Applejack's Butt

by Vedues

Chapters

Chapter 1: Butt Out
Chapter 2: The Butt of the Joke
Chapter 3: Putting it Behind Them
Chapter 4: Hiding Your Assets
Chapter 5: Rear and Present Danger
Chapter 6: Tailing Behind
Chapter 7: To Rear and Back Again
Chapter 8: Butt's Up, Doc?
Chapter 9: Artistic Assets
Chapter 10: Butt's Not to Like?
Chapter 11: Bum-bling Through Life
Chapter 12: The Rear Guard
Chapter 13: Butt Head
Chapter 14: Assing for Help
Chapter 15: Head Butt
Chapter 16: Butt Have We Done?
Chapter 17: Asinine Inquiries
Chapter 19: Home is Where the Heinie is
Chapter 20: Rumps and Relationships
Chapter 21: Starting From the Bottom
Chapter 22: Butt to the Chase
Chapter 23: Tail Me About It
Chapter 24: Butt Then ...
Chapter 25: Rump, Roasted
Chapter 26: So Rear to my Heart
Chapter 27: The Dark of the Moon
Chapter 28: Ass and Ye Shall Receive
Chapter 29: Flanks for the Memories
Chapter 30: Rock Bottom
Chapter 31: Chasing Tail
Chapter 32: The Rumpy Road Home
Chapter 33: A Tail of Two Ponies
Chapter 18: Making an Ass of Yourself

Chapter 1: Butt Out

Author's Note

I have no explanation, but I also have no regrets.

Chapter 1: Butt Out

“Hey, Applejack,” Dash said, “that stallion’s staring at your butt.”

Applejack paused. “Say what?” She was pretty sure she’d just misheard her friend.

“Your butt,” Dash said with a smirk. “That guy over there’s staring at it.” She pointed.

Sugarcube Corner was pretty quiet this time of day, so it only took Applejack a moment to find the offending stallion. He sat in a corner booth near the door, staring at her rear with steely gray eyes surrounded by a black mane and gray coat. Applejack wouldn’t normally have looked twice at him, except for the whole staring-at-her-rear thing.

She turned and glared at him, blocking the view of her behind in the process.

The stallion just switched to looking at her face, as shameless as a polecat.

“Who is that guy?” Dash asked.

Pinkie appeared at her side. “Oh, him? That’s Frameless Sketcher. He’s the new stallion at Mr. Suite’s apartments.” She disappeared and reappeared behind the counter. “Now what can I get you ladies?”

Applejack took a moment to reflect on how weird it was that Pinkie messing around with the laws of physics was more normal than some stallion who couldn’t keep his eyes to himself. She shook her head and turned back to Pinkie, awkwardly aware that she was giving the stallion a good view of her assets. “I’ll take an oatmeal energy shake.”

“Make that two,” Dash said. “I’ve got a workout coming up.”

“Gotcha, two energy shakes.” Pinkie rushed into the kitchen and returned moments later with their orders. “Want me to put it on your tabs?”

“Sounds good, Pinkie.” Dash scooped up her drink and took a huge gulp. “C’mon, AJ, let’s find a seat.”

Applejack grabbed her own drink and followed, sparing a glance for that stallion. Yup, still watching her. She glared at him again and kept walking.

The two of them found a seat nearly opposite the stallion, which did nothing to stop him from staring. Applejack did scoot around in her booth enough that he wouldn’t be able to see her rump, but she could still feel his eyes on her. She forced herself to focus on Dash. “So, what kinda workout have you got planned?”

Dash waved a hoof. “Eh, nothing too fancy. I’m teaching gym at Twilight’s school this afternoon, and I figured it could double as a workout for me too.”

Applejack nodded and glanced over at that stallion again.

“Is that guy still staring?” Dash asked.

“He certainly is.” Applejack took a long drink of her shake. “Anyway, maybe you can bring your class by the farm. Big Mac and I’ll be out there digging holes all evening. We’re getting a heap of new trees in the morning, and we need somewhere to plant them.”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Right, because you don’t have enough trees already.”

“Apple blight hit the western orchard pretty hard last year,” Applejack said. “Gotta replace the trees that didn’t make it through the winter. Unless of course you don’t mind having less cider this year.”

Dash’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. She leaned forward and grabbed Applejack’s hoof. “We’ll be there to help you. My class won’t rest until every tree is planted and the cider harvest is safe once more.”

Applejack chuckled and pulled her hoof back. “We’d be glad to have y’all.” She looked at that stallion again. Still staring. “Alright, I’ve had just about enough of that.” She finished off the last of her shake. “See you at Sweet Apple Acres later. Right now, I’m gonna go deal with that peeping tom.”

“I don’t think it counts as peeping if he’s staring at you in public, Applejack.”

“Whatever, my hoof’s still gonna have a long talk with his teeth if he don’t start minding his own business.” She got up, adjusted her hat, and stalked off toward the stallion.

Chapter 2: The Butt of the Joke

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Chapter 3: Putting it Behind Them

Applejack walked into Sugarcube Corner the next afternoon tired, sweaty, and covered in dirt. Dash stood at her side, looking just as bad.

“Ugh,” Dash said, stretching her wings out with a wince, “I didn’t think planting trees would be such a pain.”

“Nopony ever said running a farm was easy.” Applejack took off her hat and fanned herself with it. “Still, you did a real good job last night and this morning. Order whatever you want, my treat.”

“Thanks, AJ.” Dash approached the counter. “Pinkie, one Rainbow Dash Special.”

Pinkie covered her nose. “Ew, would you like a bath with that?”

“Har har.” Dash stepped out of the way and motioned for Applejack to step up.

Applejack smirked. “One eclair, and no bath for me neither.”

“Coming right up.” Pinkie grabbed an eclair from the display case and gave it to Applejack. “Dash, your food will be ready in a jiffy, however long that is. I think it’s less than a minute.”

“Sounds good, Pinkie.” Dash looked around the room. “Where do you want to sit?”

“Dunno.” Applejack noticed a familiar stallion in the same booth as the day before. Surprisingly, Sketchy looked even worse than her and Dash. One of his eyes was swollen nearly shut, bruises covered him, and his mane and tail both looked like they’d been electrocuted. A stack of papers covered the table in front of him. “What in the hay happened to him?”

“What happened to who?” Dash asked. She followed her friend’s gaze. “Wait, isn’t that the guy who was staring at your butt yesterday?” She whistled. “Looks like you beat him up bad for it.”

“I didn’t beat him up. I dunno how he got looking like that.” Applejack fished some coins out of her bag and paid Pinkie. “C’mon, let’s see what happened.” She walked over to Sketchy, who was leaning over the stack of papers, drawing. “Mind if we sit here?”

He looked up at her. His eyes were still doing that weird thing where they seemed to be looking everywhere except into her own eyes. “Wait, do I own this booth for some reason? If so, how much should I charge ponies to sit at it?”

Applejack chuckled and sat down. “No, Sketchy, you don’t own the booth. It’s just polite to ask permission before you sit next to somepony.”

“Oh, okay.” He reached for his saddlebags and then paused. “Should I pay you for telling me that?”

“Nope.” She looked at one of his sketches. It was a near-perfect recreation of Pinkie standing behind the counter with a smile on her face. Huh, looked like he wasn’t kidding when he said he was a professional artist. “By the way, this is my friend, Rainbow Dash.”

Dash sat down next to her. “Yeah, you’ve probably heard of me, but let’s not make a big deal of it.”

Sketchy frowned slightly. “Should I have heard of you?”

Applejack put a hoof over Dash’s mouth before she could say anything. “She’s part of a group called the Wonderbolts. They’re the best stunt fliers in Equestria, and most ponies will know at least the basics of who they are and what they do.” She turned to Dash. “He spent his whole life in Griffonstone, so he don’t know much about Equestria yet.”

Dash deflated a little. “Oh, well then, I’ll have to get you some tickets to our next show, so you can see what you’ve been missing.”

Sketchy gave her another one of those slight frowns. “How much do they cost?”

“Dude, don’t even worry about it.” Dash grinned. “Everypony should get to see the Wonderbolts perform at least once.” Her expression turned more serious. “Hey, why were you staring at Applejack’s rear the other day?”

Sketchy turned to Applejack. “Should I charge her to answer?”

She facehoofed. “No, Sketchy. Ponies generally ask and answer questions free of charge.”

“Okay.” He returned his gaze to Dash. “I sell pictures of models or do commissions to earn bits. Yesterday, I noticed many stallions staring at Applejack, especially her posterior, and so wanted to observe both it and her.” He reached into the stack of papers and pulled one out. “What is your opinion, did I represent it well?”

The picture, unsurprisingly, showed Applejack’s butt. Specifically, it was a picture of her standing at the counter with Dash yesterday. This sketch was the same high quality as the last one, but … Sheesh, did her butt really poke out that far?

Dash leaned over to look at the picture as well. “Okay, that does look pretty good.”

“Thank you,” Sketchy said, “but I still need a model; my savings won’t last forever.”

“And you want it to be AJ,” Dash said.

“Preferably,” Sketchy said.

Applejack just sighed and passed the picture back to him.

Pinkie appeared next to their table with a big bowl of fruit arranged to form a rainbow. “Here you go, one Rainbow Dash Special.”

“Thanks, Pinkie.” Dash took it and turned back to Sketchy. “Anyway, what happened to you? You look like you picked a fight with a rabid, electric sheep.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Electric sheep?”

“Shut up, it sounded cooler in my head.” She turned back to Sketchy. “So?”

Sketchy sank down in his chair and blushed a little. “I’m not entirely certain what happened.” He shifted his gaze to Applejack. “I went to that friend you mentioned, I think her name was Rarity? Regardless, I asked if I could look at her butt in return for a lot of money. The next thing I know, I woke up in a trash can outside of her business.”

Dash busted up. “Wait, you seriously asked Rarity something like that?” She fell over in her seat, laughing hysterically.

Sketchy’s face got even redder. “That’s what Applejack told me to do, so I did it.”

Applejack facehoofed. “I didn’t mean for you to do it that way.”

“I … I don’t understand.” Sketchy sighed. “I wish I could be back home.”

Right, Applejack reminded herself, he wasn’t from around here. She sighed. “Look, Sketchy, there’s a world of difference between asking somepony to model for you and asking to look at their butt.”

He looked down. “Would you mind explaining the difference, please?”

And just like that, Applejack’s mind went blank. This stallion had a talent for taking the most obvious things and making them so confusing that she couldn’t understand them herself. “I guess they mean the same thing in the most basic sense, but the difference is …” She paused. “I dunno, the difference is in the presentation or something, I guess.” She looked to Dash for help.

Her friend shrugged. “Asking somepony to be a model just sounds nicer than asking to stare at their butt, but if you need someone awesome to pose for you, I’m up for it.”

Sketchy shook his head. “I don’t think you’d work very well as a model. The same stallions that were talking about how attractive Applejack’s butt is were calling you ‘flat flank,’ which sounds like an insult.”

Dash’s cheeks colored. “H-hey, I’ll have you know that my butt is just as good as anypony’s. Here, watch.” She got up and walked to the center of the dining area. “Listen up, everypony! Raise your hooves if you think Applejack has a great butt!”

Confused looks and murmurs filled the room, but one by one, hooves began to rise. Soon nearly everypony had a hoof in the air.

“Okay, now put them down and raise them again if you think I have a great butt!”

Most hooves stayed down, and their owners found something interesting to look at elsewhere.

“What?” Dash pointed at her flank. “Don’t you ponies realize how much work it takes to maintain a flank this toned? You could bounce a bit off of it.”

A stallion cleared his throat. “That’s kind of the problem. It’s too toned. There’s no curve at all.”

Dash sat down hard, jaw hanging open. “But, but …”

“Hey, this looks fun!” Pinkie bounced up next to Dash. “What does everypony think of my cute rump?” She gave it a shake. “Get your hooves up there!”

A lot more hooves went up, though not as many as with Applejack.

“Ah,” Pinkie said, “the Pink Posterior only gets second place. Oh well, that’s still pretty good.” She bounced back to the counter.

Dash, meanwhile, looked about ready to faint. “But, I always thought I had a good butt …”

Sketchy turned to Applejack. “That does illustrate why you’d be the perfect model for me. Would you be willing to do it?”

“Eh, that’s flattering and all,” Applejack said, not meeting his gaze, “but I’d really rather not have pictures of my rear getting passed around town.”

Sketchy looked disappointed, but he nodded. “Do you know where I could find a model willing to do such modeling?”

Nowhere in town, hopefully. In fact, Applejack could only think of one way a local stallion could see mares in sexy poses …

She let out a long groan and stood up. “I know I’m gonna regret this, but stay here a minute. I’ll be right back with something that may help.”

Chapter 4: Hiding Your Assets

Applejack couldn’t believe she was doing this. Sure, Sketchy needed a model, but there had to be better ways to accomplish it than this. She looked around the Stallgreens, wishing the last few customers would leave so she could make her purchase and get out.

Unfortunately, the two other ponies in the store didn’t seem like they were going to leave anytime soon. Even worse, Applejack knew one of them, Golden Harvest. She was wandering through the shampoo aisle.

The other customer was a green pegasus with a purple mane and tail over in the makeup department. Applejack had seen her around town, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember the girl’s name. She didn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular, just browsing like she didn’t have anything better to do.

Applejack wandered into the pharmacy and pretended to stare at some kind of medication while actually keeping an eye on the other two customers.

…

Nope, neither mare seemed like they’d be leaving anytime this century. Applejack sighed. She didn’t want to keep Sketchy and Dash waiting, but she really didn’t want to make this purchase in front of anypony. Maybe she’d wait just a bit longer.

…

Oh, for goodness sake! Another pony just wandered in, and it had to be Lily. The Flower Sisters were the biggest gossips in town.

“Hi, Applejack.”

Applejack jumped a bit when she realized Golden Harvest had seen her and was walking her way. “Oh, heya, Golden. Fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m running low on shampoo, and this place had a sale.” Golden Harvest smiled. “How about you?”

“Not much, just getting, uh,” she grabbed a random item off the shelf, “this.”

Golden Harvest’s eyes went wide. “Oh, um, that’s, er, nice. Well, gotta go, take care!” She turned and practically sprinted away.

“Now what bee got stuck in her bonnet?” Applejack looked down at the box in her hooves, and immediately facehoofed. Condoms, ribbed and extra large.

Of course.

She put the box back on the shelf as quickly as possible. “Forget it, I’ll just buy it now and get out of here.” She marched up to the front—then turned around and marched away. Golden Harvest was still checking out, and the last thing Applejack wanted was another encounter with her.

Eventually, Golden left, and Applejack scurried up to the register before somepony else could get close enough to overhear. She looked at the cashier, and froze. “Caramel?”

“Hey there, Applejack.” The brown stallion smiled at her. “Didn’t you know I worked here?”

She supposed this was what she got for paying too much attention to the customers and not enough to the employees. “No, I didn’t.” She took a deep breath. It was too late to back out now. “I need a …” her cheeks flushed as she mumbled the last few words, “please.”

“What?”

She was fairly certain her cheeks were going to catch fire. “A Playcolt magazine, please.”

Caramel’s expression slowly went from confused to awestruck. “You mean you …? Oh, oh wow. I mean, I always suspected, but-”

“Just get the magazine before I punch your teeth in.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He reached for the shelf behind the counter. “Um, which issue?”

“Don’t care.” She glanced around nervously. “Just pick one, and hurry, would you?”

He grabbed one of the magazines and placed it on the counter. The cover alone was enough to renew Applejack’s blush. “Want me to bag it for you?”

“Yes, definitely.” She passed him the bits. “Don’t you dare breathe a word of this to anypony.”

“I won’t,” he said quickly, putting the magazine in a brown paper bag. “But, uh, I want you to know that I’ll support you no matter what lifestyle you live.”

“I’m just getting it for a friend,” Applejack hissed.

Caramel arched an eyebrow. “Right, and I only read it for the articles.”

“Oh, forget it!” Applejack grabbed the bag and ran outside before things could somehow get even more awkward. She was halfway back to Sugarcube Corner before she slowed to a walk. Okay, the worst was over.

“Heya, Sis,” Apple Bloom said. “What you got there?”

She could almost hear Discord laughing somewhere in the distance. “Nothing.” Applejack looked around. They were alone on the street, thank Celestia. “Just a, uh, something for a friend.”

“Really,” her little sister leaned closer to the paper bag, “what is it?”

“I’ll tell ya when you’re older.” Much, much, much older. “Anyway, what are you up to?”

Apple Bloom frowned and crossed her hooves over her chest. “I’m almost an adult, Applejack. You can tell me now.”

“You’ll always be my baby sister,” Applejack said. “So just trust me on this one, okay?”

Apple Bloom sighed. “Fine, if you insist, and since we finished planting the trees early, I was gonna meet up with Sweetie and Scootaloo and go to Sugarcube Corner for-”

“Nope, not Sugarcube Corner,” Applejack said quickly. She didn’t want her impressionable sister anywhere near that butt-obsessed pony. “Here’s some more money,” she shoved a bunch of bits at Apple Bloom, “why don’t you all go to that nice Prench restaurant instead?” She forced herself to smile.

Apple Bloom looked at the bits suspiciously. “Why don’t you want us at Sugarcube Corner?”

Applejack could feel her smile starting to crumble. “Please, AB?”

“Fine, fine.” She took the bits. “Is it okay if we go to Bonbon’s instead? I really don’t get why ponies like Prench food.”

“Sure, Bonbon’s is fine.” Applejack pulled her sister into a hug. “Thanks for trusting me.”

“You’re welcome, I think.” Apple Bloom hugged her back and then set off towards Carousel Boutique. “See you at dinner.”

“See you then, love you.” Applejack took a deep breath. Crisis averted. Now to get this stupid magazine delivered.

Music filled the air as she got closer to Sugarcube Corner. She didn’t think much of it until she opened the door and found Pinkie and Dash shaking their rears along with a crowd of ponies as they all sang, “And each butt’s great in it’s own waaaayyyy!”

Applejack watched with a deadpan expression as everypony posed at the end, paused for a few seconds, and then went back to their food. “Did you two just sing a song about rumps?”

Pinkie smiled. “Well yeah, I mean, Dash was feeling bad about hers, and I had to cheer her up somehow.”

Applejack sighed. “I don’t know why I’m surprised.”

“Well, it did help,” Dash said with a sheepish smile. “Anyway, what do you got there?”

“Just one more shred of my dignity.” Applejack walked over to Sketchy’s booth and slapped the bag onto the table. “Here, study this back at your apartment. It should have all the models you’ll need.”

Sketchy didn’t seem to hear her. His face was frozen in an expression of shocked confusion. “They just did a choreographed song-and-dance number about butts.” He slowly turned to her. “Why did they just do a choreographed song-and-dance number about butts?”

Applejack sighed. “It’s Ponyville. Don’t ask questions.”

Chapter 5: Rear and Present Danger

Sketchy wasn’t at Sugarcube Corner the next day. Applejack didn’t mind so much. It let her get her afternoon snack with a minimum of butt-staring.

He wasn’t there the day after either. Applejack frowned a little as she found a booth to enjoy her sandwich and smoothie. It wasn’t that she missed seeing him or anything, but the darn fool was like a cart full of fireworks rolling downhill, somepony had to keep an eye on him or pain and explosions were a near certainty.

She was halfway through her sandwich when Twilight stormed in, looking like she’d gladly strangle somepony. “Pinkie, one Pinkie Special.”

The entire restaurant fell silent.

Applejack’s sandwich fell out of her hooves to the plate below, scattering cucumber slices and lettuce everywhere.

“Twilight,” Pinkie said slowly, “don’t do anything rash. Just, maybe, think about what you’re saying.”

Bits of Twilight’s mane began to smoke, and her right eye twitched. “One. Pinkie. Special.”

“Don’t do it, Sugarcube!” Applejack called. “Not even Discord can handle those things.”

Twilight’s vengeful gaze fell upon her. “If you’d been through the morning I just had, you’d want a Pinkie Special too.” She levitated out a stack of bits and dropped them on the counter.

Pinkie sighed. “Oh well, the customer is always right.” She pulled out a red button and smacked her hoof into it. A hidden panel opened in the counter and mist poured out, filling the room as machinery hissed and groaned, raising a small platform that held a plate and one pink cupcake, covered in pink frosting, with a cherry on top. Because of course it would have a cherry on top.

Everypony watched in awe, a few even saluted, as Twilight picked up the cupcake and walked over to Applejack’s booth.

Applejack kept a wary eye on the dreaded Pinkie Special. “So, uh, what happened to your morning?”

Twilight sighed, “I had to give Spike The Talk.”

“Wait, do you mean,” Applejack’s eyes shot wide, “that talk?”

She nodded. “I don’t know how you got through it with Apple Bloom.”

Applejack cleared her throat. “Actually, I haven’t gotten around to that one quite yet.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “But she’s nearly at puberty! Her sex-drive will be awakening anytime now.”

A shudder crawled up Applejack’s back, and whispers of impending doom filled her ears. Apple Bloom, sweet little Apple Bloom, was going to be interested in—NOPE! Nope, nope, nope! She shook her head. That way lay madness. She had to change the subject, and fast! “Why’d you have to give Spike The Talk now and not earlier? He’s had a crush on Rarity near as long as I’ve known him.”

“True, he had a crush, but it was always fairly innocent.” Twilight’s expression grew murderous. “But today. Some. Stallion. Was selling artwork right out of a Playcolt magazine in the market without even covering up the explicit parts. Spike thought one of the models looked like Rarity and bought it, then he asked me why she was in such an unusual,” she cleared her throat, “position.” She closed her eyes and quivered. “Then, when I confronted the stallion, he had the nerve to ask if I’d be his butt model!” Sparks of magic flew off her horn, casting shadows across her face. “It took every ounce of control I had to not blast him into orbit!”

And there were those whispers of impending doom again. Applejack paled and sank down a little farther into her seat.

“Needless to say,” Twilight continued, “he’s currently in jail for displaying explicit material in public, selling said material to a minor, and for making indecent suggestions to royalty.” She tore the paper cup from the cupcake and shoved the entire treat into her mouth. “I swear, Applejack, if he ever does anything like that again …” She trailed off, and her pupils expanded to fill her eyes. “Wow, that’s … sugary …” Her head hit the table a second later.

Applejack licked her lips. “Uh, Twi?”

Nothing.

“Sugarcube, you okay?”

Pinkie appeared at the end of the booth, wearing a doctor’s mask. She lifted one of Twilight’s eyelids. “Hm, she’s gone into a sugar coma. Don’t worry, she’ll snap out of it in a day or two. Or three, or four.”

Applejack took a deep breath. “I think my life just flashed before my eyes.”

“Really?” Pinkie maneuvered Twilight’s unconscious form onto her back. “What did it look like?”

“A whole bunch of apples.” Applejack stood up, the remains of her meal forgotten. “Look, Pinkie, can you get her home? I’ve gotta go visit the jail.”

“Oh, you feel responsible for Sketchy being in there, since you gave him that Playcolt magazine and didn’t tell him not to sell the pictures he drew from it in public, even though he clearly wouldn’t understand not to do that, given how little he knows about Equestrian society?”

Applejack stared at her. “Was that another of your weird hunches?”

Pinkie laughed. “No, it would be obvious to anyone who knows you, and you’d be surprised how much I see and hear behind that counter.” She adjusted Twilight’s position on her back. “Anyway, have fun getting Sketchy out of jail, oh, and you should really give Apple Bloom The Talk soon.”

“Don’t remind me,” Applejack grumbled, heading for the front door. She might need a Pinkie Special herself before this was all over.

Chapter 6: Tailing Behind

Sketchy sat in his jail cell with his eyes clenched shut. “I don’t understand,” he said in a voice just above a whisper. “Adults are supposed to pretend that sex doesn’t exist around young ponies?”

Applejack pressed her hat against her face to cover up her burning cheeks. “More or less.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, okay? That’s just the way things are.”

“Okay,” Sketchy said in a tone that meant he didn’t understand anything. He huddled into himself a bit more. “I wish I could be back home.”

Applejack felt bad even thinking it, but she was kind of wishing he’d head back to Griffonstone too. Her life involved a lot more facehoofing since he got to town. She pushed those thoughts aside and turned to the guard stationed in the jail with them. “How serious are the charges?”

“He owes five-hundred bits for selling indecent material to a minor and one thousand for sexually harassing the Princess,” the guard said flatly, keeping his eyes on Sketchy. “Finally, his bail is one hundred bits.”

Sketchy somehow managed to sink down farther. “Oh, I guess I’ll be moving out of Mr. Suite’s apartment building. Are there any abandoned buildings around here that I could stay in for free? They had them everywhere in Griffonstone.”

The guard gave him an unfriendly look. “There are no such buildings in this town.”

“Oh. I guess … I’ll find an alleyway or something.”

Applejack looked from the downtrodden stallion to the angry guard. There was a part of her that really wanted to leave and put this whole mess behind her. Sure, she’d feel like a terrible pony, but at least she’d be a terrible pony without a criminally stupid stallion on her hooves. In fact, she was pretty sure most ponies would agree that leaving was a good idea.

“Ugh,” Applejack lowered her head in defeat, “I’ll pay his bail.”

The guard stared at her like she was crazy. He probably wasn’t wrong about that. “Are you sure?”

“Eeyup,” Applejack said, not the least bit happy about where her day was heading. “Just let me run by the bank. How long until he has to pay the other fines?”

“One moon.”

“At least that’s something.” Applejack headed to the door. “Be back in a jiffy.” She didn’t like banks, a whole bunch of highfalutin’ ponies acting all big because they had a bunch of other pony’s money, but Sketchy’s fine was at least half her fault anyway. She owed him, and even if she didn’t, it just wasn’t right to turn away from a pony that needed a helping hoof.

She was back at the jail in ten minutes. “Here’s your darn hundred bits.” She shoved a bag into the guard’s hoof. “I’ll talk to Princess Twilight and see if I can get her to drop the sexual harassment charges too.”

The guard took the bag and opened Sketchy’s cell door. “You’re far more generous than he deserves.”

“Not generous, just owning up to my mistakes.” Applejack walked in and reached out her hoof to Sketchy, who was still hunched over with his eyes closed. “Hey, Sketchy, it’s okay. We can get outta here now.”

He opened his eyes and looked up at her like he didn’t understand what was going on. He probably didn’t, now that she thought about it.

“I paid enough of your fine that you can leave,” Applejack said gently. “Now come on, we’ve got one moon to rustle up the rest of that money.”

Sketchy kept up the blank-faced stare for a moment, then he came forward and slowly lifted a foreleg, like he wanted to hug her. “I, um …” He looked away and started to pull his leg back.

Applejack smiled and stepped into the embrace, wrapped a hoof of her own around him. She could feel him tense up at the contact, but it only lasted a moment. “I know,” Applejack said, patting his back. “You’re welcome.”

He nodded into her shoulder. “I’ll pay you back for this, somehow.”

“Let’s just worry about paying off that fine,” Applejack said.

“Okay.” Sketchy slowly pulled out of the hug, looking at the floor. “I just, um, don’t know if I’ll be able to make enough money in one moon.”

“We’ll figure something out.” Applejack led him outside and picked a random direction to walk. She didn’t have any real destination in mind, so she decided to see where her hooves led her. “For now, why don’t you tell me about yourself? I don’t really know nothing about you.”

“You know I was raised in Griffonstone,” Sketchy said, walking alongside her.

“Heh, guess that’s true.” She looked him up and down. “How’d a pony wind up living there, anyway?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I think they stole me from a group of travelers, or maybe my parents were explorers and got killed while hunting for the Golden Idol of Boreas. I never had enough money to pay the older griffons to tell me where I came from.”

Applejack’s jaw dropped. “They’d charge you for something like that?”

“Yes,” he said like it was perfectly normal. “Why wouldn’t they?”

She sighed and shook her head. “Never mind. So why’d you move to Ponyville of all places?”

“I heard ponies in Canterlot will pay hundreds of bits for a single picture,” Sketchy said, “but I didn’t have enough money for an apartment there, so I thought I’d move to the closest town and travel there on weekends.”

“Guess I’ve heard worse plans.” Applejack glanced at her companion. He was looking at the ground. “So do griffons really not hide the,” her cheeks flushed, “facts of life from their young?”

He shook his head. “Is it really that big of a deal to ponies?”

“I suppose it kinda is.” She took a deep breath. “Look, you getting locked up is mostly my fault. I should’ve warned you not to show pictures from that magazine in public, and especially not to sell them to kids.”

“Is it your fault that I didn’t know it would get me in trouble?” Sketchy asked. “It seems as though it should be my fault.”

Applejack smiled faintly. “Let’s just say we both made mistakes, alright?”

“Okay,” he said, “though I hope you won’t be too upset if I avoid using models from that magazine in the future. I prefer to draw models that aren’t so overtly sexual.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

Sketchy blushed a little. “I’m almost out of money.”

Applejack stopped. “How much do you have?” she asked softly. “Only if ya don’t mind telling me.”

“A little less than four-hundred bits,” Sketchy said. “Food and rent are more expensive than I thought they’d be.”

Applejack hummed thoughtfully. “So you need money, but to get it, you need a model.”

Sketchy nodded. “Or someone willing to commission a picture of themselves.”

That sounded like something the fancy-shmancy ponies of Canterlot might do, but no way they’d hire Sketchy for it unless he was already famous. Applejack sighed. She’d never understand rich ponies. “Guess we’ll start with a model. Any preferences on what they look like?”

He shook his head. “All that matters is that ponies find him or her attractive.”

Applejack tapped on her chin thoughtfully. “Well, Rarity’s still the first pony that comes to mind, but I think we’ll save her as a last resort, considering how that turned out last time.”

Sketchy shuddered. “Agreed.”

“Right, then.” Applejack looked at the many houses that surrounded them. “Let’s find you a model.”

Chapter 7: To Rear and Back Again

Applejack walked up to the house and took a deep breath. Right, this was going to be embarrassing as all hay, but she may as well get it over with. She knocked.

