elements of harmony, I remember making a report. The subject matter's main moral was this: "Friendship isn't easy, but there's no doubt it's worth fighting for." While this hasn't changed, based on current events, I've recently had to make an addendum to this. Friendship isn't easy, and while there's no doubt it's worth fighting for, the effort has to come from both parties. Two creatures in a friendship need to work towards the goal to heal a fractured friendship, for if one isn't willing to continue, the other will only hurt themselves by reaching. That pony can fight all they want, but friendship is a give-and-take relationship, and if you're giving far more than you're taking, you will end up getting hurt. If you're taking more than you're giving, you're hurting the other party. No matter how hard you try, there's a delicate balance that needs to be maintained. While friendship is strong and the boundary lines for the balance are far apart, it's possible for a friendship to fall outside of this balance and crumble to pieces. I've been giving as much of me as I can, but the high-stakes adventures became too much. I've become too much. My friendships have gotten to the point where some friends only kept me around because the others have, or because my princess title was a boon to them. I won't be naming names. Some would rather talk about one pony behind her back, rather than go to her about the problem to work on fixing it before it gets too bad. I know I shouldn't be vaguely writing about them. It's not healthy. It doesn't help. I'm tired. I never asked for the adventures, except for when it came to solving friendship problems through the cutie map. I looked forward to those. All of the places I would see, and to travel with a friend? Well— Although all of my friends followed me willingly into danger for the world-ending threats, it appears that they are no longer going to accompany me. Whether it's to focus on their careers, or because I was an annoyance, or just got tired of me— You get the gist. I remember what Pinkie said so long ago, pertaining to her Pinkie Promise: "Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend, forever." I think that's just what happened today. In time, I've been thinking that I should release a new Friendship Journal with my findings. When you can, can you please send me copies of my old friendship reports? I would like to publish those in the new journal, as well, with extra notes on the next page. The old ones burned down with Golden Oaks. Your faithful ex-Student and fellow princess, Twilight Sparkle. PS: I'm sorry if this letter is a little disjointed. It's been a rough month. Spike wasn't around. So, Twilight rolled up the scroll and placed a specific ribbon around it, one she never thought she'd use again, before sending it off in a flash of magic. The ribbon brought a small smile to her face that quickly faded as she thought about her old adventures. Her lost friends. Yet, after everything, the adventures were all she really seemed to do as a Princess that wasn't smiling and waving. When it came to the cutie map, she'd been excited, always anticipating a new adventure! Even though the map had only called upon her a grand total of three times. That was just disappointing. She didn't think she was counting the adventures where all of the Elements were called, which amounted to... Five in total? Come to think of it, would the cutie map still call her after all of this? Would it still call her ex-friends? Would she still be able to go on adventures without their friendship connection, since adventures were all she had really done that were worthwhile as a princess? Even defeating Tirek hadn't really enlightened her as to anything else that she was supposed to accomplish with her status, and unless the map called her— which it hardly did, it mostly focused on her friends, or strangers— she was... useless. Her heart fell again. She just wanted to scream and pitch a fit like a little filly, or let her heart drag her to the floor so she could lie there for the rest of the week. Maybe they were right. That was all she was; A spoiled, rotten filly who had only been given her wings from Princess Celestia because of a magical screw-up, not a princess who had earned her wings through discovering a new form of magic. Her ex-friends had suffered that day, and Twilight herself had been rewarded for causing it. Were they right to hate her? She paced back and forth in her study for a while. It was all she could do, keeping her body busy while her mind ran laps around the events of her recent spiral. She wondered if Celestia would send a letter back immediately, or if she was choosing her words carefully; Or if she would send a letter back at all. It would be just like her mentor to forgo the letter and visit her personally to talk things through, but Celestia had a country to run. Other ponies had lives outside of her own. A wave of skittish nausea wracked her. Should she have sent that friendship report in the first place? Was Celestia going to be annoyed or angry with her, too? What if she herself was the cause of the problems, not her friends? Would Celestia be disappointed and tell her off? Would she tell Twilight that she has a lot to think about and leave her again? There was a sudden tingling on her flank, causing her to startle and look back. Her cutie mark was glowing, and with the miniature versions of it pulsating outwards, it could only be one thing. The cutie map. ... How was it reacting, after the invasion and losing the other elements as friends? Would it break, like it had with Starlight's time-traveling revenge plan? Was it calling any of her friends to it to fix their own friendship problem, or was it only calling her to fix it because she had failed them first? Twilight found herself galloping out of the study and down the hall, through the double doors to the map room. At first glance, the cutie map itself looked the same. It was neither destroyed or discolored, but the cutie marks hovering above it consisted of five copies of her own. They floated over Ponyville in four different places, and a fifth version of her mark floated over Canterlot. She stepped back, hurt, but something prevented her from outright bucking the table and fleeing. The table looked strange, somehow larger, and the landmarks on it had more than doubled. Twilight approached with trembling legs, her hurt momentarily forgotten as she inspected the glowing surface. "D-did the cutie map expand...? This is..." Startled, Twilight flapped her wings to hover above the map. Everywhere her last adventure had taken her, the map now bore the new locations on its face. "Did it do this while we were gone?" She was alone now, but the map could call anyone. Her, her friends, Sunburst, Spike... What if the map sent her to one of these faraway places and paired her up with one of her ex-friends?! As if the map heard her, her starburst pulsed again, and marks of all of her friends and herself appeared over the image of her castle. All of the other starbursts had vanished. Twilight's eye twitched, and she found her brow furrowing. No. Bucking. Way. Her mouth worked as she tried to think of something to say, staring at the cutie marks hovering over the table with disbelief. "... Of course you would." Twilight glared down at the map, her voice beginning to shake. "Find some other ponies to do your work, map. They don't want to work with me. They're done with me, and I'm going to have to be done with them." The map sat silently, except for the faint shimmer in the air of its magic. The cutie marks continued to hover over the castle, the marks of the Five circling hers as if nothing had happened. "Didn't you hear me? They don't want to be my friends anymore! The ones that do just want to use me! I know when I'm not wanted, I've already heard everything! They find me annoying! I'm a burden, an obligation! They're actively pushing me away, and they don't want to go on adventures anymore, either!" Twilight's wings ruffled out and started refolding themselves, over and over. The sense of betrayal only sunk in further as minutes passed, and as they ticked by, anxiety and fear hit her again; The longer the marks stayed above the map, the more of a chance there was that one of them would come crashing through the door to... To... To do something to her. Yell, shout, argue, insult. It would be something, and she couldn't handle it right now. "Stop calling them, I don't want to talk to them! I don't want to be around them right now, maybe ever again, and this isn't helping!" Her frantic yelling didn't have any effect, aside from poofing her own mark off the table. The rest remained, twirling above her castle like a carousel, even without the middle star to center them. "Map, you can't bring them here! Just shut off, or... Something! They're done with me, don't you get it? Again, they're done with me. And I'm going to have to be done with them." She glared at the stubborn table. "They have their own lives to get to. They can't just drop everything for you or me, and even then, all involved parties have to make the effort in a friendship! They don't want to work it out." And I can't anymore, either. As she lectured the cutie map, the marks of her ex-friends finally died out. In their place, the flicker of Starlight's and Sunburst's marks appeared over the map, directly over her castle, causing Twilight to scowl. This game had gone on for long enough. Blind anger boiled in her veins, and she slammed her hooves on the table. "What the heck can either of them do to fix this?! They don't know what happened! Just—!" It wouldn't be enough. Celestia's mark appeared alongside them. Luna's mark popped into existence near it, and as Twilight was processing this, Cadence's and Shining Armor's marks appeared alongside Spike's spines, all of which were hovering right over her castle. "NO! No matter what you do, you're just going to be pulling ponies away to be dealing with stupid, neurotic, spoiled, needy, annoying Twilight! I don't want anypony else to hate me!" She shouted, her voice becoming hoarse as her vision blurred. "Even if they did come, could they really even do anything? Would they even want to fix a fake princess's problems?! Just leave them alone!" She couldn't clearly see the marks hovering over the map anymore, but when the light brightened over the table again, it was enough for her. Her voice sent shockwaves through the air as the voice of a royal alicorn swept the map clean. "You can't force broken pieces together, map!" The marks vanished, and none appeared in their place. She stood there, panting, waiting for the crazy piece of magical furniture to act up again. "Map? Harmony?" Twilight shuddered and sighed. "I appreciate the attempts to help, but nothing is going to fix this. It's over. Now... Stop calling ponies, or they'll show up and demand that I fix you and make you stop calling them." There was a beat as Twilight waited for something to happen. It was when she felt the tingle of magic in the air, and the landmarks of the cutie map glitched that a heavy blanket of dread fell over her. She shouldn't have said that. The table lit back up, with all of the marks of the Elements of Harmony, Spike, the other royal alicorn princesses, her parents, her brother, Starlight, Sunburst, and her friends from Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns floating above it. All of the cutie marks hovered over Twilight's castle in a massive arrow formation, pointing right to her and rotating like the sign of some crazed carnival attraction. Twilight screamed and threw the map across the room with her magic, knocking out a wall and ending the light show. "I don't—" Her heart raced, she gasped for breath "— half of those ponies don't even know what their cutie mark glowing means! And I don't want them coming to fix this! Most of them don't know it's a problem, and they have their own lives to get to! So just—" The map lit up brightly. Cutie marks of half the town of Ponyville appeared on the surface, and through the new room's window— which was conveniently facing Ponyville— she could see the horizon beginning to glow, and her heart stopped for the hundredth time that day. As a last resort, Twilight grabbed the table in her aura and lifted it high. "STOP IT!" She slammed the table back down on the floor, face-down so that the images could no longer taunt her. The glow vanished. "Just... Stop." Spent, Twilight sank to her haunches. This didn't make any sense. Everything had crashed down around her; A magical anomaly in her home causing the cutie map to act up on top of everything else that had hit her today? Her nerves were stripped bare. She was useless, everything felt so wrong, and she had no idea what to do next; She was completely, hopelessly lost. Her friendships lay in ruin, and she didn't know if they'd ever be repaired. She didn't even know if anything would ever be, or feel, right again. She wished beyond the stars that she could go back and confront them back at the castle, or even back in town square. But as her imagination ran off with what she could say, what she could do, everything would just go so horribly, horribly wrong. She remained there, quietly choking back sobs until the crack of magic brought a box of scrolls to the floor in front of her and a scroll with a familiar ribbon appeared at her hooves. With a shaking magical field, Twilight opened the single ribbon-bound scroll to find a letter from Princess Celestia. My faithful ex-student, Princess Twilight Sparkle, I am so sorry. While they are valuable lessons to learn, I wish you never had to learn about the darker parts of friendship, the traits that will threaten to break friendships apart. Distrust, Gossip, Secrecy, Pride, Greed, and Bitterness, all of which have been demonstrated through these recent events. I told the girls to avoid talking to you until they can find a way to apologize properly. Now, it seems, they've only hurt you more. I'm not sure how those three got back to Ponyville without one of my chariots, as the trains are down and I only sent Pinkie and Spike back to speak with you. The last word I'd gotten back from them was that you weren't at your castle, and that they were going to take Starlight to go talk to the others. Regardless, Pinkie Pie wants you to know that you still have a friend in her, even if she can no longer accompany you upon your adventures. As for your request, I went ahead and sent copies of your friendship reports along with the scroll. I am sorry I put you all through so much duress. It was never my intention to harm you, your friends, or your friendships by sending you on with such heavy burdens. Just remember that this can be solved, and if you're ever feeling alone, seek out a friend. One of us will be happy to help you, like friends are supposed to do. Please, Twilight, never lose hope. Signed, Princess Celestia PS: I'm going to assume that my mark glowing twice within five minutes means that something good happened. Twilight stared at the letter, rereading it over and over again in an effort to save her sanity. Then, finally, she hugged it tightly to her chest like a lifeline. She almost smiled at the less formal attitude from the last sentence. How could she ever have thought that Celestia was too far above ponykind to make jokes? How could she ever think that her one and only mentor would hate her for needing help? She was still far from calm, but once she had regained her bearings well enough, she stood and turned away from the overturned map, walking the box of friendship reports and the letter from Celestia back to her study. Picking up a quill in her magical field, she paused to think before she began a new letter. Dear Princess Celestia, Thank you. The cutie mark glow was the cutie map attempting to call you while I was distressed. All things considered, things still aren't fine, but if you get reports of random ponies having the same issue, rest assured it isn't anything that will put ponies in danger. The map only sends ponies out to solve friendship problems. It used to only call myself and the girls, but it has been branching out lately. Those ponies don't need to worry or respond to the call. With that settled, I know Pinkie defended me last night. I don't know about Fluttershy's decision, since apparently she's still in Canterlot, but I would assume hers is the same based on the conversation I overheard: Still friends, but with distance. To be honest, I don't think it was only the adventures that broke everypony. There were other issues that weren't fully uncovered until recently. Rarity's use for me in her boutiques, the fame that came to us, how "my" adventures were tearing them away from their work and how they were distanced from other aspects of their lives... How I made some of them feel, though unintentionally, that they never spoke to me about. The list goes on. I might say that I enjoyed adventuring. It's all I've really done as a princess of Equestria, and it's what I've been pointed at even before I'd become a princess. I've been doing it since I was sent to Ponyville as a unicorn. If it weren't for them, I might not have ascended at all. Please don't blame yourself. I think I might need to leave Ponyville for a little bit. I want to travel around on my own time, or adventure at my own pace for a while. Even if they're not eventful, I'm hoping to see some new things and clear my head. Maybe I'll make some new friends while I'm gone. You never know. If anything new comes up, though, will you let me know? Your faithful ex-student, Princess Twilight Sparkle. With a spark of magic, she sent it. Now, reminded of her original task with a glance at her copied reports in her magical field, Twilight set the box down as notes and pulled the original copy of the Friendship Journal from one of her shelves. A special, blank book accompanied it, and a duplication spell allowed her a copy to write in while the original was set back on the shelf. Setting the blank duplicate upon the desk in front of her, Twilight shifted her thoughts to her revised Journal until another crack of magic brought a response from Celestia. My faithful ex-student, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Thank you, Twilight. Sending you on adventures was never my original intention, but when something comes up, I will notify you. You're right. More friends are waiting for you somewhere out there. I would ask that you come to Canterlot sometime this evening, say around eight-o-clock? Perhaps you can join me for tea later this evening and we can discuss this face to face. Stay strong, Princess Celestia It wasn't much, but the letter brought a slight increase in her mood before she turned back to her work-in-progress, her quill hovering over the fresh pages as she read over her original reports. Real friends don't care what your cover is. Friendship is a wondrous and powerful thing... And like a path cut through the orchard, there will always be a way through... The best thing to do is to stay true to yourself... A pony may share a special magical connection with her friends, maybe even before she's met them... By Celestia, these brought back memories... She compared the old Friendship Journal to the content she had begun to draft in the new one. She included all of her old entries and reports as they were originally at the end of the journal as a special feature, but for the book's true contents, she would have to rewrite them to include any revised lessons. At a certain point, she didn't quite know what to edit that didn't just add a "what can go wrong:" section on the opposite page, and that wouldn't be very positive for the readers. If anything, it could just make them accuse each other of something and leave it at that. Some reports were too precious for her to rewrite or edit at all. One hoof tapped against her desk, gaining speed until she simply laid her head on her desk in frustration. She said she was going to write a new Friendship Journal, and even though she wanted to go on her proposed trip to clear her head even more, writing the book was still taking up her number one slot on her priority list. But... why do I have to wait? Twilight tapped her desk again before she looked at the old friendship journal, the gears in her mind turning. She rose from her seat to pace. There are so many places out there that could use a friendship journal. So many creatures that don't truly know the magic of friendship, so many mistakes that could be avoided... So many new friends. They need a school to learn about... Her hoofbeats paused for a moment, resuming as she shook her head. No, no, that would keep me rooted here. It's the last place I want to be right now. Think, Twilight... She thought of the cutie map and its arrival with her castle. She thought of how she'd earned her wings, her title as the Princess of Friendship, and thought that maybe she was thinking about this all wrong. ... What if my role as a princess is to venture out to help with friendship problems? She stopped completely in her tracks. The school wouldn't work, because staying in one place to teach a concept that creatures learn throughout their lives wouldn't work. It didn't work for me; Celestia had to send me out of Canterlot to learn about friendship... Publishing a journal is great, but rehashing old lessons will just stick me with my old experiences. And those are just the experiences of a handful of ponies. Nothing new would be learned, and if this book is to reach every one... No, the lessons are out there, waiting for me. If I were to leave now, I could cover more ground with more experiences and variations than what I have here. It could be a real friendship journal, and best of all... I could just go. I could leave now, I wouldn't have to stick around Ponyville, or have to deal with the map malfunctioning or my ex-friends barging in to scream at me, or for whatever other reason, because I'd be solving the friendship problems before they even come. I'd be learning and writing more in the process! It seemed preposterous. Desperate. Crazy, even, but what about her life wasn't already crazy? Was this how she fulfilled her destiny? What did she have to lose? "Maybe I didn't just not mind the adventures. Maybe traveling and reaching out is what I'm supposed to be doing. That's why the castle had seemed so cold and blank when the Tree of Harmony grew it for me, but it's homey enough that when I get tired or homesick, I can come back here for a breather and a rest." "This... This is what I'm supposed to do. It's got to be! I've found my role as a princess! My real role! It's got to be!" Her cutie mark was tingling. In a daze, Twilight zipped back to the desk, picked up her quill and a new scroll, and began to write once more. Dear Princess Celestia... Author's Note The things people say when they think you won't hear them could be the straw that breaks your back, and desperate people do the strangest things. Combined two chapters into one and edited like crazy, but still kept elements and points from the old chapters. Hopefully this speeds the re-editing along while improving upon the base story. Chapter 4: RevitalizeShe set down her quill in time for a knock to echo throughout the castle. The brief bout of euphoria that had dazed her had long since ended, and after sending her last letter to Celestia for the time being, she had been writing in the new Journal. Her old reports had been copied and magically bound to the spine of the book, pressed between the back cover and the pages as the precious special feature to carry around with her when she went on her journey. As for the book itself, she'd opened with a greeting and a short synopsis of what she'd be doing in her travels for friendship. She wondered what she should title it. "The Friendship Journal: Volume II" or "The Friendship Journal: Stronger Together"? She couldn't just give it the second title of Friendship Quests, that would be too repetitive... Another series of knocks snapped her out of her thoughts. Reminded of her situation, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up; Because of the map's earlier sporadic cutie-calling, she was dreading the possibility of having any visitors come knocking, and it was mostly because they might have been her ex-friends coming to yell at her about the cutie map's call. They were coming to scream at her, weren't they? We're done with you! Fix your stupid map! And then they'd slam the door in her face. "If they start yelling," Twilight breathed in, out, then got off of her chair to answer the door. "Who the cutie map calls isn't under my control." There was another, much more frantic knocking just as Twilight entered the main hall. Carefully, slowly, she opened the door and was met with a pink missile that tackled her to the ground and began squeezing the life out of her. "Twilight! I'm so sorry I didn't say anything sooner and that everypony was being mean and that we don't want the adventures anymore but things weren't supposed to be this bad and I'm sorry for all the songs and the yelling and..." Pinkie gasped for air. "I'm sorry! You've still got friends, Twilight! Don't do it!!!" Twilight blinked dumbly at the bombardment of apologies as Pinkie began to sob on her chest. "What are you—" She squirmed, finally able to breathe again. "—don't do what?" Pinkie looked like a kicked puppy as she stared up at Twilight and sniffled. "I— I thought that... Starlight said..." "Sorry, Twilight." Starlight entered behind Pinkie, Spike in tow. "I may have misunderstood things, and my mind jumped to the worst conclusions..." "It's... It's okay, Pinkie." Twilight blinked as Pinkie got off of her and stood her back up. "... What did you not want me to do?" Pinkie shook her head. "Doesn't matter now. You're okay, and that's what we needed to know, but... Can you ever forgive me? I'm so sorry, I—" "It's not your fault, Pinkie." Twilight's ears drooped. Spike wrapped his arms around her foreleg, a gesture she returned. "It was... a number of things. I just set it off with my outburst, and it spun out of control since then..." She looked to Starlight, remembering Celestia's letter. "... You three went to talk with the others?" Starlight pursed her lips and sighed, then reached out to push the door open even further. Just beyond the portal stood Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash with varying levels of irritability and regret on their faces. The spark hurt again. Her heart jerked and began thrashing rapidly in her chest. Her ears pinned back. With a violet glow, the castle doors slammed shut. She shook her head, looking to Pinkie with wide eyes as the muffled shouts of Rainbow Dash sounded from beyond the door. "Whoa, hey, we didn't just get pulled away from our jobs just so we could come to your castle and not talk to you!" Twilight flinched back, her gaze snapping to Starlight and Pinkie. "Whose idea was this?" "Uhm—" "I've heard enough of what they have to say. I don't want to hear any more, I don't want to get yelled at for the stunt that the map tried to pull, I don't want to talk." "I'm sorry, Twilight." Starlight sighed and put a hoof on her mentor's shoulder as the rest of the girls pushed the door open, allowing themselves in. "You all need this. How else are you going to reconcile?" Twilight stepped away, watching them all with wary eyes. "Look, Twi." Applejack stepped forward. "We've heard a lot from the townsfolk about how you've been all today, and we can't exactly let it go unsaid. This needs ta' be clearer than what you overheard