The Esurient Equines

“VERMILLLLIIIIIOOONNNNNNN!!!!”

The thunderous roar came from where it always did, Scarlet Song’s office. Her bedraggled assistant, Vermillion Rose looked up from her desk and winced. Yelling rarely meant anything good.

Vermillion did as she always did and took a moment to breathe before the oncoming assault, always having to work up the courage to face Scarlet face to face. Eventually she managed it and with her hoof, tentatively opened the door to her office.

“Yes Scarlet? You called?”

“Sit down Vermillion. Look at this.”

As instructed the earth pony sat at her bosses desk and a report was pushed under her snout, which she read through in about a minute.

“Well, it’s another report from one of our scientists. Still struggling with the taste issue…”

She heard Scarlet grumble before speaking. “This is killing us. Years, untold millions of bits spent trying to develop this formula and the taste is what’s wrecking it! The taste of all things! We need this solving soon, It’s becoming a real hassle trying to hide it from the accounts department.I can only put so many things under expenses.” Scarlet said rather candidly. It was no secret the development was only shared between a select number of ponies, Scarlet had just let Vermillion in on it because she was her loyal assistant who was desperate to keep her job. It didn’t hurt to have somepony to complain about it to either.

“Well, maybe one of them will have a breakthrough soon? Some are very good, one of the newer ones…” Vermillion flicked through her notes. “Stellar Gaze looked promising!” She said rather cheerfully. Scarlet just frowned back in response.

“That’s who the report is from you ninny! Even she is stumped!” The CEO sighed. It had been a long and arduous road to get this thing developed. There was no question of its effects anymore, that had been established a while ago. It was just the taste. Every pony scientist they had employed to try to suss it out had come up short, it was really starting to grate on her patience.

“I see, well. Perhaps a deadline before the plug is pulled? If it is becoming such an issue?” Vermillion suggested. Scarlet just snorted in response.

“It’s too late for that Vi, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place as it were. I’ve already had questions from accounts and the only thing that will save me is the successful development of this formula. You wouldn’t want your dear boss to lose her job would you? It might turn out very badly for you.” Her words curled around Vermillions ears and made them twitch, the meaning stuck clearly in her mind.

“I’ll um...see what I can do to help the project along.”

“Good girl. Now get back to work, I have some private grumbling to do.” Her boss said, giving her a wave of her hoof to signal her back to her desk.

Vermillion went back and sat for a moment. Not as bad as she thought it could have been, apart from the prospect of losing her job. She prayed one of them came through soon, just by sheer luck. She was no scientist. Perhaps a gift to them of some sort to push them along? Something nice might help morale. She opened her cybernet connection and put in a few orders. It was the most she could do at this point…

A few hours later a still stumped Stellar Gaze heard a knock at her door.

‘Huh, not expecting any deliveries…’ She thought, putting her work down and trotting towards the door. A rather obese and gruff delivery pony greeted her.

“Delivery from Mamba Burger HQ. Sign please.” He said, his fat hoof extending a small pad forward for Stellar to sign on. She looked at his massive size, it was a wonder the pony even managed to deliver anything. He was wearing overalls, or so she thought. His massive bulk had rather comically started to chew them up, bits of the material disappearing into his hefty body. She withheld a smile and took the package, watching as he turned and waddled back to his delivery van. Stellar shut the door behind her.

It was a rather innocent looking thing, a small but tall crate constructed of balsa wood. It didn’t take long for Stellar to get it open. Inside nestled on a small amount of hay to cushion its transport was a rather nice looking bottle of red wine, as well as a small note.

From your employer at Mamba Burger, may your discoveries be as tasty as this gift!

She sighed, she knew what they were doing. Plying them with freebies now to push development along? It was a cheap tactic, but that didn’t stop her from opening the bottle and enjoying a nice drink.