A few tense seconds passed before Lily opened the door. She had the kind of slender, elegant build you’d expect to see on an alicorn, her pinkish coat was always glossy and clean, and her golden mane and tail almost glittered in the sunlight. “Oh, hi, Applejack.” Her eyes locked onto Sketchy and she grinned. “And hello to you as well. I don’t think we’ve met. Are you Applejack’s special somepony?”

Five seconds in, and she was already digging for gossip. There was a reason Applejack avoided the Flower Sisters when she could.

“I’m not sure what my relationship with Applejack is,” Sketchy said. “Business partner, perhaps.”

“Something like that,” Applejack said dryly. “Look, um, we’re here because Sketchy is an artist, and he’s looking for a good model, and, well, we thought you’d fit the bill.”

Lily’s eyes lit up. “Really?” She struck a pose. “What do you think my best feature is?”

Sketchy shrugged. “I can’t tell.”

“What do you mean you can’t tell?” Lily asked. “Aren’t you the artist?”

Applejack quickly put herself between the other two. “Don’t mind Sketchy. He’s a great artist, but he don’t know a thing about whether a mare is good looking or not.”

Lily’s eyes widened. “Oooh, so he swings that way.”

“Swings?” Sketchy repeated. “Does she think I’m attracted to stallions too?”

“Wait, you aren’t?” Lily asked.

“No.”

She blinked. “Then what are you attracted to?”

“Griffons,” Sketchy said. “Specifically, their beaks, talons, and tails.”

Lily tilted her head to the side. “So he’s a … griff-sexual?”

Applejack sighed. “Sure, why not? Now are you willing to model a few poses for him?”

“It depends,” Lily said. “Will I get paid hourly, or do I get a portion of the profits for each picture sold? What kind of benefits do you offer? Do you have a retirement plan?”

Applejack’s ears pressed back. “Well, uh, he ain’t exactly got any money to spare right now.”

Lily’s smile disappeared. “You do know models normally makes upwards of fifty bits an hour, don’t you?”

“Uh, no.” Applejack looked back at Sketchy. “Did you know that?”

He looked more than a little overwhelmed. “Griffonstone didn’t have a lot of money. I used to pay my old models three bits an hour.”

Lily shook her head. “Sorry but I didn’t go to two years of modeling college to make less than a tenth the industry standard. Come back when you’re willing to pay an acceptable amount.” Then she shut the door.

Applejack stared after her. “Modeling college is a thing?” She shook her head. “Never mind that, Sketchy, we’ll find somepony else.”

( | )

“I don’t know,” Lyra said, standing in the doorway of her house. “Charity is a good cause, but it would be pretty weird to have a bunch of stallions staring at sexy pictures of me.”

Applejack forced herself to keep smiling. “Well, Sketchy could make a few, uh, extra sexy pictures just for you. You know, to surprise your special somepony.”

A mischievous smile worked its way across Lyra’s muzzle. “Well, her birthday is coming up …”

“Lyra,” Bonbon called from further inside the house, “who’s that at the door?”

“Just some ponies that want to draw sexy pictures of me,” Lyra called back.

“What?!” Bonbon appeared moments later. “Applejack? I’m surprised at you, wanting to ogle my special somepony.”

“No, no, it ain’t like that at-” Applejack’s response was cut short when the door slammed shut. “All …”

( | )

“I can’t believe you wound up paying for that,” Applejack said as they walked away from yet another house.

Sketchy looked at the calendar he’d just bought. “You were the one who told me that DJ PON-3 is a famously attractive mare, and this calendar is full of provocative pictures of her. It’s a perfect chance to study an example of a beautiful pony in modern artwork.”

“Why couldn’t you just study that Playcolt magazine I got you?”

“I did,” Sketchy said, “but more examples will always be helpful.”

“If you say so,” Applejack said with a groan. “Just put that thing away before some poor youngster sees it.”

( | )

“And who’s this handsome stallion?” Berry Punch asked, draping herself over Sketchy.

The gray stallion watched her with that signature frown. “My name is Frameless Sketcher, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to come back with us to my apartment.”

Berry’s cheeks lit up, but so did her eyes. “Well, well, that’s quite the offer.”

Applejack facehoofed. “He wants you to model for him while he draws some pictures.”

Berry nuzzled into the back of Sketchy’s neck. “And then the real fun begins?”

“No,” Applejack said between grit teeth. “You won’t be having no ‘fun’ with him.”

“That’s a shame.” Berry’s gaze shifted to Applejack, and she smiled. “But I guess I wouldn’t mind if he just wants to watch.”

Applejack facehoofed again.

( | )

“Nope,” Applejack said flatly.

“But we haven’t had any luck with mares yet at all,” Sketchy said.

“Not gonna happen.”

Sketchy pressed on, “And every mare in the marketplace is sneaking glances at him.”

“No.”

“And you said yourself that he’s very nice and helpful.”

“Nope, nope, nope.”

“But why not?” Sketchy gestured to the apple stand across the street. “He’s perfect.”

“Because you ain’t gonna draw a bunch of sexy pictures of my big brother.” Applejack turned and stalked away.

Sketchy sighed and followed after her. “Is this another of those weird pony things?”

( | )

“That’s it,” Applejack said, approaching her destination. “We’re gonna sit Rarity down, explain everything, and get her to model for you.”

“Isn’t she the one who knocked me unconscious and stuffed me in a trash can?” Sketchy asked, following several steps behind her.

“Eeyup.”

“I’m not sure if that’s the best idea.”

“Come on,” Applejack said. “There’s no way she could be worse than the other ponies we’ve talked to today, right?”

“None of them bludgeoned or electrocuted me,” Sketchy muttered.

Applejack ignored that and stepped inside of Carousel Boutique. “Rarity, you in here?”

“I’ll be with you in a minute, dear,” Rarity called from upstairs. “I’m just putting the finishing touches on the new line for my Manehattan store.”

Sketchy crouched behind Applejack, apparently hoping Rarity might not notice him if there was somepony between them.

“Relax,” Applejack said. “Rarity’s mighty dramatic at times, but she’s never yet turned away a pony in need.”

“And finished,” Rarity said. The sound of hoofsteps came from the stairs. “Did you hear the dreadful news about Twilight?” Rarity stepped into view, wearing her work glasses. “First she had to ruin poor Spikey’s innocence, then some brute of a stallion practically assaulted her.” She pressed a hoof to her forehead like she might faint.

Applejack cleared her throat. “Em, yeah, I did hear about that, but the thing is-”

“Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same stallion I threw out just the other day after he made unwanted advances on me.” Rarity turned and stomped off toward the small sitting area where a pot of tea waited for her. “To think, innocent little Ponyville had such a beast lurking its streets.” She poured out two steaming cups and took one for herself. “Why, I’m terrified to think of what might have happened had Sweetie Belle encountered him. Thank Celestia he’s safely locked away in jail now.”

“Well, actually …” Applejack slowly approached her friend. “Ya see, he kinda-”

Rarity finally turned to face Applejack, and her eyes shot wide. “Applejack, behind you!” She hurled her cup of tea at Sketchy, arcing it right over Applejack’s back to splash all over his face.

“Gah!” Sketchy reared up, pressing both hooves over his eyes. Unfortunately, that also meant he wasn’t using his forelegs to keep himself upright.

“Whoa there!” Applejack jumped back so he’d land on her back rather than crash into the ground.

“Brute!” Rarity levitated one of the chairs and swung it at Sketchy’s head. “Get off of her!”

Sketchy went flying through the nearest rack of clothes before collapsing in a heap of torn fabric and groaning stallion.

“Rarity, knock it off, already!” Applejack grabbed the chair and pulled it back to the ground. “What in tarnation were you thinking, attacking the poor fella like that?”

“Poor fellow?” Rarity demanded. “He tried to mount you right in front of me!”

“No he didn’t, that was …” Applejack put a hoof to her forehead and groaned. “Look, Sketchy’s as clueless as they come, and he seems to walk around with his hoof permanently in his mouth, but he ain’t nearly as bad as you’re making him out to be, and he certainly wasn’t trying to do anything bad to me. I moved to catch him as he was falling is all.”

Rarity hesitated. “Then how do you explain him propositioning me the other day, or the fact that he was behind you, crouched down at just the right angle to stare at your posterior? He’s likely the same stallion that Twilight arrested for selling inappropriate material to children.”

Applejack sighed. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. “I’ll give you a full explanation, but I need you to help me with something first.”

“Very well, then.” Rarity dusted herself off and retrieved her teacup. “How may I assist you?”

Applejack pointed at the tangled heap where Sketchy had come to rest. “Would you help me get him to the hospital?”

Chapter 8: Butt's Up, Doc?

Applejack didn’t think she’d ever wrap her head around the way Rarity’s mind worked. Instead of looking sad or guilty over how she’d misjudged Sketchy, her friend looked absolutely thrilled.

“So you’re telling me that you’ve been spending time with a mysterious artist with a troubled past who struggles reaching out to others?” Rarity asked, grinning widely.

“I guess?” Applejack frowned and looked around the hospital waiting room. Sadly it was empty, so there was no one around to help her talk Rarity out of whatever fool idea was bouncing around in that head of hers.

“Not only that, but he’s tall, dark, and handsome?”

“Medium, gray, and average, but sure.”

Rarity didn’t seem to hear. “It’s like something out of a deliciously steamy romance novel.” Her smile turned almost hungry.

“Uh, Rarity, Sketchy ain’t exactly romance material.” Applejack thought about how he’d been in jail and the hug they’d shared when he got out. “Though he is a pretty good guy once you get past his weird obsession with rears.”

“That’s a good beginning,” Rarity said. “Now we have to build upon it.” She grabbed Applejack and waved a hoof in front of them. “Just imagine spending time with him, getting him to open up about all his secrets, posing for him as he admires your every curve, and of course, evenings spent in his passionate embrace.”

“Sure, you have fun with that.” Applejack rolled her eyes and pushed Rarity’s hooves away. “Meanwhile, I gotta figure out a way to pay off his fines, including this hospital bill.” She gave Rarity a flat look.

At least she had the good sense to look ashamed. “Well, in my defense, it really did appear that he was attempting to force himself on you, and I will, of course, cover any medical costs.”

“Thank ya kindly,” Applejack said. “Now, any idea where we could find a good model?”

Rarity sighed. “Applejack, dear, weren’t you listening? You must be his model. Destiny all but demands it.”

“Destiny?” Applejack asked. “What’s destiny got to do with any of this?”

“This is the first stallion to whom you’ve paid the least bit of attention,” Rarity said. “It clearly must be destiny that you’re so focused on him after ignoring all the others who threw themselves at you.”

“Nopony has ever thrown himself at me,” Applejack said.

Rarity gave her a flat look. “Trenderhoof.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “That self-important city slicker? I think he was more infatuated with his own delusions of farm life than anything.”

“And when Thunderlane said he’d love to have a gorgeous mare like you accompany him to the Fall Harvest Dance?”

“Figured Dash had already turned him down, so he was laying on the compliments extra thick.”

“Caramel asked you to marry him when he first saw you in your gala dress.”

“He says that to every mare. Doesn’t mean he was throwing himself at me.”

Rarity let out a long sigh. “Do you really need me to list off more stallions that have tried to get your attention?”

“Go ahead and try,” Applejack said confidently. “There can’t be that many of them.”

“Goldengrape.”

“He was just trying to get Daisy jealous.”

“Lucky.”

“Trying to get Wild Fire jealous.”

“Hard Hat.”

“Probably trying to get somepony jealous.”

“Noteworthy.”

“I don’t think he was all that serious about me.”

Rarity folded her forelegs across her chest. “He asked you out. Once a week. For three years.”

“That was just him being neighborly.”

“Oh, for Celestia’s sake!” Rarity tossed her hooves in the air. “How any mare can be so blind to the desires of stallions is beyond me, but for once, you’re focused on a stallion.” She grabbed Applejack by the cheeks and pulled her in muzzle to muzzle. “Sketchy. Is. Your. One. True. Love!”

“I’m pretty sure he ain’t.” Applejack slowly but firmly pushed her friend back. “He just needs a helping hoof, and I’m trying to provide it, is all.”

Rarity sat back in her seat, but her face stayed firm. “Just you wait, darling. You two will become special someponies. Mark my words.”

Applejack could tell arguing would be pointless, so she didn’t bother. “Let’s get back to Sketchy’s money troubles. A couple of commissions from rich ponies would help him stay on his hooves long enough to start selling pictures in the marketplace.”

“Of course, dear,” Rarity waved a hoof, “consider that done already.”

“Uh, how?”

Her friend smiled. “You do realize that I am the foremost fashionista in Ponyville. My customers are also some of the most wealthy ponies in town, the kind that would happily commission artwork of themselves.”

Applejack pursed her lips in thought. “Huh, guess I hadn’t considered that, but would they agree to pay for his art just on your say so?”

“You underestimate me, darling. A few commissions from me, and the influential ponies of Ponyville will be falling all over themselves to catch up.”

“Sounds good.” Applejack paused. “Wait, so you’re gonna have Sketchy draw a bunch of sexy pictures of yourself?” She couldn’t keep the disbelief out of her voice.

Rarity smirked. “Why yes, I believe I will. That won’t make you jealous or anything, will it? Arouse feelings of passion that you never knew existed, perhaps?”

“Fat chance,” Applejack said.

A nurse walked into the waiting room just then. “Excuse me, are you the two with Mr. Sketcher?”

“We are,” Rarity said.

“He’s awake, though he seems to be slightly delirious.” She blushed. “The first thing he did was offer to pay money to stare at my posterior.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “He’s fine.” Still, she got up and followed the nurse back to Sketchy’s room.

The poor stallion was looking a little worse for wear. He’d escaped without any electricity burns this time, but hot tea in his eyes had left them both red and irritated. Meanwhile, a huge bruise covered the side of his head.

Rarity rushed to his bedside and took his hoof, ignoring his attempts to get away from her. “You must forgive me for my unwarranted outburst. I feel positively dreadful for hurting you so!”

“I’m pretty sure he feels worse.” Applejack moved to the other side of his bed. “Don’t worry, Rarity knows she was wrong about you before.”

Sketchy relaxed just a little.

Applejack took his other hoof and smiled sympathetically. “How’s your head?”

“Tender.” Sketchy leaned back and closed his eyes. “I wish I could be back home.”

“And for that, I must apologize,” Rarity said. “I certainly haven’t done anything to make you feel welcome in Ponyville, but allow me to make it up to you by commissioning five of your drawings. I believe the going rate is one hundred bits per commission?” She gave Applejack a smile.

Ah, so she was getting rid of his jail fines too. Applejack smiled and nodded to her friend. Celestia only knew what that mare was thinking most of the time, but she had a heart as big as the great outdoors.

“You want to commission me?” Sketchy asked, his tone doubtful. “You haven’t even seen my work.”

“Applejack tells me it’s positively wonderful,” Rarity said. “In fact, she couldn’t stop going on about how wonderful you are.”

Sketchy’s eyes went from Rarity to Applejack, looking more confused than anything else.

“Now then,” Rarity continued, “when would you be available to produce your works of art? I’m teaching at Twilight’s school tomorrow morning, but I will be available from three in the afternoon onward.”

“Tomorrow at three is fine,” Sketchy said.

“Excellent,” Rarity sauntered to the door, swinging her tail more than was really necessary, “I’ll be waiting in my most provocative lingerie.” She winked at Applejack. “And do come alone.” Then she made her exit.

Sketchy stared at her with the level of confusion that most ponies reserved for their dealings with Pinkie Pie. “What … was that?”

“I’m pretty sure she was trying to make me jealous,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes.

“By shaking her butt in your direction?” Sketchy asked. “That doesn’t make sense. Her butt isn’t nearly as attractive as yours is.”

A slow smile worked its way across Applejack’s face. “Sketchy, do me a favor and tell Rarity that when we go over tomorrow.”

“We?” Sketchy repeated. “She instructed me to come alone.”

“And give her a few hours to fill your head with all sorts of her nonsense?” Applejack shook her head. “Not likely.”

Chapter 9: Artistic Assets

“Rarity,” Applejack called. “We’re here.”

Rarity descended the stairs that led to her personal quarters, clad in a black nightgown that hugged her form. “Why hello, Applejack.” She smiled victoriously. “I do recall telling Sketchy to come alone, but I suppose it’s only natural that you’d worry about me seducing your coltfriend.”

“What’s a coltfriend?” Sketchy asked, coming in behind Applejack.

Applejack grit her teeth. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

“If you say so, dear.” Rarity nodded to Sketchy. “Speaking of coltfriends, it’s good to see you again.”

Sketchy nodded back. “Applejack wants me to tell you that she has a more attractive butt than you.”

Absolute silence reigned for a moment, then Applejack facehoofed hard enough to knock her hat off. “Sketchy, you weren’t supposed to tell her I told you to say that.”

“Oh,” Sketchy said. “Sorry.”

Applejack sighed. “Nah, I reckon it’s my fault for not explaining it properly.”

The sound of muffled laughter made her look up, to see Rarity fighting to keep her face straight. “My goodness, you two are just precious together.” She moved closer to Applejack and whispered, “And telling him to compliment your flank in front of me? You really are jealous, aren’t you?”

“Not in the least,” Applejack said.

“Then why come along at all?” Rarity asked.

“To watch this bull-headed scheme of yours fall apart.”

Rarity smiled. “I told you last night, you underestimate me, darling.” She pulled back and turned to Sketchy. “Everything is set up in the bedroom. If you’ll follow me.” She led them back up the stairs to a scene right out of some cheesy romance novel.

The curtains were shut, candles were everywhere, and white rose petals had been scattered across Rarity’s massive bed. Though the romance novels would probably leave out the drawing desk set up in front of the bed. Probably. Applejack had never read one of those books, so she wouldn’t know.

Sketchy didn’t say anything. He just sat at the desk and started unloading the art supplies in his saddlebags.

“I’m told you only work in black and white,” Rarity said, positioning herself on the bed. “I did my best to use objects that would show up clearly in that medium, but please let me know if there’s anything you believe should be changed.”

Sketchy paused in his unpacking. “One moment.” He closed his eyes.

The eyes that snapped open a moment later weren’t Sketchy’s. Applejack didn’t know how else to describe it. The color and shape were the same, but gone was the passive acceptance with hints of confusion. These eyes were intense, like the kind of expression Twilight got while casting a really tough spell. “Would you like the petals left white or shaded gray?”

“Very light gray,” Rarity said.

Sketchy nodded. “Would you prefer lighter shading overall, or darker?”

“Medium,” Rarity said. “I want to give the illusion of evening while still remaining completely visible.”

Another nod. Sketchy opened a large folder of sorts and drew out a big sheet of paper. “I am ready when you are.”

Rarity spared Applejack a quick smirk before loosening her robe and sliding it down just enough that it looked like it could slip off at any moment. Her expression changed too, becoming the sort of thing that teenage colts would dream about.

Sketchy picked up a pencil and got to work, adding lines here, shading there, and probably a bunch of other technical stuff that Applejack didn’t know the words to describe. His movements were simple and sure, capturing the scene on paper.

It was no surprise that Sketchy knew what he was doing. After all, drawing was his special talent, but Applejack was surprised at how well Rarity took to her role as the model. She held perfectly still, looking like she was completely relaxed, even though she barely moved or blinked.

Applejack took a seat behind Sketchy, watching over his shoulder as he worked. It was strangely hypnotic to see the lines and shapes coming together to form a picture. Every now and then, he set one pencil down and grabbed another. There was also some strange thing that looked like a pencil made of rolled-up paper. He’d rub that over parts of his drawing from time to time, smoothing out lines.

Nearly an hour passed before Sketchy set down his tools and nodded to Rarity. “Finished.”

“I can’t wait to see it.” Rarity climbed off her bed and slowly stretched out before approaching. “My,” she said, drinking in the picture before her, “it’s better than I’d imagined.”

Applejack couldn’t exactly argue with her. Sketchy’s work was so real that it felt like she could reach out and touch the sheets depicted on Rarity’s bed. He’d even made the candles in the picture seem to glow, somehow. Then there was his rendition of Rarity herself. She looked gorgeous and inviting, but also a little intimidating, as though she’d loosened her robe and was waiting to see if the viewer was stallion enough to get her the rest of the way out of it.

Sketchy shrugged and put the picture to one side. “When would you like to do the others?”

“Just give me a moment to change,” Rarity said with a smile.

Chapter 10: Butt's Not to Like?

The next three pictures were actually a lot more tame than the first. Applejack had been expecting them to get increasingly saucy, but it looked like Rarity had surprised her yet again. The second picture was just Rarity in her work glasses, holding a sketchbook, as she leaned back against the windowsill.

The third and fourth drawings were of Rarity in outfits she’d designed, and not sexy outfits either. These were the kind of frilly, lacy getups that rich ponies wore to their snooty shindigs. Once Sketchy finished those drawings, Rarity went behind a changing curtain to put on whatever she’d wear for the last drawing.

Applejack leaned back in her seat, ribs popping from too much time spent sitting in place. “Alright, Rarity, what have you got planned?”

Rarity poked her head around the side of the curtain. “Whatever makes you think I have something planned?” She gave a look of complete innocence, the kind a pony made when they were anything but innocent.

“I know you wanted me here, and I know you’ve got it into your head that Sketchy and I are destined to be …” She trailed off and glanced over at the stallion.

He was watching them both with his usual look of passive confusion.

Applejack cleared her throat. “Anyway, this is your last picture. May as well tell me what you’ve got planned already.”

Rarity smiled and pulled her head out of view. “Why, Applejack, is it that hard to believe that I simply admire Sketchy’s artwork and wanted to commission a few pictures?”

“Knowing you, yes.”

The changing curtain folded back, revealing Rarity in her usual attire, which was to say, buck naked. “You really don’t respect Sketchy’s talent at all, do you?”

“Of course I respect his talent,” Applejack said immediately. “I wouldn’t be trying to get him business unless I thought he was good enough to deserve it.”

“Ah, good.” Rarity walked toward them, grinning ferociously. “Then you’ll be glad to know I reserved the fifth commission for you.” Her grin somehow got wider. “After all, if you admire his work so much, you must want a picture for yourself.”

Applejack froze, her mind showing her in all sorts of embarrassing positions. “Well, uh, yeah, h-he’s a great artist, but-”

“But what?” Rarity cut in. “Don’t you want to let him capture your beauty on paper?”

“Well,” Applejack could feel her cheeks turning red, “maybe a casual picture, like that one of you by the window.”

To her surprise, Rarity nodded. “I think that sounds lovely. You’ll need to get used to modeling somehow, and a casual picture will make adjusting far easier.” She turned to Sketchy. “What do you think would be the best way to display Applejack’s features?”

Sketchy did that thing again, where he closed his eyes and snapped open a pair of intense steely orbs. They moved and darted, studying Applejack up and down. Heck, she was half certain they could see right through her. She resisted the urge to hide behind something.

“I would prefer to draw Applejack in a position that reveals her butt,” Sketchy said at last, “but she tells me it’s rude to stare at someone’s butt unless we’re dating.”

Applejack facehoofed. The last thing she wanted was to get into a discussion about butt-looking in front of Rarity.

“Therefore,” Sketchy continued, “I recommend a frontal view, preferably with her looking pleasantly tired, her coat slightly rumpled, and her mane and tail out of those ties.”

Rarity seemed taken aback. “Really? I thought perhaps we could style her mane somewhat and brush out her coat.”

Sketchy’s eyes went back to normal, and he shrugged. “You may be correct. I still don’t understand ponies very well.”

“Let’s go with Sketchy’s idea,” Applejack said quickly. She sure as hay didn’t want to let Rarity go crazy on her with a brush and all those beauty supplies. “You two wait here a minute, I’ll be right back.” She left and trotted back outside.

Earth-pony magic was potent stuff. It let her knock the apples off trees, grow plants out of barren dirt, and even work all day long without getting too tired. But like all magic, it could be turned off if a pony didn’t feel like using it.

Applejack turned off the magic that strengthened her legs, then she ran clear to the edge of town and back again. It wasn’t near as exhausting as a full day on the farm, but her legs were sure feeling the burn, and a good amount of sweat covered her by the time she got back to Rarity’s place.

“Whew,” Applejack breathed, undoing the red ribbons she kept in her mane and tail. She went back up to Rarity’s room and shook her mane out while she fanned herself with her hat. “That should make me look about right.”

Sketchy nodded. “And Rarity explained more of when it is and isn’t okay to look at a mare’s butt.”

Applejack facehoofed again. Knowing Rarity, she’d slipped some wrong ideas into Sketchy’s head as part of her crazy scheme to get them together. “That’s, uh, good to know. Anyway, how do you want me to position myself?”

He hummed thoughtfully for a moment before answering. “Just lie down and rest in whatever position is comfortable.”

“Sure thing.” She ignored Rarity, who was back to grinning over something, and settled down on the floor, resting on her side. She curled her tail up toward her chest and put her hat underneath her head like a pillow. This was how she usually relaxed whenever she needed a few minutes to nap between bucking trees. Her eyes even drifted shut on their own.

“Perfect,” Sketchy said. “Try to hold that pose.”

Easy enough. Applejack let out a relaxed sigh that turned into a yawn partway through. Then she tried to focus keeping her breathing nice and slow. It was surprisingly comfortable on the floor.

Nice and comfy …

…

“Finished,” Sketchy said.

Applejack jerked her head up. “Wha-?” She yawned. “I mean, what?”

Rarity giggled. “Sketchy is finished with your picture. I must say, I never expected you to doze off.”

“It’s been a long day,” Applejack said, climbing back to her hooves. “So what’s this picture look like?” She came around Sketchy’s desk and looked down at the picture.

Her first impression was that she looked a bit like Winona, all curled up like that. It was kind of cute, really. Did it make her egotistical to think that a drawing of her was cute? She hoped not. Regardless, she smiled a little as she studied the picture and saw all the little details, like a line of sweat on her back, a bit of mussed up fur on her leg, stray hairs of her mane poking out behind her, and then there was the wide curve of her … butt. Maybe she needed to go on a diet or something.

“Do you like it?” Sketchy asked with a hint of worry.

Applejack tore her eyes away from her depicted rear. “It’s great. Thank you kindly for drawing it.” She turned to Rarity. “And thank you for commissioning it.”

“My pleasure, dear,” Rarity said, approaching the desk as well. “Sketchy, you certainly are a first-class artist. I hope you won’t mind if I refer ponies to you who may be interested in commissioning a piece of your art.”

Sketchy gave her a confused look. “Why would I mind?”

Applejack chuckled. “That’s just another of those things ponies say to be polite.”

“Okay,” Sketchy said, “I think I understand, and referring ponies to me would be greatly appreciated.” He turned to Applejack. “Should I offer to pay her for that kind of work?”

“Maybe with other ponies,” Applejack said, “but I’m sure Rarity is helping you out to be nice, not because she wants some bits out of it.”

“Most certainly,” Rarity said. “Any friend of Applejack’s is a friend of mine.” She looked out the window. “It has gotten rather late since we started. Please let me take you both out to eat.”

Applejack hesitated. She’d already missed dinner back on the farm, but there would be a plate of leftovers with her name on it. Then again, she didn’t get to spend a lot of time with Rarity, and somepony needed to keep Sketchy out of trouble if they were going out in public. “Sure,” she said at last, “where did you plan on going?”

“Nowhere too fancy,” Rarity said. “Just Meadow’s.”

There wasn’t anything to complain about there. Meadow Song had married into the Apple family, but he and his wife, Apple Fritter, were good, honest, hard-working ponies. That, and Meadow could rival even Granny Smith in the kitchen.

“Sounds good,” Applejack said. “How about you, Sketchy? You hungry?”

“Very much so.”

“Excellent,” Rarity said, grabbing Applejack’s hoof in her magic. “Now come with me and we’ll get you cleaned up.”

“Come on, I ain’t that dirty,” Applejack said, pulling away, “and Meadow won’t care if I track a bit of dirt on the floor.”

Rarity gave her one of those dangerous smiles, the kind that meant violence was a possibility in the near future. “As much as your, shall we say, rumpled appearance might suit you,” she glanced at Sketchy, “you will still be going out in public. A lady should have enough self respect to present herself well to the world. Or at the very least, scrub off that sweat.”

Applejack sighed. “Fine, let’s just get this over with.”

“So glad you agree, dear.” Rarity turned to Sketchy. “Give us just a few minutes. I have some of my own art to create.”

Chapter 11: Bum-bling Through Life

Applejack stumbled out of Carousel Boutique nearly an hour later, groomed to within an inch of her life. Her hooves had been polished to a shine, her mane and tail combed and styled, even her hat had been cleaned and repaired.

Sketchy came next, looking the same as he ever did. Rarity probably would’ve put him through the wringer too, if there hadn’t been the issue of him being a stallion and her being a mare.

Rarity herself came last, looking entirely too happy with herself. “Oh, I just remembered that I have some urgent business to attend to. You two will have to go on without me.”

“Uh huh,” Applejack said flatly, “and what kinda business is that?”

“Just a few orders to fill,” Rarity said, “but as luck would have it, I set up a tab at Meadow’s this very morning and reserved a table for two. You two go and order anything you like. Consider it my treat.” Then she quickly went back inside and shut the door behind her.

Applejack could only stare at the door for a moment. “This has got to be the least subtle bit of matchmaking that mare has ever done.”

“What’s matchmaking?” Sketchy asked.

Applejack winced. Hoo boy, this one wasn’t going to be easy to explain. “Why don’t we head to Meadow’s? I’ll give you the rundown along the way.” She started walking.

Sketchy nodded and followed after.

They covered a block as Applejack debated with herself about the best way to go about this. “So,” she said at last, “matchmaking is when you try to hook two ponies up.”

He tilted his head to one side. “Hook them up to what?”

Applejack groaned. “Should’ve seen that coming.” She shook her head. “I mean that Rarity’s trying to get us to start dating.”

Sketchy frowned in thought. “So she wants me to stare at your butt?”

“Huh?” Applejack stopped. “How in the world did you come to that conclusion?”

“You said that dating ponies can look at each other’s butts,” Sketchy said. “So if she’s trying to, um, matchmake us, then she must want that.” He got a nervous look in his eyes. “Unless she secretly hates you.”

Applejack kept herself from facehoofing. Just barely. “How would her trying to hook us up mean that she hates me?”

