The Rude Gesture: An Equestrian History

by SoundOfImpact

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4052

Twilight Sparkle and the history of Equestrian gestures.

Twilight Sparkle saw many things in the human world. Twilight Sparkle brought some of them back. Whether what she decided to bring back was particularly useful or fitting of a Princess is another matter, but it seemed to have struck a chord with Equestria en masse.

A short, unplanned story written in a couple of hours. It is what it is.
Inspired by Shellac Of North America.

Published 2018-07-23 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-23 00:20:02 UTC

The Mare Who Invented Fire

The Mare Who Invented Fire

"Invent a fire, keep it under my hat, a lot of people out there, could use a thing like that"

Twilight Sparkle had seen, heard and used many things in the human world. Many incredible things that would have been beyond even the realms of imagination had she not seen them with her own two eyes. Cars, a means of personal transportation utilising burning fuels in an internal combustion engine, capable of incredible speed. Phones, allowing instantaneous communication with anypon- anyone, anywhere. The internet, an unfathomable source of all information ever collected, that she couldn't even begin to explain if she tried, available to anyone from an enormous range of devices and means.

She'd hidden it as best as she could, as she didn't know what the consequences would be, but the brief visits she'd had to the human world had left her so interested, so fascinated by a culture that was so alien, yet also parallel to her own, one that was so impacted by it's own inventions, she'd found herself going back. For science.

These were solo journeys, separate from her friends on both sides of the mirror. As much as she adored them, she couldn't be dealing with bringing her pony friends along on something she was trying to keep a secret, let alone waiting for them to get adjusted to a totally different body. Similarly, the purpose of her visits was to learn more about the world as a whole, and bringing a load of magical high school girls along with her in a world that was supposed to be devoid of magic would not only be conspicuous, but also not representative of the general population. Distraction also factored in.

She'd make up excuses to disappear for a few days. She'd be going further afield in every visit, trying to get a real scope of the scale of this strange new society. The culture, the populace, the land, everything. It was all new, and it was all undocumented by Equestria. She could not let that stand.

It started out simple enough, field trips and research into things that Equestria didn't have, but that might be useful. Things like cellular phones and computers. But it quickly grew beyond that, delving into where things diverged from Equestria on a whole other level. Cuisine, entertainment, occupations, how the difference in biology and the lack of magic impacted everyday life for humans, even going into the ergonomics and anthropology of designs for everyday items. Learning more about the science of this universe and how the world functioned without magic on every level.

Eventually, with nobody (or pony) to rein her in, and now in full obsession mode, she began to focus on the people themselves. Observing them, finding out what made them tick. In hindsight, it was probably more than a bit creepy, the Princess of Magic sat for hours on end, in coffee shop windows, in parks, on benches, sometimes even hidden in bushes, watching, absorbing, and even documenting the people who walked past. What they looked like, what they talked about, what they did. What made them them, and how was it different from what made an Equestrian.

Her trips became more frequent, and her notes became heftier with every trip. She began to get more bold with her research, not that it ever really worked out for her. She was not a good actor, and it apparently was very easy for people to tell when she was eavesdropping on them, and as it turned out, much like ponies, humans didn't much care for being spied on by a stranger.

In all her observation there was one thing she did see come up all the time. Hand gestures. It was almost as if the human hand gesture was tied into the very language they were speaking. It was something Equestrians didn't do as much, as a gesture was much easier to do when you weren't using an appendage to stay upright, and if you had digits to express with. A hoof was a hoof was a hoof. A hand could do many things. She noticed that many people even used hand gestures when the conversation partner wouldn't even be able to see them, such as when a person was talking on the phone.

Some were good, some were bad. All were noted and researched in one way or another. Some were directed at her, when a subject happened to notice her observation. She only began react one way or another once she found out what any of them meant.

Many seemed to crop up a lot. A wave was simple and familiar. A point was different, but still recognisable. A click was totally foreign. Those were all benign, pedestrian, everyday expressions for a person.

There had been times, one or two, when she had been noticed and confronted about her peeping. There she had discovered another gesture. The middle finger, it seemed, was most rude. Once she'd seen it, she noticed it cropping up more often. Aimed at a car not slowing down for someone crossing the road. In an argument between people. As a joke between friends. Like the click, Equestria had no equivalent, as the ponies lacked digits of any kind.

She wondered if Griffons had a similar gesture. Was a pegasus wing flexible enough to do something similar? It was a very interesting thing to think about. The human hand gesture had captured her imagination, and she took great pleasure in dissecting and learning the history and meaning of each one she saw.

The longer she was there, the more she tried to use them, to varying degrees of success. To fit in more, if nothing else.

Hands were incredible.

