Author's Note
A/N: Warning! This story contains suicidal thoughts and attempts! If this is not your thing then please proceed with caution! :)
Is This the End?
Princess Twilight Sparkle had always thought she carried a lot of weight on her shoulders. After her ascension to the Princess of Friendship, that weight increased ten fold! Not only did she feel the weight of her royal duties and keeping the friendships of Equestria harmonized, but she also had to balance the romantic relationship she was pursuing with Rarity. The two had recently gotten engaged, and while Rarity had never been happier, Twilight had never felt more burden. True, she was happy to be with Rarity, but she was always afraid that she would do something wrong. What if Rarity left her? That would really give Twilight a reason to end everything. Yes, you read right, end it all. Ever since she had been tardy for a letter about the magic of friendship to Princess Celestia, she had started suffering from major anxiety and Severe Depressive Disorder. Even though the Princess assured her that she no longer needed to stick to a schedule, Twilight still continued to push herself to be perfect, and the thoughts her conscious plagued her mind didn't help. She had fallen so deep in depression, that when Rarity and Spike weren't home, she would secretly cut and beat herself in places that she could easily conceal with her mane or one of the many dresses her fiance would make her. The thing was, however, that wasn't always enough to satisfy her conscious, and eventually, new thoughts of suicide entered her mind. She had even considered carrying out the mental plans she had formed. However, what stopped her, was that every time she went to find supplies, Rarity would be at her side, either wanting to cuddle with her or asking for a favor. Twilight was always happy that Rarity never caught her trying to commit suicide, and hoped she never would, at least until after the deed was done, if she ever succeeded. She couldn't bear to think of her fiance's reaction. Though it didn't completely bother her, as she knew she was already a complete failure, so what was one more to finish her useless life?
Twilight stared at the matallic crimson liquid that streaked her front hooves, a sharp blade also stained by the dame blood, her blood, gripped in her magic,'You are a failure...you are worthless...' the princess repeated in her head endlessly as she continued to cut herself.
"Ugh! Why do I keep tormenting myself?!" Twilight groaned as she used her magic to thrust her knife across the room, where is penetrated the crystal wall and stuck there,"I am so useless to Equestria! Why would Celestia make me a princess? The Princess of Disaster would suffice maybe...but the world would be better off without me...Rarity would be better off without me..." The alicorn sighed as she stared down at her bloody, crimson stained wrists, her unkempt mane draping over her shoulder as a single tear from each of her eyes, and landed on the floor. The two tears seemed to form a broken heart on the polished floor," She can easily find somepony worth her time...she's the most beautiful mare in Equestria...in the world, even! She deserves so much better...and she'll be able to get it once I'm gone...and Spike...I...I'm holding him back...I baby him so much and he does so much...too much for a dragon his age...he needs to be free, just like Rarity...and they won't have those freedoms...until I...until I...I'm..." Twilight looked up, and stared into the mirror as she used her magic to pull a large, thick rope she had hidden under the bed into view, tying one end into a hangman's noose that she dangled in front of her face, seeing the rope around her head in the mirror,"...Until I'm dead."
With only a few tears to stain her face, the princess walked to the center of the room, where she used her magic to tie the free end of the rope to a hook on the ceiling, and to pull the stool from her dresser to in front of her bloody and cut up hooves,"Everything will be better this way..." Twilight assured herself as she slowly stepped onto the stool and used her magic to tighten the noose around her neck, she didn't even wince at the small jolt of pain she felt when the rope dug into her fur,"Just...do it...make Equestria a better place...make the world, a better place..." Twilight asked as she opened her wings and flew a couple inches into the air, and used her magic to move the stool out from under her body,'Just drop, Twilight! Why are you hesitating?!' The alicorn's head screamed at her as tears streaked her face.
"I...I can't do it! I don't want to die!" The princess cried, covering her eyes with her hooves.
'Pft, you really are pathetic! You are too scared and such a failure you can't even commit suicide correctly! Just close your wings, and all the pain will go away!' Her conscious replied, a mixture of apathetic sympathy in her voice.