He just stared at her for a second, like he was confused that she didn’t already know. “Griffons always fight over the best mates, so if she doesn’t want me for herself, then it means she thinks I’m not good enough for her.” He didn’t seem upset by the idea. “But if she’s trying to get us to date, and it isn’t to let me draw sexier pictures of you, then she must be trying to reduce her competition by pairing you off with an inferior mate.”

And there was the facehoof. “Sketchy, you’re not inferior. Some ponies just go better together than others, and Rarity seems to think we’d do well together.”

Sketchy digested that as they continued to Meadow’s place. “What do you need in a mate? If you’re right, then she must think I have some of the qualities you need.”

Applejack paused and frowned. “I, uh, I dunno. I’ve said it before, but I don’t think much about dating, or romance, or anything like that. I never really thought about what I need in a special somepony.”

They reached Meadow’s just then. It was a nice place, two stories tall, and just big enough to fit the entire Apple Family the last time they’d been here for a reunion. Applejack walked in through the front door. “Howdy, Fritter, didn’t expect to see you working the front.”

Apple Fritter stood behind the counter, smiling. She was a yellow earth-pony with a green mane and eyes to match. “One of the waitresses called in sick, so I’m filling in.” She gestured to Sketchy. “Table for two?”

“Yeah,” Applejack scratched the back of her neck, “apparently Rarity made a reservation under her name.”

Fritter checked the reservations book. Her eyes widened. “Wait, so you two were the ones getting the Romance Package?”

Applejack paused and licked her lips. “Maybe? Rarity’s kinda gone nuts over trying to hook us up.”

Fritter chuckled. “I see. Well, the package includes a candle-lit dinner in one of our private dining rooms, free desert to share, and a bottle of wine.”

Keeping Sketchy away from crowds wasn’t a bad idea, and a bottle of wine sounded pretty good. She’d skip out on desert, though. Her flank was, apparently, too big already. Applejack nodded to herself. “Sure, lay it on us.”

“Right this way, then.” Fritter led them upstairs and into a room that was small enough to be cozy without feeling cramped. As promised, candles covered the walls, with a larger one on the table. “Do you two know what you’d like?”

Applejack knew what she wanted, but Sketchy probably didn’t even know what they served. “Why don’t you give us a minute?”

“Sounds good. Did you want something to drink, or should I bring out the wine right away?”

“I’ll take a peach lemonade,” Applejack said. “How about you, Sketchy?”

Sketchy was looking around the room like it would bite him. He jumped when Applejack said his name. “I’m sorry, what?”

“What do ya want to drink?” Applejack repeated.

He froze for a second. “Can I get whatever you’re having?”

“Of course.” Applejack turned to Fritter. “Two peach lemonades, then.”

Fritter smiled. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, lovebirds.” Then she was gone before Applejack could even correct her.

“Eh, let her think what she wants,” Applejack muttered, sitting down at the table. “So, Sketchy, what do you think you’ll order?”

Sketchy sat down at the chair opposite her. “I don’t know.” He picked up the menu and opened it up. “What’s a good choice?”

“I’ve always been partial to the apple-and-caramel grilled-cheese sandwich.” Applejack held up a hoof to stall arguments. “I know that sounds all kinds of strange, but it’s a lot better than you’d expect. Of course, the spiced berry soup is great too, and the cheddar-and-broccoli omelet’s darn tasty.”

“Do they have anything with meat?” Sketchy asked.

Applejack’s eyes shot wide. “Wait, you, I mean, you’d actually …” She blanched. “You eat meat?”

“Yes,” Sketchy said calmly. “I haven’t been able to get much since I left Griffonstone.”

Despite feeling sick, Applejack checked the menu. On the very last page was a small section for omnivores. “Looks like they’ve got a few things.” She slid her menu over to him and pointed at the meat dishes.

Fritter came back in, balancing two cups of peach lemonade on her back, which she expertly moved onto the table. “Have you decided what you’d like?”

“I’ll take the apple-and-caramel grilled-cheese,” Applejack said, wondering if she’d have the stomach to eat it while watching Sketchy devour the remains of some poor critter.

“The fish in pimento sauce, please,” Sketchy said.

Fritter did a double take. “Really?”

He did one of those slight frowns. “Yes. Was I not speaking clearly enough?”

“No, no, you were clear,” Fritter said. “I just wasn’t expecting that.” She gathered their menus. “Your meals will be ready in a few minutes.”

Applejack waited until she left before returning her focus to Sketchy. And her mind also went blank. This was kind of a date, much as she might wish otherwise. What did ponies even talk about on dates? Well, there was one subject every pony seemed happy to talk about. “So, uh, how’d you get your cutie mark?”

“Drawing a griffoness.” He gestured to the sketch drawing of a griffoness on his flank. “I thought the mark would make that obvious.”

“I guess it should have,” Applejack said a little uncomfortably. “I meant more what’s the story behind it? How’d you wind up drawing in the first place? Was that griffoness the first person you drew?” She waved a hoof. “You know, that sort of thing.”

“She was my first live subject,” Sketchy said slowly. “I suppose that makes her the first person I drew that wasn’t from a book. I started drawing to help me envision what was happening in the books I used to read, but,” he frowned, “they were all terrible.”

Applejack nodded. “So how’d you wind up drawing that griffoness?”

“She saw me drawing in the ruins of the library and offered to pay me for drawing a sexual picture of her for her significant other.” Sketchy closed his eyes and smiled faintly. “It was so much easier to draw something I could look at, and I received my mark as soon as she paid me.”

“So that’s why you’re so obsessed with drawing butts ‘n stuff,” Applejack said, half to herself. “Though you did a great job on those non-sexy pictures today. Ever think about branching out?”

“No,” Sketchy said. “Erotic art always paid better, and there’s a certain intensity to it that I enjoy. My subjects are projecting all their desires and desirable attributes toward the mate they hope for, and I’m allowed to capture that forever on paper.” He smiled, more strongly this time. “Other art is nice enough, but it feels bland by comparison.”

Applejack sat back and thought about that. She had plenty of farming skill, enough that she could grow any kind of crop she wanted, but she couldn’t imagine specializing in anything other than apples. It sounded like Sketchy felt the same about his art. “I think I understand,” she said with a smile, “and who am I to tell a pony that they shouldn’t chase after their destiny?”

“I don’t know,” Sketchy said. “Who are you to do that?”

Applejack laughed. “Sketchy, do me a favor. Never change.”

Chapter 12: The Rear Guard

“I’m so glad everypony could be here,” Rarity said the next morning as they all gathered in the Ponyville Day Spa. “I can’t remember the last time all six of us were able to attend. Ever since Twilight’s school opened, we’ve all been so busy.”

“It’s true,” Fluttershy said, “but I’m glad we can be together now.”

Pinkie had somehow found time to set up a ‘Congratulations on All Attending the Spa Together’ party banner and was passing out cupcakes.

Applejack took a bite out of her cupcake. “Tastes good, Pinkie. New recipe?”

“Nah, I just tried a new type of flour. This one’s whole grain, so that means the cupcakes are totally healthy and everything.” She held one out to Twilight. “Give it a try.”

Twilight groaned something incomprehensible. Apparently this was her first day of being up after eating that Pinkie Special.

Rarity wrapped a hoof around Twilight’s shoulders and guided her to the door. “Come along, everypony. Perhaps a bit of time in the sauna will clear Twilight’s head.”

Soon they were sitting around that big wooden room full of steam. Rarity had to settle Twilight down onto a bench. “How are you feeling, dear?”

“Ooooaaagg.”

“What happened to her?” Fluttershy asked. “Everypony knows only Pinkie can handle Pinkie Specials, so why did she try to eat one?”

“She had to give Spike The Talk,” Applejack said.

“Yes, it nearly traumatized poor Spikey.” Rarity patted Twilight on the back. “I can see it wasn’t any easier on her.”

“Come to think of it,” Applejack said. “I ain’t seen Spike around town since then.”

“He’s been staying at the castle with Starlight,” Pinkie said. “They said something about researching a cure for sugar comas.”

“Mmgragm,” Twilight said.

Applejack shook her head. “I’m guessing they haven’t made any breakthroughs yet. Shame, I was hoping to talk with Twi here about waiving a fee against Sketchy.”

“Sketchy?” Fluttershy asked.

“A new stallion in town,” Rarity said. “He’s quite the gifted artist, but a little, shall we say, indelicate in his sensibilities.”

“Meaning he draws a lot of butts,” Dash said. “He wouldn’t stop staring at Applejack’s the first time he saw her.”

Fluttershy blushed. “Oh my.”

“Yes,” Rarity said, “he does take some getting used to, but there is a genuinely kind stallion beneath all that. Speaking of which, how did your date with him go last night?”

Everypony turned to stare at Applejack. Well, most everypony. Twilight just kinda wobbled in place.

“You took Sketchy out on a date?” Dash somehow asked with her mouth hanging open.

“Oooh, are you two in love?” Pinkie asked.

“Did you enjoy yourselves?” Fluttershy asked.

“Flurgl,” Twilight mumbled.

“Hold your horses, everypony,” Applejack said. “I didn’t exactly take him on a date, so much as Rarity,” she glared at the mare in question, “tricked us into one.”

Rarity smiled sweetly. “Well who could blame me? You two were just so cute together.”

Dash laughed. “Cute? Have you ever met Sketchy? Cute is the last word that describes him.”

“Oh really?” Rarity turned to Applejack. “Do you agree with Dash?”

Applejack didn’t know where this was going, but she suspected another trap. “I’m not entirely sure,” she said carefully. “He can be frustrating as a batch of hollow apples sometimes, but that innocent cluelessness of his can be endearing too.” She smiled. “And I like how he’s always upfront about things. Never any question if he’s telling you the truth or not.”

“So do you want to?” Fluttershy asked. “Date him for real, I mean?”

Did she? Applejack opened her mouth to say something, and then shut it again.

Rarity smiled triumphantly. “They say that silence speaks volumes.”

“Wow.” Dash patted Applejack’s shoulder. “Congratulations, I think.”

“Nurgh,” Twilight said.

Applejack sighed. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“As you wish,” Rarity said. “So, Fluttershy, how is everything at your animal sanctuary?”

Fluttershy smiled, like she usually did when the conversation turned to animals. “It’s been wonderful. New animals keep arriving as word spreads through the forest, and though it takes some time to adjust, they’ve all decided that they prefer living and working together peacefully …”

Applejack barely heard Fluttershy as she went on about her animal sanctuary. Her mind was too busy replaying that one question: did she want to date Sketchy? She wanted to shout no, but she couldn’t seem to form the word, even in her own head.

They stayed in the sauna for a good while before heading out to the lounge area to get hooficures. As usual, Applejack needed a whole heap of work. Bucking trees all day wasn’t exactly easy on the hooves.

Aloe and Lotus had to pull out the heavy-duty equipment while the rest of Applejack’s friends waited their turn.

“So I was thinking,” Dash said while the spa ponies worked. “If Rarity’s gonna get all the rich and important ponies in town to commission stuff from Sketchy, then I should get a picture drawn too. I mean, I am a national celebrity.” She puffed out her chest.

Applejack rolled her eyes.

“Nothing, you know, like weird,” Dash continued, “just an awesome sketch of me doing a stunt in my Wonderbolts uniform.”

“That would certainly help Sketchy,” Rarity said, “but drawings take time, and I can’t see how you’d be able to hold still while in the middle of a stunt.”

“Good point.” Dash tapped her forehead. “Oh, I know. I can get Twilight to hold me in place while Sketchy draws.”

Twilight groaned. “I …” She shook her head. “I what?”

“Oh my, she’s awake,” Fluttershy said. She got out of her chair and gave Twilight a gentle hug. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Better?” Twilight blinked a few times then clenched her eyes shut. “Ugh, what happened to me?”

“You ate a Pinkie Special,” Applejack said.

“Why would I-?” Twilight’s eyes snapped open. “Oh my goodness, how’s Spike?”

Rarity moved to Twilight’s other side and took her hoof. “He’s fine, dear. No need to worry.”

“Of course there’s need to worry,” Twilight said. “I had to give Spike The Talk. What if I messed something up? What if he becomes a sexual deviant because I didn’t explain something properly?”

“He’s fine,” Rarity repeated. “We had a long talk after you ate yourself unconscious, and I made sure he understood both the act and the emotional consequences involved with it.”

Twilight let out a long sigh of relief. “Thank you, Rarity.” She leaned back. “Nng, I may have to get Pinkie Specials labeled as a controlled substance.”

“Well, I’m already not allowed to sell them to children,” Pinkie said.

“With good reason,” Applejack muttered. “Anyway, Twi, I was hoping to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” Twilight asked.

“You remember that stallion you busted for selling inappropriate art in the marketplace?”

Twilight scowled. “Yes. I do.”

Applejack cleared her throat. “I was, uh, actually wondering if you wouldn’t mind dropping the fines against him.”

“What?” Twilight yelled, jumping out of her seat. “Why in Equestria would you ask me something like that?”

Dash smirked. “He’s kinda Applejack’s coltfriend now.”

Dead silence filled the spa. Even Aloe and Lotus paused in their work to give Applejack surprised looks.

Twilight’s expression went from vengeful to terrified. “Wait, how many years was I out?”

Applejack covered her face with one hoof. “You were out for a couple of days, and he ain’t my coltfriend.”

“Not yet, anyway,” Pinkie said.

Twilight looked around at the other ponies in the group before settling her gaze on Applejack. “Maybe you should start at the beginning?”

( | )

“… And that brings you up to about now,” Applejack said.

The story had taken a lot longer than she’d expected, long enough that they finished with the hooficures and moved on to the mud baths.

Twilight sat in the bath next to Applejack’s, frowning thoughtfully. “I’ve heard of culture shock, but never to the extent that this stallion seems to be displaying it.” She blushed a little. “You’re absolutely sure he didn’t mean anything bad by asking to study my, uh, posterior?”

“I’m sure,” Applejack said. “I don’t think Sketchy’s had a dirty thought in his life.”

“Then I guess it’s only right to drop the charges.” Twilight leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “It’s strange, if he weren’t from another culture, I’d suspect him of having Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

Applejack couldn’t help but feel a little offended on Sketchy’s behalf. “He ain’t autistic, or stupid, or nothing, Twilight. He’s just a bit strange.”

Twilight shook her head. “No, being on the spectrum doesn’t mean a pony is stupid. It’s a mental disorder that makes communication and social interaction more difficult, regardless of how smart the pony is that has it.”

“If I may be so bold,” Rarity said softly, “what are the symptoms?”

“That’s part of the problem,” Twilight said. “There are many possible symptoms, and a pony doesn’t necessarily need to have all of them to be somewhere on the spectrum. Some ponies with it can barely put a sentence together, others can hold a conversation without any difficulty.” She shook her head. “But Sketchy does sound like he has some of the most common symptoms, such as difficulty reading social cues, a reduced desire for social interactions, and some repetitive behaviors, such as his fixation on drawing sexual art.”

“Just hold it right there,” Applejack said. “Do we really want to go slapping labels on Sketchy just because he’s a bit strange?” She pointed at Twilight. “How would you like it if somepony took all of your quirks and said you had to have a mental problem because of them?”

Twilight swallowed and looked down. “Well, since you asked, I might be slightly autistic myself.”

Applejack’s jaw dropped. “Wait, what?”

“If I am,” Twilight said, “it’s an extremely mild case, but I’ve identified enough of the symptoms in myself that I can’t entirely discount the possibility.” She gave a sheepish smile. “Saying that Sketchy is on the spectrum doesn’t change who he is. It just gives the rest of us a guide to understanding him better.”

There wasn’t much Applejack could say to that. She sank deeper into her mud bath, feeling oddly ashamed of herself. “He’s usually at Sugarcube Corner all afternoon, if you wanna talk to him and see if he’s on this spectrum thingy.”

“Thank you, Applejack,” Twilight said. “I’ll go talk with him once we finish here.”

“Actually,” Rarity said, “he won’t be there today. I was able to schedule an appointment for him to draw Spoiled Rich this afternoon.”

Applejack jumped out of her mud bath, spraying gunk everywhere. “You want Sketchy to draw that pain in the flank? She’s the most obnoxious, judgmental pony in town.”

“She also happens to be one of the most willing to spend money,” Rarity said. “If his art impresses her, and I’m certain it will, he can expect a steady string of commissions from her.”

“Right, assuming she doesn’t strangle him the first time he says something about her rear.” Applejack hurried to the shower to rinse herself off. “I’ve gotta tell her that he can’t make it today. Maybe after we’ve had a lot of time to practice what he should and shouldn’t say to her.”

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that,” Rarity said, a bit of worry in her voice. “The appointment was for three.” She pointed to the clock, which read three fifteen.

“Ah, meadow muffins!” Applejack finished rinsing herself and then took off. “You lot stay here. I’ve gotta pull that stallion’s flank out of whatever fire Spoiled tossed him in!”

Chapter 13: Butt Head

The Rich Family butler had a mighty impressive poker face. He didn’t look at all surprised to see a soaking-wet Applejack at the front door, her mane and tail a mess from her gallop across town. “How may I help you, Miss Applejack?”

“Sketchy,” Applejack panted. “Gray stallion. Artist. He’s here to draw Mrs. Rich?”

The butler nodded. “Yes, he arrived a few minutes ago. May I take a message?”

Applejack shook her head. “No, I need to speak with him myself.”

“I’m afraid the lady of the house instructed me not to interrupt her unless it was an emergency.”

“It is an emergency.” Applejack didn’t want to imagine the torment Spoiled could bring down on Sketchy if he did something to offend her … When he did something to offend her. Of course, Applejack couldn’t say that, and she knew she was no good at lying. Her mind latched onto the first technically true thing she thought of. “I’m his manager.” Which was to say, she’d been helping him to get work, and she’d just ‘managed’ to get Twilight to drop the charges against him. “A-and, I should really be in there with him, you know, to act as a go-between for him and Mrs. Rich.” Definitely true. “Artists can be awfully hard to work with unless there’s somepony around who knows how to handle them.” Also true.

The elderly stallion considered that. “Very well, remain there for a moment while I fetch a towel.”

Oh, right. Applejack probably should have dried herself off before leaving the spa.

The butler returned quickly with a big fluffy towel. He even helped Applejack squeeze the water out of her mane and tail before leading her inside.

She hadn’t been in Filthy’s house since way before Twilight moved into town. Back then, the place had seemed like a castle. Nowadays, Applejack had seen the inside of a couple of actual castles, and Rich Mansion didn’t quite stack up. Sure, the floors were all polished marble, expensive pictures hung on the walls, and there were even stained-glass windows, but they all looked a little bit off, like somepony had painted a bunch of oranges red and was trying to pass them off as apples. Rich Mansion was doing its darndest to look like Canterlot Castle, but the best it could manage was a cheap imitation.

Applejack frowned. Was she really criticizing a house for not being a castle? She’d been spending too much time with Rarity.

“The drawing room is right this way,” the butler said, walking down a hall. They stopped at the third door, and the butler knocked. “Madam, Mr. Sketcher’s manager, Miss Applejack, is here. She says it’s imperative that she be allowed to help manage her client.”

There was a short pause, then Spoiled called, “Very well, allow her to enter.”

The butler opened the door and gestured for Applejack to go inside.

She did so, and immediately saw something she would never, ever, even in a million years, be able to unsee. Spoiled Rich was lying on a fancy couch thing, splayed out with her mare bits on full display.

Applejack was fairly certain there were other things in the room—things like walls, for example—but her brain decided that such details didn’t matter nearly as much as snapping her eyes shut and wondering if it was possible to puke out her memory of the last few seconds.

Spoiled made a derisive huff. “I can’t say I expected an apple farmer to appreciate true beauty when they see it.”

Ignoring insults was basically required for dealing with Spoiled Rich. Applejack forced her eyes open and did her best to look at Spoiled without actually seeing anything. “Begging your pardon, Mrs. Rich. I wasn’t expecting to see you quite so,” she cleared her throat, “revealed.” Not that she’d never seen a mare’s equipment or anything. Ponies did walk around naked most of the time, after all. There was just a difference between seeing a mare’s junk when she was walking around town, and seeing her lying on her back, looking for all the world like she was waiting for a stallion to come along and … yeah.

Spoiled rolled her eyes. “If you’re quite done being unprofessional, please see to it that your client gives me my money’s worth.”

Her husband’s money’s worth, more like it, but Applejack wasn’t going to complain about an excuse to look away. She found Sketchy just off to her side and quickly moved over to him.

He sat at a small table with his sketchbook, where the rough outline of his drawing was taking shape. Except he wasn’t looking at the drawing. He was watching Applejack with that same confused look he wore whenever he was well and truly lost. “Are you my manager? Because the butler just called you that.”

Applejack had to think about it for a second. She’d made up all that manager stuff, but Sketchy did need somepony to help him stay out of trouble. “I guess I am.”

Sketchy gave her another confused look before shrugging and turning back to Spoiled. “Could you go back to your original pose, please?”

Spoiled sneered. “I’m already in it, you fool.”

“No you aren’t,” Sketchy said. “Your left forehoof was on your stomach, not your thigh. Your face was also turned toward me, but now you’re looking at the door.”

“This is the exact pose I’ve had since the beginning,” Spoiled said, her expression darkening.

“No, it-”

Applejack quickly covered Sketchy’s mouth with her hoof. “You’ll have to forgive my, uh, client. You know what they say, the better an artist is, the harder they are to work with.” At least, she’d heard something vaguely similar to that at some point. Probably.

“Then this stallion must be a master,” Spoiled said dryly. “Now hurry up and draw.”

Sketchy looked to Applejack, who nodded.

“Go ahead, just draw her like she is.”

“Okay.” Sketchy had to erase some parts of his outline, but soon the picture was coming together nicely again.

Right up until Spoiled stretched, moved around a bit, then settled her foreleg up by her head instead of on her thigh.

Sketchy frowned. “Please move back to how you were before.”

“This is the same position,” Spoiled said, “or are you such a pathetic excuse for an artist that you can’t cope with tiny, insignificant shifts?”

Applejack leaned over to Sketchy and whispered, “let me handle this.” She turned to Spoiled. “I think my client is trying to say, in his own way, that he thinks your picture would come out much better if you moved your left foreleg down to your thigh. You know, gotta draw attention to what ya got and all.”

Spoiled gave her an annoyed look. “And when did you become a master of art and posing?”

“Uh,” Applejack cleared her throat. “Well, I am the manager of a talented artist. I’ve learned plenty thanks to him.” For example, she’d learned that it took Twilight about two days to recover from eating a Pinkie Special.

“Applejack is correct,” Sketchy said. “Every pose should have a clear line of action, drawing the eyes to specific things. Placing that hoof on your thigh draws the line along the length of your body, encouraging viewers to linger on the parts that interest them most.”

Spoiled groaned, deep and annoyed. “Very well, I’ll allow you one chance to show that you know what you’re talking about. The stallions getting these had better appreciate what I’m going through.”

“Stallions?” Applejack’s mouth asked before her brain could tell it to shut up. “As in, more than your husband?”

“Obviously.” Spoiled gave her a challenging look. “My husband already knows he isn’t the only stallion in my life. These pictures, should they prove worthy of it, will be copied and sent to my other paramours. Is there a problem with that?”

Applejack seriously considered giving Spoiled a piece of her mind. What kind of married pony tried to act like sending a bunch of dirty pictures of herself to other stallions was no big deal? Somepony needed to smack a bit of sense into Spoiled.

Except Sketchy still needed bits.

“No,” Applejack said at last. “We’re here to deliver a quality product. What you do with it is up to you.” Though she would be having a talk with Filthy later. No one deserved to have their spouse step out on them.

“Good,” Spoiled said. “Now get back to work.”

Sketchy continued with his drawing. He seemed to be nearly finished, in fact. Applejack breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t sure how much more of Spoiled she could take in one afternoon.

The rest of the … session? Yup, that sounded right. The rest of the session passed in relative peace and quiet, until Sketchy finally set his pencils down. “Finished.”

“It’s about time.” Spoiled got up, stretched, and walked over to them. “Now let’s see if you were worth all this trouble.”

Sketchy turned the picture to her. It was exactly what Applejack had expected it to be, a great drawing of a terrible pony.

Spoiled’s face darkened. “What is wrong with you? Are you trying to make me a laughingstock?”

Sketchy tilted his head to the side. “I don’t understand.”

“This!” Spoiled jabbed a hoof at the drawing. “My stomach doesn’t poke out like that, you drew my nose all wrong, and you actually had the gall to make my hips look flabby!” She took a threatening step forward.

“Calm down, there,” Applejack said, quickly putting herself between them. “Sketchy didn’t change anything about you.”

“I can only draw what I see,” Sketchy added behind her.

“Don’t you lie to me!” Spoiled shoved Applejack out of the way and grabbed the sketchbook. “This is slander, is what it is.” She ripped the picture in half and threw the sketchbook to the ground, then swiped all off Sketchy’s drawing supplies off the table, making the stallion himself cower away from her. “Now draw a real picture, or so help me I-”

Applejack’s hoof caught Spoiled by the shoulder. “Ma’am,” she said, fighting to keep her voice calm, “step away from him, and we’ll be out of your mane.”

Spoiled turned and glared at her. No, it was more of a sneer. “Get him to draw a better picture, or I’ll tell the entire town that Honest Applejack cheated me out of my bits.”

Over her shoulder, Sketchy slowly, numbly, picked up his battered sketchbook and held it to his chest. Tiny shudders rocked his whole body, like he was freezing cold, and his eyes were lifeless.

Applejack felt something hard form in her chest. It occurred to her that she could break Spoiled’s jaw before that rotten excuse for a mare even realized what was happening, and she wanted to. Sweet Celestia did she want to!

The floor beneath her started to groan as Applejack’s magic flooded through her. Her hoof tightened on Spoiled’s collarbone. All it would take was one squeeze, and she could snap it like a stalk of hay. But somepony had to be the bigger mare here. “Maybe I didn’t make myself clear,” she whispered, “we’ll be leaving now, and if you try to stop us, if you try to hurt us, if you try to ruin Sketchy’s reputation or tell anypony he’s a bad artist because he drew you exactly the way you are, then I’ll buck your teeth in, and I’ll make sure Sweet Apple Acres stops all business with your husband until he divorces you.” Then she let go.

Spoiled stepped back, her face going through a bunch of emotions: first disbelief, then arrogance, and finally, anger, raw and burning. “Get out, before I buy that pathetic farm just to set it on fire.”

Pro, breaking Spoiled’s face would feel wonderful. Con, probably some jail time or something. Whatever, Twilight could get her out of it. She was tensing up to swing when she saw Sketchy. He’d gotten worse, shaking all over with his eyes clenched shut.

Petty revenge dropped out of Applejack’s mind completely, and she rushed to him. He flinched when her hooves touched him, but she didn’t let go. “Easy there,” she whispered, “easy. It’ll be alright.”

He didn’t respond other than to keep shaking.

Spoiled wisely backed away from the two and kept her mouth shut. It was the first wise thing she’d done since Applejack got there.

“I’m gonna collect your stuff,” Applejack said gently. “Then we’ll go, okay?”

No response.

She patted his shoulder anyway and started gathering pencils.

“I could have you arrested for threatening me,” Spoiled said. Apparently that drop of wisdom had worn out already.

“Try it,” Applejack said, bending down to grab Sketchy’s things off the floor. “There ain’t a scratch or a bruise on you.” She looked up. “Unless you want me to snap a few of your bones first. I’d be happy to oblige.”

Spoiled took that as her cue to leave, and Applejack turned her attention back to Sketchy. Something had broken in that poor stallion, and she wasn’t sure how to fix it.

Chapter 14: Assing for Help

They walked away from Rich Mansion in silence. Not that Applejack wanted to stay quiet or anything. It was just that, well, Sketchy didn’t seem like he was up to saying much of anything. He trudged along, head low and eyes unseeing. One leg still held his sketchbook to his chest. Applejack gently brushed against him, and he didn’t even respond.

She bit her lip and looked around, hoping for some kind of idea about what to do next. Nothing jumped out at her. Some ponies were out and about, but the streets were mostly empty. “Are ya hungry?” she asked at last.

No response.

“We could visit Sugarcube Corner,” Applejack said. “My treat.”

Nothing. He didn’t even blink.

“Sketchy …” Applejack lifted his head and looked into his eyes. He stared blankly back. “I … I want to help you, but I don’t know how.” She looked down. “Please, let me know what I can do for you.”

“I wish I could be back home.” He didn’t so much say the words as let them slip past his lips.

Did he mean back to his apartment, or back to Griffonstone? Applejack swallowed. “So, I should take you to your apartment, right?”

No response.

“Sketchy?”

He just stared into the distance.

“I’ll take ya to your apartment.” She set off toward Mr. Suite’s building, with Sketchy following her mechanically.

The building wasn’t very big, just three stories with maybe ten apartments each, but it was all Ponyville needed, and Mr. Suite kept it nice and clean. Applejack led Sketchy into the small lobby and paused. “Uh, which apartment is yours?”

Sketchy didn’t say anything, but he did start walking toward the stairs.

His apartment turned out to be on the second floor, about halfway down the building’s only hall. Sketchy unlocked it and walked inside, returning the key to his bags.

It wasn’t much, just a combination kitchen and family room with two doors that Applejack guessed connected to a bedroom and a bathroom. However, what surprised Applejack was how few personal touches she could find. No pictures on the walls, no rugs on the floor, no sofa even. There was a table with one chair, but that was the limit of furniture.

Sketchy sat down at the table and looked at his notebook, still open to the torn remains of Spoiled’s picture.

“Forget about her.” Applejack carefully turned the pages back until she found that first picture he’d done of her, the one with her standing in line at Sugarcube Corner. She forced herself to laugh a little. “I have a much better rump than hers anyway.” Maybe. She wasn’t sure.

A bit of life returned to Sketchy’s eyes. “Yes.”

Applejack smiled and took his hoof. “I know today didn’t turn out so well, but don’t worry, I’ll make sure nothing like that happens again, okay?”

“Okay.”

She gave his hoof a squeeze. “I need to go talk to some ponies. Will you be okay until I get back?”

“Yes.”

