Dadonequess Discord: The Honeymoon
The (Alternate) Honeymoon
Author's Note
This is a NON-CANON side story to Dadonequess Discord, by CrazedLaughter. Therefore this will contain many spoilers to that story. This story happens sometime in early book 2 meaning you have well over a million words to read should you want to read it first. If you like seeing a human-turned-colt getting into all kind of shinanigans, I highly recommend it. If not, and you just want to read some sexy foalcon, go ahead and give this a read. Just know that you will be confused by certain things (even though I tried to setup things to explain Anon's past), and the callbacks to earlier events. Criticism and corrections are welcome. I know I'm not the best writer out there.
The (Alternate) Honeymoon
You just can't belive this is happening. You are currently being pulled into Mr. and Mrs. Rich's summer home on one of Equestria's coasts, by a very giddy Diamond Tiara.
"C'mon Anon! The marrige isn't complete until it's cosented!" You can't help but wonder what you did to deserve this. Or remember how you got into this situation... Oh wait, yes you did. Fucking Twilight.
-Flashback-
"That was so fun! Next come's the honeymoon~!" Diamond swoons, as she dances circles around you in her cute wedding dress, while the two of you walk towards your Aunt Fluttershy, who is talking with Twilight. Twilight wasn't at the wedding proper, but Spoiled couldn't keep her out after the cerimony. No princesses allowed was part of the rules to make sure the wedding was perfectly average, since if this was perfect, your eventual real wedding would pale in comparison.
As you think about the honeymoon, knowing what that usually entails, you can't help but feel your face getting warm, no doubt in a bright red blush. It's been a real dry spell for you since Discord brought you into Equestria to be his new adopted son. Being a foal really doesn't help with getting laid. "O-oh, y-yeah! The honeymoon will be great!" You say, a little too loudly. Keep it in your pants, Anon. Separating love and lust is rather difficult, you have found out. But not impossible. Remembering what Discord said to you about getting frisky with ponies helps. You don't expect anything to happen though, Diamond is still a foal after all.
As Diamond circles back behind you, you see Twilight giving you a funny look as the two of you close in on her and your aunt. Diamond pipes up, "You aren't upset that we're going to the summer home instead of that Flim Flam place like you wanted, are you? Daddy says that you are such a respectable young colt, that he will even let us spend the weekend alone. So mother won't be there to ruin it. It will be so romantic!" It's true you have proven yourself capable in Mr. Rich's eyes, but considering the "talks" he had with you when you and Diamond first became a thing, you wouldn't have expected this.
"Not at all." You answer, "We can always do that later!" Anything to put off having to deal with those two again.
Twilight takes that as her cue to butt in, as usual, though she has gotten better about it more recently. "Excuse me Anon, I need to speak to you. Please follow me." Without even giving you a chance to reply she grabs you in her magic and carries you away from Diamond as you flail around uselessly. Yeah, she still has a ways to go. Reaching the buffet table set up for the reception she speaks. "Anon, you're looking a little flushed, you aren't planning anything... untoward... with Diamond Tiara... alone... together... on your "honeymoon" right?"
Goddammit Twilight. You knew she thought your romance with Diamond was a little strange considering your true age, but you had no idea she thought you would do that. Rolling your eyes at Twilight for what must be the hundredth time, you glance over and see Diamond approaching, and she does not look happy. Of course she wouldn't be happy. This is her wedding and not even a princess would ruin in by taking away her husband.
Considering your luck, you can see what's going to happen. You need to shut Twilight up before she says something about your age and Diamond overhears. "N-no, um, Twil-"
Twilight cuts you off just as Diamond walks within hearing distance. "Good. I doubt Mr. and Mrs. Rich are ready for grandfoals this early." she says, sounding relieved.
You see Diamond stop and look at her with a curious look. "Twilight, please sto-"
"Yes, I'll stop, I'm sorry to bring it up Anon, I know I should trust you more than that." She sighs. "I guess I just panicked a little. You know your relationship is a little odd to me."
