Starlight Glimmer Fixes Everything

by Shakespearicles

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Main 6, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 93901

Starlight Glimmer reads the Friendship Journal and realizes that she could fix everything with time travel... So she does.

Starlight Glimmer has gotten her hooves on Twilight Sparkle's Friendship Journal and she realizes that she could fix everything with time travel...

... So she does.

Starlight Fixes Everything
In Thirty Seconds or Less
( Or the pizza is free! )
~

Featured on Equestria Daily!
The collaborative group project from Starlight Glimmer Fixes Everything
Authors' credits can be found at the end of each Season chapter
> pic unrelated

Reviewed and Recommended by PresentPerfect

Starlight Glimmer has gotten hold of a time-travel spell and the Friendship Journal, and she's gonna fix some drama, friendship lessons be hanged!
So here's a first: not only is this technically incomplete, but I'm about to be reviewing (in no particular detail) something I wrote! Or had a hand in writing, at least. Holy shit, there's 54 authors in this. @_@ As the season 8 chapter was just uploaded, I feel the time has come to throw the spotlight on it, incomplete or no. What will you find in here? Hilarity. Not every installment is equally good, but this is a celebration of everything that makes Starlight Glimmer the overpowered psychopath we all know and love. The problem with fix-fics tends to be a lack of drama or conflict, but when your starting premise is "we're going to short-circuit all the drama, and it's gonna be funny", the field is ripe for shenanigans. There's lots of pizza, lots of shipping (and the thing I did in S8 where Starlight's getting old, which I don't think actually works, but whatever); this is a real good time and you could do far worse than pull up a few of its episodes now and then for some laughs. You never can know what someone will come up with to short-circuit an episode, after all! Trust me, I wrote the non-canon sequel. :V
Recommended

Missing Out

Published 2018-08-19 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-26 20:54:56 UTC

Season 1

1&2. Friendship is Magic

Twilight Sparkle sat on the grassy campus of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns reading the book the Princess Celestia had assigned to her.

"Hmm, Elements of Harmony. I know I've heard of those before. But where?" Twilight mused aloud. With a bright flash of purple light, a unicorn appeared before her.

"From your copies of Predictions & Prophecies, and Mare in the Moon," Starlight Glimmer said to the surprised unicorn, "But don't worry about all that..." Starlight shrugged her heavy saddle bag from her haunches. The bag opened and the Elements of Harmony spilled out. "These are the Elements of Harmony. They were hidden in a castle in the Everfree Forest. I already got them for you. You're welcome, by the way. Also, you can't use these by yourself. Here's a list of the other ponies you'll need to round up in Ponyville."

"Ponyville!?" Twilight asked, still in shock.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, wait a tick," Starlight said. With another flash she teleported both of them to Ponyville. Twilight felt nauseous. "Oh please. You taught me that one."

"What!?"

"Oh. Right. I mean, you will. Anyway, on that list of ponies, I made a note of which Element to assign to each of them. Nightmare Moon will be making her big appearance in Town Hall when Celestia is supposed to for the Summer Sun Celebration. So make sure you have your friends rounded up by then. Oh, one more thing! Nightmare Moon is actually Celestia's sister, Luna, so, you know, set those things to 'stun', okay?" Starlight said. Twilight looked like a deer in headlights. "Alright, look," Starlight gave her a scroll. "I know how much you love checklists, so here is written instructions of everything you need to do. Now get to making friends!"

"Friends!?" Twilight asked, still confused.

"Yes, your friends. Your very best friends. Speaking of-" Starlight said, noticing that Pinkie Pie was rapidly approaching the new ponies in town. "The pink one will guide you to finding the others. Good luck." Starlight readied her time-travel spell.

"Wait!" Twilight yelped. "Who are you? Will I ever see you again?" Starlight grinned.

"I'm Starlight Glimmer... And I get the feeling you'll be seeing me quite a bit."

3. Ticket Master

Burrrp~!

The tightly curled scroll, wrapped in scarlet ribbon and sealed with the crest of the Equestrian monarch, manifested itself from the green flames of Spike’s belch.

“It's a letter from Princess Celestia,” gasped Twilight Sparkle beside her farming friend, Applejack, as the parchment came down to earth in a haze of glitter and radiating its own natural light. Spike took immediate responsibility to unfurl the message and read it allowed for the two girls with a clearing of the throat.

“Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh,” his eyelids were beginning to droop just from the expanse of useless exposition that took up half of the page, “yadda yadda yadda, cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest.”

Applejack and Twilight Sparkle both drew in gasps and spun to face each other, whinnying their excitement at the correspondence unveiling important details to the The Grand Galloping Gala! The pair cheered and reared up, cycling their forehooves in the air gleefully and bouncing about in the spirit of Pinkie Pie’s ordinary sprightliness.

A second bout of gas rose up within Spike, and the emerald fire produced two golden leaves, printed with the admittance of the beholder to the Grand Galloping Gala.

“Look, two tickets,” exclaimed Spike, holding them up to his lavender guardian. Her face remained unchanged.

“Uh, Twilight? Two tickets?” he wafted and nearly stuffed the two shiny coupons into her nostrils, yet still there was no response. His two friends were frozen in time. He yelped in shock as a voice behind him answered instead.

“Oh, come on, this was an easy one,” the baby dragon twisted to see a pale fuschia mare with a silky violet and aqua mane trotting towards him, an air of insistence in every step.

“Who are you? What have you done to my friends?” Spike enquired instantly, righteous anger and fear for the well-being of his companions rising with him.

“Just a friend on a friendship mission, Spikey,” she offered cheerfully, reaching out to ruffle the pine-green spines on the top of his head with a hoof. With a forceful grab of telekinesis, she stole the two tickets from his claws and examined them with a tut.

“Hey! Give those back! They belong to Twilight!” He yelped, attempting to leap and snatch them from the air. Instead, they tore before his eyes and dropped to the floor like sad confetti.

“No!” wailed Spike, “why would you do that?”

“Two tickets? Between six ponies and a baby dragon? You do the math- no! Don’t, instead write a letter for me to Princess Celestia.”

“And why should I do that for you?” The little drake placed a clawed hand on each of his hips and gave a determined attempt at an intimidating stare at the stranger.

“Full of questions, Spike, aren’t you? How about this; if you write one incy-wincy letter to Princess Celestia for me, Aunty Starlight won’t have to unlock Twilight from the petrificus charm to tell her all about how her number one assistant pilfers the trashy romance novels from her library for some late night reading, hm?” The result was instantaneous. Eyes widened, hands rose and waved urgently, the boy taking a nervous step backwards.

“No! Anything but that!” He looked into her pointed gaze and relented, sliding an arm into his statuesque mistress’ saddlebags, finally producing a spare, unused parchment and a quill.

“Very well, “Aunty Starlight,” what would you like me to write?” Starlight Glimmer grinned encouragingly, took a nice, deep breath, and began.

“Dear Princess Celestia,

“You absolute troll.

“Two tickets? Really? You know I have more than one friend now! That was the whole of your previous friendship lesson for me! “I have an even more essential task for you to complete: make some friends!” Those were your words.

“Please enclose a further seven tickets, as the current ones have become null and void, and don’t even think about skipping out on Spike. You have no idea what he gets up to on a Thursday night.

“In summary, I am not mad. I am just disappointed.

“Your Faithful Student (remember that),

“Twilight Sparkle.”

The lilac mare gave a pleased smile at the dragon and a swirl of her hoof. “Send it!”

“Really?” Spike began to counter, brow quirked, “you know this sounds nothing like-“

“Trashy. Novels,” said Starlight smugly. A lick of grassy flame later, the deed was done. The unicorn smiled excessively to herself and petted Spike’s head one more time, before summoning a fresh purple circle of light to exit from.

“Catch you around, Number one assistant,” she bid him with a farewell salute, before hopping backwards through the swirling portal. A flash and a crackle, all trace of her was gone, leaving Spike to wonder what in the name of Celestia just happened.

The two static ponies reanimated as though the last thirty seconds had not occurred, and Twilight was the first to notice the torn tickets on the floor.

“Spike! What happened!”

The young creature went to explain, only for something to bubble in his throat. He released another gaseous ball of leafy fire and produced another scroll.

Utterly bemused, Twilight unwrapped it this time with her magical glow and read it aloud.

“Dear Twilight Sparkle,

“Seven tickets.

“Never question my methods.

“Yours, irritably,

“Princess (remember that, indeed) Celestia.”

The unicorn and farm mare examined the tickets, each one coated gold and pristine. Their gazes fell to the sheepish and squirming young dragon trying to back away discreetly.

“Spike! What did you do?”

4. Applebuck Season.

Reality shuddered, juddered, and snapped. A pale lavender-coated pony stood where there had been no such pony before. Primly, she stepped off the circle of charred grass she'd created.

Applejack stopped dead in her tracks. Sure, she was a little tired, but she hadn't skipped enough sleep to start hallucinating. She watched the mare dig through a saddlepack and consult a book.

Starlight nodded once and strode towards the apple mare with a purpose. Mid-step, she pulled a newspaper from her saddlepack and rolled it up.

“So, Applejack. Applebuck Season. All these trees gotta get harvested before the fruit spoils. Your brother injured himself wearing one of Granny's girdles down Stirrup Street.”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed dangerously as she sized up this stranger. “Did Twalight put you up to this? Ah kin handle maself.”

“In a way, yeah. But I'm going to save you a week of heartache and sleepless nights.” She slapped Applejack across the nose with the newspaper.
“Those girls are your family too, you stubborn donkey. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, if you need it.”

Applejack opened her mouth to retort, and was rewarded with a thwap of the newspaper. “Ask your Granny, she'll say the same thing.”

Then the pony turned on her heel and trotted off. Ashamed at how childish she'd been acting, Applejack turned and started towards town, and her best friends.

5. Gryphon the Brush Off

Starlight Glimmer wasn’t a stranger to a good, solid facehoof. Suffice to say, the pantomime playing out in front of her as she warped in prompted exactly that reaction.

“Hey, Pinkie. C’mere.” Gilda drawled, less than a yard away from where Starlight hovered in midair. Pinkie Pie — much to Starlight’s frustration — pedaled closer on a thoroughly inexplicable contraption towards the Griffon, who abruptly grabbed onto its supporting rod and pulled Pinkie to within mere inches of her weird, beaky face.

“Don’t you know how to take ‘get lost’ for an answer?” Gilda hissed. “Dash doesn’t need to hang with a dweeb like you now that I’m around. You’re —”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure you got that backwards. She can only hang out with dweebs these days.” Starlight rolled her eyes as Gilda let go and spun in her direction.

“Who are you? What are you doing here? Wait, lemme guess: Dweebs just sort of magically spring out of nowhere around here.” Gilda pointed an accusatory talon. “I don’t need you — ”

“You kind of do. Look. Look at how happy Rainbow Dash is.” Starlight pointed at Rainbow Dash, who was currently doing her best impression of the world’s most oblivious acrobat.

Gilda rolled her eyes and tilted her head towards Rainbow Dash. “Yeah, I’m looking.”

“Do you think she honestly gets you anymore?”

“Huh?” Pinkie Pie and Gilda echoed in tandem.

“If she really wasn’t happy hanging out with dweebs, don’t you think she would have ditched this scene long ago? But she’s still here.”

“That doesn’t…” Gilda faltered. “I mean…”

“Look, if she got you, she’d know what it’s like to live in Griffonstone. I know what that life’s like better than anypony else here, you aside. You think Rainbow Dash understands what being poor is like? Much less actually thinking about how bad you’ve got it?”

“I...I mean…”

“You think she cares enough to even learn about you? About how you live? About how lonely you are? Do you think she cares about any of that? Or do you think she did the easier thing and just learned to hang out with the dweebs, doing dweeby things with them until she didn’t think about being un-dweeby unless somepony barged into her house?”

Pinkie froze, mouth open, unable to articulate her thoughts. Gilda was silent, but the tremble in her body said enough.

“She’s as lame as everypony else now. Has been for months, at least. I mean, you can always ask her and prove me wrong. See what kind of letters she’s written to you! Figured out what postcards to throw your way! I’m sure that’ll be really enlightening. But, y’know. This is just from one dweeb about another.” Starlight smirked and offered Gilda the smuggest shrug ever witnessed in the past four centuries. “You can always ask.”

Starlight shouldn’t have taken delight in the way Gilda’s tail drooped, or the way her claws clenched onto bits of cloud. “Shouldn’t have” wasn’t the same of “didn’t,” though.

“Try matching that!” Rainbow Dash whooped as she pulled in for a landing. “Hey, why—”

“Rainbow Dash, you are such a massive freaking jerk!”

Gilda spread her wings and rocketed off into the sky, leaving a chestnut blur and piercing screech in her wake. Rainbow’s jaw dropped as she she stared at the spot where Gilda had been. Pinkie’s jaw stayed in a bewildered gape as she stared at the all-knowing, all-benevolent unicorn. Starlight, meanwhile, had the class and decency to keep her jaw firmly shut.

“Um...did something happen?” Rainbow Dash finally said.

“I think...I think we should go after her.” Pinkie mumbled. “I think her feelings were really hurt by—”

“Nope! Job’s finished, lessons were learned, everypony wins!” Starlight clapped her hooves. “You can take the rest of the day off if you want. I’m out of here.”

And then a beautiful pearl of wisdom sunk into Starlight’s brain.

“Oh, and here’s a freebie friendship lesson.” Starlight told Pinkie, pointing an accusatory hoof at Rainbow Dash. “She’s a sucky prankster, because she’s going to be a massive jerk about her pranks a few years down the line. Not that you can do anything about that, but for the record? I told you so.”

Basking in the warm glow of her own brilliance, Starlight’s horn flared as she popped out of existence once more.

6. Boast Busters

Starlight Glimmer emerged into her new time frame to the sound of the voice of what appeared to be an incredibly unintelligent pony.

"Hee-hee, I like pudding!"

"Look, unless an Ursa Major comes waltzing up the street for Trixie to vanquish, I am not gonna believe a word she says, and neither should you!"

Hey, that second voice sounded like her future castle-mate! Sure enough, there was Spike talking with two... unfortunate looking colts. Maybe they'll grow into their... something? Nah, those two losers are dying alone.

"Snails, you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I don't think what either of you idiots do qualifies as thinking. Now c'mere!"

"Uhhh, okay, random, strangely familiar purple unicorn," drawled the tall, dumb one.

The two colts alternatively waddled and gangled over toward Starlight, "Alright, you guys, let me get this straight. Your plan is to go out into the dark, monster-ridden forest, find a bear-monster the size of a Manehatten skyscraper, bring it back to your small farming village, and hope that the random street performer you met ten minutes ago can beat it up? Have I got that right?"

"The Great and Powerful Trixe already vanquished an Ursa Major once!" squeaked the short, ugly one.

Starlight shook her head, "That was a magic show, not a news report you goobers! I mean don't get me wrong, no one's more fond of Trixie than I am (literally), but your plan is just going to get your town destroyed. And even if it doesn't, I will personally make certain your teacher gives you double the math homework for the rest of your educational careers, capice?"

"Aww, but we really wanted..."

"Triple."

"Yes, ma'am."

Alright, Starlight, good job. Now on to the next...

"Crap"

"Duuh, what's wrong, Ms. Scary Purple Unicorn?"

"Dang it, now she has no reason to come back and try to exact vengeance in Season Three. Alright. Hey, you two idiots! Come back here! I need you to do something for me."

"Trixie doesn't understand it." Trixie complained while dodging rotten fruit, "Those two pathetic colts were just fawning over Trixie, and now they're spreading terrible rumors about her!"

"Your magic show is bad and you should feel bad!" yelled a random stallion.

"Oh Trixie, don't worry," said Starlight as she charged her horn to leave, "Sure, the next few years will be unbearable and you'll feel like you're trapped in a pit you'll never climb out of, but at the end of it you'll have me!" Starlight winked at Trixie with a mild leer before blinking out of existence, leaving the showmare terrified, baffled, and confusingly aroused.

7. Dragonshy

Fluttershy swallowed.

"Um, excuse me, Twilight?" she said, in her most forward voice. "I know you're busy, but..."

"Uh-huh." Twilight, nose stuck in the map, didn't seem to have heard her for some reason. "Well, we could go thisway..."

Licking her lips, Fluttershy redoubled her paltry efforts. "But if I could just have a second..."

"Uh-huh." Twilight jabbed a corner of the map. "No, we want to avoid that!"

Sensing her opportunity, Fluttershy pounced on it like a wild, cuddly beast. "So, um, I was thinking that, um, maybe I should just stay here in Ponyville."

"Uh-huh."

"Oh!" Fluttershy wasted no time in vacating the scene. "Good. I'll stay here and--"

"Twilight!"

Rainbow Dash bowled Fluttershy over as she insinuated herself in Twilight's map at high velocity. Twilight glowered at her.

"Rainbow Dash, I'm kind of in the middle of--"

Dash grabbed Twilight's head and turned it as far as it would go. "Look at the mountain!"

Twilight looked. They all did. There, at the top, the neverending trail of smoke was, well, ending. The oppressive black cloud that ringed its peak began to dissipate, little by little.

"There was some kind of crazy green light, then an explosion!" Dash babbled. "And now the smoke's clearing up!"

"Well that's unexpected," said Twilight. She produced a spyglass from her saddlebag and trained it on the mountaintop. She caught a small turquoise flash that was gone before she could get a good look at it.

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear I just saw somepony teleporting." Eyes narrowed, Twilight collapsed the spyglass and placed it and the map back into her bag. "Come on, girls, let's check it out."

With cheers and hollers, her friends joined her in charging for the mountain. Pausing, Twilight turned and said, "Fluttershy, you can stay here if you want. I think our problem may have just sorted itself out, but I want to make sure."

"O-okay, Twilight," Fluttershy said, trying and failing to hide a smile. "I'll, um, hold down the fort!"

Twilight grinned before kicking back up the trail after her other friends. "Knew I could count on you!"

Fluttershy watched them go for a few moments, then, breathing a long sigh of relief, turned toward the direction of her cottage. All she needed was a quick visit to her animal friends and--

"Kyaah!"

Fluttershy's scream caused a nearby bird to jump. A pink unicorn with teal-striped purple mane had just appeared out of nowhere only a few paces away. As Fluttershy's heart hammered in her chest, the unicorn winked at her and clicked her tongue.

"Don't say I never did nothin' for ya!" she said in a really bad Apple Family accent. Then, just as suddenly as she'd appeared, the mare was gone.

Fluttershy had no idea what to make of it.

Her friends would find only an empty cave in the mountain's top.

8: Look Before You Sleep

Starlight Glimmer appeared in a flash at the doorstep of the Golden Oak Library, reluctantly disguised as Twilight Sparkle. She resisted the urge to look around—the clock was ticking.

She immediately spotted Rarity and Applejack shouting at each other in a nearby park. Broken branches and little topiary ponies swirled around them and flew away in the wind of the breaking storm, and they didn’t care. Starlight couldn’t hear what they were saying over the weather, but they sure were angry. And they were right up in each other’s faces—

A bolt of lightning struck close by and a boom of thunder rattled the air. Colored spots danced in Starlight’s vision, but she could see that her two friends were now wrapped tightly around each other, staring. And neither of them made a move to let the other go.

Starlight laughed. The solution was so obvious.

“Sheesh! No wonder they’re cranky,” she said. She charged her horn again and cast a spell before they could separate.

The wind surged hard and swirled tighter around the two mares, pushing their heads together until they were locked into a surprising kiss. Rarity and Applejack stared at each other with wide eyes for a few tense seconds—then their eyes closed, and their kiss really got going. Wind and soaking rain howled around them, lightning flashed, and thunder boomed! But they were oblivious.

Starlight howled with laughter and cupped her hooves in front of her muzzle to shout a final encouragement at the two tongue-wrestling ponies.

“Get a room, you guys!”

Then she disappeared in a flash, just as the door of the library tree began to open behind her.

Twilight Sparkle stepped out and stared in shock at her friends for a moment, but soon came to her senses. Her shout barely reached the mares through the howling of the storm.

“Applejack! Rarity! Come inside, girls, quick!”

The two friends pulled apart a little, watching each other and breathing heavily. Applejack raised an eyebrow.

“Did you hear anything, sugarcube?” she shouted. Rarity smiled and shouted back.

“Oh no, darling, I’m sure it was only the wind.” Her wet mane fell against Applejack’s muzzle as she leaned in and spoke into her friend’s ear. “Sweetie Belle is with my parents.”

~ * ~

“Awww,” Twilight cooed. “It’s great to see them finally getting along, Spike! I mean hey, really getting along...”

“If you say so,” Spike said, glaring as the two mares quickly turned to leave.

“You know, I think this might be perfect weather for some hot cocoa—”

“With marshmallows,” Spike added, sighing as his eyes followed Rarity.

Twilight stared as the two galloping ponies finally disappeared in the direction of the Carousel Boutique.

“And maybe a good romance novel,” Twilight added. “Mettle and Mis-Judgement.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Again? Really, Twilight?”

Twilight had the good grace to blush.

“Yeah. I’ll um, you know, be in my room.”

9. Bridle Gossip

"AAAA! Who are you, and why do you intrude
within my house, pink snobby unicorn?
In peaceful woods, the imposition's rude:
At home, intrusion is not to be borne!"

As Zecora recoiled and half-cowered behind her own cauldron, the mysterious visitor (who'd effortlessly bypassed any number of protective wards and cantrips that the studious zebra knew to be sound) began to speak.

"Shut up for just a moment, if you please:
I've business to conduct, and we will see
how best to soothe Ponyville's perfidies…
And if we can't," she winked, "the pizza's free!"

Zecora glowered suspiciously at her.

"Invite me not, oh wayward mare. Despite
your pride, you're not impressing me today.
You've given me no better than a fright.
What even is a pizza anyway?"

The smirking pink unicorn was undaunted, advancing on Zecora with chin high and tail higher.

"So, listen: lose the cloak. Like, YESTERDAY.
The ponies in this town are cute but dumb.
You're scaring them with your dark spooky ways
and to your door their angry hooves will drum.
They'll picture you an evil wicked mare,
who wrecks their wings and makes their horns go flop,
and many other things both foul and fair…
Don't worry. I got this. That tale will stop."

Zecora blinked, flared her nostrils, and the conversation got more heated.

"My cloak serves well! It shields my coat from thorns!"

"It's scaring them. Well, not the unicorns."

"Why should I care what causes them alarm?"

"I told you, they'll believe you've done them harm."

"They won't. I have done nothing to them, miss."

"They will once they've all trampled over THIS…"

The pink unicorn's horn lit, and lifted into view from behind her a large bundle of…

Zecora shrieked, her eyes wide, flinching back from the unwelcome sight.

"That's Poison Joke! How dare you taint my home
with pony hazards and dire zebra bane!
Get out of here! Be missing! Gallop! Roam!
And don't come back until you grow a…"

"SANE zebras," interrupted the pink unicorn, "trust the clever ponies who
help fix their future problems far and near.
Relax, dear stripey-butt, this won't hurt you:
It's sealed and hasn't touched one surface here."

Zecora subsided, glaring in frustration at the cocky unicorn. Sure enough, a telltale glimmer showed that the deadly leaves of Poison Joke were well insulated: she would not grow stray appendages or break out in neon colors from touching anything with Poison Joke residue on it. She cleared her throat.

"You speak of future problems, snotty mare:
I take it you forsee my own distress?
You're from the future, somewhen or somewhere?
You're here to fix a mess I haven't messed?"

The pink unicorn beamed, as if Zecora had done a rather clever trick, or gone a whole evening without having an accident on the carpet. There was no carpet, but she was just as delighted as if there was not only a fine carpet, but an entirely unsullied one at that.

"Exactly! Now remember, lose the cloak.
Find some excuse to meet the Apple clan.
The filly there is solid as an oak:
If anyone can help you here, she can.
You'll meet the ponies, nervous ones or brave.
You'll find new friends, which is their biggest joy.
Much grief and tribulation will you save:
Your love and theirs will prove a fine alloy."

Zecora's eyes were wide again. Unexpectedly, the annoying pink unicorn had proven some sort of super-pony, coming from the future to do good deeds without any reward. Zecora's gaze softened as she thought of the little pony community, so cute and pretty, viewed always at a distance from the depths of a dark, concealing cloak. Perhaps… yes, perhaps she could trust them to be true friends, even though she was a zebra. Indeed, she could help them in turn, with her herbal preparations and wisdom of the ages, passed down from zebra to zebra, but never shared with other creatures! That, too, could be the meaning of friendship.

She looked at the pink interloper with new respect.

"It will be so. I'll do just as you say.
My gratitude goes with you, stranger mare.
You bring to me a brighter, warmer day.
What service can I give you, half as fair?"

The unicorn blinked. "Oh! I'll be needing about nine to fifteen of those flowers. Don't ask."

Zecora's jaw dropped. The unicorn, apparently thinking her verbal misstep was the issue, hastened to explain.

"I give to you this dreaded harvest dire:
Fresh Poison Joke: keep carefully and well!
And if I've got a touch of marely fire,
well, hey, I'm Starlight Glimmer, what the hell?"

Zecora regarded her suspiciously.

"You're going to use the leaves of Poison Joke?"

"Not on myself. Hey, why not go for broke?"

"What do you plan to break, if you so dare?"

"Some records? Or, some private bits of mare?"

"You shall not hurt nice ponies in this spree!"

"No, it's all right! The breakage might be me!"

"Explain yourself! This fills me with alarm!"

"I swear to you, there won't be lasting harm!"

Zecora paused, studying the strange pink unicorn. Nine flowers of Poison Joke wasn't enough to harm many ponies: she was being given the bulk of the deadly harvest. It seemed the weird mare had some very specific plan in mind for a relatively low dosage: enough to make things odd for a small pony group, or to powerfully affect a single pony if they consumed every petal willingly.

"Perhaps. If you speak truth, you bring a boon.
I see some honesty within your eye,
yet there's a mischief that you're plotting soon.
I call upon you now, to tell me why."

Starlight Glimmer actually blushed.

"I've got some plans for Mister Fluttershy."

Zecora stared at her, levelly, for second after second. Then she nodded, and spoke.

"Never tell me any more. Go in peace, pink uni-"

"Thanks!" said Starlight Glimmer, and left with fifteen flowers… to be sure.

10. Swarm of the Century

Starlight Glimmer flashed into existence near the Everfree Forest, clutching an excited looking Pinkie Pie.

"You sure you've got all your instruments? You know how to lead out the parasprites?"

"Yupperoonie!"

"Okay then, bye. See you in a few years. Sorry in advance for being a jerk!"

11: Winter Wrap Up

Twilight woke up bright and early on her first Winter Wrap Up Day in Ponyville. Then she realized that she had woken up several hours too early and decided to read a book to pass the time. Once the time had come, however, she was as alert and ready as ever to get out into the snow and start cleaning it up the old fashioned way. No magic, no nonsense, just a tradition that’s been around for hundreds of years, or at least as long as Granny Smith has been alive. Sources vary. No better way to learn more than to be a part of it though!

However, as soon as she exited her home, Twilight noticed that the outdoors were actually warmer than the indoors. Not only that, but the snow was already gone, the flowers were already in bloom, the local squirrels were out and about instead of hibernating. Winter was wrapped up without her! “Was I too late? Maybe I shouldn’t have read that last chapter…”

“There she is!” It was Mayor Mare, the mare who mayored Ponyville, who may or may not have been merry, judging by the tone of her voice and the presence of her guards. “Seize her!” Nope, definitely not a merry Mayor Mare.

“Mayor, what’s going on?” Twilight asked as the Mayor's guards began to flank her. “You never told me that being late for Winter Wrap Up is illegal.”

“Missed it?” the Mayor asked. “You canceled it! I have witnesses that saw you at the scene using magic to change the season. Surely you know that’s not how it’s done here!”

“But I didn’t-”

“She didn’t do it, Mayor!” Applejack chimed in. She was flanked on either side by Rainbow Dash and Rarity. “I told you myself; it was a unicorn that looked like Miss Twilight. It wasn’t Twilight. If it was, I would’a’ told ya. I hope you ain’t twistin’ my words around.”

“I’m sorry Applejack,” the Mayor replied, “but what other unicorns in this town looks more like Twilight than Twilight?”

“From what I saw,” Rainbow Dash cut in, “she wasn’t a unicorn from town at all. I saw her show up in a flash of light, shoot a bunch of lasers out of her horn that wrapped up winter, then she was gone in a flash again in like 30 seconds.”

“So,” the Mayor said, “we already knew she had to be a strong powerful unicorn, but this means she could have shown up from anywhere. That’s troubling. However, it doesn’t rule out Twilight.”

“Pardon me, but” Rarity chimed in “I was a witness too, Mayor, and I’m positively certain that Applejack is exaggerating claiming they look anything like each other. Sure, they both have purple manes, but the unicorn who did this had a streak of pale aquamarine in hers. Not to mention, her coat wasn’t purple at all, rather a shade of heliotrope.”

“Also, she was pink,” said Rainbow.

“Yeah, pink,” confirmed AJ.

“Well then,” the Mayor replied, “I suppose that sounds too different from Twilight to be possible. Guards, please leave the citizen alone.” They lowered their weapons and went away from Twilights doorway. “I’m sorry for the mixup. I hope that you can see it in your heart to help me with my search for whoever has done this.”

“I don’t mean to be rude,” Twilight asked, “but is using magic to change the season actually illegal?”

“I can’t say that it is,” Mayor Mare answered, “but contradicting our traditions like this shows some malice for the town. I want to at least talk to the pony who did this and understand why.”

“That’s something we can agree on Mayor,” Applejack smoldered. “Why the very idea that somepony would just come and dishonor our hard work and traditions with some fancy shmancy magic, and for what?”

“Maybe they were showing off,” Rainbow tried to answer. “I mean, even I couldn’t finish Winter Wrap Up alone in 30 seconds, but if I could, I know I’d wanna prove it.”

“Maybe they just teleported to the wrong spot?” Rarity hypothesized. “Most places do use unicorn magic. After all, it’s so much less messy work out of doors.”

Applejack just glared at both of them and said nothing.

“Well, Mayor,” Twilight said, “I have plenty of connections from academia that might know the powerful unicorn that fits this description, but it might take weeks, even months to find them, and even if we do there’s no telling whether they would confess or simply ignore our-”

“Um, Twilight,” Spike said from inside the house. He was holding a scroll addressed to her.

“Excuse me,” Twilight said, “I just need to check this for one second.” The letter read as follows:

Dear Twilight,

This is your future student. I came back in time so you wouldn’t have to deal with this pointless, useless, racist tradition. You can thank me later. If you need it switched back, go find Starlight Glimmer in Sires Hollow and she’ll fix it. Tell her she owes you a free pizza while she’s at it. She’ll understand.

Your faithful student,
[Name Withheld]

Twilight tried to glean more out of the short letter, but there just wasn't that much to get. “So,” she said, cautiously, “I think I know someone who can fix this. Do you guys all want pizza?”

Her three friends cheered for it while Mayor Mare had to stop her guards from doing the same, as if to say “No, that does not mean you.”

Twilight looked over the letter one more time with a pause. “I mean, it is kind of racist, isn’t it?”

“Why of all the-!”

12. Call of the Cutie

The now familiar feeling of being tossed though time quickly vanished as Starlight was deposited in the new location. General nausea and lightheadedness retreated soon after, allowing her a look at her surroundings.

‘Trees’, she thought, ‘how helpful’. If her calculations were correct, which they always were, she should be relatively close to…

There is was, through the trees! The Ponyville Schoolhouse. After some rapid teleports around town and a quick search for a forked branch, she was ready.

“Pssst.”

Applebloom barely noticed the sound, too focused on Ms. Cherilee talking about Cutie Marks.

“Pssst!!”

A quick glance at her side confirmed that the stuck up filly next to her was responsible. Probably trying to distract her on purpose. With an annoyed look, she turned back to their teacher.

“PSSSST!!!”

That one, the opposite of subtle and loud enough that several other foals looked in their direction, finally snapped her nerves

“WHAT?” she hissed. But wasn’t met with the sneer she was expecting. Instead the unbearable filly was holding a note out to her. The ‘give it here’ gesture of her compatriot on Applebloom’s other side made their intention obvious enough.

With a resigned sigh, she leaned over and took the note between her teeth and..

“Applebloom!” the teacher’s shout caused her to freeze up in shock. Caught.

Cherilee frowned at her from the front of the class, “Are you passing a note?”

Opening her mouth to reply, the note fell to the ground, where it promptly burst into flames. Starlight then made her entrance with a crack of displaced mass as she appeared in the room.

“That’s enough of that.” Levitating behind her were two very confused foals and a stick.

The class stood shocked at her sudden appearance. Applebloom recovered first.

“Uhhh…” was as far as she got before being impacted by two foals she’d never seen before, one a pure white unicorn and the other a pumpkin orange pegasus. The three landed in a bundle of legs near the back of the room, carried by the force of Starlight’s throw.

“You! Make some friends! You’ll feel better!”

Then she turned to the little devil filly.

“And you!” Diamond Tiara flinched away from the volume of her voice

Starlight levitated up the other object she brought with her, a branch that forked in two at one end. She aimed it straight at the filly. Casting the spell gave her a pang of guilt and regret deep in her chest, but it was for a good cause this time.

The filly’s cutie mark, and that of her stuck up friend, were ripped from their owner’s flanks. A quick scan with her eyes located another blank-rumped filly and the stolen marks promptly stamped themselves onto either of her hips. She shot out of her chair with a yelp, feeling as though somepony had just whacked her flank with a fly swatter.

Cherilee, finally having found her voice, marched up at aisle at the pony tormenting her students. She was then bound and hung from the ceiling with magic, a gag appeared in her mouth.

Starlight nodded at her spellwork and turned her attention back to the offending fillies.

“Both of you! Don’t be jerks. Or I’ll be back for you!”

Breaking the branch and giving and awkward wave to the rest of the class, she cast the time travel spell again and leapt through, leaving minor scorch marks on the floor and sending a wind whipping through the room.

When all had settled, the spells apparently wore out, having lost their source of power. Cherilee dropped from the ceiling and proved, once and for all, that ponies are not as much like cats as many people think.

Applebloom and the two other fillies slowly disentangled themselves, trading awkward smiles and apologies. Their names were Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Applebloom thought they seemed really nice, maybe she’d ask them to hang out at Sugarcube Corner after all this.

And lastly, Twist, having turned around, was spun in a circle as the marks on either side of her flank shot off and returned to their owners. Said owners found themselves thrown to the ground by the sheer force of the reunion, with rumps that would remain sore for the next week.

13. Fall Weather Friends

The rainbow maned pegasus lazily flew upwards into the air. “Heh! Easy shmeasy!” With another easy win in the bag for sure, she was thinking of the next medal she could put on her wall. Next to her Trophy cabinet, next to her closet full of them…. What? She had a lot of them! If you’re not trying! You’re not winning!

“HOLD ON!” Applejack’s voice snapped her from her thoughts before she hit the dirt. With the buff farm pony now standing on her tail, she had no choice but to listen to Applejack’s banter. “There is ONE condition.” The farm pony narrowed her eyes at Rainbow. “The point is to run. So no, wings, allowed.”

“No wings?” With a grin, she bucked Applejack right off her tail, sending her flying with a yell. “No problem!” Rainbow’s voice cracked a bit, ruffling her wings a bit. With the two ponies back on their hooves, they locked eyes for the briefest of moments.

Applejack spit directly onto her hoof, and Rainbow followed suit as they went to bring them together. In a split second, a flash of light purple light appeared before them and before they knew it, a pony was standing right in the path of their spit-laden hooves.

“Oof!” Starlight Glimmer jumped a bit as two wet hooves smacked into each of her cheeks. “Ow, geez you two. I know you like it rough, but… Ow.” Rubbing her now sore jaw, the two mares looked quizzically at the new pony.

“Sorry about that miss! I uh, do I know you?” Applejack narrowed her eyes, looking at the pale heliotrope unicorn before her.

With a shake of her head, Starlight smiled. “No, I’m just a mare on a mission.” She put a hoof around the two and pulled them together. “Now, I hear you two are have a little competition, but you need to stop acting like a couple of foals!”

“Hey!”

Glaring hard at the pegasus, Starlight continued. “Shut up and listen… You’re letting this stupid competition of ‘whos better’ ruin your friendship!” Magenta eyes met green ones, a few moments pass before Applejack sighed.

“She's right RD, some ponies are just good at some things…”

“While some ponies, are better at other things!” The two friends shared a small smile, staring in each others eyes.

“Good! Now get over yourselves and be friends again.” There was a moment or two of silence, before Starlight pushed them just a little closer together. The two mares blushed before pulling back, Applejack’s muzzle scrunched up while Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head.

“R-right.” There was a glint of playfulness in Starlight's eyes before she stepped back. With a flash of light, the mare that stood there was gone. That left Applejack and Rainbow Dash staring wide-eyed at the slightly singed grass where the unicorn had stood.

“Huh…”

“Yeah…”

The two could only stand there, wondering just who this mare was.

14. Suited for Success

“Friends can be harsh, even when they don’t mean to be
These dresses are awesome, but they don’t see that, you see?
They want to wear nests and candy on their heads,
Make you wish you’d curled up and were dead,
Then your career nearly goes up all in smoke,
And you’ll end up looking like a joke,
That’s why I'm feeding Opalescence thiiiiis~”

The fresh presence of the singing pony in her workshop, interrupting her closing her song, nearly sent poor Rarity catatonic. She’d been putting the finishing touches to the last of the Gala dresses for her friends, and enjoying a good sing-a-long while she’d been doing it, when an extra vocal harmony created a final verse that had certainly not been expected.

“Hello Rarity!” Glimmer waved hurriedly as she pushed a cat bowl to the white purring fluff ball, allowing Opal to greedily feast on the laced biscuits that now resided in it. The periwinkle pony with a mostly modest purple mane put a stopper on a bottle marked "Hypnotoad Spittle - Not for use on-" only for it to be put away before the full label be read by the fashionista.

“You’re that…” Rarity fumbled for the right name, but could not remember her friends actually telling her what she was called, “...time pony, right? What are you giving my Opal?”

“Sorry, I'm on the clock,” Starlight looked to the many watches along her forelegs as she spoke, her ears folding in discomfort, “let's just say it's a Zecora special and it should wear off in seven days. So-” She suddenly screamed out and pranced on the spot urgently, before tugging Rarity in to look her in the eyes.

“Five seconds left! Really shouldn't have sung a song! Rarity, follow these instructions to the letter! Make sure that your friends look Opalescence in the eyes before they look at their new dresses, remember to tell them you're the boss and don't look the cat in the eyes yourself or else you'll-”

Pop! The strange shouting mare was gone before she could finish the full sentence. The pale snow mare with the luxurious mane fell into the void left by the vanishing pony, yelping at the bump to her chin.

“Ouch!” she winced, rubbing her jaw and groaning, “what on Equestria could she mean about not looking at you, Opalescence? Why, you’re just too adorable not to-”

Her words were not cut short. They simply did not need to exist anymore when the feline spun around to reveal deep, spinning pools where it’s eyes had once been. There was no more worries or frets about the dresses, they were just fine. There was only Opalescence, and that was all that mattered…

~ * ~

There was a rapid-fire knock on the door of the Carousel Boutique.

“Rarity? You okay in there? You haven't come out for days,” called a sugar-high voice as the party pony known as Pinkie Pie pushed open the door and trotted in, leading the procession of her other friends. The curtains were drawn shut, the room looked unswept and unkempt. There was no sign of the dressmaker in the main foyer, just a lot of bowls of cat kibble and dozens of feline-friendly toys scattered all over the floor.

“Who said you can’t become a crazy cat-lady with just one cat?” hissed Pinkie to the others. Twilight Sparkle gave a long-suffering shake of her head then set off up the stairs, calling for her friend.

It was only once the five concerned allies slipped into an open bedroom that they found a frazzled Rarity, petting a puff of milky fluff on her bed and looking completely spaced, which added strength to Pinkie’s “Cat-lady” rumors. Ahead of her were five completed dresses, sparkling, beautiful and perfect, one for each of her darling pals.

“Err, Rarity? Are these complete?” Grumbled Rainbow in an unsavory manner, “I thought mine was going to be, you know… Cooler. By about twen-”

“Is this really the time, Rainbow?” scolded Applejack, before turning to Rarity with sympathy, “err, Sugarcube? Are you strugglin’ with the dresses? T’ain’t like they’re bad, jus’...” before she finished, Rarity rose the hoof she’d been petting her cat with and shook her head.

“I’m the boss,” she droned in a monotonous manner, still staring straight ahead. Fluttershy gasped in horror.

“Rarity! What-What’s happening to Opalescence? She’s gotten so-so… so big! Have you been over feeding her?” As she protested, the cat struggled to rise from the bed, a wide expanse of fur on matchstick legs. However, when she spun around and her eyes fell upon them all, the group of comrades stiffened instantly and eyes widened to the size of saucers. They each sat obediently, unblinking, and obeyed their whiskered mistress.

“Meow,” ordered Opalescence.

“We love our dresses, they’re perfection, we will not tamper with the white one’s work,” all five said in uniformity with each other, heads nodding.

“Meow,” explained the fat cat.

“We will learn not to look a gift horse in the mouth, and remember that we know nothing about fashion,” almost all of them agreed.

“Although, the armscye's tight,” began Fluttershy robotically, “the middy collar doesn't-”

“Meow,” insisted the puss.

“Oh, right, s-sorry…” added the butter yellow mare, managing to sound a little bashful behind the bored tone.

“Purrrr~owl,” finished Opal, and the ponies complied, breaking out of ranks to pet the cat, feed her, comb her, and generally provide her with her heart’s every whimsical desire. It was good to be a cat.

~ * ~

In the next few days, Opal did one good thing with her power - she encouraged the friends to complete Rarity’s dress using Fluttershy’s mad skills with a sewing needle. When they awoke on the seventh day, the cat had stuffed herself silly with treats and was achingly as round as a ball.

“Meow,” she said as they worried over their lost days and the sickly feline. She was right, it had been a very productive week.

15: Feeling Pinkie Keen

"What is this?"

Starlight Glimmer ignored Twilight's suspicious look, countering it with a wide smile. "A movie!"

"I can see that." Twilight looked at the rail and then looked up at the other unicorn. "I've never heard of "Frozen" before."

"That's because it hasn't been released yet," Starlight explained. "I did mention that earlier."

Twilight paused. "Okay. I'll bite. How is this related to Pinkie's so-called Pinkie Sense?"

"Just watch it and pay close attention to Elsa's song. I'll come back for the movie later."

Twilight eyed the other unicorn warily until she left the library, then looked down at the movie reel again. "Why not?" She shrugged and used her magic to bring out her projector. "Might as well take a look."

Later

Starlight watched Twilight leave the library, humming and singing to herself, "Let it go, let it gooo..."

She smirked, and ticked a box on her list. "Success."

16: Sonic Rainboom

Rainbow Dash collided into the archives of the Golden Oaks Library with a flash and a bang.

For a moment, Twilight’s world was white noise and blindness. She reached out feebly, trying desperately to put together what had just happened. She was feeling existential dread and hyperventilating. There were loud flashes and harsh noises. Twilight had read of these symptoms; as her mind finally began to clear, she could only come to one conclusion. Standing before her was a mysterious pink unicorn, a cyan stripe in her purple mane, her magic still crackling from her horn as a warm smile stretched across her face.

“A… a time traveler?”

“Twilight!” the figure said, pulling Twilight Sparkle to her hooves. “Are you alright?!”

“I… Who the hay are you?...”

“I’m Starlight Glimmer, your best friend and loyal student in the future!” the unicorn said. “There’s no time to explain, but a friendship problem is coming to you and yours soon, and I’m here to solve it as fast as I can!”

“Y-You’re my student? I have students in the future?!”

“Like I said, no time to explain! Where’s Rarity?”

“Who is asking?” said a dainty, woozy, voice in the corner, as Rarity slowly rose onto shaky hooves. In an instant, Rarity was zapped in Starlight Glimmer’s seafoam magic, and in an instant, she disappeared.

Twilight’s existential dread gave away to horrified panic. Judging from the screaming, her friends felt the same. Her horn glowed instinctively as she scrambled to find the first self-defense spell she could. “What the hay did you just do to my friend?!”

“It’s okay!” Starlight Glimmer said. “I just banished Rarity to the Elemental Plane of Fabrics! She’ll be fine!”

“What?!”

“The Elemental Plane of Fabrics! It’s the place in timespace where all fabric that was and ever will be floats in a perfectly livable void! Trust me, if you knew the friendship problems coming you’d have done the same thing! You can get her back with…”

Starlight Glimmer raised the books – and Twilight’s other friends – in her magic, quickly sorting through them as best as she could. “Where is it? Jeez Louise, this is poor bookkeeping, Twilight! Are these volumes even numbered?!”

“J-Just hold on a second here!” Twilight spluttered. “You came from the future to send my friend Rarity to an elemental plane?!”

“Hold on a darn-tootin’ second!” Applejack cried. “Rarity’s where?!”

Starlight Glimmer groaned. “Where the hay is that book?!”

“You bring Rarity back right now!” Rainbow Dash growled, flailing ineffectually as Starlight Glimmer scoured rapidly through book covers. “I oughta kick your butt back to… to wherever! Aaaargh!”

“I can’t bring Rarity back, Rainbow Dash! I mean, I could, but then a thousand bad things would happen in a row! There are better ways to learn about how to handle being upstaged than everybody almost dying in a horrible accident!”

Starlight Glimmer was hyperventilating. She stopped herself, taking in a deep breath and dropping everything in her magic. Books and ponies rained onto the floor again, as a bewildered Twilight Sparkle tried to blink away her confusion. “What? Wait, Rarity is going to almost die?!”

“Just trust me on this!” Starlight Glimmer said, yanking a book from the pile. “Finally! Here it is!” She tossed the book to Twilight Sparkle, who peered at the cover. “There! You’ll need that book to get her back, but only after the Best Young Flier’s competition!”

”Plane Shifts and You: an Updated Journal of Torment?”

“Just read it and everything will be clear.”

As Twilight Sparkle scried through the book, Starlight Glimmer turned around. “Now, Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow Dash rose to her hooves, stomping towards Starlight with fury in her eyes. The unicorn rolled her eyes, raising a hoof to her heart. “I’m your best friend from the future! Rarity is fine! Just hold still, okay?”

“Hold still for what?” Rainbow Dash growled, before she was enveloped in Starlight’s magical glow, only able to let out a cry of fear before she… she…

She was just there. She was just standing. But now, she felt… What did she feel? Rainbow Dash couldn’t put her hoof on it. “What… What the hay did you…”

“Just a little spell I whipped up to eliminate your negative emotions,” Starlight Glimmer said, beaming.

“My negative emotions?”

“Yep! You were nervous about the Best Young Flier’s competition, right?”

“I guess.” Rainbow Dash blinked a few times.

“Great! So now, you won’t feel nervous! Or any negative emotion! You may lose out on a few positive ones but, hehe, hey, small price to pay for winning the Best Young Fliers competition, right, Rainbow Dash?”

“I have no strong feelings one way or the other.”

“Glorious! No more friendship problem! Success!”

“You n’ I have a pretty different definition of success there, weird future pony,” Applejack said, waving a hoof in front of Rainbow Dash’s face.

“Alright, my work here is done, gotta run! Word of warning, I might be evil when next we meet, so like, have an open mind and stuff! Okay, bye!”

With a flash of light and a horrendous noise, Starlight Glimmer was gone as fast as she had come. Twilight Sparkle rubbed her eyes, gazing over the chaos that strange unicorn from the future had wrought. Fluttershy was cowering under a table. Applejack was trying to shake Rainbow Dash awake from her spellbound state. Rarity was literally in another dimension. And Pinkie Pie?

The entire time, Pinkie Pie had sat in the corner, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, her mouth hanging open. Through the entire ordeal, exactly one word left her lips, and it’s sentiment was one Twilight couldn’t have agreed more with.

“Wat.”

17. The Stare Master

"Now," Starlight muttered to herself as she emerged into yet another day in the past, "...if I got the coordinates right…"

Her suspicions were proven correct the area shook and the desperate clucks of several chickens filled the air, followed by a rather loud, "GIRLS!"

Starlight smirked, scratching another mental mark on her tally of perfect jumps and gave herself a mental hoof-bump. "Oh yeah."

She pulled out her copy of Twilight's Friendship journal and revised it just to make sure she had it right, then proceeded to cast a series of spells on herself before heading into the forest.

Some time later…

"Girls, you have to be careful! There's a cockatrice on the loose!" Fluttershy pleaded. "We have to go home."

"A cockawhatnow?" Apple Bloom asked, tilting her head in confusion.

Behind her, Scootaloo and Sweetie exchanged looks and shrugged.

"It's a fearsome creature with the head of a chicken and body of a snake! It—"

Fluttershy stopped as the girls walked around her. "That just sounds silly!" Apple Bloom declared. "Why, if Ah ever see one of those I'll just laugh it away!"

"No you won't."

"HOLY CELESTIA, MOTHER OF ALL BUCKERS!"

"Apple Bloom!" Fluttershy chided, aghast at the filly's reaction. "That's not—who… I'm going to have a talk with your sister, missy!"

"Buh-but that weird unicorn just appeared out of nowhere!"

Starlight smirked. "Oh, don't worry about me."

Her horn glow and confused chicken floated out of the bushes, landing in front of Fluttershy and wobbling a bit before falling to the side. "Don't worry, she's okay," the unicorn informed them. "Just paralyzed."

She then proceeded to hoof over a potion to Fluttershy, who took it with a confused expression. "Soften Brew." The unicorn said. "To de-stone Twilight. I've also teleported the Cockatrice back to its natural habitat. You're welcome."

"But—"

"And you girls…" Starlight said, turning to glare at the three before casting yet another spell made all three slump unconscious. "Should be in bed."

She smiled at Fluttershy. "There. I also fixed your table, and the gate. Enjoy the rest of your evening!"

And with that, she was gone.

Fluttershy stared at the three unconscious fillies, the frozen chicken and the potion. Then she blinked, shrugged and picked them all up. It was kind of late anyway.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Last night I learned two things:

First: Be prepared in case you meet cockatrices in the forest.

And Second: Earth Ponies have very peculiar ideas about what you do in your free time.

18. The Show Stoppers

In the outskirts of Applejack’s orchard, between the trees and rocks of the woodland, a temporal rift splits open. Like a rounded cube Starlight Glimmer rolls from the spacial opening and falls stomach-first onto the grass. Her copy of the friendship journal follows with her, landing page-open on her head.

The unicorn groans from the minor pain. “Glimmy took a tumble,” she upsettingly says to herself in a slightly dazed state. In a rush, she shakes her head and conjures a bucket of water, splashing herself in the face before getting onto her hooves and checking her surroundings.

“A little off,” she mentions to herself before dashing off in the direction of where the Cutie Mark Crusaders Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo should be. She arrives just as the young pegasus is giving her laughable performance of song-writing. The mare takes a second to just catch her breath before continuing.

Quick about her wits, Starlight conjures a megaphone. In her magical aura it comes to life, amplifying for a second before she is able to speak. “Attention Cutie Mark Crusaders!” This loud announcement gets all three fillies to look in Starlight’s direction and venture to a front row seat, confused looks on the three.

“Who’re you?” Sweetie Belle asks, but Starlight raises her hoof while her megaphone pops away as if it was never existing in the first place.

“Who I am isn’t important. Look, all of you are pushing yourselves way too much to find your true talents. Just let things come naturally.”

All three of the fillies look at one another with a bewildered expression. They had no idea who this mare was or how she knew what they were doing.

“Just trust me on this, okay my little ponies? I gotta run, see you three later!” With that, Starlight teleports away and onto the next lesson to fix in record time, leaving the three friends to give a much less enthusiastic performance at the talent show, and realizing they’re definitely not comedians.

19. A Dog and Pony Show

As the Diamond Dog closed in, he pinched the gem on his collar. “We hunt for gems. But, you are a better hunter.” Each step, Rarity and Spike kept walking backwards as he came closer and closer. “So now we hunt, for you!”

With that, two more popped out of the ground, sending the small dragon falling backwards. Now, with two more Diamond Dogs behind her, Rarity turned and let out a small scream. But, before any could even realize, three beams of magic zipped across the landscape. Zip~! Zap~! Zam~! The Diamond Dogs were blown away, figuratively and very literally. Tumbling to the ground, they skidded to a halt no more than a few meters away.

“W-who dids that?!” The leader roared in anger, the fur on his back a little singed. Upon looking around, they all spotted a lone mare standing upon the cliffside. “YOU! You dids this!” With a bright flash of purple light, the mystery mare teleports down in front of the dogs, the three quickly scrambled back up to their paws.

“You should really should pick on somepony your own size, greedy mutts!” With another round of spells, the unicorn blasted the dogs back once more. “Now, get out of here! And don’t come back!”

Groaning, the three looked at the pissed off mare before hesitating. With one step closer, they took off with their tails between their legs. “Hah! Serves em right!” Brushing her mane from her face, Starlight looked back at Rarity and Spike, who sat there in awe. “Awesome! I can get this over with and onto the next one in record time!”

“Wait, don’t I know you?” Rarity looked at Starlight suspiciously before the purple unicorn booped the fashionistas muzzle.

“Don’t worry about that! Go around that corner, there’s about five minecarts full of gems there. Get the others and you can have them all.” Rarity perked up instantly, and trotted around the small, stone hill all while happily muttering to herself. With the mare out of sight, a heavy sigh came from Starlight’s mouth. “Sweet Faust above… These don’t seem to get any easier.”

Starlight glared hard as Rarity galloped past them to Ponyville, before glancing down at the dragon next to her. “And Spike? A little advice?” She then leaned in and whispered a few things into his ear before giggling.

“W-wait? How do you know that?!” He flushed red as Starlight brushed his frills before taking a few steps back.

The grin across her muzzle was huge. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Trust me, even though her and her friends are a little chaotic right now? Give em a year or so. They’ll grow out of it. Bye for now!” In a flash, she was gone. Leaving a very confused Dragon standing there.

20. Green Isn't Your Color

Twilight paced in her position back-stage. The music was building, it was about time for Fluttershy’s cue, and for Twilight to intentionally nosedive the shy pegasus’ modeling career.

As soon as Fluttershy took her first tentative step onto the runway, her horn lit. The air smelled of ozone, and a ball of light swelled and popped, lightning snapping off its corona and grounding on nearby metallic objects.

When the dazzle left her eyes, a pale-lavender pony stood in front of her, consulting a book. Her own horn lit a cheerful turquoise, and Twilight felt a ward drop.

“Simple telekinesis, really Twilight? You should have gone with something flashier.”

Twilight watched as Fluttershy’s pupils shrank to pinpricks, and her expression hardened. The only time she'd seen the shy pegasus look like that had been confronting the dragon.

She didn't demurely creep as she normally did, instead she strutted in a way that would have made Rainbow Dash green with envy.

The reedy crackle of Photo Finish’s voice raised above the crowd murmur, some stage direction or another. Fluttershy snapped her muzzle around like a raptor seeking prey and flared her wings aggressively.

“No.”

That simple word, a steel dagger sheathed in the silk of ‘Shy’s voice. She slowly built to a shout, advancing to the edge of the stage.

“This has gone on far enough! You've embarrassed me, humiliated my best friend who only wanted to sew outfits for your photo shoots, dragged me all over Equestria!”

She raised her chin and glared daggers down at the Earth pony.

“I don't give a flying feather who you think you are. We're going to do things the way I want to, or not at all.”

Photo Finish shook under the onslaught of Fluttershy’s full fury… and began snapping photographs. As if she hadn't noticed, Fluttershy stepped off the stage and advanced down the center aisle. Rarity had just entered and caught the whole scene, and had time for a small gasp before she was wrapped in a wing and ushered out the door.

“We've got a spa appointment, I think?”

Starlight fixed Twilight with a sideways smirk, a circle of light glowing around her hooves.
“A simple Enrage charm. She'll snap out of it right around the time that she's got her tongue down Rarity’s throat. ‘ta, Twilight, see you in five years!”

Another flash of light and the pony was gone, leaving Twilight so nonplussed she was nearly minused.

21. Over a Barrel

As the Appleloosans and Buffalo gathered at the stage, a hush fell over the crowd. A few ponies smiled eagerly throughout the audience, but Chief Thunderhooves and Sheriff Silverstar were still scowling as they glanced at one another. Everyone’s attention was drawn fully, however, when Spike began to play on the piano. The curtains parted, and a large clamshell opened to reveal Pinkie sitting inside, wearing an elaborate showmare outfit. She began to sing.

“We may be divided,
But of you all I beg
To remember we’re all hooved
At the end of ea—”

A bright magical aura surrounded the top of the clam shell, and shut it with a thunderous clap, leaving Pinkie trapped inside as she banged on the interior. “Hey, I wasn’t finished!”

A flash of magic at the middle of the stage heralded the arrival of a pale purple unicorn, drawing gasps from the crowd as they muttered amongst one another. They barely had time to process what happened, however, before the unicorn produced a fresh, still-steaming apple pie, and flung it through the air directly at Chief Thunderhooves. It impacted his face with a loud, wet splash, staining his fur with stuffing and crust. An even louder set of gasps came from the crowd, and everyone watched in stunned silence.

“What?! What happened? I’m still stuck!”

Starlight rolled her eyes as she received accusatory glances from the Buffalo, and even some of Twilight’s friends. “Oh come on, it’s just an apple pie,” she said, twirling a hoof in the air. “Try it, Chief.”

All eyes turned to the towering chief as his tongue reached out from between his lips and licked up the scattered bits of crust and stuffing. Only a moment after he swallowed, he reached out with his tongue again, this time licking as much of the mess as he could reach off of his face. “T-that was… delicious!” he shouted, a wide smile plastered on his face.

The clamshell at the back of the stage flew open, and Pinkie gasped for air. She then cleared her throat and continued singing.

“To remember we’re all hoo—”

Starlight lit up her horn and a larger clamshell appeared beneath the first, snapping both of them shut in a sudden movement. The resounding “SNAP!” was enough to leave the crowd’s ears ringing. “Now where was I…”

Starlight turned her attention to Sheriff Silverstar, pointing a hoof at him. “Just cut down like a dozen trees to make a path through the orchard and give them pies once a year.” The sheriff looked to the chief and the pair stared at one another for a tense few seconds.

The duo clam shells both flew open, sending a few curtains falling off of the railings. Pinkie took several deep breaths, her outfit a tattered mess after nearly a minute of thrashing about inside.

“To remem—”

Starlight’s horn lit up once again, and the two clamshells snapped shut before being lifted into the air, wrapped up in a dozen chains and held shut by three separate locks. It was then dropped, unceremoniously, back onto the stage, cracking a few boards as it rested into place. “Honestly, Pinkie,” she muttered to herself, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

“Twilight,” Starlight continued, turning to the unicorn and her friends in the crowd, “Stop butting into things. You guys kind of just mess things up a lot now and then.”

Twilight groaned, trying to bury one of her hooves into her forehead as a headache started to form.

Starlight turned back to the still shut clam shells, taking a step towards it so that the trapped mare could hear her clearly. “Pinkie, lay off the singing outside of Ponyville. Not everyone likes your songs.”

“But I practiced it for like an hour,” Pinkie replied, still stuck inside the twin clam shells and beating her hooves against the interior. Starlight pulled a scroll from her bag, and vanished in another flash of magic. “... Can somepony let me out now?”

22: A Bird in the Hoof

Starlight Glimmer popped into existence out front of Fluttershy’s cottage and looked at the clock tower. The time was exactly 3:59pm. Which meant if she punched out that rabbit now he would never remind Fluttershy about the party and she never take Philomena. Plus Starlight wanted to punch the stupid rabbit anyway.
And so she did. And so didn’t Fluttershy.

Later that day

My Faithful Student
Please tell Spike to not use his message sending firebreathe to make creme brulee. My throne is covered in burnt cream… at least I hope that’s what it is.
Sincerely, Princess Troll Celestia.

23: The Cutie Mark Chronicles

Once the dust, leaves, bits of shattered wood, and tripartite wounded prides settled, Apple Bloom was the first to speak. "See anything?"