Applejack wasn’t too sure, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. “Okay. I’ll just be a few minutes.” She paused. “And, um, mind if I ask something?”

He shifted a little to look at her. That probably meant yes.

Her ears folded back. “Would it be okay if I hugged you?”

“… Yes.”

( | )

Applejack was lucky, her friends were still at the spa. In the lobby, specifically. It let her tell them all about Sketchy’s disastrous appointment with Spoiled without having to repeat herself. One or two other customers might have overheard too, Applejack didn’t care.

“Oh my Celestia,” Rarity breathed, pressing a hoof over her mouth. “Applejack, I am so, so sorry! This is all my fault.”

“No,” Applejack said, “it’s all Spoiled’s fault. Don’t you dare try to take the blame for that mare’s behavior.”

Rarity lowered her hoof. “But still, I’m the one who sent him to her. I simply must make it up to him.”

“I want to help too,” Pinkie said.

“Yeah,” Dash said, “we can all pitch in to help your coltfriend.”

“He ain’t my coltfriend,” Applejack said automatically.

Dash smirked. “Riiight, well, we’re gonna help him anyway.”

Twilight stepped forward. “What do you think he needs most right now?”

“Probably some models,” Applejack said. “That way he can make bits selling pictures in the marketplace and not worry about rich pains in the flank like Spoiled.”

“I can help with that,” Pinkie said. “Just give me the word, and I’ll make sure all of Ponyville knows he needs some sexy models.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Should I tell them he’s available for commissions too? Just until he can get some more bits to his name?”

Applejack hesitated. If she said yes, she’d be opening Sketchy up for a repeat of what had happened with Spoiled, but if she said no, she’d be cutting off a source of income for him. “Uh … yes? So long as they realize I’ll be coming with him. No way am I gonna make him face strange ponies alone after what happened today.”

Pinkie grinned. “Sounds good. I’ll make sure everypony realizes you two are a package deal.”

“I’ll help,” Dash said. “Just say the word, and I’m there.”

Applejack felt a weight lift off her. “Thanks, you all. This means a lot to me.” She pulled them all into a big hug. Nothing quite beat having friends and family around when you needed them.

( | )

Applejack returned to Sketchy’s apartment with two boxes of takeout from Sugarcube Corner. Sketchy was still at the table, but he looked up when she came in. “Afternoon,” Applejack said gently, holding up the boxes. “You hungry?”

“A little.”

“Good, because I got a bit of everything for you.” She put the boxes on the table in front of him. “What strikes your fancy? There’s a daisy sandwich, egg salad, roast taters, uh, whatever this is.” She held up something that looked like a small tomato filled with cream cheese.

Sketchy picked up the sandwich and took a bite. “Thank you.”

Applejack shrugged. “It’s just some food.”

“No,” Sketchy said. “I mean thank you for … everything.” He sighed. “I … I don’t deserve somepony like you in my life, when all it takes is one angry customer to …” Another sigh, only much deeper. “I don’t deserve all your help.”

“Stop,” Applejack said. “Stop telling yourself that you don’t deserve to have ponies that care about you, that you don’t deserve love and friendship just like everypony else.” She touched his cheek and carefully turned him to face her. His eyes didn’t meet hers, but she knew he could see her smiling. “Everypony deserves to be happy, and spending time with you makes me happy too, okay?”

A ghost of a smile touched his lips. “Okay.”

Chapter 15: Head Butt

“Thanks for coming,” Applejack said as Filthy Rich sat down in the booth opposite her. It was a few minutes until noon, and already Sugarcube Corner was packed.

“I always have time for my best business partners,” Filthy said, “though I wasn’t expecting an invitation here given the, um,” he cleared his throat and passed her a small flier, “item Pinkie sent out in the mail today.”

Applejack didn’t have to look at the flier to know what it said. It was the same one she’d gotten that morning, advertising some kind of live performance at Sugarcube Corner for adults only. That last part was probably responsible for most of the crowd that surrounded them.

“Do you have any idea what she has planned?” Filthy asked.

“Honestly, I’m afraid to ask,” Applejack said, “but that ain’t why I wanted to meet today.” She took a steadying breath. “Did Spoiled tell you about what happened between us yesterday?”

Filthy sighed. “In exhaustive detail, though I’m not sure I believe most of it.”

Smart move, Applejack thought. “Well, let me tell you what actually happened …” She kept the story short, and fessed up to how angry she’d gotten at Spoiled. It didn’t paint her in the best light, but she could tell from Filthy’s face that he didn’t blame her for it. He didn’t even seem surprised, just sad.

“That’s about what I thought,” Filthy said at last. “I know a simple apology won’t make up for it, but maybe if I payed this Sketchy fellow’s fee-”

“Never mind that,” Applejack said. “Think about yourself for a change. You’re living with a wife that has a bunch of stallions on the side, badmouths everypony she meets, and I’m guessing makes your life miserable at home …” She trailed off as pain filled Filthy’s eyes. “She does, doesn’t she?” Applejack took his hoof. “Look, I’m telling you this as a friend. That mare ain’t good for you, and she’s using the bits you earn to make life miserable for lots of other ponies.”

“I know,” Filthy said quietly. “I’ve had more ponies than I can count tell me I should divorce her.”

Applejack didn’t voice her agreement, but she sure wanted to. Instead, she asked, “Why haven’t you? You sure ain’t happy as things are now.”

Filthy looked down and was silent for a moment. “Diamond Tiara,” he said at last. “Spoiled’s a terrible mother, I know, but she’s the only one my little girl has. I just, I can’t take that away from her, and that’s assuming I could even win custody in the divorce.” He shuddered. “If Spoiled got her, she’d do everything she could to keep me from seeing Diamond Tiara ever again.”

“I’m sorry,” Applejack said. “I don’t know enough legal mumbo-jumbo to tell you what the right choice is, but I could get Princess Twilight to put in a good word for you. That’s gotta count for something.”

“And what about taking Diamond Tiara’s mother away from her?” Filthy asked. “You, of all ponies, should know how much that can hurt a little girl.”

Applejack tried not to wince. Tried. “It hurt like you wouldn’t believe,” she said quietly. “Still does, as a matter of fact, but Filthy,” she forced herself to lock eyes with him, “can you honestly tell me having Spoiled around your little girl is good for her? That you want her to grow up like her mother?”

Filthy didn’t say anything. His expression, though, spoke volumes.

“I can’t tell you what to do,” Applejack said, “but I just want you to think about what’s really best for you and Diamond Tiara. The Apple Family will be there for you no matter what you decide.”

“Thank you for that,” Filthy said, giving her a weak smile. “Maybe I’ll go speak with my lawyer after Miss Pie’s performance, whatever it is.”

Applejack nodded. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“You already have,” Filthy said.

Sketchy appeared just then, pushing his way through the crowd. “Good morning, Applejack.” He glanced at Filthy. “Is he a new customer?”

“Not exactly,” Applejack said. “His wife was the customer who, uh, gave us some trouble yesterday.”

“Oh.” Sketchy shrank away from Filthy. “Is he here to challenge you to a duel?” He turned to the other stallion. “She was defending me after your wife’s unprovoked attack. There’s no claim for a blood debt.”

“Blood debt?” Applejack repeated, then she shook her head. Must be a griffon thing. “No, he ain’t here to cause trouble or nothing. I invited him here to talk and clear the air.”

“Clear it of what?” Sketchy asked, looking around. “The air seems fine to me.”

“No,” Applejack said. “I, ugh, forget it!”

“You tell me that a lot,” Sketchy said, sliding into the booth next to her. He fiddled with his hooves. “Would you rather I stopped asking questions, since they seem to upset you so often?”

Applejack took one look at his sad face and caved. “No, your questions don’t upset me. I just don’t know how to explain things sometimes.” She blushed. “Sorry. I shouldn’t lose my temper at you just because I don’t know how to answer your questions.”

Sketchy brightened up. “You don’t need to apologize. No pony has ever been as patient with me as you have.”

A warm blush spread across Applejack’s cheeks in response.

“So the rumors are true,” Filthy said with a smile, “you two make for a wonderful couple.”

“We ain’t a couple!” Applejack said a little too quickly.

“Technically, we are,” Sketchy said. “A couple just means two of something.”

“Not helping, Sketchy,” Applejack said.

“But it’s true,” Sketchy said.

Filthy laughed. “I’ll leave you two to enjoy the show. You know what they say, never get in the way of a couple’s argument.” Then he got up and disappeared into the crowd.

Chapter 16: Butt Have We Done?

Pinkie walked up onto a temporary stage a few minutes later, with Dash right behind her. Both wore striped shirts and carried canes, and Dash was blushing like mad.

“What are they going to do?” Sketchy asked.

Applejack shook her head. “I don’t rightly know, but I get the feeling it’s gonna be disturbing.”

Dash looked about ready to bolt. “Don’t make me do this, Pinkie.”

“No way,” Pinkie said. “You said you’d do anything to help. What kind of a friend would I be if I let you break your word?”

“Just kiss already,” somepony in the crowd shouted.

Pinkie laughed. “Now why would we do that? We’re here to sing you a song.” She grinned and waved her cane to Dash.

A bunch of different emotions warred across Dash’s face, mostly anger and terror.

“Come on, Dashie.” Pinkie nudged her with her cane.

Dash sighed. “Fine.” She took a deep breath then smiled widely and called, “Say, Pinkie, there’s a stallion I like, but I just can’t think of a way to get his attention.”

“Well, I can,” Pinkie said.

“You can?”

“Sure, just get a sexy picture of yourself drawn by Frameless Sketcher.”

Dash faked a gasp. “Really, do you think that’ll work?”

“Of course it will,” Pinkie said. “His art’s so good there’s only one way to describe it.”

“And what’s that?”

Pinkie took a big breath and began to sing. “Why it’s globular-buttical, poundica-plotical, rumpical, rearical fun!”

Dash fell in with her own part, “Fleshical-orbical, flankular-bouncical?”

“Right-o, that’s the one!”

“Is it gluteal maximal, tushical-crackular, bunular morning till night?”

“Well, your absitogladular, fanny-fantastical, tailica-swingular right!”

The two of them locked hooves and began to dance while singing in unison, “It’s a plot-icalogical, autoerotical, buttical, bouncial joy, an exposular-regional, asset-a-logical, fun for girl and boy! A blush at the beakical, stare at the cheeksical, bunular joy in its call.”

Pinkie grinned. “The most bunular-funular.”

“Fruit-of-the-loomular,” Dash added.

“Frenchical-tongular.”

“Tailular-tushular.”

The two of them raised their hooves to the ceiling. “Artwork of them aaalll!” They struck poses and held them.

Silence filled the room. Applejack could almost hear everypony’s brains trying to process the sheer absurdity they’d just witnessed. Then something must’ve clicked, because the crowd started laughing, and cheering, and applauding like mad.

“Thank you, thank you,” Pinkie called. “I hope you all enjoyed that, but seriously, Frameless Sketcher is a great artist who just moved to town, so let’s show him some Ponyville love and commission a bunch of his awesome artwork. I know your special someponies won’t be disappointed.” She winked. “Oh, and he’s also looking for a full-time model, if anypony’s interested. Now, are there any questions?”

Applejack turned to Sketchy as the Q and A started. “You don’t seem near as shocked as you were the first time Pinkie and Dash sang a song about rears.”

“I suppose I got used to it after the first time,” Sketchy said. “Do you really think this will help?”

“Don’t worry,” Applejack said. “Nothing sticks in a pony’s head like a song, and every time they think of this one, they’ll think about your business.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Sketchy said.

Pinkie and Dash walked over to Applejack after the crowd had thinned out.

“Ugh,” Dash groaned, “that was the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

Applejack chuckled. “Maybe so, but we do appreciate you two helping out.”

“Is there anything I can do to repay you?” Sketchy asked.

“Just seeing all the smiles was worth it,” Pinkie said.

“Maybe for you.” Dash shuddered. “Anyway, can you arrange a time to draw me soon? I’ve got a Wonderbolts show next week, and I want to get a couple of pictures drawn and copied so I can sign them for my fans.”

“You sure that’s allowed?” Applejack asked.

“Spitfire said it’d be fine,” Dash said. “So do you have any openings? You know, since you’re his manager now?”

“Yeah,” Pinkie said, “when did that happen?”

Applejack sighed. “It was sort of an accident.” She opened a small notebook and looked through it. “Rarity’s got him scheduled to draw the spa twins later today, and we’ve got an appointment with Cloud Kicker tomorrow. We could fit you in before the twins, but it’d have to be in the next hour or so.”

“Sounds good,” Dash said. “I’ll go ask Twilight if she’s available.”

“Why?” Applejack asked.

“I need somepony to hold me in the air while he draws me,” Dash said. “It’ll also give her a chance to talk to him about …” She glanced at Sketchy. “You know.”

“Right,” Applejack grumbled, “that.”

“What?” Sketchy asked.

“Never mind.” Applejack shook her head. “How long do you think it’ll take you to get back to your apartment and grab your supplies?”

“A few minutes,” Sketchy said.

“Good,” Applejack said. “Go get ‘em. If Twi’s available, we’ll draw Dash now. If not, we can head to the spa early.” She turned to Dash. “You go ask Twi. Meet us back here.”

“What about me?” Pinkie asked.

Applejack stared at her. “Uh, what about you?”

“It’s one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it?” Pinkie said sagely. “Anyway, you have fun. I’ve got to get back to work!” She bounced over to the counter, still wearing her hat and shirt.

“Was I supposed to understand that?” Sketchy asked.

“I hope not,” Applejack said. “Because I sure didn’t.”

Author's Note

There is something very, very wrong with me.

Chapter 17: Asinine Inquiries

It turned out that Twilight was free. Sort of. According to Dash, she’d been studying ‘advanced something-or-other,’ but was willing to put that aside to help.

Sketchy gave the Palace of Friendship a confused frown as they approached. “Is this where that princess who arrested me lives?”

Applejack cleared her throat. “Yes, but that was sorta a big misunderstanding. We talked it out, and now Twi realizes that you didn’t mean anything bad when you asked to stare at her rear.”

“So she wouldn’t mind if I do?” Sketchy asked. “I imagine ponies would pay extra for pictures of a princess.”

Dash laughed. “You can ask her, but don’t be surprised if all she does is blush and stutter. Twilight has, like, zero experience with stallions.”

“Right,” Applejack said, “and you’re some kinda expert.”

“Hey, I’ve had plenty of coltfriends.”

“I still don’t know what that word means,” Sketchy said.

“Don’t you worry about it,” Applejack said. She turned to Dash. “And if you’ve really had so many, name three.”

“Well, there was, ugh, you know …” Dash waved a hoof vaguely. “Not Zephyr.”

“Nor anypony else, I take it,” Applejack said.

“Fine, fine, jeez.” Dash looked away. “I’ll bet I could get Soarin’ to date me, though.”

“Really?” Applejack asked. “I always thought he and Spitfire were an item.”

“Nah, they’re more like brother and sister.”

“Should I know either of those ponies?” Sketchy asked.

Dash groaned. “It’s a good thing I snagged you tickets for next Saturday’s show. I don’t think I could take much more of a stallion who doesn’t know who the best fliers in Equestria are.” She turned to Applejack. “By the way, I’m taking Sketchy to the Wonderbolts show next Saturday. He doesn’t have any appointments scheduled for then, does he?”

Applejack checked her notebook. “He’s free. Just, uh, make sure the rest of the team knows what to expect from him.”

“Meaning what?” Sketchy asked.

“Meaning you’ll probably ask to draw them all in sexy poses,” Applejack said.

“Probably,” Sketchy said. “Why?”

“Never mind.” They reached the doors of the castle, and Applejack opened them to see Twilight on the other side. “Heya, Twi. How’s it going?”

“Nothing worth complaining about,” Twilight said. She turned to Sketchy and a faint blush lit up her cheeks. “Hello, I know an apology doesn’t make up for throwing you in jail, but I am really sorry about how our first meeting went.”

“Thank you.” Sketchy turned to Applejack. “That’s what ponies are supposed to do when somepony apologizes to them, right?”

“Usually,” Applejack said.

Twilight smiled a bit, but with hints of nervousness. “So there are no hard feelings?”

“There are some hard feelings,” Sketchy said calmly, “but at least you didn’t attack me like Miss Rarity.”

Twilight winced. “I heard about that, and, well, I understand if you’re still upset at me. If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, just let me know.”

Applejack grinned, same with Dash. They both knew what was coming.

“You could let me draw you in a few seductive poses,” Sketchy said. He was probably the only pony in Equestria who could say that without the slightest hint of dirty thoughts.

Twilight went beet red. “Y-you, I mean, I knew that you did- but I didn’t, I mean, I thought that …”

Dash laughed. “Called it.”

Applejack also had to admit that she was enjoying herself. “It’s simple enough, Twi, are you gonna let him draw you, or aren’t ya?”

Twilight looked down, still blushing like mad, and ever so slowly nodded.

“Then all is forgiven,” Sketchy said. “The income from pictures of a princess should more than even the scales between us.”

“I’m … glad?” Twilight stepped back and motioned for them to come in.

Dash flew into the entry hall. “Awesome, let’s get to work. There should be enough room in here, so I was thinking you could draw me swooping down with my hoof out, like I’m about to clobber some monster.” She flew up and then dove, nearly hitting them. “Kind of like that. What do you think?”

“Griffon leaders liked that pose,” Sketchy said. “I’ve seen it in numerous texts about historical battles.”

“Cool,” Dash said. “So, Twilight, can you hold me in place while he makes with the drawing?”

Twilight nodded and lit up her horn, holding Dash in the air just over their heads. “Is that okay?”

Sketchy walked around Dash, studying her from all different angles. Eventually he stopped so that Dash was directly between him and the nearest window. “Could you please rotate her to face me?”

She did.

“Perfect, hold her there. Dash, please assume the pose you wanted.” He got out his supplies, settled down on the castle floor, and started drawing.

As he worked, Twilight moved around so that she was at his side. “So, Sketchy, I’d like to get to know you better, if you don’t mind.”

Applejack felt a twinge of guilt. So Twilight was going to evaluate Sketchy now? She knew Twi only had the best of intentions, but it still felt wrong to test Sketchy for mental problems, like even going through with the test was calling him stupid.

“What did you want to know?” Sketchy asked without looking away from Dash.

“More about you generally.” Twilight put on a friendly smile. “For example, do you know anything about your parents?”

“No,” Sketchy said.

“How about your foalhood?” Twilight asked. “Do you know much about it?”

“No.”

“Are you hungry?” Twilight asked. “I can send Spike out to grab you something while you work.”

“No thanks.”

“Okay,” Twilight said. “”Um, what are your favorite foods?”

“Anything.”

Twilight’s smile cracked just a little. “Oh, well, I love smoothies. I’d drink them for every meal if I could. Do you have any food like that, that you’d eat all the time?”

“Yes.”

“Really?” Twilight asked, eyes lighting up. “What?”

“Whatever was least expensive in Griffonstone.”

And the light went back out.

The conversation kept going the whole time Sketchy was drawing, meandering from one topic to the next with no rhyme or reason that Applejack could see. Did it really matter if Sketchy had trouble with coordination? (He didn’t.) And why did Twilight ask whether he preferred to draw his models looking happy, or nervous, or whatever? (No preference.)

At least Sketchy didn’t seem bothered by all the questions. He just sat there like he always did, adding detail after detail to the picture until he put down his supplies with a simple, “Finished. You can let her down now.”

“Finally,” Dash said, squirming in Twilight’s magical grip. “Holding still that long sucked.”

Twilight lowered her to the floor, and they all gathered around to see the picture.

“Nice,” Dash said. “I bet my fans will love this.” She carefully picked up the parchment and rolled it up. “I’m going to run this over to Photo Copy’s and get some duplicates made.”

“What about the other pictures?” Sketchy asked. “You said you wanted multiple.”

Dash shuddered. “Maybe we can do them tomorrow. I couldn’t take holding still another minute right now.” As if to prove her point, she took off, literally flying out the door. “Let me know when my next appointment will be!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “It’d be a lot easier to schedule an appointment if she’d stuck around long enough for me to ask when she’s available.”

Twilight draped a wing over Applejack’s back. “You know how Dash is. I’m surprised she held still as long as she did.”

“Guess I can’t argue with that.” Applejack turned to Sketchy. “Okay, you’ve gotta get to the spa for your appointment with the owners.”

Sketchy nodded and started collecting his things. “Will you be coming to that as well?”

“Can’t,” Applejack said. “Rarity should be there in case you have any questions, but I’ve got a bunch of chores to get caught up on back at the farm. Meet me at Sugarcube Corner tomorrow fifteen minutes before Cloud Kicker’s appointment.”

He nodded. “I’ll see you then.”

Applejack waited until he left before turning to Twilight. “Alright, Twi,” she took a deep breath, “what did you learn?”

Twilight hugged her with her wing. “Just remember that this sort of thing is normally diagnosed by an entire team of experts. I might be competent in all the different fields, but I’m not an expert in any of them, and I’m just one pony besides.”

So bad news, then, or Twilight wouldn’t be stalling. Applejack took another deep breath. “Give it to me straight. You know I prefer things that way.”

Another wing hug. “I’m pretty sure he’s on the spectrum,” Twilight said slowly. “It’s a minor case, he’s definitely high functioning, but he has a lot of the signs I’d expect to see.”

Applejack didn’t know why, but it felt like somepony had hung a weight around her neck. “What kind of signs?”

“Large vocabulary but some difficulty maintaining a conversation,” Twilight said. “A lack of interest in sharing experiences with others. Difficulty reading nonverbal cues, such as body language or voice tone. I didn’t notice any phrase repetition, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there were a few sentences that come out of his mouth without him even thinking about it.” She made a face. “Then there’s his fixation on studying and drawing flanks.”

“Pretty sure that’s because it’s part of his special talent,” Applejack said, looking down at her hooves.

“It could be,” Twilight said. “There’s also the fact that he almost never makes eye contact.”

Applejack thought back to first few times she’d talked with Sketchy, and how his eyes seemed to look everywhere except into her own. “I guess he does do that, doesn’t he?”

Twilight hugged her with her hooves. “I know this is hard, but I’m always here if you need me, or if you just want to talk.”

Applejack wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk, but there was sure something boiling up in her throat, and it felt like it’d tear her jaw off if she didn’t open her mouth and let it out. “I just don’t like how ponies need to stick a label on everything sometimes.” She’d expected the words to explode out of her, but they were almost a whisper. “Once a pony’s autistic, or special needs, or on the spectrum, or whatever, it’s like they stop being ponies and become the labels instead. No pony that knows about Sketchy’s condition is gonna see him as anything other than ‘that one pony with the broken brain,’ and never mind the stallion behind the label.”

“Do you think of him that way now?” Twilight asked.

“Of course not,” Applejack said sharply. A little too sharply, if the way Twilight flinched back was any indication. “Sorry.” She sighed. “But I’ve spent time with Sketchy, gotten to know him. Lots of other ponies won’t do that.”

“Well it isn’t like we’ll hang a glowing sign over his head, telling ponies about his condition,” Twilight said. “And we still aren’t entirely sure that he even has a condition. I make mistakes just like anypony else.”

Applejack shook her head. “Nah, I trust you, Twi. If you say he’s got a condition, then,” she sighed, “then I think he does too.”

Twilight smiled faintly and moved a bit closer to Applejack. “Nothing about Sketchy has changed. He’s still the exact same stallion he was before I talked to him, but now we might understand a little better why he does the things he does.”

It was true, mostly. Applejack knew Sketchy was the same, but she also wondered if she’d be able to look at him the same way after this.

Maybe that made her a bad pony. She kind of felt like it did.

She shook her head. “Is understanding him gonna help at all?”

Twilight looked as if she’d just asked if the sky was blue. “Of course understanding will help! Most ponies on the spectrum can’t read voice tone or body language very well. Think about the difference between what I’m saying when I do this,” she widened her stance, spread her wings, sneered angrily, and growled, “Come. Over. Here.” She went back to normal. “And what I’m saying when I do this,” she smiled sweetly, opened her forelegs like she wanted a hug, and gently said, “Come over here.” Again she went back to normal. “The difference seems obvious to you and me, but they would be identical to some ponies with Sketchy’s condition. You could frown or grumble at him all day, and he wouldn’t realize you’re upset unless you said something.”

Applejack sat down and thought about it. “I suppose that is good to know. I’m guessing he won’t understand sarcasm too well either.”

“Probably not, but every pony on the spectrum is different. We’ll just have to talk with him more to understand his unique challenges.” Twilight smiled and put a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder. “Besides, I did promise to model for him a few times. That will give us time to get to know each other and become friends.” She blushed a little. “Just promise he won’t ask me to pose in any way that’s too … you know.”

“I know,” Applejack said, smiling. She pulled Twilight into a hug. “Thanks, Twi.”

“No problem.”

Applejack regretfully pulled away. “Sorry to cut things short, but I’ve gotta get moving on those chores.”

“I understand.” Twilight looked down and fidgeted. “Um, could you promise me one other thing?”

“Sure, what is it?”

She looked up, blushing a bit more. “Could you promise that you won’t sell any of the pictures of me to Spike? It was awkward enough giving him The Talk. I don’t want to imagine explaining why I posed as an erotic model.”

Applejack laughed. “Believe me when I say that he’d be a lot more shaken up seeing you like that than you’d be explaining it to him.”

Twilight blushed harder. “A-anyway, have you given Apple Bloom The Talk yet?”

Now it was Applejack’s turn to blush. “I’m getting to it.” Then she left before Twilight could bring up any other awkward subjects.

Chapter 19: Home is Where the Heinie is

The session with Cloud Kicker was nice and calm. A sexy pose, an hour or so of drawing, and a nice stack of bits for Sketchy.

He walked beside Applejack with his usual air of detached calm. “Do we have any other appointments today?”

“Nope,” Applejack said. She glanced at the sky. It was getting late enough that she should head back to the farm and start on dinner. Hopefully omelets would be fine; she wasn’t in the mood to make anything fancy. “What do you think you’ll do with the rest of your day?”

“I need to pick up a package of instant noodles for dinner,” Sketchy said.

Applejack paused. “Is that what you normally eat?”

“Yes,” Sketchy said.

A sudden war exploded in Applejack’s mind. Good Old-fashioned Manners told her to invite him over for a real meal instead of letting him suffer through instant noodles. Protective Instincts was against it all the way, though. Dinner with the family meant putting him in the same room as Apple Bloom, where she’d likely get a crash course in the facts of life. Embarrassment pointed out that Granny would give her a hard time about bringing a stallion home for dinner, and Stubbornness just didn’t want to give Rarity the satisfaction of thinking they’d hooked up.

Shame stepped up to Sketchy’s defense, telling her that she shouldn’t be afraid to introduce any of her friends to her family. A feeling that could best be described as Warm Fuzzy showed her a picture of Sketchy sitting at the dinner table, bonding with the ponies she cared about most. Warm Fuzzy’s opposite (Cold Sharpy?) gave her an image of Sketchy sitting by himself in a dark apartment, eating noddles out of a styrofoam cup. Finally, a quiet little voice asked if she wanted Sketchy to come to dinner.

Well …

She tried to think of something else, but the voice gave her no quarter. Yes or no?

… Yes.

The voice somehow nodded at her. Well, there you go.

Applejack swallowed her nerves and turned to Sketchy. “If you want, you could come over to Sweet Apple Acres instead. You know, have dinner with my family.”

Sketchy gave her one of those confused looks. “How much do you normally charge, and could I get a discount because we’re business partners?”

She couldn’t help but laugh a little. “We ain’t gonna charge you to eat with us, Sketchy. I’m inviting you over because you’re my friend, and I’d like to spend some more time with you today, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh.” Sketchy looked even more confused. “You want to spend time with me? Why?”

Applejack smiled. “For starters, the conversation’s never boring.”

Sketchy’s confusion faded a bit. “Okay. Thank you for inviting me.” He glanced forward. “By the way, where are you leading us?”

“Me? I’ve been following you.” Applejack looked around and realized they were halfway across town, and walking away from Sweet Apple Acres.

“You always lead when we walk,” Sketchy said.

Applejack laughed sheepishly. “Guess I hadn’t noticed.” She turned around and started out toward the farm. “By the way, do you like omelets?”

( | )

Most of the walk to Sweet Apple Acres was spent explaining, in exhaustive detail, all the things that Sketchy wasn’t allowed to mention around Apple Bloom. She wasn’t sure if he understood why it was bad to bring those things up around a filly, but at least he agreed not to talk about them.

“Guess that’s it, then,” Applejack said, covering the last few feet to the house. She paused at the door. “Also, my family might give you a bit of a hard time, since you’re the first stallion I’ve brought to dinner. They ain’t doing it to be mean, or anything. That’s just their way of welcoming you.”

“What does it mean to give me a hard time?” Sketchy asked.

“Just that they’ll crack a few jokes about the two of us dating. Acting embarrassed gives them more fuel, so stay calm and act like it’s no big deal.”

“Like what isn’t?”

“Whatever they try to tease you about.” Applejack pushed the door open. “Granny, I brought a friend for dinner. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course we don’t mind,” Granny called from farther into the house. “The more the merrier. Now where you been all day? Dinner’s supposed to be on the table in a half hour, and you ain’t even started yet.”

“I had some things to take care of in town.” Applejack walked into the kitchen. Granny wasn’t there either. She was probably resting in her favorite chair in the front room. “I’ll be making omelets tonight.”

“Put tomatoes and mushrooms in mine,” Granny called. “And go easy on the cheese.”

“Will do.” Applejack started collecting ingredients. “What do you want in yours, Sketchy?”

Sketchy shrugged. “Whatever is available.”

“Wait a minute,” Granny called. “Is that a stallion’s voice I hear?”

Applejack took a deep breath. “Yes, it is.”

Granny walked into the kitchen a few moments later. “Well, it’s about durn time you brought home a strapping stallion. With all the times you turned down that other fella—What’s his name, Noteworthy?—I was starting to think you weren’t interested in stallions.”

Applejack blushed. “I told Rarity and I’ll tell you, Noteworthy wasn’t serious about me.”

