'Cause Now, I Have Become the Strangest Case You Ever Saw...
The young stallion smiled at his new wife, a gorgeous mare with yellow hair. “You know, Lily, I was thinking about making a family tree, y’know?” He nearly laughed when she made a face, so he quickly added, “I’d really like to keep track of our family!”
The mare obviously didn’t care, simply rolling her eyes good-naturedly at him. “One day, I hope I figure out exactly why I married you.”
“Ah, yes, the same for me too, dear.” His smile widened for a moment, then disappeared as he picked up a pencil in his mouth. Time to get started on this family tree instead of sitting around talking about it all day, he supposed. John had never been good with writing, so he simply wrote his and Lily’s name together, and then drew a line to connect them. “Well, that seemed more fun than it actually was.”
His blue eyes dulled for a while as he stared at the almost blank page, and the stallion nearly fell asleep, his black mane flopping down into his eyes. His eyes reopened as he heard a different mare’s voice, and he stifled a groan. “Viola,” he hissed under his breath. Viola was a red-haired mare that also happened to be his new daughter. He didn’t know why she even bothered to come here; she had a beautiful home in Ponyville.
Which is where she should be, he thought angrily. Right now. Perhaps he should never have married the gorgeous widow if this was what he would have to put up with so often. His mind spun as he realized his father would be there soon, would he even be able to put up with Viola? The mare was as annoying as his old man was stern, surely they would end up hating each other?
He suddenly realized that he had no desire to be there when they met, today simply wasn’t John’s day. As he attempted to leave the house, Lily stopped him.
“Where do you think you’re going? Your father’s going to be here soon to see our house, and look, Viola’s here and you didn’t even say hello to her.” His new wife’s purple eyes seemed to laugh that she’d caught him, she was certainly smart, and he wouldn’t want to be alone when the two met for the first time either.
“Hi,” John muttered to Viola, glaring at her. Why did she have to come today of all days? Viola just gave him a friendly smile, and greeted him politely. What is she up to? He wondered worriedly.
His time was cut short as he heard his father’s loud voice as he trotted into their home. “Johnny!” he shouted to his son as if he hadn’t been at his wedding only a week ago. “You could’ve invited me over sooner,” the old stallion said, his mane beginning to show gray. His green eyes widened as he saw Viola, and John couldn’t help but wonder if the mare was already giving off bad vibes. He shook his head, mentally preparing himself for anything that could happen.
“Johnny, can I see you for a second?”
“Of course you can, Joe!” Lily said happily, and John could tell it was an attempt to get him to be nice to his father. He simply nodded, walking to his room. Is it too much to pray to Celestia that it’s just some stupid question about our new house? It probably was, John decided.
As soon as they were a safe distance away from Lily and Viola, Joe looked like he could burst, so John stopped. “What is it?” he muttered in an annoyed tone.
“That red-haired mare in your living room, who is she?” Joe’s blue eyes were lit up with excitement.
“Viola, she’s Lily’s daughter,” John sighed, worried that his father would have something rude to say about her. He quickly added, “Didn’t you see her at the wedding? I know she was there.” Joe shook his head vehemently.
“I would’ve remembered a mare as pretty as her.” John nearly gagged at this, his blue eyes widened with shock. This was sick! This was horrible! This was…worse than he’d originally thought.
“Dad, you…you. This is a joke, right?” John could feel his cereal coming up his throat, and he had to fight to keep it down. Now was definitely the time to pray to Celestia, but his father cut him off before he could even start.
“Of course not! I haven’t seen anyone as pretty as her since your mother, and we all know how that worked out.” Ew, so it wasn’t a joke. Celestia, HELP ME! Somehow, John knew this was something not even she could fix, but he couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to his stern father.
“I’m gonna go, and I suggest you get over this sudden love of your granddaughter,” John yelled, but not loudly enough so that the girls could hear. This was embarrassing enough, and suddenly, he didn’t find Viola so annoying anymore. He just worried that his creepy dad would get to her.
“We’re not related by blood, so it’s okay,” Joe yelled after him. The young stallion shuddered, but continued walking.
Turns out Viola wasn’t as creeped out by Joe as his own son was. They met afterward and talked, and Lily had smiled and said, “It’s nice to see they’re getting along. I honestly had my doubts.” John shook his head as if he were answering a question, and then trotted off to his room so he wouldn’t have to watch. This day turned out much more different than planned.
A mere two weeks later, Viola was back again. This time the earth pony was bragging about how she’d be getting married soon. This certainly piqued John’s interest, and he listened more carefully as she talked to her mother, Lily.
“Who is it?” Lily had asked excitedly, so proud of her little one finally growing up. John could tell she nearly had a heart attack when she got the answer, because he’d nearly had one too.
“It’s Joe!” Viola cried like it was the most fantastic thing she’d ever heard. Lily’s face fell, and it seemed as if the white earth pony got even paler. “He was so sweet, mom, and we’re not blood, so it’s okay. He told me so.” Is it okay to want to murder your father, because I think I have a pretty good reason?
It was only days later, John dreamed about wedding bells. This was not his wedding, though, and he was by no means dreaming. If only he were. Viola and Joe were married, his wife’s daughter and his own father. This was awful, and neither John nor Lily couldn’t stop it.
Lily cried as they walked home, and John knew it wasn’t simply because her daughter had just gotten married. He wanted to cry too, his father had married his own granddaughter. They were on their way back to Viola’s house in Ponyville right now. He went to his room, and saw the paper he’d been writing about their family tree. It must be pretty confusing by now.
“Let’s see, Viola’s my dad’s wife, which makes her…” he shuddered, realizing Viola was now his mother. She was also his daughter, which made Joe his son-in-law? “And Lily is my mother’s mother, so she’s my…oh, man. Dad seriously messed up.” Lily was his grandmother now.
Suppressing the urge to gag, he wrote everything in before realizing there was one thing he’d left off. As husband of his grandmother, John was now…
“I’m my own grandpa!”