Tales Of Times, Past And Present

by God_of_Awesome

Chapters

Argent Empress
Caribou Anti-Defamation Society
Celestia's Dungeon

Argent Empress

"How was your meeting with the empress, Twilight?"

"It was... intense." Twilight gathered herself with a sip of tea. "She was intense."

"That sounds about right."

"She's interested in better relations between her empire and Equestria."

"Mm."

"Of course, that'd strain our relations with the federation."

"Mmhm."

"But, Celestia, why aren't we better friends with the Gryphon Empire?"

"Mm?"

"As intense as the empress was, I found her far more personable and her policies leagues more progressive than that of representatives of the Griffon Federation.

"I- I realize we have a bumpy past with the empire after fighting over Griffonstone-"

"As you know."

"Right, I'm just repeating old history, aren't I?"

"That's quite alright. What do you know about the Battle Over Griffonstone?"

"Around 600 years ago, you accepted the defunct state of Griffonstone's application as a protectorate of Equestria in response to the Argent Empress's growing imperialistic ambitions over all the disparate griffon kingdoms. The kingdoms to the south organized themselves into a loose confederation and mutual defense pact against her but Griffonstone was too far north to benefit.

Celestia nodded. "Griffonstone would have been her crowning achievement. Having the old center of griffon civilization before its decline could have possibly legitimized her claim to rulership over all griffons in the eyes of some. At the time... well, a number of factors encouraged me to step in. I like to think that, namely, I needed to make a stand and put a stop to the bloodshed. Anything else?"

"I know you challenged the Argent Empress to single combat during the battle. While griffon norms encouraged her army to stop and witness your fight, your forces took the opportunity to take the flank. The battle was a resounding Equestrian victory and put a halt to the Empress's imperialistic expansion."

"Do the history book also mention how the Empress cleared the skies with me?"

"Huh?"

"Really, Rainbow Dash never explained that euphemism to you? Well, more earthbound races tend to say 'wipe the floor'. She wiped the floor with me."

"Um."

"I had my flank handed to me."

"Do you- do you still hold a grudge?"

"Goodness, Twilight, no. I've never been a very good fighter, that's always been Luna's forte.

"She read the after action reports and my own accounts of the fight, and gave me a severe dressing down for my tactical blunders. Oh, I did miss her."

"R-right."

"The only reason she ever lost to me a thousand years ago is because she abandoned all reason and had tried to overpower me. Thaum for thaum, pound for pound, I have more raw power than my sister and she had no idea how properly utilize the boost her transformation gave her."

"You're stronger?"

"Indeed. Before her departure, I was a reserve weapon whenever something needed to be 'smote from orbit'. Her words. But, as she is keen to remind me, I still have trouble going between a simple stunning blast and turning everything around me into glass.

"I'm getting off topic.

"The Argent Empress held a grudge for my dishonorable conduct for a long while after. One of her few epiphanies of maturity was acknowledging the futility of fair play that only you agreed to."

"Maturity?"

"Well, it seems I'm going to engage in what Rainbow Dash might refer to as 'tossing shade'. Or is it 'throwing shade'? Does it matter? You really should listen to you friend more often and catch up on modern slang."

"Actually, Celestia. One question first?"

"Oh yes?"

"What is the Argent Empres? Is she like you?"

"Immortal, you mean?"

"Yes."

"Well, technically, just 'ageless', because she can die and so can I, but it's not exactly easy. Nigh-immortal is just a mouthful.

"There are a few varieties of those who fit that category. There are those who always had the potential and had to give something up to realize it fully, or never had the potential and create terrible, horrid paths to imitate it. Scorpan and Tirek come to mind, for the former and the latter. Some are literally made for it. I don't believe- have you ever met Inari or Zambarau?"

"No, princess."

"Ah. Well, further, there are those born to it and there are those who die their way into it and are reborn. Many of those of the last sort, the liches, go mad, because they can't accept they aren't the person they were before. Sombra comes to mind."

"Sombra? You mean he wasn't like that before?"

"King Sombra was a sadistic, greedy and callous tyrant. Watching Luna stamping him out like the cruel devil he was was perhaps one of the few times I ever took any satisfaction from an act of violence. But no, Twilight, he wasn't that mad, old goat you saw before."

"Goat?"

"Ghost."

"Ah. So, what is the Argent Empress?"

"A lich as well, but she accepted that she isn't Duchess Grizelda. She is merely a continuation of her life force with a new soul, with new priorities. Similar but different priorities."

"How so?"

"Duchess Grizelda was a grand master of the griffon's Ways Of Winds. Griffons must use mental and physical alignment and mastery to access the higher forms of their magic, unlike pegasi that do it with force of personality."

Twilight scowled. "What?"

"A different topic for a different time."

Twilight whined mutedly, but assented to let this lesson continue.

"Grizelda sought further mastery and went to fast and meditate on top of a mountain for thirty days and nights.

"Wow. And what did she find out?"

"That not eating for a month kills you."

"Oh."

"But as her soul passed on to the Hereafter, something else took residence in her dwindling lifeforce and her body. Now, Grizelda was born in a time of strife for the griffons. Griffonstone's grip on the ties that held the other griffon kingdoms together finally went from tenuous to obviously non-existent. You know the history, feuds, rebellions, grudges, successions.

"Duchess Grizelda rather turned her beak from the chaos and sought order within herself. The one who would become the Argent Empres sought order without. She sought to quell the chaos around her and bring stability to her people."

"Well that certainly sounds admirable."

"No matter whom she had to claw her way through, underneath a red sky and atop a funerary pyre of her people."

Twilight quailed. "Oh."

"She succeeded, after a fashion. The griffon kingdoms to the north fell one by one to her, the surviving nobility lowered their beaks and spread their wings for her. The kingdoms to the south had to put aside their grudges to unite against her."

"As you know."

Celestia returned Twilight's impish grin. "Right you are."

"So, is that why you dislike her?"

"No. I couldn't possibly put myself in her paws, and I'm no stranger to making hard decisions. No..."

"Then why?"

"That's another story. Well, one of many." Celestia paused as her eyes flickered, going through a catalogue. "Griffons are fairly patriarchal, not unlike to the degrees ponies were matriarchal, especially before Political Franchise's campaign and reforms. This has been a constant obstacle for the Argent Empress. Her answer to this problem is 'I don't care what you think, do what I say or else.'

"Now the Empress is barren but she adopts many young noble griffs into her house. One of her daughters was being pressured to marry by the nobility, coupled with some rather crass remarks. Now, the Empress would never let one of hers be forced into anything but her daughter decided that wasn't enough. During a public event, she orchestrated a bit of a spectacle where she humiliated many nobles, throwing their words in their faces, making a statement about a hen's place in griffon society.

"Luna, when she read about the account, she adored this young hen and her spunk. I... I sympathized with her, but I thought her statement ill timed, ill executed and had all the hallmarks of an immature teenager not used to criticism. While many a hen took it as a rallying cry to start their own sexual revolution, the nobility of the Gryphon Empire pounced upon that performance as proof that hens are over emotional, hysterical creatures, unfit to make their own decision, let alone rule."

"Is- Celestia, is that what we thought about stallions?"

"Quite the opposite. We accused stallions of being emotionless, cold. Incapable of sharing their feelings or empathizing with others. They could never understand the finer points of diplomacy, the cornerstone of politics. That stallions are witless brutes, fit only for breaking their backs in the farmfield or shedding their blood on the battlefield, and those that survive have the privilege of donating a bit of themselves to help make the next generation to do it all over again.

"A generation they will, of course, have no part in raising, because stallions simply cannot be trusted with foals." Celestia snorted. "I can't believe it took Political Franchise rubbing my nose in it to see the foalishness of it all. You know, Luna adjusted to the change in gender dynamics in a year quicker than I did over a century. She had always been on ground, in the dirt, with the colts, always more in touch with her masculine side."

"I, uh... oh. And... the Argent Empress?"

"Right. So one house became quite insubordinate after her daughter's debacle. The cry for social reforms had begun to ripple further than just the hens, but to the lower class griffons and the ethnic minorities that lived among them. The lord demanded the Empress stamp out these rabble rousers, especially the hen. She not only refused, she imposed news law enforcing universal rights, far ahead of her time. He flouted the laws as the radical hot air of a nagging old hen and began to withhold taxes. She sent military police into his lands to see that her laws were obeyed and her taxes were paid. He hinted that he might allow his land to be annexed by the far more sympathetic Griffon Federation.

"She slaughtered every rooster of his household above the age of fifteen."

Twilight was silent.

Celestia continued. "Those too young to attract her ire were taken into her house, but they were stripped of their own names, declared legally dead and all that belonged to that house was redistributed to those the Argent Empress deemed be more progressive in their policies.

"Those that sympathized with that lord were not cowed into silence, however. These roosters instead saw him as a martyr that was destroyed protecting the old ways. More than that, they were afraid they'd be stripped of their positions if they didn't give in to every single progressive reform the Empress put forth. Bolstered by survivors of the purged house, because you can never get everyone, they rose up in rebellion against the Empress. The Griffon Federation took advantage of the chaos, accepting many of the rebel lords into their ranks, annexing their land."

Twilight breathed. "The War Of The Robins."

"A bloody, violent and pointless conflict. Well, maybe not wholly pointless. She fought for much needed social reform and equality. Such things do not, and one might argue, cannot be made with blood.

"In the end, the wrath of an immortal as brutal and as cunning- and she had grown quite a bit of cunning since we fought -as the Argent Empress proved enough to send the Griffon Federation scurrying back to their lofts and recanting their claim on the rebel lands. She lost some of her land but annexed as much from the Federation in turn.

"She lost half of her nobility to rebellion or fighting said rebellion. Without them, much of her administration and revenue, leaving her Empire floundering for decades after. What's more, a third of her citizenry to much of the same. Many of them were roosters who's only sin was being loyal to their lords, too ill-educated at the time to even know the scope of what they were fighting before beyond what they were told. The lower class griffons, the minority races and, of course, the hens, suffered the worst of it as rebel armies and even loyalists looted and rampaged uncontrollably.

"This is not to mention all the follow-up rebellions as survivors of the losing side decided to have another go. It's what turned that century into the one of conflict that griffon historians mark it as.

"And to think it all could have been avoided if Argent had stayed her temper. Had used diplomacy and guile, maybe taken a feather from her daughter's book and demonstrated the backwardness of her opponent's belief through farce. Instead, she took the heavy hoofed approach until it turned into bloodshed, that only begat more of the same.

"It took me generations of social engineering to make ponies do more than pay lip service to Franchise's reforms."

"G- generations?"

"Yes, despite what the history books would tell you, mares didn't suddenly wake up and stop treating stallions like overgrown infants. I had to spoon feed it to you all over years until you got a taste for it."

"I see." And Twilight would mean that, given time to mull it over.

"In the few instances where Luna fielded me to war, to have something 'smote from orbit', one of her greatest priorities was engineering the situation where, ideally, only the intended target was in the blast radius. Her first priority was minimization of innocent casualties. What Argent does is rather like what might happen if Luna had used me more liberally, and if I had let her, but in terrible, drawn-out slow motion.