After a while, Twilight had wound down her exploration of the human world. She was running out of excuses for her disappearances, and it was becoming increasingly hard to hide what she'd been doing from everypony (and everyone). Still, she was satisfied with all her research on the human world, and was very sure it would come in useful one day.

She'd played around with trying to replicate some of the technology she'd seen to varying degrees of success. All of it would need work, but it proved a fun project for the time being.

Much of that fell by the wayside as she continued her duty as a Princess, and adventures with her friends. She would come back to it every now and then when she had the time, but time was a becoming a rare commodity for Princess Twilight Sparkle. As such, most of her otherworldly study and research was shelved in the back of her mind. Never forgotten, but put away for another time.

Things carried on as normal for quite a while. That was until one particular visit to Canterlot.

Twilight had, as she often did, visited Canterlot on royal business. It was a very common occurrence for her as a Princess. She was to meet with Celestia and Luna at the castle, more of a friendly visit than anything, but there would surely be official matters to take care of too.

She'd happen to arrive at the castle on the tail end of Celestia's court. Rather than interrupt, and since Luna would be joining them later, she simply decided to wait outside the door for her mentor-come-friend to finish up. She nodded in greeting to the guards and took a seat outside the large doors of the throne room. She was feeling particularly tired after pulling an all nighter, eager to have a proper rest, and thankful that all she'd have to deal with today would be a chat with friends, her patience had worn thin having spent the whole night and morning trying to get an experimental spell right. It had taken a lot of work, but she'd gotten there in the end. Well, most of the way there.

Castle staff and petitioning nobles lined the corridor, the quiet murmur of conversation echoed off the walls. Every now and then the high-society ponies would glance at her, looking away before they thought she'd notice them.

Soon enough, one of the large doors opened, and out trotted a bitter looking, though fancifully dressed unicorn stallion, muttering to himself about something or other. She watched him walk, and he looked up and spotted her sat by the door. A greasy smile formed on his face, and he changed course, heading right for her.

"Your highness!" He said, performing a very over the top bow.

"Please, just Twilight is fine." She replied.

"Oh, of course, your majesty!" He replied, with no hint of irony. Twilight bore a deadpan look at him, but he didn't seem to notice. "I am Gold Sheen, owner of Golden Opportunity Inc., I'm sure you've heard of us, haha!"

He laughed a hollow laugh. She didn't. He continued, unabated and unphased, seeming to not even notice the unimpressed alicorn sat in front of him.

"Anyway, your excellency-"

"Just Twilight, Please." She interrupted.

"I have a proposition to present that I'm sure a mare of your stature would find most agreeable!" He continued, retrieving a small stack of papers from his impractically tiny and ornate saddlebags, hoofing them to her. "It's a sound proposal, and just needs the backing of a higher up, such as yourself!"

Twilight quickly read through the papers, visibly becoming more unimpressed the more she read, finally glancing up at the smarmy stallion, who was wearing a too-big grin on his face.

"Princess Celestia said 'no' and now you're just asking me because I'm here, aren't you?" She questioned, staring straight through him with a raised eyebrow.

"N-no, that's not true at all, your regency!" He returned, a nervous crack forming in his confident appearance.

"It's just Twilight." She said flatly. "This proposal is to re-allocate a large amount of farmland in the Ponyville area to your company for use in your own private harvesting venture to sell rare vegetables into Canterlot, correct?"

"That's absolutely correct, your eminienc- Princess Twilight! This proposal will invigorate the market here while generating absolutely none of the hassle of re-arranging local land!" He exclaimed proudly.

"No, it will simply shift that hassle over to Ponyville, and reduce the net growth of food there. Ponyville. Where I live." She retorted.

"Erm, yes, well, that may be so, but there is more than enough land around the area, and the economical benefits far outweigh the downsides!"

"Your proposal seems to only benefit your own family's bank account, Mr. Sheen. I can assure you I thoroughly read the whole thing, and you can't hide behind the colorful, flashy words you've written." She rose to her hooves, her thin patience wearing through. "And quite frankly, I'm insulted that not only did you think I wouldn't notice what exactly it was you were planning, but also that you think I'd sign off on handing over the land of hard working townsfolk, local providers, my friends, so that you can expand your vanity venture."

"U-um, y-you see-"

"Not only that!" She continued, cutting him off mid-sentence, pointing and prodding at him. "But the whole time you are talking to me, you failed to even listen to a word I said until I started getting exasperated at your behaviour!"

"Uh- Um-" Gold Sheen was nervously sweating, eyes darting from side to side. He didn't know what to do.

"I'm tired, and you've tried my patience, Mr. Sheen. You've been rather rude with me, so I'll return the favour." She raised a hoof, pointing it upwards. "Buck off."

It took a few seconds for her to realise what she'd done. Had she really just tried to raise a middle finger at a noble, while not having fingers? She must have been tired.