"Tree sap and pine needles," Scootaloo replied, equally bruised in body and spirit herself, "but no cutie mark."

"Plan B?" Sweetie Belle suggested--or at least would have, had a titanic clap of arcane-induced thunder not simultaneously kept her from speaking and sent all three Crusaders ducking for cover. Once they looked up--and the rather-perturbed-at-this-point dust got a chance to calm down again--they found themselves staring at a panting unicorn mare with a lavender coat and a purple and pink striped mane who looked almost exactly like Twilight Sparkle, if Twilight Sparkle had had a massive inferiority complex and wasted years of her youth chasing a fanciful ideal of a perfect world only she could hope to create. So in other words, she looked like Twilight Sparkle with weird hair.

"Okay!" the mare who probably wasn't actually Twilight said, swiveling in place for a moment before her eyes latched onto the three small fillies gaping up at her from beneath a recently disturbed pine tree. "Soooo... Cutie Mark Crusaders. Right! You guys were... oh geez, this is gonna be a tough one. Here, you, hold this."

The mare had been talking to Scootaloo when she spoke, and holding out a magically conjured stopwatch towards her when she finished. Gingerly, Scootaloo took the device in both hooves and brought it to her chest, her eyes darting back and forth between it and the mare who seriously looked exactly like Twilight with, like, two hundred percent more emotional baggage. "Hit the button on the top when I say 'go'," the mare said, nodding first at the stopwatch and then at Scootaloo. "Ready... go!"

Scootaloo hit the button.

"So Applejack got her cutie mark by running away from home, living with rich relatives for a bit, realizing she didn't like being from old money if she couldn't earn any of it herself, and went back to her farm to live in poverty forever out of sheer principle. Fluttershy went to flight camp and got made fun for being a wimp until Rainbow Dash cared enough to bail her out while still not caring enough to avoid accidentally smacking her out of the sky presumably to her death, but it all ended up okay because the animals on the ground saved her and she realized ponies couldn't be trusted for anything and the raw chaos of nature was the only dependable constant in an uncaring universe. Meanwhile, Rarity got just absolutely extra about a school play and ended up getting dragged by the horn out to some gemstones she used to fill the gaping hole of self-assurance her short-sighted peers could never provide, and Pinkie Pie kind of did the same thing but out on a rock farm and with slightly more implied violation of foal labor laws. And of course, during all of this, Rainbow Dash went fast enough during the race she almost killed Fluttershy for to break the sound barrier, and that startled Twilight Sparkle into wilding out and nearly destroying Canterlot with her untapped magical potential, which apparently prompted Celestia to take her in as her personal student and give her a sapient dragon hatchling as a pet-slash-homegrown-assistant."

The mare took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Also, you guys don't actually get your cutie marks until about four or five years from now, and it's only after you dodge answering your biggest rival's question of what her cutie mark means and you realize your entire life's purpose was pointless by its very nature, which all happens right before the Elements of Harmony stop me from preventing everything I just mentioned from happening because I was upset that my entire life's purpose was doomed to colossal, world-ending failure from the start, which, wow, is really kind of ironic now I think about it and am saying it out loud, but anyway, that's how your so-called 'Plan B' goes, and now the rest of your day is free. Time! How long was that?"

None of the three Cutie Mark Crusaders answered her. After a moment's pause, the mare's still-ticking stopwatch slipped out of Scootaloo's outstretched hooves and clunked down onto the forest floor.

"Hmm," the mare hummed. "All right, if I just call that thirty seconds, are any of you gonna say anything?"

None of them said anything.

"Awesome. Good talk. See you guys in five years."

With a slight grunt and a blinding flash of her horn, the mare was gone. The silence she left in her wake persisted for several seconds, only broken by Apple Bloom's errant cough.

"Okay, seriously, who was that?" she said once her voice fell back under her control. "And why does she keep showin' up right as we're about to go on cutie mark crusadin' adventures?"

"I dunno," Scootaloo said, after receiving a nod of tacit agreement from Sweetie Belle, "but whoever she was, I hope we never see her again."

And then they did. But not until five years later after Scootaloo forgot she said that, so technically it all worked out fine.

24. Owl's Well That Ends Well

"So lifelike... and when Twilight discovers it shredded up on her floor, she'll think mouse-eating Owloiscious is to blame. And I'll be Number One again!" With a wicked laugh and a flourish of his cape, Spike turned on his heel and made his way out the front door of the deserted Carousel Boutique, glancing this way and that in case someone might see him.

But he had not gone far when all at once there was a noise like thunder, and before him flashed a bright ruddy light, from which materialized a hooded figure.

Spike skidded to a stop, tilting his stovepipe hat forward and drawing up his cape to hide his expression of surprise. The stranger was equine in shape, but its features were entirely covered by its jet-black cloak.

"Good afternoon, Spike," it said.

"Who... who are you?" Spike inwardly scolded himself for stuttering.

"'Haborym,' some call me." The stranger’s voice was raspy and androgynous.

"And... where do you know me from?" His composure more or less regained, Spike stood on tip-toe to look taller.

"Never you mind. I am here, little dragon, because we are something alike in spirit."

"Oh?" Spike said, for want of anything better.

Slowly, Haborym grew closer until Spike could smell its sulfurous breath. "You are prideful--oh, so prideful. Envious as well. And your sin of omission regarding the blue tome, followed by flattery of your mistress--most cunning. It might have succeeded, with my assistance. Now your deceptions grow more ambitious, but this one will also fail. Let us form a partnership, my young friend."

Spike resisted an urge to edge backward. "What kind of partnership?"

"Behold," Haborym said. And before Spike could say anything, there was another flash of red light. Now, all across the ground around their feet, there was an illusory map of the near face of the Earth: Here was Equestria, there was Griffonstone, there was the Hippogriff kingdom, and beyond these, others Spike did not recognize.

"All the kingdoms of the world belong to me," Haborym said, "though they do not know it. These I will give you, on a single condition." It leaned forward until Spike nearly gagged on the stench of brimstone. "Swear utter fealty to me."

"No!" Now almost in tears, Spike flung the fake mouse away with all his might and bolted in the direction of the library, shedding his accoutrements as he went. The hat went into an alley, the cape fluttered into a ditch, and the mustache was trod underfoot. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Twilight! Twilight!"

The moment that Spike was out of sight, the stranger shrugged off its cloak to reveal a benign-looking mare with a lilac coat. "How about that?" Starlight said to herself as she doused the sulfur burner that hung around her neck. "I'm a natural with kids."

Party of One

Starlight materialized with a audible pop in front of Sugarcube Corner Bakery. She pulled the Friendship journal from her satchel and turned to the page entitled “Pinkie Pie’s birthday Mix-Up”. Since the entry had been written from Twilight’s point of view, Starlight was unsure where the pink pony could be. She decided to head into the bakery and check out Pinkie’s room above the shop.

“Mrs. Cake, is Pinkie upstairs?” The aqua blue earth pony with a swirled pink bouffant mane looked at her quizzically.

“Welcome to SugarCube Corner ! I don’t think we’ve met. I thought I knew everyone in this town. Are you new to Ponyville, dearie?”

“Mrs. Cake, no time. I’m on a bit of a schedule. Is Pinkie Pie upstairs?”

“Why, yes. I believe so. But why?"

Starlight didn’t answer and instead trotted up the wooden staircase. As she was nearing the top, a small purple dragon was headed down. Spike was holding his pale belly in a walking food coma and muttering to himself.

“Too many gems. But they were so good,” he muttered. Starlight stepped aside on a landing, and the little dragon passed by without noticing her. Starlight knocked purposefully on Pinkie’s door and entered without waiting for a response. The pink pony’s normally bouncy curls lay in lank sheets. Starlight had heard of Pinkie’s infamous deflated-mood-hair but had never seen it in person before. The effect was a bit disconcerting.

Pinkie Pie sat at the head of the table, staring dejectedly off into space. Starlight pushed a bucket of turnips off one the chairs, causing stack of rocks to crash to the floor. (Why were there turnips and rocks up here ?) She sat in the chair and addressed the earth pony.

“Hey there, Pinkie. Pinkie Pie, look at me,” said the purple unicorn. Pinkie shifted in her chair and faced away from Starlight.

“Go away. You weren’t invited.” Starlight swore to herself. Her time traveling spell had been a little off. She had meant to get to Ponyville earlier that morning, before Pinkie had delivered the invitations to Gummy’s After Birthday Party. That way, she could have simply reminded Pinkie that today was her birthday, and her friends were already planning a surprise party. Simple. Easily done in 30 seconds. But Starlight had arrived a half day late.

Now it was mid afternoon, and Pinkie had already gone the whole day thinking her friends were keeping secrets from her. This was going to take a little bit of work. Starlight walked over the the other side of the table, this time knocking a bag of flour to the ground.

“Pinkie Pie, look at me,” she repeated. Pinkie Pie looked at Starlight, but her eyes seemed a little...off. Her face twitched unpredictably. I don’t have time for this, Starlight thought to herself. “Pinkie, what day is today ?”

“Why, its Gummy’s after birthday day today.”

“And that would make it…?”

“Tuesday ?”

This was going nowhere, thought Starlight. “No, Pinkie, what’s the date ?”

Pinkie looked at the unicorn and said, “I didn’t invite you. Are you a friend of Sir Lints-A-Lot?”

“No, Pinkie, Im not a friend of Sir Lints-A-Lots. I’m a friend of Twilight Sparkle. And I know you think she’s been keeping secrets. Let me tell you, they’re not secrets. They’re surprises. Your friends are planning a party for you. It’s YOUR BIRTHDAY, you nutcase ! How can you forget your own birthday ? You know every Birthday, Anniversary, Holiday, Monthaversary and Event in this town, but you can’t remember your own birthday ?” At this point, she was practically shouting. The realization slowly dawned on the earth pony’s face. Her pink mane and tail coiled itself into bouncy curls with an audible squeak.

“You mean my friends are planning a party for my birthday ?” Pinkie squealed in excitement.

“Yup.There’s going to be dancing and games and cake and ice cream and punch. Now don’t forget to act surprised.”
Starlight’s transportation spell energized and Pinkie was deposited in front the barn at Sweet Apple Acres. The purple unicorn took a deep breath and readied herself for her next time travel spell.

26. The Best Night Ever

The basement of Golden Oaks Library was dark, and full of mares chained to one another.

“At least we can still spend the night together!” Pinkie said.

Rarity sobbed loudly. Fluttershy, whose face was pressed uncomfortably against Rarity’s, cringed and sputtered as a veritable deluge of tears threatened to drown her.

Twilight scowled. “Pinkie, I understand you’re trying to look on the bright side here—”

“No, I approve of how she’s able to see the actual service I’m doing for you all,” came the voice whom the mane six had all grown to loathe, what with it belonging to the mare who had chained them all up in an uncomfortable bundle in Twilight’s basement and all. A pale glow lit the room, casting long shadows in the dim light, but it was just strong enough to make out the smug grin of the pony producing it. “I mean, not in a more overarching sense, of course—”

The sound of chains rattling filled the room as Applejack thrashed around. Rainbow and Fluttershy, who were packed on either side of her like sardines, grunted as she uncomfortably smashed her bound limbs into their sides. “I swear, if y’all don’t let us loose right now, I’m going to—”

“Struggle against the chains futilely? I mean, not to polish my own horn here—”

“Gross,” Rainbow muttered.

“—but these are some pretty resilient chains. Even put a proper charm on them so Rarity and Twilight can’t weasel out.” The mare laughed and slowly began to trot away. “You know, the best part about this is that you’ll actually teach me this spell.” She gestured to Twilight.

“I am certain I don’t want to find out the circumstances under which I thought it necessary to do such,” Twilight said with a grim shiver. “Also, who are you?”

“A friend. A very, very good friend.” The mare had begun to trot away towards the steps leading out of the basement, but she paused, and turned her head back before giving the mares in bondage a knowing smirk. “Trust me, you didn’t want to be at the Gala tonight anyway.”

~

The entirety of the main ballroom of Canterlot Palace was coated in a thick layer of lime-green slime. The horrible ooze monstrosity that Starlight had dropped in moments before going to kidnap the mane six and force them all into a chain sushi roll was bubbling and splattering across everypony and everything. Terrified and confused Canterlot socialites scrambled about, wailing as The Smooze grew larger and larger in size and began to engulf everything in sight.

Princess Celestia watched this all unfold with a slowly widening smile.

“This really is the best night ever,” she said, a single tear of pure joy rolling down her cheek.

Author's Note

Credits

01 & 02. Shakespearicles
03. Duskhoof
04. Starlight_Glimmer
05. Petrichord
06. livinthelife
07. PresentPerfect
08. Southpaw
09. Applejinx
10. abronie
11. gaitiem
12. Lingo
13. Synesisbassist
14. Duskhoof
15. Wanderer D
16. The Elusive Badgerpony
17. Wanderer D
18. Psy Key
19. Synesisbassist
20. Starlight_Glimmer
21. Flashgen
22. Bysen
23. Aquaman
24. Horse Voice
25. Shandy13
26. Regidar

Season 2

27. & 28. The Return of Harmony

"Twists and turns are my master plan, then find the Elements back where you began," Discord's image said in the stained-glass window. His laughter echoed in the castle hall as he departed, mocking Princess Celestia, Twilight, and her friends.

"Um, can we go home now?" Fluttershy said meekly.

"What do you reckon he meant? 'Twists and turns' and ending back where we started?" Applejack asked.

"Twists and turns. Twists and turns," Twilight repeated to herself as she walked over to the window, mulling over the riddle. She looked outside at the large hedge-maze in the courtyard. "Twists and turns, that's it! I bet Discord hid the Elements in the palace Labyrinth!" In a flash of purple light, another unicorn appeared.

"And that is why I'll never take you to Las Pegasus, Twilight," Starlight Glimmer said. "You're a terrible gambler."

"You again?" Twilight said with a surprised scoff. "Well you're too late! We already figured out Discord's riddle without your help!" Starlight just rolled her eyes and let out a patient sigh that could only come with years of wisdom.

"And why are you listening to him?" Starlight asked Twilight. "Is Discord known for his honesty?" she asked Celestia. Celestia shook her head. "He knows how smart you are Twilight. Obviously he wanted you to figure out his simple riddle and lure you into the maze, because...?"

"It's a trap!" Twilight gasped.

"Your star pupil, Your Highness," Starlight said of Twilight to Celestia. "Way to go Twi. I think I have a dog biscuit or something for you as a reward." Starlight rummaged through her bag. "No, wait, I got something better. A little something I grabbed on the way here." Starlight pulled out a book that Twilight recognized immediately.

"That's the book where I first read about the the Elements of Harmony!" Twilight said.

"And where your little journey of friendship... began?" Starlight said in a patronizing tone. Twilight took the book from her and opened it, seeking answers. Instead she found the Elements of Harmony stashed inside, in a hole carved into the pages. "Discord hid them inside this book in your library back in Ponyville." Twilight's eyes burned with the fury of a thousand suns.

"He ruined a book!?" Twilight growled, letting loose a string of expletives that made Celestia turn a whiter shade of pale. "I will murderize him!"

"Or, OR, maybe we could just turn him back to stone?" Starlight suggested.

"We'll turn him to stone," Twilight said. "Then I'll turn him to gravel!" Starlight was unaccustomed to seeing Twilight in such a state. And over just the damaging of a single book. She shuddered to imagine what she was like when her entire library was destroyed. Suddenly what she had seen when visiting the Tirek Battle Wastelands made more sense to her.

"But Discord is a powerful entity," Starlight advised. "Possibly a powerful ally?" she said, looking pointedly at Celestia. "With usefulness down the road? Look, Twi, it's not even that big of a deal." Starlight gave out the Elements to each of them and restored the book with her magic. "See? Good as new." Twilight hugged the book like a dear friend. "I think you've got it from here," Starlight said, before vanishing once more in a flash.

A second flash came a few moments later, and Discord reappeared, physically standing in the room itself.

"I guess you're not as clever as I thought," Discord said. "The riddle was about the Labyrinth outside in the-" he stopped mid-sentence as the ponies glared at him, each with the Elements of Harmony already around their necks. "Oh, what the f-"

A blast of rainbow magic turned him back to stone.

29. Lesson Zero

It is a calm morning in the small town of Ponyville as the sun rises. With very few ponies awake at this hour, none bare witness to a temporal rift appearing on the northern side of town; a shimmering blue aura in stark contrast to the warm, dim orange of the sun’s light.

From the rift levitates one Starlight Glimmer, grasping her form in a magical aura as she grounds herself in a world years ago. In tow is the friendship diary she had copied for Twilight, secured in her saddlebag. The rift closes behind her mere moments after setting hoof on the dirt.

“Alright, now to find the library!” Starlight wastes no time, galloping off in search of the tree long gone. Using her intuition, she surmised that the library would be in the exact location of the castle in the present. The town felt smaller; less developed. It took very little time to find the largest tree in town.

“Aha,” the adept mage exclaims, “wasn’t too hard to find. Now to stop Twilight from stressing herself to tears!” Starlight rushes forward, using a quick spell to unlock the front door and barges through; a trespasser with a purpose! She’s greeted to a sight that almost has her stop; the beauty of a treehouse library just as cozy being absent from her. The criminal pressed on, however, determined to accomplish her task.

Up the stairs she teleported, the sound of her causing even more issues with the space time continuum stopping what faint chatter there was above. Starlight barges through this door too, only to meet a rather frightened and prepared Twilight, horn alight!

“Who are you and why have you broken into my home?!”

“Whoa, whoa, relax! You don’t know me, but I’m from the future! We’re great friends, closer than most, even! It’s why you have to listen to me when I tell you that I’ve come back here to stop you from stressing. You’re about to make a huge issue out of something so minor.”

Twilight Sparkle stops her sentinel stance, a concerned look on her face. “And what issue would that be?”

“Well, you haven’t realized it, but you haven’t written a friendship lesson letter to Princess Celestia, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to.”

Twilight stares, dumbfoundead that she had forgotten to write a lesson learned this week. There’s no way any random pony would know about that, so this pony must know her. Before she has another moment to think about it, the other unicorn pulls a book from her saddlebag, levitating it over and turned to a specific page.

“Right here, you detail how you stressed over this specific detail, and it all turned out to be nothing!”

Twilight takes a moment to read over the contents before easing herself. (Lucky for Starlight, she’s a fast reader!) A distressed Spike is nowhere to be seen, long since ran away from danger, the coward. As for the studious purple unicorn, she wipes a bit of sweat from her brow.

“Well, I see. That definitely helps to know that. Say, how do I know you again?”

“Oh,” Starlight stops, giving an awkward smile as she recalls her encounter with Twilight in the future. “We, uh, you know, meet when you’re on vacation! Anyway, I gotta go!” Starlight blinks away from the awkward conversation, still running from her past and not wanting to remember her communist subjugation of perfectly healthy ponies.

Her task now complete, she opens up the friendship diary to be on with her next task to fix. Unbeknownst to the time jumper, in this timeline Celestia punishes Twilight for not reporting a new friendship lesson learned. Perhaps time travel isn’t such a good idea after all.

30. Luna Eclipsed

High over the plains of equestia a spooky royal carriage soared at breakneck speed.

"How long how long until we reach Ponyville?" Luna asked her guard. "We will arrive in less than thirty seconds your majesty."

In a flash of light a strange unicorn appeared next to Luna with a huge bag as tall as she was.

"WHOM DARES-"

Luna started before the purple mare cuts her off.

"Starlight Glimmer your Majesty. I love your work." Starlight grinned hugely before continuing. "Anywho, somepony forgot to tell you some basic information before you left so I'm here to help.

"First, no Royal Canterlot voice. It's funny but annoying and nopony likes it.

"Second, ponys like getting scared on nightmare night especially the foals. They find it fun.

"Third, fun is the feeling you get when you crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women."

Luna nodded at this now taking notes.

"And last but most important," Starlight pushed the overstuffed bag at Luna spilling treats onto the carriage.

"Candy!"

Luna, eyes aglow, smiled wickedly and grabbed hoofuls of sweet bliss. "Take us down guards, we will give the people what they want and have fun doing it!"

31. Sisterhooves Social

Rarity barely looked up from her sewing at the now-familiar crackle-fizz behind her. The orb of light snapped, revealing a rather jittery-looking periwinkle unicorn.
"Hullo Starlight."

Starlight took a sip from the cup of tea that had been left out for her arrival, took a deep breath, and clacked her stopwatch.
Ten seconds.
"Okay look so Sweetie is only going to be a kid for a few more years, so just go with her to the stupid thing. She's going to do a lot of things that will annoy you to no end today, but try to remember that she's your kid sister and she loves you and she's doing it out of the kindness of her heart- acting upon the spirit of Generosity that you instilled in her."

Rarity twitched an eyebrow skyward.

"So I'm going to save you a whole day's worth of angry stress-wrinkles. Everything she does today, try to look at it in a different light. It's only going to be sapphire-macrame for a little bit longer until she hits that teenage phase of weird music and etc."

She glanced at the watch, nodded to herself, and disappeared when the hand swept down to zero.

Episode 32: The Cutie Pox

Applebloom rubbed her hooves together, leering at the ingredients upon Zecora's shelves. 'Heart's desire sounds perfect!' she thought to herself. Springing over to the pink flower, the filly chuckled darkly. But as she was reaching for the soft petaled monstrosity blossom, there was a soft purple flash and the odd feeling of reality bending in ways maybe it shouldn't be from behind her. Gasping in shock, she whipped around as another flash went off, revealing-!

Well, actually, she was alone. Rubbing her eyes, she shook her head then turned back to the waiting super plant. Only to find an empty shelf where it had once sat.

"What...?"

********

Outside, a Police pony was writing a ticket, while Starlight Glimmer waited somewhat impatiently. Next to her, an Equestrian Agent of the Bureau of Narcotic Substances and Controlled Botany sweated silently, holding a clear sealed plastic container at leg length. There were items in it she had only ever read in books, and she wasn't happy about suddenly being so close to them, even if they were in a supposed stasis spell. This was so far above her pay grade she didn't even want to think how it would be classified.

Later, when Zecora returned, she would find the hut empty, and roughly a quarter of her ingredients pilfered. On the door would be a ticket with a hefty fine for the illegal storage, handling, and trafficking of Class 6 controlled substances without a permit, 1st degree potion brewing without an Equestrian Alchemist License, and reckless child endangerment. On the back was a simple note telling her it was her first strike, so they were letting her off easy this time.

Shrugging, she idly wondered if Applebloom would be willing to help her make and sell more potions to pay off the newly incurred debt.

33. May the Best Pet Win

Twilight stared, open mouthed, at the creature that screeched, roared, gargled and flew at breakneck speeds above Ponyville, scaring the ponies below, all while a madly-giggling Rainbow Dash performed loop-de-loops around it, challenging it to try new tricks.

The creature had three bird heads: an Eagle on the right, a Hawk on the left, and a Toucan in the middle… all of the heads had small, bat-like fangs and it moved with uncanny efficiency. It's screeches were oddly musical.

Massive, pink wings flapped almost in a blur under a gigantic, solid turtle-like shell, colored like a monarch butterfly's wing design, it's two front legs were thin, like a flamingo's, the rear legs were thick and reptilian, like a tortoise's.

"What the actual hay?!" Twilight finally manage to gasp out.

"Hey, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash called out. "How do you like my pet? I call it: MEGAPET!"

Twilight could hear the uppercase in Rainbow Dash's excitement. "That's not a real thing! You were supposed to pick an animal you liked for a pet!

"But I love MEGAPET!"

"Chill, Twilight," a voice that Twilight had hoped not to hear again said.

She slowly turned around, eyes narrowed as she glared at the other unicorn. "You."

"Yep!" Starlight Glimmer said, her smile unwavering. "I have fixed yet another friendship problem! Why choose a cool pet when you can have them all?!"

She shifted uncomfortably close to Twilight, whispering in her ear in a way that made it twitch. "And even better, this one won't make Applejack cry."

"Applejack never cries!"

"She does. She just cries on the inside," Starlight assured her, ticking her checklist. "Anyway, I'm done here! See ya!"

POOF!

"One day, Glimmer!" Twilight shouted to the sky, "one day!"

34. The Mysterious Mare Do Well

Rainbow Dash has not been having the best few days. First everything was wonderful, she had saved a few ponies, and then that other mare showed up. Rainbow landed on a cloud not noticing the white fluffiness had changed to a dark storm cloud. She huffs as she flops down onto her back on the soft fluffy.

“All anypony talks about is Mare Do Well this and Mare Do Well that! What about me?” She looks over the edge of the cloud at three fillies talking on the ground below. “How would everypony forget about me so easily?” she sits up, inspecting herself. “I mean... have I changed? Same sleek body. Same flowing mane. Same spectacular hooves. Nope, I'm still awesome.” She leaps into the air. “They're wrong. But... then... why am I all alone? I hate being all alone.” She moans as she flops down onto the cloud.

“Ya know, you were a bit full of yourself right there.” Comes a new voice. Rainbow looks around, that voice is familiar, she’s seen this pony from time to time over the last couple of years. The unicorn is floating next to her cloud, enshrouded in her magic.

“Starlight? But what? What are you doing here?”

“Helping you, silly.” Starlight says, tilting her head to the side and smiling cutely. “May I join you on the cloud?” Dash scoots over and the unicorn settles onto the cloud.

“You know a lot of magic?” Starlight nods, “I’ve studied magic for years. But I’m now studying friendship. And learning from you all. Now, what do you think the problem is, Rainbow Dash?” Dash looks down at the ground.

“I used to be the pony everyone looked to when they needed help, then that Mare Do Well came around…” she stops and scuffs a hoof on the cloud.

“And she stole your thunder?” Dash nods, tears welling in her eyes. But before she breaks down, Starlight shifts and puts a hoof on the pegasus' withers, dash looks up into a face full of compassion. “Rainbow Dash, the problem isn’t the Mysterious Mare Do Well, the problem is you miss the adoration of others. Your ego needs to be fed from time to time. That, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. You are an awesome pony. You’ve saved lives, you’ve performed feats that no pegasus has done in thousands of years. You are an Equestrian hero, do you really need to be petty like that?” Rainbow Dash narrows her eyes, looking inward.

“I don’t need to be patted on the back like that, do I? I can be awesome, and as long as I know it, I can be happy with that.”

Starlight beams a smile, “Now that is a mature way to handle things, isn’t it? Don’t let your ego get too big, or others will have trouble resisting putting a pin in it and deflating it.” She stands up. “Well, I have a lot more to do. See you around.”

Rainbow jumps to her hooves, “Wait! What about Mare Do Well?” Starlight looks over her shoulder.

“Oh, she’s just your friends trying to teach you humility. They have much to learn about friendship as well.” With that, she hops off the cloud. Dash scrambles to the edge of the cloud, watching the pink mare as she falls. Her horn lights and a portal appears below her, she tosses off a smile and a salute to Rainbow as the portal consumes her. The rainbow maned pegasus sits there for several minutes, thinking furiously.

“Hey Rainbow Dash!” comes Scootaloo's voice. Dash smiles as she leaps to greet the filly.

35. Sweet and Elite

“Twilight’s dress will be my greatest creation,” Rarity declared. “It will be the birthday gift to end all birthday gifts!”

Alone at last in the Canterlot Castle Suite – save for her undyingly loyal housecat, Opal – Rarity now had the opportunity and the ability to create. Those Canterlot ponies may have sneered at her pedigree, but they wouldn’t sneer any longer. Not when she had her secret weapon at her disposal.

“A few weeks ago, when that strange pony came and sent me to the Plane of Fabrics – or rather, whatever Twilight had called it – I found this!” Rarity said, holding up a shimmering fabric that seemed to change into colors and patterns that even the most acid-addled of hippies would have begged to see. “Isn’t it simply divine, Opal? Such a stunning color! Why, the magic of it just seems to glow!”

Just then, as the word glow fell from her mouth, Rarity was blasted into the wall by a blinding light. It happened in an instant; one second, she was admiring the magical fabric she had retrieved in the midst of her interplanar souljourn, the next she was slammed face-first into the walls, and reeling from the force of the blow. As she slowly got back on her hooves, Rarity noticed several changes. The bedsheets were still floating down to earth, and Opal stood, clinging to the mattress, utterly hairless and in complete shock. Most importantly, however, was the reappearance of the pink unicorn, beaming brightly at Rarity, her horn still sparking. Rarity gasped, and nearly collapsed right there, her jaw hanging open.

“You.”

“Me.”

Rarity shook her head, trying to parse everything. Goodness gracious, it was her. The unicorn who had banished her to the elemental plane of fabric. The unicorn whose powers were unfathomable and whose morality seemed to be objective and universal. Rarity fell to her knees, for clearly, she was beheld by a mad god of some kind. “What do you want with me?” Rarity whispered. “Where am I going next?”

The pink unicorn clapped her hooves. “Oh, goodie! I’m in a timeline I recognize for once! I was hoping to meet with you again, Rarity Gamma! I have the perfect solution to your upcoming friendship problem! Also, holy moly, you took the Fabric of Time?!” The unicorn gasped, and took Rarity’s godly fabric from her hooves, where it had laid in her utter shock not moments earlier. “Rarity Gamma, I’m gonna have to take this back. Also, you have a friendship problem coming up, so I’m just gonna nip that in the bud, alright?”

Rarity blinked. The unicorn seemed to take this as affirmation, and lit up her horn. Rarity cried out in fear as she felt herself splitting, not painfully, but… but indecipherably, her mind feeling blank, her body going numb, all in thirds, thirds, thirds, what was happening, no, stop, please! “Rarity Gamma, relax!” The pink unicorn said. “This is completely harmless, at least in theory! Stop screaming, please, I need to concentrate!”

Rarity… Gamma, Rarity Gamma, for that was what she was called now, simply curled up and begged this pink Goddess to please, please speed this up, what was happening to her, ye gods what had been wrought, and like it had never happened Rarity felt normal again. She struggled to her hooves, but was soon helped up by somepony else's. When she looked up to see who it was, she saw herself, smiling broadly. Twice.

“Hello, Darling!” the two new Rarities said simultaniously.

Rarity gasped. “I… What is this?”

“Oh, just a little thing I whipped up based on the magical signature of the mirror pool!”

“Mirror… Pool?”

“Nothing for you to worry until the next chapter of your life. Believe you me, if you thought Discord was apocalyptic…” the pink unicorn shuddered, and pointed to one of Rarity Gamma’s new clones. “Okay, Rarity Gamma, you are now RG Prime! This is RG Beta and RG Ceta, the embodiments of your subconscious mind and desires! They’re the two Rarities who will help you accomplish all you need to do this week!”

“We live to serve, Darling!” RG Beta said, beaming brightly.

“I need a good dicking, Darling,” RG Beta giggled, before the pink unicorn bapped her nose with the rolled-up Fabric of Time.

“Keep it PG, RG Beta! Pretty sure somebody else used the one F-bomb we’re allowed!”

Rarity blinked. “I… What must I do?”

“Well, you need to socialize with the Canterlot crew. You’re due for a chance encounter with Fancy Pants, so get on out there and purchase supplies for Twilight’s birthday dress! Rarity Beta will prepare a workspace where she will complete the dress, and Rarity Ceta will review your diary to become a more capable guest at Twilight’s birthday party! Oh, by the way, that’s moving up here in Canterlot, so be ready for a bit of a surprise and just tell her that you learned this awesome new spell if she asks about the multiple copies of yourself!”

“I… Alright, it shall be done,” Rarity said, her eyes wide as dinner plates.

“Sweet! Friendship problem averted! These clones should disappear within a few days! When they do, you might want to read up on basic algebra! People tend to lose things splitting up, so, uhh, yeah, make sure you talk to Pinkie in a few months after this happens to her and see that she’s okay, alright?”

“...Alright.”

“Great!” the pink unicorn said. “Love you lots! Gotta go! Bye!”

And just as fast as she had come, the pink unicorn was gone again, and three Rarities made a silent promise to their new goddess that her will would be done.

36. Secret of my Excess

Like a delorean through time, a pink unicorn rushes through an opening in the space time continuum, leaving a burning trail behind her hooves. She had to find Spike before it was too late! This time, it was midday, and she couldn’t afford to care about other ponies seeing an all-powerful mage from the future bending time like it was spaghetti.

Reaching the town square, she saw Spike from a distance walking with his new hat he had just acquired from Cheerilee. He was only a minute from reaching Lickety Split, and it would only make matters worse if he were to feed his greed. Mini Twilight had to stop this before it started!

Starlight teleports over in front of Spike. In blue flash of magic she appears; Spike bumping into her and grunting as his stride is stopped. “Hey, whoa, watch where you’re-” Before he can finish his sentence, Starlight teleports both of them to the outskirts of Ponyville under a tree.

In no time at all Starlight takes out a rolled-up newspaper with her magic and begins swatting the top of the dragon’s head! “No! No, no, no! Don’t be greedy!” Starlight exclaims.

“Hey, hey! Stop that! Ouch! What gives?” Spike is obviously confused about this random pony coming up to him and assaulting him in broad daylight.

“Spike, you don’t know me, but I know you. Trust me on this one, don’t be greedy, and just be thankful! Otherwise, you’ll hurt Rarity! You don’t wanna miss out on her, do you?” Starlight was clearly playing on Spike’s obvious crush on the seamstress. She gave him a few more swats with the newspaper before teleporting away, leaving Spike dazed, confused, and bruised. Thankfully, he takes her advice. Although, running home and crying about how he may have already hurt Rarity was probably not what she had planned.

37. Hearth's Warming Eve

"Chestnuts roasting over an open fiiire..."

Twilight Sparkle stared at her faithful student. Starlight was curled up in a suitably battered wing-back chair with appropriately gaudy hound's tooth upholstery. She slowly took in the room; crackling hearth with stocking-festooned mantel. The cold crystal walls clad in wood paneling. A pipe clamped between Starlight's teeth. She was even wearing carpet slippers and a terrycloth housecoat. Starlight's personal, much-annotated copy of the Friendship Journal lay open on a lectern. Starlight glanced up from her dogeared copy of Chicken's Hearth's Warming Tail.

"I didn't touch anything, I just went and watched." Twilight squinted. "What? Even though it's turned into an opportunity for over-bloated corporations to shill a fat jolly red-suited Canterklaas peddling cheap toys to stupid children and force the romantic to exchange hard-earned bits for essentially worthless baubles for their sweeties, it's a lovely holiday and I don't want to change anything." Twilight shook her head and turned to leave.

"Happy Hearth's Warming, Twilight." Twilight turned a baleful eye back upon her student. Starlight glanced up over her mug of hot chocolate. "Mm?"

"Starlight, it's June."

38. Family Appreciation Day

Dark clouds and thunder nears the Apple family orchard as Applejack and Big Mac, right in the middle, watch the sky darkening and the once bare trees start making electrical noises and blue sparks emerge from the branches and circulates them towards the tip making big dark purple leaves sprout.

"There's the zap apple leaves," said Applejack, "right on schedule."

About the same time, on the other side of the orchand, a blast of magic appeared to show an excited Starlight Glimmer making appearance.

"Ohohohoho, I always wanted to see this!" and the clouds dispersed just as the last sparks disperse from the branches. "Aaaand it just ended," a unamused face clearly shown, "maybe I should have considered the distortion of this highly magical event before teleportation." pondered Starlight.

"Well, maybe I'll catch it on time on another easy lesson around this season, there's plenty of opportunities," Starlight took her copy of the Friendship Journal from her saddle bag and weighted it on her hoof, "which are, like, a lot more." Returning the Journal back on place Starlight proceeded to teleport right on time, this time.

A few hours later...

"That's a sssplendid idea Diamond Tiara," said Cherilee cheerfully, "Apple Bloom, you should bring in Granny Smith on Monday for Family Appreciation Day"

The school bell rang and Cherilee made the last announcement for the day "Have a great weekend everypony." as she headed towards the exit of Ponyville's Schoolhouse, followed by all the students except Apple Bloom.

Still sitting on her student chair, Apple Bloom waited for everypony to leave so she could wail in despair peacefully "Granny Smith! On Monday!? I'll be the laughing stock of Ponyville!" Gradually raising her voice on the last words alongside her head to emphasize her torment and thumped her head on the desk as a final dramatic touch.

Sparks of magic emerged in front of her desk to finally blast Starlight Glimmer into existence.

"Apple Bloom!" Shouted Starlight, surprising the filly, therefore getting her complete attention and continued, "Granny Smith is part of your family, she protects and cares for you even for somepony her age," stops for split second, realizing what she just said, "SPECIALLY somepony her age, what I want to tell you is that even for her eccentric and sometimes, and to put it in nice words, archaic ways, it's not her intention to embarrass you, in fact, that's the special thing of grannies, they always find a way to embarrass us, it's part of what makes them special, but don't worry, you might even get to like it, who knows, maybe they have the most interesting stories to tell."

Starlight charged her horn for the next teleportation, but not before adding "That means, if you don't bring Granny Smith to Family Appreciation Day I'll make sure to place a copy of Diamond Tiara's cutie mark on your flank for the rest of your life."

And with a wink Starlight disappeared leaving Apple Bloom speechless, confused and alone.

There was a moment of silence before Apple Bloom said anything at all, "...Ah...wow...well...this actually feels like Déjà vu."

39. Baby Cakes

A shadow lurked along the corridor of the Ponyville Maternity Ward.

As six ponies trotted unwarily down that same corridor, a nefarious pink figure lurked in that same shadow, and seizing her moment, lashed out… and then there were five, for a frozen instant in time, and two pink figures became none for that fractured interval.

Within an unknown dimension of nonspace, Starlight Glimmer's magic jammed a baby's pacifier into Pinkie Pie's mouth before Pinkie could even draw a breath. The cunning preparation of hypnotic elixirs which coated the pacifier took effect instantly, and those curious, innocent blue eyes glazed over. Reflexively, Pinkie sucked on the pacifier, and was further taken into the sway of the insidious enchantress… and Starlight spoke.

"You love to travel. There's nothing you'd like better than to frost a cake literally while it rolls on its way to a huge catering order. You'd love to take Mr. and Mrs. Cake's place and help them meet their work responsibilities, because you hate…" Starlight hesitated, and refined her approach on the fly, "…changing diapers and caring for babies, and would never consider doing that. You love playing with babies, but baby poop? Ew! And so you would never offer to care for the Cake twins, but you'd love to help Mommy and Daddy Cake do it by offering to bake and frost for them, which you're very capable of doing."

Pinkie Pie blinked, with a dainty 'poink-poink' noise, and made no objection other than to take another slurp on her baby pacifier.

Starlight Glimmer sighed. "Good, that ought to work." Her magic yanked the pacifier out of Pinkie's mouth with a comical 'poit', and she turned and prepared to drop the pink pony back into Ponyville space at the very location and instant she'd been taken… but then she froze, because a voice behind her spoke.

"How come?"

Starlight whirled, to see Pinkie Pie looking back at her and making a gentle frowny-face.

"How'd you do that?" gasped Starlight. "My magic is much more powerful than…"

"Fourth wall breaky, you silly," chided Pinkie. "It'll work, I can tell you that. When I go back to Ponyville, I'll be ready to bake like crazy, and I won't even remember any of this. But I'm the only pony who can break the fourth wall anytime I want, and that means I know what you did, so I wanna know how come. Because… it seems like maybe what you did, is a meanie McMeanersons meanie-pants thing to do. And I'm onto ya."

Starlight gulped.

"I mean it, Glim-Glam. How come? Tell the truth or Pinkie's gonna be miffed with you." said Pinkie Pie.

Starlight took a deep breath.

"Okay, I will. You're obsessed with taking care of the babies, but in several important ways you're no more than a baby yourself, hence my choice of a pacifier for you. What you'll do is embarrass yourself over and over, never really learning any lessons from the disasters you'll face. You'll do your Pinkie things again and again, making chains and things appear from nowhere, and it won't even help. Those babies are more than a match for you, and you'll fail so hard with them that you'll bawl and cry in complete despair, helpless to do what you promised… and the BABIES will come to your rescue. Not by being adult, but by doing the same dumb stuff you were doing to amuse them! It's not responsible, and it's not okay, and it might be okay if you learn a lesson and keep your distance until you know how to adult better, but then you'll hear the babies say your name and it's off to the races again! It's really for your own good because that situation is just unhealthy for you. And that's how come."

She stared into those eerily innocent blue eyes, searching them. There was no sign the pink party pony had understood a word.

"D… do you understand, Pinkie Pie?"

Pinkie blinked, with another cheerful poinky noise.

"Seems legit. Thanks, Glimmy! Have fun being lots worse and getting away with it just as bad as I would've!"

Her eyes glazed over again. Hastily, Starlight Glimmer plunked her back into Ponyville-space, and then Starlight shrank back into the dark shadow from which she'd come. She watched the six ponies trot off, seemingly undisturbed but in one case slyly adjusted, and she realized her heart was pounding.

"Well, THAT was disturbing," she whispered to herself.

40. The Last Roundup

As with most of Pinkie’s parties, the “Welcome Back From the Equestrian Rodeo Competition Bash” for Applejack was a resounding success. The barn was full of Applejack’s friends and family, enjoying cake and punch and listening to Applejack recount her experiences of the past few days.

“Yeah, it was one heck of a competition. I can’t wait to go back next year and defend mah title!” Applejack said, a few gold medals on her neck jingling against one another as she leaned down to the table to take another bite of cake from her plate. A few inches away were a series of blue first place ribbons, along with a check for the prize money she had won: more than enough to repair town hall. “There was one thing though…”

“What was it, Applejack?” Twilight asked, taking a sip of punch. The only one of her friends that wasn’t gathered around to hear what came next was Pinkie, still in the corner trying to practice her “Surprise!” timing with Apple Bloom after she was just a second slower than everypony else at the party.

“Well, you’ve been to the rodeo in Ponyville, right? We always got three judges for everything, but the Equestrian Rodeo Competition only had one.” Applejack looked down at her medals, lifting them up and then letting them drop.

“Really? I’d been to the ERC once when I was a filly, and I could have sworn they had three judges back then,” Twilight mused to herself, a hoof grazing her chin.

“Seriously, Twi?” Rainbow Dash asked, trying to suppress a giggle.

“My dad really wanted me to go… I practically had my nose buried in a book most of the time,” Twilight replied, a light blush on her cheek.

Applejack nodded as she finished off the last of her cake. “Yeah, it was just this unicorn in a big ten gallon hat and with a mustache. Come to think of it, there weren’t any referees or nothing either.”

“That’s awfully suspicious,” Rainbow Dash added, floating into the air and crossing her front hooves.

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, glaring at Dash, “don’t try and rain on our friend’s parade. I’m sure that’s just the way that rodeo does things is all. If not, for all we know they were short staffed for some reason. You can’t expect them to put off a huge event on such short notice.”

“I didn’t take no offense, Rarity, and Dash has a point. I mean, it was awful suspicious at the time, but I just sort of went along with it. I guess my nerves were gettin’ to me more than I expected.” Applejack rubbed a hoof on her chin as she closed her eyes, recalling more about the event. “In fact, there were a whole lot of ponies gettin’ disqualified too. I think one of em would have beaten me in the barrel race if they hadn’t.”

Twilight looked down at her drink, taking a slow sip as she puzzled over the events she only knew from Applejack’s account. Her eyes drifted slowly to the table, glancing over the ribbons and the check made out to Applejack. It was then she noticed the writing at the bottom of the check...

“Do you remember anything else about the judge?” Rarity asked Applejack, the others eagerly wanting more information as well.

“I mean, I know they were a unicorn on account of their hat falling off when this gust picked up. They had this purple and green looking mane, like in stripes. And their coat was this pinkish purple, I think. Wait…” Applejack’s eyes shot open as the realization hit her, and she saw Twilight looking at her, holding up the check. There was small bit of writing on the memo line:

“Tell Mayor Mare ‘you’re welcome’ for me. - Starlight Glimmer.”

Twilight groaned and buried a hoof in her forehead, before shouting to the roof, “Starliiiight!”

41. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000

“Twilight Sparkle kept a diary?” Enquired the Great and Inquisitive Trixie, to use one of her many titles, “why did you never tell me this before? We could have had such fun at Princess Sparkle’s expense. Does she talk about colts? Spots? Is she still a virgin?”

“It’s not that kind of journal… well, mostly. I’d rather not have read her more intimate specifications on Big MacIntosh but that’s a different story.” Starlight lay back on the magician’s actual bed in her caravan, bouncing one crossed hind leg over the other as she read the passage about her next 30 second mission again. “Remind me again, Trixie, who was your last ex? Flam?” A sound of disgust and loathing rose from the other corner as Trixie stopped dismantling a failed trick to see where it’s problem lay.

“I told you not to bring up that greasy moustached weirdo ever again!” She snapped, thumping her hoof on the table. Starlight, far from looking apologetic or scared, gave her a polite grin.

“What if I told you we could skip back in time and really ruin their day? Maybe even several of their days,” the Grinch could not have wore a greater smirk than the one Trixie produced…

~*~

“Well lookie what we’ve got here, brother of mine, it’s the same in every town!” started the more energetic and quite frankly handsome of the two show-stallions. Their yellow coats shone and their similar crimson manes bounced whilst balancing their wicker salespony hats as they pranced about their machine, performing to the crowd.

“Ponies with thirsty throats, dry tongues, and not a drop of cider to be found, maybe they're not aware that there's really no need for this teary despair!”

“The key to-“

“What in tarnation are y’all talkin’ about?” interrupted a southern speaking tangerine belle in a tan-brown hat.

“You’ve ran out of cider, we’re providing cider, it seems like a no brainer to me,” waved the more eloquent brother dismissively, “here ye, here ye, step right up if you want to be the first to tr-“

“We ain’t ran out of no cider, fella,” glared the cowmare, now insulted at the attempt to slander her name and the name of her family. She gestured to their stall, where her sister and grandmother had barrels to spare, whilst her brother and friends were eagerly working their flanks off to produce more. Not only that, a sign added to the stall, offering a twenty percent discount to all who helped make more cider, was proving equally successful. The two brother’s jaws dropped.

“So y’see, y’all and yer weird thingy doothinkie there aren’t wanted, fellas,” explained the spokespony of Sweet Apple Acres.

“That’s not fair,” started the moustache-wielding one, “we did our research, you always run out of cider early!”

“We always did,” admitted the mare, “but this time around we got a special visit from a friend a few weeks ago, tellin’ us t’ sort ourselves out with extra stock real quick ‘cause you pair were stalkin’ our business.” She smiled cheerfully to the pair with a couple of nods and then shooed them away with her hoof. The grit teeth and squinting eyes suggested they weren’t quite ready for that yet.

“Your methods are still dreadfully slow, right folks?” Flim began again, “With our machine, we can make enough cider in one hour to satisfy this entire town!”

“That’s right! And if the Apples still dispute that, then I guess we-“ a loud crack, a clank, and a lurch of the machine stopped Flam from finishing his sentence. All ears flew up and the crowd began to chatter nervously, backing away from the infernal machine. The boys looked over their shoulders to the source of the sound, and both gawked in horror at what, or who, they saw.

Trixie strolled across the roof of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy six-thousand with something that distinctly looked integral to the cider-maker in her mouth. She leaped off of it daintily, gave the locomotive a tap with her hoof and dropped the spare part by the boys’ hooves.

“Trixie?” Exclaimed Flim.

“Snugaboo?” Whimpered Flam.

“You again?” Uttered Applejack with an eyebrow raised. The crowds gasped become a rumble until Trixie eventually spoke.

“Sorry, did the Great and Powerful Trixie break your toy? It was a little loose, Trixie assumed it was already like that,” suddenly, her face was mashed into Flam’s and it took all of Applejack’s power to lever her back. All the while, she rose her voice to Royal Canterlot levels, “JUST LIKE YOU ASSUMED MY HEART WAS A LITTLE LOOSE AND BROKE IT WHEN YOU HOOKED UP WITH THAT TART FROM THE FILTHY CAULDRON BEHIND TRIXIE’S BACK!”

“Whoa, easy there, Sugarcube,” Applejack attempted. In the moments that Trixie got her breath back, Flim realised just what the Great and Technical Trixie had torn from their machine. The parking brake.

With a glance back, he squealed in terror as their pride and joy had already initiated a backwards roll and was picking up speed fast.

“It looks like we've encountered a slight... problem here in Ponyville,” Flam was saying, before he also noticed their runaway vehicle. Both leaped to their hooves and gave chase, to a cheering of the crowd and a deeply terrifying rant from Trixie.

“THAT’S RIGHT, RUN! RUN FROM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE! YOUR MOUSTACHE LOOKS LIKE A DEAD CATERPILLAR AND WHEN I SAID I LIKED IT WHEN YOU SMELLED MY HOOVES TOO, I LIED! AND THIRTY SECONDS? REALLY? I’VE HAD TRICKS LAST LONGER THAN YOUR OR-“

A quick orchid colored hoof covered her mouth and apologised to the crowd, “Trixie, there’s foals present.” Starlight gave Applejack a final salute, a smirk, and together the two ponies poofed back to their own time, whilst a loud crashing explosion came from further down at the end of the orchard. The cowmare tsked softly and shrugged.

“So, who’s next for cider?”

42. Read It and Weep
The heart monitor in the bed next to Dash fizzled for a moment as the familiar corona of their time-fixing friend glowed and snapped. A poorly hidden book tugged itself out in an aura of turquoise magic. Starlight stared at Twilight, and tipped a sly wink.

"Rainbow likes books. Specifically, Daring Do. Also she needs glasses. You two should commiserate over this fact after she's discharged from the hospital today."

Rainbow Dash groaned and hid her muzzle in her hooves, blushing crimson. Twilight's jaw worked for a moment before she managed a quiet murmur.

"I have the complete set, and a new tin of cocoa. Library, later tonight?"
The speedster could only nod once, shyly.

43. Hearts and Hooves Day

Twilight smiled as she brought up her book, her legs once again taking over as she continued her walk. “I've just been reading the most fascinating book about Hearts and Hooves Day. Did you know that this holiday got its start because of a love potion?” The three filles, who had been looking quite defeated, suddenly perked up.

In the span of a second, the three scurried over and dove between the unicorns forelegs. “Did you say… A love potion?” Sweetie Bell asked, a big smile on her face.

Twilight could only smile as her magic flipped open the book. “That’s right! It even has the recipe.” The three filles exchanged a quick glance before Twilight was suddenly lifted off them, by a faint purple glow. She could only let out a small yell before she was tossed into a nearby tree.

“Alright, Twilight's out of the way, and now for the fillies.” Starlight Glimmer dusted off a forehoof before smiling. “Alright you three. Let’s go over some good life lessons…”

Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom all got to their hooves, anger, concern, and just plain confused looks on their faces. “Number one!” Starlight’s hoof came down quickly on the side of Scootaloo’s head. “No, black, magic!”

“Hey!”

Ignoring, the pegasus, Starlight took a few steps closer, towering over the foals. “Number two! You can’t force anypony into love… Trust me, I would know.” Taking a breath, she let out a small sigh. “And number three? Just, be normal!” Giving Scootaloo another quick swipe upon her noggin, Starlight stepped back and quickly teleported away. Leaving not a trace of her presence, but a set of hoof prints in the dirt and her voice on the wind. “Remember… I’m always watching…”

“That was… Weird?” Apple Bloom blinked a few times, trying to process what just went on.

Scootaloo grumbled as she rubbed her head. “Says you! Why did she only hit me?!”

Sweetie Belle looked puzzled, her face scrunched while she blinked a few times. “Have I seen her before?”

Twilight cried out before she hit the ground with a thud. “Ugg, what happened?...” Her eyes fell upon the angry, concerned, and confused fillies once again. “Are you three all right?” The three fillies looked at each other for a few moments, before they all took off running. Twilight tilted her head, watching as the dust cloud dissipated into nothingness. “Uhh…. Ok then? Back to reading!” Her head stuck back in her book, she once again took off. Not even noticing the few strands of light purple hair that was quickly blown away by the wind.

44. A Friend In Deed

Starlight Glimmer watched the whole elaborate, nonsense spectacle unfold, shuddering the entire time.

It was a good thing she'd decided to pack her emergency earplugs, just in case. The Friendship Journal had said that Pinkie's smiles, songs, and songs about smiling often proved to be hypnotic... but if she hadn't seen the entirety of Ponyville prancing like a Bridleway musical for herself, she never would have believed it.

Back and forth between houses she ran, looking for any signs of it stopping, and coming up short every time. It seemed to last forever, until she finally saw a grizzled donkey slowly walking over the approaching Ponyville from the hills, and the path of Pinkie's song putting Pinkie right in his way.

Finally. This was the moment they'd met. And it would only be a moment, if Starlight had anything to say about it.

When she'd read the Journal's entry about Pinkie doing everything she could to near-force Cranky Doodle Donkey to be her friend, she'd done a triple-take in shock. Sometimes Starlight wondered just how far removed her old self and Pinkie Pie truly were. There were tactics in that journal that she'd resorted to herself, once upon a time, in the misguided names of "friendship" and "harmony."

But she'd learned her lesson—at least, she liked to think she had. If she could pass that lesson on to one of her friendship teachers... uh, retroactively, then it'd totally mean something! Right?

Maybe?

Starlight stopped thinking about it before her head started hurting, and focused instead on the winding down song and dance. Seeing her chance, she ran as fast as she could, looking for a certain other donkey in town that the Journal had described in great detail.

It wasn't long before Starlight found her. She ran directly into Matilda's path.

"Come with me if you want to live," Starlight said, gasping for breath. "Uh, happily, that is."

Matilda blinked. "I'm sorry? Begging your pardon, but I'm already pretty happy with my lot in li—"

"No time to argue!" Starlight exclaimed, grabbing Matilda's leg and teleporting her away.

~

"Now, how about that 'C'... hmmm... Calvin? Calhoun? Caleb? Carl? Carmi—eep!" Pinkie yelped, as she was grabbed from behind, and teleported away from Cranky Doodle Donkey. Starlight teleported back to Cranky, transporting Matilda back to where Pinkie had been just moments prior.

"Cranky, This is Matilda," she said, pushing Matilda in Cranky's direction. "Matilda, Cranky. Go ahead and enjoy each others' company—pretty sure you've been waiting for it for a while."

It took a few seconds for both donkeys to realize just who was in front of them—then their eyes widened. Still running on adrenaline, Starlight took that moment to teleport back to Pinkie, then exhaled, long and low. Finally, it was over.

Or maybe not.

"Starlight Glimmer?" Pinkie asked once she finally got her bearings. "What is going on? What did you just do? I was just about to make a new friiiieeeend!" she wailed.

"No you weren't, Pinkie," Starlight huffed. "Believe me, you were not. What you were about to do was make his life miserable."

"No way!" Pinkie said. "That's just not what Pinkie Pie does! Pinkie Pie makes everypony around them smi—"

Starlight grabbed Pinkie from behind, clamping her hoof tightly against Pinkie's muzzle. "Personal space, Pinkie. Personal space is an important concept. I'm in your personal space right now. Do you like it?"

"Mmmmph-mmm," Pinkie said, shaking her head.

Starlight let go, allowing Pinkie to catch her breath. "Yeah, no one does. Including Cranky when you inevitably push back against his playing hard to get."

"But... but everypony loves when Pinkie Pie is in their personal space! It's what gets them to smile!"

"Not this time. There's only one thing that'll get that donkey to smile." Starlight led Pinkie over to a bush, where the two had a vantage point to clearly see Matilda and Cranky, all smiles towards each other. "And now, you're looking at it."

Pinkie surveyed the scene. Her eyes widened, and she nodded sagely. "Oh, wow. Pinkie would never have figured that one out. At least not without first going through his personal belongings one by one, finding out his most treasured secret memories, and probably setting fire to them accidentally."

"That's right. Do you get it, now?"

"Do I ever! Thanks so much, Starlight! I'll definitely keep this in mind."

Starlight nodded, smiling in triumph... before her eyes narrowed, and a chill ran through her. She looked at Pinkie. "Keep what in mind, exactly?"

"That I'm working exactly as intended!" With a wide smile and flopping mane, Pinkie nodded as hard as she could. "Pinkie Pie can still make anypony smile! But Cranky's a donkey! I was just out of my comfort zone. I'll just avoid him—and Matilda, even though she and I were already good?—but the rest of Ponyville's gonna loooooooooooove me tomorrow!"

Humming to herself, Pinkie Pie bounced off to parts unknown.

With a cross between a shriek and a groan, Starlight Glimmer collapsed in defeat.

At least she'd saved Cranky's sanity.

45. Putting Your Hoof Down

“I’ll make your special recipe.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door of Fluttershy’s cabin. She had been arguing with her first and most personal pet Angel Bunny over what she made him for lunch, and now she worried that she might have been overheard by somepony else. “Oh, um, who is it?’
“Lunch delivery, here for a Mr Angel.”
Fluttershy whispered to Angel, “Why would you make such a fuss when you already ordered delivery? And since when did you know how to do that?” Angel shrugged in response, trying to express confusion over the situation, which Fluttershy abely picked up on. “That is strange…”
“This special orange, pineapple, and cucumber sunday with a cherry on top is only gonna be fresh for so long.”
On hearing this, Angel immediately shoved Fluttershy out of the way to open the door for the delivery pony. She was a cute, pink unicorn mare with purple hair and a cute little green uniform. “Ah, thank you so much. Here is your sunday.”
As if out of thin air, the sunday Angel had been craving appeared before him. He almost lept to dig in, but hesitated for a moment, reaching into pants that he was not wearing for a wallet that he did not own. The unicorn responded, “I accept cash, check, or the chance to pet a cute bunny.” Angel excitedly presented himself for pets and the unicorn was very gentle and loving with him.
At the same time, Fluttershy was watching and had found the courage to ask, “Um, so, how is it that you know my Angel Bunny?”
“Oh, we go way back,” she answered. “I’d love to go into it, but I don’t have a lot of time. We deliver in 30 seconds or it’s free!” She turned to Angel. “Bye, cutie!” And with that, she teleported away and was gone.
Fluttershy stood in confused silence for a minute while Angel pined after this mare who had just pet him, his despair hampered only by the bomb-as-heck sunday that she left for him. At last, Fluttershy asked, “Since when do you have a special marefriend?”

46. It's About time

It was just after dawn, and Twilight knew she was a dead mare. Princess Celestia had just caught them all red-hoofed in the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Royal Archives.

But then the Princess just smiled infuriatingly and ignored the fact that her faithful student, Pinkie Pie, and Spike all stood there like they were caught in the headlight of an on-rushing freight train.

And all of them were wearing black spandex.

Oh, of course! It’s Tuesday, Celestia thought. Good thing I dressed for it.

“Good morning, Twilight! Love the new hair style.”

“Urk!” Twilight replied as she caught sight of Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun, Guardian of all Equestria, her mentor, wearing a super-skin-tight—

“Ooooh, good morning, Princess!” Pinkie Pie said. She pointed an excited hoof, and bounced. “Wow, you’re really rocking that catmare suit!”

“Why, thank you, Pinkie Pie. A secret admirer left it outside my chambers this morning. I think I’ll wear it to the High Council meeting, today—I’m sure that will shake them up a bit! Well, happy Tuesday, everypony.”

“Urk?” Twilight replied, staring off into the far depths of the archive as Celestia disappeared into the stacks. Spike waved a claw in front of her face, to no reaction.

“I think Princess Celestia just broke Twilight,” he said. “Again.”

Pinkie Pie giggled. “No, silly! That’s just Twilight!”

At that instant a flash of light blinded them all, and a familiar mysterious mare appeared before Twilight. Wearing a catmare suit.

“You again!” Twilight shouted, thrusting an accusing hoof at the mare. Then she saw the black spandex. “You—you gave Princess Celestia a catmare suit, didn’t you?”

“Huh? Sure, but so what? I gave Princess Luna one, too,” Starlight Glimmer said. “It’s Tuesday. But that’s not important right now—pay attention!”

Starlight unfurled a scroll that was held in her field, and it raced away, unraveling along the floor until it hit the archive’s distant wall. Hundreds and hundreds of unmarked check-boxes cried out to Twilight for Completion...

“Hey, that’s my list!”

