You don't me. A lot of ponies know me, but you probably don't. I'm a writer, not a well known one, but it's my craft. Apparently it's looked down upon by the ones across the field.
Anyway, if you do know me... maybe now you'll understand why I've done the things I've done. If you don't know me, you'll learn something new today. Not something taught in fancy Canterlot or in simple Ponyville, something nopony ever speaks of.
Why you ask?
Because they don't see it.
Every single day of my life, I see it, them, whatever they are. Some have ruled it off as a tired mind, or a grab for attention. I honestly wish they were right.
I see things right now, even as I write this down. Every few moments something skitters to the side of me. I can't hear them, but I see them. There's a large spider right next to me on the wall as I write this. I know the second I turn to look at it, it'll stop existing, and that's exactly what happens.
I just turned back to my page, but it's there again. That infernal thing is there again, taunting me, knowing there's nothing I can do to get rid of it. However, it might not even know I'm there, it might be as unaware as everything else. I can't stand this, being so alone. No matter how many ponies I've befriended.
None of them understand. They never do.
I've visited many doctors over the years, being brought to my first one by my single mother many years ago. They were distraught, always having to comfort my younger self when I saw what she could not. I'm starting to suspect she thought I was crazy long before anypony else did.
The first one, his name was... Doctor Haybale? Hayfever? Something related to that, not that it matters, diagnosed me with a form of magical curse, known as ''Schizophrenia'' which the ancient texts explained to be a curse that latches onto ponies, zebras, griffons, and almost every other species with the ability to think, and force them to slowly lose their grip on reality, until they devolve into full blown insanity.
They had said, that after hearing about everything I had apparently witnessed, they had dug through many old medical records, until they found a notorious curse that had been big several hundred years ago, ''Schizophrenia,'' and it was the only spell that matched the intensity of my ''Visions.''
Every single doctor since then attempted to provide me with treatment in some form or another, but every single one was stumped when my symptoms did not decrease, and slowly began to worsen as time went on. By the time I finished school, I wasn't just seeing blurs and sudden movement with no source, I was seeing full blown creatures and even ponies that shouldn't have been there.
Once I was by myself at home, reading a book, and trying to brainstorm an idea for a story of my own, when I saw something trot past my doorway.
I barely caught sight of a familiar colored tail before it vanished on the other side of the doorway. I swiftly stood up and took a peek into the hallway, in the direction of where the pony I assumed to be my mother had gone, only to realize the way they had gone, led directly into a wall.
I spent the rest of that day with my door locked and my blankets over my head until my actual mother came home.
A week later, I had a conversation with one of my best friends, over the topic of what made a pony ''Brave'' when they suddenly brought up my line of work. It was out of nowhere, and they almost looked angry with me. I was so taken aback, that I stumbled backwards, away from them, as they began to yell at me, insulting me, and what I did for a living. They spit on the art of writing, and on me, my work, my dreams. They were trying to crush my soul with their insults.
My confusion, anger, and feeling of betrayal coursing through me, I turned away from them, and ran.
I didn't speak to them for almost a week, and when I finally gathered myself enough to do so, they were puzzled. They stared at me like I was off my rocker, or I had thrown a party and not invited them. They had no idea what I was talking about.
During our conversation, I had suddenly started crying, and whimpering, before galloping off with the speed of the infamous Rainbow Dash.
I had no idea what to think at that point, until I found myself caught in the middle of a wild party the next night. I was by myself for the moment, standing near the punch bowl, watching the other ponies have fun.
One of them, a cute mare with some dorky looking glasses, broke out of the crowd, and began to approach me. I was a little startled by this, as I had never spoken with her before, and I could only assume she wanted some punch, to talk, or both. We must have talked for a good five minutes, when I blinked. She wasn't there anymore. Instead, she was breaking out of the crowd, just like she had done just a few minutes prior, however this time, she wasn't trotting her merry way towards me, she was heading straight for somepony else, one of her friends I assumed.
My brain was working itself into over driver at this point. I had no idea what I was seeing, and nopony had been able to help me. The only ponies I could possibly think of, that might have some way of helping me discover what was happening, but they were all far to important or far away to be of any help.
What was I supposed to do? I had nowhere else to turn, and I was seeing things more and more. At this point, I could only come up with one logical course of action, and it wasn't one that I could turn back from.
A week ago, I woke up, and performed my usual daily routines. On the way out however, my hoof wrapped around the handle of a recently sharpened knife off the kitchen counter, hiding it in my saddlebag as I left my residence. My body was visibly shaking as I headed for my friend's place, because the thought of what I was about to do both scared, and excited me.
Knocking on the door, I was greeted with the surprised face of their special somepony a moment later. I wasn't expecting to see them there, but that wasn't going to impede my plan.
