A Distant Time, A Distant Land…
Sunset Shimmer lay on one of the many empty blue plastic stools in the bare waiting room drumming on the seat as a speaker affixed to the wall blared low quality children’s programming at her. She wished desperately for a switch but knew it would never materialize – if one existed at all, it was behind the reception desk, and those people were under orders to keep the white noise Y-rated due to the large number of children who came through the office. However, none of them ever listened to it; they were always too busy playing with their siblings or bothering their mothers or complaining one way or the other about the temperature – Sunset did not care about the temperature, but did make note of the lack of air circulation, frowning as she did so.
There were no magazines – probably for the best, as the sick could infect the glossy pages with their germs, plus children were not to be trusted. She tried counting the tiles on the floor, but quickly realized that the coloured tiles which broke the monotony of the mottled white had been placed randomly. The lack of pattern irritated her immensely, so she turned back to the television. Some show, very camp in both its literal setting and its acting. She hated every moment of it, especially the bouncy announcer. He had no right to inject so much fake happiness into this place.
After an eternity, an orderly called her name. Sunset stood and trudged through the double doors, immediately turning right into a long perpendicular hallway.
The orderly requested Sunset step on the scale, which she did reluctantly but refused to look at or be told her weight. After all, she knew better than anyone she was nowhere as young as she had once pretended to be.
After that minor humiliation, she continued down the hall, past the open area with nurses all milling at the wraparound workspace examining files, to a door on the left side labelled, “Behavioural Therapy”. With a sigh, she entered.
“Good Morning, Miss Shimmer,” said a whitish-grey fellow with blue eyes and carefully coiffed hair sitting behind a desk with a notepad. “I’m Doctor Volf. Please, take a seat.”
“Whatever,” Sunset said, sighing, as she flopped down on the bench, slightly disappointed she had not been greeted by a stereotypical plush leather chaise-lounge.
Doctor Volf cleared his throat and took a small sip from a jar of water on his desk. “Now before we can actually get to the ‘therapy’ part of therapy, I need to know some things about you.”
Sunset cocked her head. “I told Doctor Dover pretty much everything you’d need to know during the intake session. What else could there possibly be?”
“Well, for one,” Doctor Volf said, “How are you feeling today? Of course I looked at your chart, but that can only tell me so much. I want to hear about you in your own words. You’d be surprised how much more meaningful direct interaction is.”
“No I wouldn’t,” replied Sunset. “I used to do field research back in the day. It was infinitely more rewarding than sitting in the library reading books. But, as I’m sure you know, a little knowledge can be dangerous.”
“Yes, your reputation does precede you,” Doctor Volf said hesitantly. “But let’s set that aside for now. The very fact that you were willing to visit me says much about your desire to move on from your past. Plus, you didn’t answer my question. How are you feeling today?”
“Meh,” Sunset replied. “I don’t really know how else to put it. Most days I feel practically dead inside.”
“I see.”
“Do you?” Sunset asked pointedly. “I don’t. If you already know about me, then it shouldn’t surprise you that I’ve already looked into my symptoms. I’ve been through the literal and figurative wringer too many times to count. I’ve hurt others; I’ve helped others. Neither felt fulfilling ultimately.”
“You feel nothing?”
“Well, that’s not exactly true,” Sunset corrected herself. “Obviously I felt a sense of… satisfaction when something went my way. But I don’t want to talk about the negatives today. What I’m getting to is that I faced my demons in both worlds, reconciled with the people and ponies I hurt, reconciled with Her. I gained a best friend who thinks the world of me for some odd reason. But still I feel unsatisfied.”
“What do you think right now?” Doctor Volf asked slowly.
“Do you want to know the truth?” countered Sunset.
He nodded. “I accept nothing less in my office. You’re obviously a smart girl, so you know I can’t share anything you say here except under specific circumstances.”
“Fine,” Sunset said. “I go out every day and hate every minute of it. I feel like I’m being watched. I can’t help but wonder if there aren’t hidden cameras everywhere.”
“And how long have you had this feeling?”
Sunset pondered for a moment. “Ever since shortly taking a magic blast to the face during that Fall Formal. Maybe it damaged and/or warped my brain. But, it may just have been me becoming hyper-aware of where I actually stand in life.”
“You feel judged.”
“Of course,” Sunset said with a nod. “Aren’t we all? You’re not running a private practice here, doctor, so you’re being judged too – evaluations, actuaries making sure you’re making enough referrals and ordering enough tests, seeing as many patients as possible; gotta please the suits to make the big bucks so you can afford that mansion and that Chariotti, right?”
“Well, I didn’t think I was being judged. But I feel that way now,” Doctor Volf deadpanned.
“Sorry,” Sunset said only half sincere. “After ten-plus years living in a world where the quality of your care is based on how much income you earn… and whether or not you’re a citizen… plus numerous other issues, you can imagine I’ve become a bit cynical about the whole thing.”
Doctor Volf nodded. “I can certainly understand that line of thinking. That’s why you came to this clinic, which caters to the underclass, right?”