The parchment flashed away and re-appeared, rolled up again in Starlight’s field. She whapped Twilight on the snout with it.

“Hey!” Twilight said. “You did that to Applejack, but it won’t work on me—”

Starlight clenched her teeth and the scroll burst into flames.

“Oh my gosh,” Twilight gasped. She stared as little firefalls of burning scroll drifted down and flamed out. She glared at the other mare. “You fiend! Now I... now I’m going to have to do it all again.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. Past-Twilight had so much to learn.

“Twilight, you big doofus—you’re only here right now because you couldn’t stop worrying and just let the future handle itself. Don’t interrupt! You went crazy over a to-do list and then you went even crazier and created an infinite spiraling time loop! I mean, you freaked out an infinity of already OCD-frazzled Twilight Sparkles, and we both know you were just about to set it all in motion again.”

Twilight stared at Starlight as the full weight of that revelation set in. Starlight sighed.

“Look, you just forgot one of the most important lessons, ever, or maybe you never really learned it. It’s not just about time—it’s about not being the cause of your own bucking problems.”

“I... Okay,” Twilight said with a sigh, and nodded. “You’re probably right.”

Starlight smiled. She had to give her friend credit—when she understood that she was wrong, she never shied away from admitting it to herself and moving on.

“Write another list, Twilight, but this time leave some time open in it for yourself. Don’t just be a clock ticking away at all the little check-boxes.”

She lit her horn and smirked a little before she flashed away.

“Oh and by the way, you look fantastic in a catmare suit. Happy Tuesday!”

47. Dragon Quest

As reality tasted purple for a second, Starlight Glimmer popped into existence once again. And this time she hadn’t done so while occupying the same space as some other unfortunate creature which not having to clean the blood off of herself this time gave her at least 3 seconds longer than she had last week… or last minute, depending on whose point of view you were watching from.

The sky was dark. Until it wasn’t. A huge blast of light ignited only a few meters away from her letting her know this was the right spot/time. With that knowledge she looked over to a bizarre looking green dragon and just stared. The dragon waved with 3 different colored legs. Starlight didn’t wave back. Instead she just looked over the bush as 3 [or was it 4? Who cares] dragons approached Spike.

“You got one? Alright! Looks like the raid wasn’t a complete waste after all.”

“So what do we do with it now?”

“Smash it!”

Some internal conflict played in Spike’s head as he raised it above his head. His conscious got the better of him as he lowered the egg and said “N-” the egg fell from his hand as if pushed by some unseen force. “Ah crap…” Spike muttered as it shattered on the ground.

The dragons immediately ate the horror on the ground in front of Spike that one could only ever know if they’ve cracked a baby bird into a mixing bowl before. What? Did you think they were their just to smash the eggs for fun. No, smashing them for fun was just a bonus.

Meanwhile, back in the bushes.

“What, whe-, why would you do that?” Twilight whisper-yelled at this mysteries unicorn.

“If anything, I’m saving that bird from suffering. From what I can tell it either died from Spike neglecting it, never being seen with it again or it gets killed because you also forget about it when Tirek blows up the library.” Starlight said without whisper before she loudly popped back out of existence leaving a smell of mach 5.

“When wot?!”

Meanwhile, back in Ponyville

“Twiley, are you home? Did you get the letter Celestia sent you telling you visiting to make sure you’re here before I’m busy for the next 3 weeks with the shield spell thing… hello?!”

Earlier

A weird looking green dragon walked up to an even weirder looking green dragon.

“Uh, Twilight dear. Something’s poking me… two somethings. Oh… oh my. Oh MY!!!”

Later

“At first I thought Garble was a bit of a douche but really all he did was help me out and show me how dragon society works. And thanks to him I was accepted among the dragons and had Ponyville deemed as my territory with outer holding of all of Equestria. Now no dragon may lay claim to it without my permission or face the Dragon Lord’s wrath. Securing Equestria’s safety for generation to come! So what did you three get up to while I was on my quest?”

Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Rarity all sat around the table with him back in the library. Twilight was writing notes and examining the contents of a vial she’d collected. Rainbow Dash was covering her mouth, trying not to laugh at what she’d noticed was still in Rarity’s hair. And Rarity sat there with a disheveled mane still in shock, slightly shaking as her eye twitched remembering the newly discovered mating habits of the Crackle dragon subspecies. “I don’t want to talk about it…” as Rainbow Dash burst into laughter.

48: Hurricane Fluttershy

Patriotic music began to blare from a tiny speaker attached to a film projector as Starlight Glimmer popped into existence. Even given that said film projector was old enough to belong in a museum, the general music quality was low enough that Starlight desperately wished that her mission was to drop the whole thing into a volcano and set the volcano on fire.

“Every living thing depends on the life-giving nourishment of rainwater!” piped the video’s far-too-enthusiastic announcer. “And it is up to Cloudsdale to provide rain-filled clouds to every corner of Equestria! But how, one pony might ask, does Cloudsdale gather all this extra water?”

Not wanting to sully her magic by levitating the reel, Starlight warped over, picked the projector up with her hoof and threw it as hard as she could against the wall. The solid crunch of irreparable metals shattering against solid wood was worth even more than the shocked expressions on everypony’s faces.

“Me!” Starlight chirped. “They get me to do it.”

“Wait, what just happened?” Rainbow Dash sputtered. “Haven’t I seen you—”

“Back in a bit!” Starlight announced, vanishing in another puff of aquamarine magic. It took a bit for her eyes to adjust to the dim evening light as she reappeared in front of the Official Ponyville Highland Reservoir. It would have taken a truly powerful unicorn to lift such an enormous volume of water even an inch out of the reservoir, much less a foot.

Good thing Starlight Glimmer was several dozen notches about “truly powerful.”

“Hup!” She huffed as he horn glowed, lifting the entire contents of the reservoir out of the basin with the ease of a mother lifting an infant and/or the ease of a talented unicorn destroying an indescribably awful film projector. One more huff and intensified glow from her horn, and the body of water rocketed into the air, soaring like a majestic liquid meteor directly into the Official Cloudsdale Water Storage Basin.

Starlight relaxed just long enough to summon up a set of Officially Super Cool Sunglasses, then warped straight back into the Golden Oak Library. Not only did the sunglasses protect her eyes from the sharp adjustment in light intensity, but they made her look wicked impressive in front of Spike and a bunch of ponies that, honestly, weren’t worth her time.

“Aw, man!” Spike moaned. “It’s never gonna get fixed like this!”

“Good. I’m pretty sure actually exposing other ponies to that nightmare is a federal offense.” Starlight replied. “One last thing.”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash squeaked. “Stop interrupting—”

“La la la la I can’t hear you, featherbrain.” Starlight Glimmer replied as she froze time. Calmly, like it Weren’t No Thang, she strolled over to Fluttershy and tapped the buttery-colored pegasus on the head.

“W-what?” Fluttershy squeaked as she unfroze from time. “W-who—”

“Your fairy godmother from the future. Listen, the rainwater business is done. You’re off the hook. But you need to do yourself a favor, okay?” Starlight leaned in a little closer. “I know the real reason why being fearless now is good for future you.”

Fluttershy blinked. “Uh?”

“There’s an actual payoff to being bold, trust me. All you need to do is act as brave as you possibly can and put as much trust in all of your friends as your friends put in you, and you’ll find yourself a really good coltfriend in a little under a year.”

“U-um…”

“My personal objections aside, you’ll like him. He’s got an impish sense of humor, a nice smile and the world biggest...uh, heart. Yeah. Heart is what I meant.”

Color rushed into Fluttershy’s face. For a second, Starlight was worried that she might have just caused Fluttershy’s death via blood loss. But then the Pegasus’ blush settled into something more reasonable, and she lifted her hoof in an actual freaking salute.

“Yes, ma’am!” Fluttershy replied. “I’ll try!”

“That’s the spirit!” Starlight grinned. “Glad to see your priorities are, uh, straight. Now, time’s gonna unfreeze itself in about ten seconds, and I’ve got somewhen else I need to be. Try to act scared so the others don’t get suspicious, okay? Ciao.”

And as Starlight warped out of existence, part of her wished that she could have done it as stylishly as her glasses suggested: with a metric buttload of explosions going off behind her. But the other part of her knew she couldn’t do that. It would be rude, and more importantly it would be over two years off-schedule.

49: Ponyville Confidential

Rarity let out an irritated grunt as she tripped over the little white saddlebag in the middle of her showroom floor.

"Oh, Sweetie Belle," she groused, lifting it into the air. "Was she raised in a barn or something?"

A rolled paper slid out from the loose flap, catching her attention, and she gasped. A sudden insatiable curiosity gripped Rarity's mind. She eyed the paper like a dog watching a strip of bacon cook on the stovetop.

"You really shouldn't be snooping, Rarity," she said, her better nature trying vainly to assert itself.

That was when Starlight Glimmer asserted herself on the front door of Carousel Boutique.

"No," she said loudly as the door blew inward, covering all and sundry in a shower of tiny yet aesthetically pleasing wooden shards. "You really shouldn't."

Rarity stared at the strange mare who had just destroyed her front door. Shock and anger warred over her tongue, rendering it still. This gave Starlight the opening she needed to storm up and attempt to snatch the paper from her magic. I say 'attempt' because Rarity was somehow clinging to it like a barnacle to the side of a ship despite her current lack of coherent thought.

So Starlight flicked her horn.

It made a "boioioing!" sort of noise and interrupted both Rarity's inner turmoil and her magic. Starlight scooped up the paper, shoved it back into the saddlebag, and secured the flap.

"Ow!" shouted Rarity.

Starlight snickered. "You know, if that didn't look like it hurt, I'd do it again. The sound was hilarious."

"How dare you!" Rarity sputtered. "Coming in here and destroying my-- And, and assaulting--"

"No, how dare you." Starlight thumped the saddlebag into Rarity's chest, knocking the wind out of her. "As I speak, your little sister and her friends are trying to get their cutie marks in journalism, and unless you want her to get the idea that snooping through your sister's things is okay if you really want to do it, I suggest you go with your first instinct with regards to her bags."

Rarity stared blankly at Starlight. "B-but, I, I..."

"She'll publish--" Starlight pushed her nose up against Rarity's-- "your diary."

A refined but otherwise terrified shriek coursed through the boutique.

Snorting, Starlight unleashed a few precious seconds of temporal energy from the spell holding her in the timeline, sending the wood shards rocketing back into the door frame, whole. "Now go give that back to Sweetie Belle. You can thank me in three years, once we're friends."

Not even turning to look at Rarity, Starlight vanished with a pop and a ding.

Rarity would have stared at the spot she vanished from for quite possibly the rest of the day had Sweetie Belle not stomped down the stairs in a huff.

"Can you please keep it down with all the shouting and explosions? I'm trying to-- Hey!" She gave her older sister an indignant look, rushing up to her and grabbing her saddlebag. "Were you snooping through my things?"

Rarity blinked. She looked at her sister with nothing but concern. And confusion. And possibly indigestion.

"No," she said truthfully. "No, I was not." She frowned a dainty frown and added, "And you really shouldn't leave your things in the middle of the floor, dear. Somepony could trip over them and get hurt!"

"Sorry," Sweetie mumbled. Donning the saddlebag, she huffed her way back upstairs, muttering, "Won't do it again."

In the day that followed, she and her friends would agree that being kicked off the school newspaper was not the worst thing that had ever happened to them, as it meant they didn't have to work for Diamond Tiara for the rest of their school careers.

50. MMMmystery On The Friendship Express

Pinkie Pie screamed a terrible, gut-wrenching scream. It was the kind of scream you expected to hear come from the first witness to a murder. The pink mare with the filly-esque attitude to everything important was staring in horror at the mutilation of the prize cake she had sworn to protect. Twilight, who stood beside her, had grown used to the varying ear drum destructive wails from Pinkie in the time that she’d known her, and quietly reminded herself of the restorative hearing spell she had back at home when she had returned from this trip.

“What is it?” yawned Applejack, steadying herself as the train-car they all rode one rocked from side to side steadily, not ceasing it’s journey to Canterlot for a glorified and now butchered fondant fancy.

“What happened?” asked Rainbow Dash uselessly. Applejack’s question had been quite sufficient.

“It's the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, it's been-” Pinkie took a quick gulp of sobbing breath before crying out, “mutilated!” Everyone gasped in horror as they stared at the destroyed corner of the cake.

“Now we just need to find out who done it,” stated the pink detective, examining the teeth marks in the cake.

“You mean, who did it,” offered her grammatically-savvy friend.

“Exactly. Who did-done-do’d it,” Pinks took a swipe at the air and spun herself around to face the suspicious and motley group of friends and bakers.

“Well,” began Twilight importantly, “having read many mystery novels, I know that the only way to discover the culprit is to investigate.”

“Exactly!” As though prepared for this mystery aboard the Friendship Express, Pie produced a deerstalker and pipe, made famous by certain other detectives. She pumped the pipe with her lungs, and a gigantic bubble formed over the rim, eventually capturing and exploding around her lavender unicorn chum’s head, “and as chief detective, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.” Small glassy orbs popped from the pipe as she considered the crime. Oh, she knew. It was only a matter of time...

“Uh, you're investigatin'?” enquired Applejack, her eyebrow sinking at the suggestion.

“Yes! And Twilight shall be my lowly assistant who asks silly questions with obvious answers.” On went the bowler hat of ridicule for her overly-analytical compadre. Twilight looked up at her new headwear, sighed with a swivel of her eyes and turned to Pinkie.

“Fine, Pinkie. Should we start looking for clues?” Pinkie reloaded her pipe, preparing herself for the judgement minute that was due right on schedule.

“Perfect silly question, my dear Twilight. Because the obvious answer is,” pause for effect...

“Yes?” asked ‘Ol’ Silly Questions’ herself.

“No! 'Cause I know who did it.” A fresh round of mortification rose up from the suspect line up. They didn’t believe her, of course they didn’t, she had nothing to base her facts on! Or, did she?

“Pinkie, how could you possibly know?” Here it was. The moment she was prepared for. As soon as the pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place, she knew exactly who the real perpetrators were...

“How could I possibly not know?” She trotted the line, head high, bubbles blown, confidence in her coming conviction present. “Clearly this dastardly deed was done by…” She paused beside Gustave le Grand, giving him a secondary glance, and wetting her tongue for her verdict.

“...All of you.” There was no gasp this time. No pretend awe or shock. Just trepidation and a heavy air of guilt.

“That… That doesn’t make... “ Twilight stumbled on her words, but Pinkie tilted her head strongly, daring her to deny it.

“Even Applejack,” scoffed Rainbow Dash, signing her own admission of culpability, “she’s the most honest among us, Pinks, how’d you figure she had anything to do with this?”

“Huh! You have a point Rainbow,” Pinkie sipped the pipe by accident. She chose not to draw attention to it as bubbles broke out of her mouth with her next words, “then agaaain, Applejack hasn’t had to prove her innocence because I haven’t asked her if she did it yet!” She rose her hoof in the air, before flinging it towards her cowmare comrade, “did you take a bite from Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness!”

“Yes!” wailed Applejack painfully, “Ah did! We all did! We made a pact, an’ we agreed we would all take a bite, then Twilight would lead ya’ on some wild goose chase that ended up with Dashie, Rares and ‘Shy takin’ the rap!”

“And we would have gotten away with it too,” growled Twilight, giving Applejack a sock in the arm, then she sighed ruefully.

“You’re right. We just couldn’t help ourselves. When you were describing it the other night, you made it sound so delicious! And we’re all really sorry. But… How’d you figure it out so fast, Pinkie? You didn’t even look for any clues!”

“That’s the silliest question yet, my silly assistant,” She booped Twilight on the nose with the pipe, and smirked, “and as punishment… I’m just not going to tell you.” Therefore, the company all found themselves struggling with their own mystery, which led to stress eating and a hasty job of making four cakes become one…

-One Week Earlier…-

Wiggling tail, shaking right hind hoof, warmth under the belly! That can only mean…

“Hi, future-friendship buddy Starlight!” crowed Pinkie, even as the pale blush of a pony with a swirl of blueish-lavender mane stepped through a portal with a book, blinking at the barely startled mare.

“I … will never get used to how you do that,” Starlight muttered, shaking her head then offering the book, “this is for you. Murder on the Orient Express! It’s a real page turner and you’re gonna want to read it before your next train journey…”

“Ooooh, a book,” Pinkie tried to sound excited, “are there pictures?” The time traveller groaned and held up a hoof, popping away for a brief second, and returning moments later with a cassette player and headphones.

“Here’s the audio-book version, and a coloring book with crayons...”

51 & 52. A Canterlot Wedding.

Shining Armor sat across the table from his pink, alicorn fiance. They were going over the guest list.

"I need to go to Ponyville and tell my sister in person that I'm getting married," Shining said.

"No. I need you to stay here," Cadance said.

"Why?"

"Because... uh, because a threat has been made against Canterlot!" she said. "You need to stay here."

A low laugh came from the hallway.

"He- he-he, ho-ho, ha ha-ha. Ha," Starlight Glimmer feigned sarcastic laughter as she walked into the room. "And I thought my jokes were bad."

"Who are you? How did you get in here?" Shining asked in a panic as he stood to take a defensive stance. "Are you the threat?" Starlight's lips peeled back into a sly grin.

"Not yet," she said. "I'm actually a friend of Twilight's." She looked at Cadance. "I have an important message for her."

"For me?" Cadance asked as she walked closer. "What is it?" Starlight could barely keep the smile from her face.

"Forgive me, Your Highness, but you have something on your face..." Starlight said.

Cadance brought a hoof to her cheek to feel for whatever the unicorn was talking about. Starlight's horn fired a disenchantment spell at her, nullifying the disguise, and revealing the Changeling Queen, Chrysalis. Starlight cocked her hoof back. The enchanted horseshoe she was wearing glowed brightly with energy. Starlight punched Chrysalis square in the face and the horseshoe released the kinetic force of a freight train, sending the bug flying back through the window and streaking through the sky to the distant horizon.

"It was PAIN!" Starlight cackled maniacally.

"What did you just do to my fiance!?" Shining yelled angrily, his horn flaring to life.

"She saved me from a slow death in a cave," the real Cadance said, walking into the room after Starlight. The two embraced as Starlight turned to leave, mission accomplished.

"Wait!" Shining said. "There has to be something I can do to repay you for saving my bride!"

~

Twilight Sparkle grumbled in irritation. She was pleased with the news, when her brother had visited Ponyville to personally tell her that he was marrying her old foal-sitter, Cadance. But as she stood there on the altar with her Ponyville friends as bride's maids, she couldn't help but glare at Starlight standing beside her.

"Trust me, Twilight," Glimmer said. "You don't even want to know the kind of headache I just prevented for all of you."

"Great. But I still can't believe my brother made you his Best Mare!"

Author's Note

27&28. Shakespearicles
29. Psy Key
30. ThePonyBlues
31. Starlight_Glimmer
32. Lesolan
33. Wanderer D
34. Sparky Brony
35. The Elusive Badgerpony
36. Psy Key
37. Starlight_Glimmer
38. Areion
39. Applejinx
40. Flashgen
41. Duskhoof
42. Starlight_Glimmer
43. Synesisbassist
44. Bookish Delight
45. gaitiem
46. Southpaw
47. Bysen
48. Petrichord
49. PresentPerfect
50. Duskhoof
51&52. Shakespearicles

Season 3

53 & 54. The Crystal Empire

After receiving news from Northern Equestria that the Crystal Empire had returned, Princess Celestia sent for Princess Cadance and Shining Armor to be sent to protect it. When they arrived, however, the Empire seemed fine. The citizens were bright-eyed and gleeful. The fearsome King Sombra that they had been warned about was nowhere to be seen. They made their way to the palace, past the Crystal Heart, spinning in place beneath it. They headed up to the throne room.

"Ah, there you are!" Starlight Glimmer greeted from her seat on the throne. Spike stood nearby. "Don't mind me, I was just keeping the seat warm for you, Cadance."

"What's going on?" Cadance asked.

"Well, it's a long story," Starlight said. Spike gave her a dubious look. "Actually, it's a not-so-long story."

~ 30 seconds earlier ~

In a flash of purple light, Starlight appeared in Twilight's library.

"Hey Twi, can I borrow Spike for a minute?" Starlight asked rhetorically before grabbing Spike in her magic.

"What!? No!" Twilight objected.

"Kay-thanks-bye!" Starlight said as they both vanished again. They reappeared an instant later in the Crystal Empire. "Here Spike, take this," Starlight said, giving him the Crystal Heart that she had managed to pilfer with her fore-knowledge from Sombra's trap. Spike held the Crystal Heart in his hands as Starlight shouted, "Citizens, behold! Great and Honorable Spike the Brave and Glorious has returned with the Crystal Heart!"

"I did what with the what now?" Spike asked, utterly confused as the entire population of the city poured out of their homes and gathered around them.

"Just bring it over there," Starlight said, pointing over towards the center of the courtyard beneath the palace. Spike took a few steps and the Heart leaped out of his hands and took it's place hovering between the crystal spires. The crystal ponies were so filled with love and joy to see it returned that they powered the Heart, sending out a blast of magical energy, utterly incinerating the shadowy fiend Sombra before he could even reach the Empire.

~ 30 seconds later ~

"... and that was how Spike one-shot King Sombra and saved the Empire," Starlight said before she vanished in a flash.

"Wow Spike, you're a hero!" Cadance said.

"I walked like, ten feet," Spike grumbled.

55. Too Many Pinkie Pies

A large flash of light appeared inside a cave near Ponyville, this caved housed the mirror pool, which caused the next friendship problem on Starlight's list. Looking at a small pocket watch, she smiled.

"Right on time!" Starlight said as she started charging up a spell, with a flash of cyan light, all of the water in the enchanted pond disappeared, and was replaced with water from the mareiterranean sea, and with one final flash, the unicorn disappeared

Later...

Pinkie Pie came into an opening, looking around she noticed a small pond, bouncing up to it, she slowly stopped to remember what she had to say, after reminding herself of the little rhyme, she aporoached the mirror pool

And into her own reflection she stared, uh, yearning for one whose reflection she shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared at the prospect of being doubly mared! she said, walking into the body of water, waiting a few moments, the pink pony stood up "hey what gives?" She asked to no one.

After getting out of the 'mirror pool' Pinkie Pie noticed a small sign that read "Out of Order, to anyone reading this, the mirror pool is permanently out of order to everyone (especially pink party ponies) and can no longer be used, we are sorry for any inconvenience

Signed
ACME

"No! Not ACME!!!" Pinkie said, very randomly, however she is always random, so you can definitely ignore this sentence and not worry about any conspiracy theories

56. One Bad Apple

“Suppose you’re going to join their little club? What’s it called, the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” Silver Spoon asked the unfamiliar pony, her voice mocking.

There was a long pause. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo looked expectantly at Babs, waiting for her confirmation.

Babs blew her hair out of her eyes and opened her mouth. “More like-“

The was a puff of magic from the middle of the room. “I’m going to stop you right there,” Starlight announced, a cheery smile on her face. She turned to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. “Look, I’m calling a ban on this one. She’s off limits. Mess with her, and not only will she make you regret it, I will happily inform your parents that you were here to sabotage this float, and trust me when I say I will make sure they believe me. Now scram.”

Diamond Tiara looked like she was almost indignant enough to object, but her mind was made for her when a glow of aquamarine magic pushed her and Silver Spoon out the door.

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Apple Bloom interjected. “Why are you even here?”

Starlight turned and smiled at her. “You’ll thank me later. Now, Babs has been going through some rough stuff in Manehatten, and she has bullies of her own there. You take good care of her, alright? She’s here to make friends, after all.”

Finally, she turned to Babs. “Those two,” she gestured with a hoof out the barn door, “Are not your friends. You’ll be much better off dealing with your bullies than becoming one. Now enjoy your float.”

With another puff of magic, she vanished. After a long moment, Babs turned to Apple Bloom. “Who the hay was that?”

“Uhh… Long story,” was the only answer she got.

57. Magic Duel

The Great and Powerful Trixie leaned back in her golden chariot and listened to Snips and Snails struggle to pull it. Life was good. Finally she was getting the respect and the luxury she deserved.

So engrossed in her victory was Trixie that she didn’t even notice the burst of air, lightning, and magic that signaled the arrival of a teleporting unicorn.

“Trixie! It’s so good to see you!”

“Twilight, how did you get back—“ Trixie cut herself off as she looked twice. “You’re not Twilight. Who are you? You greeted Trixie awfully familiarly. Does Trixie know you?”

“Not yet, but you will. That’s time travel, which is a spell you can’t do even wearing your amulet, so I win our magic duel.”

“Trixie never agreed to a magic duel with you!”

“Not yet, but you will,” Starlight repeated. “Then you’ll admit defeat, I’ll turn the town back over to the residents, and then I’ll buy you some of those roasted nuts that you like. How does that sound?”

Leaping off the chariot, Trixie drew power from the Alicorn Amulet and prepared to blast the interloper with some devastating spell. “Don’t speak to Trixie that way, Not-Twilight!”

“Call me Starlight Glimmer. Oh, and by the way, you’ve done a terrible job with the place.”

“What?!” She let fly with a red beam, summoning ancient power from beyond the plane of existence to sever this Starlight limb from limb.

Starlight popped a paper bag into existence, caught the beam with it, crumpled it up, tossed it over her shoulder, and yawned. “I mean, a glass dome? What’s going to happen on a sunny day when the grass catches fire? Not to mention running out of air.”

“ARRRRGH!” Trixie continued to blast Starlight with spells, only to watch them deflect, pass through, or curve right around her.

“But I don’t blame you. It’s the first village you’ve taken over, right? Stick with me, Trixie. By the sixth or seventh one, you’ll have everything down pat. Remind me to show you one I ruled. I had all the houses in a row.”

“You can’t defeat Trixie, Starlight! I will draw magic from the amulet until it overpowers you!”

“Ha, you said ‘I,’ I’m getting to you. Anyway, nah, just power down, take the amulet off, and we’ll go have fun.”

Several Hours Later

“Welcome back, Twilight!” Starlight said. “How was your little sabbatical with Zecora?”

“It was…restful, I suppose. And I’m glad to be back. Spike told me about the Alicorn Amulet and what Trixie did while I was gone. But how did you ever defeat her?”

“I asked her nicely to take the Amulet off.”

“Starlight!”

Starlight flashed a toothy grin. “Oh, all right. I simply pointed out to her that while the magical lock prevented me from removing the amulet from around her neck…”

“Yes?”

“It didn’t prevent me from removing her neck from within the Amulet.”

58. Sleepless in Ponyville

Scootaloo checked the sky nervously. “But what about Rainbow Dash? Isn't Rainbow Dash coming?” she said.

“Course she is, sugarcube,” Applejack replied. “She's gonna meet us up at our first campsite.”

“Oh.”

“Alright, y'all, let's move 'em out!”

The others started trotting away, and just as Scootaloo turned to follow, she heard something from the bushes. “Psst!”

Scootaloo stared at the bush curiously.

“Psst! Yeah, you!”

Scootaloo poked her head in the bushes, and found a strangely familiar pink unicorn. “Haven’t I seen you before?” she asked.

“That’s not important,” Starlight Glimmer said. “I’m here to tell you a scary story.”

“A scary story?”

“Yes. There’s this old mare, and she keeps asking ponies if they have her rusty horseshoe.”

“That’s not very scary,” Scootaloo noted.

“Yeah, I’m terrible at telling scary stories,” Starlight Glimmer admitted. “But you know who’s great at telling scary stories? Rainbow Dash!”

“She is? I mean, of course she is!” Scootaloo said.

“She's so good, she might even scare you,” Starlight Glimmer warned.

Scootaloo gulped. She didn’t want to be scared in front of the most fearless pony in Ponyville!

“But you know what? This was Rainbow Dash, the night after she heard that olden pony story for the first time.” She pulled out a photograph.

Scootaloo grabbed the photograph and looked at it. It showed a filly Rainbow Dash sitting up in her cloud bed, looking like she had just woken up; her short rainbow mane was sticking up in every direction. She had a look of horror on her face as she stared at a yellow stain on the cloud bed.

“So, if you can hear Rainbow Dash’s scary story and not pee your bedroll, then you’re already tons braver than her,” Starlight Glimmer said.

Scootaloo smiled. She could do that. As long as somepony didn’t stick her hoof in a bowl of warm water... again.

“Oh, and if you’re tired, eat these before going out on your scooter,” Starlight Glimmer said, passing Scootaloo a bag.

“What are these?”

“Roasted espresso beans.”

~

The strange unicorn spoke the truth. Rainbow Dash was a great scary storyteller. But after waking up to a dry bedroll, she knew she had nothing to fear. She was braver than Rainbow Dash, and her idol was definitely going to take her under her wing.

The day after returning from their camping trip, Scootaloo rediscovered the bag of espresso beans she had received from the strange unicorn, and shared them with her Crusader friends.

The resulting damages to Ponyville took two days, seven songs, and four montages to repair.

59. Wonderbolt Academy

Spitfire's office door swung open smoothly as a teal pegasus walked in.

"Cadet Dust," Spitfire looked up from signing photographs for the next fundraiser — they would need the money after the press got ahold of this fiasco. "Would you take a seat?"

"Yes, ma'am. Why did you call me in? I need to be at Oatis in 20."

"Do you think I don't know that? You're not going to Oatis, or anywhere for that matter."

Lightning Dust's hopeful eyes were crushed as Spitfire brought out a large white trash bag.

"Now, let's see what we have here..." Spitfire started rummaging through the bag and started bringing out items. "Several boxes of cigarettes, lighter, bottles of booze — ooh, Buck Daniels — and all of this."

Spitfire then upended the bag, pouring out lots of clear bags filled with various pills, powders, and syringes.

"We found all of this hidden in your bunk and in your locker. One of these would be enough to bust you for using, but with all of these? I say you're planning to sell. Tartarus, even the cigarettes are hallucinogens."

"But—but—but—THEY'RE NOT MINE! Somepony planted them!"

"Cadet Dust, who on equus would plant this much contraband on you and why?"

"I don't know, but they want to sabotage me!"

"Cadet, thousands run this program a year. Targeting you out of the crowd is... unlikely."

Lighting Dust straightened up and smirked. "It's perfectly likely when nopony can fly like me!"

"Actually, 20% of the cadets in the program can fly like you. 6.5 seconds on the Dizzitron is nothing to boast about. If anypony here is a target for sabotage, it's Cadet Dash. And we checked, she's clean. Hoof over your badge, and go with the nice officer from the DEA. It's a shame, though — you did have potential."

Across the base, a pair of binoculars slipped back into a cloud, which vanished in an aquamarine burst, leaving only a pizza box attached to a parachute.

60. Apple Family Reunion

“Granny Smith handed me the reins of their reunion and I’m going to make the most of it. Apple Bloom, I’ve got so many things planned you won’t even have a minute of -”

Before Applejack could finish that sentence, a bright flash enveloped the room and a loud bang accompanied it as Starlight appeared in the middle of the room. Almost immediately, Apple Bloom sat up, looking quite alarmed after having only fell asleep for less than a minute. “Wha, what?!”

“Sorry!” Starlight chimed in, looking over at the dazed filly who was now blinking blearily at her. “Didn’t think you’d be sleeping when I teleported in. And I probably would have made less of a show of things if I’d known...” She waved a hoof in Apple Bloom’s direction vaguely. “Oh well! Now what you were saying?”

“That I… have a lot of things planned out?” Applejack said, just staring tiredly at Starlight. At this point, she just wasn’t even surprised by Starlight’s appearance - though she couldn’t help but wonder what could be next.

“And what came after that?” Starlight said, her smile widening as of she was talking to a foal, and gesturing for Applejack to continue on.

“That Apple Bloom won’t get even a moment of rest?”

“Bingo!” And with that, a sharp blast came from Starlight’s horn, and hitting the stand where all of Applejack’s plans had been, igniting the small wooden frame and paper on fire.

Having jumped back to avoid such a blast initially, now Applejack stood, horrified as the fire quickly destroyed the paper on it - though she was trying to save the board also, hastily trying to beat down the flames.

“What the hay was that for?!” Apple Bloom said, having stood up on the bed, and looking quite alarmed by the whole display.

“I’m saving your whole family from a lot of trouble, I can assure you now!” Starlight said, looking proud of her work.

“But… But I’ve been working on these plans for weeks!” Applejack weakly protested. Well, her drawn up plans were gone, but she did still have-

Nope. Another blast was shot from Starlight’s horn, hitting the stack of notes she had. A second later, only cinders and ash remained atop the table, making Applejack only stare horrified. All of her hard work gone down the drain…

“You should have just let Granny Smith take care of things as normal,” Starlight said smoothly, now staring at Applejack’s dejected face. “Or do you remember the last… couple of times this happened to you? Including the jam incident?”

Applejack blinked at the last sentence, her face finally breaking from the dejectedness to surprise. “How do you know abo-”

“Not important! Plus, that’s a story for another time,” Starlight reassured Applejack - though it clearly did nothing to calm the mare’s nerves. “Now, you can do this thing! Just keep it simple, sweet, and make sure you avoid the fruit bats. Bye!” With one more hoof wave, Starlight disappeared with another flash and a bang.

“... Applejack, are things going to be okay?” A worried look was given to the older mare from Apple Bloom.

“I… guess I’m staying up the rest of the night to rework things," Applejack said before sighing afterwards. Great.

61. Spike At Your Service

A gentle breeze from an open window carried the faint scent of cooking pizza all throughout Golden Oaks library, and for a moment displaced even its usual all-pervasive smells of pine sap and aging paper.

Nopony was there to enjoy it, though. A solitary lavender unicorn was technically present, but she’d already spent long hours with her muzzle pressed close to one particularly bewitching tome out of the dozen she’d set out to read, and her senses were engrossed. Her lips occasionally quirked upward as she absorbed line after line of effervescent prose. And the only scent that reached her was the weathered old tome’s earthy musk.

The pony—Twilight Sparkle—lit her horn and carefully turned a page with her magic.

Suddenly there was a huge *BANG!* from behind her. Twilight leapt up off her rump, shouting involuntarily and jerking her head about to see—

—she made a slight choking sound as she realized she’d kept her magical grip on the page she’d been turning, and had ripped it from the book in the process. “No,” Twilight croaked through a dry throat. “No, nononono, what have I done?!”

“You haven’t done anything yet!” said another purplish unicorn who was suddenly standing before her amid a scorched circle on the floor. Twilight recoiled with shock at the unexpected arrival, much less the evidence that they’d arrived via some kind of high-level spell. “Don’t start,” the pony said, raising a foreleg and then cursing at her watch. “Okay, twenty-five seconds left. Twilight—”

“I recognize you,” Twilight said, furrowing her brow. “You’re that… mare… who fixes things?”

“I said there’s no time!” The pony set her jaw and blew a strand of mane out of her eyes. “Twilight, what does Spike mean to you?”

“Spike…”

“Ugh!” The mare pressed a hoof to her eyes. “Come on, are we talking… brother? Son? Indentured servant?”

“Indentured…!” Twilight shook her head. “N…no, Spike is my friend, first and foremost!”

The mare nodded once. “Friend. Perfect. Okay, so what’s the best way to respond to a friend who comes to you in confidence about something big that they’re trying to work through?”

Twilight lowered the paper. “What do you mean?”

“Twilight…” The pony checked her watch again, and bit her lip. “You listen, Twilight. You give him your undividedattention for at least the minute or two it takes to figure out what kind of conversation you’re dealing with.”

“Well of course I would.” Twilight frowned deeply. “I know that’s how friends treat each other.”

“You say that, but I’m pretty sure—” The mare’s watch started ringing, and she gritted her teeth. “Just remember! Oh, and if he starts going on about some kind of ‘dragon code,’ ask him if he’s read the newer commentaries by Ember the Younger about—”

She vanished in a burst of white light and a sound like clocks exploding. In her place were fresh scorch-marks on the wood floor.

A solitary pizza box lay in their center.

As Twilight worked her jaw in a halting effort to think of what to say, she heard a soft rap at the library’s door. A moment later, its knob turned, and Spike poked his head in.

“Hey, Twilight. Got a minute to talk?”

Twilight glanced back at the book, then down at the page she’d inadvertently ripped out of it, before greeting her friend with a smile.

“Of course, Spike; I’ve always got time for my number one assistant… and my oldest friend. Want some pizza?”

62. Keep Calm and Flutter On

Twilight’s ear twitched as she heard the now familiar sound of a time travel spell. Her eye twitched when she thought of the only pony who could be responsible. She let out a sigh as she closed the tome she was studying to go see what Starlight was up to this time.

“Really Starlight? Isn’t there a better time than 3 in the morning?” She asked as soon as she saw the pink culprit, who was hastily writing something on a scrap piece of parchment.

“Oh, I’m just putting a little something together that will help you out tomorrow.” Starlight said as she put the last finishing touches on the parchment. “Er- later today, technically.” she amended.

Having finally had enough of Starlight’s tomfoolery, Twilight made a plan. 1, chain starlight to a heavy object. 2, immediately incenerate whatever was on that parchment. 3, tell Pinkie Pie that Starlight was wondering about cherry chongas.

Making a plan has many benefits: it allows you to organise everything you need in the most logical manner, and it can make sure that you haven’t forgotten anything. The one downside is that it can occasionally allow time traveling nuisances to escape.

Twilight resisted the urge to curse at the unfortunate turn of events in case Spike was awake, and lit up her horn to throw the cursed bit of parchment in the recycling bin.

Instead Twilight levitated the piece of parchment over to herself so she could see what Starlight had written. Seeing what it was she just rolled her eyes and went back to her tome.

“Why would I ever need to know a reforming spell?”

63. Just for Sidekicks

"I have no jewels, I have no cake."

In the middle of the Golden Oaks Library, Spike lamented the loss of the main ingredients to his disgustingly mineral-rich cake recipe -ingredients that he had eaten- while Owlicious watched the greedy, self-pitying drake from the mantle of the library's frighteningly flammable fireplace, wishing for all the world that he could get the drake to stop singing.

"I'm a sad little dragon, with nothing to-"

Thankfully, a knock at the door interrupted the mulberry reptile before he could continue, and Owlowiscious gave a hoot of relief that once again made the Number One Assistant think he had said 'Who'.

"-is it?"

Owlowiscious could only shake his head. 'Assistant' indeed.

Spike stood up from the floor and moved depressingly over to the door, swinging it open to reveal Fluttershy and her demonic bunny, the latter perched lazily upon her pink mane while a pair of saddlebags rested on her withers. The moment she saw the frilly pink apron and the measuring cup perched on Spike's head, however, she quickly began to have second thoughts, "Oh! Oh goodness, I- I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Spike turned towards the bowl of cake batter in his claw, "Well, I do have this cake to not bake."

"Oh, sorry, it's a bad time..."

"Ehh, inside joke. Talk to me."

Spike gestured for the shy pegasus to enter as he walked back inside, uselessly mixing the batter in his mixer bowl as he took a seat on the library's stairs.

"It's just that, Princess Cadence needs us to do a great job welcoming the head of the Equestria Games when she visits the Crystal Empire tomorrow-"

"Oh, I know all about that," the drake interrupted, allowing an unseen audience to breathe a sigh of relief, "As if I wouldn't be any help at welcoming."

"Oh, I don't know what I was thinking! Of course you might be upset for not being invited, and here I am coming to ask you for a favor." Fluttershy turned shamefully towards the door and started trotting back out, "You were probably going to say no anyway; all I had to offer you in exchange was one little jewel."

"What was that?"

Fluttershy leaped into the air with a scream, latching onto Owlowiscious in fear of the drake as he practically teleported in front of her. Realizing what she'd just done, the pegasus quickly let go of the owl and gave him an apologetic smile before landing back on the floor and pulling a large green jewel from her saddlebags, "All I have is this jewel."

The jewel gleamed in Celestia's sunlight as it filtered through the windows, making it look all the more enticing for bookhorse's Number One Assistant as he shamelessly drooled onto the floor, "That's a really big one!"

Just as Fluttershy was about to put it away, a mulberry blur snatched it from her hoof and took the form of Spike, bouncing on his tail and hugging the looted treasure, "A really big, juicy, perfect for a cake-topper jewel."

"I agree, thanks Fluttershy."

A turquoise glow surrounded the green jewel, floating it over to a familiar, heliotrope unicorn, who was currently laboring over Spike's mixing bowl as she read the recipe for the gem cake, her friendship journal rested on the opposite side of the bowl, closed to protect its pages, "I'll take the job."

"Starlight?!" Angel Bunny immediately hopped down from his perch in Fluttershy's mane and bounded across the library towards the only other pony he could actually love to be around, "No, I couldn't ask you to- I mean, you've probably got more important things to do than watch my bunny."

"And my gem!" Spike said angrily before realizing his mistake, "Uh- I mean, her gem." Spike chuckled bashfully.

Starlight Glimmer offered Fluttershy a smile before turning back to her work, eagerly running a hoof over Angel's belly as he laid down on the counter, "It's no trouble at all, in fact, it'd be my pleasure to take care of this adorable widdle guy." Angel could only offer a series of happy squeaks as Starlight spoiled the furry little demon, which only made the unicorn smile even more as she suddenly pulled hundreds of gem shards from Spike's mouth and merged them back into their original wholes.

Spike's reaction was instantaneous, gagging and coughing as he fell to the floor, but Starlight was heedless of her future castlemate's plight as she cleaned the gems off and put them into the mixing bowl, "Besides, I'm almost done solving this friendship problem. Taking care of Angel for you is just a bonus."

Once the gems were in place, a flash of light and heat transformed the cake into its full, diabetic glory, which was swiftly placed in front of a now heavily drooling Spike.

Angel Bunny hopped into Starlight's purple mane as the mare trotted out of the library next to Fluttershy, the day's crisis successfully averted, "So I was wondering if I could try and style Angel's tail for Tuesday instead of just fluffing it, give it a bit more flair and make it stand out y'know?"

"Oh, that sounds just wonderful, Starlight! What styles did you have in mind?"

The sounds of Spike's ravenous hunger were all that followed the two mares and bunny as they left the library, and as icing and gem shards began to fling about the room, an owl followed soon after.

It wasn't until the cake was gone and Spike had rested a claw on his swollen belly that a flash of light announced the arrival of Twilight Sparkle. The purple unicorn looked frantically around the library before galloping over to her Number One Assistant and shouting at him, "Where is she?! Where's Starlight?! I know she was here, I know it."

Spike couldn't answer, having entered an intense food coma that would leave him regretting his life decisions the following morning. At least he got to have his cake, and eat it.

64. Games Ponies Play

Everything was proceeding splendidly for one Ms Peachbottom as she moved slowly through the line that lead towards the customs officer at the Canterlot Grand Central Station where she was hoping to make her connecting train to the Crystal Empire on time. With a strained smile, she looked up at the clock that was suspended in the air with unseen magic, then to her left where she saw a sign for the little filly's room, which is when she felt it.

She needed to pee.

"Ooo..." she groaned as quietly as she could, trying to hold it. "Nope, can't." Ms Peachbottom said aloud, then looked behind her, finding a smiling unicorn with a pale, light greyish heliotrope coat and a purple mane with green streaks that she swore she didn't see behind her a few minutes earlier. "Ummm... Excuse me, miss...?"

"Oh? yes?" The mare said.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but could you possibly hold my place in line," Ms Peachbottom asked. "Nature calls," she explained needlessly.

"Oh, I'd be happy too," The smiling mare responded.

"Oh, thank you so much." Ms Peachbottom said before bolting from the line towards the bathroom, leaving her flower motif covered luggage behind.

Once she was out of sight, Starlight concentrated magic through her horn and teleported a small, unassuming package wrapped in brown paper from her 'luggage' into that of Ms Peachbottom's. Once that was completed, she dispelled her specialized 'notice-me-not' spell, turned to the stallion behind her, who was understandably startled that somepony other than the green-maned lady was in front of him, offered him ten bits to watch Ms Peachbottom's luggage, then left the line.

Rounding a corner, she held up her stopwatch.

"26.. 27... Oh, I'm good at this." She said to herself, then popped out of existence.

Earlier (Relatively)

In a dark alley behind Sugarcube Corner, Starlight Glimmer waited patiently. She didn't need to wait long, as the mare she had contacted earlier stepped out of the shadows for a moment before walking towards Starlight.

"You got the bits?" Tree Hugger asked, in her characteristic aloof manner.

"Of course, you got the package?"

"Does Fluttershy love animals?"

They both laughed at the awkwardness of the exchange, then Starlight proffered the bag of bits, which Tree Hugger reached for, only to grab Starlight's foreleg and pulled her close.

"Now listen here," Tree Hugger started, the 'aloofness' of her voice replaced with a steely edge. "This much marejuana is enough for an intent to distribute conviction, that's 5-15 in the slammer." She continued, reaching up into her dreadlocked mane and pulling a rather sharp looking and quite large hair pin. "You get caught with this, you don't know me. Rat me out and I'll shank you in prison my first day. Got it?"

"Yes." Starlight croaked.

"Awesome," Tree Hugger responded, her entire demeanour changing back to her normal self as she replaced the pin in her mane, then tossed her what looked like a brick wrapped in brown paper. "Have fun!"

"Yeah... Sure..." Starlight said nervously once Tree Hugger was out of earshot.

65. Magical Mystery Cure

Starlight took a deep breath to even herself out. She flipped through the pages of her (now heavily annotated) copy of the Friendship Journal, sharing space in her saddlebag with a horn-written journal of her own. She'd been keeping notes of her travels, and had purposely skipped around, leaving this particular lesson for her last journey.

She smiled softly as she met the gaze of her mentor. "See you six years ago. Back in thirty seconds."
"Or the pizza's free."

~

Twilight was having a tremendously awful day. She'd broken her friends, swapped their destinies- their cutie marks around, and left all of them unfulfilled in their new lives. Her head was hidden under her forelegs, with a pillow absorbing her tears.

The room brightened for a moment in a flickering flash. Starlight's heart broke when she saw her mentor lying there like a puppet with cut strings. She gently smoothed the mane from that pretty face and smiled crookedly.

"Starlight... please. I can't do this myself."

Starlight took a deep breath and tried to squeeze together the fragments of her heart.
"You're right. You can't help your friends. But they can help one another. You teach me that. I could just go out there and swap all the cutie marks back but..."

She shook her head.

"Fluttershy is getting ready to leave and move back to Cloudsdale, an absolute failure of an entertainer. You need to take her to her cottage to go help Rainbow Dash. It'll work itself out from there."

She planted a soft kiss on Twilight's cheek.
"Wish I could stay for the song, or to hear Celestia's voice crack when... well. Time waits for no mare, and your destiny's calling Twilight. Time to answer."

~

Twilight embraced Starlight when she exited the temporal anomaly. There were tears, but happy ones.

Starlight jotted down the notes of her last ever jaunt through time, and the nib of the pen cracked on the full stop.

The book glowed brilliantly, and both of them disappeared in a flash of octarine lightning.

~

Destiny's calling.

Twilight watched in awe as her student's magic surrounded her. They floated in the Void Space, Starlight closing her eyes in mute acceptance.

Her mane flared and flickered, erupting into a smoky haze of tachyons and Cherenkov radiation as wings exploded from her back.

~

"Friends, ponies, Equestrians... M-may I present t-to you for the very first time...

"Princess Starlight Glimmer, the Princess of Time."

Author's Note

For clarification, Starlight Glimmer does Magical Mystery Cure as the last episode in her own, personal timeline through all the episodes of the series. Her being an Alicorn has no actual bearing on the rest of the (forthcoming) story, in which she is still a unicorn. If that doesn't make sense to you, take it up with the person who wrote it. I wash my hands of it. 👋✋

53 & 54. Shakespearicles
55. Derpylikesmuffins1
56. Zontan
57. pjabrony
58. Alaborn
59. Circut Breaker
60. Unified Dreams
61. CoffeeMinion
62. MOOSEWHISKER
63. Mythic Void
64. Aceman67
65. Starlight_Glimmer

Season 4

66 & 67. Princess Twilight Sparkle

"Oh ho ho! This is so much fun!" Discord said as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna approached his throne in the chaos capital of the world. "How about a game of Pin the Tail on the Pony?" he said, holding Celestia's tail. Celestia gasped to see that indeed her rump was now bare.

"Playtime is over for you Discord!" Celestia shouted.

"Oh, I doubt that!" Discord replied, munching on his bag of plunderseeds. "Hungry?" he asked, offering them the bag. "Suit yourselves." Celestia and Luna each took the Elements of Harmony from their bags. "Ooh, what have you got there?"

"The Elements of Harmony," Celestia said.

"With them, we shall defeat you!" Luna added with conviction. Discord could only laugh.

"Hahaha! You should see yourselves right now! The expressions on your face! So intense. So sure of yourselves! Hilarious!" A blast of rainbow magic turned the draconequus to stone.

A moment later Starlight Glimmer appeared in a flash of purple light. She surveyed the area around the new statue and began firing bouts of wildfire flame spells from her horn, spraying it liberally in a wide swath, popping all the plunderseeds like popcorn and leaving a massive brown patch of scorched earth around the stone figure. The two alicorns looked on in confused awe.

"What?" Starlight asked indignantly. "Do you want plundervines? Because that's how you get plundervines!"

68. Castle Mane-ia

Newly instated Princess Sparkle had already let the power and stress of her title get the better of her, based on the manhandling of the book that she tossed in frustration across the room, nearly taking out her faithful servant Spike.

“What's wrong, Twilight?”

“Ugh, I've gone through every book in Ponyville, Spike,” she informed him, “and there isn't a single mention of the mysterious chest that came from the Tree of Harmony, nor anything about keys to unlock it! But something tells me that opening it is pretty important. I hope Princess Celestia has some ideas. If the library in Canterlot doesn't have anything, I-I don't know where else to look!” She paused thoughtfully and then loudly added, very deliberately, “unless there’s a certain mare waiting to give me the book and solve me having to look!” She waited. And frowned.

“No? Okay, guess I’ll just-” At that moment, Spike threw up a scroll sent from Celestia’s own penmanship. Twilight grinned eagerly, clopping her hooves together.

“Brilliant, it’s probably Celestia telling us, ‘Twilight Sparkle, a mare calling herself your ‘old student from the future found your book for you and I’m sending it over,’ but let’s read it anyway.” She rose the parchment and scanned her eyes across it.

“My dearest Twilight,” the eldest Princess wrote, “while it would be perfectly lovely to have you in Canterlot once more, I have another option in mind much closer to Ponyville…” Twilight humfed, “Yadda yadda yadda, ancient castle… yadda yadda yadda ...mostly in ruins, deep in the Everfree Forest. But if this time pony you keep blaming for solving my lessons for you in seconds turns up, then visit the ruins anyway. For me, your ancient and proud teacher? Please, Twilight?”

Twilight Sparkle rubbed her chin contemplatively and flicked an itch from her ear, spending a whole minute considering it.

“...Oh, okay.”

~*~

“... Congratulations! You're tied!” Pinkie, the presiding judge over Rainbow and Applejack’s competition proclaimed with applause.

“Tied?” gasped Applejack.

“You can't be tied for the Most Daring Pony!” squalled Rainbow.

“I dunno! Numbers don't lie!” Pinkie slapped her book shut and winked, “I'd love to stay and keep keeping score, but I promised to help test the new school bell. I get to ring it all week, nonstop! And I don't even have to take turns, because no one else volunteered! NOT EVEN A TIME PONY!” She shrugged to the pair of them, then skipped away down the lane to her task for the day.

“Okay, no problem. We just have to come up with another daring dare… unless Starlight Glimmer is going to come along and proclaim me the winner…”

“You?” scoffed AJ, “you know as well as I she sees me as the daringest darn darer there ever was!” The pair froze, and waited for a reply to come. None came.

“She… she isn’t coming?” Asked RD in disappointment.

“Maybe,” Applejack hummed, “Maybe she just needs a little encouragement…” she looked around and spied the path into the Everfree Forest, “Right. I think I might have an idea of what we can do…”

~*~

“Um, Rarity?” Fluttershy stayed low as the huge, grizzly forest terrified her, her lapine friend Angel keeping her partially comfortable, “don't you think it's a little late in the day to be walking through the forest? It is... star-spider season, after all. Though, I'm sure you have a very good reason.”

Rarity offered her a dazzling smile and nodded encouragingly, “I've heard rumors that the Castle of the Two Sisters is filled with the most gorgeous of ancient tapestries in all of pony history! It pains me to think of those magnificent creations rotting away in those old ruins, totally unappreciated.” She stopped and turned with a hopeful expression to Fluttershy, “I require your help in borrowing one or two to bring back to the boutique where I can restore them. Maybe I'll even use the patterns as the inspiration for a new line!”

“That does sound... very important,” Fluttershy pondered, “but haven’t you, you know, waited? Checked that, um, maybe they turn up for you?”

“If you are suggesting that our ‘mutual friend’ may have a hoof in providing them for us, well, it just doesn’t seem that way. I’ve been waiting and asking an empty room for two weeks! So we shall just have to search the castle ourselves.” Fluttershy looked up to the ruins of the castle as Angel and Rarity went first, and then swore, very gently, under her breath.

~*~

That night, there were screams from the most daring ponies.

There were sobs from the fashionista and rabbit-seeking partner.

Twilight discovered Celestia and Luna’s journal about the fun and frolics they’d had in the old castle, and Pinkie discovered she could play the organ.

“I've just thought of a great idea!” Chirped Twilight to her friends once they’d all calmed down, “why don't we keep a journal, just like the royal pony sisters?”

“Brilliant idea! It will really help me with my task!” The bookshelf creaked outwards and out from behind it slipped Starlight with a backpack fused with a vacuum, clipping the nozzle behind her shoulder.

“What have you been doing this whole time, Starlight? We’ve been running around this castle all night without you!” Demanded the Princess, stomping a hoof.

“Oh, I could have told you; Twilight, you should all write a Friendship Journal, Pinkie is the Most Daring pony, Angel’s alive and Rarity, you can fix the tapestries with, oh, I don’t know, magic?”

“...But you wanted to teach us to do this one on our own, Glimmer?” Smiled Fluttershy.

“Psh! No!” She sniggered, “I had to catch the Pony of Shadows within 30 seconds. Which I did! Also, this place? Total death trap. Absolute health and safety nightmare. For shame, Twilight, for shame…” then, with a twinkle of a spinning portal, she was gone, proton pack and all.

“Most daring of all? Pinkie?” Gawped Rainbow. Pinkie shrugged with a giggle.

“I’m as surprised as the rest of you!”

There was a faint thumping from inside the trap, along with a wheedling voice that was getting on Starlight's nerves.

"Um. Excuse me. When are you going to let me out?"

"Calm down, Stygian. I've got a couple more seasons to go." Starlight Glimmer raised her soldering iron and touched up a few circuits on her latest project, which she was going to call the Spectre Trapper and Pony Releaser once it was done. "Besides, you're not really in the trap. You're actually still in Limbo, with a quasi-dimensional echo extended into this plane of existence. Hang tight and I'll have that cranky bearded grump on his knees apologizing to you shortly. Just have a couple more things to do first."

69. Daring Don't

“I can’t believe it: The real Daring Do, and the real Caballeron!” Twilight said in surprise, looking through the window of A.K. Yearling’s house as Caballeron was in the middle of accosting Daring Do with his henchponies. A smell of o-zone and the magical crack of teleportation cut through the air, however, as Starlight Glimmer arrived in the nick of time (as always).

“Seriously, Twilight? Dash? You’re that starstruck right now?” She said, lighting her horn and levitating the three henchponies in the house into the air and away from Daring Do.

Both Daring Do and Caballeron expressed surprise at the occurrence, though Daring Do was the first to take advantage of the moment. Even with her leg injured, she pushed herself into the air and used her wings to fly forward, tackling Caballeron. The golden ring flew off of his neck and out of the doorway, landing on the forest floor, where Starlight picked it up into the air.

Caballeron’s eyes were glued to it, extending a hoof to try and catch the ring to no avail. “No, my retirement!” he shouted, before Daring Do knocked her hoof hard enough into the back of his skull to knock him unconscious.

Starlight finally let the henchponies go, who fell to the floor with a heavy thud. After picking themselves up and looking at Daring Do, the new unicorn who had appeared, and their employer passed out on the floor, they quickly exited the cabin as quickly as they could (which happened to be out of two separate windows) and ran for the hills.

Daring Do occupied herself with preparing a splint for her leg, as Starlight looked to Rainbow Dash and Twilight, the latter of which was already nursing her forehead with both of her hooves.

“Dash, stop being starstruck. Daring Do is just a pony and she needs help. Don’t be an awkward egghead doofus about this.”

“Hey!” was all she could get out before Starlight walked into the house.

“And you! You should know better than to shun the help of others. You already had to get help to overcome your fears from Professor Ravenhoof in Daring Do and the Trek to the Terrifying Tower. Just accept the help of a pony like Rainbow Dash and her friends and maybe you’ll actually live through one of your books without like fourteen different injuries.”

Daring Do stared wide eyed at Starlight, and then gently rubbed her currently wounded leg. “I… Alright,” she said, sitting up and putting on her hat.

“Good. Now just listen to what her plan is, Dash. She knows what she’s doing, alright? Oh, and leave this out of the book, okay?” Starlight pulled out her journal again and lit her horn, disappearing from the house in a flash of light.

“Who was that pony?” Daring Do asked, looking to Twilight and her friends.

“Please don’t ask,” Twilight replied with a groan, dragging her hoofs across her face and then sighing. “Let’s just save Equestria or whatever.”

70. Flight to the Finish

"We've got hearts hmm hm hmm hm hmmm," Starlight half sang, half hummed as she watched Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon circle the Cutie Mark Crusaders like sharks. "Glad I got here early enough to catch the song."

As soon as the two bullies left, Starlight burst through the bushes. "Heya, Crusaders. How goes it?"

"EEP!" squeaked Sweetie Belle.

"Ugh, not you again," groaned Scootaloo. "Stop trying to fix all our problems."

"Yeah," added Apple Bloom, "It's really creepy."

Starlight smiled. "Well, girls, today I'm not going to do anything but give you some advice. Is that fair?"

Scootaloo groaned again. "Whatever. Make it quick. We have a routine to practice."

"Don't worry, I'll be done in ten seconds flat. My advice is this: Ignore Diamond Tiara and her lackey Silver Spoon. They're assholes. Ignore them and a bunch of your problems will go away. Ignore me--that is, listen to them--and you'll be riding the drama llama in no time. Got it?"

"Uh, I guess?" said Sweetie Belle. "Is that all?"

"Yep. That's all! Now you three be good fillies and do Ponyville proud! Ta-ta!"

And with a poof, she was gone.

The three looked at each other. "This is weird, right?" asked Apple Bloom.

"Yeah, it's weird," Scootaloo agreed.

71. The Power Ponies

Most mornings in Ponyville were heralded by roosters crowing at the first hooves of dawn peeking up over Canterlot Mountain. So among the things Twilight wasn’t expecting was to awaken sometime in the early gloom of pre-dawn to the sight, sound, and experience of her bedroom window in Golden Oaks Library exploding. It shattered inward as she screamed in shock, and it showered both herself and the entire room in shards of glass and splinters of wood faster than she could think to put up a force field.

Near her, in his basket on the floor, Spike barked with surprise as well. Twilight turned horror-filled eyes on him as he backpedaled out of the basket, tripping over his own claws, and pawing futilely at the gooey mess where his face should—

“Hold on,” Twilight said, realizing that she was looking at a face that had just been pied.

And that was when her instincts kicked-in, and she lit her horn, projecting out a glowing field mere heartbeats before something creamy went *SPLAT!* upon it.

“We’re made!” shouted a brown stallion Twilight didn’t recognize, who was in the middle of tucking-and-rolling across her bedroom floor toward Spike’s basket. “Do it now!”

A high-pitched whine sounded from just outside Twilight’s window. She turned her eyes again, and had just enough time to spot a somewhat familiar pale yellow mare with a two-toned pink-and-blue mane raise some kind of complicated-looking device in her hoof—

The whine suddenly jumped beyond Twilight’s ability to hear it, but just as suddenly, she found she could feel it… in her horn… which felt like it’d been struck by lightning!

