Mash and Crash

"Ugh, when will he get back, I'm ready to unleash the beast!" Snips groans.

"Yeah, I want to go Rough Criminal on 'em!" Tender Taps adds.

"Patience, brothers. They'll be back soon." Rumble reassures.

"You said that last time when we tried to recruit Spike!"

"That's his loss. It's not our fault the Cove doesn't serve gems!"

"I'm sorry brothers, I must summon him. Beetlecider, Beetlecider, Beetle-"

"Woah, wait Pip, I don't want that guy running around here, that's insane!" Rumble protests.

"No no, he could help us with this fight Leader, honest! Beetlecider, Beetlecider, Beetle-"

"Pip, you're dealing with powers you cannot control or understand! Knock it off!"

The little colt frowns and continues scribbling on a coloring page.

Eventually, the duo return back downstairs.

"Mission accomplished." Crash says.

"C.C.C!"

"Awesome! But before we head out, we must relay the rules." Rumble says urgently.

"Lay it on us." Button says confidently.

"First rule of the Colt Club: you do not tell anypony about the Colt Club."

They nod sincerely.

"Second rule of the Colt Club: you do not TALK about the Colt Club."

"Message received and memorized."

The skeptical pegasus is a centimeter away from the toy's face, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"How sure?"

"Uh....really sure?" Button says hesitantly.

"Do not tell anypony about the Colt Club. Do not TALK about the Colt Club." Crash plays back.

"Do you record everything we say?"

"Do you record everything we say?"

"Eh, that's all we needed to know, better safe than sorry. Hey Button, got a little something on your chest RIGHT there."

He looks down and gets flicked in the muzzle.

"Gotcha! Rule number three: have to have a sense of humor." he cackles. "Let's head out!"

All the other colts rush to another set of curtains. Rumble pulls it away to show off five big-wheels, one for each member

"Sorry, we didn't have a spare wheelie for ya."

"It's fine. While we were out, Crash here's developed a new function. Show 'em, buddy."

Button stands back as his miniature companion stretches and detatches his limbs around as the team watch in awe until he forms a shiny big-wheel.

"So, whatcha think?"

"That. Is. Epic!" Snips exclaims before composing himself. "Y-You know...for a rookie. It'll take ALOT more than flare and glare for this battle."

"Ya know, they're just girls after all."

"Listen to yourself, Mash! We do not think of such craziness here!"

"Sorry, it's just...haven't you ever, ya know, see them as normal ponies or...LIKED one of them?"

Button and Crash notice everypony stare directly at Rumble.

"N-No, that would be...awful." he gulps.

"Strange. You've showed more interest in her than the other fillies in this so-called 'war'." Crash concludes.

"What, no way. You have no proof of-"

"Scoota- I mean, the girls started a prank war with me- US boys." Crash plays with a smirk.

"..."

"Well?" Button asks slyly.

"...shut it, Crash. Let's just move out like I said."

The crew hop aboard their bikes and prepare to ride when a thought occurs to Button:

"How do we get out of here, exactly?"

"Snips' house was built next to an abandoned underground railroad, giving us a secret route around town." Rumble says matter of factly.

"I tried a gold nugget there once...not as tasty as I expected." Snails says.

"Wait, what about your father, Snips?" Crash asks.

"Don't worry about him. He should be out right about-"

A low THUD followed by a loud snore can be heard from upstairs.

"Now."

Pip removes a large Great and Powerful Trixie poster from the wall to show a gaping hole that leads to the aforementioned railroad.

"Ugh, there is some serious Pawspank Redemption vibes going on right now."

"Alright, guys. It's time to bring the thunder! C.C.C!"

"C.C.C!"

Lined up and pumped, the colt's ride their bikes through the dusty mines towards enemy territory.

"Are you sure you know where we're going, guys?" Button asks.

"We appear to be lost." Crash says.

"We aren't lost, rookies." Snips states. "See, there's a light at the end of the tunnel right he-AHH!"

Crash stretches his hoof and grabs the distracted colt and his ride at the edge before he could fall off a cliff.

"Okay. Maybe we're a bit lost." he pants.

"I told you we took that wrong turn at Apple-querque!" TT says.

Then, Snails starts sniffing the air ferociously.

"What is it, boy? Do ya have a scent?" Snips asks.

He stops smelling as his eyes shoot open. "Piiiiiiee!" he yells excitedly.

"Yes, that's it Snails! Lead us to the-"

Before Rumble could finish, Snails zooms away on his ride, leaving deep skid marks in the dirt. "After that unicorn!"

"Finally. This place's always gave me the willies!" Pip whimpers.

The remaining five chase after the ravenous colt. Soon, they run into a trail of saliva covering the entire floor. Crash leaps over and crawls against the walls carrying Button, leaving the slippery fluids to throw the colt's traction on the road.

"Guys, pull the brakes!" Button instructs.

They do so and suddenly begin to spin out of control.

"Gotcha!" he laughs.

"Gooooood oooooone roooooookieeeeee!" Snips wails.

Soon, the group locate the exit as they reach the end of the spit trail and crash into a nearby apple tree outside of the tunnel and struggle to stand.

"Oooh, t-that sure got my noodle in a twist." Pip says woozily.

"And I thought doing the Electric Spin was disorienting." TT utters.

