Come and Catch Me

by Nobodyslament

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Anthro, Princess Luna, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Adventure, Princess Celestia
Length: 16047

A quick trip, that's all it was. Down the road about an hour for some unimportant item that I didn't need. But doing so at night was probably dumb. I was just asking to get locked up, just not in a weird pony land.

I just wanted a damn figure. I wasn't some complicated dude trying to find ruins, or going on a super-long trip through unknown roads. I was going to the nearest city to walk into my favorite hobby store and buy a new figure set to build. Instead, I ended up in horsey jail with two outrageous dicks as my new best friends. Or wardens, if I wanted to be crass. All in all, a really crappy way to start my day.

I suppose you'll want to know more about me. I'm Peter, twenty-two-year-old handyman and lover of my firm hold of the dork side of the force. I love long walks in the forest and prep for the apocalypse because having cheap hobbies are for scrubs. Not that it matters anymore. I am Peter, and this is the beginning of the end of my life.

Published 2018-07-02 08:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-19 10:08:55 UTC

When Life Gives You Lemons

My life was boring. Not in the horrible God please let something happen to me way though. No, it was in the content, calm way that every young adult settles into with a fair job and a good life. But this isn't the story of my ordinary life, this is the story of how that ended. I know, it sounds so dramatic like that, but it's true. Honestly, with how my life is now I think I'm allowed a bit of dramatics. Anyways let's get the ball rolling. The last day that was anything close to normal didn't start until about five in the evening. I worked night-shift, so that was normal. and I was going to a midnight release anyways, so it was a good way to stay awake. I did all the normal things I did to get ready for a day, shower, feed the dog, and grab fresh clothes.

I then did the non-normal things I do when I wake up. I looked over my little stockpile of goods in case something horrible happened. Mostly dried food, and tools. And then checked my plate carrier for all its fittings. Everything was still sitting tight so I put it back down. Boring everyday things for me. I packed up and looked towards my dog. His name was Tucker, and he was an annoying little ball of fuzz. Sure he was big enough to come up to my knees, and too short-haired to be called fuzzy, but my point still stands. I scratched him behind the ears. "Hey, little guy wanna come with while I go to a fun little party?"

Tucker let out a happy bark and began walking in circles around my feet. I smiled and patted him on the head. "Alright munchkin, I bet Nick will love to see you." I grabbed his leash beside the door and looked at the time. Eight on the dot. Night had fallen, so I'd be at the store in plenty of time to make the release. I hooked up Tucker before loading both him and me into my beat up old truck. I smiled as he began pawing at the window until I reached over and used the crank to roll it down. He happily stuck his head out of the truck and began barking at a nearby chipmunk. I ruffled his head and turned on the truck.

We made pretty good time. I was in the country backroads near the city before I really thought about it. It helped that Tucker was trying to get in my lap the entire time, keeping me from taking note of the time. I glanced out the side window as I drove, watching a creek pass under a bridge. I smiled as the dark or early night firmly settled over the world. It was a good night. My truck started to sputter as it slowly stopped on the side of the road. I sighed and let out a curse. "Damn, I'm gonna have to fix this huh?" I looked to Tucker as I asked this, who just gave me a doggy grin in the worlds most unhelpful way.

I grumbled at him and popped the hood of my truck. I hauled out my go-bag and walked to the front of the truck. Tucker jumped out of his open window, trailing his cloth leash behind him. I glared at him as he sat beside me, unaware of the fact he was supposed to stay inside. I unzipped my bag and opened the hood. Nothing was smoking or on fire, so the problem wasn't going to be easy to fix. I grumbled and pulled out my cell phone. No service. I slammed it back into my pocket. "Of freaking course, stranded in a place with no service. God just take me now."

I saw a bright light from above me, and Tucker began barking at it. I stared at it as it slowly descended. "Wait, wait. I wasn't being serious! Go back up there you divine asshole, I got stuff to do." The bright light didn't listen and began to hasten as I stumbled back. Tucker ran in front of me, barking at the light as it fell on us. I don't know what came over me then, but I apparently put Tucker's life above my own. I moved forward and grabbed him before positioning myself over him. The light fell over me, and I felt myself falling.

***

I felt a strange feeling as I fell. but I didn't have time to catalog it as I heard a minor crash below me. Followed swiftly by my own impact on a snowy floor. I laid on the snow and grass for a moment before letting out a deep breath. I coughed a few times as I forced myself up. "Hey God? It's me, Peter. Could I please pray that you never give me what I ask for again? Thanks." I looked around, taking note of the unfamiliar forest around me. I stopped at a familiar ball of fuzz and scrambled towards it. I touched the breathing mass of my dog. "Hey, Tucker, you still with me boy?"

I heard a soft whine as Tucker rolled himself to his belly. I looked him over, trying to see if there were any issues with him. There didn't seem to be any broken bones or cuts on him. I smiled wide as I scratched him behind the ears. "Come on boy, you know better than to scare me like that." He gave me a big doggy grin and a small bark before standing up and sniffing the air. I followed suit, standing up and looking over my surroundings. I was in a forest, and it wasn't in the Georgia Mountains. I could tell by the fact I wasn't surrounded by hills. Once you grow up on hills every step of your life, you can tell when you're on flat earth. I thought back to the bright light that descended on me. "Okay, current working theory. I just got kidnapped by the predator and am now going to have to fight for my life. So take five for an equipment check then move."

I looked to Tucker and patted myself down. "Well Toto, we ain't in Kansas anymore." Tucker let out a bark as I felt my normal day gear on me. A CZ - 75, one spare mag, two lighters, a phone, a lockpick set I kept for reasons. and a wallet. I stared at the two lighters that were sitting in two separate pockets. I knew one of them was my standard lighter. A zippo my dad gave me when I enlisted engraved with the Army motto on the front, and the Lord's Prayer on the back. The second one was just a black Bic lighter, which failed to light after a few tests. I shrugged and tossed it back in my pocket. no use worrying about it now. I took all precaution and drew my pistol and racked back the slide. I may be a coward, but the smart coward knows he may have to fight. He also cheats if at all possible.

I then did the next important thing, psych check. I thought about my situation. I knew nothing, had no clue what was going on, and may be dead soon. I bit down the inevitable freak out coming from that information and made a list of goals. Luckily, it was a single point issue. Survive. I could work with that, stay busy and keep myself sane. Nodding I looked to Tucker, "Well boy, let's see if we can find our way out of this mess." He let out a happy bark and I smiled before letting out a shiver and briefly cursing my lack of a jacket before checking my area. I picked a direction at random and before moving out.

*Canterlot Castle*

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of friendship and magic, was having perhaps the best study session ever. She had been woken up in the middle of the night by an insanely large magical surge. With that happening, how could she possibly want to sleep? She was running a huge amount of scanning spells as she carefully wrote every reading down in a journal. She paused as she felt the feedback from her spell give her a strange signal. She wrote it down and read it once, then twice. She then bolted up, running upstairs. "SPIKE, I NEED TO SEND A LETTER TO CELESTIA! RIGHT NOW!!"

Try To Make Lemonade

I looked over the forest with pistol drawn. I could hear scratches from around me, and Tucker had perked himself up in that alert but quiet way dogs do when there's danger. Well, trained dogs at least. Never give a former MP a bright ball of fluff unless you want a cuddly attack dog. I dropped to one knee and tapped him once on the spine. He instantly dived into the woods. I heard a loud thump and then Tucker came rushing out. Bringing a sentient tree with him. So alien theory was both strong, and also still confusing. I glanced at him and saw a limp, then looked to the tree. I saw it had fangs and stopped there. Tree with fangs? Shoot it. Quick maths. I hit it with textbook failure drill as it charged. Or at least, as close as you can get to a textbook failure drill while screaming and shooting on pure reflex.

Of the two rounds I drilled into the creature's chest, only one graced its barrel. However, the headshot was beautiful and splintered the wood excellently. It fell into splinters on the ground. I lowered my smoking barrel before training took over again. I moved back a couple steps and clicked my tongue. Tucker limped over to me and sat beside me as we waited for more of a pack to show itself. Rule one of being ambushed, there's always more. I waited with bated breath as I desperately tried to remember the round count in my CZ. Sure some folks will tell you with enough training you'll be able to feel it, but in truth, once adrenaline dumps through your system you forget how to count.

I calmed down after five minutes of no attacks and remembered rule two five minutes too late. Keep moving. I let out a whisper. "Heel." And moved through the forest with Tucker. He kept as close as he could as we made out way through the thick woods, but that was familiar to both of us. I liked hiking, and Tucker was my alarm system in the woods. I slowly scanned the woods and tried incredibly hard not to think about skinwalkers. Actually, with all the snow it looked more like Wendigo territory. I paused for a moment and thought about that. Then I tried to ignore wendigos and tromped through the snowy woods. I walked forward more before I heard more movement ahead. I crouched low into a nearby tree before tracking the noise with my eyes. I kept a spare hand on Tuckers back to restrain him and waited.

