The Whooves Journals: Series Oneby TheWhoovesChaptersDerpy Hooves, Part 1Derpy Hooves, Part 2The End Of Everything, Part 1Derpy Hooves, Part 1It was another normal Friday in Ponyville. At least, it was for the mailpony, Derpy. Sure, everypony else was all excited about the Summer Sun Celebration in a few days' time, but that didn't do anything to her mail route. She had it down to a science. Cover the main street, then drop off something weird at Sugarcube Corner. Swing around down the street which had the old library on it, drop off some kind of package at the clock repair shop. Pick up a clock, deliver it to the owner. Visit Sweet Apple Acres and Carousel Boutique, then finish it off by trying (and failing) to do a cool stunt at Rainbow Dash's cloud house and diving down to Fluttershy's cottage. Derpy's life was simple. Eat, sleep, deliver mail, get mocked for eyes, repeat. Every single Friday. This particular Friday, it appeared that Rarity had won some sort of lottery. Derpy liked Rarity, she never mocked Derpy's eyes, and was always giving gifts to others. When it was time to visit Rarity on her mail route, she came with extra glee, accidentally hitting a flagpole with her wing. For once, it didn't fall down! This also made her smile. She knocked on Rarity's door. Rarity opened it, and almost squealed at the package and the letter attached for the lottery winnings. As she left, Rarity tapped her on the shoulder. "Oh, and Derpy, would you be a dear and see if the mannequins I ordered have come in yet?" "Why of course, miss Rarity, when I've delivered this package to miss Rainbow Dash, and this one to miss Fluttershy. They're nice, like you." And with that, Derpy left. Now what stunt would she try today? She was getting pretty good at the corkscrew, where she'd spin towards the house, drop off the mail and skim the cloud until her wing hit it and she would go down like a metor to Fluttershy's house. Yes, that's what she'd do. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaaahhh-ohnoohnoohnonono-aaaah-" CRASH!! Yep. Always worked. Back at the depot, she saw a huge package come in with Rarity's name on it. She supposed this contained the mannequins she was asking about earlier, and took it upon herself to drag it to Carousel Boutique. On the way, she passed Time Turner, who was waving some kind of glowing-stick-thing around. "Here ya go, miss Rarity! It was just coming in when I got back!" "Thank you! Here, do you want to come see what they can do?" "Sure, miss Rarity!" So they entered the boutique, mannequins in tow. Rarity opened the package, and began assembling them. She explained why she was so excited: "The special thing about these mannequins, dear, is that they are posable, with a come-to-life spell!". Derpy read the label on the exterior: Nestene Plastics, unicorn posable! Odd name, Nestene. Probably just some kind of in-joke with the bosses of the company, or something. Derpy turned around, in time to see Rarity animating it. She posed it in the way that Applejack sometimes stood and smiled. "If it's okay with you, dear, I'm going to go fetch an outfit to put on display on this!" Rarity walked away, happy as could be. Derpy felt something tap her on the shoulder. She turned around, fully expecting to see Rarity. It was the mannequin. Derpy screamed. "Run!" It was Time Turner! What was he doing in the boutique? He never wore anything but that ridiculous black jacket, and it never needed patching. She decided his advice was sound, anyway, and began running. "Time Turner, what's going on?" "They're being remotely controlled!" "Yeah, by miss Rarity." "...Oh. That makes things a bit more complicated. It appears that our friend Rarity is working for the Nestene consciousness." "Hang on, the package for those mannequins said 'Nestene' on it." "I would advise keeping her away from plastic. Something made her 'Come to life' spell permanent. They're using her as transmitter. Oh, and it's The Doctor, not Time Turner." Suddenly, somepony screamed from inside the boutique. "Miss Rarity!" Derpy cried, rushing into the building. "Stay away from the plastic!" The Doctor knew Something was wrong about all this. Using another pony as a transmitter was possible, but they'd need