"The invasion of the Sphygept for their participation in sapient trafficking, the naval war with Freeport for their alliance with pirates, the burning of the drug fields of Windia and the resultant series of conflicts there. Many of my carefully laid plans for alleviating those same problems, razed to the ground, burning merrily away with all the bodies of the innocents left behind."

Twilight held her teacup, half-full and going cold, staring dead ahead at her teacher.

Celestia brought her own cup up to her lip, draining away the last dregs oh so casually. "And that has been why I tend to keep the Empress of the Argent Dynasty at forelength."

Celestia paused, tilted her head and refocused on her former pupil, still staring wide-eyed at her. "I'm sorry, Twilight. I went on a bit of a tangent there, didn't I? A rant, even."

"A little bit, yeah."

Author's Note

Windia is a reference to the Weedverse

Freeport is a reference to the Winningverse, especially Sunset Shimmer's adventures

Sphygept is a dirty, filthy pun

Caribou Anti-Defamation Society

The diarchy both bent over the table, staring hard at the picture laid out on it.

"Sister, could you tell me what this is?"

"Well, Luna, it's this fascinating new invention our little ponies concocted."

"Tia-"

"It's called pornography."

"I swear on our mother's memory."

"Now, pornography, my dear sister-"

"If you die in your dreams, you die for real."

"What would you actually like to know, Luna?"

"Who is this?"

"This lovely mare's name is Passion Fruit."

"Really, because it says here her name is 'Princess Molestia'."

"Ah, that's her stage name."

"Signed here 'From Molly'- 'Molly', really? -'to my'- ahem -'my role model'!"

"Yes, that's a bit of an in-joke between us."

"I also notice her cutie mark is an orange surrounded by a ring of bananas in a rough facsimile of your own."

"Excellent deduction, my little sister."

"It's rather hard to miss since her flank takes up so much of the frame."

"Well, you see, pornography, my dear sister-"

"Is her special talent actually just being your oversexed, pink-tinted body double?"

"She is quite the skilled actress."

"Because we already have Cadance."

"Really Luna?"

"Why? Why would you do this?"

"Wha- do this? I didn't cause Passion Fruit to come to be!"

"I don't believe you."

"Oh my goodness... I'm going to bed, Luna."

"Oh goodnight, Celestia. I have court to attend to."

"Good luck with that."

"What is thhiissss?"

Well, Luna took a look down at the little comic book slammed on her desk and she was about to same it was probably the visual adaptation of a very popular, post-apocalyptic sci-fi novel. She would then tell him she could understood if was upset if there was distillation or changes between the comic and the novels, but these things just happen whenever you adapt a work of fiction from one medium to another.

It occured to her how much her tone resembled Celestia's in this theoretical lecture.

Then she took another look at the title and while, indeed, "Fall" was there at the top and "Equestria" was there at the bottom, the "o" word that was normally attached to the first word was noticeably not and also a different, one letter shorter word. The cover also presented some caribou stag, with exaggerated musculature, standing menacingly over a frightened pony mare. She took a look between that and the actual caribou stag standing in front of her, kind of lanky with glasses on his face, seething with rage.

She decided this might be something altogether different then, and warranted investigation. Using a trick normally only quite talented and powerful unicorns could accomplish, she compressed time, accelerating her own comprehension speed while decelerating her reaction time. Consequently, if at some point she wanted to stop reading, she wouldn't be able to put the comic book down before she had already flipped through the whole thing and seared its contents into her mind.

"I have regrets."

"Oh, you have regrets, your highness?"

"Now-" She paused to look at him closer and nodded. "You're the head of that organization protecting the reputation of Equestrian caribou, yes?"

"The Caribou Anti-Defamation Society."

Luna blinked. "But that spells-"

"We know what it spells. Too late to change now."

"Right. Your name is-"

"Blesi," He interrupted her. "Blitzen is my slave name."

"I remember, Mr. Blesi."

"Do you know about this atrocity to my heritage?"

"No, now this one is new to me."

"This is worse than the Hearth's Mother and her reindeer helpers."

Luna blinked, remembering that imagery vividly, and fondly. The fact that something she saw as innocent and fun in her younger days was now deconstructed and vilified was disquieting to her.

Actually, so was the word "villain". Hearing heroes of this day call out terrible foes, and all she could hear in their speech was Blueblood screaming, "Know your place, peasant!"

So much time had passed, so much of the past had been forgotten. History passed into legend and those legends were twisted to fit whatever narrative was required at the time. Nightmare Night came to mind in particular.

Luna rose up to her seat and walked towards the balcony of her office. "Mr. Blesi, would you come fly with me? I wish to show you something."

The stag scowled but nodded, following her. While she spread her wings, he simply pushed off the ground and rejected gravity's hold on him. She waved away her secretary and her guards as the two of them took to the night sky and flew north.

"I was there, child... when your kind were called reindeer, the reigned deer. When your sight was stolen from you by annual dehorning and your flight was taken by silver-iron chains that jingled like bells. I was there when the world took advantage of your fractured, warring tribes and your traditions of war thralls and deorgelds to make slaves of your people.

"Ah yes, but I remember now. Your people took back that word and made it your own, yes? You forbid other races from saying 'reindeer', and even manage to make many creatures cow, as a show of power. Have I caused you offense, Mr. Blesi?"

"Not at all, Princess Luna. The historical context is allowable and... besides, you and your sister, of all creatures, should be given many allowances."

"Luna. That is not what your people call me, Mr. Blesi."

"Hrimfaxi." Blesi nodded as the wind swept through his antlers. "The Frost Mane."

"Yes, and my sister, Skinfaxi the Shining Mane. You know our history with the caribou people, then?"

"I know that when your nation was young, it became a rising power, and it did so off the backs of ponies, and not reindeer, as others did. You abolished the practice of slavery in your lands and made it so far beyond."

"Originally, only in our lands, you know, and for a long time. Though we found it distasteful, we were far too interested in clearing threats to our little ponies and consolidating our power. We traded with those who enslaved your people and grew rich from it. It was another who forced our hooves."

"Yes, that was-" Blesi stopped, and looked around. "It's cold. When did it get so cold?"

"You do your heritage a shame if you shiver so, cervine child, carved from pine and snow."

"Where are we, Pri- Hrimfaxi?"

"I didn't wish to simply teleport here, but I lead us through secret pathways, lanes even shorter than a straight line. We are in the home country, Mr. Blesi.

"We are in Tarandroland."

Blesi looked down, his jaw hanging open. It took a moment to let the overwhelming awe leave his snout so he could get it working again. "The- the home country."

"Indeed, Mr. Blesi."

"I- I have always wanted to come here. But why?"

"To show you something, Mr. Blesi. We will land here," Luna said, gesturing to dark city below. "In that courtyard there."

Blesi, tossed his head about. There were other caribou here now, in the sky with them although at a respectful distance. The closest ones were armored but they all stared. He not only felt the eyes in their skulls, but their invisible third eyes floating between their horns.

"Is this- is this the capital?"

"Do not worry, Mr. Blesi. We are expected."

"We are?"

"Yes. Although our transit took far less than it should have, far more time transpired in the materium that you experienced. More than enough time to send a message to King Ukko and gain permission for a short visit, especially for the reasons given."

"And if you hadn't gotten permission?"

"I would have taken you to a museum, but I thought this was more dramatic."

Hooves met stone. It was night time here too, so the courtyard was mostly empty, save some wary guards and the odd stragglers being told to stay back. What drew the attention of these visitors, however, were two statues on opposite sides of this particular clearing. They each showed a stag, but each statue could not be more different.

One showed a stag, handsome and clean, noble in his bearing, smashing chains beneath his hooves. This one was called The Liberator. The other showed a stag, haggard and mean, madness in his eyes, rearing up to smash on some unseen victim. This one was called The Despoiler. So different were these depiction but above each title was the same name.

"Liberator, Despoiler. Caribou the world over know him as the former, for obvious reasons. Perhaps his campaign began as such, but his fury, his sadism and his mania wiped such nobility away, even if he helped achieved it in the end. The rest of the world knows him as latter, for what he did, and what his followers continued to do long after he died. Not just those who enslaved his people but to anyone he felt stood idly by and allowed it to happen, whether or not they could had the power to stop it, let alone anyone who traded with the people who did the enslaving.

"And then there are the caribou of Tarandroland, a cynical people who believe themselves to be free of all illusions. They cannot deny the freedom of their people, but nor do they forget how he drained their lands of all able bodied stags to fight in his crazed crusade of unfocused vengeance or how in the following years after his death they faced so many campaigns of retribution in return, campaigns they could hardly defend against for aforementioned lacking of fighting stags, that the caribou could have been nearly driven to extinction were it not for mine and my sister's protection.

"The caribou of Tarandroland prefer nuance then, and erect here this tale of a stag, whose path may have had begun noble but quickly became madness."

Blesi looked between them. He saw very little more from than the craftsdeership and the respect for history that went into these carvings. He turned and looked, and he looked, at her, at Hrimfaxi, and saw the weight of history bearing down at him. He tried to close it, his Eye, but couldn't. It was, in fact, being pried open wider and his own real eyes went wider with it in surprise.

Hrimfaxi spread her wings out open. "I know well your gift of sight, Blesi, cervine seer, child carved of pine and snow. You are a postcognitive, as they call it now, but I knew as a remembrancer. Now See child, Look. Gaze upon the past that I lived when I slew him. When I cut off his head and I watched the madness be snuffed out from his eyes. The Pirate King.

"Dainn."

Luna's wings flashed, cutting down two more of the raiders with the silver blades between her feathers. She could only spare a moment of attention to the moaning, mutilated form of the young stallion they had been slicing apart. The stump there was too ragged, she knew at a glance he'd never fly again. It pained her to be able to do so little for him, body and soul, right then or ever, but she needed to move.

She was so close to the source of this madness. She spared another look, at the bodies she'd laid out. One was a caribou, the other... a pony. This was becoming disturbingly common, though the ponies she came across felt to her to have been a vile sort to begin with. What disturbed was how the caribou vikings had picked out the very worst dregs of their society, nearly stallions all, and convinced them to join in this atrocity. Even many of the invaders were perturbed by the horror of their erstwhile allies. Too many of caribou here were conscripts, brought here against their will, so very far away from home. There was no glory cutting them down.

"Does it really trouble thee so, Aunty Frostmane?"

She twisted in time to batter away his axe strike with her wing-blades, hurling herself back to put some much needed distance between her attacker. She spun to face him, wings splayed out. This was when she saw him, truly, with her own eyes for the first time. He stood taller, more massive, than any other caribou, as surely as she towered above her ponies and his exaggeratedly enormous horns flickered with jumping embers. A ball of flame hung between his horns, forming different shapes, an eye, a crown, the face of a screaming, caribou doe. Her first time seeing him, but she knew who he was.

"Dainn."

"We meet at last, a long overdue family reunion. Dost thou know what I am, aunty?"

"Aye, that I do. I can feel it, plain as my sister's day, descendant of my father's power. Tell me, what didst thou surrender to truly awaken thine enduring spark?"

"I let go of the past, Frostmane, and tore away all that that would keep me from embracing the future. My regrets, my restraints, all gone!"

"Oh, joy," She drawled sarcastically. "None of those things sound important."

"Does it bother thee, Frostmane? How easily I turned some of thy little ponies against thee and thine.

