Chapters The Castle of the Two Gazillion Secrets
Rainbow Dash zoomed down the long, empty corridors of the Castle of the Two Sisters. Although, that title was a bit of a misnomer since Starswirl the Bearded had also lived here once, before the unfortunate incident with the Pony of Shadows. However, the Royal Sisters had been the main occupants, so the name stuck. The mare of speed wondered if Celestia and Luna had flown through the hallways like this when they were fillies. It was incredibly fun, and ponies couldn’t spend all their childhood learning spells from a stuffy old unicorn. Dash could practically picture Twilight’s face if she could hear that thought. She would probably spend a good two hours defending Starswirl and quoting from every ancient and current text about him in existence . Rainbow had to admit though, that while she once thought Twi was much too obsessed with him, she had reconsidered since his return from limbo. He was kinda cool, though nowhere even close to the level of coolness, awesomeness, and radicalness presented by, say, Flash Magnus.
Rainbow halted her wandering thoughts as she approached a massive, ornately woven tapestry. She knew there was a secret passageway behind it, recognizing the distinct pattern she knew from her many visits, even though it was nighttime. She had developed excellent night vision from secret excursions to the Wonderbolts training grounds as a youngster. Eye on her target, she changed course, swooping in right for the hidden switch that opened the passageway.
With a well-timed strike of her hoof, Rainbow pressed the switch and opened the passageway. Flying into the entrance at this speed was dangerous, but she had done it many times before. She stretched her wings behind her and flew through the opening. A rush of adrenaline shot a wave of electric energy through her whole body, from her quick yet steady heart to the very tips of her blue feathers. The wind generated by her speed blew back her mane and tail, the tips of her multi-colored tresses tickling her back. She let out a gleeful yell as she sped down the passage nearly at top speed, but held herself back a bit, knowing that the force of a sonic rainboom could wreck the already weakened walls around her.
At the end of the corridor, Dash went through the hidden exit and flew into the library it leads into. She slowed her flying, landing gracefully on the cold, hard stone beneath her. She paused for a moment to rest, putting her hoof on a nearby wall to lean against it. It was then that she noticed something interesting: The stone under her hoof was ever so slightly loose.
Knowing just how many hidden switches and hallways there were in this castle, Rainbow took a closer look. She noted that the stone was a slightly different color than the rest of the wall, and marginally too small for its place. She tried to pull it out, but couldn’t get a good grip on it. Dash inferred that whatever was hiding there must have been hidden by somepony with a horn, as unicorn levitation powers would be much better at moving the stone. Not one for quitting, she thought. How can I get this stone out of the way? I have to know what’s hiding here, I just have to!
The pegasus looked around the room for inspiration, or for something sticky, but couldn’t find either. She decided to go back to flying and come back to the mysterious spot later. She stretched out her wings—wait, her wings! That was it!
Carefully, Dash stretched her wings in front of her, using careful precision to slide her feathers in on either side of the stone, and manipulated her wings so that she could get a grip on the rock. It wasn’t a very firm grip, but if she was patient, she would be able to pull it out. She pulled on it and lost her grip. Immediately, she tried again. And again. And again. She would push in her wings as far as they could go, press them together as hard as she could, and pull gently. Every time, her wings lost their grip and she had to start over.
After several minutes, the tips of her wings were aching, and a few of her feathers were damaged. But she pressed on with a drive to quench her curiosity, encouraged by the fact that the stone was about an inch out of the hole. With one last good tug, she pulled it out enough that she could grab it with her hooves. After a final yank, the rock fell to the floor with a thud , as the inquisitive Wonderbolt looked in.
Inside, Dash saw a small, round, red stone. She assumed it was a button or a switch, and pressed it. Her suspicions were rewarded when she heard a loud sound to her right. The floor trembled slightly as one of the walls opened into a small, cave-like room. Without a moment’s hesitation, Dash flew in. However, the force of her flight disturbed the mounds of dust all over the place, and she paid for her heedlessness with a bout of coughing and watery eyes.
After the dust had settled, and her eyes and lungs were no longer irritated, she looked around. There were papers, scrolls, quills, and ink bottles scattered all over the floor. There were bits of rope and cloth as well and two wooden buckets. One of them held a slimy-looking substance that smelled strongly of pine. Dash knew it was pine sap, from helping Scootaloo clean up once after a crusading incident. The other bucket was mostly empty, save for a layer of dirt and tiny pebbles at the bottom. She guessed that this one might have been for carrying water. All the more intrigued, she kept looking. At the far end of the little hideout, she found a book. Dusting off the cover, Rainbow read what was written on there. It said: The Complete Guide to Pranks that Work. She had never thought that a book like this would have existed around here. She looked again, then did a double take at the author’s name. She blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes, hoping to remove any leftover dust from her initial disturbance. But even after rubbing, then staring, then rubbing again, then staring again, the name stayed the same.
Written by: Celestia
The sky-colored pegasus couldn’t believe her eyes. Princess Celestia, the most dignified pony in Equestria, the alicorn who moved the sun each and every day, the quintessence of decorum and grace, had written a pranking manual? Looking again, she noticed that the writing was crude and childish. Even Scootaloo’s writing is better. She must have been really young when she wrote this , she thought to herself. For a moment, she debated whether or not she should read it. If Celestia ever found out, she might be quite embarrassed. On the other wing, Rainbow loved a good prank, and she wanted to see just how good her princess was. With a final pause, Dash sighed deeply, acknowledged her defeat, sat on the floor, and began to read.
Introduction: What you need to do before you prank anypony.
First, you need to know your target. All the pranks you will see in this book are approved to work on overpowered unicorn teachers, so they should work well on most ponies. However, do not prank somepony if they are in a really super bad mood. That is just a really bad idea. Do not do it. Do. Not. Do. It. However, if they are in a good mood, THAT is when you prank them. Also, get to know their schedule, so you can best surprise them.
Second, always have a partner. Mine is none other than my little sister, Luna. Each of you should have your own roles. Since I am the older sister, I do most of the planning and construction. Luna then checks for any little details that I missed. I make the big picture, she improves on the little details. We always work together.
Third: ALWAYS have a plan. I like to watch my pranks unfold, so I always have an escape route handy. If we get caught, I then try to get out of punishment. I am pretty good with logic (although Professor Starswirl still insists that I am too young to think logically- the nerve!), so I can sometimes weasel my way out. If that doesn’t work, Luna unleashes her Puppy Dog Eyes of Adorable Dooming. That ALWAYS works. If it doesn’t get us completely out of punishment, it at least lessens it.
That is it! Happy pranking!
Rainbow stopped reading there, both because it was the end of the page and because she needed a moment to stop laughing. As silly as it was, she was impressed with how much Celestia knew, and at such a young age, too. After calming herself down, she skimmed through the rest of the book, finding detailed records Celestia had kept. She had written her tests for new ideas, step-by-step instructions on how to pull off certain pranks, and some pretty neat diagrams.
Then, she got an idea. An awful idea. Rainbow Dash got a wonderful, awful idea! Time to put these pranks to the test!
The pegasus flew out of the castle into the starry sky above her, laughing wildly as she did. She flew high over the tops of the trees, the forest spread out beneath her like a sea of shadowy figures. Excitement gave her energy as she glided out of the forest and through Ponyville, grinning impishly all the while. All the while, her mind was abuzz with the excitement of all the mischief that could be managed. After a good bit of flying, she landed at her home, trotted inside, and carefully put the book down on her little bookshelf, next to the long line of Daring Do novels.
Rainbow flopped down in her bed and stretched out her wings, letting out a huge yawn. Only a few seconds later, she was fast asleep and snoring. She hadn’t won the “Greatest Napper of All Time” award from her parents for nothing.
*****
The next morning, Rainbow Dash was up sharply at sunrise. Usually, she slept in quite a bit, but she couldn’t waste one second of time, not with such an exciting day ahead of her. With a big yawn, she stretched her wings, then flapped them down hard, propelling herself into the air. She grabbed the pranking manual off her bookshelf and flew downstairs.
Landing gracefully on her kitchen floor, she set the book down on her small table and went to work making herself breakfast: a whole grain oats’n’hay bagel with apple cider jelly and cream cheese. Nutritious, delicious, and easy to make, this was Rainbow’s favorite breakfast. After preparing it, she sat down at the table, ate her bagel, and re-read the journal.
As she explored the many ideas filly Celestia had come up with, she noticed many pranks that used magical elements in creative ways, such as potion-making. There was a recipe in the book for a special powder that caused anypony who touched it to become extremely itchy, but it didn’t kick in until 10 minutes after contact, making it hard to track the source. Rainbow thought that this one would be good for Applejack, who often came into physical contact with her various farming tools. She could practically picture AJ’s face as she tried to identify what was causing the itch. Another recipe created a potent potion, that when sprinkled on an inanimate object, would cause it to resist unicorn levitation, teleportation, and the like for up to an hour. Dash thought that this one would be good to use on some of Rarity’s various dressmaking materials, or some of Twilight’s books. That is if they saw the need of those materials before an hour had passed.
After she had finished her reading, her planning, and her breakfast, Rainbow went into the adjoining room, took out a pencil and a piece of paper, and wrote down all her ideas. After they were all on paper, she realized that pulling them all off by herself would be an impossible task.
“How am I supposed to pull off the perfect pranks if the perfect pranks are profoundly problematic?” Rainbow muttered to herself. But just as she said it, she remembered something she had read in the introduction.
“Second, always have a partner.” It had been clearly written as one of the things to do BEFORE pranking. And all her previous “p” alliteration had given her an idea. So without further hesitation, Dash grabbed the book and her plans and set off to finish her preparations.
Author's Note
First chapter of my first fanfic! Let me know what you think!
Overpowered Unicorns and Best Friends
“Pinkie Pie! Where are you?”
Rainbow Dash called for her friend, poking her head inside Sugarcube Corner to find her partner in crime. Well, not crime. Pranking.
“Hiya Dashie!” Pinkie got right up in Rainbow’s face out of nowhere. Rainbow blinked but wasn’t too terribly surprised. She had been friends with the hyperactive earth pony long enough to expect being greeted like this.
“Hey Pinkie. You’ll never guess what I found last night!” Dash knew that there was a chance she would guess, being the crazy pony she was, but that was the expression.
“Can I get a teensy-weensy-shmeensy little hint, pretty pleasey?”
“Okay, I found it at the Castle of the Two Sisters. That’s it. Now guess.”
Pinkie scratched her head, checking her stores of emergency random information for any ideas. “Is it… a spellbook?”
“No, but it is a book. Keep guessing.”
The party pony thought some more. “Is it… something about Celestia and Luna?”
“Yep! Keep guessing.”