a secondary transmitter to do it. Something organic, something containing knowledge, something which had some sort of lens... something nearby. Well, maybe Derpy would know something like that. He was new to the town, and she wasn't, after all. Maybe she'd even be able to come... no. No more loss meant nopony to lose. Rarity was not okay. She was being attacked by some beast made of coat hangers, and her horn was apparently on the fritz, as the only spell she could cast was the Come To Life spell, and she didn't see how that could help. "Miss Rarity!" A grey blur swooped at the beast, faster than she had ever flown before. She threw the beast, and everything else made of plastic, out of the room, slamming the door. "Seal it, quick!" "I-I can't... I can't cast anything but a Come To Life spell..." Suddenly, out of the shadows came Applejack. Derpy liked her, she accepted people for who they really were. Derpy smiled and waved. She heard a thump and went to go block the door. "Applejack! What were you doing down here?" "SugarcubeRarityHon, I was looking for you!" "Really? Was my scream that loud?" "SugarcubeRarityHon, did you forget about that new line of mannequins you wanted to show me?" "O-oh yes, right. Sorry, but we are in a bit of a predicament." "Message from Celestia." Was that a northern accent? "Not for us, surely." "We seem safe right now, SugarcubeRarityHon" "Message from Celestia!" "Not now! Applejack, your voice sounds funny whenever you say my name." "What are you on about, SugarcubeRarityHon? I'm fine!" The Doctor chucked the envelope at the head of 'Applejack'. It sunk into her 'stetson'. "Oh alright, DoctorTime TurnerWhooves, you got me fair and square!" The letter shot straight back at The Doctor's head. Upon second thought, this was a bad idea... A REALLY bad idea. Author's Note 🕑 Come back next week for a new timey-wimey instalment: Derpy Whooves, Part 2 🕑 Derpy Hooves, Part 2Derpy, of course, had missed the whole exchange between The Doctor and the creature impersonating Applejack. This was because of her very large, hanger-based problem. Said problem was thumping on the door much harder than the door could take, so Derpy was busy fortifying it. So she was definitely not prepared when the envelope that was shot at The Doctor missed its target and hit her in the back of the head. Hard. "Oops, sorry." Applejack's front hooves turned into large paddles and 'she' got up and made a beeline for Derpy, just as the hanger creature and the mannequin got through. When Derpy came to her senses, she noted that they appeared to have combined. "Time to follow that advice again, mister Doctor!" "What advice?" "Run!" The creature began to raise its arm. Rarity ran out screaming, The Doctor and Derpy close behind. Smash! The doorway behind them was shattered with the force of the blow. "Hello, SweetiesSugarcubesPunyLittleMortals" "AAAAAAARRRRGHH!" The Doctor knocked the creature's head off with one fell swoop. "Oh, now you've done it!" Said the dismembered head. It cackled at them both as the body kept smashing behind. Rarity was hiding upstairs, but she'd bolted the door. It appeared that there was no way out. "The TARDIS!" "The what?" "My time machine" "...Okay... supposing you even have a time machine, how is it gonna stop that thing?" "The assembled hordes of King Sombra couldn't get through that door, and believe me, they've tried!" "Well, what are we waiting for, then? Let's go!" As they rushed into the small blue Police Box, Derpy wondered how in Equestria you could fit a time machine in there. What she saw surprised her very much. Very much indeed. "It-It's... Bigger on the inside!" "Yep." The Doctor was resting against a railing by some sort of hexagonal console, which seemed to be the centrepiece of the room. "Okay... are you an alien?" "Yes. Specifically, a Time Colt from Gallopfrey." The Doctor plugged in the head to some sort of device by the console. "Is that 'Nestene' thing alien?" "Yep" "Are there any more Time Colts out there?" The Doctor looked solemn for a moment, before replying: "Right. Question time is over. World-saving time is starting." "Is that head supposed to be melting, then?" "No, no, no, no, NO!" The Doctor ran to the console, and shook