Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
I’ve hinted over the last few weeks that I’m dealing with a lot. You’ve asked a few times, and I’ve always sidestepped the issue. I want to first off thank you for respecting that I wasn’t ready to talk about it. I think I’ve reached the point where I am ready to tell you.
Princess, I’ve been dealing with depression ever since the Fall Formal.
Over here, Vice-Principal Luna is also the councilor for the school. She called me in a few days after the dance and offered to be there to listen and talk to and to help me through this. She was open and frank with me. Since then, I’ve been meeting with her a few times a week, usually during my lunch period, to talk with her. She’s been a great help.
One of the first things she told me was that this process would be much easier with a large support network of friends. For the most part, I’ve been scared to tell anyone. But, I want someone to know. I want friends to help me. I wanted to tell you first.
You’re my best friend, Princess. I don’t want to ask anything of you.
-Sunset Shimmer
Sunset,
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know much about depression. I’ve never gone too deep into psychology. I’m sitting here and I don’t know what to do. Do I hug you? Do you just want to talk? You know you can ask anything of me. I’m your friend, Sunset, and I want to help you.
Wishing you only the best
Twilight
Twilight,
I guess that's all I really needed to hear. If you don't mind, I'd like to tell you what I've been going through. Just kinda put it all out there for you.
I want you to know that while you're certainly at the core of a lot of this, I don't blame you at all. What you did was the best thing for me.
Sunset
~~What do you~~ Sorry, I'm just a little worried. I didn't know.
Twilight, it's okay. Just let me explain
Back when I was Celestia's student, she gave me everything. I didn't have much family to speak of before that, my parents fought a lot, they didn't physically harm me or anything, but some scars aren't visible. I was really bitter when I took the entrance exam for CSGU. I was also arrogant. I knew I was powerful, and so saw the whole test as beneath me. A few weeks later Celestia took me under her wing, and treated me like her daughter. For a while, I was happy. It was like I had an actually family that cared about me. Celestia was her wonderful loving caring self, a mare I'm sure you know well. The castle staff were so kind to me. I was able to be a filly.
But it started to go to my head. I got worse and worse. I had been Celestia's personal student for so long, I had been the perfect little filly for so long, I thought I was better than everypony else. I started looking down on the staff. The staff who had helped raise me in so many ways. I thought of myself not as Celestia's student, but as her equal. I thought I deserved to be a princess, to rule Equestria along side Celestia. To me, it was my birthright.
Celestia saw me going down that path, and she tried to stop me. But she was too late. I had let my arrogance and greed take over. When she finally got tough with me, I stormed off yelling, "This is the worst mistake you'll ever make."
After what you've told me about Princess Luna, I can't believe I said that. I can't believe I thought of myself as equal to that. What she did to me was nothing compared to what she had to do to Luna. There is so much that I want to apologize for, but that's high up there.
When I ran away to this world, I was full of anger and bitterness and greed. I told myself that I would rule this world as a princess and then take my rightful spot on Equestria's throne.
In that anger, I came up with an admittedly stupid plan. I don't know why I thought a couple dozen teenagers, struggling to walk around in new bodies, would ever be able to take over Equestria.
When I saw you though, newly crowned princess of Equestria, I was furious. To me, your existence just proved that Celestia didn't care about me, that she had thrown me aside for the new and better model. I told myself you were just a crappy replacement for me. That she needed somepony to rule with her, and that should have been me.
I'll skip over most of what happened during the few days you were here. I don't think either of us will forget that any time soon.
When you blasted me with the elements of harmony, I saw exactly who you were. Who I could have been. I saw just how far I had fallen.
There you were, surrounded by people who actually liked you. They didn't support you out of fear or greed or ambition, but because you were good to them. I didn't have that.
You wielded power far beyond anything I had ever heard of. Only Celestia had even demonstrated that much power before, and there you were, still just a filly in my eyes, so much more powerful than I had ever been.
You showed me everything I could have been. I could have been a princess. I could have had friends. I could have had power. I could have been happy.
And yet, I had thrown away my chance at that, because I couldn't wait. Because I was greedy.
In that moment, I looked back on my life and saw every single time I screwed up. I saw everything I could have been, and just how far from it I was.
I realized that I didn't deserve even a fraction of that. That I was just some petty, cruel mare who had delusions of grandeur.
I realized that being a princess isn't about wanting it. Or being powerful enough. It's about being good and kind.
When I crawled out of that pit, I knew I had nothing. I was disgusted with who I had become, but couldn't see any way to fix it. I had no home in Equestria anymore, and I knew the students of Canterlot High hated me. So when you so easily gave me another chance, I jumped at it. It was the lifeline in the storm.
I didn't believe the girls actually cared about me at first. I thought they were just being nice to me because you had told them to. I figured they still hated me. I hated me.
I'm still not sure what I'm doing with my life right now. I'm a student at this high school, and I'm only now starting to feel even a little bit accepted. There were a lot of times I wanted to just end it. That I just wanted to disappear. I'm still not sure if that wouldn't be better.
Luna tells me it will get better, get easier. That being happy is a muscle I have to strengthen and grown. It's just so exhausting.
I think I'm starting to ramble on. Sorry.
I haven't been actually suicidal in a while now. It's just a constant level of exhaustion.
Sunset, I....
What do you need of me? Please, you can ask anything of me. I'll do everything I can for you. You're my friend.
Heh. I know. You've said that a lot.
I don't want to ask anything of you. I'd feel bad about it. But, I guess, just knowing you know. Knowing you'll be there for me if and when I need help. That's enough.
I'll always be here to listen. Whatever you need. I'll always have a room open for you. Any time you want to, come over.
Do you hate me Twilight? I did so many horrible things to you. I
Stop. Right now. Don't ever think that. Don't even begin to doubt that you're my friend.
There was a time I didn't trust you. I didn't know if I could after everything we had been through. But I know now I can trust you.
But I've never hated you. I felt sorry for you. I pitied you. I wanted to help you, make you better. But I have never and will never hate you.
I will always be here to help you. Even if you fall, I will be there to pick you back up. I believe in you.
Thank you.