“Oh pish-posh he wasn’t. Would’ve had to slip into your bed to be any more obvious. I had half a mind to help him, too. I want to see at least one more generation of Apples before they plant me in the ground.” She turned to Sketchy. “Now let me get a look at you.”

Sketchy nodded then held perfectly still.

Granny walked a slow circle around him, muttering appreciatively as she went. “Nice legs, good full chest, ooh, and cute rear to boot. You sure know how to pick ‘em.”

“It ain’t like that,” Applejack said quickly.

“Hush, deary,” Granny said. “I won’t let you let another one slip through your hooves. We’re gonna find out right here and now if it’s like that or not.” She focused back on Sketchy. “So, you interested in my granddaughter?”

“Of course,” Sketchy said. “I find her very interesting.”

Granny smiled. “Oh really? Any parts more interesting than the others?”

“Her butt,” Sketchy said.

Applejack’s face and hoof suddenly got acquainted with each other. “Granny-”

“I told you to hush,” Granny said. “Don’t make me tan your backside. After all, it’s this fine stallion’s favorite part of you.”

Screaming in frustration wasn’t an option, so Applejack had to settle for a hearty blush and another facehoof.

“So,” Granny said to Sketchy, “are you two dating?”

“I’m not familiar enough with pony courtship to say,” Sketchy said. “What does a date normally entail?”

“Ain’t that a cluster of fancy words,” Granny said. “But how can you not know what a date is?”

“I was raised in Griffonstone,” Sketchy said. “Their traditions are rather more violent and focused on gold than pony ones.”

Granny’s expression softened. “Sounds rough, youngster.”

“It could be,” Sketchy said, “but I still wish I could be back home sometimes.”

“Nothing ever replaces the home where you grew up,” Granny said. “But anyway, pony courtship ain’t that complicated. Most dates are just two ponies meeting up to eat and spend some time together.”

“We’ve been meeting at Sugarcube Corner almost every day for the last week,” Sketchy said. “Afterward, Applejack will usually accompany me for several hours.”

Granny whistled. “Sounds like you two are going steady.” She grinned and stuck out a hoof. “We ain’t been properly introduced yet, but I’m Granny Smith, Applejack’s grandma, and it’s a pleasure to meet her first real coltfriend.”

Sketchy shook her hoof. “I’m Frameless Sketcher, but everyone calls me Sketchy. Also, I don’t know what ‘coltfriend’ means. Applejack always changed the subject when it came up.”

“It’s what you are to her,” Granny said. “And she’s your marefriend. Remember that now.”

“Okay,” Sketchy said in a tone that meant he didn’t understand but would obey anyway.

Applejack, meanwhile, had decided that facehoofing wasn’t going to cut it and upgraded to slamming her head into the kitchen table.

“Quit being over-dramatic,” Granny said. “Dinner ain’t gonna cook itself, and it’ll give me some time to talk with this fine stallion.”

Chapter 20: Rumps and Relationships

Applejack had thought that nothing could be worse than Granny talking with Sketchy, somehow mistaking everything he said as proof that they were in a relationship.

Then Big Mac and Apple Bloom came home.

“So that’s why Applejack didn’t want me to go to Sugarcube Corner the other day,” Apple Bloom said. “She was trying to hide her new coltfriend. You two were doing something that day, weren’t you?”

They were sitting around the dinner table, or as Applejack had begun to think of it, the torture chamber.

“Which day was that?” Sketchy asked.

Apple Bloom thought about it for a second. “Tuesday.”

Sketchy nodded. “That was the day she bought a Playcolt magazine and told me to study it.”

Everypony went dead silent, and Applejack’s cheeks tried their darndest to scorch her to death.

Big Mac cleared his throat. “Why?”

“To help me perform my craft better,” Sketchy said.

Granny gave Applejack a death glare. “Perform, eh? Normally what ponies do with their special someponies ain’t none of my business, but don’t you think you could’ve told us you had a coltfriend before your relationship reached that point?”

“We ain’t doing anything like that,” Applejack said weakly.

“Not yet,” Sketchy agreed. “We recently agreed to change that, but we haven’t set a time yet.”

Even Apple Bloom was blushing. “I’m not sure I’m old enough to be hearing this.”

“Least he’s being honest about it,” Granny said, shooting Applejack another dirty look. “Guess we’ll be welcoming you to the family soon.”

Big Mac took Sketchy’s hoof and gave him a very serious look. “Take care of my sister.”

Sketchy stared back in confusion. “I will.”

Applejack smacked her head into the table again. She’d already left a considerable dent in it. “He’s an artist! He needed models to draw! I recently agreed to do a bit of modeling work for him! That’s it!”

“You wanna be a model?” Apple Bloom asked.

Big Mac gave Applejack a suspicious look. “A Playcolt model?”

Applejack was pretty sure her entire head was blushing by now. “N-nothing quite that extreme. Sketchy’s art just tends a bit towards the,” she glanced at Apple Bloom, “adult side of things.”

“I copy the pictures and sell them,” Sketchy said, “though I also do commissions from creatures who want to surprise their significant others.”

Big Mac’s eyes went thoughtful.

“Oh no, you don’t,” Applejack said. “You can’t seriously be thinking of getting yourself drawn, you know, like that, for that marefriend of yours.”

Big Mac just arched an eyebrow and pointed at her. The message was clear, ‘You’re modeling for him. How’s it any different if I want to do the same?’

Applejack groaned and dented the table some more. She knew when she’d lost an argument.

“I still don’t get what this is all about,” Apple Bloom said.

“Don’t you worry your sweet little head about it,” Granny said. “Dinner’s basically over, and now Applejack’s gonna take you into the front room and explain the birds and the bees,” she looked at Applejack, “now won’t she?”

There was that sense of impending doom again. Applejack swallowed. “S-sure … just let me do the dishes first.”

“I can handle them,” Granny said. “You’ve got more important things to talk about.”

Sketchy said something to Big Mac and then turned to her as well. “When’s my next opening? Your brother would like to make an appointment.”

Applejack’s eye started to twitch. “Just one sec, okay?” She got up, calmly walked outside, and sucked in as much air as her lungs could hold.

( | )

Spike paused in the middle of the dishes. “Twilight, Starlight, did either of you just hear something?”

“I didn’t,” Twilight said as she swept the kitchen floor.

“What did it sound like?” Starlight asked, drying off another plate.

“Kind of like,” Spike shivered, “the screams of the damned.”

( | )

Her lungs now empty, and her throat now sore, Applejack walked back inside. “Sketchy, you got your art supplies with you, right?”

He nodded.

“Big Mac, you fine with getting this drawing stuff out of the way tonight?”

He nodded.

“Good, then go ahead and get to work in one of the bedrooms or the barn, or anyplace with a locking door.” She sighed. “Apple Bloom, come with me.” Then she walked into the front room.

Apple Bloom followed behind her and hopped up on the sofa. “So, uh, what did Granny want you to explain to me?”

“One sec. I’ll be right back.” Applejack went to her room and came back with a jug of alcohol and a mug. “I ain’t doing this sober.” She set everything down on the coffee table and poured herself a mug, draining it in one go.

Apple Bloom looked worried. “Um, okay. So what did you have to talk to me about?”

Applejack took a deep breath. “Sex.”

Understanding dawned in her little sister’s eyes. “Oh, so that’s what all that in the kitchen was about. They thought you and Sketchy were …”

“Yup.” Applejack poured herself another mug. “We ain’t, by the way, and don’t expect that to change anytime soon.”

Apple Bloom nodded.

“So, anyway,” she took another deep breath and then launched into a short explanation of how ponies went about making new ponies. It took her maybe a minute, but she aged at least a decade in the process.

Apple Bloom wasn’t faring much better. “Y-you mean, his-”

“Yup.”

“-goes into her-”

“Yup.”

“That’s gross!” Apple Bloom looked a little green. “Why do ponies even do that?”

“Dunno,” Applejack said. “Ain’t never done it myself, but some ponies act like it’s the be all and end all of life.”

Apple Bloom shuddered. “I don’t think I’ll ever want something like that.”

Applejack smiled in spite of herself. “That’s exactly what I said when Mom gave me this talk.” She blinked away a bit of moisture in her eyes. “She just said that my opinion might change once I’d grown up a bit and met the right stallion.”

Silence fell over them, like it usually did whenever their parents came up. Applejack took the opportunity to pour herself a bit more hard cider. She paused and passed the mug to Apple Bloom. “Go on and take a sip.”

“Are you sure?” Apple Bloom asked, eyeing the mug.

Applejack nodded. “You just got one step closer to being an adult. Don’t go overboard, though.”

Apple Bloom took the mug and drank a bit. She started coughing immediately.

“Yeah, the stuff packs a mean kick.” Applejack took the mug and drained the rest of it.

Apple Bloom nodded, still fighting down coughs. “How do you drink that like it’s nothing?”

“Practice.” She patted Apple Bloom’s head. “I hate to ask, but you got any questions?”

“I’m not sure,” Apple Bloom said. She tapped her chin with a hoof. “If I think of anything, can I ask you later?”

Applejack sincerely hoped her sister didn’t think of anything, but she nodded.

“Thanks, Sis.” Apple Bloom smiled and hugged her. “By the way, what kind of artist is Sketchy, exactly? I know you said he’s more of an adult artist, but what does that mean?”

That explanation was a lot easier now that the big one had been covered. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Applejack was hardly embarrassed at all as she explained things.

“Weird.” Apple Bloom shook her head. “And you’re gonna be his model for that kinda thing?”

Applejack looked around. They were all alone. “Truth be told, I’d really rather not, but he’s my friend, and I promised him I’d do it, so,” she took a deep breath, “yup, I’m gonna be his model. Don’t really think it’ll bring in much business for him, but” she shrugged, “that’s neither here nor there.”

“Ah, come on,” Apple Bloom said, “you’re a hero of Equestria.” She giggled. “I’m sure plenty of ponies would pay to look at your rear.”

Applejack groaned. “I hope not. Now c’mon, let’s see if Granny needs any help with the dishes.”

Apple Bloom hopped off the couch and followed her. “Hey, Sis?”

“Yup?”

She nuzzled Applejack’s side. “Thanks for explaining everything to me.”

Applejack nuzzled her back. “You’re welcome, little Sis.”

Author's Note

Awesome fanart from the very talented Sipioc

Show him some love!

Chapter 21: Starting From the Bottom

Applejack sat at the usual booth in Sugarcube Corner, Sketchy at her side. Across from them was a snow-white pegasus mare with a blue mane and tail.

“So,” Applejack said, “Miss White Lightning, how’d you hear that we’re looking for models?”

“From Pinkie’s song the other day.” Lighting chuckled. “That’s got to be the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“No arguments there.” Applejack looked down at the photos Lightning had provided. They were all of herself in some pose or other. “So why did you want to be a model, then?”

“I’m saving up to go to weather college,” Lightning said. “I’d like to be a weather manager one day, but tuition isn’t exactly cheap.”

Applejack nodded. “Any modeling experience?”

Lightning shifted in her seat. “No, but I’ve always been good at holding still.”

Sketchy leaned forward. “Are you attractive enough that ponies would pay for artwork of you?” There was no challenge in his voice. He was asking because he honestly didn’t know.

Lightning blushed a little. “I think so? I’ve never had trouble getting a date, if that counts for anything.”

Sketchy turned to Applejack. “Does it?”

“I guess?” Applejack did her best to look at the pegasus mare objectively. She had most of the features that pegasus stallions seemed to like: a glossy coat, bright eyes, a trim body, and large wings. “She seems like what we’re looking for.”

Sketchy nodded. “Miss Rarity is in the booth behind us. She’ll go over the terms of your contract.”

A faint smile lit up Lightning’s face. “So, I’m hired?”

“Yup,” Applejack said. “We look forward to working with you.”

Lightning thanked them both, even giving Applejack a hug, and moved over to Rarity.

“That went well,” Sketchy said. “Hopefully the other applicants will all be as good.”

Applejack winced. “You just had to jinx it, didn’t you?”

( | )

“Sparkler?” Applejack said in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

The purplish unicorn slipped into the booth opposite them. “I’m here to apply, obviously.”

“Aren’t you a bit young to be doing this kind of work?”

“I turned eighteen last month.” She glanced around nervously. “Just don’t tell my mom I’m here. She’d flip if she knew I was doing this.”

Applejack crossed her hooves over her chest. “You can’t really expect me to hire you, knowing that your mom would be against it.”

Sparkler’s ears pressed back against her head. “Come on, I need the money to buy her a birthday present, and no one else is hiring.”

Doing something her mother would condemn to buy that same mother a gift. Now there was teenage logic at its finest. Applejack rolled her eyes. “How much do you need?”

“About a hundred bits,” Sparkler said. “We’re saving up to get her a new oven after the last one kind of exploded.”

So leave a whole family without an oven, or help a teenager go behind her mother’s back. Applejack thought about it for a minute then decided to take option C. “You’re good with gems, right?”

Sparkler looked confused, but she nodded. “My special talent is cutting them to be as beautiful as they can be.”

“And you’re plenty organized?” Applejack continued.

“I used to be in charge of Winter Wrap-up.” She blushed. “I know we always finished late, but organizing a whole town was a lot harder than you’d think.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Applejack stood up in her booth and leaned over the divider. “Hey, Rarity, mind doing me a favor?”

Rarity looked up from the paper she was going over with White Lightning. “What is it?”

“Sparkler here wants a job, but her talents are a better fit for you than for us. Would you mind taking her in as an apprentice, or a secretary, or something for a few days? If she’s useful, then maybe keep her a bit longer.”

Rarity hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose I could do that. Send her over as soon as I’ve finished with Miss Lightning.”

“Thanks, Rares.” Applejack sat back down. “Okay, I think we found a solution that’ll get you- Aak!”

She was cut off by Sparkler hug-tackling her. “Thank you, Applejack. I owe you big time!”

Sketchy watched the whole thing with a look of confusion. “Is it normal for ponies to attack their prospective employers?”

“Not exactly,” Applejack gasped.

( | )

“… And the water making my mane and tail billow out would give the pictures an otherworldly quality,” Sea Swirl said, a dreamy look on her face. “Just think about it, underwater art. No pony has ever done anything quite like it.”

“Maybe there’s a reason for that,” Applejack said dryly.

“Really?” Sea Swirl frowned. “Why?”

“You’re suggesting that we all go hop in the lake, you strike a pose, and Sketchy draws it. While we’re all still underwater.”

“And?” Sea Swirl asked.

Applejack facehoofed. “Sketchy, please tell me you can see the problem there?”

“Pencils don’t draw very well underwater,” Sketchy said, “and the parchment would get soggy. We’d probably drown too.”

Sea Swirl’s eyes widened. “Oooh, I didn’t think of that.”

“I noticed,” Applejack muttered.

( | )

Berry Punch grinned lecherously. “I’d love to show you every last part of me, so long as you return the favor.” She bounced her eyebrows at Sketchy.

“For the last time,” Applejack said, “the job doesn’t involve sleeping with anypony, especially Sketchy.”

“I know,” Berry said. “I consider it a perk.”

Applejack facehoofed. “Next!”

( | )

“So how did you hear about this modeling job?” Applejack asked yet another applicant.

Dizzy Twister, a tan pegasus mare, looked surprised. “Wait, I thought this was the line to buy some of Sketchy’s art. I hear he had a session with Big Mac the other day, and I’d love to see what came of it.” She grinned.

Sketchy reached into his bags. “I do have a few leftover sketches from when I drew him.”

Applejack groaned. “Not the time, Sketchy.”

( | )

“I’m told your artwork, rocks,” Maud said in the same monotone she always used. “That was a joke.”

Applejack stared at her. “Maud, what in Equestria are you doing here? You do realize we’re looking for models, don’t you?”

“Pinkie told me I should apply,” Maud said. “I think she wants to throw me a congratulations party if I get hired, or maybe a consolation party if I don’t.”

That wouldn’t surprise Applejack in the least. “Okay, fine, but do you actually want to be a model?”

“It would help pay the bills.”

“You’d have to take that dress off, though,” Applejack said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without it.”

Maud blinked. “That’s because I wear it to cover up the many scars I have from the time a rampaging dragon attacked the farm, trying to steal all of our crystals. I fought it for hours while Limestone ran to get help, and though it eventually retreated, I nearly died from injury and blood loss. The reason Marble is so timid is because of PTSD from treating my injuries and trying desperately to keep me from bleeding to death until medics arrived.”

Applejack could hardly breathe. “Maud, I’m so sorry. I never even realized-”

“That was a joke as well,” Maud said. “I wear this dress because it’s easier than brushing out my coat every morning.” She pulled her dress off in one fluid motion. The fur beneath was a little rumpled, but it did nothing to hide her incredible body, packed with muscle and curved in all the right ways. “Is this acceptable? Assuming I groom myself before each session, of course.”

“I- Sure.” Applejack turned to Sketchy. “What do you think?”

“I like her sense of humor,” Sketchy said. He turned to Maud. “You’re hired.”

( | )

The muscular brown stallion sat down with a grin. “So I was thinking you could draw a whole series of pictures of me in bed with the female models.” He winked. “If you know what I-”

“Next!” Applejack called.

( | )

“Twilight?” Applejack asked. “Why are you here? Sketchy asked to draw you. No need to apply.”

“Of course I need to apply,” Twilight said. “I couldn’t ignore the hiring process just because of a personal invitation. How else would you know if I’m qualified?” She levitated a binder onto the table. “I’m glad I researched this too. There’s a lot more to modeling than I realized. Its history might go as far back as the Venus of Whinnydorf.” The binder opened to show a picture of a stone carved into the rough shape of a pony. “In fact, such objects, or ‘Venus figurines,’ as they’re known, have been found all over Equestria.”

Applejack sighed. “I don’t really see what this-”

“Of course,” Twilight continued, apparently unaware that she’d cut Applejack off, “the reference to the mythological goddess is entirely symbolic, since the actual legends about Venus didn’t begin until over twenty-thousand years later …”

“That’s interetin’ and all,” Applejack said, “but-”

“… but mother goddess figures are nearly ubiquitous in prehistoric cultures, and they needed to be called something …”

“Just forget it,” Applejack muttered, leaning back in her seat. Apparently she was going to be stuck here until Twi finished her little lecture.

…

Okay, so it was a not-so-little lecture. Fine, Applejack thought. She could wait.

…

Applejack waved Pinkie over and ordered a snack. “Hey, Sketchy, you want anything?”

He jerked upright. “Wha- what?”

“You want anything to eat?”

“An avocado sandwich.” He motioned to Twilight, who had moved on to the effects of different parchments on the finished picture. “Are we supposed to be listening to her still?”

“Probably.” Applejack passed the bits to Pinkie. “Though I sure ain’t.”

…

“… And this new spell should help prevent accidental blurring.” Twilight smiled. “So, any questions?”

Applejack was fairly certain of two things: one, a brain was required to ask questions, and two, hers had dripped out her ears several hours ago.

“Will you give a lecture when I try to draw you as well?” Sketchy asked.

Twilight tapped her hoof to her chin thoughtfully. “I hadn’t planned on it, but I could come up with something if you’d like.”

“No!” Applejack shouted. She cleared her throat and looked around. It was getting late, but there were still plenty of ponies around to see her outburst. “I mean, the drawing sessions should be focused on drawing. Lectures would just distract us.”

“You have a point,” Twilight said. She tapped her hooves together. “Anyway, um, do I pass the test to work as a model for you?”

“Yup,” Applejack said.

That one word made Twilight beam. “Thank you!” She shook their hooves. “I look forward to working with you both.” Then she got up and walked to the other booth.

Applejack let out a sigh of relief. “I think that’s everypony.”

“Nope,” a familiar voice said, and Big Mac slipped into the seat across from her and Sketchy. He gave Applejack a challenging look. “I’d like to apply.”

“Nope,” she said right back.

Mac arched an eyebrow, gestured to Sketchy, and said, “I’m your brother.”

Translation, ‘You’re dating a stallion I barely know. What kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t make sure he was good enough for you?’

“We’re just friends,” Applejack said.

Sketchy nodded. “Marefriend and coltfriend, specifically, or so your grandmother says.”

Applejack facehoofed. “Mac, you just ain’t cut out to be a model. Don’t have the right presence, you know?”

Big Mac got up, walked into the center of the room, and tapped his hoof against the floor. He waited a few seconds for the other ponies to fall silent, then he shook out his mane, struck a pose, and smiled heroically.

Mares all over the room blushed and giggled. Five mares swooned. Three more started begging him to be their coltfriend. One tossed herself at his hooves and swore her undying love.

Big Mac ignored them all and gave Applejack that same challenging look from before.

“Darn showoff,” Applejack muttered. “Fine, fine, you’re hired. Just stop doing … whatever the hay you’re doing.”

Like a switch had been flipped, Mac went back to normal, and all the mares shook themselves as if they were coming out of a trance.

Sketchy stared at Big Mac with his mouth hanging open. “I’m uncertain if I should be impressed by your brother or terrified of him.”

“Most stallions feel the same way,” Applejack said. “Now let’s get out of here before anything else stupid can happen.”

“Psst,” Rarity whispered, poking her head around the edge of the booth. “I’m not sure how to say this, Applejack, but if your brother ever breaks up with his marefriend, do you think he’d be interested in going on a date with me?”

Twilight’s head followed. “Or me?”

Applejack groaned. “Too late.”

Chapter 22: Butt to the Chase

Applejack wiped a bit of sweat off her forehead and picked up one last apple to add to the cart. It was a good feeling, running a farm. Sure it was hard work, and there was always more to do than could be done in a day, but nothing beat the satisfaction that came from looking at the literal fruit of her labors.

She got to the barn a few minutes later, pulling a cart full of apples that were destined to become sauce. She nudged open the door-

“Aaah! Don’t look!” A wave of purple magic slammed the door shut.

Oh, right. They’d turned the barn into a studio for Sketchy. “Sorry, Twi. Forgot y’all were in here.”

“Applejack?” Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. “Sorry. I thought it was your brother.”

“It’s fine.” Applejack cleared her throat. “So, uh, can I come in? I need to use the equipment in there.”

There was a long pause. “I, I guess?”

“Thanks.” Applejack hauled the cart of apples inside, where she found Twilight resting on the old bed they’d dragged in here. She was leaning on one side, her wings splayed out behind her, and a book in her hooves, like she’d been reading. Of course, she was also positioned to give Sketchy and Applejack a clear view of the royal assets. Twi seemed plenty aware of it too, considering the blush spreading across her face. Applejack felt a bit flushed herself as she looked away. “So, uh, how’s it going in here?”

“Fine,” Sketchy said without looking up from his work.

“Glad to hear it, I think.” Applejack unhooked the cart, grabbed a knife, and started coring the first apple. “Sorry to interrupt. The family kitchen ain’t big enough to handle a job like this.” She waved a hoof at the industrial-size sink, stove, and oven against the far wall.

“Understood,” Sketchy said.

Applejack glanced over at him, which also meant seeing Twilight’s rear. She looked away immediately. Not that she hadn’t seen all of her friend’s keisters plenty of times—Ponies didn’t wear clothes, after all—but as they said, context was everything.

The first cored and peeled apple went into a large pan, and Applejack grabbed the next. The motions were all familiar to her, comforting even. This would be a completely relaxed moment for her, except for the little details of her friend mooning her on the bed and her not-exactly coltfriend drawing a picture of it.

Life was weird sometimes.

“I’ve finished drawing your head,” Sketchy said after a while. “You can talk, if you want.”

“Are you sure?” Twilight asked.

“Yes.”

No pony said anything.

Applejack cleared her throat and looked over at Twilight, then looked away and went back to peeling and coring.

“So …” Twilight said, “how are … things?”

“Fine, I suppose.” Applejack did her best to shrug casually. “Sketchy’s got an appointment with each of the new models now that he has a place to draw them.” Another glance at the bed, and another quick glance away. “We, uh, we’re hoping to get enough pieces drawn and copied that he’ll be able to run a stand in the marketplace.”

“That’s … good.” Twilight’s voice dropped to barely above a whisper. “Have you done any pictures of Big Mac yet?”

Applejack nearly sliced her hoof open. “Twi, please don’t tell me you want to ogle my brother.”

Twilight’s voice somehow managed to sound like it was blushing. “You have to admit that he’s quite good looking.”

“No I don’t!” Applejack shuddered. “Imagine how you’d feel if I started talking about how sexy Shining Armor is.”

“Point taken,” Twilight said. “Wait, you think my brother is sexy?”

Applejack blushed. “I never said that.”

“You implied it,” Twilight said. “You threatened to start talking about how, ugh, sexy he is, indicating that his attractiveness has been constant and the only change is that you’d start bringing it up.”

“What, specifically, is sexy about him?” Sketchy asked.

“Nothing,” Applejack said quickly.

“Is there any way I could convince you to tell me?” Sketchy asked. “I only have the most basic idea of what makes a stallion attractive.”

Applejack held out for all of five seconds before sighing. “He’s married and has a kid.”

“Which has what to do with his sexiness?” Sketchy added a few lines to his drawing.

Applejack could feel her cheeks turning red. “I kinda have a thing for family ponies, okay? Nothing’s more attractive than a stallion who’s devoted to his wife and loves his daughter.”

“It sounds like you want to have an affair with my brother,” Twilight said, disgust caked onto her voice like mug on a pig.

“That’s not what I meant,” Applejack said. “I want a stallion who could love me and our future children the same way your brother loves Cadance and Flurry.”

Sketchy gave her one of those confused looks. “So you’d be aroused by a picture of Twilight’s brother posing with his wife and daughter?”

Applejack gagged. “There’s so much wrong with what you just said that I don’t even know where to start.”

“Agreed,” Twilight said.

“Would you mind explaining why?” Sketchy asked.

“How about we change the subject and never bring it up again?” Applejack countered.

“I don’t suppose I could pay you to explain it?”

She shook her head. “Nope.”

“Very well.” He added one more line to his drawing and then nodded. “Finished. Thank you for your help, Princess Twilight.”

“You can call me Twilight,” she said, getting up. “Ugh, it’s harder than I expected to hold one position for so long.” She came around to look at Sketchy’s drawing. “Um, Applejack, does my flank really look like that?”

Applejack steeled her nerves enough to take a good look at the picture. “I suppose so, why?”

“I didn’t realize how flabby it looks compared to yours.” Twilight blushed and tucked her tail between her legs. “I think I need to start a morning exercise routine.”

“Your rear’s fine,” Applejack said with a chuckle. “Tell her, Sketchy.”

“I don’t know enough about pony tastes to comment,” Sketchy said. “By the way, should I draw you next?”

Applejack glanced at the bed and flushed. “Well, uh, I’ve still got plenty of apples to peel and core.”

“I can take over,” Twilight said. “Unless you’d rather I didn’t.” She looked at Sketchy then back to Applejack. “I’d understand if you’d prefer a more private setting.”

There were a lot of implications there, and Applejack didn’t much care for any of them. “Nope, go ahead and stay.” She held out the peeling knife hilt first.

Twilight took it and started on a new apple.

“Where do you want me?” Applejack asked.

Sketchy looked around the room for a minute. “A bale of hay, maybe, with your hat off.”

Hay wasn’t exactly comfortable, it itched like mad after a while, but anything was better than the bed. Applejack tossed her hat out of the way and hopped onto the bale. “Now what?”

“Lie on your stomach,” Sketchy said, “propping yourself up on your elbows.” He waited while she did so. “Cross your forelegs. Your back legs too. Perfect. Now angle your tail up slightly. Yes, stay just like that.”

“What kind of face should I make?” Applejack asked.

Sketchy frowned. “What do you mean?”

“If I may,” Twilight said gently, “I think Applejack told you that I evaluated you for ASD, and you seemed to be on the spectrum.”

“Yes.”

“Well,” Twilight continued, “that makes it hard for most ponies to read facial expressions, but for most ponies, the face is the biggest indicator of mood.”

Sketchy blinked a few times. “Really?”

“Really.” Twilight waved at Applejack. “Her body posture might be sexual at the moment, but her face says she’s feeling neutral, even bored.”

“I’m not bored,” Applejack said. “Just waiting while you finish explaining things to him.” Though to be fair, Twilight’s explanations could be plenty boring sometimes.

“What type of face should she be making?” Sketchy asked.

“I’m not an expert,” Twilight said, “but I think it depends on what emotion you’re trying to convey. If she looked arrogant, for example, it would probably be read as a challenging look, like she’s waiting for the viewer to impress her.”

“What expression would suit Applejack best?” Sketchy asked.

“I’m not sure.” Twilight turned to Applejack. “What expression do you think would make for the best picture?”

Applejack shrugged. “As if I’d know, but I guess this is supposed to be sexy art, so maybe something attractive?” She did her best to give bedroom eyes. “Like this, maybe.”

Twilight laughed. “I don’t know what you were going for, but you look like Pinkie when somepony asks her to throw a party.”

Fine, so she didn’t have much practice at bedroom eyes. Applejack tried to look like she really wanted sex. “How about now?”

“You look hungry.”

Maybe like she was in love?

“Sleepy.”

In a cuddly mood?

“Aggressive.”

Applejack sighed. “Maybe I’m not cut out for this sort of thing.”

“You’ve only been trying for a minute.” Twilight tapped a hoof against her chin. “Imagine you’re tucking Apple Bloom into bed after a long day together.”

She didn’t need to imagine that, just remember one of the many times she’d done it. A smile worked its way across her face.

“Yes,” Twilight said, “hold onto that expression. It’s perfect.”

Applejack did her best.

“Now draw her like that,” Twilight said.

“Thank you,” Sketchy said as he got to work. “After this, would you please teach me the different expressions and what they mean?”

Twilight smiled. “I’d be glad to.”

Just then, Big Mac opened the barn door. “AJ, you-” His gaze fell on Applejack, and his face twisted up like he’d just seen an eldritch abomination from the blackness beyond space. Or his sister posing like a pinup model. Either or.

Applejack’s cheeks went bright red.

“Nope!” Big Mac declared, slamming the door shut.

“What was that about?” Sketchy asked.

Applejack shuddered. “Forget it and draw.” She also made a mental note to not look Big Mac in the eyes for a week.

Chapter 23: Tail Me About It

Applejack usually liked selling apples in the marketplace. It was a nice chance to relax and catch up with the ponies in town, while earning a profit to boot. Sure, it wasn’t glamorous, but it was honest work, something she could be proud of.