Pinkie double checked her Emergency Mental Encyclopedia of Randomness, or EMER for short, hoping for more ideas, but she was stumped. Time to follow her hunches. “Is it… a pranking manual that Celestia wrote when she was younger?”
“You got it!” Rainbow didn’t bother to ask her how she knew. This was Pinkie Pie. One does not simply question Pinkie Pie. “So yeah… I was wondering-”
“-if I wanted to pull some pranks with you?” Pinkie finished Dash’s sentence for her. The pegasus was sure that the cotton-candy-colored pony in front of her could read minds.
“Well, yeah! So, you in, or what?”
“TOTALLY! THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!!!”
Rainbow winced slightly at the drastic increase in volume, but she had grown increasingly resistant to its effects over the years. She watched as Pinkie boing-ed around the room in excitement, before finally, she made her way back to the doorway, where Rainbow was still standing.
“Omigosh, I can’t wait! Lemme grab myself something to eat quickly for breakfast and give Gummy his gator food, and then we need to get to work!”
“On what?” A stallion’s voice spoke from above their heads, one that they both recognized. One that Rainbow Dash admired like crazy. The speaker, Flash Magnus, flew down to talk to the two girls. He landed with a slight clank of his armor, which he still wore on a daily basis. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I was just flying around for fun and overheard you two talking about getting to work on something. What is it? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”
“Well, that depends. What’s your stance on jokes, pranks, hoaxes, and the like?” Dash replied. The Pillars had only recently returned from limbo, so she didn’t know them very well just yet. She knew that Flash shared her enthusiasm for whooping baddies’ butts as soon as equinely possible, but she didn’t know how he felt about pranking.
“Well, that also depends. If it’s relatively harmless and well thought-out, I find jokes and pranks to be fun. However, if there is a chance that the pony on the receiving end of such matters will feel hurt, I usually stay away. And given how danger-riddled Equestria was back in the day, I always put protection first, entertainment second.”
“So,” Pinkie said in response to Flash, “since Equestria’s not in any immediate danger, at least not that we know of and/or that concerns us specifically, how’d you like to do some pranking with the two of us? Apparently, Celestia wrote a book about it when she was a filly!”
Flash looked shocked for a second, then burst out laughing. “I’d heard some stories from Starswirl about his students, but I never knew Celestia wrote a book about it! That’s hilarious!” Rainbow and Pinkie started laughing too.
“Yeah, it says in the introduction that ‘all the pranks you will see in this book are approved to work on overpowered unicorn teachers.’” Dash said between giggles. This only made the other two ponies laugh harder. “Seriously, I’ve looked through all of these, and they’re pretty harmless and funny! This is the perfect opportunity!”
“It would seem so,” a fourth voice said from… somewhere. None of the three could tell where exactly it came from, but two of them could recognize it.
“You wanna join, Discord?” Pinkie inquired of the voice. “Also, how long have you been eavesdropping on us?”
“Long enough, Ms. Pie,” replied a nearby bush. The branches of the bush stretched upward into a very familiar shape, as all the bark and leaves fell off and one very mischievous draconequus stepped out. “I must say, with the whole trapping-me-in-stone thing, I would never have guessed the princesses even had a sense of humor, let alone the possibility of them being professional pranksters.”
“That’s because a few pranks here and there are harmless, whereas torturing ponies with endless chaos isn’t. I’ve been catching up rather well on what I’ve missed during my absence, as you might be able to tell.” Flash’s voice had lost its playful tone, and he regained his familiar battle stance.
“Calm down, Flashy. He’s reformed,” Pinkie cut in before anything bad could happen.
Flash raised an eyebrow at her. “Flashy?”
“I’ve come up with nicknames for all the Pillars! You’re Flashy, then there’s Rocky, Misty, Nambie, Brookie, Swirly, and Stygie!” Pinkie snickered to herself at her silly inventions, whilst mentally noting that the “b” in Nambie was silent so that her dearest bipedal fans wouldn’t be confused.
“...seriously?” The old Pillar of Bravery couldn’t think of anything else to say. He had slowly been growing accustomed to the more… playful aspects of Equestria, but he still had a while to go to be able to handle The Pink One, assuming that was even possible.
“No, duh! The point of nicknames is to be not serious! Anyway, we’ve been talking for a long time, and not super much about pranking. Let’s get going already!”
“Uh, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash interjected, “didn’t you say that you still need to get breakfast for yourself and Gummy?”
“Oh yeah! Thanks for the reminder, Dashie! Meet you guys in a bit!” Pinkie dashed back inside, only to pop back out half a second later. “Um… where exactly are we meeting?”
“Why don’t we meet over at my place?” Discord piped up. “It’s very chaotic, to be sure, but the chaos can be quite inspiring.”
“I’ve already made plenty of plans,” Rainbow replied. “I don’t need any more inspiration. Why don’t we all just stick here at Sugarcube Corner?”
“All rightie!” Pinkie exclaimed. “All y’all can come on in! And did all the rest of you get breakfast already? You can’t prank ponies on an empty stomach!”
The remaining three of the prankster party nodded in response to Pinkie’s question and walked inside, Rainbow still carrying the book and grinning widely, Discord also grinning widely, and Flash warily watching the draconequus, still mistrustful of him despite Pinkie’s reassurance that he had reformed.
Once inside, Pinkie Pie grabbed a bag labeled “Gator-Tastic Food for Gummy”, and within 6.374901 seconds exactly, she had run upstairs, filled Gummy’s feeding bowl, run back downstairs, put the gator food back, grabbed herself a plate of cupcakes, and sat down at a small table where the rest of the crew was already seated. Once settled, Pinkie tossed one of the cupcakes into her mouth.
“Erm… Pinkie?” Rainbow inquired of her friend, looking concerned. “I know you like cupcakes and all, but isn’t having them for breakfast kinda unhealthy?”
“Don’t worry, Dashie!” Pinkie replied with her usual big smile. “These are our health food cupcakes! They aren’t quite as popular, or as tasty, but I’d rather eat a few not-100%-appetizing cupcakes then have my teeth rot and fall out and gain a million pounds and not be able to throw parties or bounce around like crazy or constantly keep saving Equestria!”
“Um… okay, I guess.” Rainbow still didn’t really like the idea of cupcakes alone as a breakfast, but “healthy” cupcakes were at least ever so slightly better. “So, while you eat your breakfast, why don’t we all just look over the ideas I’ve come up with so far?
Discord voiced his agreement, as best as he could as a creature fueled by disagreement. “Sounds okay to me too.”
“Uh… oh yeah, right.” Flash muttered.
The others looked at him quizzically, before Rainbow deduced the problem. “Oh, you’re not fully used to modern lingo yet, huh? To be perfectly honest, I’m not really sure how ‘okay’ became synonymous with ‘all right’ myse-”
“Hey, isn’t honesty Applejack’s thing?” Discord interrupted. “And ‘synonymous?’ You really have spent too much time around Princess Bookhorse.”
“Guys, I’ve already finished my cupcakes! Can we just get to the discussion thingy already? I wanna prank some ponies!” Pinkie could barely contain her excitement or her impatience.
“Okay, okay, calm down,” Dash said, finally opening the book, with her writings sandwiched between the cover and the first page. “Here’s the plan.”
*****
Rarity raced down the stairs to her sewing room, excited by her new idea.
“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this earlier! An outfit based on all of the Elements of Harmony! Oh, it’s sure to be fabulous! Brilliant! Exquisite! Stunning!”
As Rarity continued to list various adjectives, Pinkie snuck out from under a nearby table and over to a corner of the room, when a claw reached out of thin air, grabbed her hoof, and dragged her upwards for her to disappear into thin air. Or rather, the floating bubble of invisibility and inaudibility Discord was keeping up around the pranking party.
Merely moments after Pinkie was safely hidden with the rest, Rarity burst into the room, immediately going to levitate spools of thread, rolls of cloth, and sewing needles over to her nearest mannequin. The cloth was rolled out smoothly, and the thread wound up neat and tidy. As for the needles?
They were still sitting on the stool where Rarity had originally left them.
As soon as she realized this, she turned to face the stool directly and cast the spell again. Her pale blue magic aura appeared around the needles, but as Rarity lifted the aura into the air, the needles were left behind yet again.
Undeterred, Rarity attempted one last time to lift the needles with her magic. Pouring all the power she could into the spell, she pulled. Again, nothing happened. The needles still sat mockingly on the stool.
“What the- I just- I can’t- WHY CAN’T I DO THIS?” Rarity began to sob loudly and dramatically. “I always knew I wasn’t meant to be strong with magic, but I’m not a weakling! I even wrote a spell all by myself to find gems! How could I be so weak? What’s happened to my magic? Of all the worst things that could happen, this is The. Worst. Possible. THING!!”
Rarity galloped over to her fainting couch and flung herself onto it, sobbing all the while. She buried her face into the mound of pillows, giving the pranksters time to sneak out.
Once outside of Rarity’s range of hearing, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Discord completely lost it, rolling around the grass in laughter. Flash Magnus, however, didn’t seem as amused as the rest.
“Hey Flash, why aren’t you laughing? It was pretty funny!” Rainbow said as soon as she had recovered the ability to do so.
“It was, but don’t you think we really hurt her feelings?” Flash replied concern etched onto his face.
“Don’t worry about it, Flash,” Discord chimed in. “She’s always been ridiculously overdramatic.”
“Yeah, once she said that same worst possible thing monologue for having lost a ribbon that she found about five seconds later, so you really don’t need to worry,” Pinkie said. “I wasn’t there myself, but I heard the story from Twilight.”
“All right, then,” Flash said, a grin making its way onto his face.
“Yeah, don’t worry too much about their feelings,” Rainbow said. “No, wait, that came out all wrong! That was poor phrasing!”
“Sure,” Discord deadpanned.
“No, seriously! What I meant to say was, don’t worry too much about how the ponies react. They’re my besties and I know them super well, and I know what pranks will be funny and which ones will seriously scare them or hurt their feelings.” Rainbow clarified.
“Yeah. Tota-
“Discord, stop it,” Flash interrupted. “I trust Rainbow knows what she’s doing, all right?”
“Fine,” Discord muttered. “Why don’t we prepare for the next prank already?”
“Yeah, let’s do that,” Flash said. Then, his eyes lit up as a stroke of inspiration hit him. “And who says it only has to be your besties?”
*****
Rockhoof carefully closed the door behind him as he entered one of Twilight’s many spare bedrooms in her castle, where he was staying for the time being. She had asked him to retrieve his shovel for some sort of magical inspection related to the harmonic forces in the Pillar’s various artifacts. Obviously, Starswirl’s journal would be difficult to examine, as the Pony of Shadows had blasted it apart after the seven of them had returned from limbo. However, Twilight, being the diligent scientist that she was, had gone back to Ponehenge and collected as many scraps as she could. Rockhoof was torn between admiration for her passion and exasperation at her obsession.