I raised an eyebrow as I listened. I heard something that could have been construed as speech. I paused, tracking the voices as they moved closer. The language was foreign, definitely not something I could decode with my passing knowledge of German and Elvish, which left the field wide open. Granted knowing half of a real language and a language from Lord of the Rings was probably less than ideal for figuring out any real languages. And English simply was all the lost grammar from other languages, so it didn't help at all. So I waited, listening as the voices moved ever closer and closer.

I looked at my gun. It had a lot of use, even with three rounds out of it. I took the calm moment to switch magazines to my fresh spare while I debated what to do. The choice was made for me as the mag clicked into place. The voices stopped as soon as the CZ let out its solid click. I cursed under my breath at my own stupidity. Why would I have possibly reloaded at a time like this? I dug in my rear foot and aimed my pistol at the voices. I heard them creeping forward as I held my pistol in a two-handed grip. I let out a whispered growl. Tucker let out a louder matching growl and the creeping paused. I smiled as the voices let out calming sounding words towards my dog. Too bad he was currently dancing to my tune. I knew he wouldn't charge until I gave the command, but I didn't like the idea of fighting. Running would have been much better, but might qualify me for a Darwin award. Finally, the speaking creatures broke the cover of the trees.

I stared at the walking horse creatures in front of me. There were two, one purple with wings and a horn, and one yellow with just wings. They were bipedal and very clearly female. I could tell from the breasts, and seeing quite a few females in my time. They were wearing simple clothes. What looked like a school uniform on the purple one, and a plain sundress on the other. I refused to move as the purple one looked around and glanced right over my shaded corner. I wasn't that lucky a second time, as the yellow one locked eyes with Tucker. He raised his hackles as she stared. She let out more coming noises and I said a quiet word. "Threat." Tucker let out three loud barks in a steady rhythm. The yellow one paused as the purple one focused on Tucker. Then saw me crouched low in a firing position. I raised one hand and held it out in the universal gesture for stop.

Their voices picked up again and I growled, causing Tucker to let out a single bark. I smiled as their voices stopped. I took a half-second to think. I couldn't communicate with these things, but they seemed smart. First contact was not on my survival plan, and I really didn't want to fight. I made a go away gesture with my previously stopping hand. It wasn't worth it to get through the language barrier in hostile woods. Especially with Groot wolves wandering about. The two horse-things spoke more and I decided to illuminate the problem. "I don't speak your language genius."

Both creatures paused as I shoo'ed them away again. The voices began again and I groaned. "Tucker, be scary." Tucker let out a tirade of barks followed by a vicious snarl. The yellow one flinched back, hiding behind her pink hairdo. The purple one seemed shocked as she looked between us. Then something unexpected happened. Her freakin' horn glowed. Tucker yelped as a purple field enveloped him. I saw red as he looked around, obviously terrified if his low tail was any clue. I stood quickly, taking a clear firing stance and moved forward slowly. "Bitch, if you don't stop whatever you're doing to my dog right now I'm going to turn you into modern art."

Their voices spoke again as the yellow one tried to talk to the purple one. I didn't spare a glance to Tucker as I began centering my sights on the purple one's center of mass. She began trying to speak again. I ignored her and waited until I knew how my arms were pointed. Then with a flash, I fired a warning shot into the ground beside her hoof. (Freakin' hoof!)

The loud explosion seemed to jar whatever purple was doing and the glow stopped. I let out a whistle and turned around. Tucker was by my side in an instant, as we bolted. We ran through the trees before ducking into a bunch of dead bushes. I heard their voices from the distance, and I grimaced as I saw the footsteps in the snow. I stared down my path for five minutes as the voices grew closer, and then faded. I wasn't sure if my footsteps were covered by a group of wild animals, or they just gave up. Either way, once the voices were gone I stood up and helped my much more entangled dog out of his bushy prison. I smiled at his happy grin, only to flinch as my stomach growled. I hadn't eaten before my car ride and just now realized it. I glanced down at Tucker. "Hey boy, ready to go for a hunt?"

(P) A Strange Walk

Author's Note

Chapters marked with that P mean it follows the ponies. They won't be there for every chapter, but I think they'll add something to the story.

(P) A Strange Walk

Twilight finished her letter quickly, barely containing the sense of unease that she was feeling. The surge she had measured had been an incredible magical cataclysm inside Everfree Forest. She tossed the letter to Spike's waiting claws. "Send that, I'm going to grab Fluttershy and try to find out what's going on."

Spike nodded and torched the letter. "Alright, but are you sure you'll be okay? I mean, you're almost to level three on the 'how close is Twilight to snapping' scale. I normally have to get the girls at this point."

Twilight ran a hand over her mangled mane. "No, just... Something came here. I don't know what, but if I read the energy output right it's something alive, and possibly very scared and dangerous. I just need Fluttershy there and hopefully, we can get it to calm down enough to get it back here."

Spike looked at her sideways before shaking his head. "Whatever. It's getting late so I'm gonna bunk down. Be home by morning or else I'm gonna have to write about it to Princess Celestia, then I'll never hear the end of it." Spike slowly walked out of Twilight's study to his own room across the hall. Twilight sighed after him and grabbed her backpack. She kept one handy for surprise trips to the Everfree after ascending. She hardly believed the number of things that popped out that seemed to require her personal touch. Either way, she made her way out of her home, and into the night.

Fluttershy's little cottage was almost creepy in the dark of night. Twilight had written entire short stories from that thought alone, but it only really flourished in its creepy atmosphere before she had to go do something dangerous. Twilight shook off the miasma of fear and knocked on the cottage door. It took only a few moments before Fluttershy appeared in the doorway. She was still wearing the simple yellow sundress she had gone out in earlier that day, so Twilight got to avoid the guilt of waking up one of her friends. Fluttershy gave Twilight a small smile. "Hello Twilight, why are you here so late? I mean, if that's okay."

Twilight smiled at her shy friend. "Hey Fluttershy, I need your help with something. The Everfree forest just had a massive thaumic cascade that deposited an unknown creature into its eye. I need you there in case the creature is hurt."

Fluttershy nodded, pretending to understand whatever a thaumic cascade was while walking back inside. "Oh, like last time?" She paused with one hand over her bag. "Th-the creature won't be dangerous. R-right?"

Twilight shrugged. "I don't know, it could be dangerous. It could also be lost and scared. That's why I wanted you with me."

Fluttershy nodded and threw on her own small pack. "O-okay. I'll make sure whatever critter it is isn't hurt. But if it's scared we shouldn't try to force it. A cornered animal won't be very nice."

Twilight nodded and turned, with a flinching Fluttershy at her back. "Alright then. Let's get going. The eye of the cascade isn't too deep in the forest." With that they walked off, trying to find whatever strange creature was thrown into their world.

The forest was quiet as they walked. Or would have been, if Twilight could contain her excitement for even a second. "Just imagine Fluttershy. Something from another world falling right here in our forest. It could have landed in anywhere in Equestria, but here it is right outside of my castle."

Fluttershy nodded, keeping her eyes scanning the forest. "Th-that's nice Twilight, but can you keep it down. The forest is dangerous and-" She was interrupted by a quiet metal click. They froze and stared at each other. They shared a silent question before Twilight nodded, and began to quietly walk through the forest. As they approached they heard a threatening growl. Fluttershy barely paused as she began to let out a small stream of sweet nothings. Twilight followed as they broke into a small clearing. Twilight scanned the clearing once and saw nothing. However, Fluttershy instantly spotted the dog in the corner. It let out a set of three barks, drawing Twilights eyes to it. As well as the creature.

It was crouched in the shadows of a tree. Low in dark clothing. Twilight could make out a pair of workman jeans, faded from use. A dark shirt covered its chest, an unknown symbol covering it, with a brown jacket over that. It even wore a hat, similar in style to Applejack's stetson, except for its bright white coloring. All that was secondary to its body though. It could be mistaken for a light pink pony at a distance since it had no fur. The most striking was its face though. It had no muzzle like most creatures Twilight had seen. Instead, a small nose and mouth perched flatly upon its head. It held a strange device to them as if the thing was a weapon, which gave both ponies pause. They stared at it slowly raised it's off hand, and made a shoo-ing gesture.

Twilight moved forward slightly. "Look, I know this must be scary, but we're here to help. These woods are really dangerous and I woul-" She was cut off by a lone bark that caused both Twilight and Fluttershy to freeze as the dog raised its hackles.

Fluttershy trapped Twilight. "Uh, the dog is listening to him."

