Ultimate Battle of Ultimate Destiny
It had been several months since Sunset left Beanis Inc. The first few weeks, the silence and guilt almost made her reconsider her choices, but a brief look at the company’s soaring success reassured her that everything would be fine.
In the meantime, Sunset was nursing a cup of warm coffee. Swarms of stores had opened around Beanis Inc, trying to cash in on what appeared to be Bean Pilgrims buzzing around her old job. It made for a convenient meeting spot, too.
She smiled, actually, when she saw Rainbow Dash glide to a stop on her skateboard. She unlatched her helmet, but left it on her head, and clutched the board under her arm. “Hey old lady, what are you up to?”
Sunset snorted, “Excuse me, young lady, I won’t be treated with such disrespect. Unless you wish to pay for my coffee too?”
“Whoa there, ma’dam, let’s not get to hasty there,” Rainbow said, sliding into the booth, chuckling. She looked over her seat and waved at a waiter.
Sunset gave her a wry grin. “Well, I’ll have you know that I’m feeling great. You?”
“I’ve ...” Rainbow opened her mouth, then froze in thought. “There’s ... I’ve also been...”
“Hey,” Sunset said, reaching across the table to pat her shoulder. “You don’t have to avoid Beanis around me. It’s a lot easier for me to think about it now that I don’t have to worry about it 24/7.”
“Wait, all day?” Rainbow asked, incredulously.
“You didn’t hear?” Sunset slumped into her chair. “In the early days, Twilight might randomly call me at like, 3 AM about some problem or breakthrough. Happened less once we got our own office building, but it was enough to make me flinch whenever my phone went off. Anyways, its fine if you want to talk about your job. How’re the girls doing?”
A waiter walked by and placed a steaming cup in front of Rainbow. She muttered a word of thanks, and took a sip. “Right. So, I got promoted to HR now. Twilight said it was to help promote morale.”
“With your dick?”
Rainbow nodded solemnly. “With my dick.” She couldn’t hide her smirk with that one.
“How’s Starlight getting along?” Sunset asked, taking a sip.
“Yeah about that,” Rainbow said, scratching her head. “What’s her thing about simulations?”
Sunset sighed, “She’s still going on about that? Of course she is. Long story short, the first time we met, she was convinced she entered a magical world generator instead of a magical portal.”
“Weird. Well, Beanis Inc hasn’t had any money problems, so I guess she’s doing ok.” Rainbow slouched into her seat. “How ‘bout you?”
Sunset’s eyes brightened. “It’s great, honestly. I pretty much get a retirement fund that’s similar to when I had a royal stipend under Celestia’s tutelage. I figured that with all this time, I might as well try picking up new skills. Do some research.”
“That’s a lot more like Twilight’s thing than you would think.”
“Shush. I started picking up brick building last week.”
“What building?”
Sunset raised her hands, making stacking motions. “You know, Lego.”
“Ahhh,” Rainbow nodded. “Made anything?”
Sunset shrugged. “Still trying to figure out what to do with all the extra colors. Say, we haven’t had a game night in a while, you in?”
Rainbow’s head shot up, a massive grin splitting her face. A bit too big of a grin. Sunset raised her eyebrow. “Oh, I am so in,” Rainbow said eagerly.
Well, ok then. “Come on, its not that far.” Sunset stepping outside and unlocking her bicycle.
Rainbow nodded, locking her helmet straps and tossing her skateboard onto the ground.
“Wait, you still live here?”
“Yup,” Sunset said, popping the P. “Never really found a reason to want a bigger room, so here we are.” Sunset gestured at the studio apartment the young adults and friends had once congregated in their teenage years. It had a high ceiling, but there wasn’t much that exactly used that space besides a loft to the bed.
Sunset unlocked the door. “Come on in.” She crouched off to the side, untying her shoes.
Rainbow’s eyes snapped to her friend’s turned back. She slowly reached behind herself, and unclipped from her pants the plastic hilt of a lightsaber. She unsheathed the blade by pulling it out with her fingers, allowing it to light up silently, though she couldn’t help but wince at the hum.