As he went to pick up his shovel, he soon found that he couldn’t. At all.
He tried with just one hoof, as was his usual take. Nothing happened. He tried using his mouth. Same result. He tried balancing on his hind legs and pulling on the shovel with both of his front hooves. No improvement.
Panicking at his artifact’s uncooperativeness, which he had wielded with incredible prowess for many a year before, Rockhoof went with his gut instinct.
He threw open the door and raced down the halls, screaming “HELP! MY SHOVEL HAS BETRAYED ME!”
“Why… in Equestria… would somepony… think… that an inanimate… object… could betray them?” Pinkie wheezed between her laughter.
“I have no clue, but it’s funny,” Flash said, barely audible for barely being able to inhale.
“Well, if we’re done here, why don’t we get his harmonic descendant as well?” Rainbow asked, having just recovered from her mirth.
“You mean Applejack?” Discord asked.
“Yes, Discord. And we’re going to need you specifically to mix the ingredients, as you’re the only one of us with levitation powers.” Rainbow replied.
“Oh, alright. Let’s just get out of here before anypony comes back.” Discord lifted the shield from them, dumped the solvent for Celestia’s magical, unbreakable glue onto Rockhoof’s shovel, then teleported the four of them back to Pinkie’s secret party planning cave, which was temporarily doubling as their prankster headquarters.
*****
“OH FER THE LOVE OF SOUR APPLE PIE!”
The four rascals rolled around in laughter in the safety bubble as Applejack rolled around scratching on the floor of her barn. The itching powder had proven extremely effective when spread all over the inside of her harness. The book’s instructions said that the effects would wear off in a half an hour, so they weren’t too worried. As Applejack kicked and flailed, trying to scratch her back on the straw scattered on the barn floor, the group escaped safely back to the outside of Sugarcube Corner, still laughing.
The bells of the clock tower chimed out 2 o’clock. Today was going splendidly, until-
“There you are, Flash. How are… what are you up to now, Flash? You’re making your ‘I’m in the middle of doing something really stupid and don’t want anypony to know’ face. Also, you’re with an extremely powerful chaos lord.”
Flash Magnus gulped nervously as he turned to face Starswirl. Uh oh.
An Annoying Bearded Roadblock
Author's Note
Minor edits made 8-16-18 for the sake of continuity.
An Annoying Bearded Roadblock
“Uh… h-hello there, Starswirl… n-nice to see you… what are you doing here?” Flash Magnus struggled not to stutter, but he couldn’t help it. He was usually pretty good at keeping his cool under pressure, but this was Starswirl . One of the strictest ponies of all time. Also one of the greatest unicorn wizards of all time. Also one of the fiercest fighters of all time. Flash would know. The Pillars had been fighting together for over a decade before the limbo incident.
“Twilight Sparkle wanted somepony to go find you, and I needed a break from her fangirling. The opportunity was perfect.”
“Oh, Twi,” Pinkie commented. “I’ve been friends with her for quite some time, and I love her dearly, don’t get me wrong, but she can be really super-duper-ultra-mega obsessive about her studies, and it gets a bit grating on the nerves after a while. Kinda like a cheese grater. Except you wouldn’t actually want to grate your nerves like cheese. It would hurt and grated nerves wouldn’t make for a very tasty sandwich.”
Starswirl just blinked at her. Slowly.
“Yeah, I know I can go off on a lot of random, confusing, and occasionally disturbing tangents pretty much any time I’m talking, but don’t worry. I’m not insane. At least, not clinically. I took the test seven times to be sure!”
“... if you say so, Pinkie Pie,” Starswirl said hesitantly. “Anyway, Flash, as I previously mentioned, Twilight wishes to see you at the castle.”
“Why?” Discord piped up. “I guess it isn’t really my place to know, but I want to know anyway.”
“Oh Discord,” Rainbow muttered flatly before directly speaking to the draconequus. “You might not have heard, but Twi’s having all the Pillars stay in her castle for a few weeks to catch them up on the basic points of history that they missed, explain current technology and customs, and other various stuff like that.”
“And after that, off to adventure!” Flash exclaimed. “To explore! To learn! To admire the growth that comes with time and mourn the losses that the centuries have wrought!” Flash flew into the air with this statement, lifting his head up confidently in the manner of a seasoned soldier, unafraid and daring. His armor shone in the sunlight, and his eyes shone with excitement. The impressive display of courage and the brief yet theatrical monologue drew the attention of the rest of his pranking gang, throwing them all headfirst into a reverie of awe and respect for the noble hero.
“Keyword, after ,” Starswirl remarked, as they were all harshly snapped back into reality. “For now, Twilight wants you back at the castle, and immediately .”
Flash hesitated, but not for long. “Very well. I’ll return at once for whatever the Princess has planned for us,” he said, in his best voice of emotionless professionalism. He landed on the ground, taking the stance of an obedient soldier receiving his orders.
If Starswirl had been at all off-put by the juxtaposition of Flash’s behaviors, he showed no sign of it whatsoever. “Good. Let us go,” he said simply, and the two headed in the direction of Twilight’s castle.
Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Discord were not completely happy about this.
“Oh come on! We had just gotten to the good stuff!” Rainbow vehemently protested.
“Why don’t we just keep going?” Discord suggested.
“No way, buster. We’ve formed a team, and we’re sticking together. That means no pranking if a team member is missing, no pulling pranks on another team member, no ditching the team for any stupid reasons, or anything else like that!” Rainbow paused to breathe, before turning to look at her pony friend. “Pinkie? Find any loopholes in that?”
“Nopey-dopey!” Pinkie replied cheerily. “We’re all set to run off free without the fear of falling into any holes! We are free to gallop amuck in the prairies of life!”
“... right. Pinkie. No questioning,” Rainbow mumbled.
“And I heard that. And you’re right. Don’t question me. You might not understand what I’m doing. I don’t even understand everything I’m doing all of the time!”
Rainbow sensed that this train of conversation was heading down the tracks to Weirdville, and decided to flip the railroad switch back in the direction of comprehensible territory. “Knowing Twilight, Flash will probably be gone for the rest of the day. Why don’t we all go back to our normal lives, or as normal as it gets for us anyway, and we’ll reconvene tomorrow?”
“Reconvene? Seriously, Rainbow, did Twilight give you a dictionary for last Hearth’s Warming or som-”
“Quiet, Cordy.” Rainbow shot back. “Two slightly advanced words that I’ve learned over the course of the years is hardly any basis to accuse me of eggheadism. Now if you excuse me, I’m getting a bit tired, seeing as how I got up earlier than usual, and I have a Wonderbolt meeting later today. I’m gonna go home and take a nap.”
Rainbow made to fly off, but a tug on her tail stopped her mid-flight. It was Pinkie, holding onto Rainbow’s tail and the precious pranking manual. “Don’t forget the book, Dashie!”
“Oh, thanks Pinkie.” Rainbow took back the book and flew off for real this time, heading for her home. As she soared through the bright, buttless skies, she passed over Flash Magnus and Starswirl, overhearing a snippet of their conversation.
“...understanding of the expectation to make all of our plans well known. Speaking of which, what were you doing with Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and the draconequus?”
“His name’s Discord, y’know. And, uh, we weren’t really doing anything that important… just hanging out…”
Their dialogue faded away into the sounds of the world as Rainbow flew on, longing to arrive home so she could rest her wings. Thankfully, it was only a couple more minutes until she alighted on the soft butts of her floating home. She trotted inside, repeating the very same process she had went through after first finding the book and bringing it home.
*****
Knock knock knock.
Rainbow rolled out of her bed at the sound of somepony sharply rapping on her door. As in, literally rolled. She was still too tired from the Wonderbolts meeting, which had dragged on two hours longer than it was scheduled to do. Landing on her stomach, and bouncing slightly on my butts that made up her bedroom floor, she opened one eye to look out of her window. To her annoyance, she saw that the sun was still slowly rising.
“Who could possibly want me at this hour?” she grunted as she struggled to stand up. “I hope it isn’t urgent. I can’t whoop anybaddie’s butt at this awakeness level.”
Making her way over to the source of the loathed knocking, Rainbow cautiously opened the door, only to find nopony in sight.
“Huh?” Rainbow looked around for whoever had been knocking, up, down, left, right, down again- and she caught a glint of light, peeking out from under her floating home. It looked like whatever was causing the reflection was made of bronze, and she knew only one pony who wore bronze armor and could fly.
“Flash Magnus? Is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me. I don’t think Twilight is out around here right now, but just in case, do you see her anywhere?”
“What? Oh, you’re trying to hide from her, right?”
“Yep. Can I come in?”
“Sure!” Rainbow stepped back into her house, and Flash darted in as quick as he could. Rainbow promptly slammed the door shut, to ward off any chances, however slim, of Twilight finding him.
“So, it’s been difficult escaping her watch, huh?” she said.
“Yep. She was even awake when I tried to sneak out. Thankfully, she was too absorbed in making a checklist to notice me at all.”
“That’s my Twily,” Rainbow remarked with a giggle. “Did you get any chance to have breakfast, though?”
“Nope. I wanted to escape, uh, er, leave the castle as soon as possible. I also came up with a new plan for a prank, if you want to hear it.”
“Of course I do!” Rainbow said, an enthusiastic gleam in her eye. “Howzabout I get us both something to eat first, though?”
“Sounds good to me,” Flash replied, and the two flew into the kitchen.
After a nice breakfast of toast with peanut butter and fresh strawberries, the two went over the latest pranking idea.
“So, remember that recipe in the book for a potion that is originally colorless, but turns neon green when heated?” Flash asked, wiping a smudge of peanut butter off of his cheek.
“Yeah, I think I remember reading that,” Rainbow replied, collecting up her strawberry stems on her plate.
“Well, last night I found out that Somnambula has a secret compartment in her crown-scarf-thingy that she stashes extra eyeliner in.”
“Wait, seriously? ”
“Apparently so,” Flash said with a shrug. “She said it was actually quite common for ponies of her tribe to do that, as eye makeup was seen as a status symbol.”
“Fascinating,” Dash said. “I’m just glad that isn’t the case here.”
“I know, right?” Flash said with a laugh. “Anyway, my point is that this potion can also be mixed into other liquids for the same effect.”
“Oh… oh ,” Rainbow said, getting the hang of what he was suggesting. “But wait, won’t that ruin it? I don’t want to upset her too badly.”
“Don’t worry, she has two containers,” Flash reassured, earning a boggle-eyed stare from his prismatic-maned friend. “I was thinking of putting the potion in the container that’s less full, for the least amount of damage. Thankfully, Twilight doesn’t make us get up until 7:30, so we still might have time to pull this off before she wakes up… what time is it now, again?”