the head before pressing a few buttons. "I can't lose the fix now! Hold on tight, Derpy. This'll be a bumpy ride!"He pulled the big red lever, his slightly maniacal grin flashing in the light. "When you said that it would be bumpy, Doctor, I was not expecting that." "Well, I lost the fix partway, so we only landed nearby." They looked around at where they were. Derpy knew this place very well. It was outside the clock shop."We're looking for something organic, that contains knowledge, that has something with a lens. Do you know a place like that near here?" Derpy found it very hard to suppress a laugh at the Doctor's question. It was so obvious, and he was missing it! She pointed at the Golden Oaks Library, and began laughing in earnest. The Doctor, himself, could only manage an: "...Oh". In the library, however, they couldn't find anything. Well, except for the sound of a very angry Applejack, but even that was muffled. "You lemme go RIGHT NOW, y'hear, you plastic monstrosities? RIGHT NOW!" The Doctor looked surprised. "It's in the basement, Doctor." "Oh, the basement, yes. Right." The Doctor looked around. "Where's the entrance?" "I dunno." Said Derpy. "I just kinda... crash. The last librarian installed pillows down there so I wouldn't get too injured if my eyes went funny while flying to deliver or return a book. There's a weak spot... about where you're standing." The Doctor jumped up and down on a floorboard "What? Where? Wait, oh n-aaaaaaargh!" "Yep, that's it!" Derpy followed The Doctor through the hole, to the basement. The Mannequins already had The Doctor captured, so Derpy hid in the shadows, and took out Applejack's guards. "That antiplastic was just insurance!" The Doctor appeared to be talking to a big blobby thing in the middle. "We WiLl DeStRoY tHiS pLaNeT, dOcToR, aNd YoU cAn'T dO aNyThInG aBoUt It!" Derpy quickly opened Applejack's prison. "I'll never speak to anyone about this. It'd be shameful on my family" "Okay miss Applejack!" Derpy said, and prepared to take out that beast. "Oi! You!" She fastened a rope around her waist. "You know what I've got? No ECPEs, because the examiners were prejudiced, no P-levels, because no school would accept the way I look. But I have got one thing. In all my years of my eyes going funny when flying, I've learned how to safely crash-land. Doctor, get out that antiplastic you mentioned." And with that, she dove, trusting that the rope was actually attached to something. The antiplastic was knocked out of The Doctor's right hoof, straight into the Nestene consciousness. "NoOoOoOoOoO! cUrSe YoU, tImE cOlT!" And with that it died. "Phew! Thanks, Time Turner, thanks Derpy! That was one Bad Timberwolf of a creature!" Applejack smiled, and climbed up the nearby flight of stairs. "So that just leaves one thing." "What?" "If you're an alien, why do you have a Northern accent?" "Lots of planets have a north. Do you want to see some?" "Hmmm... nah. Maybe after the summer sun celebration" "Sure, why not? It is the 1000th, after all!" The Doctor smirked knowingly. A few days later, The Doctor came, and Derpy joined him in the TARDIS. "So, anywhere, anytime. It just has to be... Fantastic!" Author's Note ECPE stands for Equestrian Certificate of Pony Education, the pony equivalent of GCSEs. P-levels are Pegasus-levels, the pegasus equivalent of A-levels. Oh, wait! I'm supposed to do the 'Next Time' down here! 🕑 Come back next week for a new timey-wimey instalment: The End Of Everything, Part 1 🕑 The End Of Everything, Part 1Derpy was having the time of her life. She was in a time machine. A time machine! This was more awesome than any Summer Sun Celebration could ever be! "So, Doctor, where are we going?" "You tell me. Forwards or backwards?" That was her friend, the Doctor. He was a dark grey pony in a black jacket who had a short, brown mane and smiled like a madpony. Oh, and then there were the ears. Huge. That's the only way to describe them. "Forwards." "How much?" "Um... One hundred years." A few seconds of TARDIS travel later, they landed. "Alright. Outside those doors, it's Princess Flurry Heart II's first time participating in the Summer Sun Celebration." "Who's Princess Flurry Heart II? For that matter, who's Princess Flurry Heart I?" "...Right, that hasn't happened to you yet. Further?" "Further. 