She sniffed the contents before pouring it into a spare beaker she had on her workbench, not elegant but she was hardly the pony to keep wine glasses. The bottle stated an ABV of 14%. Reasonable for a wine. Stellar gave a rather sarcastic “Cheers!” before taking a sip. She had to admit it was nice.

A few hours passed, well, she thought it had been. Stellar had lost track of time. The wine bottle was...nearly empty for some reason. Had she drunk that much? Magic was no use so a wobbly hoof went for the bottle and somehow managed to grab it to try to pour out the remaining alcohol. Annoyingly it only filled half the glass.

“Bah...more!” Stellar looked around, she didn’t keep alcohol either. Couldn’t be bothered to leave and walk to a store. A quick drunken rummage in the fridge revealed all she had in terms of liquids was prune juice. Hardly fitting.

“H-hmm..maybe?” She was babbling to herself now. The mixture she had been working on, being so distasteful was the only thing in the lab left she could tip in. In her drunken stupor she grabbed a vial and tipped it in.

The wine, although the taste was diminished was palatable. Annoyingly the concoction seemed to have wiped out the alcoholic content too. Even though she was intoxicated Stellar knew she wasn’t getting anymore so.

Then it hit her. The mixture...well it wasn’t tasty, but she wasn’t trying to spit it out or wash her mouth out like she had been the past few weeks trying to get it taste edible. Of all the things she had never thought try alcohol.

More tests would be needed, and her report was also due. She hoped she could write something in her drunken state, getting onto her hooves and wobbling slightly to make her way over to her terminal to write.

‘Day 55. Eureka! Sort of...more testing is required but purely by chance I may have stumbled onto a solution to the taste issue…’

A week later after the initial report and a little more testing, Stellar found herself at Mamba Burger HQ. It had cost her a shuttle ride around the planet, but a rather urgent cybernet message had summoned her to present her findings to the pony who had interviewed her.

A quick book in at reception and the mare was on her way up, up and up. All the way to the top floor. Made sense the big cheese worked on the top level. Another receptionist greeted her and pointed a hoof down the corridor where she took a seat next to a door with CEO SCARLET SONG stamped on it. It didn’t take long to get seen.

“Ah, miss…” The CEO started to say.

“Stellar Gaze.” The scientist replied, taking a seat.

“So, you’ve solved our little taste problem!” The CEO excitedly replied. Stellar observed she must be rather fond of her companies own food, she was rather a large pony. Double chins, verging on triple if she ate much more. Her fat folds pushed her blubber up against the desk she was sat at and the chair just about supported her weight. All the while Stellar’s ears twitched as they hunted for the source of a low pitched whirrr.

“I’m sorry, I have to ask, what’s that noise?”

“Ah, my suit.” Scarlet Song replied. “It’s air condition, keeps me nice and cool and professional looking. One moment.” The rather hefty pony pressed a button on her desk. “Vermillion, a couple of drinks please.”

A voice on the other end just replied “At once miss Scarlet!” before cutting off.

“Anyhow, you solved our taste issue. I hear it has something to do with wine?” The boss asked curious.

“Well, essentially yes. I accidentally mixed a vial with a gift of wine from well, your company actually. It was quite by chance.” She confessed.

“Hmmm, I don’t remember authorising any bottles of wine to go out…” The CEO replied a little perplexed. “But no matter, a happy accident has solved an issue we have been trying to sort out for a rather long time.”

At that moment Vermillion entered with a couple of tall plastic cups and placed them on the desk. Scarlet took one and offered the other to Stellar. “Our top brand cola, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Vi before you go…” She turned her attention to her assistant. “Did you happen to send out any bottles of wine to our scientists?”

The assistant, although not moving seemed to freeze. “Um...er. Yes! Yes I did!” She replied. “I uh, thought a gift might motivate them. It always helps me..” Her voice trailed off, she thought she had really put her hoof in it this time.

“Well done! Looks like you get to keep your job after all. I know it wasn’t intentional but you’ve hit the jackpot here. Now on your way.” Her boss said, the assistant disappearing back to her desk.

