Mash and Crash

In an open field outside of Ponyville

"So, what are the requirements to being a ranger?" Button asks.

"All it takes is speed, agility, charming good looks, ROBUST haunches and heart....but mostly haunches." Sparks says matter of factly. "If you have heart, then you have what it takes."

Suddenly, Rumble pops up between the two, ready for what's to come. "Alright, I'm pumped. Let's do this captain, I'm ready!" he huffs.

Sparks stops the pegasus with a hoof. "I'm not sure you have what it takes." he states.

"What? B-But, I have heart."

"And that mop over there needs tending to so....there's that."

The heartbroken colt hangs his head and turns to leave.

"Now get back out there, and remember: you can do anything! Ya know, as long as you're me."

Button watches as his comrades trot off, dejected.

"I-I'm sorry captain, we're a team. We stick together. C.C.C!"

"C.C.C!" the others bark proudly.

Strapped to his back, Crash nods in appreciation.

The stallion rubs the bridge of his muzzle and sighs in defeat. "Fine. I'll....think of something."

Later...

"I don't know if I can do this!" Snails yelps.

"Come on cadet, just one more!" Sparks says.

The young colt stretches out his arm...

And puts a wooden cylinder block in a sizeable hole in a board.

"Brilliant work, Slugs!"

"Thank...*pant*...you."

"Yes, yes. Now start over and put them in order by color."

Snails, exhausted like he's finished a marathon, falls out on the ground.

"Excellent, squirt. Find the difference in the picture. A keen eye is key." he states, observing Pip using his coloring and activity book.

"Aye, captain!" he squeaks, practically shoving his muzzle into the pages.

"Bust a move, Happy Hooves. A ranger's gotta move quick."

"Don't worry," Tender Taps assures. "I INVENTED these moves! I wasn't called 'Happy Hooves' for a reason." The little dancer spins out of control until he crashes into a thorn bush.

"Snacks, I like the hustle, keep it up. A stallion's not a stallion without strength."

"Barely breaking a sweat." Snips groans, struggling to lift a pebble no bigger than an apple.

"Hey Captain! Watch this!" Rumble calls out. "I can kick the leaves off this tree!"

The little pegasus gallops towards a nearby tree and strikes it with a soft, barely audible CLOP. "Okay, bad start. Let me try that again."

He runs into the tree once more, no dice.

"Maybe this time?" Fails again. The stubborn colt dives at the tree over and over, getting dizzier and dizzier. "D-Don't worry, I can do thissss cuz I'm the greatest ballerina in the whole fruit cup!"

Rumble stumbles and falls on his muzzle, as a single leaf lands on his wings.

"Yeah, impressive I guess." Sparks snickers. "A strong team always needs at least one comic relief."

Meanwhile, Button's kicking and prodding an inflatable dragon punching bag, Crash watching on the side.

"I'm not so certain about this Sparks fellow, Button." the toy ponders. "He seems a tad...off."

"Don't worry, bud- Hee-ya!" the colt says, stick and moving with the dummy. "A lot of celebrities are a 'little off' sometimes when they're famous- Hee-ya!"

Button tackles his inanimate opponent over, only for the punching bag to carry and slam him forward into the ground. "You think Cheerio is ACTUALLY cheery after gaining fame from saving Nectarine over and over? She still never baked that cake she promised him the first 15 times."

Crash quickly turns around and droops to the floor.

"Aw, come on bud. Don't be like that!"

"Who are you talking to, cadet?" Sparks appears.

"Huh? Oh, n-nothing Captain." he stutters. "Just showing this thing who's boss."

"Hm. Well, let's see what you got."

Button dusts himself off and gets into a crane kick position. "Here goes something." he thinks. The colt turns and bucks the dragon with great force. "Ha! How was tha-"

The dragon strikes him back down.

"Maybe a little bit more practice." the stallion chortles. "It takes ALOT more than just standing there to take on your opponents. Try again."

Taking a deep breath, Button jabs it and jumps out of its range, eventually repeating the pattern.

"I-It worked!" he exclaims.

"Of course it worked." Sparks inserts. "Didn't your ol' stallion teach ya this stuff?"

The colt halts his swift assaults and hangs his head. Spark's proud grin vanishes upon seeing the glum kid.

"I assume he's not the teaching type?"

"Not really. His job at Haybro always kept him busy that I...I rarely see him. Sure, he does show up at my birthday parties, heck, he was the only one to show up. But other than that, it's just me at my mom."

"Ugh, that must be tough."

"You promote their toys and stuff. Didn't you run into him maybe once or twice?"

"Dark brown stallion? Joy stick cutie mark?"

"On the manufacturing line, yep." Button states. "Striking resemblance, eh?"

"Striking nerdiness is more like it." he mutters to himself.

"What was that?"

"Ur, nothing. Yeah, I've met him. He does talk about ya though."

The young one's ears perk up. "He does?"

"Oh, you have NO idea. He almost made a toy clone of you when he's in daydream mode."

"Yeah, my dad is pretty smart."

"He sure is." Sparks agrees, turning to the stiff toy. "We should probably call it a day."

"Are you sure?" Button says. "It's still bright out here."

"U-Uh, yeah. I have...heroic crunches to do at 3 later. Today's leg day." he states.

Despite the pegasus' sudden excuse and the fact that the colt doesn't know, nor WANTED to know what 'haunches' are, he complies and takes his leave with the Colt Club.

"I still have my suspicions about that stallion, Button."

"Come on Crash, he wasn't that bad." he asserts. "He seemed cool."

"I thought he was a nice fellow." Pip adds.

"I told you guys he was cool! Wasn't he cool?" Rumble asks ecstatically.

"Cool as Vanilla Ice Cream." Taps inserts, busting into a Gang-neigh Style.

"Mmm, ice." Snails slobs.

"What about the cream part, Snails?" Snips asks.

"I like ice."

"He's....always hungry, isn't he?" Button asks.

"You have no idea." the others say in unison.

The seven of them laugh as they trot off to meet up with Trims and head back to the Cove with many ~~dorky~~ EPIC activities to come.

That evening

At Captain Sparks' blimp, the valiant stallion searches through his merchandise while the scrawny, totally-not-underpaid assistant Todd stocks up the heavy children's equipment in the aircraft. Suddenly, his watch beeps profusely.

"Blue Feather. Come in, Blue Feather." a voice chimes in.

"I still think I deserve a better name than 'Blue Feather', dude." Sparks grunts.

"That's 'Toymaker' to you, Blue Feather! Did you recover the package?"

"I-I.....have not. I'm working on it. The kid's not cracking. He's smarter than he looks."

"We're running out of time here, Sparks. You know I don't take disappointments well, right?"

"Yes, sir." Sparks sighs in defeat.

"Guess it's time you initiate Plan B, then."

Eventually, Sparks picks out a large crate and roughly bucks it open.

"Ready, ranger?"

Suddenly, the room is engulfed in a sinister, blood red light illuminating from the dusty crate.

"AFFIRMATIVE."