The Pinkest Party

by Waxworks

Rating: teen
Tags: Mrs. Cake, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Main 6, Horror, Pinkie Pie, Mr. Cake
Length: 9067

In a moment of existential confusion, Pinkie wants her friends to come hold a party with her. They can't make it. When she reschedules and they still fail her, Pinkie confronts them one by one.

When Pinkie Pie isn't invited to prepare a party for somepony, she experiences a moment of existential fear. To cope, she invites her friends over for a party. Unfortunately, they're all busy that night, and ask her to reschedule. She does, hoping that will give them time to come give her party the attention it deserves.

Come the day of the party, Pinkie finds that her friends, contrary to her instructions and common party etiquette, have committed faux pas after faux pas, culminating in Rainbow Dash being late! She decides enough is enough, and confronts them all one by one about their manners and behaviour.

Published 2018-07-22 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-22 21:50:01 UTC

Instigation

It was time for tea. Yes it was.

A sweet, saccharine break from the troubling rush of the day. A time when Fluttershy could stop and think about the hurrying, scurrying ponies that went to and fro about their constant, stressful work, and she could just spend time with somepony else who shared her love of calm introspection.

Pinkie Pie threw open the door without knocking. “Fluttershy! Have you heard?” She shouted, rushing over and skidding to a stop next to Fluttershy’s table. Fluttershy winced.

“I… don’t think so. What should I have heard?”

Pinkie leaned in and whispered as loud as she could. “Somepony is planning a surprise party… without me!”

“Oh… is it for you?”

Pinkie shook her head violently. “No! It’s for somepony else! I haven’t figured out who, but it’s going to be held tonight! At Sugarcube Corner!”

“Is that how you heard about it?”

“Yes!” she shouted. “They hired the Cakes to make all the sweets, and I heard about it, and I don’t know what they tried to keep secret, but I found out, and now I want to know who’s doing what, where the decorations are coming from, and most of all, who it’s for!” She paced in quick, small circles, yelling and fussing and whipping her wild mane around as she ranted.

“Not knowing a party must be weird for you.”

“It’s crazy! I’m Ponyville’s premier party pony. The popular pick for ponies picky about parties! I’m prestigious! Prepared! Politic! I’m perfect!” she screeched. “…when it comes to parties,” she amended.

“I don’t think they didn’t choose you as an insult, they might just want something small,” Fluttershy said.

“But they deserve something big! Everypony does! I need to find out more.”

“I don’t think that’s—” Fluttershy began, but Pinkie was already gone out the door, leaving her alone in her cottage with her tea.

Pinkie hunted about town for something that would tell her more about the ponies that were having the party. There wasn’t much to be found. The Cakes had their names, but no guest list. She hunted down the names and found a small cottage on the outskirts of town, and she barged in. She insisted she could make their party better, free of charge. They weren’t having it, unfortunately. They got mad, they yelled at her for barging in, and she was sent away without being allowed to explain herself further.

She went back. She slipped in windows, came down the chimney, appeared in their kitchen drawers when they went looking for cutlery, but the answer was always the same: “We just want a small party for the family.” Eventually, Pinkie had to admit defeat, and left a gift on the table.

She hoped they liked cupcakes with buttercream frosting.

The day of the party came and went. Pinkie was not invited. Neither was anypony else (she checked). They had their little event, and they got a nice cake. Pinkie even tried to deliver it herself, but they asked the Cakes to bring it themselves to avoid having too big of a bash. Pinkie was thwarted at every turn. When their party ended, and the family went to sleep, Pinkie was in a bush across the street, staring at the windows.

“How could they have such a tiny little party without any decorations? All they did was eat a cake! That’s not a party! Why would anypony call something a party that wasn’t a party? Do I have to tell them what a real party is?” She put a hoof to her chin and looked up at the sky. “Do I know what a real party is?”

She went home. The confusion brought upon her by the strange events of this odd party had brought into question her own beliefs when it came to parties. Was she wrong, or was it them? She wasn’t positive, and that scared her.

She checked a dictionary: Party: A social gathering of invited guests, typically involving eating, drinking, and entertainment. It sounded right. That was how she treated it, sending out invitations, bringing ponies together, having a good time. That was all correct. The three “I’s” of parties: Invite, ingest, instigate (fun).

She wasn’t wrong. They just didn’t follow the rules, so it wasn’t a party. Not really. Pinkie let herself flop onto her bed in relief. She relaxed and stared at the ceiling for a minute. All that worrying and fussing over a non-party, and she was a little frazzled. She needed something to take her mind off the non-party.

A party sounded good.