“Did you say something Rainbow?” Sunset asked.
“Yeah, I was thinking, you know that time we dueled for a raise?”
“What about it?”
Rainbow Dash swung down on Sunset’s back. With impossible reflexes, Sunset snapped her hand over her shoulder and activated a red lightsaber, bouncing Rainbow’s swing off to the side.
“Bwah!?” Rainbow intelligently stated. Sunset rolled forwards out of her socks and shoes and into the middle of the apartment.
“You wanted to ask something?” Sunset taunted, smirking.
Rainbow growled, (closing the door and taking off her own shoes) and pointed her blade at the baconhead. “I want a rematch, without you cheating with the Bean Side.”
Sunset laughed. “Do you really think it’s going to be that easy, Master Jedi?” She withdrew a second saber, snap flicked, and crossed the blades. “I never told you what I did before the Legos, did I?” She snapped her fingers, and the held her blades horizontally. Krak-hisss went another pair of blades, green and blue, rising above Sunset’s pair.
Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “Bu--But how?”
Somanbula’s ghostly form popped up from behind Sunset’s shoulder. “Yeaaah, remember that Bean Game a few months back? She still owns my soul, and she ended up making me do this.”
“Oh.”
“Oh dear,” Sunset snarked, “You appear to have underestimated ... the Power of the Dark Side.”
Rainbow stared blankly back for a moment. “All right, that’s it.” She angrily yanked her phone out of her pocket, mashed some buttons, then stuck it back in. Duel of the Fates started playing on loop. Rainbow pointed her fingers and lightsaber at Sunset as pony ears and wings sprouted from her. “Come on, I don’t have all day,” she snarled.
“You? Using magic against me?” Sunset scoffed. “I was born into magic. Molded by it. You don’t understand the surface, let alone against a prodigy.”
“I know what you can do, Sunset. All that means is that I have to fight faster than you can think.”
“Good luck doing that. Break my place, I break your wallet.”
“Oh yeah? By the time I’m done with you, your room will be cleaner than before I entered it. That’s how awesome I am.”
Sonambula popped over Sunset’s shoulder again. “So ... are you two going to do anything else besides ‘Stand and Pose’ at each other?”
Both girls blushed heavily, and started to slowly circle each other. Sunset began twirling the hilt through her fingers.
“How are you even doing that?” Rainbow asked. “You weren’t even born with fingers.”
“Practice,” Sunset said. Then initiated an overhead swing. Rainbow managed to slide and deflect, but before she could counterattack Sunset’s secondary pair was upon her. Also some stationery was cleaned up.
Rainbow managed to initiate a guarded retreat, panting heavily.
“So you are still alive. Good, but can you stop this? Whirlwind!” Sonambula dropped down, and began spinning her blades around Sunset’s waist. They gave off an ominous hum as Sunset slowly started advancing on Rainbow.
Crap, that’s fast, Rainbow thought ....but predictable.
“Why are you running? Where did all your bravado go?”
Rainbow crouched into a running stance. “Right here.”
BLAP went Sunset’s lightsabers as she barely managed to deflect a blur of blue. “What did you--”
BLAP again, Rainbow skidding to a stop as her strike hit hard enough for Sunset to almost fumble her grip. “Enough!” Sunset shouted, pointing her lightsabers at her.
“No, you’ve had enough.” Rainbow blurred again. This time, Sonambula yelped as her whirling blades tumbled into a traffic jam. Rainbow screeched to a halt by locking herself to the staircase bannister, and shouted, “Replacement Jutsu!” before tossing her lightsaber over Sunset’s head.
Sunset raised her block, but the attack went way over her head. “What were you trying to--” THUNK. Sunset jerked her guard back down, only to see Rainbow’s helmet bounce off the floor.
Sonambula gasped. “Behind--!”
