Sunset Shimmer stretched out her wings in the warm summer air of yet another perfectly engineered Ponyville day. No matter how many times she arrived back in Equestria, she couldn’t get over the fact that she had wings. Oh, and was also possibly immortal now? That was quite the loose thread she didn’t feel like tugging on just yet.
Still, that wasn’t why she was here and she’d hate to spoil the mood with deep questions that might have potentially depressing answers. Looking around, she saw her pony friends, dragon pal/arsonist-buddy-but-only-for-the-purposes-of-good (so far) , and pony versions of her human friends back home engaged in various activities. Starlight and Twilight were talking about Twilight’s new school, Starlight in particular lamenting that she often had little to do as a guidance counselor and asking if she could maybe teach on the side, an idea that Twilight was clearly nervous to discuss as she continually attempted to sooth her friend and assure her just how much they needed a ‘Full-time Guidance Counselor’. Spike was busy setting up what looked like a massive cooking fire as he pulled food out of a green wheelbarrow. Applejack, was surprise, delivering enough apples to keep an army of Equestrian doctors away forever as Pinkie Pie excitedly bounded up and down next to her orange friend. Rarity and Fluttershy conversed about sewing and fashion to some extent, Rarity picking her friend’s brain for ideas on her ‘second-half of summer’ lineup. Oh, and Rainbow Dash was busy sunbathing in a lawn chair in front of Twilight’s castle.
Sunset frowned. Wait… how would anypony notice if Dash tanned under her light-blue coat?
Well, that wasn’t too important. What really bugged Sunset is no matter how often she came back to Equestria, she couldn’t help but feel something was slightly… off when she was visiting. While it was refreshing to be invited for something other than a crisis, Starlight Glimmer misbehaving, or a crisis caused by Starlight Glimmer misbehaving, the calmness of the day gave her more time to reflect on the differences of this world compared to her adopted home.
It was just slightly strange visiting ponies who were only slightly different from her friends back home, maybe? Twilight was different enough from her counterpart, at least. But with the rest…
Well…
It kind of felt like whoever was in charge of making different dimensions just didn’t try that hard with those particular five. That might not be so bad if they felt more like her friends, but they were just different enough from what Sunset had experienced that she found herself in some sort of strange… uncanny valley of awkwardness when she interacted with them.
While it clear Equestria was often coming under attack, the ponies here seemed to live somewhat calmer lives with the girls and one dragon maintaining decidedly peaceful conversations as opposed to the drama of living with a bunch of friends with superpowers and city often beset by whatever Equestrian leftover had given itself to the latest teenager or young adult who wasn’t partially good at social interactions. This just somehow left Sunset with the notion that the pony versions of her friends were maybe a bit… duller.
Okay, that seems unfair. Sunset thought to herself. I know Twilight deals with her fair share of weirdness here at the source. Maybe if I tried to get to KNOW the pony versions of my friends, I’ll get a better appreciation for the pitfalls of uh… running a school about friendship and erm… bad hair days… Sunset groaned internally and looked around. This was getting her nowhere and was starting to remind her of her stuck-up Bitter Iron Tyrant of Canterlot High days.
Sunset took a glance around at the ponies present. After a brief and very scientific bout of Eenie, meenie, miney, mo… Sunset trotted up to Rarity and Fluttershy as she caught more of the fashion conversation currently in progress.
“You know! Something warm, and naturally naturey!” Rarity exclaimed. “Ooo!” She tittered to herself. “I think I just figured out what to call my new line.”
“Um… Nature is pretty… naturey...” Fluttershy replied thoughtfully.
“Yes, yes! But I need something more than that, dearest!” Rarity insisted. “I need the mood of nature, the feeling of nature! I can’t just make clothes out of sticks and leaves and present them to ponies!”
Fluttershy smiled. “That sounds like a good idea to me!”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Of course it does.” With an azure glow of her horn, Rarity picked out a large green leaf that was notably sticking out from Fluttershy's mane, likely there because the pony had been out and about with her animal friends and hadn't noticed the new addition. “You practically dress in ‘chic de whatever is outside’ all the time!”
Sunset couldn’t help but chuckle.
Rarity and Fluttershy turned.
“Oh, my apologies Sunset!” Rarity said. “I didn’t notice you walk up.”
“Oh, don’t mind me!” Sunset said. “I just thought the conversation was... interesting.”
Rarity smiled. “Ah, a fellow fashionista?”
Sunset shook her head. “Hardly. My interest doesn’t hold a candle to Rarity’s interest…” Butts, butts, butts, butts! “Uh, and by that I, of course, mean the real Rarity!” Butts, butts, buuuutts! “Er… I mean… the Rarity from my world… Not that you’re fake or anything!”
… Butts…
Fluttershy gave Sunset an embarrassed smile, Sunset could tell it was on her own behalf.
“Uh, quite…” Rarity said simply, a smile on her face. “Perhaps you can help me figure out my next fashion line for the second half of summer?” Rarity motioned dramatically in front of her. “Naturally Naturey!”
Sunset let out another chuckle.
Rarity continued, “Fluttershy here thinks it should be nothing but leaves and twigs.”
Fluttershy put on a slightly indignant tone. “Erm… I didn’t exactly say that…”
Sunset chuckled. “Yeah, that sounds pretty ridiculous.”
Fluttershy let out a whimper.