"But...but I'll lose Rarity...!"
'Oh please! Don't make me laugh! She deserves better than a useless waste of space like you! She'll be thankful at this favor you're doing her!' After a moment, Twilight began to believe what the voice in her head told her.
"Yeah...you...you're right...I...I don't deserve to live!"
'Exactly! Of course I'm right! Now say your last words, and drop!' Her inner voice commanded, and Twilight nodded, the rope around her neck rubbing uncomfortably against the fur on her neck and even pulled slightly on her mane. However, the physical pain she felt in that moment, was nothing like the pain she felt in her heart and the burdens she carried in her soul. She sighed and looked at the suicide note she had written many times she kept on her bedside table. She had put Rarity's name on it before she started cutting herself earlier that afternoon.
"Oh, Rarity..." Twilight whispered, tearing up again,"I love you so...so much! Please don't be sad over me...I know you'll...you'll find love again..be with somepony who deserves your time and beauty..." She then thought of Spike, the little dragon she thought of as her son," And Spike...I love you too...please don't waste your grief on me...spend your time doing important things...and t-take care of yourself...Celestia knows I couldn't...I can't...even....care for my...self..." Twilight heaved as she began to feel dizzy, and lightheaded from blood-loss. Suddenly, as her wings were about to give out, and she could finally end the endless torment she called her life, the most beautifully terrifying voice pierced her ears.
"Oh, Twily! I found something I think you'll-" Rarity gasped as she entered the bedroom, dropping the bags she had previously clutched in her magic,"Twilight!! What are you doing?!" Before a wors could leave the princess' mouth, her wings gave out, and the world went black...
The echoes of a beeping heart monitor flooded Twilight's ears, as well as the sounds of hushed tears anf whispers. She recognized it instantly. Rarity.
"Oh, Twilight...please make it...I need to know what made you want to do this...your note held a few details...but...but I have to know what made you think you were useless and that I would find somepony "better"? I wish you would realize that you are the only pony I want to spend my life with...you are perfect in my eyes...I love you so much...please, please...come back to me..." Rarity cried as she gently caressed her fiance's pale face, tears streaming down her face. Any makeup she had been wearing was smeared across her face, but she couldn't care less about her appearance. All that mattered was Twilight's health, and that it improved, both physically and mentally. She continued to cry as she laid her head on the bed her mare laid in, burying her face in her hooves.
After hearing all of this, Twilight wanted to jump into her lover's hooves and cling to her for the rest of her life, but her body remained unresponsive, and she could only lay there and listen to her fiance until her physical nerves woke up with her mental ones. This didn't take long, fortunately, and she soon found herself fluttering her eyes, in attempt to get used to the blinding hospital lights on the ceiling above her,"Twilight?!" Rarity asked, shock filling her eyes as she lifted her head from the bedsheets upon feeling the movement from the bed she was using as a pillow.
"R-Rarity I...I am so sorry...I didn't mean to-" The alicorn was cut off by a pair of pale white lips pressed against her own lips, which were dry from lack of water.
"Twilight..." Rarity said gently after pulling away,"There's nothing to be sorry for, I may not completely understand your reasoning for what you tried to do today, but I want you to know that I am here for you, and so are our friends. In fact, Spike and the girls are all in the waiting room right now. We love you, I love you, and I could not even imagine what my life would be like without you in my life. Please, never try something like this again. The doctor is prescribing you some medication and you will be under constant watch here in the hospital's ICU, and after all, this, if you ever feel this way again, tell me, and I will be here for you!" Twilight could only nod as Rarity wrapped her arms around her mare, as her highly bandaged hooves kept Twilight from moving them much, as did the neck collar securely wrapped around her neck,"I love you, Twilight Sparkle, and you have a purpose! Never forget that."
"Thank you...I love you too..." And in the end, Twilight kept her promise, and as time went on, she realized how true Rarity's words really were.
A/N: Would you believe I teared up while writing this? Geez...This was a deep story, and was actually based on something I have been through.