Sunset sighed. “An acquaintance who’d been down on her luck gave me this clinic’s address. I decided I was tired of fighting, so I gave in and corresponded to set up the intake session with Doctor Dover. Turns out he was a classmate of mine a lifetime ago and recognized me, but I’d forgotten about him. I did my best to get through that awkwardness. Nice fellow, but I want to stay away from him.”
“Why is that?” asked Doctor Volf gently.
“Because I’m still ashamed of myself. What I’ve been, what I am. She told me it was my lot in life to always take the difficult path, and She was right,” Sunset said.
“I see. Now, let’s go back to this… paranoia you described,” Doctor Volf steered the conversation back to familiar ground.
“Right. That. Have you ever felt the presence of… a giant eyeball in your kitchen? Or, when you’re walking down a sidewalk or trail on a quiet evening, and you suddenly stop, you hear a third footfall? You turn around but there’s no one there. So you keep walking, stop, and the extra step sounds again. A shadow out of the corner of your eye behind a bush, around the corner of a building. Always gone too quickly to confirm its existence. Obviously it can’t be friendly, since a friend would come out to greet you.”
Doctor Volf held his chin in contemplation. “No, I can’t say I’ve ever had that sensation. To be honest, it sounds like something out of a horror comic. Do you think you can provide some reason you feel like you’re being watched? Is this new?”
“Not at all,” Sunset said. “When I was growing up, I was watched constantly by Palace guards, at Her request. Trying to keep me out of trouble, I suppose. Obviously that failed given Her and my falling out. This is fundamentally different. If She were still having me watched, I would know.”
“Hmm. Okay, let me run this by you, Miss Shimmer: How much of this sensation do you believe is real, and how much might be, as you might put it, ‘in your own head’?” Doctor Volf queried. “You seem to be more self-aware than most of my patients.”
Sunset pursed her lips and tapped her foot on the tile floor for a moment before answering. “I don’t see why I would create some new dark entity to chastise me for my own unanswered sins, since I do that myself. I have little imaginary beings on either shoulder with whom I shoot the breeze, manifestations of my own psyche.”
“The proverbial angel and devil?” Doctor Volf asked, leaning forward.
“Not quite,” said Sunset. “One is a spider and one is a cowboy. The shoulder cowboy usually tells me he doesn’t know why he exists but most things can be solved with a hard day’s work and a hearty meal. The spider tells me I should eat people.”
“What.” said Doctor Volf flatly.
“Oh yes,” Sunset replied. “Right now she’s saying, in her deep gravelly voice, ‘You should eat Doctor Volf’.” Sunset then turned to her right shoulder and continued in a snippy tone, “For the last time, shoulder spider, I’m not eating this doctor! Why would I eat anyone? You know I’m a vegetarian!”
Doctor Volf began taking notes at a furious pace while Sunset stared at the random floor and tried to imagine herself playing ‘hot lava’ amidst the not-white tiles; there was no way to win as no goal existed. After about five minutes, he turned back to Sunset, his voice hesitant.
“Well, this first session has been… enlightening… to say the least. I’m afraid we’re going to have to end for today. They don’t block out as much time per visit as they used to. You certainly weren’t wrong about volume. I’d like to see you again in, um, next week, if you have the time?”
“Sure,” Sunset said. “I really don’t have anything else to do. I don’t do much of anything, to be honest with you.”
“Good,” said Doctor Volf. “When you get back to the reception desk, have them set up the appointment for you.”
“Fine,” Sunset said noncommittally as Doctor Volf opened the door and saw her out.
“Thank you for coming in, and do have a pleasant week. I look forward to hearing from you,” he said.
“That’s fine, I guess. It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Doctor Volf,” Sunset replied as nicely as she possibly could, which was not very.
Sunset made her way alone in the crowded hallway, out the one-way double doors to the reception desk where the workers were safely insulated from the public behind large panes of glass, save for small holes covered in metal mesh not unlike similar models she had seen at cinemas in both her worlds.
“He wants to see me again in a week,” Sunset said to the first available receptionist.
“Okay. Doctor Volf has a 2pm slot available. Is that doable?” she asked.
“Sure,” said Sunset.
The receptionist nodded. “Okay then. I have you scheduled. See you next week.”
Sunset nodded with a grunt as she tried to smile. After that, she turned on her heel and left the building, an immediate feeling of relief coming over her once she stepped out into the sunlight. She closed her eyes contentedly as she allowed its warmth to permeate her core.
“I hope I didn’t frighten that doctor too much,” Sunset said to herself.
“Hoo-wee, naw,” said Shoulder-Cowboy. “Ya did what ya had ta. Maybe there’s hope fer ya yet. Wanna git some vittles? Ain’t nothin’ cain’t be fixed with a full stomach.”
“I’ll think about it. I’m not really hungry right now,” said Sunset, her voice tired.
“You should have eaten the doctor,” Shoulder-Spider growled.
“Shut up,” Sunset explained.
Author's Note
Please Click Me.