"I know it does, but not nearly as much as it bothers thee that this night is the most of thy beautiful night thy ponies ever see!"

Luna's eyes narrowed. So that was how it was? "I had been concerned how thou found the very worst of my ponies so that thou may turn them to thine cause. I had heard thou had the power to turn the hearts of sapients at a glance, but thou need no such power to have convinced these blackguards to join thee. I see clearly now that thou has the capacity to gaze into the hearts of others, and see what makes them turn."

"By my ancestors, how observant, aunty! Thou knows, it is so much easier when I do tell them I can change minds with my Eye. Then they do whatever I tell them, their conscience clear, assured they they had no choice, that I made them do it. What clever fauns I could have made thee bear if I did not need to kill thee."

"But why, Dainn? Why Equestria? I have heard of thee that thou fights for thy people's freedom, and we own no reindeer."

"Why not? Equestria still grows fat from its trade with those whom do, all while they sit comfortable without knowing war, without knowing suffering. Thy ponies shall know what it is like to have their magic taken away from them.

"Thy ponies shall learn how it is to live with no hope.

"And Equestria, with its fertile lands and rich resources, shall be made a perfect staging ground to strike out against the rest of the world. Thy ponies, thy foals, thy mares and those stallions that resist me, will made into crippled thralls, feeding the war machine that spread over the entirety of the- art thou even paying attention to me?"

Luna's eyes had wandered up towards the horizon, flickering towards the sky. She finally glanced back down to Dainn. "My apologies, I was having nostalgia. Thine irritating rambling reminded me of Sombra and Tirek before thee. Discord, at least, offered interesting philosophical tangents.

"At least thou hast proven yourself far more pettily cruel than any of them. Well, except Discord when he was in a mood, or his sister, but that is a tough act to follow."

Dainn's eyes narrowed, scratching at the ground with the axe blade tied to his hooves. He glanced upwards himself. "Tell me, Frostmane. Thine horn has been aglow this entire time and yet no spell have I seen of thee. What gives?"

Luna tilted her head and nodded. Her horn flashed and a turquoise shimmer rippled over the entire town.

"A shield? Over the whole town? That could not have been easy to raise! But what for, aunty? Dost thou think I am trapped in here with thee?"

"To keep thine reserve fleet from making land."

"While that is true, thou are here on thine own, Luna, with only thy paltry honor guard. Thy reserves are trapped outside this shield as well!"

"So then, I was correct. That is thy reserve fleet?"

"Well, of course. And as soon I slay thee, they will overrun this town and we will make a run for the capitol and thy dear sister, Shiningmane."

"Not any of thine slave galleys?" Luna pressed.

"There are some cargo ships, but they remain empty, Frostmane, ready to be filled."

Luna nodded her head. "One last question, Dainn."

The Pirate King gritted his teeth. "What?"

"Has it occured to thee that thou hast not been able to read all of my mind?"

Dainn blinked at that, somewhat dumbfounded as realization started dawning on him.

Luna turned upwards to the sky. "There are no hostages upon the enemy fleet and the town is protected by my magic.

"Smite them from the heavens, Celestia."

Blesi pulled away just as he saw a new sun rise early in the midnight horizon those thousands of years ago. A beam of light that turned an entire section of the ocean surface to so much steam and an entire pirate fleet to ash.

"My sister's power," Luna spoke softly. "I am- was the Warmistress of Equestria. Even after a thousand year sojourn, in many ways I am still my sister's better in battle, though she has by no means been resting solely upon her laurels in that time. But in raw power, she has always outstripped me by a magnitude.

"I remember a thousand years ago, in the depths of our madness, I cast aside all of my skill and sought to overwhelm her with my newfound strength. I still wonder, though she will never say, if she used the Elements out of desperation, or because she didn't want to have to kill me."

"Da- huh-" Blesi breathed hard. "Dainn. What was he?"

"Do you mean philosophically or metaphysically? Metaphysically, he was among the same kind of immortals as Son Wu Kong and Scorpan, the ascended. He was the distant descendant of another immortal, in this case some scion of the spirit Order like me. Before you ask, he was not my descendant, but technically my something-something grand nephew, I suppose. He had the potential for immortality but had to give up some part of his mortality to achieve. In his case, any ability to feel guilt for his past actions or give moral consideration to his future ones.

"Philosophically, he was a hero to his people, and a scourge to all others. Just as so many others in that time strived to be, just as I strived to be then. The thing I hated my sister for was teaching our little ponies how unnecessary I was. Not in those exact words, not with that intents, but that's how I felt about it at the time."

"And is he alive still?"

"Dainn? No, like I said, I slew him there. Our immortality is a misnomer, we're more ageless and very, very hard to kill. Dainn was overly reliant on his power to read minds in all things, including fighting. Without it, I had his head rolling on the floor. I remember he looked peaceful in death, but my morbidity always had me romanticize killing."

"Was he all bad?"

"I will not lie to you, he was a monster. Perhaps in the beginning of his journey, before he tore away all that would possibly make him pause, there was nobility there, but in immortality he trampled all over it. I don't know, I did not know him then. None who still live did."

"And my people? Were they anything like that book?"

"Dainn gathered to himself pirates and raiders; rapine and ravaging happened. Those were the dark days of your people, when to go a-viking began a cycle of more of the same, resulting in gutted jarldoms and glutted pirate fleets. And he was a mind reader and master manipulator, who gathered to himself the very worst, caribou, pony and other creatures alike, brought those caribou who stood on the edge over to him through rightly honeyed words and did away with those 'bou who would have opposed him. Some he kept on fore's length, successfully convincing some caribou and sympathizers that his mission was still entirely one of liberation while carefully never actually campaigning with them. These ones never saw his depredations, and many refused to believe their savior committed them.

"But like that book? I don't even think Dainn, in his madness, would have quite conceived of that. He did have a certain particular disdain for females, he blamed the councils of crones for the state of his people. In those days, the councils of elderdoe were the true decision makers of the caribou, rather than a check and balance against the jarls and king, who were merely meant to be military leaders at the time. But a truly vile and vicious female could impress him, like Red Coat, a pegasus mare who's name is synonymous with treachery and murder to this day. And like I said, rapine happened, but Dainn would have focused more on working ponies to death in the mines and out in the fields, of all sexes."

"Then who wrote this book? What is it based on?"

"For your second question, distorted facts. The myths and the legends of Dainn and his rampage that arose long after his death and I put down the last remnants of his most vile surviving followers. Stories that have seemingly been distorted even further to fit some... I hesitate to call it a fetish. Wanting to be whipped is a fetish, or to whip somepony like the former. This? I'd rather call it a dementia. Mayhaps my sister would say something more kindly, that our thoughts cannot damn us, and to do so is a step too far towards tyranny. However, I would be rather tempted to find those who read and write this and place them somewhere secure, under care and observation until I was sure they were not a danger to others.

"And for your first question, well that I intend to find out, Mr. Blesi."

It was a rather interesting invention of the youngest princess, and her apprentice, of course. An ensorcelled scroll, one writes on it with colored ink and one's words reappear on all such ensorcelled and so linked scrolls in the same writing and color. Incredibly convenient if apparently the combinations of various enchantments it used weren't seemingly so finicky. At this time it seemed the stars had aligned just right and the enchantment was working just fine.

So the Pirate King didn't have mind control powers?

Nay, none of his so-called enslaved subordinates showed signs of mental tampering. However, many of them seemed to sincerely believe it so.

Dainn found an unfortunate weakness in the psychology of many sapients, that they'd do things they normally wouldn't if they believe they aren't in control of their own actions.

Not everycreature was so easily fooled or captivated, but his unparalleled mind reading abilities meant he'd be able to tell immediately. He simply did away with those unfortunate creatures, unwilling to believe in guiltless atrocities.

No reply was forthcoming for a moment.

So, how about those comics? They're really weird, right?

I would think 'vulgar' would be putting it lightly. 'Absolutely disgusting' works better. I also quite like 'an insult- Nay, 'a declaration of war upon common decency and all that is virtuous'.

It's not as if such things entirely came from nothing. Our underground media is lush with fantasies of mares being taken by strong, powerful zebra stallions, precisely for their exotic natures, especially as a historically patriarchal society. In turn, there are quite a few pieces of zebra media depicting the fantasy of some zebra stallions being dominated by a powerful, pony matriarch.

Fascinating!

'Fascinating!' She says. 'Tia, why do you know so much about pornography. Does this have to do with Princess Molestia?

A slowly growing purple ink blot indicated that Twilight had put her quill to the scroll but wasn't actually writing anything. Then she finally scrolled down and scrawled out in hasty, scratchy letters.

What

Oh? Did my sister never introduce you to her illicit love-child with- I can only guess Cadence must be the father.

Luna, you're going to give her an aneurysm.

Or perhaps with the spirit of lust. Goodness, I hope not. Could you imagine an unaging, demi-goddess porn star?

That's a little elitist, Luna. Those burdened with eternal life are free to spend it as they choose, so long as it is not to the detriment of others.

Right, right, right, "freedom is the right of all intelligent creatures". But I absolutely hate to see a gift wasted.

There's a spirit of lust?

Ah, Twilight, there is a spirit for practically everything.

I feel like this is something I should know more about. That aside, what's going on with those offensive comic books?

You mean little Luna's witch hunt.

Please.

It's not little.

And it goes well, in fact.

So hey, I have a question. Why do I get the green ink?

Because I already called pink, Cadance.

Luna folded the scroll up before she could read any more replies, tucking them away in her saddle. Blesi looked at her as she did, gliding by her side as thestrals circled around them. They screeched softly and Luna listened, hearing them call to the spirits of dreams and deceit and darkness. The air around them rippled as these elemental concepts cloaked them from the sight of the unsighted. Over Baltimare, a city of mostly earth ponies, that would mostly work.

In Cloudsdale, there were too many possible holes as pegasus hearing might detect the whispering lies of her thestral's allies or hear by the quickly spreading rumor the gossip between the darklings and the zephyr air spirits. They'd couch it in terms of air pressure and warm fronts, but that was just the language the spirits of weather and sky spoke in.

In Canterlot, the illusion would have been practically flawless. Unicorn had no special sense, except for the power they held within themselves. Not unless they were clever, then, and projected that cleverness out into the world, willing their cunning to exist as a working. In a thousand years, means and methods of anchoring such workings had been discovered so they worked even as the caster slept. Luna was proud that a few unicorns had proven very clever indeed, but not all, not many.

Here in Baltimare, even as they trailed through the sky, they couldn't help but brush against the presence of earth, the nigh invisible flesh and veins and nerves of what might be called Mother Nature's presence, the background radiation of magic fed by all living things. Earth ponies were naturally attuned to this, some more so than others. There was more than one arion as gifted as Pinkie Pie. That didn't unduly worry Luna, she didn't believe her quarry was so able.

"What did the other princesses say?" Blesi asked. "Did they object to this?"

"There is very little to object to, Mr. Blesi. All this pomp aside, coming in under a veil in the dead of night, this is a simple chat."

"A simple chat with the pony that has been manufacturing lies about my people, yes."

"Remember, Mr. Blesi, let me do the talking. Your emotions are still boiling from this, after all. Disobey me, and I will be sure to tell your grandmother of Little Blitzen's transgressions."

Blesi grumbled.