She also suddenly realised the implications. She'd just told a noble to buck off. Her. A Princess. Her eyes widened. This was not good. Everypony was staring at her, and Gold Sheen was left standing there, apparently in shock.

"Um..." She started.

Gold Sheen snapped out of his stupor, grabbed his papers, and galloped away. All the ponies in the corridor began to whisper to each other, even the castle staff didn't know what to make of what had just happened. Worst of all, she only now noticed that when Gold Sheen had left the throne room, he hadn't closed the door behind him. Princess Celestia had seen the whole thing.

Twilight began to panic, turning around to face her mentor, only to find her sat, quietly laughing to herself. She almost teleported away out of embarrassment, but managed to hold steady.

"My my, that was most unexpected! It seems that now would be a good time to call an end to this court session." She said, getting up.

The nobles in line began to leave, all the while still murmuring, still glancing at the purple Princess. Celestia made her way to the door, the guards saluting her as she crossed the threshold, and trotted past Twilight with a worrying smile on her face.

"I think we should have a talk about public behaviour, Twilight. And I'm sure Luna would love to hear about this as well." She spoke, playfully. Twilight didn't like that tone of voice.

'What have I done?'

Rambler

Rambler

"I got a rambler in my yard, she's a winner"

Word spread quickly around Canterlot about the Princess's outburst. In a city where gossip is king, nothing stayed confidential for long, especially not a public display like that.

Twilight, for her part, was mortified. Celestia had seen the funny side of it, and Luna apparently only saw the funny side of it, but it was no way for a princess to behave! It was true that everypony had bad moods and bad days, but she just couldn't allow herself to act up like that. She was a leader, she was meant to keep a cool head. And to make matters worse, everypony in Canterlot knew about it. She couldn't even try and hide it. She would never, ever hear the end of it from Luna, from Shiny, from anyone she knew!

While Celestia did find the whole thing very amusing, she did also have some choice words afterwards about Twilight's behavior. It never felt good to be scolded by your teacher, let alone a friend. But it was a valid point: she was going to have to have better control over her emotions if she was to be a Princess. She knew this, but it was easier said than done.

Once something gets around Canterlot, it would only be a matter of time before it spread all across Equestria. And indeed, as travellers came and went, chat and gossip was exchanged, and the story of Twilight's fury was soon on it's way to all reaches of the land. It would be all too soon before her friends found out. Another group she'd no doubt never hear the end of it from.

Rarity would be horrified. What would her parents think?

As the days turned to weeks, it was common knowledge in all reaches of Equestria, the Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess Of Friendship, The Element Of Magic, well and truly verbally tearing a slimy noble a new behind. It was newsworthy too, apparently, with several printers having a field day with the event.

Twilight could only cringe.

However, something unexpected happened too. The nobles who were there watching the whole thing unfold, and the castle staff who'd been on duty at the time, as they told the story, they all made note of the strange hoof gesture that accompanied the Princess's words.

Canterlot being as Canterlot is, everypony wanted to be like the royals. And for many who heard the story, this became the new thing. If this insult was good enough for royalty, then it would surely be good enough for them. And, to Twilight's horror, it actually became vogue. Over the following weeks and months, the gesture became associated with the 'buck you' that accompanied it, and it became the go-to insult for the creme of Canterlot. And of course, that meant it was no time at all before that extended to all of Equestria.

Twilight was aghast to see a model striking a pose, making the gesture on the cover of a fashion magazine. A very popular fashion magazine. It was then that she knew there was no chance that anypony out there hadn't heard about her outburst, and the best she could hope for was to wait for it to go away.

She couldn't even escape it at home. Rarity was, as expected, horrified, but at the same time and since it was the 'in thing' she simply had to make use of the gesture herself. It was no better away from the boutique, Applejack and Rainbow Dash regularly exchanged gestures in competition. In a joking way, of course, but it still wound Twilight up.

Starlight, Trixie, Cheerilee, Lyra, everypony had heard. Thanks to traders, travellers and ramblers visiting Canterlot and moving on in every which way, all of Equestria knew about Twilight's rude gesture.

The gesture, a simple upwards hoof, had become attached to the phrase 'buck you', and everypony knew what it meant. And everypony used it. Twilight had not counted on the memetic potential of her actions, not even after the fact. All she could do now was wait for the whole thing to blow over. That, and desperately try and avoid the teasing of her friends and family.

Billiard Player

Billiard Player

"He cursed like a billiard player, his walking stick upon the ground, and she would ask him, she was young and she didn't know"

Princess Twilight Sparkle was an avid billiards player. It was a game she'd picked up playing in the human world. Visiting Sunset Shimmer for her 22nd birthday (in human years), she'd visited a bar with her friends, one which happened to have all manners of cue games. She tried it out, and even though none of them had played the game before, she liked the skill and physics involved, and they'd all had a good night. That was a long, long time ago now, but the game had stuck with her, Carom Billiards being her particular game of choice. Celestia had her chess (which Twilight still enjoyed), and Twilight had her billiards, another thing she'd devoted a great deal of time and energy to.