last night." "It's a bit late for that." Twilight's wings fluffed up as they gathered around her. She tried to back up, but Spike clinging to her foreleg forced her to stay put. "You've already spelled it out for me, multiple times. I heard you loud and clear. You're done with me, and I'm going to have to be done with you." "Twilight, that's ridiculous." Rarity sidled up a little too closely to Twilight for her liking. Which, at the moment, was anywhere within wing distance. "Just because we can't go on adventures anymore doesn't mean we can't still be friends, we just... Won't be around to help you with your... Problems." She grimaced, then cleared her throat. "As often, I mean. There will be distance, but... That sounded much less horrible in my head." "You think?" Twilight glared, allowing herself to snap a little. The enormous main foyer of the castle felt claustrophobic with everyone so close, and having Spike clinging to her leg while all of the girls surrounded her made it worse. She felt trapped. She was breathing rapidly as she shrugged Rarity away from her side and fluffed her wings further in a bid for some space. "I told you, I don't want to talk to you. I heard everything, even your conversation when you hid from Pinkie earlier this afternoon. And I don't know if you've noticed, but everything you said back at the castle was horrible." She glared at them all, now; The only ones avoiding her wrath were the two who hadn't been involved in the conflict... and Pinkie, though she was still miffed that she and Starlight had brought the others along to talk to her. It was irrational, as they hadn't known about her earlier breakdown and decision making, but to automatically invite the others into her castle so soon after the fight? Bringing them into her home, despite the fact that she just said she didn't want them here? It was hard not to be angry with them. Out of all of the ponies present, Rainbow looked the least enthused to be here and a little more annoyed than the rest at her tone. Applejack looked frustrated and confused, but she had removed her hat and left Twilight's words unchallenged. Rarity, on the other hoof, looked as guilty and regretful as... No, it was probably resentment that she'd had to face this, and regret that Twilight had heard her. And maybe there was real guilt in there, somewhere, but Rarity had used her from day one. She had been infatuated with her status, her hometown, and the ascension only exasperated the issue. There had been friendship with all of them once, but the regret had to have come from being unable to use her anymore. Sure, Twilight had been happy to do it for her back then, but if she knew then what she did now, she might not have endorsed her products at all. "I want you three out of my castle." Twilight frowned, ignoring their objections. "If you're so concerned about your jobs, then go tend to them. Why spend time on somepony you've already decided to cut ties with?" "Hey, maybe it's because we didn't get to say everything we were going to say?" Rainbow huffed, stepping closer. "Sure, maybe we were harsh about it, and we shouldn't have been talking about you like that, but you can't pin this all on us. You could have talked to us back then, and maybe we wouldn't be here having this talk now!" Twilight whirled upon Dash, sparks flying from her horn in her fury. "Well how would you feel if you stumbled upon your best friends talking about how much of a "bum flyer" you are?! Or, oh, 'Rainbow Dash only got into the Wonderbolts as a personal favor from Spitfire!' Of course you'd brute force your point down somepony's throat, but do you ever think about how other ponies might feel?!" Rainbow's face reddened. "Or how about the fact that I'd heard you shouting about cracking that egg head right open as soon as you saw me that night? What about being scared that you actually would? Maybe you could have even taken your own advice and talked to me about your issues sooner, what about any of that?!" Twilight was very nearly snarling, but at the very least, Rainbow had backed off and Spike had let go of her leg, looking between the girls with shock on his face. Twilight took a deep breath, just so she wouldn't explode further. "W-well..." Dash grimaced. "Okay, I messed up, but..." "I'm expecting a letter from Celestia soon." The alicorn said firmly as she regained her composure. She ignored their wide-eyed stares as she turned and headed back toward her study. "I'll be leaving Ponyville for a while. I need time to clear my head. Now, I would very much like you three to leave my castle." "Whoa, hold up, Twi. Maybe ya need to think this over f'r a minute..." "That's what I'm trying to do." She didn't turn back to them as she flared her wings. "Get out. Go back to your day-to-day lives, stop bothering with me, and just go." Starlight raised an eyebrow. "What brought this on? I mean, you'll be getting some space and all, but you don't have to leave Ponyville to do that." Twilight looked to the map room for a moment, thinking back on the overturned table. The expanded overturned table. "I do, actually. Ponyville is a small town, I'll see them everywhere. I need to get away for a while to stop being reminded of them." She paused, then, realizing she hadn't heard the door yet. "I just wish you all told me something before all of this." Twilight snorted as she turned her attention back to the ponies that were still in the castle foyer. "I know you can't keep dropping everything for me, but that doesn't mean you should talk about me and use me the way you have. I can't fix a problem if I don't know it exists, being used and exploited because of who and what I am hurts, and blaming me for adventures that you wanted to accompany me on is just plain hypocritical. Now, please leave. I have some packing to do." She frowned, turning away again as if her inattention was enough to forcefully push them out. "Alright then," Applejack, surprisingly, was the first to concede. "You need time to yer'self. I'll go back to the Acres, do my thing, an' wait for ya to cool down." "Applejack, what..." Rarity trailed off mid-sentence as Applejack put a hoof on her shoulder, shaking her head and urging Rarity to follow her out. Rainbow frowned and turned to the door, showing herself out. "Fine, Twi, but... Don't come crying to us about not trying to talk about this." Twilight barely held back her snort. "I won't." With a pinkish glow, the doors shut once again. Without waiting for a queue from Starlight or Pinkie, she began trotting back to her study, doing her best to even out her breathing as she waited for the sound of hooves and claws to follow her. After a few moments, she heard them, and Spike, Starlight, and a bounce-less Pinkie followed her. As Twilight searched her study for her best set of saddlebags, Starlight took a chance in breaking the awkward silence. "Twilight, why are you acting like this? This... Isn't like you." Twilight continued to look for a moment, trying to formulate the right words without making the situation worse. "I'm just..." She clenched her jaw and sighed. "I'm tired. I'm hurt. I lost three of my closest friends, and maybe a fourth, and all they want to do is push the blame onto me. I got Rainbow to admit she messed up, sure, but I don't want to deal with all of this right now. I want to get started on this trip as soon as possible and just leave the past two weeks behind me." She grabbed her saddlebags in her magic and began to reinforce them, applying an enchantment to expand just how much she could fit into the bag and lighten the load. While the length of her trip was still undecided, she figured she shouldn't take chances, and maxed out the spells as far as she possibly could, even going as far as to proof them against the elements. Don't want to get tossed into a river and lose everything else, She thought grimly. "As for your earlier question, my role as a princess thus far has mostly been going places to fix friendship problems or venturing out to take care of world-ending threats.." Twilight paused to inspect the saddlebag, nodding with approval before setting it down. "I feel like... Like I'm not meant to just stay in one place. So, as Princess of Friendship, I think I'm going to be traveling abroad, teaching friendship, having adventures, and making friends along the way. After whatever vacation it is I'm going to be taking." Spike fiddled with his claws at the change in subject. "... W-wait. Are you going all alone? You're not going to try to sort things out with the girls..?" "No. Not right now." Twilight's expression twitched, but she rubbed Spike's spines with one hoof. For him, she'd let a small smile creep onto her face. At the very least, it was more genuine than the one from earlier that day. "Maybe for the first trip, I'll be alone, but when I get homesick, I'll come right back here." Pinkie shuffled on her hooves, looking nervous. "Twilight, what if you never get homesick?" "What if you don't come back?!" She and Spike blurted at the same time. "You're not going to talk me out of it. I need to get away for a while. I thought about opening a school here in Ponyville, but the ideal teachers for certain subjects aren't going to be in contact with me, and have their own lives to get to. After thinking it over, I've also realized that teaching friendship in a classroom just... doesn't work." Pinkie's jaw dropped. "I know." Twilight sighed, shaking her head. "I read over the EEA's rulebook for running a school. As much as I hate to admit it, you don't learn friendship with worksheets and textbooks in a regulated environment where fun isn't allowed." At their worried or shocked looks, she pursed her lips. "Magic kindergarten pushed me away from trying to make friends. Any friends, at all, I just viewed as study partners. Even Spike can tell you that the only pony I considered anything near a friend was my big brother, and he's years older than me." She shrugged. "Friendship isn't something you can teach in a classroom, it's something you have to go out and experience for yourself." Spike grimaced and glanced to Starlight, who hadn't known what Twilight was talking about. "Okay... But you didn't answer the question, Twilight. What are you going to do if you get captured again? What if you get into trouble and can't come back? Or if you never get homesick and just won't come back?" "I don't think that'd be possible, Spike." She replied with a small, sheepish grin. "Our home is in Ponyville. We've lived in this crazy town for so long that monster attacks are normal occurrences, and any town that doesn't have something like that is going to feel strange indeed." The little dragon smiled a little at the joke. Twilight was just happy she got a cheerier expression out of him, but he sobered up rather quickly. "And the "can't" part? What if... Just... Promise you'll come back?" "Pinkie promise!" The pink pony interjected. Twilight sighed, but couldn't help the slight smile alighting on her features. "I pinkie promise that I'll come back." She nodded, going through the motions. "Just because I'm leaving for a while doesn't mean I'll be gone forever. And I won't be entirely alone if something bad happens; I'll be making friends along the way." Before anypony could say anything more, a crack of magic dropped a scroll in front of Twilight. The four of them all stared at it for a moment, with Spike pausing to make sure his mailing flame still worked, before Twilight took the scroll in her magic and unfurled it to read. Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle, What you are suggesting is noble, but it could be dangerous to go alone. It may get easier as you make more friends, but if you remember the advice I'd given you the day of Starlight's graduation, you will know what scenarios are playing out in my thoughts right now. If you're going to start your adventure, alone or with a friend, I will approve it on one condition: Write letters to me while you're traveling. They don't have to be full reports on what you learned that day, or anything extravagant, but they can be simple updates on how you are doing so we may know you're safe. This way, if you ever find yourself in trouble, we have a way to find you. Signed, Princess Celestia Relief shot through her. "I've been approved!" Starlight offered her a hesitant congratulations. Pinkie looked like she was holding herself back from an objection. Spike, who had been fiddling with his claws until this point, looked up to Twilight. "Hey, Twilight? It's just... I... Should I come with you?" Twilight blinked and looked at Spike. Memories flashed through her mind. She thought of all the times Rarity used him, of all the times he'd stayed inside with Twilight for her to reorganize her books over a weekend, how often he'd been dropped or hit with something a long time ago, and how little he usually got to accompany herself and the girls upon adventures... Just what would he do with her gone? What would her ex-friends do to him— or worse, how would they use him with Twilight out of the picture for weeks or months at a time? Her mind jumped to the worst instances of possible abuse, and the doubt only seemed to magnify as she thought about her standing with her ex-friends. She shuddered as she vividly remembered Rarity using Spike as a pincushion once, and it seemed so much more menacing in her mind's eye as Rarity continued to poke and prod, and scales fell to the tile floor, and there was blood, and... "Don't worry, Spike." Starlight patted the dragon on the back. "She'll be fine." Rarity wouldn't do that. Twilight took a steadying breath as Spike chewed his lip and nodded. "But... Twilight, when you get back from your adventure, I'm coming with you next time. Deal?" Twilight swallowed dryly and scuffed her hoof on the floor. Better to be safe, than sorry. "Okay. Just... Okay. Here, I'm going to need to set some ground rules for when I'm gone. First off: Nopony "borrows" Spike." Twilight let them know about Celestia's proposed talk for that night, mostly so that they wouldn't worry and lose too much sleep that night thinking about her travels. They all still looked worried, but she brushed it off. It was to be expected, since she was taking a trip on her own. She continued laying out the ground rules as she packed her saddlebags, moving from room to room as she prepared for the worst occasions. As they collaborated, Spike and Starlight would input something Twilight hadn't thought of yet, which hopefully ensured that her property would remain intact and that Spike wouldn't be taken by one of the others to help them with something absurd. Pinkie was suspiciously quiet, looking uncomfortable every time someone said any word synonymous with "adventure." "... And if anything happens, I want one of you to send me a letter." Twilight nodded. "I'll be sending my own off to Celestia so she knows I'm alright, and I think I can forward a copy to you, too. That way, we're all still in contact, and I can still help out in Ponyville if disaster strikes." This seemed to relieve some tension, but they still seemed nervous. It isn't anything too bad, Twilight thought to herself, pausing to examine the contents of her bags. At least they care about me. But, then, so had the others, enough to save me when... Yadda yadda, Storm King, bleh. Twilight shook her head. She had packed a bedroll, travel snacks (mostly consisting of dry oats and hardtack until she could visit a market stall), a canteen, a lantern, lantern oil, quills, ink and paper, survival handbooks, a small survival hatchet, a compass, her bitbag, a rope, a firestarting kit, a scarf, a cloak, some spellbooks for light reading and learning in her free time, and so on in her saddlebags. Sure, she had flight and magic, so she probably wouldn't need some of this stuff, but it never hurt to be prepared if she got stuck in the wilderness. Her handbooks certainly said so. I mean, what are the chances I'll be unable to fly or use magic in the future? "Are you sure you have to go?" Pinkie finally spoke, breaking Twilight from her thoughts. The alicorn blinked at her, confused as to how she was still so somber. "Honestly, Pinkie? I think it's the best thing for me right now." "B-but..." Pinkie shivered, drooping, "But I'm sorry, Twilight. You don't have to leave, I..." She continued to stutter apologies, sounding much like Twilight herself had the night before. Twilight blinked, unnerved by the fact that the happiest of her friends was now so distraught, but then it struck her. Oh. Pinkie thought it was her fault that she was leaving. "Pinkie, look at me." Twilight lifted her chin with a hoof, wincing when she saw Pinkie's lip trembling. She had made her cry, again. As if Seaquestria's aftermath wasn't enough. "Please understand, Pinkie. I'm doing this because I want to. It's not because of you, alright? Not you, not our argument, and not... well, maybe to have some space from the other girls, since all of the fighting resulted in me thinking about the idea in the first place, but I pinkie promised that I'll come back and visit. And I also pinkie promise that I'm telling the truth when I say that none of this is your doing, okay?" Pinkie nodded, but no matter how bitter Twilight felt about the past few days, her heart twinged as the normally cheerful pony sniffled. She carefully wrapped her forelegs around the pink pony, to which Pinkie returned with a hearty, Pinkie-Pie-style bear hug. All the air in Twilight's lungs was forced out of her body. "Oof!" "I'm gonna miss you!" The pink mare cried, more than a little theatrically. Twilight swore that her spine was going to give out on her. "I'm... gonna miss you, too... Pinkie." She rasped. She was still in Pinkie's clutches when Starlight looked between the two ponies and a nearby window. "Are you going to take a nap before you fly to Canterlot? No offense, but you've been walking like you've slept on nothing but solid ground for the past few weeks." Starlight paused to think about it, then shrugged. "I guess that's not surprising, considering everything that's happened." "I don't think I can wait... until sunrise." Twilight grimaced, taking a moment to catch her breath as Pinkie finally let her down. "I... oof. I just want to get going. The longer I stay, the more of a chance there is that they'll try to talk again before I'm ready, which is... something I'd rather not deal with. And no," she added before Pinkie could interject, the pink mare deflating a little, "I don't want a going away party. If you want, though, we can have small homecoming get-togethers when I get back?" That made Pinkie perk back up almost immediately. As they walked toward the castle doors, Twilight penned a letter to Celestia, letting her know that she was about to start her new journey. And, to the surprise of the others, Twilight suddenly trotted back into the study. "Twilight?" Twilight looked to her friends. "Just a second." She swept the unfinished book into her saddlebag, her notes and letters still safely tucked inside the bindings. It was the most important part of her new friendship quest, and just to be safe, she grabbed another blank duplicate before looking around her study for anything of further interest. When nothing caught her eye, she left the room and continued down the hall with the others. "... What was that?" Starlight asked. "I'm writing a new friendship journal." Twilight's walk was almost leisurely as she looked around the interior of her home, knowing she wasn't going to be seeing it for a while. "I was going to finish it before I left, but I don't want to wait to leave, or I might never get started." She shrugged. "Besides that, I've hit a little writer's block. I'm not going to just rehash my old letters to Celestia, and just rewriting old journal entries would give the book a limited perspective. If both books say the same thing, then what would the incentive be for readers to get this one instead of the old one?" There was a stretch of silence after that. Nobody really knew what to say. Pinkie was still a little gloomy as they reached the doors to the Castle of Friendship, Spike looked like he was hesitant to let Twilight to leave, and Starlight looked confused, but Twilight refrained from broaching the subjects further. She couldn't stay here, and didn't want them to try convincing her just as she was about to leave. The sun had begun to set as she, Pinkie, Starlight, and Spike exited to see her off. "Take care, Twilight." Spike hugged her just one more time. "You be sure to come back, alright?" "I already pinkie promised, twice." Twilight winked, spreading her wings. "I'll see you guys later." "Be careful!" Starlight and Spike waved as she took off. Pinkie leaped into the air and screamed into the approaching night. "Don't forget to write!" Twilight smiled and waved behind her as she headed back to Canterlot. Hours later, after having tea with Celestia and discussing the nature of her journey, Twilight found herself high above Equestria, finally ready to begin. She veered from the city and kept looking back toward her home as Ponyville got smaller and further away. Even from the sky of Canterlot, if she squinted just right, she could see the lights in Sugarcube Corner turn off for the night, the Cakes probably settling back into their home after everything that had happened over the past two weeks. The stress, hopefully, would be lifted from their shoulders now that Pinkie was around to stay. Twilight couldn't help but wonder about them, now, but she hoped that there wouldn't be any lasting damage because of her intrusion into their lives. The lights in Rarity's Boutique flicked on, catching Twilight's attention. She was likely going through one of her sleepless phases, having tried to sleep, but finding herself unable to. So, she turned her restlessness into something useful, and would stitch dresses until the small hours of the morning. Twilight fondly remembered stumbling upon the frenzied unicorn one night after a particularly stressful day just to help her sleep, then later, when they all had been lifting her out of her funk to put on a real fashion show for Hoity Toity. Her wings jerked and she quickly corrected herself, averting her gaze to the massive swath of trees surrounding Sweet Apple Acres. The white and pink blossoms had yet to begin their transitions into the delicious fruit, and she couldn't help but think of the first Applebuck season she'd borne witness to during her stay in Ponyville, where Applejack nearly worked herself to death to get the harvest done. How Applejack finally relented and let her and the rest of their friends help harvest the apples, settling down together for some ice cold lemonade afterwards, talking and joking amongst themselves and enjoying each others' company... Her wings tried to get her to land in the orchard before she regained her senses, stopping herself from reminiscing on the memories they'd had there. She had been bound to Ponyville for a couple of years, now, and her nerves were screaming at her to go back home. Her crystal castle was still quite visible from where she'd flown. Her wings shuddered once more, and she had to firm her heart to prevent herself from veering back. She had to keep this mindset, even as she viewed the dark mass of cloud that seemed to change locations over Ponyville almost every day, the one with rainbow fountains that was beautifully crafted and belonged to a friend that was no longer hers. Twilight shook her head. Yes, she had promised Pinkie a Pinkie Promise that she would return when she felt homesick, but so soon after her departure? She wasn't getting homesick already. This feeling was best explained as getting cold hooves and being afraid of change, or a longing for what she could no longer have. She recognized this, and knew that she had to break out of her shell and leave the comfort of home, of her old friends, of the stagnancy that had come and the troubles that had followed. The destiny that used to lay in Ponyville was now beyond its borders, and she was going to follow it. I'm doing this. Tonight. She told herself. I don't know where I'll go first, but going back isn't an option right now. The Crystal Empire, Mount Aris, Seaquestria, Abyssinia, the Changeling Hive, Griffonstone, Yakyakistan... She thought of all of the places she could go. Maybe she could try flying beyond the known world. There were so many places, but no matter what she chose first, she wanted to save the Dragonlands for when Spike would come with her. She looked back one last time to her crystal tree, silently apologizing to the young dragon for the sudden trip. I'll be back sooner than you know it. Author's Note (old note) Twilight couldn't just leave without anypony knowing. And I've noticed debates sparked in the comment sections. I mean, I tried to have good points be portrayed on both sides so nobody's entirely in the wrong, so I kind of figured it would happen, but with how popular this has gotten in such a short time, I feel the need to remind everyone that it's just a story, written by an adult, based off of a kid's movie-slash-series. Yes, I am going to take a less childish take on the movie, because I've sympathized with Twilight's plight during it. The entire nation of Equestria was put at risk and the other five in the movie seemed like they hadn't been affected at all by the fact that Equestria had just suffered a hostile takeover and that they— no, their friend, Twilight, was now being hunted. When I saw Twilight try to steal the pearl, I did think it was a stupid move, but I had to consider the aloofness displayed by her friends and all of the setbacks they'd encountered, and even caused. With all of the trouble and violence that had occurred to get them to Seaquestria in the first place, I understood it as an act of desperation, which showed in the argument that occurs when they were banished. It was wrong, and Twilight neglected her title as Princess of Friendship, but as the only one taking it seriously and having the common sense not to trust strangers on a mission where she is literally being hunted down, with or without her friends, it's more understandable than giving away her location every step of the way. Then in the argument, they blamed her for it all. It didn't sit right with me. Chapter 5: ReflectionTwilight's flight didn't end for hours. She hadn't picked a direction beyond "somewhere North," seeing as Equestria was a massive continent and the chances of getting lost were minuscule, if not nonexistent. So long as it meant getting her away from Ponyville for a time, she didn't really care. The landscape below her slowly changed from a subtropical forest to a forest of evergreens. She lost sight of most pony civilization, aside from a few stray roads here and there, and eventually, she was faced with the silhouette of snow-capped mountains looming in the distance with an aurora dancing overhead. Appearing as just a speck from where she was gliding along a thermal column was a sparkle that marked the position of the Crystal Empire. The sky surrounding it was pitch black. At this time of night, the blizzard that forever surrounded the Empire raged on, blocking all forms of transportation except for the trains— trains that may or may not still be shut down. Even if they were running, it was far too early in the morning to catch one; The stations wouldn't be open for a few more hours. She sighed, letting the air currents around her do the work as she set her aching wings in a glide. She knew she should get some rest soon, if she didn't plan on crashing from muscle