The group finally took to land in an alleyway, the thestral finishing their soft song but the veil continued as the shadowlings danced. Even at night the streets were still populated but many passerby's could not see them. All those inside the veil saw quite clearly through it. Not because it was designed so but because they all possessed racial abilities that made such a design redundant.

Luna used a far more expedient method of unicorn wizardry to veil Blesi before she tapped her hoof against the metal door tucked away in the dinky alley. For this business, late hours were to be expected.

When the door opened, Luna stared. The mare revealing herself could almost certainly have passed a female version of her less-than-dear great something grandson, Duke "Prince" "Pissant" Blueblood. All the colorations were right, except she was an earth pony. Luna briefly glanced at her strange cutie mark, a heart with a- was that a-? She snorted and paid attention to her face.

"Hello, and welcome to Alt-Harmony Com-" The mare stopped short, blinking as she stared herself, finally noticing who it was in front of her.

Luna took a breath, remembering the lessons Celestia gave her and tried to speak calmly. "Hello, Miss Purity Coat. Could we have a chat?"

It took a bit of small talk to meander the conversation to where Luna wanted it. In that time, she made a few observations. Complimentary, Purity seemed quite able to deal with an alicorn waltzing into her shop with a casual attitude given a moment to overcome the shock. Whether this was a healthy amount of self-assuredness or an unhealthy amount of self-absorption remained on how annoying Luna found her.

The other was her cutie mark. She recognized the swirl of right angles, and what it represented. Quite an exotic symbol for one of her little ponies to have. A symbol of power couched inside of a stylized heart, another symbol that needed no explanation, by itself. So what did it mean? A love of power? The power of love? Power dynamics as they pertained to romantic interactions? If it was that last one, were her comics a very twisted expression of that? Eventually, Luna was able to steer the topic towards that. The comics, not her cutie mark.

(She still remembered the age when discussing one's special talent was an incredibly private affair, rather than the ice breaker it was today.)

"Oh that? Yeah, I'm done with that. I'm into something fresh now." Purity said as she went behind her cash register, reached under her desk and pulled out a similar magazine, pushing it eagerly over to the Night Princess.

Luna took that into her hooves, spying on the cover a row of muscled zebra stallions standing over a pony stallion and mare. Rather than expressions of fear or horror, the ponies seemed to be fawning over the zebras. See, Luna thought, that is certainly a step-up. Celestia made mention of this, a fascination with other cultures turning to fetish didn't necessarily mean having to vilify them.

However, Luna didn't let her hopes get up just yet, because the cover still read Getting Striped. She steeled herself and repeated the same trick from a few nights ago. The pages flipped rapidly as she forced herself to witness every bit of it. It clapped shut and was set down. Luna sighed with her eyes close, releasing the breath she had held.

Okay.

Not as bad.

"At least there wasn't any mutilation this time."

"Of course not!" Purity said with a wave of her hoof. "Only reindeer do that kind of thing, not zebras!"

Luna looked at her, looked back down at the book, threw her sense back towards Blesi to note he was stock still, looked back up at Purity and sighed.

"Your pen name is interesting," Luna said.

"It's not a reference a lot of ponies get," Purity said. She sat up to expose her chest and tapped her sternum, behind which was an earth pony's second heart. "But I am a proud member of the arion tribe."

Luna could have, but she didn't mirror the gesture. "That's an old word, Purity. Not many ponies use that name anymore."

"Yeah, it's real sad how much history has been forgotten."

"Yes," Luna said, keeping a straight face. "It has." She looked back down at the magazine and then back as if remembering something, but mostly just checking on Blesi if he was still invisible. His lack of movement was worrying her. "I noticed, in your caribou books, that earth ponies- earth pony mares, they didn't have their magic taken away."

"Those savages don't know anything of the power of the arion tribe," Purity scoffed. "We arion keep the secret of our magic safe."

"It's a bit difficult to for an entire third of a race to keep their magic secret, Miss Purity. Even if it's subtle, it takes only a hooful of waggling tongues to corroborate facts and there goes the secret."

"They were, eh, silenced?" Purity ventured.

"The griffons have a rather grim saying about that, actually. 'Three birds may keep a secret as long as one has a stone behind his back.'"

"Exactly!"

Luna tilted her head. "That'd be rather unlikely. The earth ponies would have to be quite prolific to make up for the losses, and very good at hiding all the bodies.

"There's not nearly enough room in West Orchards," Luna added sardonically.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Um..."

Luna narrowed her eyes. "You haven't killed anypony over magical secret, have you, Purity?"

"Ho, no!" Purity said, confidently. Too confidently for someone trying to actually mislead her, but it could be a double-bluff. Luna resolved to have Purity subtly investigated, just in case. Less confidently then, Purity murmured. "I just thought... there had to be some conspiracy. I know we have more magic than just being tough and good farmers! I've read the texts, we have more!"

Luna sighed with pity. "You're not wrong, Purity Coat.

"Long ago, each of the magi of the three tribes each played a role in the Celestial Wheel, in the moving of sun and moon," Luna continued. "You only hear about the unicorn wizards because they were the ones dropping like flies. The other magi didn't need to pour their lives into their workings."

"Aha, so unicorn magic is inferior!"

"It's instantaneity is both a strength and a weakness. Before the coming of my sisters, the unicorns devised a stopgap measure. They broke with the unspoken covenant of the pony magi and began spreading their knowledge to the masses. That- well, I'll cut out the majority of the effects of that. In the end, when my sister and I took control of the Wheel, and knocked the magi of the three tribes from their privileged stations. Only the unicorn wizards truly survived the transition. The pegasus shaman were made to disseminate select secrets, so that weather working could hope to continue on the growing scale it was becoming.

"But arion geomancers... I know that a variety of secrets continue to be passed down bloodlines, so I suppose your theory is somewhat correct. But bloodlines can end and secrets will go with them. Without the incentive of the privilege it would bring, fewer and fewer young arion pursued the arduous task of apprenticeship. Bitter and spiteful, I think the masters made their trials even harder. The geomancers of old took the vast majority of their wisdom with them to the grave, and the sum knowledge of ponykind has been emptier for it."

For a moment, silence reigned as Luna stared through the shop's ceiling into her starry sky and Purity stared blankly at Princess Luna. What brought Luna back to the present was when she felt Blesi fidgeting in the grasp of her magic.

"I think we wandered off topic."

Luna's magic lifted the original subject of her visits out of her saddle and set it next it next to the other book. She looked at Purity's "fresh" material a second time.

"There are already some zebras who are irritated with those stories that presented them as world-ending warmongers."

"They are?"

"Only some."

"Just some?"

Luna didn't miss the leading tone but she decided to follow it anyway. "Yes. Most zebra realize the premise is patently ridiculous-"

Purity interrupted her. "Ah! But this isn't ridiculous at all!" She insisted, tapping the caribou book. "This is based on cold, hard historical facts."

"I believe you're purposefully missing a lot of context, Miss Purity."

"I know it wouldn't be exactly like this, but there is a danger to letting in non-ponies into our lands with their inharmonious cultures. The more unlike us they are, the more dangerous they are. Especially patriarchal culture, with all that it implies. Warmongering, domination by strength, violence. Dainn The Despoiler was a real creature and is exactly what I'm talking about."

Princess Luna's eyes narrowed softly. Not in any kind of anger, although she was annoyed by this prattling. It was memory.

Her sword sank deep into Dainn's chest and out his back. The Despoiler coughed blood but didn't fall, partly because Luna was still holding him up with her magic on her sword but just as much as his own stubbornness. He looked down under his carriage to the blade sticking through him and then back up to Luna, to the wing-blades glittering between her feathers.

"Thou tricked me," He said. It was somewhere between an accusation and an impressed comment.

"I told thee that thou could not read all my mind," She returned.

With a flicker of will, she wrenched the sword from him and Dainn lowered himself back to the ground as his lifesblood escaped him in thick rivulets, splattering. He landed in a puddle of his own blood and couldn't remain on his hooves, collapsing on his side.

Luna landed calmly, but cautiously, next to him, her magic and her weapons and her senses ready for anything. However, she was certain this was the end. The only thing left to do was to finish the job, and she reared back one wing for the coup de grace.

Dainn coughed. "My people..."

Luna paused. "Thine people will suffer greatly because of thee, Despoiler. Without thee, thine followers raiding every coast in reach will collapse into infighting, as pirates are wont to do. The nations of the world will wipe them out and then turn their attention upon Tarandroland. They will either seek to destroy the last of the free 'bou, or put them all in chains once and for all."

Luna allowed Dainn to see into her mind, to see the predictions her mind had conjured. She took pleasure in watching him flinch and squirm from the truth.

"Tarandroland," He murmured then, as he became colder and his organs shut down one by one. "I only ever been to the fatherland once before returning here."

Luna's gaze flickered to his coat, to faint pale lines in his dark fur. Lines that matched the places where the reindeer barding would go, the so-called "silver bells", the silver-iron chains that robbed caribou of their flight. Luna calculated Dainn's age and knew he was old enough to have been a young stag in the years Celestia and Luna finally forced the most northern reaches of Equestria to heel. It was the last stronghold of resistance to their rule and that deplorable practice in their land, made to finally accept their laws and their declaration of abolition.

"My sister and I will do our utmost best to protect the innocent caribou from the World's reprisal and then some. It is clear to us that the practice of slavery cannot be allowed to continue in any land. It is time we exercise our growing power over the Globe. Thine people will be safe and free, Dainn, but it shall be no thanks to thee."

Dainn's eyes narrowed. He spoke in a deathly gasp but with much confidence. "Thou lie."

Luna sneered. He could still read her mind, and she had left herself open to torment him earlier. "Thou art correct, Dainn. It was thee who brought to our attention this grievous injustice by visiting the same upon our little ponies. Yes, smile, Liberator, and take some comfort in that."

Her wing flashed and brought an abrupt end to the conversation.

Luna and Blesi flew away from Baltimare surrounded by silent thestral and lying shadowlings circling around them. Without the bat ponies' singing, the spirits of deception still held to their end of the bargain, and danced around them.

Luna rolled up the scroll again, putting it away in her saddlebag. "My fellow princesses tell me there is a term in literary analysis for such things, 'stallions as destroyers'. Mr. Blesi, you are an educated stag, yes? Have you heard of it? I suppose I always knew the idea was there in the Equestrian consciousness, but now I am informed that a number of scholars of thoroughly studied, dissected and debunked the whole idea."

"You mean the misandristic ramblings of a racist mare with a rape fetish?"

"Aye, Mr. Blesi, all that."

Blesi was quiet for a moment. He turned away from Princess Luna and towards the north. "I know that in caribou literature we suffer from a similar kind of sexism. We are a patriarchal society though, like that stupid mare said. In our stories you will find the figure of the doe as a deceiver."

He did have a certain particular disdain for females, he blamed the councils of crones for the state of his people. In those days, the councils of elderdoe were the true decision makers of the caribou, Luna remembered explaining to Blesi. Her thoughts flashed back to the old kings of the ponies, who's pride and prejudices drew the tribes into war with one another before Celestia and Luna took charge. "I see. So 'tis all much the same everywhere, even when it's flipped upside down."

"So, do the princess plan on not doing anything about this mare?"

"Oh, we are not without plans."

