Flex Tape Fixes Equestria

by TheDriderPony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 3444

Sometimes all it takes to fix a friendship is a kind word or a helpful gesture. And sometimes it takes something much, much stronger.

Twilight Sparkle always thought that friendship (and by association, magic) was the strongest force in the universe. But what happens when she finds something even stronger?

This story brought to you by my patreon supporter: Josephi Krakowski

Cover Art provided by the illustrious Mix-up (who is also open for commissions and always a great pleasure to work with)

Published 2018-06-29 23:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-29 23:10:06 UTC

If you do the thing, and you do it right, and you don't mess it up: It works. It just works.

Arcane lightning hissed and spit, arcing between crystal pylons as it tore asunder the boundaries between two worlds. With significantly less fanfare, a small object plorped through the hole and rolled a few feet away, coming to a stop against a lavender hoof.

On occasion, Princess Twilight's portal to the human dimension spat out various objects without ceremony or warning. Twilight was convinced that these were samples discreetly sent by either Sunset Shimmer or her own human counterpart for scientific study and analysis. Organic samples to compare with their Equestrian counterparts or sometimes Earth-exclusive materials for her to perform magic analysis on. She did so diligently despite Spike's complaints. He was of the opinion that some human (his bits were on either Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie) was just using the portal as a convenient garbage bin for their lunch leftovers and whatever other trash happened to be in their pockets at the time.

But this new object fell into neither category.

Twilight picked it up in her magic and rotated it curiously. It was a thick roll containing many layers of some reflective rubberized material. It was also still shrink-wrapped in its original packaging, which allowed her to easily dismiss Spike nonsense "Lazy Trash Theory". It bore a colorful inscription, but without the portal's imbued translation magic, it was indecipherable.

She began to walk back to the kitchen where she'd previously been enjoying a lazy brunch before being interrupted by the sound of the portal opening.

"Anything interesting today?" Spike asked as she entered the kitchen, his mouth filled with a spoonful of Ruby-O's. Really they were just gemstone beads that had failed to pass Rarity's exacting standards, not that he hadn't considered the branding potential of a gemstone cereal.

"I'm not sure," Twilight floated the roll across the table. "The writing didn't translate."

"Flex Tape," Spike read immediately, "Strong rubberized adhesive tape! Super strong! Sticks to any surface, even underwater! New patented formula for extra hold!" He tossed it back. "Neat. Looks useful. Could I borrow some of that actually? There's a leak in my tower that's been keeping me up."

Twilight hummed thoughtfully. "We should probably test it on some smaller applications first. There's no guarantee that they had the materials of another world in mind when they said that it sticks to any surface."

Without moment's hesitation, Spike took a mostly empty spoonful of gem cereal and bit down. Hard. A louder than average cracking noise heralded a clinking cacophony as he spit his spoon back onto the table in three parts. "There you go."

"Spike!" Twilight exclaimed, "What in the world did you do that for?"

"What?" he replied innocently, "You said we needed something small to test it on."

"I meant something that was already broken. Now we're going to be a spoon short the next time we have company."

"It's not like it really even matters," Spike grumbled huffily. "The castle just makes more."

Twilight paused. "What's that now?"

He nodded. "Yeah. One night I came down for a midnight snack, and I was really out of it and ate through like five forks and a butter tray before I realized what I was doing. Next day, I checked the drawer and we had a complete set again."

"...Huh. Odd. I did not know it could do that." Not the most eloquent of responses, but it conveyed her reaction accurately. "But we can study the castle's features another time. Let's focus on one thing for now."

Spike grabbed the tape and, after getting his claws under the almost flush edge, pulled off a long strip.

*RIIIIP!*

The Flex Tape made a strange noise as adhesive parted from rubber. Similar to paper ripping, but it also produced a strangely elongated tone that changed pitch the longer he pulled on it like some peculiar musical instrument.

Spike paused as his ear fins twitched. "That just sent the weirdest tingle down the back of my neck."

Twilight nodded, folding her ears back to hide the fact that they too had sprung to attention at the sound. It was... oddly satisfying, to say the least.

Continuing where he had left off, Spike took the strip and wrapped it around the spoon, binding the shattered handle pieces as tightly as he could. When he finished, it looked identical to the rest of the cutlery set save for it's new black handle. He gave it a tap. "Hey, what do you know, it holds up." He gave the spoon an experimental tug, followed by a stronger one. "That's... ur... really strong actually."

Twilight took the repaired spoon from him with her magic as she brought it in for closer observation. Though not immediately visible, her magic was also applying twists, tension, and pressure to the spoon from all manner of angles. "You're right. It's as strong as any repair spell I know of." She tossed it back once more. "Could you apply a bit of fire to it? I'm curious as to it's heat tolerance."