fatigue or a lack of sleep. So, as per her usual, she made a checklist of options. She could settle down and make camp for the night. She had the supplies to do it, and it would get her rested enough for tomorrow morning's flight, where she could make a more well thought-out decision on where she should go. It would also get her to sleep sooner and allow her to get an early start tomorrow; In the morning, she could figure out her exact location and what cities or pony towns were nearby in case she needed a new travel plan. Another option was whipping out her map and veering towards the nearest city or town. She would sacrifice another hour of sleep, most likely, at the benefit of sleeping a real bed and saving herself a similar trip tomorrow morning. She wouldn't get an early start, but a real bed could help her collect her thoughts further and allow her to get a better night's sleep. The third option was stupid and most likely suicidal, and was such a silly one that it almost made her snort with tired laughter. She could make her travel decision now by trying to shoot for the Crystal Empire tonight, braving the blizzard with an array of shield and warmth spells, draining her magic exponentially and potentially leaving her to pass out and freeze to death in the snow. Oh, how silly that last one was. She shook her head and thought about the first two again. Sooner sleep sounded amazing, but after weeks of sleeping on the cold, hard ground— or, in some cases, the solid metal or wood of cages and boats— her bones ached for something soft to sleep on. She didn't think she had the patience to set up a campsite tonight, anyways. With a small glimmer of magic, Twilight took a look at her map and compass and estimated she must be just about... There. Cloudsdale lay just southwest of her current location, at about the two-hundred tenth mark on her compass. So, two-hundred ten degrees. She couldn't judge the distance, but if she had to guess, she had passed it about ninety-six and a half kilometers ago. Obviously the Crystal Empire was to the North, but at what seemed to be twice the distance. Aside from those two locations, the only nearby civilization appeared to be the tourist trap known as Neighagra Falls, and that was further away than Cloudsdale was. Certainly there were unmarked homesteads somewhere below her, but a glance at the ground below her made it known to her that this was not the case. It was all wild land. With a grimace, Twilight also noted just how far away the nearest train station was. The only track that entered the Crystal Empire started in Vanhoover, which was a six hour flight west of her estimated location. Simply thinking about those numbers made her feel fatigued. She glanced around, hoping to catch sight of a stray or wild cloud in the nearby airspace. Her eyes landed upon a thin, wispy cloud, and she flew over to it. It was long and by no means sturdy, but something rang in the back of her head as she remembered something Rainbow Dash (Twilight flinched when she thought of her) had done back at the academy when their balloon was torn apart by an uncontrolled tornado. It gave her an idea. Could she condense this wild cloud into something stronger? Twilight gently took the wispy cloud in her hooves and began reeling it in, only dislodging her hooves from it when it was a large enough size to continue rolling it like she was making a snowmare. Working in a little magic here and there to help condense the weak cloud, she felt the wild magic under her hooves giving way to her whims, cooperating more with her alicorn magic as she worked on it. After a few minutes of working her pegasus magic in, she had a makeshift cloud mattress. She smiled at the small triumph and landed to unpack her bedroll. A little bit of compromise never hurt. The Crystal Empire might be the first place anyone would go looking for her, but it would also be the best place to kick off her vacation; Even if they did want to follow her, spending time with family trumped any wish to keep the three she was feuding with away. Stretching her sore wings as she stepped off of the train platform, she removed a sheet of paper from her bag and began to pen a quick note to her remaining friends. For the most part, it was a simple note detailing where she'd gone for her vacation. It was mostly a courtesy to them. They didn't need to worry about her for the first day she was gone. Her first copy was sent to Princess Celestia, and the second was sent to Spike; Addressed to him, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Starlight. She took a quick, calming breath. With any luck, the ponies she didn't want knowing would be left out of the loop. It was about the mid afternoon, the sun streaming in from the Empire's clear skies making the buildings and ponies around her glitter, but something seemed... off. The sparkling ponies around her cautiously stuck close to the sides of buildings. Some took one glance at her and her saddlebags before they shied away, while others watched her, seeming anxious. Twilight raised a brow, then offered those onlookers a friendly wave. This seemed to calm them down, as they sighed with relief and continued on their way. "That's... Strange." Twilight pursed her lips. Rather than head to the palace as her first stop, Twilight double-checked her saddlebags and decided to take her time, investigating the streets. She did, after all, drop in unannounced, and most likely should have sent a note to Cadence and her brother about her plans and arrival; Perhaps she could even find out what was making the populace so nervous. So, as she trotted down the crystalline streets, she did just that. She didn't want it to sound too urgent— because it wasn't, and it wasn't like she absolutely had to spend the night in the palace. Nopony should have to drop everything just for her— Twilight checked her writing before sending it out. Dear Cadence and Shining, I know it hasn't been too long since we've last seen each other, but I've recently decided to take a vacation and just wanted to let you know I'm in town. Now, I don't want to just drop in to the palace unannounced, so I wanted to clear a visit by you first. Some of the crystal ponies seem rather jumpy and I can only guess that it's been rather hectic here since the invasion. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Signed, Twilight Sparkle It was short, sweet, and to the point, so Twilight waited near a flower shop to see if Shiny or Cadence would reply within the next few minutes, stopping to watch the crystal ponies on the street as she did so. Every pony she could see was acting the same way as the ones from the train station. They stuck close to the sides of buildings, glancing this way and that while looking like they were ready to bolt at the slightest indication that something was wrong. Some took the appearance of Twilight with her camping supplies as such a sign and ran to cover when they caught sight of her, and others froze on the spot long enough to catch the friendly wave she sent them before they calmed lightly and went on their way, their tails still flicking. She pressed her lips together to stop a frown from making its way onto her face. The ponies were jumpy enough as it is, and with their states being so fragile, her negativity could spark a stampede. It must have been the invasion that caused this. Even though the Empire had been safe from the Storm King's forces because of the blizzards and mountains around it, Cadence herself had been the first alicorn to be sealed in crystal, and had only returned to the Crystal Empire yesterday, as far as Twilight was aware. While she and her friends had been on their adventure, Cadence had been missing from the Empire for over two weeks, leaving Shining in charge as he stayed behind to take care of everything while the Friendship Festival was underway. Twilight rubbed at her foreleg. I wonder if it's like this all over Equestria, she thought to herself. After all, Ponyville is used to random monster attacks, and the ponies in Vanhoover don't seem to care too much about a lot of things. Or, maybe they weren't affected because the invasion was mostly centered in Canterlot? Then again, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were turned to crystal as well. It wouldn't have taken two weeks for the Storm King's forces to take the other cities if the capital was already taken care of... The flash of magic interrupted her musings, a scroll bumping her on the muzzle before she caught it in her magic. Dear Twilight, I've done my best to assure the denizens of the Crystal Empire remain calm in light of the invasion. They've been reassured that Cadence has returned the Empire, and they should calm down within the next couple of days as the news spreads. That being said, you're always welcome at the palace, so feel free to check in at any time with one of the palace guards. I would greet you myself, but Cadence is currently being caught up on the past two weeks and I won't be available for a few hours. Sorry sis. If you need anything, be sure to ask a member of the castle staff. I've just notified them that you could be stopping by. Looking forward to your visit, Shining Armor So, I guessed right. Twilight sighed with both relief and... Disappointment, which confused her. Why am I disappointed that this wasn't something big? She asked herself, walking down the street once more and perusing the shop windows. Ponies could have been getting hurt. I should be glad that everything's fine. That, and I'm supposed to be on vacation. She sighed quietly as she passed a shop filled with items for tourists. The main road leading to the heart of the Empire from the train station was full of them; If it wasn't lined with shops, tourists wouldn't spend their bits on the pretty display pieces, and they would also get lost when it was time to head home. Twilight remembered her first visit to the Crystal Empire when it wasn't being threatened by some outside force. She'd collected a bauble or two for herself; Souvenirs to remind herself of a legendary city that, while it existed, still didn't seem real. A city that she, her friends, Cadence, and Spike had saved from yet another ancient evil. Those very same baubles were blown to pieces along with Golden Oaks. Slowing her steps, she circled back around to one of the tourist shops, debating on whether or not to replace the souvenirs that she'd had in her old home. ... No, she didn't need them. She didn't want to take them along with her on her next adventure once her vacation was up, and she didn't want the memories associated with them. At least, not anymore. It's been three years since then, Sparkle, she berated herself. There's no use moping over times long passed. If you want them, buy them, but otherwise, grow up. She turned again and made her way down the street, towards the palace. Maybe she was being too hard on herself, or being too hard on the others. If she could just go back and... She shook the thought out of her mind. No, she wasn't going to go back and apologize. She'd done that, tried that, hundreds of times back at the Friendship Festival. All it got her were glares and a message to knock it off. It led to her witnessing the argument back in the castle, too. They didn't want her to overhear them. They all looked guilty that she had, but how many of them had apologized for it? She abruptly stopped on the street, a wave of pain from a familiar place wracking her form. Her eyes watered and stung, and she had to take a shuddering gasp to remain standing. Twilight had already forgiven Pinkie. She and Fluttershy had been the ones coming to her defense. The others, while they may have come to talk to her back at her castle? She'd gotten nothing from them. Even if they would have tried to apologize, it wouldn't have been genuine. They'd meant what they said in Canterlot. If they apologized, it would have only been to save face because they knew she'd heard them. They only came to say what was plainly obvious, or try to justify their words. For all of that, she was not going to go back and apologize to them for dismissing them from her home. Starlight may have let them in, but it didn't mean they were welcome. After everything they'd said and done together, to them, all that she amounted to was... that. What they'd been saying about her behind closed doors. Yet even now, she was fighting herself from turning and going back to them. You shouldn't, you can't. She grit her teeth. Open your eyes. You're the element of magic. Friendship is magic. But going back to that 'friendship?' All it's going to do is hurt and drain you dry. She sniffled, unable to do much with her grief-wracked body while her mind remained sharp, dedicated to memories and thoughts that were far away from it. Trapped in her own little bubble that she'd have to calm down to escape from. It's all one big cycle, and somehow, this feeling... We always end up going back to each other. I thought we mended our friendship and it became stronger with every misstep we fixed, but they were just patches, weren't they? Patches and bandages that come off with enough friction and threaten to tear it all apart, just like that night. Twilight couldn't stop thinking. Her mind was so focused on itself that she felt like she couldn't move her body, and her heart ached knowing she couldn't just go back to them. Her cutie mark was tingling, but even if she wanted to, she couldn't check the sensation. By the time she regained control over herself, she'd forgotten about it. The crystal ponies around her were watching with concern that was slowly approaching panic. A tiny wave assured them that everything was fine, but the keen onlookers would be able to see the despair that weighed down the bones of the Princess of Friendship. Uneasy, she picked up her hooves and set herself to a trot. To the palace, Twilight, she scolded herself again. You can have your breakdowns later. "Okay, well, what are we supposed to do about it?" Rainbow Dash grumbled and looked at the table. Her cutie mark tingled, and she watched as the cutie marks from all of the Elements of Harmony flashed over the top of the map before they faded, its landmarks glitching. "We're supposed to be done with this thing, and done with Twilight. Or, at the very least, she's done with us." "That's the thing, Rainbow, it's probably doing this because of the fight you all had." Starlight worried her lip. The rest of the Element bearers, sans Twilight, had gathered in the castle for an emergency meeting. Pinkie and Fluttershy had looked unhappy, keeping their distance from Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity, but this was before they'd even discovered the map was overturned; Much less, the state it was in now, after they'd righted it. With a potential crisis at hoof, they didn't seem to care about the proximity. "So, the Map's trying to get us all back together?" Rainbow shrugged, causing Applejack to grimace. "Ah— good luck with that. I don't think Twi's gonna want to see us for a long while." "Right, but we may not have a choice." Starlight frowned. "If the map's breaking like this, we could be in serious trouble— what if something important comes up and we needed the map to help?" "Uh... Starlight, barring the friendship missions and tracking the Pony of Shadows, the Map hasn't really done anything." Rainbow crossed her forelegs. "And I'm pretty sure time travel shouldn't count; You remade a spell to do that." Starlight grimaced, then, with an agitated sigh, she redirected her glare to the cutie map. "Look, not to sound insensitive about the issue or anything, but... Do we even need the cutie map for anything?" Rainbow continued. "I mean, we're not going on missions anymore. I don't see how this will effect me, or... any of us, really." "Is it just me, or has it gotten bigger?" Pinkie absently commented, tilting her head. "You can't honestly mean that, can you, Rainbow Dash?" Starlight ignored Pinkie. "After everything that's happened, all of the magical shit you've all waded through daily, you think this can't be a big deal or won't come back to bite us in the flank?" Fluttershy eeped behind her mane at the display of profanity, while Rarity nearly pulled up her fainting couch. Pinkie continued inspecting the glitched cutie map while Rainbow, in the meantime, just shrugged in response to Starlight. "I mean, the castle would have stopped Twilight from leaving if it was, wouldn't it?" "Starlight, Rainbow might be irritatin' ya, but this ain't no reason to be usin' dirty words." Applejack reprimanded, adjusting her hat. "B'sides, she's sorta right. And even if it didn't stop her, this all ain't our fault. We've got our lives to focus on, and going off to find Twi after she asked for some space from us—?" "I believe the words you're looking for are "after she dismissed us."" Rarity pitched in. "Sure, but we agreed to give her space." Applejack frowned. "If'n we just show up outta nowhere after all that, she ain't gonna be happy." Starlight sighed sharply. "Yeah, but not reaching out to her in some way could make everything worse. I mean, this castle, the map, and the Elements of Harmony all relied on you guys' friendships, right?" They fidgeted, but Starlight refused to let any satisfaction over it show. "If my breaking your friendship in the past was responsible for all of those terrible alternate universes being made, then what could happen a few years from now?" The ponies gathered in the room paused and looked at each other, an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air as they thought about the unpleasant consequences that could lie ahead. Rarity seemed to gather herself and broke the silence. "... Darling, I know you're upset, but I can assure you that trying to stir up the fear of some foreboding future threat is no way to fix a friendship." "What? I wasn't—" "Yeah, you were." Rainbow shrugged. "Besides, even if we can't get Twilight back, I'm sure we can handle it anyways." "I thought you said you were done with adventuring." "I have the Wonderbolts." Spike, who was sitting in his chair and glaring pointedly at her, crossed his arms. "The Wonderbolts couldn't do squat when a certain rampaging dragon was taking everyone's stuff. I'm pretty sure one pony isn't enough to change that." Rainbow sputtered, glaring at the baby dragon. "Hey!" "That's enough!" Fluttershy shouted, catching everyone off guard. "None of you are helping the matter at hoof. Rainbow, you're being completely insensitive about Twilight and the future of Equestria! It was all of us, together, that stopped the threats before, not just one pony. Starlight, you have a right to be paranoid about the future, but mongering fear isn't going to bring us together in a way that matters. And Spike, I know you're angry at them, and I am too, but you can't just take your anger out on everyone else." She frowned at the ponies in the room. The three she referred to sheepishly looked away, Starlight scuffing a hoof on the ground while Spike shrunk into his seat. "We're either here to fix the cutie map, or we're here to find a way to make it up to Twilight." Fluttershy stated with a sense of finality. "We can't start arguing and risk breaking the map, or our friendships, any further." "I know we're being serious and all right now—" Pinkie perked, having been crouched on the map like some sort of prowling cat, "— but I can't tell if this is a good or a bad thing." Suddenly, she began shuddering and frantically twitching in place, the phenomena stopping as soon as it began. Everypony looked over curiously, and something immediately felt off. Their cutie marks weren't tingling, but the carousel of their marks that once twirled above the map now hovered over the crystal empire as a static image. But their eyes were drawn to the moving center. It was Twilight's cutie mark. It almost seemed to beat like a heart, but three of the white sparkles that surrounded it looked almost... fragile. Brittle. And as they watched the abnormal movement, and lack thereof, in the cutie marks floating above the table, Twilight's seemed to shudder violently, and the white sparkles fractured like too much pressure placed on a broken pane of glass. The pieces looked like they were barely hanging in their old places. "O-okay, definitely bad," Pinkie blinked. Starlight stared wide-eyed at Pinkie, then the partly-broken cutie mark on the map. "Did— did Pinkie just have a seizure?" "That's the Pinkie Sense," Rarity stated without really explaining, stepping towards the map. "And— Starlight, with all of your expertise on cutie mark magic, please tell me you know what Twilight's cutie mark being partly broken means?" The girls all looked to Starlight. Not one of them was exempt from worry. But no, Starlight didn't know. Admitting that was the hardest part, but clearly, the others could sense it, simply by how long the silence dragged on. She might as well tell them. "I..." She took a deep breath. "No. I'm sorry, girls, I don't." "Whatever it is," Pinkie quelled her twitches before they could start again, the slight vibration of her entire body the only indication she was twitching. "It's a real doozie." The moment she had entered the room in the Crystal Palace, Twilight set down her saddlebags and curled up on the bed. Unlike the sudden onset of feelings and memories on the street, this one refused to intensify, her quiet grief only spilling a few tears despite the memories being fresh. She didn't bother with asking for anything from the servant that stopped by to check up on the princess guest, but she did thank them for their time. She couldn't believe it. She broke down on the streets, in front of all of those ponies, and for what? She probably made the empire's citizens more paranoid than they were before. "I have to get a grip on this," she told herself, her voice hoarse. It didn't stop it from hurting. It wasn't until a half hour later that she felt the grief subsiding. Her body and mind apparently decided that that was enough for today. So, utterly spent of emotion, Twilight stood from the bed and fixed herself up once more, trying to think about what she could do. She didn't want to do anything, but she was on vacation, dammit, and she should at least enjoy it. She grabbed her bitpurse and left her saddlebags in her room, notifying the guard that she was planning on going out and visiting the Empire. She likely wouldn't be back for a couple of hours, and was leaving her bags and supplies behind. Once she was done, Twilight stepped hoof back outside the palace. Without her saddlebags, the crystal ponies seemed to find her presence as less of an omen of an impending threat. Rather than finding cover or watching her to find out if something was wrong, she'd merely gotten a few sidelong glances and shy waves that she returned before they went about their business. There was nothing to worry about, they would see, and despite the concerned looks she garnered from the crystal ponies that once wore that exact, drained expression that she now wore, Twilight knew her problems didn't extend to the edges of Equestria. Others had their own problems, and she wouldn't concern anyone else with hers. So, she put on a smile. She was just tired, she told the shopkeeper, as she browsed through their wares for a few crystals that could hold a magical charge. "I dabble in the sciences," she offers a smile as an excuse. She didn't really know why she was purchasing them, but perhaps they'd be useful later on. Spare mana batteries, or using them instead when she was testing out a spell that required multiple ponies to cast it. Maybe she'd just use them while working on science experiments out in the field. Definitely useful. She continued perusing the shops for a couple of hours, at one point stopping for a bite to eat at one of the local restaurants before heading back to the palace for a long-awaited visit with her brother and his family. "Twily!" Shining embraced her. "I didn't leave you waiting too long, did I?" The babbles of Flurry Heart echoed through the hall as Cadence, looking tired but happy, finally emerged from her meeting. Twilight let out a soft giggle as she embraced them, too, while Flurry offered sloppy baby kisses and hugs to her favorite aunt. "Of course not, BBBFF." Twilight smiled but her vision blurred. Her cheeks felt wet even as she was reminded of how happy she was to be visiting them. "Just went for a stroll around the Empire." Shining smiled, but slowly, it began to slip. "Twily, is everything alright?" Twilight's rubbed at her eyes with a fletlock. Funny, she thought she ran out of tears a while ago. "... Here, Twilight. Let's all go talk in private." Quietly, Cadence put one wing around her sister-in-law and began to walk. Shining walked at Twilight's other side. When they were finally all together, Twilight told them what happened. Author's Note This is a near-obligatory "I'm not dead" chapter. If you were reading the story before and suddenly find yourself lost while reading the new chapter, there is a reason for it: I have rewritten the story. The first few chapters are already done, and I'm much happier with them than I had been before. I am updating/have most likely updated the synopsis and description on the cover page as well, and hopefully, I can provide a new piece of cover art in due time. This chapter, though, was written entirely from scratch. The old one that this replaces used to be titled "Correspondence and Hard Questions," which has since been discarded. That being said, I'm drafting new chapters. I don't have an editor, but hopefully I can revise and edit them myself with a much more discerning eye in the future instead of getting excited and posting chapters prematurely. It might take a while to post more, as I have an ass-busting day job, horrendous setbacks, and refuse to open a patreon when I can't even provide regularly scheduled content, but I don't have any intention of dropping this just yet.