Sunset cringed. She really should have thought to watch what she said around pony Fluttershy. “No, erm… I mean… It’s no more ridiculous than the name!” Buuuuuuutttts!
Rarity let out a small indignant huff. “Well, if you have a problem with the theme—”
“No, it’s just…” Sunset sighed and tried to think of something to say that would improve the situation. “I guess like… I don’t know… I like to wear leather?”
“Leather, dear?” Rarity inquired.
“Uh, You know… leather!” Sunset said.
Gimme a ‘B’!
“Uh…”
Gimme a ‘U’!
“You can wear it!”
Gimme a ‘T’!
“Wow… I guess that’s obvious given the context of the conversation here.”
Gimme another ‘T’!
“People use it as jackets a lot where I’m from.”
Gimme an ‘S’!
“Especially if you ride a motorcycle.”
What does that spell!
“Which, erm…”
‘BUTTS!’
“I guess you don’t really have here…”
What’s the status of this conversation?
Sunset clicked her tongue. “Sooo….”
‘BUTTS!’
Rarity tittered. “We do have leather in Equestria, darling.”
A mixture of relief and annoyance flooded over Sunset. She’ll grant pony Rarity that human Rarity absolutely would let her sweat like that. “Huh… I don’t really remember it...”
Rarity’s small girlish laughs increased in length and volume. “Well, it’s not a very popular material in Canterlot clothes. Hasn’t been for some time. You find it more out in the wilder towns.”
Sunset laughed. “I can see that! A lot more cows out there, probably.”
Crickets.
“Uh… You know… Where leather normally comes from?” Sunset suggested with a grin until it dawned on her that couldn’t possibly be right.
The two ponies Sunset had been talking to pursed their lips in confusion.
“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” Rarity said.
“So you get it from a cow?” Fluttershy asked. “Are cows different where you're from?”
“Well… Yeah!” Sunset said. “Cows are definitely different in my dimension.”
“Sooo… it’s like wool, from a sheep?” Fluttershy suggested.
Sunset shook her head. “Not like that!”
Rarity pursed her lips. “Well… then what is it like?”
“It’s erm… the tanned hide of a cow!” Sunset could feel the color drain from her face as the sentence escaped her lips.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTS!
Jaws dropped and gasps escaped lips.
“Why, that sounds positively ghastly!” Rarity exclaimed.
Fluttershy’s eyes immediately began to tear up.
“Uh… No! I mean… I just got a jacket made out of the stuff when I went over to Equestria!” Sunset insisted. “I just uh… have swapped it for other leather things a couple times! Oh! And it’s… it’s not a big deal over there! Lots of people wear leather! There are entire coats worth of leather! Leather is used for the interior of cars! Motorcycle seats! To make saddles! And I just realized everything I’ve said just makes this sound so much worse!”
Fluttershy had moved well beyond ‘about to cry’ and was now letting out quiet and mournful “Boo-woo!”s as Rarity cradled her friend’s head in her forelegs and Fluttershy drenched the white unicorn's chest with tears.
Rarity shot a glare at Sunset. A glare that suggested this was all her fault.
Mostly because it was.
Sunset had to salvage this situation she just had to! “Look… uh… cows are really dumb where I come from.”
“Boo-hoo-boo…”
“Like… really dumb!”
“Boo-hoo…”
“Just so…”
“Boo…”
“...dumb…”
“... hoo.”
Sunset let out a groan. “Okay, well where does leather come from here?!”
Rarity gave Sunset a confused look as she continued to hold onto Fluttershy. “Well, it’s a base fabric that’s treated with polyvinyl…”
Sunset frowned. “So… it’s basically vinyl but with an extra step.”
Rarity grit her teeth. “No! It’s not ‘basically vinyl’, it’s LEATHER!”
Sunset frowned heavily. “No… I wear leather… That sounds like pleather.”
Rarity’s left eye ticked. “‘Pleather’!” she spat out.
“Yeah! Fake leather.”
Rarity went silent, but the murderous look on her face communicated everything she needed to in the moment.
“... Boo-hoo…”
“I’m erm…” Sunset pointed elsewhere. “Just gonna…”
“You should go, now,” Rarity said coldly.
Sunset nodded. “Yes. That.”
Sunset turned and when she was sure she was out of earshot, uttered a single word.
“Butts.”
She’d have to apologize to both Rarity and Fluttershy later… though she wasn’t sure how she was going to properly explain that humans were just kind of okay with killing animals for food, clothes, and sometimes just ‘cause… whatever. Oh, and perhaps Equestrian leather wasn’t inferior to leather from her realm? Yeah… that might be more of an uphill fight than explaining all the animal murders back home. She shook her head to clear and scanned the area.
Rainbow Dash clearly seemed to be the least busy as she was very picture of the opposite of busy.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash!” Sunset called out as she trotted over.
Rainbow Dash glanced up for a moment. “Yo! Sunset! Glad you could make it.”
Sunset smiled and shrugged. “Well, I am just in the next dimension over!”
Rainbow Dash just nodded. “Right, right. You’ll have to thank your mom for that great sun!”
Smiling Sunset rolled her eyes. “If I had a bit for every time a pony said that to me when I was a filly, well…” Sunset thought for a moment. “I guess I’d be a very rich duck!”
Rainbow Dash frowned. “Wait… but you’re a pony here… and something called a hoo-man in the other place?”
Sunset chuckled. “Alright, lolcat.”