Twilight didn't stop looking at the creature. "How do you know it's a hi-" Twilight was cut off again as the creature began to speak. It let out a series of grunts and words that obviously made up some language, but none that Twilight had ever heard. Twilight stared as it made the gesture again, apparently intent on them leaving. Fluttershy seemed to try and talk next. "L-look mister. I-I'm sure your scared but we really want to help." The creature seemed to sigh before saying something else, and the dog began barking much louder. Its hackles went from a minor rise to a full raise, making it seem larger.

Twilight lost her composure, and sent a small shield around the dog, keeping it from charging at her. Its demeanor instantly changed, the tail flicking between its legs and seeming to shrink inside its purple prison. The creature stood quickly, and the fire in his eyes froze Twilight to her core. He screamed something while holding his tool in both hands. He advanced as Fluttershy seemed to shrink farther and farther back. "Twilight, I think maybe you should drop the shield. I mean, I understand the dog is scary and all, but maybe you should" They were cut off as the creature quickly moved his tool, and it exploded. Dirt flying in every direction as something impacted the snow-covered ground. The sudden sound caused Twilight's focus to falter, dropping her shield. The creature moved quickly, picking up his dog before running deeper into the forest.

Both ponies stared at the retreating figure, trying to catalog what happened. Twilight was the first to speak. "Should we follow him?"

Fluttershy looked at his footsteps in the snow. "N-no. I know you didn't mean to, but I think you may have made him a teensy bit angry with what you did to his dog."

Twilight jumped. "But that dog looked feral, it was barking and growling like it was about to jump us."

Fluttershy looked at the yellowed snow under where the dog had stood. "I'm pretty sure the poor thing was doing as it was told. I heard some breeders train dogs to be very defensive of their masters. If he was like that I think that the creature was asking him to."

Twilight stared at Fluttershy. "Wait, the dog was acting like that because the creature WANTED it to?!"

Fluttershy nodded. "Oh dear, I bet the poor thing is so scared and alone. I think that we should go tell the girls, chasing him down now would only him even more scared."

Twilight nodded and sighed. "You're right Fluttershy, I shouldn't have been so rash. I guess an aggressive guard dog wouldn't like two strange things coming near its master in the middle of strange woods. And if the creature was telling it to be protective, then I really shouldn't have put it in a shield."

Fluttershy nodded as Twilight began to turn back, but took another moment to look at the splattered ground where the creature's tool had struck. There was a large crater there. She gulped at the thought of what it would do to her while she turned to leave. That was something to bring up out of the forest though, preferably back in the safety of her home.

Sting Operation

I sat on a tree branch, Tucker hidden in the dead brush at the base of my new tree. When I had first set up my little tree stand I was a coiled spring. With night falling fast I hadn't wanted to finish my hunt by being woken up from my prey walking out of the clearing. That had been an hour or two ago. Now I was crouched low, and debating just leaning back for a nap. I decided not to for a little while but muttered down my tree either way. "Nap it off Tucker, we'll be a second." I heard a minor shuffle as Tucker got low and readied himself for bed. I decided to sleep in shifts. Tucker wouldn't get it, but he would listen. So I flipped from a crouch to a comfier sitting position and laid my pistol across my chest.

It was another hour or two before I heard something coming through the forests. It's tromping steps made me think it was large, and I moved as slowly as I could to keep quiet as I transitioned to a crouch. My hunch was proven right as a creature that could easily rival a full-sized cow wandered under my tree. I looked it over before softly cursing. It was a freaking manticore. As in mythological beastie and creature of legend manticore. I mentally added another point to my current predicament being some bad rehash of the movie Predator. It paused to sniff the ground as I raised my pistol and debated my options. Well, the base of the neck always leads to a spine right? But if I miss that would I hit anything vital? I don't know how thick the skull is so no shots to the brain pan. I guess going for the chest cavity would be best, hopeful chance of hitting heart and lungs. Plus even if it's not instantly fatal I'll have a nice trail to follow. I nodded and centered my sights to the left side of its chest cavity, in the approximate place of a deer's heart. It moved slightly, taking in a deep breath, and I fired.

The round tore down powered by satan's breath. I didn't see that much immediate damage, besides the bloom of the morbid red flower of lifeblood splatter across the snow. The manticore tried to release some mighty roar, but instead, a series of racking coughs forced it to sink deeper and deeper into the dirt. I watched as it slowly died in front of me. I'd gone roughing it before, and that had included living off food I hunted. I was used to watching animals die, even if I didn't enjoy it. I waited until its tail stopped twitching before venturing down to look at my kill.

It was more food than I knew what to do with. I didn't have a knife to dress the kill, but that could wait for me checking over the body. I glanced down at the lion paw with a set of wickedly long claw from it. I smiled as I circled the manticore a couple times. I hefted one of the lion paws up and held the whole thing up by the base of a claw. I ran it across the digit of another paw and smiled. A line of red meat was cut deeply across the knuckle. I let out a short whistle and glanced at the brush. I saw Tucker emerge from his hidey hole. I gestured to the manticore. "Well boy, looks like meats back on the menu."

He let out a happy bark as I began my unholy work. I ran my unwieldy paw in short gashes across the digit I had cut before. I peeled back layers of flesh and muscle, leaving behind only bone. The snow was stained a deeper red as I stood back up and wiped my brow. I had never had to strip part of a kill with its own body. I grimaced at the exposed ring of bone around the claw, before strengthening my will. I grasped the slick bone with my hand and pulled. The bone gave easily, pulling out of the creatures paw and into my hands easily. I also fell as it gave, splashing blood all over my jeans and face. I let out a laugh as I shuffled my legs to be more comfortable. I looked over the first part of my new makeshift knife, a still meaty claw held in my grasp. I stretched out and felt a prick in my thigh. I looked down and saw the tail was still lying on the ground, with the exemption of the stinger, which now rested under my pants leg. I cursed and slowly stood. Yep that was in my leg. I didn't dare remove it, but I tried to work as quickly as I could.

I cut off a strip of my shirt and grabbed a few sturdy sticks. I still knew a few basics from being a combat lifesaver, as well as a rugged survivalist. Well, one of those things was truer than the other, but I knew how to make a tourniquet. I made it as high as I dared on my punctured leg and stared at the wound. I had no way to make an antidote, and the tourniquet was a stopgap. I made sad eyes at my meat that I knew would be lost with this decision. "Tucker, skit home."

Tucker let out a bark/whine combo when he saw my leg but raised his nose in the air. He let out a short sneeze, before walking into the forest. I limped after him, winding through the trees. We made slow progress, winding through trees and wintery bushes. I saw a few creatures make eyes at us, but be it my blood-coated appearance, or simply my natural predatory body they never bothered us. After five minutes I was feeling my forehead heat up, and my vision began darkening. I saw a few tribal looking fetishes, and hope sprang from my chest. I grumbled as I took another step behind Tucker. "Come on, you're the nice witch of the woods. You ain't gonna eat my dumb ass. No, you'll patch me up and give me a full meal." I stumbled and nearly fell, causing Tucker to rush beside me as I stood up. I nodded my head and he took point again, whining the whole way. "Why, with my bloody body, you might even give me magical powers and proclaim me forest protector. That's what'll happen."

I broke through a small tree line. In the center was a small hut, with more fetishes hanging off the roof. A flash of hot pain raced through my body, forcing me to my knees. I took a few deep breathes and tried to remain calm. "Come on Peter, your almost to the door. Move slow, don't get so excited the poison runs through you even faster. Just get back up and knock on the door." Instead of getting back up, my body sent more pain through me. I collapsed onto the snow and felt blessed relief. I let myself revel in the cooling snow before I realized some really bad news. This snow should be a really sucky amount of cold. It felt nice and cool. I was probably running a fatal fever right now. I tried to yell out to the door and found my voice gone. Tucker was by my side and began barking after my attempt at speech. In the last moment, before I closed my eyes, I saw the shack door begin to open. Then my eyes fully closed, and I felt no more.

***

I woke up suddenly, a cool rag on my forehead and a soft bed under me. I could vaguely remember being in danger of some sort, but I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was. My brain was still in boot-up mode and was much more focused on the little things. Like the fact I really had to pee. Without another thought, I reached a tired arm up to my forehead and pulled off the rag. I sat up slowly, my body protesting the whole time. After going through what should have been a simple process I tossed the rag on a pillow and threw off my blankets. looking at myself over another fact came from my awakening brain. I was naked. Okay, now I had two current objectives. I needed clothes and needed to pee. I forced myself up and found one of my legs to be less than cooperative. I began limping up as I looked around the room I was in.