“It’s 6:23,” Rainbow said, checking her wall clock. “Y’know, Somnambula might be Pinkie Pie’s harmonic ancestor thingy, but she’s starting to sound more like Rarity. I wouldn’t be surprised if she hears this story and then makes herself a headpiece just as an excuse to carry around makeup.”
This sent both of them into laughter. Then, Flash spoke up. “Speaking of Pinkie Pie, should we go find her now, or wait a little bit longer?”
“She’s pretty energetic. I don’t think she’ll mind being woken up early. How about you go find her and tell her the plan? I’ll clean up here, then we can meet up, summon Discord, and get to work.”
“All right,” Flash said. “Are you sure you don’t want help cleaning up?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine,” Rainbow reassured. “I can have this place cleaned up in no time!”
“I’m guessing that’s another modern idiom, as I don’t think anything can happen in exactly no time at all.”
“Right you are, Flash,” Rainbow said, then sent Flash on his way to wake up Pinkie Pie. As she put both plates in the sink, she tried to picture Somnambula with neon green eyeliner. The mental picture was hilarious enough. Rainbow couldn’t wait for it to actually be played out.
*****
“This is gonna be so funny! ”
“Pinkie! Don’t talk until Discord puts up the anti-detection shield!”
“Oh, right! Sorry Flashy!”
“Can you please not call me that?”
“Why not? It’s so much fun to call your friends by silly nicknames!”
“It isn’t for me.”
“Will you two please stop fighting? It’s annoyi- oh Discord put up the shield! I can hear her hoofsteps!”
“Good call, Dash,” Discord replied as he circled the four of them in his anti-detection bubble. And not a moment too soon, as all of them burst out laughing at how ridiculous Somnambula looked with thick, vibrant green eyeliner around her eyes.
“Now, we just wait until she looks in the mirror,” Rainbow said through her chuckling. And she didn’t have long to wait.
“What the- AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FACE‽‽‽”
This sent the four mischief makers into fresh gales of laughter as Somnambula continued to panic. Until-
“Why did you screa-what happened?”
“Oh, crud! Not him! ” Flash yelled out, causing the other three to cease laughing. The pony who had come to the prankee’s aid was none other than-
“Starswirl! ” Pinkie screamed. “We have to hide!”
“We’re already hidden, Pinkie.” Rainbow reminded her.
“Oh yeah! Wait, what’s he saying?” Pinkie turned her attention back to the two ponies outside their bubble.
“I can’t say for sure what caused this, but it does seem familiar… very familiar, in fact,” Starswirl said. “And I heard from Twilight Sparkle that Flash Magnus has apparently gone missing. If he’s been at the old castle ruins anytime recently, I think I might know who and what caused this.”
“Double crud! ” Flash yelled, in full-blown panic mode. “ What if he breaks our protection? Discord, can you get us out of here?”
“Don't worry, this shield is very much safe," Discord said, patting said shield as he spoke.
"Yes, well, this is Starswirl we're talking about. We can't afford the risk," Flash reasoned, winning Discord over. He teleported the group to a comfy patch of grass right behind Twilight's castle, although he did throw in an extra eye roll as well.
"Phew! That was close!" Pinkie sighed with relief.
"I still don't think it was that big of a deal, and I wanted to see more of Somnambula's reac-" Discord grumbled, but before he could finish the sentence, he felt a sharp jab in the side from Rainbow. He glared at her, but before he could start complaining, he noticed her facial expression. Her face was practically flooded with shock and fear. Following her gaze, Discord saw none other than Starswirl, glaring at all of them from just a few feet away. Discord's face quickly assumed an expression nearly matching Rainbow's.
“So…” Starswirl started to say something, but before he could get any farther than the first word, Discord teleported the pranking quartet away with a snap, a flash, and a POP!
Many miles away, on one of the summits of the Foal Mountains, chaos descended.
“AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH!!!”
“We’re all doomed!”
“I didn’t even get a chance to write my will!”
“I never got to do a sonic rainboom through a thundercloud!”
“I’m too beautiful to die!”
“I haven’t told Maud that I love her enough!”
“This is the end!”
“Why did we do this?”
“Why were we so stupid?”
Cacophony echoed throughout the mountain range as they continued screaming pointlessly until Rainbow Dash snapped out of it and told them all to be quiet. Or rather yelled, “SILENCE ALL YOU MINIONS!” at the top of her lungs.
“Minions?” Pinkie asked, still with a panicked expression on her face.
“Yes! Minions! Warriors! Champions of pranking! We will not fall, no matter how many annoying purple alicorns and stuffy unicorn wizards sneak on us!”
The others seemed to recover a bit of bravery from Rainbow’s pep talk. Encouraged by their response, she continued.
“Will we be thwarted by their efforts? WILL WE?”
“Yes,” a calm, serious voice said from behind them.
They turned to see Starswirl, who had teleported after them. Panicking and screaming yet again, the vanished with another snap from Discord’s talons. Their next stop was in a back alley in Fillydelphia.
“How did he find us?” Flash asked, slightly out of breath from screaming.
“I know this trick,” Discord said. “If a unicorn or other capable creature teleports from one location to another, another unicorn can trace the previous creature’s imprint while teleporting to follow them to their destination. It only works if the unicorn knows, and is able to perform, advanced enough magic, and only if the creature they are following has a strong enough magical imprint.”
“Fortunately, both conditions are met,” Starswirl remarked from further down the alley, prompting another panic attack and emergency teleportation, this time to an apple orchard off to the east of Appleloosa.
“Don’t worry, everypony,” Discord shouted over their screaming. “I’ve left a false trail to the middle of the Whitetail Woods so that monster won’t find us.”
“Are you… sure it will… work?” Rainbow asked between gasps.
“No,” Starswirl said, stepping out from behind an apple tree. And away they went this time to just outside Twilight’s castle. This time, however, they made to move away from their teleportation destination. Discord immediately flew away, Flash followed him closely behind, Rainbow grabbed Pinkie and followed them, and they all went as fast as they possibly could away from the castle. After a good 10 minutes of flying nonstop, the finally hid in a clump of bushes for some much-needed breath-catching.
“Did… we… lose… him?” Discord panted. “I… don’t want… to do that… again.”
“I… hope he’s… gone,” Pinkie gasped.
“I am not gone, unfortunately for you,” Starswirl said, then he levitated them out of the bushes and teleported them all one last time to the foyer of Twilight’s castle. He carefully set them down before turning to stare at them all, and they could tell he was angry. He wasn't even attempting to keep his face expressionless anymore.
“Discord? Can you get us out of here?” Rainbow hissed, trying not to be heard.
“No, I can’t,” Discord whispered back. “When… when I was reformed, I… I lost some of my magical strength, trading it for greater control over my powers. I’ve exerted myself too much with all of that long-distance teleportation, and that last burst of speed flying.”
“Why didn’t you tell any of us this magical loss business earlier?” Rainbow was barely in control of her volume.
“I didn’t think it was important,” Discord replied with a small shrug, not meeting Rainbow’s eyes.
“The two of you can talk to each other later,” Starswirl said, snapping them back to attention. “Answer me, what were all of you discussing when I found you?”
“Is that a rhetorical question?” Pinkie piped up, with a lot less cheer in her voice than normal.
“Just as much as your reply is,” Starswirl said. “Were you four also behind the incident with Rockhoof’s shovel?”
“You heard about that one too?” Flash groaned.
“It’s hard to ignore the sound of one screaming in a panic, especially so in a castle with aggravatingly echo-inducing hallways.”
“Ouch. Maybe we should have thought through these a little bit more…” Rainbow muttered.
“Exactly. Now, have any of you been in the Castle of the Two Sisters lately?”
“The what?” Flash asked, confused.
“If you had paid any attention to Twilight’s lectures, Flash, you would know that the Castle of the Two Sisters is the modern name of the Trinity Kingdom Castle.”
“Oh,” Flash said, mildly embarrassed at having been called out for his wandering mind. It wasn’t his fault, there was just too much to do to have to sit through multi-hour lectures!
“Before you ask any more questions, I have one for you, mister,” Discord said with a hint of mockery in his tone.”
“Yes, Disc-”
“How did you keep teleporting so far? Equestria isn’t exactly the smallest country, you know!
“First of all, it is rude to interrupt,” Starswirl said, eliciting a frown from Discord. “As for the teleportation, Twilight and I have been going over spellwork together, and she showed me a project she had been working on, a modification to the then-most recent iteration of the teleportation spell, attempting to make it more efficient. With my help she was able to finish it, thus enabling longer distances and shorter travel times when teleporting. Plus, there is the fact that I naturally have high levels of raw magical power, allowing me to keep up with you easily. Now, if that is all you have for questions, I would like to know how exactly you found the same potion that my students used on me once over 11 centuries ago.”
Rainbow had sensed that he would go on a magic-themed rambling, an instinct honed to perfection by her "egghead" friend, and had tuned out for most of his monologue. On the last sentence, however, her attention snapped back on, and she instinctively shoved the precious pranking manual under her wings. Unfortunately for her, Starswirl noticed it immediately and levitated the book from her desperate grasp.
“Dontreaditdontreaditdontreadit! ” Rainbow yelled as fast and as loud as she could muster her voice to yell. Until Starswirl put a silencing spell on her.
The pranking party could only watch in horror as Starswirl cracked open the book and read the first page. They knew at that moment, they were doomed. This was the most serious, no-nonsense pony any of them knew, and he had just caught them in the act of playing pranks on various other ponies. They waited for him to speak again. They watched as his eyes followed down the rest of the page. And soon, all too soon, he spoke.
“Oh my goodness… those two… I can’t believe they…”
The rest was lost as Starswirl broke down laughing. Hysterically.
The other four just stared at him like he had sprouted an extra head that sang Hearth’s Warming carols and spurted orange juice from its left ear.
“Wh-what?” Rainbow whispered in shock, Starswirl’s laughter having weakened the silencing spell.
“Yeah, what the hay?” Pinkie piped up, barely even bothering to keep her voice down. “One moment he’s all, like, you-are-in-serious-trouble, and now he’s laughing along with us? Well, except we’re whispering in terror at the moment, not laughing. But still, he’s laughing at it just like we all did, and that doesn’t make any sense!”
“Seriously, I thought he was going to give us all detention for a decade or something!” Flash exclaimed. “And now this? Of all the times I've seen him, he’s barely shown any emotion, let alone a crazy mood swing like this. One moment deathly angry, then hysteric mirth the next? What gives?”
“I’m still mad at you, y’know,” Starswirl said, having recovered from the hilarity of his former students. “I’ll admit that this introduction was a nice comedic piece, but that doesn’t negate my aggravation towards you for your various misdemeanors.”
“I’m glad I’ve been friends with Twilight as long as I have,” Rainbow said, “otherwise there’s no way I would have been able to understand that sentence.”