''How're you doing today?'' They smiled politely.
''I'm fine thanks, uh, I was wondering if Ocean Leap was here?''
They turned to shout back into the house, ''Ocean!'' which was promptly answered with a distant shout from within the house a moment later.
''Yeah!?''
''We got a visitor!''
''Alright!''
A few minutes later, I was sitting at the dining table with Ocean Leap, discussing... I don't know what we were discussing anymore... the topic must have changed hundreds of times. Half their sentences didn't even make sense to my brain. I had to do something, or I was going to lose it. I couldn't tell what was going on anymore. I needed it to stop.
I put a pause on the conversation, and I asked if I could run a quick experiment. They made some kind of joke about how we weren't in school anymore, and that magical science wasn't one of my better subjects anyway, or maybe they told me I was one of the smartest ponies back in school, I don't even know anymore.
What I do know, is that in the next few moments, I took out my knife, and I stabbed t̠̠̪̣̤͈̤h̸̜̥͉͚e̴i͉̦̮͜r̞ ̲̖̜̟̜͇C̴͓̜͓é͇le̲̪̟̘͙̞̙s̸ṱ̡̭͓̤̝̠i̥̰̟̣̘̲̞ḁ̻̦-̪͙̺̗d̷͉̪aMn̸͚̳̳̯̩̤͈e̶̺d͜ ̜͚̜̜͓̪̭f̝̪̣̜a̧͚̗̮̻c̘̞͇Ce͇̱͓͕̳ͅ ̘͓͍̘o͉̺fF.̲
The entire time, I was screaming at them, accusing them of not being real, of just being another one of the things that was never there, and that if I destroyed the fake versions of them, the real one would be unharmed. No matter what it was I was yelling, when I was done, a quivering body sank to the floor, blood flowing freely from it, and a look of pure, utter, betrayal permanently etched into it.
For a moment, I thought I had actually done it, that I had finally killed one of the alternate versions of my friend, and that my real friend would be standing there, terrified, confused, and maybe a little angry, but perfectly alive.
When I looked back at where I expected them to be standing, I didn't see them. All I saw was the bloodied mess I had created. It took a few moments to register what had just happened, when I heard the sound of a maniac scream, and my head barely spun in time to see my friend's special somepony, sprinting at me with reckless abandon. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her teeth clenched a sharp cleaver, bloodied with the skin of carrots.
My instincts took over.
I don't know what I did after that, and I'm glad for that. What I do remember, was standing over her twitching body, bloodied, bashed, and covered in horrifying wounds. There was so much blood. There was blood everywhere. I didn't know what was going on.
She had been carrying a butchers knife when she had run at me, but there was no knife but the one I had used anywhere on the scene. For that matter, I vaguely remember her wearing an apron when she came for me. Her corpse didn't have an apron, it only had a torn hoodie.
I had no idea how to react, until the bile swarmed up my throat, and I threw up on the floor, the sickening bitter taste of my past meals rushing up through my throat and burning my eyes. I stood there panting for a moment, until I regained enough strength to lift my head back up, to watch as Ocean Leap's special somepony stood, covered in blood, over the un-moving form of Ocean Leap. His corpse was in even worse condition then what I had done to him. I gagged again, as i felt the need to throw up rise again, and I collapsed to my knees, dry heaving and spitting out the leftover bile in my mouth.
I didn't know what was going on.
I shakily managed to stand up, and fled the scene, my eyes burning with tears as my hooves pounded against the ground. The consequences of my actions were already beginning to hit me hard, as I realized with a thudding heart, that I had just killed one of my best friends, and their to be.
Ponies were yelling, as I dashed past, the sight of blood driving them into a panic. Ponies are a naturally peaceful race, so the sight of blood or worse sends most into a panic, which drove me to run faster, as their panic transferred to me.
My head was spinning, I didn't know what was going on. I past several ponies, watching as some were horribly disfigured, torn apart, or simply replaced by different creatures entirely. This didn't make any sense, I couldn't tell where I was running to anymore. Was I going home!? Was I heading to the clinic?! Maybe the nearest phone!? I didn't know anymore!
Blinded by panic and terror, it wasn't until I had finally collapsed from exhaustion, that I finally realized where I had been going.
My hooves had taken me to an abandoned cabin far out of town, one that had once been used for camping and other such activities, but had long since gone unused due to lack of interest. It was the only place I could hide for any extended period of time. I wasn't safe from THEM, but I was safe from the royal guard...
I must have sat there for hours, trembling, wrapped up in the fetal position. I had just killed two ponies. Murder. I had committed murder, even if I hadn't meant to. No, I had meant to. I had wanted to butcher the images plaguing me. Whatever they or it was. I wanted it to die, I was willing to go that far to make it stop. I had brought this on myself... I had turned into just another one of the horrifying visions I constantly was forced to witness.