It was a small bedroom that seemed to be very... exotic. Not in the movie way with danger and unknown things lurking around. Just simple things that I had no background for. Silly masks, vials of unknown liquid., a book in an unknown language. Simple stuff like that. I began piecing things together from my memory. I had gotten sent somewhere, that was clear. And then I got hurt and collapsed outside a hut. So, with simple logic by my side whoever was in the hut had helped me. I slowed to a pause outside the door and tested the waters. "Hello? Anybody home?"

I heard a melodic voice outside the door, as well as soft scratches from a certainly strange dog on the doorframe. "And what creature are you, with such an old speech? Though with how I talk, I am not one to preach."

I smiled and opened the door, moving to a large room. I stared as Tucker began excitedly jumping onto my knees. I had been right. This place was a straight up witches house. All of that only added to the mystery of my savior. Now, I'm no rascist, but I had some trepidation about her. Mostly because it was another God-damned horse person.

Hut Hut Hike

I looked at the horse in the hut. Well, I say horse, but I guess zebra is closer. She was wearing a torn up old hoodie, and a pair of distressed jeans. I did a minor double-take at her hair that was styled into a large mohawk but put it down as her being a punk witch. Which was honestly the coolest thing I had seen so far, so I was cool with it. She also had gold rings around her neck, in a sort of ascending series of chokers. One had a minor glow as she began to speak again. "Well, you have spoken once before. What caused you pain, outside my door?"

Oh right. She had saved my life. I shoved my paranoia into a corner of my head and tried to bury it for a bit. I tried my best disarming smile. "Yeah, sorry about that. Picked a fight with a manticore, but after I won I got careless. Stung myself on his tail. Then I had Tucker here look for a Deus Ex to save my life." I began petting Tucker's head, causing many an excitable bark to come from him. I smiled down as he began the happy little trot dogs do when they're excited.

I looked back to Zecora as she glanced at me and my dog. "A simple tale with a simple end. I'm glad it's not alone you fend." She made a look at Tucker and turned around, facing a large cauldron. Dipping a ladle in she filled up a small bowl and held it towards me. "Though the poison's effect is quickly fading, a sip of this would ensure its failing."

I nodded and slung back the small bowl like a shot glass. I grimaced at the taste. If you can bear with me for a moment. Imagine someone made a completely average veggie stew. Then, finding it wanting, they dumped in raw cough syrup. Whatever horror just entered your mind was accurate, and I was very glad I slugged it down. I shuddered as I looked down. I let out an annoyed huff. Right, still totally naked. I let out an awkward cough. "Hey, uhhh, you got my clothes and stuff somewhere. I'd kinda prefer to be not naked."

The zebra nodded. "Your clothes are clean in my bathroom. Just open the door with the resting broom." I smiled at her and looked over the room. Indeed there was a door with a broom beside it, so I opened her up. I gave a silent prayer of thanks as I saw a modern looking bathroom behind the door. I closed it behind me and grabbed my clothes off the sink. I found my pistol and holster resting under the clothes. After doing my business and dressing up I felt much more human. I stood tall and checked over my pistol. It had a few dings, but if the Russians knew anything, it was reliability. As a bonus, my old white hat had escaped the bloodstains that ruined my other clothes. I spun my pistol around my finger once and wiped it off with the sleeve of my jacket.

I walked out of the bathroom to Tucker sitting primly at Zecora's hooves. She was in front of a small stove, flames licking a metal pan. I moved to a table in the center of the room and sat down. "I'm decent now. Thanks for patching me up." I didn't feel right, getting patched up without a way to pay for it. "Is there anything I can do? To repay you I mean."

Zecora let out a sing-song laugh at that. "Repayment for kindness given is such a silly idea. No, that manticore sting was a gift from Gaea. With it, I can make many more cures. So consider it payment for that poison of yours." She turned around and sat across from me, bringing the pan to the table. "I am Zecora, the potion witch. Who are you, whose skin I had to stitch?"

I smiled and leaned back. I didn't need to grandstand after she saved my life. "I'm Peter. Peter Buck." I held out my hand, and we shook. I flashed her a smile. "So, do you still have my claw? I was gonna make me a new knife."

Zecora nodded. "Indeed, I assumed you might need if for such. I hope you don't mind that I cleaned it a touch." I was about to ask as she reached to a nearby counter and pulled out my claw. It had been grafted into a bone white handle, giving it a nice grip that fit smoothly in my hand. I'll be honest, that knife alone was worth more to me than any damn antidote. It was beautiful.

"I don't know what to say. This is a piece of art, I can't take it." I placed it back on the table, handle towards Zecora.

She smiled and pushed it back towards me. "Nay, I think you will find it fills your needs. Now come fix a plate and see where that leads."

I nodded and grabbed the empty plate in front of me, before scooping the chili looking mix into it. I then grabbed her plate and fixed her a serving before smiling down at her. "Thanks for all this. Really." I sat down and took a bite. It was pretty good. The nice, homey food anybody who lived on their own eventually learn how to make. "I'll admit, I'm kinda lost out here. I'm pretty far from home."

Zecora nodded. "Of that, I have no doubt. Like you, I was once a lost little lout." She took a bite and nodded. "If you find yourself alone and lost, Ponyville can keep you out of this biting frost."

I shrugged. "Well, you're the first thing to understand me." I took another bite as we simply ate quietly for a moment. After a few more bites I decided to break the silence. "I mean if they have a need for a general handyman I could do that. And I used to be a soldier, so I could do some fighting I guess. I just doubt I'm really employable."

Zecora smiled. "Well, while I cannot speak of the jobs in town, I have a friend who will help you with her crown."

I nearly spit out my food. "You know royalty?" I shook my head. "Never mind, I'll take your word. If she'd willing to host me while I set up I won't say no, but it doesn't get around my language barrier."

Zecora smiled and removed one of the gold bands from her neck. "I too have an issue with these ponies speech, a thing like this will keep you from their foreign screech."

I picked up the hoop. I slid it up my right arm until it was almost to my shoulder. It stayed without falling and I nodded. I then looked myself over. "Do you think they'll be fine with my look. I think they may take exception to it."

Zecora paused before nodding. "For this, I can make one more gift for you. She began to move to a room that I assumed was a closet. She walked out with a long cloak and a wooden mask. "With these on you will seem like the average pony. With all that we can be sure they won't flee."

She passed them to me, and I threw the cloak on. The mask was a nice pony mask. With the hood up it would be all you could see. I dropped my hat on the table and covered my face. The mask was surprisingly open, but it killed all my peripheral vision. It was better than some masks I'd worn though. I nodded to Zecora. "I will pay you back for this kindness ma'am. We may not know each other well, but I am a man of my word. I will leave my hat here as proof." I picked up the knife and rested it in the cloaks pocket.

Zecora gave me a smile. "My kindness is freely offered, but I feel like in you it shall be rightly answered. Stay on the path and you shall reach Twilight's home, though be warned, you may have to wait, she likes to freely roam."

I nodded and bowed deep, before exiting the hut. I gave out a short whistle which caused Tucker to scramble out from his hiding spot under the table. With a final wave, I walked out. I turned to the clear path and began to walk. I turned to Tucker as we walked. "So buddy, what's the odds of us getting home?" Tucker tilted his head as we walked before his tongue lolled out in a doggy grin. "Yeah, you're a ton of help huh?"

The Wanderers New Clothes

I finished the path while I got my story straight. I wore a mask because I was hurt during a fight. It was pony shaped, so I went with the believable lie, my muzzle had been severed. My band allowed me to speak, but without it, I was a mute. I had also looked over the band. It had no technology, so I was forced to assume it was so advanced I couldn't follow it. Or it was magic. I had done patrols with people convinced in the supernatural, and I was a bit of a believer myself, so it wasn't exactly world-breaking. I had always assumed humanity was too stupid to understand even a single percent of the universe, so I decided to only question what I knew, not what I had no idea about. I stepped out of the treeline and paused.

"Is that a castle made to look like the worlds biggest treehouse?" Tucker barked happily and began running towards it. I stumbled as I followed after him. "Hold up boy, I think we may not want to sprint up to royalty!" Tucker ignored me and began what I will refer to as a freedom run. Deciding we were safe, he was now running in zig-zags towards the castle. I laughed as I followed him. "Come on boy, we wanna look all official right?" I wasn't really going to try and contain him, he was too happy to calm down. I saw a few ponies watching me as I half-chased, half-played with him as I made my way to the weird tree-castle.

We reached the gates with both me and Tucker turning into panting messes. I don't care who you are, an active dog can out-run you. If you have a trained attack dog, it will turn into your best exercise buddy. I let out a laugh while I scratched him on either side of the head. "Alright boy, let's try to clean ourselves up a bit." I pet him, which served the dual purpose of calming him down, and straightening out his now ruffled fur. I smiled as he tilted his head to the door, and I heard a voice. "Yes Spike, I have to go out to the woods again. I need to track down whatever fell there last night." I paused, I guess it was last night, I just slept through the night poisoned and dying. Weird to think about.