Let the courts and kings of the World have their jesters, fools given permission to say to their sovereigns what others can't. In this way, these rulers can learn about discontent among their people in the form of a joke. Celestia and Luna encourage their ponies to speak with them frankly, they don't need a jester, but they do have a fool.

This fool doesn't wear any bells. Everypony knows he's an idiot, but nopony but a few are supposed to know he is the Diarchy's Own Fool. He says what the sisters don't want other ponies to think and ponies, not wanting to be seen to be like him, will often go with it. This pony's name is-

"Blueblood~" Celestia sing-song'd. "I have an assignment for you. It's about this interesting comic book."

The Prince blinked at the magazine on his desk. "Oh, they finally made a visual adapt- wait, this is wrong."

"Oh, my dear nephew, you don't even know the beginning of it."

Author's Note

Maybe a little bit of explanation...

First of all, a lot of the ideas for caribou came from the reindeer from CoastalSarv's Under The Northern Lights, a fanfic still sporadically updated that I recommend that hell out of.

Now unto the important question:

Why Nazi?

I mean, in case you didn't pick up on it, the "swirl of right angles" in Purity's cutie mark was a swastika. (Or you were one of my pre-readers when I just outright stated it.) So why did I do this? Because I want to imply that the one who wrote these things I detest are literally Nazis? Not exactly! So why then?

Short answer, I couldn't resist the word play!

Long answer...

Okay, so, I wanted a mythology name for the earth pony tribes right from the get go, and by "the get go" I mean long before I thought of this particular entry. So then I found the Arion. To quote, "In Greek mythology, Arion or Areion (Ancient Greek: 'Ἀρίων, Ἀρείων, gen.: Ἀρίωνος, Ἀρείωνος) is a divinely-bred, extremely swift immortal horse which, according to the Latin poet Sextus Propertius, was endowed with speech. ... Arion's siring by Poseidon in stallion form vary by author: according to the Pseudo-Apollodorus, the horse was foaled by Demeter while she was "in the likeness of a Fury"; Pausanias reported that, according to Antimachus, the horse was the foal of Gaia, the Earth, herself. According to Quintus Smyrnaeus, Arion was begotten by loud-piping Zephyrus on a Harpy (probably Podarge)."

To emphasize, "...the horse was the foal of Gaia, the Earth, herself."

Perfect.

And then there's this chick. In case you missed the implication, this is Purity Coat's pen name.

I couldn't resist the wordplay. It was too good an opportunity to pass up.

I mean, I originally planned for the illustrator to be some breed of very disturbed mare. The original idea, in fact, was when Luna and Blesi encounter her, she brazenly begs Blesi to do bad things to her and would express misequinethropic tendencies. However, when this potential pun fell in my lap, plans were made to change. It also allowed me a chance to explore earth pony magic, just a tad, which was satisfying.

(In case you're wondering about how Purity's cutie mark works here, well... I personally lean towards Luna's last interpretation.)

Celestia's Dungeon

"So, are you here to see Celestia too?"

"No, I just wandered in here."

"Heh, right. How silly of me, of course."

"No, I'm serious, I just wandered into here. Don't even remember coming in. Did you say Celestia?"

"Ah- uh- um, yeah."

"So, I'm in Equestria, huh?"

"You're in... yes, you're in Equestria."

"Man, how long did I zone out?"

Starlight Glimmer, for that was indeed the first speaker here, took a hard look at her companion as it were in the Hall. He was bipedal, not unheard of, had a creamy yellow complexion topped by a black mane and dotted with pointed yellow eyes. In fact, a lot of him was pointy; his nose, his ears, his chin, his claws, his tilted bowl cut mane. His mouth hung open and she saw fangs. She didn't know about the rest of his anatomy, since he was covered in clothes from the neck down, but she wouldn't be surprised really. He was staring out the window with a dull look on his face, so at least that was something.

"And what's this disgusting ape doing here?"

Starlight turned to the voice, a white and blonde unicorn stallion with a bow tie and collar some other kind of neckpiece. His nose was stuck high into the air with a strangely stretched aristocratic sneer. It was like he was trying really hard to be haughty and annoying and unfortunately it was working.

"Bad enough we let your kind infest the rest of our country from all over the World but you come into my home as well."

Starlight grimaced as his commentary sank in, and a well instilled need to interfere welled up inside her. She looked to her companion to see how he was holding up under all the abuse and twitched in surprise. He was completely unphased, still looking out the window like he were trying to remember something.

The stallion seemed to notice he was being ignored and seemed about to respond huffily to that, his hoof raised in indignity. Just as Starlight was about to intervene though, she watched the energy drain away from him. He just seemed to lose interest, his hoof went back down and he sighed.

"Oh well, my best material is wasted."

"Your best material?" Starlight asked. "Those were just rude insults."

"I also put a lot of effort in the sneer. What do you think, too much?"

"I don't even know what you're trying to do!"

"It doesn't matter, Miss Glimmer," The noble- she presumed he was a noble- said. "Aunty is waiting for you downstairs.

"In the dungeon," He added ominously.

"The dungeon?" Starlight shook her head. "Aunty? What?"

"And take the human with you, I gather he'll be important given the subject matter."

"What?"

"Wait, so that guy was talking to me?"

"Eh, um, yes," Starlight, walking with the human down into the lower levels. "You didn't hear what he said?"

"Not a word. Man, now I must seem like a jerk."

Starlight arched a brow, frowning worriedly at him. At least, she guessed it was a him but she wasn't an expert on his species. Most races gave the same context clues, as far as she knew, although with bipeds, it was a little harder to tell. Maybe she could try to pick at his name to be- Starlight blinked in panic. She never asked his name! Well, he hadn't either, but that was no excuse to be rude.

"Say, I never introduced myself. My name is Starlight Glimmer. What's your name?"

The human looked down at her. "Huh? Oh, well it's-"

And that's when three burly men with spears tackled him to the ground.

"Halt intruder!"

"It's a bit late to say that, isn't it?"

"Yeah, he is well and truly halted, I think."

Starlight cantered back from the pile of manflesh. These newcomers were all human and- well, the most critical piece of anatomical evidence was one of only two things actually covered on these specimens, but she guessed they were males too. They wore loin wraps and gold helmets that entirely obscured their faces. That aside, the great red plumes on their heads kind of made them look like royal guards.

Starlight was trying to figure out what to do about these three guys pinning her new acquaintance to the ground bodily and with spears. She mentally vetoed making these guys her mind slaves, three times, and was about ready to try one very desperate gambit; diplomacy. However, it never came to that because they did it first.

The one on top, who might have been the leader, looked up at her and seemed to startle. "Oh, Mistress Glimmer! We've been expecting you. Hold on, let us apprehend this intruder and we'll show you where the dungeon is."

Starlight spoke, unsure, "It's... down-ish, right?"

"Eh, more or less," commented one of the other ones as their leader extricated himself from the pile.

"Ho-ho-hold on! You guys are actually royal guards?"

The leader drew himself up to his full height, puffing out his chest. "We are Solar Guards," He said, as if that mattered a great deal. "We serve the ever beautiful Princess Celestia."

One more of his subordinate climbed out of the dogpile just so he could strike a pose, his arms stretched apart and up, his legs locked together. "Praise the Sun!"

"Yes, praise the Sun."

"Uh, well." Starlight looked at her so far unnamed acquaintance, still pinned by the largest of the three. One foot planted on his back, the man crouched over him with his spear hovering close to his neck. However, the pointy eared human seemed unperturbed by all of this. "He's with me."

"Really?" The leader's helmet bobbed as he spoke. "He matches the description Prince Blueblood gave us for an intruder."

"Yes!" Agreed the crouching subordinate. He told us to apprehend him with extreme prejudice," he added while pressing further down on his captive.

Starlight glowered. "Really now? Blond mane, compass cutie mark?"

"No, more like, black mane, pointy ears," said the standing subordinate.

The leader shook his head. "No, I think she's describing the most handsome Prince Blueblood."

"Ah yes, that dashing rogue."

Starlight thought about her meeting with the prince and snorted.

The human guards looked over their captive and seemed to be making their own reassessments.

"Ya know, he doesn't seem all that dangerous."

"Seems kind of overkill, actually, bringing all that force down on him."

"I think we broke his arm, actually," observed the crouching one.

"You broke something!?" Starlight squawked.

"I'm fine," the pointy eared human said.

The crouching human slunk off his captive and helped him to his feet. When he got up, Starlight saw he was decidedly not fine, as one of his upper limbs was bent at an odd angle. Starlight grit her teeth and cantered on her front hooves, glaring at the human guards.

"You hurt him!"

"I'm fine," the point eared human repeated. He held up his broken arm to his captor and asked, "Could you hold this?"

The guard complied and the pointy eared human grabbed the other end of his arm with the other and wrenched. There was a snap as his arm was force back into place, making the pointy human grimace, but only for a moment. He held up the limb and moved it about, flexing his digits like it had never been broken.

Starlight blinked at the sudden self-healing. She looked at the other humans and, even with their face covering and unusual anatomy, she could tell they were surprised. However, the next bit of dialogue revealed they at least had a grasp of what was going on.

"Goodness, your magic is strong, stranger."

"Well, he is an elf, so I guess that makes sense."

"My estimation of your danger just went up, intruder," said the leader. "But you're being very cooperative so far so I suppose we can refrain from tackling you. Again."

"Wha- what's going on?" Starlight asked, raising up a hoof. "How are you alright?"

The pointy eared human- or elf?- or whatever he was, nodded. "Human magic enhances our endurance, stamina, constitution, all that good stuff. Mine's just turned up to eleven."

"Oh," Starlight said lamely.

"We'll still have to process you with someone higher-up, intruder," the leader said, moving to grab the man who, still, made no move to resist.

"There will be no need for that, Lieutenant Smooth Voice," said a sweet, motherly voice.

Starlight turned to see who that was, hearing the three guards behind her drop to their knees as one. She herself smiled at the sight and gave a short bow.

"Princess Celestia!"

Celestia smiled in return, closing the gap between them as she came up from where Starlight had been headed. "Starlight Glimmer, I'm glad you could make it." She then looked up at Starlight's companion, who was waving his previously broken arm at her.

"Hey Celestia!" He said with familiarity.

"Hello Ting."

"So, you know him?"

"I am well acquainted with Ting The Traveller, though perhaps I should make introductions with him and Luna. Ting came to be long after Luna's abeyance."

"He's not a thousand years old or something?"

Celestia looked back behind them both towards the human trailing along, staring blankly at the walls and the ceiling. Their way now was lit by torches as they moved underground. Celestia clearly refused to let this place become foreboding for it, as colorful paintings hung on the walls and servants moved to constantly replenish vases full of flowers. There were a normal number of guards stationed down here, none of them human. Those three were left at the entrance to the underground halls.

Ting seemed to notice he was being paid attention too and came back to Earth. He at least had been partially paying attention though. "Huh, me? I, uh, I guess I'm about... three hundred years old? Two and a half?"

"He is one of the second youngest, that I know of, of those whom many call the Immortals." Celestia said that last word with a certain amount of dismissal.

Starlight's tilted her head. "Second?"

"The youngest is a zebra haemonculi, Zambarau."

"And they're like you?"