"B-Barely a scratch. Ju- ugh, just walk it off team."

"Bluh, I hope ya like hay burgers." Snips groans. "Where's Snails?"

Button and Crash look around the leftover drops of saliva until they spot the goofball staring intensely at something in the distance.

"Snails buddy, what is it? What'd you find?" he asks.

"Piiiiieee." he whispers.

The two turn to see a freshly baked apple pie on the windowsill of the Crusaders' treehouse.

"Snails, don't even THINK about it! That's enemy pie, obviously a trap." Rumble hisses.

"Doesn't look like a trap to me, guys. Everything looked normal when we surveyed."

"The lights are dimmed, so they must be asleep." TT says.

"We must go silently." Pip adds.

"Crash and I'll scout ahead, ya know, for traps."

"Awesome! See, I told you guys there was greatness in him, didn't I." Rumble says proudly.

Button winces at that statement as he proceeds forward, the gang close behind.

"Okay...let's see if I can remember this." he thought.

Without warning, he starts spontaneously jumping, ducking and shifting about like he's avoiding imaginary lava.

"Stop!" TT whispers.

"What?"

"Slammertime!"

He rolls his eyes and continues on. Eventually, the rest copy the colt's movements, to his chagrin. They soon reach the base of the tree and climb atop each other, Button close to the window.

"Do you see the pen?" Snips asks, trying to balance on Snails' back.

"No, just-"

Suddenly, a blinking red light flashes on Crash's chest, creating a deafening alarm that startles the team, who fall on their flanks. As Button holds onto the clubhouse's porch, the lights cut on and he finds himself face to face with Sweetie Belle.

"H-Hey Sweetie Belle." he says nervously.

"Hey Button, Crash." she says.

A sadistic smile foms on her face as she slams the apple pie into the colt's face, causing him to fall as well.

"Now!"

Soon, the rest of the Crusaders appear with the addition of Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon and Twist, each with a water balloon.

"Crusaders forever!" they yell before pelting the group with their soaking assault.

"Get the Pen! C.C.C!" Rumble cries out.

"C.C.C!"

Crash helps Button up from his sweet injury as they watch the battle of the ~~century~~ weekend unfold.

Snips and Snails toss nuts and berries through the door which, shockingly, proved futile as Diamond and Silver give the two a bath. Twist comes around with a basket of balloons and tosses one an inch away from Pip but doesn't pop on impact.

"How odd. It shoulda-"

The balloon bursts, covering him in glitter and confetti.

"Sorry Pip!" Twist exclaims. "We're still going to Sugarcube Corner next week, right?"

Pip nods before getting mercilessly hit with another balloon.

Tender Taps breaks into a breakdance as AppleBloom fires a hoof full of acorns in a slingshot.

"You. Can. Not. Touch. This, AppleBloom! You don't got the moves." he says cockily.

"Ya can keep yur 'moves' Tappy!" the southern filly says. "Cuz we do things Apple style here!"

She brings up a phonograph and plays music for line-dancing, throwing off TT's groove.

"That's not cool! You can't-"

He's cut off when an acorn flies down his throat.

"Rough Criminal has forsaken me, run!" he gags.

All the other members take off, either soaked or sparkled.

Except Rumble.

"Scootaloo!" he hollers. "You know what we came for and we want it now!"

"Over my little wings!" she says with malice.

"That can be arranged."

As he sprints towards the clubhouse, the filly loads a single nut in the slingshot and fires it AWAY from him.

"Miss!" he jeers.

"Did I?"

The nut bounces off the trees, against a rock and lands in front of the colt, triggering a plank that slaps makeup onto his face. He stumbles backwards as a bag of glitter splatters on his form. Trap after trap, Rumble eventually ends up in a glistening pink dress, to his horror.

"Mash, Crash! Retreat!"

"G-Go on without u-us." Button utters, 'exhausted'.

"No, I'm not leaving you he-"

Another plank knocks him down.

"W-Well, it was nice knowing ya!"

Thus, he flees.

A few moments later, Button wipes the bits of pie out of his mane as the girls climb down.

"They're gone." Crash states.

"We rule! Crusaders forever!" AppleBloom yells triumphantly.

"Sorry, Button. Had to make it look real." Sweetie states.

"It's fine. Anything for realism."

"Oh, here's your pen. Forgot it was even here, just borrowed it that ONE time." Scootaloo states. "Thanks again for warning us."

"No problem. Now I'm just gonna...w-walk this off." he winces.

"I can't hate those eyes." he thought.

"Well that was embarrassing." Snips groans.

He sees Snails sniffling.

"I know we lost, dude."

"I never got to eat the pie." he whimpers.

"Not a balloon in the world could shield me from Twist's beautiful eyes." Pip says to himself.

"Don't sweat it brothers, we'll get 'em next time." Rumble assures, throwing away the dress and accessories.

"If we bring actual WEAPONS this time!"

"Need not worry, colts of Colt Cove!" a voice says.

Button and Crash soon appear.

"For we have recovered the sacred relic!" Button says revealing the coveted Pen of Power.

"Like I told you guys, I KNEW there is greatness in him!" Rumble

Everypony lifts the two in celebration.

"C.C.C!"

"C.C.C!"

Buncha nerds.