Chapter 1: DoubtTwilight sat in a lonely cage overlooking the bleak landscape of a broken Equestria, wondering just where everything had gone wrong. By all meanings of the word and by every account, she had failed. She had failed to get help from the hippogriffs-turned-seaponies. She had failed to acquire the pearl that would have helped save Equestria. She had been so wrapped up in saving Equestria that she had resorted to using deception and theft to achieve it, and she neglected her title. Instead of making an ally, she had gotten them all kicked from Seaquestria. She had yelled at Pinkie and had driven away her friends. She had failed friendship... But it wouldn't be the first time her friends turned away. Even as the wind from the airship's travel whipped through her mane, Twilight sighed. She didn't want to go down memory lane, but there would be plenty of time to reminisce between here and Canterlot. She might as well distract herself. The week after Discord's defeat, something so horrible had happened that Twilight ran to get the help of her friends. Her friendship report for the week wasn't done; She was so afraid of being pushed back into the torment that was Magic Kindergarten that she was practically falling apart at the seams. Anypony could tell from looking at her that she had been a terrified, neurotic mess for most of the day. Her face was flushed, her mane and coat disheveled, and the panic in her voice was so prevalent that the timberwolves in the Everfree Forest could probably smell it. Even with all of the signs that the problem was clearly bothering her, her friends didn't take it seriously. In fact, they laughed it off, brought out food, and ignored Twilight's breakdown. They continued to have their picnic even after Twilight had run off, even though she was supposed to be there with them. Twilight sniffled wetly, shivering from the cool air blowing through the cage bars. She had made a stupid mistake, trying to invent a friendship problem to solve so she could write to Celestia about it. When the town started fighting and Celestia stepped in, it was only then her friends had even thought to care for her. They had even run in to stop the Princess from "punishing" her, and from then on, they promised that they would take the problems she would have seriously instead of brushing her off, even if the problem didn't seem that big. She thought back to that moment and her heart twinged. Why did it hurt so much? It was so long ago, long before she had even gotten her wings, but it happened; And not even a month later, her brother had invited them to his wedding. She was miffed, of course, that he chose to do it through paper instead of pony to pony, but once she figured out why, she had accepted it. When she didn't like the bride, even after witnessing her horrible behavior, her friends all thought she was just being jealous or overprotective because the bride was taking up all of his time. That wasn't the case, we all know that, but when she went through with her accusations... She knew she was being childish in the final words she flung at the impostor. She knew she should have handled it differently, but she didn't. As a result, her brother chewed her out and kicked her from the wedding altogether, and her friends... Her friends just gaped, but when Shining Armor left the room, they... They knew her. They knew she could overreact to some things and be childish, but they should have known she wouldn't accuse a pony of being evil just to get her brother back! But they left. Even Celestia had gone, and her friends, the ones that were supposed to be there for her... They had abandoned her in the wedding hall as if she'd deserved it all. Because she'd made a mistake. She had been right in the end, but it hadn't mattered. Nopony really thought to apologize when it was all over, and she was still asked to make the preparations for the real royal wedding and was made the best mare again, so things were fixed, right? They weren't. Her friends had promised... Twilight sniffled again, the tear tracks on her cheeks quickly cooling as the wind hit her. It was good to know, even at her lowest point, that the incidents from years ago still came back to haunt her. There were other incidents, too. With all of the problems she'd made, after every stupid mistake, her friends only really came back for her after shit hit the fan. Was it guilt? An obligation? Did they just come back because they felt they had no other choice? She had to wonder if Spike was safe. If he told them she had been captured. If they were on their way to Canterlot right now, cobbling together some form of rescue plan to get her out of Tempest's clutches. She could see the smog hanging over Canterlot now, and colorful dots in dark cages, but unless all of her friends could pull off an invisible Sonic Rainboom, they wouldn't be there. As it was, even traveling normally, her friends wouldn't make it in time to avert whatever they had in store for her. If... If they're even coming. She swallowed dryly. Her cage began to lower. Why would they? They're safer without me there. They're happier without me there. They'll probably go back to the seaponies, apologize, sing a song, preform a sonic rainboom, and ride out the Storm King's reign in Seaquestria. All they've been doing since we left is trust strangers, being as loud and visible as possible, and singing songs... They didn't bother to look for me when I ran from their picnic, or when I went missing and was trapped in the crystal caverns during the impostor's wedding, and... with the way I yelled at them... Another tear fell, but Twilight knew she had to stop crying now, or Tempest would see her despair and further poison the thoughts she had of her friends. It's unfair to think of them that way now. Those were old incidents. I failed friendship. That was me. That was all me... And yet, the poison didn't go away. "I never would have done it, but this isn't Equestria! We can't just dance around with con artists, make rainbooms in the sky, and expect everything to work out! It's not enough. We are not enough." "No, Twilight. We stuck together. We were going to get the help we need. The only thing that stopped us was you!" "Well I'm doing the best I can! It's all on me! I'm the one Tempest wants, I'm the last princess." "You're also the one who doesn't trust her friends!" "Well maybe I would've been better off without friends like you!" The face Pinkie made when Twilight said that was burned into in her mind. It was my fault. All my fault. It's different when you made a princess they didn't know cry, but them, personally...? She was hardly responsive when her cage was lifted from its chain and loaded onto a cart, pulled by two enslaved ponies. Help... isn't coming... She was utterly silent as she was carted into the throne room and beheld the other three princesses, all encased in black crystal. The Storm King, upon hearing her title, laughed in her face, and she continued to go mostly ignored. It did still push a needle into her heart when Tempest emphasized that she was alone now and wouldn't be a problem. It just... Drove home the fact that the Equestria as she knew it was doomed unless something happened. And it did. Twilight was right; She made a mistake, though her arguments were right. They left, she got captured, Spike had told the others, and the others came back. When all was said and done, Twilight stood in the crowd alongside her "friends," her magic restored, Equestria fixed as if the invasion never happened, and Songbird Serenade sang a song about hurting and growing through the pain. When she looked at Twilight specifically, she did her best to smile for the popstar. Can't have the Princess of Friendship looking glum, can she? Twilight had apologized, over and over and over again before the festival continued, until even Fluttershy couldn't take the apologies anymore and told her to stop; That it wasn't the time or place. It still felt like somepony had stepped on her heart, but Twilight stopped. She just wanted to show them how sorry she was for messing things up. Even when she was around them in the crowd, she could feel the tension in their group and began noticing the small, hostile looks she was getting when they thought she wasn't looking. When she did look over, they would quickly avert their gaze. There was only so much she could take. She wasn't going to stop the Friendship Festival to confront them about it. It would have to wait until afterwards. They would have a nice, long talk, maybe sing a song, and hug at the end, and their friendship would be even stronger. The feeling of hostile eyes didn't leave her as she walked over to Tempest, offering her a hoof in friendship. Maybe it'll blow over by tomorrow. Author's Note *slowly puts this here and slides out of frame*
Chapter 2: Who we wereTwilight's hooves dragged across the polished marble of the castle floors, her head hanging low as she searched for her friends. Much of the night had been spent at the Friendship Festival, receiving congratulations from most ponies, small glares from her closest friends— though, they had seemed happy when they had to talk to her— and being the poster pony for the festival. So many civilians, nobles, and royals alike had crowded around her, their faces blurring in her vision as she struggled to meet and remember them all, that she'd lost track of her colorful clique in the desire to faint dead on her hooves. Even though she had been exhausted and the action from the Storm King's invasion was long over, Twilight couldn't leave to search for them right away. The Princess of Friendship had to be present for it all, of course, even though all of her friends had vanished at around two in the morning. Celestia wouldn't tell her which rooms they were staying at in the castle, but hinted that they had probably turned in for the night and suggested that Twilight did the same. "With all due respect, I can't just turn in, Princess Celestia. I need to talk with them. It's important." "Twilight, I'm sure whatever it is, it can wait until everypony is well rested. That includes you." Celestia had smiled serenely, then winked. "Important talks are best done when everypony can think clearly. Don't think I didn't see you eyeing that pile of hay." Twilight hadn't slept soundly in weeks, and had already spent most of the early morning hours after the festival trying to find her friends, which devolved into aimlessly wandering the castle and paying more attention to her hooves than where she was going. Her mind was running over every possible scenario, and it hadn't been long before she lost herself in her thoughts. She kept thinking about the glares she was receiving during the festival, how little they actually wanted to talk to her, how they went out of their ways to avoid talking about... it. Maybe it was because they were tired. She thought. They had traveled so far, so quickly, by hoof. They had somehow managed to keep pace with an airship, through all of the terrain between Mount Eris and the capital of Equestria, and none of them had gotten any actual rest since the start of their adventure. Naps on the cold, hard ground were far from restful, and passing out in Seaquestria didn't count. Or maybe it was because of our argument... What I said... She sniffled and shivered as she continued to walk. I flooded them with apologies and I was still met with those looks. And with how Celestia is being secretive with their rooms... It's like they asked her to hide it. They don't even want to be around me. She shivered again. I... I hate this. Why am I thinking badly about my friends? Pinkie had apologized for what she said, but... We all really need to talk. Where are they? She raised her head and didn't realize she was crying until she ran muzzle-first into a support pillar. She could only see a blurry mess, and had to blink through the tears as she rubbed at her nose with one hoof, sniffling. The castle guards didn't question why the Princess of Friendship was openly weeping in the halls, but though they looked uncomfortable with it, they didn't stop her. It was too early for any of the nobility to be up to see her like this, but a few concerned witnesses did keep an eye on her. After taking a few minutes to gather herself, Twilight placed a hoof forward to continue her moping until she heard a familiar voice. Her ears stood erect. They sounded... angry. Slowly, Twilight inched towards the door. "I can't believe her! All that, and she thinks she can just... apologize, and everything is okay again?!" "Rainbow, keep it down. We don't want 'ta attract attention. Unless, ya know, you want Twilight to find us?" Twilight's heart stopped. Rainbow Dash and Applejack were avoiding her on purpose, and they were... still angry with her. "I almost want her to find us! I mean, for pony's sake, what I would do to crack her stupid egg-head right now!" "Rainbow Dash, that's enough." Twilight shuddered— Rarity was there, too?— "I believe you've had enough of acting like a ruffian for a lifetime. While I am angry at her as well, there is no way I would resort to such violence." "Agreed." Fluttershy...? Pinkie must be there, too. They must all be sharing a room, that or they came together to talk... without me... "Yepperooni. She's not a bad pony, Dashie, she just... Ran away with her words. That happens in the heat of the moment." "I don't think you guys were hearing the same things I was. She said she'd rather have friends that weren't us! She doesn't trust us!" Rainbow suddenly quieted, likely stopped by one of the others in the room. "Look, I know y'all are just tryin' to be the bigger ponies, but... We need ta' face this proper." Applejack said. Twilight's ear was practically pressed against the door. "She did apologize a bunch'a times, but... The fact still stands, if she's gonna snap at us when she's under pressure, maybe miss princess would be better off going on adventures without us." Her heart dropped. "Applejack, how could you say that?" Rarity. Air returned to Twilight's lungs; At least all of her friends wouldn't abandon her. "Sure, she may be annoying and neurotic, and... paranoid, and nerdy, and everything in our lives changed the moment she stepped into Ponyville, and... Well, you get the picture, but if we didn't go with her, what would happen to Equestria? As the Elements of Harmony, it's our obligation to help." All of the air she'd just claimed left again. ... I'm an obligation...? "Well, obviously she thinks she can do better without us." Rainbow snapped. Fluttershy, for once, spoke up. "I've, um, honestly had enough life-endangering, world-saving adventures. Thanks." She seemed to squeak. "N-not that I wouldn't want to help Twilight, but... um..." "But... but..." Pinkie stammered. "But what about Twilight? What if she gets captured again, next time? Don't you think she'd learned some lesson today...?" "Not really. Y'can't just fix this with a bunch of apologies." "Applejack! That's silly, they were just words! Of course they can!" "Pinkie, just because they were words doesn't mean it takes away the sting. If Twi wants to push all the fault of what went wrong in our last adventure ont'a us, maybe she can handle them by herself. I've got an apple farm to run, a family to keep outta debt, and I can't just be torn away every time Equestria's in danger or every time Twilight has a problem that needs fixin'." "Yeah; I mean, I'm a part of the Wonderbolts. It's my lifelong dream, and lately, I've been falling behind because of these adventures... I mean, it's fun being a hero, but I can't just keep putting it off for Twilight if she's going to be like this!" Rainbow huffed. The sounds of her wingbeats stopped, giving way to the sound of her hooves clopping onto the floor. "I... Look, after everything Twilight's said, she makes me feel like a complete moron. I think this one was just my last straw with her..." There was the sound of a hoof scuffing against the floor before Fluttershy spoke up. "... I guess... Ever since we've been going on these adventures, I keep getting torn away from my animals. Hiring a sitter is expensive, and even then, the sitter can't quite communicate with them like I can. And recently, I think some sort of distance has been forming between me and them, just from... not being around as often." She sighed, almost sounding heartbroken. "Angel Bunny hasn't even been accompanying me on shopping trips. He used to do that all the time..." "... Perhaps Angel Bunny isn't the best example, dear." Rarity sighed. "But... There is fact to it. While the fame is nice, I've found that I've been losing my ability to envision something appropriate for my clients that matches their deeper personality to a "T." There's so much I don't know about them anymore, simply because I'm not around. And, in addition to that, I have three boutiques to take care of. The workload gets quite strenuous as it is. I'm falling behind!" There's a space of silence that invades the air, as if the five are waiting for the last pony to speak up. The silence is filled by none other than Pinkie. "... The Cakes have twins to take care of. Doing that at the same time as taking care of the business without me is... I've noticed that they've been a little more stressed than usual. I do my best, but every time I have to leave..." Pinkie sniffled. "I want to help Twilight. I know you guys are mad at her, but... Now that you mention it, the Cakes have these spats, and when I have to leave... I can't bring laughter to Ponyville when they need it most." Much to Twilight's despair, she heard hesitant murmurs of agreement come from around the room. Her ears flattened against her head. She wasn't aware that she'd crossed a line, or that Rainbow or the others had even drawn one. She hadn't even known that the Cakes or her friends had been having such problems. "... How can Twilight even be a crowned Princess?" A much more subdued Rainbow asked. "I mean; She's told us what she used to be like. Did... Celestia just give her her wings after that one magical screw-up as, like... A personal favor? A pat on the head? I was almost eaten by Fluttershy's animals that day." Rarity groaned. "... And I hurt a number of ponies with the weather..." "Heck, I almost destroyed Rarity's brand and boutique." Applejack sighed. "... I almost put Applejack's farm out of business." Pinkie sniffled. "... I almost moved back to Cloudsdale because I couldn't make Ponyville laugh." Fluttershy whimpered. As each pony spoke her piece, the silence got longer. "Well... Darlings, I'll admit, this is quite the predicament." "... You know, if I had a bit for all the times we've gotten into trouble since Twi's shown up, or every time we had to fix one'a her mistakes, I would've been able to fix up my whole farm and hire some extra hooves to work the fields." There was another uncomfortable beat. "... Heck, I would just be workin' to work, not because we need the bits to keep the place runnin'." Applejack sighed. "Just how do we go about breakin' the news to her?" "... I'm not sure. Twilight modeling a few dresses is good publicity, but the adventures just... aren't worth it. I know it sounds horrible for me to say it, but... would you believe that I spent time with Canterlot nobility instead of working on her birthday dress during the first year that we knew her?" ... What? But— but I loved that dress! She just— "Rares, you didn't..." Rainbow said. "Should I just come clean on that? That I gave in to my selfish desires instead of doing something for a friend, and she still loved the unfinished result?" Rarity sighed dramatically. "It's not like I did it on purpose, I just got... carried away with the high society life. But it was so good with publicity and the simple design sold well with the nobility... And surely, the crown has a backup defense force. Is it possible to stop adventuring and just have a casual friendship with her? Do you think she would still help me with modeling after that?" "Well... Twi would do anything for a friend, and... well, maybe for you, even if ya stopped bein' her friend." Applejack sighed. "... Rarity, all this time, I kinda knew you wouldn't go so bare-bones with a birthday present. Once I saw you in the garden party, I think I knew why that dress was the way it was, but we were havin' so much fun..." They're just going to... use me, and lie to me? Twilight shuddered. "Look, no matter how you all want to play this, I... I need to keep my distance from her." Rainbow's voice lost the edge it had kept since the start of the conversation, but it hurt nonetheless. "I think we all should have some space from her for a while." All at once, Twilight wanted to scream. She wanted to do what she had yesterday and start shouting, to get angry and argue with them to defend herself. I... I can't believe this... I have to say something! She couldn't think of what to say. The wind left her sails, leaving her to try to recover any material to defend herself with to salvage the situation, but every time, she came up empty-hoofed. There was no sudden spike of anger to bring down the whip, or the spark of friendship to drive her onward. All Twilight knew was that she just couldn't listen anymore. Just as she was about to turn from the door, she heard two sets of hooves, and Twilight merely stood there, a river of tears falling from her face before her brain caught up with her. "Girls, don't say things like that." Fluttershy was close to the door, but no matter how hard she tried, Twilight couldn't get her hooves to move. The door opened to reveal the faces of the friends she'd had for the past few years. Their eyes widened in shock. "If you girls are so upset that you aren't going to be fair, then maybe—" The pegasus stopped abruptly, startled as everypony stared at the alicorn beyond the door. "— Twilight!" "... Great. Um..." Rainbow sputtered. "You're... Here." There was an awkward silence, then... "How much did you hear?" Rainbow blurted. At the very least, her... "friends" looked horrified. Tears continued brimming within Twilight's eyes, her ears drooped flat against her skull, but she forced a smile. "It's— It's fine. Everything's fine, who heard what, now?" Twilight wiped her eyes. "I was just— just looking to talk to you, but I see you've got it all under control! No need for ol' Twilight to butt her head in, ha-ha, right? Nope! You need your space, s-so... I'll... so I'll just be—" She bit back a sob. "I'll be going!" Twilight couldn't tell if anypony had cared to follow her when she bolted down the hall, but she heard the shouts of the other ponies far behind her, and her hooves clopped wildly against the tile as she galloped to get away. This was it, wasn't it? She had failed friendship. And now friendship failed her. Light and heat bore down upon her as she awoke from her dirt nap. Twilight didn't remember the flight from Canterlot. One moment she had been fleeing down the corridors, her wings spread as she charged the nearest balcony; The next, she'd appeared in the empty site that was once the Golden Oaks Library, the stump long missing from the filled-in pit in the dirt after her friends dug it up to hang as a chandelier in her castle. She tripped and fell as the ground changed from castle carpet to the soft, loamy soil of Ponyville. She tumbled, but didn't care that she was getting soil in her coat, mane, or mouth; Instead, she curled up in the remnants of what had been her home when she had first met her friends. There were thoughts running through her mind at a rainboom's speed, but all of her thoughts were overtaken by how she shouldn't be sobbing like a filly. She was run through with all of the pain her friends had just put her through, their thoughts spoken clearly on what they really thought about her. Even if she had wanted to move, all her body could do was curl up in the dirt, hold herself, and cry. I miss home. I miss home, I miss my friends, I miss my family. Did they ever love me? Does my family love me? Why, Celestia, why did this have to happen? Why did the Storm King have to invade? Why did I have to try to steal that stupid pearl? Where do I go from here? They were questions she just didn't have the answers to. It was a good thing Ponyville was mostly empty right now. Nopony was there to see the Princess of Friendship at her lowest point. Her friends wouldn't know where she went, if they even cared to find her; Ponyville's proximity to Canterlot guaranteed that most of its population would be able to attend the Festival of Friendship, which was now such an ironic festival for her that it hurt. Her choked sobs were inconsolable, bordering on hysterical. This was when she needed a friend the most, but she had to wonder if she even deserved one. .... Not my... friends... She was spent. Twilight remembered the unobstructed view of hundreds of stars in the sky, but at some point, she must have fallen asleep. Now awake with dry eyes and a terrible headache, she made her way to her crystal castle. She tried to let absolute nothingness consume her mind while the sunlight beat against her half-closed eyelids, demanding entry to make her headache worse. Ponies had yet to start trickling back in from the Friendship Festival in Canterlot, and the train station had yet to start running as it recovered from the most recent invasion. Twilight was grateful for both of these delays. Hardly any pony would see her in the state she was in now, and with the trains inoperable, the only ways for the other five to reach her would be to ask Princess Celestia for a chariot, or if Rainbow or Fluttershy flew all the way to Ponyville on their own. As it was, the abandoned streets allowed Twilight to return to her crystal home without attracting much attention. Entering her castle and finally getting out of the sights of any prying eyes, Twilight allowed her body to sag as she dragged her dirt-covered hooves to the kitchen for some water, swelling it down almost automatically. She was going to have to ask Spike to... Spike. He was back in Canterlot. Twilight froze with her lips on the glass before putting the empty cup aside with a sigh. Celestia... She would make sure he came home safely. He'd likely be in the same chariot as the girls. She wouldn't have to interact with any of them. She couldn't. But I'll have to confront them eventually, won't I? She began to shake and shudder with sobs again as she moved on to the bathroom. I don't want to think about them. I just... need to clean up... Apparently, the best way to think about what you're trying not to think about was to continue with a Don't Think About It mantra. Instead, she let herself scrutinize every detail of the bathroom, every step of showering and cleaning her coat, brushing her mane, preening her feathers... She had been a complete wreck after her nap, complete with misaligned feathers and a tangled mane that would put her "Want it, Need it" self to shame. Her coat had been covered in dirt, and the dried mud running down her cheeks from her puffy eyes made it cruelly obvious that she had been crying, trailing down her face like some messy evidence in a crime scene. She kept scrubbing. Brushing. Preening. Filing. It was almost neurotic, obsessive, except she was hardly really thinking about it at all. It was exactly what she needed right now. All too soon, she had made herself presentable enough to be seen by the public. In fact, she'd overdone it; Even though she had no plans to leave her castle, she had payed far too much attention to detail. If Rarity were here, she wouldn't find a single thing to fuss... over... Rarity. How could she just think of Twilight as a... A business asset!? An obligation to have around when saving Equestria!? A paranoid, nerdy, annoying, neurotic mess who was nothing but a source of trouble and the one who hatched Spike... Who Rarity treats as a pushover, a chore monkey, and merely entertains his crush for her! Then she goes about using it against him even though she knows she will never return those feelings!? How was that generosity!? ... I use him too, don't I...? My number one assistant... When was the last time they'd just gone out for something fun..? No, that changed in recent years. He still helps out, but that's not all he is to me. Rarity may care for his well-being, but she uses him in so many ways and leads him along with lies just to get someone to carry her basket while gem hunting. What will she do when she comes to collect him for that again..? How will she act, now that I'm no longer counted as... being among her friends... and... No, there were other things that she did for Spike. That wasn't the zenith of Rarity's and Spike's friendship. There was— —a twinge in her stomach, chasing away whatever hunger she might have had as her heart sank further and her mind spun faster. "Don't," She told herself. "Just... Don't." She didn't want to retread upon happier memories. So, she moved from one of the many bathrooms to the main kitchen, counting each individual crystal pillar on her way there, since the floor tiles were far too large to keep her occupied by counting the ones she crossed. She'd neglected her stomach for long enough anyhow, and she knew she had to eat, even