“Uh… Again, we’re ponies over here. Not lul cats.”
Sunset grimaced. “Right, right… My references are useless here. Uh… It’s a figure of speech then.”
“Umm… hah?”
Sunset sighed. “Let’s just power on…” she put her best smile back on. “So, Twilight tells me you’ve joined the Wonderbolts! That’s got to be exciting!”
“Are you kidding?! Exciting doesn't even begin to cover it!” Rainbow Dash replied. “It’s awesome! It’s everything I wanted in my life ever! I’m officially part of Equestria’s best fliers. The elite of the elite! The cream at the top!”
Sunset chuckled. “That’s not how that saying goes, but I getcha.”
Rainbow frowned. “But… cream is best, right? And it’s at the top!”
“Er…” Sunset rubbed the back of her head. “Right! But I think you meant to say the ‘cream of the crop’!“
“What? No!” Rainbow Dash insisted. “Why’d I say that? Cream doesn’t even come from a plant!”
Sunset took a deep breath before frustration set in and she snapped. “No, but like, okay, I don’t know exactly why that became the phrase, but the original phrase is ‘crème de la crème’!”
Rainbow Dash pursed her lips. “Oh… What’s ‘crème’?”
Sunset could feel her eyes narrow. “Cream.”
Rainbow Dash nodded… “Right, and what’s ‘de’?”
“Of!” Sunset hissed out.
“Right, right… and what—”
“THE!” Sunset shouted. “‘La’ is ‘the’!”
Rainbow Dash flinched slightly. “Er… I was actually going to ask what the last word was!”
Sunset’s face felt like it was being pulled in a million different directions at once. No doubt from it trying to escape this conversation. “Grrr…arrggg… It’s the same word as the first one! It all means ‘The cream of the cream!’”
Rainbow Dash’s brow furrowed. “Oh… okay…. But that’s even stupider!”
Sunset bit at her lower lip hard.
“That means it’s all just cream!”
Sunset attempted to let her frustration out a vexed sigh. “Well, blame the French, I guess…”
“…Are they the ones with the crops?”
Sunset felt her blood inside her body began to boil as she momentarily considered magicking up some liquor for herself, and some to douse Rainbow Dash in before she cast a little fire spell. Keep it together, Sunset! You’re trying to make friends! You can’t make friends with a pile of ashes! Plus, your other friends will be quite upset if you flambéed Rainbow Dash.
Oddly enough, Rainbow Dash just laughed. “Sorry Sunset, but you have just the goofiest expression going on right now!”
With great effort, she managed to crease her brow until she was mostly just unamused glaring rather than looking like she was previously giving. “Just… just talk about being a Wonderbolt more, please.”
“Done and done!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “It the best thing that ever happened to me! Like… by far! The shows! The glory! The lines of adoring fans waiting to get a literal taste of me!”
Sunset’s forehead scrunched. “Literal? Like… literally literal?”
“But enough about me!” Rainbow Dash said. “Let’s talk about me! How’s me in the other dimension doing?!”
“Oh, erm…” Sunset smiled Finally, a safe topic. “Last week she lead our Soccer team to victory against Crystal Prep!”
“Cool, cool! Erm… Crystal Prep, are they like… some sort of evil conquerors who challenge others to games of Soccer for the control of like… the planet, or something?”
“They’re a High School…”
“Ah… erm… Rad?”
Sunset inhaled through her nose then let it out. “Okay, well, I’m just going to uh… walk to some… other ponies! Because… this conversation is awkward.”
Rainbow Dash simply settled back into her chair and continued to sun herself. “You do you! Catch you on the flip!”
Sunset sighed to herself as she trotted off. “Yes… do me on the flip… Do my life… on the flip.” She looked around. She was running out of options. In fact, she was pretty much out of options given that Twilight, Starlight, and Spike were all actually good friends of hers. She trotted over to Applejack and Pinkie.
Applejack was going on and on about… Well…. You guessed it… “See, now lotsa folk think apple harvestin’ comes only in the fall.”
“Uuuuuh-huuuuuuh,” Pinkie Pie replied with a head bob and a smile that looked… somewhat unnatural on her face.
Applejack continued, “But see, there are all kinds of apples that get ripe this time of year! Lodi’s, Yellow Transparents, Pristines, Red Astrachans…”
“Uuuuuh-huuuuuuh.”
“Hyuk,” Applejack shook her head. “Ah, mean really… once summer hits it’s just non-stop fun of apple harvestin’.”
Sunset smiled. “Hey girls, what’s the hap—”
Pinkie Pie practically materialized next to Sunset and shot the mare a most frightful look. “Ruuuun!” she said in a loud whisper.
“Ex… excuse me?!” Sunset replied.
“Run!” Pinkie repeated. “She’s done nothing but talk about apples for a week straight! I’m trying to spare everypony else, but I can’t save you if you don’t run… I can’t even save myself!” She gave Sunset a pleading look. “So just save yourself!”
“Erm…”
“Howdy, Sunset!” Applejack greeted. “Now, how’d you like to guess, what apple is more tart? Lodi’s or Yellow Transparents? The answer may surprise you!”
“Ah!” Sunset unfurled her wings and with a might flap, she lifted off and quickly dove into a collection of bushes a little ways off.
Applejack frowned. “Well that was rude.” She thought for a moment. “Maybe she’s suffering from vitamin ‘A’ deficiency.” Applejack chuckled to herself as she began trotting over to the bushes. “The ‘A’ stands for apple… but it’s also a vitamin in apples.”
