Blindsided

Lazuli always liked to describe her life the way she described her tail. It was twisty, battered from years of terrible experiences, yet it kept on trucking with no intention of stopping any time soon. It was a weird comparison and she acknowledged that, but it made her wife giggle so she couldn’t complain.

Since she was ten years old Lazuli had been living in Equestria. She identified far more as an Equestrian citizen than a citizen of Bellephron, her home land, yet ponies tended to associate her more with the latter. Perhaps fifty years ago she wouldn’t have had much issue with it…but lately it was a bit of a nuisance.

The borders between Equestria and the land of Bellephron had only grown larger in the sixty-five years Lazuli had been alive. It had begun with the assassination of Tempest Diadem, the appointed Duke of Bellephron. At the time, the land had been recognized as Equestrian territory, seized in a war fought centuries before. The Draconies, the native residents of Bellephron had enough of their land being pilfered for its rich stores of gems – and Tempest was the unfortunate stallion who was in charge when they rose up.

The Draconies declared their independence fairly easily. The Princesses at the time hadn’t wanted a war, especially when they had come into conflict so recently with Griffonstone. They allowed the Draconies their independence, but shunned them in virtually every way besides economic. They needed the gems after all, and as Lazuli said, the Princesses are nothing if not hypocrites when it comes to those they deem ‘enemies’. Publicly they denounce them, but behind closed doors they hope to convert them; and failing that, at least obtain whatever riches they have.

Two centuries had passed since their liberation, and being free of their bondage the Draconies rapidly began to expand. Their technology grew as quickly as their borders, engulfing most of the far Western regions of the continent. Zebrica, nestled to the south west of Equestria, was left untouched by both nations as Equestria rose up to expand and match the Draconies’ power. The ponies’ technology advanced slower than their counterpart, though Bellephron kept their discoveries mostly under wraps, and primarily for bettering their society. Equestria, however, built up their military with such advancements, bolstering their forces with airships and powerful weaponry to deter those who might encroach on their borders.

Lazuli Cutter was one of the last Draconies who was allowed through the Equestrian-Bellephronian border with no real trouble. Only a few months after she came to Equestria, they instated harsh new screening and lengthy wait times to discourage Draconies coming to their country-turned-empire. Everything from the frozen north to the edge of the jungles of Zebrica belonged to them, and Draconies were somehow disliked by many ponies in every region. It was no help that after Tempest’s death, the Equestrian media had plastered angry mobs and reactionary Draconies as the norm, and labelled them all as violent usurpers.

Lazuli’s parents had both died in Equestria when she was only fourteen. Both of them were attempting to defend an Equestrian couple from an angry Dracony mob during a particularly violent cultural conflict between the two races of equines and were killed in the process. They did, however, manage to keep the attackers at bay until the guards stopped the violence. The two ponies that they saved were so grateful that they decided to take Lazuli as their own, but the filly was aloof and impossible to reach. She might as well have dropped out of high school on day one, despite still being enrolled until the last day. The only classes she was any good at were Phys. Ed and music, though she had no capacity to sing – not because she couldn’t, but because she barely spoke and when she did, it was mostly one-word responses.

It was in her last few months of high school that Lazuli met Cirrus Refin. In virtually every respect, the two mares should have never got along. Lazuli was an unintelligent, bad student with a horrible attendance record, extreme anti-social behaviour and a penchant for beating up anyone who tried to make fun of her for it. Cirrus was a straight-A student, a bright young mare who, while also anti-social and shy, was still quite friendly and likeable.

Yet it was one day in particular that they met…and the circumstances of that meeting ignited a spark that neither one of them had ever thought they would feel, let alone knew they wanted.

By this point, Lazuli had all but dropped out of high school. Her barely passing grade was only made possible with her scattered attendance allowing her to just barely pick up what information she needed, then regurgitate it onto a paper that she would never look at again. Assignments were nonexistent to her, but she did just the bare minimum to keep her going. Nopony could really blame her for it, either – the teachers would try, oh by the gods they would try, but there was little they could do.