That's when the purple pony from last night came out of the door. Instead of a schoolgirl outfit, now she wore tan capris and a button up shirt. She looked like she was trying to be a female Indiana Jones. Though now that I knew a princess lived here I realized some really bad news. I had threatened one of the royals from here. That's a hanging in most places I know of, so best to keep that firmly under my hat. As she turned to face me I lowered myself to a one-knee bow. "Your Highness."

There was an awkward silence as she stared at me, a cloak covering my entire form wearing a mask. She eventually recovered. "Uhm, yes? You don't have to bow or anything, I'm just Twilight."

I rose slowly. "Of course Ms.Twilight. I am a traveler who was sent here by Ms.Zecora. I was injured in the forest, and find myself in your lands with no means besides a knife and my friend here." I gestured to tucker keeping my hands under my cloak. I figured my lack of fur would blow my cover. I lowered my hand as I began speaking. "Ms.Zecora said you would be able to assist me in my plight."

Twilight paused looking at me, as if trying to figure me out, before straightening out her mouth and nodding in determination. "Ok, I can host you here for a little while. Spike should be able to help you out, but I've got to go to the forest today, so just stay in town or the library until I get back. Ok?"

I bowed again. "Of course, I thank you for your mercy Ms. Twilight. I shall spend today productively." Tucker let out a little bark and sat in front of Twilight. He unleashed his full puppy dog face and got an absent head scratch in response. I smiled. "It seems my friend has taken a liking to you, that is good. He is a better read of most things than I."

She seemed to notice Tucker for the first time, and I became glad of the mask. She stared at him as if she had seen him before. After a moment she sighed and squatted low, giving him a much more thorough petting. "Yeah, dogs can be much smarter than the average pony, as loathe as I may be to admit it."

I nodded. "I find that a good dog can be worth a dozen ponies." Bonus points to me got the species name in conversation. Twilight gave me a smile as she walked off, and I entered the castle. I was in a large room, with very few ponies in it. I then realized that Twilight hadn't told me where the library was. Tucker sniffed the air before giving me a blank look. "Yeah, I guess asking you to find the library would be useless."

Tucker smiled and barked once. There was a brief silence as I thought over my current predicament until I heard a voice. "Was that a dog?" Then the oddest thing walked in. A purple baby dragon. I'll admit, I always loved dragons. Seeing a cute little baby dragon chipped away at my walls of masculinity. I was once again glad of my mask if only to hide my massive smile. He stared at me when he turned the corner. "Uh, are you real? Or should I run from a weird pony ghost thing?"

I smiled. "Ah, the scientific approach. Yes, I am real. Lady Twilight has offered me aid in my hour of need and requested I stay either in town or the library until she returns. However, she neglected to direct me to the library, so I find myself to be quite lost."

The Dragon nodded. "Yeah, she does that. I'm Spike, Twilight's number one assistant."

I nodded at him. "I am known as Peter Buck, though I lack such a prestigious title as yours."

He smiled wide, seeming to glow after the praise. "Yeah, it is pretty cool. Well follow me, just make sure your dog doesn't chew up any books." I nodded as we began to walk through the maze of halls. As we walked Spike began talking. "So, what's with the cloak and mask? You have to keep out of the sun or something?"

I paused as I double-checked my cover story. "Not as such. In a past life, I was a fighter. I have been scarred beyond what many find pleasing to look at, I prefer not to enter a town to screams of fear and disgust. In fact, I find myself in need of new clothes. Mine have been coated in some rather vile substances from a fight with a manticore."

Spike screeched to a stop. "You fought a manticore?!"

I nodded. "Yes, he was easy prey, but due to my own carelessness, I found myself poisoned. Had it not been for Ms.Zecora I would have died in the woods. But I did get to keep my prize."

Spike now looked me over with more interest. "Really, and what was that?" I pulled the knife from my inside pocket and stuck out the handle. At my nod Spike grabbed it and I gently released my grip as he pulled it out. He let out a gasp. "Dang, manticore claws are sharp as swords. I don't think it was worth getting poisoned though."

I let out a laugh and grabbed the knife as he looked at my mask. "It wasn't, but I will take whatever victory I can take. However, I would still like to see the library before I go on a quest for fresh clothes and gloves."

Spike nodded. "Yeah, sorry about that." He began walking again. "So you used to fight huh? Why?"

I shrugged beneath my coat. "The reasons were many, and normally they were worthy causes. Sometimes my friends and I would fight for fun. Kicks and punches exchanged for the express purpose of improving ourselves." I flexed my hand as I remembered. "In fact, I broke my foot kicking my best friend, he laughed at me for days."

Spike flinched as he paused outside a door. "Sounds kind of dangerous. Being honest, it sounds kind of stupid."

I smiled as he opened the doors to a large library. "It was, but it meant that when we were in dangerous situations we were prepared. Practice makes a real fight much safer. But it doesn't seem the way here, so I will abstain from involving others."

Spike shrugged. "Whatever man, well this is the library, so you should be able to find it later. You said you needed some new clothes right? I know a lady who can help with that if you want to talk to her."

I gave a quick bow. "That would be wonderful, though I must find some work first, I have no money for clothes."

Spike dismissed me with a hand. "Nah, she'll probably offer you something in exchange or the like. She's got a big heart."

I smiled under my mask. "Of course she does. She sounds like a true rarity."

Spike smiled wide. "Of course she is, that's her name." I paused as Spike began to escort me back out. Of course it was, because ponies had normal names. Fuck. I quickly began following again, trying to keep up. We made it out of the castle quickly, mostly due to Spike looking like a lovestruck puppy and smiling like an idiot the whole way. I was more focused on corraling Tucker. Since we weren't in a strange forest Tucker had apparently decided to become an explorer. It seemed every open doorway required a wet nose poking through it, and I had to keep my little ADD friend on a short metaphorical leash.

When we made it through the castle the town had quite a few more ponies around. I earned a few stares, but most ponies dismissed it when they noticed Spike. I guess the small dragon attracted strange ponies. Or maybe Ms.Twilight did, and Spike by extension. I shrugged at my thoughts as we went through town. We went through a market square, during which I saw a large red stallion shoot me an appraising glance. I only remember him specifically because he was the only one that nodded to me, which I returned. But Spike seemed to be on a mission as we swiftly approached a carousel looking building. He knocked twice on the door before entering. "Rarity, your favorite dragon is here, and I've got a friend with me!"

I heard a voice call out from the rear of the building. "Oh, Spikey-wikey. I'll be out in a minute, feel free to take a seat." He moved to a side area while I looked around. There were a variety of mannequins around, each in various styles of clothing denoting the tailor's style. There was also a sitting area off to the side, where Spike had sat down on a couch. I stayed standing as I waited, finding myself unaccountably nervous.

I was only standing a moment before a positively magnificent pony walked out. She was wearing a dress that stopped somewhere right around her ankles. While it was simple it seemed made to accentuate all of her finer aspects. I don't wish to focus on her magnificent breasts, so I'll leave that, but everything else was the picture of beauty. From her legs to the way her hips rolled as she walked. I was about to go through my normal routine before she let out a yelp. "Absolutely not! That mask is far too blase to be worn to a masquerade, and that cloak, it seems to be made for stomping through the mud!"

I felt a force pulled at my mask and cloak, and I turtled low. Dropping to a knee and holding my cloak to me as my other hand held my mask tight. I spoke calmly, trying not to betray my pure fear. "Please, leave them for a moment." I felt he force fade and stood back up. Rarity had the good nature to look embarrassed, and I tried for my entrance again. I lowered my head in a half bow. "Hello Ms.Rarity, I have heard you are the finest supplier of clothes in the city. I'm afraid I ran into a spot of trouble in the forest. My gloves are lost, and my clothes are ruined. I have no method to pay, but will gladly work for a fresh outfit that would allow me to clean my blood off of my current clothing."

I saw Rarity's face fall. I thought for a moment she was annoyed at my lack of funds, but then she spoke. "You're clothes are coated in your blood!? No, I have an outfit you can wear while I make you a fresh set, but I will need your measurements, we can do that in the back if it makes you more comfortable."

I paused, looking between her and Spike. Spike was simply staring at her, and Tucker had taken to staring at the cat resting on a mannequin's shoulder. I sighed. "I do not like being seen. I am..." I waved my hand around my mask. "Deformed. Is there a way we can do that without you seeing me? I could measure myself or some-such, I do not enjoy giving others nightmares."

Rarity paused but gave a winning smile. "Dear, I can have you measured up with my back turned, it is an easy enough fix, do you require a cloak with it?" I nodded once and her smile went wide. "Oh goody, with that mask I bet I could design a wonderful earthy outfit to make you the talk of the town. Follow me, dear." I went to the back with her, and felt myself walk into a lion's den."

