Games We Play

Yes. Definitely yes. Twilight did not lie about the Apples expanding their farm. Truth is, the only hinder was the lack of labor force. As I spent more and more time and talked more with them, realization hit me: there are agricultural machines in Equestria already, though the only known machines are that of Flim and Flam. I could easily assemble a tractor given the fact metal forgery was fairly developed in Equestria. There was one last thing to do: obtain fuel. I have read enough about Equestrian industrial history to know that while mining is present, the concept of oil refinery is non-existent, given there is no evidence of the planet Equis containing oil at all. That spared me a lot of work. I knew combustion engines existed, and I knew there was no oil, but Equestria had an efficient agriculture, (and quite a few drunk ponies at some evenings) which led me to one conclusion: I had to create an alcohol-fueled engine.

Big Macintosh was quite the help with the planning, he has an incredible mind once it comes to designing and fixing things. Once the plans were ready, we showed them to the other Apples and discussed whether we should create and use it or not. Granny Smith said that the Sweet Apple Acres apples gain their quality through the care of the ponies handcrafting every bit of the products, including plowing the fields, planting, apple bucking and operating the squeezers. Apple Bloom was fascinated by the design, though maybe because she saw it as an automobile rather than a work machine, and she enjoyed riding scooter with Scootaloo or driving carts. Applejack first saw it as a mean of quality drop and, more importantly, a device of treason also, since it reminded her of the machine used by Flim and Flam, but after she thought over, she said yes, and convinced the others also. Applejack may be a farmer, but she is also a clever businessmare, and she became aware of the lack of labor force as the only hinder of expanding further. After all, Sweet Apple Acres had a vast range of clients, some of them quite rich and famous, not to mention its fame attracted a lot of customers in Canterlot also, mainly high-class restaurants and bars.

After the machine was assembled, I started to build a distillery. Sweet Apple Acres produced cider, but it didn't have a distillery to produce spirits. First, the Apples were reluctant to let me waste their precious cider, but I was offered a limited quantity. After a few days, I had the pure alcohol, ready to use.

Now all of the Apples stand around the machine, eager to observe if I manage to get it work. I pour the alcohol in the tank, and start the engine manually. It takes me at least two minutes, but to my relief and to the horror of the ponies it starts. Damn, it is loud. Looks like I oversimplified the planning and assembly of mufflers. That means more energy is saved since the exhaust gases can exit easily, but that also explains why I wasn't afraid of Princess Luna's Royal Canterlot Voice. I'm not sure if these ponies have ever heard something so loud in their lives. I quickly turn the engine off and begin to ask for their forgiveness, but Applejack is quicker.

"What in tarnation? Ya seriously want to scare mah kin to death?"

I look at Apple Bloom cowering behind her, her face an expression of sheer horror. Luckily for her, the machine was not in gear so at least it didn't start to move forward as well, otherwise she would be scared even more.

"Now listen mister, Ah want ya and this here damned machine out of mah farm right now."

"I'm sorry. But, listen, we are at the threshold of a huge breakthrough. Sweet Apple Acres is at the threshold of a huge breakthrough. I just have to install new mufflers instead of the old ones and the noise will be at an acceptable level, and plowing the fields can be motorized."

"Ah don't care. Did Ah not make mahself clear? Ah want this machine far away from Sweet Apple Acres and never to see it again. Ya yerself are also fired. Ya may come back in the future maybe, but WITHOUT yer damned machine. Is that clear?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. But how do you expect me to remove the machine? I may have to start it again to drive it away."

"Don't ya dare! Just remove it the very way ya brought it here from the barn: tow it away. Be happy Ah don't kick yer flank and destroy yer machine this instant."

"Well. Okay."

I throw the ropes over my chest and start to pull the small tractor in shame. I shall visit Twilight and tell her what happened. On my way to the Friendship Castle I bump into a cheerful pink pony.

"HI YOU MUST BE JOHN I MEAN JOHNNY THE HUMAN WHO WAS SUMMONED HERE BY TWILIGHT WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE VERY FEW FRIENDS AND IF YOU HAVE VERY FEW FRIENDS THAT MAKES YOU"

"Hello. You are correct. My name is John. You must be Pinkie Pie. Twilight mentioned you once." (Damn hyperactive pink ponies. Princess Cadance has nothing over this one.)

"YESSS, IT'S ME PINKIE PIE! NUMBER ONE PARTY PONY IN EQUESTRIA! I STILL DIDN'T THROW YOU A WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA PARTY, WHICH IS SAD BECAUSE I HAVE TO THROW YOU A WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY AFTER IT ALSO DO YOU WANT TO HAVE THE WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA PARTY TONIGHT?"

"Well. Thank you Pinkie Pie. I guess i need a party after my recent failure at Sweet Apple Acres. And I definitely need to make new friends so that I can obtain a new job."

"A NEW JOB? WELL COME TO SUGARCUBE CORNER, YOU COULD HELP ME BAKING CAKES, DOUGHNUTS, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, MUFFINS AND EVERYTHING! WE COULD BE BEST FRIENDS! OH! AND YOU COULD MAKE MY PARTY CANNON WORK PERFECTLY AND INVENT NEW KINDS OF PARTY EQUIPMENTS INCLUDING LIGHT SHOWS, FIREWORKS, CONFETTI AND TAPE THROWERS AND SO ON! OR YOU CAN HELP ME ARRANGE FUNNY ESCAPE GAMES LIKE OH NOW YOU ARE TRAPPED AND YOU HAVE TO FREE YOURSELF AND YOUR TEAM MATES AND YOU HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER TO ESCAPE THE ROOM OF TRAPS THAT WOULD BE HYPER-SUPER-DUPERRIFIC!"