10,000 years in my future maybe?" "You got it!" A few more seconds of TARDIS travel later, they landed. "Step outside, it's the year 12005, the new Lunar Empire" "...Lunar Empire?" "Right. She was imprisoned in 1005, not 1000." "You think you're so impressive, but you can't remember the year something important happened!" "Right. You asked for it." Grinning like a madpony, he fiddled with some controls. "Hold on!" The Doctor charged out of the TARDIS somewhat grandiosely, declaring: "You ponies, spend so much time thinking about death, you never realise you might live!" Derpy followed him out,and wondered: "So when have we lived to?" "The year 5.5/🍎/26. Recently, the sun has been giving Celestia migraines, so she's gonna..." The doctor paused for effect as the sun turned red "Blow it up! Welcome, Derpy Hooves, to the end of Equestria!" Suddenly, a voice came over the intercom: "Shuttles nine and ten coming in. Shuttles five and six now docking. Visitors are reminded that The Platform forbids the use of weapons, teleportation and magic. Sun-death scheduled at 15:39, followed by drinks in the Manechester suite. Enjoy your visit to the end of Equestria." "So why here, exactly, Doctor?" "This is an obesrvation deck. A planet's burning, the great and the good are going to want to see it!" "Why?" "Fun. And it's not exactly the 'Great and Good'. It's the rich." "Bureaucrats?" "Eeyup." Derpy laughed at the way the Doctor confirmed. "Excuse me, but I don't think you two are supposed to be here." A blue pegasus was standing ahead of them. "And who are you then?" "I am the steward. Could you please show me your tickets?" "Ah, yes, of course." The Doctor pulled out a ticket-sized sheet of paper from a pocket in his jacket. "Here you go: The Doctor plus one, she's my plus one, her name is Derpy." The steward looked closely at the paper. "Well, that seems to be in order. You didn't... teleport in, did you?" He handed back the paper. "No, no. I wouldn't dream of it." The steward left, and at this point Derpy interjected: "Can I see that?" "Oh, yeah. sure." "But it's blank!" "No, it's slightly psychic. It shows you whatever the owner, me in this case, needs you to see." "Presenting... The Moxx of Balhoon! A selection of trees, from the Forest of Cheem! The Face of Boe! The Adherents of the repeated meme!" Steward was reading off the guests as they came in. Then came the time for gifts. The Trees were giving out cutting from their leader's grandfather, the Moxx was replying to gifts in kind, the Adherents were giving out metal balls as 'a gift of peace in all good faith' and the Doctor was giving air from his lungs. "And now... presenting the one, the only, Lady Cassandra O'Brien.delta-17, the last Pegasus, and the last pony!" At this introduction, Derpy quickly hid her wings. "No, no, Derpy, it's okay, she's only the last pure pegasus. Ponykind, you've spread across the stars! The Pegasi just... interbred with the aliens they met. They'll think you're half-Thal or something. By the way, do you have a scroll on you?" "Yes, why?" "This whole gift-giving thing reminded me. Here, I'll sonic it." "What will it do?" "It will allow you to write a letter to anyone, anywhere, anytime." "How do I tell it where to go?" "Just point and think." "Okay. I'm gonna write to my mum." "Do it in a side room, they have more advanced technology now." "Okay. By the way, why Thal?" "They all have yellow manes." When Derpy found a private enough spot to write her letter, another blue pony came out of the vents. "So you work here, then?" Derpy asked. The mare remained silent, and then mumbled: "You have to give us permission to speak, miss." "Oh. Well, permission granted." "Yes, I do work here. There's something wrong with the vents." "Oh, well I hope I wasn't disturbing you." "No, it's okay. Soon have it sorted." "Okay, thanks for the chat. Bye." "Bye, miss." The repair mare heard a scuttling deeper in the vents and chased after it. When she reached it, she saw a metal spider. "Well, hello there. Are there more of you?" In response, dozens more dragged her into the vents, and nobody heard her scream... Author's Note 🕑 Come back next week for a new timey-wimey instalment: The End Of Everything, Part 2 🕑