“Ah!” Pinkie exclaimed.
Applejack stopped and turned. “Is… is everypony jus’ gonna scream at me today?”
“Uh, sorry! I was just excited!” Pinkie said. “Tell me about the Transparents again, Applejack!”
Applejack’s smile returned and she began to trot back to Pinkie. “Well, since you asked nicely.”
Sunset let out a sigh of relief as she watched Pinkie Pie lead Applejack back to her collection. Well, that was a close call. Of course, this also means I completely failed at making ANY headway with the pony versions of my friends…
“Butts…” Sunset uttered dejectedly.
“Yes, and whose butt are you watching?” A mare’s voiced asked.
Sunset let out a startled yelp and retreated further into the bushes as she turned towards the source of the voice.
“It better not be Twilight’s!” a blue unicorn with a well-coiffed silver-blue mane declared. “That butt is spoken for!”
“Trixie! What are you doing here?!” Sunset asked.
Trixie folded her forelegs across her chest. “Trixie wasn’t invited to this stupid picnic! Which is just stupid! Also lame because Trixie isn’t in it.”
Sunset felt her brow tighten once more. “Uh… Are you sure? I was invited… And I know you and Starlight are close.”
Trixie leaned forward to the point that Sunset could feel the unicorn’s hot breath on her skin. “Oh, we’re very close…”
“Uh… rad?” Sunset replied. “Just… Even if they forgot to invite you, which I kinda doubt, I know Starlight would love to have you around.”
“No!” Trixie exclaimed. “If they forgot about me, it shouldn’t be my job to remind them the Grrrrrrrreat and Powerful Trixie exists!”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Oh, I doubt they’ve forgotten.”
“Did you hear something?” Starlight’s voice asked from a bit away.
“Er… Just me reminding you what a great job you’re doing guiding all the students at the school!” Twilight answered nervously.
Starlight sighed. “Yes… the one student and then the three students that are students of another school… sure… Just… I thought I heard Trixie.”
“Did you tell her about the picnic?” Twilight asked.
“Of course I did!” Starlight replied.
Glare on her face, Sunset motioned with her forehooves towards the sound of the voices as Trixie just grinned guiltily and broke eye contact with Sunset.
“Okay,” Twilight said, “I don’t want Trixie to feel left out! You know she’s welcome to hang out with us all. I hope she knows that too!”
Sunset motioned more emphatically towards the voices.
“I’m sure she does,” Starlight said as the voices began to fade. “Now… about that teaching position…”
Twilight laughed nervously. “I mean… I would but… What if you’re running a class and some student needs guidance… OH! Or counseling!” Twilight let out a dramatic gasp. “Or both!”
Sunset waited a few moments more for the voices to get completely out of range. “What the hell, Trixie?! If you knew you were invited the entire time, why not just hang out?!”
Trixie sighed. “Okay, you caught me. I was just… pretending so she can stay angry at Twilight.” Trixie flashed a wild smile. “It gets Trixie just so excited!”
Sunset felt her forehead tighten again. Something that was happening so frequently she could feel a headache coming on that reminded her of home. “… Is this… is this a sex thing? If it is… Thanks for being the awkward one in this conversation for a ch—”
Trixie suddenly sniffed at the air the fluttered her eyelashes at Sunset. “You smell nice.”
“Ah!” Sunset escaped the bushes as quickly as she could and once again looked around. Well, mission failed… She had failed to endear herself to any of the pony versions of her friends and she still couldn’t shake this feeling of things being a bit off…
Uh… except for Trixie, oddly enough. She was refreshingly uncomfortably similar to her other dimension counterpart, clearly. Taking another deep breath, Sunset decided to cut her losses for now and landed near someone who she figured she could have a decidedly not awkward conversation with… “Hey, Spike! How’s it going?”
“Oh, hi Sunset,” Spike said as he dug out a pot and a cutting board from the pile. “Hey, isn’t having wings great?” he asked as he made a show of flapping his own wings slightly.
Sunset chuckled. “Yes, yes it is. Glad you could join the club.”
“Yeah,” Spike said as he set down the items on the ground. “It’s just too bad I don’t have a horn.”
Sunset smirked. “Maybe that’ll be in your next molt.”
Spike sighed. “Well, it won’t be magic if it is…”
“True, true… but at least you might get more than one!”
Spike shrugged. “So I can have two useless, non-magic horns! Big whoop.”
Sunset frowned slightly. You’re blowing it Sunset! You’re being almost as awkward as all the wayward teens you save. “Ah, erm… Need any help?” Sunset offered.
“Sure!” Spike said enthusiastically.
Yes, back in the game! You gooooot this~!
Spike rummaged through his wheelbarrow a bit. “I’m doing some quick prep for my tasty fire-roasted creamed corn chipotle.”
“Sounds tasty!” Sunset said. She rubbed her chin for a moment. “Though someday I’m going to have to make some sort of comparison chart between regions of Equestria and home and sort out the strange patchwork culture going on here.”
Spike poked his head out of the wheelbarrow of stuff. “Yeah… I don’t really get it,” he said as he stared blankly at Sunset.
“What a coincidence!” Sunset said. “Neither do I!”
Spike dove back into his assorted pile of miscellaneous. The sounds of metal banging on metal continued for a few seconds before Spike exclaimed. “Ah-hah!” He pulled out a metal can labeled cream corn and tossed it towards Sunset.
