Your Human and You: A Mare After My Own Heart

by CheezitLover69

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Timberwolves, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Diamond Dogs, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 1773

Fredrick, a human-turned-wildlife expert for the Everfree, has been mysteriously turned up in said forest. He doesn’t even know how he arrived there, let alone how to get out.

Disclaimer: I don’t own My Little Pony or the Your-Human-and-You-verse. All rights go to their respective owners.

Fredrick, human-gone-wildlife expert in under a month in Equestria’s Everfree Forest, has been sucked into said world under mysterious circumstances. Circumstances that he himself doesn’t even know! But what he does know is that there are other humans here, Neanderthals, to be exact. Each one had the idiocy of a simple-minded homo-sapien, to his dismay. However, that wasn’t the worst part, as nearly each one was owned by a pony or other sapient creature on Equiss. They were treated like animals, locked in cages for Christ’s sake! Fredrick knew that being caught by these ponies could mean the end for him, but his curiosity for their ‘Magic’ drove him to learn more about them. But will he get too close and be caught?

Published 2018-07-10 18:50:13 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-10 18:50:13 UTC

Chapter 1: Mein Kampf

I climbed up a tree as a nearby bush rustled with great intensity, my heart pounding in my chest. I didn’t know what was in there! It could be a Timberwolf or a cockatrice or a pony! No chances, thank you very much. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the wildlife here—it’s absolutely fantastic and divine—but that doesn’t mean it won’t try to kill me.

I hushed my thoughts as I climbed onto the tallest branch that gave me a clear view of the bush, my eyes watching intently for any kind of distinctive behavior or skin that could potentially give me an idea of what was making such a ruckus. After a few moments of silence, I began to wonder if the creature within those bushes had seen me, and is plotting how to get up here. Or it was just plain stupid, but I was certain that it was the former. After those thoughts, nothing happened. My heartbeat was the one thing that let me know I hadn’t gone deaf, because when I couldn’t hear anything come from that bush, I truly thought that’s what happened.

As I was about to get off my branch, the bushes rustled again, scaring me onto the tree that I sat upon. As I hugged the branch, I looked down and saw a pony come out of the bushes, staring at me. It wasn’t an earth pony or unicorn, it was just a simple Pegasus. They can fly with their wings and are devilishly clever... well, a few of them.

The pony in question was a mare, as the body structure and short muzzle told me enough. Her coat was a dim yellow and her eyes glistened with a violet color. Her mane and tail were a black with grey streaks within them, and her clothing made her look like some sort of safari tour guide, which was silly in my opinion. Never before had I seen such clothing on a pony, but there’s a first time for everything. Once I get back to my cave, I’m gonna have to write this one down in the journal. I call it, “The Wildlife of the Everfree Forest and Equestria”, written by yours truly. It’ll sell millions, if I ever get off this planet.

“What are you doing up there...?” The pony asked, scratching her head while giving me an odd look.

Let me start by saying this before we continue further: I know ponies have never heard a human speak in anything but growls and grunts, maybe even ape-like sounds, but I’ve learned that the Everfree Forest is the strangest place on Equis, so whatever I do here will simply be brushed off as “the Everfree’s powerful magic” or something of the like.

With that in mind, I gave her the same look she gave me, “Doing my best to hide.” The pony’s eyes widened, taking a step back. Before she spoke, I rolled my eyes, “Yes, I can talk. Big deal. Now what do you want?”

She froze for a second, eyeing me up and down. “I never knew that humans could talk...”

“They can’t.” I stated, “They’re all just mindless beasts living in a world where they’re treated like toys, not friends or even family.” I sat up on the branch, giving her a glare. “I’m different.”

She snapped out of her stupor, rubbing her eyes with her hooves. Upon looking back at me, she seemed to have calmed down a bit, “You’re not... you don’t give wishes, do you?”

A silence fell over the forest, but that silence, however quiet it attempted to be, was broken by my laughter. It had been a long time since I’d heard a joke like that, and it truly felt good to hear one. After a few seconds of laughing, I brought myself down to a few chuckles, “I wish I could.” I snickered at my own pun, letting out a breath of relief. “Oh man, haven’t heard a joke like that in a while.” She continued to give me a stunned look, to which I spoke, “What?”

“You can laugh?” She asked.

I sighed, “Yes, I can.” I gave her a look of curiosity, “You’re not going to hurt me anytime soon, are you?”

“No, not intentionally, at least.”

“Alrighty then.” I quickly climbed down the tree branch, heading her direction. “You’re the first pony out of 10 who haven’t ran away after I spoke! Truly fascinating if you ask me!”

“Should I be honored?” She asked rhetorically, chuckling.