Derpy Hooves, Part 1It was another normal Friday in Ponyville. At least, it was for the mailpony, Derpy. Sure, everypony else was all excited about the Summer Sun Celebration in a few days' time, but that didn't do anything to her mail route. She had it down to a science. Cover the main street, then drop off something weird at Sugarcube Corner. Swing around down the street which had the old library on it, drop off some kind of package at the clock repair shop. Pick up a clock, deliver it to the owner. Visit Sweet Apple Acres and Carousel Boutique, then finish it off by trying (and failing) to do a cool stunt at Rainbow Dash's cloud house and diving down to Fluttershy's cottage. Derpy's life was simple. Eat, sleep, deliver mail, get mocked for eyes, repeat. Every single Friday. This particular Friday, it appeared that Rarity had won some sort of lottery. Derpy liked Rarity, she never mocked Derpy's eyes, and was always giving gifts to others. When it was time to visit Rarity on her mail route, she came with extra glee, accidentally hitting a flagpole with her wing. For once, it didn't fall down! This also made her smile. She knocked on Rarity's door. Rarity opened it, and almost squealed at the package and the letter attached for the lottery winnings. As she left, Rarity tapped her on the shoulder. "Oh, and Derpy, would you be a dear and see if the mannequins I ordered have come in yet?" "Why of course, miss Rarity, when I've delivered this package to miss Rainbow Dash, and this one to miss Fluttershy. They're nice, like you." And with that, Derpy left. Now what stunt would she try today? She was getting pretty good at the corkscrew, where she'd spin towards the house, drop off the mail and skim the cloud until her wing hit it and she would go down like a metor to Fluttershy's house. Yes, that's what she'd do. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaaahhh-ohnoohnoohnonono-aaaah-" CRASH!! Yep. Always worked. Back at the depot, she saw a huge package come in with Rarity's name on it. She supposed this contained the mannequins she was asking about earlier, and took it upon herself to drag it to Carousel Boutique. On the way, she passed Time Turner, who was waving some kind of glowing-stick-thing around. "Here ya go, miss Rarity! It was just coming in when I got back!" "Thank you! Here, do you want to come see what they can do?" "Sure, miss Rarity!" So they entered the boutique, mannequins in tow. Rarity opened the package, and began assembling them. She explained why she was so excited: "The special thing about these mannequins, dear, is that they are posable, with a come-to-life spell!". Derpy read the label on the exterior: Nestene Plastics, unicorn posable! Odd name, Nestene. Probably just some kind of in-joke with the bosses of the company, or something. Derpy turned around, in time to see Rarity animating it. She posed it in the way that Applejack sometimes stood and smiled. "If it's okay with you, dear, I'm going to go fetch an outfit to put on display on this!" Rarity walked away, happy as could be. Derpy felt something tap her on the shoulder. She turned around, fully expecting to see Rarity. It was the mannequin. Derpy screamed. "Run!" It was Time Turner! What was he doing in the boutique? He never wore anything but that ridiculous black jacket, and it never needed patching. She decided his advice was sound, anyway, and began running. "Time Turner, what's going on?" "They're being remotely controlled!" "Yeah, by miss Rarity." "...Oh. That makes things a bit more complicated. It appears that our friend Rarity is working for the Nestene consciousness." "Hang on, the package for those mannequins said 'Nestene' on it." "I would advise keeping her away from plastic. Something made her 'Come to life' spell permanent. They're using her as transmitter. Oh, and it's The Doctor, not Time Turner." Suddenly, somepony screamed from inside the boutique. "Miss Rarity!" Derpy cried, rushing into the building. "Stay away from the plastic!" The Doctor knew Something was wrong about all this. Using another pony as a transmitter was possible, but they'd need a secondary transmitter to do it. Something organic, something