Twilight tumbled out of bed, hitting the floor, clutching her horn feebly with both forehooves. Despite the pain, she forced her eyes open, and watched as the yellow mare dropped down into the room. The mare and stallion then both turned their attention on Spike’s basket.

No… on his comic book, laying next to the basket.

“Are we sure about this?” asked the stallion.

“We’ll check it for sure back at HQ,” said the mare. “Can’t be too careful where he’s involved. Go on… bag it.” Then after a moment, she added: “Board it, too. I mean it’s still a comic.”

But the two of them weren’t paying much attention to Spike, who was still stumbling about with a faceful of pie… and who, at that moment, plowed bodily into the mare’s side. She staggered, dropping the device.

It hit the floor.

It cracked.

The pain fell away in an instant, and Twilight had her horn lit before the invaders could react, clamping heavy magical bands around both of them.

“Who…” she said, levering herself back up to her hooves. “Excuse my Prench, but who in the actual buck are the two of you?!”

One of the stallion’s forehooves wasn’t quite contained in the bonds, and Twilight watched as he hastily raised something to his muzzle—

“NO!” she shouted, but it was much too late. For as the stallion bit down on the two-chambered capsule, the deadly combination of Pop Rocks and densely-concentrated Pona Cola flooded his mouth with an uncontrollable burst of fizzing and frothing. Twilight turned her head, unable—or unwilling—to watch it take its course.

“You don’t know what you’re dealing with,” said the mare.

Twilight glared at her through nascent tears. “Tell me: was it worth damaging this beautiful old library? Pieing my Number One Assistant? Forcing me to watch a pony fizzy-pop himself?!”

The mare maintained a cool, even look at Twilight, regardless of her bonds. “Yes,” she whispered. “At least, if that comic is what we think it is.”

Struggling to hold back a sob, Twilight turned her gaze downward, and spotted a stray bit of the pie that had fallen off Spike’s face. She raised it in her magic, drawing back tension, aiming it at the interloper. “Start. Talking.”

“All right. You’re a princess. Anypony else… couldn’t know. But you… they might not feed me my own bon-bons when I get back to the Agency, if I tell just you.”

A glob of cream dripped off the pie-piece. Twilight gritted her teeth.

The mare took a long breath. “My name is Special Agent Sweetie Drops. I work for an agency called S.M.I.L.E. We hunt monsters. And you… have you heard about… Humans?”

Twilight furrowed her brow. “You mean… like the mirror portal?”

“No, mirror-humans don’t come through as humans; they end up as indigenous creatures of this realm. I’m talking about real humans. Dimensional displacement. And something calling itself ‘The Merchant,’ which traps them, and sends them here.”

“And you think…” Twilight pointed at the comic. “That’s one of the tools that he uses to trap them?”

The mare nodded. “We got an anonymous tip last night. But it was very detailed, very plausible… and it came with some pretty good pizza. We couldn’t not take it seriously.”

“Pizza?!” Twilight sighed, pressing a hoof to her face. “You know, you could’ve just led with that!”

72. Bats

Darkness.

Sweet Apple Acres was cloaked in the shroud of the night, and it always took a sinister appearance when the moon was high and Luna’s trails through the land of dreams was afoot.

Through the gentle breeze that blew the apple trees, a black figure flew. It swooped, it ducked, it dived, and it feasted. A spell, they would come to think, would be the answer to why this creature came to be. An accident brought upon by a misstep in wanting to resolve a problem with a bunch of innocent, hungry, nocturnal animals. Little did they know the true cause for the apples turning up suckled into rotten pastes come day break. Little did they know of the truth.

“Fluttershy!” A voice suddenly snapped in the cool summer-night air, shortly before the bells of Ponyville struck midnight.

From the hanging black body, a pair of red eyes snapped open with a fierce glare at the confident speaker. The mass of the twilight-loving (in every sense - if the secret diaries are to be believed) being spread her wings in a show of dominance and screeched, preparing to fend off the Helsing to her Dracula, before spying something else around the potential huntress. She cried again and flapped her wings, performing an impressive dive to land before the bold pony who challenged her.

“What isssss thisssss?” she hissed, cracking her wings like a whip to a lion, expecting a violent retaliation. Instead, the pony who requested an audience with her stepped into the light of the reflecting glow of light from the satellite in the sky and smiled, placing a hoof on her shoulder in an offer of friendship.

“You see all of these bushels of apples? Help yourself,” offered the mare with a calming tone. The hybrid bat-pony version of her usually timid friend flicked a tongue over the fangs made to puncture the skins of the sugary fruits and stared, not yet trusting the horse in front of her.

“Why would you offer these so freely?” She asked defiantly, although Starlight could tell the wavering hunger was there.

“Because you turn into a different kind of animal when you’re hungry,” she proclaimed with a nod. She pushed Fluttershy, or Flutterbat as she preferred during her nighttime antics, to the bin filled to the brim with apples, and happily watched it gorge on the fruits she had brought to the mare.

“Better?” she asked, when the pastel yellow filly let out a long but satisfied belch.

“Better,” grinned Fluttershy, before squeaking and covering her mouth, “Oh… My….”

“It’s fine, don’t worry, the secret’s safe with me,” winked Glimmer, patting Flutters on her back, “for the record, the whole ‘The Stare’ thing gave the vampire thing away from the off for me, the other ponies just don’t see it unless you’re sparkling or melting because a little thing like sunlight is supposed to-” Starlight’s watch interrupted her with a beep. “Oh, right, almost time for me to go, just one last thing…”

~*~

“We’re sectioning off a space of the orchard for a bunch’o bats, sis?” Apple Bloom queried as she helped her sister set up the fencing around the trees, “Why?”

“Never ask why, Apple Bloom,” Applejack quaked as she said it, shuddering with the look of a mare haunted by post traumatic stress. “Just never tell Fluttershy no… Never ever tell her no, and never look her in the eye if you do… The Stare… the horrible, awful Stare…” Applejack lowered her hat over her eyes and kept working with maximum efficiency. Apple Bloom gasped, as she understood first hand the trauma her sister was going through, and patted her shoulder gently.

“Don’t worry, Sis,” she murmured, helping her with the task, “it wears off in a few days…”

73. Rarity Takes Manehattan

Suri Polomare giggled wickedly under her breath as she snuck away from Rarity through the dim backroom. Even in the low light, she couldn’t take her eyes off the mesmerizing swatch of fabric that Rarity had so foalishly given her. Its purple sheen rippled over the fabric’s surface, almost as if it were a living, beating heart. And Suri could feel the inspiration flowing through her, pumping with the same beat.

“Oh, it is a pleasure to be competing against you again, Rarity,” she said under her breath. “But there’s really not going to be much competition, now is there? You might’ve had a leg-up on me, but now I’ve got the element of sur—”

*WHACK!*

Suri dropped as her world exploded in pain. The swatch fell before her…

…followed by what looked like a long length of pipe. A low, echoing, vague and dim ringing sound seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere as the pipe bounced and clattered to a halt. Suri watched it come to rest, as if in a dream. She also noticed a curious warmth filling her mouth, but given how muddled her perceptions had become, she couldn’t quite pinpoint its source.

Slowly, dimly, Suri noticed pinkish-purplish face bending down to look closely at hers. It was equine… probably a mare… definitely had a horn. And it was frowning. Glowering.

“Bad pony,” it said, with an echoing voice that sounded as if it was coming from the other end of a very long tunnel. “You think about what you’ve done. Or were going to do. Good ponies don’t steal each other’s fashion lines!”

Suri was tempted to protest that good ponies didn’t jump each other with lengths of pipe either, but before she could speak, there was a sudden BANG! and a flash of light. She blinked several times, trying to clear her vision.

Eventually, she noticed that the pony was gone. A pizza box seemed to have taken its place.

“Coco?” Suri called. “Coco… little help here?”

74. Pinkie Apple Pie

“I suppose we could always…” Applejack began. “I mean Goldie Delicious doesn’t live all that far away… And we haven’t been on one as a family in a real long time—”

Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, and Big Mac all smiled like it was the end of harvest season and Applejack had done all the work again. She’d clearly just had a brilliant idea—well maybe not brilliant, but they all knew it meant getting out of the Sweet Apple Acres Honest Labor Camp for at least a day.

Pinkie Pie smiled, too! She had no idea what she was smiling about, but she wanted so much to be a part of the Apple family, and apparently smiling like a maniac was a membership requirement and she had a lot of practice at that!

And then her tail twitched. And her right hind hoof shook like mad. And she felt a warmth under her tummy, which was probably just lunch because you know how chimicherrychangas with ghost chilis always do that when you eat the chilis first and maybe she should blend those in next time and it might be a good idea to not eat the whole bag at one shot anyway but where’s the fun in that?

“Are y’all thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” Applejack asked. Granny and the Apple siblings all took a deep breath and shouted triumphantly.

“Road trip!”

Pinkie Pie let loose a blood-curdling scream and launched herself into the air.

At that instant a flash of light like a new star blinded everypony. When their eyesight finally returned, the Apple family witnessed Pinkie Pie trying to strangle to death a now-familiar unicorn.

For Applejack, asphyxiating that particular unicorn couldn’t happen fast enough. “You!” she cried, pointing an accusing hoof.

“Hiya, Glimmy!” Pinkie Pie screamed happily as she enthusiastically glomped Starlight.

“PINKIE, AIR!” Starlight squeaked, then she coughed and sucked in a heaving breath as Pinkie released her.

“Oops! Sorry! Sorry, everypony, I just get so carried away,” Pinkie said. “Ooooooh! Is that for me?”

“Yes,” the unicorn coughed out, and hoofed over the banjo she’d been holding. “Take this—you’re going to need it.”

Then Starlight turned to see the confused (or in Applejack’s case, hostile) faces of the Apple family, and made an Important Announcement.

“I am here to chew bubblegum and solve a friendship problem. And I’m all out of bubblegum.” She casually swatted away Pinkie Pie’s instant offering of bubblegum and whipped out an old, well-used tome that unfortunately smelled exactly like a used cat-box.

“I have literally risked death by leopard and an avalanche of garbage and cat dander to get this out of your cousin Goldie Delicious’s mad cat-house emporium. So I saved all of you from that and a host of future problems that you would have inflicted on yourselves, like—”

“—criminal child endangerment,” she said, glaring at each of the adults in turn.

“—catastrophic failure of the family wagon because somepony overloaded it,” she added, looking right at Big Mac.

“—throwing the map to Goldie’s cabin into the river.” Apple Bloom stared back in surprise.

“—steering the family through the Scariest Cave in Equestria, where eldritch abominations tried to sell you their religion.” Starlight stared at Granny Smith.

Finally her gaze turned to Applejack.

“—and last but not least, taking the entire family over a waterfall! Sheesh! You’d think all of you were Cutie Mark Crusaders.” Starlight winked at Apple Bloom. “No offense, kid.”

“Seems fair to me!” Apple Bloom said cheerfully.

The Apple adults all knew they’d never done any of these things, but they looked off in embarrassment because it all sounded exactly like something they would do.

“But I’m here to save you from all of that. You all really love Pinkie Pie and want so much for her to be a part of your family. And best of all, Pinkie Pie probably is related to the Apples.”

She tossed the tome down in front of everypony and flipped it open to the critical-but-smudged entry. Then she cast Red Ink’s Plot Complication Clarifier on the book, revealing clear proof that Pinkie Pie was almost certainly kinda-maybe related to the Apple family by a dubious connection of three different species and at least four generations of kissing cousins—because really, who wasn’t related to the Apples in that case?

Everypony gasped as they realized that Pinkie Pie was truly One of Us.

“So, there you go!” Starlight said, looking at her watch. “You’re probably all a match made in Tartarus—” Applejack looked up from the genealogy tome and growled at Starlight. “—but clearly the family that doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Y’all discuss. Bye now!”

Applejack stomped her hoof and shouted as the unicorn departed with a flash.

“Y’all don’t come back, now! Ya hear?”

A moment later, Pinkie Pie looked up and smiled just as Starlight re-appeared right in front of a startled Applejack—wearing Pinkie Pie’s Groucho mask and holding a horn with a rubber squeeze ball. Before Applejack could react, Starlight booped her on the nose and honked the horn, and flashed away again for the last time.

Pinkie Pie screamed again and fell over. It was a few seconds before everypony realized that she was probably dying of laughter, and Applejack stared in awe as Pinkie started turning blue.

“Um, Big Mac—I think that unicorn may have just tried to murder our new cousin,” she finally said. She tried to hide her smile beneath a frown at Starlight, but didn’t quite manage it.

“Eeyup,” her big brother replied, watching as Pinkie Pie struggled to stop laughing and get her breath back. He raised a big bucket of water that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “Fair’s fair, I guess.”

75: Rainbow Falls

Soarin really had nothing to worry about as he fell to his death; none other than Rainbow Dash was there to save him. He had been worrying anyway, numerous pies he'd eaten flashing before his eyes, but he was also enough of a dumbass to slam into a hoop post while ogling the cheerleaders, so what do you want?

But, deserving or not, he was saved and quickly on the ground next to Rainbow, as teammates and friends cheered the daring midair rescue.

"Awethum!" said Fleetfoot.

"As good as any Wonderbolt," said Spitfire, absolutely dripping foreshadowing.

Some other ponies said some things that didn't matter.

"My wing hurts," said dumb ol' Clipper. That definitely mattered. Not having hurt wings was like, super important if you wanted to do Equestria Games stuff.

"I'm sure it'll be okay by the competition," he said, convincing literally nopony with his words.

VZZT VWRP BOING

All present turned at the series of bizarre sound effects to see a pink unicorn mare extruding from the aether.

"Starlight!?" Twilight interrobanged, with that adorable screwed-up expression that meant she really did not approve of, let alone understand, what was going on at the moment.

"If I may," said Starlight, striding into the company of ponies as the medic pulled a mobile stretcher up.

"Soarin's only sprained his wing," she said, pointing to him as he was helped onto the stretcher. "He just needs a little rest, but he'll be able to help the Cloudsdale team qualify for the relay. No worries."

She pointed at Rainbow Dash. "This one, meanwhile, would of course kill for a chance to fly with her heroes. That'd be you two, by the way," she asided to Spitfire and Fleetfoot. "But she also doesn't want to let her Ponyville friends down by ditching them for you. If you all practice together, that would help things, but I imagine there are rules or regulations or something that you all care about, so my goal here is just to air everyone's dirty laundry so there's no drama. Speaking of which..."

Starlight zipped over to Fleetfoot and put an arm around her shoulder. "You could stand to be less of a stuck-up, arrogant bitch..."

"Hey!" Fleetfoot tried to take a swing at the unicorn but was too slow to make contact. She teleported atop Spitfire, who yelped and tried to shake her off.

"You could stand to actually be a leader once in a while and keep your subordinates, y'know, subordinate--"

Lastly, Starlight teleported right up next to Rainbow Dash and whispered in her ear. "And you could stand to realize that she--" she nodded to Fluttershy, who was trying really hard to seem like she wasn't both intrigued by and afraid of everything happening at the moment-- "is doing all this for you, dude!" She socked Rainbow in the shoulder. "That kind of devotion doesn't come around every day, don't let it go to waste!"

"Your friends from Ponyville aren't going to begrudge you taking an opportunity to show off for your heroes." Starlight smiled. "You don't have to win in this competition, just qualify. So lighten the heck up." She punctuated the last few words by socking Rainbow in the shoulder some more. It was almost enough to hurt.

"Oh! And one more thing..."

Starlight's horn lit with magic, and for a moment, everypony looked every which way, as nothing seemed to be happening. Then, at the back of the group, Applejack cried, "Mah apple brown betties!"

She was summarily coated in a mountain of apple-filled pastries.

"Nopony freaking cares, Applejack!" Starlight yelled. She waved at all and sundry, smiling as though she hadn't been livid just a moment ago.

"Okay, that's it, everypony have fun at the Games, probably see you then, love you, kisses, byeee!"

And the time-space continuum sucked her up like the aforementioned fruit through the aforementioned orifice.

76. Three's a Crowd

As Twilight Sparkle read the letter Spike had delivered, she practically vibrated with excitement. Things were going perfectly, and she couldn't wait for the fun to begin. She had a list and-

"WAT" went reality, as Starlight Glimmer stepped out of a portal in time.

"Okay, Twilight, I know you're all set for that great time you're going to have with your Best Friend Sister In Law or whatever you call Cadance, so here's some things that'll help you get to actually have a good time with her." With that, she slammed a small bottle of over the counter cold medicine on the table nearby, along with a post-it-note. "Discord is faking it, and he's going to try and 'test your friendship' by sending you and Cadance off for some miracle cure."

Licking her lips in a subconscious nervous tick and looking off to the side, Twilight mouthed 'friendship test' to herself.

Wacking her with a rolled up newspaper, Starlight grunted in frustration. "No, bad Twilight. Those are bad, and you should feel bad for thinking it is a good idea. Anyways, he really will be sick in a day or so. Give him the pills, instructions are on the side. Also, the note is for Cadance, since she's bored at home. Read it if you can't help your curiosity, but be warned: your young and nubile senses may be offended by what it says." Starlight narrowed her eyes, glaring at Twilight. "In other words, don't be nosy."

With a sucking sound that echoed on several planes of existence at once, the unicorn allowed herself to be pulled back out of the current time space.

Unable to help himself, Spike, who had witnessed the whole episode with mouth gaping in shock, leaned over the table and read the note.

"Why would Cadance need escorts while on a swing set? Doesn't she already have guards? I don't get it."

For a moment, Twilight remained confused. However, she would, moments later, piece the details together with traumatizing effect. As Twilight's eyes widened to dinner plates and pupils narrowed to pinpricks, an extremely high whine started to emanate from her throat that would be roughly the same level as a dog whistle. It would be several hours before the local dogs would settle down from the piercing wail.

77. Pinkie Pride

Cheese Sandwich was finally satisfied with is work in Appleloosa, creating a party that brought the natives and the settlers together in harmony. However, he felt a new call, a doozy of one, for Ponyville. Just then, however, another sense came over him. “I just had the strangest sensation, Boneless,” he said to his inanimate friend, in a deep and serious tone, “one I’m not too familiar with. If I had to guess, I’d bet that somepony just teleported nearby and they want to…” In uncertainty, he was forced to drop his gruff facade. “...sell me something? Maybe an encyclopedia? You know I used to edit encyclopedias-”

“Hi there!” A voice came suddenly. Indeed, it had been a unicorn, a pink one. Though not pink like the Pink he remembered. Not pink like- “Are you thinking about Pinkie Pie? Maybe going to Ponyville for a visit?”

“How’d you know?” Cheese asked. Realizing he let his guard down, he returned to his gruff monotone to ask, “I mean… I’ve met others before with unusual senses, my little pony, even those who use the force they say, but never a mind reader. What do you know about Pinkie Pie?”

“I know that she’d really like to know what an inspiration she’s been to you. You should just tell her. You’ll have a much easier time collaborating if you’re up front about your feelings.”

“How do you-” he broke his monotone, “wait, collaborate? With her? On a party? She wants to, with me, you think?”

“Oh yeah, totally. Just try not to show off.”

That was the least of his doubts. “Okay, but, really how do you know all of this?”

“That’s not important,” Glimmer evaded the question. “Anyways, I gotta be going.”

“Oh, okay, see you later.” She left in a flash of light, leaving Cheese alone with only Boneless again. “Well, Boneless, I wished we wouldn’t have to break out this stuff again, but you just can’t be safe without it.” Before moving on, Cheese lined his cowboy hat with aluminum foil.

78. Simple Ways

“I've seen a lot in my travels, but I've never beheld such beauty. Applejack... The pony of my dreams…” Trenderhoof almost went head-over-hooves for the orange mare that was in his sights. Rarity, standing beside the stallion that had unknowingly taken her heart out and stepped on it, while making sure to rub some salt in her wound, could only stare aghast at what he had said.

“I-I see… Well, then.” The white mare tried hard not to cry as Trenderhoof let out a small sigh while watching Applejack work. Said mare was oblivious as she bucked another tree in preparation for the upcoming festival.

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light as that Mystery mare once again stepped out, dusting some black soot off her shoulder. “Little too quick this time I guess... Anyways” Starlight trotted right up to Trenderhoof, wrapping a hoof around his neck like a college fratcolt. “Helloooo Trendy!~ You don’t know me, but I know you! I’m sure you get that a lot, but whatever.” Rarity herself was now utterly peeved. This mare just had to show up again. She grumbled and ground her teeth as Starlight pulled the stallion in a bit closer.

“See that mare over there? That’s my friend. Well, not yet anyways. But she’s got a heart of gold and she won’t tell you to just leave her alone when you annoy her. So, I’ll have to do it for you!” She then leaned in real close and gave a crooked grin. “So, I will say this once. And only, once. If you don’t leave that mare alone, you won’t have to worry about me. Oh no. You’ll have to worry about him.” Pointing with a hoof, the three ponies looked to see Big Mac stacking a few barrels onto a trailer.

The sweater-wearing stallion went wide-eyed as Big Mac wiped his brow of sweat, taking a big drink from his canteen. There was a few moments before Trenderhoof wordlessly walked out of Starlight’s grasp and over to the large red stallion. Rarity and Starlight looked at each other for a moment, before looking back.

The two stallions were already in a deep conversation, unbefitting of the incredibly shy Big Mac. “Well…” Rarity began.

“I uh, yep.” Starlight finished, unsure how to process what just happened.

They both looked at each other before Rarity let out a sigh. “Never speak of this again?”

“Agreed.” Starlight nodded.

With a slight bow, Rarity took her leave. Looking very, confused to say the least. “Well, at least somepony got a happy ending. Onto the next!” Pulling out the Friendship Journal, Starlight opened another time hole and stepped inside. “And I have just the thing in mind!” Just like how she arrived, in a flash of light, she was gone.

79. Filli Vanilli

A flash of blue light and none other than Starlight Glimmer appears at Sweet Apple Acres without a moment to spare! It’s the day before the Ponytones’ big performance and it is this evening that she must spring into action! In the distance, she spots Applejack, Big Mac, and Applebloom setting up the annual turkey-calling contest. Knowing that Big Mac will lose, Starlight had picked the perfect time to fix this issue before it even starts!

With another cast of her magic, she teleports into the Sweet Apple Acres main barn, and not a second too soon! Big Mac enters, searching for the remaining tables and such that’re needed for the event. Adorning her best entrancing look possible in her current state, she appears from behind a stack of hay bales.

“Well, hello there, Big Mac.” Starlight’s voice doesn’t quite hit exactly the kind of allure she was aiming for, but it seemed to surprise Big Mac.

“Why’re you in my barn?” Big Mac is obviously confused as to why there’s a trespasser on the property. The sound of this unicorn’s voice made him a bit nervous, though. The same kind of nervousness that he got around Cheerilee that one time on Hearts and Hooves day.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that. All you need to know is that I know what kind of big, strong, stallion you are, and that you don’t need to worry yourself with some silly contest.” Starlight steps closer every few words, and is now inches away from Big Macintosh’s neck. She gives a few swishes of her tail to accentuate the tone she wishes to convey.

“What you should be worried about is conquest.” She steps around Big Mac, swishing her tail under his muzzle. “The same kind you entertained that School Teacher with, if I’m not mistaken.”

This made Big Mac gulp and begin to sweat profusely. It must’ve been that midday air getting warmer as the sun went down. “Y-yup…” He let out, exhaling a heavy breath before following Starlight to the back of the barn.

With that, Big Mac would never lose his voice for the performance the next day, and Fluttershy doesn’t have to have another failed attempt at overcoming her inability to perform to a crowd. Starlight got some rest and relaxation along with completing her task.

80. Twilight Time

Sweetie Belle seethed with anger. "Oh yeah?! Well we don't need to go anywhere to hang out with famous ponies all the time!"

Just as she was about to continue, a whistling sound was suddenly interrupted by two thuds as Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon collapsed on the floor, twitching for a few seconds before falling unconscious.

"Oh no…" Apple Bloom said, eyes wide. "This can only mean—"

"Hi girls!" Starlight Glimmer said, emerging from the bushes and surreptitiously hiding something behind her back. "Funny to see you here!"

"Starlight," Scootaloo started to say, only for the mare to raise her hoof.

"Nonono, I'm just here to say that telling those two about your private, tutoring time with Princess Twilight might not be the best idea. Why, they might follow you around, create a big, big mob just to hang on to you and benefit from your contacts and let's be honest, no one likes social climbers."

She smiled.

"So… you're saying we should keep quiet and enjoy the advantages we have without shoving them in other pony's faces for recognition?" Sweetie asked, hesitantly glancing at the unconscious fillies.

"Well done, Sweetie! I have to say, you're a lot less dense than Rarity says you are."

"Hey!"

"Make sure to write to the Princess about your lesson!" Starlight said as way of goodbye before dematerializing in a magical whirlwind.

The three fillies glanced at each other.

"Huh." Apple Bloom said.

"Huh." Scootaloo agreed.

They started walking away.

After a second, Sweetie joined them. "I'm not really dense, am I?"

81. It Ain’t Easy Being Breezie

“Is this racist?” squeakled the breezie version of Starlight Glimmer, “I feel like this is racist.”

“It’s almost certainly racist!” growled Seabreeze furiously, his legs flailing at the creature who just appeared shortly after the wind knocked his beetle-sized comrades and he off of course. Fluttershy had saved them from being tossed into oblivion, but now they were far behind the rest of their race.

“You’re an oddly familiar little…” began Fluttershy, before gasping in awe, “Starlight Glimmer? That’s you, isn’t it?”

“This is disgusting,” commented Seabreeze, floating around Glim-Breezie and shaking his head, “we do not even remotely look like that!”

“I know, I know, it’s awkward for me too, but trust me, it’s for a good reason…” and then she retrieved the rolled up newspaper she had stored under one leg. Immediately, she flew to the closest Breezie snuggling up to Fluttershy, and gave it a whack on the snout.

“Lazy!” she commented with a deep frown. Instantly she zoomed across to the next, and repeated the action, to a horrified cry from Fluttershy.

“Sloth!” She was moving to the next before she could be stopped. Whap!

“Indolence!”

“Starlight Glimmer, stop! What are you doing?” wailed ‘Shy, genuine tears pooling in her eyes at the mishandling of her new friends.

“Teaching them a lesson! A friendship lesson!” every breezie got a taste of the shrunken newspaper, except for Seabreeze. Despite this, he still looked deeply offended.

“This is how ponies treat breezies? This is almost certainly a declaration of war!”

“No, look, I’m going to do it to my own kind too…” Starlight the Breezie finished her assault with a slap of the broadsheet to Fluttershy’s nose, creating a small yelp from the caretaker. “That’s for forgetting all the hard work you’ve put into not being such a pushover! These little guys-”

“Mocking our height now?” squeaked Seabreeze furiously.

“-are tougher than they look.” Glimmer gave Seabreeze a firm, wistful expression, “they need to listen to Seabreeze and go home, otherwise they’ll get clingy and complacent.” She flew up between Fluttershy’s eyes and crossed her forelegs, the light catching through her wings. It refracted, beaming into the mare’s pupils, creating the most wonderous glow of colored lights.

“Oh… Oh um… I see… You’re right! Breezies, come on now. It’s time to go home. Let me just ask Rainbow if she’ll make the breeze one more time.” The pegasus gave a thankful smile to Starlight Glimmer, knowing she would not be there when she returned, and glided away to locate her friend.

“I…” Seabreeze began, but the purple mare waved a hoof, gesturing to a sudden circle of magic appearing behind her.

“Sorry, I have to go, I really couldn’t find a pizza shop willing to make a pizza small enough without charging a small fortune for it. Apologies again for-” She quickly gestured to herself, then started for the portal.

“Wait!” Seabreeze dove to the ground, searching, and soon came back with what he’d been looking for. A particularly pretty flower. “Thank you.” Starlight took it with a blink and wiggled her breezie-antenna.

“I’d say pass it on to Fluttershy buuuuut, it saves time if I just keep it. Thanks, Mr. Seabreeze!” She grinned with a salute and performed a quick loop-dee-loop before diving into her magical portal, disappearing with a pop!

“Still highly racist though,” Seabreeze sighed, shaking his head disappointedly.

82. Somepony To Watch Over Me

It took every ounce of Starlight Glimmer's willpower not to give into her cravings as she hid inside Applejack's fully stocked pie cart. But, as usual, she was on a mission, and she had to stay focused.

"Sorry, Big Mac," Starlight heard Applejack say as the latter pulled the cart, "I was just fretting a bit about Apple Bloom. You think she's gonna be okay on her own?"

"Eeeeyup," Big Mac said.

"I just keep thinking of things I forgot to put on her list. Like, I didn't write down that if she wants to get a spoon out of the drawer, she needs to open the drawer first." Applejack sighed. "I know I'm probably just bein' silly."

Big Mac's second "eeeeyup" was timed perfectly with Starlight's facehoof. It was worse than even the Journal had told her. Heck, if anything, the Journal had sugar-coated Applejack's doting tendencies towards her sister. It hadn't been the first time she'd run into this, in the past or the present. There had to be a better way.

"But I know I'd feel a heap better if I could check on Apple Bloom one last time."

And there it was. An idea flashed in Starlight's mind.

"Boy, are you in luck!" Starlight said, popping out of the cart and rolling in front of Applejack. Applejack and Big Mac stopped short, startled.

"S-Starlight Glimmer?" Applejack sputtered. "Wh-... what in blue blazes are you doing here?"

"Stopping problems before they start, as usual," Starlight said with a cocksure grin. "You're thinking of doubling back, aren't you? What about this delivery of scrumptious pies you're supposed to be delivering?"

"I know these pies are important, but family's more—" Applejack peered closer at Starlight's muzzle. "Hold on. You been takin' samples?"

Starlight blinked, wiped the edge of her muzzle, looked at it, saw the small piece of the one pie she'd succumbed to eating, and licked it. She savored the taste of sugar, fruit and soft, flaky crust, and sighed, floating in bliss for several moments.

"No," she said, with a straight face. "Anyway, the point is, I saw what you're going to do, and I raise you a better solution." Starlight willed a hoof-held mirror into existence. "All you have to do is grab on to this magic mirror, and it'll show you what's going on at home. You can check in on Apple Bloom any time you want, without having to go back."

"Well... magic makes me uneasy, but it sure does beat makin' multiple trips." Applejack took the mirror from Starlight, and looked into it. For the first few seconds, she saw only her reflection.

Then the mirror swirled to life, showing the Sweet Apple Acres household.

~

"Boy howdy! I sure do love followin' the rules of my house like my big sister Applejack—who I love and treasure—taught me!" Apple Bloom said, as she washed the walls with a sponge. "This place'll be spic and span by the time she gets back, and I'll have been so well behaved the entire time!"

"Don't forget, you'll be tooooooootally safe, too!" Scootaloo said, tidying various knick-knacks around the living room. "Because that's just the kind of fillies we are!"

"I'm lining the chairs and stairs with pillows so we don't hurt ourselves!" Sweetie Belle said, doing just that.

"That's the spirit! Thanks, girls!" Apple Bloom said. "I don't know what I'd do without fun, safe friends like you!"

~

Applejack blinked several times. "It's... its perfect! It's..." She relaxed. "This is seriously everything I was hopin' for."

"You gotta be kidding m—" Starlight did a double-take. "I-I mean, of course! What did you expect?"

"To be honest? I expected... well, I expected a total mess! I always get worried about my lil' sis, Starlight. You have no idea. After our parents... you know, I... I only barely remember what they were like, and what I do know comes mainly from Granny Smith." Applejack brought her hat down to her heart. "It's all I can do to follow their example."

"Y-yeah," Starlight said, her heart suddenly twisting in knots. "I... I guess I can see that."

Applejack looked back in the mirror. "But yeah, if this is what it's like, I guess it's okay. Can I... can I keep this?"

"Of course!" Starlight said, waving as Applejack and Big Mac started hauling their carts again. "Get on outta here, you crazy kids!"

~

Once they were out of sight, Starlight teleported back to Sweet Apple Acres.

Apple Bloom ran up to her expectantly, with her other two friends beside her. Didja do it? Didja? Huh?" they all asked.

Starlight beamed. "Sure did! You're in the clear to have all the fun you want, all by yourselves!"

Five minutes later, after the CMCs were done whooping and cheering, Apple Bloom asked, "How'd you do it? How'd you convince her to keep trusting me?"

"Oh, just one of my side spell projects," Starlight said with a humble chuckle. "The Desire Mirror shows whoever looks into it exactly what they want to see. Involves some mild mind manipulation, light hypnosis—"

Apple Bloom's eyebrows shot up. "You messed with my sister's mind?"

"Look, do you want to stay home alone or not? Because she's not going to stop with this until she gets it out of her system. Just look at this as a form of... therapy. Yeah, that's it. Totally harmless, I promise. Plus, in Applejack's case..." Starlight thought back to Applejack's speech, and sobered. "...probably more of a mercy than anything."

Apple Bloom stared at Starlight, quietly, for a long time, before finally saying, "I'm gonna go play with my friends now. Before I find out somethin' I don't wanna."

"That's a perfect plan! You do that. Oh, and, uh, here's a stepstool for the fridge," she said, materializing one into existence.

Apple Bloom stared at it blankly. "What for the what now?"

"Just trust me on this one," Starlight said, before vanishing without a trace.

83. Maud Pie

“I can't wait for you all to meet her,” whinnied the pinkest, most party-friendly and bat-screech crazy pony ever to walk the face of Equestria. “I just know that my best Ponyville friends and my best sister friend are gonna become bestest friends! We can make bestest-est friend rock candy necklaces together!”

Pinkie, bespectacled with a pair of safety goggles and garnished with a tall toque blanche, squealed and cantered on the spot with glee.

“She expresses herself through fashion just like Rarity,” she explained, roping the beautiful mare in for a squeezing hug (no pony noticed the jealous snort from Applejack except Gummy, and he told nopony), “and she's really smart and loves reading just like Twilight!” In came Twilight to make this squeeze a threesome, “And she's honest,” Applejack went far too willingly into the quadruple hug, “and loves forest things,” Fluttershy flailed, but an escape artist, she was not, “and is good at games,” Rainbow’s attempt to dash was unsuccessful, due to the long tail she refused to trim, “and... Well, oh, she's awesome!”

The cuddled orgy groaned as Pinkie’s impossibly physical-stretch-defying legs clung to them. Rarity, noticing Applejack’s dark stares at how close her pretty little mouth was to Pinkie’s, piped up, ”she sounds amazing, darling, but won't she start worrying if you aren't at the train station when she gets here?”

“She sure will,” the main touchy-feelie pony said agreeably. It took a very long second for the realisation to kick in, but then she gasped in terror when it did. “I gotta get out of here!” With the strength of thirty Mr. Smiths, she threw the other five friends out of her grasp and across the room, before summoning the speed of the One within her and zipping out of the room fast enough to make the Matrix glitch.

“Coulda just said, ‘gotta go, see y’all later,’ instead of tossin’ us like some rag dolls,” grumped AJ, dusting herself off.

“This is Pinkie Pie, she doesn’t do ‘conventional’,” added Rainbow Dash.

“That’s a big word for you, Dashie,” chuckled Starlight, perched atop the mountain of rock candy.

“I heard some ponies say it one time and I always wanted to sound more like an egghe- HEY! When did you get here!”

“Long enough ago to give you all a few game plans!” she offered helpfully, then glanced to Rarity and Applejack, “no, game plans, not… nevermind. Maud Pie! You’re about to meet her and Pinkie’s all stoked about this because she thinks you’re going to hit it off. Spoiler alert - she’s a rock-loving goth-in-denial and its kind of odd but she makes it work.” Starlight took a candy and chomped on it as she checked they were all following her so far. Her eye twitched at the crack in her mouth and she quickly checked her tooth was unharmed.

“Phew. Anyway, you don’t share that much in common and you each emote far more than she has the capable range of but you all have one common love. I’ve still got time, so I’m going to let you guess. Twilight?”

“Um, Books?” offered the Princess. Starlight frowned.

“You’re supposed to be the smart one! Rainbow?”

“Pinkie said games so I guess-” Dash shrugged, and received a blown raspberry from Glimmer.

“No! Applejack, please tell me you figured this out…”

“Honesty! Th’ girl loves an honest mare!” Applejack beamed with pride.

“NO! Come on guys, I’m not mad but I’m severely disappointed,” Starlight tapped an impatient hoof, “PINKIE PIE. You all love Pinkie, that’s the common ground.”

“Pinkie Pie,” parroted Rarity quickly, “I was going to say Pinkie Pie, darling, you just didn’t get around to me.” Yet, her eyes darted more than a lying Applejack’s would. It must have been a habit she picked up from spending so much time with the cowmare…

“If you all work with Maud to make Pinkie happy, this whole thing is going to go like a dream,” Glimmer prepared for her exit and sauntered backwards towards the appearing temporary hole in the fabric of space and time, “and don’t question Boulder. We all need to get our ‘rocks’ off now and again. Get it? Rocks?” The giggles followed her all the way into the wormhole, before it faded with an echo as the doorway closed. The group looked amongst each other and Twilight frowned.

“She’s right. We ARE getting lazy… I’m going to go read a ton of books before Maud Pie gets here…”

84. For Whom the Sweetie Belle Toils

Starlight let out a sigh as the swirling lights of the space time continuum continued to circle her. “Now, which lesson is next?” The light purple mare, hoofed through the large journal at a rapid rate, her eyes scanning the pages that could put Twilight to shame. “Aha! There you are! Right… Blah blah, Sweetie Belle being an ungrateful little… Alright. No matter, this won’t take long.” With a trademarked grin, the unicorn mare sailed into an open hole and back to another time.

And tumbled right out of Rarity’s closet. Groaning in pain as a large black object bounced off her head, and into the room. The older unicorn sitting in the lone chair, promptly let out a squeal of surprise. Before passing out dramatically, onto a couch she just so happened to pull out before she even closed her eyes. Why did I pick this place? Whatever. Shaking her head clear, the slightly woozy pony got to her hooves. After a quick dust off, she noticed the filly poking the object that had fallen onto her head.

“What is this?”

Eyes wide and her muzzle scrunched, Starlight picked it up and quickly threw it out the nearest window. “Nothing! Don’t worry about it. Shut up. Anyways, I’ve come for you Sweetie Belle.” With a grand sweep of her hoof into the air, and no fanfare to follow, Starlight cleared her throat. “Tough crowd, right, anyways. You need to leave your sister alone. She’s busy, very busy and you should have told her weeks ago.” Taking the three “dresses” off the rack where they hung, Starlight struggled to keep her lunch down as her eyes took in the optical abomination that were these….. Things.

“Don’t quit your day job.” A quick fire spell, and the rags burned to ash before Sweetie Belle’s eyes. The little filly let out a loud gasp before screeching loud enough to shatter Rarity’s mirror. Covering her ears in vain to protect them from the girls scream, Starlight shoved her hoof into the white pony’s mouth. “Would you just listen for a second?! Sweet Celestia kid…”

Sweetie Belle spat out the foul tasting hoof that tasted like dirt. “You just ruined my costumes! How could you?!” Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes.

The older mare frowns. “Trust me, I’m doing you a favour. Now, go get your friends, get more fabric, and try again. This time, under the careful guidance of your sister.” Her magic gathered a few rolls of fabric, some thread and a measuring tape and thrusting it into the forearms of the filly.

“B-but...”

“No buts! Or so help me Faust, you’ll end up like Scootaloo.” Starlight pointed from her eyes, to the fillies before a bright flash of light filled the room and she was gone.

85. Leap of Faith

The good ol’ Element of Honesty was baffled by her recent discovery.

The Flim-Flam brothers were back in Ponyville; not only selling a shady tonic but putting on such a believable performance with Silver Shill, their “healed cripple”, that it had convinced Granny Smith the green algae in a bottle could cure her of entirely everything. Of course, it had all been a ruse; the pony they mended was a mere performer on their payroll who repeated the ‘miracle’ night and day to every new audience.

Unfortunately, the fact remained that Granny was a happier pony with the fake tonic, and the Flim-Flams were enjoying convincing Applejack she was in the wrong for questioning her grand matriarch’s joy.

“Do you really want to be the pony who takes all that happiness away?” Flam finished.

“Of course you don’t!” cried a voice that was all too familiar to Applejack, “but I do!”

“Trixie?”

“Snugaboo?” whimpered Flam

“Aye! The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned with her great and time-trotting friend to get her revenge!” The pale blue sorceress stepped out of the shadows with a levitating table and four bottles of the magical elixir the Flim-Flam Bros & co were peddling, A second pony hurtled out of the dark from beside her towards Applejack.

“Who in tarnation? Twilight? That you?” yelped the cowmare. Trixie paused, blinking over at her comrade.

“Why does Applejack not recognise you by now, Starlight?”

“Time stuff,” explained Starlight hastily, waving her hoof regardlessly, “according to Twilight’s books, it’s not a straight line, it’s more like a messy scribble. Sometimes they recognise me, sometimes they don’t. It’s complicated and I’m really wasting the-” she stopped as she looked at her watch. It was already well over thirty seconds. She gave a long sigh.

“I’ll come back and redo this entry another day, but for now…” she ignited her horn, creating a steaming hot pizza box for Applejack, giving a smile, “let’s just enjoy the Great and Powerful Trixie show.”

“I- uh... “ the eldest farm girl looked on at the discomfort on the Flim-Flam faces and smirked, opening the box, “whatever you say, future Twilight. Love the mane, Sugarcube.” She stuffed a pizza slice in her muzzle and munched as Starlight corrected her. Trixie slammed the table down before the boys, prowling around it like a tigeress enticing her meal to make things interesting.

“You broke Trixie’s heart, Flam Scam, and you are a no good peeping tom, Flim Skim.” She arranged all four bottles on the table and spun them enchantedly until each pony had a bottle, with one spare. “The game is simple! Yakyakistan Roulette! Three of these bottles are your phony-shoomony tonic, but one has an added ingredient that will give you a lot more ‘get up and go’ than Granny Smith!”

“Ridiculous!” snapped Flim, “We simply won’t play!”

“Snugaboo?” gurgled Flam pitifully.

“Ah, but if you don’t, then the Loud and Shameless Trixie will confess all! For instance, Applejack, did you know Flam has a particular interest in dressing up in diapers and-”

“Dangit, I don’t wanna know!” wailed the mare, trying to cover her ears with pizza.

“Alright! Alright, we’ll play,” growled Flim as Trixie snatched Silver Shill and positioned the shaking stallion at the last bottle, “but before we do, we want your word that if we win, this menacing stops here, Trixie!”

“Done, and done,” nodded Trixie, and grabbed her bottle. The others copied, and as they did, Silver yelped.

“Wait! Before I do this, I have to speak the truth.” He spun to the pizza-laden mare. As he did so, Flim swiftly exchanged Flam’s bottle for Trixie’s and sneered.

“Seeing this crazy unicorn dare to admit to dating somepony with such odd fetishes,” gestured Silver, “well, that made me realise I’ve been misleading ponies into believing something that just wasn’t true. I should never have taken this bit from my first sale as a dishonest pony.” He took out a gold coin and put it on the table with a sigh, before returning to the game. As he turned, the light of the incandescent lights reflected through Silver’s bottle and into Applejack’s eyes, momentarily blinding her. As her sight returned, a odd rainbow shone over her pupils.

“You’re right… I’m gonna tell everypony!” Applejack started for the door, only to be stopped by the magician mare firing a bolt of fireworks into the air.

“LESS-TALKING-MORE-DRINKING!” she roared, then tossed back her drank with gusto. The stallions looked around and drank too. Four empty clanks announced fate had entered the game. A few tense seconds passed.

Flim applauded, “Too bad, Trixie, looks like you-” Gurgle. he looked to his stomach in shock, then yelped in horror as it growled ferociously.

“But… I…” he never finished his sentence, forced instead to run for relief. A second guttural rumble reverberated between them.

“Snugaboo!” howled Flam, before he too was running to the nearest lavatory.

“W-Well, I guess that leaves us two... “ Silver Shill collected his coin, looked to it nervously then held it out to Applejack.

“I want you to-” grrrrrowl went his guts, “Oh, sweet Celestia, have mercy!” Off he galloped, leaving the bit in the orange pony’s confused hoof.

“EVERY BOTTLE HAD A LAXATIVE! THAT WILL TEACH YOU, FLIM FLAM BROTHERS!” laughed Trixie manically. Starlight blinked uncomfortably at her.

“Even yours?” she asked.

“EVEN MINE! Luckily, my wonderful friend surely knows a spell to stop the effects of a…” She faltered when Glimmer shook her head. “No? Oh dear...” burble!

“I need to get her home, fast,” Starlight patted Applejack’s shoulder, “You got this, right? Good. Bye, for now!” She spun and latched onto Trixie hastily. In a flash, the pair were gone, leaving only an odd and unpleasant aroma.

“Wus that you?” enquired Applebloom as she stepped into the tent. “Oh! Pizza!”

Applejack passed the box across to her sister, and vowed to herself to never talk about this night ever again. Even if she had to lie.

86. Testing Testing 1, 2, 3

Rainbow Dash looks at Twilight, who is nattering on at the chalk board and the words she’s speaking seem to go in one of the mare’s ears, and right out the other. This isn’t fun, this isn’t flying. This is BORING!!!! She rocks the stool back and forth. That gets a grin, just right. She starts rocking back and forth rhythmically, tapping out the beat in her head. Twilight, as usual, is oblivious to developments around her as she is continuing with her boring lecture. But Rainbow Dash has found something so much better. Apparently other residents of Twilight’s tree find Rainbow’s antics as entertaining as she does. Owloicious comes over and starts a soft hoot in time with the creaks of the stool. And even Spike gets into the groove with a little drum.

Twilight has brought more chalk together, “Headed by General Firefly, an elite team of aerial performers were chosen to help celebrate this auspicious occasion. The first performance was so full of energy, so highly charged, that magical lightning showered down on the crowd. Everypony was so filled with amazement and wonder that General Firefly dubbed them” She whirls around her magic forming the symbol of the iconic flying team as she shouts, "the Wonderbolts!” She finally focuses on the world around her and her jaw drops. A pink mare is standing there, a smirk on her face. Spike and Owloicious beat a hasty retreat as Twilight takes a couple of steps forwards.

“What? Who? Starlight? Why are you here?”

Starlight holds up a hoof then whirls around to face Rainbow Dash, who has finally stopped playing on the stool. Her horn charges and she blasts the rainbow maned pegasus with magic. That task done she turns back to Twilight.

“EUP stands for Earth, Unicorn, and Pegasi” Rainbow mumbles.

Starlight grins, “That little memory retention spell will allow her to pass the test.” She glances back at Rainbow, who is still mumbling Wonderbolts facts. “Though it’s not exactly legal. Won’t tell anypony, will you?”

Twilight’s jaw is hanging low, Starlight takes a step and closes it with a snap. Twilight puts a hoof up to comfort her jaw. Then she glares at Starlight, “She needs to actually learn the information, not have it blasted into her brain!!!”

“The premier Wonderbolts choreographer is Commander Easyglider” Rainbow grumbles, her eyes half lidded.

Starlight shrugs, “As I said, it’s temporary, but I’m here for more than her passing her exam. I’m here to tell you something. Rainbow is a passive learner. And that is greatest while flying, she notices everything around her and passively absorbs it. So, if you want to help her really learn, with information you want her to retain long term, present the information as she flies and she will retain it far better than Pinkie raps, or your flash cards.” She brings a hoof to her chin. “Though I did like Pinkie’s rap. It was very 90’s”

“Huh? What? What 90’s?”

Starlight giggles. “Don’t worry, just have Rainbow take her test, she’ll pass. And you know how to help your friend in the future. Ta Ta!” With a bright flash, Starlight disappears.

“There were seven original Wonderbolts.” Rainbow murmurs, “And Princess Celestia’s favorite flight pattern is the Icaranian Sun Salutation.”

Twilight huffs as she leaves the dazed pegasus to finish absorbing the spell that Starlight had blasted her with.

Trade Ya

And such it was that with a flash of light and a mighty report, Starlight materialized in front of the Mane 6 (and Spike) outside the Rainbow Falls Trader Exchange. Before any of the aforementioned mares (or dragon) could express their shock at her sudden appreance, though, Starlight moved on to the next stage of her schtick, which had long ago become well rehearsed.

"You two," she began with a gesture to Applejack and Rarity, "will spend the entire exchange bickering over a broach and a pie tin, but will ultimately leave empty-hooved. You," she continued, this time gesturing to Rainbow Dash, "will be given the run-around, and will ultimately trade Fluttershy away for the book you seek. As a result, you," she gestured to Twilight, "will have to declare the trade unfair, and will give Rainbow your old copy of the book she seeks. In all, the only being here to leave with an uninterrupted trade that totally doesn't go awry in any way whatsoever (that you'll know of) will be Spike... speaking of which, I'll see you again eventually. By the way, sorry for evil stuff I might be causing soon!"

Finally done with her rapid fire monologue, Starlight drew in a deep breath. Satisfied with her timely delivery and amused by the confused expressions the past versions of her friends wore that totally NEVER got old, she lit her horn and cast the time travel spell once more, disappearing with the very same flash of light and thunderous report as when she had arrived.

Pinkie Pie was the first to comment, expressing a sentiment that all present could relate to:
"Huh- What?! How?! WHY?! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!"

88. Inspiration Manifestation

“This is awful! Simply awful!” wailed the puppeteer, flailing at the finished design of a miniature theatre Rarity had painstakingly crafted on commission.

The dressmaker, who’d briefly taken time out of her busy schedule to do the extra opportunity assigned to her, gasped in horror at the remark. After long hours, time spent away from her friends and other creations in order to make a brand new stage for the puppet show, Rarity had not expected such a brutal and heartless response. She questioned it, and allowed her client to open up on his criticisms.

“It’s completely unusable,” as he inspected closer, he found that the wheels did not touch the ground, making the thing impossible to travel on it’s own steam. It had two vases of flowers upon the stage area, which could easily have been moved to allow for puppets to act on it if the stallion was not blinded by his dislike for the item. In short, the pompous oaf did not see the potential in the small arena Rarity had created for him. “It appears I won't have a traveling puppet theater to use after all!”

He only saw the spinning ring of wisping orchid that smelled strongly of palma violets when he turned around, just in time for it to birth Starlight Glimmer into the fray.

“That is a real shame, because it looks like you could use the exercise,” she offered pithily, then lassoed Spike and Rarity to her sides before one could escape to wail sad songs and gobble ice cream, whilst the other would go touching books that even smelled of evil (it’s a sort of sulphuric smell, mixed with that nasty flowery scent you get from really bad air fresheners).

“Friendship lesson!” Cried Glimmer as the portly stallion still spluttered and choked on the insult Starlight had laid on him, “Spike, do you like this guy’s puppets?”

“Um… I… I don’t wanna say,” murmured the dragon awkwardly, looking at the fat face growing more purple by the second.

“Oh, Pish, don’t be such a Fluttershy!” giggled the time traveller, “he was just rude to the object of your secret desires, lay it on him thick, Spikey Wickey!” Rarity did not bat an eyelid, and the fellow unicorn mare noticed it. Huh, thought Starlight, maybe not that secret after all. I’ll remember that...

“Your puppets are ugly!” Spike threw his hands over his mouth, looking shocked at what he’d just said. But then, like that time Celestia sent one thousand scrolls through his belching postal system just to be a troll, the rest of the words came flooding out. “They look like Frankenpony’s foals and they should be banned from being one-hundred miles near a school! They need fire, and lots of it!”

Starlight was about to congratulate him, but Spike was on a roll now, and the mare simply blinked as he continued, “you look like the foal-catcher from ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Cart,’ and you sound like a bug flew down your throat and now speaks for you! And-” It was Rarity who silenced him first.

“That’s very sweet of you, darling, I think I can take it from here.” She cleared her throat and stared out the startled stallion. “Politeness is a virtue you appear to be lacking. Thankfully, my dear dragon friend showed me that I do not lack the same grace. Here is my response to your critique, good sir; I shall refund you for all but my time, and be done with you.” She retrieved her saddle bag, replaced most of the money into his hoof, and closed his mouth with a shine of her horn before he could complain further.

“Thank you for your interest, but I, sir, am a dressmaker. May your life be as pleasant as you are. Good day!” And with a one-eighty turn, she flicked her pristine tail across his muzzle and started to trot away, calling Spike to follow her.

The young drake looked at the big, unfriendly puppeteer struggling with the gag on his mouth, then up at Starlight who was grinning delightedly.

“Good job, Spike. Momma’s so proud!” She gave him a gentle pat on the head, rose up her magical exit to her next destination, and winked playfully. “Remember, honesty is the best policy!” Just like that, she was gone.

Spike pondered the turn of events for a moment, and then quickly crossed his arms as he looked to puppet master Claude one last time. “B.O. problem too, seriously, have some pride in yourself, stallion!” With that, Spike raced after Rarity, leaving Claude to reconsider his lifetime decisions up to this point…

89. The Equestria Games

“Mister the Dragon! Would you light the torch already?”

Starlight galloped full-speed towards the, well, harsh pony’s voice, saddlebags clanking and bouncing against her barrel as the unicorn ran.

“I don’t what it is, but, I—I just don’t have the stuff today!”

Oh, Spike. The baby dragon’s panicked words, though faint from this far down the corridor, were like a cattleprod to Starlight’s horn. Damn it all to Tartarus! In a flash of turquoise magic, she teleported the last hundred or so paces, reappearing a split-second later in a bubble of magic at the base of the Equestria Games torch.

“Good heavens—!” The harsh-voiced tan pony (Harshwhinny was it?) spooked and fell over backwards at the sudden appearance of a frantic unicorn. Starlight tossed her purple mane, snorting once to get her heaving breaths under control.

“Oh, thank Celestia!” Spike cried from above. Starlight frowned, peering up at the dragon as he grabbed the ladder rungs and slid quickly to the bottom. The contents of her saddlebags, already hovering midair in a turquoise telekinetic halo, paused as the unicorn stared Spike down, utterly confused.

“That is… not the usual reaction,” she admitted.

Spike just shook his head, staring up at Starlight with plaintive green eyes. “Don’t care. Hit me with it.”

Starlight squinted down at her friend. “Are you… relieved? Because you sure do sound relieved.”

Harshwhinny regained her hooves quickly, but in vain. She barely managed to scowl and open her mouth to unleash what would no doubt be a burning diatribe when a streak of magic shot out and hit her smack in the forehead. The pony keeled over again, snoring this time, though Starlight didn’t even bother to spare her a glance away from Spike and oh my god were those puppy dog eyes?!

“Well, I mean. You kinda, y’know, show up? When there’s a problem.” The dragon raised one clawed hand and waved it to encapsulate the pony-filled stadium. “And I am having a problem, so whatever your magical solution is, I’ll take it.”

Several moments of perturbed blinking later, the beeper on one of Starlight’s watches reminded her that, out of the norm or not, she didn’t have any time to care. The flurry of magical activity resumed as the unicorn tilted a generous pour of Emberglow’s FIrewhiskey into a shaker; a more delicate tendril of magic unscrewed a small glass jar and dropped a single Dragon Sneeze Tree bloom into the mix.

“Alright, Spikey, I’d like to introduce you to the time-honored, long-held, and prestigious tradition that performing ponies the world ‘round swear by,” Starlight informed him solemnly. The metal drink shaker shook vigorously in her magic for a moment longer, before pouring it into a small glass tumbler. After half a moment, she added two small red rubies and held it out to spike.

“What… what’s the tradition?” Spike took the glass despite the waver in his voice.

Starlight grinned. “Taking a shot.”

Spike gulped. “And this’ll solve my problem?”

The unicorn nodded. “Oh yes. Though, er, it may be a little… stronger than I originally intended. Not supposed to teleport with dragon sneeze tree blooms, apparently. Delicate magical ingredient and all that.” She waved a pale purple hoof. “Eh, it’ll probably be fine. Drink up! We’re on a schedule.” Starlight tapped her watch.

Spike stared down the drink in his claw like it was a grenade, but ultimately, he shrugged and downed the shot, belching a small green cloud after. Starlight was quick to teleport him back to the top of the ladder.

“Remember, at the torch and don’t drink and fly!”

“But I don’t have wings!” Before spike could give another complaint, he turned back to the torch , cheeks puffed up and ready to burst. “Holy—fwaugh!” The torch lit as spike let loose a humongous green fireball that engulfed the torch entirely. A collective gasp took the crowd, but quickly morphed into raucous cheering and applause. Spike stared around the stadium in awe, waving and only wobbling slightly at the top of the ladder. The entire stadium cheered louder, under the green light of the torch.

Annnd check. Somehow the crackling pop of displaced air as Starlight Glimmer’s time spell took hold somehow managed to sound more smug than usual as it swept her away.

90 & 91. Twilight's Kingdom

The dark lord, Tirek skulked about the alleys of Canterlot. He was still weak from his escape from Tartarus. But he had strength enough at last to drain the magic from ponies. Shrouded in a cloak, he stalked his first victim.

The pony nearly walked right into him.

"Very sorry. You came out of nowhere," the pony apologized.

"Is he friend, or is he foe, the pony wonders," Tirek said out loud to the pony. "I can assure you. I am no 'friend'. I am Lord Tirek. And I will take what should have been mine long ago." Tirek opened his mouth to consume the pony's magic, but all he got from the pony was the sudden blow to the head from a loose road brick.

Before he knew what was happening, the unicorn bound his arms and legs and had him fitted with a ball-gag, preventing him from consuming magic. In a flash they both teleported into Twilight Sparkle's library. Twilight Sparkle and Spike were away, visiting the Crystal Empire to 'smile and wave'. Owlicious, being nocturnal, was out flying for the night. The library was empty, silent and pitch dark on the moonless night. Tirek couldn't see, but he could tell that he was tied to a chair. The room had the faint smell of pepperoni.

"Is she friend, or is she foe, the centaur wonders," the mare's voice said from the darkness. "I can assure you. I am no 'friend'. I am Starlight Glimmer. And I will take what should have been mine long ago!" The mare plucked the triangular amulet from around Tirek's neck and added it to her bag of other inanimate objects that she had collected, including the rainbow thread, Rainbow's Wonderbolts pin, a rubber chicken, a flower, and a single, crisp, bit.

The glass case in the library still had the Elements of Harmony, since she had prevented the plunderseeds from affecting the Tree of Harmony. She opened the case and put them into her other saddle bag. Tirek mumbled in confusion against the ball-gag in his mouth.

"Oh, don't ask. You don't even want to know where it's been." Starlight said. "Anyway, I'd love to stay and chat, but l really don't want to live in Golden Oaks Library in a couple years. But don't worry. I will fix everything in thirty seconds or less..." Starlight lit a match, igniting a cigarette in her mouth. By the dim light of the hot cherry, Tirek could see that all of the books in the library had been replaced with bundles of dynamite. On the floor, in an open box at his hooves laid a fresh pizza. Tirek struggled against his bindings in abject terror. She leaned in, uncomfortably close to his face, "... o͇̟̮r͙͚̦̤͈̮ ̻̺͎t͔̙͈͓̝͚hḙ̜̩̹ ̮͇̼̻̳̞̞p͕̬̞̰i͚̰̱̬̞͙z̹̻̱z̳a̞̼͎̳'̞̤s̮̟̳ ̲̣̻͉͔f͖̮̜̫̯̮̮r̭̟͇̼͉̥̲e͍͇͍̳̩͕e̤͖̤̣͍̬."

Starlight flicked the cigarette into his lap. The dynamite fuse that was wrapped around him ignited and he could do nothing but watch it burn down as the mare trotted out the door. Starlight left and never looked back. After all... she had a tree that needed elements fed to it, a box to unlock, and a brand new castle to house-sit until a certain princess came back from 'smiling and waving.'

And cool mares don't look at the explosion.

Author's Note

66 & 67. Shakespearicles
68. Duskhoof (feat. Georg)
69. Flashgen
70. Super Trampoline
71. CoffeeMinion
72. Duskhoof
73. CoffeeMinion
74. Southpaw
75. PresentPerfect
76. Lesolan
77. gaitiem
78. Synesisbassist
79. Psy Key
80. Wanderer D
81. Duskhoof
82. Bookish Delight
83. Duskhoof
84. Synesisbassist
85. Duskhoof
86. Sparky Brony
87. Mystic Thunder
88. Duskhoof
89. Novelle Tale
90 & 91. Shakespearicles

Season 5

92 & 93. The Cutie Map

Starlight Glimmer turned the page of the Friendship Journal and sighed. She had put this off for as long as she could. She put the book into her bag, donned her cloak, and stepped through the portal.