I chuckled along with her, taking a few steps over to her and outstretching me hand, “My name’s Fredrick, a quote-on-quote ‘professional’ with the wildlife here in the Everfree.”

“Daring Do, book writer and adventurer.” She replied, shaking my hand with a hoof. It was here that I noticed she had a few cuts and bruises, most notably along her abdomen. They looked pretty deep, and quite a bit of blood was coming out of it... and she’s passed out... just wonderful.

I washed the blood off my hands in a stream within my cave, making sure to not leave any. I didn’t want to get sick with a disease I didn’t know about, especially one that was on an entirely different planet. Daring Do was laying upon a stack of hay, her head resting on a pile of large leaves. Blood was staining the hay, but I was fine with it—needed to get that stuff out of my cave anyways, it was simply taking up too much space.

Daring Do herself was still unconscious from the blood loss, but I was able to bandage her up, making sure to put a few medical herbs in the wounds to prevent infection and stop the bleeding. It was a good thing I documented each plant, because I wouldn’t have known which ones to grab off the top of my head. It wasn’t like I bandaged a pony up all by myself every single day.

Upon finishing the cleaning of my own hands, I jogged over to Daring, picking her up gently. She needed a comfier spot to lay, as her body would do better and feel better with a better rest. So I set her on my bed, the mattress being made from rubber, which was quite difficult to get in these parts, especially since the wildlife is dangerous. The pillow was stuffed with cockatrice feathers and the blankets were made from the local cotton trees within these woods. All in all, it was the best place to sleep in this entire forest, at least in my opinion.

But just as I was about to set her down on my bed, her eyes snapped open and she punched in the face wither her hoof, causing me to drop her as I reeled back in surprise. “Fuck!” I shouted, rubbing my face where the hoof made contact. I opened my eyes and looked at her with a glare, but upon seeing her giving me a look of fear, I softened my gaze, “Hey, it’s alright. I’m not gonna hurt you. It’s me, Fredrick, remember?” I looked at my palm to check if the hoof had drawn blood, which it didn’t, thankfully.

Her breathing slowed, and she looked at my feet. “Sorry about that, I get a bit jumpy out here.” She then noticed that she was covered in bandages, “You’re... healing my wounds?” She asked, looking up at me with squinted eyes, trying to process this face.

“Well, yeah, of course. I wasn’t going to let you bleed out in that forest where your body would’ve been a Timberwolf buffet.” I turned and walked over to my fireplace, a roasting rabbit sitting just above it. A few more minutes and it’d be done. I paused for a second, turning to Daring Do, “I hope you’re not at all afraid to see me eating meat.”

She shook her head, “No, it’s fine, go ahead. I’ve eaten with plenty of griffons before.”

I smirked, “Well, that’s good to know.” After a few minutes of silence, I lifted the now-cooked rabbit with a stick, taking a bite. It was very delectable, the sweet taste of protein hitting my taste buds. It may be difficult to get food around here, but once you catch it, it’s absolutely delicious. As I chowed down, I saw Daring curiously look around, and her eyes fell onto a book. My book. I didn’t make eye contact with here as she opened it up. In fact, I wanted her to read it. My knowledge with the creatures within the forest are second to none.

“Wow, quite the collection you’ve got here.” She stated with interest, flipping through the pages. “Sweet Celestia, you have everything!” The book itself was about as large as a webster’s dictionary, and I’d only done 150 pages of the Everfree. The rest was reserved for Equis. “Cockatrice, Timberwolf, Manticore, Black Vine, Golem!” She put the book down, looking at me with an ecstatic grin, “This is amazing! I know just the person who should see this!” She jumped up, making her way towards the exit of the cave.

I, however, quickly got up and stood in front of her. She bumped into my legs and landed on her ass, which I thought was a little funny, but this was no laughing matter. “Can’t let you take my journal with you, Daring Do.”

“Why’s that?” She asked curiously, eyeing me from head to toe.

“Because if the ponies out there learn of my existence, I’ll be locked up and put in a cage and probably sold off like some kind of slave.” I reached down and snatched the book from her hooves, “That is why you can’t take it.” I walked around her and put it back where it was, “I’ve avoided capture for three years now, and I’ll be damned if I let them capture me at all.”

I could hear Daring Do shuffle behind me, “Actually, I know just the pony who would keep your secret!”

“Oh? And who’s that?” I asked, looking over my shoulder at Daring.

“Have you heard of a pony named Fluttershy?” I shook my head. “Well, she’s the sweetest and most heartwarming pony on this side of Equestria. I know with absolute certainty that she’d keep our little secret.”

I thought it over for a few seconds, before shrugging, “Fine. Where does she live?”

“Just outside of the Everfree. Come on, I’ll show you.” She stopped at the exit, “And don’t forget your journal.”

I sighed, said book up, “Yeah, yeah...”