You know it's futile, but you try again anyways. "Diamond is right be-"
"The right filly for you, I know. You have made that clear with this whole wedding thing. I don't even know what I was thinking. This isn't a real marriage, so there is no way you would complete it with a consummation. Just me being silly." She laughs.
Now you see Diamonds eyes light up. "Hey! We may not be really married, but it still needs to be done right! So we will be cum- er comsurnation-ing it!... How do we do that? This is the first I've heard of it." Twilight just froze in place.
Well, you were wrong about the age thing. But this is a whole different problem. Fucking Twilight. With your most deadpan voice you ask, "Yeah Twilight, how do we do that?"
Her face is turning red as she looks between you and Diamond Tiara."B-bu-I-don't... Don't ask that! I don't- GAH!" She teleports away. God-fucking-dammit Twilight.
-Back to now-
You had managed, barely, to get Diamond to drop the subject. But now that you were on the actual honeymoon she had brought it back up. "Wait, Diamond, we can't do that. This isn't a real honeymoon anyways." Oh... now she looks mad. She lets go of your hoof as you two enter the summer home, closing the door behind her.
"Real or not, we couldn't have a perfect wedding. So we will have a perfect honeymoon, and from what I heard you and Princess Twilight talking about, we have to consoomit so it can be!" She says, stomping with a pout. Sigh, old habits die hard it seems. She can still act this way despite her wedding vow to put you first.
You sigh, "Diamond it's 'consummate' and it isn't something for foals." You have to try your best to get her to drop this. You are really looking forward to this weekend, and not only to spend with your new pretend wife. You got dear old dad to promise to keep his nose out of your business for the whole weekend. Or rather, you got Aunt Fluttershy to guilt him into promising. A true vacation, free from all stress inducing chaos. "Can't we just go out on the beach and relax?" you ask, as you walk towards the back balcony while Diamond follows you.
"'Consummate', huh?" She parrots. "So you do know what it is?" She accuses. "Tell me!"
"Diamond, no. I'm sorry, but I'm just not willing to do this." How could you have sex with her? She doesn't even know what sex is!
Now she looks sad. "W-what? Why? If consummating is something married pony's do, why don't you want to do it with me? I thought you loved me, Anon." That makes you stop just before reaching the back door.
Oh god, please don't cry. "I-I do love you Diamond! My princess! It's just that what you're asking is something for adult pony's. Not for foals." You grab her hoof to hold while you try to explain and calm her down.
"I don't know why adults can do something that we can't." She pulls her hoof away from yours. "And I don't care anyways! This has to be perfect. The more perfect the wedding, the more perfect our love, and the more you'll love me." Damn... is that what she thought?
"Princess, I love you. How perfect out wedding was doesn't change that." She still looks so sad... "And if it means that much to you..." Damn, are you really going to do this... you're fucked either way. Literally in one case... Oh well. "we can consummate our marriage, together." You never had a chance. Her special talent is getting ponies to do what she wants for fucks sake.
You're immediately tackled by your squealing pretend wife. "Yay!" Well, that was an emotional 180. "...Um... I still don't know what to do, Anon." Why do you feel like you just got played?
Oh. This is going to be awkward as fuck. "What do you know about the differences between colts and fillies?"
"Well... colts are generally taller, fillies grow their manes longer and-" You have to cut her off.
"No, no. I mean about the... peepee... parts." Jeez.
Hey eyes go wide as blushes, "W-what?! What does that have to do with anything?!"
"Well, it's something you need to know so we can consummate the marriage like you want."
"O-oh. I guess I know a l-little bit. Just what Silver has told me. She said her mom gave her some 'talk'? But she didn't explain much..." Her face gets even redder. "She told me that c-colts have this thingie that gets bigger, and fillies have a hole for the colts thingie to go into." Her face has reached maximum blush. Big Mac levels of red. "T-that's all I know. S-she didn't want to talk much more about it, and just said that colts were gross."
