Author's Note

Caution: Profanity. Ever wondered what if the Spa Ponies were swearing like low-skilled teenage wannabe rappers? Now you'll see.

A Job At The Spa

Lights are still up in Twilight's workroom when I reach the Friendship Castle, so luckily I don't have to wake up anypony to enter. I head towards the same guestroom I occupied during my first night in Equestria when I meet two unicorn mares exiting from Twilight's workroom: a light purple one with violet-blue eyes and a purple and light blue colored mane and a light blue one slightly darker than Rainbow Dash with lilac eyes and a silver and light-blue mane.

"Hi ladies, My name is John." I greet them.

"Hi John. My name is Starlight Glimmer. Twilight has already told us about you."

"Hi John. I am the Great and Powerful Trrrrrixieee!" Says the light blue one, while I see small fireworks erupting from her horn and hear some circus-like fanfare as if it came from invisible speakers. Yes, great and powerful. With optical and auditive illusions. I can't resist the urge, so I cynically retort.

"Well pleased to meet you Miss Great and Powerful. I am John." I say this while looking deeply in her eyes. No self-given titles like Great, Powerful, Wise or Fearsome, just simply John. This is my first test on her. Those wise enough recognize the strength and willpower behind a simple name, while the light-headed ones may think that they are superior because of their given titles. It seems like Trixie at least has the intelligence to recognize her mistake.

"But, you can call me just Trixie." She says while drooping her ears.

"So what are you two doing here?" I ask.

"We were planning a new performance for Trixie's upcoming tour." Answers Starlight. I don't know why, but I have a slight feeling of unease towards her. I was a master of reading and anticipating human minds, after all, and pony minds, while not the same, show quite a few similarities. I have the impression that Starlight is exactly the opposite of Trixie. She doesn't boast, doesn't use fancy titles, moreover, she seems to deliberately hide behind Trixie's parade. And those who hide, have a reason to hide. Maybe she is indeed the great and powerful, but likes to keep her abilities secret. Or maybe she has done some wrongs and she wishes to play second fiddle and hide behind a charismatic pony.

"I see. And could you by chance tell me where Twilight is?"

"She left us a message which says she is visiting her brother and sister-in-law in the Crystal Empire. Something about feeling down and having to get away and meet her big brother."

"I see. In this case, I guess I'll just take a shower and go to bed. Good night you two."

"Good night, John."

It is late afternoon. Fluttershy examined me in the morning and she found that I recovered almost fully, so I could leave her cottage and get back to Twilight's. Though I didn't know why, I couldn't find the Friendship Castle. But this time, unlike last night, I immediately recognize that I am dreaming. If Nancy Thompson was able to defeat Freddy Krueger, then I, John Kramer, can definitely beat my own mind in its petty games. I walk up to the pony with the hourglass cutie mark before he has a chance to say or do anything.

"Leave me and my dreams alone. You have no power above me." I simply state. I turn my back on him when I catch view of the mane of a familiar dark blue alicorn hiding behind a wall. I pick up a cake from a nearby bush and throw it towards her, hitting her square in the face.

"Told you never visit my dreams again, naughty little princess." I say while she is busy trying to clean the cake out of her muzzle, eyes, mane and even her ears. I guess Celestia will seek an audience with me... again. Totally worth it, though.

Suddenly I am back on Earth again. I'm setting up the Bathroom Trap with Amanda. Though this time, she is not the disturbed, fragile girl who had become a murderer. She captures the essence of my test and makes Adam's trap winnable. Yes. Adam can truly earn his freedom, if he is up to the task.

The scene switches to a theme park. I watch my five-year-old son sitting on the carousel and cheering with my wife Jill. Of course, I know this is a dream. But if you dream, dream big.

I wake up in the morning well rested. I head to the kitchen where Spike is already preparing his gemstone-filled pancakes.

"Hi Spike, did you sleep well?" I greet him enthusiastically.

"Yes, I had a dream where I had a successful date with Rarity. Too bad it was just a dream though. How about you?"

"Well, I had some pleasant dreams too. Do you know when Twilight comes back?"

"I guess not before three days. Being scolded by her former mentor, Princess Celestia makes her very depressed even up to these days. And when she feels down, most of the time she visits her brother and her sister-in-law, who used to be her baby-sitter when she was a filly. But hey, I am here for you, as well as Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Applejack."

"I see." So apparently, she has a far deeper connection with Princess Cadance than I initially thought.

Suddenly small green flames erupt from Spike's mouth, and a small letter materializes in front of him.

"A letter from Princess Celestia!" He exclaims.

Dear Spike,
Twilight will pass the next 3 days in the Crystal Empire with Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadance. Though my primary purpose of writing this letter is for John. If you see him, please show him this letter.