In a flash of purple light, Starlight appeared next to Twilight Sparkle and her friends.

"You again!?" Twilight asked indignantly. She looked at the rest of her friends. "Is it not enough that we have a magic Cutie Map already telling us where to go?" Starlight frowned and said nothing. "Fine! Who is it that you are going to fix everything for this time?"

"Myself," Starlight said in shame, following them into her old village. She pulled the hood over her head.

As the villagers with equal signs for cutie marks began to great them with stilted welcomes, she pulled the brim of her hood lower. By the time they reached the house at the far end of the town, the entire village had gathered around them.

Starlight Glimmer stepped out of her house. That is, her former self did. Twilight did a double take and looked back at their Starlight. Hooded Starlight just shook her head in response. Her face was completely hidden.

"What brings you to our village?" Cult-Leader Starlight asked. The hooded Starlight responded only by pulling a gun out from under her cloak. She leveled the barrel at her former self.

"I'm sorry it had to be like this," she said to herself.

Starlight pulled the trigger.

The gun fired.

Her aim was true.

The shot landed.

Everypony gasped.

The shot from the Super Soaker washed away the makeup on their leader's flank, revealing her true cutie mark.

"You made us give up our cutie marks but you didn't give up your own!?" one of the villagers asked.

Surrounded by the enclosing angry mob, (including the visiting alicorn still possessing her cutie mark and her magical abilities), former Starlight sent out a panicked blast of magic, sending everypony staggering back before she ran to escape into the maze of tunnels in the mountainside.

"Come on! Let's get our cutie marks back!" The rest of the villagers ran in the opposite direction to a different cave, smashing their marks' prison.

Twilight turned to thank Starlight for her help but, as usual, she had already vanished.

94. Castle Sweet Castle

As soon as the door closed behind Twilight, the ponies turned back toward their pancake breakfast, only to hear both doors reopening and see Starlight Glimmer walking backwards using her hoof to guide someone.

“OK, colts, bring it in!” she said, holding a measuring tape in her magic spread across the doorway. “You’re gonna wanna hang that chandelier in this room and then we’ll move on.”

Two of the burly stallions from the Ponyville Moving Company carried what appeared to be a monstrosity of wood. Twilight’s friends stared, and it was Rarity who first recovered. “Is that—“

“The roots of the Golden Oak, yes. It’ll make a fine chandelier for the throne room. You’d be amazed at how hardy tree roots are, even around dynamite.”

“Dynamite?” asked Fluttershy.

One memory erasure spell later, Starlight continued. “As for the rest of the castle, I’ve hired Daddy Grandeur, the best local interior designer, to put together a plan, Mr. Davenport of Quills and Sofas to furnish the place, and the movers here to do the heavy lifting. Always employ the expert.”

Pinkie Pie said, “But that means—“

“Don’t worry, I’m paying for it all. It might not shock you to know that as a time traveler and mage, I have more money than anypony else, including myself. Not that everypony wasn’t eager to give discounts just for the chance to have their name associated with Equestria’s newest castle.”

“I was going to say—“

“Honestly, girls, this one was a softball. You should have figured it out on your own. I had a good seventeen seconds left over so—”

There weren’t many ponies who could compete with Starlight in any capacity, but Pinkie Pie would not be stopped from getting a word in edgewise. “But now there’s nothing for us to do!”

“Au contraire, as the Prench say,” Starlight said, reaching into her saddlebag and passing out scrolls to the others. “Since I had all that time remaining, I wrote you a song.”

They looked at the sheet music and saw the title “Make This Castle a Home” printed on the top, with “Let Starlight Glimmer” hastily penciled in before it. “Are you serious?” asked Applejack.

Starlight ignored her. “OK, this is an allegro moderato in E-flat major, note the Da Capo and the Coda, and, um, try to keep up.”

[Rainbow Dash]: Let’s not complicate this And maybe use our brain.

[Rarity]: If we try some logic We can be (or at least) we’ll appear,

Like we’re not insane!

[Applejack]: Food and cannons and animals Would make the smell intense.

[Fluttershy]: So we’ll pay the professionals Who have experience.

And we’ll listen to Starlight because Her plan makes more sense!

[Pinkie Pie]: We’ll need lots of bookshelves and guest rooms Because we’ve known Twilight for several years.

[Rainbow Dash]: I’ll do what she’d want Rather than my ego flaunt

Cause if we all did that Twilight would end up in tears.
So we’ll let Starlight do all the work While we go out for beers

[Rarity]: Miss Glimmer is always smart and wise

[Rainbow Dash]: Contradict her, only a moron tries

[Pinkie Pie]: So we’ll be sure to do what she’ll advise

[Applejack]: It’s amazing what all her money buys

[Fluttershy]: Planning this would be way beyond our size

[Rarity]: I might do it, but not you other guys

[Rainbow Dash]: And even Miss R

[Pinkie Pie]: Probably would go too far

[Rainbow Dash]: Everything can be fixed by Light Glimmer-comma-Star!

[Applejack]: Let’s not do a darn thing

[Fluttershy]: ‘Cept giving Starlight thanks!

[Rarity]: Princess Twilight Sparkle

Can reside here inside undenied Atop all the ranks
While we five take a dive And sit on our flanks
Til Starlight, next fortnight Returns to fix Tank’s….

“Wait, what?” asked Rainbow Dash, but Starlight had already vanished.

95. Bloom and Gloom

Starlight rubbed her chin as she passed through the wibbly wobbly, timey wimey... Stuff... That was her time travel portal spell. She hoped the landing would go smoothly, so many hadn't, would she end up in somepony's closet next? She hoped not. “Let's see... That song ran a bit longer than expected, I bet I can pick up the pace on this next one if I arrive perfectly.”

A cup of tea levitated up to her mouth, and she took a sip, relaxing in a big, plush red chair while looking over the friendship journal. “Ah ha! Crusader's club house, that should catch it early!” Smugness began to show in her smirk, this next one would be a breeze. Suddenly, the chair and tea disappeared, leaving her back floating in the time travel vortex, where she proceeded to flail her limbs and scream. Time travel was really screwy.

“She can't be a Cutie Mark Crusader if she's already got her cutie mark.” Scootaloo pointed out to the other Crusaders, the letter from Babs Seed having revealed her recent acquisition of a cutie mark.

Applebloom left the small podium at the back of the clubhouse and trotted towards Scootaloo, contemplating. “Oh wow. I guess yer right.” When she sat, a downtrodden look accompanied it, wondering how the only other branch of the CMCs would continue on. Luckily she had her friends, and Sweetie Belle immediately spoke up, brushing aside the thoughts as she listened.

Just outside, Starlight was listening through the wooden door ready to pounce. “I hope I timed this right…” Her horn glowed with magic, a teleportation spell ready to be cast in the blink of an eye, or negative cutie mark ideas.

“I'm glad she's happy, but I sure wouldn't want to be up to my flank in mane hair all day. Can you imagine getting stuck with a cu-” Sweetie Belle was cut off by a sudden flash of brilliant light, and stumbled back with a cry of surprise. The other two crusaders had similar reactions, and when they looked up, a familiar and irritating pony stood before them.

“OH COME ON!” Sweetie Belle cried out, annoyance more than obvious from her tone.

“Now what?!” Scootaloo stomped a hoof, glaring at the pink unicorn. “Can you just stop messing with us already?!”

Starlight rolled her eyes and stuffed a slice of pizza in Sweetie's mouth. “Can it Squeaky Belle.” She turned her head to the others, smiling sweetly. “Oh you girls should thank me, I'm saving you from a ton of stress, so how about you go and try to get your cutie marks. I have another pony I need to talk to.”

There was another bright flash, this one much less surprising for the Crusaders, at least until they saw who it was.

“-stupid foal! I will destroy you, 1v1 me right n-...” Princess Luna sat in the treehouse, a headset on, and a controller hovering in her telekinetic grasp. She stared at the four other ponies, slowly hiding the gaming equipment behind her. “What am I doing here? Who has interrupted my important royal duties?!”

The Crusaders sat with their jaws wide open, unable to fully comprehend that the Lunar Princess had just appeared in their clubhouse. It didn't take any time for Starlight to comprehend it, she was a mare on a mission.

“Bad Princess! Do your job! These three fillies could've been fine if you had done your job!” Starlight was spraying Princess Luna with a water bottle, spritzing her like a cat.

Luna meanwhile, was flinching away, squeezing her eyes shut as she was assaulted by a fine mist. “What? What ar- stop! What is the meaning of this?! DID TIA PUT YOU UP TO THIS?”

“I STOP WHEN YOU AGREE!” Starlight answered back with a shout to meet the Princess's.

“I yield! Stop it!” The Princess of the Night begged for it to stop.

Starlight magic'd the bottle away and smiled, a job well done. “Good, well, I'll be off. Goodbye everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy.”

The meddling unicorn was sucked into a portal, disappearing seemingly without a trace, leaving three Crusaders and one Princess sitting in a treehouse.

“So uh, do ya... Do ya wanna play with us Princess?” Applebloom asked cautiously, while her two friends steamed over Starlight’s sudden appearance and equally sudden departure.

Luna just muttered something about K/D ratios and scowled at where her assaulter had been, all that was left was an empty bottle of ‘Arrogant Person Born of Parents Not Married to Each Other Ale’ on it's side and a mix tape labeled ‘Glamorus Glimmer - Crunk Countdown.’

96. Tanks For The Memories

Just before Rainbow Dash was about to make a complete tit out of herself by utterly demolishing the Weather Factory, who should appear right in front of the multi-hued Pegasus but everypony's least favourite equalist, Starlight Glimmer.

"Wait, I know you..." Rainbow snarled, as if ready for a fight. Her memory wasn't always the best, but even she could recall three weeks ago. "You're that 'orrible pony who almost made me and my buddies die of boredom in that village where everything tasted like donkey droppings! Put 'em up, put 'em up!!"

Starlight sighed in annoyance. After all, she had a million and one (well, three-and-a-bit more seasons worth anyway) of episodes to rectify, so she had not the time nor the patience for this buffoonery. "Cool your jets, flygirl! There are a multitude of ways i I could disable or disembowel you now with just a simple wave of my horn, but I'm not here to do that! Believe it or not, things aren't quite so frosty between us in the future. Right now though, I'm here to prevent everything not just being 'frosty', but downright glacial!"

"H-Huh?!" Rainbow put her fists hooves down momentarily in confusion. "B-But my plan is flawless. All I have to do is sneak inside, shut things down, and then all year long me and Tank..."

"Ah yes, your poor exhausted shellbound buddy." Starlight acknowledged the unconcerned reptile by pointed to him, as he blithely grazed at the grass at the time-travelling unicorn's feet. "Can't you see, the poor little green guy wants his shuteye? You can't defy nature by going on this cockeyed quest to prevent the seasons from changing, you know? It's not going to work! All you'll do is create a lot of damage, destruction and discord up high, for which you unbelievably won't have to face any consequences at the end of it all but that's beside the point!"

"W-What?" Rainbow was getting even more confused now, feeling that Starlight was speaking in riddles. "Come again?"

"Why would I want to 'come again'? I'm already here, silly. Besides, I have to leave again soon." Starlight had already had quite enough of chewing the fat with this winged numskull, and got straight down to business. "Do you remember when you first adopted Tank? How he saved your ass by pushing that rock out of the way? After you collided into the wall by not looking where you were going..."

"Shh, not so loud!" Rainbow frantically gestured to Starlight to be quiet, as this wasn't one of her proudest moments flight-wise. "There might be a rogue Wonderbolt on patrol, who might hear you. What you tryin' to do, scupper my chances forever?"

"Well, anyway..." Starlight said with a slight grin, knowing as she did Rainbow Crash Dash's future success at joining the daredevil clique. "Remember who finished in second place? The beautiful birdie who you almost took home, if not for your green guy's loyalty and persistence in the face of so much knuckle-headed ignorance?"

"Y-You couldn't possibly mean... Freddy The Falcon?" Rainbow almost burst into tears, as her feelings of guilt at leaving the poor carnivorous bird all alone threatened to consume her. "I-I felt so bad, telling him to do one. But when an animal comes alone and kinda saves your life, you, do sorta owe it to 'take it under your wing'..."

"Okay, okay. I think I get the point." Starlight wrinkled her nostrils slightly, both at Rainbow's unimaginative name and her weak, weak gag. "Anyway, what would you say if I told you I had 'Freddy' with me right now sitting in a cage over there, waiting for you?"

"I'd say 'shut up'!" A very skeptical Rainbow commented, raising her right eyebrow in the process.

"It's all true though!" Starlight used her magic to lift the cover off a previously unseen cage just out of the range of Rainbow's periphery vision. "He'll keep you company throughout the cold Winter months, and all future ones where Tank has to hibernate, too! All you have to do is give up this insane, hopeless scheme you're about to hatch, and he's all yours... at least temporarily! What do you have to say to that, then?"

"Shut up!" The many-coloured pegasus commented somewhat predictably, as she stared at the sharp-beaked bird of prey in amazement. "I-I mean... how on Equestria did you find him? And, he's okay with this?"

"Details, details!" Starlight had not time nor patience to explain her unfettered brilliance to mere mediocre equines. "And in answer to your second question, yes he is! Just as long as you don't go feeding him any pies, or anything..."

Rainbow was so involved in wandering over to examine the new feathered arrival, she almost missed Starlight's apparently random proviso there. "Pies?!"

"O-Oops, I've said too much. Gotta blast!" Starlight finally realized her time was up, and disappeared from view almost as quickly as she'd appeared, leaving behind two very stunned natural born flyers... and a blithely grass-chewing tortoise.

"That unicorn is weird..." Rainbow made a 'cuckoo' gesture with her hoof, at which Freddy seemed to squawk in agreement. "Still, at least she's probably saved me a trip to weather HQ. So, what say we get the two of you home, and get our new arrival here settled before Tank has his Big Sleep? So, anyway... if not pies, what do falcons eat anyway? Fruit and veg, I assume..."

At this juncture, Tank gave a suddenly sweating Freddy a cryptic glance, as if to say: You know, you still have time to change your mind now...

97. Appleloosa's Most Wanted

Starlight took a deep breath. "Okay, here goes nothing." In her magic, she started a stopwatch, then tucked it away and stepped forward. "Hello, Troubleshoes!"

"Do I know you?"

"No, but you will. What would you say if you knew there was a spell that could remove your cutie mark?"

"Really?" His ears perked up.

She nodded. "Would you like me to cast it on you?"

"Yes!" He turned his flank towards her.

She knew she wasn't really supposed to do this, but with most ponies in her village it had been unwilling. They'd had to be indoctrinated. But Troubleshoes, as she suspected he would, eagerly volunteered. So she cast the spell.

She passed him a jar. "Here. Keep it with you, and if you ever decide you want it back, you can open the jar." Now not only had he volunteered, but he could reverse it again if he chose. "Oh, and by the way, some of the ponies there think you're a criminal who deliberately sabotages rodeos. Just explain what really happened and you'll be fine."

"Wait, wha-"

She teleported away and appeared in front of the Crusaders, who were still lost, galloping through the rain and the dark. "The rodeo is that way," she informed them. "And next time, don't go into a wood where you know there's something dangerous. I thought you outgrew that back during the sleepover with Fluttershy."

"Uh..." Sweetie Belle began, but Starlight was already gone again.

She pulled out the stopwatch and checked the time. Thirty-one seconds. She sighed and teleported back to the Crusaders.

"Okay, who wants pizza?"

98. Make New Friends but Keep Discord

It was a lovely Tuesday at a quaint little cottage near the edge of the Everfree, perfect for tea. Inside sat a pink-maned pegasus and another being that is an unholy amalgamation of a pony and a bunch of other things. As far as the occupants were concerned, nothing was wrong and all was right with the world.

That was until the universe itself rend itself open, and but for a moment, one could hear the colour purple, and through that rift stepped a Unicorn with a pale, light grayish heliotrope coat and purple and green mane.

Before either occupant of the cottage could react to the newest addition to their tea time, the Unicorn's horn began to glow and Discord found himself in a light turquoise aura, unable to move.

Knowing that she likely had about forty seconds before Discord broke out of her stasis spell, Starlight turned to Fluttershy, who was wide-eyed and in shock, most likely from hearing the colour purple, Starlight figured.

"You told him about Treehugger yet?" Starlight asked. Fluttershy shook her head to convey the negative. "Great, right on 'time'," Starlight said with a slight chuckle to herself for the in-joke. "Discord, don't worry, the stasis spell will wear off soon enough, but you need to accept the fact that Fluttershy is allowed to have friends other than you, and you need to get a handle on your jealousy." Starlight continued. "Furthermore, here's a change of address form and an application for a post-office box here in Ponyville. The Equestrian Postal Union can't keep sending its mail carriers for PTSD therapy every time you get sent a letter, like the one that is currently lost in the aether trying to deliver your Gala invitation." Starlight explained, slapping two sheets of paper down on the table. "Derpy is expecting these before end of business." She said, before turning back to Fluttershy. "I know that you can't always include your other friends in all of your get-togethers, but where Discord is concerned, you should be forthcoming because, let's face it," Starlight said, getting close enough to whisper to Fluttershy. "When it comes to Friendship, he's not the brightest hammer in the toolbox."

For what it's worth, Fluttershy tried to keep a straight face at that comment, but Starlight did notice the ever so slight curl at the corner of the pink maned pony's mouth.

Looking down at her stopwatch Starlight saw that there were only about ten seconds left, and she made a choice to exceed that thirty seconds rule she set for herself and started to levitate herself in the air so that she was nose to nose with Discord, just as the stasis spell was wearing off far sooner than she had expected. She made this small exception because while she still holds a tiny, itsy-bitsy grudge against Fluttershy for undoing all her plans in Our Town, over the time that she's known her, and from fixing all her other friendship problems, she's grown kinda fond of the shy scaredy-cat, and didn't want to see her get hurt.

"Fluttershy has invited her friend Treehugger to the Gala, who she is going to introduce you to later. Fluttershy is your best friend, and you don't want to hurt her, do you?" Starlight asked in a menacing tone. Discord shook his head no. "So you will keep your jealousy in check to make sure that doesn't happen, or Faust help me, I'll go back in time and make sure those meddlesome Cutie-Mark Disrupters have an argument in front of some other statue, far away from yours, are we clear mister?"

"Crystal." Discord said.

"Excellent." Starlight said with a smile before tearing the Universe a new one, leaving a Pizza Box in her place.

"Ooo... Pineapples... my favourite!" Discord exclaimed.

99. The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone

“Alright, we’re almost to the top. Finally,” grunted Rainbow Dash with some effort. She’d never admit it, but the climb up the Hyperborean Mountains had really taken it out of her. Being weighed down by a heavy pack didn’t help, though the traditional Llamangolian hat was pretty cool. “I don’t know why I couldn’t just fly here.”

“BECAUSE!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, “Twilight’s guidebook says that ‘coming around the final pass after a long climb and finally revealing the city in all its splendor is one of the great wonders of Griffonstone’!”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I don’t care about her book. Let’s just get in, solve this friendship problem, and get home.”

“Aww. Twilight should have come along. Then she could have seen firsthoof that Griffonstone is-” Both ponies stopped and gaped. After a moment of slack-jawed silence, Pinkie finished, “...expecting us?”

Sure enough, across the city’s front gate hung a banner that read “Welcome Elements of Harmony!” Just inside the city, a wide variety of griffons and ponies mingled, sampling baked goods from a snack table.

As the pair entered the city, they couldn’t help but look around, awestruck. Griffonstone wasn’t as magnificent as Twilight had led them to believe. It had more of a recovering boomtown vibe, like a city that had fallen to ruin and was now being rebuilt. Indeed, many buildings were still in various stages of construction, and a sideroad was only half paved. But most baffling was the presence of dozens of ponies.

Dash looked to her friend. “What gives? I thought Twilight said nopony had been here in centuries.”

“I know!” Pinkie gasped. “I love surprise parties, but usually I’M the surprise, not the surprisee.

“SURPRISE DWEEBS!” came a sudden screech from behind them. Rainbow lept a full dozen ponylengths in the air before landing in a battle stance. Before her stood the one griffon she’d been hoping to avoid: Gilda.

“Heyyy, Dash! Good to see ya! Still got those cat-like reflexes I see. You ponies are right on time.”

“Gilda,” Rainbow growled. “What’s going on here?”

The Griffon smirked. “Uhh, what’s it look like? Your welcome party.

“How’d you even know we were going to be here?” Dash demanded.

Gilda squinted at the pegasus. “Uhh ‘cause they told me. I’m, like, an ambassador now.”

“WHO told you!? Who are all these ponies!?”

“The diplomatic team,” Gilda answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You know. The Foreign Aid Ponies? The Eff Ay Pee?”

Pinkie cocked her head. “The Fap?”

Gilda grinned. “Yeah! These FAP’ers came, like, six months ago. Said they were here for a goodwill mission on behalf of the Princess of Friendship. They’ve been helping us rebuild.”

Dash and Pinkie looked at each other. “Princess of Friendship? But Twilight-”

Gilda shook her head. “Oh right. I was supposed to tell them when you-” She interrupted herself, turned, and waved across the square. “Hey, Cracked Corn! They’re here!”

An elderly stallion, coat faded almost complete white looked up from the conversation he was having with a green-plumaged griffon hen wearing a scarf.

He made his way to the group and Gilda nodded at him. “This geezer is Cracked Corn. He’s in charge of the FAP.”

The stallion bowed his head to Rainbow and Pinkie. “Oh, only informally. ‘Cracked Corn’ is a nickname these feisty cats came up with. But please, just call me Corn Cart. It’s an honor to meet the Elements of Harmony.

Pinkie’s eyes rolled upwards and then ticked back and forth as if she were reading something, then looked back to Corn Cart. “Wait… if I remember Granny Pie’s history lessons, weren’t you the 39th governor of Savaneigh?”

Corn nodded and scratched the back of his head. “Yep. And a peanut farmer before that.”

“Wait, if you’re a peanut farmer, why is your name ‘Corn’?” Dash muttered.

“But now I just represent Estates for Equinity,” Corn continued. “We’re a charity that builds homes for those in need in impoverished third world nations.

Gilda’s eyes narrowed, “Did he just call us a- Nevermind. Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about how I treated you in Ponyville. I’mma let you ponies talk.” And with that, she wandered off.

The remaining pony trio watch her go a moment before Dash turned to Corn Cart. She took a deep breath. “WhyAreYouAllHereHow’dYouKnowWe’dBeHereWhy’dYouHaveToRebuildThePlaceWhat’sAFap?” She gasped and caught her breath. “What. The hey. Is going on here?”

Corn’s brow furrowed. “Oh my, you seem a mite confused. I’d have thought Princess Celestia would fill you in before you came.”

Pinkie and Dash turned to each other again. “Princess Celestia?”

Corn nodded. “Oh my yes. A little more than six months ago, a lavender unicorn appeared before Princess Celestia. She told her Princess Twilight had learned what a mess Griffonstone had become in the hundred years since the Idol of Boreas was lost and had put together a plan for a good will equitarian mission to our neighbor in need. Then she gave the Princess this letter and disappeared in a beautiful, but mysterious flash of light, leaving nothing behind but a faint scent of lilac."

With that, Corn pulled out a letter and showed it to the pair. Surely enough, it contained detailed instructions and lists for a 15-point recovery plan involving aid in the form of bits and supplies, and an diplomatic team consisting of ambassadors, financial planners, therapists specializing in fields from anger management to couples therapy, and a crack team of spelunkers. And at the bottom, it was signed,

“Hugs and Kiss,
The Second Best Student In Equestrian History,
TwiTwi

P.S. I don’t want credit for this mission, so please don’t discuss it with me ever again. If you do, I’ll pretend to have no knowledge of any of this.”

Dash groaned and dropped her face into her hooves. She should have stayed home and finished her nap.

“Look on the bright side,” Pinkie chirped. “At least we got cool hats.”

100. Slice of Life

“This says the wedding is today!” Matilda panicked.

A brilliant flash of light illuminated the room just as Matilda lifted up the invitation.

“Nothing time travel can’t handle.” Starlight smirked, lighting her horn.

~

A time vortex opened up in the middle of the road, randomly swallowing up not only Vinyl Scratch, but Octavia, the road, and the dubstep-mobile.

~

Clunk.

“WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT?!” Applejack shouted as Vinyl and Octavia crash-landed on the bugbear.

Past-Octavia cantered up to the now-squished monster, poking it in the side a couple times with her cello’s bow. She stared up at her future doppelganger and Vinyl, of whom simply shrugged.

Meanwhile, Special Agent Sweetie Drops turns away, never to be heard of again.

Meanwhile meanwhile, with the Bugbear taken care of, Pinkie bounced off to work on the wedding plans.

Amethyst Star watched in the background.

~

“Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all th—“

“Done, done, and done.” Starlight’s disembodied voice rung out over Derpy and Dr. Hooves. The former proceeded to drop into a portal, while the latter choked on his drink.

~

“Then you’ve got to help me!” Doctor Hooves exclaimed, holding up is suit. “I need this suit tailored, it’s an emergency!”

“Hahaha. Sorry, man. We’re just about to start the finals.”

“…What’s this word you keep using, man?”

Before anypony could respond, a freshly-tailored suit was spat out of a wall-portal, landing perfectly over the Doctor’s face.

~

“Oh… oh, I’ll never get my mane done in—“

One blinding flash of magical hairbrusherry later, and Matilda’s mane was as good as done.

Lotus Blossom simply blinked.