There was a place behind the school that she always liked to come to, though. A quiet, empty place, miles and miles of empty hills and forests that eventually led to a cliff that dipped into the ocean. Lazuli had been told the cliffs were haunted; she wasn’t superstitious, but she avoided them anyway. As much as the idea of jumping off a cliff and never being seen again appealed to her, she didn’t like the dying part.

Her favourite place to come to was the hill just behind the school. Far enough away so she wouldn’t be disturbed, but close enough that she could look out at the building and feel sorry for the poor saps stuck inside.

As the light blue tips of Lazuli’s hooves thumped against the ground, she couldn’t help but find a rhythm in it. Her mind naturally sought out the beat of anything and let her dance along to it – right now there was no dancing, but she still swayed her hips to match her own personal beat. She couldn’t help it, it was just natural for her.

A Dracony going to an Equestrian school was generally rare, at least now. Bellephron had only gotten its independence thirty years ago, so Draconies weren’t exactly seen as great citizens when they were Equestrian. Lazuli couldn’t even blame the ponies for seeing it that way, especially with how her own parents had fit the bill for everything ponies said. Lazy, jobless, afraid of commitment and responsibilities. Those were her folks – or at least, all she knew about them. She didn’t like to talk about them – just as much as she didn’t like to share her last name because of them. In the back of her mind she hoped there was some reason they had just left her. Right now, she lived with a unicorn mare and her unicorn husband in their average-but-just-bad-enough-to-cost-less-rent apartment.

With a small snort, she used her spaded tail to brush her two-toned blue mane out of her eyes, reaching the top of the hill and sitting down by the tree that sat at the top. For all four years of her high school career, this tree had been there, even when the seniors of her junior year had tried to light it on fire. Baltimare’s high schools were not the best.

Still, there was a tranquility that came over her as soon as she sat down. The weight of the world shifted off her shoulders and was absorbed by the tree she leaned against, or at least, it bore the weight of it for her. She liked to think the tree was a better comfort than her family.

Shifting through her bag with her tail, she pulled out a pair of earbuds and stuck them into her ears. After tapping the button on the side of one of them, she was met with the calm, flowing tones of piano and other instruments working in tandem to create a melody that blended perfectly with the serene nature of the scene in front of her. Far off in the horizon she saw the ocean, below her she saw flowing fields of grass, and the wind whistling through her mane brought the occasional leaf from the impending fall.

This was where she felt safe. At peace. Tranquil, though she had already used that word. She felt like she could sit here for hours and wait until the sun began to set to go home – and that was exactly what she did, every single day. She always waited until the latest time she could to head back to her apartment, and that was usually when the neighbourhood drunks showed up for this spot. They knew her, but she just didn’t want to be around them.

Silence was her friend, but music was family. She couldn’t make any herself. She knew she could probably take a course in music and maybe make something nice for herself, but she just didn’t have the drive.

As Lazuli stared off into the horizon, the quietness of her music let her hear she shuffling of grass behind her. Great, she thought to herself. Now I don’t even get peace and quiet. She turned her head, expecting to see a group of ponies her age planning to hang out – but instead, as she peeked around the trunk of the tree, she saw another Dracony leaning against it with her back to Lazuli.

Well, it was a pleasant surprise at least. Lazuli didn’t feel very sociable, though, so she just turned back around and continued to stare and let her mind wander.

Though, it was hard to do that when the sound of crying began to filter through. Despite her inhibitions, she turned back around and shifted around the tree to see her.

The mare was beautiful. Her fur was pure white like Lazuli’s, her mane a pretty combination of light, shimmering green and white. Looks kind of like toothpaste, Lazuli thought to herself. Still, something was obviously wrong. The mare was hunched over, hugging her knees against her chest with her head resting on her hind legs, sobbing quite audibly.

Removing her earbuds from her ears, Lazuli scooted up. She didn’t know why – she had no idea how to comfort somepony, but she couldn’t just sit here while a pony cried. Clearing her throat, she simply said, “Uh…hey.”