Dear John,
If you are reading this, let you know that I found your prank on my sister last night absolutely hilarious! She still keeps wobbling between laughing like a madmare and feeling angry because of the cake incident. Though next time, I hope she will have the decency to invite me into your dreams.
Yours truly,
Celestia

p.s. If you visit me next time, you better throw me with a REAL cake. Dream cakes don't taste that good, and are far less nutritious. And please, don't waste any of it on Luna. She doesn't appreciate a good cake as much as me.

p.p.s. Hey John, This is Luna speaking. You may have bested me in your silly dream, but if you deem yourself worthy of a man, come and face me in Canterlot in an epic battle of a pillow fight. Come and meet your soft and feathery defeat.
Yours,
Luna, Princess Of The Night And The Pillow Fortress

Crazy pony princesses. How can they rule a kingdom this big without problems with this mindset? I will never understand. After finishing breakfast, we both wash up our respective dishes, then I head out on the streets. Spike is right, Twilight may be far away, but I still have other friends to bump into. Upon heading to the town square, I notice Rarity leaving Carousel Boutique.

"Hello, Rarity, where are you going?"

"John! What a pleasure to meet you. I'm heading for the spa, and I have some wonderful news to you! I am well connected with Lotus and Aloe, who own the town spa, and they are recruiting for a mechanic to operate and maintain the spa equipment. I said that I know somebody who would be perfect for the job, and they became totally enthusiastic. Just come with me, dear, I already have said my word for you."

"Why thank you, Rarity. This is really good news. I will be in your debt if I get hired."

"Nonsense, darling. It is in my interest also, that as a regular, I can enjoy all the services provided by the spa without any problems. But look, we are already here. Hi, Lotus! Is Aloe here?"

"Hi, Rarity. Yes, she is downstairs, trying to fix the pipes which would provide the bubbles for the jacuzzi, but she's been at it already for one and a half hours, and still no success."

"Well I have good news for you. Do you remember John, the man I recommended to you? He is here with me right now. John, this is Lotus, co-owner of Ponyville Spa. Lotus, this is John Kramer, a human extremely talented in mechanics and engineering."

"Greetings, Miss Lotus."

"The pleasure is mine, Mr. Kramer."

"It's just John, please." We perform the usual hoofshake. "Let me take a look at the pipeline. Only then and there can I be sure whether I can fix the problem or not."

"Of course, John. Follow me." I follow her down to the basement where I see (and hear) a frowning earth pony mare with a pink coat and a blue-white mane cursing like a football hooligan.

"Fuck, that worthless fucking piece of shit that rots down everyday just to make me and my day suck harder than a teenage filly on a manticore's dick!!! Seriously, one day I will just break the whole shit down and earn money as a common whorse, it just makes more sense!"

"ALOE!!! We have company!"

"Hi, Lotus! I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I don't share it. This fucking pipe broke down, AGAIN, already the third time on the week! Seriously, if I had a good rutting every time this shit breaks down, I would die the happiest mare in all of Equestria! Um. Hi."

"Hello, miss Aloe. My name is John. Do you mind if I take over? I have already agreed with your sister."

"Ah yes, you should be the mechanic Rarity talked about. Come, have a look, I'm tired of that shit already anyway." She trots off with a harrumph.

"Well, I see what the problem is. The pipe is too corroded and rusty and the heated air is leaking. I can fix it temporarily right now with some basic welding, though I have to close the main valve during repair, which means all systems depending on this pipe will be out of order until I'm done. Though I must say, if you aim for a more durable solution, the whole pipeline should be replaced by corrosion-resistant material instead of rough iron. I shall do a look-over on the whole system before I can calculate costs and duration."

"This pipe only supplies the jacuzzi." Says Lotus in a more professional manner. "How long does it take to get it fixed? Temporarily, i mean?"

"Temporarily, it is just half an hour. Though the problem will occur again, and again, and again, until a new pipeline is built up, offering a permanent solution."

"We'll see if you can solve it. If you manage to fix the problem within an hour, you are hired."

"Well, I'll need a welding device and some metal plates, do you have any?"

"Yes. We have a torch, stored dragonflame, fill rods and metal plates. After all, we have been facing the problem since the third month after the beginning."

Of course, a torch in Equestria is powered by dragonflame instead of acetylene mixed with oxygen. I manage to stuff the holes faster than I expected. After twenty minutes, the pipe is fixed and ready to test. I re-open the valve while Lotus is checking the jacuzzi.

"It works!" She exclaims happily. "Yes, you have done it! Usually it takes one or two hours for us to fix it. You are hired." It turned out to be a good start of the day.