“Keep her job?” Stellar asked.

“Don’t worry about it.” Scarlet just replied. “Now, I think we discuss payment. Obviously you’ve only been with us a short time but effectively that is the end of the research. This was the last hurdle we had to jump. You’ll get what we would have paid you if you had done a years worth of work and we’ll be sending you to a nice vacation spot on the planet too for a few weeks all expenses paid and undisturbed so you can relax. You’ve earned it. When you get back we can probably find you a position somewhere else in the company.” Scarlet said with a smile and leaned back in her chair, her gut lifting from the table as she pushed her body back. Stellar observed the flab wobble slightly as she heaved it up and it heard the thick fat make what should only describe as a glorrsshhh as her innards did their best to support her movement, the CEO taking a gulp of her drink before she let out an “Uuurrrpppp!”

“Oh excuse me, rather gassy as you imagine.” She said, also rubbing her belly with her hoof a few times to make her satisfaction obvious.

“Uh yeah. So a trip? That wasn’t mentioned in the contract.” Stellar asked.

“Well think of it as a little bonus for your efforts. I’m sure a pony like you could use some sun being always locked away in a lab. The Palm Beaches are your destination - you’ll love it! Sun, sand, plenty to eat. I think we have a branch there…” Scarlet trailed off as her mind started to think of food, a small droplet of drool forming from her maw as she became distracted. Stellar continued the conversation to bring her back to reality.

“Well that’s uh, very generous. When do I leave?”

“This evening! Shuttle is all booked and we’ve sent all the hotel booking details to your cybernet account. Enjoy! Now if you don’t mind I’m extremely busy.”

“Well, thanks. I’ll be seeing you.” Stellar said, getting down from her chair having not touched the drink. The door to the office shutting behind her as she left. As she started to make her way out a rather worried looking Vermillion caught up with her.

“Wait!”

“Oh, Vermillion right?” Stellar said, putting a hoof out to shake it. Vermillion ignored it.

“She’s sending you away!”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I heard her talking to one of the other directors earlier today! The trip is a ploy! They just want you out the way whilst they deploy what you’ve made into the food! Don’t go, please! I...I think it’s going to go badly wrong.”

“Are you kidding? This is what they paid me to do. I don’t care what it does.” Stellar replied rather candidly.

“But...aren't you scientists supposed to have principles?”

“Not me, besides. I need a vacation.” Stellar said before getting in the elevator to leave a rather panicky Vermillion behind. She had only been on the colony a short time but she had been moving around here, there and everywhere. She’d get back to the lab, pack her bags and wait for the taxi to take her to the shuttle. A remote place to lie on a beach sounded nice.

What did the assistant know anyway? All she did was bring drinks and send cybermail all day. She did wonder though, Stellar had kept it to herself but once she had drank the wine with the mixture in she had noticed she had suddenly felt...hungry. If it hadn’t been for that sandwich in the fridge she would have immediately gone out and gotten some fast food. Best keep that to herself though, but it made it easy to guess what the formula was meant to do and why a large fast food chain was developing it. No matter, her work was done and she had to get home.

Back in her office, Scarlet was already on the line to her lab workers that were down in the food technology lab.

“And you can replicate it in large batches and lace it into our products?”

“With no doubt. All we do is make it here and distribute it around to the packing plants. It’s a liquid so easiest form of delivery into the product would be a sprinkler system above the conveyor lines. That way we don’t slow up production.” A large pony on the other end said.

“Excellent, excellent. I’ll meet with the investors this evening and announce that I’ve implemented something that will drive up profits, get on the line to marketing too. I want this hitting our stores as soon as possible.” She said, ending the call. Arrangements needed to be made. A whole marketing campaign, before long Mamba Burger would be the talk of Chrion. Scarlet could see it now, ponies queued outside the doors to all their chains. Ordering again and again, money flowing in like water. She rubbed her hooves together in glee. There was no doubt she was about to be very, very rich.