Clothes and Books

I sat in a dressing room having a panic attack. I don't know if you've ever been in a small fitting room, but I had. This alone was fine, but the magical pencils and tapes circling my mostly nude figure were mildly terrifying. I did the only thing I really could and held still. There was a snap and everything moved outside the room. I heard Rarity outside my room. "That's all dear, just throw on your outfit and I'll run my ideas past you."

I looked myself over as I talked. "You're the boss, just make something comfy and I'll wear a clown outfit." I paused at my bandaged leg. I slight red stain was slowly growing under the gauze. "Uh, Ms.Rarity, do you happen to have some bandages? I need to change mine, and I don't want to stain your wonderful floor."

There was a pregnant pause as I realized she might just barge in, but she apparently managed to reign in her desire to come in and check on me. "Of course dear, let me fetch a roll and a towel." I propped my leg up on a nearby stool and began to untie the knot holding the bandages on. I was right, my sting would have some stitches in it, and while none had popped it was bleeding a little bit again. I held the bandage in place as I waited for Rarity. It didn't take too long before a soft red towel and a roll of bandages came through the curtain separating me from the rest of the building.

I laid the towel on the stool and rested my leg on it. I put the bloodied bandage on the floor with the clean area on the bottom, trying to keep the floor nice and shiny. I then held a corner of the towel and dabbed at the wound. The blood seemed light, probably just one of the stitches ripping me a tiny bit more open. It did raise the question of why it didn't hurt. I could guess that whatever Zecora gave me was also a painkiller, which seemed likely. I pushed that thought back as I watched the blood slow from a steady drip to an almost invisible leak. I began slowly wrapping my leg and hummed a jaunty tune.

When It was fully wrapped I tied off the end with the tail I had poked out when I started wrapping. It wasn't the worlds best bandage, but it would keep blood off the floor and pressure on the wound. I nodded to it and put on the spare outfit Rarity had given me. It was just a grey T-shirt and pants, apparently used for a template on general clothing. My socks were mostly clean, so I left them and my shoes on before throwing on my cloak and mask. I picked up the bloody towel and threw it over my shoulder, before walking out. I smiled as Rarity looked me over. "I apologize for that. It seems my wound was not fully treated, but enough of that. In what manner can I possibly hope to repay your generosity?"

Rarity shot me a smile that could have sent a lesser man weak in the knees. "Dear, you don't need to pay me a dime. I couldn't take a bit from a traveler with little more than the clothes on his back. Though a name for the order would be nice."

I flushed with embarrassment. "I'm Peter. Peter Buck. Are you sure there's nothing I can do? I'm pretty good at manual labor and the like. If you need something moved or fixed I'll try to get it done."

Rarity raised a perfectly manicured hand to her chin. "Well, I may need some help digging up some new gems in a little while. If you'll do that it would be absolutely fabulous."

I nodded. "Of course, and I do hate to be a bother, but do you have a spare pair of gloves for me to borrow? I would prefer that to the... alternative." I left my alternative vague, seemed safer than saying I would run like a bat out of Hell until I hit somewhere safe.

Rarity simply nodded as her horn began to glow. A pair of leather gloves floated in front of me, and I swept my cloak open slightly, grabbing them from beneath the rough hide. I slipped them on quickly, finding them a good fit. I reached out and saw that my whole body was now covered. I smiled under my mask. Using my new freedom I picked up the towel from my shoulder and put it into a basket near the back of the room with a small washboard beside it. "Thank you, madame. I will make time for it whenever you ask. Though I think I shall return to Twilight's humble abode. I would prefer not to strain my host's goodwill."

I gave a bow, which Rarity returned with a perfect curtsey. "Of course, always nice to meet a gentlecolt like you. I should be able to drop off a much better ensemble than those dreary rags tomorrow." I nodded as I grabbed my old clothes and slung them over my shoulder. I clicked my tongue which made Tucker disengage from whatever game he had been playing with Spike. I walked out of the building, leaving my guide with his crush, before retracing my steps back to the library. Without Spike, I got quite a few more stares but that was fine. I did nod at the red stallion again and got another nod in return. I distracted myself by trying to keep Tucker from making new friends. To be clear, by making new friends, I meant attempting to assault nearby ponies for love and affection.

I made it to the library with little to no difficulty. I say little because I did trip over a group of children screaming about crusades, but I wasn't going to take the time to question it. I decided the better option was to go up to the library and begin my holy work. Some might say I should have been grilling any pony I could find for where my home was. To that I say nay! My mother was a librarian, and while I may be a man of action, I will research the hell out of this before going full batman for answers. I looked down to Tucker who was happily sniffing around the library. I sighed and let him do his thing while I scoured the library. And hit my first roadblock. Only about a quarter of the books were in English, and those were the high academic textbooks. Like how Latin is used in legal proceedings, it appeared that English was the language of academics.

I was fucked.

Now let me explain that a bit more fully. I'm not just meaning that apparently advanced magical theory was about eighty percent math that I couldn't follow, but also that all the basic books were in some strange pony hieroglyphics. I stared at the whole library. A veritable bank of knowledge, that locked me out with a wall of glass. I cursed. "Damn ponies and they're inability to have multiple languages I understand. Why are some of them in English anyway? They didn't understand it while speaking." I picked up what looked like an adventure book and flipped through it. I paused at a block of English in the middle. "Oh, cool. I can read the forbidden sounding prophecy, but not the book." I put the book up and sighed. "fuck it, Tucker?" I heard the skitter of claws as he appeared from behind a bookshelf. "Wanna play tag?" He gave a happy bark and began walking outside. I smiled at my dopey dog, at least some things could go well.

A Reference and a Job

Just throwing something out there. Dogs are work. Tucker had sprinted laps around a freaking castle in our game of tag, and I was not prepared. After an hour of jumping and racing. I had fallen onto my back, panting as Tucker looked down at me with a smug grin on his doggy face. I grumbled through the gasps for air. "Tucker, you suck. Just thought you'd like to know."

He let out a happy bark as he dropped down over my chest. I let out a cough as I smiled, scratching him behind the ear. We sat like that for a moment before a burst of wind disrupted our calm life. I opened my eyes and was forced to pause. That was a very blue pony. She also had a wonderful rainbow mane, but it wasn't what caused me to pause. The small wings I had noticed on the yellow pony were on this one as well, and she was flying. I was fairly certain good old Isaac Newton would have a heart attack at this assault on physics. She looked at me with narrowed eyes before speaking in a rough voice. "And who are you supposed to be?"

I smiled, I had a line for this. I stood up, gently removing Tucker from my chest. "Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a pony in a mask."

She seemed unamused at this, and flew right up to my face. "I can see that."

I took a step back with a half-bow. "Of course you can, I’m not questioning your powers of observation, I’m merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked ma-er pony who he is."

Rainbow paused in front of me. "Oh. Well, I guess that's true." She seemed to be trying to come to terms with my odd little speech. And I knew I had to finish the intro to one of my favorite movies, even if I might confuse poor Twilight when I had given the living rainbow a different name.

I gestured towards myself, then the slowly darkening sky. "But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace soubriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. Voila! In view humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the “vox populi” now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin, van guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous." I let out a small laugh, trying to channel V in my every motion. I held my mask as if trying to regain control of myself. "Verily this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

Rainbow stared at me, and I had all my dreams reach their peak as she unwittingly quoted the movie. "So what, are you some crazy pony or something?"

I nodded once before sitting back down, my holy mission complete. "I am quite certain they will say so." I began petting Tucker again as the mare stared at me before I sighed. "Or you could introduce yourself, then I might actually give you a name instead of quoting someone else."

She stared at me before giving me a death glare. "Well, I shouldn't have to introduce myself when some masked weirdo is hanging around my friend's house. Especially when you're hiding behind some dumb mask."

I shrugged. "Be that as it may, I will be as polite as the pony speaking to me." I paused as I thought about it for a moment. "Also it is rude to comment on a mask if it is worn for ones benefit."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "And why would your mask help me?"

I gestured towards my own face with my free hand. "What is under this mask is scarred and tired. I doubt such young and free ponies as I've found here want to see it." I then waved my hand. "Plus there's less awkward questions about my ugly mug when a mask covers it."

Rainbow stared at me before shaking her head. "Nope, you're definitely going to have to at least show me you are who you say you are before you can wander around town."

I laughed, causing Tucker to jump up. "I'm afraid you're a bit late. I have already run around town, much to some of the local's chagrin. I have also already talked to the local princess, and gotten permission to wait in the library."