Sunset caught it in a red glow of her magic.
“Could you open that?” Spike asked.
“Uh, sure… erm… you have a can opener in there?”
“…Oops,” Spike said.
Sunset chuckled. “‘Oops’, indeed.” She turned back towards the large crystal castle. “I can just teleport in and grab one.”
“Sure, if you need it,” Spike said with a shrug.
Sunset frowned heavily and turned back towards Spike. “What? What do you mean ‘if I need it’?”
Without looking up from his rummaging, Spike pulled out a couple red peppers and placed them on the cutting board. “Oh, Twilight always just opens the can up with a simple cut spell.”
Sunset’s left eye twitched “Just opens it up…?”
“Yep!” Spike said as he sliced through the peppers with his claws.
Figures, Twilight Sparkle, great at friendship and magic...
Spike continues. “Plus, I can tear the top off with my claws if I need to, so, eh… No biggy.” He held out an open claw. “I can take care of it.”
Two paths opened up in front of Sunset. A path where she hands over the can, and feels sorry for herself for being awkward and useless until Twilight notices. Twilight and Starlight help her get to know the other ponies and all is forgiven and they have a great day where Sunset learns a valuable lesson about friendship.
The other path was where Sunset refused to hand over the can, and then magicked the SHIT out of it, therefore redeeming herself and impressing everyone with her ability to open up cans and proving she doesn't need to learn squat.
To Sunset, there was never even a choice.
“No,” Sunset said coldly.
Spike looked up with a slight look of confusion. “Uh… no?”
Sunset’s eyes hardened. “No. I got this,” she insisted.
“Uh, okay,” Spike replied, “I can just get Twilight to—”
“I got this!” Sunset growled out angrily.
Spike held up his claws defensively. “Alright, alright…” he said before he cautiously went back to his prep work. “You do you…”
“I will do me!” Sunset exclaimed, suddenly understanding why Wallflower might choose to erase the odd awkward exchange here or there.
Sunset glared at the can in her magic. Okay… think, think. Uh… Unlock spell? No! It’s not locked it’s completely sealed… Oh! Teleport the metal leaving just the cream corn! Great idea! I have no idea how to do that. Erm… Sunset could feel her teeth clench. Wait, wait… Spike said something about a ‘cut’ spell? Uh, That’s not a thing… UNLESS! Sunset felt herself grinning wickedly to herself. Oh, ho, ho, ho! Clever girl! You must be using hyper-focused telekinesis to create some sort of blade! Well, you’re not the only magical prodigy here!
Smiling to herself, Sunset set the can on the ground, concentrated her magic with all her might, focusing her red magic into the smallest point she could manage.
And then began to hammer the can for all she was worth.
‘Clank! Clank! Clank!’
“Open, damnit. Open!” she shouted at the can.
Spike glanced up from his food prep work and noticed the tantrum. He quickly gathered the items around him and moved to the other side of the wheelbarrow, putting it between himself and Sunset.
‘Clank!’
“Crush!”
‘Clank!’
“Kill!”
‘Clank!’
“Destroy!”
“Uh, Sunset?” A mare’s voice called out.
‘Clank!’
“Swag!”
“Sunset!”
“BREEEEEEEAAAAAAK!”
‘Clank!’
“SUNSET!”
"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"
“SUUUUNSET SHIIIIIMER!”
Sunset’s head snapped around as heat suddenly radiated off her horn and the label on the mangled, but still quite intact, can was incinerated. “WHAAAT?!” she snapped at the interloper.
Twilight reared her head back slightly. “Uh… Need some help?” Twilight offered as cheerfully as she could.
“NO!” Sunset snapped. “This can will break before I do! I swear it!”
Twilight glanced at the can that seemed to be turning red while the grass around it was turning black. “Can’t you just use a simple cut spell?!”
Sunset glared at Twilight. “There’s no such thing as a ‘simple’ cut spell, Twilight! What you’re talking about is some sort of crazy hyper-focused telekinesis!”
“Er, okay. You got me there,” Twilight admitted. “But why don’t you do that?”
“Well, I’m sorry if my own control of magic is below yours to the point where I can’t focus my energy well enough into a simple-not-simple dense knife or sharp wedge!”
Twilight rubbed the back of her head. “Well, I guess I didn’t account for just how much control it might take…” Twilight took a worried glance at the can as it began to bend and bulge. “Er... So if you’re not going to cut the can open, what are you doing?”
Sunset narrowed her turquoise eyes in determination as the red beam from her horn increased in intensity and the waves of heat increased. “Well, I figured if I superheat it long enough, the pressure would just build up and it’d explode!”
Twilight cringed. “Wouldn’t that cover you, and by extension me now that I’m right here, in cream corn and shards of tin can?”
Sunset thought for a moment. “… In hindsight yes. Yes, it would, and this is a horrible id—”
With a sound like a small explosion, the can suddenly exploded in all directions, doing that thing Twilight Sparkle was worried that it might do.
Somewhat dazed, Sunset tried to blink her eyes open, finding that only her right eye complied while her world was now that of sharp pain in places, and flesh searing agony in other. She managed to focus her eye well enough to pick out Twilight who probably looked much like Sunset. Covered in sharp metal shards, a slight amount of blood, and a ton of boiling hot creamed corn. Sunset forced a smile as she looked over at the purple princess.