Usually.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Sketchy asked. “I don’t want to get arrested again.” He sat on one side of the Apple Family’s booth, surrounded by stacks of copied pictures.

“You won’t get arrested.” Applejack finished setting out some apple pies and took a seat on the other side of the booth. “Twilight made sure we ain’t selling anything bad enough to get us in trouble, and all the more questionable ones are covered up anyway.”

“Okay.” Sketchy looked around the marketplace. It was early enough that the big crowds hadn’t rolled in yet. “How do I get ponies to buy my pictures?”

“First off,” Applejack said, “you can’t exactly ‘get’ ponies to buy what you’re selling. All you can do is let ponies know what you’ve got and hope they’re willing to spend some bits on it.”

“Understood.” Sketchy took a deep breath. “I’m selling sexy pictures! Come look at them if you want!”

Nearly everypony in the market paused and looked his way, with expressions ranging from confused, to appalled, to intrigued.

Applejack facehoofed. That one was her fault for not explaining herself better, but at least it was getting results. A few curious ponies were already coming their way. She put on her game face and got ready to sell apples while helping Sketchy out with his own … merchandise.

The first pony, a stallion, blushed as he stared at Sketchy’s art. “Princess Twilight actually let you draw her like this?”

“Yes,” Sketchy said.

“Bro, you are one lucky stallion.” He took a picture of Twilight, dropped some bits, and walked away. “Let me know if you do any more drawings of her.”

The next pony stepped up right behind him.

Applejack could already tell they were going to have a busy day.

( | )

A trio of ponies approached, talking loudly among themselves.

“I hope they have lots of pictures of Big Mac,” Lily said.

Daisy grinned. “Now there’s an Apple I wouldn’t mind tasting, if you know what I mean.”

Rose sighed wistfully. “I’ll hang my pictures next to my bed. It’ll be like he’s there with me.”

Applejack struggled to keep her breakfast down. “Can I help you three?”

They turned to her as one, blinking like they’d forgotten they were in public. Then blushes appeared on six cheeks at once. Lily cleared her throat and stepped forward. “Y-yes, we were hoping to look at your stock of Big McIntosh merchandise.”

“Sure thing.” Applejack smiled and waved at a pile of apples. “Those are the McIntosh apples. Plenty of big ones too.”

Lily blushed harder. “No, that’s … not what we meant.”

“What did you mean?” Sketchy asked, sounding genuinely confused. He probably was, now that Applejack thought about it.

“We meant,” Lily cleared her throat, “the other kind of Big Mac.”

“Another type of apple?” Sketchy asked.

Lily was reddish-pink to begin with, so it was mighty impressive that her blush was visible at all, let alone so obvious. “N-no, we want … the stallion.”

Sketchy frowned. “You want Big Mac? What would you even do with him?”

All three customers got vacant looks in their eyes. Daisy even drooled a bit.

Applejack shuddered. She had a fair idea what those three were thinking. “Alright, that’s enough teasing.” She placed three copies of Big Mac’s picture in front of Lily. “We only have one picture right now, but we’ll be doing more as the days go by.”

The trio dropped a pile of bits on the counter and practically ran away.

( | )

“Dash?” Applejack asked. “What are you doing here?”

“Buying art,” Dash said. “What’s it look like?”

Applejack sighed. “Please tell me you ain’t here to get a sexy picture of my brother.”

Dash grinned mischievously. “Heck no, I want one of you and one of Twilight.”

“I don’t like that smile,” Applejack said. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing yet,” Dash said, “but I’m not going to let awesome prank material like this slip through my hooves.” She paused. “Oh, and throw in a picture of Big Mac too.”

“You just said you didn’t want a picture of him,” Applejack said as Sketchy passed her the pictures.

Dash took them and put them in her bags. “Hey, I prank all my friends.”

“Since when are you and Mac friends?” Applejack asked.

“Well …” Dash twiddled her hooves. “I’d like to be better friends with him, and when that happens, I’ll need prank material. Yeah.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say.”

Dash frowned, but turned her attention to Sketchy. “By the way, you’re still coming to the Wonderbolts show in Canterlot tomorrow, right?”

“Yes.”

“Cool, I’ll even show you around once we’re done.” Dash smiled. “I bet a ton of art collectors would jump at the chance to get some of your work if a real Wonderbolt introduced you.”

“Thank you.”

Applejack smiled a little. “Hey, Dash?”

Dash turned to her. “Yeah?”

“Have a mug of cider, on the house.”

“Alright!” Dash did a flip. “I owe you one, AJ!”

“Nah,” Applejack said. “This is to pay you back for helping a mutual friend.”

( | )

“Oh my Celestia, this is so hot,” Lyra moaned.

Applejack couldn’t help but blush. “It ain’t that hot.”

“What are you talking about?” Lyra asked. “Of course it is.” She licked her lips. “Just the way I like it.”

“Lyra,” Applejack looked around, “you’re making a scene.”

“No I’m not,” Lyra took a deep breath and shuddered. “Besides, I can’t help it if I love a good apple pie.” She passed her bits to Applejack.

“I still don’t know how it stayed so warm,” Applejack muttered, taking the bits. “I took it out of the oven over an hour ago.”

( | )

A stallion in a winter jacket, wearing a hat and sunglasses approached Sketchy’s stall. “Excuse me, pony I’ve never met, but I’d like to look through your wares.”

Applejack arched an eyebrow. “Caramel, what are you doing?”

He jumped. “Oh, Applejack, I didn’t see you there.”

“Uh huh,” Applejack said slowly. She was sitting at a stall in the middle of the market, underneath a big sign that read ‘Sweet Apple Acres.’ It didn’t take the Element of Honesty to realize he was fibbing.

“You two look like you’re busy,” Caramel said, “so I’ll just get out of your way.”

Applejack facehoofed. “You wanna see the pictures of me, don’t you?”

“What, there were pictures of you?” Caramel said in exaggerated surprise. “Wow, I had no idea, but I’m not like a weirdo or something that would want to look at you in a sexy pose, even if you do have one of the best bodies in town, so-”

“Caramel,” Applejack said, “just buy the stupid picture.”

He wordlessly took a copy of her picture and passed Sketchy the bits for it.

“Thank you,” Sketchy said. “Next customer.”

( | )

“Hi, Sketchy!” Pinkie said. “How’s business? You don’t need to answer. I can already tell it’s going great, with that big line I had to wait in just to talk with you, though I’m doing most of the talking so far, so I guess it’s talking at you instead of with you. So I’ll shut up now to let you talk at me instead.”

Sketchy blinked at her.

She blinked back.

“What do you want me to talk about?” Sketchy said at last.

“Oh, anything.” Pinkie waved a hoof. “What’s your best seller so far?”

“The pictures of Big McIntosh,” Sketchy said. “Not unexpected, considering he’s our only male model.”

Pinkie nodded. “That, and he’s a hunk.”

“Hey!” Applejack said.

“What?” Pinkie asked. “I just tell it like it is. Speaking of which, one picture of Mr. Hunky.”

Applejack could only grumble and take Pinkie’s bits.

( | )

“Let me guess,” Applejack said to the stallion in front of her, “you’ll be wanting a picture of your marefriend.”

“Technically,” the gray-brown stallion said, “I already do want a picture. ‘You’ll’ implies that I will want one in the future.”

In the distance, Applejack swore she could hear Pinkie screaming.

Sketchy didn’t seem to hear it, or if he did, he didn’t care. “Actually, the use of future tense is appropriate as she was guessing that your next statement would be an expression of your desire for a picture of your marefriend.”

“That is true,” the stallion said. “My name is Mudbriar. It is a pleasure to meet another stallion who appreciates the subtleties of language.”

“My name is Frameless Sketcher,” Sketchy said, “and likewise.” He passed the other stallion a picture of Maud.

Mudbriar looked at it for a long moment before nodding. “The stick that formed your pencil gave its life for a good cause. I have come to appreciate pencils more and more lately, a stick and a graphite rock, united in purpose to create something beautiful.”

Applejack waited until he left before she leaned over to Sketchy. “Is it just me, or was that stallion a few trees shy of an orchard?”

“I liked him,” Sketchy said. “He was a pony I could relate to.”

( | )

“Good morning to you both,” Rarity said with a smile.

“Heya, Rares.” Applejack smiled back. “What brings you by?”

“One dozen gala apples,” Rarity said, “and one of each of Sketchy’s pictures. I always like to support upcoming artists.”

Applejack got the apples while Sketchy gathered the pictures. “Here you go,” she said, passing a bag over. “Don’t know what you’re gonna do with sexy pictures of us.” Applejack frowned. “Actually, I think I’m happier not knowing.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Nothing embarrassing, I can assure you, just show them to one or two influential ponies in Canterlot the next time I visit.” She turned to Sketchy. “It’s the least I can do to make up for my past mistakes.”

“Thank you,” Sketchy said. “Please let me know if you see any cheap apartments while you’re there.”

Rarity froze. “What?”

“Let me know if you see any cheap apartments in Canterlot,” Sketchy said calmly.

Applejack felt a weight settle on her chest. “Why are you looking for apartments up there?”

“I’d probably earn more bits if I lived in Canterlot,” Sketchy said, turning to look at her. “Unless there’s some reason I should stay here.”

Applejack had to look away. “I, uh, well …” Canterlot had tons more ponies who might spend some bits on Sketchy’s art. Who was she to keep him from that? She lowered her head. “If you want to earn more bits, then no, I guess there ain’t reason why you shouldn’t move.”

Rarity’s jaw dropped. “Applejack, you can’t possibly be serious about letting him leave Ponyville!”

“It’s what makes the most business sense,” Applejack muttered, unable to meet her friend’s gaze.

“Yes, but-” Rarity turned to Sketchy. “You! You can’t leave!”

“Applejack thinks I should,” Sketchy said.

“Even if it means leaving her behind?” Rarity gestured at Applejack.

Sketchy paused. “I doubt I could convince her to come with me.”

Applejack grit her teeth. She didn’t want to admit it, but it was true. Ponyville was her home. She couldn’t give it up, even for Sketchy.

“Then why not stay here in Ponyville with her?” Rarity asked desperately. “Yes, there are more business opportunities in Canterlot, but surely you must realize that some things are worth more than bits?”

Sketchy tilted his head to the side. “Like diamonds?”

“We get it already!” Applejack shouted. “Bits are what matters, so you’re moving to Canterlot!”

Sketchy rubbed his ears. “Only if you think it’s for the best.”

Applejack glared at him then pointedly looked away. “If you can’t think of any reason you should stay, then yeah. Go ahead and move.”

( | )

The rest of the day passed in a more-or-less awkward silence. Between Applejack and Sketchy, at least. They both helped tons of customers, and that required a certain amount of friendly chit-chat. The really frustrating part was that Applejack couldn’t tell if Sketchy even realized something was eating at her.

Night fell and the market closed before he finally turned to her. “I’m sorry I’ll be at the Wonderbolts show tomorrow and not here.”

Now how in the hay was she supposed to interpret that? Was he saying that he’d miss her? Did he worry that they’d sell fewer pictures if he wasn’t around? Did he just think he’d prefer Ponyville to Canterlot?

No, it couldn’t be that last one. He’d already said he’d be moving there as soon as he could.

Applejack shook her head. “I’m sorry you won’t be here too.”

“I …” Sketchy trailed off as he collected the unsold pictures and put them in his bags. “I wish I could be back home.”

“Right,” Applejack muttered, “anywhere but here.”

“What?”

“Never mind.” She loaded the last of her things into a cart and hitched herself up to it. “Look, Sketchy, I want you to know …” She sighed. “Just take care of yourself in Canterlot, okay? Big cities ain’t always as friendly as Ponyville.”

“Thank you, I’ll remember that.” Sketchy put on his saddlebags and walked away. “I look forward to seeing you when I return.”

Applejack stared after him. Darn it, she didn’t know how to interpret that statement either!

Chapter 24: Butt Then ...

Twilight’s school had been a great idea, in theory. Even having Applejack and the others teach had made sense. In theory. Applejack didn’t want to brag or anything, but her group of friends had saved the world through friendship and teamwork more than once. They understood what it meant for a group of very different ponies to work together.

So yeah, theoretically, everything should’ve been fine.

In reality, six mares with full-time jobs were left scrounging for free time to teach classes. Heck, Dash had two full-time jobs between weather manager of Ponyville and her career as a Wonderbolt. The solution they’d come up with was for each of the six Element Bearers to take turns taking a day off their regular work to teach at the school.

Applejack walked into her class that morning feeling calm and focused. She knew exactly what she wanted to teach, and it was a lesson every creature needed to learn. “Settle down, everyone. Yes, I know it’s Saturday, but talking up a storm is just gonna make it take longer before you can get on with enjoying the weekend.”

The class soon fell silent, with creatures of all different races staring at her expectantly.

Applejack walked up to the board and wrote ‘Honesty.’ “Being honest means a whole heap of a lot more than just telling the truth. I can tell the truth and still be as dishonest as you like. For example, I am completely hairless … but only on this one scar.” She pointed to a round mark on her foreleg. “I was whipping around an apple tree too fast and tripped. Jammed a stick right into my leg and had to have a doctor yank it back out.”

Some members of the class winced, others acted like they weren’t impressed.

“The point is,” Applejack continued, “saying things that are technically true can still be lies if you leave out important info and let others draw the wrong conclusions. It’s the same with avoiding saying things. Just because you ain’t fibbing doesn’t mean you’re being honest. So be sure to ask yourself once in a while if you’re being honest with others, and especially with yourself.” She turned to the class. “Any questions?”

Yeah, it was a short lesson, but she’d rather focus on one important idea and learn everything she could about it.

Ocellus, the changeling, lifted her hoof. “Is it dishonest to avoid bringing up parts of yourself that you aren’t proud of?”

“She’s got a point,” the griffon said. Gallus, if Applejack remembered right. “I mean, do you really expect us to walk around saying crap like, ‘Hi, I’m Gallus, I hate most ponies, and I’m probably going to hate you too. So anyway, how’s it going?’”

Applejack shook her head. “Honest ain’t about shoving your whole life story down the throat of every creature you meet. It’s about telling others the truthful things they deserve to know about, even when it’s hard on both of you. There ain’t a solid rule for what you should and shouldn’t tell others, but you’ll know you’re being dishonest when you feel that guilt in your chest, weighing you down.”

“Even if it’s embarrassing?” Gallus asked, a faint smirk on his beak.

“Even then,” Applejack said.

Gallus’s smirk turned into a full grin. “Really? Then is it true Sketchy, that crazy pony from Griffonstone, moved to Ponyville, and that you’re modeling adult art for him now?”

Applejack froze. “You, uh, you know Sketchy?”

“Every griffon in Griffonstone knew about him.” Gallus leaned back in his desk. “But you haven’t answered my question yet.”

There were times when Applejack really wasn’t a big fan of that griffon. Right then, for instance. “Fine, yup, I’m modeling for him as a favor between friends.” She smiled. “And he ain’t crazy. A bit different, sure, but I count myself lucky to know him.”

Gallus rolled his eyes. “So you’re okay with a bunch of ponies staring at your … whatever it is ponies find sexy? Maybe you could bring in a few samples for us.”

Be the bigger pony, Applejack told herself, or the bigger creature. Whatever. She took a deep breath. “Gallus, do you want detention?”

“What?” He spread his arms. “I was just asking an honest question.”

“So am I,” Applejack said. “You’re going out of your way to embarrass and annoy me. If that ain’t begging for detention, I don’t know what is. So I figured I’d jump right to the point and ask if you’re sure you want it.” She smiled sweetly. “I’d be happy to oblige.”

Gallus looked away. “Fine, forget I said anything.”

That purple hippogriff gasped. “Wait, can ponies and griffons forget things on command? What if you accidentally forgot the wrong thing?”

Applejack sighed. “No, ponies can’t forget stuff just like that. If we could, then trust me, I would’ve kick plenty of sights out of my noggin by now.” Some images of Spoiled Rich came to mind. “Anyway, are there any other questions-”

The door to the classroom burst open and Rainbow Dash … well, dashed through. “Applejack, Sketchy’s in trouble!”

“What kind of trouble?” Applejack asked immediately.

Dash looked at the students then back to Applejack. “Maybe we should talk outside?”

Applejack hurried out into the hall with Dash and shut the door behind her. “What happened?”

“Nothing at first,” Dash said. “The show was fine. I was awesome, of course, and Sketchy was having a great time right up until it was time to sign autographs. You see, Celestia kinda showed up because she wanted to ask how things were going in Ponyville, and Sketchy was there too, and-”

“He didn’t,” Applejack said.

“He did.” Dash scratched the back of her neck. “So he kinda got dragged off by Celestia and her guards, and I couldn’t get a clear answer from anypony about what they were going to do to him.”

Applejack kicked the door to her class open. “Class dismissed.” Then she took off running for the exit.

Chapter 25: Rump, Roasted

The train ride to Canterlot took approximately three eternities, more than long enough to get the full story from Dash.

Apparently Sketchy had walked right up to the Immortal Ruler of the Sun and said she had the biggest butt he’d ever seen. Then he’d asked if he could draw it.

That’s about when the guards tackled him and Celestia ordered him taken to the castle.

“Darn idiot,” Applejack muttered.

“Though it was kind of awesome,” Dash said with a chuckle. “You wouldn’t believe the look on Celestia’s face.”

Applejack shuddered. She didn’t want to imagine Celestia’s loving expression morphing into something a bit more … murdery.

The train finally pulled to a stop at the Canterlot station, and Applejack hurried off, shoving her way through the crowds outside. “Dash, you fly to the palace. Tell them we need to see Princess Celestia.”

“Got it.” Dash took off in a rainbow blur.

Applejack fixed her eyes on the castle and kept running, dodging around any ponies in her way. She reached Canterlot Castle a while later, skidding to a halt in front of the armored guards defending the front door. “Hey, everypony. Not sure if y’all recognize me.”

One of the pegasus guards nodded. “Lady Applejack.” He opened the door with his wing. “Lady Rainbow Dash told us to expect you. She’s waiting inside.”

“Thank you kindly.” Applejack hurried inside and looked around. She was in a big waiting room, with guards, tour guides, and petitioners everywhere. Brightly colored plants from all over Equestria covered the walls, filling the room with the scent of flowers and fruit. The colors also made it darn near impossible to find Dash. “There you are,” Applejack said after nearly crashing into her friend. “Any news?”

“Not yet,” Dash said. “One of the guards told me he’d go tell Celestia we’re here. I guess we’ll have to wait until he gets back.”

“Suppose it’s the best we could hope for.” Applejack found an empty seat and plopped down.

Dash settled in beside her.

A pony in a tour-guide visor walked by. “Excuse me, are you two here for the Mysteries of the Castle tour?”

“No,” Dash said. “We’re here to save her coltfriend’s butt.” She jammed a hoof at Applejack.

“He ain’t my coltfriend!”

“He said he was,” Dash countered. “He even said Granny Smith told him to call you his marefriend.”

Applejack’s cheeks heated up. “Yeah, but it ain’t what it sounds like.”

“How could it be anything else?” Dash asked.

“It just is!”

The tour guide took a step backwards. “I’ll, uh, leave you two to work things out on your own.”

Neither Applejack nor Dash bothered to acknowledge that.

“Seriously, how is he not your coltfriend if your own family says he is?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Applejack looked down at her hooves. “I’ve never had a coltfriend, never even been interested in a colt, but he hasn’t swept me off my hooves or nothing. I don’t write lovey-dovey poems about him in my journal, or see stars when I look into his eyes, or feel like I need to be around him every second of every day.”

“Well … good,” Dash said. “That sort of stuff is more Rarity’s style. It would just be creepy coming from you.”

“I guess?” Applejack shook her head. “Look, the point is that love is supposed to be this huge thing, like a wave hitting you, and I just don’t feel that way about any stallion.”

Dash blinked a few times. “Wait, you think it can’t be love without that?”

“That’s what love is,” Applejack said, “isn’t it?”

“Wow, AJ,” Dash shook her head, “I knew you could be dumb sometimes, but I never thought you were this bad.”

Applejack sat up straight. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, I’ve never been in a real relationship, but even I know it doesn’t start with both of you falling madly in love for no good reason. My mom and dad were friends for years before they decided to start dating, and then they were dating for another couple of years before they realized they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.” Dash leaned forward and tapped Applejack on the forehead. “Did you really expect to start a relationship feeling the kind of love my parents spent years developing?”

Applejack looked away.

“Oh my Celestia,” Dash said, “you did, didn’t you?” She laughed. “Come on, didn’t you learn anything about love from your parents …” She paused. “Oh. Now I feel like a horse’s rump.”

A guard walked up to them. “You are Lady Applejack and Lady Rainbow Dash, correct?”

They both nodded.

“Follow me.” He led them out of the waiting room and into a quiet hallway.

“Hey,” Dash whispered, “uh, sorry. I didn’t think before I opened my mouth.”

“It’s fine,” Applejack whispered back. “Thanks for what you said. It gave me some things to think about.”

The guard eventually stopped at a door that looked like all the others. He gave it a firm knock. “Princess Celestia, Ladies Applejack and Rainbow Dash to see you.”

“Send them in,” Celestia responded in her usual warm tone.

Applejack rushed through. “Princess, Sketchy didn’t mean no harm, he was-” She froze.

Sketchy sat just beyond the door, calmly drawing a picture of Princess Luna while Celestia sat beside him with a mischievous grin.

That was strange enough right there, but Luna’s outfit made the whole scene downright bonkers. She was on a big sofa, leaning back against a stack of pillows. There was a bright-pink bow in her hair and a shimmery pink dress-ish outfit around her body that was just clear enough to not hide a thing. The final blow to Applejack’s sanity came in the form of a fabric heart that the princess had placed over her naughty bits. To call the outfit suggestive would be a colossal understatement, and Luna seemed to know it, considering her face was red enough to make a tomato jealous.

“If either of you say a word,” Luna said between clenched teeth, “I will smite you.”

“Models aren’t allowed to talk,” Celestia said, waving Applejack and Dash over to her. “What brings you two by the palace today?”

Applejack tore her eyes away from Luna long enough to take in her surroundings. A table for Sketchy and Celestia, hardwood floors, and the scent of tea in the air; was this a private dining room or something? She shook her head. That didn’t matter now. “Begging your pardon, Princess, but I thought Sketchy here was in a heap of hot water.”

“Yeah,” Dash said, “after the way the guards dragged him off, I thought for sure he’d be locked up in the dungeon.”

“My apologies,” Celestia said. “My guards can be a bit zealous, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to speak with such an interesting stallion.”

“She laughed for ten minutes straight as soon as we were alone,” Sketchy said as he continued to draw.

“I hope it didn’t appear that I was mocking you,” Celestia said with a serene smile. “You wouldn’t believe how rare it is for somepony to speak to me so bluntly.”

Sketchy made a noncommittal sound and kept drawing.

Applejack cleared her throat. “So, uh, how did talking with Sketchy turn into … whatever this is, your highness?”

Celestia chuckled. “I’ve said before that there’s no need to address me so formally in private, or would you prefer me to call you Lady Applejack Apple, Dame of Ponyville and Bearer of the Element of Honesty?”

“Sorry,” Applejack said quickly, “force of habit, um, Celestia.”

“Much better,” Celestia said. “Now to answer your question, Sketchy said he’s assembling a collection of erotic art to sell, and it seemed only right to make a royal addition to show our support.”

Applejack stared at her. “Huh?”

“I don’t get it,” Dash said.

“I lost at poker,” Luna said without moving her lips.

“Yes, there is that as well.” Celestia smirked.

Equestria’s immortal rulers … played poker. The shards of Applejack’s sanity broke into smaller shards.

“Hey, you play poker?” Dash asked. “Awesome. AJ and I get together with the rest of the girls once in a while for a game night. You two should totally join in.”

“Tis a trap,” Luna said. “Our sister does cheat quite outrageously.”

“There’s no need for petty insults,” Celestia said, “and I do not cheat.” She produced a deck of cards from somewhere. “Actually, would either of you care for a game?”

“You bet,” Dash said. “Just don’t be upset when I walk away with all your bits.”

Applejack noticed the faint smile on Celestia’s lips. It was the kind of smile a cat might get when a clueless mouse walked up to it and doused itself with ketchup. “Actually, I think I’ll sit this one out.”

“As you wish,” Celestia said, still smiling.

Ten minutes later, she owned notes promising Dash’s first kiss, firstborn, soul, dignity, and the rights to her life story.

Dash had somehow aged a few years in the process. Her eyes looked distant, haunted, and her hooves shook so badly she could barely hold her cards. “Come on, just one more round.”

“Give it up already,” Applejack said. “I’ve always been able to spot a poker face, and even I can’t tell when she’s bluffing.”

“A few centuries of dealing with nobles does tend to have that effect,” Celestia said. “Though for Rainbow Dash’s sake, we should end this here.” She slid the pile of notes back to Dash.

“No way,” Dash said. “You won that stuff fair and square, and I’m gonna win it back fair and square.”

Celestia considered her for a moment, then she shrugged and placed two cards face down on the table. “Very well, I bet you these items that you can’t pick which one of these cards is an ace.”

“Thou art an ace,” Luna muttered.

“Deal.” Dash flipped a card over. “Woohoo! Ace of spades!” She grabbed the pile of notes and pulled it to her. “Come back to mama.”

Applejack peeked under the other card. Yup, it was the ace of diamonds.

Celestia winked at her before shuffling both cards back into the deck. “How are you doing over there, Mr. Sketcher?”

“Nearly finished,” Sketchy said.

“Good, because I have one more subject for you to draw.”

Sketchy didn’t even look up. “Understood.”

“Who is it?” Dash asked.

“You.” Celestia held up a piece of paper, written in Dash’s own hoofwriting, that read, ‘Rainbow Dash’s Dignity.’ “I held onto this.” Bits of amusement danced across her face. “I believe I’ll trade it in now.”

Applejack knew laughing would be a bad idea, but she did it anyway.

Chapter 26: So Rear to my Heart

It only took the nobles in Canterlot a few days to learn that an artist named Frameless Sketcher was selling sexy pictures of both Princess Twilight and Princess Luna. To the noble mind, this revelation meant two things; important ponies needed at least one sexy picture of themselves, and apparently Sketchy was the best in that field.

A flood of commissions followed.

“Three down,” Applejack groaned as they stepped out of yet another Canterlot mansion. “Two more to go.” She didn’t have to look at the setting sun to know they wouldn’t get back to Ponyville until well after dark.

“When is the next one?” Sketchy asked.

“Not for a while,” Applejack said. “We can walk around for a bit.” Which was to say, sitting around all day had made her as antsy as a dog at a flea circus. She needed to stretch her legs before she lost her mind.

“Can’t we find a place to sit down?” Sketchy asked.

“Nope.” Applejack set out down a random street.

Sketchy followed behind her. “How much did we make from that last appointment?” he asked after a moment.

“A thousand bits.” Applejack wanted to gag. What kind of idiot blew a thousand bits on a naughty picture of themselves? Canterlot nobles, apparently.

“When did we increase the price?” Sketchy asked. “I thought it was still one hundred plus any expenses.”

“That’s still what we charge in Ponyville,” Applejack said. “Rarity said charging more in Canterlot would make us more popular.” She shook her head. “Looks like she was right.”

“I don’t understand,” Sketchy said. “Why is increasing our price making us more popular?”

“You got me,” Applejack said.

“What did I get you?”

Applejack rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “Never mind.”

They went another block before Sketchy spoke again. “Do you know if any apartments are available for rent nearby?”

Her smile disappeared, replaced by a weight in her chest. “Still plan on moving to Canterlot, then?”

“Do you think I should?” Sketchy asked. “We do get paid more here.”

“Yeah, but ….” Applejack looked around at the crowd of highfalutin’ ponies in fancy clothes, doing their best to look down their noses at everypony they met. “Is this really the crowd you want to run with?”

Sketchy looked down at his hooves. “I just want a home.”

Applejack wanted to shout that he already had a home, in Ponyville. And … well, she kind of liked having him around too. That had to count for something, right?

Except another part of her mind whispered that she was being selfish. A two-hour train ride to and from Ponyville every day just wasn’t practical. They could reduce the number of commissions they took from Canterlot nobles, or maybe make them come to Ponyville instead, but either choice would hurt Sketchy’s income big time. She couldn’t ask him to give up thousands of bits a week just to stay in Ponyville with her. The weight in her chest got so heavy that her head sank low just thinking about it. “There’s an apartment complex around here somewhere,” she said quietly. “We can go see if they have any available rooms.”

“Good idea,” Sketchy said. “Thank you for always helping me.”

Applejack couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. “Just doing my best to be a good friend.” She shook her head. “Now come on, I think it’s this way.”

The apartment complex wasn’t hard to find. Most ten-story buildings weren’t. Applejack led them inside and carefully studied the lobby. Somepony had said you could always tell the quality of an establishment by how they maintained the lobby. And if no pony had said that, then they needed to, because it was true.

Unfortunately, she didn’t find anything to complain about. The lobby was clean, decorated tastefully with a few chairs and sofas, and everything smelled faintly of peach blossoms. Darn it. Maybe the pony at the front desk would be a jerk and give her an excuse to storm out.

“Howdy,” Applejack said, “my friend’s looking to rent an apartment here.”

The desk pony smiled politely. He wore a red jacket with a black tie, both of which looked nice and professional. “He’s come to the right place. We have three apartments open right now. I’d be happy to show them to you, if you’d like.”

Of course. Applejack swallowed and forced herself to smile back. “That’d be real nice.”

‘Real nice,’ turned out to be a great way of describing all three apartments. They ranged in size from single-occupant to family-size, but all of them were comfortable, everything worked just fine in them, and Applejack could practically see Sketchy sitting in them, happily drawing his way to fame and fortune.

By the time they made it back to the front desk, her chest didn’t feel heavy so much as it felt like somepony had stomped it flat. She licked her lips. “How much are the apartments per month?”

“Six hundred for single,” the employee said, “a thousand for couple’s, and fifteen hundred for family.”