A simple glare from Starswirl was enough to get her to keep quiet. “As I was saying, I’m very upset with you all, and the ponies you pranked are not very happy with you either. I expect you to apologize to both Rockhoof and Somnambula for the way you treated them.
“And Rarity and Applejack?” Pinkie piped up.
“What about us?” an elegant voice spoke from behind them.
“Hey, what are you two doing here?” Pinkie asked, surprised by the arrival of Rarity and Applejack, standing together in the entrance.
“Twi wanted Rares an’ I to meet her about an idea she and the other princesses had,” Applejack explained, “some sort of friendship festival thing. She also wanted you, Rainbow, and Fluttershy to come along, but Fluttershy had a couple of injured animals to take care of, an’ the two of you are… what are you two doin’ anyway?”
“Getting in trouble for pranking you and Rarity,” Rainbow said with a groan, deciding that honesty would be best.
Rarity and Applejack both looked confused for a moment, before realizing exactly what had happened.
“My troubles levitating those sewing needles…”
“That unexplained bout of itching…”
“Yeah, that was us,” Pinkie admitted with a sigh. “Rainbow found this old book full of pranks that Celestia wrote and then we dragged in Discord and Flash Magnus and then Starswirl found us out and now we’re in trouble.”
“Celestia… and pranking,” Rarity was stunned. “I would have never on my own terms fitted those two words together in one sentence.”
“Rarity? Is that you?” a voice called from an adjacent room of the castle. Twilight’s head poked through the door just moments later. “There you… uh, what’s going on in here?” Her eyebrow raised at the sight before her.
“Long story,” Rainbow said, not wanting to have to explain everything again.
“Well…” Twilight was momentarily at a loss for words. “Anyway, I want you and you and you and you,” she pointed at Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow, and Applejack in turn, “to see me upstairs. I had an idea for a festival celebrating all the wonders of friendship, and I’m going to need your help.”
“Alrighty then,” Pinkie hopped to her hooves, having reclaimed most of her usual bounciness. Rainbow followed her friends as they approached Twilight.
“Twilight, if you could wait a moment,” Starswirl said suddenly.
“Yes, Starswirl?” Twilight asked, her face a mixture of curiosity and confusion.
“I need to… actually, never mind. You can talk to them. I’ll just stay with these two,” he gestured to Discord and Flash. “And after you’re finished with your discussion, could I have Rainbow and Pinkie back?”
“...of course,” Twilight said after a moment’s hesitation. “C’mon girls,” she beckoned to her little squad, and the five of them went back through the door and up a nearby flight of stairs, as Starswirl took the two remaining pranksters away for them to make their apologies.
*****
Galloping hoofsteps echoed throughout the castle’s hallways, the acoustics painting the illusion of many ponies running instead of just one. Pinkie and Rainbow ran/flew as fast as they could, trying to find the rest of their group after Twilight had finally finished talking to them.
“Are you sure you know where you’re going, Dashie?” Pinkie asked her friend, growing more concerned by the minute.
“They have to be around here somewhere. I just know it,” Rainbow said, keeping her eyes wide open and wary. “Wait, Pinkie- there they are! Backtrack!”
The two of them turned around as fast as they could and back towards a side hallway they had just passed. And with Rainbow’s aerial observation skills, she had spotted her targets on the other end.
“There you two are!” Discord called out from the other side of the corridor. He and Flash Magnus flew over to regroup… Starswirl still with them. Not wanting to make him suspicious, the two mares chose their words carefully.
“Hello Flash, Discord,” Pinkie said with a wave and a smile, albeit a bit forced.
“We know what you two are thinking, and you don’t need to be worried,” Flash said unexpectedly.
“Wait, huh? What?” Rainbow vocalized as best as she could.
“You’re worried about me still being here, aren’t you?” Starswirl asked, though his tone of voice and face clearly gave away that he already knew the answer.
Rainbow glanced over at Pinkie. Pinkie glanced over at Rainbow. Neither of them wanted to affirm Starswirl’s suspicions, but they had to, so they both slowly nodded.
“Well, you don’t need to worry,” Starswirl reassured. “I’m joining you.”
“WHAT?” The two girls blurted out simultaneously. Before either of them could start peppering the rest of their newly enlarged group, Discord gave them a look that plainly told them to be quiet. Especially since he had “Shut up and let us explain!” written on his forehead in bright red.
“Well, with all the times Celestia and Luna got him to fall for their ideas, it’s about time he gets them back, right?” Flash asked with a smug, sly look on his face.
“Uh… I guess so,” Rainbow said, her confusion clearing and slowly being replaced by excitement.
“So, which prank do you want to play on them?” Pinkie asked, smiling even brighter than she usually did.
“I was thinking one of their first ones, one that involved an invisible tripwire leading to a large bucket of ice water dumping on top of the pony unfortunate enough to walk into it,” Starswirl explained, a hint of nostalgia in his smile. “They came up with that one just days after I first taught Celestia how to cast an invisibility spell, and I fell for it seven more times in the next two months. In fact, it was what led me to create my counterspell for the invisibility spell in the first place, and now it’s regarded as one of my best works.”
“That is one of the awesomest things I’ve ever heard,” Pinkie declared, giggling.
“I second that,” Discord agreed with a smile, the pranking manual in his lion’s paw. “And from what the diagram here shows, it’s a rather simple system to rig up. This’ll be fun and easy!”
“How about we all collect the materials,” Flash said, pointing to himself, Rainbow, and Pinkie in turn, “you assemble the contraption,” he pointed at Discord, “and you cast the invisibility spell on the tripwire,” he gestured to Starswirl.
“That sounds good to me,” Rainbow said, “but we might not be able to do it today. We still need to come up with a location.”
“Fair point, Dashie, fair point,” Pinkie declared, putting on her best thoughtful face. “For now, maybe I could treat you all to my latest gourmet cupcake recipe?”
“If it involves hot sauce or earthworms, I’m out,” Rainbow immediately said.
“Um… should I even ask?” Flash asked nervously.
“No. Just no,” Pinkie replied with the most serious face she could muster. Then suddenly going back to her normal self, she added, “These new cupcakes are a mix of my chocolate cupcake and applesauce cake cupcake recipes, topped with whipped caramel frosting and grated almonds. Does that sound delicious or what?”
“That actually sounds really good,” Discord said, looking impressed. “I’m just going to pop us over to your place really quick-” and with a snap and a flash, the five were all over at Sugarcube Corner. “And no, Starswirl, you cannot research my magic. I don’t like being researched.”
Starswirl gaped at Discord. “How did you-”
“Lucky guess, based on what I’ve observed of Twilight’s behaviors and your connection to her,” Discord explained. “And where did Pinkie get to?”
“Probably just getting the cupcakes,” said Rainbow.
“Right you are, Dashie!” Pinkie exclaimed, zipping in at that exact moment, a tray with five cupcakes balanced precariously on her mane. She bowed her head, allowing the tray to slide onto the table with a slight thump. The pranksters then immediately reached for the mouthwatering treats, Pinkie intently watching her friend’s faces as they each took a bite. She sighed happily to herself as she watched their faces light up.
“Pinkie, this is amazing!” Rainbow exclaimed happily, after swallowing her first bite.
“Yeh, theesh are welly good!” Flash agreed through a mouthful of heaven.
“Manners, Flash,” Starswirl gently reminded him.
“Oh for pity’s sake Starswirl,” Discord muttered irritably. “Must you always be such a goody-four-shoes? Delicious cupcakes, by the way, Pinkie.”
“Why thank you!” Pinkie happily replied, then promptly tossed the rest of the tempting treat into her mouth, humming with contentment at having finally perfected this incredible invention.
“I’m just trying to be polite, Discord,” Starswirl said calmly, before taking another bite of his cupcake.
“Yes, but why can’t you, oh I don’t know, loosen up!” said Discord in a very impudent tone. “You’re always so emotionless and bland and businesslike and other stuff old age wizards are like!”
“I’m not actually quite as old as you think, Discord,” Starswirl replied as calmly as ever. “Especially given today’s life expectancies, which would put me as not even middle-aged yet.”
“I’m just gonna switch the topic here before we run the risk of talking about something morbid,” Rainbow said loudly, catching everypony’s attention. “And Starswirl isn’t being completely all that stuff you said, Discord. He agreed to run with this prank, after all.”
“Oh, I suppose,” Discord grumbled. Turning to face Starswirl, he asked, “Why even did you agree to this? Your agreement seemed just a tad rushed.”
“A somewhat strange thing for us to say given our squad of reformed villains and the general views of our fans, but a fairly valid point nonetheless,” Pinkie said with a shrug, licking off the last bit of caramel frosting on her cheek.
Flash gave Rainbow a confused look. Rainbow just sighed and shook her head, keeping eye contact with him. He got the message.
“So yeah, why did you agree to do this, Starswirl?” Discord asked suspiciously, leaning towards Starswirl until their eyeballs were nearly touching, as the draconequus attempted to imitate the intimidating stare of his animal-loving bestie.
“Because I thought it would be fun. Why else?” Starswirl asked with a smile. “I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces,” he said with a chuckle.
“So talking about pranking suddenly causes you to show a lot more emotion, whereas anything else causes you to clam up,” said Discord. “I’m confused. Why pranking? Seriously, why?”
“Maybe it’s not really the pranks,” Flash said, a thoughtful look on his face.
“Yeah, you’ve been awfully quiet so far,” Discord interrupted.
“As I was going to say ,” Flash said loudly through clenched teeth. Then pausing to take a deep breath and prevent himself from attacking the mismatched being in front of him, he continued. “Maybe it’s not the pranks, but the ponies who created them.”
Pinkie, Discord, and Rainbow mulled over this idea, while Starswirl simply stood there; his face had suddenly returned to its expressionless standard. After a few moments, Rainbow broke the silence.
“So… something about Celestia and Luna?” she said tentatively.
Flash simply nodded, before turning to face Starswirl and speak to him directly. “I and the other Pillars have noticed-”
“The other Pillars and I,” Starswirl corrected him. It seemed to take a second before he fully realized what he had said. “Sorry. Teacher’s instinct.”
“Well, that’s exactly it,” Flash continued. “The other Pillars and I have noticed that your teaching career really left its mark on you.”
“When exactly was this?” Starswirl asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Just multiple random battles we fought in, especially the later ones,” Flash said with a small shrug. “Usually, it was just little things like correcting somepony’s grammar errors and stuff, but there were rare occasions where we saw… more than that… moments where we saw…”
Flash Magnus trailed off, staring off into space.
“He got more emotional when he was talking about them?” Pinkie spoke up suddenly.
Flash just stared at Pinkie. “You have to be a mind reader.”
“My thoughts exactly ever since I knew her,” Rainbow agreed.