containing knowledge, something which had some sort of lens... something nearby. Well, maybe Derpy would know something like that. He was new to the town, and she wasn't, after all. Maybe she'd even be able to come... no. No more loss meant nopony to lose. Rarity was not okay. She was being attacked by some beast made of coat hangers, and her horn was apparently on the fritz, as the only spell she could cast was the Come To Life spell, and she didn't see how that could help. "Miss Rarity!" A grey blur swooped at the beast, faster than she had ever flown before. She threw the beast, and everything else made of plastic, out of the room, slamming the door. "Seal it, quick!" "I-I can't... I can't cast anything but a Come To Life spell..." Suddenly, out of the shadows came Applejack. Derpy liked her, she accepted people for who they really were. Derpy smiled and waved. She heard a thump and went to go block the door. "Applejack! What were you doing down here?" "SugarcubeRarityHon, I was looking for you!" "Really? Was my scream that loud?" "SugarcubeRarityHon, did you forget about that new line of mannequins you wanted to show me?" "O-oh yes, right. Sorry, but we are in a bit of a predicament." "Message from Celestia." Was that a northern accent? "Not for us, surely." "We seem safe right now, SugarcubeRarityHon" "Message from Celestia!" "Not now! Applejack, your voice sounds funny whenever you say my name." "What are you on about, SugarcubeRarityHon? I'm fine!" The Doctor chucked the envelope at the head of 'Applejack'. It sunk into her 'stetson'. "Oh alright, DoctorTime TurnerWhooves, you got me fair and square!" The letter shot straight back at The Doctor's head. Upon second thought, this was a bad idea... A REALLY bad idea. Author's Note 🕑 Come back next week for a new timey-wimey instalment: Derpy Whooves, Part 2 🕑
Derpy Hooves, Part 2Derpy, of course, had missed the whole exchange between The Doctor and the creature impersonating Applejack. This was because of her very large, hanger-based problem. Said problem was thumping on the door much harder than the door could take, so Derpy was busy fortifying it. So she was definitely not prepared when the envelope that was shot at The Doctor missed its target and hit her in the back of the head. Hard. "Oops, sorry." Applejack's front hooves turned into large paddles and 'she' got up and made a beeline for Derpy, just as the hanger creature and the mannequin got through. When Derpy came to her senses, she noted that they appeared to have combined. "Time to follow that advice again, mister Doctor!" "What advice?" "Run!" The creature began to raise its arm. Rarity ran out screaming, The Doctor and Derpy close behind. Smash! The doorway behind them was shattered with the force of the blow. "Hello, SweetiesSugarcubesPunyLittleMortals" "AAAAAAARRRRGHH!" The Doctor knocked the creature's head off with one fell swoop. "Oh, now you've done it!" Said the dismembered head. It cackled at them both as the body kept smashing behind. Rarity was hiding upstairs, but she'd bolted the door. It appeared that there was no way out. "The TARDIS!" "The what?" "My time machine" "...Okay... supposing you even have a time machine, how is it gonna stop that thing?" "The assembled hordes of King Sombra couldn't get through that door, and believe me, they've tried!" "Well, what are we waiting for, then? Let's go!" As they rushed into the small blue Police Box, Derpy wondered how in Equestria you could fit a time machine in there. What she saw surprised her very much. Very much indeed. "It-It's... Bigger on the inside!" "Yep." The Doctor was resting against a railing by some sort of hexagonal console, which seemed to be the centrepiece of the room. "Okay... are you an alien?" "Yes. Specifically, a Time Colt from Gallopfrey." The Doctor plugged in the head to some sort of device by the console. "Is that 'Nestene' thing alien?" "Yep" "Are there any more Time Colts out there?" The Doctor looked solemn for a moment, before replying: "Right. Question time is over. World-saving time is starting." "Is that head supposed to be melting, then?" "No, no, no, no, NO!" The Doctor ran to the console, and shook the head before pressing a few buttons. "I can't lose the fix