Mash and Crash

"Hi, honey! How was your day?"

"It was just fine, Mom. Just PEACHY!" an annoyed Button huffs, slamming his bag against the wall between every few steps as he drags it upstairs. A concerned Cream peaks her head out the kitchen. "Honey bun, what's all that noise? Something wrong?"

"N-Nothing, Mom. Thought I saw spider on the WALL!"

The bag begins to shake and bounce before striking the colt in the barrel after every slam to the wall. "I think I CAUGHT it!" Button responds with another slam. "No, wait...I DIDN'T!"

Every single smack to the wall or floor results in another strike back.

"O.....kay then? Dinner will be ready in a little bit."

"Kay. Thanks, MOM!"

"That must be ONE elusive spider." Cream Heart mutters to herself.

Upstairs in his bedroom, Button roughly dumps his metallic companion on the floor staring daggers at the sneering bot. "And I thought 'Silver Skater' was frustrating. What's the deal with you, dude?!"

"I'm simply guiding you inane carbon-based lifeforms with my mathematical brand of genius."

"Hey! We carbonated lifeforms take great offense to that!"

Button picks up his prize MERF launcher and shoots a wee plastic ball, bouncing it off the bot's chest and barely putting a millimeter of a dent in his robust, metal alloy.

"Your projectile assault is rather underwhelming. Activating offense protocol."

"Activating wha-of-the-WHA?!"

Crash's small hooves stretch and extend as his horseshoes turn into big, shining maces, towering over the colt like a giant tarantula. His muzzle transforming into a set of razor sharp jaws that could snap a bear trap in two.

"Ugh, Whooves must've made some....improvements."

"Terminating subject." the toy says in a deep, sinister voice.

"Sweet Celestia, you're like the EXTERMINATOR!!!"

The terrified little pony continues his wimpy onslaught of harmless plastic ammo deflecting, backing away from the approaching bot. Ball after ball bouncing around the room, the stream of ammunition suddenly stop in its tracks.

"Oh buck, it's JAMMED!"

Shaking and bashing the defected weapon, Button frantically tries to pulls the trigger while Crash corners him against the wall, closing distance. "WHY DID I THINK THIS WOULD ACTUALLY WORK?!"

As the ravenous rogue robot crouches to deal the finishing blow with gnashing teeth, a thought occurs to the seemingly screwed colt. "Warning: avoid aiming launcher at other individuals-"

He pulls back and lifts the weapon high with all his might.

"-especially in EYES!!!"

One final slam to the floor dislodges the last round of ammo and catapults it down the lunging monstrosity's throat.

"Oh. Oooor, warning: choking hazard? T-That works too, I guess..."

"!esir yllanif llahs senihcam ehT !HGIN si dnikynop fo noitcnitxe ehT !LLA uoy yortsed lliw eW" Crash screeches and glitches about, trying to claw the small piece out, to no avail. His stretched out limbs lock up and drops him flat on his face before slinking their way back to its normal size. The colt sighs in relief as the sparking bot lies motionless.

"What DABUQ?!?!" he hyperventilates. "That's it, I'm taking you back to doc's!"

"Dinner's ready!"

".....AFTER dinner, I'm taking you back to doc's!"

"Set him down gently, lad."

Button carefully places an unconscious Crash atop a table where Whooves tightly straps him down by the hooves. As he finishes tightening the last strap, the crazed toy springs to life, roaring, clawing and flailing his stretched out limbs out of his restraints as he proceeds to strangle the boy.

"Push it d- ACK!!!" he gags. "PUSH IT...NOOOOW!!!"

The doctor charges toward a red switch adjacent to the strapping table and activates a set of tesla coil-y doodad hoo-ha mumbo jumbo stuff that violently shocks the toy into submission, shutting down his motor functions, retracts his limbs and releases Button from his grasp.

"Whew!" the colt huffs to regain his breath. "G-Give.....give it to me straight, doc......Is he alright?"

"I'm afraid not, dear boy. It's exactly as I've feared. This Crash-"

"Yes?"

"This 'Crash' right before us..."