“I’m not a mind reader,” Pinkie said. “And before any of you interrupt me , I’m looking at you specifically, Discord, let me explain.” She took a deep breath to prepare herself than began.
“While I was growing up on the rock farm, I was surrounded by nothing but different shades of grey and muted colors. And I lived with my older sister Maud, who is one of the most expressionless ponies in Equestria, as some of us know. Well, actually, it would only really be Dashie and maybe Discord. But anyways, I learned to be really observant. And I know I can be oblivious and naive most of the time, but I can delve deep when it counts. Having learned to read Maud’s facial expressions, I learned that she wasn’t emotionless, just largely expressionless. The difference is, she had a lot of emotion, and felt a lot of emotion, she just didn’t show much of it.”
Pinkie paused to look around at her audience. All of them were paying close attention to her.
“So after having lived with her for years, I became a face reader, not a mind reader. A face reader. Which means I can look at anypony and figure out the gist of their emotions, which I can combine with information gleaned from dialogue and surroundings to figure out what a pony is thinking about and how they feel about it when I really put my mind to it. And I’ve been watching your face for quite a while now. Days, even.” Here, Pinkie turned to directly face Starswirl.
“I saw how happy you were to find something from your ex-students’ childhoods, bringing back memories of the time when you were their teacher. Even though the pranks had initially annoyed you, you now look back on them fondly. That shows to me just how much you care about them. Yes, they drove you crazy, but you persisted in teaching them until the day… the day you left.”
She glanced over at Flash before continuing. “And all of the other Pillars noticed it too. How much you cared about them. How much you care , present tense. And you want to reconnect with them. You want to see the ponies they’ve grown up to be in your absence. But you’re afraid to.”
Starswirl stiffened at this last statement, his face giving away his discomfort at Pinkie’s accuracy, noticeable even to the others who weren’t professional face readers.
“You’re afraid that 11 centuries of separation is too much time for you to reach them again. You’re afraid that you’ll be rejected. And you’re upset because you see how much they’ve grown up, and you wish you could have been there, back when they still needed you.” Tears threatened to build up in the corners of Pinkie’s eyes, but she pushed them back.
“I can see how much pain you’re in, and how you try to hide it by acting all professional and uptight, to mask your own emotions. But now that there’s a chance you could reconnect, you want to grab this chance and make it work. But you’re still sad and afraid.”
Pinkie fell silent, blinking rapidly. Rainbow, Discord, and Flash just stood still, shocked by everything they had just heard. Slowly, they all turned to look at Starswirl.
The pain was clearly visible. Starswirl stared at the table, not meeting any of their eyes.
An uncomfortable silence filled the air, each individual silently daring the others to speak first, to move first, to do anything before they had to. At long last, or so it felt, Pinkie accepted the dare. She took a deep breath and walked around the table to where Starswirl was standing and did one of the things she knew how to do best.
That was, hugging him.
Pinkie threw both of her forehooves around Starswirl’s neck, making sure to pour as much strength and comfort into the hug as she could, without making it difficult for him to breathe. She carefully tucked her head in just under his, giving him a gentle nuzzle as she did so. She spoke no words, allowing her hug to carry all the communication she wanted to share.
All was still for a few moments, as Starswirl simply stood still from shock. Flash was then the next pony to accept the silent dare, giving a single flap of his wings to glide over next to his friends. He wrapped his un-armored forehoof around both of them and draped the opposite wing over Starswirl’s back. He gently placed his head on the back of Starswirl’s neck before adding verbalization to his communication.
“I think you’re in a harder place than the rest of us, honestly,” Flash whispered soothingly. “For the rest of the Pillars, we have a completely fresh start, with only memories of the past. However, you have actual ponies from your past here as well, but they have changed over the years. And that’s going to be difficult for you. But you don’t have to face it alone, and you don’t have to hide your emotions.”
By this time, Rainbow had added herself to the hug, wrapping both of her wings around all three of the initial ponies, and speaking a few choice words. “I may not be the best pony to help you through this, but I’ll at least listen if you need me to. I’ll always be here for you. That’s the least I can do to embody my Element, after all.”
Discord watched the growing hug, hesitating. He had never been a fan of mushy stuff. But seeing Rainbow Dash join, one of the toughest ponies he knew, finally convinced him to act. He hovered in the air, wrapping his whole body around the group and resting his head on top of Starswirl’s, just behind his horn. After a short pause, he made himself speak.
“Fluttershy was the one to reform me, but it was Celestia who gave her the assignment. Your students have grown up to be two of the most accepting ponies in Equestria, even able to befriend me , an outcast by nature. I am hopeful that they will be able to reconnect with you and help you adjust.” Discord sighed, relieved at having been able to speak his mind, a difficult task for the eccentrically chaotic creature. He didn’t consider himself good at encouragement, or affection of any sort. But at least I tried, he thought. It’s the least I can do.
Starswirl did not move, did not speak the entire time. He merely listened and felt, allowing their display of affection to wash over him and reach his heart.
After a half minute more of hugging, a half minute which inevitably felt longer to them, the pranksters disentangled themselves, as Pinkie checked Starswirl’s face again. She read much more happiness and peace than before, always a good sign. While there were still glints of sadness and fear in his eyes, they were accompanied by hope and love. And he was smiling now, a much more genuine smile than before, one that truly encompassed his eyes as well. Good.
“So…” Rainbow said, catching everypony’s attention, “if we're done with this completely unexpected moment of sappy stuff, can we get back to work?”
“Yes, please!” Discord shouted enthusiastically. “I can hardly wait to do something that doesn’t require emotional sensitivity and that leads to awesome facial expressions from the royal sisters!”
“Now calm down, Discord,” Starswirl admonished, but lightly. “We still have the problem of a good location.”
“I don’t think bringing this to Canterlot would be a good idea,” Pinkie said. “I don’t want to run the risk of embarrassing them in a public place.”
“There’s also the problem of timing,” Rainbow added, “since Luna’s essentially nocturnal, and Celestia’s usually pretty busy keeping the affairs of Equestria together.”
“Good point, Rainbow,” said Starswirl, somewhat dejectedly.
“Wait, I have an idea!” Flash exclaimed. “Why don’t we send them an anonymous letter telling them that we need to meet both of them at the castle ruins? We can tell them that we want to meet with them when they’re both free for about half an hour, without providing any other details. How does that sound?”
“Perfect!” Pinkie exclaimed with a single bounce. “Starswirl, do you think you could find me my paper and pencils? They’re somewhere in the back of my secret party planning cave.”
“Your what?” Starswirl asked, having not yet adjusted properly to the various oddities of The Pink One.
Pinkie skipped over to her cash register, pressed a secret button, and opened the entrance of the slide that led down to the cave. “Just teleport back here when you’ve found it. Sliding back up the slide is only possible if you’re me,” she instructed.
“Um… all right then,” Starswirl said, mildly hesitant as he made his way over to the slide and slid down, the entrance closing automatically behind him.
“So when he gets back, we need to write the letter and tell him about my hiding mechanism,” Discord started to say before being interrupted by Pinkie.
“No.”
Before anyone else could say a single word, she impossibly stretched out her forehooves around all of them and pulled them into a huddle.
“We aren’t going to tell Starswirl about the hiding mechanism,” she said in a relatively loud whisper.
“What? Why?” Rainbow asked, also trying to keep her voice down, else risk angering her friend.
Pinkie just smiled.
“Listen up everyone. I have an idea…”
Dear Princess Celestia and Princess Luna,
We would like to ask you to meet with us in the remains of the Castle of the Two Sisters. We cannot reveal many more details here, for the sake of privacy issues, but we would like for the meeting to be held in what was once the main corridor leading away from the throne room. Do not rush to find a time for this meeting; while important, it is not critical in any way. We have flexible schedules and want to make sure that both of you are able to comfortably meet with us for approximately half an hour.
When you have both found a suitable date and time, please list both on a piece of paper and leave it in the mailbox that has been affixed to the northern side of the mountain that Canterlot is built upon. It is painted bright red, for ease of locating. It will be removed after our meeting.
Sincerely, Your Anonymous Subjects
*****
“Just one question, Pinkie. Where are we going to get a bright red mailbox?”
Rainbow Dash looked at her friend with confusion, after having read the letter that they were to send to the Royal Sisters for their prank.
“Seriously, Rainbow,” said Discord, snapping his fingers and manifesting a bright red mailbox out of thin air. Turning to address Pinkie, he continued, “I’ll put this and the letter in their proper places, and then we can start collecting the materials.”
“Sounds good to me! I’m so excited!” Pinkie replied with a happy boing!
“So am I,” Starswirl voiced his agreement. “I just hope this works.”
“So, are you nervouscited?” Pinkie asked. “That’s when you want to jump up and down and yell YAY! but you also want to curl up in a teeny tiny ball and hide at the same time!”
Starswirl just stared at Pinkie for a moment before responding. “Not exactly to those extremes, but I guess I could say I am ‘nervouscited.’”
“I think we all are,” Discord said with a small shrug. “Now, it’s about time we get to work. I’ll go put these in place.”
“Doesn’t the mailbox have to be on the northern side of the mountain? How will you know which side that is?” Flash asked.
Discord deadpanned at him, raised his bird claw, snapped, and manifested a compass. “You and Dashie both. Seriously .” With that, he teleported away to install the mailbox, leaving the rest of them behind at Sugarcube Corner.
A mildly uncomfortable silence filled the air, eventually broken by Starswirl. “What are the rest of us supposed to do in the meantime?”
“How about you and Flash go back to the castle before Twilight gets suspicious,” Rainbow said with a joking grin.
“That might actually be a good idea,” said Pinkie. “If I know anything about her, which I do, she’s probably already suspicious. I highly suggest the two of you return to the castle before she crashes our party.”
“Aww,” Flash whined. “Do I have to sit through another one of her lectures?”
“Yes, Flash,” Starswirl replied with a sigh. “And just because I’m helping you with this prank doesn’t mean you can copy off of my notes.”
Flash shot Starswirl an impressive scowl/pout combo before turning to fly out of the famed bakery off in the direction of Twilight’s castle. Starswirl then turned to address the two remaining ponies. “I guess this is goodbye for now until we have a date and time.”
“I guess so,” Rainbow agreed, a bit dejected.
“Don’t worry, Dashie,” Pinkie said, patting her friend on her colorful head. “We can find something to do until we have our pranking time.” Turning to face Starswirl, she added, “You should probably get going, like, now .”