Spike shrugged and engulfed it in a blaze of flame.

"Not that much!"

Much to her surprise, it was entirely not enough. As the light from the fire faded and dimmed, she could clearly see how the bowl of the spoon was shiny and sagging, melted by the sheer heat of Dragonfire. The handle, however, looked untouched. Spike touched it. "It's not even hot!"

"...I believe this calls for more extensive testing." Twilight levitated Spike to her back and the remaining roll of Flex Tape to his hand. "Where did you say there was a leak?"

"My room," he reminded. With a quick flash of light, they found themselves by the foot of his bed.

Spike hopped off Twilight's back as she began scanning the ceiling. "Alright, where is it?"

He pointed to the far corner. It was faint, but one could just make out a long thin crack above the window. Twilight nodded in understanding. "Pull me another strip."

Spike ripped off another piece and once again the air was punctuated by that same drawling note. The pair shuddered slightly, each too preoccupied trying to hide their own reaction to notice that the other was doing the same.

With a few beats of her wings, Twilight was airborne. She approached the crack at speed, Flex Tape in hoof. Putting a bit of spin on her ascent, she pulled back a foreleg and slammed the Flex Tape onto the ceiling with a satisfying Smack!

She descended slowly, admiring her efforts as she reached the ground. "You know Spike, I never thought that repairing things could be so cathartic."

Spike nodded in agreement. Even if he hadn't been the one to do it himself, the Flex Tape made so many ear-pleasing sounds that even repairing vicariously had its thrill. If only there were more things to fix.

"You know," he started, "I think I remember Starlight saying that one of the pipes in her shower was leaky."

Twilight eyes lit up, quickly followed by her horn. With a flash, they were gone again.

"Let me give it a go this time." Spike insisted as they arrived in Starlight's bathroom.

"You got it."

He took a strip in his claw (after another moment of fascinating ripping music) and hopped between ledges before he was finally high enough to reach the showerhead. With a long jump and a dramatic Hyah! he landed the Flex Tape on the pipe with yet another delightful smacking noise.

Twilight laughed and cheered him on. "Slap it on, Spike, slap it on!" He did so with wild abandon, adding another three layers for an especially strong seal.

"You were right Twilight, that felt good. What else can we fix around here?"

After a moment of silent consideration, an unsettling grin grew between the pair before they vanished in another flash of teleportation magic.

"Twilight, Spike, I'm back from the Crystal Empire!" Starlight Glimmer called as she pushed open the doors to Castle Friendship. It had been a nice visit, but the crystal ponies still had a few peculiar anachronistic habits that made her long for the reliable normalcy of the castle and township she'd come to call home.

And if only she'd chosen to return at any other time, she might have also been greeted by some of that reliable normalcy.

As it was, the foyer of the castle was far from normal. Strips of strange black material marred the décor. They were wrapped around table legs, pressed flush around corners, and slapped at some angle or another on almost every flat surface. A few thin strands dangled objects from the grand chandelier, holding aloft vases and knickknacks that seemed far too heavy to be supported by so little. Even the large spider-web crack above the door (courtesy of Rainbow Dash, a bottle of cider, and a dare made in jest) had been patched up by an equally large spider web of black strips.

Had something happened? Had there been some sort of attack? Some kind of viral crystal contagion? "Twilight?" she called again, louder this time as concern coloured her voice.

"Starlight!" But the reply she heard in return was surprisingly chipper. With a flash of light, Twilight teleported into the foyer, wearing an elated grin that bordered on manic. "I'm so glad you're home! I have so much to show you!"

"Twilight, what... what is all this?"

"This?" Twilight grinned, "Why, it's only the greatest thing since Starswirl invented self-slicing bread!" She held up a hoof upon which dangled a ring of the same black material like a comically over-sized bracelet. "It's Flex Tape!"

"That's... interesting..." Starlight forced out. That was it? So Twilight had just decided to put tape on everything. Apparently. In most cases that would be an obvious sign of mental instability, an inept changeling replacement, or magical corruption... but on the other hoof, the pony in question was Twilight so...

"Oh you'd better believe it is!" Twilight cheered. "Flex Tape can fix anything!" She leaned in close, so close that Starlight's bubble of personal space became atomically close to her skin. "Anything..."

"Well, not anything, I'm sure," Starlight chuckled nervously, falling for the obvious trap. "There's obviously some things it can't fix."