"As in ageless like me? Yes, but Zambarau and Ting are not immortal rulers of their people. Zambarau is a candy maker and Ting..."

"I'm a glorified tourist!" Ting said with a smile.

Starlight looked him over. "One of the guards called you an elf."

Ting flicked one of his ears. "Yeah. Ya get humans with unusual magic and most of the times they get these elongated, pointy ears."

"Ju- just the ears?"

"Yeah, the rest of me is just weird looking."

"Oh," Starlight replied lamely. Looking for something else to say, she asked, "So you travel a lot?"

"Eeyup. Kinda have to, trapped in the wanderlust," He said with a sigh and a shrug.

Starlight looked at him like she didn't get what that meant. Like, she knew what a wanderlust was, but she picked up on the fact there was more context here than she realized. Ting picked up on her look of incomprehension and looked over to Celestia, followed by Starlight.

Celestia nodded. "The human gift of indomitability comes with it a certain curse of instability; the wanderlust. In order of growing rarity, a single person, a family, an entire village to whole nations will suddenly uproot themselves and go in whatever direction fate takes them. In this way, it is said that the human race embodies the spirit of the nomad."

"Kinda makes it hard to establish any sort of nations, but some of us manage. Thankfully, the wanderlust is relatively uncommon, so not everyperson is constantly travelling. Most never do," Ting said with a shrug. "Now, the wanderlust appears to different people in different ways; some people just get an urge to get up and go, some people black out and wake up destiny knows where, some people find odd events happen to them that take them far from home. Me? Well, I'm kindly called 'absent minded'. My mind will go a wandering and often enough so will my body."

Starlight nodded. "So when I met you earlier?"

"I just started paying attention again. Now, I end up in Equestria plenty of times, I remember the rainbow in my eyes, but this is the first time I apparently walked right into Canterlot Castle."

"Okay, 'rainbow in my eyes', I'm gonna need context for that one too."

"Sure, Celestia will know more."

"The Rainbow Bridge," Celestia said. "An enchantment I and my sister, along with two human sorceresses, constructed. In exchange for a favor, we agreed to make Equestria a safe place for humans to settle, those humans that had become deeply lost inside the wanderlust."

"Yeah, unfortunately, those two sorceresses had more to do with building the Rainbow Bridge than you."

"Yes, and their need to balance all blessings with a curse is built deep within the Bridge. It's what allowed them to achieve such great magics. For example, those who are lead safely to Equestria are cursed to never find their way home again."

"And then there's the Tolling."

"Ah, the 'Tolling'."

Starlight was lost again. "The Tolling?"

"Among the dual blessing and curses the sorceresses placed on the Bridge, there was one that made it so probability would favor the young while turning against the old. While it's assured many human children trapped in the wanderlust have survived a quest to Equestria they otherwise might not have, it has also been problematic. Especially in the case of family trapped together in the wanderlust, earning the Rainbow Bridge its other name.

"The Trail Of Orphans."

Ting added, "Those who survive when their families didn't are said to have been 'Tolled'."

Starlight grimaced at this. "That's- that's terrible."

"That's a fact of life," Ting said. "Ever since humans were cursed by The Wyrm Beyond The World, or so they say." Ting flinched at something. "Oh yeah, that reminds me." He started digging around in his clothes. Starlight noticed now how many pockets he seemed to have, which made sense.

Starlight turned to Celestia for clarification, who said to her, "The destinies of humans and ponies have been linked in many strange ways. This includes the odd attention we both receive from Discord."

"Discord cursed the humans with wanderlust?"

"According to some stories. Most likely when he was quite younger, when he was far more 'The Spirit Of Chaos' than he was 'Discord'."

"Huh?"

Before Celestia could expound on that, Ting went, "Aha!" He pulled a wooden mask from one of his pockets, holding it up for both ponies to see. It was brown, with two thick nails driven into each cheek like a demented blush. It was carved with thin eyes, a quaint smile and a handlebar mustache. Starlight looked it over and felt a palpable sense of... mischief radiating from it.

"What is that?"

Celestia sighed at the sight of the object. "A reliquary," She said knowingly, and tiredly. "A repository of many lesser chaotic aligned spirits suborned by Discord and bound to that mask."

"His gift to us," Ting added. "He made it so only a human could wear it. It caused us a lot of trouble. I found it on my travels and, now that I think about it, I think it'd be safer with you."

"Your trust is appreciated, Ting," Celestia said as she plucked the mask from his hand with her magic. She looked it over before floating it back to him. "Before I do put it away, though, I actually wish to ask the spirit conglomerate a question. Could you put it on for a moment?"

Ting grimaced. "You sure about that, Celestia?"

Princess Celestia looked around and signalled to nearby servants. These ponies put down what they were doing and made themselves scarce. What guards were there just grimaced and made themselves ready. She then nodded. "Yes, in this place, I'm sure I can keep the spirits of the mask under control."

Ting smiled then. Starlight noted he seemed quite capable of shrugging off his trouble with ease. "Well, alright then!" He grabbed the mask and pressed it to his face.

Immediately, his hands felt to his side even as the mask stayed on his face. Starlight watched as the wooden brown melted into neon green, molding itself over Ting's face. He stumbled back, his body twitching as the spirits took control of him. His head leaned back, a hole opened for his mouth and he spoke.

"Ten thousand nameless spirits.

"Unbound by morality or reality.

"Unshackled from physics or ethics.

"We are legion," And for that line, he spoke with the voice of the many spirits inside of him. He lowered his head back down, letting Starlight see the new features. His hair was still on his head but it seemed out of place, like an obvious toupee. She couldn't see his nose or his eyes, though the features of his ears and mouth were kept in place, just painted green. Emblazoned on his face was a black swirled mark, a question mark, like the entity didn't know who it was.

"We are Anonymous."

Starlight took one step back, putting herself a bit more behind the cover that was Celestia. "Princess, are you sure this is safe?"

"It depends on who is wearing the mask, Starlight. Although having its own sapiency, the spirits mostly act upon the impulses of the host. Ting's worst impulses involve sarcasm, a severe case of ADHD, and a masochistic tendency to put his immortality to the test. My biggest worry will be wrangling a straight answer out of them and if the spirits get truly rowdy, they know I've no fear of hurting this particular host to stop them."

Starlight nodded, immediately on board with this. Like, if motherly Celestia were willing to hurt this guy, it must mean it was okay, right?

Celestia, for her part, looked down at the student of her student and noted the thaums and motes around her horn shaping themselves into the form of a variety of evisceration, burination and even disintegration spells. She put a hoof on her shoulder and grounded those spell quickly, making Starlight blink in surprise.

"Just hold off on those for a moment," Celestia said. "No need to go overboard."

"Heh, right, sorry."

Anonymous looked about with no eyes. Where he looked, the walls would glow with silver runes, shot through with golden lines like wires in the wall. He pursed his lips at the sight of them, raised his hands up and clapped twice. Suddenly, the whole hallway lit up with those lights, making the masked man light up with joy.

"Oooo, shiny!"

"No, no, Anonymous, over here." Celestia waved her hoof, trying to draw his gaze. "Pay attention, I brought you here for a reason."

Starlight quirked a brow. "Huh, after his whole spiel about morality and ethics, even with what you told me, I was expecting him to be more menacing."

"Spirits like their drama, Starlight."

Starlight looked around the many lights in the hallway. "So... these're spells? I guess the gold parts are from you and Princess Luna did the silver writing?"

"Correct, but this isn't unicorn magic. Then again, neither is much of what you do, Starlight Glimmer, and that's a bit of your problem and your asset." Celestia carried on before Starlight could query on that one. "This actually leans far more closely to earth pony magic. It took longer to set-up, but I and my sister won't constantly have to feed it with our power. Rather, this channels directly from Sun and Moon."

"Huh, neat."

"Pretty," Anonymous said. He actually seemed to bring himself to focus at last, staring at Celestia with a great big grin, oh that stretched his face out unnaturally. "Well, hey there, Sunbutt."

Celestia simply nodded in return. "I'll come right out and ask it, Anonymous, before you get distracted or wander off." She tilted her head and continued on softly, at odd with the implied tone of her words. "Did you have anything to do with the Empty Heart falling into a broken young girl's hands a few years ago?"

"Objection!" Anonymous thrust his finger out, countering the accusatory statement with an equal gesture with his fingers. Starlight admired how much point could be put into that one digit. Straightening up, Anonymous pulled out a sheaf of paper from nowhere, tapping at it as he spoke. "We would like to present the following evidence to court-" He slammed the paper down on the table suddenly in front of him. "-that we are not crazy enough to mess around with Heart Of Tambelon!"

"I feel like I'm missing a lot of context here," Starlight said.

Anonymous reached up and pulled a projector screen from the ceiling. It lit up from a projector that didn't exist, although this projection didn't so much as glow as eat away at light. Starlight, and those guard angles just right to see it all, took some involuntary steps back at what they saw. This was an image of emptiness, a lacking of love or hate, of emotion, of everything good and evil both that blessed and cursed mortal life, writ into a two dimensional image.

In the voice of a bored professor, Anonymous lectured his horrified audience. "This is a two-dimensional cut-out of the city-body of Tambelon Whom Devours Songs. Notice here in the middle is the Empty Heart or the Unloved Void Heart Nestled In The Web Of Silence. Please try to remember that unnecessarily morose and purple word salad, it will be on the test."

A golden glow took hold of the screen and sent it careening back into the ceiling, and oblivion, with a yank. Anonymous glared at the intruder on his lecture. "Well, I know somepony who's going to test poorly on the quiz."

"That's enough, Anonymous. Nopony needs to see that demon, not ever again."

"C'mon, is this about what happened to Star-"

"Please, Anonymous. Enough."

Anonymous snorted. "What're you gonna do, Sunbutt? Blast me?"

Celestia's eyes narrowed. "I just might, Anonymous. That body you're in is awfully sturdy."

"I want you to do it. C'mon, hit me. Hit me!"

Starlight blinked, looking between them. "Hold on, Star-? Star who? Starswirl?"

"Yeah, Starswirl," Anonymous said. "He died destroying the Voice Of Tambelon, and Grogar lived."

"You say that like it's significant but I don't know who that is."

Anonymous actually flinched at her dismissal. "G- Grogar The Unraveller. You don't, really?"

"No. Twilight might. Sounds like a big bad guy though."

"Correct," Celestia said to Starlight, before glowering at Anonymous. "But that's enough."

Anonymous smirked at her before looking at Starlight. "Here's a lesson for you, Glimglam-"

"Don't call me that."

"Glimglams. Liches are a type of immortal that come about when someone dies, their mortal soul moves on and an immortal soul takes residence in their life force before it dwindles. A lot of them go crazy because they can't accept they're a different person but Grogar, now Grogar, he was always really, scarily sane."

Starlight blinked, letting the implication there begin to sink in. Before that thought process could complete though, she was jerked from her contemplation as a shining bolt of light sunk through Anonymous's heart and out his back for a yard.

The green headed human clutch his shirt where a burning hole still smoked. "Ha- haha! Made you do it!" Then Anonymous face planted to the ground.

Starlight spun towards Celestia, watch the solar diarch do a familiar breathing exercise she had seen her own teacher do. Celestia repeated it twice and then sighed.