now! Hold on tight, Derpy. This'll be a bumpy ride!"He pulled the big red lever, his slightly maniacal grin flashing in the light. "When you said that it would be bumpy, Doctor, I was not expecting that." "Well, I lost the fix partway, so we only landed nearby." They looked around at where they were. Derpy knew this place very well. It was outside the clock shop."We're looking for something organic, that contains knowledge, that has something with a lens. Do you know a place like that near here?" Derpy found it very hard to suppress a laugh at the Doctor's question. It was so obvious, and he was missing it! She pointed at the Golden Oaks Library, and began laughing in earnest. The Doctor, himself, could only manage an: "...Oh". In the library, however, they couldn't find anything. Well, except for the sound of a very angry Applejack, but even that was muffled. "You lemme go RIGHT NOW, y'hear, you plastic monstrosities? RIGHT NOW!" The Doctor looked surprised. "It's in the basement, Doctor." "Oh, the basement, yes. Right." The Doctor looked around. "Where's the entrance?" "I dunno." Said Derpy. "I just kinda... crash. The last librarian installed pillows down there so I wouldn't get too injured if my eyes went funny while flying to deliver or return a book. There's a weak spot... about where you're standing." The Doctor jumped up and down on a floorboard "What? Where? Wait, oh n-aaaaaaargh!" "Yep, that's it!" Derpy followed The Doctor through the hole, to the basement. The Mannequins already had The Doctor captured, so Derpy hid in the shadows, and took out Applejack's guards. "That antiplastic was just insurance!" The Doctor appeared to be talking to a big blobby thing in the middle. "We WiLl DeStRoY tHiS pLaNeT, dOcToR, aNd YoU cAn'T dO aNyThInG aBoUt It!" Derpy quickly opened Applejack's prison. "I'll never speak to anyone about this. It'd be shameful on my family" "Okay miss Applejack!" Derpy said, and prepared to take out that beast. "Oi! You!" She fastened a rope around her waist. "You know what I've got? No ECPEs, because the examiners were prejudiced, no P-levels, because no school would accept the way I look. But I have got one thing. In all my years of my eyes going funny when flying, I've learned how to safely crash-land. Doctor, get out that antiplastic you mentioned." And with that, she dove, trusting that the rope was actually attached to something. The antiplastic was knocked out of The Doctor's right hoof, straight into the Nestene consciousness. "NoOoOoOoOoO! cUrSe YoU, tImE cOlT!" And with that it died. "Phew! Thanks, Time Turner, thanks Derpy! That was one Bad Timberwolf of a creature!" Applejack smiled, and climbed up the nearby flight of stairs. "So that just leaves one thing." "What?" "If you're an alien, why do you have a Northern accent?" "Lots of planets have a north. Do you want to see some?" "Hmmm... nah. Maybe after the summer sun celebration" "Sure, why not? It is the 1000th, after all!" The Doctor smirked knowingly. A few days later, The Doctor came, and Derpy joined him in the TARDIS. "So, anywhere, anytime. It just has to be... Fantastic!" Author's Note ECPE stands for Equestrian Certificate of Pony Education, the pony equivalent of GCSEs. P-levels are Pegasus-levels, the pegasus equivalent of A-levels. Oh, wait! I'm supposed to do the 'Next Time' down here! 🕑 Come back next week for a new timey-wimey instalment: The End Of Everything, Part 1 🕑
The End Of Everything, Part 1Derpy was having the time of her life. She was in a time machine. A time machine! This was more awesome than any Summer Sun Celebration could ever be! "So, Doctor, where are we going?" "You tell me. Forwards or backwards?" That was her friend, the Doctor. He was a dark grey pony in a black jacket who had a short, brown mane and smiled like a madpony. Oh, and then there were the ears. Huge. That's the only way to describe them. "Forwards." "How much?" "Um... One hundred years." A few seconds of TARDIS travel later, they landed. "Alright. Outside those doors, it's Princess Flurry Heart II's first time participating in the Summer Sun Celebration." "Who's Princess Flurry Heart II? For that matter, who's Princess Flurry Heart I?" "...Right, that hasn't happened to you yet. Further?" "Further. 