The world never stops moving, no matter what is happening around you. This had been one of the first things Bluejay had ever learned in life. And, even in Hoofsteps, with a missing hind leg and no other thestrals in sight, that fact remained true. She was outside the sanctuary for the disabled, and was heading in the direction of the forest.
Animals come out in night, but Blue isn't afraid of them, she had grown up around the creatures after all. She's not bothered by danger.
She winds her way through the undergrowth with ease, her amputated hind leg not slowing her down in the slightest. The sky is cloudless, and something in her relaxes when she sees the very familiar constellations twinkling high above her head. An owl hoots, a cricket chirps, and somepony in the distance sobs.
Bluejay rounds a corner to find the source of the crying, because she has no sense of self preservation, and is met with the sight of a stallion twelve times her size crying into the dirt.
"Just when I thought you couldn't sink any lower" she says as she sits down beside Butterscotch. Normally adults made her fur stand on end,and make that little voice in her head scream at her to run, but Butterscotch reminded her of a puppy on meth more than a stallion capable of crushing her skull between his hooves with little thought.
"Blue," Butterscotch's voice wobbles dangerously as he attempts to dry his tears "you should be in bed."
"I know for a fact that the forest floor is a lot more comfortable than your stupid mattresses."
"You could get lost," Butterscotch tries, and Bluejay scoffs, disbelieving.
"Yeah, that'll happen." She gets up, and stretches out her wings, smiling when she hears a crack. "Well, I'm going to see if this forest connects to my old one." She starts to walk, only to freeze a the feeling of somepony grabbing her tail.
"Don't you dare do that," the words are muffled since he's gripping her tail, but Butterscotch sounds angry.
"I've done it before. Now, let go," she pulls, and feels some of her hair getting ripped out for her trouble, but she considers it worth it.
She turns back to look at Butterscotch and is surprised to see he's not mad, he's caught between fear and guilt. He knows she doesn't like adults touching her. "Please," he says, once she's met his eyes "don't go into the woods alone."
Bluejay sits down once more, carefully, so there is a healthy distance between them. "I promise I won't go off on my own if you tell me why you were crying."
"It's nothing, I had a nightmare," at Blue's flat look, Butterscotch's smile fell, as did his ears and shoulders. "Blue, how many of the fillies and colts in Hoofsteps do you think are suffering from their disability?"
The hair on Bluejays neck began to raise in aggravation. "So, you're crying because you pity us?"
Butterscotch's eyes widened, and his head shot up. "No! I'm crying because" he sniffled, and was clearly trying to think of the right way to phrase his next sentence "because I'm sad, but it's stupid to be sad when you guys actually have legitimate reasons for being so."
"That," Blue said slowly "is the dumbest thing I have ever heard." Butterscotch looked up indignantly, but she waved her front hooves around, infuriated. "Like, what? You do know how emotions work right? If you feel sad, then you feel sad, cry it out, write terrible poems, whatever helps. But assuming that you are not allowed to feel something because somepony has it worse than you? By that logic, we shouldn't grieve at funerals, because somepony out there is having a worse day than you. What the hell?"
By the end of the speech Bluejay was breathing heavily as she glared at the shaken Butterscotch, baring her fangs slightly. "I don't like being sad," he says, and barrels on before Blue can ask who does? "And I don't like it when my charges are out wandering the forest in the dead of night."
"I don't get nightmares," not exactly a lie, she reminds herself when Butterscotch falls silent. For a brief second, she can hear the sound of wings flapping high overhead, and breathes in, mentally sorting through all the familiar scents. There's a berry bush twenty meters behind me. When was the last time I had blackberries?
She snaps back to see Butterscotch staring at her disbelievingly, and she scowls at him. "I have insomnia," she says it like it's a challenge, waiting for him to refute her.
"You can't sleep?"
She shrugs, wings twitching. "That's the definition, yes. Thestrals can swap between being nocturnal and diurnal as we choose. A lot of us are insomniacs because of it. Internal clocks and all that."
"What did your tribe use to do when you couldn't sleep?"
Bluejay stiffened, because if that wasn't treading dangerous territory right now. "That doesn't matter," she starts to draw shapes in the dirt, as if that'll take her mind off of what's happening.
"Why not?"
"Drop it," she warns him, feeling her lips curl back to reveal her fangs as her wings flare out.
He drops it, instead going for a different approach. "What do you want me to do?" He asks instead.
"Move on?"
"I have nightmares" he says "and you have insomnia. We could keep each other company."
"Why would I want to spend more time with you?"
"To stop yourself from going out of your mind with boredom? I'm usually able to go to sleep once I've calmed down and-"
Blue stands up and stretches before trotting in the direction that gave off Hoofsteps honey and cinnamon sickening scent. "Well, I have to go. Tempo probably thinks I went on a murder rampage or something."
From behind her, Blue could hear the sound of Butterscotch's tall, stocky body struggle to stand. No wonder you've never seen any deer or elk if you move like that. "Blue-"
"You've stopped crying, you've calmed down" she informs him, and can almost taste his surprise. "I'm good. Goodnight, and all that."
It's been a week since then, and Butterscotch had dragged the group out for a 'special activity.' Bluejay can actually feel her soul leave her body at this announcement.