“Good thing for that alicorn healing factor!” Sunset offered as she tasted what seemed to be a bunch of liquid pennies in her mouth.
Twilight managed a glare as blood began to run down her face. “Alicorns don’t HAVE a healing factor!” she replied before her eyelids became half-lidded and she struggled to keep them open.
“Well… shit,” Sunset replied as her eyes rolled back into her head and she passed out.
Thankfully for Sunset she woke up sometime later. Woozily, her senses came back to her. First of all, it felt like something was clinging to her body and… wrapped around it? Bandages… she seemed to be covered in quite a few bandages, no doubt to deal with all the lacerations and many, many burns she had suffered earlier. Her left eye still refused to open, but now it was closed shut by what was likely a large patch and not searing pain and metal.
“MY LITTLE SHIMMERING SUNSHINE!” a female voice bellowed as Sunset was suddenly engulfed in white forelegs, on sporting a small bandage wrap, and a massive pair of white wings.
“Ooof… Ow… ow…” Sunset exclaimed as her body informed her that everything her mom touched hurt. “Mom, I’m fine! Ow! I’m relatively fine!” Sunset said from her hospital bed and alabaster alicorn cocoon.
“No, you’re not!” Celestia insisted tearfully as she hugged all the tighter.
Sunset sucked in air through her teeth. “Ow, ow, ow…”
“I-I can’t believe I almost lost you!” Celestia exclaimed. “To… to…” She frowned and unfurled her wings enough to get a look at her adopted daughter, bandages, white eye-patch pad, and all. “Wait, what happened? You and Twilight came in looking like you were hit by some cream corn-based improvised explosion.”
Sunset winced. “I, erm… may have lost my temper at the picnic trying to open up a can of creamed corn because of a bunch of awkward conversations and jealousy at Twilight so I super-heated it with magic until the pressure inside caused it to burst.”
Celestia gasped and retrieved her forelegs and forewings. “Sunset, how could you—”
Sunset sighed. “I know, I know! I shouldn’t lose my temper like that!”
“—have a picnic in Equestria and not invite me?!” Celestia continued in a hurt tone.
Sunset frowned as she let herself gently fall back onto the hospital bed. “Yeah, Mom… I don’t think you’re focusing on what’s important here!”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “You know you should use magic more responsibly, and blah, blah, blah…” Her lips pressed together in a tight frown. “Seriously, why wasn’t I invited?”
Sunset groaned. “I don’t have to see you every time I go come over to Equestria, you know!”
Celestia puffed out her lower lip into a sad pout.
“Oh, come off it!” Sunset exclaimed. “Besides, blame Twilight. She’s the one—” Sunset suddenly sat up straight. “Twilight! Also ‘ow’! Is Twilight okay?!”
“Twilight’s fine!” Celestia smiled as her horn glowed a canary yellow and the hospital curtains behind her moved revealing Twilight, in a state much like Sunset, conversing with Nurse Redheart. “See!”
Nurse Redheart looked down at a clipboard in her forehoof. “You needed a lot of blood Princess, so we used donkey blood.”
Twilight’s lips contorted. “Is that as good as pony blood?”
Nurse Redheart shrugged. “Eh.”
“Twilight is relatively fine!” Celestia clarified.
Out in the hallway, a rather cranky voice called out. “Hey, I’m feeling a bit light headed. Can I get a cookie over here? Maybe a juice box.”
Nurse Redheart blushed as he continued, “It’s not like it was nearly as great as getting to draw blood from a royal and put it into another alicorn!”
Sunset blinked a few times and looked up at Celestia. “You gave me a blood transfusion?”
Celestia grinned and pointed at the small wrap on her left foreleg.
Nurse Redheart rolled her eyes. “I gave you a blood transfusion. Princess Celestia just sat there bawling the entire time while I hooked you two up.” She sighed. “Such a mood killer…” she uttered.
Celestia smiled warmly at her adopted daughter. “It turns out you and I have the exact same blood type.”
Pinkie’s voice called out from down the hall. “Which is probably a total coincidence!”
“Isn’t that great!” Celestia added
“Huh… that’s actually really cool and totally lucky, I guess…” Sunset said.
“Toootally lucky!” Pinkie’s voice agreed.
Pursuing her lips slightly, Sunset tapped at the patch over her left eye. “Wait… Will I see out of this eye again?”
Celestia gasped frightfully and looked at the nurse. “Will she?! Is my poor baby permanently blinded through no fault of her own?!”
“Er, one hundred percent my own fault, Mom!”
“It really is!” Twilight agreed.
Celestia stared down pleading at Red Heart. “Please! I’ll do anything to make up for this cruel twist of fate!”
Nurse Redheart opened her mouth to speak.
“Brought this on myself…”
“She did! And she brought it on me, too!” Twilight said.
Nurse Redheart rolled her eyes and closed her mouth.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” Sunset said. “It’s been a bit of a day… some might say it’s been a bit corn—”
“Finish that pun and I’ll make your current injuries seem downright pleasant!” Twilight threatened.
Sunset chuckled. “Okay, sorry. Guess you don’t have an ear for corn jokes after I creamed us both.”
Twilight’s brow furrowed and her horn blazed magenta for a moment before a spray of translucent material splashed onto Sunset’s face.
And then Sunset had a slightly better understanding of what it felt like to be the wrath of her own magical ire.
Sunset screamed.