The mare squeaked, a small noise that was closer to a bird chirping than anything else. Her head shot up, eyes wide – the bright green orbs immediately locked onto Lazuli, and the unnamed Dracony slowly swallowed. “…O-oh, uh…hi.” She muttered, letting her longer mane drape over one eye.

“You okay? You were uh…crying.” Lazuli nervously cringed. Of course she was crying, idiot. She knows that.

“U-um…yeah, sorry, I was…I didn’t know…that someone would be up here…”

“I’m always up here.” Lazuli cracked a small smile, shifting up and sitting down next to her. “Uh…what’s your name? If you don’t mind me asking. I haven’t seen you around.”

“Cirrus.” She replied. “Cirrus Refin…”

“That’s, uh…that’s a really nice name!” Lazuli said shakily. It was a really nice name, she was just bad at talking to ponies, despite how confident she came across as normally. “I’m Lazuli. Lazuli-…uh…” She paused, nibbling on her hoof. “Cutter.”

“…Cutter?” Cirrus looked up, brushing her mane from her eyes. Her cheeks were stained with tears.

A mare this pretty shouldn’t be crying…Lazuli thought to herself, then shook her head to clear her mind. “Uh, yeah…Cutter.” She frowned, lowering her head and letting her ears flop. “Yeah yeah, lay it on me…”

“Um…lay what on you?” Cirrus titled her head to the side.

“I- uh…” Lazuli cleared her throat. “Sorry…I’m just used to ponies making fun of me, cuz uh…”

“Oh, you’re- wait, that Cutter?”

“…Yeah, that one.”

“The one who defended the Equestrians from the angry mob back in-“

“Yes, that one.” Lazuli’s nostrils flared. “You don’t need to remind me.”

“…I mean, for what it’s worth, I’m not gonna make fun of you for it…I think it’s kinda cool to meet the daughter of someone uh…infamous, you know?”

“I guess.” Lazuli shrugged. “But, uh…anyway, what’s wrong? You were crying.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Cirrus scuffed her hoof against the dirt, kicking away a rock.

“Didn’t seem like nothing.”

Cirrus flicked her mane over her face again. “I…it’s just some stupid stuff. Parents being…um…not there…”

“…Not there?” Lazuli frowned. “Oh. I mean…uh…” She tried to find a way to speak without saying something about her not having parents either. “My parents aren’t really around either.” Fuck you, brain.

“I- uh, I know…” Cirrus swallowed. “I just…I lived with my mom until yesterday, but she, uh…s-she…” The mare sighed and shook her head, swallowing again to keep down the lump in her throat. “She died.”

Lazuli’s ears went flat against her head, eyes widening a bit. “Oh, uh, shit- I mean, I jus- I…I’m sorry.” She wildly glanced from side to side, now unsure of what to do.

“Y-yeah, she um…” Cirrus pursed her lips. “She meant a lot…to me. But we uh…we couldn’t…afford the bills for her medicine, so she uh…” Cirrus bit back tears, clenching her eyes shut. Despite her efforts, tiny droplets slowly made their way down her cheeks. “O-oh Divines, I’m a wreck…”

Lazuli, without any other real idea of what to do, slowly wrapped one of her wings around Cirrus’ back. “Hey, it’s fine.” She said a bit more confidently. “You’re- you’re dealing with something, you deserve to be able to cry.”

Cirrus sniffled, turning her head and rubbing her eyes with one hoof as she met Lazuli’s eyes. She didn’t say anything about Lazuli’s wing – if anything, she leaned in a bit closer. “I…I really miss her…already…”

“Of course you do.” Lazuli pulled Cirrus closer, fighting back the urge to start tearing up herself. “You um…y-you loved your…mom…and she loved you back, right?”

“Yeah…a lot…” Cirrus nodded solemnly.

Lazuli hadn’t meant to fall silent, but she found herself having to while she swallowed down her instinct to start getting emotional herself. She tended to keep her emotions bottled up, so when something hit her, it really hit her. After about two minutes of deep breaths and silence, though, Cirrus spoke.

“Thank you.” She said quietly, her head resting against Lazuli’s shoulder.

“You’re we- wait, um…thank me for what?”