The big surprise turns out to be raft building, much to Blue's horror. Slipstream, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash's daughter, who sometimes visits to hang out with Tempo and Blue, snorts at her expression. "Oh, I do not envy you," she says, shaking her head.
"Just kill me," she begs, and Slipstream laughs.
"Nah, I wanna' see how this plays out." She winks, and takes off, doing that weird rainbow explosion thing in the sky, and leaving Blue alone to curse her name under her breath as she picked up the wood carefully between her teeth.
The raft was just as rickety as one expected one made by children to be. They are all wearing life jackets, but the cold water is numbing Blue's hooves, much to her annoyance. She is not rowing, after threatening to push one of the other kids in if Butterscotch tried to make her.
So instead, she's lying next to Tempo, listening to the sound of her friends breathing and the screams of delight from the other kids, and where was this tiredness last night? She blinks heavily to stop her eyelids drooping, but she finds that when she closes her eyes, there's a certain weightlessness about her, like she's floating on air. The final nail in the coffin is the faint sound of her moms song, coming from Gods knows where.
Right there where you left it . . .
Ever so slightly . . .
When Bluejay falls into the river, the splash is nearly lost within the sounds of oars hitting water. The life jacket does nothing, as she starts to get thrown backwards through the current. Under the water she does not hear Butterscotch's cry of horror, nor does she see Tempo being tackled to stop her from jumping in herself. All she can hear is her moms lullaby.
At least, until some very familiar golden-brown hooves stick into the water and drag her out, coughing and spluttering. Butterscotch and Tempo hover over her, worry and fear on both their faces. Blue cleverly remedies this by spitting water at Butterscotch. "Your life jackets suck," she tells him, and Tempo relaxes.
Butterscotch does not.
Instead, he decides that carrying her back to Hoofsteps is the way to go. They are just in the front garden when a strange whistling sound comes from above and Slipstream slams into the ground, creating a funnel as she skids to stop beside them. "What happened?" She asks, in that serious voice she pulls out when she wants to be heard.
"You refused to kill me. I decided to take drastic action."
Butterscotch ignores this, instead choosing to focus on Bluejay. "You look tired. When was the last time you slept?"
Bluejay doesn't answer, just glaring at him, which is a response in and of itself. "Well, off to bed with you!" He says cheerfully, and Blue's attempts to escape are revealed to be futile.
"Slip, Tempo, get him! Aim for the crotch!"
Instead, the two just smile and wave at the furious thestral. "Have fun!" Slip calls, a smug look on her face.
Blue is plopped down on a bed. It was probably meant to be very comfortable, but Blue had grown up sleeping on leaves, moss and grass. This just felt weird. She curled up, and tried to imagine the hard, dependable forest floor. Nothing.
Butterscotch gave her a mug of a weird thing called 'tea' and Blue hesitantly drank from it. She had better. "Are you cold? Do you want blankets?" He fretted, and she blearily glared at him. "So, when was the last time you slept?"
"I dunno, when's the last time you had a nightmare?"
"Bluejay."
"Alright, last night," seeing Butterscotch's frown, she relents "okay, five nights."
"Five?!"
"I've been drinking coffee."
"That is not healthy."
"I don't do this on purpose, you know, it just happens."
He gets up and leaves the room for a moment, only to come back with a duvet which he threw onto Bluejay's body without hesitation. "It's been four days," he says. "Since I last had a nightmare."
"I guess we both have issues then." She hesitates before she asks this, because she is aware how strange this sounds. "I'm going to sleep on the floor."
And, sure enough, Butterscotch pauses. "What?"
"You heard me," she snaps as she shoves the duvet off of her, and slides down to the cool wooden floor, curling into a ball almost instantly.
"You know, you could of have told me that you prefer to sleep on hard surfaces."
"Never phrase it like that. And besides, you would probably think my parents were abusive asses or something. Hint; they're not."
She can hear him file that information away to obsess over later, but right now he just says "goodnight Bluejay," and turns off the lights.
She remembers how Butterscotch cried when he pulled her out of the river, his relief at her being alive. She remembers Tempo brushing up against her whenever something triggers her memories, bringing her back. She remembers Slipstream, who had been recruited from a young age, and was struggling with her own PTSD and always willing to help.
She remembered blackberries and fishing and soft laughter.
She remembers her mothers lullaby.
She sleeps well tonight.
Author's Note
Slipstream, Tempo Breeze and Bluejay friendship yay! Slip is this totally laid back and chill character ~~who works for a top secret organisation as a filly agent~~ Tempo is enthusiastic and snarky and Blue is cynical and jaded. The perfect ~~polyamory~~ friendship.
One of my best friends pitched this idea to me and I love it;
What if Butterscotch suffers from mild depression, but tries to hide it because he feels as it's stupid for him to have it while 'other ponies are suffering from real issues.' It's not anything too bad, there's just some days where he cries a lot. Might expand on it more, haven't decided yet.
Bluejay doesn't know what depression is, growing up in a tribe makes it like that, but she does know Butterscotch is sugarcoating. Blue herself doesn't technically have nightmares, she had flashbacks, PTSD and all that.
Thestrals can also smell, hear and see better than ponies. I headcanon that they are hunter gatherers, and need it.
This is the song Bluejays mom sang to her by the way- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pozDLjFUVbM