Starswirl gave a single nod, then teleported back to the castle immediately. Rainbow sighed and landed on the ground, before melting in a cat-like style on the ground, finishing off with an impressive groan. “I’m gonna be so bored for a long time ‘cus the princesses probably won’t have any free time for months and I’m just going to be waiting and waiting and waiting-”
“Cut it out, Dashie,” Pinkie interrupted. “I’m sure they’ll have some free time soon enough. For now, we just need to find a way to entertain ourselves! Do you wanna play Battle Skies ? I know how much you love, love, love that game!" Pinkie's enthusiasm slowly grew with each word she spoke. "Except for the time you were trying to hide the fact that you like reading and were too stressed out to enjoy the game, but there's nothing to be stressed about now, so you can have fun!"
"I'm not exactly stress-free at the moment, Pinkie," Rainbow replied with a huff. "What if the princesses don't have any free time? What if we misbuild something and the prank doesn't work? What if we get in trouble? What if we ruin a chance for Starswirl to reconnect with the princesses? What if-"
Rainbow cut herself short suddenly as if she had said something wrong. She then sighed and continued. "Look, I'd rather just go home at the moment. And... maybe we should make this the last prank for this particular spree. The stress is getting at levels where it starts to outweigh the fun."
"You've really got this down to a science, huh?" Pinkie said, impressed. Rainbow replied with a simple nod. "Just don't let Twilight turn it into an excuse to write an essay," she added snarkily, eliciting a few giggles from her friend. "Well, if you want to go home now, then I guess this is until next time!" Rainbow shrugged slightly and nodded again before flying out of the door to Sugarcube Corner and back to her house.
*****
"Well, that was fast."
Discord sounded surprised, but not very, at the princesses' reply.
To Our Dear Anonymous Subjects,
We are pleased to report that we have 45 minutes of unscheduled time from 1:30 P.M. to 2:15 P.M. on Monday, June 15th, 1425 A.I.U. We can meet during that time. We hope that you are doing well and that there is no immediate danger. Of course, if there is, we will do whatever we can to ensure your safety.
Best Wishes,
Princess Celestia
Princess Luna
"Do you think they actually fell for it?" Pinkie asked, worried. "What if they actually know, and they're just playing along? Or even worse, what if they decide to dodge it? Our plans will be ruined! Not only will the prank not work, but-"
"Calm down, Pinkie," Discord sighed. "We sent the letter only yesterday and they've scheduled the time for this afternoon. That means they at least take this seriously enough that they want to have this 'meeting' as soon as possible. I don't think they'd do that if they were just playing along. Or maybe none of our creators understand the concept of realistic pacing. Or both."
"Would we have as many fun adventures if they did?" Pinkie pointed out. "It also saves us from having to wait around pointlessly doing nothing!" Her exclamation was punctuated by a knocking from her door. "See? They're here!" She ran to open the door, and sure enough, the rest of the pranking crew was waiting. Flash Magnus flew in first, followed closely by Rainbow, then Starswirl walked in last, closing the door behind him.
"So when did they say that we should meet?" Rainbow asked as soon as she landed.
"1:30 this afternoon," Pinkie replied, holding the letter.
"That doesn't leave us a lot of time to set it up," Flash noted, a bit worried. "It's already 9:30, and if we factor in lunchtime and Twilight, that only leaves us about 2 hours to find the supplies and assemble the contraption."
"Don't worry. I thought ahead," said Pinkie, pulling out a large wooden crate from behind the counter full of gears, ropes, tape, and glue, as well as an empty bucket on the side.
"Is that all that we need?" Starswirl asked, his eyes running over the hodgepodge of materials Pinkie had amassed.
"Yep! And I double and triple checked to be sure!" Pinkie reassured. "Now if we can-"
She was cut off mid-sentence by Discord teleporting them all to what was once the main corridor leading away from the throne room of the Castle of the Two Sisters/Trinity Kingdom Castle, supplies included. Pinkie sighed. "Discord, can you please ask before doing that? I mean, I appreciate you helping and all, but I don't like being teleported like that without warning."
"Oh, all right," Discord sighed. "Do I also have to ask before snapping my talons and building the prank system? It would save us a lot of time."
"How about we just make it a general rule that you have to ask before doing anything major with your magic that involves others," said Rainbow. "As for the prank... well, what do the rest of you guys think?" She made a sweeping motion with her hoof, gesturing to Pinkie, Flash, and Starswirl.
"Okie-dokie-lokie with me!" exclaimed Pinkie.
"All right with me," Flash said much more calmly, but still quite excited.
Starswirl thought for a moment before speaking. "It would save us a lot of time, but then what we do with said spare time?"
Pinkie immediately opened her mouth to respond, froze, and closed it again. Rainbow picked up the conversation. "That's a good point. I wouldn't want to wait around bored all day, but I also really don't want to have to build this whole contraption. It's kinda tricky to assemble. How the princesses were able to build it at such a young age is beyond me."
"What's beyond you?" Flash asked, confused.
"'Beyond me' is a modern idiom meaning that a concept is beyond one's understanding," Starswirl explained, "which you would have known had you paid attention to Twilight's lecture on the evolution of our language." Flash rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. "As for how those two were able to build such a contraption; they were always very brilliant for their age, which was simultaneously a blessing and a curse over the course of my career as their teacher." His tone of voice suggested annoyance, but a small, nostalgic smile graced his face nonetheless.
"I've got it!" Pinkie exclaimed suddenly. "If Discord assembles the prank with his magic, that will leave more time for Flash to catch up on Twilight's lessons!"
"So, that's a yes then?" Discord asked, looking up from the latest monthly edition of Beyond the Wall: The Inside Scoop on Fandom News .
Flash spoke up quickly. "Actually, I think it would be fun for us to all build it together, y'know?" He tried to keep his voice as calm as possible, which wasn't very calm at all.
"Funny how the moment you are expected to do actual work, you would rather take the long route for the prank," Starswirl said, his eyes narrowed at Flash. "Go ahead and build the contraption, Discord. It seems I have a certain slacker to pester into doing his work."
"Do I really need to know all this stuff?" Flash whined.
"You've been gone for eleven centuries," said Rainbow. "That's a really long time for things to change, so I would highly suggest you listen to whatever Twilight's telling you. Trust me, this world is a lot different than what you're used to."
"I can second that, having been gone for almost as long as you have. Go do your work," Discord said, then snapping his talons and assembling the prank, not breaking eye contact with Flash. Starswirl then teleported himself and Flash back to Twilight's castle before Flash had another chance to protest.
"I guess we can all just hang out now, or go do our own thing," Rainbow said with a small shrug.
"I'm gonna head back home for a bit and take a nap," Discord said with a yawn. "I was too excited to see the princesses' priceless faces to get any proper sleep last night." Before either of the girls could say anything else, he disappeared with a flash and a pop!
Rainbow and Pinkie turned to each other. Rainbow spoke up first. "Mind if I join you? I think I'm in the mood now to play that game of Battle Skies you suggested."
"I dunno," Pinkie mumbled. "Now I think I'm too stressed to enjoy it. I'm especially worried that our secret plan might not work..."
"Don't worry, Pinkie," Rainbow said gently, wrapping a wing around her friend. "Flash isn't going to tell Starswirl about it, and I highly doubt he'll suspect anything. Now come along, it's time for me to whoop your butt."
"We'll see about that!" Pinkie said with a grin, getting into her competition groove. "It. Is. On!"
*****
"OmigoshomigoshomigoshimsonervouscitedfortheprankIcantevenuseproperpunctuationorsentencestrctureImsonervouscited!"
"I have absolutely no idea what you just said, Pinkie."
"It's okay, Swirly. You don't have to always understand me."
"Can you please not call me Swirly?"
"The faster you accept it, the faster it stops annoying you."
"That's the spirit, Flashy!"
Their conversation was cut short as Rainbow shushed them, anxiously watching the door at the end of their booby-trapped corridor. The tripwire had an invisibility spell over it, the pranking party was safely hidden behind a large pile of what used to be a wall, and the bucket was filled. Not just with ordinary water, though. They had made the last-minute decision to make it a very runny, sticky goo instead, for a better effect. They had scheduled plenty of time for them to clean up, anyway. Might as well make the most of it.
"You all remember the plan?" Rainbow asked as quietly as possible while still being audible. Her only responses were nods from all of them.
Time seemed to stretch on forever, barely moving at all. Discord was biting his talons. Starswirl toyed with his beard, Pinkie chewed on the ends of her curls. Flash was fiddling with his gauntlet. Rainbow rolled a stone from hoof to hoof. They waited.
Suddenly, a sunny golden glow surrounded the old, rusted doorknob, as the door opened to reveal Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. They walked into the corridor, wings spread slightly, heads held high, hooves placed gracefully. The pranksters immediately ceased their fidgeting and sat as still and rigid as the stone they hid behind.
"They said they would be here at this time, right, sister?" Luna asked her solar counterpart.
"Maybe they had a bit of difficulty getting here," Celestia said gently. "I'm willing to wait for a while for whoever these ponies are. I don't have anything scheduled for the next forty-five minutes anyway." They stopped walking in the middle of the corridor, just inches away from the tripwire.
"Very well, we will wait," Luna agreed.
"I wonder why they wanted to meet here, of all places," Celestia pondered. "Nopony comes by here anymore."
"They wrote in the letter that they wanted to keep the details of their meeting private," Luna reasoned, "and since nopony comes by this place anymore, this would be a good place to discuss more private matters."
The pranking group watched the sisters with growing apprehension, no longer paying any attention to their continuing conversation. Why weren't they walking towards the tripwire? Was all their work really going to be foiled because the sisters simply weren't going to walk any further?
No, our plan will succeed , Rainbow thought to herself. She curled her hooves around the small stone that she had been playing with earlier, slowly and deliberately lifting it up, and aiming for the opposite end of the corridor.
Beads of sweat began to form above her brow, and her heart was racing. She was nervous, anxious, even. She only had one shot to get this right, or the whole plan would come crashing down on their heads. She bent her forelegs and prepared herself for the toss. Three, two, one...
Thunk.
The princesses turned their heads toward the source of the sound, having not noticed the throw.
"What was that?" Celestia murmured, more to herself than to her sister.
"Do you think we should go investigate?" Luna asked.
"We might as well," Celestia said with a small shrug. The two of them set out walking once more, only for Celestia to stop suddenly in the middle of the hallway, as a downpour of goo cascaded from the wall and over the sisters, drenching them in the cold, sticky fluid. They simply stood there in shock, wondering what in the world had just happened to them.
Pinkie snorted, then Rainbow giggled, then Discord chuckled, and pretty soon all five of them were laughing hysterically. They all burst out from behind their pile of rubble and yelled "GOTCHA!" together, as best as they could through their laughter.
The sisters stood still for a moment more, confused, but they quickly pieced together what had happened.
"Our old pranking manual..." Celestia half whispered. "Which one of you found it? And how?" she asked, quite a bit louder.