"That's what I thought too, but oh how wrong I was!" Twilight hopped back, thankfully giving Starlight room to breathe once more. "I have fixed every hole, patched every leak, and repaired every iota of damage that has ever been done to this castle, inside and out! I made a boat out of old newspapers and covered it in Flex Tape and the Crusaders have been sailing Ponyville lake in it all day! It even fixed Trixie's bad attitude about me Flex Taping everything in her guest room!" She raised the accessorized foreleg. "And the roll just doesn't run out!"

"Wait, what was that last one?" Starlight interrupted.

"I haven't heard any complaints from her since! Or anything at all for that matter! And watch this!"

Twilight shot a bolt of magic at a patch on the wall, then quickly stepped back. The magic ball bounced off the Flex Tape like a mirror, then off another, and another, and another, crisscrossing the hall until it passed Twilight and hit the first piece again to complete a circuit. "Perfect magical reflectivity! I made a perpetual magic machine!"

Starlight blinked. That was... impressive. Undeniably a feat of magical prowess and engineering, but there were bigger issues at hoof. Even for Twilight this seemed beyond her normal mania. And there was still that thing with Trixie that she needed somewhat urgent clarification on. But before she could pose a question, Twilight threw her for another loop.

From somewhere in the intervening moments, Twilight had pulled out a cardboard box with a practically seamless black covering. She then proceeded to put said box over her head.

"Starlight, Starlight," she cried like a foal eager to show its mother a new trick. "Try to read my mind."

This was all getting to be too much. Starlight could only stare at her dear friend, her teacher, and (strictly speaking) her sovereign as she waited, rubber box on her head like a freakishly featureless mask, for Starlight to read her mind.

"Twilight... what? I can't-"

"That's right, you can't!" the muffled voice replied. "Perfect magic insulation as well. Not a single leak!"

A knocking at the door interrupted their unusual conversation much to Starlight's relief. Tentatively, a grey head with a golden mane poked in through the door that Starlight had left open. "Hello? Anypony in? I have a package for Princess Twilight?"

Twilight gasped in delight as she cast aside her cardboard casque. "Derpy! Oh this is a perfect opportunity. Come in, come in!" She took hold of the surprised Pegasus in her magic, pulling pony, package, and all into her foyer. "You're just in time to help me show Starlight something."

"Hi, Derpy." Starlight greeted meekly.

"...Hello. Starlight." The mailmare replied, but something about the greeting seemed oddly forced. "I'm actually kinda busy today Twilight, so if you could just sign..."

"Right, sorry." Twilight apologized quickly, signing her name on Derpy's clipboard with the proffered quill. "Really though, it'll just take a second. Literally a second."

The wall-eyed mare gave a wall-eyed stare to the wild-eyed princess with the unhinged hair. She eyed the package nervously. "I really should be going. Busy, busy, busy." She turned to leave, only to be interrupted.

"Wait, isn't the post office closed on the weekend?" Starlight asked.

Derpy froze before slowly turning to face the unicorn. "Yes..." she said tersely, "But there were... a few packages that were misplaced yesterday. So I'm delivering them now."

Twilight smiled. "What a thoughtful thing to do."

Starlight took a different view. "Are you getting overtime for this, or is it out of your personal hours?"

"Overtime," she replied quickly, as if the other had never even been an option worth considering. Or she just wanted to hurry the conversation along so she could leave.

"Well it looks like this is your last package, so there's no harm in waiting a few extra minutes to run the clock out and earn a couple extra bits." Questionable workplace ethics aside, Starlight really just desperately wanted a supportive voice of reason to help her bring Twilight down from this 'Flex Tape' high.

Derpy's eyes darted back and forth between the door, Starlight, and the package still held in Twilight's hooves. "N-no, I r-really should be..."

"Oh just hold still," Twilight said, huffing in exasperation. "This won't hurt a bit and you'll thank me later."

With a sudden ripping noise, a strip of black Flex Tape found itself latched to the patch of fur between Derpy's eyes.

"There." Twilight grinned in self-satisfaction. "Now that wasn't so bad was it-"

But she was cut off by the sound of panicked screaming. Derpy's eyes went wide as saucers as she scrabbled at her face in a panic.

Starlight started to step in to help, only to jump back in alarm as Derpy's face suddenly caught fire. Flames consumed her body in an instant, burning away fur and uniform alike and leaving behind nothing but pitted black tissue.

But burned skin was never so smooth. Nor did fire usually cause a pony to grow a horn or double in height.

In moments, the friendly face of Ponyville's iconic delivery mare was gone, replaced by the horrifying and intimidating stature of Chrysalis, Queen of the Changeling Empire.