The mare paused at that. Before landing with a thump and crossing her arms. "Well Twi's gonna be here in a minute, so we'll just wait here until she gets back. And if she doesn't know you I'm gonna rip off your mask and drag you all the way to Canterlot."

I nodded. "I am sure you'll try, though I would still suggest caution. You may not want to charge into a fight with someone you didn't know."

She seemed interested in something about that, but I ignored her. Instead, I opted to pat Tucker on the sides of his face, starting an age-old game of getting my fingers. Tucker was horrible at it, spinning around as I repeatedly tapped his face in different areas causing him to spin about in a circle. I chuckled as eventually he stopped and glared at me in annoyance. "Fine Tucker, we'll call a truce. I won't beat you at this if you'll slow down when we play tag. Deal?" He let out a happy bark as I smirked. "Liar."

I looked up to see the pony rainbow still staring at me before deciding to try conversation again. "So since you didn't give me a name, Imma just call you Skittles. That cool?" She didn't comment, but the eye twitch did seem to hint that she thought it was decidedly not cool. I was still gonna use it. "So Skittles, I only talked to the Princess for a moment, would you mind filling me in on her?" The mare didn't respond and instead doubled down on her stare. I smiled wide. "Oh, are we playing the silent game? I guess it's between you and Tucker here then huh?" I patted Tucker as he sat down to stare at the mare with a big doggy grin. "I'll be honest, he's probably gonna lose. Tucker likes to add his own version of a color commentary on everything."

At that, he let out a quick bark as if to prove my point. I smiled at him. "See, so now that you've won can you talk? Or are we playing another round?" She maintained her silence, but her glare lessened as a hint of confusion started to gain ground against her annoyance. There was my chink in her armor. Time to exploit it viciously. "Okay new round. I got you this time."

I stared at her with a smirk, as she stared back at me. I could see her annoyance and anger fade away with every passing minute as I began bobbing my head to some invisible music. We continued as I watched the sunset. I had to commend her willpower. It must have been an hour before she finally let out a groan. I smiled wide as I shifted my view to Tucker, who had fallen asleep. I sighed. "Fine, I'll take second place. Waking Tucker up ends in bite marks and sadness for everyone involved."

Then we heard hoof steps coming from the general area of the castle. I stood up and stretched out with a yawn. "C'mon Tucker, lets go see who's knocking upon the castle doors."

Rainbow grumbled as she moved ahead of us. I walked casually, happy to have a moment of peace. Before the mystery mare turned the corner. "But still Twilight, be careful. I don't know what a few of those nobles will do, they seem angry that a commoner was allowed to ascend, and you won't come into your power for another few months."

As the mare turned the corner she let out a surprised gasp. "Luna, what are you doing here?"

I turned the corner only a moment later and saw a true queen. She wore finery I had never seen in person. A dress that seemed to meld with the darkening night swathed her person. A crown of silver and pearl graced her forehead. And she shared the wings and horn of Princess Twilight. As soon as I saw the crown I dropped to one knee, raising my arm across my chest. I could feel some unease, but I refused to raise my head. I didn't have experience dealing with royals, but I knew you didn't speak until spoken too. Finally, the voice from before spoke up. "Rise my little pony. There is no need for such prostration."

I rose fully, checking to make sure my hood was still up. After running my hands over the hood I nodded. "Of course your highness. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Peter Buck, wanderer of the world at wide."

The princess raised an eye at me. "Really, and what are you here for?"

I shrugged hopelessly. "Princess Twilight has graciously allowed me into her home for a while, and I needed a place to sleep while my leg heals. Once I am healed I shall find a way to earn some food for my trip, and continue on my path home."

Princess Luna began staring at me. "I see, and where exactly do you hail from? It is not often I see a pony who hides behind a mask around a princess."

I bowed my head. "Forgive my impropriety, but I have led a hard life. I'm afraid my countenance would do little to calm you and might cause fear from its very visage." I decided to add something for some hopeful pity points. "And I'll be honest. I do not like it as it looks now." I looked at Princess Luna. Ha, look at those pity points roll in. Only to be ruined by the Rainbow mare.

"This guy is full of hay. When he talked to me he said his name was V. Now he's saying it's this nonsense name too?" I looked to her as she glared at me.

This stopped the pity points, so I let out a long-suffering sigh. "Of course, I can see I'll need some proof." I reached into the rear pocket of my loaned clothes and pulled out my wallet. I dug around in it for a second before pulling out a credit card. It wasn't any photo ID, but I was wearing the mask for a reason." I know it has no photo, but it is a form of identification where I come from."

The princess grabbed at the ID and looked it over. "Indeed. Besides, I doubt one such as you would keep a photo on you. I am innately aware of how looking in a mirror can cause pain." She passed the card to Twilight who let out a small gasp, but Luna ignored it. "But that raises another question, why would you introduce yourself as this V character."

I laughed, before waving my hand. "A moment of whimsy. That mare asked who I was, and it matched perfectly with a scene from my favorite-" I paused, did they even have movies here? I decided to play it safe. "Book. The Protagonist used a whole intro and she allowed me to follow it perfectly."

Twilight interrupted all this. Flying into my face. "Peter, why is your weird card in the language of ancients? There hasn't been a country to use such an ancient language in over a thousand years."

I froze. Ah shit, I forgot that English wasn't a common language here. Well, I'm fucked. "I cannot answer that. It is the tongue of my home, thus it is there. It is one of three languages I know, and I must admit, your library was almost entirely unfamiliar."

The rainbow mare swooped in on this. "Come on, I can't be the only one that thinks this is super suspicious. This dude just walks out of nowhere and reads some egghead words like its nothing. This dude's shadier than that Trixie chick."

Luna nodded. "You are not wrong Rainbow Dash. But I fell as if he is safe, for the time being. But I will take one precaution." I raised an eyebrow as she looked into my mask's eyes. "If you wish to stay with our young princess I will draft you into her guard. You will provide protection for her under pain of death. I will put a spell upon you that will fade in three months. That is the price of her kindness."

I shrugged. I was a master of the social arts. "I have done less worthy tasks. I accept."

Twilight stared at Luna with something akin to horror as her horn glowed, surrounding me. When it faded Rainbow Dash looked less than happy, and Twilight looked like Luna had just burned her name into my scalp. I, however, felt great. My body felt awake, and all the aches and pains of the last day seemed to fade away. Luna stared at me. "The spell will kill you if Twilight Sparkle is slain. Know this and keep her under your vigil. We will arrange a payment to be delivered to you on a weekly basis."

I stared in confusion. "Uh, did I just get a job, your highness. Because normally there's at least an interview or something."

Luna scoffed at me. "Ha, do you believe me so out of practice that I can't see a fighter when they stand in front of me. Nay, you will be adept at this task, just keep Twilight safe and my decision will be justified."

I nodded. I had met people like this multiple times. People that could mark a soldier from a glance. I just shrugged it off. "Very well, I shall do this to the best of my ability. But, try not to send something silly, like a team of assassins to prove myself or something stupid like that."

I saw a dangerous glint in Luna's eyes. "Of course. The princesses of this land are the best of friends, but do keep an eye out." I paused as she shifted into shadow and could only think one thing. 'What the hell did I get myself into?'

Teatime

Twilight is crazy. I feel as if I shouldn't say that about a princess, but it's still true. As soon as Luna left I was shoved through the door and poked with magic for what felt like years. Apparently, Princess Luna had used some dark spell that was forbidden for about five hundred years. Of course, I didn't care about that, I cared about what it was. A cage. Or maybe a chain. Either way it was something that was impeding my freedom to do as I pleased, and as such, was something to be rid of as quickly as possible. Sadly the easiest way to do that was to play along. After the magical decathlon Twilight ran through trying to disenchant me anyways.

"Maybe if I try to route the spell away from his heart and-" I raised a hand in front of Twilight's face, stopping her thoughts as they formed. We had moved to the library, where I was reclining on a couch as Twilight assaulted my person with enough purple pixie dust to make me feel like a Disney reject.

I stretched as I glanced out the darkening window. "I believe that we have reached a late hour Twilight. Perhaps it would be best for me to do a quick sweep and then for us to retire. I am fairly sure you'll make it through the night." She looked at me as if I was crazy before a soft snore jarred her out of her indignation. Tucker had taken the calm moment to fall asleep by my feet and was snoring away.

I began to pet his neck as Twilight sighed. "Of course, you're right." She paused. "But why would you need to sweep, Spike normally handles the cleaning."

I chuckled as I stood. "I didn't mean that kind of sweep, show me around the castle and I'll be happy." She nodded as she began to awkwardly lead me around her castle. She showed me kitchens fit to cook for hundreds, stocked with a week's groceries for two. I saw full guard barracks, with only dusty boxes being present. I paused at the alchemy table as she continued on. The labels were all in English, and in a fit of whimsy, I grabbed one. Nightshade. I pocketed it as I walked forward, you never knew when you might want a good poison. I caught up quickly as we finished the tour, ending it outside Twilights room. She gestured to it. "And I think that's it, feel free to grab a guest room for your own. I think I'm going to listen to you and go to bed."

