We Need To Talk About The Yovidiphone
"Hi everypony!" Pinkie Pie said, her yovidiphone in hand, "Let's get this party started!" She looked around and saw that Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Maud, and Starlight Glimmer were sitting in a semi-circle with Starlight at the point opposite her.
"Actually, Pinkie," Starlight Glimmer said, "We're all here because we're worried about you."
"What? But I got my yovidiphone back! What's the problem?" Pinkie Pie said.
"That's... actually what we want to talk to you about," Twilight Sparkle said. She was seated to the left of Starlight from Pinkie's perspective.
"We know it makes you happy to play the yovidiphone darling," Rarity said, "And we think that's great. But..."
"But you're taking it to a creepy extent!" Rainbow Dash said, bolting into the air.
"Psssh. Whaahahahat?" Pinkie Pie said dismissively, "What are you even talking about?"
"For one thing, you're never without it," Applejack said.
Earlier in the day, Pinkie Pie was holding tightly onto her yovidiphone while baking for Sugar Cube Corner. When it got in the way, she started putting the ingredients in the horn and playing to shoot them into the cupcake mold. Spit visibly flies with them.
"I mean, that's just gross," Rainbow Dash said.
"It's fiiine. Cooking kills the germs," Pinkie Pie said, waving a hoof dismissively.
"True, buuut..." Twilight Sparkle began.
Earlier, Pinkie found herself unable to remove the cupcakes properly with one hoof. So she tossed them into the air off the baking sheet, caught them in the horns, then blew them into the bags for the orders.
"Though that DOES sound pretty cool," Rainbow Dash said in the present.
"Yes but it violates the health code!" Twilight said.
"Ok, so I'm a little attached to it," Pinkie Pie admitted, "But I can work around that! Watch!"
Pinkie took a bit of rope from somewhere and tied the yovidiphone to her back. "See?"
"That's not really the issue," Starlight Glimmer said, “What about at the theater the other day?”
Pinkie Pie sat in the theater, her arm around the yovidiphone.
“Ha! Isn't this great Yovi?” she said.
Behind them sat a mare and her colt. The colt could not see over the yovidiphone. Behind them sat Starlight. Starlight looked on skeptically as the colt tugged at his mother.
"But... Maud carries Boulder everywhere!" Pinkie said.
"Pinkie, Boulder's a rock," Maud said slowly.
"Well duh!" Pinkie replied.
"And I know he's a rock," Maud said, "He's a great pet, but I know he can't actually feel anything about me."
"Huh? What does that have to do with anything?" Pinkie Pie asked.
“It's just... we get the impression your feelings for the yovidiphone go a bit... far,” Rarity said.
Earlier, before the whole mess really started, the girls were trying to tell Pinkie Pie that she was bad at playing the yovidiphone.
”My sun, my moon, my stars!” Pinkie Pie said, “What about it?”
“I stand by every word!” Pinkie Pie said.
“Yes, but that sort of phrase is usually what a pony says about their child or their special somepony,” Starlight said, “And, well...”
Pinkie Pie was sitting at a table in a dim room. A candle was the sole source of illumination. Opposite her was her yovidiphone.
"Do you come here often?" Pinkie said slyly.
"Why is it so dark in here?" Starlight's voice came into the room. It lit up and she saw Pinkie staring lovingly at the instrument.
"Umm... Nevermind," Starlight said, backing out of the room and turning off the lights.[\i]
"Yeah, be glad that was all you walked in on," Rainbow Dash said.
"Oh Yovi!" Pinkie sighed, tenderly running her hoof along her yovidiphone while she embraced it. "Do you even know what you do to me?"
"Pinkie Pie?" Rainbow Dash said as she walked up the stair, "You up here?" She opened the door to see Pinkie Pie pasionately kissing her yovidiphone.
"You know what? I'll catch you later," Rainbow Dash said, closing the door.
"And that time I was looking for you," Maud began.
"Yovi! Yes! Yes!"
"Let's not hear anymore about that," Twilight Sparkle said, interrupting Maud's flashback.
"I suppose there no point in denying it," Pinkie Pie said with a sigh. She pulled the yovidiphone up and held him so that it was like she had her hoof around a shoulder. "Yovi and I are a couple! And if you can't accept our love..."
"Wait," Starlight said, "I think you should hear us out first."
"Oh all right," Pinkie Pie said, pouting a little.
"Pinkie, darling," Rarity said, "We're your friends and we love you, and of course we'd accept any pony or creature you wanted to date."
"Buuut...?" Pinkie began.
"But it's an instrument!" Rainbow Dash yelled, once again flying up above everyone, "A bunch of metal and cloth!"
"What Rainbow Dash means," Maud said, "Is like rocks, a yovidiphone can't love you back."
Maud glanced towards the door wistfully. She had thought about inviting Mudbriar to help make the point, but ultimately decided against it since technically, he still did not know Pinkie all that well.
Pinkie's eyes began to water and her lower lip quivered.
"Waaah! I-i-it's true!" she cried, "I have a pro-o-o-blem!"
"That's okay, that's why we're all here," Applejack said, patting Pinkie on the back soothingly.
"And I want to be very clear that we're not saying you can never play the yovidiphone again," Twilight said, "But maaaybe I should hold onto it until you can develop a more... healthy relationship with it."
After a nod form the sniffling Pinkie, Twilight picked up the yovidiphone with her magic, pulling it free from the makeshift harness, and held it above and a bit away from her.
"And maybe we should disinfect it," Starlight said.
"So... what now?" Pinkie asked with a sniff.
"We just need to get you laid," Maud said in her usual deadpan. There was an awkward silence. Suddenly Pinkie started laughing.
"Good one Maud!" she said. The others started laughing as well.
"Was it?" Maud asked. After another awkward silence, the others started laughing again. She was quite serious in fact, but that's another story.
Author's Note
I had a hard time figuring out how to end this. If I can come up with enough funny ideas, I might just do a follow-up about trying to figure out Pinkie's preferences.