"My apologies, Starlight Glimmer, everypony," She addressed her guards as well. "I seemed to have lost my temper there. If anyone is worried, Ting will be alright. He's had worse than that. Let me take that mask off of him."

Starlight followed Celestia over to the- well, not a body. Still, it was almost scary how sunny Celestia had blown a hole in anycreature, even if they were supposed to be tough enough to take it. For her part, Celestia sighed as the both of them hovered over Ting and Anonymous's still form.

"There's... no blood," Starlight observed.

"My beam cauterized the wound," Celestia commented. "Blood loss would have made it harder for Ting to recover. To be honest, I had a fair idea this might end in violence, but I think accepting that may have made me too ready for it. However, getting Ting, of all humans, to put on the mask while I actually still had Ting here seemed like the best option. Still, that was a hasty decision that has ended with one half-dead human on my floor and me looking like a crazy pony. Splendid."

"If it helps, I, uh-" -won't ask about Starswirl and whoever the Tart' is Grogar. "-so, will this get Equestria in trouble with the humans?"

"As in one of the human nations?" Celestia asked. "Well, which one? There is the Uncontrolled Sovereignties Of Amanica, the Ausapian Outback, Firinland, Fingland, Roam, Japalm, Humandar and Manstollia, to name a few."

"Wow, that's a- that's quite a lot."

"Remember what we said, humans get around. As well that the fate of humans and ponies are quite closely intertwined. Almost all of those human nations overlap with a pony nation, save for Amanica. The Thestralian Outbat, Scoltland, Horsway, Troy, Neighpon and Canteron. Manstollia has humans and ponies integrated, and Saddle Arabia borders closely to the Ottoman. Also the Purrsians. And unfortunately a site considered sacred to all three of them is located perilously in the middle, turning the area into more of an argument than a place.

"Ting is Torean, citizen to a nation that he outlived, fractured and scattered when all of its people were taken by the wanderlust at once and went off in every direction. Such a rare occurrence, it's still spoken of by humans for happening centuries ago. It was not long after Ting's birth, actually. For that, some humans think he's cursed. Others think he's blessed, and take great pride in the trials he can survive. For many, it's both, as humans are often known as the Creatures Of Contradiction.

"So no, Starlight, I don't we'll be getting into any trouble. A lot of humans would cheer for the prize specimen living through my wrath especially."

"Why you especially?"

Celestia sighed. "We haven't gotten to that part of the lesson yet, Starlight. Patience."

"Uh, um... okay."

Celestia nodded and bent her head low to the body, her horn glowing as she kept Ting and Anonymous pinned to the ground. Her wings spread wide and she whispered to the mask. Nonsense words, dissonant, irregular sounds, anarchy made audible. Celestia's mouth became an echoing blur as she began to speak with two voices, each her own but saying different things, equally lacking in sense. More copies of Celestia's voice joined until it was a chorus of babble.

Starlight simply didn't possess the right equipment to know what Celestia was doing. Even with her talent for black magic, she didn't have wings. She couldn't know Celestia was calling each spirit out, naming their names and pushing her ego and charisma down on them. Much like Fluttershy did, actually. In fact, when one got down to basics, it was what most pegasi did with the weather, even if it didn't look like it.

The clouds and the moisture and pressure fronts, these things of the sky. They were savages, all of them, and violence was the only language they understood. A pegasi with a strong kick, fast wings and an enormous ego could easily clear a town's sky in ten seconds flat.

Oh goodness, now I'm wondering off topic.

The green of the mask melted off of Ting's face back into wood. A golden glow lifted both into the air, separating the two. Ting was gently placed on her back and the mask was slipped into her shimmering mane, subsumed by the rainbow hair.

"Honestly, this was all a mistake," Celestia said with a sigh. "Not one with grave consequences, Ting will be alright and he'll even get a good story out of this. But I put quite a poor showing in front of my little ponies, not to mention how the humans living here will take it when they hear of this. And they will; Ting will talk, I won't tell him not to. He may even put it in as much of a sympathetic light as he can, but his fellow humans will hear it different."

"Do they- do they not like you? Do they not like the princesses or something?"

"Oh, the humans adore Luna, for which I am very grateful for, but I am not very popular with them."

"Why?"

"Patience."

Starlight snorted.

"Oh goodness, what was that?"

"Huh, oh, that was Princess Celestia."

"I know who Princess Celestia is, m'am. Who was that on her back?"

"Oh, that was Ting."

"Ting? As in Ting The Traveller?"

"Yep, that guy."

"What was he doing sprawled across her back?"

Starlight considered her next words carefully. She remembered that Celestia said the humans would find out anyway, though, and decided to screw it. "She shot him through the chest."

"O- oh." His voice quavered before he gulped. Starlight watched him nod then, like he was just accepting that.

"So, did you just wonder into here too?"

"Whaat? No, no. I was asked here to come, by the princess, to give her a report on my garden."

"Huh, okay."

"Is that why she shot him?"

"Nah, it wasn't that. It was a- it was a whole thing."

"Oh, okay." It was not okay.

Starlight changed the subject. "So, you grow a garden?"

"A cabbage patch, and I take care of it. Ponies grow it, primarily earth ponies."

"Oh yeah, that's what earth ponies are good for. At. Oh gosh, that came out horribly."

"Mm."

"So, hey, moving past my casual tribalism, hi! My name is Starlight Glimmer."

"Huh, Xavier, of Roberts' Clan."

Starlight took a look see at her new companion, as she waited out in the halls. Celestia requested that she stay put while she made sure everything was in place inside the dungeon proper. Coincidentally, that left her with this guy who had been waiting nervously outside himself. Like Ting, he was completely covered in clothing, so she was taking his male-ness for granted. However, this one had a beard, and that was normally a pretty good indicator, as far as she knew.

"A cabbage patch, huh? That something Princess Celestia likes to hear about?"

Xavier smiled softly, like he'd heard that before. "My cabbage patch is special."

"Uh, how so?"

Xavier tilted his head, thinking about it. He seemed to scrutinize her for a bit before he continued. "I grow foals in my cabbage patch. Out of the ground."

"...

"... oh." Because what else is she supposed to say?

"It's a magic cabbage patch that the Honey Bunny clan created and for some reason I became the caretaker of," Xavier explained. "It lets stallion couples have children after they, erm, seed the ground with their love."

"D- uh, um. The Honey Bunny clan?"

"Earth pony clan."

"And you're a human."

"It was a whole thing."

"Ah. So, wait, only stallion couples?"

"I've heard there are different methods for mare couples, something involving pegasus magic and someone called Epona, but only through hearsay."

"Huh, okay." There was another silent pause before Starlight decided in usual Starlight fashion to simply stab the problem through the heart. "So, why are you afraid of Princess Celestia?"

Xavier stumbled at the blunt question and started stammering some kind of answer, explanation or excuse. Through it all, one word, or name, stood out to her in the rambling.

"Corona."

"Starlight."

The red door opened. Both of them turned, Starlight simply paying attention and Xavier gasping as he saw who it was. Celestia looked at her student's student for a moment before looking to the other being, clutching his chest and breathing audible, his eyes drifting to the unmoving body on her back.

"Xavier, I believe my sister is available at this moment. Why don't you go look for her and give her your report?"

The human nodded with indecent haste, bowing as he backed away before turning to sprint. The ponies there watched him go, Celestia giving an extended wince.

Starlight turned to her. "So who's Corona?"

"Soon, Starlight."

"Hmph."

Now this one, she guessed, was female. The humans so far still had these effeminately flat faces but their jaw line, as abbreviated as it was, normally had telling, masculine angles but this one had a round face. Still, Starlight was mostly guessing. Educated guesses but guesses nonetheless, while having so many questions. For example, were those teats on her chest? Was she pregnant? What was she doing in the dungeon?

"Starlight, this is Megan. Megan, meet Starlight."

"Hey there."

"Hi."

And that rather lame verbal greeting was accompanied with a far more energetic gesture of the tall human crouching down and fist bumping Starlight's hooves. Starlight took note that her mane was yellow, unlike the other two she saw, and her skin was pale, like the other five. Albeit, Ting had a yellow-ish pallor.

Instead, Starlight took a moment to look around and especially take a look into the adjacent open cell. It was expansive, looking to be less of a cell and more of a studio apartment with a lot of underground cellar decor. There was a bed, not just a cot, in one corner, and what looked to be a kitchen; furniture. A little open closet showed a small but serviceable bathroom.

"This seems... nice," Starlight remarked.

"It is said that a nation is judged by its prisons," Celestia said. "It's something I've taken to heart."

"R-right," Starlight said. She turned to Megan. "So you, uuuuh, live here?"

"No, not anymore," Megan said, unperturbed. "I'm just getting the last of my things."

"Oh, so you're being let out now?"

"Megan hasn't been a resident here for a while now," Celestia clarified.

Megan grabbed her arm. "I'm kept at the Crystal Empire now."

"She lives with Princess Cadance," Celestia... corrected? "Now, I wanted to introduce you two to each other as you both have quite a lot in common."

"We do?"

Starlight smiled bashfully, one foreleg rubbing the other. "I'm guessing it has something to do with us both being former bad guys?"

Megan stared at Starlight with wide eyes, saying nothing for a moment. Starlight took advantage of the silence to keep on. "Well, as long as we're sharing, I was a cult leader and I ended the world a few times."

"Like- wait, wha- did you- there is a lot to unpack with that. Were you the leader of a doomsday cult?"

"No, it was an equality cult. After I was overthrown, I may have overreacted a bit."

"And a few times? Like, more than none at all?"

"Oh yeah, well, see, it was all done via time travel, so it kinda never happened?"

Megan looked at her, at the Princess, back at Starlight, we're back to the Princess, now the ceiling, the ground, on to a place of acceptance and back to Starlight.

"Okay."

"So, now that I've told you mine, how about you tell me yours?"

"Um, well, I hijacked a blimp and tried to eat all the songs in Cloudsdale."

"Eat all the songs?"

"Well, I had this evil amulet-"

"Oooo, say no more. You should meet my friend, Trixie. She also put on an evil amulet."

Megan's smile came more relaxedly. "I'd like that."

"I'm quite glad you two are getting along," Celestia said. "I have one more thing I wish to show Starlight Glimmer, but feel free to join us, Megan. What I am about to show you concerns your people's history as well."

[hn]

Starlight found she quite liked Megan as they walked and talked, diving deeper into the dungeons of Canterlot Castle. Sure, Megan reminded her rather more of Trixie still, what with making rather more hasty emotional decisions that led her down a dark path beyond her volition. This didn't quite compare to the drawn-out emotionally unstable decisions she went about making before.

"Honestly, I probably belonged in the dungeon more than you," She said.

There was a pause.

"What?"

"Starlight, it is my preference to use these facilities not for the purpose of punishment," Celestia said gently. "Ponies and other creatures are kept here for curative reasons, for their safety and the safety of others."

Megan put in her two cents. "It's less of a prison and more of a mental asylum."

"Indeed," Celestia agreed. "And there is no shame in that. There is no shame in being unwell, Megan, and receiving help."

Megan didn't say anything for a moment before tilting her head towards Starlight. "After... after I took off the Empty Heart, I started having visions. Prophecy visions, sometimes some really good stuff to know about beforehand but never anything really nice. I'd have some, mm, real bad reactions to some of them. Real bad. Only Cadence's singing helps."