if she didn't feel like it. Twilight frowned as she opened the fridge and found nothing but spoiled ingredients. Sighing through her nose, she levitated a trash bag towards the fridge and disposed of the spoiled foods, leaving her fridge almost completely barren. Her mouth twisted into a displeased frown as she viewed her prospects. With a flash of her horn, she got rid of the trash, then shut the fridge and took a look at the cupboards and the pantry. There was another long, drawn-out sigh that left her when she realized she would have gone shopping the day before yesterday, had a certain adventure not kept her away. Had it not happened, the spoiled food in the refrigerator wouldn't have gone to waste because it had still been fresh when she had left to prepare the Festival. She would have been back in two days, but because of the adventure, it took two weeks, and now she had only oats to munch on. She didn't even have milk. Do I have to leave the castle...? Twilight's wings twitched and she flew up to the top of the pantry, slowly lowering herself as she scanned the shelves from top to bottom. Dry oats... but for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? She would have to leave the castle sometime... Right, Ponyville's marketplace would be closed without ponies to run it. So would the markets and stores of the other cities, if she was right about the invasion affecting all of Equestria. "Guess I'm going hungry." She grumbled miserably. Pinkie frowned. Ever since last night's badmouthing of Twilight, she had been getting droopy ears. There was no other sign that her Pinkie Sense was giving her that would normally accompany the droopy ears. Or, were they just drawn-out floppy ears? She knew she felt sad after Twilight ran off, but when the feeling hit her, she just couldn't run after her. Even the prospect of cutting one of the close friends out of her life, and hearing that her other close friends were on the verge of doing it, was upsetting her. She was supposed to be everypony's best friend, but when it came to Twilight... Something changed. She wanted to be her friend still, but— despite their poor delivery and the fact that they were being really mean about it— their other friends had a point. She couldn't just keep dropping the Cakes and her job because Twilight had another mission or assignment from Celestia; They'd hired her for a reason! She lived with them, for pony's sake! Twilight. Ever since the alicorn ran off, Pinkie hadn't felt up to popping up in places nopony would expect. She couldn't follow Twilight, and though Pinkie knew she had already forgiven her for her outburst just like Fluttershy had, there was some new feeling that was just twisting and tearing her up from the inside! She knew she had to go talk to her... Her ears continuing to droop and perk back up periodically, Pinkie soon found herself trotting rather than hopping through Canterlot Castle, wondering if Twilight was in her usual room, or if she would need to ask a guard (or Celestia herself) as to where she'd gone. Of course, she could shout, too. That was always an option. "TWILIGHT! Where are you?!" The pink pony's shrill shout startled a maid, but the guards were about as reactive as ever. Pinkie didn't bother making eye contact with the glaring maid and continued on, through the hall, listening for any sign of her fr— Should she still be called a friend? Yeah, duh, I'm friends with everypony. Responsibility can't get between me and that. Pinkie decided in an instant and puffed up her chest. I'll find you, Twilight. You wanted to talk to us pretty bad yesterday, and you heard some really mean things. At the very least, I'm not going to leave our friendship off like this. No matter which door she checked, she was not finding the alicorn she was looking for. With a frown of deep thought, Pinkie rubbed at her chin. Maybe Spike knows where she is. With a little dragon to look for, Pinkie's face screwed up in even deeper thought. Just where could he be... "AHA! The breakfast hall!" With that, she was off. "Even though it's more brunch than anything!" I really wish Rainbow Dash hadn't said anything... Fluttershy sagged in her seat as she picked at a stack of blueberry pancakes. Tired, dark rings sagged under her eyes as she blandly observed the breakfast food, the background chatter between Spike and Celestia offering a little white noise for her thoughts to get lost in. She just couldn't believe Rainbow had gone off the way she had, and now, not only had she said so many mean things about Twilight, but she was beginning to harbor mean thoughts about Twilight as well! Sure, she'd been mad when Twilight exploded, and she had been mad at Twilight for trying to use them as a distraction while she went and tried to steal the pearl, but she didn't need all of this negativity flowing through her system. It felt bad. It was such an antithesis to what she normally stood for, harboring bad thoughts towards another pony, and what made it even worse was the guilt. Twilight... That poor dear had overheard everything that was said. Nopony had meant for it to be that way, but that made it all the worse. It was like Rainbow's initial torch of anger had sparked something among the rest of her friends. She could see the minor changes in their body language whenever Twilight was mentioned, the flash of anger and then regret in their eyes before they compose themselves... The exception was Pinkie. There was a resigned sadness and regret there, but she had seen the pink pony hopping through the halls this morning, looking for Twilight. Was she going to resign her friendship with her, too? It didn't take much to start a wildfire, especially with so many sparks being shared among five torches. The guilt helped suffocate it, at first, but it wasn't enough to completely stop the blaze that had begun to burn her. It made it worse. The guilt grabbed at the rage and twisted it up inside, making it into something else and bringing back that. Fluttershy didn't want to think about that, but she'd battled it for years, and it nearly killed her a few times. She sighed and put down her fork. "Is something the matter, Fluttershy?" The motherly voice of Celestia brought her out of her reverie. "Well... Yes." Fluttershy frowned tiredly. She was glad that most of the castle staff weren't in the dining hall anymore. "It's... it's about Twilight. You see, we... We had a fight. Well, it was more that Pinkie and Twilight had a fight, just a little while before Twilight got captured... And Twilight said some things that we all didn't take very well to..." Fluttershy hadn't looked up, but if she had, she would have seen Celestia's expression change from kind to surprised. "I see..." "T-to be fair, the rest of us put the blame on her shoulders. She'd gotten us kicked out of Seaquestria just when we'd convinced Queen Novo we were worth saving; But Twilight was trying to steal their pearl so she could save Equestria, and she used us as a distraction without us knowing, so... I don't know, she was stressed about the whole thing, but she shouldn't have tried to steal, and—" Fluttershy sighed. "Twilight basically said she didn't trust us." "Pinkie accused her of not trusting you guys." Spike said over his pancakes. "I know Twilight didn't mean what she said back there. I know you know it too, Fluttershy, but honestly? For an adventure with all of Equestria on the line? The songs, the rainboom, the... Trusting a stranger in a shady town thing? Twilight had a point. We should have taken it more seriously." Of course Spike would defend her. Maybe she should be more thankful for that, but... Fluttershy finally looked up. "It worked out in the end. The pirates, Capper, and Princess Skystar all helped us." "Well, yeah, but they teach safety stuff in preschool. Even magic kindergarten would teach being safe in a strange area, especially if it looks dangerous or shady, and our group was breaking every rule." Spike shrugged. "We drew a bunch of attention to ourselves, which led Tempest right to us, twice. We trusted a stranger and almost got sold into slavery, and the songs? We're lucky the pirates and the seaponies even went with it. We could've been hurt." "I'm surprised to hear you fought at all." Fluttershy startled as Celestia spoke. She was so out of it that she'd almost forgotten Celestia was there. "I do believe you should find and talk to Twilight at the nearest opportunity... After you rest. This entire ordeal has clearly kept you up all morning." She briefly thought about telling Celestia about the night before; About the conversation that occurred in the castle suite, and the alicorn that happened to overhear. She considered asking Celestia where Twilight had gone off to last night. Fluttershy cringed and rose from the table, shame clawing at her insides. She couldn't talk about it; not right now, and hopefully never again after settling things with Twilight. "Y-yeah... I should probably get going back to Ponyville afterwards. My animals must be getting restless, and I don't want the sitter getting hurt from looking after a grumpy bear." As she shuffled through the door to head back to her room, a pink blur sped by her and zipped into the dining hall. With the final touches to her makeup and manestyling completed and adapted to the middle of the day, Rarity trotted towards the dining area with a half-awake Rainbow Dash and a hungry Applejack in tow. "So, you're saying in the entire time you've been awake, you two haven't found the epicenter of your wrath from last night?" Rainbow sighed. "Ugh. Rarity, you just woke me up." "Shame, Dash. You missed'er morning beauty routine." Applejack rolled her eyes. "I looked around the castle a bit, but I couldn't find hide or hair of Twilight. After all we've been through lately, I just can't keep lookin' on an empty stomach." Rarity sighed and stopped briefly, rubbing her forehead. "It's good to know you have your priorities in order." "Now, that there's the pot callin' the kettle black." Applejack shrugged as the dining hall came into sight. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN TWILIGHT?!" It happened before Rarity could even respond, and the three ponies froze. Cautiously, they entered the hall to find an upset Pinkie, Celestia looking calm as ever, and a confused Spike. Pinkie's ears drooped for about two seconds, then perked back up, but she looked more panicked than sad. "I looked for her last night," Spike blinked, noticing Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash as they approached the table and sat down. "I didn't see her after we left the festival. I thought she was with you girls?" Celestia put down her fork. "Twilight came to me last night. She was looking for all of you, saying she had something important to discuss. However, instead of telling her where your rooms were, I told her to get some rest. She was exhausted from your travels." Celestia's mask twitched. Maybe it was their collective guilty consciences speaking, but in that twitch, it almost looked like the Princess was putting something together. "Fluttershy and Spike both had accounts that there was a fight that broke out near the conclusion of the adventure, and both sides said some things that they regretted... I can't help but wonder if the argument continued without her input last night." The elements present winced. Spike just looked around in confusion before his little jaw dropped. "Celestia? Girls? What happened?" He glared at the guilty party. "What did you do?" When nopony offered an answer or an explanation short of stammering or mouthing wordlessly, Celestia spoke. "I was told this morning that my night guards had seen something fairly disturbing to them. The Princess of Friendship was wandering the halls in a daze last night, looking quite upset. It disturbs me to hear that a few reports were of her sobbing before stopping near a certain door; A door to the room where the other Elements of Harmony had congregated." Pinkie's mane lost some of its bounce as her ears drooped again. "It wasn't what it sounded like!" Rainbow blurted. "I fear it was exactly what it sounds like." Celestia's eyes narrowed. "The guards aren't deaf, either; In fact, they have quite sharp hearing. While I won't get into the details of what was said from three particular voices, reports say she stopped to listen for a time, and just after you all discovered her, she fled the castle." "Fled the...? What'dya mean, she fled the castle?" Applejack frowned, looking for any signs of deceit on the Princess's face. "Where'd she get off to?" Celestia raised a brow. Her eyes held the cold and honest truth. "I know where she went, but until you take some time to cool off and think things over, you're just going to make things worse. Talking behind somepony's back is the quickest way to poison a friendship. Unless you have plans to apologize to your dearest friend and talk to her properly, I think you three have done enough damage for today." The elements present lowered their heads, but they were in no position to start backtalking a princess. Pinkie's drooping ears would twitch now and again. "Can I talk to Twilight?" Spike stood from his seat. "She needs a friend more than anything right now." "Of course, Spike. You weren't behind any of this." "Can... What about me?" Pinkie frowned. "I was in the room, but... I need to talk to her. I was looking for her to talk with her, and let her know she's still got a friend in me, even if I can't be around as often." Celestia's frown levied somewhat. "Perhaps, Pinkie. I'll grant you a chariot back to Ponyville, but when you speak to Twilight, choose your words carefully. She's likely in a rather... Fragile state, right now." Her gaze drifted to the three offenders. "You six were her first friends, outside of her family and myself. I'm not sure you understand just how much that meant to her." Author's Note Friendships will be poisoned by holding grudges. Edited. Changed the tone of some sections of dialogue. Tweaked the plot. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, and any further chapters are likely going to include bigger edits until I can start working on more drafts. I'm going to leave the story on hiatus while I edit and draft, but the story will come back to the "incomplete" status when I make a pass over chapter 6.
Chapter 3: The Breaking PointThere was no denying it. Twilight was hungry. While she languished on the couch and munched on those dry, dry oats, she knew she couldn't just wait until tomorrow to leave for groceries, and if she waited, it would only increase the chance that she would run into the ponies that made her feel this way. The ones that were ready to cast her away. To make matters worse, Tempest's words continued to hound her whenever she thought about them. Fizzlepop Berrytwist may have been a changed pony, but the poison she'd sewn when she was Tempest Shadow still lingered, even though Twilight had won and had shown her the magic of friendship in the end. I failed friendship, and in return, friendship failed me. Tired of ruminating on the ones she lost, Twilight let go of the pillow she was hugging and stood. I think I'm beginning to see it more clearly. Friendship is a give and take relationship. I knew this already. But if you give too much, and take too little, the moment you need to be given more than what they think you're worth... It causes problems. How much have I taken? Their time, the adventures they all went on together? They never complained about that before; They were always willing to accompany her. Volunteering, even. Her panic attacks? They were few and far between anymore. Needing to be rescued was the result of her own stupid mistake that day, and even then, she never asked them to save her. She frowned to herself as she slipped on her saddlebags and grabbed some bits. How much have I given back? The adventures, the fame, being heroes of Equestria, all the help they needed that she provided when they'd asked... Exposing the fake Cadence at the wedding. Giving up all the alicorn magic in Equestria to save them. Stopping Starlight from wrecking all of their lives and destroying Equestria through time, being willing to wait for all eternity for Starlight to give up if she couldn't stop her, because keeping her friends meant that much to her... If you fail friendship, does it always return the favor? "I saw the truth. My friends abandoned me when times got tough... Looks like I'm not the only one. Face it, princess. Friendship has failed you, too." Yet again, Twilight thought back on Tempest's words and sighed, retrieving the grocery list she had stuck to the fridge two weeks ago, conjuring a quill, and editing the contents. She had to do something. What better than replacing the items that had spoiled? "So try again! Make new friends! And if something you can't control happens that changes things, work through it together! That's what friendship is! ... but just imagine all the others that are out there waiting for you if you just give them a chance!" "How do I know they all won't end the same way?" "I guess it's up to you to make sure they don't." Twilight almost dropped the grocery list as she thought of her old argument with Starlight. ... Should I be giving up so easily? They're my friends. We've been through so much together. If I just talk to them... Can I fix this? Where would they be by now? Would they still be in Canterlot, or would they be in Ponyville? She was fairly certain she had heard the whistle of a train over an hour ago. There was still a twinge in her heart as she thought back to the conversation she'd overheard. The magic of friendship in her was trying to spark back to life, but with each try, it just ached. It felt like it was in her heart and it wasn't going away, caused by all of them, but coming from within herself. She grimaced, left her castle, and walked through the streets of Ponyville, giving a solemn wave to the residents who looked her way when she happened to pass. Friendship is always worth fighting for! Her own words echoed back at her as she tried to force a smile, reminding her of what had sparked her back to life when Discord had taken it from her. Maybe, for her own peace of mind, she should seek them out. If any of the five wouldn't be mad, it would either be Pinkie or Fluttershy. The former had been the first to forgive her before, and neither of the two had been very outwardly angry. Both had defended her in the conversation she'd overheard, but if there was one of them that could assemble the others quickly, it would be Pinkie. As she passed through the market, she immediately spotted a familiar golden chariot in one of the streets. And a sizable distance before her, facing away, was Pinkie Pie with Spike on her back. They seemed to be talking. Twilight halted and glanced around. It didn't seem that the others were nearby, but in the moment that Pinkie started moving, Twilight spied a rainbow mane. A sudden shock left Twilight's heart pounding in her chest. Following Pinkie from a distance was Rainbow Dash, but her movements were erratic. She hid behind an apple cart, with Applejack and Rarity moving in her wake as all three ducked from Spike or Pinkie's gaze. They appeared to be trying to avoid the duo's attention. It was an odd sight to see. None of them had noticed her yet. She had lifted a hoof to follow, but she found herself inching her way back behind a building. "Why am I hesitating? Why are they acting so strange? Where's Fluttershy?" She was suddenly gasping for breath, her anxiety rearing its ugly head back to the surface. "I came out here to fix... Talk things through... That's... That's what I have to do, just calm..." She had to breathe, in, and out. Hoof tucked close, hoof straight out. Breathe in... She would do this. She would fix this, or at the very least, they could talk things over... It's fine. It will all be fine. We've... We? There was no "we." She was alone. I've got this. Peeking back around the corner, she realized she was letting them get away, and quickly began trotting after them. It took a minute to get close, but when she was about to call their names, she picked up a hushed conversation. "Should we really be doing this?" Rarity frowned at Rainbow. "We know the way to Twilight's castle..." "Well, yeah. If Pinkie sees us there, she and Spike would tell us to leave and warn Twilight we were coming. We'd never get to talk to her then!" "We could'a just entered the castle on our own. That place is so big, y'could hide for years and nopony would find ya'." Applejack frowned. "And if we talked to Twilight now, I expect y'all to be civil. That means not throwing hooves, Dash." "Ugh... I know. And I know we have to apologize, but why didn't she confront us then instead of running away? It's not like it'll change anything." Twilight wanted to talk to them. She really, really did. After everything she overheard last night, though, she had to know just what they were going to say, even if it was being spelled out for her now. With a silent casting from her horn, Twilight disappeared in the eyes of any passerby. A simple notice-me-not spell would get her through this, and luckily, they were too busy avoiding Spike and Pinkie's eyes to notice Twilight's casting. Rarity squeaked as a pear toppled off of a cart, almost clocking her on the head when they hid behind it. "Rainbow Dash, it'll change everything. She heard us, and I know you looked just as guilty as I did when Celestia told us that." There was a spark again. The fire of friendship was beginning to rekindle itself, bringing itself back to life. Her friends had just been tired and had gotten carried away, and now they felt bad for the things they said. Maybe they were going to fight for their friendship, or talk it out with her, just like she was going to. They would reach an understanding. Then, this whole mess would be behind them! It was perfect! With a small boost of confidence, Twilight trotted closer, about to remove the notice-me-not spell. Then slowed to a stop, suspicion and doubt rearing back up from the depths. It was a little too perfect. If they were going to fix this and be her friends again, then what had Rainbow meant? It's not like it'll change anything? Was their verdict the same? She swallowed. She had to be patient. "Well, yeah, but she knows we're not going on her adventures anymore." Dash snorted, pausing at the sight of Pinkie stopping to twitch. "Yeah, sure, we've gotta apologize, but..." Rarity sighed. "Rainbow Dash..." "... But we don't even know how much she really heard, and like I said before, we can't just drop everything every time something comes up." "Rainbow, I know you like going on adventures and kicking bad-guy butt." Applejack frowned at Rainbow. "Don't pretend that's your reason for leaving and just spill the real one already." "... I'm not completely giving up adventuring. Wonderbolts, remember? It's just... Twilight makes me feel like a total idiot. Like I said last night, a moron." Rainbow growled. "She basically told us that she'd rather not be our friends back there, that she didn't trust us, and solely blamed my rainboom for the reason Tempest found us. It was like it was all our fault for failing the mission, when we succeeded in getting the hippogriffs on our side because we did things our way, and she failed for doing it her way. And what Celestia said, about us being her first friends and how much it means to her? I don't even know if that's true." But it is true! Twilight wanted to scream, but it came out as a strangled whimper that her spell dutifully let them ignore. "I'll apologize, I guess, because she was my friend once... but if she wants to be that way, then I'm through. I am not a failure." Rarity and Applejack looked at each other before they continued walking to the castle, Rainbow Dash drifting behind them as they stopped following Pinkie and just... walked. Pinkie was far ahead of them at this point, but Twilight's mind wasn't focused on that as she slowly stopped tailing them, her wings drooping. Her spell fizzled out and died on her horn, but the girls didn't notice. Twilight watched them as they walked away, moving further and further down the street, just as steadily as they were fading from her life. They wanted to talk to her, but she'd heard enough. As the sound of their hoofbeats on the road faded away, the creeping realization that she didn't want to talk to them anymore dawned upon her. The urge had simply slipped away, leaving her empty. It could have been avoided. If they had just talked to her about all of this sooner, then... There were more ponies on the street, now, steadily filtering in from Canterlot and crowding the area as they spotted the Princess of Friendship, completely unaware that her heart was breaking it off with not just one, but three of her friends. Maybe more. All eyes were on her. She couldn't fall apart now. While they remained unaware, Twilight had to wonder if they knew, just from the looks on some of their faces. Friendliness faded to confusion, confusion morphed into concern. Or perhaps they were just reacting to how she herself looked, but it didn't stop her mind from running wild with the assumption that they knew. All of this attention focused upon her and her distraught features, just after her Festival of Friendship, certainly could spark rumors. In her wild mind, this would certainly make the news; Princess of Friendship goes on adventure, loses her friends, probably writes a new book. The Friendship Journal: What not to do in a friendship, volume one. What kind of picture would they use? An old one, or a new one? Should she even care? No. She shouldn't, she didn't, and she wouldn't. Her vision blurred, ears drooped, but she drew herself up into as regal of a pose as she dared and folded her wings. Heavy hooves raised and re-planted themselves as they dragged her back towards her castle. The crowd parted silently before her. All eyes were on the morose princess. It was all she could do to ignore them. Her saddlebags itched, wings fidgeted at her sides. She was hungry. Throughout it all, Twilight just wanted to go home. Pinkie and Spike were on their way there now, but talking to anyone was the last thing on her mind. So, as simple as that, she adjusted her course. She passed Sugarcube Corner— still closed from the invasion, no doubt, and why add more stress upon Mr. and Mrs. Cake?