10,000 years in my future maybe?" "You got it!" A few more seconds of TARDIS travel later, they landed. "Step outside, it's the year 12005, the new Lunar Empire" "...Lunar Empire?" "Right. She was imprisoned in 1005, not 1000." "You think you're so impressive, but you can't remember the year something important happened!" "Right. You asked for it." Grinning like a madpony, he fiddled with some controls. "Hold on!" The Doctor charged out of the TARDIS somewhat grandiosely, declaring: "You ponies, spend so much time thinking about death, you never realise you might live!" Derpy followed him out,and wondered: "So when have we lived to?" "The year 5.5/🍎/26. Recently, the sun has been giving Celestia migraines, so she's gonna..." The doctor paused for effect as the sun turned red "Blow it up! Welcome, Derpy Hooves, to the end of Equestria!" Suddenly, a voice came over the intercom: "Shuttles nine and ten coming in. Shuttles five and six now docking. Visitors are reminded that The Platform forbids the use of weapons, teleportation and magic. Sun-death scheduled at 15:39, followed by drinks in the Manechester suite. Enjoy your visit to the end of Equestria." "So why here, exactly, Doctor?" "This is an obesrvation deck. A planet's burning, the great and the good are going to want to see it!" "Why?" "Fun. And it's not exactly the 'Great and Good'. It's the rich." "Bureaucrats?" "Eeyup." Derpy laughed at the way the Doctor confirmed. "Excuse me, but I don't think you two are supposed to be here." A blue pegasus was standing ahead of them. "And who are you then?" "I am the steward. Could you please show me your tickets?" "Ah, yes, of course." The Doctor pulled out a ticket-sized sheet of paper from a pocket in his jacket. "Here you go: The Doctor plus one, she's my plus one, her name is Derpy." The steward looked closely at the paper. "Well, that seems to be in order. You didn't... teleport in, did you?" He handed back the paper. "No, no. I wouldn't dream of it." The steward left, and at this point Derpy interjected: "Can I see that?" "Oh, yeah. sure." "But it's blank!" "No, it's slightly psychic. It shows you whatever the owner, me in this case, needs you to see." "Presenting... The Moxx of Balhoon! A selection of trees, from the Forest of Cheem! The Face of Boe! The Adherents of the repeated meme!" Steward was reading off the guests as they came in. Then came the time for gifts. The Trees were giving out cutting from their leader's grandfather, the Moxx was replying to gifts in kind, the Adherents were giving out metal balls as 'a gift of peace in all good faith' and the Doctor was giving air from his lungs. "And now... presenting the one, the only, Lady Cassandra O'Brien.delta-17, the last Pegasus, and the last pony!" At this introduction, Derpy quickly hid her wings. "No, no, Derpy, it's okay, she's only the last pure pegasus. Ponykind, you've spread across the stars! The Pegasi just... interbred with the aliens they met. They'll think you're half-Thal or something. By the way, do you have a scroll on you?" "Yes, why?" "This whole gift-giving thing reminded me. Here, I'll sonic it." "What will it do?" "It will allow you to write a letter to anyone, anywhere, anytime." "How do I tell it where to go?" "Just point and think." "Okay. I'm gonna write to my mum." "Do it in a side room, they have more advanced technology now." "Okay. By the way, why Thal?" "They all have yellow manes." When Derpy found a private enough spot to write her letter, another blue pony came out of the vents. "So you work here, then?" Derpy asked. The mare remained silent, and then mumbled: "You have to give us permission to speak, miss." "Oh. Well, permission granted." "Yes, I do work here. There's something wrong with the vents." "Oh, well I hope I wasn't disturbing you." "No, it's okay. Soon have it sorted." "Okay, thanks for the chat. Bye." "Bye, miss." The repair mare heard a scuttling deeper in the vents and chased after it. When she reached it, she saw a metal spider. "Well, hello there. Are there more of you?" In response, dozens more dragged her into the vents, and nobody heard her scream... Author's Note 🕑 Come back next week for a new timey-wimey instalment: The End Of Everything, Part 2 🕑