"Princess Cadence? Her singing?"

"Ya, she was the one who stopped me in Cloudsdale. She sang to me and reminded me I could just... cry."

Another silence, an emptiness of sound that ate up all the comfort and left only awkwardness.

"You have not been, nor were you ever, the only guest and patient I housed in these sunken halls," Celestia said. "There are others. There is one in particular..."

Princess Celestia paused in her speech, still walking forward. After a moment of thought, she continued, "There was a misguided group of ponies. A cult, really, lead by Blazing Zeal, the Brotherhood Of Converts. They believed in the supremacy of pony-kind, that we are a more morally pure race than all others. They believed in Corona like a goddess."

Starlight looked at Megan as she took a particularly deep breath. She asked, "Who is Corona?"

"I am Corona," Princess Celestia said. "It is one of my myriad of names, one I am no longer fond of."

"So, pony supremacists, huh? I take it they weren't nice to humans then?"

"That's putting it lightly," Megan said, almost in a growl.

"What?"

"The Brotherhood used certain magics," Celestia said. "Black magic, some of sorts you might be very familiar with, Starlight Glimmer, and some I am happy you never displayed."

Starlight grimaced, but feared to ask. Celestia didn't elaborate as she turned a corner into a smaller hall. Going through a steel door, they walked inside a small dark room. It had one other occupant, a blue stallion in a white lab coat, who turned away from the room’s only illumination as they entered and bowed his head.

"Princess."

"Doctor. How is your patient today?"

"As usual, your highness. No new updates. No incident for more than a hundred days and hopefully a hundred more."

"Excellent."

"Did you know there appears to be a dead human on your back?"

"Oh, he'll be alright."

"Ah, excellent."

Megan and Starlight went up to the window, looking into a brightly lit room on the other side. Starlight took in everything about it; the padded walls and floor, all the furniture with rounded corners, the bright colored infant toys, the... the other pony inside.

"He looks off," Megan remarked.

"He looks like someone took a foal and stretched them over an adult's body," Starlight remarked. "Princess, what's wrong with this pony?"

Princess Celestia joined them at the window, looking at the pony-foal gleefully pushing blocks about. "It certainly says a lot about the Brotherhood, about Blazing Zeal, that this is their ideal pony form made manifest."

Megan took two steps back. "No. No no no! No, Princess, that's impossible! The Brotherhood, that happened hundreds of years ago. He can't be one of them."

Celestia nodded. "You are right on most accounts, Megan. I put an end to the Brotherhood those five and a half centuries ago. I cared for those poor creatures they created until the end of their days, and I have made sure that others like them were never made; that another Brotherhood ever arose again. Not in Equestria, not anywhere in the World."

"Then what is this?"

"There are a myriad of different types of ageless, of what most call the immortals. Some are like Ting here, born by some happy accident. Like my sister and I, bred by purpose. Other kinds and more. One kind are those who have the potential for agelessness, but had to sacrifice some fundamental part of themselves to achieve it. Dainn tore out regret and restraint and Son Wukong gave up his doubt. Scorpan sacrificed the unconditional love he held for his brother, so self-assured that he'd regain it in time.

"When the Brotherhood found him, took him like they did so many others, lost in the wanderlust, they had no idea that the enduring spark lay dormant in his soul. I don't know if he did either. He was made, forced, to sacrifice far, far more than most immortals of his kind ever do."

"Princess, if you don't mind me asking," Starlight spoke up. "What happened to the Brotherhood? Or Blazing Zeal?"

Celestia didn't answer immediately, just watching the creature on the other side of the mirror gaily arrange a series of stuffed animals. "One way or another, Blazing Zeal was made to regret his actions until the day he died."

Celestia's horn glowed, pulling a speaking tube down from the ceiling. "Hello, Jack."

The creature dropped his teddy and looked up. "Princess! You're here."

He had the voice of an adult that never experienced puberty, far too high pitched. He spoke in a tone, ecstatic, enthralled; the sound of it made Starlight step back and even made Megan grimace.

"I am, Jack. I am," Celestia said. "Just for a short while, but I'm here. How was your day?"

"It was nice. I had a tea party earlier and then I took a nap. I think I'll..." He tilted his head. "I think I'll have another tea party now!"

"That sounds lovely."

He bounced to his feet, prancing back and forth. "Would you like to join me for tea, Princess?"

"I'm sorry, Jack, I haven't the time, right now," Celestia said. "Perhaps another day."

He frowned, and then scowled. His child-like face pulled back into a sneer. "That's not my name!"

Celestia sighed.

He kicked and bucked and reared his legs. "That's not my name! That's not my name! That's not my name!" He stopped and shook his head, screaming around the room. "You gave me a name! A real name! A pony name!"

Starlight glanced at Celestia, Megan's head practically whipping in the same direction. For her part, Celestia didn't look back. She leaned in towards the speaking tube and said it through a voice that almost cracked.

"Quick," She said. "I'm sorry, Quick, sometimes I forget. Your name is Quick Reminder."

Quick calmed down immediately, sitting on his haunches, smiling with wide, vacant eyes. "That's okay, Princess. You're just being silly. It's okay to be silly, sometimes!"

"You're right, Ja- Quick, it is," Celestia told him. "Why don't you go be silly for a while?"

"Okay, Princess!" Quick proceeded to prance off in one direction, squealing with delight.

Celestia pulled the speaking tube away from her face to its alcove. "Just a Quick Reminder, a reminder of what happens when you let ideology overcome morality. Do you understand, Starlight Glimmer?"

...

Elsewhere...

Luna was staring at a different kind of just-off-equine sort of creature. This was a horse, a wild horse, with a long stretched jaw and beady black eyes, even taller than her. It looked more like she and her sister than her ponies, but more primitive, primal, and it was not a comparison she would appreciate. By contrast, the hirsute heavy proto-human ergaster in the next pen were far shorter, but just as primitively chiseled, as her companion.

"Captain," She said to the silver-clad bipedal warrior. "Little Lion, what do you make of these creatures?"

"Ghastly," Groused the man.

"Agreed. I suspect you mean the ergaster yourself, but likely we feel the same way about each of our primeval counterparts. That they are like us, but distinctly not. They ape our form-" Although, a more literal translation would be "They changeling our form", which unfortunately retained some prejudice connotations. "-and so brutishly, with none of the divine beauty of sapience."

"Uh, that and that one over there is picking his nose," Little Lion said. "Just got his finger jammed right up there."

"Ew, gross."

This area of the royal gardens was something more akin to a small zoo, though its roster of animals was constantly rotated. It was open to the public at a price, an admissions fee that the castle reimbursed right back into various small charity projects. The current theme was the closest primitive cousins of various sapient races, which brought in creatures from all over and even piqued one princess's curiosity. Well, two, but Twilight was sadly busy, and this one that came was there mostly out of boredom.

It was here that a servant led Xavier over to the Moon Princess and her current guard. The bearded man's eyes lit up and the sight of her, and his babbling in humanian caught both their attention. He bowed and addressed her in his native tongue, which both of them understood.

"Nightmare Moon," He said in a tone of reverence.

A silver gauntlet went on his shoulder, and the much taller man spoke in the native tongue of the land. "'Ey, chap, how about we speak equestrian? And we not call the Princess that?"

"O-of course, my apologies," He switched languages as he bowed again. "Your highness, I am Xavier of Clan Roberts, associate of Clan Honey Bunny."

"Honey Bunny?" Luna queried. "Ah, yes, I had heard that the cabbage patch had a human caretaker. Strange, but if the Honey Bunnies trust you..."

"Yes, m'am, your highness. I'm here to deliver my report."

"Of course, Xavier of Clan Roberts. Please continue."

The man nodded and reached into his bag, pulling out a manilla envelope. Leafing through them, he nervously delved into the minutiae of running a magical garden for magical gay spawn. He recited from rote information about the leylines that lead into the manse of Honey Bunny cabbage patch. They were some of the last clans with such extensive knowledge of geomantic principles. Luna found herself nodding along with it, visualising in her second heart the pathways of magic through the aether that led into the garden. Xavier couldn't see or feel it for himself, he lacked such magic, but he was well informed with a head for such thing.

He spoke with greater confidence, or at least greater capability, of the ponies that came to use the garden. The stallion couples that seeded the garden with their love and so equine life could grow from the magical soil. Xavier explained the methods they used to make the stallions comfortable, both in the seeding and housing those that chose to stay for the eleven months it took for the cabbage to grow and bloom, how they tended to the health of the unborn foal and tracked its health long afterwards.

Personally, Luna thought these magical plants would be better suited be called flowers. Indeed, she wasn't the only one, with many ponies produced by this magical method being referred to as "flower foals". It was the Honey Bunny clan who insisted they were cabbage patch foals, and they refused to budge on the matter. Luna's musing in this direction was cut short as she realized Xavier was meandering to a close.

"-and it's been another successful year of bring the joy of family to those who would otherwise be incapable of having it."

"Very good," Luna sighed.

"You sound disappointed, my lady," Little Lion observed.

Xavier looked at him and then her. "Princess?"

"Oh, it sounds horrible for me to be wishing that something was going wrong," Luna said. "Especially in as such a delicate and important an operation as that garden." She hummed wistfully. "In my time, only with a mare could a pony couple have a child. Two mares could manage it with the aid of Epona."

Xavier tilted his head, "Wasn't it that she, Epona that is, she refused to help stallions?"

Luna snorted. "Not at all. She considered her inability to help them her greatest failing."

"Excuse me, a little lost, my lady," Little Lion admitted. "Who is Epona?"

"A spirit," Luna said. "Of fertility, family and love, of mares, mothers and foals. For all her power, she couldn't manage to get a stallion pregnant, nor use a willing mare as a surrogate. The former out of anatomical difficulties, and the latter some sort of symbolic disconnect. It pained her, in those days. Thankfully, I have heard she is not so prideful to hold it against the first Honey Bunny for doing what she couldn't, figuring out a work around and using the earth itself as a surrogate mother."

"Ah, neat," Little Lion said.

"He and his husband apparently did it by accident, anyway," Luna said.

Xavier nodded. "That's what they say."

"Huh," Little Lion grunted. "Well, what was keeping you down, my lady?"

"I was just hoping for some excitement," Luna admitted.

Xavier shook his head. "My apologies, your highness. We haven't had anything exciting happen near or about the cabbage for, oh, nearly ten years."

"Ten years? What happened then?"

"Well, perhaps eight. Seven and a half? I was a boy then, who had just come across the patch. In those days, something had taken to attacking the patch and the couple whom came to and from it. The attacks happened sporadically, with long stretches between them, but had been going on for years. Couples began to stop coming, and the cabbage patch began to die without an influx of love."

"How were these attacks stopped?"

"They... they just did."

"The assailant just stopped?"

"Yes. At least, no more attacks have happened for seven and a half years."

"Hmm, intriguing. This may very well bear investigating, actually."

"My lady," Little Lion began. "Perhaps we could-"

"No time for that!" Luna cut him off, wrapping her wings around both humans. "Come, mine companions. Adventure!"

And then they were gone in a flash of light.

Author's Note

As always, concepts within are free-to-use by anyone who takes a liking to them because, as you can clearly see, I certainly wasn't shy reusing concepts myself.