Of all the fucked up things that you have done in Equestria, most of them thanks to Discord, giving "the talk" to your wife tops the list. And it has nothing to do with Discord. What the fuck. "Well... there's a bit more to it than that, mostly that the colt will squirt this stuff inside the filly, which can get her pregnant, and let them have a foal together. W-which is why it's something married pony's do."
"Silver was right, that does sounds gross." Her red levels have gone down, but she is still blushing.
"Y-yeah. But it feels really good... o-or so I've heard, never having done it myself, as I am a foal. Like you." Goddammit, quit spazing!
"Feels good how? Why would it feel good?"
"W-well, it just... does? As for how good, it's the best... o-or so I've heard. Heh." Fucking spaz.
She silently stares at you, thinking it over. Best case scenario, she refuses to do it and the weekend goes as planned.
"How do you know all this? I know you're smart, but I don't see Daddy Discord giving you the same 'talk' Silver got. And during our sleepover you told me that you didn't know where foals came from!"
Oh... Shit. "U-um... Books? I read it in a book sometime after our sleepover?"
"Oh." 'Oh'? That's it? You guess she has no reason not to believe you. "Okay, so how do we start?" Well, it's really going to happen.
"Well, pony's usually do it in their bedroom."
"Okay then, let's go." She doesn't sound as excited as before. Probably because of the 'grossness'. She grabs you by the hoof and pulls you toward the bedroom. "Just don't do that... 'squirting' thing. Besides being gross, I don't want a foal until our real honeymoon."
What the fuck? Hell no. If you're fucking her anyways, you're gonna get off too, dammit. "That's kinda impossible. Besides, you can't get pregnant anyways, we're too young." You say as you both reach the bedroom.
"Huh, okay. Well, let's get the consummation started!" She says as she hops on the bed, barely making the jump and having to kick her hind legs to make it all the way up, then looking at you expectantly. That was adorable to watch, but this is still so fucking awkward. You sigh and jump on the bed yourself. "C'mon, hurry!" She says, "Grow you thingie out and let's consummate!"
You can only facehoof. "Diamond, it's 'sex' say 'let's have sex' and I can't just grow it. I have to be horny."
"Oh, your thingie's called a horn?" Don't laugh. Do not fucking laugh. It's easy to forget you're talking to a foal.
"N-no. I-it's a 'dick'." And before she says something else ridiculous, "And yours is your 'pussy'."
"Like a cat?" Goddammit.
"Pft- s-sure. Like a cat." She's really making this difficult for you. "Anyways, give me a second." You've never had trouble getting a boner before. You thought you had made peace with having sex with your pretend wife, but your dick seems to still has some reservations. You can only poke at your sheath and fondle your balls a little to try and stimulate yourself. Hands were so much more useful... Dammit! You are The Hero Colt, Anon! You've saved the world! Twice! And you can't even get a boner!
You look up, and it seems Diamond has gotten tired of waiting on your impotent ass, and has started exploring herself. She has laid back with her legs spread, poking at what she just learned is her 'pussy'.
Imitating you, she reached down and gingerly pushed her hoof against her pink lips. After parting her lips and playing with them for a minute she raises her hoof enough to brush her clit. "W-wow," she groaned "You were right about this feeling good." She pulled her hoof back, seeing that it was wet and her pussy was shiny with her juices.
She spread her legs a bit more and started clopping herself, experimenting until she found what felt best. Soon she's bracing her back against the backboard while holding her foreleg on the mattress and humping and grinding against her hoof, bouncing her little ass on the bed. As she starts to get more into it she begins using both hooves, the one she was humping against, and the other moving her clit in a circular movement. Her face is flushed and she's shining with sweat as she forgot about everything, madly twiddling her clit while she urgently tried to get herself over the edge that she felt was coming, but couldn't quite reach.