One more stomp on her chest. That was easily within Sketchy’s budget. “Th-thanks.” She turned to Sketchy, who had followed them silently the whole time. “So … what do you think?”

He looked at her for a long moment, like he was waiting for something. Applejack didn’t know what, though. Eventually he turned to the employee. “How soon can I move in?”

Chapter 27: The Dark of the Moon

They wound up catching the red-eye back to Ponyville. Applejack dragged herself from the train station to Sweet Apple Acres and collapsed into her bed. Exhaustion, warring emotions, and a growing headache made her want nothing more than to become unconscious for as long as possible.

“Why haven’t you declared your undying love for him?” Rarity demanded five minutes later, sitting on Applejack’s chest and shaking her by the shoulders. “Or at least asked him out?”

Applejack wondered how much trouble she’d get into for murdering her friend. “What are you doing in my house this late?”

“My intuition led me outside just a few minutes ago,” Rarity said, “where I happened to see Sketchy walking home from the train station, and do you know what he told me?”

“No,” Applejack said, contemplating where to hide the body.

“He told me that he found an apartment in Canterlot and will be moving in three days from now.” Rarity put a hoof on either side of Applejack’s head and leaned down. “Don’t you realize what this means?”

All too well, Applejack thought. “Just let me sleep.”

“Now isn’t the time for sleep,” Rarity said. “If you let him move to Canterlot, he’ll leave you behind forever!” She pressed the back of a hoof to her forehead and collapsed forward.

Applejack had to shift to the side to avoid Rarity’s horn hitting her in the eye. “Watch where you’re sticking that thing, and would you get off already?”

Of course, she happened to say that at the exact same time the door to her bedroom opened and Big Mac poked his head in. “AJ, you oka-” His eyes widened. “Wow, Caramel was right.”

“Big Mac!” Applejack yelled.

“H-heard shouting,” Big Mac said quickly. “Didn’t mean to interrupt you and your marefriend.”

“WHAT?” She couldn’t believe her brother would jump to such a silly conclusion just because Rarity was lying on top of her. In her bedroom. In the middle of the night. As she talked about getting off … On second thought, she got where he was coming from. “This ain’t what it looks like.”

“What’s going on?” Apple Bloom asked out in the hall.

“Nothing,” Big Mac said, giving Applejack a look that demanded an explanation later. Then he shut the door. “Back to bed, Bloom.”

Applejack breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank Celestia,” Rarity said, pushing herself up. “Now then, we’ll have to work quickly. You must claim Sketchy’s heart immediately.”

“Rarity,” Applejack said as calmly as she could manage, “what makes you think I even want Sketchy to stay when things would be a lot easier for him if he lived in Canterlot?”

Rarity simply pointed to the wall, where a framed picture hung. Specifically, the drawing of Applejack that Rarity herself had commissioned not so long ago.

Applejack blushed. “Well, what was I supposed to do with it?”

“Hang it on the wall in a place of honor, apparently.” Rarity smirked. “Deny it all you like, but you two are meant to be together. Let me help you achieve true love!”

“Let me sleep,” Applejack said. “That’s all the help I need.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” Rarity said, leaning closer. “There’s too much to plan. Now, I took the liberty of outlining three dream dates that would let you sweep him off his hooves-”

Applejack clapped a hoof over her friend’s mouth. “Maybe I wasn’t clear. Leave. Now. Or they’ll never find your body.”

“Very well, no need to be so dramatic,” Rarity said, climbing off the bed.

There weren’t words to express the levels of ‘Are you kiddin’ me?’ on Applejack’s face right then.

“But you must do something,” Rarity continued, “otherwise Sketchy will move to Canterlot and be gone from your life. You can’t possibly want that.”

“I want what’s best for him,” Applejack muttered, rolling over and closing her eyes. “Even if that means he moves away.”

Rarity was silent for a long time. “That sounds like the very definition of love, if you ask me.” Then she quietly made her exit.

Sleep was a long time coming after that.

Chapter 28: Ass and Ye Shall Receive

The alarm went off way too early the next morning. Applejack expressed her annoyance as calmly as possible. Which was to say, she’d need to replace both the alarm and her window. She stumbled into the hall and down a flight of stairs, fueled more by a desperate need for coffee than any sapient thought.

Applejack didn’t remember how many cups it took to get her coherent, just that she’d had to refill the coffee pot a few times.

“There you are,” Granny said, hobbling into the kitchen. “Now what was up with all that racket last night? It’s hard enough for me to get any sleep as is.”

“Sorry, Granny.” Applejack got to work on breakfast as she explained Rarity’s nighttime visit.

Big Mac and Apple Bloom joined them partway through, forcing Applejack to catch them both up before she could move on.

“So let me get this straight,” Granny Smith said once she was done. “Your coltfriend is gonna move to Canterlot this week?”

Applejack sighed and dropped a plate of hashbrowns and scrambled eggs in front of Granny. She fixed another plate for herself and sat down at the other end of the table. “That’s about the shape of it.”

Big Mac looked thoughtful. “Make him stay.”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom added. “He can’t leave Ponyville. You’re his marefriend, and you live here.”

“I ain’t his marefriend,” Applejack said automatically. She grabbed the maple syrup and poured it all over her eggs. Unhealthy? Probably, but she really needed some comfort food. “And if he wants to move away, that’s his business. Literally.”

“Horse poppies,” Granny said. “You’ve had that stallion on the brain ever since you first met him. You can’t let him up and leave you now.”

“And how exactly am I supposed to stop him?” Applejack shoveled a forkful of the syrupy eggs into her mouth, chewing a bit harder than was necessary. The sweet flavor of maple and the savory taste of eggs helped calm her down a little.

“You’ve got a good pair of hips,” Granny said. “Use them.”

Applejack nearly inhaled her eggs. “W-what?”

“Do I really need to spell it out for you?” Granny asked. “Sex that stallion into staying right here.”

Three things happened at once. Applejack’s jaw hit the table, her cheeks ignited, and her brain went on vacation without leaving a forwarding address.

“Granny!” Big Mac shouted. “Don’t go saying stuff like that to my little sister, especially not with my other little sister right there.” He pointed at Apple Bloom, who had turned as red as her mane.

“Fine,” Granny said. “Bloom, you go feed the chickens.”

Apple Bloom was out the door so fast that she nearly went through it instead.

“Now then,” Granny turned to Applejack, “here’s a list of moves that’ll guarantee he comes crawling back for seconds. You might want to take notes. Oh, and you’ll be needing a shovel for at least three of these …”

( | )

Applejack ran into Sugarcube Corner about fifteen minutes later, out of breath from screaming the whole way there. “Pinkie,” she gasped. “Pinkie Special. Now!”

Pinkie must have seen something in her eyes, because she didn’t try to talk her out of it. She didn’t even hesitate before whipping out her most (in)famous treat and offering it to Applejack.

Applejack shoved it into her mouth and chewed. Then everything evaporated into a haze of sugary sweetness.

( | )

“… I think it worked,” somepony said.

“Nnnng,” Applejack groaned, struggling to remember whose voice that was.

“Or maybe not.”

Wait, that was Twilight’s voice. Applejack tried to say something, but all that came out was, “Hnrg.”

“Applejack,” a new voice said, “can you hear us? Groan once for no and twice for yes.” This one was younger, and masculine. Spike? Yeah, Spike.

“Isn’t it normally once for yes and twice for no?” Twilight asked.

“Sure,” Spike said, “but she’s already groaning once every time we talk to her.”

“Fine, fine.”

“So,” a third voice said, “Applejack, can you hear us?”

That one was Starlight. Applejack did her best to nod. “Ugh, grngle.”

“That sounded like two distinct groans,” Twilight said. “Ask her something else. We need to gather more data.”

“Okay,” Spike said, “um … Oh, I know. Applejack, do you remember why you ate a Pinkie Special?”

Unbidden, her mind conjured up memories of Granny Smith describing acts with a shovel that shouldn’t have been physically possible. She’d also said which moves Grandpa Apple had enjoyed the most. The thought of her grandparents doing that filled her mind once more, leading to the only logical reaction, “Aaaaaaaaaah!”

“I think she remembered,” Starlight said.

“Yes, but remembered what?” Twilight asked. “Applejack, could you please describe it in as much detail as possible?”

“Aaaaaaaaaah!”

“Did it involve Rarity? She told me she was at your house the night before the event.”

An image of herself and Rarity doing that popped into her head.“Aaaaaaaaaah!”

“How about your brother?”

“AAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

“Maybe you should stop asking her questions,” Spike called over her screams.

“I think you’re right,” Twilight said. “We’ll let her scream herself out!”

“AAAAAAAAAAH …”

An hour passed. Applejack knew for sure because Spike kept calling out how many minutes had passed. Unfortunately, time did nothing to get rid of the unspeakable image of her brother that had been conjured up.

“… AAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

“I can’t take it anymore!” Twilight shouted.

Something hard and heavy smacked her across the face.

Applejack’s eyes popped open, and she found herself lying in a bed in Twilight’s castle. Twilight, Spike, and Starlight all stood at her bedside, looking some combination of worried and annoyed.

“You finished screaming?” Spike asked.

Her throat ached way too much to speak. She nodded instead.

“Thank Celestia,” Twilight said. “We weren’t sure if we’d snap you out of it in time for your date with Sketchy.”

Applejack’s jaw dropped. What in the hay had she missed?

“You don’t remember?” Twilight asked. “Never mind, that was after the Pinkie Special. Rarity told him he should take you on a nice date before he moves, and Granny Smith helped him plan one out.”

That sentence raised every possible red flag for Applejack.

A deep blush lit up Twilight’s face. “We weren’t told the details, but Granny Smith did ask us to give you a brief overview of the cultural norms surrounding a couple’s first time being … intimate. You ran out halfway through when she tried to explain it to you.”

Oh no, not again! Applejack jumped out of bed and sprinting for the door.

A purple aura lifted her into the air before she’d taken three steps.

“I know you’re nervous,” Twilight said, “but don’t worry, we’ll make sure you’re fully prepared.”

At her sides, Starlight and Spike both nodded.

Applejack fixed her eyes on Spike. He was too young for this conversation! Yes, salvation! She pointed at him and gave Twi an accusing glare.

Twilight had the decency to look uncomfortable. “Yes, but it’s part of his education too.”

“That, and I helped her research everything,” Spike said. “I even proofread her speech.”

“I did the illustrations,” Starlight added.

“And thank you both for all of your help,” Twilight said. She cleared her throat. “Now then, let’s begin.” She levitated over a poster showing two ponies kissing. “If you look up ‘sex’ in the Mareiam-Webster's Dictionary …”

Dear Celestia, Applejack thought, get me the tartarus out of here!

Author's Note

And here's something I found on the very talented Marking's Deviant Art page. I couldn't stop laughing at how perfect it was for this story.

Shared with permission, because he's awesome like that.

Chapter 29: Flanks for the Memories

Granny Smith had always been upfront with her mortality. She’d planned for her funeral the way young fillies planned their wedding day. A nice, humble casket made from apple wood, a spot next to her late husband for the burial, and an apple sapling in place of a headstone. She even had her burial dress picked out.

Applejack was going to bury her in a cardboard box after this. In the middle of the desert. Wearing a clown wig!

At her grandmother’s insistence, Sketchy had rented a room in the local bed and breakfast. Twilight and Starlight dropped her out front and gave her a choice, either go in of her own free will or under magical compulsion.

The compulsion spell had tingled.

Applejack stepped inside and found a small desk covered with small bottles of massage oils. An elderly mare sat behind the desk, smiling warmly. “You must be the lucky mare for the Eros’s Escape room.” She held out a key. “It’s at the end of that hallway over there.”

Speaking was still too much for her sore throat, so Applejack had to content herself with a nod before taking the key and marching off down the indicated hallway.

She unlocked the door and stepped into something out of her most romantic nightmares. Glowing red gems in the shape of hearts covered the ceiling. Thick carpet covered the floor. A large hot tub sat in one corner, opposite an enormous bed. And there was Sketchy in the middle of it all, looking as calm as he ever did.

“Hello, marefriend.” He frowned. “Or should I only refer to you as that when speaking to others? Hello, Applejack? Is that better?”

Applejack sighed. For a moment there, she’d been expecting something romantic. “Sec-” She winced. It looked like talking was still off the table after all that screaming earlier. Instead, she tapped the floor twice.

“The second?”

She nodded.

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

By Celestia’s tail, hadn’t he seen her wince when she tried to speak? Applejack pointed at her throat then made an X with her hooves.

“I don’t understand.”

Obviously. Applejack tapped her throat and tried to speak again. All that came out were a few squeaks, and even that hurt.

“Did something happen to your throat?”

She nodded.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Sketchy said. “It’s a good thing I’ve been studying facial expressions and body language.” He walked to a table that Applejack hadn’t noticed before and pulled out a seat for her. “Your grandmother suggested a romantic dinner. She even provided the food.”

Applejack considered her situation for a second. The compulsion had only been to go into the room, not to stay in it, and certainly not to do anything with Sketchy while she was here. There wasn’t a thing stopping her from kicking down the door and leaving … but, well, she was hungry. It couldn’t hurt to enjoy a meal before she ran like tartarus.

“By the way,” Sketchy said, taking his own seat, “what’s this for?” He held up a shovel.

She was very nearly sick. A few minutes of shaking her head convinced Sketchy not to ask about it again. Though it took a few minutes longer before she felt hungry again, even with the huge meal laid out before her. Granny had included all her favorites: green-bean casserole, candied yams, stuffing, biscuits, mashed potatoes, and gravy.

One plate later, Applejack was feeling well enough to wonder just what day it was. Twilight had taken two days to recover from the Pinkie Special. Applejack sure felt like she hadn’t eaten in two days.

Sketchy worked through his own plate slowly and methodically. “Are you thirsty? The room came with a bottle of champagne.”

Of course it had. Though a bit of alcohol would help when it came time to go home and face Granny. Applejack found the bottle in a bucket of ice. There was a short note around its neck, written in Granny’s hoofwriting, ‘Have fun tonight, or I’ll tan your hide.’

Maybe she could get Granny declared mentally incompetent and thrown in a psych ward. This room had to be enough evidence to convict her. Applejack poured herself a glass and sat back down.

“Would you mind explaining something?” Sketchy asked.

Applejack gave him a flat look and pointed at her throat again.

“I know,” Sketchy said. “I’d still like to ask.”

Why not? She tried to tell him to go ahead, and winced from the pain in her throat. Ugh, this was going to make communicating impossible!

“Are you angry about something?” Sketchy asked. “That expression means anger, right?”

She nodded.

“What are you angry about?”

That, at least, was easy. She pointed to her throat.

“You’re angry that you can’t talk?”

Another nod.

“I understand,” Sketchy said. He took one last bite then pushed his plate to the side. “My question is this, why do you spend so much time with me?” He looked down. “I’m not easy to get along with, or handsome, or even rich.”

Applejack’s mind went blank. She honestly had no idea how to answer, especially without being able to speak. He was sort of right, spending time with him could be a colossal headache, but her life just felt … she didn’t even know how to describe it … More full now? And she couldn’t help but respect how sincere and dedicated he was. Sketchy had a goal, he had the talent to reach it, and he worked hard every day to do just that.

There was a lot to admire about him, now that Applejack thought about it. He was the only stallion to ever make her feel like she should be more honest, the only one who was always honest with her in return. She spent time with him because being with him felt right. She didn’t want to be with any other stallion.

Except, she didn’t know how to say any of that without words. Maybe he’d get a metaphor of some kind.

Right, and maybe the sun would grow a giant smiley face.

The only way to get her feelings across was probably to kiss … Her cheeks flushed as she shook her head. Nope, not gonna happen.

“Can you not think of any reasons either?” Sketchy asked quietly. “I didn’t bring it up earlier, because I worried you’d come to that conclusion and decide to stop spending time with me. I don’t blame you or anything.”

Argh, fine! Applejack got up and marched around the table to him, cupping his face in her hooves. Now she just needed to lean in and … and … and there had to be a force field around his face or something, because her lips weren’t getting any closer to his.

“What are you doing?” Sketchy asked.

What do you think? Applejack thought. I’m working up the courage to give you a big old smooch and prove all those obnoxious busybodies right, because I really do like being with you. My life might be crazy with you around, but it’s the good kind of crazy, and I don’t want it to end.

Unfortunately, Sketchy hadn’t spontaneously developed mind-reading powers, so her heartfelt inner monologue only earned her a blank stare.

Maybe she could say it a different way. She took his hoof and pressed it to her heart. Even Sketchy would understand the significance of that.

“Are you not feeling well?” Sketchy asked. “Your heart is beating a lot more quickly than normal. Should I get a doctor?”

Never mind. Applejack facehoofed.

“I recognize that gesture,” Sketchy said. “It’s used to express frustration, right?”

She nodded.

Sketchy’s ears pressed back against his head. “I’m sorry, I’ll try harder.”

And now she felt like a jerk for getting angry. She patted his hoof and went back to her seat.

“So why do you spend time with me?”

Right, she still hadn’t answered that question. What she wouldn’t give for a quill and some parchment. Actually … She pantomimed writing something and gave him a questioning look. Did he have anything she could write with?

“You spend time with me for my art?” Sketchy asked, his face scrunched up in thought. “But you don’t let me pay you for the money you’re helping me earn.” He tapped a hoof to his temple. “It can’t be because you enjoy modeling for my art. You rejected me several times at first. So …” Understanding lit up his face. “So you like looking at what I draw?”

The conversation was starting to get away from her, but she did appreciate the work and talent that went into his art. Applejack hesitantly nodded.

“Thank you,” Sketchy said, a heartfelt smile on his lips. “I’ll be sure to keep sending you pictures once I move to Canterlot. It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.”

After he moved …

Applejack reminded herself that it was for the best. He’d get the fame and fortune he deserved, and she’d be fine without him—a little bit less excited to greet each new day, but fine. She faked a smile.

Sketchy poured himself a glass of champagne and sipped on it while looking around the room. “I don’t know what’s supposed to happen next. Your grandmother said something about churning butter and making me into a real stallion, but I didn’t understand any of it.”

Applejack did, and a furious blush appeared on her cheeks just thinking about it. She didn’t want to admit it, but she kind of didn’t mind the idea so much. As long as it was with Sketchy, that was. Maybe it would even convince him to stay. Except … she didn’t want her first time to be like this, a desperate attempt to manipulate somepony. Both of them deserved better than that.

“I don’t see any equipment to manufacture butter,” Sketchy said, turning back to her. “Should we tell the pony at the front desk that there’s been an oversight?”

She shook her head, blinking to clear her eyes. The right thing to do, the only thing to do, was to leave.

“Then what should we do?”

Applejack pointed to the bed and pantomimed sleeping.

“I suppose it is getting late,” Sketchy said. He did a double take. “Wait, there’s only one bed. Should we share, or should I go back to my apartment? It isn’t far.”

Applejack shook her head and pointed at him then at the bed. Next she pointed at herself then gestured toward Sweet Apple Acres.

“Understood.” Sketchy stood up and walked to the door. “Tomorrow’s going to be extremely busy, with all the moving stuff going on.”

The words hit Applejack like a slap to the face. He was moving tomorrow? But she still had a few days to- She bowed her head. No, she didn’t have a few days. She’d wasted them because of that Pinkie Special.

Stupid! Applejack barely held back tears of shame.

“What’s wrong?” Sketchy asked, hurrying over to her. “Is it something I said? Why did you suddenly look so sad?”

Applejack stood up and looked away. She really didn’t want to break down like some dainty mare too weak to live without her stallion.

“What can I do to help?” Sketchy asked, moving right up to her, so close she could feel his coat brushing against hers. “Anything. Just say what I can do, and I’ll do it.”

Those words crumpled the last of Applejack’s resolve. She pulled him into a fierce hug, burying her head in his neck. The faint scent of ink touched her nose. She almost wanted to laugh. Of course he’d smell like ink.

Sketchy tensed up at first, then he leaned into the embrace. Holding him like this made everything feel a little better somehow. It wasn’t just that he was warm and sturdy, though it helped. Rather, it was the simple fact that he was there, another pony with his own worries, cares, and problems, who was putting all of that aside so he could help her. He deserved the same in return.

And so Applejack slowly, forcefully pushed aside her selfish desire for him to stay. He deserved the kind of success he’d find in Canterlot. That thought strengthened her enough that she could let go and step back.

Sketchy still looked worried, even lifting a hoof like he wanted to wrap it around her.

Applejack didn’t trust herself to let him. If she went back into an embrace, she might not leave until the next morning. Instead, she faked another smile and croaked out, “Th-than … ks.”

“For what?” Sketchy asked.

She just smiled once more. Then she turned and walked away.

Chapter 30: Rock Bottom

The walk back to Sweet Apple Acres seemed a lot longer than it should’ve been. A few ponies were still out on the streets, but Applejack avoided them. She wouldn’t have been in the mood to talk even if her throat allowed it.

She stopped about halfway between Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres and just stood there, letting thoughts and feelings wash over her. Sketchy would be moving to Canterlot tomorrow. She didn’t want to act like an angsty teen over it, but she didn’t think it was wrong to be sad either. And so she stood there, alone on the road, and let a few tears fall.

Then she wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and kept walking.

Working on a farm her whole life had taught her one very important lesson: time didn’t stop just because you wanted it to. No matter how you felt, no matter how tired, or sick, or hurt, there would always be another day’s worth of chores to get done, and if you put them off, then it only meant you’d have to work twice as hard to catch back up. Better to pony up and do your job even if you weren’t feeling wonderful.

Applejack nodded to herself. She’d get up tomorrow and do her chores just like she always did. Besides, the hard work would keep her from dwelling on Sketchy.

She reached the farmhouse a few minutes later and slipped inside to find Big Mac sitting in the front room. His eyes widened when he saw her. “AJ?”

She managed a weak smile.

He got up and pulled her into a hug, wiping away the last few tears from her cheek. “What happened?”

“H-he’s,” Applejack croaked, “moving.” She winced and rubbed her throat.

“Still?” Big Mac asked.

She nodded, gently pulling out of his hug. “N-night.”

“Wait,” Mac said, grabbing her by the foreleg. “You okay?”

Another nod, though she didn’t meet his gaze.

“… Okay.” Mac hugged her again for just a second. “Love you, little Sis.”

Translation, ‘I’m always here if you need anything or just want to talk.’

She patted his leg and made her way upstairs to her bedroom. Maybe it was all the stress, but even though Applejack felt exhausted, she couldn’t seem to fall asleep.

( | )

“… Nope,” a voice said. Applejack’s mind slowly pieced together that it was her brother.

“Really?” a different voice asked. That one belonged to Sketchy. “Do you know where she is?”

Applejack curled up more tightly in her bed. The thought of seeing him now terrified her, but she was too tired to remember why. She covered her ears, for some reason thinking that he wouldn’t be able to find her if she couldn’t hear him.

She heard more talking, too muted to make out any words, then the door slammed, echoing through the house.

Why was Sketchy even here? Applejack struggled to get her mind to focus once more, but apparently it wasn’t in the mood. Sleep was too alluring …

( | )

Applejack stumbled downstairs much later. She glanced at the nearest clock. “Holy moley, is it really past noon?”

“Sure is,” Granny called from the kitchen. “Why don’t you come in here so we can talk?”

It looked like it was time to face the music. Applejack walked into the kitchen and found her grandmother at the table, sipping a cup of tea. “Where are Mac and Bloom?”

“Working the fields, and school,” Granny said. She gave a weak, sad smile. “Can I get you anything to eat?”

“I can make myself some cereal.” She took a deep breath. “But first, I’m sorry for not ‘sealing the deal’ with Sketchy like you wanted me to.”

“Wait,” Granny said, “you mean you didn’t?”

Applejack blushed. “No.”

“Then what the hay did you do?” Granny asked. “Here we thought you rocked that stallion’s world, begging him to stay, and he decided to leave you regardless. Big Mac was furious.”

“Well he shouldn’t be.” Applejack looked down. “In fact, I never even brought up Sketchy staying here. I couldn’t ask him to give up everything for me, not without hating myself forever because of it.”

Granny got up and gave her a hug. “Applejack, there ain’t nothing wrong with wanting something and telling others about it. The decision would still be his to make.”

Applejack kept looking at her hooves. “I think he already made his decision. He must be in Canterlot by now.”

“I reckon he is.” Granny gave her a sympathetic look. “Maybe you can go visit him sometime.”

“Maybe.” Applejack grabbed a box of cereal. “But not today. There’s a whole heap of chores I need to get done.”

Granny nodded. “If that’s what you think will help. Just remember, we’re all here for you.”

“Thanks, Granny.” Applejack sighed. “That means a lot.”

As soon as she finished her cereal, Applejack headed out and spent the rest of the day bucking apples, repairing farm equipment, cooking dinner, and trying not to think about Sketchy.

Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, and even Dash came by to see her at some point, and she had to explain to every single one of them that no, she didn’t want to talk about how she was feeling. If she did, then she’d already be talking about it.

Dash accepted this the most easily. Rarity followed her around for several hours, going on and on about the power of true love.

All told, she was glad when the time finally came to curl up in bed and drift back to sleep.

( | )

The next day was somehow even harder. She was stuck in the market for most of it, selling apples and the remainder of Sketchy’s pictures. During slow times, she found herself looking through them, remembering the story behind each one.

What new pictures was he drawing that she’d never hear the story behind?

Not that she could’ve abandoned the farm to go help him full time. Apple farming was in her blood, and she’d never be sorry for it. Still, she couldn’t stop looking to Canterlot and wondering what that lovable goof was up to without her around.

Applejack found herself sighing a lot that day.

( | )

Day three was mostly boring. She only left the farm to eat lunch at Sugarcube Corner with Dash. It had been too long since the last time they’d hung out, though the location reminded her a lot of Sketchy. She kept expecting to see him in the crowd or staring at her rear from one of the booths. Was it strange that she missed that?

Stupid question.

( | )

Applejack woke up feeling strange on the forth day. Not sick, mind you, just strange. A feeling she’d never thought she’d have was welling up in her, so powerful it felt like she’d burst. She wanted to talk to somepony about Sketchy.

This sort of thing had never happened to her before. What was she supposed to do, walk up to one of her friends and tell them that she needed to get some emotions off her chest?

…

Actually, that didn’t sound half bad, and Applejack knew just the friend to talk to.

“Rarity,” she called a while later, walking into Carousel Boutique, “can we talk?”

Rarity was in the front of the shop, putting new dresses out. She looked a bit worried for a second. “Of course, dear. Have I done something to upset you?”

“No, nothing like that,” Applejack said, a faint blush on her cheeks. “I was kinda hoping you wouldn’t mind if we sat down and talked about … You know, feelings, and Sketchy, and stuff.”

To say that Rarity grinned would be to undersell the magnitude of the smile that came to her friend’s lips. “Why, no, I don’t think I would mind if we talked about your destined love.”

“Destined love?” Applejack repeated. “He moved away, how can-”

“Wait, wait,” Rarity said. “This isn’t nearly the proper place to have a good Girl Talk. Follow me.” Which was a strange thing to say, considering she then grabbed Applejack by the hoof and practically dragged her into the kitchen. Several quarts of ice cream floated out of the freezer, and then they were on the move again.

Applejack found herself in Rarity’s bedroom, with a robe around her for some reason, eating ice cream right out of the container.

“Perfect,” Rarity said, armed with a robe and ice cream of her own. “Now then, tell me everything there is to know about that mysterious stallion who caught your eye and won your heart.”

Applejack almost said that Sketchy had never won her heart, except it had been four days since he left, and she still found herself thinking about him whenever she had a calm moment. That had to count as winning some part of her.

Besides, she’d come here to talk about him. May as well get on with it. “I miss him,” Applejack said at last. “More than that, I guess. I keep thinking I need to meet up with him for some appointment, or imagining what I’d say if he were here, or wishing he actually were here.” She sighed. “Never thought I’d turn into some weak damsel, pining after a stallion.”

“Dear,” Rarity said gently, “missing somepony doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you care.” She ate a bite of her ice cream. It looked strawberry flavored. “I’ve always believed that it takes a stronger pony to care about others, to let them in even at the risk of being hurt.”

“I guess.” Applejack ate some of her own ice cream. Chocolate, always a favorite. “But what am I supposed to do? I can’t go around sighing and moping for the rest of my life.”

“I would recommend that you find him and tell him how you feel,” Rarity said.

“And then what?” Applejack ate more ice cream. “Ask him to move back to Ponyville? He makes ten times as much money in Canterlot.” She shook her head. “I ain’t that selfish.”

“You could move there,” Rarity said.

Applejack gave her an ‘Are you kidding me?’ look. “My family needs me here,” she said slowly and clearly. “My parents got married on that farm. They’re buried on that farm. My entire life has been about maintaining that farm and the legacy that goes with it. Not to mention, you girls all live here in town.” She shook her head. “I might have feelings for Sketchy, but I can’t, I won’t, give up all of that, and no pony who really cares about me would ask me to.”

Rarity lifted her hooves in surrender. “I only suggested it to help you think about what you would and wouldn’t give up to be with him.”

“Fine,” Applejack said, going back to her ice cream.

She was halfway through the tub when Rarity spoke again. “You still want to be with him.”

Applejack sighed. “Yeah.”

“Then go speak with him.” Rarity took Applejack’s hoof in hers. “You must tell him how you feel. Even if nothing changes, at least you’ll have some measure of closure.”

It wasn’t the worst advice Applejack had ever heard. “Fine.” She put the lid back on her ice cream and passed it to Rarity.

“Are you leaving so soon?” Rarity asked, disappointment in her voice. “We were just getting started.”

“I need to finish a bunch of chores today,” Applejack said, “so I’ll be free to head up to Canterlot tomorrow.”

Rarity went from disappointed to beaming in an instant. “Tell me everything that happened as soon as you get back.”

Applejack smiled. “I will on one condition.” She pointed at the ice cream. “Have a quart of Brownie Blast waiting for me.” Then she slipped out of her robe and headed back to the farm.

Chapter 31: Chasing Tail

Applejack was on the first train to Canterlot the next morning. She was also bored out of her skull. Normally she spent the two-hour ride talking with Sketchy. Obviously that wasn’t happening this time around. Applejack sighed. She’d brought her saddlebags but forgotten to toss a book into them.