— and walked to the Hay Burger. Since she already knew that Pinkie was going to take a step away from her, she could wait to go home for a little while longer. Heck, while she was at it, she would go shopping. That would stretch out her time. Delay the inevitable. In the meantime, she could have some delicious grease to wash her grief down with. Through some odd miracle, the Hayburger had just opened for the day. Nopony really questioned her as to why she came alone, or why she looked so glum. There were just rumors, whispers, and gossip. By the time she paid and left, she'd heard them all. Absurd rumors that they were never really her friends, that they were just there for photo opportunities, just there to save Equestria, that she was upset because she'd gotten her magic drained, that it was just a side effect of the magic drain, that something happened on their adventure, that she'd have to start again in her lessons in friendship... It went on, or maybe it was her own paranoia that made her imagine the background voices out of the conversations flowing around her. She would not say just how accurate some of those assumptions were, imagined or not. The thought that she should revise her lessons or write a new book weren't completely discarded. She pondered if she should write a friendship journal version two-point-o like her runaway thoughts suggested, and just what she could write in such a book played throughout her brain as she munched down on her hayburger and horseshoe fries. Twilight kept her mind going, task by task, never fully allowing the thoughts of her lost friends consume her as she paid and left, searching for open market stalls. There were very few, but she already knew she wouldn't be getting everything on her list. It was just the way of things lately. All too soon, she found herself heading back to her castle, her saddlebags barely weighed down by the few items she managed to find. At least she wouldn't only be eating dry oats for the next couple of days. The castle was dead silent as she entered. There were no happy calls, angry shouts, or the popping of confetti cannons when the doors opened or shut, just the echoing sound of hooves on crystal as Twilight entered her home and set about getting the groceries away. Once the mundane task was complete, she moved to the study to pen a letter. It would be the first friendship report she'd be sending in ages. Dear Princess Celestia... I know it's been a while since you've last received a friendship report from me, one of the major reasons being that I'm no longer your student in friendship, but I figured I would write to revise one of my previous friendship reports, as I have learned something new about friendship that will save me a lot of heartache in the future. Back when we had faced Discord with the elements of harmony, I remember making a report. The subject matter's main moral was this: "Friendship isn't easy, but there's no doubt it's worth fighting for." While this hasn't changed, based on current events, I've recently had to make an addendum to this. Friendship isn't easy, and while there's no doubt it's worth fighting for, the effort has to come from both parties. Two creatures in a friendship need to work towards the goal to heal a fractured friendship, for if one isn't willing to continue, the other will only hurt themselves by reaching. That pony can fight all they want, but friendship is a give-and-take relationship, and if you're giving far more than you're taking, you will end up getting hurt. If you're taking more than you're giving, you're hurting the other party. No matter how hard you try, there's a delicate balance that needs to be maintained. While friendship is strong and the boundary lines for the balance are far apart, it's possible for a friendship to fall outside of this balance and crumble to pieces. I've been giving as much of me as I can, but the high-stakes adventures became too much. I've become too much. My friendships have gotten to the point where some friends only kept me around because the others have, or because my princess title was a boon to them. I won't be naming names. Some would rather talk about one pony behind her back, rather than go to her about the problem to work on fixing it before it gets too bad. I know I shouldn't be vaguely writing about them. It's not healthy. It doesn't help. I'm tired. I never asked for the adventures, except for when it came to solving friendship problems through the cutie map. I looked forward to those. All of the places I would see, and to travel with a friend? Well— Although all of my friends followed me willingly into danger for the world-ending threats, it appears that they are no longer going to accompany me. Whether it's to focus on their careers, or because I was an annoyance, or just got tired of me— You get the gist. I remember what Pinkie said so long ago, pertaining to her Pinkie Promise: "Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend, forever." I think that's just what happened today. In time, I've been thinking that I should release a new Friendship Journal with my findings. When you can, can you please send me copies of my old friendship reports? I would like to publish those in the new journal, as well, with extra notes on the next page. The old ones burned down with Golden Oaks. Your faithful ex-Student and fellow princess, Twilight Sparkle. PS: I'm sorry if this letter is a little disjointed. It's been a rough month. Spike wasn't around. So, Twilight rolled up the scroll and placed a specific ribbon around it, one she never thought she'd use again, before sending it off in a flash of magic. The ribbon brought a small smile to her face that quickly faded as she thought about her old adventures. Her lost friends. Yet, after everything, the adventures were all she really seemed to do as a Princess that wasn't smiling and waving. When it came to the cutie map, she'd been excited, always anticipating a new adventure! Even though the map had only called upon her a grand total of three times. That was just disappointing. She didn't think she was counting the adventures where all of the Elements were called, which amounted to... Five in total? Come to think of it, would the cutie map still call her after all of this? Would it still call her ex-friends? Would she still be able to go on adventures without their friendship connection, since adventures were all she had really done that were worthwhile as a princess? Even defeating Tirek hadn't really enlightened her as to anything else that she was supposed to accomplish with her status, and unless the map called her— which it hardly did, it mostly focused on her friends, or strangers— she was... useless. Her heart fell again. She just wanted to scream and pitch a fit like a little filly, or let her heart drag her to the floor so she could lie there for the rest of the week. Maybe they were right. That was all she was; A spoiled, rotten filly who had only been given her wings from Princess Celestia because of a magical screw-up, not a princess who had earned her wings through discovering a new form of magic. Her ex-friends had suffered that day, and Twilight herself had been rewarded for causing it. Were they right to hate her? She paced back and forth in her study for a while. It was all she could do, keeping her body busy while her mind ran laps around the events of her recent spiral. She wondered if Celestia would send a letter back immediately, or if she was choosing her words carefully; Or if she would send a letter back at all. It would be just like her mentor to forgo the letter and visit her personally to talk things through, but Celestia had a country to run. Other ponies had lives outside of her own. A wave of skittish nausea wracked her. Should she have sent that friendship report in the first place? Was Celestia going to be annoyed or angry with her, too? What if she herself was the cause of the problems, not her friends? Would Celestia be disappointed and tell her off? Would she tell Twilight that she has a lot to think about and leave her again? There was a sudden tingling on her flank, causing her to startle and look back. Her cutie mark was glowing, and with the miniature versions of it pulsating outwards, it could only be one thing. The cutie map. ... How was it reacting, after the invasion and losing the other elements as friends? Would it break, like it had with Starlight's time-traveling revenge plan? Was it calling any of her friends to it to fix their own friendship problem, or was it only calling her to fix it because she had failed them first? Twilight found herself galloping out of the study and down the hall, through the double doors to the map room. At first glance, the cutie map itself looked the same. It was neither destroyed or discolored, but the cutie marks hovering above it consisted of five copies of her own. They floated over Ponyville in four different places, and a fifth version of her mark floated over Canterlot. She stepped back, hurt, but something prevented her from outright bucking the table and fleeing. The table looked strange, somehow larger, and the landmarks on it had more than doubled. Twilight approached with trembling legs, her hurt momentarily forgotten as she inspected the glowing surface. "D-did the cutie map expand...? This is..." Startled, Twilight flapped her wings to hover above the map. Everywhere her last adventure had taken her, the map now bore the new locations on its face. "Did it do this while we were gone?" She was alone now, but the map could call anyone. Her, her friends, Sunburst, Spike... What if the map sent her to one of these faraway places and paired her up with one of her ex-friends?! As if the map heard her, her starburst pulsed again, and marks of all of her friends and herself appeared over the image of her castle. All of the other starbursts had vanished. Twilight's eye twitched, and she found her brow furrowing. No. Bucking. Way. Her mouth worked as she tried to think of something to say, staring at the cutie marks hovering over the table with disbelief. "... Of course you would." Twilight glared down at the map, her voice beginning to shake. "Find some other ponies to do your work, map. They don't want to work with me. They're done with me, and I'm going to have to be done with them." The map sat silently, except for the faint shimmer in the air of its magic. The cutie marks continued to hover over the castle, the marks of the Five circling hers as if nothing had happened. "Didn't you hear me? They don't want to be my friends anymore! The ones that do just want to use me! I know when I'm not wanted, I've already heard everything! They find me annoying! I'm a burden, an obligation! They're actively pushing me away, and they don't want to go on adventures anymore, either!" Twilight's wings ruffled out and started refolding themselves, over and over. The sense of betrayal only sunk in further as minutes passed, and as they ticked by, anxiety and fear hit her again; The longer the marks stayed above the map, the more of a chance there was that one of them would come crashing through the door to... To... To do something to her. Yell, shout, argue, insult. It would be something, and she couldn't handle it right now. "Stop calling them, I don't want to talk to them! I don't want to be around them right now, maybe ever again, and this isn't helping!" Her frantic yelling didn't have any effect, aside from poofing her own mark off the table. The rest remained, twirling above her castle like a carousel, even without the middle star to center them. "Map, you can't bring them here! Just shut off, or... Something! They're done with me, don't you get it? Again, they're done with me. And I'm going to have to be done with them." She glared at the stubborn table. "They have their own lives to get to. They can't just drop everything for you or me, and even then, all involved parties have to make the effort in a friendship! They don't want to work it out." And I can't anymore, either. As she lectured the cutie map, the marks of her ex-friends finally died out. In their place, the flicker of Starlight's and Sunburst's marks appeared over the map, directly over her castle, causing Twilight to scowl. This game had gone on for long enough. Blind anger boiled in her veins, and she slammed her hooves on the table. "What the heck can either of them do to fix this?! They don't know what happened! Just—!" It wouldn't be enough. Celestia's mark appeared alongside them. Luna's mark popped into existence near it, and as Twilight was processing this, Cadence's and Shining Armor's marks appeared alongside Spike's spines, all of which were hovering right over her castle. "NO! No matter what you do, you're just going to be pulling ponies away to be dealing with stupid, neurotic, spoiled, needy, annoying Twilight! I don't want anypony else to hate me!" She shouted, her voice becoming hoarse as her vision blurred. "Even if they did come, could they really even do anything? Would they even want to fix a fake princess's problems?! Just leave them alone!" She couldn't clearly see the marks hovering over the map anymore, but when the light brightened over the table again, it was enough for her. Her voice sent shockwaves through the air as the voice of a royal alicorn swept the map clean. "You can't force broken pieces together, map!" The marks vanished, and none appeared in their place. She stood there, panting, waiting for the crazy piece of magical furniture to act up again. "Map? Harmony?" Twilight shuddered and sighed. "I appreciate the attempts to help, but nothing is going to fix this. It's over. Now... Stop calling ponies, or they'll show up and demand that I fix you and make you stop calling them." There was a beat as Twilight waited for something to happen. It was when she felt the tingle of magic in the air, and the landmarks of the cutie map glitched that a heavy blanket of dread fell over her. She shouldn't have said that. The table lit back up, with all of the marks of the Elements of Harmony, Spike, the other royal alicorn princesses, her parents, her brother, Starlight, Sunburst, and her friends from Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns floating above it. All of the cutie marks hovered over Twilight's castle in a massive arrow formation, pointing right to her and rotating like the sign of some crazed carnival attraction. Twilight screamed and threw the map across the room with her magic, knocking out a wall and ending the light show. "I don't—" Her heart raced, she gasped for breath "— half of those ponies don't even know what their cutie mark glowing means! And I don't want them coming to fix this! Most of them don't know it's a problem, and they have their own lives to get to! So just—" The map lit up brightly. Cutie marks of half the town of Ponyville appeared on the surface, and through the new room's window— which was conveniently facing Ponyville— she could see the horizon beginning to glow, and her heart stopped for the hundredth time that day. As a last resort, Twilight grabbed the table in her aura and lifted it high. "STOP IT!" She slammed the table back down on the floor, face-down so that the images could no longer taunt her. The glow vanished. "Just... Stop." Spent, Twilight sank to her haunches. This didn't make any sense. Everything had crashed down around her; A magical anomaly in her home causing the cutie map to act up on top of everything else that had hit her today? Her nerves were stripped bare. She was useless, everything felt so wrong, and she had no idea what to do next; She was completely, hopelessly lost. Her friendships lay in ruin, and she didn't know if they'd ever be repaired. She didn't even know if anything would ever be, or feel, right again. She wished beyond the stars that she could go back and confront them back at the castle, or even back in town square. But as her imagination ran off with what she could say, what she could do, everything would just go so horribly, horribly wrong. She remained there, quietly choking back sobs until the crack of magic brought a box of scrolls to the floor in front of her and a scroll with a familiar ribbon appeared at her hooves. With a shaking magical field, Twilight opened the single ribbon-bound scroll to find a letter from Princess Celestia. My faithful ex-student, Princess Twilight Sparkle, I am so sorry. While they are valuable lessons to learn, I wish you never had to learn about the darker parts of friendship, the traits that will threaten to break friendships apart. Distrust, Gossip, Secrecy, Pride, Greed, and Bitterness, all of which have been demonstrated through these recent events. I told the girls to avoid talking to you until they can find a way to apologize properly. Now, it seems, they've only hurt you more. I'm not sure how those three got back to Ponyville without one of my chariots, as the trains are down and I only sent Pinkie and Spike back to speak with you. The last word I'd gotten back from them was that you weren't at your castle, and that they were going to take Starlight to go talk to the others. Regardless, Pinkie Pie wants you to know that you still have a friend in her, even if she can no longer accompany you upon your adventures. As for your request, I went ahead and sent copies of your friendship reports along with the scroll. I am sorry I put you all through so much duress. It was never my intention to harm you, your friends, or your friendships by sending you on with such heavy burdens. Just remember that this can be solved, and if you're ever feeling alone, seek out a friend. One of us will be happy to help you, like friends are supposed to do. Please, Twilight, never lose hope. Signed, Princess Celestia PS: I'm going to assume that my mark glowing twice within five minutes means that something good happened. Twilight stared at the letter, rereading it over and over again in an effort to save her sanity. Then, finally, she hugged it tightly to her chest like a lifeline. She almost smiled at the less formal attitude from the last sentence. How could she ever have thought that Celestia was too far above ponykind to make jokes? How could she ever think that her one and only mentor would hate her for needing help? She was still far from calm, but once she had regained her bearings well enough, she stood and turned away from the overturned map, walking the box of friendship reports and the letter from Celestia back to her study. Picking up a quill in her magical field, she paused to think before she began a new letter. Dear Princess Celestia, Thank you. The cutie mark glow was the cutie map attempting to call you while I was distressed. All things considered, things still aren't fine, but if you get reports of random ponies having the same issue, rest assured it isn't anything that will put ponies in danger. The map only sends ponies out to solve friendship problems. It used to only call myself and the girls, but it has been branching out lately. Those ponies don't need to worry or respond to the call. With that settled, I know Pinkie defended me last night. I don't know about Fluttershy's decision, since apparently she's still in Canterlot, but I would assume hers is the same based on the conversation I overheard: Still friends, but with distance. To be honest, I don't think it was only the adventures that broke everypony. There were other issues that weren't fully uncovered until recently. Rarity's use for me in her boutiques, the fame that came to us, how "my" adventures were tearing them away from their work and how they were distanced from other aspects of their lives... How I made some of them feel, though unintentionally, that they never spoke to me about. The list goes on. I might say that I enjoyed adventuring. It's all I've really done as a princess of Equestria, and it's what I've been pointed at even before I'd become a princess. I've been doing it since I was sent to Ponyville as a unicorn. If it weren't for them, I might not have ascended at all. Please don't blame yourself. I think I might need to leave Ponyville for a little bit. I want to travel around on my own time, or adventure at my own pace for a while. Even if they're not eventful, I'm hoping to see some new things and clear my head. Maybe I'll make some new friends while I'm gone. You never know. If anything new comes up, though, will you let me know? Your faithful ex-student, Princess Twilight Sparkle. With a spark of magic, she sent it. Now, reminded of her original task with a glance at her copied reports in her magical field, Twilight set the box down as notes and pulled the original copy of the Friendship Journal from one of her shelves. A special, blank book accompanied it, and a duplication spell allowed her a copy to write in while the original was set back on the shelf. Setting the blank duplicate upon the desk in front of her, Twilight shifted her thoughts to her revised Journal until another crack of magic brought a response from Celestia. My faithful ex-student, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Thank you, Twilight. Sending you on adventures was never my original intention, but when something comes up, I will notify you. You're right. More friends are waiting for you somewhere out there. I would ask that you come to Canterlot sometime this evening, say around eight-o-clock? Perhaps you can join me for tea later this evening and we can discuss this face to face. Stay strong, Princess Celestia It wasn't much, but the letter brought a slight increase in her mood before she turned back to her work-in-progress, her quill hovering over the fresh pages as she read over her original reports. Real friends don't care what your cover is. Friendship is a wondrous and powerful thing... And like a path cut through the orchard, there will always be a way through... The best thing to do is to stay true to yourself... A pony may share a special magical connection with her friends, maybe even before she's met them... By Celestia, these brought back memories... She compared the old Friendship Journal to the content she had begun to draft in the new one. She included all of her old entries and reports as they were originally at the end of the journal as a special feature, but for the book's true contents, she would have to rewrite them to include any revised lessons. At a certain point, she didn't quite know what to edit that didn't just add a "what can go wrong:" section on the opposite page, and that wouldn't be very positive for the readers. If anything, it could just make them accuse each other of something and leave it at that. Some reports were too precious for her to rewrite or edit at all. One hoof tapped against her desk, gaining speed until she simply laid her head on her desk in frustration. She said she was going to write a new Friendship Journal, and even though she wanted to go on her proposed trip to clear her head even more, writing the book was still taking up her number one slot on her priority list. But... why do I have to wait? Twilight tapped her desk again before she looked at the old friendship journal, the gears in her mind turning. She rose from her seat to pace. There are so many places out there that could use a friendship journal. So many creatures that don't truly know the magic of friendship, so many mistakes that could be avoided... So many new friends. They need a school to learn about... Her hoofbeats paused for a moment, resuming as she shook her head. No, no, that would keep me rooted here. It's the last place I want to be right now. Think, Twilight... She thought of the cutie map and its arrival with her castle. She thought of how she'd earned her wings, her title as the Princess of Friendship, and thought that maybe she was thinking about this all wrong. ... What if my role as a princess is to venture out to help with friendship problems? She stopped completely in her tracks. The school wouldn't work, because staying in one place to teach a concept that creatures learn throughout their lives wouldn't work. It didn't work for me; Celestia had to send me out of Canterlot to learn about friendship... Publishing a journal is great, but rehashing old lessons will just stick me with my old experiences. And those are just the experiences of a handful of ponies. Nothing new would be learned, and if this book is to reach every one... No, the lessons are out there, waiting for me. If I were to leave now, I could cover more ground with more experiences and variations than what I have here. It could be a real friendship journal, and best of all... I could just go. I could leave now, I wouldn't have to stick around Ponyville, or have to deal with the map malfunctioning or my ex-friends barging in to scream at me, or for whatever other reason, because I'd be solving the friendship problems before they even come. I'd be learning and writing more in the process! It seemed preposterous. Desperate. Crazy, even, but what about her life wasn't already crazy? Was this how she fulfilled her destiny? What did she have to lose? "Maybe I didn't just not mind the adventures. Maybe traveling and reaching out is what I'm supposed to be doing. That's why the castle had seemed so cold and blank when the Tree of Harmony grew it for me, but it's homey enough that when I get tired or homesick, I can come back here for a breather and a rest." "This... This is what I'm supposed to do. It's got to be! I've found my role as a princess! My real role! It's got to be!" Her cutie mark was tingling. In a daze, Twilight zipped back to the desk, picked up her quill and a new scroll, and began to write once more. Dear Princess Celestia... Author's Note The things people say when they think you won't hear them could be the straw that breaks your back, and desperate people do the strangest things. Combined two chapters into one and edited like crazy, but still kept elements and points from the old chapters. Hopefully this speeds the re-editing along while improving upon the base story.