“Ahem.” Steven Magnet coughed, “Uh, what a lovely day we’re having, isn’t it?”

~~~

Starlight eyed the final paragraph of the page in Twilight’s Friendship Journal, her muzzle scrunched up as the mental scene played out in her head.

She looked up, staring through the window of the ongoing wedding over the collective shoulders of Twilight & Company.

“Eh, looks like my job here’s done.”

Rumors tell that the cake at the wedding tasted strangely of pizza. And Celestia's "forgotten" present.

The music that day was strange, especially with Vinyl and Octavia being doubled via time travel.

101. Princess Spike

"Oh no! Are those dragon-sneeze trees?" Spike said as he noticed the trees that were being (loudly) cut down

"Uh, these are too top-heavy," said the pegasus gardener "Wouldn't take much to bring these beauties down"

"Can you just wait a few hours?"

"Sorry, it's a public hazard. I've got my orders" replied the gardener

"Well, I've got my orders too, from Princess Twi-"

"Actually, you don't." said a purple pony joining the conversation "And, bless you"

Spike sneezed at that moment. "What are you talking about?" he said

"Your orders are to make sure Twilight doesn't get bothered while sleeping, but this is too far away for Twilight to hear! And trust me, you don't want to wait a few hours for these trees to be taken down"

"Huh, I guess you're ri...ri...AH-CHOO"

"So," said the pegasus gardener "should I stop or..."

"No...finish it...as soon as possible..." replied Spike, still sniffing. "Thanks for the advice"

"Oh, and don't worry about the water main", said Starlight

"What water ma-" Spike was interrupted by a vibration in the street...Except he noticed there wasn't any sound, there was just a pony fixing a leak with a jackhammer.

Inside a teal force field.

"Just an old trick I learned", said Starlight, teleporting herself right after that.

"Huh, guess that fixes it" Spike shrugged, and went back to the castle.

~

"Oh no! I need an answer, but Twilight can't even think straight!" Spike said to himself, "Oh gosh, what am I supposed to do!?"

"Cadance"

Spike turned to see the same purple pony as before, sitting in one of the chairs in the room.

"Just send them to Cadance. In fact, send everyone to Princess Cadance"

"But what if they-"

"Send. Them. To. Cadance"

Spike shrugged and walked out of the room to see the two impatient delegates

"Well? What did she say?" one of the delegates asked Spike

"Um...Princess Twilight wants you to...to...go to Princess Cadance?"

There was a small silence.

"Well, if that's what she wants," said the other delegate, and both of them walked down the tower.

Can you believe it?, thought Spike, These ponies would believe anything if they think Princess Twilight says it... Maybe if I...

"Don't even think about it" Starlight said

"Wait, how did you-"

"I know you want to help Twilight, but taking decisions for her is wrong. And you are just going to get carried away and ruin everything if you do that" continued Starlight

"I- what?"

"Just stay here and send everyone to Cadance, okay?" And just like before, Starlight teleported again, just when a bunch of angry ponies were trotting up the stairs of the tower.

"Now!" said Spike, slightly louder to get their attention "By orders of Princess Twilight, any problem you might be having must be redirected to Princess Cadance"

And just like that, the delegates went away, Twilight woke up in time and the rest of the summit went without problems...

Except maybe for that one Public Works pony who was trapped in a powerful force field for the rest of the day.

102. Party Pooped

"The yaks are coming. Let's recreate their culture here," Twilight said. Starlight appeared in a flash of purple light with a rolled-up newspaper and swatted Twilight on the nose.

"No! Bad cultural appropriation!" Starlight yelled before she disappeared.

"Okay," Twilight shrugged. "I guess we can just show the yaks what's great about pony culture instead."

103. Amending Fences

Starlight could hardly contain her excitement when she saw what the next problem she was due to fix was.

“Oh those two will be so cute together, it would be irresponsible of me to not set them up” she squealed as she powered up her horn to use the now familiar time-travel spell.

She reappeared right in front of a purple unicorn who was heading home from a party.

Twilight screamed when Starlight appeared right in front of her.

“Oh come on Twilight, you just saved the world from a deranged alicorn who also happened to be the princess’s sister, and a pony reappearing right in front of you is what gets to you?” Starlight said as she tussled Twilight’s mane.

“Uhh, I’m sorry. Do I know you?” Twilight asked, visibly uncomfortable with Starlight touching her.

Starlight was taken aback at this comment. “Wait seriously? You don’t remember me?”

“No, not really” Twilight responded. “Have we met before?”

Starlight resisted the urge to facehoof. “Do you remember how you got here this morning?”

Twilight’s eyes widened as she suddenly remembered. “Oh yeah, you’re that crazy pony who teleported me here and told me how to beat Nightmare Moon.”

A brief look of anger flashed across Starlight’s muzzle. Crazy? Me? Nonsense! Starlight shook the thoughts from her head. She didn’t have much time, and she was already 0.64 seconds behind schedule. “Yes, and I’ll accept your undying gratitude later. Right now you have a friend to apologize to.”

“Uhh, who do I have to apologize to? I haven’t done anything rude to any of my new friends, or at least if I have I don’t recall it” Twilight said.

“Ah well that’s just it! This isn’t one of your new friends, you need to apologize to your oldest and best friend.” Starlight explained.

“But Spike’s still asleep right now, I wouldn’t want to wake him. You probably don’t know this, but his morning breath-”

“-Smells like a rotten egg that was cooked in a dumpster fire in Tartarus, I know” Starlight shuddered. “But this is a friend you’ve had even longer than Spike.”

“Shining Armor?”

“What? No, I’m talking about Moon Dancer!”

“...who?”

Starlight’s jaw dropped. How could Twilight not remember the pony who had been her best friend for years? “Sheesh you really weren’t exaggerating when you said you sucked at friendship before you moved to Ponyville.” Starlight muttered.

“Hey!”

“Do you remember your lab partner in advanced magical theory?” Starlight asked.

“Uuhhh, was her name Moon Dancer? Why do I have to apologize to her, I haven’t seen her in years.” Twilight asked.

“Twilight, you saw her yesterday” Starlight deadpanned.

“Oh, well I suppose I can send her a card or something, what do I need to apologize for?” Twilight asked.

Starlight chuckled. “A card, really Twilight? No, you're apologizing directly to her.” Starlight powered up her horn to teleport the two mares to Moon Dancer’s house in Canterlot.

As soon as the two arrived on Moon Dancer’s steps Twilight keeled over and vomited all over Moon Dancer’s steps, flowers, and front door. Some even got on Starlight.

“Argh, what the heck?” Starlight recoiled as the vile substance got all over her hooves. “You didn’t vomit last time I teleported you!”

“Last time I hadn’t just come from a party with an ‘all you can eat cake buffet’” Twilight countered in between retches.

Starlight quickly cleaned Twilight and the front of Moon Dancer’s house, though there wasn’t much she could do about the lingering smell. “Just tell her you were off saving the world so you two could spend some quality time together without an evil tyrant taking over or something” she explained as she worked.

Once Twilight’s nausea had cleared up, Starlight knocked on Moon Dancer’s door before summoning a bouquet of roses. “And be sure to give her these!” She said before returning to her own time.

She immediately jumped up from her desk and ran to try to find Twilight, who was in the middle of grading the exams she had given out earlier that day.

“TWILIGHT! How are things with Moon Dancer?” Starlight said while prancing in place with excitement.

Twilight’s nostrils flared. “What? I haven’t talked to that whorse since she cheated on me with that psycho Minuette. How did you even know about her anyways?”

Starlight didn’t even answer, having her OTP crushed right before her eyes. She dejectedly walked from the room.

“I suppose I technically solved the problem, but the cost of my entire friend-fiction collection remaining fictional is just too high” Starlight mumbled to herself before retreating back to her office to go solve the next problem.

104. Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?

Her Royal Highness Luna, Princess of the Moon, took a deep and shuddering breath. The hoofbeats of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony drew close. She spared a sidelong glance at the glittering, undulating cloud of inky-blue starlight at her shoulder.

"Greetings, Tantabus. I am ready. Do your w—"

There was a sharp smack, and Luna awoke, her cheek aching. Perched on her chest was a pinkish, purple-maned unicorn, her hoof raised in the follow-through from a stern backhoof slap.

"Ah!" said Starlight Glimmer, brightly. "You're awake!"

"What—"

"Princess Luna, your pet nocturnal hair-shirt's gone rabid and we gotta take it out behind the shed. The only thing stopping it from leaping over to the dreams of my very best friends right now is that I've temporarily shut down their posterior cerebral cortices."

Luna frowned. "That will blind them!"

"Well, they'll be a little blind, sure. Here's the deal: your private mortification is about to turn the world into a nightmarish heckscape. Stop it."

Luna's eyes went distant. "But the awful deeds of my past..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't punish yourself in private. Make a big deal of it! Whenever something goes even a little wrong, take the opportunity to loudly remind everyone of all the bad things you've ever done, and then get on with your day. Night. Whatever."

"What you say is impossible. Without unending repentance, I risk slipping back into my old ways."

"That's the beauty of it!" exclaimed Starlight, throwing her hooves wide. "Your evil side came out because you felt marginalized by your sister, right? By incessantly whining about your dark past, you'll convince everyone that you're a super-special pony and constantly deserve to be at the center of attention. Nopony will ever ignore you again!"

The Moon Princess frowned. "Is what you say likely to happen?"

Starlight gave her hoof a that-a-girl pump. "Worked for me!" she said.

105. Canterlot Boutique

Celestia’s sun was just beyond the mountains in the early morning twilight, with the moon opposite it setting. Very few were out on the city streets with ponies starting to awaken or the night-timers and party goers returning to their homes to sleep again. There was one pony on the street that wasn’t sluggishly fighting with sleep.

Rarity was over the moon with a wide as Pinkie Pie grin upon her face. Her horn was glowing bright as she put several magical finishing touches to the sign above the doorway to her new shop, Canterlot Carousel.

Her life had been leading up this moment. The years of work, building up her reputation and design portfolio, the last month of cleaning and decorating her shop, and money she had spent to-

“Ahem.”

Rarity jumped with a little yelp. Turning towards the voice, she saw a group of ponies standing before her. 4 young unicorn mares, a pegasus, and an earth pony with a napping foal in her saddle bags. The earth mare was in front of the pack.

“Are you Rarity?” said the earth pony mare in front of the pack.

“Oh uh, yes! I am Rarity, but tuh, the boutique isn’t open for a few days.”

The mare reached into the saddle bag opposite her foal and pulled out a flyer. The pegasus came up next to her and pointed at it. “Is this where the jobs for the retail positions and the sweat shop located?”

Rarity stammered. “S-Sweat shop!? My boutique is not a sweat shop.”

“It is now!”

An eye twitched. ‘That voice...’ She turned towards the sound of the door bell at the front of her shop. Starlight stood in the doorway smirking from underneath a green eye shade visor. In her aura was a ledger, several quills, an ink pot, and an iron industrial-looking adding machine.

Rarity immediately pointed a hoof accusingly at Starlight.

“You!”

“I!” Starlight beamed. “Am Good Starlight.”

“I wonder about that,” Rarity lowered her hoof and stared at her with a frown. “What are you doing here? No. Let me guess...” She motioned a hoof towards the group that was looking at each other. “You sent out those flyers?”

“Correct! And I’m here to make you eventually one of the richest and most well-known ponies in Equestria without hassle.” Starlight’s horn flared as she stepped down from the stoop. Looking at the adding machine and ledger, she was quickly putting in calculations with the buttons tapping, the lever ratcheting, the result printing onto paper tape coming out the top, and writing the result into the ledger. Chik-chik.

“You were about to hoof stitch individual dresses in Canterlot. Single. Hoofedly.” Chik-chik. “Because you wanted all your dresses to be as unique as they were in Ponyville.” Chik-chik. “Due to the time needed to stitch, dart, cord, bind, serge, and trim each individual dress with the tender loving care you expect,” chik-chik, “and making hundreds and hundreds of dresses for the ponies of Canterlot in all their shapes and sizes, you would easily be in the hospital for exhaustion or a debilitating horn-ache.” Chik-chik. “This isn’t Ponyville. Most of the ponies in this city are full of narcissists who jump on bandwagon fads and throw money at anything in order to be popular.”

“Hey!”, one of the unicorns in the group protested. Chik-chik.

Rarity’s vexation was becoming apparent by the second. “But I can’t just.. throw my designs into a factory assembly line! They won’t be unique and the quality will be awful. All my dresses need my attention to detail to make sure they’re of the highest caliber!”

“I can’t say I understand fashion.” Chik-chik. “But I do know that your strategy will limit any potential to ever get your dresses or designs across Equestria by limiting the amount of products you make or to spread your brand.” Chik-chik. “Not unless you inflate the price to ludicrous degrees for your time spent.” Chik-chik. “If you want to survive, you need to mass produce your dresses, price them to maximize profit, hire good employees who can share your labor, know what they’re doing, and can help grow your brand.” She motioned to the group of ponies who were now awkwardly staring at each other and shuffling on their hooves. The foal was awake and suckling a pacifier. Chik-chik. The foal giggled.

Sassy Saddles opened the shop door. “Speak of Discord,” Starlight said.

Clearing her throat, Sassy gave the group of prospective employees a practiced smile. “Alright, everypony. Orientation will begin in a few minutes. We have pizza inside if you’re hungry.”

The little herd immediately trotted in.

“Sassy,” Starlight said. Chik-chik.

The mare in question cursed under her breath and went outside to be with Rarity and Starlight.

“Remember what I said?”

“..Do I have to?”

“Do you want a job?”

Resigning herself, Sassy breathed in, placed a hoof over her heart, and recited, “A good manager always listen their employer. A good manager always obeys their superior and carries out their ideas. I do not own the The Canterlot Carosel. Every dress is a Rarity, and every Rarity dress needs the attention and quality control they deserve. Every dress shall be given the attention they need, and every customer will be given a proper dress.”

Without looking up from the ledger, “That’s a good underling.” Chik-chik.

Sassy huffed and lowered her hoof with a clop.

Starlight smiled triumphantly as she ratcheted the adding machine twice, “I love that sound,” and printed the result onto the ledger. The paper tape from the adding machine was now spilling onto the sidewalk. Turning the ledger towards both mares, she pointed at the resulting number.

“So Sassy, if you give Rarity your expertise, connections, and loyalty, and you Rarity make those gorgeous designs and allow others to make your dresses...”

Both mares looked at the resulting number. Their eyes bugged out. Starlight smirked.

“You can buy Blueblood’s mansion and kick him out by the end of the fiscal year.” Chik-chik.

106. Rarity Investigates

Wind Rider stood quietly in a closet, waiting. The bait was set: cherry cake with custard filling, chocolate frosting with buttercream rosettes. Cinnamon Chai’s pastry masterpiece would be hard for anypony to resist, let alone humble royal guardsponies. A window at the end of the corridor was open, allowing a slight breeze to carry the aroma of the delectable cake. All he had to do was wait.

~

A visitor as important as the captain of the Wonderbolts warranted not two, but three royal guards. And as far as important figures to guard, the three pegasi assigned to guard duty much preferred to protect Captain Spitfire than, say, Prince Blueblood. But that’s not to say guarding the captain of the Wonderbolts was any more exciting. It was still a job of standing and waiting.

The three guards stood silently in the empty corridor outside the castle’s visitors’ suites. They were well-trained and disciplined, and stayed quiet, not moving a muscle, not even a feather. But even with their training, they could not remain absolutely silent.

One guard’s stomach growled. Then another’s followed in turn.

Sergeant Spearhead looked to the two guardsponies under him. “Did you forget to go to the mess hall before your shift?” he asked.

“We did, sir,” one replied.

“But it was hay casserole... again,” the other added.

“Private, I know we’re all sick of hay casserole, but it is our duty as guards to always be fit for battle. And that means proper nutrition, even if it’s in the form of another tasteless square of hay casserole.”

“Yes, sir,” the two privates said.

Another fine example of enforcing discipline, Sergeant Spearhead thought. But then his own stomach betrayed him.

A glare at the two privates told them in no uncertain terms to keep their mouths shut, but Spearhead knew what they were thinking.

And so, the guards stood, guarding the quiet corridor, the only sound the rumbling of their own stomachs. As the night wore on, the growling increased, until the sound in the corridor resembled a chorus of frogs with particularly bad indigestion.

“I smell something,” one of the privates said.

“What is it? Smoke?” Spearhead said.

“No, it’s... cake.”

“I smell it too,” the other said. “It’s cherry. And chocolate.”

Spearhead sniffed the air. Now he, too, smelled the cake. And it smelled delicious.

“Don’t go. It may be a trap,” Spearhead said.

“What kind of trap involves cake?” one of the privates said.

“Maybe it’s a gift. You know, recognition for doing a good job?” the other said.

“That’s ridi...” Spearhead started, before his stomach rumbled again. “You know what? I’m willing to put a gift cake in my mouth.”

But before the guards could leave their post, a flat cardboard box appeared at their hooves. The smell of cake was replaced by a much better aroma.

“Pizza!” the guards shouted.

“Wait. Is this a trap?” one of the privates asked Spearhead.

“This is from Raphayel’s, the best pizzeria in Canterlot. No way anypony would mess with a Raphayel pizza.”

And the guards dug into the pizza, all thoughts of cake abandoned.

~

Halfway through the pizza, the three guards heard the metallic sound of shod hoofsteps approaching. And not just any hoofsteps. That particular ringing could only mean Princess Celestia was approaching!

The three guards stood at attention, but they knew they were caught. They had no way of cleaning the grease off their faces and wings, and there was no place to hide the leftover pizza. They stood and awaited their punishment.

Princess Celestia rounded the corner, and gave the guards a sly smile. “At ease, guards,” she said.

They wondered why she was in such a charitable mood, but then they saw why. The princess was in the same boat as them, eating as she walked. In her aura was a beautiful chocolate cherry cake with custard filling, decorated with buttercream rosettes.

“Princess? What brings you here this evening?” Sergeant Spearhead asked.

“Oh, an admirer sent me a note, saying there was cake waiting for me in some corridor of the castle. It said it was thanks for all the hard work I do.”

“Is that safe?”

“Oh, it’s perfectly fine,” she replied. “This is a Cinnamon Chai cake. And nopony would mess with a Cinnamon Chai cake.”

The guards nodded.

“Oh, and guards? You might want to do something about the stallion hiding in the broom closet down the hall."

107. Made in Manehattan

"I did it! I solved a friendship problem!" Rarity watched the purple Manehattenite go with an almost crazed gleam in her eye. "And You Know Who didn't show up! Oh, that feels so GOOD!"

"Ah don't think-"

"Maybe we can finally do things on our own, Applejack! Maybe's she's gone for good! Oh! Maybe she can't interfere with the map! Maybe she....'s standing right behind me, isn't she?"

Rarity wheeled on the meddling unicorn, who raised an eyebrow. "Well I don't even care! You're too late! I already SOLVED this friendship problem, thank you very much! So you can just... go home! Or whatever it is you do!" She paused for a few wheezing breaths, and if anything, Starlight's eyebrow only raised higher.

Applejack took a step forward. "Not the real problem?"

"Uh, nope."

"You've already solved it?"

"Well, yeah."

"Lead the way." With a sigh and a firm tug, Applejack pulled the slack-jawed Rarity along with her.

~ * ~

"...so you see, the important part is that the community knows that they don't need to do much to really make a difference! Sure, I could just magic up the fix, but I don't know if the map would take that as a real solution, and we can't have you stuck here forever, now can we? So I... improvised."

"Starlight... what is all this?" Applejack gestured with a hoof to the collection of ponies standing in the overgrown park. Most were staring blankly straight ahead, but a few were listlessly trying to walk through trees or other ponies, with little success.

"They're here to help! With all of them together, you should have this all fixed up for the Theatre Revival in no time, and none of them will even have to do much!"

This was enough to finally spur words out of Rarity, who had been in a depressed funk the whole way over. "Starlight! You undo whatever you did to these innocent ponies right this instant! This is... this is horrible!"

"Don't worry about it! They'll barely know it happened, and it'll wear off as soon as the map thinks you're done. It'll be fine! Anyway, I gotta go, I've already been here long enough-"

"Now wait just a goshdarn minute-"

"Sorry, can't! Oh! They'll listen to whatever you say, forgot to mention that. See you soon!"

"STARLIGHT-"

With a fizzle and a flash of light, she was gone.

108. Brotherhooves Social

Yet another flash and mighty report later, our heroine, Starlight Glimmer, she who travels time and fixes problems before they can happen (without heed to the inherent consequences of time travel, obviously) appears in front of a rather confused Big Mac. He opens his mouth to question the deus ex whatever, but is quickly interrupted as the heliotrope unicorn looks up from her book, which to this point she has been studying with an exceptionally quaint expression.

"Okay, covering the root problem to begin with, Applebloom DEFINITELY still loves you and looks up to you. She may be pretty horrible at showing it, but it's true." She scrunches her face as she rereads a bit of the book, which Big Mac realizes looks AWFUL familiar, even if he can't put his hoof on it. "Second... seriously, cross dressing?! If you're into that, then good for you. Otherwise, you DO realize that the judges 'extremely loose definition of sister' is so loose to include a brother, right? Seriously, just ask Granny Smith."

Starlight pulls out a stopwatch, then puts it away with a grimace.

"Darn, just a couple seconds over..." She pulls out a box of pizza and hoofs it Big Mac. "Enjoy the pizza; courtesy of this one taking more than 30 seconds. Celestia knows Applebloom loves this stuff."

Relighting her horn, she then disappears in a similar fashion to her sudden appearance. It takes a moment, but eventually the slackjawed stallion is able to form a coherent thought.

"What in the hay?!"

109. Crusaders of the Lost Mark

“And the winner of the Student Pony President election is… Diamond Tiara!” said Cheerilee with a way-too-intense grin.

“Hooray! Diamond Tiara forever!” chanted the entire school in unison.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked on in abject horror.

“Oh, cheer up girls,” said Starlight Glimmer. “It’s for the best this way.”

“How is this for the best!?” shouted Applebloom. “Do you have any idea how insufferable she’s going to be?”

“I’m actually more worried about what you did to everypony,” said Sweetie Belle, nervously waving a hoof in front of Twist’s face.

“I saved everypony a lot of grief. Did you know that if I just let you go ahead and ruin poor Diamond Tiara’s life not only would you have destroyed her relationship with her best friend, condemning her to a life of loneliness and isolation with only her unnatural power to command the minds and hearts of the ponies around her as a comfort, sending her spiraling down a twisted path that leads to her becoming the heartless dictator of a distant village where all finally discover equality in servitude…”

“That’s what happens to Diamond Tiara in the future!?” exclaimed Applebloom.

“She goes crazy!?” said Scootaloo.

“Not crazy. No. Not crazy,” said Starlight Glimmer. “What - crazy? I mean, anypony would react like that. Let’s not throw words like crazy around. It’s an entirely logical chain of - anyway! Not only would you condemn her to that you would also ruin her relationship with her mother. She’d snap at her mother and boss her around and get her to think that she’s growing up too fast, so the best thing for her mother to do would be to try to capture the last fleeting moments of her child’s youth, which inevitably would lead to her idolizing and painstakingly preserving every aspect of her foalhood and maintaining her room as a shrine for decades afterwards as she seeks to preserve the innocence she doesn’t know her daughter lost in a mad bid to destroy time itself on a quest for vengeance.”

“Spoiled Rich does that?” said Sweetie Belle. “Are you sure?”

“Of course she does, probably,” said Starlight Glimmer. “All parents are like that. Just ask Rainbow Dash.”

“Rainbow Dash has parents?” asked Scootaloo, eyes widening.

“The point is you were going to ruin Diamond Tiara’s life, waste a perfectly good statue, and not even get cutie marks in campaign management,” said Starlight Glimmer. “Anyway, your special talent is helping other ponies, obviously.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” said Applebloom.

There was a flash of bright light.

Starlight Glimmer was gone.

Their flanks now proudly wore three matching cutie marks.

Diamond Tiara’s campaign speech had descended into maniacal laughter as the hollow-eyed crowd blankly cheered her name.

The playground never got fixed.

110. The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows

EqIC Site 9, S.M.I.L.E. Headquarters
37 km ESE of Carrossierburg, Avalon
7 Nightmare, 1016 AMN, 0300

A soundproof phone booth in the office of the Director emits a noise not unlike dragging a key along piano strings, and then opens to emit a purple mare, or who would be purple if not for the absurd amount of stealth spells going on. She then walks over to the desk, and rifles through it until she finds two stamps and ink pad. She then teleports out, which sets off all the alarms.

EqDoD Site 18-B, Sugarcube Corner
Approx. 50 km SW of Canterlot, Avalon
7 Nightmare, 1016 AMN, 1230

Mrs. Cake sets down her pen after copying down the recipe for the cake called for. After crumpling up the original letter and tossing it in the fire, she wonders aloud:
"So the 'For Your Eyes Only' stamp I get, seeing as it is top secret and all, but why the 'Burn After Reading' one?"
She ponders this for a few seconds before dismissing it.
"Doesn't matter. That cake won't bake itself!"

Out of the window, binoculars vanish into a bush, which disappears (with a certain sound a certain government agency is currently scrambling to decipher), and Pinkie Pie gets a strong sense of Déjà vu.

111. Hearthbreakers

Pinkie Pie held her hoof to her lips and let out a sharp whistle, nevermind that it was impossible to do with hooves. She sat perched on Holder's Boulder, gathering her family around it, still practically vibrating with excitement from being able to spend Hearth's Warming with both her immediate family and the Apples! “Attention!”

The Pies gathered around the large rock, Limestone Pie running up with a scowl to yell at her younger sister. “What'd I say about the boulder!” Her hoof pointed accusingly at the pink party pony, something Pinkie wasn't exactly a stranger to.

“I'll just be a se-”

“Woooaaahhh!” Pinkie wasn't given a chance to finish, a brilliant flash cut her off, and a familiar unicorn tumbled out of a swirling hole just above the boulder. Starlight Glimmer landed next to Pinkie, eyes spinning in her head. “Kites!” She shook her head to clear the stars from her vision and unceremoniously shoved Pinkie off the side of the boulder. “Whew, rough landing, oh, and sorry about that Pinkie.”

Limestone's left eye twitched, some random pony was touching the boulder, she grit her teeth. “NO MESSING WITH HOLDER'S BOULDER!” She shouted at the top of her lungs, causing the Apples to cringe and fold their ears back, while the Pies remained unperturbed.

Starlight just rolled her eyes, completely unfazed other than her now voice-volume frazzled mane, which was fixed in the blink of an eye with a spell. “Relax Limestone, I'll just be a second.”

“No! No more, git outta here Starlight, ya keep messing with things and we're sick of it! We're fine on our own!” Applejack shook an angry hoof at her future friend, tired of dealing with the unicorn popping into their lives at random.

Tape appeared around the farm mare's muzzle, shutting her up before she could continue. “Relax AJ, I'm just fixing up a little misunderstanding before you make a complete fool of yourself. Listen up everypony, this is important!”

Starlight glaced quickly at the Friendship Journal, making sure she got the lesson right. “Your two families might be related, but surprise surprise, they have DIFFERENT Hearth's Warming traditions, after who knows how many, if any, generations apart. Traditions change, so this year, you two are gonna mix your own respective traditions together to make some new ones, got it?”

She wasn't finished however, and before anypony could speak up, including Pinkie, who was still peeling her face from the ground after her faceplant. “I mean, seriously Applejack, why did you even bring decorations with you? That's just weird.” Starlight's magic manifested around one of Applejack's bags, and popped it open, the bag spilling way more decorations out than it should have been able to hold. The mess quickly disappeared however, incinerated into ash which Starlight courteously packed back into the bag.

“There, that should fix that, and Pinkie, not everypony eats rocks, you should know that after working in a bakery! Do you want the Apples to lose their teeth?” Starlight gestured wildly with her hooves, unable to comprehend the level of obviousness.

Granny Smith just looked at her dentures.

The raving unicorn on the rock took a deep breath, disappearing from the top of the boulder and reappearing in front of Big Mac and Marble Pie, who were sitting fairly close to one another. “And for the love of Celestia you two, you might be related! Are you serious?” She marched up to the wary Big Mac and grabbed him by the chest, pulling him muzzle to muzzle with unnatural strength. “Keep it in your metaphorical pants loverboy.”

Mac blushed, not that it was visible to anypony else against his red fur.

Starlight teleported yet again, practically scaring Marble out of her skin. The shy mare was now muzzle to muzzle with the random unicorn, and she was terrified. “No sleeping with cousins, got it?” She jabbed a hoof into Marble's chest

“... M-Mhm…”

A smile appeared on Starlight, her demeanor having completely changed. “Good, I think that covers everything.” She trotted casually to the still emotion devoid Maud, and smiled more as she hugged the grey mare. “Hey Maud, good to see you! You don't know me yet, but you will! Oh, and look into getting a kite, I'd love for you to have a headstart with them for when we meet. Bye!”

“Bye.”

Starlight was gone, leaving behind an open pizza box, filled with a pile of sweetrolls.

112. Scare Master

"Oh, I'm so scared of nightmare night!" said Fluttershy, just then, Starlight popped in with a purple flash.

She then cast a Want it need it spell on all the bowls of candy on nightmare night, then siphoned all the lust for candy to Fluttershy, then made a vampire fruit bat appear and bite her turning her into Flutterbat, and then disappeared in a blink.

"Thank you, Ssstarlight." Flutterbat hissed, she then flew out her window and got all the towns candy, no pumpkin bag was left behind.

113. What About Discord

*Poof* Starlight touched down amongst a pile of books.

"Gah!" shouted Twilight. "Celestia on a bike! Would you stop just dropping in like this? Can't you at least, like, use the front door?"

"No can do, silly filly," replied Starlight. "I'm on a schedule here and I'm sticking to it! Speaking of, did you know your friends are hanging out this weekend? You should go join them."

Twilight looked torn. "But... I've been planning this book sorting for... for weeks!"

"Well then," Starlight replied as she slowly trotted around the castle Library, "it sounds like you have a decision to make. But I will say this: If you decide to stay in and organize books all weekend; you aren't allowed to be jealous when your friends have fun without you."

"Me? I'm never jealous!"

"And I'm never manipulative. Welp, I gotta go now. Toodles!"

And Twilight was left alone, at least until Spike wandered back in. "Hey Twi, were you talking to somepony?"

"Oh, you know, the usual suspect."

114. The Hooffields and McColts

A long time ago, two best friends, Grub Hooffield and Piles McColt found the valley between the Smoky Mountains. They knew it was something special. That is, until they found that it was haunted by a purple unicorn witch and they decided to settle elsewhere where there was enough room for both a farm and an animal shelter.

115. The Mane Attraction

“—and I won’t hesitate to pull her from the festival if these demands aren’t met!”

Pinkie Pie shrunk low to the ground, teeth gritted in the plaintive hope that the off-white stallion before her would stop shouting. She wanted so badly to call him a mean meanie-head and walk away. This certainly wasn’t how her friends talked to her! Or townsponies! Not even Limestone got so bad, unless she’d touched Holder’s Boulder, in which case she knew she deserved it!

But crouching there, with Svengallop looming over her… Pinkie couldn’t. She just couldn’t. Her throat felt dry, her would-be comebacks turned to ashes, and—

Suddenly there was a loud *SCREECH* from all the festival’s huge amps and loudspeakers all at once. Svengallop jerked back and raised his eyes toward a spot above and behind Pinkie. She turned in time to see a huge burst of pyrotechnics light up the top of a particularly massive stack of amplifiers that stretched well above the top of the adjoining stage.

In the center of the flames was the silhouette of a pony.

The fire didn’t abate. But it shifted, tapering in front and flaring even higher in the back, bringing the pony’s corpse-painted visage and studded black hoofbands into sharp relief. It glared straight down at Pinkie—no, at Svengallop—then hefted a long-necked guitar with an appearance like six strings trying to escape from the skull of a deadly beast.

“Foolish mortal,” the pony’s voice boomed—and Pinkie noticed it had a glowing horn, which might’ve been the source of its amplification. “You would terrorize the mortal realm to keep your prissy little pop-princess from discovering true power?”

“I…” Svengallop swallowed. “I don’t know what you—”

“SILENCE!”

Thunder cracked, and lightning speared down from the sky, as the pony adjusted a dial on its guitar. Pinkie’s muzzle crinkled as a pungent and distinct odor came wafting on the breeze from where Svengallop stood trembling.

“Countess Coloratura, I know you can hear me. My time in this realm grows short. But behold: the power of Tartarus unchained. Behold: true power. Behold… then claim it as your own, if you dare!”

Then the pony strummed, and Pinkie and Svengallop alike were blown off their hooves by a sound-wave of incomprehensible power. They were sent tumbling end-over-end across the festival grounds as the single chord was followed by others in rapid succession…

~

Trixie relaxed into the chair next to Starlight’s bed in the Castle of Friendship, then squeezed her eyes shut and allowed herself a moment to simply soak up its plush softness. Trixie really must ask if there’s a spare one of these around, she thought to herself. One deep breath led to another, and then another, as a smile crept across her face. How many times has Trixie visited her Great and Powerful best friend, yet never thought to rest her weary hooves from the road in this most magnificent of chairs?

A gentle tone from a clock on the wall disrupted Trixie’s reverie. She huffed and pouted at it. Perhaps Trixie should work in some more teacup practice while she’s waiting? After a moment of considering the thought, Trixie furrowed her brow. I wonder what Starlight’s up to in there, anyway? Didn’t she tell Trixie that she just needed a minute, and then she’d have something ‘fun’ to share?

Slowly, reluctantly, Trixie pushed herself up and out of the chair. Her hooves were a bit weary from the road, truth be told; but she felt torn between concern for her friend, and irritation at being made to wait. She crossed to the door of Starlight’s dressing room—Must be nice to have one of those!—and knocked.

“Starlight? Starlight! Trixie is quite ready to see this ‘fun’ you promised!”

She jumped at the loud *BOOM!* that sounded behind her. Then she turned, and blinked several times as she struggled to get her brain around the juxtaposition of Starlight having suddenly appeared amid a hodgepodge layer of dime-store, teenage-rebel nonsense.

“Hey Trixie!” Starlight said, smiling widely and breathing as if she was winded. “Whoo… sorry, I forgot how good that felt. I completely lost track of time!” A grimace worked its way across her corpse-painted, heavily-mascara’d features. “Which… is gonna cost me, big time. I ended up having to put an entire festival’s worth of pizza on my Amareican Express card. Thank Celestia they didn’t decline the charge!”

“What…?”

“Oh, the getup!” Starlight stepped back, raising her forehooves, gesturing at herself with one while hefting a really weird-looking guitar with the other. “Yeah, it turns out I don’t fit the jacket anymore. But the rest of it is how I went around in high school! I was the terror of Sire’s Hollow. Oh, and I still remember how to play a couple songs. Wanna hear?”

Trixie kept her gaze even, and smacked her lips. “Yeeeaaahhhh, Trixie’s gonna go with ‘no’ on that.”

“You… don’t like metal?”

With a slow shake of her head, Trixie walked back over to the chair and sat down. “It’s not just that, of course; you look ridiculous! Though Trixie is indeed more a fan of music that doesn’t threaten her eardrums, and that has things like melody, and recognizable words… not ones about horrid things like disembowelment, either.”

A grimace of fiery condemnation—totally accentuated by the makeup—settled over Starlight’s face.

“Now if we’re done with this… highly questionable ‘fun,’ I believe that Trixie was promised a selection of one or more fine pizzas?”

Starlight raised the guitar. Her horn flared. And she strummed—

116 & 117. The Cutie Re-Mark

Starlight Glimmer snuck into the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Canterlot Archives. She sifted through the books and scrolls until she finally found what she was looking for. The infamous time travel spell. She unrolled the scroll and began to read it, working out how to modify it to go back and stop the Sonic Rainboom.

"Working on changing Starswirl's spell?" Starlight asked. Starlight jumped, looking up at Starlight. Starlight fired a spell at Starlight but Starlight blocked Starlight's spell.

"Woah, easy girl! I'm excited to see you too," she said. "And before you ask, no, I'm not a changeling. I'm you from the future."

"You're from the future!?" she asked. She nodded.

"Yup. And I'm gonna save you a bunch of time with that," she said, taking the scroll and incinerating it.

"Hey!"

"Don't worry. I've got a quicker way. I'mma just need to borrow that..." Before Starlight could react, her future-self pulled the cutie mark from her flank. She yowled in pain as an equal-sign took its place.

"That hurt like hell!" she yelled.

"And you did it to an entire village. Think about that for a second until I get back." In a flash of light, future Starlight vanished.

~

Sire's Hollow: many years earlier.

A colt and filly were stacking books into a tower. Suddenly it was about to fall onto the filly, but the colt caught it with his magic and saved her. He got his cutie mark and ran outside to show everyone. The filly just watched from the window and pouted, resenting him for getting his cutie mark while she still didn't.

In a flash of purple light, her older-self appeared.

"No worries, kid. I gotcha covered!" Starlight said to her younger self, passing the hovering cutie mark to her and it stuck itself onto her flank.

"Thank you Cutie Mark Fairy!" filly Starlight squealed as she ran out into the town square to celebrate with her friends and family.

~

Starlight reappeared in the Canterlot archives barely an instant after she left. She grabbed her former self in her magic. The other was helpless to stop her with the equal sign on her flank.

The two of them teleported to Twilight's castle. Starlight dumped her captive on the floor at Twilight's hooves.

"Here you go," Starlight said. "One Former-Me, awaiting to be reformed." Future Starlight vanished as Twilight and her friends gathered around the former Starlight in a small circle. Grins spread across their faces.

"Time for friendship..."

Author's Note

92&93. Shakespearicles
94. pjabrony
95. Electric Aura
96. deadpansnarker
97. DragonGeek
98. Aceman67
99. Von Snootingham
100. TheMajorTechie
101. Geraldiamond
102. Shakespearicles
103. MOOSEWHISKER
104. Skywriter
105. Johnny Walker
106. Alaborn
107. Zontan
108. Mystic Thunder
109. Thanqol
110. Circut Breaker
111. Electric Aura
112. Animal heart
113. Super Trampoline
114. Shakespearicles
115. CoffeeMinion
116 &117. Shakespearicles

Season 6

118 & 119. The Crystalling

In a flash of purple light, Starlight Glimmer appeared in Twilight's castle, along with her time-traveling companion.

"How is she doing?" Starlight asked Twilight Sparkle, inquiring about her former self, whom she had previously left there with and equal sign on her flank.

"She's... fine," Twilight said of her Starlight. "Fully reformed but... who is that?" Twilight asked, looking at the other pony that Starlight had brought with her.

"Her? Oh, I made a little stop by the Mirror Pool on my way here," Starlight said, motioning to her duplicate.

"What's... what's wrong with her?" former Starlight asked. Starlight's duplicate stood at a crooked angle. Her eyes were crossed and she breathed through her open mouth, with a dribble of saliva hanging from her chin. Starlight looked at Twilight and blushed.

"I... I may have peed in the Mirror Pool. But isn't she cute though? I call her StarDim."

StarDim grunted.

"Anyway, since my former-self has been reformed, I brought a gift," Starlight said, pulling the cutie mark from StarDim.

"Gnah! Dat Urt!" StarDim groaned before she inflated like and over-filled balloon and exploded into smoky purple dust, zipping off through a window to return back to the Mirror Pool. With a flick of her magic, Starlight gave the cutie mark back to her former-self.

"Thanks," she thanked herself.

"By the way, this was in your mail," Starlight gave Twilight a letter from the Crystal Empire.

"Cadance had her baby!" Twilight said, reading the letter.

"I love babies!" Pinkie Pie said as she burst through the front door.
Not through the open front doorway.
Through the door. Like, the Hulk.

"And babies love Pinkie Pie," Starlight said with a smile. Her smile vanished as she looked at Twilight with a grave tone. "Do not EVER take Pinkie Pie away from that baby."

"Why?"

"Trust me on this. The fate of the Empire is at stake. Babies hate Pinkie withdrawal. At least until after Sunburst does the Crystaling."

"Sunburst?" former Starlight asked.

"Yeah. That unemployed pony kinda failed at life too, so don't feel bad about yourself. He needs to be given a purpose. He'll be happy to see you and he'll a be great Crystaller. Got it?"

"... kay."

"Great! Toodles!" And with another flash of light, she was gone.

120. The Gift of the Maud Pie

Starlight popped into reality on the sidewalk just outside a pool of yellow light cast by an overhead streetlamp. She glanced around fruitlessly before giving her eyes a few moments to adjust to the ambient darkness. Soon enough, the unassuming brown-and-grey storefront she was looking for became clear. But as she waited, she listened to the heady sounds of Manehattan by night, absorbing the steady clip-clop-ing of hooves on endless lengths of sidewalk, and the muffled cursing of taxi-drivers voicing their displeasure with themselves, each other, and the world at large.

Within moments, the light in the shop window flicked off. Starlight grinned and moved closer to the door, continuing to wait. She heard the sound of hooves approaching, followed by a jingling of a bell above the door as a grizzled-looking grey-maned stallion pushed through to the sidewalk. He didn’t make it very far, though, because Starlight lit her horn and shoved him back into the shop with her magic, clamping tight bands of force around his legs and muzzle alike. She stalked after him quickly, and pulled the door closed behind them.

All was silence in the dark shop, save for the old stallion’s ragged, panicked breathing. The only light came from Starlight’s horn, and the bands keeping the stallion immobile and quiet.

“I couldn’t help but notice something in your advertisements,” Starlight said eventually, her voice slicing the silence to ribbons. She held a glowing leaflet up in her magic, and pointed at one particular blue pouch depicted on it. Though she still couldn’t see many of the stallion’s details in the relative darkness, she could feel it in her horn as he tensed against his magical bonds. “Oh yes. You wondered if somepony would notice it, or if they’d just think it was a typo?”

Again, she felt it in her magic as he strained his jaw in an attempt to speak. But she responded by clamping her band of force tighter around it.

“Hand-stitched,” Starlight said, letting the words hang in the air after uttering them. The old pony continued to mumble, but Starlight merely shushed him. “There there, it’s not such a big mistake. Ponies at all levels who watch for this sort of thing missed it. I even missed it when I was getting ready for this mission. It was actually my friend Maud who pointed it out to me, and even then it was just as the one word, on the one document, that she didn’t know the meaning of. But you and I do, don’t we? And I’ll wager this was the day that you yourself finally noticed that you’d slipped-up and wrote “hand” instead of “hoof” in your ad. Which brings us to the little trip you’re planning…”

As the stallion began to writhe against the bands, Starlight used her magic to fish a pair of tickets out from his coat pocket. “You know, the midnight train is awfully late for a filly of your grand-niece’s age. But then, you both already know how important it is to get out of town until the heat dies down, don’t you… Garish Glow!”

Starlight flared her horn, and cast a beam of aqua light on the old stallion’s grey coat and red-chess-pawn cutie mark.

“I checked,” Starlight continued. “You’re both wanted criminals on the other side of the mirror. That’s right; your own grand-niece… not even age ten, and already wanted for racketeering, conspiracy, and blackmail. You’re raising a fine young filly, if you don’t mind my saying.”

Garish Glow’s shoulders began to shake with muffled laughter. “Well go on, then,” Starlight said, giving him a toothy sneer as she loosened the band around his muzzle. “Got something to say for yourself?”

He barked a wizened old laugh as he was finally able to get his muzzle open wide. “Cozy Glow’s a survivor, just like me… only younger. Sharper. You think bagging me’ll lead you to her? Stupid mare… you’ve already thrown our timetable off enough tonight to tell her I’ve been compromised. Between that and us finding the typo, she’ll hide herself so deep that you’ll never find her!”

Starlight grinned before wrapping Garish’s mouth shut again with her magic. “You think this is just about her? It isn’t, smart guy. It’s not even about seeing you pay for what you did back on the other side of the mirror, though I’m cool with that, if I can get it. It’s about you… being here... running this stupid little shop. You’re not taking a vacation; you’re not even taking a long lunch. You get your butt back here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next one, until I tell you otherwise. Unless, of course, you’d rather I just knock your pawn-butt off the board now and hire a temp to run it for a while? I mean, I’m sure Princess Celestia would love to build ties with law enforcement on the side of the mirror that you came from.”

A tension at the corners of Garish’ eyes betrayed hints of fear. Starlight gave a cold grin of satisfaction as she watched that fear spread across his whole face.

“Didn’t think so,” she said smugly. Then she headed for the door. She cut out all her magic in an instant as she pushed through it, letting him fall in a tangle of limbs on the floor. “Have fun running your little sack shop,” she called back over her shoulder. “Oh, and stick around; you’ve got a pizza coming in about ten minutes.”

121. On Your Marks

Apple Bloom heaved a heavy sigh and let herself slump atop the CMC Clubhouse’s podium. “Look, I know our cutie marks are amazing, but is that all we're gonna do now? Just spend our days starin' down at our own flanks?”

A sound like space and time having a head-on collision rent the ensuing silence, causing the fillies to shriek and jump. When it was over, they all went wide-eyed at the sight of none other than Starlight Glimmer leaning nonchalantly against a wall.

“Hey girls,” Starlight Glimmer said. “I’m here to help you with your little problem!”

“What problem?” Scootaloo asked.

Starlight took a slow, casual look at one of her forehooves. “Oh, y’know, the one where getting your cutie marks is ruining your life?” She grinned at their small, stunned faces. “I mean, c’mon; I got my start by taking ponies’ cutie marks away from them. How perfect is it that the same spell can be used for good instead?”

The trio stood staring at her, absolutely gobsmacked.

“Alllllrighty then!” Starlight rubbed her forehooves together. Who’s first?”

“But… what about my flank?” Sweetie squeaked.

Starlight shrugged. “You’re bound to get an updated character model eventually.”

“But that won’t replace our marks,” Scootaloo added. “I mean, I’ve got some kind of wing and lightning bolt—”

“Ooo,” Starlight interrupted. “Kid, do ya… do ya want the bad news now? Or would you rather let it happen on its own?”

Scootaloo clamped her muzzle shut, nodded, and looked at the floor.

“Apple Sticks?” Starlight asked.

“It’s Apple Bloom, ma’am. And I… I dunno.” She furrowed her tiny little brows. “I guess y’all might’ve known I reckoned for a long time now that the spirit of bein’ a Crusader lies in the Crusade. Y’know, that by workin’ hard and betterin’ ourselves each day, we learn more about the ponies we are now, and about how we wanna shape both ourselves and the world as we grow up. Because, I mean, knowin’ y’self ain’t ever really done, is it? It’s possible to understand y’self today, but each day y’self is always changin’, y’know?”

Starlight nodded dumbly for a moment. “So was that a ‘yes?’ You kinda overwhelmed my country-mumbo-jumbo filter once you hit that first ‘y’all.’”

“Cutie Mark Crusaders Denial of Service Attackers, YAY!” shouted Scootaloo, who leaped up and punched a hoof into the air. A pair of grins slowly stole over the faces of both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, who soon repeated the declaration.

“See, doesn’t that sound more interesting than being three under-glorified guidance counselors?” asked Starlight, who knew from experience that being the real thing was, well… Totally Legit™.

122. Gauntlet of Fire

Princess Twilight Sparkle was nerding out again.

"This could be my chance to make a great contribution to the knowledge of Equestria!" She hopped in place until she remembered she was supposed to be the Princess of Friendship. Full-on nerdgasm tended to make her forget, well, everything that was actually important. "And be there for Spike, heh, of course."

"Be very careful," said Princess Celestia. "The Dragon Lands are particularly dangerous for ponies. It would be wise to be discreet."

"Ooooor," said Starlight Glimmer, as she trotted into the Map Room like she owned the place. Which, let's be honest, she kinda did. "I could come here from the future and make it easier!"

Twilight groaned. Rarity scoffed. Spike scratched. Luna was present. And Celestia sipped pointedly from her tea without giving Starlight so much as a glance.

"Starlight Glimmer," she said coolly. "I had thought Twilight's doorstep was looking overly illuminated lately."

Starlight gave her a look that could have frozen a pond over in July. "Mother."

"Oh great!" cried Twilight, throwing her hooves in the air like she didn't care, which, let's be honest, she didn't. "Starlight's here from the freaking future again, ready to short-circuit all of our plans and teach us exactly diddly--"

You could hear the train brakes squeal as Twilight's jaw hit the floor. "WHAT DID JUST YOU STARLIGHT SAY?"

One might have gotten the impression Twilight was a little upset, grammar having failed her and all.

Starlight and Celestia, who had been locked in ocular combat until that moment, both broke out into a fit of giggles, unable to hold their glowers any longer lest Celestia spray tea all over the room.

"Oh, Twilight, the look on your face!" chortled Celestia. She was a princess, and princesses did not guffaw.

Starlight had to hold her barrel, she was laughing so hard. "Oh my… Oh my Celestia, we got you so good, Twilight!"

"Ah, yes!" shouted Luna, overly loud as usual. "'Twas a most excellent joke!" Rivers of sweat ran down her forehead. "One I was in on from the very beginning! Ha! Ha ha ha! Ha!"

Rarity sighed, rolling her eyes. "What is it this time, Starlight?"

Starlight produced something from her saddlebags, a long pole of some kind, wrapped in cloth. "Here you go, Spike."

He paused in scratching at his glowing scales long enough to accept the gift. Had he not been so preoccupied, he might have thought twice about taking anything from a pony who'd recently been busy brainwashing herself a cult in the boonies. But if there was one skill Spike had mastered in his short, stupid life, it is the ability to metabolize concentrated bullshit without any damage to his own well-being. He just had zero fucks left to give. Plus, when he touched the thing, the glowing stopped, so that was a bonus.

"Congratulations!" crowed Starlight. "You're the new Dragon Lord!"

"What?" shouted everyone but Starlight and Celestia.

"My, my," said Celestia, sipping her tea. "All the way from the Flamecano by yourself?"

"You got it, Princess!" Starlight said with a grin. "Now, I know what you're thinking, Twilight, but all that's changed is your need for discretion! You can take Spike to the Dragon Lands with Rarity, exchange culture notes, the whole nine yards, and you won't have to put yourselves in mortal danger.

"Be sure to give that to Princess Ember when you get there." She nodded to the rod, which had been revealed as a bejeweled scepter after the wrapping fell away. "Then you won't need to worry about ruling or any nonsense, and you can all be friends and stuff. Won't that be great?"

Twilight let out a loud, un-princess-like sigh. Rarity shook her head. Luna had fallen asleep, it being the middle of the day and all. Celestia sipped her tea.

"Oh, one more thing." Starlight pulled Spike in close and whispered, "That little stick gives you the power to command your fellow dragon. So before you give it to Ember? Don't forget to make Garble your bitch."

Spike gave her the shit-eating-est grin one creature had ever given another in the history of facial expressions.

"Starlight Glimmer," he said, shaking her hoof, "it's been a pleasure and an honor!"

With a little chuckle, Starlight took a step back and charged her horn. "Okay, see you all in a week! Love you, kisses, byeeee!" And then she was gone.

"Spiiiiike," Twilight said in her most mother-warning tone of voice, "what did Starlight tell you?"

"Heh, don't you worry none, Sparkle." Spike shined his claw and checked out his reflection in the scepter's gem. "Ol' Spike's got himself a dragon kingdom to rule. Come, my subjects away!"

As he toddled out the door, all Twilight could do was follow behind, impotently shouting his name.

123. No Second Prances

Starlight gazed forlornly at her own stupid face in the water.

"What is going on?" she groaned. "This is Ponyville. If I can't make friends here, there's gotta be something wrong with me!" She sighed. "Okay, calm down. Nobody makes friends with a total stress-case."

And then, like a total stress-case, she began stressing the fuck out.

"Stop stressing!" she told herself, in the manner a normal pony does. "Stop--mmph!"

Her impending embarrassing outburst was cut short by a strangely familiar pink hoof.

"Stop stressing," Starlight said to Starlight, a good bit quieter.

Starlight's eyes went wide, then flat. She sighed into the hoof before prying it from her mouth.

"Oh great. Me from the future. Let me guess, you're here to teach me how to make friends?"

Starlight shrugged and grinned. "Nah. I'll leave that part to you. Time's short, let's walk and talk on the way to the spa. Absolutely nopony will notice there's two of us here."

"The spa?" Starlight raised an eyebrow.

"Come on," said Starlight, barely holding back an eye-roll, "can you think of any better place for you to be at the moment?"

"Good point." Starlight nodded, following Starlight as she dug in her saddlebags.

"So, the good news is, today you will make a very, and I mean very, good friend. The bad news? That friendship will take a sharp left down Drama Street for Hysterics-town lickety-split."

Starlight moaned. "This isn't exactly helping my stress levels, you know."

"I know!" Starlight grinned at her and produced something large and heavy in a brown paper bag, levitating it between them. "So trust me when I say this is the best news. All you need to do is apply this, the drama will be completely avoided, and our future will be so much better. You'll know when the moment is right." She gave herself a huge wink.

Starlight took the bag, watching herself trot on ahead. "That's it? Just use..." She peered inside. "A book? For drama-less friendship?"

"Maybe read it at the spa!" Starlight called behind herself. "Use the paper bag it came in, too! Be you later!" And she vanished in a flash of magic.

Pulling the book all the way out of the bag, Starlight read the cover.

"The Ka-Mare Su-Trot?" Her eyebrows went into orbit. "I am now really intrigued by this 'friend' I'm supposed to meet..."

She started leafing through the book as she made for the spa, using the brown bag to hide its cover, as instructed.

"Ooh, it's the new original Ponish translation by Goodpony Bookpuns, too!"

124. Newbie Dash

Rainbow Dash merrily walks on the field of the Wonderbolt's Academy in her newly acquired Wonderbolt's uniform, finally doing what she wanted most since she was just a filly.

Heading towards the other side of the most identifiable feature of the academy, the large runway, without a worry in the world, not paying attention to her surroundings or the first rule while crossing the runway "Always check both ways before crossing the runway", which is basic and simple, who can forget something like that?, she could've seen a pair of Wonderbolts flying at top speed towards the runway making the middle of it a collision point that will ultimately result in a disaster in which poor Rainbow Dash would gain the once forgotten nickname of "Rainbow Crash"...

Or so would be it if it wasn't for a meddling Starlight Glimmer.

A flash of lavender light get's in the peripheral vision of Rainbow Dash and when she turns her head to look at it, the flash happens again, leaving a confused Rainbow Dash and an empty runway to cross.

125. A Hearth's Warming Tail

The ponies of Ponyville prepare to celebrate Hearth's Warming in Twilight's castle, inside, present Starlight Glimmer isn't too keen on celebrating it this year, that is, until a note appeared over her head and landed on it, which she proceeded to check.

"Celebrate it. You'll be spared a lecture and won't lose friendship points from Twilight."

"Sounds reasonable"

She checked the other side and something was written on it.

"If unconvinced consult the book"

"What boo- *Ow*"

A decently sized book titled "A Hearth's Warming Tale" appeared over her head and landed on it with a decently amount of force.

126. The Saddle Row Review

Rarity, though surrounded by friends and committed to her venture, was thrown into a panic due to the state of her new boutique on the day of its opening. “What am I going to do-o-o!” she wailed.

Just then, Starlight Glimmer popped in and said, “Couldn’t help but overhear Rarity. It seems like you have a lot of simple things to deal with before the opening. So, why don’t you just use magic?”

Rainbow Dash was the first to reply, “That’s your answer to everything.”

“That’s because it works,” Glimmer said.

“Hard work ‘works’,” AJ responded. “Magic just messes everything up.”

“Work smarter, not harder,” Glimmer quoted. “Am I right, Twilight?”

“We are using magic, Starlight,” Twilight answered. “The magic of friendship. Together, there’s nothing we can’t do. Maybe a spell could be useful, but working as a team is always the most rewarding.”

“Yes, rah, teamwork, friendship, et cetera,” Rarity cheered with her friends. She then turned to Starlight and asked in a whisper “What are you thinking? For a spell I mean? What do your recommend?”

“I think you’ll like this one.” For the next 10 seconds, Rarity, under the effects of Exelero, completed absolutely everything that needed to be done in the store.

Twilight gave Starlight an incredulous glare, but Applejack looked apologetic, hat in hoof. “Wow, that was, uh… do you think I could, uh, maybe ask for that spell next cider season?”

“I’ll think about it.” She called out as she left, “Have a good opening, Rarity!”

“I can’t thank you enough, Darling!” she called back with a song.

“Can you two please stop encouraging her?” Twilight scolded.

“Do you think if she used that spell on me I could hit light speed?” Rainbow asked.

“Rainbow Dash, I swear to Celestia-”

127. Applejack's Day Off

It was a warm, fine day at Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack leaped off the top of her barn with a smile. She soared out over the pig-yard below, gritting her teeth in anticipation of the rope around her midsection pulling tight, leaving her to dangle back and forth from the ungainly apparatus that she'd rigged for the purpose of performing just one of the myriad arcane steps in the ritual of pig-feeding.

But before it could pull tight, she heard the loud pop of time travel spell resolving nearby. She cursed under her breath that she even knew what that sounded like, then cursed again as she saw Starlight Glimmer waving at her from the path that led to the barn. Her horn was lit--a sure sign of trouble.

In fact, Applejack was so distracted by Starlight's sudden appearance that she missed the moment when she would've expected the rope to catch her. It wasn't until just before she landed hooves-first on the squishy--but still not entirely yielding--ground below, that she began to realize something was amiss.

*SPLOOSH*

In time--which may well have been just a hoof-full of seconds--Applejack brought her muzzle up and out of the mud and muck of the pig pen. Rattled as she was, it took another few moments for her to realize that Starlight was standing just on the other side of the pig fence.

“First of all, I'm sorry,” Starlight said. “I slowed your fall down a lot with my magic, but you're heavier than you look, y'know?”

“Wut,” Applejack burbled.

“You're just so stubborn,” Starlight said. “Thinking you don't need a break every once in a while. Thinking everything has to be done ‘just so,’ otherwise it's crap! Well guess what, your rope could've broken without magical intervention, and then where would you be? Assuming you even survived the fall, you would've had to hire help for a while so you could rest. And they wouldn't know all your crazy ‘just so’ ways of doing things.” She took a long breath. “You know, that's the whole point of hiring professionals: they'll do it right the first time, and it'll all work out for the better in the long run.”

Starlight then levitated out a stack of coupons, and a book. “Here's some ‘light reading’ about operational efficiency and process improvement. Go to the freakin’ spa a few times and read it.”

With that, there was a loud POP, and Starlight was gone.

A pig walked over and nuzzled at Applejack’s side. She rolled over with a groan, picked herself up off the ground, and patted a mud-slick hoof on the pig’s back.

“Maybe she's right, ol’ girl,” Applejack said. “Maybe it's time we just refocus Sweet Apple Acres on producing Apple- and Zap-Apple-based products, and quit trying to prime the pump for a Ponyville bacon market.”

The pig grunted at her.

“Naw, don't worry, ol’ girl; we'll make sure y’ go to a good new home.”

And that's how Griffonstone began its new tradition of an annual Baconfest.

128. Flutter Brutter

"Actually," said Fluttershy's father, failing to hide his chagrin, "it's funny you bring Zephyr up..."

Fluttershy's face fell. "Oh no! Not again!"

"It's just for a little while, dear," said her mother, failing to console. "'Til he gets back on his--"

The door burst inward.

"Mom! Dad!"

Haggard, dirt-stained and near mane-less, Zephyr Breeze swept into the house like a hurricane, collecting his parents in a bone-crushing hug. "Oh, I'm so happy to see you both!"

With a gasp, he dropped them and rushed to his sister, catching her up and squeezing her tight.

"Fluttershy! Big sis, I'm so glad you're here!"

Fluttershy was stunned. Was he... crying into her mane?

"Zephyr?"

He separated from her, looking into her eyes with a thousand-yard stare. "Oh, Fluttershy, I'm just... I'm so overwhelmed..." His breath caught in his throat.

"Um," said Rainbow Dash, "am I missing something?"

"Is that Rainbow Dash?" Zephyr smiled, releasing Fluttershy and moving over to Dash, extending his hoof. "Rainbow, I am so, so sorry for the way I've treated you. As long as we've known each other, I've been nothing but a... a jerk to you. I hope you'll give me a second chance to show that I've become a changed pony. I want us to be friends."

Dash shook his hoof limply, unable to pick her jaw up off the ground enough to do anything else.

"I agree with Rainbow Dash," said Mrs. Shy. "Goodness gracious, Zephyr, you're an absolute mess, are you all right?"

Her husband put a wing around her. "And you've gotten so strong. Did something happen, son?"

Zephyr looked one by one at the ponies in the room with him, smiling at each in turn. "I've got quite a story to tell, but I don't know if you'll believe me..."

~

Earlier...

"Talent-less hack?" Zephyr stomped the unyielding sidewalk. "Wouldn't know a mane if it bit me in the flank?" He kicked a nearby trash can and only hurt his hoof. "I'll show those ungrateful... Cloudsdale Mane Therapy School? Hah! More like Cloudsdale Mane Therapy... Fools!"

As he congratulated himself on a rhyme well done, a whiff of ozone, a flash and a pop in front of him caught his attention. A pink unicorn mare wearing black, spiky armor materialized in front of him, coughing on her own smoke.

"What in the wide, wide world of Equestria?"

The mare gagged once, then turned a broad smile to him. "Hi there! Zephyr Breeze?"

It took a moment for Zephyr to pull himself out of his confused stupor, but a moment was all he needed to slick back his mane and turn on the ol' Zeph charm.

"My reputation precedes me," he said in what he thought was a sultry tone of voice. "But I'm afraid you have me at an advantage, miss?"

"Not important. Tell me, do you like antiques?" She indicated her armor. "This is a really classic piece, don't you think?"

'Confused' did not do justice to the emotions Zephyr was feeling at that moment.

"Antiques? What?"

The mare trotted up to him and lay a hoof on his shoulder. "Wanna see where I got it from? Great, let's go!"

In a poof, they both disappeared. When the smoke cleared, Zephyr found himself staring up at a tall spire of black crystal surmounted by purple flames. Atop it, a black unicorn howled and laughed maniacally. Below, a chain gang of ponies who sparkled dully in the firelight slumped past, heads low.

"Hey!" shouted the mare next to him. "I've got a straggler here!"

One of the guards, wearing black armor identical to the mare's, perked up and trotted over their way. Zeph got the feeling he didn't want to be there, but before he could turn tail, she gave him a little push from behind, and he stumbled into the guard. An iron collar was immediately slapped around his neck.

"Pretty sure he's the one who's been stealing armor, too," the mare said, putting a helmet on. "Make sure he's taken care of."

The guard saluted. "You're a tall one," he said. "You'll make a fine addition to His Majesty's work force." He hauled Zeph toward the line of slave ponies.

"Wait!" Zephyr shouted. "You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am?"

"A severe pain in the flank," said the mare coldly. She trotted over as the line was stopped so Zeph could be added to it. "But don't worry," she whispered, "I'll be back in thirty seconds."

As Zephyr howled in fear and anguish, the mare disappeared in a flash.

~

True to her word, Starlight re-materialized an instant later, if a few years into the future. It was a minor effort for her to infiltrate the ranks of King Sombra's military, running willy-nilly as they were while a pair of alicorns assaulted the Crystal Keep. She wove her way through the halls, down, down into the crystal mines below. The chaos of the surface was perhaps even more pronounced here, as slaves broke their chains and fought back against their captors with pickaxes, shovels and chunks of mined crystal.

There, in the center, stood a lanky green pegasus, wielding his broken chains like flails. His mane had been shorn, and he was both bulkier and thinner than when she'd last seen him, but a pony that tall couldn't go unnoticed. She removed her helmet and armor, dodging around the skirmishers, until she came up next to him.

"Go, my brothers and sisters!" he shouted. "To free--You?"

She grinned at him. "How's it going?"

"Oh, it's been amazing!" he cried. "Sure, the work was killer, but I've been helping organize the slave rebellion from within. Our freedom is at hoof!"

"That's great," said Starlight, patting him on the shoulder. "Ready to go back home?"

To her surprise, he hesitated. "What about my comrades in arms?"

"Don't worry," she said, chuckling. "You can see them again in a thousand years."

And she lit her horn.

129. Spice Up Your Life

Starlight huddled low beneath one of the fragrant restaurant’s back tables, clutching a long-barreled weapon close to her chest. She perked her ears up and grinned as her cue finally approached.

“If Zesty Gourmand is coming here tonight, there is quite a bit of work that needs to get done,” Rarity declared from out of sight.

“Like what?” Pinkie chirped.

“Like not one motherbuckin’ thing!” Starlight roared, overturning the table with her magic and slinging her weapon up onto the stool that she’d been hiding behind. Pinkie, Rarity, and the two ponies they’d come to help—Saffron Masala and Coriander Cumin—all gasped at the sudden outburst. Then three horns came alight as the realization crossed their faces that they were staring down the barrel of a—

*BANG!*

Rarity dropped like a stone. Pinkie shrieked and fell to her haunches next to her fellow Element Bearer. Saffron and Corinader both gasped, rolled their eyes in panic, and bolted for the door.

But Starlight reacted quicker, lighting her horn and locking the door tight with her magic. The two ponies tugged fruitlessly on it before whinnying with dismay and running in opposite directions.

“Wait a minute!” Pinkie shouted, holding up a hoof… and holding something in it.

Starlight smiled at the sight of the feathered dart Pinkie had plucked from Rarity’s barrel.

“A tranquilizer dart?!” Pinkie bellowed, the expression on her muzzle turning toward rage. “Starlight Glimmer, you mean meanie-pants! You nearly scared the poopies out of us with that little stunt!”

From somewhere nearby, Coriander cleared his throat. “Not… nearly,” he said, his voice as small as he could make it.

“It was necessary,” Starlight said, slinging the tranquilizer gun back over her shoulder. “Rarity meant well… all of you do, really… but the next thing that was gonna come out of her mouth would’ve doomed all of you to a truckload of unnecessary drama.”

Saffron stalked out from cover, frowning at Starlight. “And how does shooting a patron in the middle of lunch qualify as any less ‘necessary drama’ than what our nice Amareican friend here would’ve inflicted on us?!”

“Clearly you’ve never met Rarity before,” Starlight deadpanned. “No, look: your food’s pretty good. Me and Trixie love stopping by anytime we’re in town—”

“If I ever see you again I will do worse than just spitting in your food,” Coriander muttered as he worked a push broom.

Starlight cleared her throat. “Try it and I’ll bring the health department down on your flank so hard, you’ll think it’s actual literary analysis being brought to bear on an actual literal plot.” She stared Coriander down until he broke eye contact and went back to cleaning. “But what I was getting at is that Zesty Gourmand is all well and good, but you just need to get some plots in seats here. Pinkie, you can spread the word about how great this place is, right?”

“Abso-tute-ly!”

With a nod to Pinkie, Starlight turned to meet Saffron’s quizzical expression. “And you can handle the blow back that’s gonna happen when you have an uppity food critic get their feathers ruffled by a house full of otherwise happy customers, right?”

“I… of course,” Saffron answered.

“Well then, that’s a wrap.” Starlight flared her horn and disappeared in the cascading energy of her time-travel spell.

For a long moment after she disappeared, silence reigned. But eventually Coriander cleared his throat and turned to Pinkie. “So, miss Pie. This Starlight friend of yours… is she single?”

Saffron looked aghast. “Father! What could possibly motivate you to chase the youthful tail of this arrogant, time-traveling, gun-slinging she-devil?!”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Coriander said, fighting down a blush. “No reason?”

130. Stranger Than Fanfiction

Starlight popped into existence on a balcony overlooking the Daring Do Convention, scanning the crowds and the plethora of booths for a familiar rainbow maned mare. The colors were overwhelming, but eventually she spotted Rainbow Dash sitting across from what looked to be a bar of some type. “Bingo.”

“Cause they're horrible! I mean, there isn't a single thing after Ring of Destiny that is ev-” Quibble was cut off with duct tape wrapping around his muzzle, stopping his analytical spew before it could trigger Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow whipped her head around, searching for the source, and found Starlight sitting to her right. She resigned herself to accepting Starlight's 'assistance,’ and groaned quietly. “Celestia dammit... I go away for a little while and you still show up, what is it Starlight?” The pegasus chugged the rest of her cider.

Quibble flailed his limbs, both scared and angry that he was suddenly silenced, he needed to talk, that was his thing! “Mmm!”

Starlight just ignored him and calmly spoke to Dash. “Listen Dash, this guy has a different opinion of the books than you, big deal, everyone has opinions, so just relax and have a civil conversation like a big filly. I mean, he likes your holes, so maybe try and get along instead of lunging for his throat?”

“My... Holes?” Rainbow's cheeks gained a few shades of red as she avoid both pony's gazes.

“Yeah, you know, the arrow holes in your hat.” Starlight turned to Quibble, who had settled on an angry scowl. “Now, you, you need to shut up, nobody likes an analyst! Enjoy the convention, and maybe analyze the cover of the The Ring of Destiny, you know who is on the cover? Rainbow Dash, she was there pal, it's real.” Starlight ripped the tape off and balled it up, throwing it away blindly, where it stuck to the very grouchy bar-mare's head.

All three ponies disappeared in a flash, reappearing in Rainbow Dash's hotel room, with Quibble rubbing his muzzle in pain. “So, now that we've cleared the air to keep you two from arguing over what is canon, you can get to what you both actually want.” Starlight picked them up in her magical aura and placed them on the bed. Together. And left a ring shaped object in a small square wrapper. “Bye!”

The two looked at each other, blushing furiously when Starlight reappeared, snatching up the Super Duper Daring Do Deluxe Bondage Body Pillow that Dash had purchased earlier. “I'm confiscating this for... Reasons... Bye again!” She was gone again.

"Who was that?!"

"Shut up Quibble."

~

In Daring Do's room, the adventurer spun around at the sound of a magic pop, finding The Seven-Sided Chest of Chicomoztoc on the room's table, with a small note next to it. Both were on top of a pizza box, nice and neatly presented to the her. She cautiously approached the box and peeked at the note, not sure if this was a trap or something completely inexplicable. ‘Daring Do - You're welcome, enjoy the pizza. (And put Dash and her boyfriend in the next book.) - Starlight Glimmer’

“Huh.”

She decided it was something completely inexplicable.

131. The Cart before the Ponies

Starlight once again stepped out from the portal as she’s done a hundred times or so. Blinking a few times in the morning sun, she spied three ponies upon a hill. “Oh, apples, quit complaining! In my day, we were up even earlier!” Applejack said with a grin, the unicorn and the pegasus beside her nodded.

“Hey, I'd get up in the middle of the night if it means my cart crosses that finish line first and wins fastest!” Rainbow Dash took to the air, emphasizing her words with her forelegs.

Just as Rarity opened her muzzle was when Starlight, stepped in. “Alright, enough is enough.” The three mares, and three fillies all looked towards the sound of the voice as Starlight crested the hill.

“Well, I never!” Rarity snorted a bit, her eyes narrowing as the purple unicorn came closer.

“Oh hush! Like you need to try and tell me I have bad manners. Look at what you three are doing!” The mare waved her hoof in the direction of the fillies. “This race is for them. Not for you big old losers to try and relive your foal-hoods!”

“Hey!” Came a cry from above.

She narrowed her eyes again at Rainbow Dash. “Don’t make me come up there. Now, have you ever considered what they wanted?” Applejack opened her mouth to retort, but quickly shut it with a frown.

“She’s right ya’ll… We never did ask the youngins what they wanted…” Rarity and Rainbow Dash looked at each other for a moment, before both of them looked down in shame.

“There. Now my work here is done.” Starlight turned to leave before stopping in her track. “Oh wait! One last thing.” With a sly grin, she teleported behind Rainbow Dash and cuffed her upside the head. “That’s for next time.” She said quickly.

Before the pegasus could even respond, Starlight disappeared in a flash of light, leaving two confused mares and an angry pegasus. “Hey?! Grrr! Why do we keep letting her get away?!” With a shrug from the other two, Rarity and Applejack approached their respective sisters.

“Look, sorry we got carried away. We just had so much fun with it before, we wanted to make sure you all got the same experience!”

“Right, but we should really take your ideas into consideration. As this is YOUR race after all.” The two foals hugged their sisters, while Rainbow huffed in annoyance.

“I TOTALLY would have the fastest cart.” Rainbow grumbled, a pout on her face and her forehooves crossed.

“Whatever you say Rainbow Dash. Can we go build our carts now?” Scootaloo stifled a giggle, nuzzling the older, blue Pegasus.

“Fine~....” The group shared a small laugh that Rainbow quickly joined in on. The echoes of laughter, carried itself on the wind and into the trees. Up above, a small twinkle, shone in the morning sky.

132. 28 Pranks Later

The smell of ozone drifted into Rainbow Dash's cloud home and caught her attention. There were only a couple possible sources of the ozone smell, and after recent events, she was pretty sure she knew the origin. “Starlight...” Her voice held a hint of frustration in it, she wouldn't let the time-traveling unicorn interfere anymore, not again. The encounter at the Daring Do Convention had been embarrassing enough already.

“Where are you Glimmer?! I know you're here!” The pegasus called out the meddling unicorn, flying through her large home, searching each room as quickly as possible. Halfway through her search, she made her way into the foyer, landing in the center of the cloud tower, her eyes wide in shock. “What the hay…”

Starlight stood on the balcony, watching Rainbow Dash chug a keg of cider, one of many, many barrels now filling the foyer. In her magical aura, she held a box of prank supplies she had found in a closet, and incinerated it. “And done.”

~

“I think Rainbow Dash really took our intervention seriously, she hasn't pranked anypony in 3 days now.” Twilight smiled proudly, her and her friends, had stopped the Rainbow menace before it spun out of control. However she was wondering what Dash was up to after having not seen her the past few days. She didn't see the daredevil every day, but usually she would spot a rainbow streak in the sky at the very least.

Fluttershy nervously pawed at the cloud. “She's never been this quiet before…”

When Twilight pushed the front door open, both stumbled backwards, the smell of cider was so strong Twilight was sure she was feeling buzzed just from inhaling. Shaking her head did no good, the smell was to strong, masking the faint scent of... Pizza.

In the center of the foyer, Rainbow Dash, surrounded by empty cider kegs, and pizza boxes, gave a wobbly wave. “Hiya Twiggy n’ Butterball... Heh, lookie what Shtarwright gave me.”

A glass of chocolate milk spilled in Twilight's imagination, her eye twitched, and a single mane hair curled up.

“Dear Twilight, you should know Rainbow Dash well enough to know she needs extra explaining to get things through it her. I mean, really? You gave up trying to explain things to her and decided to let it play out. When she recovers from the worst hangover in history, maybe tie her down and actually have a talk with her about pranking having a code of conduct.

PS - I charged this to your royal credit card.”

Fluttershy finished reading the note she had found, and turned to Twilight, who was still standing in the doorway. “Uhm. Are you okay Twilight?”

Rainbow Dash hiccuped.

133. The Times They Are a Changeling

The cave was cold. It was also deeper than Starlight Glimmer had thought as when she popped into existence she instantly started plummeting into the ravine. Luckily, she was caught very quickly. Plot conveniently quickly some might say. The changeling was holding her by the mane in his mouth. “Ahh, Steve, there you are.” Starlight said as her horn lit and the two of them vanished.

“That’s why we posted the extra guards. And…” Shining Armour said but had his sister finished his sandwich.

“Checking every pony’s identity.”

*pop*

“Argh! There it is!” Spike yelled “Starlight, get away from it!”

“I’m over here Spike.” Starlight replied.

“Argh! It’s copying Starlight!” Spike yelled again.

“Guard! Form ranks! Defend Flurry Heart!” Shining Armour ordered as he moved towards the two changelings. As the stallions formed a wall in front of Cadence, Flurry Heart and Sunburst, Shining Armour advance while pulling a spear from seemingly nowhere. He throw the spear. It bounced off of a shield around the two of them. “Guards, attack!”

They all pulled spears out of nowhere and through them. They also bounced off of the shield generated by Future Starlight Glimmer, or 'Glim Glam' as she liked to be called. “This is Ste-” Glim Glam began but was cut off by Shining Armour ordering another attack.

Twelve more spears came flying at them. All of them bouncing off of the shield “It’s not working Sir!”

“Well keep trying!” Shining commanded, followed by a third volley of spears.

Glim Glam grabbed all the spears in mid air and snapped them. “As I was saying... this is Ste-”

“We’re out of spears Sir.”

“Well get more!” he yelled as he faced the horrible creature before him.

Spike stepped up beside Twilight and asked “Wait… if Glim Glam over there is that good with magic, what if that Starlight is the changeling?!”

Shining immediately did an about-face towards Starlight. “What? No. I’m not a changel-”

“Wha-Shining stooooaaaarrrgghh!!!...” Cadence yelled. Shining Armour was out of spears and the changeling was so close, he had to resort to his next best weapon. He picked up Cadence and moon-balled her at the changeling. “Oouuuggghh……” both she and Starlight groaned as their now lay piled on top of each other.

“Sir, we have more spears!” some guard announced.

“Fire!” Shining proclaimed as a hail of spears shot towards the changeling… and his wife. Just before the spears hit, the two of them disappeared in a *pop* and appeared in front of Glim Glam.

“Now. As I was saying.” Glim Glam stated with obvious annoyance in her voice. “This. Is Ste-” she was interrupted once more as Twilight was flung into her shield. “Seriously…?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at Shining who was in turn eyeing his daughter and last alicorn projectile he had, weighing the risks in his head.

“I surrender.” Shining declared and raised his hooves into the air.

“Oh for the love of Faust…” Glim Glam muttered while raising a hoof her her forehead and pinching the bridge of her nose. “For the last time. This is Steve. He’s a changeling. Say ‘Hi’ Steve.”

“Uh… actually. My name is Thorax.” Steve replied.

“Good.” Glim Glam continued. “Now that you’ve surrendered to me, say ‘Hi’ King Sombra.”

“Uh… actually my name’s Shining Armor. Prince Shining Armor. Not King Sombra.”

“Really? I thought the ruler of the Crystal Empire was King Sombra. You know, tyrant, slaver, conqueror. You seem to fit the bill.”

“I am nothing like him!”

“And there you have it…” Glim Glam said as she pushed Steve forwards. “Why don’t you two discuss how you’re nothing like those in the same position as you and the characterizing trait of having your own names, lives and being individuals that shouldn’t be treating based on what they are but rather by the...” she paused and looked at how he’d thrown two ponies, two princesses no less, at her “...merits of what they’ve done.”

134. Dungeons and Discords

“Oh, this game is insufferable!” Discord exclaims, holding Big Macintosh in a magic bubble as his own anger only rises to new heights. Humiliated, frustrated, bored, and angry the Lord of Chaos lands on the court room’s floor with a look of utter disdain. Before he can make his next move, however, a bright blue light flashes, blinding all three of the room’s current inhabitants, and quickly dissipates.

Like a messenger sent from the council of Starlight’s, there stood the one and only Starlight Glimmer. Her coat dirty and mane frazzled. Her breath labored and giving a clear sign of exhaustion. She glared at Discord, while Big Macintosh looked at Starlight and blushed a bit. He had to look away with an awkward smile.

With another flash of her magic, Starlight conjures a massive fly swatter and starts repeatedly slapping Discord to the ground! While Discord isn’t particularly injured by this, or even in pain, he certainly makes the appearance that he is, albeit while appearing as different shapes, duplicates of himself, or odd combinations of sets or objects between each downward slam of the giant fly swatter.

After what seemed like minutes, but was really a few agonizingly long seconds, Starlight stops her assault on Discord, giving a pleased smile.

“What was that for?!” Discord questions, now confused and upset.

“Don’t be an elitist and hurt your friends just because you can’t learn to enjoy things. They were nice enough to invite you to something they usually keep between themselves. You were stupid enough to make it about yourself and your own interests, without even considering them. Stop it.” Starlight is very concise about her words. With another flash of magic Starlight is out of there.

Discord stares in confusion and is taken aback. He snaps his fingers, making a timeline script appear for him to examine. He puts on very large reading glasses and reads the fine lines, seeing an addendum. It clearly states this was supposed to happen.

“I just love loopholes,” Discord gripes, upset that one was used at his expense. “Though, I suppose she’s right…”

135. Buckball Season

“If you buck them, they will come,” advised Starlight, as she hopped straight out of a portal and into the seat beside Rainbow. A whistle jangled around her neck as she sat back, enjoying a moment of resting her weary legs. Fixing everything was hard on the hooves!

“What the-!” gasped the blue pegasus, blinking nervously at the mare, who wrapped a very friendly leg around the pony’s shoulders. “This is supposed to be a family game. Applejack, you said this was a family game!”

“I- It is! I ain’t- Starlight, what to corn do you mean? My cousin’s in that team!”

“Wow, you took it to that level?” smirked the purple mare thoughtfully, “the sport’s called Buckball! You got dark skeletons in that closet, you two.” The pair of sporting ponies whinnied awkwardly, looking to each other, then anywhere but as they tried to resolve them matter by not thinking about it.

“What in consternation are y’doin’ here, Glimmy?” asked the farm mare to the ceiling of the rocking coach. “This is just a game of … this is just a match between Ponyville and Appleloosa, t’ain’t a friendship lesson?”

“Oh, I beg to differ,” Starlight murmured as she gestured to the tentative forms of their fellow salmon and buttercup athletes, approaching with heavy hearts. This was not the zone of relaxation and concentration their team captains had requested them to be in, and thus Rainbow flew off the hoof and moved like a Buckball flying into an own goal.

“Hey, you two are supposed to be in the zone!”

“Okay, this is what I was talking about,” Starlight went on to explain, still hugging Rainbow’s tight shoulders with her foreleg and mentally reminding herself to offer the mare a spa trip when she returned to her own time, “you’ve bucked them a little too much and now they’ve come to-”

“There's no way that we can get in the zone, because the zone sounds like a horrible place since we are terrible at buckball and we are going to-” Fluttershy’s bitter and frantic screams were cut off by the sound of a shrill squeal, emanating from the whistle between Starlight’s lips. Once it had silenced every argument, and the hooves had hit every ear, the silver metal noise maker dropped from her lips and bounced on it’s chain.

“What’s the first rule of Friendship club, Flutter-Pie?” she demanded, pointing a hoof directly at them. The pair blinked at her dumbly with their hooves still hugging their ears until the sugared lilac mare gestured them to physically un-mute their surroundings. The question was repeated.

“No smoking,” answered Pinkie confidently, and with some thought, the clock watcher realized the party-maker was not wrong.

“I meant the first rule of section fourteen, paragraph B of the Friendship club code.” she recited it easily from memory, “‘no pony talks about the zone!’” she turned and gave Rainbow ‘The Look’. She reserved that look for tell-tales, twerps asking for her counselling who come with incomprehensible problems, and ponies who talk in the theater. It successfully put Rainbow in her place.

“The second rule in the same paragraph is, ‘We do not think everypony is like us,’”

“Um, no it isn’t!” Pinkie scrambled her hoof into her tail and tugged out a copy of the tome she kept for important occasions like this, “the second rule is, “WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE ZONE!” but in ALL CAPS RAGE!” she advised Starlight with the appropriate rage an all capitals quote should be read in. The unicorn rearranged her face from the Ponylo Picasso work of art it had been messed up into, and cleared her throat.

“I meant the third rule?” she inquired hopefully, and Pinkie nodded astutely, returning her copy of the rules to its rightful place. “The point I’m raising is - in this lifetime you don’t have to prove nothing to nobody except yourselves. Instead of running from this pain - step into it! You’ll make it. All you want to do is go have fun, so go have fun! Don’t worry about winning! Help these two, to help you. If you do that, you’re going to eat lightning and buck buckballs like there’s no tomorrow!” Starlight finished her speech and looked to the other two. “Am I right?”

“Err, yeah! I mean, we wanna win but t’ain’t nothin’ if y’all don’t enjoy it,” agreed a dubious Applejack. Their teammates looked to one another, before giving small, cautious nickers to the others.

“So we aren’t letting Ponyville down if we lose?” Fluttershy queried circumspectly.

“Nope,” grinned Snails, popping his head up from his chair, just do what I do and not think about it. Seriously. I don't think about anything. Ever.”

“Oooooh!” The revelation lit Pinkie Pie up like a Hearth Warming candle, “That works for me!” She looked to Fluttershy, who gave a relieved nod, and together the pair turned and walked back towards their carriage with more ease in their once-troubled minds.

“Well, looks like that’s another job well done,” grinned Starlight, putting a big green tick in her copy of the Friendship Journal and firing up a new portal home.

“What in the apple are you talkin’ about?” Applejack grunted with a deep frown, “Snails saved the day this time, all y’all did was plagiarize a bunch’a different speeches!” Starlight squeaked in horror and her jaw wobbled uncouthly at the claim, but it could not be disputed further. She pouted furiously and as she popped out of existence, a square box with a mustached stereotype in chef overalls on the cover appeared in Applejack’s lap.

The two ponies gasped hungrily and eagerly opened the box, only to reveal that the pizza was - ugh! Healthy! There was spinach, broccoli, even celery as a topping! Applejack grumbled in frustrated gluttony and slammed the box, pushing it away to Snails. He ate the whole thing, for he did not think about it.

“Starlight’s a real sore loser, huh?”

“Eeyup.”

136. The Fault In Our Cutie Marks

The cutie mark crusaders eagerly looked up at Twilight, having just asked her if it were possible for Gabby the griffon to somehow receive a cutie mark artificially through the use of powerful magic.

“...ummm I’m not sure if any of you remember, but using magic to get a cutie mark never really works out all that well.” The lavender alicorn looked down at the three small fillies with a smug, knowing look.

You could see the hearts of the three crusaders deflate simultaneously as they realized that they would need to crush their new griffon friend’s dream.

*SNAP*

A bright green flash filled the library of Twilight’s library, and Starlight Glimmer, time traveler-cum-fixer extraordinaire, stepped through.

“Oh not you again, Starlight.” Twilight sighed, raising a hoof to massage her temple..

“Actually, Twilight, girls…” Starlight grinned, ignoring Twilight’s negative reaction to her arrival. “I think that we can give this griffon a cutie mark with the help of magic… though maybe not quite in the way you’re thinking!”

Twilight groaned aloud. “I wash my hooves of this.” Shaking her head in an attempt to ward off her impending headache, she quickly exited the library before hearing any more of her protege’s scheme.

Starlight looked over at Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, her grin growing wide, “Soooo…. This griffon, Gabby… she wants a cutie mark more than anything right?”

The girls nodded.

“She’d give up everything she had just to get any sort of symbol on her flank, right?”

At this, Sweetie Belle spoke up, somewhat suspiciously. “W-well, I mean… I don’t think she’d be OK with just any mark. She’d probably reject it if we brought out a red-hot brand or a tattoo needle.”

Both Applebloom and Scootaloo couldn’t help but look at their friend with incredulity and disbelief.

“What!? You can’t tell me you guys never considered those methods!”

Applebloom and Scootaloo shook their heads in disapproval, making Sweetie sink slightly, before a reassuring hoof patted her on her cream-colored mane.

“That’s actually… pretty devious. Good thinking Sweetie Belle.” Starlight Glimmer encouraged with a chuckle, “...but, if your griffon friend is that committed to getting a mark, I think I have a plan that won’t require such chicanery.”

…

The Cutie Mark Crusader’s tree-house was a scene of great happiness and excitement.

Kind of.

“Wow. This. Is. So. Amazing.” Gabby deadpanned, looking back at her own flank. “It’s everything. I ever dreamed. That it would be.”

A skeptical Applebloom tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow in query to the griffon’s reaction. “Yew shure about that Gabby? Ya don’t seem tah be that excited?”

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement. They’d both seen more enthusiasm from Maud Pie at a paint-drying exhibition.

“No. Really.” Gabby mono-toned, weakly pumping her fist in the air. “This is great. What does it mean?”

“It, uh… kinda looks like an equals sign?” Scootaloo offered, poking the griffon’s flank. “Why does it seem like Gabby is more… gray? Well… I mean... more gray than usual?”

Starlight shrugged. “Eh, it’s just a side effect of the spell. Sometimes ponies also get really smiley sometimes… buuuut that might have been more because of the will of a tyrannical (but very cute) communist despot.” Starlight shook her head and waved her hoof when she saw that she was only getting strange looks from the fillies near her. “Anyway! She got a ‘cutie mark’, so my job here is done… I’ll be heading out now.” Starlight’s horn ignited for the second time in as many minutes, as she opened a time portal to head out to her next ‘fixing’ mission.

“Wait! W-what do we do with this?” Sweetie Belle asked, pointing at the small glass jar which held a shining spark of magical energy, recently extracted from Gabby.

“Meh, whatever you want. I kept mine in a cool-looking display unit… gotta go, later… or sooner… whatever!” Starlight stepped through her time portal, winking out of existence.

“Huh. Well. H-how do you feel Gabby?” Scootaloo asked. “Want to help us help other ponies around town, or help other ponies try to find their cutie marks?”

“Eh. I actually feel. Kinda tired.” Gabby shrugged. “I think I’ll just. Go home and. Do nothing. Bye girls.” Gabby flapped off, the high-energy helpfulness that had made her who she was gone.

“Well… b-bye Gabby.” Sweetie Belle waved, unsure of herself. The girls all looked at one another, not quite confident that they’d done the right thing.

“C-cutie Mark Crusaders, mission success? Yay?” The girls semi-cheered without enthusiasm.

137. Viva Las Pegasus

It was a warm night when Starlight Glimmer blew in to Las Pegasus. Various ponies hustling and bustling about, with money being fuel for the fire of entertainment, and regrets. If she wasn’t so busy currently, she’d consider going her for a little vacation and doing a little card counting. She was a mare on a mission, however, and she had already been doing some scouting out of Gladmane’s resort.

She had her disguise on so Fluttershy and Applejack wouldn’t recognize her. With both of them currently taking a tour around the resort, she knew her plan was now to be put into action. She hurried off to an unpopulated area of the resort’s ground floor and tossed her bag of supplies down into the corner of a broom closet. Four gas masks, nitrous-oxide, sedatives, and a full access key she got off of maintenance. Before any of that, however, she casts duplexis on herself, quickly making three identical copies. She would need them to make this work.

“Alright, you, go to the twin performers with the prairie dogs and tell them about Gladmane.” She instructed one of her clones before pausing. “Wait, wait, you guys are me. I don’t need to tell you. Silly me!” She remembered that these three were just her sharing the same mind, just different actions. It took a lot of her focus, but a job’s never easy.

With that, she sent off her clones to go to all three of the feuding pairs while she moved in for the big fish. She put on her mask, grabbed the nitrous and sedatives, and made for Gladmane’s personal penthouse suite. With the key, she was able to get through any standard door in the resort, and Gladmane’s suit was no exception. She closed the door behind her, carefully, and got to work at Gladmane’s juice bar, slipping the sedatives in his one and only drink, a cold bottle of carrot juice and caramel flavoring. Not her idea of a good drink, but that didn’t matter.

She slipped the sedatives into his bottle and slipped out of the room before anypony could stop to notice her and get suspicious. When she came back to the broom closet her three clones were already there, having told the pairs about Gladmane’s involvement in their affairs to keep them at the resort. The remaining three Starlight’s put on their gas masks and made way to a ventilation shaft down the hall that connected to the entire resort.

With Gladmane surely knocked out by now, it was only a matter of time before somepony went to check on him. This meant that they had to move quickly. Luckily, with the problem already solved, the next part was what tied this whole thing together. Nopony asked what the four identical mares were doing, assuming it was an act of some sort, so getting to the ventilation shaft was easier than expected. The real Starlight hooked up the nitrous and the group snuck to the security room just as the resort started to fall under a deep sleep.

From there, she cut off the security cameras and had one of her clones move to lock the front door before anypony else arrived and saw all these sleeping ponies in one resort. Wouldn’t want anypony getting suspicious.

With security now out of commission, the group moved to the vault deeper into the resort. With no security and a full team with her, they managed to tumble the locks until getting the door open to reveal a trove of riches! Bits everywhere, various jewels, and even a pair of golden, jewel-encrusted dentures. What were these all about?

Regardless, the group packed everything they could into bags and threw those out the back of the resort, off the clouds and down to the prairie below. With the vault cleaned out, she quietly shut and locked it before dismissing her clones and diving off the clouds, catching herself in her magic before hitting the ground.

In the coming hours, the ponies would wake up and Gladmane would have some explaining to do. His acts now knew what the real problem was, he was penniless, and his patrons would sue for mass sedation under his establishment. Starlight was just glad she didn’t need to use the thermal drill.

138. Every Little Thing She Does

Starlight popped into existence just a few hoofsteps away from five of the mane six, mere moments after her past-self had disappeared into the library to calm down. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when she noticed she was holding a chalice that said ‘Gold Digga’ on it. Now that she paid a little more attention, she realized she was also looking through a purple filter. Somehow in her travels a pair of glasses colored like her mane stripe with purple lenses had appeared on her muzzle, along with the chalice and… a hat? A sideways baseball cap adorned her head, adding to the already strange collection of items, making her muzzle scrunch up into an expression of complete confusion.

Starlight looked down and found a massive gold chain with a big gold plaque attached hanging from her neck. “Glamorous Glimmer?” She read the plaque, completely baffled, and chalked it up to time travel being time travel, before shaking off the offending items in front of her speechless past friends. “Never mind that, listen up girls! I need your help, because I suck at friendship right now. I promise I'll get better, but for now I need a little push in the right direction.”

“Uhm... Didn't you just go into the library?” Rainbow Dash raised and eyebrow, pointing a hoof in the direction of the massive room.

“And what was that horrible outfit you were wearing?!” Gasped Rarity, unable to keep her mouth shut about what Starlight had reappeared in.

Starlight groaned quietly. “Not important! You're missing the point, I need you five to reassure me and work with me on this, okay? When I come back in here, I'll need you to remind me this is about spending time with you girls. What we do isn't important, as long as we do it together, right? Right. So even if I'm a terrible baker, I'm a terrible baker getting to know and spending time with my friend! Okay? Great! Have fun!”

Just as she had arrived, Starlight was gone in a flash of light, leaving five confused friends behind. She hadn't gone very far though…

~

“No! Bad me! Don't cast spells on your friends!” Starlight swatted her past-self with a newspaper, scolding her after interrupting her spell search.

Past-Starlight held a hoof up, conceding to her future-self. “Okay, okay! Stop hitting me! I won't!”

The newspaper dropped, and past-Starlight looked up, finding that her future-self had disappeared. “That wasn't very nice…” she mumbled, and quickly trotted back to her friends while rubbing where she had been hit, finding them still waiting for her under their own free will. Just as she stepped in front of them to speak, a pizza appeared out of thin air, right at her hooves, a small sticky note attached to the box. She bent down to read the message, a message written in her writing. ‘No spells! Have fun! P.S. I left you a 40 in the fridge, get crunk.’

Applejack was the first to speak up. “That wasn't you jus’ now, was it?”

“Uhm... No… No it wasn't.”

The five ponies who weren't the present Starlight Glimmer looked at one another with varying expressions of annoyance. “STARLIGHT GLIMMER!”

139. Pony Point of View

The magic of the time portal fades from around Starlight Glimmer as she wraps herself in her magical aura to keep in the air. She glances around, once again, her aim has been perfect. She grimaces a bit, this was an utterly stupid friendship lesson. Eeyup, they are having a minor argument. She concentrates and winks out.

Only to wink back in on the deck of the ship as the cucumber sandwiches make it into the water. “Hold on!!” She shouts.

Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie all look at her, dumbfounded. She sighs and wraps them in her magic as well as the ship is crushed by the enthusiastic three horned bunyip as it devours the floating sandwiches. Again concentrating, all three mares wink out with her, to wink back into existence on the dock a hundred meters away.

“Seriously? You three are going to fight over that? Be adults!” Starlight screams before the magic of the time portal takes her on her next adventure. “I hope their next adventure is more fun.” She growls as the magic disappears from their time stream.

Pinkie looks at Rarity, then at Applejack. “What just happened?”

140. Where the Apple Lies

Pear Butter cooed as Bright Macintosh quietly slid the door to their room shut. She could just make out his silhouette in the moonlight as he tiptoed to the bed, giggling softly.

"Little Mac's finally down for the night," he whispered. At the creak of the mattress under his weight, the two of them stood stock still, barely daring to breathe.

After a long moment, Pear Butter laughed softly and patted the mattress next to her. "Guess bein' a parent's a lot more stressful than our own folks ever let on."

Bright Mac snorted as quietly as was possible. "If'n they had, nopony'd ever have foals again."

The pair shared a soft laugh, then a kiss, then a few more kisses and caresses as Pear Butter climbed atop him, beneath the sheets.

"What d'you say we have a few more?" she murmured, eyes alight with deviltry.

"Can't say as I don't savor the challenge," he said, his own eyes reflecting her sparkle.

There was a flash, a bang, and a wha-PISH! as a pink hoof smacked Pear Butter in the face. She sailed right off her husband, through the glass second-story window, and out over the darkened countryside, a Wilhelm scream trailing behind her.

"What in tarnation?" Bright Mac was on his hooves, atop the mattress, in an instant.

The pink unicorn mare who had just given his wife the bitch-slap of the century blew on her hoof. It was literally glowing red in the moonlight.

"Oh, just teaching your soon-to-be-conceived daughter a lesson in honesty." She gave him a knowing smile and a wink. "Don't worry, she'll feel that soon enough."

With another flash-bang combo, the unicorn mare was gone, leaving Bright Mac standing agape on his bed.

He began second-guessing his previous commitment to challenge as, in the other room, Little Macintosh began to cry.

~ Years Later ~

("Oh-ho, sugarcube," laughed Granny Smith. "Your big sister lied so much when she was a filly, the whole family ended up in the hospital!

Apple Bloom gaped in incredulity. "What?"

"Eeyup!" eeyuped Big Mac.

Groaning, Applejack said, "You might as well tell her the whole story. Might even do her some--"

Applejack's form sputtered and fizzed, like static on a television. She changed shape and size more than once, horns and wings appearing now and then in the few seconds the effect lasted. When it had passed, she remained as she always had been.

"--hot sauce on the corn cob!"

The gathered ponies blinked at her, none of them having really noticed the strange alteration take place.

"Uhh," said Granny Smith, giving her the stink eye. "Who're you and what're you doin' in mah barn?")

141. Top Bolt

"You think you've got what it takes to be an elite flyer?"

"Yes, ma'am!" shouted the recruits, and also some guy who was definitely not into the whole 'team player' biz.

"Well, lemme tell you," said Spitfire, tellingly, "you don't!"

HRGH-PLRPP, said the universe, as Starlight Glimmer appeared next to her.

"Can I borrow this?"

Spitfire took just long enough to pick her jaw up off the floor that Starlight had no trouble taking the whistle from around her neck. "Thanks, won't be more than thirty seconds!

"All right, listen up!" Starlight blew the whistle and, to their credit as cadets, the assembled pegasus hopefuls all snapped to attention. "Trail and Stinger, front and center!"

The two ponies in question didn't hesitate, but stepped forward. Seriously, these kids were major Wonderbolt material.

"She helps you fly," Starlight continued, indicating Vapor Trail. "Like, in every way possible."

"What?" shouted Sky Stinger at the same time Vapor Trail said, "How did you know?" They turned to look at each other, exchanged an angry glare for a sheepish look, and turned away.

"You're actually a mediocre flyer at best," Starlight said, lifting Sky's chin with her magic. "All your skill this time has been due to her covert assistance.

"But!" she smiled. "I am the Glimmer of good news. Specifically..." She used her magic to drag them closer to each other and turn their heads to look at one another. "She's at least as into you as you are into her."

The anger and concern turned quickly into fierce blushing. Starlight released them.

"So, once you two have made up, it'll be up to both of you to help each other through the Academy, the normal way. Until then..." She blew the whistle and bellowed, "Drop and give me twenty! By which I mean twenty smoochies! Now, cadets!"

Vapor Trail and Sky Stinger hesitated only a moment, possibly because there were so many ponies watching.

"Is it true?" asked Sky.

"It is, Sky," whispered Vapor. "All of it."

She tackled him, and they got right to smooching. The other cadets cheered, and Starlight tossed Spitfire her whistle back.

"Thanks. Turns out, yelling and blowing that thing is really fun!"

"I know, right?"

Spitfire and Starlight shared a moment of laughter and awkward camaraderie before Starlight time-traveled the hecksies outta there.

"Gosh," murmured Rainbow Dash to herself, because she kinda wanted Starlight to blow her whistle, if you get my drift. That was gonna be real awkward the next time she visited Twilight's castle.

142&143. To Where and Back Again

In the Crystal Empire, Spike had just finished singing his sweet ballad about how a changeling can change in defense of his new changeling friend, Thorax.

"Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Thorax," Shining Armor said. "I'm sorry we didn't take the time to get to know you, but maybe we can change that now."

"That'd be so amazing!" Thorax said. "I want to know all about friendship, and maybe one day I can take that knowledge back to the changeling kingdom. If my kind learn how to create love for one another, maybe they wouldn't have to take it from others!"

"Do you want gay deer?" Starlight Glimmer said, appearing with a flash of purple light. "Because that's how you get gay deer."

The assembled crowd looked back and forth between the two Starlight's in the room.

"Another changeling?" Shining asked.

"No. She's just me from the future," the other Starlight groaned. "What is it now?"

"Oh, it's not now. It's later," Starlight said, grabbing Thorax. "I just need to borrow him for a minute." They both vanished.

They reappeared a couple months later, (an instant later to them), just outside the wasteland surrounding the changeling hive, along with Discord and Trixie.

"So why are we here?" Trixie asked.

"The changelings are about to invade Equestria. We're going to prevent that," Starlight explained.

"And why would I want to prevent what sounds like a delightfully chaotic event?" Discord asked.

"Because it involves them kidnapping Fluttershy," Starlight said. Discord's eyes flared with anger like burning red coals.

"Consider that hive destroyed!" he growled as he flung a magic projectile at the hive. It fizzled against the protective magical barrier.

"Nothing other than changeling magic works here," Thorax explained. "Chrysalis's throne is carved from an ancient, dark stone that soaks up outside magic the same way changelings soak up love. It's how she keeps the hive safe."

"So I can't destroy it with my magic projectiles?" Discord asked.

"Nope," Thorax said.

"Well if the throne only absorbs magic, what about regular projectiles?" Starlight asked, with a knowing smirk. "Perhaps if some draconequus could fling a mountain at the hive from here?" Discord rolled his eyes.

"Really Starlight, that's just overkill," Discord said. "Everyone knows that shot placement is more effective than stopping power. Where exactly is the throne?"

"In that top spire," Thorax said. Discord pulled a decent-sized boulder from the ground and threw it with all his might. The rock briefly came aflame as it streaked through the atmosphere at hyper-sonic speed like a meteor. It easily pierced the hive and struck the throne, shattering the dark stone with awesome force, sending Queen Chrysalis hurtling into the sky, vanishing on the horizon. Discord snapped his fingers and the four of them instantly appeared in the wreckage of the throne room.

"What just happened!" one of the changeling yelled. "Is that Thorax!? Thorax just overthrew the queen!"

"Actually, I-"

"All hail the new king, Thorax!" the changelings began to chant.

"What is your bidding, Your Majesty?"

"Uh, maybe if we shared love with each other, we wouldn't have to take it from others," he said.

"What, like some kind of infinitely renewable resource? That sounds broken." Despite their doubt, they tried it and all turned into technicolor deer.

"Ugh, that is so hard to look at," Starlight groaned. "I guess it couldn't be prevented." Discord snapped his fingers and vanished. Thorax busied himself with his new role. Starlight and Trixie left.

"So I get why you brought Thorax and Discord, but why did you bring me? Just for eye candy?" Trixie asked.

Starlight didn't say no.

Author's Note

118&119. Shakespearicles
120. CoffeeMinion
121. CoffeeMinion
122. PresentPerfect
123. PresentPerfect
124. Areion
125. Areion
126. gaitiem
127. CoffeeMinion
128. PresentPerfect
129. CoffeeMinion
130. Electric Aura
131. Synesisbassist
132. Electric Aura
133. Bysen
134. Psy Key
135. Duskhoof
136. Clopficsinthecomments
137. Psy Key
138. Electric Aura
139. Sparky Brony
140. PresentPerfect
141. PresentPerfect
142&143. Shakespearicles

Season 7

144. Celestial Advice

There was a ripple of surprise as Starlight appeared in the middle of the ballroom. Mostly because Starlight was already in the ballroom, and most of the assembled guests were changelings and background ponies that weren’t used to it yet.

“Hey, Discord!” she called cheerily. “Come over here a sec, will you?”

Discord appeared directly behind her, a grin on his face. “Oh, I get it! One Starlight just wasn’t enough to go around. I do understand, it is hard to properly thank me for saving all of Equestria alone.”

Starlight gave him a wicked smile. “Not quite.” Her horn lit up, and before Discord could react, a massive blast of energy smashed into him, blowing a hole in the wall behind him and continuing until Discord had vanished completely.

Somewhere in the room, a cup shattered.

Starlight grinned sheepishly. “Trust me, it’s easier this way.”

145. All Bottled Up

Starlight smiled far wider than normal, more trying to convince herself everything was okay than convincing Trixie. Her thoughts were interrupted by... Herself... When she was flattened to the castle floor.

“Hi again!” Starlight smiled to her past self, this smile actually real, not a facade she had thrown up. She popped up from the floor like a piece of popcorn, and started talking without sparing a moment. “Gotta be snappy on this one. You just 'graduated’ from being Twilight's student, I honestly expected better of, well, myself. Don't bottle up your feelings, friends are for talking to, they aren't ponies who don't annoy you, they're ponies worth forgiving over and over. So how about instead of pretending everything is okay, you actually talk to Trix!”

Past Starlight sighed as she got up from the crystal floor, her head hung low in both exhaustion and shame. “You really don't sugarcoat it, do you?”

“I'm you, when have we ever sugarcoated anything?”

“... Good point. So is that it?” She raised and eyebrow, hoping it was so simple.

Future Starlight's horn glowed, and the Friendship Map appeared in the air, falling and landing hard on the crystalline floor with a thunderous crash. She didn't even flinch. “You were missing that I believe. It was in the spa, in case you were wondering.”

“Thanks... I think. What should I do with this?” The bottle containing Starlight's negatively charged magical energy floated from the saddlebag, and between the two Starlight's. Angry red swirled inside the small glass bottle, sparking aggressively.

Future Starlight eyed the bottle, groaning at her own stupidity. “First of all, glass, really? If you're gonna bottle up your emotions don't do it in a breakable glass bottle you idiot. Second.” She slapped the bottle out of the air, letting it shatter on the floor to prove her first point. The swirling magic immediately flowed into her past self, disappearing without harming anypony else. “You're cleaning that up by the way, since that wouldn't happen with plastic.”

Starlight hissed as she reabsorbed the angry magic, her eyes narrowing. “We're a real jerk, what in Tartarus was that for?!”

A boop silenced any further anger. “You're cute when you're angry, now go tell Trixie how you actually feel instead of pulling off this stupidity.”

Their ears both swiveled at the sound of hoofsteps belonging to a certain blue magician. “Starlight? Where are you? I thought you were right behind me!”

“Remember, friends aren't perfect, but they're worth forgiving over and over. Let them know how you feel, otherwise your feelings build up and explode. Oh, and when you're done hugging and kissing or whatever, you two can share these.” Future Starlight disappeared, leaving a large bucket of cinnamon nuts in her place, just as Trixie rounded the corner.

“There you are Starli-... are those cinnamon nuts?”

Starlight growled and marched towards Trixie, about to lay into the mare harder than she ever had before.

146. A Flurry of Emotions

A weary Cadence trudged her way through Ponyville, dutifully pushing a foal carriage before her and dragging a bedraggled Shining Armor behind her.

“Come on, Shiny. We’re almost to Twilight’s castle. Just a little further.” She called back to her husband.

He merely groaned face down in the dirt as he was scraped along. Flurry Heart burbled excitedly in her buggy.

“Once we get there, we can unload Flurry on Twilight, then we can have some time to ourselves to relax at your friend Sword Poke’s art show,” Cadence droned, as if repeating for the umpteenth time.

“Spearhead,” Shining moaned. “‘s name’s Spearhead.”

“I don’t care if his name is Chopped Liver. He’s an excuse to have a break,” she sighed.

There was a flash and suddenly a unicorn was standing in their path. “Let me stop you right there.”

“Whoozat?” Shining wondered. “Uh‘ll prutegtyoo, hunnibunny.”

“It’s just that mare, Starlight,” Cadence reassured him.

“Cn’t see frum dunherr,” he whined back.

“And how are the happy new parents doing today, eh?” chirped Starlight. “Thinking of ditching the rugrat with her aunt for the day without any notice?”

Cadence frowned. “Twilight loves spending time with Flurry.”

“Yeh.”

Starlight nodded. “Oh, I know. So much so that she’ll put all else aside to do it. She wants to be the ‘cool aunt’.” She set her jaw. “But your sister is a Princess now too. She has a myriad of responsibilities she has to attend to every day. As a government official, as a community leader, as a national hero, and as an educator.”

“Djyucator?” grumbled Shining.

“Wait, scratch that one. Not yet,” Starlight grimaced. “Point is, she’s busier than the pair of you seem to be, and she can’t just drop everything at a moment’s notice when you show up out of the blue.”

Cadence ruffled her wings in agitation. “Now listen here, Starlight. You can’t speak to me like that. I am a princess. I want to speak to y-”

“Oh get in line,” Starlight cut her off. She rolled her eyes. “Why you didn’t just have Sunburst foalsit Flurry is beyond me. He IS the filly’s godfather.”

Cadence cocked her head. “What father?”

“Wuz ‘god’?”

Starlight clamped down on the voices in her brain screaming ‘Deus vult!’. She shook her head. “Err, I mean her Crystaller. Never mind. You’re already here, so I’ve arranged for a foalsitter to take Flurry for the day.”

“Thnkyuuuuu…”

Cadence sighed. “Now we can go to Axe Wound’s show.”

“Sprrhead.”

Cadence’s eyes narrowed. “Wait. WHO is foalsitting?”

The was a pop and a burst of confetti and suddenly Pinkie Pie stood before them. “Surpriiiiiise!”

“Pinkie Pie?” Cadence asked in disbelief. “You want Pinkie Pie to take care of Flurry?”

“Hey, I did a pretty dingdangdarn good job the last time back at your place, didn’t I?” Pinkie grinned.

Starlight put a foreleg around the earth pony. “Don’t underestimate Pinkie. She’s a pro at this. She sits for the Cake twins all the time and they’re still alive!”

“Babies love me!” Pinkie cheered.

Cadence made a show of hemming and hawing. “Wellll… okay. I’ll allow it.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t act like you’re doing us a favor. You were dying to unload her. Just get going. Pinkie has this.” She smiled at her pink friend. “Besides. What’s the worst she could do? It’s not like she’d spray industrial chemicals on an infant.”

Shining snored into the dirt.

147. Rock Solid Friendship

Pinkie was building to a full on freakout at the thought of her BSFF going to live in some boring canyon until she heard Maud say, “I'm giving Ponyville a chance.”

She sighed in relief. “Phew! So all I have to do is prove Ponyville has better rocks than Ghastly Gorge? Challenge accepted.”

Thwp! A faint whistling noise preceded a sharp sting on the back of her neck.

“Ow! Okay, Mr. Mosquito, that wasn’t very nice to bite me. And you’re waaaay out of season too. Now let’s go see Flushershisher nd blergle narm….” Pinkie slurred as her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed like a pink sack of potatoes.

Maud looked down at her, barely reacting. “Pinkie?”

A periwinkle unicorn popped out of a nearby bush, carrying a blowgun in her magic. “Hi, Maud! Nice to meet you. I’m Starlight.”

“What did you do to my sister?” Maud deadpanned.

Starlight backed up a bit, eyes wide. “Whoooa, calm down, girl. Pinkie’s fine. I just had to dart her. She’ll sleep it off in a couple days.”

Sure enough, there was a tiny pink dart sticking out of Pinkie’s neck. Starlight’s aura plucked it out before picking up the mare entirely.

“Why?”

Starlight waved a hoof. “Oh, you know Pinkie. She was gonna go overboard trying to get you to pick Ponyville and make this a whole thing. You know how she gets better than anypony.”

“Yes. She’s my sister.”

Starlight nodded. “Well, now you can get to know the town at your own pace without her hovering over you. You’ll become friends with me, and with Sunburst when he comes to visit. You’ll meet your coltfriend, Mudbriar. And of course, you’ll be near your sister.”

Maud simply stared.

Starlight continued. “Oh, and Ponyville has a decent cave system. There’s this beautiful subterranean grotto with some very interesting strata.”

Maud’s ear flicked marginally.

“Whoa, that got your attention!” Starlight smirked. She hefted Pinkie in her aura. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go put the ADHDemon to bed. Go and find me. ...Errr, present me. Not ME-me. I’m from the future and- you know what, forget it. It’s a whole thing. Take my card.”

There was a flash and Starlight and Pinkie were gone. A sparkly business card fluttered to the ground in front of Maud. It read:

Starlight Glimmer
Magical Prodigy, Time Lord, Kite Enthusiast
Castle of Friendship, Room 2B, Ponyville, Equestria
“Improving the timeline for -10 subjective years”
(Ask about our free pizza policy!)

148. Fluttershy Leans In

It was midday when Starlight popped next to Fluttershy’s cottage, a flash of blue magic as usual announcing her appearance into the physical world. Of course, she picked a perfect time to go to this particular event. If she was correct, Fluttershy was currently coming home from the Ponyville veterinarian office. This meant she had a moment to get ready at Fluttershy’s door.

Climbing through an open window, Starlight let herself into her friend’s home. The place was well-kept, with the usual pet and animal food or beds laying around. However, none of that was relevant to her. She needed to get ready for Fluttershy coming home so she could stop her from wasting time with the ‘experts’.

Not a moment too soon, Fluttershy opened the door to her home, only to find none other than Starlight Glimmer standing next to the front door. This startled the pegasus, making her jump and gasp. “S-Starlight, what are you doing here?!” Fluttershy half-screamed.

“Not important, Fluttershy. Just listen. I know you have an animal issue you want to solve. Did you call the others here?” Starlight asked.

“Uh, yes, but how do you know that?”

“Again, not important. Just realize I’m trying to help. They’re going to recommend some experts to help you with the project, but they’re not who you need.” Starlight addressed.

“O-oh my… This is all a little much! How do you know all this?”

“Well, just understand it involves some complicated time-altering magic. Anyhow, just ask our friends, and me, to help. I’ll be available later on. Don’t say anything about our talk here. Oh, and you should also ask Big Daddy McColt for some help!”

“I’m not sure what to think about all this, Starlight… But, I suppose you may be right. That sounds like a good plan.”

“It is! Just, uh, trust me on it, okay?” Starlight reassured Fluttershy that things would go smoothly.

After that, Starlight left to find a place to take herself through time somewhere in the Everfree Forest, leaving Fluttershy to take the path she wanted all along without having to spend time with the ‘experts’ in the way and making a large mess of everything.

149. Forever Filly

Starlight was taking a walk around the park, when suddenly something small crashes into her from behind! As Starlight gets up, she looks around to see what crashed into her. "Sorry Starlight, didn't mean to crash into you".

Starlight then spots Sweetie Belle giving her a hoof to get up. "It's alright, why were you in such a hurry anyways?"

Sweetie Belle then fumes, "It's my sister! She just doesn't understand that I'm not a baby anymore!"

Starlight stares in confusion at the foal and asks, "I'm sorry, what?"

"My sister, Rarity. All day she's been hanging out with me, which normally I'm excited for! I love hanging out with her!" she says with a smile. Her smirk then turns into a frown. "But today, all the things we've been doing are stuff that I liked doing when I was like, three! It's like, she doesn't understand that I'm not a baby anymore!"

"I see.... well how about I have a talk with Rarity?"

"Really? You'd do that?" asks Sweetie Belle.

"Sure, why not" replies Starlight.

"Thanks Starlight! I gotta go, CMC business! Bye!" Sweetie Belle says as she rushes off.

"Okay bye! Now all I need to do is find Ra-" Starlight's external monologue is interrupted by someone crashing into her. After getting up, she quickly spots the pony that crashed into her.

"Oh, Starlight! I am so sorry, I was in such a rush I didn't notice you there!" exclaims Rarity.

'Well, this is convenient" thinks Starlight. "Oh, no trouble at all. Actually, I was just looking for you Rarity" states Starlight as she dusts herself off.

"Really? Well, I'd love to oblige but I need to catch up to Sweetie Belle. Have you seen her, she should've passed by here?"

"That's exactly why I'm here Rarity. I'm here to help out Sweetie Belle" replies Starlight.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you mean" states Rarity, confused at what Starlight is getting at.

"It's come to my understanding that you still view Sweetie Belle as a pony that is younger than she really is, and it makes her very upset that you view her this way. You need to realize that she is not that young, and as such does not appreciate being treated as such" exclaims Starlight in an intelligent manner.

Rarity tilts her head in confusion? "... I'm sorry could you repeat that, I didn't catch... most of that"

"Oh for- Rarity! Sweetie Belle isn't three any more! Stop thinking she's a baby!" shouts Starlight.

"I beg your pardon!?" states Rarity.

"Are you seriously not getting it? You need to understand that Sweetie Belle is older, and as a result, likes different stuff!" Starlight states, frustrated.

"Are you implying that I don't get my dearest little sister, Sweetie Belle?!?!" Rarity shouts accusingly.

"You know what Rarity? Yes, yes I am. I am implying that you don't understand Sweetie Belle!" replies Starlight in an exasperated manner.

"Well I never! I'll have you know that as Sweetie Belle's sister, I know her better than anyone else!" states Rarity.

'Right, I get the feeling that this is going to take far longer than it should ever be' Starlight thinks to herself as she charges up her horn.

"The bond of sisterhood are stronger than you may thi-" Rarity is then cut off from her external monologue by Starlight's magic.

"Okay, the 'Clear Mind' spell should do the trick. Although personally I think 'Clear Mind of Irrational Thoughts" could also work.

Allow me to explain! The 'Clear Mind' spell allows the target to be set into a state of mind that is best when negotiating. It stops crazed and illogical thought processes. It also allows almost all information to be absorbed in a manner that is better understandable to the target as well. In short, this would be a great spell to get others to understand why you are right in an argument, and the other person understands why you think they are right.

Whether or not they end up believing you depends on if you're actually "right". It's not like you can use this spell to get someone to think your OTP is the best.

"Okay, Rarity. Sweetie Belle is a growing filly, and as such her interests change as well. She isn't that tiny filly anymore, but she is still your little sister. Do you understand?" explains Starlight in a calm manner.

"Oh, I see... so in short: she isn't-"
"-isn't three anymore, yes" finishes Starlight.

"Well then... I suppose I have an apology to make. Thank you so much Starlight!" says Rarity as she goes off to find her sister.

"You're welcome!" shouts Starlight as she appreciates the fact that this spell exists.

150. Parental Glideance

Wonderbolts and Rainbow relatives alike jumped back as the air crackled and sparked, the smell of pizza and ozone cut through the air. When the blinding light faded one Starlight Glimmer was standing in the grass to the side of the Wonderbolt's runway. “Okay kids, this is where it gets complicated.”

Spitfire was the first to regain her composure, though her body was still tensed up on adrenaline. “Look, I don't know who you are, but this is a restricted area, you can't ju-” She was stopped by a magical aura around her muzzle. “Not now spitball, I need to talk with Dash.”

Further behind the unicorn, Rainbow groaned and face-hoofed. Hard.

When she released the hoof from her face, she found herself teleported across the runway along with Scootaloo. “Now what is it Starlight? I'm kinda in the middle of... Something.”

“What, aren't you happy to see me?” Starlight gave a mischievous smile, and turned her attention to Scootaloo. “As for you, first, stop invading Dash's privacy, you're stalking her so much it's creepy now, not cute. Second, maybe if you're gonna visit Rainbow's parents, you should tell Rainbow!”

Scootaloo shrank back a bit, unable to keep eye contact, but noticing the vein on Starlight's neck. “Sorry Starlight…”

“But you Rainbow Dash, how old are you again? I'm pretty sure you're an adult, so deal with your parents like an adult instead of hiding from them like a baby. This family drama is getting old fast, urgh!” The time traveler groaned in frustration, first Sweetie Belle and Rarity, now this? “Your parents are supporting you Dash, they're your biggest fans, maybe appreciate the amount of encouragement they give instead of brushing it off like some brat.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to reply, but there was a flash and Rainbow Dash had traded places with her parents, who shook their heads in confusion.

“Hi, I'm Starlight Glimmer, just here to help clear up a little misunderstanding. CALM. THE BUCK. DOWN. You can support your daughter, but tone it down just a bit so she doesn't lose her mind.” She leafed through the journal to the dog-eared page. “I mean, it says you launched fireworks, at an air show. Were you trying to kill Fleetfoot?”

Again, before a retort could leave their lips, they were teleported back to the group.

Starlight readied her spell, but had a last second thought. She shouted across the runway, to where Rainbow Dash stood with her family and slight team. “Hey Dash! You know those lacy black panties you're missing, ask your favorite stalker where they are!” Her mischievous grin returned.

“That should overshadow anything her parents might try. You're welcome.” She said to herself, and disappeared.

“Who was that pony?” Spitfire asked the newest Wonderbolt.

Rainbow Dash just sighed and face-hoofed again.

151. Hard To Say Anything

The song duel was reaching its epic climax. "Sugar Belle!" Big Mac and Feather Bangs chorused, as Mac shoved a rose in her face and Feather climbed over him to offer a bouquet.

With a mighty crash, they lost their balance and collapsed onto her.

Starlight set down her popcorn and applauded wildly.

Apple Bloom face-hooved, then pointed an accusing hoof. "What're YOU doin' here?" she said sharply, the other two Crusaders dusting themselves off and looming behind.

"Fixing everything, of course!" Starlight grinned — and shot Big Mac a wink, causing him to tug at his collar and blush.

"Granted," she continued, "it would have been so much easier to do that by giving you some stupidly common-sense relationship advice ahead of time, but then we would have missed out on that awesome musical number. So, here you go." She sidled in between Mac and Feather, draping a leg over both of their shoulders. "Give up now, because all you're chasing is a dream, and the reality is a lot uglier."

Sugar Belle, her face becoming an increasingly purple shade of purple, sat up. "You know," she shouted, "I was going to ask what in Equestria has gotten into you two, but I don't think I appreciate you marching back into Our Town and insulting me to my face —"

"Up-bup-bup," Starlight interrupted, holding up a copy of the town's new democratic constitution. "Rule 37. Any pony who arranges home repairs for you is entitled to one free snide remark."

Sugar's eyes bugged out. "How — wha —"

"Time travel, don't question it."

Sugar blinked several times, then glanced up from the laws. "Home repairs?"

Double Diamond's head popped out from the doorway behind her. "Hey, Sugar! Starlight paid me 30 bits to fix your sink. While I was at it, I noticed someone had taken an axe to your pie display case, so I built you a new one, and I figured you might like it twice as big." He paused for a moment, and his cheeks flushed pink. "A-and, you know, m-maybe this is a bad time, but I hear you might be free for dinner later?"

Sugar glared at Mac and Feather, then whirled around and marched over to Diamond, taking his hoof. "I think," she said pointedly, "dinner with somepony who knows what I like sounds like a great idea."

Big Mac stared in shock. A single tear trickled down his cheek.

Feather shrugged. "Eh," he said, then dug in his saddlebags for his little black book, and started wandering away. "Guess it's time to tell Party Favor my evening cleared up."

Apple Bloom stared in horror at Mac's heartbroken face, then whirled to Starlight (who was shoving her axe a little deeper into her saddlebag). "Now you look what you've done —"

"I'll make you a deal," Starlight said. "Your older sisters are scheduled to discover your absence in —" she checked an invisible watch on her pastern — "five hours, thirty-seven minutes. There's a train at the station as we speak, and that's just enough time for you to ride it back to Ponyville. You let me take care of this, and I won't ever tell them you bailed on a full day's worth of chores and homework to come here."

Sweetie Belle's face blanched. "Deal," she said, pushing the other Crusaders out the door.

The room, now holding just two ponies, fell silent. Starlight cleared her throat, and walked back toward Mac, letting her hips gently sway.

He glanced up — shame, misery, confusion and heat warring on his muzzle.

"Well, hello there," Starlight said, echoing the sultry tone she'd given him right before helping him save his voice for the Ponytones' big performance. "A little bird tells me that you're on the rebound."

He swallowed. His cheeks flushed to a burning red.

"Eeyup," he whispered, and then both of them were a little too busy to worry about little things like shattered crushes.

152. Honest Apple

"Y'know what?" Applejack declared after emitting one of those 'poing's that meant she'd just had a fantastic idea. "I am gonna help Rarity judge her show!"

VLWORP, said the universe, as a pink unicorn appeared in the orchard where none had been previously.

Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom let out shouts of anguished surprise, but AJ just hung her head, her previous enthusiasm deflating.

"Or I guess I won't," she mumbled at the ground, "on account of it's a bad idea an' somethin'll go majorly wrong if'n I do."

"Oh, Applejack," Starlight cried, throwing a friendly foreleg around her neck, "don't be like that! Just because I showed up now doesn't mean I'm here to ruin your fun!" She chuckled and whispered into Applejack's ear. "Trust me, judging this fashion show will score beaucoup points with Rarity. No way would I mess that up for you!"

Applejack's head snapped up, a pink tinge on her cheeks.

"Get it?" Starlight said with a grin, poking her in the ribs. "Score? D'you see what I did there?"

"I am sure I have no idea what you are talking about, Starlight Glimmer," AJ said, her voice thin and strangely high-pitched.

"All right, but joking aside." Starlight pulled AJ closer and motioned for her siblings to leave them some privacy. "What I came to do is simply remind you of a very. Important. Thing."

"Oh yeah?" Applejack raised an eyebrow, trying and failing to divest herself from Starlight's grasp. "And what might that be?"

"Oh, you know..." A pink hoof waved vague circles in the air. "Just a little something you value highly. What might it be again..."

Applejack, now fully tangled in Starlight's web, wagered a, "Family?"

"Hmm, no, not quite..."

"Farmin'? Honesty?" AJ narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me it's apples. That's type-castin', an' you know it."

"No, no, no, no, no." Starlight hemmed and hawed. "Starts with an H?"

"Honesty again?" said Applejack, bewildered.

"No, no, not like 'honesty', you can't hear it. Haaa?

"Haaa..."

"Haaa, harrrr..."

"Har-dee-har, Starlight." Applejack grunted. "Lemme go."

"Hard work." Starlight's voice was a sledgehammer. "Hard work, Applejack."

Out of all the ponies in Equestria, there are few who could match Applejack for strength and endurance. Bulk Biceps springs immediately to mind, but he spends his every moment of spare time lifting anything -- and anyone -- heavy he can find in his vicinity. That's the kind of effort and dedication it takes to equal an earth pony who spends herevery waking moment kicking hardwood trees, from sunup to sundown, in a field suffused by her and her family's magic.

You can't match earth ponies for strength. Doubly so when they put their minds to having it. Endlessly so when generations of them have tilled a patch of earth for nearly a hundred years, imbuing it with their life essences even as they harvest its life-giving bounty. A magical feedback loop of that sort only serves to strengthen itself, burgeoning over and over and over again as toil, sweat and love are poured into its surroundings. That's earth pony magic. That's hard work.

Which is why, when Starlight cranked her hoof around Applejack's neck, and Applejack found herself held fast in place by a unicorn mare approaching middle age whose hobbies included finding ways to get other ponies to do anything even remotely strenuous so she could avoid doing it herself, Applejack knew at last the meaning of fear.

"Fashion is hard work," hissed Starlight into Applejack's ear. "You may not appreciate the outcomes, but designers and clothes horses put as much effort into making their dresses as you do tending to this orchard. Kindly keep that in mind when you go to judge their work.

"Or so help me, Applejack.

"So help me, little green apples."

"I will break you."

Applejack believed she could.

Starlight released her suddenly, and AJ staggered and fell back onto her haunches with a frantic inrush of breath. She fanned herself with her hat, staring at Starlight with a mixture of fear and awe. For her part, Starlight Glimmer was all smiles, just as friendly and cheerful as could be.

"Just something to keep in mind!" she said airily. "That's all I wanted to say. Good luck judging the fashion show! Love you, kisses, byeeee!"

The universe turned itself inside-out with a haughty SHNORP, and Starlight was gone.

Applejack didn't sleep for a week. But she did score major points with Rarity.

153. A Royal Problem

Starlight Glimmer exploded into the royal dining room, earning the attention of all present, even the exhausted Luna. She was so done with family ‘friendship problems’ that plagued the Friendship Journal as of late. Family was a pain in the flank, always had been, always will be. If she was being honest though, getting a chance to fix the chaos that had been her first friendship mission was an appealing idea.

“No! No no, no, no. I've got this, I'm showing Twilight I can do this on my own and you aren't swooping in to mess everything up!” Starlight's past-self marched up to her, syrup still on her muzzle from the pancakes.

She rolled her eyes. “No, you're the one who messes everything up, you decide switching their cutie marks is a good idea! So shut it and let me handle things, besides, technically you are doing this on your own, I'm you, remember?”

The Royal Sisters stood together, watching the spectacle of Starlight arguing with herself.

“Sister what is happening?” Luna leaned closer to her sister, whispering. “Why is there two of Starlight Glimmer?”

Celestia sighed and leaned closer too, a deadpan expression on her face. “Starlight decided in the future to travel back and fix everything, and I do mean everything. I dare not stop her, I fear the consequences if future Starlight became stuck in the past.”

The diarchy of Equestria stood watching a moment longer, until it was interrupted by a blast of magic from future Starlight. “Sorry your highnesses, but this is the best I have.” She looked back at her past-self, stuck in a bubble, angrily hitting the barrier, her mouth moving but unheard.

Luna looked at her sister and found a form she hadn't seen since school millennia ago. “Oh sweet Faust no.” Next to her stood the Celestia she knew from high school, Daybreaker. If the look in Celestia's eye was anything to go by, Luna was just as bad.

Starlight interrupted their simultaneous horror. “Since you two wanna act like a couple whiny teenagers, you should look the part. Honestly, you've been alive how long and you still can't figure out how to talk to each other?!”

“Nononononono Starlight I demand you change us back!” Celestia tore the backwards ballcap off her fiery head and threw it away from herself in horror. “Daybreaker cannot come back, and neither can Nightmare Moon, we left those days behind!”

“Have you really?” The time traveler raised an eyebrow. “Luna the emo goth whatever and you the popular mean girl? You argue like a bunch of whiny teenagers, how did you manage to keep Equestria running this long?”

“I'm alternative, stop labeling me!” Luna blurted out in the Royal Canterlot Voice, her mane lashing angrily. She froze and covered her mouth. “Oh no, I'm already falling prey to her mind. Starlight Glimmer, you must change us back!”

Starlight tapped a hoof on the marble floor. “Mmm... No, not until you two quit acting like a bunch of teenagers and talk like the adults you should be.”

“You wouldn't let us regress.” Celestia narrowed her eyes.

“Try me.” Glimmer narrowed her eyes.

Luna wasn't about to take a chance. “Yes! We will talk like adults, just release us from this angst!”

In a flash, Luna had returned to normal with a sigh of relief. “Dear Faust... That was horrible.”

Celestia meanwhile was fighting the urge to do a keg stand. “Gah! Fine! Luna and I have been avoiding talking, I admit!” She felt the heat around her dissipate, and she found herself no longer in the fiery form of Daybreaker.

Starlight blew air over her red hot horn with a rather unnerving grin. “Good, now play nice, I'll be the mediator, bye!” She disappeared, and her past-self approached the Princesses with a timid smile.

“Sorry about that your highne-” Her apology was cut off, an open pizza box falling in front of her. A pineapple pizza sat inside, her favorite. "Ooo!" She happily took a bite from a slice she lifted in her magical grasp, not noticing the Princesses at first.

Both Celestia and Luna stared at the offensively topped pizza, then up to Starlight, who froze mid-chew.

“What?”

154. Not Asking for Trouble

Starlight Glimmer materialized in the middle of a snowy field, and shivered in her parka. She looked around, spotting the yak village. She flipped through the friendship journal. “Let’s see... Yaks done in by too much snow.” She looked again at the village. “Funny. Doesn’t look like a lot of snow.”

She heard a deep, echoing rumble, looked up, and levitated herself straight up into the air, narrowly avoiding being buried by an avalanche’s worth of snow.

“There it is,” she said to herself.

With the clock ticking, Starlight Glimmer turned to the issue of fixing the problem. In a flash of inspiration, she realized Twilight Sparkle had already solved this one. She turned to the front of the book, flipped a few pages, and then stopped. “Here it is. Number eleven. Winter Wrap-Up.”

Starlight Glimmer’s horn glowed. With one spell, she summoned one of Ponyville’s snowplows. With a second spell, she animated it. A third spell delayed the activation of the second spell until nighttime. Then she disappeared, humming a happy tune.

~

Pinkie Pie awoke to find her snow bed was now a snow pillar. All around her, the yaks were similarly elevated, with all the rest of the snow gone.

“Snow melted! Prince Rutherford was right!” one yak said.

“Snow melted very strangely,” Pinkie Pie said, rubbing her chin with a hoof.

“Yaks tough! Yaks wait patiently! Yaks win!” Prince Rutherford announced.

“Someone must have done this. But who?” Pinkie Pie said.

Back in Ponyville, Starlight Glimmer returned her parka to her wardrobe and sang. “Mrs. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mrs. Plow!”

155. Discordant Harmony

An urgent burst of magic flashed in Discord’s kitchen and Starlight Glimmer crashed through it, screeching to a halt amid twin trails of fire. “Okay! Only have 30 seconds to fix this!” She hissed.

Behind her, Discord, dressed in a pink cowpony outfit flew out of the portal.

Starlight turned to him. “We have to fix the present! But don’t let either of our past selves see us!”

She peeked into the living room and saw Fluttershy and a well-dressed, if slightly transparent, Discord staring in shock at something. Starlight - her past self - was also there, gesturing wildly at a young, butter-colored draconequus (also see-through) in a red down vest, shouting, “It’s your kid! Something gotta be done about your kid!”

Starlight - current Starlight - retreated to the kitchen. The only door out of the room was through the living room. She looked at Discord - current Discord - for a beat, and they nodded to each other in unison and leaped through the window - the currently closed window.

As quickly and as quietly as they could, they snuck around the side of the cottage. They carefully sidled under the living room window where they could hear Past Starlight shouting at Past Discord. “Look at yourself! You’re fading away! And because of that, Eris here is fading away too! At all your other tea parties, did Fluttershy fall in love with a boring nerd?”

“L-l-love?” Fluttershy stammered.

“No!” Past Starlight barked. “She wants the god of chaos! So act like it, dummy!”

Now safely around the other side of the house, Starlight and Discord crawled into a bedroom window. From the other room, they could hear Past Starlight. “Here, take this and play it. Your kid is gonna love it.” There was a “PFF!” sound and a sudden smell of pizza.

The pair was barely into the bedroom when Flim appeared in a flash of light, carrying a copy of Starlight’s time travel spell she’d carelessly left unguarded. He reached for a book on the bedside table titled “Bay’s Sports Almanac: Complete Rodeo and Race Statistics 950-1000”. With a loud “BIFF!” Starlight socked Flim in the jaw, sending him sailing right back through his own time portal.

“Mission complete,” Starlight nodded to Discord. “It’s time to split.”

Discord just frowned. “Why was I even here?” And they both disappeared in a puff of magic.

In the living room, Past Discord began to strum his new red guitar to the tune of “Earth Angel”. Bunny Angel covered his ears as he ate a slice of pepperoni.

156. The Perfect Pear

The Timberwolves were closing in.

“I think this is it, Pear Butter whispered. “Are you scared?”

“Not as long as you’re next to me,” Bright Mac replied. “I love you, Buttercup.” The two huddled close together, waiting for the end. The Timberwolves prepared to pounce.

*BOOM!*

Reality cracked and warped in front of them. The wolves reared back in confusion. A purple mare appeared before them, casting a shield spell around them. Silhouetted by sparks of lightning, she turned to face the two terrified ponies and reached out a hoof. “Come with me if you want to live.”

~

Applejack had just finished hauling a fresh load of harvested apples into the barn when she appeared.

“Starlight Glimmer! What an unpleasant surprise! Let me guess, you’re here from the future to make my life difficult. Well go on, get it over with. Solve my problem and let me get on with my harvest!”

But Starlight looked different this time. Her face was blank, as if trying to hide some deep emotion. “Applejack, I have two ponies I’d like you to meet.” And from around the corner, two ponies trotted.

AJ gasped, falling to her knees. “M-mom? Dad?”

The ponies in question also gasped. “Applejack--is… is it really you?” Bright Mac said, tears rapidly forming in his eyes.

157. Fame and Misfortune

“How would you girls feel about making our journal available for everypony?” Twilight proudly held the book aloft and she looked lovingly around the room at her very best friends. She thought of all the good their experiences could do the ponies of Equestria. “If we can get these lessons into other ponies' hooves, maybe they'll benefit from them.”

Her friends all enthusiastically agreed. For about twenty seconds.

Then there was a burst of turquoise light and all copies of the book, save the worn original, were seemingly vaporized. The noise Twilight made was not equine.

“Whew,” exclaimed a voice from doorway. “Got here later than I would have liked, but I got that nipped in the bud just in the nick of time.”

Everypony save Twilight, still staring blankly in shock at the place where the books at been, turned to see Starlight Glimmer smiling smugly to herself. Six hooves met foreheads.

“You… you… destroyed…” Twilight stammered.

Starlight waved a hoof. “Oh, don’t worry, Twi. You know I’d never destroy a book. Especially YOUR book. ...At least not in front of you.”

This broke Twilight from her stupor. “What was that last part? Wait, never mind that. If you didn’t burn the journals, then where did they go?”

“You wouldn't want to publish that book in Equestria. Trust me,” Starlight assured her. “The public scrutiny and loss of privacy it would bring on you is just NOT worth it.”

“But think of all the good we could have done! The lessons we could teach!” Twilight gasped.

Starlight furrowed her brow. “Do you want analysts? Because that’s how you get analysts.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides, you want to teach friendship? Open up a school.”

Twilight rubber her chin thoughtfully. “A school…?”

“I was going to just change the names to protect the innocent and publish it anyway, but it wouldn’t have really worked. I mean, how many groups of friends are there that include Wonderbolts, famous fashionistas, and unicorns that have ascended to godhood recently? Dead giveaway.”

“So what did you do?” Twilight asked.

“I sent them to another dimension!” Starlight grinned.

“You what?”

“I sent them to a dimension where they can still do good and teach friendship but where none of the inhabitants can give you any trouble. Win-win!”

Twilight thought on that a moment. “Well, okay. As long as you promise its lessons will be taken seriously and it will be treated with the respect it deserves.”

“I promise,” Starlight assured her. She lit her horn to cast the temporal return spell.

But then she paused. “Oh, and one more thing. I changed the name of the author. Couldn’t have it look like one of the main characters wrote it herself. Now it was written by, uh, ‘Laurel Fast’? ‘Layer Fowst’? Something like that. Anyway, love ya, bye!”

158. Triple Threat

"You invited Thorax over to Ponyville on the same day as Ember?!" Twilight whispered.

Spike moaned. "Apparently."

"That doesn't seem like a good idea," Starlight said. "How are you going to — oh, hello, Future Me."

T +10:

Twilight and Spike glanced up. Future Starlight smiled. Spike freaked.

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" Spike shouted, starting to run in circles. "That means there's a friendship problem, I was right, Thorax and Ember are gonna start a war that could ruin Equestria as we know it —"

Future Starlight put a hoof on top of his head as he passed by and twisted slightly, straightening out his running path. Spike sprinted off into the suburbs of Ponyville, his wailing slowly receding.

"Uhh," Thorax said. "What was that about? And who's Ember?"

"You'll find out in about —" Future Starlight checked the timer on her pastern, where the second hand was sweeping past 14 — "four more seconds. As for you —" she pointed a hoof at her past self — "come with me."

Past Starlight saluted. "Check," she said, and the two of them vanished in a burst of teleportation.

Twilight double-facehoofed, whimpering. "Okay," she said, "with Starlight's arrival, now we're up from two crises to three. This day officially could not get any worse."

There was a moment of silence, as if the universe was holding its breath.

Twilight realized her mistake as Second 18 ticked off.

A herd of ponies stampeded past them, pursued by dark chitinous forms. "Changeling invasion!" the lead Flower Sister screamed.

There was a draconic roar of "Revenge!" from two blocks away, and a loud series of thumps. "OH SWEET CELESTIA, MY EVERYTHING," Spike wailed.

"Uhh, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said from her side, the speed lines of her sudden appearance fading away. "I kinda hate to pull you away from those problems, but your entire castle is on fire."

T +00:

Garble narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You're offering me a free chance to give Spike the beating of his life. And you're even going to teleport me there."

"Yep!" Starlight said. "And not a single pony is going to do anything about it!"

Garble's eyes narrowed even further. "What's the catch?"

"You've only got one more second to agree," she said, eyes fixed on her watch.

"… Deal."

* * *

T +04:

Chrysalis narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "YOU are offering to help me invade Ponyville. YOU."

"Yep!" Starlight said. "And I'm even going to —"

Chrysalis stepped forward. "Deal."

"— teleport you AND your army …" Starlight trailed off, looking up from her watch. "What?"

"Deal. Let's go."

Starlight opened and closed her mouth several times. Finally, she managed: "You're not going to ask what the catch is? You're not even going to hold out until I sweeten the deal with a distraction that will keep any pony from fighting back? You're just going to trust me, just like that?"

"Shut up. Every second we're here is another second I don't get sweet, sweet revenge."

At the mention of time, Starlight shook her head violently and looked back down at her watch. Two seconds longer than planned. She muttered a curse, refocused, and lit her horn.

T +14:

"Okay," Past Starlight said as they reappeared in the center of Twilight Sparkle's crystal palace. "What's the plan?"

"You have four seconds," Future Starlight said, "to incinerate this pile of ugly, and then take a one-week vacation to the Bahamares."

Past Starlight blinked.

Then grinned, and lit her horn.

T +18:

PEW! Future Starlight's time-travel spell ejected her half an hour forward. She took a moment to reorient.

Thorax and Ember were chatting animatedly as they strolled up to the smoldering foundations which used to be the Friendship Palace — where the sooty, singed Mane Six were collapsed on the heat-withered front lawn.

"You know," Ember said, "that was really awesome how you turned into a bear and mauled Garble to within an inch of his life."

Thorax blushed and looked away. "I was just protecting Spike. It wasn't half as awesome as when you hundred-combo'd Chrysalis' entire army, suplexed one of her bodyguards into the other one, and then crammed her head into her —"

Ember put a claw to his muzzle. His eyes crossed to track it.

"Ssssh! Stop talking," she said.

He did.

"Just … just accept the compliment, damn it!" The scales under Ember's gorgeous red eyes flushed. "B-baka."

Thorax's cheeks heated even further. "… Whoa," he breathed. "That just gave me chills."

"How does crystal even burn," Twilight whimpered in the background.

"Alright!" Future Starlight said, stepping forward. "Now that you've caught each other's eyes WITHOUT Spike being an idiot, I think we can all agree that we learned a valuable friendship lesson today — that there's nothing like a common enemy to —"

Her timer chimed.

"— unite very different people." She facehooved. "Ugh. Dammit. Note to self: Next time, don't be so surprised when Chrysalis is too stupid to live. Anyway!" She gave Embrax a grin. "Since the palace I burned down will take a week to rebuild, Ponyville's going to be too busy to deal with you two lovebirds. But there's three free pizzas and a keg of dragon-wine over at that remote, romantic lakeshore." She winked and threw her forehooves around their shoulders, leaning in. "Ignore the video cameras."