Sunset whirled, her lightsabers crossed protectively--
Rainbow scrubbed a dirty dish by the sink. She glared over her shoulder. “You are already dead,” she said, jabbing a frothed sponge at Sunset’s specter, “you just don’t know it yet.”
Blue and green toys clattered to the ground. Sonambula glanced at her indistinct hands. “Huh, so you did.” She pointed a ghostly thumb behind her. “Well, I’m out.”
Sunset snorted, locking the two hilts together, then held the double-bladed lightsaber out in front of her. “I beat you once before, and I’ll do it again.”
Rainbow Dash set the dishes down, and held her lightsaber vertically next to her head. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”
“I think your Ego is the larger one between the two of us! Facemauler!” Sunset shouted, throwing her lightsaber.
Dash raised an eyebrow, easily sidestepping-- “Oh geez!” she yelped as she was forced to roll away from whirling death.
Sunset dangled a string tied to her twin blades. “I’ve prepared weeks for this, do not get in my way.” She pulled her arm back and threw again.
“Urk!” Rainbow rolled and batted death away. “Gah! Shit! Too close!” Right, can’t stay at range.
Rainbow watched and blocked another throw, then sprinted after it. She threw her offhand ahead of her. “Take this!”
Sunset caught her blade and stopped Rainbow’s swing, then threw her own hand out.
“FORCE-”/”-LIGHTNING!”
.....
“So y-you ... know this move.” Sunset hissed out through a strained grin.
“T-t-aught b-by the b-best,” Rainbow chattered back, blinking sweat out of her eyes.
Sunset’s hand was buried in Rainbow’s stomach, doing their best to wriggle like crazy. Rainbow’s hand was jabbed into Sunset’s armpit, the rest of the arm struggling to hold back Rainbow’s lightsaber.
Suddenly-- “Push!” Rainbow’s wings flapped, blowing them apart and rolling to other sides of the apartment. A stack of books skidded into a wall, upright.
Sunset flipped to her feet. “You’re not getting away from .... this?” She looked around. The studio apartment wasn’t all that big, how did she hide? She slowly backed up, head on a swivel. “You can’t hide forever, Jedi. Or do you admit defeat?”
Still nothing. Sunset’s back hit the wall. She kept up a slow, constant spin with her weapon, ears straining for a sound.
Then, there was a quiet clonk. Sunset shot her eyes towards the sound, only to see a takeout box bounce into the trashcan. A moment later, her instincts screamed at her, and initiated a powerful double overhead swing.
“Gah!” Rainbow shouted, as she rolled and landed on her face, her lightsaber bouncing away.
“Clever girl,” Sunset said. “But not clever enough. You have wasted enough of my time.” She stomped over to a cabinet, opened a drawer, and withdrew a blaster.
Rainbow peeled her face off the ground, and turned around. Her eyes bugged out at the sight of Sunset cocking the Nerf Pistol. A hand reached out to grab something--
Tak/Pop. “What?” Sunset said when the pistol jerked to the side. She tried to point it at Rainbow, but a stick of Legos jabbed it off-axis.
“Stop--”
Tak
“--resisting--”
Tak
“--you fool--! Gah!” Sunset shouted when the Lego stick shattered in her face. Rainbow dashed for her lightsaber. Sunset finally managed to line up her shot. Pop
Rainbow Dash whirled and bunted the dart off to the side. The fighters paused to take in the feat. A grin split Rainbow’s face.
Sunset twitched her wrist and popped off another shot, only to yelp when she had to drop the blaster to bat the dart that came arcing towards her face.
Sweaty fingers determinedly continued the deadly game of tennis, except Rainbow kept advancing. Their blades Clacked when they caught the dart between them. Both of them shuddered in exhaustion and heavy breaths.
“A-afraid of me n-now?” Rainbow rasped out.
“Not. Yet.” Sunset said. Her double saber clicked.