Thoughts of Sketchy danced through her mind for lack of anything else to think about. What she’d say when she saw him. How he’d been holding up since he moved. How thoroughly she’d murder him if he already had a new marefriend. The usual.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the train finally pulled into the Canterlot station. It was still dark outside, but the rich scent of coffee filled the air, and a small crowd of ponies started piling into the train as soon as its doors opened. Applejack pushed her way ‘upstream’ to one of the coffee stands and got a cup.

It was … well, it was warm. Applejack downed the whole thing and tossed the cup in the trash before setting out for Sketchy’s new apartment building.

The lobby was as nice as ever, and Applejack was pleasantly surprised to find a pony behind the counter. A stallion, specifically, wearing same red uniform and black tie. “Morning,” Applejack said, walking up to the other pony. “Do you know which room Frameless Sketcher is staying in?”

The employee looked like he’d been up all night, which he probably had. Dark spots hung beneath his eyes, his brownish mane was a mess, and his eyes were a bit distant. “I’m sorry, but that name doesn’t ring a bell.” He grabbed a binder and started leafing through it. “You’ll have to give me a moment.”

“No worries,” Applejack said. “He’s new, if that helps.”

The employee hummed thoughtfully and checked a few more pages. “We haven’t had any new residents in a while, unless you mean that one pony who was supposed to move in earlier this week.”

“That’s when he moved here,” Applejack said, “but what do you mean, ‘supposed to’?”

“It’s the weirdest thing,” the employee said. “He moved all his stuff into room three-oh-nine and then left. We haven’t seen him since. A bunch of the staff are taking bets on what’s going on.”

“I’d like to know that myself,” Applejack muttered. “Could you let me in his room? There should be a notebook with all his appointments for the next few days. Maybe that’ll let me figure out where he got off to.”

“Are you a family member?” the employee asked.

“I’m his manager,” Applejack said. “Sort of. It’s complicated.”

The stallion looked less than sure.

“Look,” Applejack said, “if he’s missing, then he could be hurt. Just let me look at that notebook. You can even come with me to make sure I don’t steal nothing.”

“Okay,” the employee said at last, “but if I get in trouble with my manager, I’m blaming you.”

“Deal,” Applejack said.

Sketchy had rented one of the single-occupant room, more like a glorified broom closet. It wasn’t as though he had much to cram in there anyway. Only four boxes sat in the room, and two of them were filled with art supplies.

Applejack found the notebook in the first of the remaining boxes. “Let’s see.” She flipped to the day he had moved. “No appointments.” She checked the day after. “A couple of nobles.” Sketchy probably hadn’t gone off to an appointment a day early and then stuck around for the better part of a week, but at least it gave Applejack a place to start looking. “Thanks for the help,” she said to the employee, tucking the notebook into her saddlebags. “If Sketchy comes back, tell him I’ve been looking for him.”

( | )

“… I understand,” Applejack said to yet another noble pony. “Of course we’ll schedule a new appointment with you as soon as he’s been found.”

The noble, a stick-thin mare with a green coat, nodded. “See that you do.”

Applejack bit down a glare. No pony had seen Sketchy in days, and this mare’s biggest concern was that she might not get her picture drawn. “I don’t suppose you have any idea what might’ve happened to him?”

“None at all.” The mare stood and walked away. “My butler will show you out.”

The sun was already high overhead by the time Applejack got outside. Three nobles scattered across Canterlot, and not a single hint between them.

She trudged back to Sketchy’s apartment complex, feeling like dirt. “Any news?”

The stallion behind the front desk somehow looked even more tired than he had a few hours ago. “Nothing. I get off in a few minutes, but I’ll tell the other employees to keep an eye open for your friend.”

“Coltfriend,” Applejack said. “I think.” She shook her head. “I’ll figure it out when I find him.”

The stallion blinked. “Long story, or it’s complicated?”

“Long, complicated story.” Applejack turned and headed for the door, calling over her shoulder, “Go get some sleep. You look about ready to collapse.” Outside, she paused and looked around. Where was she supposed to go now? She cursed herself for not getting up when Sketchy had come by during his last morning in Ponyville. Maybe he’d been trying to tell her where he was going, and she’d been too busy feeling sorry for herself to walk downstairs and listen.

Applejack leaned against the side of the building, frowning to herself. He’d come to Canterlot by train to drop off his things. Maybe he’d left the same way. It wasn’t much to go on, but it was all she had. She nodded and set off.

A few minutes later, she was standing in front of the ticket booth at the station. “Excuse me,” she said to the stallion working there, “but do you happen to remember a gray earth pony with a black mane coming through here a few days ago with a few boxes? He was moving here from Ponyville?”

“Do you mean that weird artist selling pictures of Princess Luna?” the elderly stallion asked.

“That’s him!” Applejack leaned forward eagerly. “Did you happen to catch where he was headed?”

“Actually, yes.” The stallion nodded. “It’s the weirdest thing, he walked through the station with some boxes, then he came back an hour later and offered to trade me a picture of Princess Luna in return for a ticket to the Crystal Empire.”

Applejack grinned. “Yes!”

The stallion leaned back a bit. “I, uh, take it you know him?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Applejack felt a bit foolish over her outburst, but at least she was on the right track. “So, did you do the trade?”

“Well,” the stallion fidgeted, “it was a very attractive picture …”

Applejack was on the next train to the Crystal Empire.

( | )

If the two-hour ride from Ponyville to Canterlot had been rough, then the six-hour ride from Canterlot to the Crystal Empire was downright torturous. Applejack counted every tile on the ceiling just to pass the time, and the screws holding each seat together, and the number of other passengers, and anything else she could think of. Then she did it a second time.

At long last, the train pulled in to the Crystal Empire station. Applejack was the first out the door and talking with the ticket seller before the new passengers had even started loading.

“I don’t remember seeing anypony with those colors,” the seller said. He was a younger crystal pony, probably about Applejack’s own age. “But we’ve been getting a lot of tourists lately, and I can’t keep track of them all.”

Applejack sighed and nodded. “Gotcha, thanks anyway.” She turned and headed into the Empire proper, looking every which way for a gray earth stallion. There were crowds of ponies all over the place, just like in any city, but she couldn’t see Sketchy anywhere.

Then again, the last time he’d been in a city, he’d made quite the impression on Celestia … and before that, he’d made an impression on Twilight. She fixed her eyes on the Crystal Palace. Maybe he’d gone three for three, and Cadance could tell Applejack where he was. She headed that way.

She’d practically reached the palace’s front door when it opened and Shining Armor trotted out.

Applejack couldn’t believe her luck. “Hey, Shining Armor!”

He looked up. “Applejack? What are you doing here?”

“It’s a long story,” she walked over to him. “Don’t suppose you’ve seen a bit of an odd duck stallion around here? Gray coat, black mane, obsessed with drawing rears?”

Shining’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Obsessed with drawing rears?”

Applejack chuckled. “I did say he’s an odd duck.”

“So you did.” Shining shook his head and chuckled. “Well, I haven’t seen anypony like that around here, but why in the world are you in the Crystal Empire looking for a pony who draws butts?”

Applejack looked down at her hooves. “He’s my coltfriend. Kinda. Maybe not anymore, if he went halfway across Equestria without even telling me.”

Shining paused. “Um, do you want to talk about it?”

“I just wanna make sure he’s okay.” Applejack looked around. “Any idea where I might find him? He’s an artist, and I heard he rode the train up here a few days ago.”

“I guess the marketplace,” Shining said. “I don’t have anything to do for a few hours, so I can help you look for him.”

“I’d appreciate it,” Applejack said with a smile. “Two sets of eyes are better than one.”

Shining nodded. “It gives a plus two circumstance bonus on Spot checks.”

“What?”

“Sorry, nerd joke.” Shining pointed to a nearby street. “Let’s get moving.”

Applejack fell into step with him, sneaking a glance at his rear as they walked. In her defense, it was a great rear.

They reached the marketplace in just a few minutes, but Applejack could already tell it wouldn’t be a quick search. The market was a giant street full of shops, and restaurants, and game booths, and live music. It was like one of Pinkie’s dreams brought to life, and crammed full of ponies to boot.

“There are a lot of artists around here,” Shining Armor said. “They make good money selling art to tourists.”

Applejack looked around the market, which stretched as far as the eye could see. She took a deep breath. “Let’s get to it.”

“What brought your coltfriend to the Crystal Empire, anyway?” Shining asked as they searched.

“I wish I knew,” Applejack said. “He was moving to Canterlot last I heard, but when I went to go see him, he was nowhere to be found.” She quickly explained the trail that led her here.

“Strange,” Shining Armor said. “Didn’t he send you a letter or anything, telling you where he’d be?”

Applejack shook her head. “Maybe he just didn’t want me to find him.”

Shining Armor paused long enough to look at a group of artists drawing silly pictures for tourists. “What exactly happened between you two?”

“He moved to Canterlot,” Applejack said, “and I never told him that I wanted him to stay in Ponyville with me.”

“Never?” Shining Armor stopped and looked at her.

“I know, I know,” Applejack said. “It was stupid of me, but it was his dream to be a rich artist for the Canterlot elite, and I didn’t want to take that away from him.”

Shining Armor put a hoof on her shoulder. “Maybe it was stupid, but it sounds like you were trying to put his wants above your own.” He smiled. “Cadance always tells me that’s the biggest sign of true love.”

“I guess.” Applejack couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. “Is it wrong that I want to tell him now? Even if it might mean he gives up his dream for me?”

“Not if you ask me.” He patted her shoulder then continued walking. “Take it from a married stallion, nothing good comes from hiding your wants in a relationship. Soon you’ll start resenting your special somepony for not doing what you wanted, even though they had no way of knowing. Eventually you’ll snap at them, and they’ll have no idea why you’re suddenly furious over something they thought was fine. Then you’ll feel bad for snapping, they’ll feel bad for not realizing how you felt earlier, and you’ll both wish you’d been more honest right from the start.”

Applejack froze. Honest. Yeah, that was right. She hadn’t been honest with Sketchy, and look where it had gotten her. Some Element of Honesty.

“Applejack?” Shining Armor asked, looking back at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah … I’ll be fine.” She caught up to him. “You just gave me something to think about.”

“Good, I think.”

“It’s good,” Applejack said. “Just a friendly reminder that even I can stand to learn more about honesty.”

They kept searching the marketplace for what felt like hours, going all the way from one end to the other. Eventually, Shining Armor found a place for them to sit down and grab a bite to eat.

“I don’t get it,” Applejack said, munching on her salad. “Where else could he be?”

“I wish I knew,” Shining Armor said, looking at the setting sun. “You can stay in the palace tonight. We’ve got plenty of rooms. Just be warned, Cadance will want to hear all about your relationship with this stallion.” He chuckled. “You know how she gets when it comes to love. She’ll probably mobilize the entire Crystal Guard to track him down.”

“It couldn’t hurt.” Applejack ate some more salad. “Speaking of Cadance, ain’t she gonna be upset that you up and disappeared for so long?”

“Nah,” he said. “She told me to leave for at least a few hours. Something about a surprise for my birthday next week.”

Applejack paused. Sketchy did have a track record with princesses. That’s what had led her to the Crystal Palace to begin with. She stood up. “We’ve gotta get back to the palace! If he leaves, we won’t know where to find him again.”

Shining Armor paused midway through a bite of his sandwich. “What?”

“Sketchy,” Applejack said, then she took off running. She didn’t know how long it took her to reach the palace. Too long. The sun was already down by the time she slid to a stop in front of the doors.

“Whew,” Shining said, pulling up behind her and wiping off his forehead. “I think I need to do more cardio.”

“Sorry,” Applejack said, “but where would Cadance go if she wanted to have an artist do an intimate picture of her?”

“I don’t know,” Shining said. “Maybe the bedroom?”

“Sounds about right.” Applejack pushed open the front door-

-and found Sketchy right on the other side.

“Applejack?” His eyes lit up. “You really were here.” He rushed forward, then paused right in front of her. “I, um …” His ears folded back and he lifted his forelegs. “Hug?”

“Hug.” She held him close, blinking away tears. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Sketchy leaned back just enough to look at her. “What do you mean? I came by the farm the morning I was going to move to Canterlot, but your brother said you weren’t there. He suggested I look for you in the Crystal Empire.”

Applejack paused. She remembered the anger in Big Mac’s voice that morning. Anger that might’ve made him sarcastically tell Sketchy to get lost in some far-off corner of Equestria. And Sketchy being Sketchy, he wouldn’t have caught the sarcasm. Applejack swallowed. “Um, I might have an idea what happened, but for now, let’s just say it was a misunderstanding.”

“Okay.” Sketchy turned to Shining Armor. “Is he a friend of yours?”

“Yeah,” Applejack said. “That’s Shining Armor, Twilight’s brother.”

“The one you think is sexy?”

Shining Armor made a sound somewhere between a choke and a cough. “What!”

Applejack, meanwhile, was seriously considering finding a hole to crawl into and die. “You just had to bring that up, didn’t you?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Sketchy asked with complete sincerity.

“Never mind,” Applejack said, leaning back into the hug—all the better to hide her face. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t say it.” She squeezed him tighter. “And I’m okay with that.”

Chapter 32: The Rumpy Road Home

Applejack wound up taking the overnight train back to Ponyville, mostly because she couldn’t look Shining Armor in the eyes. She stepped into the private car she’d gotten and looked around; two beds, a lantern, and that was about it. Oh, and the whole place smelled like stale laundry.

Not like she’d expected a lot for ten bits anyway.

“Sit down,” she told Sketchy, gesturing at one of the beds as she sat down on the other. “It’s about time we had a long talk.”

Sketchy sat down opposite her. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Well,” she said after a moment, “I guess I should start with why I think Big Mac told you to go to the Crystal Empire.” She tried, and failed, to look him in the eyes. “Uh, you know what sarcasm is, right?”

“Yes,” Sketchy said. “It’s when an individual says something that is the opposite of their actual thoughts, though I’ve never been very good at detecting it.”

“I noticed,” Applejack muttered. “Anyway, Mac was likely being sarcastic. He thought you and I had, uh …” She cleared her throat. “Well, I was feeling a bit down when I got home the night before, and he thought I wouldn’t want to see you and told you to go away. He never meant for you to literally go to the Crystal Empire looking for me.”

Sketchy sagged a little, eyes drifting to the floor. “Oh. I thought I was getting better at reading tones.”

“You are,” Applejack said quickly, “but you can’t expect to get perfect overnight.”

“I suppose not,” Sketchy said, but he still didn’t look up.

Applejack chewed on the inside of her cheek. She hated to see him so being so hard on himself. “Why’d you come all the way to the Empire to look for me, anyway?”

“I …” Sketchy sighed. “It was just a stupid thought.”

She took his hoof in hers. “What thought?”

Sketchy stared at her hooves in surprise for a moment. “I- never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

“Sketchy,” Applejack said, “just tell me.”

He seemed to shrink down into his mattress a little. “I was going to suggest using the apartment in Canterlot for overnight business trips, rather than moving there full-time.” He slowly but firmly pulled his hoof away from hers. “As I said, it doesn’t matter. I thought our date my last evening in Ponyville had been wonderful for both of us, and so I went to your house to suggest a way that we could continue to see each other daily, and I went to the Crystal Empire because I didn’t want to give up on that thought, but I must have misunderstood something if you were upset when you got home from our last date.”

Applejack’s heart leaped in her chest. “No, I had a lot of fun with you, but …” There was no helping it. She took a deep breath. Time to fess up. “But I couldn’t help being sad that you were leaving in the morning.” Her cheeks were burning, but she pressed on. “I wanted you to stay.”

That made Sketchy look up, and for the first time she could recall, his eyes locked on hers. “You did?”

She swallowed. “Y-yeah.” Her eyes fell. “I didn’t want to say anything. I mean, it’s so selfish of me, asking you to stay in a small town when you could be making tons more money in Canterlot.”

“I hoped you would ask me,” Sketchy said quietly. “Every time moving to Canterlot came up, I hoped you would ask me to stay, but you never did.”

Applejack’s shoulders hunched. “I’m sorry.”

Sketchy was silent for a long moment. “Could you ask me to stay?”

“What?” Applejack looked up, just as Sketchy looked down.

“No one has ever asked me to stay somewhere with them,” Sketchy said, his voice wistful. “I just thought it would be nice to hear.”

“What about all the money you’d miss out on?” Applejack asked.

“I’m already making more than I ever believed I would,” Sketchy said. “Besides, your company is more than worth the trade-off.”

Warmth flooded through Applejack. She didn’t know why tears were running down her cheeks. “Really?”

“Yes,” Sketchy said. His ears folded back. “So, will you ask? Please?”

Applejack moved over to his bed and pulled him into a tight hug. “Sketchy, will you stay with me in Ponyville?”

A shuddering laugh escaped him at the same time that tears appeared in his eyes. “Yes,” he whispered. Then he hugged her back. Hard.

It was almost perfect. Almost. There was still one thing Applejack had been putting off far too long. She took a deep breath. “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

“… Yes.”

And so she did. Then it was perfect.

Chapter 33: A Tail of Two Ponies

Applejack stepped off the train that night, sighing in relief. The night was already half over, and she had a bunch of chores to do in the morning, but a smile still found its way onto her lips. “Ponyville never looked so good.”

“Did they change something about it?” Sketchy asked at her side. “It looks the same as ever to me.”

Applejack chuckled. “That’s a figure of speech. It means I’m glad to be home.”

“Oh,” Sketchy said. “In that case, I agree that Ponyville never looked so good.”

She chuckled more.

Sketchy looked up at the stars overhead. “So … what happens now?”

“We figure things out,” Applejack said. She put a hoof around his shoulders and hugged him. “Should we focus on selling pictures here in Ponyville, or export them to Canterlot? How should we handle all those commissions from nobles? What do we do with that apartment in Canterlot?”

“Actually,” Sketchy said, “I meant where should I sleep tonight? I’m not renting an apartment in town anymore.”

“Oh.” Applejack blushed a little. “Sorry, guess I just got excited thinking about the future.”

Sketchy smiled. It was a faint thing, but sincere as could be. “I’m excited by the future as well, though you still haven’t answered my question.”

Applejack hesitated for a moment. “Well, I guess you can sleep on our couch tonight.” She started walking toward Sweet Apple Acres. “Just don’t get the wrong idea after all that smooching, okay?”

Sketchy frowned and tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“Never mind.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence, with no noise except for their own hoofsteps and a gentle night breeze.

When they reached Applejack’s home, she paused. The lights were on downstairs. “Huh, guess somepony stayed up late waiting for us.” She opened the door and stepped inside.

Granny sat in the front room, resting in her favorite chair, with Big Mac on the couch. “There you are,” Granny said. “I was starting to get worried about you.” Her eyes lit up when Sketchy came into view. “And I see you got your coltfriend back too.”

Applejack smiled in spite of herself. “Yeah, I suppose I did.”

“For which I’m grateful,” Sketchy said. He put his hoof on Applejack’s shoulder, and she leaned into it.

“Sketchy,” Big Mac said, ears pressed back, “sorry for getting angry.”

“I need to apologize too,” Granny said. “We all thought you’d taken advantage of our Applejack, and we said and did some things we ain’t proud of as a result. I hope you’ll be able to forgive us.”

Sketchy looked at them, his expression unreadable. “So you didn’t actually want me to look for Applejack in the Crystal Empire?”

Big Mac blinked. “What?” He shook his head. “Nope. That was …”

“Sarcasm?” Sketchy asked.

He nodded.

“I’m not very good at knowing when somepony is being sarcastic,” Sketchy said, looking down at his hooves.

“Oh.” Big Mac wilted. “So you really-”

“Went all the way up there looking for me?” Applejack said. “Eeyup.”

It was mighty impressive how much Big Mac could shrink down into the couch. “Sorry,” he said quietly.

Sketchy seemed to think about that for a moment, then he smiled. “I forgive you. I would be angry too if somepony took advantage of Applejack.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Granny said. “Both parts, actually.”

Big Mac nodded.

“Glad we could get that worked out,” Applejack said, “but it’s plenty late. We should be getting to bed.”

“Of course, of course,” Granny said. “Here, you’ll be needing this.” She reached down behind her chair and brought up a shovel.

“Granny!” Applejack shouted.

“What? I still wanna see another generation of Apples before I kick the bucket.”

Sketchy blinked. “Should I assume this is one of those things you’d rather not explain to me?”

“Yes,” Applejack said, struggling to ignore the shovel. “Forget it and go to bed- couch! Go to couch. I mean,” she jabbed her hoof at Big Mac, “you, go to your bed.”

Big Mac stood up with a smile and hugged Applejack before heading up the stairs.

Next she pointed at Sketchy. “You, go to the couch.”

“Okay.” Sketchy walked over to the couch and lay down. “Good night.”

Applejack ignored her grandmother, who was mumbling something about being a spoilsport. “Good night, Sketchy.” Then she walked upstairs as well and went to bed. Still, she couldn’t help but look toward where she knew Sketchy was resting. Here. In her house. Like a part of the family.

She fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

( | )

Sugarcube Corner was nice and calm the next day, just busy enough for a steady hum of conversation to fill the air. Also, Pinkie wasn’t working the counter. Applejack was grateful for that. She didn’t want to imagine the ruckus her friend would cause once she realized Sketchy was back to stay.

“I missed this place,” Sketchy said. “Allow me to pay for whatever you order. What’s the phrase? My treat?”

“Fine,” Applejack said, “but I’ll pay for your food next time.”

“That sounds fair.”

They each ordered a sandwich and sat down at their usual booth. “We should visit the copier after this.” Sketchy said. “I still have the originals of most of my drawings. We could start selling copies in the marketplace again.”

“Right,” Applejack said. “We’ll add that to the list right after we figure out how to handle all those angry nobles in Canterlot who’re upset because you missed their appointment.”

“Perhaps schedule them all for one day of the week,” Sketchy said. “I have that apartment now, so we could go up the night before, spend the whole day at appointments, and come back the next morning.”

“And spend two nights alone together?” Applejack asked with a smirk, because she already knew he didn’t mean anything dirty by it.

“Yes,” Sketchy said. “Spending time with you would be a nice perk.”

Applejack smiled and bit into her sandwich. Sprout, tomato, and lettuce; nice and crunchy.

Dash walked in just then, and a huge smile lit up her face. “Hey, you two.” She walked over to their booth. “When did you get back?”

“Last night,” Applejack said.

“Nice.” Dash turned to Sketchy. “So, you staying in Ponyville for good?”

“For as long as Applejack wants me to stay, yes.”

Even Dash had to grin at that. “Dang, I guess you two are official now. Wait until Rarity hears. You two, stay right there!” She was out the door before Applejack could say a word.

Applejack grumbled. “There ain’t no way this will end well.”

“Why?” Sketchy asked.

“Because I know my friends,” Applejack said. “Rarity will tell Twilight, and Twilight will tell everypony else, and then all five of them will come rushin’ in here to congratulate us and make a big hullabaloo.”

Sketchy tilted his head to the side. “So making a big deal of a friend’s happiness is bad?”

“More like embarrassing.” Applejack took a deep breath and smiled. “Oh well, at least I’m pretty sure I can survive it.”

They didn’t have long to wait for Applejack’s predicted swarm of friends. The group of them burst into Sugarcube Corner less than ten minutes later, all asking questions, and offering congratulations, and speaking over each other in their enthusiasm.

Rarity practically jumped into Applejack’s lap. “You did it! You went and brought back your one true love!” She swooned. “Oh, it’s so romantic!”

Applejack rolled her eyes, fighting down a smile. “Good to see you again too, Rares.”

Eventually the group quieted down enough that Twilight could ask, “What will you two do now?”

“We’re working on that,” Applejack said. “Though I guess there ain’t no hurry.” She looked at Sketchy and smiled. “We have plenty of time to figure things out.”

Rarity got a sly smile. “So have you two officially become an item, then?”

Sketchy gave her a confused look. “What kind of item?”

Twilight cleared her throat. “I think she meant to ask if you two have hooked up.”

“I don’t understand,” Sketchy said. “Hooked up to what?”

Dash groaned. “Are you two banging, or aren’t you?”

“You mean like hitting things?” Sketchy asked. “Neither of us has punched anything lately.”

All five of Applejack’s friends facehoofed.

Applejack leaned back against Sketchy with a contented smile. “Sketchy?”

He put a hoof around her, holding her tight. “Yes?”

“Never change.”

The End

Chapter 18: Making an Ass of Yourself

Applejack got to Sugarcube Corner a few minutes early the next day. Everything was going to be fine, she told herself as she walked inside. Mr. Cake was at the counter today. That was good. Pinkie could always tell when something was bugging her. She approached the counter, doing her best to look calm. “Afternoon. How’s business?”

Mr. Cake smiled. “Not too busy, not too slow. How about you, already finished with with your farm work for the day?”

“Mostly,” Applejack said, glancing at the door. No Sketchy yet. “I’m in charge of dinner tonight, but there were a few things I needed to take care of in town first.” She glanced at the display case. “Oh, and two blueberry muffins, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.” Mr. Cake grabbed the muffins for her. “Four bits, and are you here to meet up with your coltfriend?”

Applejack passed him the bits. “Yup, we’ve got an appointment with Cloud Kicker and …” She replayed his question in her mind. “Did you just call Sketchy my coltfriend?”

Mr. Cake looked confused. “Oh, are you not officially together yet? Pinkie said you were dating somepony.”

“We only went on one date,” Applejack said, “and that was only because Rarity insists on playing matchmaker.” She shook her head and took the muffins. “Never mind, thanks for the grub.” Then she retreated to Sketchy’s usual booth and settled down to wait.

Sketchy walked in a bit later. Applejack paused for a second to just look at him. Gray coat, black mane and tail, medium build, and a pair of worn saddlebags across his hips. He was the same as he’d always been.

Applejack didn’t know why she’d expected anything else, but it made her smile regardless.

He turned to her with those steely gray eyes that were always moving. It was like he was drawing a picture with his gaze, now that she thought about it. He took a seat opposite her. “Good afternoon.”

“Afternoon.” Applejack passed him one of the muffins. She fiddled with the other in her hooves. Should she tell him about what Twilight had said? It would feel kinda like lying if she didn’t, but how could she say that she’d had him checked out for mental problems without it sounding like a serious insult. For that matter, wasn’t it a serious insult? She cleared her throat. “So, uh, how’d things go with the spa twins yesterday?”

“They gave me a coupon for a free spa session,” Sketchy said. “I would’ve reduced my price by an appropriate amount to compensate, but they insisted it was a gift.”

“They do that with everypony from time to time,” Applejack said. “A free session reminds ponies how good it feels to be pampered, earning them a bunch of repeat customers.”

“I think I understand,” Sketchy said. He took a careful bite of his muffin.

Applejack watched him, hoping the right words would come to her. They didn’t.

“Very tasty,” Sketchy said, taking another bite of his muffin. “When should we go to Cloud Kicker’s?”

“Soon,” Applejack said, “just …” She grit her teeth. “Sketchy, do you ever feel like you’re different than other ponies?”

“All the time,” Sketchy said with a sigh. “I wish I could be back home. At least I understood how things worked there.”

“I understand,” Applejack said, “but, uh, Twilight—no, Twilight and I—think that you might have a disorder that makes it harder for you to communicate with other ponies, and probably griffons too.” She stared down at her muffin, worried that he’d be upset or angry.

Sketchy was quiet for a bit, but when he did speak, it was calm and relaxed. “I suppose I might.” He shrugged and took another bite of his muffin. “How much are these? I might buy another one before we go.”

Applejack’s jaw nearly dropped. “Aren’t you upset? I’m supposed to be your friend, but here I am, thinking you’ve got a problem with your brain.”

Sketchy set down his muffin and looked at her. “Should I be upset?”

“I don’t know.” Applejack sank her head onto the table. “Twilight said if you had a condition, then understanding it would help, and I let her talk me into letting her evaluate you, and she thinks you do have a condition, and I can’t help feeling like I betrayed your trust somehow.”

“I don’t understand any of that,” Sketchy said. “How did you betray me if you did something that you thought would help and then told me all about it afterwards?”

“What about suspecting you have some kind of mind problem?” Applejack said, face still on the table.

Sketchy shrugged. “If there’s evidence to support that view, then I don’t see the problem. You said it had something to do with making communication more difficult, and I’ve gotten in lots of trouble due to communication problems.” Another shrug, then he went back to his muffin. “Why would I be upset that you noticed something obvious about me?”

Applejack didn’t know why, but his calm acceptance just made her feel worse. He was supposed to get angry or something, make her work for his forgiveness. Her mind latched onto that thought. “Can I do anything to make it up to you?”

“Make what up to me?” Sketchy asked. “I already said that I’m not upset.”

“I know,” Applejack said, “but … I dunno, I just feel like owe you one for going behind your back to get you checked out.”

“You could model a few pictures for me,” Sketchy said. “I know you’d rather not, so that would make it a meaningful favor, right? Or is that too much of a favor for the perceived offense? I could come up with a smaller favor, if that would work better.”

Applejack froze. It was tempting to have him come up with something else, more tempting than she wanted to admit, but she knew it would just make her feel worse. “N-no, I’ll,” she blushed, “I’ll model whatever you want me to.”

“Thank you,” Sketchy said. “Or should I say, ‘It’s a deal’?”

“I guess ‘thank you,’” Applejack said. She picked up her muffin and took a bite out of it, enjoying the familiar taste of blueberries. “We should leave to Cloud Kicker’s as soon as we finish these.”

“Understood.” Sketchy paused for a moment and looked over at her. “Is it appropriate to say that I look forward to drawing you in provocative positions?”

Applejack’s cheeks suddenly felt like they were on fire. “I, uh, well, thanks for saying so,” she looked down, “but, er, I thought you weren’t attracted to ponies, you know, that way.”

Sketchy frowned slightly and stared into the distance. “Now that you mention it, I suppose that has changed at some point.” His frown deepened, and his ears folded back against his head. “Is that bad? I could try to be less attracted to you, if you want.”

“No, no,” Applejack said quickly, fighting down a smile. “I’m, uh, I’m glad to hear it.”