~~~

"I have to admit," Ember said, "the way you handle friendship problems has gotten way more epic."

Twilight levitated another sheet of crystal onto the half-rebuilt castle's scaffolding and scowled.

"Anyway, Purplesparks, thanks for getting Thorax and I together." Ember grabbed one of the crystal sheets and bit into it, mumbling around her mouthful, "And for the pizza."

Twilight darkly mumbled something inaudible.

"Still," Ember said, "I just don't understand why you would burn down your own castle."

Twilight's eye twitched.

159. Campfire Tales

"Golly, it sure was nice of Starlight Glimmer to give us this here bottle o' Starlight's Special Spray-Away!"

Applejack let out a whoop as she, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and their collective sisters hiked up Poorly Placed Mountain toward Winsome Falls. Atop her hat rested a small spray bottle filled with glowing magic goop.

"Smells like the back end of a pig's grandfather, but it sure do keep the biters away!"

"No kidding," said Rainbow, looping overhead because she was too lazy to pull a wagon. "And I think I saw a nest of fly-ders in a tree a few hooves west."

"Ew!" Sweetie Belle shouted, leaping onto her sister's shoulders in fright. "Is that like a spider that's also a fly? That sounds like the worst thing ever!"

"Do not fret, Sweetie Belle," said Rarity, lifting her sister off her back with her magic and setting her on the trail. "Even the, ugh, disgusting fly-ders seem to be held at bay by this malodorous concoction."

Applejack chuckled. "And by the time we need t'set up camp, we'll be well around this here mountain and outta their range. Maybe even at Winsome Falls already!"

"I hope so!" shouted Scootaloo, hopping and buzzing her wings. "I can't wait to hear what kinds of campfire stories everypony has to share!"

Rainbow Dash swooped down and gave Scootaloo a light noogie, to her giggled protestations. "They won't even be that scary this time. Promise."

"I do hafta wonder..." Applejack flipped the bottle into a hoof and scanned the label. "Why in the world Starlight put a note on it that said, 'So you don't get trapped in a cave and asphyxiate.' I mean, I barely know what that word means."

"Ooh, was she the Starlight we know, or the one from the future?" asked Apple Bloom sweetly.

Rarity blew a raspberry. "With that mare, it's impossible to tell sometimes."

160. To Change a Changeling

Self-reflection was never Starlight Glimmer’s strong suit. It was much easier to criticize the foolishness of Twilight Sparkle and her friends than to ask why it took her so long to figure out that Pharynx needed to do what he was best at doing, defending his hive, in order to gain their respect. She needed to find something to do, or else she and Trixie would have to....

Trixie! That was it! She flipped back to Trixie’s first appearance in the journal, read it again, and then she knew what to do.

~

Later, or earlier, depending on how one looks at it, which one shouldn’t, since trying to deduce chronological order across multiple timelines is the path to madness, Trixie was packing for her and Starlight Glimmer’s planned excursion to the changeling hive. Starlight Glimmer was so looking forward to seeing her changeling friend, and Trixie was similarly looking forward to Thorax getting to see Trixie. Why, anypony would be thrilled to....

“We better delay our trip,” Starlight Glimmer said as she entered the room.

“Wait. What?” Trixie said.

“Apparently, the maulwurf Thorax wrote about got into a fight with an ursa minor. Thorax says the hive is safe, but they’ve got a lot of repairs to do.”

“An ursa minor? They don’t live anywhere near the badlands. And what kind of pony would be power-mad enough to push one in that direction?” Trixie asked.

“Well, there’s one good thing that came out of the encounter,” Starlight Glimmer said. “Thorax’s brother Pharynx protected the tribe and saved the day, and he finally became a rainbow bug like the rest of them.”

161. Daring Done?

“I’m retiring because of the fact that I’ve destroyed an entire town!” A.K. explained.

Starlight almost appeared out of nowhere. She charged inside and looked Daring Do dead in the eye. “So. We doing the Incredibles in real life now?”

“What?” Rainbow asked.

“C’mon! Heroes cause so much damage while saving the day that they become ostracized and retire? Please. Plus, hasn’t Equestria had like a bagillion attacks in the past 6 years? You’re a hero and you destroyed a couple statues. So? Just take this money to pay for the damage, and kick this hooded guys ass. Oh, and this was actually Cabarlleron the entire time using you to make the town turn a blind eye while stealing the only thing that makes hold on to hope. Let’s go!!” She teleported them to the town.

~

She fired a beam at the hooded pony. She ran towards his goons and stole the sack of glopez and threw it to the towns people. “He’s a scammer. He’s stealing from you.”

“Wait a second. So are you Starlight! This is fake money!” Pinkie gasped.

“Nah. That’s totally legit. Bye!” She disappeared into the dust.

162. It Isn't the Mane Thing About You

Rarity casually sauntered into Sugarcube Corner. “Pinkie, I need one of your confections to put Photo Finish in a good mood. And no-”

“PFF!” There was a flash of light and suddenly Starlight Glimmer stood in the middle of the bakery with a rolled up stack of papers.

“Oh,” Rarity puzzled, “Am I interrupting?”

Pinkie grinned, gesturing to the decorations around the shop and Cake twins, each with their own cupcake. “We were just-”

“NO!” Starlight barked. “We were celebrating NOTHING.” She lit her horn and the decorations all disappeared, including the babies’ cupcakes, down to the candles. The twins began to bawl for their lost treats.

“Hey!” cried Pinkie in a rare moment of indignation.

“Hey is for horses!” Starlight responded.

“But we ARE h-”

“No! Bad Pinkie!” Starlight swatted the earth pony on the rump with her rolled up papers. “We don’t spray our friends and tiny infants with industrial caulk. Or scrub baked goods with industrial-grade solvents. Bad! I SPECIFICALLY told Cadence you wouldn't do this EXACT thing!"

She sighed. "And honestly, who celebrates the anniversary of a sneeze? Seriously. I'm sorry to be violent, but it was this or spend weeks traveling backward countless times and preventing the twins from sneezing for the first thirteen years of their lives. Ain't nopony got time for that!”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have about 15 seconds to pay Zecora a visit. Just because she’s illiterate, that’s no excuse to not label identical-looking potions with completely opposite, sometimes harmful effects.” With that, she teleported away.

Nopony moved for a moment. “You mean we don’t even get a pizza?” Pinkie snorted. The twins continued to wail.

Rarity blinked. “Um. I’ll come back later.”

163. A Health of Information

“Fluttershy! Are you sure this is the best idea?” Twilight yelled from the bottom of the tree. After finding out about the cure from Mage Meadowbrook's journal, Fluttershy was determined to get the honey of the Flash Bees to save Zecora from, turning into a tree. A bit of a weird disease, but anyway. Nothing would stop her from saving her friend!

“Twilight. If I don’t get this honey know, Zecora will turn into a tree! And I won’t let that happen.” Fluttershy was about 34 feet of the ground. Good thing she was a Pegasus, or this would be a lot harder. Her hooves were sweaty, knees weak and hind legs heavy. But, she hadn’t vomited on her sweater already (partly because she didn’t have a sweater) and she had already ate her moms spaghetti. She looked forward and saw a series of branches in the way of the hive. This was gonna take some finesse. She bent her knees and prepared to dart forward.

Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, blue flames appeared on the ground and the princess of time appeared. Fluttershy was taken by surprise and she fell backwards. Starlight and Twilight ran over and auras appeared around their horns. They thankfully caught her and placed her safely on the ground.

“Fluttershy! Tut tut tut. You shouldn’t be that high in the air. Now let’s fix this.” Starlight's horn glowed as she raised herself in the air and grabbed the hive. She lowered herself down and tipped the hive to one side. She grabbed a vial and filled it with the honey. “There! That should help.” She passed the vial to Fluttershy. Whilst she did this, a Flash Bee stung her cheek. “Ow!” She teleported the hive away. “Good ridden.”

“Where did they go?” Fluttershy and Twilight said in unison.

“Shit if I know! Bye girls!” Starlight disappeared.

“We need to get this to Zecora quick!” Twilight said as they both ran to the nearest train station.

~

“Zecora! We have the....” Twilight began. She looked inside Zecora's home. It was almost destroyed!

“Fluttershy! I’m glad you came. My place is a mess, such a shame. I was in bed, and then a hive of Flash Bees appeared! They won’t go away, as I had feared.”

“Damn you Starlight!” Twilight yelled.

164. Marks and Recreation

"Whatcha got there, little brother?" Thunderlane asked, peering over Rumble's shoulder.

"What?" Rumble jumped, crumpling the flier as surreptitiously as he could. "Oh, nothing. Come on! I wanna show you--"

"Oh, it's just a flier for our new Cutie Mark Day Camp," said a female voice nearby. The two pegasi turned to see a pink unicorn mare holding a stack of fliers identical to the one Rumble had crumpled. One was held aloft in her magic.

"Apple Bloom and her friends set it up," she continued. "I agree with them that it's a great way for young ponies who haven't discovered their special talents yet to interact with one another, have fun, and maybe-just-maybe get their cutie marks!"

"Whoa!" Thunderlane accepted the flier, scanning it. "You hear that, Rumble? This sounds like just the kind of thing you should try!"

"But I wanna show you the new dive roll I've been practicing!" Rumble said petulantly. He aimed a glare at the mare that could have set a pile of wet leaves aflame. Luckily, Starlight had worn her anti-glare shades that morning.

"Don't you want to find your cutie mark?" she asked in the most saccharine voice she could muster. She bent down in front of Rumble and pinched his cheek in her magic. "All foals your age care about is cutie marks, don't they?"

Rumble mumbled something about not wanting his cutie mark in something dumb.

"Oh, is that the case?" Starlight stood, smiling at him. "Let me tell you, I know a thing or two about cutie mark dysfunction. You've got nothing to worry about. After all, your brother's mark shows he's a talented flyer, right?" She elbowed Thunderlane in the side.

"Huh? Uh, oh, yeah! I got my mark for flying, but it's not the only thing I like doing." He grinned at his little brother. "Hey, didn't I ever tell you I started cooking for the Wonderbolts?"

Rumble looked at him like he'd grown two heads. "You... you did?"

"Yeah! We all share mess hall duty. I didn't think I'd enjoy it at first, but it turns out, I love it!" Thunderlane puffed out his chest a little. "And it doesn't keep me from doing the other things I love, either."

Rumble's eyes had grown wide as saucers, and sparkled in the dingy alleyway. "Wow, really? Maybe getting a cutie mark won't be so bad after all!"

"Then that's why you should go to Cutie Mark Day Camp," Starlight declared, handing the full stack of fliers to Thunderlane. "Well, would you look at my fetlock? Time's up." She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Good job, Chunderlane."