I nodded before gesturing towards the door. "Of course Twilight, but may I make sure the room is safe? I wish to know of any balconies or the like I'll need to be aware of."

She seemed nervous at the thought but nodded. "S-sure, just don't laugh or anything." I nodded as she opened the door. I looked on at the wet dream of every literophile into an orgasmic shudder. Bookshelves lined the walls, with no space taken up by windows or skylights. Just bookshelves and a lone desk filling the whole room. I glanced at the large bed which was clean and made, while the free areas on the floor were filled with various chairs, including one recliner, and a beanbag chair.

I stared for a moment. "This is a secure enough room." I carefully avoided mentioning that the girl obviously had a completely unhealthy love of all things written. "I shall make me a batch of tea and guard the room tonight. Sleep well Twilight."

She nodded and gave me a shy wave as I turned. "You too Peter." I heard her smack her forehead as she walked into her room, but ignored it as I whistled into the castle. It took only a moment before I heard the skitter of claws across a crystal floor. Tucker skidded to a stop in front of me, wide-eyed and grinning. I pointed towards the door to Twilight's room. "Watch." He let out a happy bark and sat down by the doorframe, nose taking in deep breathes every few seconds. I turned and walked to the large kitchen smiling as I hummed down the hall.

Brewing tea is boring, but I enjoyed the monotony as I scrounged through the kitchen for a comfy chair and a small table. When the tea reached a whistle I threw in a loose collection of leaves from the pot that looked vaguely like it held tea leaves, into the pot as I removed it from the small oven I had liberated for my holy cause. Tea is serious business. Or, at least caffeine is. I placed a couple plates on the table along with a small cup. I picked up the table with one hand, holding it like a waiters tray. With my free hand, I hauled up the chair and walked back to Twilight's bedroom.

I found Tucker sitting in full sentry mode at the doorframe. He looked like a brown dog statue until he looked to me and his face fell into a wide grin. I smiled at him. "Release boy. Go ahead and nap, or whatever it is you decide to do." He happily sniffed at my loot before moving back to his post and sat back down, scratching his ear. I sighed as I sat down my gains and poured myself a glass of tea. I moved the mask from it's place on my face to the side of my head before I took a happy sip while looking down the halls. With them mercifully bare I leaned my chair back and enjoyed the quiet. Some things never change, and guard duty was definitely one of them.

I had sat calmly for an hour, thinking up impossible situations to kill time as I watched the lone window in my area. I could see the moon making it's slow journey until I heard the soft hoofsteps of a pony walking down the hall. I moved my mask from the side of my head where it had been resting to cover my fave. That done, I looked towards it until I saw a pony of pure white walking down the hall. She had wings sprouting from her back and a pink mane that was swept over one eye. She paused upon seeing me which made me smile under my mask. I waved to her and gestured towards the tea. She walked up at a sedate pace, her face not betraying a hint of her thoughts. As she approached I shrugged my shoulders. "I apologize for lacking a cup for you, but I had not expected a guest at this hour. May I ask your business in the home of Princess Twilight? It is far too late at night to seek counsel if that is your desire."

The pony paused before shaking her head. "No, my sister just mentioned she had heard Twilight got a guard. Since I was free tonight I was hoping to ask how she found it."

I shrugged. "I would not know, but it is not my duty to be liked. If you would excuse me a moment." I tapped Tucker with a foot, causing him to rise with an annoyed huff. He looked over the pony as she stared at him, before walking up and sniffing her a few times. I held my breath as he stared at her, reaching a hand into my pocket and grasping my knife. After a silent moment, he let out a happy bark and gave her a big doggy grin. I instantly relaxed and relinquished my knife. "Tucker here says you're of an alright sort. Since that is the case I won't be forced to eject you. I am Peter, the Princesses new guard."

She stared at me for a moment before nodding. "I gathered as such. I am Sunny Smiles, a friend of Twilight. I was really hoping to speak with her if you don't mind."

I gave her the shrug every cop learns. It's a nice mix of apology and annoyance. "No can do, can't let every pretty girl that walks by seeing her. If you can get her to pass the word that you're allowed through later I could make an exception. But as of now, you're SOL. However, you're more than free to scavenge a chair from the guest room and sit here until morning."

She stared at me with a small measure of confusion in her face. Finally, she nodded. "I believe I shall." she walked out of my sight as I poured myself a glass of now cold tea. Cold caffeine was still good, even if it should have been drunk hot. I then remembered my mask and let out a silent curse. No tea until my newest guest left. It only took a few minutes before I heard the soft hoofsteps of Sunny reaching my little checkpoint. She set up her chair and had her own teacup. She gave me a questioning look. I lifted the teapot and poured her a glass. She sat back in a prim and proper fashion before speaking again. "So, why did you decide to become Twilight's guard?"

I shrugged. "Because it was the best option available ma'am. Besides, I've done my fair share of guard jobs in my day." I looked at my useless tea and let out an annoyed sigh. "Besides it puts cash in my pocket, no reason to say no."

Sunny gave me an odd look. "So money is the only reason you guard your princess? Not honor or duty?"

I laughed, which seemed to offend the old mare. I tried to raise a calming hand. "Honor? Bah, honor is only good for the dead. And I have no duty to this kingdom. No, I do this because I said I would. If a man is not tied to his word he is worth less than spit." I gestured to Tucker. "Besides, Tucker likes her, and he's smarter than me. If he said she's fine then she's fine." I patted the sitting dog who seemed to be trying to go into a cute overload to get a pat from Sunny.

She looked at him with a distant gleam in her eye before nodding. "That seems fair, I have known that some creatures are more adept at sensing a ponies true nature than anypony else." She crossed her legs and rubbed the top of Tucker's head. He instantly rolled over to his belly, a pleading look in his eyes. I rolled mine in response before giving him a belly rub. Sunny saw this and smiled. "I'll admit, you are not what I expected from your description. The way you were talked about I expected you to be some calm warrior who never spoke. Instead, I found a calm young stallion who seems to leave the decisions to his dog."

I flinched under my mask. I instantly changed Sunny from a kind young mare who seemed to ignore business hours to a simpler mental title. Bitch. "No, I have fought enough in my days, but I trust those who have earned it. Tucker has, and no one else." I took another sip of my tea. "And what of you. You seem to be intruding on castle grounds late at night, trying to access an area that is closed to the public. Honestly, if Tucker hadn't given you his seal there was a chance you wouldn't have left this castle."

She smiled slightly. "You think you could just throw me in the dungeons until Twilight awoke?"

I shrugged. "I guess, though I'm unsure why I would store a corpse in the dungeon." That got a reaction. Her glass wavered slightly as I idly tapped the table. "Of course, I am unsure of the customs here, but possible assassins are normally treated as such where I come from. Mayhaps Twilight would raise some concerns when she awoke, but I would accept them as a part of the job."

Sunny let out a slow breath. "So you would kill on the word of your dog? Is that not a bit extreme? You could just ask ponies to leave?"

I shrugged again. "Then I would have to escort them. I have what some have called a criminal mind, and if I were on the assassination team I would send a second pony after the first. Then as the first was escorted out the second would only have a door to deal with over a guard. Plus attempts normally die down after the first one disappears without a trace."

Sunny stared at me as though I slapped her. Her cup was frozen in her hands. "You would be so reckless with somepony's life? To use them to prove a point?"

I smiled under my mask and tapped the hollow muzzle. Sunny flinched at the small echo. "Not everypony has a peace and love mindset. When the chips are down and metal meets flesh, me and mine come first." I glanced out the window, the moon resting at the top of the sky. "And the world will burn before I break my word."

Sunny stared at me in consternation. "You are out of place here. If this were the old days you would be a soldier of high regard, but how does one like you exist in these times? There isn't a land in all of Equestria with the outright violence you seem to exist in. How does a stallion go through his life with ideals so clashing with the world?"

I tapped the teacup. "Maybe the world is less peaceful than you think. But you will only have to wonder for a short time. In three months I will be free again, and I will continue on my path home." Sunny seemed to grow silent so I leaned back. It had been a while. I tapped Tucker on the leg. He looked to me as I gestured to the opposite side of the door. "Watch." He moved over to it as I leaned the chair back. Sunny stared at Tucker as he moved to his spot and sat down. I leaned my head forward and gestured towards Sunny. "I wouldn't suggest trying to go into that room while I nap, Tucker is a might bit vicious when he has a mind." I slowly dozed off as I felt the eyes of the pony on my mask.