It's then you realize that you had gotten hard, and at some point, had started stroking yourself with both of your hooves. You don't think you would have reacted like this with just any foal. Especially a foal. But this was Diamond Tiara, the filly you had fallen in love with. (Thanks to some help from a certain bug.) It's now that you glance down at your new equipment. It looks fucking huge! Bigger than the last one you had by far. Being a foal and having no hormones, you haven't really had those urges, meaning this is the first time you've had an erection here in Equestria. (Barring that one time, again, thanks to a certain bug. But you were so out of it you can hardly remember.) Maybe the size is a pony thing? Unless Discord took this part into account when making your body... That thought creeps you out a bit.
You hear Diamond getting frustrated and groaning as she continued her mad clopping, her chin against her chest. Then she threw her head back and dropped to the bed. "It's not enough! I can't... can't... ugh! Somethings wrong!" The poor girl couldn't cum, and didn't even know that's what she wanted. She looked over at you with her sweat covered face, her hair had gotten quite messy in her frantic clopping, and she looked exhausted. She looked beautiful. "Oh, wow!" She exclaimed, forgetting her frustration when laying her eyes on the massive, and harder than ever, erection you were currently playing with. She rolled onto her hooves and crawled closer. "Can I touch it?"
She doesn't even let you reply before she rubs the soft, pussy juice covered frog of her hoof over your sensitive tip, causing you to groan and reflexively jerk your hips upwards, and your dick to drip some precum as you drop your hooves to keep your balance. "Y-yes, princess. Touch it as much as you want."
"You know I don't want that princess stuff anymore, why do you keep calling me that?" She says as she lowers her hoof down the underside of your cock, leaving a trail of your precum and her juices, all the way to your balls.
"B-because I know you still fantisize about it. This is our h-honeymoon, it's all about us today, so why not pretend?" You answer. She plays with your balls a little, thinking about what you've said.
She nods to herself, seeming to come to a decision. "So, my dear prince, does it feel the same for you as it does for me?" She asks as she sits down facing you, and grabbing your cock the same way you had earlier, with both hooves and jerking you off.
"Does it feel the same for you as it does for me?" She asks, sitting down, facing you, and grabbing your cock the same way you had earlier, with both hooves, and jerking you off.
More or less. You say... Except you didn't. The pleasure clouding your mind makes it hard to think. "M-mmm, more or l-less." You actually manage to get out. Barely. She seems enamored with your dick. You suppose it is the first one she has ever seen.
After stroking it for a while with you basking in her caress, she asks, "So what's next?" But you're still too out of it to reply. Suddenly she stops jerking you, breaking you out of your haze, and looks rather alarmed as she realizes something, "Wait, you said that is supposed to go inside of me? Inside my... my 'pussy'? It's too big!"
Always nice to hear that. You smirk. The size problem occurred to you too. You hope pony's are extra stretchy. "Well, that's why we're so wet. To make things slippery and to let it inside you easier." You explain. But then it occurs to you that this is a great opportunity to get Diamond to back out of this. You came pretty far already but it isn't too late yet. "But if you're worried, we don't have to do this. I know you want this to be perfect but it doesn't have to be."
Now she looks determined. Shit. Wrong thing to say, Anon. "Yes it does have to be perfect!" She flops backwards on the bed, her messy hair going everywhere as her head hits the pillow, and her tiara flying off and landing behind her. "Now sex me, my prince!"
"Snrk." You barely manage to hold in your laugh. At least she's trying. "Try 'fuck me' instead next time." You smile. Most of these word you're using are human word's that pony's don't have. She can't get in trouble for using them after the weekend, so might as well teach her to talk dirty.
Seeing your smile, she smiles back. "Fuck me, my prince." She repeats, quieter this time. Well, how can you say no to that?