"Wait, how did you--"

Thunderlane's question was cut off as Starlight unzipped a hole in the nearby brick wall, stepped through, and zipped it up after her, with a call of, "Have fun at Day Camp! Toodles!"

The two pegasus brothers just stared at the wall, then at each other.

Across the way, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had watched the entire scene carefully.

"I mean..." Sweetie began. "Getting another camper isn't a bad thing, right?"

Apple Bloom humphed and crossed her arms. "Don't mean I gotta like it."

165. Once Upon a Zeppelin

Everything was ready. Iron Will's newest revenue making activity was set. He already got money for advance passes for the zeppelin. In short, everything was going his way... at least that is what he thought it was.

Iron Will was in the zeppelin, specifically his office. He was busy counting his money from the pre-orders on his revolving chair when he hear rapid knocks on the door.

"Who knocks the door of Iron Will?"

"Well, that saves the trouble of finding you" states the voice beyond the door.

"You still have not answered Iron Will's question!" says Iron Will, in a louder tone.

"Oh you should be less concerned about who I am, and more about what I'm here for" replies the voice in a matter of fact tone.

Iron Will then gets out of his chair and impatiently opens the door and shouts: "I said, who is at the door!" Iron Will then looks down to see a mare with a light purple coat and striped mane. She was holding up a letter with her magic.

"My name is Starlight Glimmer, and I'm here to say: you've been served" she says as she shoves the letter to Iron Will's chest.

"WHAT!?!?" shouts Iron Will.

"Basically, you're being sued for a number of things. In simple terms they include but not limited to: making an educational based attraction with incorrect historical facts-"

"Since when has that been a law!" shouts Iron Will.

"A few months ago. Twilight Sparkle made it to encourage tourist attractions to be better educated. I think she was tired of correcting every tour guide she meets. Or maybe she was tired of those places not getting their facts straight. The point is, this is a thing now. Now the rest of this will be explained to you in court about one month" states Starlight as she starts to leave.

"Wait! Who is the one who sent the lawsuit?" asks Iron Will desperately.

"Oh, didn't I say? It came from the Royal Sisters themselves. They are more perceptive than I thought, I mean they managed to catch on to this. Oh, and if I were you, I'd be as cooperative as possible. Less pain that way" finishes Starlight as she closes the door.

Months later at the Castle of Friendship

"Hey Twilight! You got an invitation!" shouts Spike.

"Oh? An invitation? From whom?" asks Twilight.

"Iron Will apparently!" replies Spike.

"Iron Will? Huh, wonder what this is about" asks Twilight curiously as she opens up the letter.

"Well, what's it say Twilight?" asks Spike.

"It says:

'Dear Princess Twilight,

I am here to invite you and your family to an education based zeppelin cruise. The topic will be about your family and the events you went though when changing Equestria itself. I would be most humbled if you were to come. If you do accept, I would request that you would be open to the possibility of contributing to this. Perhaps you could personally assist as an on and off tour guide as a special first launch of this. We can work out the specifics later, if you accept I mean.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Signed,

Iron Will

P.S. Please don't go to court with this. I'm pretty sure that I am doing this legally this time.'

"Huh, that last part was pretty weird" states Spike.

"I agree, but I have to say that I'm interested in this assisting in educating ponies!" states Twilight excitedly.

"So does that mean?"

"Yes! Spike, take a letter!" states Twilight.

166. Secrets and Pies

"Oh, hello, Future Starlight Glimmer Wearing A Fake Mustache!" filly Pinkie Pie chirped, her hair poofing out as she pushed a wrapped-up present at the stranger visiting her rock farm. "Are you here for your Happy 166th Time-Traveling Intervention party?"

Starlight blinked. She saved her friends from such ridiculous circumstances on the regular that most of their weirdness barely even registered any more. This, however, had metaphorically marched up to the front desk of her brain hotel with a metaphorical suitcase full of bits, and a request for so many rooms that she'd have to kick out most of the guests.

She worked her jaw for a moment. "Pinkie," she said slowly, "how is it that you can know that, and yet be so ridiculously oblivious that you bake pies for literally years for Rainbow Dash without knowing that she hates them?"

"Pinkie Sense, you silly filly!"

Starlight paused, then closed her eyes and sharply shook her head. "Let it go," she muttered to herself.

Pinkie tilted her head. "What was that?"

"A deep callback. Seriously, though — I'm curious. Does your power have a blind spot the size of Manehattan, or are you actually omniscient and you've been trolling everypony all this time?"

Filly Pinkie thought for long moments, then shrugged. "You know, I'm not actually sure."

"… I'll buy that."

Pinkie hoofed an oddly colored cupcake at Starlight. "Great! Then we can get back to your party!"

Starlight took a tentative chew. It tasted of tamarind, with earthy notes in the glittering icing. "Yes, yes, happy intervention, thank you. So let's talk about Rainbow Dash."

"Oh, cool, wisdom from the future about somepony I've never even met!" filly Pinkie chirped. "Is Rainbow the one who keeps you from creating paradoxes every time you come back and hoof out information which solves a problem that you only knew you had to solve because you never intervened to solve the problem?"

Starlight held up a hoof and opened her mouth. "I," she started, trailing off as her brain finished parsing Pinkie's sentence.

"Probably not, because if your timeline meddling was a problem, you'd have intervened in it and stopped yourself." Filly Pinkie suddenly giggled. "Ooh, you look so silly with a crystal icing beard and your mouth open like that! … What were we talking about again?"

Starlight snapped her muzzle shut, hurriedly wiped the icing off, then coughed into a hoof. "Rainbow Dash. So, whatever file you've got on her —"

"I don't keep files!" Pinkie pointed to her head. "It's all up here!"

"… Right. You don't know many ponies here on the rock farm; I guess you haven't started yet. Just remember, then: Rainbow Dash doesn't like pies."

"Okay! What does she like?"

Starlight was quiet for a moment. "That," she said, "is a very good question."

"Ooh! Are you going to time-travel all over again, to tell yourself so you know how to answer it?"

"No, because I don't remember meeting me before I came," Starlight said slowly, feeling herself ever-so-gradually wrestle back control of the situation. Then it hit her: She didn't actually need to give Pinkie a real answer — just say something so patently absurd that when the two of them first met, Pinkie would offer Dash something that Dash would have to refuse, and they'd talk it out up front. Friendship problem solved!

"Rainbow Dash's favorite food," Starlight said, "is, uh. Um. Biting the heads off of live mice?"

"Noted!" filly Pinkie said. "See you in a few years!"

Starlight paused as she was charging up her return spell. Spooky eldritch party filly has a point, she thought. Logically, there's no way that could fail — but this is Pinkie, so I'd better watch their first meeting with my remaining ten seconds.

"See ya," Starlight said, and disappeared.

* * *

"Dashie!" Slightly Older Pinkie Pie shouted as Dash put a hoof on the step of the airbus. "I brought you a Good Luck At Junior Speedsters Flight Camp present!"

Rainbow Dash stopped and turned around, raising her eyebrows — almost causing the surly gryphon behind her to bump into her rear. The butter-yellow pegasus who'd boarded the bus in front of them glanced over her shoulder.

"I know we don't know each other," Pinkie said, "but somepony said it was your favorite!" She held out a wriggling rodent, beaming her brightest smile.

Dash looked even more confused for a moment.

Then her eyes, unmistakably, genuinely, lit up.

"Omigosh omigoshomigoshomigosh!" Dash squeaked. "How did you know? You can't even get these outside of gryphon lands!" With a nearly lascivious moan, she bit down, her eyes rolling back in her head as she chewed.

Fluttershy fainted.

"Huh," Gilda said appreciatively.

"Huh," Starlight said, then shrugged. "Well, my work here is done."

167. Uncommon Bond

Stopping in time at the Ponyville antique shop, she quickly looked around to make sure she didn’t see her past self anywhere within sight. The last thing she wanted was to freak out everypony before she could fix her screw ups she committed. When the coast was clear, she hurried herself into the store.

With not a moment to spare, Starlight made her way to the back of the store and searched for something she remembers looking at that day she was there with Sunburst or Twilight. She quickly realized that she didn’t have particular interest in anything the store had to offer, and thus didn’t touch anything. “Oh yeah, I was too busy thinking about having some alone time with Sunburst to busy myself,” she mused. But that could wait later; she needed to find something to hide herself in so she can speak with herself!

Given that she had just heard the door to the shop ring open, that was probably her and Sunburst right now. She panicked, and ducked into a dusty book isle next to another book isle she was sure she went down with Sunburst. She didn’t want to be seen by other ponies however, and thinking quickly she carefully pulled many books off the shelves with her magic, setting them up as a wall inside the isle. Within a few seconds, she had created her book fortress as unassuming as possible.

Not even moments later, she heard Sunburst and herself on the other side talking about some of these really old books. She saw herself through a gap in one of the shelves, and attempted to get her own attention with a sharp ‘pssst!’ The past Starlight on the other side stopped for a moment, wondering if she just heard herselfsomewhere. With Sunburst trotting off, she went to investigate the noise from the hole in the shelf.

“Uhh, excuse me?” Past Starlight was very confused at this point, looking to make sure she wasn’t going insane.

“Good, I got your attention,” Present Starlight whispered. This almost made Past Starlight jump as she peered through the gap. “No, no, no! Don’t make a noise, just listen!” Present Starlight half-whispered, attempting to get herself calmed down.

“Look, I’m doing this thing. Or is it ‘we’re’? Doesn’t matter! The point is that I need to fix this before you embarrass us!” Present Starlight attempted to explain. “Sunburst is older now. What we did when we were foals is old news. He has new hobbies, and wants to do those. You want to spend time with him, but you’re going to be obsessed with doing things you two did when you were foals. Trust me, I know how this goes down.” Past Starlight was still a bit confused, and couldn’t muster a proper sentence, so her future self continued. “Just do something fun. Ask him about what you two could do together and DON’T just try to force him into a situation where you’re both foals!” Present Starlight demanded as much as she could in a whisper.

It took a moment, of which felt like forever, but Past Starlight put the pieces together. After all, this was herself from the future, which she knew was entirely possible within the means of magic to do. With that, she gave a diligent look and assured her future self that she wouldn’t screw up this entire ordeal. Present Starlight sighed in relief and left the store in a magical flash of teleportation, leaving Past Starlight to decide of something that her and Sunburst could do that both would be interested in.

She had a long day tomorrow, in that case. And her day would start in Sunburst’s guest bedroom in the castle. Her only issue now was trying to find out what kind of apparel Sunburst likes to see in private.

168 & 169. Shadow Play

"Trying to steal our magic, Stygian?" Starswirl the Bearded accused of the other unicorn. He and the other Pillars had come to confront their 'friend' regarding the theft of their items. "I'm afraid you have left us no choice but to-"

Starlight Glimmer appeared in a flash of purple light.

"He wasn't-!" she said, and immediately keeled over onto the floor. "Ugh! And I thought traveling a few years to save the Apples was bad!" she groaned, clutching her sides. "A thousand years..." She looked up at the other ponies, Stygian and the Pillars. She knew she didn't have long. "He didn't want your magic, he wanted your respect!"

"It's true!" Stygian said. "I brought you together. I plan strategy. I read all I can about the beasts you face. But I don't have magic or strength. So no pony ever notices me. I was going to go to Ponehenge to make my own copies of the artifacts. With them, I thought I could be a Pillar too, and stand beside you in battle. I never wanted to steal your magic!"

"There... you understand now?" Starlight said to the Pillars as she wheezed with fatigue. "Stygian doesn't have to get ostracized... The Pony of Shadows will never be summoned from Limbo..." She felt her time spell about to snap back. Starlight crawled over to a trash can and wretched into it.

"Miss, are you okay?" Mage Meadowbrook said as she and the others gathered around to help her.

Starlight was too weak to warn them to stay back.

It was too late.

In a flash of purple light, the entire group vanished, returning along with Starlight to her present time.

Author's Note

Zontan

Electric Aura

Von Snootingham

Von Snootingham

Psy Key

Formboy1

Electric Aura

horizon

PresentPerfect

Electric Aura

Alaborn

Von Snootingham

Super Trampoline

Von Snootingham

horizon

PresentPerfect

Alaborn

KamikazePickle

Von Snootingham

KamikazePickle

PresentPerfect

Formboy1

horizon

Psy Key
168&169. Shakespearicles

Season 8

170 & 171. School Daze

"I think a school of friendship is a wonderful idea Twilight," Princess Celestia said. "I'll help in any way I can. You were my star pupil. If anypony knows how to run a school, it's you."

"There's a big difference between attending a school and running one. It's not like there's a rule book to follow," Twilight said.

"Actually there is. The EEA guidebook is very specific about how to run a school."

With a flash of purple light, Future Starlight appeared.

"Yeah but a school doesn't need to be EEA accredited, does it?" Starlight asked rhetorically, already knowing the answer.

"Like in the 'Capital N', hunter/gather sense of the word, need? No," Celestia answered.

"Then don't," Starlight said.

"But I want my school to be EEA accredited!" Twilight said.

"Shhh," Starlight shushed her, gently caressing her cheek. "No. You really don't. How would you like some pony popping in every week telling you what to do?" she asked, before vanishing again with a flash.

"I already hate it," Twilight grumbled.

172. The Maud Couple

Pinkie Pie was so mad, she could just about have swore a cuss.

She'd just gotten done dealing with the most annoying, boring, aggravating, irritating, dumb, stupid, dull, stupid, stupid, awful pony in all of Equestria, only to find out the cake shop had closed for lunch! She was gonna make a super-special-duper-awesome cake for a super-special-duper-awesome pony, but nope! Not anymore! That pony was just going to have to go cake-less for ever and ever because some ponies couldn't decide between saying "goodbye" and saying "see you later"! Speaking with precision, her adorable pink bee-hind! It was enough to make a pony want to punt something into next Thursday.

Thankfully, she bumped into her big sister like, right afterward, so everything became much better.

"Hello, Pinkie Pie," said Maud, in her usual affectionate deadpan.

"Maud!" Pinkie cheered, hugging her. "Found you! My turn to hide, hee hee!"

"I'm sorry I wasn't around this morning."

"Oh, pssh." Pinkie waved her hoof. "What are you apologizing to me for? I'm not upset, you silly-willy."

"The reason is I met somepony--"

"Wanna hang out right now?" Pinkie wrapped an arm around her sister's neck. "I mean, I can see you're not doing anything with anypony else. Unless they're invisible or reeeeeaaaally small." She stuck her hooves really close together, watching Maud through the gap.

"Pinkie, the reason I've been so busy is that I have a special somepony now."

Every gear in Pinkie Pie's head came to a screeching halt. All she could say was, "A wha?"

"A significant other."

"A whaaa?"

"A shmoopy-doo."

"A whaaaaa?"

"A marefriend."

Pinkie sprang into the air. "That's so exciting! My sister, in love! Tell me, tell me, tell me, is she anypony I know?"

"No."

This didn't surprise Pinkie, all things considered. There were, after all, plenty of ponies in Equestria. Plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of pancakes in the--

"She's two ponies you know."

"Whaaaaaaa?"

Maud blinked, looking behind herself. "There's one of them now."

Of all the ponies in all the gin joints in all of Equestria, who should walk up to Maud Pie and give her a familiar hug but the Great and Power Trixie. Pinkie was agog. Agog, I tells ya!

"Hi, Pinkie Pie. Hiiii, Maudie!"

Maud's smile grew infinitesimally wider. "Hi, Lulu."

"Trixie does love it when you call her that." Trixie giggled. "Are you ready for our big date at the Hoofington fair? Starlight's waiting for us."

The ambient temperature decreased slightly as Pinkie sucked in all the air. "You're dating Trixie and Starlight?"

Maud nodded. "I'm really glad Starlight hooked us up with her younger, hotter self."

"More like she hooked Trixie and Starlight up with you." Trixie tittered, and Pinkie thought she smelled an awful lot like flowers? "Either way, bonus! Come on, let's go. Those fried foods on sticks aren't going to eat themselves!"

"Something tells me those aren't the only things we'll be eating today," Maud said. Trixie blushed a deep red and slapped her on the flank, eliciting exactly zero reaction as they moved off.

"You are terrible! Trixie loves it."

"Wait!" shouted Pinkie, zipping ahead of them. "This is great! My big sister is dating my kind-of friend and a kind-of friend of a kind-of friend! And you two are dating each other! I need to throw a party about this!"

Trixie sucked in a breath between her teeth. "Trixie appreciates the enthusiasm, but maybe you should hold off on any party-throwing on our behalf? Starlight's a little, you know..." She waved her hoof in the air.

"Shy?" Maud suggested.

"Gassy?" Pinkie added.

Trixie rolled her eyes. "Closeted. Despite making numerous major relationship decisions at the behest of her older, wiser self."

Maud nodded. "I know what that's like. Up until now, I'd had deep questions regarding my sexuality. I kept finding myself going out with really boring stallions." She gave a little up-tilt of the corners of her mouth. "It's good to finally know who I actually am."

"The point is," Trixie continued, "we're keeping things on the dee-aich-ell, as they say. Starlight's not ready to tell everypony yet. But I'll make sure she tells you when it's a good time for a party, promise."

She grinned at Maud and threw a hoof around her withers. "Now, come on, let's go!"

They went.

Boy, did Pinkie have a lot to think about. Maud, dating! Ponies dating more than one pony at once! Mares dating mares! Starlight dating Trixie and also Maud too!

Some small, terrible part of her pointed out that it was a good thing Maud had figured out who she actually was, as she'd put it. After all, she could have ended up dating a pony like that weirdo she met earlier that day!

She spun around to see said weirdo staring at her.

"Hello," he said, in his dumb, stupid, boring way. It was like he was all of Maud's worst traits, balled up into one horrible, pony-shaped package.

"What?" said Pinkie.

"You were talking aloud, despite nopony being around," he explained unhelpfully.

Pinkie's face contorted in rage. "You ruined my morning cake-shopping!"

The colt held up his stupid hoof. "Technically, you delayed the store clerk yourself by attempting to rush my conversation."

Pinkie's face turned bright red as her cheeks puffed out and steam poured from her ears. "Fuck you, dickbag!"

The colt closed his stupid eyes. "Technically, the bag is underneath--"

"SHUT UP!"

With his eyes closed, he thankfully couldn't react as she punted him into next Thursday. A cry of "Technicallyyyyyyyy--" fading behind him as he made a twinkle on the horizon.

Pinkie Pie felt much better.

She bounced all the way back to Ponyville, making plans for a "Congratulations on Dating Two Ponies" party, sometime in the hopefully near future.

173. Fake It 'Til You Make It

The door snikt closed behind her, leaving Fluttershy to face the empty interior of Rarity 4 You alone.

But she would not be defeated. She would not be cowed! She would not be rendered something less offensive to cows. She had made a promise to her friend, and she would use every ounce of her admittedly paltry strength to see that promise through, because she was a good friend. She was a winner! She was on fire! She! Was! Flutter--

"Eep!"

Fluttershy materialized under a rack of stallions' shirts the moment the bell on the door tinkled. Her raccoon friends chittered and face-pawed in disgust.

"I mean..." Clearing her throat, Fluttershy extricated herself from the shirts and stood up mostly tall and somewhat proud. "W-welcome to Rarity Number Four You?"

She stopped with a question mark because the pony who had just entered was not one she had expected, in more ways than one.

Okay, maybe some tiny part of her wasn't surprised to see Starlight Glimmer. Every time Fluttershy's life got even the tiniest bit potentially aggrieving, Starlight was sure to show up. But she didn't usually have this much grey in her mane. Or look so haggard. Or thin. Not that Starlight was fat.

Not that Fluttershy would ever say Starlight was fat.

"Starlight?" was all she could think to ask.

Starlight glanced around the shop, looked Fluttershy over, and gave a relieved sigh. "Hi, Fluttershy," she said, voice tired. "It's good to see you again."

Fluttershy licked her lips. "Um, is it safe to assume you're future Starlight?" She got a nod in response. "A-and that you're not here to buy a dress?" A shake of the head.

"I'm here to help," said Starlight, though there wasn't much enthusiasm to her words.

"Oh!" For a moment, Fluttershy's most contrarian nature took control of her mouth. "But I promised Rarity I would look after the shop for her! I mean, me, only me! I have to do it! R-right?"

Starlight shook her head sadly. "Fluttershy, don't you remember what AJ learned about letting other ponies help?"

Fluttershy looked at her blankly.

"Right, of course you wouldn't." Starlight sighed. "It's in the Journal." She rubbed her temple. "I've been doing this so long, I can't remember what's when."

Stepping forward, Starlight placed a hoof gently on Fluttershy's shoulder. The smile she gave was the kindest and most supportive Fluttershy had ever seen from her friend. Not that Starlight wasn't kind or supportive.

Not that Fluttershy would ever say Starlight wasn't kind or supportive.

"Fluttershy, do you want to sell some goddamn clothes?"

Fluttershy wasn't sure what one of those words meant, but she nodded nonetheless. "Yes! I do!"

Starlight smiled, and the door bell tinkled.

It wasn't the most profitable day in the history of Rarity 4 You, before or since. But neither was it a drama bomb. They sold some clothes. They didn't scare off any customers. They had a laugh or two. And, by the time Starlight said goodbye and took the magic carpet ride to another time, they had maybe even learned something.

Because that's what's really important.

174. Grannies Gone Wild

Rainbow Dash sighed as she walked through the Las Pegasus, unable to fulfill her dream of riding ‘The Wild Blue Yonder™’ (although not hearing about it prior to Soarin telling her), and was totally not about to join Granny Smith doing some weird Applejack friendly stuff, and would much rather just stand around and keep the cider out of their reach (her belly, of course).

Suddenly, Starlight walked out of nowhere and muttered: “This is going to be difficult.”

Her horn lit up and she dragged them all over to the The Queue™ for The Wild Blue Yonder™ and stood behind The Queue™s Railings™. (okay this is getting old) She pushed everypony waiting in the line and pushed them out of the way as they walked swiftly through. She placed everyone on the roller coaster and walked up to the pony controlling its speed and when it would go.

“Get this baby running, okay?” She asked the worker.

“Sorry mam, can’t do that. It’s against the law without waiting in the line.”

“YOU DARE DISOBEY ME?!? YOU PEASANT. GET IT RUNNING OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN! AM I CLEAR!? OR YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LAW WHEN I LAY MY HOOVES ON YOU IF YOU DO NOT GET THIS THING GOING!!!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHH OKAY!!??!” The worker threw the levers forward and ran off. He accidentally forgot that he put it on turbo. The roller coaster flew off the tracks and started its own adventure through the air.

And at that moment, everyone in ~~Shawshank~~ The Roller coaster felt free.

Until gravity kicked in and they plummeted to the ground.

175. Surf and/or Turf

A few days before the Cutie Map decided something needed to be done...

Terramar sat on a rock at the ocean's edge. When the tide washed up on his back legs, dangling over the water, they would magically become a long, sinuous tailfin. Then, after a little bit, the water would dry and the fin would turn back into hooves.

Terramar scowled at his tailfin as though it had done him wrong. He picked up a rock in his front fin and heaved out as far as he could.

The sound of rocks scattering and a rasping cough told Terramar he wasn't alone. He turned his head to see an old unicorn standing on the rocky beach a few lengths behind him.

"Hello." Her coat was light pink, her mane silvery, with a single bright streak of teal. She wasn't, he realized, quite as old as he'd initially though, but he was still surprised to see her.

"Would you mind coming in off the rocks so we can talk, dear? I'm afraid they're are a tad intimidating."

Blinking, he waited until his tail had split into legs again and did as bidden. He might have no idea who this pony might be, but he wasn't about to disobey an elder. His parents had taught him...

He wasn't going to think about that. He joined the pony on the beach, looking up at her curiously.

"What's a unicorn doing out here on Mount Aris?" he asked. "Uh, if you don't mind me asking."

She smiled warmly. "A little birdie told me a certain hippogriff was having a problem. I thought I'd see what I could do to help." She beckoned, and they moved off the beach, up the cliffs of Mount Aris.

"Problems? I don't have any problems..." He rubbed a claw across the back of his head, blushing as she regarded him with a raised eyebrow.

"Glaring at your own appendages like you're thinking of cutting them off isn't the kind of thing a creature with no problems is likely to do." She smiled softly. "My name's Starlight. Why don't you tell me what's bothering you, Terramar?"

Part of him wanted to ask her how she knew his name. There was something just slightly off about this pony, though not in a bad way. He couldn't put his finger on it.

"It's my parents." He frowned, and it deepened with each word he spoke. "My dad's setting up the 'Glad to Be a Hippogriff' Festival." His voice was mocking. "Queen Novo wants to celebrate the hippogriffs returning to Mount Aris, but he's being all... stupid about it!

"And my mom still lives in Seaquestria. She's helping with relocating and trying to... I dunno, keep our history alive or something?" He scowled at the ground. "And every time I try to help them, they start talking about how great Mount Aris or Seaquestria is, and how much they want me to spend more time there, and..."

They had climbed rather high at this point. The ocean below was choppy under the grey skies. He picked up a pebble and tossed it over the edge, counting the seconds before it splashed into the water.

"Every time I think about it, I can't choose. I don't want to live in just Mount Aris or just Seaquestria!" He sighed. "If I pick one, I'm going to let the other one down. There's no way to fix this without disappointing one of my parents. It's not fair."

The mare said nothing, putting an arm gently around him. When she finally spoke, she was quiet.

"That's not all that's wrong, is it?"

Something heavy rose in Terramar's throat. "They're not talking to each other," he said, heat stinging the corners of his eyes.

Beside him, Starlight gave a small sigh. "My parents had similar problems when I was your age. It didn't help that I was already a troubled foal. I went on to make some really bad decisions because I felt like my family's happiness was riding on my shoulders."

Terramar hiccuped, and Starlight turned him toward her. She crouched down, looking into his eyes.

"It's not your fault, Terramar."

The words hung around him like a wreath of smoke, obscuring everything else.

"It's not your job to fix your family's problems. Don't let your parents put you between them. If the worst happens, just remind your mom and your dad that you love them both, no matter where they live."

Terramar scrubbed at his cheek. "But where should I live?"

Starlight smiled. "What were you doing when I found you just now? Changing back and forth between seapony and hippogriff, right?"

"Yeah." He looked away from her. "I can't figure out which I'd rather be."

"Terramar, you're missing the big picture. You were changing." She smiled at him, her shining eyes warm. "You don't have to choose to live in one place or another, because you have the beautiful ability to change back and forth. You can be a seapony if you want one day, and a hippogriff the next. Where you want to be is up to you!"

And suddenly, it was like Terramar never had a problem to begin with. He wiped his eyes and gave the mare a smile. "How come I didn't figure that out before?"

Smiling softly, Starlight said, "Sometimes, you need somepony else to see your problems for you."

Hesitating only a second, Terramar rushed forward and hugged Starlight, who patted his head. "Thank you," he whispered.

"If you'd really like to thank me, how about a swim?" Starlight chuckled and tapped the pearl in his necklace. "I hear sea water is good for achy joints. And I was always a little jealous of Princess Twilight getting to be a seapony."

He blinked at her. "You know Princess Twilight?" he asked, reverently.

Laughing, Starlight led him back down the steps. "Come on. Once we're in the water, I'll tell you some stories about her younger days."

176. Horse Play

“Wonderful news, everypony!” Twilight was happy, it was simple as that. She proudly watched as her friends worked hard on their stage preparing for the play in honor of her mentor Princess Celestia. Her dear friends gathered around her to hear if their play is set to go. Now, some would wonder why did they start preparations if they weren’t sure that there will even be play, but those ponies have no place in Ponyville. Applejack was first to respond.

“Yeehaw! We get to put on our show?” Bursting with happiness, Twilight was more than glad to share the good news.

“Even better. Princess Celestia is gonna be our star!” The response was not what Twilight imagined when she meticulously planned to share her news. Instead of cheers of joys everyone on the stage just gained worried looks on their faces. Nervously they looked at each other, hoping that one of them would be brave enough to say what they all were thinking. Again, Applejack was first to speak.

“Ya sure it’s a good thing, Twi? That sounds like just askin’ for Starlight to come.

Starlight, who stood next to Applejack, looked at her and slowly said, “But, I already am here.”

“I meant the other you. Ya know,” Applejack looked carefully left and right before whispering, “Future Starlight.”

“Yeah, that’s how I felt too,” grumbled Spike to himself. Before Twilight could say anything it was Rarity’s turn to mildly worry.

“This is a disaster! I must remake everything! And then remake everything again just in case Starlight does anything horrible.” Fluttershy on the other hand had a contrarian opinion.

“I kinda like Future Starlight solving all our problems. I can’t remember last time I had a problem I had to deal with.”

“Well I don’t like it,” Dash complained. “She is always there ruining my moments to shine! I can’t even prove that I am more daring pony than Applejack!”

“Can’t prove what ain’t true, suggarcube.” It was around this moment that Twilight had enough.

“Girls! Everything will be fine. Celestia will play her part and there will be nothing for Future Starlight to solve. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? “

~

“What are we gonna do?! If I tell Celestia she's terrible, it'll hurt her feelings, and I'll be a bad friend. But if I keep her in the show, she'll be the laughingstock of Equestria, and I'll be a worse friend.” To say that Celestia’s acting was not very good would be an understatement. In fact, saying that Celestia’s performance was bad would probably be an insult to the very word bad. This and thousand other thoughts were jumping around Twilight’s head as she zipped back and forth on the backstage.

Applejack grabbed panicking Twilight, “Ya need to tell Celestia the truth, Twilight. Do it before Future Starlight comes and does who knows what!”

“No, we can fix this!” Twilight summoned quill and parchment and then started writing. “I just need to get professional actors to help, or maybe we can attach strings on Celestia and puppeteer her while Pinkie uses her ventriloquist skills to-” But before Twilight was able to reveal finer details of her master plan, Spike casually tugged her mane and pointed at the stage.

“Too late, Starlight is already talking to Celestia.” Time froze for Twilight. She helplessly starred as her own student was about to undermine everything she worked for. Her friendship with her mentor gone in a blink of an eye. But then a tiny voice was heard. Telling Twilight that it’s not too late to stop it. As she finished her blink she disappeared in a purple flash of light. As Starlight was speaking she was blinded by a sudden flash of light. Before she knew what was going on she was pinned on ground by Twilight.

“She is only kidding! She was just kidding about you being a horrible actor, it’s a theater tradition!” said Twilight complete with nervous smile and a slight eye twitch.

Celestia just stood shocked and whispered to herself, “I’m a horrible actor?” Figures started falling in place and Twilight realized they were not fitting. Seeing the surprise on her mentors face she uncertainty turned her attention at the pinned Starlight.

“Twilight, I’m not the Future Starlight,” said Starlight.

“Wait, you are not? So that means that I just...”

“Revealed to Princess Celestia that she is a horrible actor in most dramatic way possible? Pretty much.”

Twilight sighed, “Well at least that was one way to settle this. And we didn’t need Future Starlight to deal with anything for once.”

“Um, Twilight,” Starlight pointed behind her. Twilight turned her head and watched in shock as Future Starlight was channeling a spell directly into Celestia’s head. Twilight’s pupils shrank and she mouthed a quiet no.

“And another friendship problem solved. Next stop, Sire’s Hollow” Future Starlight concluded and disappeared in a flash back to the future. For a moment both Twilight and Starlight stood motionless, watching the spot where Future Starlight was just moment ago. Then both of them rushed towards unconscious princess.

“Princess Celestia?” Twilight hesitantly asked, “Are you alright?”

CELESTIA: To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,

Starlight smiled at Twilight, or at least she attempted, She placed her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder and tried to comfort her. “Well problem solved, she can act now.”

CELESTIA: And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks

Starlight tried to force her smile even more while Twilight just blankly stared at her mentor. Celestia continued her performance completely ignoring the two, which challenged the forced smiled capacity of Starlight.

“I think that all she can do is act now.” Twilight calmly nodded and added, “I can work with that. And after the play you’ll reverse the spell.”

“Me? Why me? I don’t even know which spell it is.” And with that Twilight’s calmness ended.

She turned towards Starlight, pointing her hoof and yelling, “Because you cast it! Or you will cast it because the Future you cast it in your past. I mean in our present. I mean uh.” And it was at that point where Twilight simply reached her limit and collapsed on the ground. Spike knowing Twilight well was already there to grab her and take her away.

He turned and said, “Take five, everypony.”

177. The Parent Map

"I know, I'm a horrible daughter." Starlight proceeded to flop onto the train seat.
"No, no- my mom actually does kinda the same thing."
A muffled thud emanates from one of Sunburst's books, along with a small burst of teal light.
Starlight sits up. "Did something just teleport into..." Tilting her head, she reads the spine. "Quartz Quill's Treatise on Advanced Enchantment?"
Sunburst shrugs and opens the book, letting out a whinny at the parcel that burrowed its way through all the pages of his signed copy. Starlight, meanwhile, opens the package.
"Dragonlighter, letter, Peach Ribbon's Guide to Empty Nest Syndrome and Accepting Your Foal's Independence, another copy of the same, and - oooh, this one's addressed to you and me."

Starlight, Sunburst

I'm on a schedule here so I have to be brief.
Give these books to your parents.
Be nice to them, they are your parents.
Send this letter to Celestia, she's looking for a place to build a government facility/theme park. Don't ask.
Don't worry about the Treatise, you would have left it there anyway.
Yours, Starlight.

P.S. Ask Trixie about what she keeps in the secret compartment under the wagon. It's certainly something.

After sighing with relief, Sunburst packs their new weapons of map destruction back into his book-shaped box, Starlight burns the letter, satisfied in bringing the town some new income so they can actually grow to a population that needs committees, and a pair of binoculars retreat into a suspiciously speedy cloud, which then vanishes in a burst of teal, leaving behind a flyer for something called "Seventh Sanctum."

178. Non-Compete Clause

It was Wednesday at the School of Friendship. That meant it was time for another faculty meeting. This particular Wednesday’s main topic of discussion was a field trip the students (or rather, the six students that actually mattered) were going to undertake. The trip was meant to teach teamwork, which caught the attention of two particular teachers (the two teachers who really had no business being teachers in the first place).

Applejack raised a hoof. “I'm your pony, Twilight! Sweet Apple Acres has taught me a thing or two about workin' together.” Why she wasn’t tending said farm right now was never asked.

“Yeah, but being a Wonderbolt's the definition of teamwork,” countered Rainbow Dash, equally absent from her real job.

Applejack chuckled, only slightly insincerely. “I'm sure you're not sayin' fancy flyin' makes ya a better choice than me.”

Rainbow chuckled, very insincerely. “I wouldn't say ‘better’. Just a little more qualified. No offense.”

“Maybe you can lead the field trip together,” Fluttershy offered, breaking the tension.

“Of course!” Twilight declared. “Who better to model the importance of working as a team?”

“HI!” Starlight announced as the door flew open and she swept into the room.

All eyes turned to her. “Starlight?” Twilight questioned. “I thought you had a doctor’s appointment today.”

“Oh, I do,” she confirmed. She leaned close to Twilight. “By the by, the test is going to come back negative.”

Twilight looked visibly relieved, then seemed to catch herself and blushed.

Starlight smiled and looked around the room at her friends, finally focusing in on Applejack and Rainbow. “Anyhoo, don’t mind me. I’m just going to borrow these two for a jiffy.”

Without further ado, she lit her horn, there was a flash of light, and the three were gone. The room was silent for a beat.

“Ohhhhhhhh! It was THAT Starlight!” Pinkie droned.

~~~~~Seven Seasons Earlier~~~~~

There was a flash behind a conveniently concealing tree and suddenly the trio appeared at Sweet Apple Acres.

“What the… where are we?” Rainbow asked, looking around.

“We’re back in Fall Weather Friends, just before, well, watch,” Starlight answered, pointing a pair of ponies off to the side. It was another set of Applejack and Rainbow Dash, deep in heated conversation.

“Tomorrow is the annual Runnin' of the Leaves. I challenge you to race me in it," drawled Past Applejack.

Past Rainbow smirked. “Heh! Easy shmeasy.”

“Ohhh. Yer THAT Starl-” Applejack started, turning to her companions before realizing she could see right through them. “Ahhh! Yer transpirit!”

“That’s ‘transparent’,” corrected Starlight, “Though you’re actually closer than you think. I cast a ghosting spell on the three of us. We can’t be seen, heard, or felt. You two are going to observe some of your past interactions and see if you can glean a lesson or two from them. Copacetic? Kay, I’ll be back to pick you up tomorrow afternoon. Byeee!”

There was another flash and she was gone, leaving two very confused and irritated friends.

~~~~~Three Seasons Later~~~~~

There was yet another flash and Starlight appeared in the dark husk of the ruined Castle of the Two Sisters. In one corner of the great hall, there was a tent pitched which emitted seven sets of quiet breathing. To the other side two ghostly ponies leaned against a wall, looking very irate.

“Hello again, you two! So have we learned anything this time?” Starlight asked archly. “If not, I have some individual lessons in taking it down a notch for you to revisit. ‘Fact or Fan Fiction’, Wonderbolts Academy’, ‘Somepony to Watch Over Me’, ‘Pinkie Apple Pie’. I could go on.”

“An’ what lesson were we s’posed to learn?” growled Applejack.

“Yeah!” Dash agreed. “That when something even kinda interesting is about to happen you swoop in and fix stuff before it starts?”

Starlight looked back and forth between the two in confusion. “What? I’ve already fixed these two? But I haven’t been to these yet. This is one of my first… Ohhhhh. Right, that’s not how temporal continuity works. Okay, um… how about this?

She slapped the pair upside the backs of their heads. “Ow!” they both cried.

“Ah thought you said nopony could touch-”

“Don’t! Be! So! Competitive!” Starlight barked. “Every time you get stubborn and try to one-up somepony, especially each other, it just ruins everything!”

“A g-g-g-ghooOOooost!” a pink voice shrieked from the corner of the room.

All three turned to see Pinkie peeking out of the tent, staring directly at them.

“Ah thought you said nopony could see-”

Starlight snorted sharply. “It’s Pinkie. Forget it. Let’s go home.”

With a big bang and a final flash, they were gone, leaving just a shocked Pinkie. “Gasp. I see dead ponies.”

179. The Break-Up Break Down

"It's time for your intervention," Twilight Sparkle gloated. "I finally have proof you have a problem."

Starlight nodded absently from where she was sprawled on her custom crystal throne by the Cutie Map table. She flipped a page in Kites Quarterly, and took a sip from her pineapple smoothie.

Twilight held up a dog-eared friendship journal in her hornglow. "Remember this? All those friendship lessons we all learned the hard way, which you thought you could speed-run through with time travel?" She shook the journal at Starlight accusingly. "Well, now there's one you can't solve, because you messed with the timeline too much!"

"Mmm," Starlight grunted, flipping another page.

"It's Hearts and Hooves Day today! And look! Big Mac was supposed to send Sugar Belle a pie, which would get misdelivered to Sweetie Belle, and then he would overhear Sugar talking about ending a relationship, and Discord would convince him to preemptively break up with her before everyone finally sorted out their misunderstandings and they got back together!" Twilight said. "But he can't do any of that, because you caused Sugar Belle to fall in love with Double Diamond so you could catch Mac on the rebound!"

"Okay," Starlight said. She turned her magazine sideways and flipped out the centerfold, nodding appreciatively. "And?"

Twilight's eye twitched. "And!?" she shouted. "How will Big Mac learn the valuable lesson that when your friends do something which seems hurtful, you have to talk it out with them before making assumptions?"

The crystal door behind them squeaked open. "Hey, Twi?" Applejack said. "Have you seen Star– oh." She cleared her throat. "Mac said to tell ya he's takin' Future You's advice, and takin' you out to dinner tonight to talk 'bout why the pie he baked ya was in yer trash can."

Starlight nodded and flipped another page. "Let him know I'd like to propose a counteroffer," she said without looking up. "His room, 7 pm. Romantic candles. He brings a new pie to replace the one that Chrysalis poisoned. I bring the pizza."

"Fine, I'll —" Applejack paused, then sighed. "Sufferin' hootenannies. The bug's back in town?"

Starlight waved a dismissive hoof. "I've got it." She glanced over at Twilight. "Was that all?"

Twilight opened and closed her mouth ineffectually, then shook her head and jabbed a hoof angrily at the friendship journal. "That doesn't fix all the friendship problems! Plural! With an S! Sugar Belle was supposed to move to town and apprentice with the Cakes. How are they going to get enough free time to take care of their foals now?"

"'Scuse me, Purplesparks," a draconic voice said from right over Twilight's shoulder. "You wanted to see me?"

Twilight jumped. "Dragon Lord Ember?!"

Starlight raised a hoof. "I did, actually," she said. "Would you do me a favor real quick?"

Ember grinned, revealing rows of fangs. "I'm just gonna assume you're the one who set me up with Thorax last time I was here, and say, 'Tartarus, yes'."

Starlight grinned back. "You also remember Chrysalis, right? The changeling queen whose splines you reticulated that day? I made her a very generous offer — I would ignore her sneaking back into Ponyville for revenge, for as long as she disguised herself as a baker, apprenticed to the Cakes, and didn't do anything to hurt anypony. But since she seems to have declined, I'd appreciate it if you could walk over to the ugly vase in the corner, pick it up, and bend it into a mathematically impossible —"

The vase glowed green and turned into the changeling queen. "I've reconsidered," she blurted out, voice raised by an octave. "If I apologize for the pie, can I still accept your terms?"

"Sure." Starlight turned back to Twilight, and asked pleasantly, "Anything else?"

"B-b-b-" Twilight sputtered as Chrysalis waved and walked by. Her eye twitched even harder. She shook her head tightly, whirled back to Starlight, and shouted, "Discord! He and Spike had that whole side bet going on! But now he's never going to learn how important love is!"

"Oh! Hey!" Cadance said brightly from the doorway. "There you are! I've been looking all over the Crystal Palace for you!"

Twilight blinked several times. Then sighed, and her posture wilted. "Okay, I give up," she said in a small voice. "Starlight, you win. Intervention over. You two … just … go do your thing to him."

Cadance blinked, then giggled. "I wasn't looking for Starlight, silly! I was looking for you!"

"… Huh?"

Cadance's smile slowly grew. "I already shot Discord with a love beam, just like Future Starlight asked. But then he got all pouty, and said it was unfair he was the only one getting zotted, when it was Hearts and Hooves Day and there was an attractive alicorn in town who'd never even been on a date~"

Twilight froze.

She slowly turned around.

Discord, hiding his face half-behind a bouquet-hive of rosebees, giggled and waved. His cheeks reddened underneath eyes filled with heart-shaped pupils.

Cadance's horn flashed. Twilight's eyes also popped into little hearts.

As the three of them teleported off, Starlight sucked down the last of her smoothie, her straw making that bottom-of-the-glass noise. She set the empty down, and raised her voice. "So, girls, was anypony else planning an intervention tonight?"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders slowly raised their heads from behind the nearby map table.

"N-nah," Sweetie Belle said. "We're good."

180. Molt Down

Changes in their bodies: everypony has them, right? But Spike used to think it only happened to ponies. He was a dragon, he wasn’t going to grow like that. Now, Spiked wished it only happened with ponies. Voice changes, indigestion, those terrible scales stones that itched like hell... Smolder had told him he was growing, and that he was going to move out since no one wanted a molting dragon around. But that couldn’t be true, could it? Sure, Twilight wasn’t very happy with his burning breath, and the tourist group complained about his voice, but that didn’t mean they didn’t want him, right? Right?

The more he thought about it, the more nervous he became, and the more his scales itched. He didn’t want to go live in a cave...he wanted to stay with Twilight, reorganizing books and making lists. He wanted to stay with Rarity, helping her find gems for her wonderful dresses. He wanted to stay in Ponyville, where everypony knew him and liked him. He couldn’t just go.

And he was going to grow, in size. He was terrified at the thought of becoming a monster who would terrorize the town and steal treasures for himself. Smolder had told him molting was different from growing out of greed, but what if it wasn’t? What if he hurt someone? What if he- And there she was again, at the entrance of the Everfree Forest. She always was somewhere near every time someone had a problem. Starlight Glimmer

“Hello, Starlight.”

“Hello, Spike”, answered her, “Molting, I presume?”

“Yeah, it’s awful.”

“So...What’s exactly bothering you? The scales? The voice? The smell?”

“What smell?”

“Oh, you'll see.”

Spike replied, in an almost unintelligible voice, “I’m nervous about leaving.”

“Sorry, what was that?”

“I said I’m nervous about leaving.”

“Could you speak a little louder? Just a bit-“

“I’M NERVOUS ABOUT LEAVING!”

“...Yes, I heard.” Starlight had to leave home at some point too, and she was about to leave the castle once. Maybe she understood Spike more than she imagined. “I know it hurts to grow up, but it’s not something you can help. You just have to accept it. Sooner or later you got to leave the nest.”

“But,” Spike said, “Do I have to leave now?”

“Would you like to find out?” Spike nodded, and watched as Starlight performed her time-travel spell in both of them.

“Wait, didn’t you say we were going to see if I leave home in the future? Why are we still in the Everfree Forest?”

“Oh, I just have something to do first.” As soon as Starlight finished her sentence, a giant bird passed by them, only to be shoot down by a magic laser beam.

“That’s all”, Starlight said, “Now, let’s continue.”

~

“... And whatever happens, we'll get through it together.” Twilight was hugging Spike, who now had grown wings.

“Is...is that me?” Spike said, seeing his future self as he and his friends started walking back to Ponyville.

“Yes, do you like it?”

“It’s...it’s amazing”

“I told you Spike. Growing may hurt, but it brings along great things.”

“Did it happen to you?”

“...maybe...”

Spike went back to his present, now more confident about his molt, knowing that soon he would change for the better.

“That’s all” said Starlight to herself, “and I just have a small delay.”

“Delay?...Wait! Starlight!”, Spike shouted.

“Yes?”

“I appreciate what you’ve done, really. But couldn’t you just cast a spell on me so I could grow faster?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, Starlight said, nervously.

“Come on Starlight, You’ve turned yourself into a filly, sure you could’ve turn me into a grown-up dragon. It could’ve saved you a lot of time.”

“And let you skip one of the most awful and embarrassing moments in your life? Where’s the fun in that?”

181. Marks for Effort

Future Starlight Glimmer saw Twilight Sparkle speaking with the Cutie Mark Crusaders in the Friendship School hallway. "Hi Twilight, looks like you could use a guidance councilor's help!" she said. "Hint, hint?"

"No thanks Starlight. I got this," Twilight said, dismissing her.

"I said, HINT HINT," Starlight repeated.

"Oh geez, it's you, again," Twilight said, recognizing that it was that Starlight. "I was just about to tell them that they can't be my students because they don't need friendship lessons."

"That's true, but why not take them on as tutors?" Starlight suggested.

"I don't have anything to spare in the school budget for that," Twilight said. Starlight chuckled.

"Oh please! Hasn't Spike taught you anything about the value of unpaid internships?"

182. The Mean 6

Shutterbug zipped about the room, pulling the hair of each pony and taking their pictures except Starlight. Then she left. Future Starlight appeared in the hallway behind her.

"Hey, I was too nervous to mention it before, but I couldn't help but notice that you pulled everypony's hair except the one who likes it pulled," Starlight said with a devious grin. "You big tease." Starlight flipped her tail at her.

"Oh." Shutterbug just stared at her for a moment, processing the words. "Okay then." She pulled a hair from Starlight's tail.

"Mmf, yes!" Starlight shuddered.

"Well this got weird in a hurry," Shutterbug said, making haste out the front door. Starlight teleported above her and tackled her to the ground.

"My turn," Starlight whispered, pulling a hair from Shutterbug's tail. In a flash of green flame, the hair transformed back into a piece of black chitin. "Oh?" Starlight struck Shutterbug with her changeling nullification spell, revealing Queen Chrysalis's true form. "Oh." Starlight frowned. "I guess we're both looking for love in all the wrong places." Her horn glowed brighter. "And you still have something on your face."

183. A Matter of Principals

"Wait, you all were called on this friendship quest too?" Twilight said, walking into the map room and seeing that she and all five of her friends had glowing cutie marks.

"It must be a really important one," Fluttershy said.

"And terribly far away," Rarity added. Motioning to the map table.

"Just getting there will take days," Rainbow Dash said.

"Y'all know what this means?" Applejack said. "There won't be any teachers left to run the school!" Everypony gasped. In a flash of purple light, Future Starlight appeared. She pointed at the map table.

"Ignore that. Discord's screwing with you," she said before disappearing again.

184. The Hearth's Warming Club

"Um Starlight, usually I put up those decorations," Rainbow Dash said, looking at Starlight Glimmer levitating herself to the ceiling rafters above the Hearth's Warming tree.

"I've got it this year," Future Starlight said, affixing some decorations and applying a liberal coat of slippery grease to the beam.

185. Friendship University

When Flim and Flam opened the Friendship University, one mare made it a point to be right at the very front of the registration line on the first day.

"Good morning madam!" Flim greeted.

"How can we serve you?" Flam asked. The mare took and paid for a set of the study notes.

"Actually, I'm serving you," Future Starlight said. She gave them each a copy of the court summons. "And you can shut-down this for-profit school."

"What!?" Flim gasped.

"There's nothing illegal about a for-profit school!" Flam said, nervously looking at the line of customers- er, students behind her. "If- if this even was one!"

"While that is unfortunately correct," Starlight said, "Plagiarism is still really really illegal. Especially now that you have used it for profit!"

"But we haven't even-" Flam looked at the notes she had just purchased. He tried to snatch them back.

"Ah ah! These are mine now." Starlight said, putting them into a plastic evidence bag. She looked back at the two rugged stallions behind her. They revealed their badges, identifying themselves as officers of the law. They proceeded to arrest Flim and Flam. "See you in court."

186. The End in Friend

"Rainbow Dash and Rarity have very different interests that keep them busy," Twilight Sparkle explained to the class. Beside her on the stage were the two mares of discussion. "But being friends is so important to them that they always make time for each other." Rainbow Dash both blushed and Rarity chuckled nervously.

"Our day of fun was hard-planned," Rarity said. "What with Rainbow Dash's extremely time-consuming and erratically scheduled Wonderbolts ,

"And Rarity's weird fashion seasons," Rainbow Dash added. "She's working on her winter collection, and it's not even summer yet!

"But you still found time to be together!" Twilight said. "And that's what counts. See class? These ponies are models of true friendship in action."

"What amazing stuff are you going to do together?" Silverstream asked.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash exchanged nervous glances. They knew they couldn't tell them the truth. Both tried to say a fabrication. Both tried to say it at the same time. Both said something different. They each tried to say something else, each of them talking louder over the other. It began to devolve into a quarrel.

"Are we supposed to be learning something here?" Smolder asked. "Because this doesn't sound like compromising at all."

"Yeah! You guys have nothing in common. How can you be... friends?" - Gallus asked.

Rainbow Dash and Rarity blushed and chuckled even more nervously. Future Starlight groaned from the stage. It was so obvious to her, of course, but nopony else could see it.

"Rarity is the femme and Dash is the butch!" Starlight shouted out across the room.

"Ooooh!" the entire class said in understanding, writing down their notes.

187. Yakity-Sax

Pinkie Pie stood outside the Yakyakistan music shop. "Maybe I'll get a souvenir to bring back to Ponyville," she said to herself. Future Starlight appeared beside her and put a hoof on her shoulder.

"Or you could NOT do that," Starlight suggested.

"What? Why not?" Pinkie asked.

"Yakyakistan music shops have this really nasty habit of randomly bursting into flames."

"What? They do not. Don't be silly." Pinkie Pie's smile vanished. "Seriously. Don't be silly. That's my job!" Her moment of seriousness passed and she walked past Starlight towards the shop. Just before she could go inside, the entire music shop randomly burst into flames. "Holy moly!" Pinkie Pie screamed, running away from the inferno. Ygritte ran screaming out of the blaze and then stopped, dropped and rolled in the snow, extinguishing the embers in her fur.

"She'll be okay," Starlight assured Pinkie. "Everything is going to be just-" Starlight smelled burning pizza. "AWW CRAP!"

188. Road to Friendship

"One caravan for two, all set!" Trixie said to Starlight Glimmer. "Oh, you brought luggage."

"You bet I did! Everything two ponies need for the road trip of their lives!" Starlight said. "Three 1000-piece puzzles. One copy of Dragon Pit, the best board game in the history of ponies. My famous collection of campfire spices and an inflatable raft. Did I forget something?"

Future Starlight appeared with a flash of purple light and slapped Starlight across the face.

"You don't need none of that crap!" Future Starlight said. "Actually, wait... keep the raft. And take this." She gave Starlight a single, small piece of luggage.

"What's this?" Starlight asked, opening the bag.

"Everything the two of you will need," Future Starlight said before disappearing again. Trixie looked in the bag as Starlight sorted through it.

"Let's see... ear plugs, hotel reservations, an almost-criminal amount of bits and..."

"Oh my," Trixie gasped as the last item in the bottom of the bag started to buzz like a nest of angry hornets.

189. The Washouts

Rolling Thunder was getting ready to help set up The Washouts show in Ponyville. She walked over to the equipment trailer to start unloading.

Starlight Glimmer was standing just outside the trailer, leaning against it.

"Oi! This is a restricted area! Crew only!" she yelled. "What are you doing back here!?"

"Pizza delivery," Future Starlight said, lighting a cigarette.

"You bloody off your nut!?" Thunder screamed. "Do you have any idea how much pyrotechnics are in there!?!"

"Yeah," Starlight said, flicking the cigarette into the trailer before disappearing.

190. A Rockhoof and a Hard Place

Professor Rockhoof was regaling the classroom with an exciting tale.

"Ooh ooh! What happened next?" Yona asked.

"The Ursa Major backed me up against the wall," Rockhoof continued his story, "I looked at her, she looked at me, and I said,"

"Uh, Professor Rockhoof?" Twilight said from the smashed hole in the wall.

"Nope, guess again!" he said. "Oops."

"Class, why don't we take lunch early today," Twilight said.

"How 'bout no?" Future Starlight said from the back of the classroom. She munched on a box of popcorn. "It's a really good story and he's telling it really well. He has a real talent for it, Twilight. Like... a special talent. For story telling. Twilight? Hintity hint hint?"

"Okay! I get it!" Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "His special talent is story telling."

"One of many I'm sure," Starlight said, winking at massive stallion.

"But no smashing!" Twilight said.

"Twilight!" Starlight balked. "What I do in the privacy of my- oh wait, you mean like literally."

191. What Lies Beneath

Silverstream and her friends gathered around the floor grate of the library. A glowing crystal root from the Tree of Harmony had dislodged the cover. "I only glanced at that plumbing book, but I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to be there," she said.

Smolder leaned down to peer inside.

What are you doing?" Ocellus asked.

"Dragon," Smolder said of herself. "Strange magical cave. What do you think I'm doing?" she asked. Future Starlight appeared with a flash of purple light.

"Or you could NOT do that," Starlight said.

"But what about the magical glowing thing?" Ocellus asked.

"Seems like something you should tell the maintenance faculty, or a teacher, or literally any adult, before you just go spelunking in an underground space. You could get caved in, asphyxiate in a low oxygen environment, or get exposed to radon. So unless you're a ninja turtle, stay out of the sewer," she advised.

192. Sounds of Silence

Starlight Glimmer walked up the hillside to the dwelling of the recluse Kirin.

"Autumn Blaze?" she called out. The Kirin stepped outside to meet her.

"Yes?" Do I know you?" Autumn asked nervously.

"Not yet." Starlight gave her a bundle of Foal's Breath.

"Oh my gosh! You found some!" she said.

"Yup. Wanna go mess with the village's water supply?" she asked with a devious grin. Autumn squealed.

~

Applejack and Fluttershy were just about done packing when their cutie marks stopped flashing.

"Huh. I guess it sorted itself out."

193. Father Knows Beast

"Coming to Ponyville wan't an accident," Sludge said to Spike. "I was looking for you. Spike... I'm your father."

Before Pinkie Pie could win the longest gasp everyone vanished in a flash of purple light. Everypony re-appeared in the seats of the theater used for Celestia's play. The rest of Ponyville was already there. Sludge and Spike appeared in seats on the stage.

"Welcome back everypony!" Future Starlight announced as she walked down the aisle of the stands. "And now we find out the big reveal from the paternity test!"

"Paternity test!?" Sludge asked in confusion. He looked around the stage and saw a giant sign behind him. "Who the hell is Mulely Povich?"

"We have the results from testing your blood, Sludge," Starlight said.

"What!? When did you take my blood?" he asked.

"While you were sleeping!" Starlight said with an unnerving cackle! "And we compared it to Spike's DNA sample!"

"Wait! How did you get MY DNA?" he asked.

"You're going through puberty! It was easy!" Starlight said. Spike blushed. Starlight Glimmer opened the envelope. "Sludge! What do you and Darth Vader NOT have in common?"

"What!? Who the hell is-"

"You are NOT the father!" she announced. "Our lie detector determined that THAT was a lie!" Red lights flashed and there was a buzzer. Everypony in the audience booed. "You are, however, the weakest link. Goodbye!" Starlight pressed the button on her remote and the rocket underneath Sludge's chair activated.

"I don't understand these referenceeeeeeeeees!" he screamed as he vanished into the sky.

"Looks like team rocket is blasting of again!" Starlight laughed.

"Starlight, when did you have time to set all this up!?" Spike asked.

"It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to sleep!" she said. "Let's just say that Pinkie's 'nose sugar' isn't actually sugar."

"Narc!" Pinkie grumbled. "Though that does explain all the forth-wall breaking."

194 & 195. School Raze

Dear Cozyglow,

Rumors of me exploding in the Golden Oaks Library are greatly exaggerated. I am indeed imprisoned in Tartarus. My time here has taught me that trying to take over Equestria is a bad idea, and I do not recommend it to anypony. You sound like a brilliant strategist and I'm sure you'll do great things for the Equestrian Royal Guard one day. In the meantime, I think you should focus more on your studies and your talent on the school chess team.

- Sincerely, Tirek

P.S. And be nicer to your guidance counselor.

~

Starlight Glimmer finished writing the forged letter and sent it off to the troubled filly, setting her on the right path.

STAY TUNED FOR SEASON 9 (maybe)

Author's Note

170 - 171. Shakespearicles
172 & 173. PresentPerfect
174. KamikazePickle
175. PresentPerfect
176. Cinder Vel
177. Circut Breaker
178. Von Snootingham
179. horizon
180. Geraldiamond
181 - 195. Shakespearicles

Prologue: The Friendship Journal

"Hmm, now where was that?" Starlight Glimmer searched through her bookshelf for her copy of Twilight Sparkle's Friendship Journal. "Ah ha! Here it is!" Starlight said, retrieving the book and sitting down to read it. She had gone through it quickly once before back when she had helped make copies of it for Twilight and her friends.

"And copies for the rest of Equestria," Starlight muttered to herself, recalling how much misfortune the newfound fame had brought her friends. Upon reflection she wished she could go back and do things differently. She looked over the many friendship problems in the journal and chuckled to herself. She was bemused with the rather convoluted ways that her friends had to solve these problems. Hindsight being what it was, Starlight realized she could have solved each and every one of them in a snap.

"In thirty seconds or less," she said with a rather smug expression. It was lark of a thought at first. But the more she pondered on it, the more she liked the idea. "I'd be doing them a favor, really," she reasoned. "Think of all the time they would save. Twilight would be a princess that much sooner. Think of what more we would have accomplished by now..." she trailed off. "What the hay, I could have been a princess by now."

Starlight looked up from her book at her bedroom mirror, imagining herself with wings and a crown. It was the mirror that Twilight had given her at her 'graduation' ceremony after she'd saved Equestria from the changelings' return with Discord, Trixie, and Thorax. She could go back and thwart Chrysalis all the easier now that she knew the secret of a changeling sharing love, rather than feeding on it. She realized that she could prevent the invasion altogether! Both of them!

"That's all the reasoning I need," Starlight said, clutching the book to her chest. "I'd be irresponsible to not do this." She readied her time-travel spell.

"It's time for me to fix everything!"