Red Heart sniffed the air then sighed. “No, that’s fine. She’s just covered in bandages that are now soaked in capsaicin and have to be changed. That’s just… that’s just fantastic…”
“I can’t BELIEVE you just MAIZE’D ME!” Sunset screamed.
Her lip pulling taught and her eyes opening wide, Twilight added more spray.
“This is just wonderful,” Red Heart said in a tone that would have beef jerky offering her a glass of water. “Just great…”
“OKAY! OKAY! I’LL CAN IT!”
There was another glow from Twilight, and yet more spray.
“Guess we’ll burn the bed while we’re at it.”
“AHHHH! Mommy! Twilight is being mean to me!”
Twilight stopped what she was doing immediately and looked up at Celestia fearfully.
“Yeah, you know what you did,” Celestia replied simply.
“What?” Twilight replied in disbelief.
“W-what?!” Sunset added as tears streamed down from her puffy and irritated eyes.
Celestia shook her head. “I get enough bad puns from my sister, I don’t need you thinking you can get away with them.”
Nurse Redheart let out a dejected sigh. “I now understand why you’re not supposed to meet your heroes…”
“O-okay…” Sunset choked out. “I-I don’t suppose e-ether of y-yeowch-you know a cure…”
Rolling her eyes, Twilight’s horn flashed and a metal bucket appeared above Sunset’s head before it was tipped over, drenching Sunset in a white liquid before the bucket disappeared in flash.
“... It this alicorn potion?” Sunset asked.
“It’s milk,” Twilight informed.
Sunset licked her lips. “So it is!” She giggled to herself. “I bet I look like a miniature mommy.”
“Awwwwwww!” Celestia cooed out. “I’d hug you, but you smell like an over-spiced omelet that’s had way too much milk added to it… You look like it, too.”
“Well, shucks,” Sunset said. “I guess I better husk up before I earn even one more kernel of Twilight’s scorn.”
“I KNOW WORSE AND MORE DEBILITATING SPELLS!”
“Okay, I deserved all that. I am sorry you got hospitalized… Guess I can be a bit of a hot head.”
“THESE PUNS ARE MAKING IT HARDER TO FORGIVE YOU!” Twilight snapped.
“... I really can’t believe our country hasn’t just slid into the ocean at this point…” Redheart mumbled.
“Children, please!” Celestia chastised. “Now that Twilight has had her fun, I want you both on your best behavior while your mommy talks to the nice nurse.”
“Mom, Twilight’s not…”
Twilight gasped. “Was I just adopted?”
Sunset looked at Twilight in confusion. “Uh… I don’t… Don’t you already have parents?”
Twilight’s head whipped around to look at Sunset. “Sunset, dear sister, you’re forgiven!”
“Uh… You know what?” Sunset shrugged. “I’ll take it.”
“Oh, I can actually talk now?” Nurse Redheart asked.
Celestia’s panicked expression returned. “What’s it going to take to return the gift of sight to my poor, innocent baby?!”
“Not innocent,” Sunset pointed out.
Twilight swatted at the air playfully. “Oh, Sunset… Don’t be so hard on yourself!”
“Ugh, apparently not,” Redheart lamented.
“I’ll donate an eye if that’s what it takes!” Celestia said. “We’re compatible, right?! You should be able to pluck my eye out and put it right in there!”
“No that’s,” Nurse Redheart thought for a while. “That’s, that’s… totally bitchin’!”
“Uh… Nurse Redheart?” Twilight called out in concern.
Redheart let out a sad sigh. “And completely unnecessary, we already removed all the creamed corn from the creamed cornea.”
“Ugh!” Twilight grunted.
“So, Sunset should be able to see in a few days.” Nurse Redheart scrunched her lips up. “So, no totally killer eye surgery…” she lamented.
Sunset let out a sigh of relief. “I thought I’d look cool with an eyepatch or two different colored eyes, but I guess I’m pretty happy everypony gets to keep—”
Celestia grinned. “You should have a much easier time controlling the sun now, too! All thanks to my blood!”
“What?!” Sunset replied.
“What?!” Twilight echoed. “It can’t possibly work like that!” She looked at Redheart. “Can it?”
Redheart giggled. “Hey! That’s the magic of magic blood!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You mean in that pony blood is inherently magical, or you used blood magic during the transfusion?”
Redheart simply smiled and looked back down at her clipboard. “Twilight, you’re likely to experience a temporary but high degree of grumpiness and some slight hair loss from your transfusion.”
Twilight growled. “That’s not how blood transfusions wo—” a few errant strands of mane hair down from the top of Twilight’s head. “Errrgggghhhharrrrrggggh!”
Sunset glanced at a window with its blinds drawn and quickly pulled them open with her magic. The blinds made a rustling noise as natural light flooded into the room.
Nurse Redheart hissed and shielded her eyes. “Hey! Warn a pony next time, okay?!”
Sunset leaned forward and a moment and the Sun began to wobble slightly, then it bobbed in the sky, bouncing up and down below the horizon like a rubber ball. “Whoa! Awesome!”
Celestia chuckled to herself. “Okay, now stop,” she said with a smile. “You probably just convinced several nations the apocalypse is happening.”
Twilight sighed heavily and folded her forelegs across her chest. “I hate my stupid donkey blood,” she declared.