She's already on her back, so all you have to do is position yourself over her. You pause, rubbing the head of your cock between her pussy lips, barely able to believe what you're doing. She's already very wet from her clopping session, so that's not an issue. Though she still looks a little intimidated by your dick.
You push forward, spreading her lips apart, little by little until your head pops into her. Diamond makes a little noise, but doesn't complain. It's incredibly tight, but you're able to push through and sink deeper into her. Oh, god, all this time in Equestria and you're finally getting your dick wet! So good! When you go as deep as you can and feel your balls up against her ass, you ask, "You okay, princess?"
She nods, with a far away look in her eyes. "Anon, this feels... amazing." Feeling a little more confident you began thrusting back and forth with your hips. You gradually sank towards her until you two are almost kissing. When you finally closed the gap she starts kissing you, like she can't control herself, again and again, as you entered her. You kissed back. You loved them, every kiss was accompanied by a little "mmm" sound. She was loving this, and that made you forget any reservations you may have still had about having sex with your fillyfriend.
After a minute or two of kissing, she turns her head to the side and moans softly in pleasure, the little grimaces she makes as you pump into her were beautiful, you move in to kiss her neck. She wraps her forelegs around your neck and holds as you continued to pump in and out with greater speed.
"Woah!" you exclaim as she suddenly uses her forelegs wrapped around your neck to pull you to the side and roll herself on top into the cowgirl position.
"I wanna try." She says, and begins to move even more energetically than you had. Of course, being in charge is her nature. It only makes sense she would like it better when in control. And as fun as it is watching her impale herself on your cock, you couldn’t let her do all the work. So you start to piston yourself, up and down, matching her rhythm. She's getting rather vocal now, starting out with cute squeaks and slowly getting louder with gasps of pleasure.
Her cunt began squeezing your dick and in a breathless voice, she says, "Oh, Celestia, I love... you... more, more... my prince! Fuck me!" Finally, she screams, right in your ear, nearly deafening you, but you keep thrusting your hips up and
fucking her throughout her orgasm. You thrust up one last time and hold yourself there, so that as you cum inside her, she's feeling all of you. Her eyes roll back as she sits down harder on your dick, grinding while futility trying to get it deeper inside her.
She's grinding her hips against you as hard as she can while you squirt blast after blast inside her. She gives you another kiss, and you stay that way as the last waves of her first ever orgasm fade and you finish pumping her full of your cum.
She pulls herself off of your dick with a slight sucking noise and 'pop', your cum drips out of her fillyhood all over you and the bed, your dick flopping against your belly. Damn, to be from a colt, that's a lot of jizz. Diamond falls to your side and you both catch your breath.
"Wow Anon... that was... great! I don't even... care how gross this... stuff is." She pants out, while stringing your cum between her fillyhood and hoof. You agree, but are content to just lie there in the afterglow. "I can't wait until our real honeymoon! Then we can do this again!"
Well, the cats out of the bag, you see no reason to wait that long. "Diamond, we can do this whenever we want. It's not something you can only do on a honeymoon."
"Really?! That sounds great!..." She goes quiet for a while. "But... no."
W-what!? "Um, why not?" You ask, trying not to sound so disappointed.
"Because it will make it extra special when we finally do get to do sex again on our real honeymoon after our real wedding." She explains.
"I guess that makes sense..." You sigh, ignoring the awkward phrasing. Looking down at your dick, you think to yourself. Well little buddy, it's gonna be an even longer dry spell than the last one.
Diamond rolls over a little closer to give you a kiss on the lips. "But this honeymoon isn't over yet, is it?" She asks, with a smirk.
"I... suppose it isn't." You answer, with a grin. Maybe affecting time to make the weekend longer isn't within your chaos powered horn's ability. But infinite stamina certainly is. You could also do something about that pesky refractory period. This weekend is looking even better than expected. This horn was definitely the best gift you ever got from Discord.
You put on your horn.