Pinkie rolled off her bed and hopped to her hooves. She jumped down her trap door into her party-planning room and pulled together some stationery for invitations. She scrawled out in quick crayon writing a brief introduction and invitation for everypony she wanted to come. For a calm-me-down party, her closest friends sounded like good choices, so she wrote an invite to the other elements of harmony (not Spike or Starlight, they weren’t invited), and put them in a bag. She put on her best party-invite hat and pranced out of Sugarcube Corner. She was feeling a lot better about herself and the situation. That hadn’t been a party, and it was nothing to fuss about. She knew was parties were, and that wasn’t one of them. That was right. Very right.

She first visited Rarity. Rarity was the closest, and the first stop on her trip around Ponyville until she had to go to the outskirts where Fluttershy, Applejack, and Twilight lived. Getting Rainbow Dash she’d need her helicycle. She would be last.

She pushed open the door to the boutique and stepped inside. Rarity was hard at work cleaning up the hem of a dress that Pinkie thought looked too stuffy to allow for much freedom of movement. She bounded up and put the invitation on the ponnequin’s croup.

“Hi, Rarity! I’m having a proper party to reassure myself that what that one family had wasn’t a party and was just a celebration. There’s a difference, you know. Anyway, to make myself feel better that they didn’t allow me to hold them a party, I’m holding an actual party at my place to help calm me down. You’ll come, won’t you?”

Rarity carefully finished what she was doing, ignoring Pinkie Pie messing with the dress. Pinkie stood there staring and waiting until Rarity stood up, tied off her work, and picked up the envelope. She pulled it open and read the inside, then frowned. “Oh, tomorrow? I don’t think I can come, darling. I have a previous engagement, and you know I’ve told you to give me advance notice of these things.”

Pinkie’s face fell. “But I need you there! It’s to make me feel better! I was so confused and scared!”

“I know, darling, but I just can’t make it. It’s too soon with not enough notice. You’ll just have to get the others to come. I really am sorry.”

Pinkie lowered her head. “Awwww, that’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

Rarity gave her a quick hug. “We can make time for tea and cakes the day after, okay?”

“Okay.”

Pinkie left the boutique and made her bouncing way to Fluttershy’s cottage. If Rarity couldn’t come, Fluttershy surely could. She never did anything except take care of all those animals. Surely she’d have time.

“Oh, I promised Harry I would help him trim his fur tomorrow night. I would love to come, and I’ll see if I can reschedule, but Angel’s made me put it off for a few days now, and I can’t keep doing it. Could you reschedule your party, maybe? You said Rarity couldn’t come either, right?”

Pinkie left without a second guest at her party. Her smile was a little more subdued, but she bounded down to Sweet Apple Acres with hope still in her heart.

“Sorry, Sugarcube, ah let Big Mac go off to visit Sugar Belle in exchange for him doing my part of the orchard today, and ah’d do his tomorrow. If ah finish in time ah can come, but ah can’t promise you anythin’. Can you reschedule, maybe? Ah’d be able to guarantee time off in a couple days more.”

“That’s what everypony else keeps asking!” Pinkie protested.

“Then maybe you should. It’d give us all more time to prepare.”

“Nnnnnnngh!” Pinkie left the invitation with Applejack and stormed off toward Twilight’s castle. The fact that none of them were willing to come was beginning to get to her. She needed it soon, and she gave them a whole day to get ready. Why weren’t they willing to come? A whole day was more than enough time.

She knocked on the giant double doors to Twilight’s castle and waited for Spike to come answer. She’d have to tell Twilight Spike wasn’t allowed to come, but that was okay. It was Starlight that was going to be the problem.

The doors opened and Spike’s face appeared. “Hello, Pinkie! What’s up?”

“Is Twilight in?” Pinkie asked, waving the invitation impatiently.

“Yeah, she’s at the Cutie Map.”

“Great!” Pinkie didn’t wait for a response. She stepped over him and bounded down the hallway to the Map room. Twilight was there looking over the extended sections of the map, head down at the edge of the table.

“Twilight!” Pinkie yelled. Twilight jumped.

“Pinkie Pie! What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to deliver you an invitation to a super-special make-Pinkie-feel-better-about-not-parties party!”

“A what?”

“It’s a party to make up for one that ordered a cake for a party that wasn’t a party.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“It’s tomorrow!”

“Tomorrow night?”

“Yes!”

“I don’t know if I can come tomorrow night. I have to help fix the gymnasium after some of the yak students got a little rowdy with it. The workers are coming tomorrow after school, and I need to be there.”

Pinkie’s mane wilted. This would only leave Rainbow Dash, and now that she was part of the Wonderbolts, Pinkie’s mind was filled with thoughts of “practice”, that Rainbow Dash would have to be doing all day.

“Oh…I guess so.”

“Can you reschedule it?”

Pinkie’s eye twitched. She looked at Twilight, seeing her, but gazing through her at nothing. Her eyes focused on the wall behind Twilight.

“Pinkie?”

“Yes. Yes I can. I should visit Rainbow Dash and ask here when might be a good time to come for the party. That way, everypony will be on the same page, and there will be no miscommunication, and everypony will be at my party.”