I didn't sleep that night, I just lay on the rotting floors, occasionally seeing flashes of the cabin in different lights. Fully refurbished, destroyed in a storm, or just non-existent. I wasn't sure what to believe anymore.
I found myself bucking at the walls, the floor, punching and kicking them, screaming at it to just leave me alone. My brain wasn't thinking rationally anymore, as I was unable to comprehend what was there and what wasn't. I just wanted it to stop. I didn't know what was going on.
I saw myself standing in the corner at one point, smiling at me, like they knew what was best, like they were better, and that must have pushed me past the breaking point. All I remember is screaming at them that they weren't me, they would never be me, they weren't real, until I must have past out.
I woke up to pain, nausea, and blood. My hooves were cracked and dribbling blood onto the floor, and my throat felt raw, so much so that I could barely breath. Everything hurt, and then it didn't, before the pain returned. I couldn't tell anymore. I stood up, needles of pain shooting up my legs as I did. The walls were covered in dents and red icing. I was have tempted to lick it off, but some primal instinct kept me from trying.
I've been out here for almost a week now, living off of grass like a savage, and drinking from puddles. I see them more and more. Sudden disappearances of the trees, or gigantic monsters roaming in the distance... I can't make sense of what's right here with me and what isn't anymore. My mind can't comprehend what's happening around me anymore.
I've come to the point where it doesn't even matter anymore. I wan't this to end. I'm not crazy. Even if what I see isn't psychically right here with me, it's still there, mocking my attempts to destroy it. I will keep fighting, even if I have to destroy everything in Equestria to do it. I won't stand around as this batters at my mind until it shatters, and I've witnessed that too.
I have no idea if I'm a stallion or a mare anymore, I don't even know if I'm actually a pony. I have no idea who my family was, if I actually had friends, or if this world I live in is real anymore. I don't even know my own name anymore.