A last desperate pulse of magic let Rainbow see the bottom saber arc at her side in slow motion. She forced her knees to bend, leaning backwards in a Matrix dodge while trying to push Sunset away. Sunset shimmied to the side, twirling around, away from Rainbow’s swing. Rainbow pulled her saber hilt back as she landed on her back.
The ache of impact dazed her briefly, and only barely managed to stop the decapitation strike at the last moment. Sunset cackled, pushing her body weight onto Rainbow. “Now I have the high ground now. Surrender to the Dark Side, and maybe I will grant you mercy.”
“N-no!”
“Oh? How about this offer? Grant me your loyalty, and we can destroy .... uh.”
“Tofussy?”
“Sure.” Sunset cleared her throat. “Join me, and we can destroy Tofussy as Mother and Daughter!”
Rainbow growled. “You’re not my real Mom!”
“Yeehee-heee! Goooo Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie shouted from the corner.
The two fighters stared at each other in abject confusion, then slowly turned their heads. Pinkie was sitting on Sunset’s desk chair holding her phone at them. Pinkie tilted her head to the side, meeting their eyes. “Oo, can I join in?”
“Bwuh, um--/--Sure?” Sunset and Rainbow said at the same time.
“Yay! I always wanted to test this out.” Pinkie reached into her bag and pulled out four lightsaber hilts taped together. It proceeded to grow towards the ceiling. ”Gomu Gomu no ....”
Sunset and Rainbow panicked. “Alright, give up, and we can go fight her,” Sunset whispered fearfully.
“Right sur-- wait no, you surrender,” Rainbow complained.
“We don’t have time for this!”
“I am not going down Nill--Two!”
“--Whip!” Pinkie announced cheerfully.
Rainbow’s and Sunset’s argument was violently derailed by a ten foot plastic stick.
One Week Later
“Huh,” Sunset muttered.
She got a email with a redirect to a kickstarter. Its intro video was apparently what Pinkie had recorded, along with a bit of audio editing and embellishments.
“I don’t have the time nor beans to teach you how to fight,”the tiny digital Sunset Shimmer declared for the Indie game “Beanis Brawl.” Apparently Beanis Inc had already seen it and approved of it.
Sunset slumped into her seat and stared at the ceiling. “I am surprisingly okay with this.”
FIN
Author's Note
Continuing the trend of being the only Beanis author with 0 stupidity tip jars. Also I really wanted to do bladecasting, but apparently only Twilight gets telekinesis. Have a Grievous instead.
Joke list, stuff that made the cut and stuff that didn't:
- Sunset has the high ground
- Rainbow moves old takeout boxes to the trash, dirty plates into a soapy sink. ~~Brushes off Sunset’s bed with her hair tail~~
- Sunset “Saber throws” with a string tied to the handle.
- ~~Autistic Screeching~~
- Sunset’s twin red blades are part of a double sided blade set, much twirling and flips.
- Force Lightning “Tickles”
- Rainbow’s Saber Toss/Replacement with Beanis “Log”. Perhaps manages to cut off Soman’s “arms”
- Rainb~~ow doing handstand leg s~~pin
- Clever Girl, but not clever enough
- Rainbow’s wings assists in a force push that pushes some textbooks against a wall
- Rainbow briefly gets her saber knocked out of her hands while Sunset draws a nerf pistol from a drawer. Rainbow goes gunkata with stack of legos until she can make a dive for her lightsaber and bounce darts. “~~So uncivilized,” sh~~e hisses.
- Sunset declares that she does not have the time no~~r crayons to teach her how to fight, so either learn fast ... or die.~~
- Fires off another dart, this time RD slaps it back, RD advances while sweating heavily from the bounces, and Sunset is visibly struggling to keep the pace. Both end up catching the dart between them, and RD forced to defend the flurry of sabers.
- Sunset pulls the “saber body saw” at least once
- Sunset almost manages to do the crossed blade decapitation, but RD barely manages to intercept while on her knees. Dark Side taunting intensifies
- Join me and destroy “Tofussy?” “Sure” as Mother and Daughter “You’re not my mom”
- Matrix Dodge