It was a brilliantly simple game. There were two cue balls, one for each player, and a red ball. The object of the game was to shoot one's cue ball in a way where it makes contact with both of the other balls. If she was feeling particularly devilish, she'd play a game of three-cushion billiards, where the cue ball must hit three of the table cushions before reaching the other balls. It was a very difficult game, and she seldom had a chance to play it with many other ponies, as most considered it a very, very dull game. Twilight preferred the term 'nuanced'.

Princess Twilight Sparkle was known to be an avid billiards player, having popularised the game many decades ago. Long enough ago for the game to have fallen out of fashion. This didn't bother Twilight, she was happy just as long as long as she had somepony to play against.

Princess Twilight Sparkle was known for being many things. The Princess Of Friendship, former Element Of Magic, hero of Equestria, principal of the School Of Friendship. And yes, billiards player. However, it did irk her to no end that, even more so than being a very high level billiards player, she was known for, and credited with creating that gesture. It didn't really have a proper name. It was sometimes known as 'the hoof', 'the buck', and (much to Twilight's chagrin) 'the Sparkle'. Indeed, it seemed that even after all this time, she couldn't escape it. It had become permanently ingrained in Equestrian culture.

She supposed it was ironic that her exercise in exploring another culture had such and impact on her own. It was even somewhat amusing that even without fingers, the gesture carried the same message as in the human world.

But it was annoying that it still overshadowed things she was more proud of. 'The gesture' had been around long enough now that the ponies who had seen Twilight's outburst first hoof were all now long gone, but still the gesture endured. Perhaps it was the combination of the simplicity and the intent that kept it in the public consciousness. Either way, it was now a part of the Equestrian language, much in the same way the middle finger was part of the human's language.

Twilight sat in her den room in the Castle of Friendship, gazing out the window. She'd grown so much since that day, seen and done incredible things, performed amazing feats, and indeed been a co-ruler of the nation. And yet, collectively, Equestria still remembered her as the Princess who invented a silent swear.

She smiled a small smile. Thinking about it now, was this not exactly what she was attempting to do in the first place? To take an idea from the human world and introduce it to Equestria. She quietly chuckled, if she thought about it that way then she'd achieved her initial goal in spades. It might not have been the greatest or most important idea to introduce (Twilight still stood by her belief that billiards was the best thing she'd introduced), but it was one that had withstood the test of time, that had overcome social divides, and was understood by all residents of Equestria.

It was interesting, to say the least.

There was a knock at the door. It was one she was expecting. Six o'clock on a Friday evening.

"Come in." She called, turning to face the door.

A pegasus walked into the room. A mare with a sonic blue coat with a three-tone blue/green mane, carrying a long, slender black case under a wing. Cloudy Clamour, Rainbow Dash's great granddaughter. She closed the door behind her and walked over to a cabinet on the far end of the room, helping herself to the fine alcohols Twilight kept there.

"Well, make yourself at home why don't you?" Twilight chastised lightheartedly.

"You know it, T. I'll need something to drink while I'm wiping the floor with you, I've got to get you back after the last game!" She replied, cockily grinning at the Princess.

Cloudy hadn't inherited her great grandmother's speed, but she had her competitive nature almost tenfold. Twilight rolled her eyes at her friend's words.

Twilight had made a great effort to keep in contact with all of her friend's descendants, and befriend them in turn. She liked to keep close with the families, as they meant a lot to her. Cloudy however, was a particularly good friend, as she was the only pony Twilight knew who took billiards as seriously as herself. Rather than sports, Cloudy was much more of a games mare, something that in Twilight's book was a very good quality to have. And of course, that competitiveness meant that she was always in for a good game.

Cloudy trotted back over to Twilight, carrying a small glass on each wing. Whisky, on the rocks, something of a tradition on their games nights. Twilight took a sip from her own drink as Cloudy set her glass down on the side of the billiards table, before trotting back over to where she had left her case.

She undid the latches, opened the case, and began to assemble her cue. It was a beautifully crafted thing, built from the finest woods by one of Applebloom's descendants. Twilight similarly had her own cue, built to incredible standards with the most ornate materials. It was a work of art. A functional one, but art nonetheless.

"Alright then, hotshot." Twilight spoke, setting the balls up on the billiards table. "I'm feeling like playing a three-cushion game, I hope you're ready to get decimated again!"

Cloudy simply looked Twilight in the eyes, and raised her hoof. The rude gesture.

Twilight sighed.

They both laughed.