Chapter 4: RevitalizeShe set down her quill in time for a knock to echo throughout the castle. The brief bout of euphoria that had dazed her had long since ended, and after sending her last letter to Celestia for the time being, she had been writing in the new Journal. Her old reports had been copied and magically bound to the spine of the book, pressed between the back cover and the pages as the precious special feature to carry around with her when she went on her journey. As for the book itself, she'd opened with a greeting and a short synopsis of what she'd be doing in her travels for friendship. She wondered what she should title it. "The Friendship Journal: Volume II" or "The Friendship Journal: Stronger Together"? She couldn't just give it the second title of Friendship Quests, that would be too repetitive... Another series of knocks snapped her out of her thoughts. Reminded of her situation, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up; Because of the map's earlier sporadic cutie-calling, she was dreading the possibility of having any visitors come knocking, and it was mostly because they might have been her ex-friends coming to yell at her about the cutie map's call. They were coming to scream at her, weren't they? We're done with you! Fix your stupid map! And then they'd slam the door in her face. "If they start yelling," Twilight breathed in, out, then got off of her chair to answer the door. "Who the cutie map calls isn't under my control." There was another, much more frantic knocking just as Twilight entered the main hall. Carefully, slowly, she opened the door and was met with a pink missile that tackled her to the ground and began squeezing the life out of her. "Twilight! I'm so sorry I didn't say anything sooner and that everypony was being mean and that we don't want the adventures anymore but things weren't supposed to be this bad and I'm sorry for all the songs and the yelling and..." Pinkie gasped for air. "I'm sorry! You've still got friends, Twilight! Don't do it!!!" Twilight blinked dumbly at the bombardment of apologies as Pinkie began to sob on her chest. "What are you—" She squirmed, finally able to breathe again. "—don't do what?" Pinkie looked like a kicked puppy as she stared up at Twilight and sniffled. "I— I thought that... Starlight said..." "Sorry, Twilight." Starlight entered behind Pinkie, Spike in tow. "I may have misunderstood things, and my mind jumped to the worst conclusions..." "It's... It's okay, Pinkie." Twilight blinked as Pinkie got off of her and stood her back up. "... What did you not want me to do?" Pinkie shook her head. "Doesn't matter now. You're okay, and that's what we needed to know, but... Can you ever forgive me? I'm so sorry, I—" "It's not your fault, Pinkie." Twilight's ears drooped. Spike wrapped his arms around her foreleg, a gesture she returned. "It was... a number of things. I just set it off with my outburst, and it spun out of control since then..." She looked to Starlight, remembering Celestia's letter. "... You three went to talk with the others?" Starlight pursed her lips and sighed, then reached out to push the door open even further. Just beyond the portal stood Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash with varying levels of irritability and regret on their faces. The spark hurt again. Her heart jerked and began thrashing rapidly in her chest. Her ears pinned back. With a violet glow, the castle doors slammed shut. She shook her head, looking to Pinkie with wide eyes as the muffled shouts of Rainbow Dash sounded from beyond the door. "Whoa, hey, we didn't just get pulled away from our jobs just so we could come to your castle and not talk to you!" Twilight flinched back, her gaze snapping to Starlight and Pinkie. "Whose idea was this?" "Uhm—" "I've heard enough of what they have to say. I don't want to hear any more, I don't want to get yelled at for the stunt that the map tried to pull, I don't want to talk." "I'm sorry, Twilight." Starlight sighed and put a hoof on her mentor's shoulder as the rest of the girls pushed the door open, allowing themselves in. "You all need this. How else are you going to reconcile?" Twilight stepped away, watching them all with wary eyes. "Look, Twi." Applejack stepped forward. "We've heard a lot from the townsfolk about how you've been all today, and we can't exactly let it go unsaid. This needs ta' be clearer than what you overheard last night." "It's a bit late for that." Twilight's wings fluffed up as they gathered around her. She tried to back up, but Spike clinging to her foreleg forced her to stay put. "You've already spelled it out for me, multiple times. I heard you loud and clear. You're done with me, and I'm going to have to be done with you." "Twilight, that's ridiculous." Rarity sidled up a little too closely to Twilight for her liking. Which, at the moment, was anywhere within wing distance. "Just because we can't go on adventures anymore doesn't mean we can't still be friends, we just... Won't be around to help you with your... Problems." She grimaced, then cleared her throat. "As often, I mean. There will be distance, but... That sounded much less horrible in my head." "You think?" Twilight glared, allowing herself to snap a little. The enormous main foyer of the castle felt claustrophobic with everyone so close, and having Spike clinging to her leg while all of the girls surrounded her made it worse. She felt trapped. She was breathing rapidly as she shrugged Rarity away from her side and fluffed her wings further in a bid for some space. "I told you, I don't want to talk to you. I heard everything, even your conversation when you hid from Pinkie earlier this afternoon. And I don't know if you've noticed, but everything you said back at the castle was horrible." She glared at them all, now; The only ones avoiding her wrath were the two who hadn't been involved in the conflict... and Pinkie, though she was still miffed that she and Starlight had brought the others along to talk to her. It was irrational, as they hadn't known about her earlier breakdown and decision making, but to automatically invite the others into her castle so soon after the fight? Bringing them into her home, despite the fact that she just said she didn't want them here? It was hard not to be angry with them. Out of all of the ponies present, Rainbow looked the least enthused to be here and a little more annoyed than the rest at her tone. Applejack looked frustrated and confused, but she had removed her hat and left Twilight's words unchallenged. Rarity, on the other hoof, looked as guilty and regretful as... No, it was probably resentment that she'd had to face this, and regret that Twilight had heard her. And maybe there was real guilt in there, somewhere, but Rarity had used her from day one. She had been infatuated with her status, her hometown, and the ascension only exasperated the issue. There had been friendship with all of them once, but the regret had to have come from being unable to use her anymore. Sure, Twilight had been happy to do it for her back then, but if she knew then what she did now, she might not have endorsed her products at all. "I want you three out of my castle." Twilight frowned, ignoring their objections. "If you're so concerned about your jobs, then go tend to them. Why spend time on somepony you've already decided to cut ties with?" "Hey, maybe it's because we didn't get to say everything we were going to say?" Rainbow huffed, stepping closer. "Sure, maybe we were harsh about it, and we shouldn't have been talking about you like that, but you can't pin this all on us. You could have talked to us back then, and maybe we wouldn't be here having this talk now!" Twilight whirled upon Dash, sparks flying from her horn in her fury. "Well how would you feel if you stumbled upon your best friends talking about how much of a "bum flyer" you are?! Or, oh, 'Rainbow Dash only got into the Wonderbolts as a personal favor from Spitfire!' Of course you'd brute force your point down somepony's throat, but do you ever think about how other ponies might feel?!" Rainbow's face reddened. "Or how about the fact that I'd heard you shouting about cracking that egg head right open as soon as you saw me that night? What about being scared that you actually would? Maybe you could have even taken your own advice and talked to me about your issues sooner, what about any of that?!" Twilight was very nearly snarling, but at the very least, Rainbow had backed off and Spike had let go of her leg, looking between the girls with shock on his face. Twilight took a deep breath, just so she wouldn't explode further. "W-well..." Dash grimaced. "Okay, I messed up, but..." "I'm expecting a letter from Celestia soon." The alicorn said firmly as she regained her composure. She ignored their wide-eyed stares as she turned and headed back toward her study. "I'll be leaving Ponyville for a while. I need time to clear my head. Now, I would very much like you three to leave my castle." "Whoa, hold up, Twi. Maybe ya need to think this over f'r a minute..." "That's what I'm trying to do." She didn't turn back to them as she flared her wings. "Get out. Go back to your day-to-day lives, stop bothering with me, and just go." Starlight raised an eyebrow. "What brought this on? I mean, you'll be getting some space and all, but you don't have to leave Ponyville to do that." Twilight looked to the map room for a moment, thinking back on the overturned table. The expanded overturned table. "I do, actually. Ponyville is a small town, I'll see them everywhere. I need to get away for a while to stop being reminded of them." She paused, then, realizing she hadn't heard the door yet. "I just wish you all told me something before all of this." Twilight snorted as she turned her attention back to the ponies that were still in the castle foyer. "I know you can't keep dropping everything for me, but that doesn't mean you should talk about me and use me the way you have. I can't fix a problem if I don't know it exists, being used and exploited because of who and what I am hurts, and blaming me for adventures that you wanted to accompany me on is just plain hypocritical. Now, please leave. I have some packing to do." She frowned, turning away again as if her inattention was enough to forcefully push them out. "Alright then," Applejack, surprisingly, was the first to concede. "You need time to yer'self. I'll go back to the Acres, do my thing, an' wait for ya to cool down." "Applejack, what..." Rarity trailed off mid-sentence as Applejack put a hoof on her shoulder, shaking her head and urging Rarity to follow her out. Rainbow frowned and turned to the door, showing herself out. "Fine, Twi, but... Don't come crying to us about not trying to talk about this." Twilight barely held back her snort. "I won't." With a pinkish glow, the doors shut once again. Without waiting for a queue from Starlight or Pinkie, she began trotting back to her study, doing her best to even out her breathing as she waited for the sound of hooves and claws to follow her. After a few moments, she heard them, and Spike, Starlight, and a bounce-less Pinkie followed her. As Twilight searched her study for her best set of saddlebags, Starlight took a chance in breaking the awkward silence. "Twilight, why are you acting like this? This... Isn't like you." Twilight continued to look for a moment, trying to formulate the right words without making the situation worse. "I'm just..." She clenched her jaw and sighed. "I'm tired. I'm hurt. I lost three of my closest friends, and maybe a fourth, and all they want to do is push the blame onto me. I got Rainbow to admit she messed up, sure, but I don't want to deal with all of this right now. I want to get started on this trip as soon as possible and just leave the past two weeks behind me." She grabbed her saddlebags in her magic and began to reinforce them, applying an enchantment to expand just how much she could fit into the bag and lighten the load. While the length of her trip was still undecided, she figured she shouldn't take chances, and maxed out the spells as far as she possibly could, even going as far as to proof them against the elements. Don't want to get tossed into a river and lose everything else, She thought grimly. "As for your earlier question, my role as a princess thus far has mostly been going places to fix friendship problems or venturing out to take care of world-ending threats.." Twilight paused to inspect the saddlebag, nodding with approval before setting it down. "I feel like... Like I'm not meant to just stay in one place. So, as Princess of Friendship, I think I'm going to be traveling abroad, teaching friendship, having adventures, and making friends along the way. After whatever vacation it is I'm going to be taking." Spike fiddled with his claws at the change in subject. "... W-wait. Are you going all alone? You're not going to try to sort things out with the girls..?" "No. Not right now." Twilight's expression twitched, but she rubbed Spike's spines with one hoof. For him, she'd let a small smile creep onto her face. At the very least, it was more genuine than the one from earlier that day. "Maybe for the first trip, I'll be alone, but when I get homesick, I'll come right back here." Pinkie shuffled on her hooves, looking nervous. "Twilight, what if you never get homesick?" "What if you don't come back?!" She and Spike blurted at the same time. "You're not going to talk me out of it. I need to get away for a while. I thought about opening a school here in Ponyville, but the ideal teachers for certain subjects aren't going to be in contact with me, and have their own lives to get to. After thinking it over, I've also realized that teaching friendship in a classroom just... doesn't work." Pinkie's jaw dropped. "I know." Twilight sighed, shaking her head. "I read over the EEA's rulebook for running a school. As much as I hate to admit it, you don't learn friendship with worksheets and textbooks in a regulated environment where fun isn't allowed." At their worried or shocked looks, she pursed her lips. "Magic kindergarten pushed me away from trying to make friends. Any friends, at all, I just viewed as study partners. Even Spike can tell you that the only pony I considered anything near a friend was my big brother, and he's years older than me." She shrugged. "Friendship isn't something you can teach in a classroom, it's something you have to go out and experience for yourself." Spike grimaced and glanced to Starlight, who hadn't known what Twilight was talking about. "Okay... But you didn't answer the question, Twilight. What are you going to do if you get captured again? What if you get into trouble and can't come back? Or if you never get homesick and just won't come back?" "I don't think that'd be possible, Spike." She replied with a small, sheepish grin. "Our home is in Ponyville. We've lived in this crazy town for so long that monster attacks are normal occurrences, and any town that doesn't have something like that is going to feel strange indeed." The little dragon smiled a little at the joke. Twilight was just happy she got a cheerier expression out of him, but he sobered up rather quickly. "And the "can't" part? What if... Just... Promise you'll come back?" "Pinkie promise!" The pink pony interjected. Twilight sighed, but couldn't help the slight smile alighting on her features. "I pinkie promise that I'll come back." She nodded, going through the motions. "Just because I'm leaving for a while doesn't mean I'll be gone forever. And I won't be entirely alone if something bad happens; I'll be making friends along the way." Before anypony could say anything more, a crack of magic dropped a scroll in front of Twilight. The four of them all stared at it for a moment, with Spike pausing to make sure his mailing flame still worked, before Twilight took the scroll in her magic and unfurled it to read. Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle, What you are suggesting is noble, but it could be dangerous to go alone. It may get easier as you make more friends, but if you remember the advice I'd given you the day of Starlight's graduation, you will know what scenarios are playing out in my thoughts right now. If you're going to start your adventure, alone or with a friend, I will approve it on one condition: Write letters to me while you're traveling. They don't have to be full reports on what you learned that day, or anything extravagant, but they can be simple updates on how you are doing so we may know you're safe. This way, if you ever find yourself in trouble, we have a way to find you. Signed, Princess Celestia Relief shot through her. "I've been approved!" Starlight offered her a hesitant congratulations. Pinkie looked like she was holding herself back from an objection. Spike, who had been fiddling with his claws until this point, looked up to Twilight. "Hey, Twilight? It's just... I... Should I come with you?" Twilight blinked and looked at Spike. Memories flashed through her mind. She thought of all the times Rarity used him, of all the times he'd stayed inside with Twilight for her to reorganize her books over a weekend, how often he'd been dropped or hit with something a long time ago, and how little he usually got to accompany herself and the girls upon adventures... Just what would he do with her gone? What would her ex-friends do to him— or worse, how would they use him with Twilight out of the picture for weeks or months at a time? Her mind jumped to the worst instances of possible abuse, and the doubt only seemed to magnify as she thought about her standing with her ex-friends. She shuddered as she vividly remembered Rarity using Spike as a pincushion once, and it seemed so much more menacing in her mind's eye as Rarity continued to poke and prod, and scales fell to the tile floor, and there was blood, and... "Don't worry, Spike." Starlight patted the dragon on the back. "She'll be fine." Rarity wouldn't do that. Twilight took a steadying breath as Spike chewed his lip and nodded. "But... Twilight, when you get back from your adventure, I'm coming with you next time. Deal?" Twilight swallowed dryly and scuffed her hoof on the floor. Better to be safe, than sorry. "Okay. Just... Okay. Here, I'm going to need to set some ground rules for when I'm gone. First off: Nopony "borrows" Spike." Twilight let them know about Celestia's proposed talk for that night, mostly so that they wouldn't worry and lose too much sleep that night thinking about her travels. They all still looked worried, but she brushed it off. It was to be expected, since she was taking a trip on her own. She continued laying out the ground rules as she packed her saddlebags, moving from room to room as she prepared for the worst occasions. As they collaborated, Spike and Starlight would input something Twilight hadn't thought of yet, which hopefully ensured that her property would remain intact and that Spike wouldn't be taken by one of the others to help them with something absurd. Pinkie was suspiciously quiet, looking uncomfortable every time someone said any word synonymous with "adventure." "... And if anything happens, I want one of you to send me a letter." Twilight nodded. "I'll be sending my own off to Celestia so she knows I'm alright, and I think I can forward a copy to you, too. That way, we're all still in contact, and I can still help out in Ponyville if disaster strikes." This seemed to relieve some tension, but they still seemed nervous. It isn't anything too bad, Twilight thought to herself, pausing to examine the contents of her bags. At least they care about me. But, then, so had the others, enough to save me when... Yadda yadda, Storm King, bleh. Twilight shook her head. She had packed a bedroll, travel snacks (mostly consisting of dry oats and hardtack until she could visit a market stall), a canteen, a lantern, lantern oil, quills, ink and paper, survival handbooks, a small survival hatchet, a compass, her bitbag, a rope, a firestarting kit, a scarf, a cloak, some spellbooks for light reading and learning in her free time, and so on in her saddlebags. Sure, she had flight and magic, so she probably wouldn't need some of this stuff, but it never hurt to be prepared if she got stuck in the wilderness. Her handbooks certainly said so. I mean, what are the chances I'll be unable to fly or use magic in the future? "Are you sure you have to go?" Pinkie finally spoke, breaking Twilight from her thoughts. The alicorn blinked at her, confused as to how she was still so somber. "Honestly, Pinkie? I think it's the best thing for me right now." "B-but..." Pinkie shivered, drooping, "But I'm sorry, Twilight. You don't have to leave, I..." She continued to stutter apologies, sounding much like Twilight herself had the night before. Twilight blinked, unnerved by the fact that the happiest of her friends was now so distraught, but then it struck her. Oh. Pinkie thought it was her fault that she was leaving. "Pinkie, look at me." Twilight lifted her chin with a hoof, wincing when she saw Pinkie's lip trembling. She had made her cry, again. As if Seaquestria's aftermath wasn't enough. "Please understand, Pinkie. I'm doing this because I want to. It's not because of you, alright? Not you, not our argument, and not... well, maybe to have some space from the other girls, since all of the fighting resulted in me thinking about the idea in the first place, but I pinkie promised that I'll come back and visit. And I also pinkie promise that I'm telling the truth when I say that none of this is your doing, okay?" Pinkie nodded, but no matter how bitter Twilight felt about the past few days, her heart twinged as the normally cheerful pony sniffled. She carefully wrapped her forelegs around the pink pony, to which Pinkie returned with a hearty, Pinkie-Pie-style bear hug. All the air in Twilight's lungs was forced out of her body. "Oof!" "I'm gonna miss you!" The pink mare cried, more than a little theatrically. Twilight swore that her spine was going to give out on her. "I'm... gonna miss you, too... Pinkie." She rasped. She was still in Pinkie's clutches when Starlight looked between the two ponies and a nearby window. "Are you going to take a nap before you fly to Canterlot? No offense, but you've been walking like you've slept on nothing but solid ground for the past few weeks." Starlight paused to think about it, then shrugged. "I guess that's not surprising, considering everything that's happened." "I don't think I can wait... until sunrise." Twilight grimaced, taking a moment to catch her breath as Pinkie finally let her down. "I... oof. I just want to get going. The longer I stay, the more of a chance there is that they'll try to talk again before I'm ready, which is... something I'd rather not deal with. And no," she added before Pinkie could interject, the pink mare deflating a little, "I don't want a going away party. If you want, though, we can have small homecoming get-togethers when I get back?" That made Pinkie perk back up almost immediately. As they walked toward the castle doors, Twilight penned a letter to Celestia, letting her know that she was about to start her new journey. And, to the surprise of the others, Twilight suddenly trotted back into the study. "Twilight?" Twilight looked to her friends. "Just a second." She swept the unfinished book into her saddlebag, her notes and letters still safely tucked inside the bindings. It was the most important part of her new friendship quest, and just to be safe, she grabbed another blank duplicate before looking around her study for anything of further interest. When nothing caught her eye, she left the room and continued down the hall with the others. "... What was that?" Starlight asked. "I'm writing a new friendship journal." Twilight's walk was almost leisurely as she looked around the interior of her home, knowing she wasn't going to be seeing it for a while. "I was going to finish it before I left, but I don't want to wait to leave, or I might never get started." She shrugged. "Besides that, I've hit a little writer's block. I'm not going to just rehash my old letters to Celestia, and just rewriting old journal entries would give the book a limited perspective. If both books say the same thing, then what would the incentive be for readers to get this one instead of the old one?" There was a stretch of silence after that. Nobody really knew what to say. Pinkie was still a little gloomy as they reached the doors to the Castle of Friendship, Spike looked like he was hesitant to let Twilight to leave, and Starlight looked confused, but Twilight refrained from broaching the subjects further. She couldn't stay here, and didn't want them to try convincing her just as she was about to leave. The sun had begun to set as she, Pinkie, Starlight, and Spike exited to see her off. "Take care, Twilight." Spike hugged her just one more time. "You be sure to come back, alright?" "I already pinkie promised, twice." Twilight winked, spreading her wings. "I'll see you guys later." "Be careful!" Starlight and Spike waved as she took off. Pinkie leaped into the air and screamed into the approaching night. "Don't forget to write!" Twilight smiled and waved behind her as she headed back to Canterlot. Hours later, after having tea with Celestia and discussing the nature of her journey, Twilight found herself high above Equestria, finally ready to begin. She veered from the city and kept looking back toward her home as Ponyville got smaller and further away. Even from the sky of Canterlot, if she squinted just right, she could see the lights in Sugarcube Corner turn off for the night, the Cakes probably settling back into their home after everything that had happened over the past two weeks. The stress, hopefully, would be lifted from their shoulders now that Pinkie was around to stay. Twilight couldn't help but wonder about them, now, but she hoped that there wouldn't be any lasting damage because of her intrusion into their lives. The lights in Rarity's Boutique flicked on, catching Twilight's attention. She was likely going through one of her sleepless phases, having tried to sleep, but finding herself unable to. So, she turned her restlessness into something useful, and would stitch dresses until the small hours of the morning. Twilight fondly remembered stumbling upon the frenzied unicorn one night after a particularly stressful day just to help her sleep, then later, when they all had been lifting her out of her funk to put on a real fashion show for Hoity Toity. Her wings jerked and she quickly corrected herself, averting her gaze to the massive swath of trees surrounding Sweet Apple Acres. The white and pink blossoms had yet to begin their transitions into the delicious fruit, and she couldn't help but think of the first Applebuck season she'd borne witness to during her stay in Ponyville, where Applejack nearly worked herself to death to get the harvest done. How Applejack finally relented and let her and the rest of their friends help harvest the apples, settling down together for some ice cold lemonade afterwards, talking and joking amongst themselves and enjoying each others' company... Her wings tried to get her to land in the orchard before she regained her senses, stopping herself from reminiscing on the memories they'd had there. She had been bound to Ponyville for a couple of years, now, and her nerves were screaming at her to go back home. Her crystal castle was still quite visible from where she'd flown. Her wings shuddered once more, and she had to firm her heart to prevent herself from veering back. She had to keep this mindset, even as she viewed the dark mass of cloud that seemed to change locations over Ponyville almost every day, the one with rainbow fountains that was beautifully crafted and belonged to a friend that was no longer hers. Twilight shook her head. Yes, she had promised Pinkie a Pinkie Promise that she would return when she felt homesick, but so soon after her departure? She wasn't getting homesick already. This feeling was best explained as getting cold hooves and being afraid of change, or a longing for what she could no longer have. She recognized this, and knew that she had to break out of her shell and leave the comfort of home, of her old friends, of the stagnancy that had come and the troubles that had followed. The destiny that used to lay in Ponyville was now beyond its borders, and she was going to follow it. I'm doing this. Tonight. She told herself. I don't know where I'll go first, but going back isn't an option right now. The Crystal Empire, Mount Aris, Seaquestria, Abyssinia, the Changeling Hive, Griffonstone, Yakyakistan... She thought of all of the places she could go. Maybe she could try flying beyond the known world. There were so many places, but no matter what she chose first, she wanted to save the Dragonlands for when Spike would come with her. She looked back one last time to her crystal tree, silently apologizing to the young dragon for the sudden trip. I'll be back sooner than you know it. Author's Note (old note) Twilight couldn't just leave without anypony knowing. And I've noticed debates sparked in the comment sections. I mean, I tried to have good points be portrayed on both sides so nobody's entirely in the wrong, so I kind of figured it would happen, but with how popular this has gotten in such a short time, I feel the need to remind everyone that it's just a story, written by an adult, based off of a kid's movie-slash-series. Yes, I am going to take a less childish take on the movie, because I've sympathized with Twilight's plight during it. The entire nation of Equestria was put at risk and the other five in the movie seemed like they hadn't been affected at all by the fact that Equestria had just suffered a hostile takeover and that they— no, their friend, Twilight, was now being hunted. When I saw Twilight try to steal the pearl, I did think it was a stupid move, but I had to consider the aloofness displayed by her friends and all of the setbacks they'd encountered, and even caused. With all of the trouble and violence that had occurred to get them to Seaquestria in the first place, I understood it as an act of desperation, which showed in the argument that occurs when they were banished. It was wrong, and Twilight neglected her title as Princess of Friendship, but as the only one taking it seriously and having the common sense not to trust strangers on a mission where she is literally being hunted down, with or without her friends, it's more understandable than giving away her location every step of the way. Then in the argument, they blamed her for it all. It didn't sit right with me.