Appearing with a bright orange toupee, Cranky’s grumpy face appeared in the doorway to the hospital room, “Well, excuuuuuuuse me, Princess!” he replied indignantly. An orange forehoof suddenly appeared pushing Cranky aside who protested with a “Hey! Where’s that cookie?”
Applejack appeared in the doorway with a concerned expression. “Uh, Hi Princesses.”
“Hello, my little pony!” Celestia greeted cheerfully.
“Hey, AJ,” Sunset greeted casually.
“Hi, Applejack,” Twilight said. She frowned. “Please tell me nothing else is wrong.”
Applejack winced. “A’m afraid Ah can’t do that on account of it bein’ a lie.”
Twilight grimaced. “Okay, what’s the matter?”
Applejack continued, “Spike’s fillin’ this floor of the hospital with smoke ‘cause he tried grillin’ in the hallway. Rainbow Dash is trying to get a soccer game going by talkin’ to all the injured and sick ponies, ‘fer some reason. Fluttershy mentioned how she heard animals make down-and-out ponies feel better and now the operating room is also half a zoo, and Rarity is busy buggin’ the poor nurse who passed out hospital gowns ‘cause there, and I quote, ‘Just so plain, darlin’,” Applejack said in her best Rarity voice. “Also, Starlightjust won’t stop buggin’ random ponies and asking if they need guidance counseling…”
Starlight’s voice wafted in. “Wow, broken spine. Tough break. Hehehe. Sorry… little joke there.”
A stallion’s sob suddenly replied.
“Okay, yeah… I guess that was kind of insensitive,” Starlight admitted. “Not being able to walk must be a real drag! Hah! Sorry! Just a bit of paraplegic humor for you.”
“AHHOUAHHOUAHHOUAHHOUAH!”
One could practically hear Starlight frown. “You know, laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, so you should really help me help you get a leg up here, and if you can’t do that, well…” Starlight’s tone brightened up. “I guess I can help guide you in your life that’s now irreparably changed for the worse!”
“AHHOUAHHOUAHHOUAHHOUAHHOUAHHOUAH!”
Applejack glanced on way than the other. “Oh, and Pinkie’s tryin’ to cheer up the other ponies in the burn ward here by dressing up as a clown.”
Pinkie’s cheery voice lilted into the room. “Well, you look like you need a squirt from Mr. Seltzer Bottle, Miss Mummy!”
“GHAAAAAH! MY FLESH!” a pained mare called out.
“It’s not going that well,” Applejack added.
Twilight cringed. “Okay, well… with Sunset and I up and about, I’m sure we can move things back outside.”
Sunset just chuckled to herself and smiled. Weird shenanigans? Her friends getting out of hoof when left to their own devices? The sad and uncomfortable moans of total strangers who’d rather be anywhere else? Maybe things weren’t all that different after all. “That’s okay, Twilight… Why don’t we just have our picnic right here?”
Celestia beamed widely. “Well, I think that’s a fantastic idea.”
Nurse Redheart cringed, “What’s the punishment for treason, again?”
Applejack shrugged. “Works for me! I’ve been force-feedin’ ponies apples since I got here so they wouldn’t need ta see doctors.”
Nurse Redheart raised an eyebrow. “A lot of our patients can’t have solid food… I mean, they physically just can’t.”
Applejack smiled. “Jus’ force feeding ponies and yelling at doctors…”
Nurse Redheart groaned. “Good thing I’m a nurse,” she said as she trotted out of the room.
Black smoke drifted into the room accompanied the sobs of the paralyzed stallion which joined the cry of “It hurts so bad” from the mare who had been sprayed with fizzy liquid.
Sunset grinned up at her mother. “What do you say, Mom? Want to help me run damage control on some loony ponies?!”
Celestia let out a mirthful laugh. “Of course, Sunset. That’s arguably fifty percent of my duty as Princess.” The smile suddenly died on Celestia’s lips. “I mean… it really is…”
Sunset suddenly leaped out of bed and landed on her hooves causing a small puddle of milk to form under her. “Twilight, ow, you rest up, ow. We can take it from here, ow!”
“Awww…” Celestia said. “Does my widdle-Sunny-wunny still hurt?”
“Mom, my skin was flash boiled and then pepper sprayed!” Sunset snapped. “Still, somehow being called your ‘widdle-Sunny-wunny hurts more!”
“No, seriously,” Twilight said as Sunset and Celestia made their exit out of the hospital room. “I kinda think we’re demonstrably a danger to the hospital and should just g—”
“Shhhh… shhhh…. Shhh….”
Twilight turned and let out a frightful “Ah!” as she caught sight of Trixie in a nurse’s outfit looming over her. “Where the heck did you come from?!”
Trixie gave Twilight a smug smirk. “Oh, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight… You know Trixie is a master of misdirection.”
“… Were you hiding under the bed?”
“Just let Trixie make you feel all better,” she murmured as she wrapped her arms around Twilight. This caused Twilight to cringe, partially from the pain, partially from Trixie. “I’ll take good care of you…” she whispered into Twilight’s ear.
“No, no… that’s fine,” Twilight said. “I’ll just wait for a real nurse…”
Trixie giggled seductively. “Let’s get those bandages off of you first… Then I can caress some nice, soothing rubbing alcohol all over your poor, injured body.”
Twilight swallowed. “Trixie! Stop! I’ll scream!”
Trixie grinned manically. “Not if I cover your mouth with mine!”
“Help…” Twilight said weakly as Trixie closed in.
The End