“For checking on me.” Cirrus sniffled. “I…I’ll be honest, I was…planning to walk down to the cliffs and…” She trailed off, gritting her teeth and pulling herself tighter to Lazuli. “I know, i-it’s the coward’s thing to do, but…I just…can’t.”

“Hey.” Lazuli slowly turned her whole body to face Cirrus, using her tail to slide her closer. “I’m not great with…showing it, but I miss my parents too.” She managed a small smile. “But I got through it by just…ignoring it, and I don’t think that’s been good for me. It’s- it’s good to express your emotions…just not uh, that way.” She smiled just a little wider. “And honestly…I’d sit here for hours if you wanted to talk about it.”

Cirrus blinked in confusion, scrunching her muzzle a bit. “…Hours? Why would you spend hours sitting here listening to me crying?”

“I’m always here till sundown anyway.” Lazuli admitted. “Plus…I don’t get the chance to help ponies very often. Especially Draconies.” She slowly slipped her tail underneath Cirrus’s, intertwining them tightly together. “Need to stick together, you know?”

“…I…I guess.” Cirrus slowly leaned forward, wrapping her forelegs tightly around Lazuli. “Th-thank you. You have no idea how much this means…”

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.” Lazuli said softly, hugging Cirrus back.

The two teenaged Draconies did end up sitting there until sundown. They talked about everything they could – their families, their dreams, their ambitions. Cirrus poured her heart out to Lazuli and Lazuli returned with her own. By the end of the day, both of them had cried, laughed, even sang a bit when Lazuli started playing music.

And by the time they left to go their separate ways, Lazuli came to a realization. Cirrus would need someone to lean on – someone to support her, especially if she was going to be living without parents, presumably in foster care.

Their relationship should never have lasted past high school. Lazuli planned to join the Equestrian military after school, since she certainly didn’t have the education for anything more. It had come up before in their conversations, and Cirrus had always supported the idea…but Lazuli had never expected her to join alongside her. Unfortunately, Cirrus couldn’t pass the physical test; she had never been the athletic type, and Lazuli was far more suited for it. By this point the two of them were only 19, but there was an opportunity that let them work at least somewhat closely.

Lazuli joined the armed forces. Cirrus, however, remained in Baltimare and worked at the local military base as a clerk and assistant to one of the lieutenants. It meant that they still saw each other often when Lazuli wasn’t in training, and it had the added benefit of allowing them to be a proper couple without it breaking military guidelines.

But neither one of them was properly prepared for Lazuli’s first combat deployment. It was the second major conflict with Griffonstone in the past few centuries, a war that lasted for nearly two years. Lazuli actively fought in it for only three months. She fought valiantly, in fact; a master with a tail blade, she wielded it like a fiend on the battlefield, as her comrades would say, but the war took a toll on her, physically and mentally.

Her first major injury was during a battle in a ruined village in the wilds of Griffonstone. She made the mistake of chasing after a wounded griffon and was ambushed by two others. Her flexibility made it possible to escape, but not before their claws tore through her right cheek and left gashes so deep that the scars were still visible through her fur. They also sliced through the flesh of one of her hind legs, wounding her severely and making her nearly bleed out before the reached relative safety.

From there she only broke down even worse. Eventually she found herself a huddled mess in the corner of a ruined building, hearing the clattering of blades and the crackle of gunfire outside and being too afraid to go out and fight. She received a medal for the rescue of two of her comrades when they were retreating – but she knew she didn’t deserve it. She had deserted, for all intents and purposes.

It took her a long time to get over the trauma of battle. Many nights she shot awake thinking she was in a warzone again, and once or twice she nearly killed somepony when a loud noise set her off. She had her long lifespan to thank for her recovery. It took nearly thirty years for the psychiatrists to clear her for duty again, but even then, they recommended active combat zones were not the best idea for her.

After her recovery, though, Lazuli became more reclusive once more. She was still reasonably open with Cirrus, but with others she was brunt and to the point, only wanting to get her job done. Her coldness and willingness to work was what eventually landed her a spot in the special operations division of the military.

This story begins years after she took on her new role as a tactical espionage specialist.