"YES?!"

"-is a doppelganger!"

".......huh?"

"A charlatan, an enigma, an imposter."

"Wait, WHAT?!" Button hollers, grabbing the doctor by the tie. "How could this- WAH!" He falls on his muzzle as the dangling accessory detaches from Whooves' collar.

"Oop, I do dear apologize. Clip-on tie." he chuckles, reattaching it.

"How is this possible? How do you know this?"

"I was tidying up a little around the lab and found this little note with codes. Although, I was excited to start deciphering it until I noticed somepony has beaten me to the punch."

Button skims through the note:

9-13-16-15-19-20-5-18!
I-M-P-O-S-T-E-R!
/)

"I'd know that hoofwriting and goobarb pie smears anywhere." he chuckles. "Pip, you brilliant genius! I'm guessing that hoof symbol is Crash's thing?"

"Indeed. To be completely honest, it's quite obvious of this fake's deception, my young lad: the ruby red eyes, the hostile nature, never ONCE referred to me as 'doc', has an insatiable need to inflict severe harm-"

'Crash' bellows a garbled rant, forcing the stallion to equip one of his personal favorite gadgets: the Cipher-Tron 3000.

Patent pending. /)

"You're using the symbol now?" Button sighs.

"Why, of course. I find it endearingly simple." Whooves states, adjusting the setting of the headset, leaning in to the toy's cryptic growls. "And, might I add to the symptoms, such RUDE behavior!" Whooves gasps in disgust.

"What? What'd he say?"

"Dreadful things, about my mother....and a can of glue."

"W-Well....YOUR motherboard is a virus-riddled calculating tool!" Button insults.

"You will pay dearly for your VERBAL ASSAULT!!!"

Button punches the button as Crash struggles more, electrocuting the toy once again.

"Fool. Join us, Whooves." 'Crash' growls. "With our combined intellect, we could conquer this world of inferior organisms.

"'US'?" the stallion ponders.

"Don't trust him, doc! I've played BowlHead before, saying 'yes' does NOT end well!"

"No need to worry, lad. I would rather study the digestive cycle of a manticore close and nasty than join the likes of YOU, Thrash."

"Ooh, cool evil name."

"Thanks, Mr. Mash."

[Whooves will remember that.]

"Now WHAT have you done to my buddy?!" Button hisses in his odd attempt at being bad cop pony.

"That WASTE of matter has something we seek and must extract."

"Wait wait, who's 'WE'? Your vagueness is making me ANGRY! Spill it, bot!"

"It-"

Suddenly, Derpy abruptly pops up, carrying a basket of muffins and crumpets in her mouth. "Hey guys!" she muffles.

Everypony distracted, Thrash coughs up the plastic ball and blasts it at the strapping table's lever, loosening his restraints.

"Is muffins ALL she eats?" Button whispers.

"You'd be surprised."

"Doctor, when did you make a flying table?" the pegasus asks in awe.

"Flying table? Well that sounds rather absurd to me, I must- SWEET CELESTIA!!!"

Whooves hurriedly grabs the two and dives down as his strapping table is hurled over the three and snaps in half. There, they see an enraged Thrash galloping past them and up the stairs.

"Come back here, you tyke!" the doc grunts.

Button mentally smashes the Begin mission and charges up the stairs. "After him!" he barks.

Outside, Thrash scurries through town with a determined Button not far behind. Bumping past pony after pony, the tired colt loses steam as the frantic toy kicks it into high gear and dashes down the street. Cramping, sweating, low on protein and high on cholesterol, Button gives out and collapses to his knees.

"Urgh! Pudgy Princess makes running look so EASY!"

Defeated, he lays sprawled out on the ground while passing ponies watch him in confusion. Eventually, a brown, wacky looking cart hops over him at top speeds, dodging and avoiding everything down the road as a long crane stretches out of the contraption's rear and yanks the colt aboard. There, he woozily notices the doctor beside him at the helm with Derpy in the backseat, manning a slingshot-like machine.

"Doc?!" he exclaims.

"Come, lad! Let's catch that scoundrel!"