Twilight’s hooves clacked along the crystal floor as she paced back and forth, staring at the rolled up carpet. Her hoof dragged across her muzzle, and she let out a loud groan. “What do you mean you don’t like the colour!?” She stomped her hoof and looked up at the ceiling.
Several rumbles and grumbles followed. Twilight’s eye twitched.
“Oh, what would you know about decorating? Your interior just screamed evil lair.” She paused, listening intently with a frown. “There’s nothing wrong with purple. I’m purple.” She stomped her hoof, teeth grinding. “You’re being impossible today.”
Ever since moving to Ponyville, Twilight had found she had this odd gift of being able to hear buildings. Most ponies assumed that was impossible, that structures of brick and stone would have no souls at all, that the creaks and groans from their homes were just the buildings settling. But they would be wrong. The buildings had just as much personality as the ponies that built the foundations.
However, nopony else could ever hear them. In a way, it was both a curse and a blessing as the princess got to learn little snip-bits about those who lived in one house or another or learn about its history and hardships. Getting a new deck added was the equivalent of surgery for them. However, the downside was that houses were very opinionated and would attempt to dictate things their way despite being immobile.
Twilight had tried to tell ponies she had this gift, but no one ever believed her. Well, except Pinkie Pie. At least they had something in common when it came to the unexplainable.
Twilight rolled out her new carpet, listening to the castle creak as she decorated the hall. “I can’t hear you.” She flattened out the mat and smiled. “Ah...perfect.” She continued to ignore the silent complaints, setting up some vases as well. The castle had been very cranky lately, but really she couldn’t blame it. She huffed, thinking back to all the times she had to deal with her home in some way.
Loud crunches echoed through the halls of the castle as Dragon Lord Ember snacked away on the crystal pillars that made up the room. Twilight wanted to tell her to stop but was too afraid she'd get offended. The castle crackled subtly, doors wiggling in a non-present breeze. The princess patted the wall as one would do for a child. “There there, it’ll be okay.”
Another crunch.
“Okay yeah, I’m sure it’s painful to be eaten alive but what else am I supposed to do? I can’t upset the Dragon Lord...” Moments later, the Cutie Map glowed and Spike’s head appeared. “Cry, baby.”
Starlight Glimmer made another left turn, opening one of the many similar looking doors in the hallway only for brooms to fall onto her head. “Oh come on, I could have sworn this was the way to the bathroom!” She was about ready to rip her mane out; she’d gotten turned around about a dozen times by now. To make matters worse, the layout made no sense, seeming to change whenever she turned around.
Just as Starlight reached the limits of her sanity, Twilight came around the corner, apparently talking to herself. “I don’t care if she tried to use your map to do evil. Let her find her way around.”
Starlight looked around for anypony else. “Are you... talking to yourself again?”
“It’s the castle!” Twilight blurted out, gesturing a hoof at the ceiling. “It’s a little peeved at you for misusing the map. Saying it was assault or something.” She giggled nervously. “I mean, can you believe that?”
“Riiight...” Starlight backed away slowly, then rushed off to find a bathroom elsewhere. Clearly Twilight was off her meds, and Starlight did not want to deal with a crazy alicorn even on a good day.
“Why! Won’t! You! Work!” Twilight shouted, banging her hoof onto the Cutie Map. The Castle still seemed bitter about Starlight. The roots above creaked as she glared.
Twilight rubbed her hoof on the bridge of her nose. “I don’t care if you’re on strike. You’re going to help me whether you want to or not.” Her eye twitched as she flipped through her tome of spells. Unfortunately, not many of them involved magical table maps.
A few window shutters clacked in protest.
“Well, too bad, that's tough love for you.”
With the carpet laid out perfectly despite the creaks and groans, Twilight proceeded to her Throne room. She stared at the expanded Cutie Map, remembering how the castle had whined about growing pains. The princess chuckled once more, thinking of how exploring the world would make the castle feel pain. Just a little, of course, as a sort of payback for all the headaches. She was at least grateful that the castle hadn’t complained more about Twilight’s friends trying to liven up the decor, though it really hadn’t appreciated the dirt on its floors or the animals running around its halls.
“You’re like a teenager, always whining about yourself.” Twilight rubbed her forehead, feeling a migraine coming in. She sighed, staring up at the memory crystals dangling from the old roots.
She listened to a few more creeks, then decided a nice walk would help clear her head. She headed down the main stairwell to the front doors. “I get that you’re unhappy, but I can’t deal with this right now... I’m going out.”
The creaks and groans faded as she descended the outside steps. She glanced up at the clear sky and took a deep breath as the soft breeze ruffled her mane. This was just what she needed. She headed down the street.
Spike hummed as he made his way down the street, a bag of snack food in his one claw. This guys’ night was going to be great. Maybe he'd talk Twilight into joining this time.
It wasn’t long until he met up with Twilight from the other direction. “Hey Twilight,” he called, waving. “I thought you were redecorating. What are you doing out?”
“I just needed some air,” she grunted, clenching her teeth. “The castle is being a brat.”
Spike just nodded slowly. “Right, the castle-being-alive thing.” He still didn’t believe her either, despite all the magic they’d been through.
“I’ll be back later,” Twilight said, passing Spike at a quick trot. “Don’t wait up for me.”
The dragon just shrugged and made his way to the castle. However, before he got very far up the walkway, the ground began to shake. A loud cracking split the air as bits of crystal began to shake off from the base of the ground floor.
Spike’s jaw dropped as the castle rose out of its foundations, supported by two large newly-formed crystal like legs ending in talon-like feet. He could only watch in shock as his home started to stomp away, shaking the ground with each step.
Still slacked-jawed, Spike hardly noticed Discord appear behind him. “Good evening fellow adventurer!” the Chaos Master exclaimed. “Who’s ready to battle the Squizard for the right of passage into the forbidden... creep?” He trailed off, staring at the conspicuously empty spot at the end of the walkway. “Spike, where's the castle?”
“It got up...and it walked away.” Spike pointed at the crystalline shape tromping toward the horizon. A certain purple princess zipped through the sky overhead, leaving wisps of clouds in its wake.
“Well,” Discord coughed. “Even I didn’t see that one coming.”
As the two stared, a faint scream echoed in the distance. “Get back here right now!”