Or rather it would have been intimidating if Chrysalis, Queen of the Changeling Empire, were not rolling around on the floor like a foal with chicken pox screaming "get-it-off, get-it-off, get-it-off".

Alarmed, but still thinking clearly, Starlight charged up her horn with an offensive spell. Except Twilight reacted even faster.

*RIP!* *RIIP!* *RIIIP!* *RIP!* *RIIIIP!*

Before Starlight could even properly charge her spell, Chrysalis was fastened to the wall, a piece of Flex Tape adhered securely across each limb and one wrapped around her horn.

"Gah! Get it off!" she continued to shriek, "I can't stand having things stuck to my chitin!"

Starlight rolled her eyes at the dramatics, but clearly nothing was going to progress until she complied. With a swift tug, the strip peeled off the changeling's face leaving behind a patch of slightly lighter chitin.

"Finally..." Chrysalis sighed in relief before glaring at Starlight. "Don't think this changes anything between us. At best you've earned a slightly swifter death when the time comes."

Starlight rolled her eyes as the Queen shifted her sneer to the alicorn princess. "Twilight Sparkle. How easily you've fallen into my trap. Your day of reckoning is at hoof."

Twilight raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Seems to me like you're the one who is trapped."

"Hah! A minor setback. But you were still the fool who let a pony into your castle, unchecked and uncontested. Your naïveté is your undoing."

Twilight pawed the box which had fallen to the wayside during the confusion. "And I supposed part of your plan involved me opening this then?"

"It-" Chrysalis faltered. Her expression of smug superiority slipped off as she mumbled over her words. "Wait, no. That line won't make sense if I'm still here. Maybe if I skip ahead towards the end a bit." Her eyes widened suddenly in a moment of true panic. "Oh sweet Queen Prime in the Sky, I'm still here." She glanced up only to see that Twilight was almost through the outermost layers of wrapping.

"Stop!" the changeling demanded, "If you value the lives of everyone in this castle you will not open that package!"

Twilight hesitated. That was certainly a grave threat, an order of magnitude more violent than the Queen's usual rhetoric. On the other hoof, Chrysalis was completely immobile and effectively a hostage herself. Plus Starlight was nearby and more than capable enough to undo any spells or magic effects. And if all else failed, she still had her Flex Tape.

Against Chrysalis's continued protests, she opened the box.

Twilight blinked at the ticking bundle of wires and crystals. "A bomb?" She turned to the captured Queen. "You really are running out of ideas, aren't you?"

"This isn't the time for that you fool!" Chrysalis hissed as she fought uselessly against her bonds. "Release me before we're all blown to kingdom come! There's no way to disarm it now that it's been activated!"

"Hm." Twilight spun the bomb around, inspecting it surprisingly calmly given the situation. "Yes, you're quite right. This is expertly crafted. There's no way I could break or interfere with it without causing it to go off prematurely." She pinged it with her magic, causing a momentary ripple of magenta light. "Anti-teleportation wards as well, nice touch.

"Exactly! Now unbind me this instant!"

"Yes, there is absolutely no way to disable this bomb." Twilight mused, "But what if... what if I didn't need to break it. What if... I fixed it instead?"

With a speed that rivalled even Pinkie's present wrapping abilities, she swiftly swaddled the entire bomb in Flex Tape. Then added a second layer for good measure, not that it needed it.

"It's no use!" Chrysalis cried, almost sobbing now at the inevitability of her fate. "There's no force on Equus that could contain that blast! Oh sweet Overqueen take me now!"

With an anticlimactic Whump!, the tape bulged and flexed for a moment before returning to its original shape. Not even a wisp of smoke escaped its perfect binding.

"Ah. Well." Chrysalis coughed awkwardly, hoping to quickly move past her embarrassing display of weakness. "Well then. Curse you Sparkle. I shall have my revenge anon." The alicorn did not respond. "Sparkle?"

Twilight turned her attention to her captive. But she did not see the Changeling Queen as Chrysalis, arch-villain towards Equestria. Nor did she see her as the interloper who nearly ruined her brother's wedding. Not even did she acknowledge her as the creature who had just tried to blow her to smithereens. In fact, the only thing she really noticed about the changeling was her legs.

Her long princess-like legs. Black and smooth as her beloved tape. And also full of holes. So many holes.

"That's a lotta damage..." Twilight whispered.

"Sparkle? What are you doing Sparkle!? Twilight get that away from me! You leave my holes alone! No, no! You'll ruin my queenly aesthetic!"

"Don't worry Chrysalis." Twilight shushed her with a silly smile on her face. "Flex Tape will fix that. Flex Tape can fix anything."

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!