Chapter 5: ReflectionTwilight's flight didn't end for hours. She hadn't picked a direction beyond "somewhere North," seeing as Equestria was a massive continent and the chances of getting lost were minuscule, if not nonexistent. So long as it meant getting her away from Ponyville for a time, she didn't really care. The landscape below her slowly changed from a subtropical forest to a forest of evergreens. She lost sight of most pony civilization, aside from a few stray roads here and there, and eventually, she was faced with the silhouette of snow-capped mountains looming in the distance with an aurora dancing overhead. Appearing as just a speck from where she was gliding along a thermal column was a sparkle that marked the position of the Crystal Empire. The sky surrounding it was pitch black. At this time of night, the blizzard that forever surrounded the Empire raged on, blocking all forms of transportation except for the trains— trains that may or may not still be shut down. Even if they were running, it was far too early in the morning to catch one; The stations wouldn't be open for a few more hours. She sighed, letting the air currents around her do the work as she set her aching wings in a glide. She knew she should get some rest soon, if she didn't plan on crashing from muscle fatigue or a lack of sleep. So, as per her usual, she made a checklist of options. She could settle down and make camp for the night. She had the supplies to do it, and it would get her rested enough for tomorrow morning's flight, where she could make a more well thought-out decision on where she should go. It would also get her to sleep sooner and allow her to get an early start tomorrow; In the morning, she could figure out her exact location and what cities or pony towns were nearby in case she needed a new travel plan. Another option was whipping out her map and veering towards the nearest city or town. She would sacrifice another hour of sleep, most likely, at the benefit of sleeping a real bed and saving herself a similar trip tomorrow morning. She wouldn't get an early start, but a real bed could help her collect her thoughts further and allow her to get a better night's sleep. The third option was stupid and most likely suicidal, and was such a silly one that it almost made her snort with tired laughter. She could make her travel decision now by trying to shoot for the Crystal Empire tonight, braving the blizzard with an array of shield and warmth spells, draining her magic exponentially and potentially leaving her to pass out and freeze to death in the snow. Oh, how silly that last one was. She shook her head and thought about the first two again. Sooner sleep sounded amazing, but after weeks of sleeping on the cold, hard ground— or, in some cases, the solid metal or wood of cages and boats— her bones ached for something soft to sleep on. She didn't think she had the patience to set up a campsite tonight, anyways. With a small glimmer of magic, Twilight took a look at her map and compass and estimated she must be just about... There. Cloudsdale lay just southwest of her current location, at about the two-hundred tenth mark on her compass. So, two-hundred ten degrees. She couldn't judge the distance, but if she had to guess, she had passed it about ninety-six and a half kilometers ago. Obviously the Crystal Empire was to the North, but at what seemed to be twice the distance. Aside from those two locations, the only nearby civilization appeared to be the tourist trap known as Neighagra Falls, and that was further away than Cloudsdale was. Certainly there were unmarked homesteads somewhere below her, but a glance at the ground below her made it known to her that this was not the case. It was all wild land. With a grimace, Twilight also noted just how far away the nearest train station was. The only track that entered the Crystal Empire started in Vanhoover, which was a six hour flight west of her estimated location. Simply thinking about those numbers made her feel fatigued. She glanced around, hoping to catch sight of a stray or wild cloud in the nearby airspace. Her eyes landed upon a thin, wispy cloud, and she flew over to it. It was long and by no means sturdy, but something rang in the back of her head as she remembered something Rainbow Dash (Twilight flinched when she thought of her) had done back at the academy when their balloon was torn apart by an uncontrolled tornado. It gave her an idea. Could she condense this wild cloud into something stronger? Twilight gently took the wispy cloud in her hooves and began reeling it in, only dislodging her hooves from it when it was a large enough size to continue rolling it like she was making a snowmare. Working in a little magic here and there to help condense the weak cloud, she felt the wild magic under her hooves giving way to her whims, cooperating more with her alicorn magic as she worked on it. After a few minutes of working her pegasus magic in, she had a makeshift cloud mattress. She smiled at the small triumph and landed to unpack her bedroll. A little bit of compromise never hurt. The Crystal Empire might be the first place anyone would go looking for her, but it would also be the best place to kick off her vacation; Even if they did want to follow her, spending time with family trumped any wish to keep the three she was feuding with away. Stretching her sore wings as she stepped off of the train platform, she removed a sheet of paper from her bag and began to pen a quick note to her remaining friends. For the most part, it was a simple note detailing where she'd gone for her vacation. It was mostly a courtesy to them. They didn't need to worry about her for the first day she was gone. Her first copy was sent to Princess Celestia, and the second was sent to Spike; Addressed to him, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Starlight. She took a quick, calming breath. With any luck, the ponies she didn't want knowing would be left out of the loop. It was about the mid afternoon, the sun streaming in from the Empire's clear skies making the buildings and ponies around her glitter, but something seemed... off. The sparkling ponies around her cautiously stuck close to the sides of buildings. Some took one glance at her and her saddlebags before they shied away, while others watched her, seeming anxious. Twilight raised a brow, then offered those onlookers a friendly wave. This seemed to calm them down, as they sighed with relief and continued on their way. "That's... Strange." Twilight pursed her lips. Rather than head to the palace as her first stop, Twilight double-checked her saddlebags and decided to take her time, investigating the streets. She did, after all, drop in unannounced, and most likely should have sent a note to Cadence and her brother about her plans and arrival; Perhaps she could even find out what was making the populace so nervous. So, as she trotted down the crystalline streets, she did just that. She didn't want it to sound too urgent— because it wasn't, and it wasn't like she absolutely had to spend the night in the palace. Nopony should have to drop everything just for her— Twilight checked her writing before sending it out. Dear Cadence and Shining, I know it hasn't been too long since we've last seen each other, but I've recently decided to take a vacation and just wanted to let you know I'm in town. Now, I don't want to just drop in to the palace unannounced, so I wanted to clear a visit by you first. Some of the crystal ponies seem rather jumpy and I can only guess that it's been rather hectic here since the invasion. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Signed, Twilight Sparkle It was short, sweet, and to the point, so Twilight waited near a flower shop to see if Shiny or Cadence would reply within the next few minutes, stopping to watch the crystal ponies on the street as she did so. Every pony she could see was acting the same way as the ones from the train station. They stuck close to the sides of buildings, glancing this way and that while looking like they were ready to bolt at the slightest indication that something was wrong. Some took the appearance of Twilight with her camping supplies as such a sign and ran to cover when they caught sight of her, and others froze on the spot long enough to catch the friendly wave she sent them before they calmed lightly and went on their way, their tails still flicking. She pressed her lips together to stop a frown from making its way onto her face. The ponies were jumpy enough as it is, and with their states being so fragile, her negativity could spark a stampede. It must have been the invasion that caused this. Even though the Empire had been safe from the Storm King's forces because of the blizzards and mountains around it, Cadence herself had been the first alicorn to be sealed in crystal, and had only returned to the Crystal Empire yesterday, as far as Twilight was aware. While she and her friends had been on their adventure, Cadence had been missing from the Empire for over two weeks, leaving Shining in charge as he stayed behind to take care of everything while the Friendship Festival was underway. Twilight rubbed at her foreleg. I wonder if it's like this all over Equestria, she thought to herself. After all, Ponyville is used to random monster attacks, and the ponies in Vanhoover don't seem to care too much about a lot of things. Or, maybe they weren't affected because the invasion was mostly centered in Canterlot? Then again, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were turned to crystal as well. It wouldn't have taken two weeks for the Storm King's forces to take the other cities if the capital was already taken care of... The flash of magic interrupted her musings, a scroll bumping her on the muzzle before she caught it in her magic. Dear Twilight, I've done my best to assure the denizens of the Crystal Empire remain calm in light of the invasion. They've been reassured that Cadence has returned the Empire, and they should calm down within the next couple of days as the news spreads. That being said, you're always welcome at the palace, so feel free to check in at any time with one of the palace guards. I would greet you myself, but Cadence is currently being caught up on the past two weeks and I won't be available for a few hours. Sorry sis. If you need anything, be sure to ask a member of the castle staff. I've just notified them that you could be stopping by. Looking forward to your visit, Shining Armor So, I guessed right. Twilight sighed with both relief and... Disappointment, which confused her. Why am I disappointed that this wasn't something big? She asked herself, walking down the street once more and perusing the shop windows. Ponies could have been getting hurt. I should be glad that everything's fine. That, and I'm supposed to be on vacation. She sighed quietly as she passed a shop filled with items for tourists. The main road leading to the heart of the Empire from the train station was full of them; If it wasn't lined with shops, tourists wouldn't spend their bits on the pretty display pieces, and they would also get lost when it was time to head home. Twilight remembered her first visit to the Crystal Empire when it wasn't being threatened by some outside force. She'd collected a bauble or two for herself; Souvenirs to remind herself of a legendary city that, while it existed, still didn't seem real. A city that she, her friends, Cadence, and Spike had saved from yet another ancient evil. Those very same baubles were blown to pieces along with Golden Oaks. Slowing her steps, she circled back around to one of the tourist shops, debating on whether or not to replace the souvenirs that she'd had in her old home. ... No, she didn't need them. She didn't want to take them along with her on her next adventure once her vacation was up, and she didn't want the memories associated with them. At least, not anymore. It's been three years since then, Sparkle, she berated herself. There's no use moping over times long passed. If you want them, buy them, but otherwise, grow up. She turned again and made her way down the street, towards the palace. Maybe she was being too hard on herself, or being too hard on the others. If she could just go back and... She shook the thought out of her mind. No, she wasn't going to go back and apologize. She'd done that, tried that, hundreds of times back at the Friendship Festival. All it got her were glares and a message to knock it off. It led to her witnessing the argument back in the castle, too. They didn't want her to overhear them. They all looked guilty that she had, but how many of them had apologized for it? She abruptly stopped on the street, a wave of pain from a familiar place wracking her form. Her eyes watered and stung, and she had to take a shuddering gasp to remain standing. Twilight had already forgiven Pinkie. She and Fluttershy had been the ones coming to her defense. The others, while they may have come to talk to her back at her castle? She'd gotten nothing from them. Even if they would have tried to apologize, it wouldn't have been genuine. They'd meant what they said in Canterlot. If they apologized, it would have only been to save face because they knew she'd heard them. They only came to say what was plainly obvious, or try to justify their words. For all of that, she was not going to go back and apologize to them for dismissing them from her home. Starlight may have let them in, but it didn't mean they were welcome. After everything they'd said and done together, to them, all that she amounted to was... that. What they'd been saying about her behind closed doors. Yet even now, she was fighting herself from turning and going back to them. You shouldn't, you can't. She grit her teeth. Open your eyes. You're the element of magic. Friendship is magic. But going back to that 'friendship?' All it's going to do is hurt and drain you dry. She sniffled, unable to do much with her grief-wracked body while her mind remained sharp, dedicated to memories and thoughts that were far away from it. Trapped in her own little bubble that she'd have to calm down to escape from. It's all one big cycle, and somehow, this feeling... We always end up going back to each other. I thought we mended our friendship and it became stronger with every misstep we fixed, but they were just patches, weren't they? Patches and bandages that come off with enough friction and threaten to tear it all apart, just like that night. Twilight couldn't stop thinking. Her mind was so focused on itself that she felt like she couldn't move her body, and her heart ached knowing she couldn't just go back to them. Her cutie mark was tingling, but even if she wanted to, she couldn't check the sensation. By the time she regained control over herself, she'd forgotten about it. The crystal ponies around her were watching with concern that was slowly approaching panic. A tiny wave assured them that everything was fine, but the keen onlookers would be able to see the despair that weighed down the bones of the Princess of Friendship. Uneasy, she picked up her hooves and set herself to a trot. To the palace, Twilight, she scolded herself again. You can have your breakdowns later. "Okay, well, what are we supposed to do about it?" Rainbow Dash grumbled and looked at the table. Her cutie mark tingled, and she watched as the cutie marks from all of the Elements of Harmony flashed over the top of the map before they faded, its landmarks glitching. "We're supposed to be done with this thing, and done with Twilight. Or, at the very least, she's done with us." "That's the thing, Rainbow, it's probably doing this because of the fight you all had." Starlight worried her lip. The rest of the Element bearers, sans Twilight, had gathered in the castle for an emergency meeting. Pinkie and Fluttershy had looked unhappy, keeping their distance from Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity, but this was before they'd even discovered the map was overturned; Much less, the state it was in now, after they'd righted it. With a potential crisis at hoof, they didn't seem to care about the proximity. "So, the Map's trying to get us all back together?" Rainbow shrugged, causing Applejack to grimace. "Ah— good luck with that. I don't think Twi's gonna want to see us for a long while." "Right, but we may not have a choice." Starlight frowned. "If the map's breaking like this, we could be in serious trouble— what if something important comes up and we needed the map to help?" "Uh... Starlight, barring the friendship missions and tracking the Pony of Shadows, the Map hasn't really done anything." Rainbow crossed her forelegs. "And I'm pretty sure time travel shouldn't count; You remade a spell to do that." Starlight grimaced, then, with an agitated sigh, she redirected her glare to the cutie map. "Look, not to sound insensitive about the issue or anything, but... Do we even need the cutie map for anything?" Rainbow continued. "I mean, we're not going on missions anymore. I don't see how this will effect me, or... any of us, really." "Is it just me, or has it gotten bigger?" Pinkie absently commented, tilting her head. "You can't honestly mean that, can you, Rainbow Dash?" Starlight ignored Pinkie. "After everything that's happened, all of the magical shit you've all waded through daily, you think this can't be a big deal or won't come back to bite us in the flank?" Fluttershy eeped behind her mane at the display of profanity, while Rarity nearly pulled up her fainting couch. Pinkie continued inspecting the glitched cutie map while Rainbow, in the meantime, just shrugged in response to Starlight. "I mean, the castle would have stopped Twilight from leaving if it was, wouldn't it?" "Starlight, Rainbow might be irritatin' ya, but this ain't no reason to be usin' dirty words." Applejack reprimanded, adjusting her hat. "B'sides, she's sorta right. And even if it didn't stop her, this all ain't our fault. We've got our lives to focus on, and going off to find Twi after she asked for some space from us—?" "I believe the words you're looking for are "after she dismissed us."" Rarity pitched in. "Sure, but we agreed to give her space." Applejack frowned. "If'n we just show up outta nowhere after all that, she ain't gonna be happy." Starlight sighed sharply. "Yeah, but not reaching out to her in some way could make everything worse. I mean, this castle, the map, and the Elements of Harmony all relied on you guys' friendships, right?" They fidgeted, but Starlight refused to let any satisfaction over it show. "If my breaking your friendship in the past was responsible for all of those terrible alternate universes being made, then what could happen a few years from now?" The ponies gathered in the room paused and looked at each other, an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air as they thought about the unpleasant consequences that could lie ahead. Rarity seemed to gather herself and broke the silence. "... Darling, I know you're upset, but I can assure you that trying to stir up the fear of some foreboding future threat is no way to fix a friendship." "What? I wasn't—" "Yeah, you were." Rainbow shrugged. "Besides, even if we can't get Twilight back, I'm sure we can handle it anyways." "I thought you said you were done with adventuring." "I have the Wonderbolts." Spike, who was sitting in his chair and glaring pointedly at her, crossed his arms. "The Wonderbolts couldn't do squat when a certain rampaging dragon was taking everyone's stuff. I'm pretty sure one pony isn't enough to change that." Rainbow sputtered, glaring at the baby dragon. "Hey!" "That's enough!" Fluttershy shouted, catching everyone off guard. "None of you are helping the matter at hoof. Rainbow, you're being completely insensitive about Twilight and the future of Equestria! It was all of us, together, that stopped the threats before, not just one pony. Starlight, you have a right to be paranoid about the future, but mongering fear isn't going to bring us together in a way that matters. And Spike, I know you're angry at them, and I am too, but you can't just take your anger out on everyone else." She frowned at the ponies in the room. The three she referred to sheepishly looked away, Starlight scuffing a hoof on the ground while Spike shrunk into his seat. "We're either here to fix the cutie map, or we're here to find a way to make it up to Twilight." Fluttershy stated with a sense of finality. "We can't start arguing and risk breaking the map, or our friendships, any further." "I know we're being serious and all right now—" Pinkie perked, having been crouched on the map like some sort of prowling cat, "— but I can't tell if this is a good or a bad thing." Suddenly, she began shuddering and frantically twitching in place, the phenomena stopping as soon as it began. Everypony looked over curiously, and something immediately felt off. Their cutie marks weren't tingling, but the carousel of their marks that once twirled above the map now hovered over the crystal empire as a static image. But their eyes were drawn to the moving center. It was Twilight's cutie mark. It almost seemed to beat like a heart, but three of the white sparkles that surrounded it looked almost... fragile. Brittle. And as they watched the abnormal movement, and lack thereof, in the cutie marks floating above the table, Twilight's seemed to shudder violently, and the white sparkles fractured like too much pressure placed on a broken pane of glass. The pieces looked like they were barely hanging in their old places. "O-okay, definitely bad," Pinkie blinked. Starlight stared wide-eyed at Pinkie, then the partly-broken cutie mark on the map. "Did— did Pinkie just have a seizure?" "That's the Pinkie Sense," Rarity stated without really explaining, stepping towards the map. "And— Starlight, with all of your expertise on cutie mark magic, please tell me you know what Twilight's cutie mark being partly broken means?" The girls all looked to Starlight. Not one of them was exempt from worry. But no, Starlight didn't know. Admitting that was the hardest part, but clearly, the others could sense it, simply by how long the silence dragged on. She might as well tell them. "I..." She took a deep breath. "No. I'm sorry, girls, I don't." "Whatever it is," Pinkie quelled her twitches before they could start again, the slight vibration of her entire body the only indication she was twitching. "It's a real doozie." The moment she had entered the room in the Crystal Palace, Twilight set down her saddlebags and curled up on the bed. Unlike the sudden onset of feelings and memories on the street, this one refused to intensify, her quiet grief only spilling a few tears despite the memories being fresh. She didn't bother with asking for anything from the servant that stopped by to check up on the princess guest, but she did thank them for their time. She couldn't believe it. She broke down on the streets, in front of all of those ponies, and for what? She probably made the empire's citizens more paranoid than they were before. "I have to get a grip on this," she told herself, her voice hoarse. It didn't stop it from hurting. It wasn't until a half hour later that she felt the grief subsiding. Her body and mind apparently decided that that was enough for today. So, utterly spent of emotion, Twilight stood from the bed and fixed herself up once more, trying to think about what she could do. She didn't want to do anything, but she was on vacation, dammit, and she should at least enjoy it. She grabbed her bitpurse and left her saddlebags in her room, notifying the guard that she was planning on going out and visiting the Empire. She likely wouldn't be back for a couple of hours, and was leaving her bags and supplies behind. Once she was done, Twilight stepped hoof back outside the palace. Without her saddlebags, the crystal ponies seemed to find her presence as less of an omen of an impending threat. Rather than finding cover or watching her to find out if something was wrong, she'd merely gotten a few sidelong glances and shy waves that she returned before they went about their business. There was nothing to worry about, they would see, and despite the concerned looks she garnered from the crystal ponies that once wore that exact, drained expression that she now wore, Twilight knew her problems didn't extend to the edges of Equestria. Others had their own problems, and she wouldn't concern anyone else with hers. So, she put on a smile. She was just tired, she told the shopkeeper, as she browsed through their wares for a few crystals that could hold a magical charge. "I dabble in the sciences," she offers a smile as an excuse. She didn't really know why she was purchasing them, but perhaps they'd be useful later on. Spare mana batteries, or using them instead when she was testing out a spell that required multiple ponies to cast it. Maybe she'd just use them while working on science experiments out in the field. Definitely useful. She continued perusing the shops for a couple of hours, at one point stopping for a bite to eat at one of the local restaurants before heading back to the palace for a long-awaited visit with her brother and his family. "Twily!" Shining embraced her. "I didn't leave you waiting too long, did I?" The babbles of Flurry Heart echoed through the hall as Cadence, looking tired but happy, finally emerged from her meeting. Twilight let out a soft giggle as she embraced them, too, while Flurry offered sloppy baby kisses and hugs to her favorite aunt. "Of course not, BBBFF." Twilight smiled but her vision blurred. Her cheeks felt wet even as she was reminded of how happy she was to be visiting them. "Just went for a stroll around the Empire." Shining smiled, but slowly, it began to slip. "Twily, is everything alright?" Twilight's rubbed at her eyes with a fletlock. Funny, she thought she ran out of tears a while ago. "... Here, Twilight. Let's all go talk in private." Quietly, Cadence put one wing around her sister-in-law and began to walk. Shining walked at Twilight's other side. When they were finally all together, Twilight told them what happened. Author's Note This is a near-obligatory "I'm not dead" chapter. If you were reading the story before and suddenly find yourself lost while reading the new chapter, there is a reason for it: I have rewritten the story. The first few chapters are already done, and I'm much happier with them than I had been before. I am updating/have most likely updated the synopsis and description on the cover page as well, and hopefully, I can provide a new piece of cover art in due time. This chapter, though, was written entirely from scratch. The old one that this replaces used to be titled "Correspondence and Hard Questions," which has since been discarded. That being said, I'm drafting new chapters. I don't have an editor, but hopefully I can revise and edit them myself with a much more discerning eye in the future instead of getting excited and posting chapters prematurely. It might take a while to post more, as I have an ass-busting day job, horrendous setbacks, and refuse to open a patreon when I can't even provide regularly scheduled content, but I don't have any intention of dropping this just yet.