(Now I am literally afraid. How does she know? I have met her just this instant.) "Well, that's interesting."

"YESS, YOU CAN START THIS INST...
OOOPSIE!"

"Pinkie Pie darling, have you ever thought of minding to look at the same direction you are bouncing?"

"HI RARITY, WELL DUH, I HAVE, AND IT'S BOOORING, SO I LOOK AT COMPLETELY RANDOM DIRECTIONS WHILE BOUNCING AROUND CAUSE IT'S MORE FUN AND HEY RARITY THIS IS JOHNNY AND HE WILL WORK WITH ME AT SUGARCUBE CORNER AND HEY JOHNNY THIS IS RARITY SHE OWNS CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE AND IS THE MOST FASHIONABLE PONY IN PONYVILLE AND mppfmmmmpfpfpfpfm"

"That's enough darling. I'm flattered to meet you, John." Rarity greeted while sticking her hoof into Pinkie Pie's mouth to shut her up.

"Likewise, Lady Rarity." (Finally a mare with more style and finesse, and perhaps more maturity than the others so far. I mean, besides the princesses. Applejack resembles a southerner redneck from the late 1800's, and Pinkie Pie is... Well, I think I must have a serious talk with Princess Celestia about her. There is NO WAY a pony like her doesn't contradict some laws of the universe. I mean this universe. She pretty much contradicts all the laws of my universe.)

"AND HEY JOHNNY AND RARITY YOU ARE INVITED TO SUGARCUBE CORNER TO MY WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA JOHNNY PARTY TONIGHT AND I ALREADY SENT THE INVITATION TO ALL OF THE PONIES IN PONYVILLE! BUT I MUST GO NOW PREPARE THE ACCESSORIES BYE!"

Well, shit. I guess a lady like Rarity can't perform a proper hoofshake while holding a forehoof in another mare's mouth while not falling over. Too bad.

"Well, that was interesting. Is she always like this?"

"No, sometimes she is at least a billion times worse. And sometimes, she is perfectly normal, which is more unsettling when she is completely random."

"Well, thank you for the information. I will keep it in mind. Anyway, I must meet Twilight, so goodbye Lady Rarity."

"It's just Rarity. I was hoping I could accompany you?"

"I would be flattered."

"Tell me darling, why do you must see Twilight?"

"I got fired from Sweet Apple Acres because of an... incident caused by me and maybe she knows some ponies who can offer me a new job. I mean, Pinkie Pie already offered me one at Sugarcube Corner, but, laugh at me all you want, I am afraid of her."

"Well, you are not alone. The Cakes can only cope with her because they are out of the house most of the time, and even the Princesses don't know anything other about Sugarcube Corner that it produces, sells and delivers sweets and treats. Sugarcube Corner may be owned by the Cakes, but I bet they have no idea about the extended basement and everything else that can be there built and prepared by Pinkie Pie. She has some sort of secret basement which she uses as archive to store everypony's birthdays and personal favorites, not to mention some secret rooms which she uses to perform dangerous experiments and assembling the weirdest, craziest machines Equestria has ever seen. By chance, what is it that you are pulling behind you? Is this an other of her creepy machines that she left somewhere and you found it?"

"No. It's a tractor. It is a machine designed to pull carts or agricultural devices. Think of it as if at least ten massive earth pony stallions were at its place ready to pull or push. It was designed by Big Macintosh and me and assembled by me. Though I was not careful enough and it turned out to be much louder than I expected and it scared Apple Bloom half to death. That's why I had to go."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she will come to her senses. See, you didn't want to harm her family, did you?"

"No, it was just an accident. And with the use of this machine a breakthrough like none ever could be achieved at Equestrian agriculture, though even if she will hire me again, she said she never wanted to see this machine at Sweet Apple Acres."

"I know that feeling. I have a little sister too. Her name is Sweetie Belle. She...

"WATCH OUT!!!!"

-*CRASH-*

"Uh... Uuuurgh. What happened? Why can't I get up?" I ask the blue-eyed white blur appearing before me.

"Rainbow Dash! How reckless and brutish of you! You never ever learn, do you?"

"Uuuh, hello miss white pony, my name is John, not Rainbow Dash. I'm sorry if I offended you, but could you explain me what just happened?"

"Uuuurgh. Heh. That was one heck of a crash. Wait! What is this strange thing I am laying on?"

"That would be my dear friend John, who you managed to crash land onto! I hope you are satisfied. Looks like he is seriously injured and half-conscious!"

"Eeeh. Excuse me? Let me help you!"

"No thanks. You helped him enough already. If you want to be anything of a use, go tell Fluttershy to come over so we can perform first aid and if necessary, take him to the hospital."

"Rarity? Is it you?"

"Yes, it's me. Don't worry dear, help is already on the way."

"What did just happen to me? I see white lights in every corner of my view."

"A dear friend of mine named Rainbow Dash accidentally crash landed on you. You were severely hit on the head. She has crashed more times than all the other pegasi in Ponyville together but she never learns. Even though she is a Wonderbolt now, she still feels she has to invent new stunts and she... often miscalculates."