Starswirl took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself, got to his hooves, and explained. "Rainbow Dash originally found it completely by accident, then she pulled the rest of us except for me together to carry out some of your pranks, and then I joined the group more recently for some long-overdue revenge." Here, he walked out from behind the rubble pile over to where the invisible, now-empty bucket was suspended, the sisters' eyes following him every step of the way. "We used your classic invisible bucket of water, except we turned it into-"
Starswirl stopped talking suddenly as he looked back to where the rest of the pranksters were.
Or rather, where the rest of the pranksters had used to be.
Starswirl's smile vanished immediately, replaced by a look of worry. He glanced over at the sisters, who were also staring at the recent vacancy. Slowly, their eyes went back to their former teacher. The three of them stood perfectly still, not talking, not moving, barely breathing or blinking. After what seemed like days, Celestia broke the silence.
"You thought it would be funny to prank us by means of luring us here under false pretenses?" Her gaze drilled into Starswirl, or so he felt. To make things worse, he couldn't detect a hint of emotion on her face, although he already knew the sensitivity of that nature to be... not one of his strong suits.
"I used to think so, at least," he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. His eyes swept the room— if you could call it that— trying to find any evidence of his friends.
"Where did all of you go?" he called out, to no avail.
"Where are you hiding?" Still no response.
"Y'know, Rainbow, for the Element of Loyalty, you're not exactly being very loyal right now!" Nothing. And his students-turned-rulers were still glaring at him. Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, he turned to address them, but Luna spoke before he could.
"I think I have a fitting idea for a punishment, sister," she spoke calmly, their eyes finally giving Starswirl a break and turning towards each other. Luna whispered something into her ear, and Celestia gave a single nod. However, Starswirl was able to notice the slightest flicker of emotion cross the elder sister's face; he couldn't discern exactly what it was, but he could at least tell that it was something positive. The two sisters then turned back to face their teacher-turned-subject.
"An eye for an eye, the saying goes," Celestia spoke calmly.
"So since you decided to cover us with this goo as a prank," Luna continued. Starswirl noticed her mouth was scrunched up a bit, as one does when trying not to smile.
"We decided to return the favor," Celestia explained, her mouth still frowning, but her eyes smiling.
There were silence and stillness for only a second more, before any and all air of royal authority crumbled to the force of joyful grins and laughter, and the two rushed forward to envelop Starswirl in a crushing bear hug, indeed covering him in the sticky substance. However, in their enthusiasm, they both forgot that they were no longer the little girls they used to be, and Starswirl found himself crashing to the floor, landing flat on his back with a yelp. He immediately felt the sisters tense up in shock, then release their grip.
"We're so sorry-"
"We didn't mean to-"
"We just wanted-"
Starswirl pushed himself up with his forehooves to a sitting position, as Celestia and Luna continued to sputter out various bits and pieces of apologies, which were soon silenced as he returned the hug wholeheartedly. The princesses froze in shock once more, tentatively re-embracing him. Each of the sisters carefully wrapped their forelegs around him, their heads resting against his shoulders. Starswirl didn't even notice the cold stickiness covering him anymore, as a wave of nostalgia hit him. Memories flooded his mind, but he quickly cleared them away, determined to focus on the present and not the past. He closed his eyes, listening to the faint sounds of the sisters' even, relaxed breathing and the gentle rustling of their magically flowing manes. He felt cool and hard—though not uncomfortable—touch of their peytrals, sharply contrasting with their warm, soft coats. He could sense three faint rhythms ticking just out of synchrony; these were their heartbeats.
After what seemed like years, but was in reality only seconds, Luna gently broke the silence.
"We're sorry about knocking you over," she mumbled. Starswirl opened his eyes, glancing down at the relatively younger alicorn.
"I guess we were so excited that we forgot we weren't children anymore," Celestia continued, lifting her head up slightly to make eye contact with Starswirl.
"Don't worry about it," he whispered reassuringly. "I'm not seriously injured in any way. A little sore, perhaps, but it's nothing compared to being knocked over by a rampaging hydra."
"Yeah, that sounds bad," Luna muttered with a slight grimace.
"Agreed," Celestia added, before sighing wistfully. "I guess we're a little big for tackle hugs now."
"I would recommend you be careful about that," Starswirl conceded. "But don't worry, you'll never outgrow the special place you have in my heart," he said with a smile, watching as two particularly beautiful shades of pink appeared on the sister's cheeks. He almost laughed at their adorable bashfulness, the two of them releasing him from their embrace and shrinking into themselves. He was on the verge of standing up when he was stopped by the two of them nuzzling into his chest. He froze for only a split second before instinctively pulling them back into the hug.
The sight of the two of them curling up and snuggling into Starswirl as if they were fillies again nearly made his heart explode.
He closed his eyes once more, this time allowing memories to replay through his head. He smiled, certain he was also blushing. At this point, however, he couldn't care less. All that mattered was the two cuddly, loveable alicorns in his forelegs. He had left them for far too long. The rest of the world could wait.
*****
"D'awww! "
Pinkie couldn't help but smile at the sweet scene unfolding beneath the pranksters hidden in Discord's bubble.
"This plan of yours worked out wonderfully, Pinkie," Flash said, a blissful smile on his face.
"Yeah, I find myself agreeing with you guys and I don't even like sappy stuff!" Dash exclaimed, laughing.
"All right, I'll admit it, this was kinda adorable," Discord grumbled. "Can we leave now?" The rest of the crew halfheartedly mumbled their agreements, and Discord teleported them away, landing in front of Sugarcube Corner, right where it had all began in the first place.
Epilogue: Secrets Revealed
With their secret plan carried out successfully, the pranksters decided to hang at Sugarcube Corner and talk for a bit before parting ways. Well, most of them. Discord left early, complaining that he was still too tired from last night's excited lack of sleep. The other three were currently sitting at one of the smaller tables eating more of Pinkie's awesome cupcakes, which she had yet to find a proper name for.
"I'm thinking that should be our last prank for this spree," said Rainbow, before taking another bite out of her cupcake. After chewing and swallowing, she continued. "It was kinda stressful to set up."
"Especially with our plan to not tell Starswirl about our usual Discord-bubble-hideout to give him a chance to reconnect with Celestia and Luna," Pinkie said, grabbing another cupcake from the tray she had brought over. "That just added more stress to the mix."
"But it worked, though," Flash mentioned, wiping away a smudge of frosting on his cheek. "At least, I'm pretty sure it did."
"Yeah, it did," said Pinkie, "but the number one rule of being a professional prankster is knowing when to stop, or rather, to pause. A true professional never stops entirely."
"But there are still so many pranks left!" Flash complained, gesturing to the book lying on the table, safely out of the reach of any frosting splatters.
"Well, we can't just use them all up in one round," Rainbow paused to eat another small bite of cupcake before continuing. "We've got to save some for next time, right?"
"Right, I guess," he agreed halfheartedly.
"What are you not telling us?" Pinkie asked with a raised eyebrow.
"What makes you think I'm hiding anything?"
..."okay, maybe I'm a little eager to cram in as much fun as possible before I lose the chance. I didn't exactly get much free time back in the day."
"You must have had some free time. Well, I know that being a Pillar and being in the old Pegasus army probably ate up a lot of time, but it didn't take up everything, right?"
"I'm guessing 'eating time' is another modern idiom?"
"Yep."
"Well, anyway, yes. I had a little bit of free time, but there were restrictions."
"Like what?" Pinkie asked.
"Oh, being part of the Pillars came with a lot of restrictions. For one thing, I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol because the Leaders of Equestria didn't want any negative side effects interfering with our ability to fight, but that also left me out of a good portion of army get-togethers."
"Wait, but the purpose of the rule was to make sure you could fight properly," Rainbow interrupted. "Wouldn't that have applied to the rest of the army too?"
"No, that was only for the Pillars. We had some rules that were pretty strict. For example, we had to notify the Leaders before traveling anywhere, which I guess made sense because they needed us if there was a threat. But there were also some that were just too much. For example, none of us were allowed to get married or have children because they didn't want any 'harmful interference in loyalty or sense of duty.' Seriously, that was the exact wording the Leaders used."
"Hang on, who are these leaders?" asked Rainbow. "You keep mentioning them and I have no clue who they are."
"Commander Hurricane, Princess Platinum, and Chancellor Puddinghead."
"You guys were around at the same time?" Pinkie asked, shocked. "Oh wait, now that I'm thinking about it, I guess that makes sense. I guess I just hadn't thought about it much before."
"I knew literally nothing about history except for the Hearth's Warming story until about a week ago," Rainbow mentioned.
"When you saw that there actually were cool ponies in old times?" Flash asked, smirking.
"Yeah, pretty much."
There were a few minutes of companionable silence following this as the trio finished their cupcakes and started making their way homeward or temporary-learning-stay-ward for Flash.
Pinkie picked up the conversation once more as she was putting the serving tray away. "If somepony had told me a week ago that I would hear the royal sister's names together with 'pranking' in multiple sentences and that I would pull pranks that they had designed, I would have thought they were crazy. And not in the way I am. The other kind."
"Yeah, who knew they were so troublesome?" Rainbow laughed.
"I did," Flash raised his hoof. "And if you think this was bad, wait until you hear about their loophole phase. " Both of the mares in the room turned to him eagerly, eyes wide with anticipation. "It's too long to explain at the moment," and to this, their faces fell, "but don't worry, I'll make sure you hear about it. Oh, they found every way to break the rules without actually breaking the rules possible. Drove Starswirl crazy."
"Okay, can't wait to hear it!" Pinkie accentuated this statement with a boing!
"See you later, alligator! Rainbow waved goodbye as Flash flew away. "That's another modern idiom!"
"I could guess!" he called back as he set his path towards the sparkling crystal castle. He added to himself under his breath, "Of course they had a loophole phase, they practically were loopholes themselves..."
This left Pinkie and Rainbow alone for a moment more. Rainbow retrieved the pranking manual from its place on the table. "I'm holding on to this, right?" At Pinkie's nod, she tucked it away and started her flight home, waving goodbye to Pinkie on the way out.
It barely seemed like any time at all has passed before Rainbow found herself at home once more, placing the book back on it's designated spot on her bookshelf. I usually end up learning a lesson from my pranking sprees, but they often revolve around my ego, she thought to herself. But I ended up learning a lot about my new friends these past few days. It all felt so quick. I know it's been quite a few days, but it doesn't feel like it at all. Usually, these busy stretches have me feeling like time went on forever, but at the moment it all just seems like a blur.
She flopped back onto her bed, her prismatic mane landing gracefully around her head. She could marvel at the mysteries of pranking, friends, and time later. Now, she needed a nap.
Author's Note
Finally done! and I've only been writing it since February!
Hey, does anyone have an idea for a name for my cupcakes?
For all of you who stuck around, thanks. It means a lot. Hopefully there will be more stories in the future.