I have to destroy it all. If one can be destroyed, then all of it can. Bit by bit, piece by piece, I will end it all, until nothing remains. I won't be broken. I'm the only one that see's sense anymore! None of those other ponies can see it! They aren't really real! They're just in my way! I'll get rid of them! Everything! Ì̺̣͇̳̞̖̀t̷̰̘̳̲̪ ̵͏͚̬͚̳̦̱̦̙͜a̱̘̟̭l͖̱̱̘̗̀̀͞l̀͏͈̩͔́ ̛͈͓̝͓̜̝̞̖̤̀͠d̦į̴̘͚͠ḛ̛̛̼̖̱͕̼̥̦̠s͓̝̗͚̕͘͡!̷̼͚̝̳͔ ̸̮͎̬̰͖̖̘̮͢N̵̪̲͉̗̭ͅo̘͔͖͔̭̰t̗h̰̗̗͈̖̪̝͠į͓̜̪͇̥̖͇̀͡n̷̢̤̥̝̘̳̫̹͎͡g̷̷̝͕̣̟̙͇͝ ̸̩m̧͈̺͉̟̰͍̥̀ò͏͚̣͖̤̠̮̻͢r͍̻̰͢͜e̴͎̣͕͢ͅͅ!͍̦̫͓͕ ̶̫̹̝̝C̘̤̥͍͉͍a̱̕͞n̼̹̯͎'̲̻̻͓̰͞ț͕͡ ̨̹́̕ͅt͉̞̤̞͉͍͙a̸̹͉̬̟k͙̟͍̻͍e͏̘͖̗̯̰ ͚̞͖̟̭̬i̵͎̮̻̜̲̟͙̪t͙̳̝͖!̸̤͙͉͢ ̴͉̖͜͟M̕͞͏͈̹̱̦̮̝͖a͏̷͉͕̱̜́ͅk̵̦̘̳̝̕ę͈͕͙̯̻͚̱̘̕ ̼̖̜͉̗͕͘͞ì͔̱͚t̴̵̩͍̝̗̤́ ̷̴̹͖̙͈̰̺̗ş͔͕̘͙̠t͟҉̼̪̹̖͈ơ͚͍̙̪̗̦̮ṕ̧̻̼̻̘̺͓̩ͅ!̧̜̩̩̩̥ͅ ̢̭̗͓̹̲̲͎Ḿ̥̻̗̦̠͖̜͠a̢̘͚̲k̷̭̪̱̙̻̮e͙̺͢ ͉͚̰͈͚̬̞̬͜i͙̰̫̬͢͠ţ̩̣͎̠̭̭̮̩ ͎̰͇̗͕͖̣͡ş̘̭t̶̨̬͈͇̻̻̗̪̰͚o͉̞̩̖̰͞͡p̖̲̯̟̱̬̰̱̥͘!̨̢̖̮͉̺ ̷̰͈͠M̴͚̭͕̭͞a̧̹̪̩̱̬̻͎̫͘ͅķ̷̰͉̩ḛ͉͎͝i̡̘͖͈͕ͅt͇͎́͝͞s̷̜̯t҉͏̨̼̙͓o̫͚̗̻͎̩͘p̠͚̦m̩̫͓͔a̷̡̪͖̹̙̯̬k̨͟͏͚̻e̺i͜҉̹͎̻̰͝t̸̵̫̤̣̣s̵̵̳̬̝͖͎̜̟̼͙̕t͝͏̼̘̭͈͓̫ͅo͉͚̙p̡̘͉͚̺͙̖Ì̺̣͇̳̞̖̀t̷̰̘̳̲̪ ̵͏͚̬͚̳̦̱̦̙͜m҉̵̰̠̟̦̪̬̱̥̹͖̬͈̬͖̼á̡̗͙͉̻̪̬̰̘̜̪̖̺̺̺̩̯ḱ̷̷̙̝̙͓̩̖̻̲̕͝ͅę̵̡̞̺̪͞ͅí̴̧̹̫̗̪ţ̸̪̰̳̫̱̮͚̝͙̙̀ͅs̶͚̠̱͉̱̩̼̳͘͘͢͜t͜͏͍͖̟̭̭͇̰o̺̼̙̻̹̟͔͈̥̳͇̦̩͇̼̟͎͠͞͠p̶̻͕̘͖͓̻̖̤̥̗̟̣̠͙̲͠m̴̴̡̖̖̺͙͍͙̺̺͎͎͙̤̣̬̣̰̥͜͠ͅͅa̶̴̗͉̘̬̣̬̥͖͚̭̺͖͝k͏҉̛̘͙̬̗͚̦̬͕͈̠̼̠̝̗̯e̶̴̢̨̘̮͍̻͉̬̲͙̳͕̫̤͔̟̤͜i̡̮͓͈͕̲͎̬̩̞̘̹̗̣̕͟t̡̨͍͎̤̳͙̣͎̣͚̲͚͇̫̪̪̻̲͖͘s̷̖̮̫͉͓̯̖̭̺̯̤͈̠͘͟͝t̵͕̣̬͔̹̻̩̠̹̩̘͍́͢͟ǫ̰͚͎͇̯̼͈́͝p͉̦̳̪̞̗̦̣͙̰͖̺͚̫̩̭̘͟͟͠m̵͏̸̝̙͉͇̭̫̥̮̩͍͈͖̼̗à̳͈̬̫̱͉͓̪͡ͅk̶̮̥̯̰̳̤̤̱̜̝̻͓̹̫̝̭͘͡͠ͅȩ͏̬͕̹͓̥͉̜͍̩̦͎̣̫į̡͎̞̝͈̞̬̰̱̫̕͘t̵̹̙͖̮̯̘̯͔̦͚̥͉͉͎̘͚͉̦͜s͏̷̵̘̘̠͙͘t҉̝͎̟̠̭̺̹͓̣̮̫͎̙ͅo̴̰̝̹̘̜͖̰̼̼͙͉̝͎̥͈͜ͅp̢͏̢̦̞̹͕̝͈̥̳͇̪͚͖̪͞m̵̡̢̧̜̭̼͓a̴͏̭̠͙̫̘̘͈̹̳͔̬͡k̪͓͈̲̲͢͝e҉̷̦̲͓̱͈̪̗̰̯̯̺̬͚i̻̱͎͓̟̺͚̖̜̹̕͝ͅt̷̷̛̙̬͔͍̠̪͇̼̝̫̤̩̤͚͞s̷̵͖̥̲̬̣͈̯͚͔̗̪̩̝̀͞t̠̥̟̗͓͇̯̤̯̳͈͍̫̝̠̪̼̞̦̀̕͡ớ̸̧͕̖̝̝̞̘̤͚̜̠p҉̵̤͈̺͎͍͎͈̬͈̟̮͚̖̻̤͓̠̻̀͟͜
I don't know what's going on anymore...
Author's Note
A trip into my own insanity.
As you can tell, the character slowly devolves into complete insanity, as their mind breaks due to being able to see everything? What do they see you might ask?
Simple. They are seeing alternate universes. They see non-psychical images of events taking place in alternate realities. The spider on the wall that isn't there in theirs? In a universe across from theirs, there IS a spider on the wall.
Most would not be able to comprehend all of this at once, which is why it get's worse as they age. That's just a little backstory so you can have a little better of an understanding.
Hope you enjoyed this acid trip of madness.