Twilight tilted her head. “That’s… good, but are you okay?”

“Yes, Twilight. I am fine.” Pinkie turned away and marched out of the castle.

Pinkie didn’t even bother pulling out her helicycle to visit Rainbow Dash. Everypony else had already turned her down, so she wasn’t going to hold a party for Rainbow alone. Those were birthday parties. Everypony had one of those, and even they involved more ponies attending than her current party was shaping up to have. She stormed home, stormed up the stairs, stormed over to her bed, and slammed her face into the blankets. Gummy blinked at her.

“No, Gummy. It did not go well. Everypony’s busy,” she said.

Gummy blinked again.

“They all wanted me to reschedule.”

Gummy blinked his left eye, then the right.

“Yes, I guess I can, but I still hate it. A day’s enough time, right?”

Gummy didn’t blink.

“No? You think so, too?” She lifted her head from the blankets and looked at him. “Really? But why? I think that should have been enough, and then they can just come when they’re done work. I mean, it’s not like they don’t finish work when it gets dark, and then they could have come over.”

Gummy blinked twice quickly.

“Hmmm, I see your point. So I should make it a better party?”

Gummy stared at her. Pinkie smiled.

“The best party?”

Gummy stared harder.

“A party so good they’ll stay until it’s done?” Pinkie shouted excitedly.

Gummy blinked slowly. Pinkie was vibrating with excitement.

“That’s a great idea, Gummy! A party so good they’ll arrive at the beginning, and stay until I decide it ends! With enough time to get ready for it, they’re sure to stay! A lot of advance notice! You’re a genius, Gummy!” She dashed over and hugged him tight. He just blinked. Pinkie pranced around the room, then disappeared down into the Party Cave. Gummy was left alone.

Invitation

Pinkie’s friends all received a letter in the mail the following days. It was an invitation, telling them she would be holding a party in a month (that was a safe amount of advance notice, right?). It described a party that would be the most sensational thing they had even done. It was going to the most super-great-amazo-party-time-blast-fun-party EVER! And all they had to do was show up at 4:00pm and stay until midnight (four would give everypony time to wake up and be properly rested so they could have fun until it was over).

Pinkie got an RSVP from everypony in a few days. Every single one of them would surely be able to show up for the party and nothing would stop them because she gave them so much advance notice. That wasn’t their words, of course, but they all agreed to come. Her rescheduling of the party-to-make-Pinkie-feel-better was a success! Now she just had to prepare.

Pinkie went out and bought all the supplies, all the decorations, prepared them all, made her room clean enough to party in, safe enough to dance in, and roomy enough to house everypony. She even put up a fancy curtain at the door so it would appear like there wasn’t anywhere to leave by when they were inside. It was going to be great!

But she finished all that in a single day. Now she had to wait thirty more for the party time to actually arrive. She sat down on the edge of her bed and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

She went downstairs to help Mr. and Mrs. Cake with Sugarcube corner (it was her job, after all). But it didn’t make her feel any better. She was still frustrated and annoyed on the inside. She never got to fix that disheartening feeling that somepony didn’t need her for their party. She sniffled.

While she worked, she tried to think about other things. She debated the meaning of parties, and the function of parties. Parties were there to make ponies feel better. There wasn’t much use to them besides that. They were a distraction. She knew that’s what they were for, but she still wanted to feel useful. Surely a pony that didn’t want much for their birthday party could use a good amount of distraction. There wasn’t any need for them to fuss over such terrible things as life and their problems. A distraction was good every now and then. Pinkie was good at distractions.

But if you’re the only pony there, you can’t distract yourself without some outside force, can you?

Pinkie’s month went by very slowly.

When the big day arrived, Pinkie was prepared to show her friends the time of their lives. It would be the best distraction they had ever encountered, and after a month with no parties, everypony could really use it, she was sure. Applejack had spent it working on the farm. Twilight had spent it working on her princess duties. Rarity was always working, so she would surely need some distraction. Rainbow had Wonderbolt duty (Pinkie had picked a day that wasn’t going to conflict with any performances), and Fluttershy was always helping her animals, so there was surely something everypony could enjoy. It was gonna be GREAT!

The first to arrive was Twilight. She arrived with Spike on her back. Pinkie almost frowned. Had she forgotten to include on the invitation that Spike was not invited? Even with his wings he was still too young to party all night.

“Hello, Pinkie! Nice afternoon, isn’t it?”

Pinkie smiled a wide, perpetual smile. She spoke through clenched, grinning teeth. “Yes, Twilight. It is a wonderful afternoon. Please, come in and have a good time. Everypony else will be here soon.”

“Thanks, Pinkie! It’ll be great!” Spike said. Pinkie didn’t respond to him.

The next to arrive was Applejack. Ever-punctual Applejack. She wandered up, carrying a bushel of apples. She stepped inside, tracking dirt onto the nice clean floor. She dropped the apples and wiped her brow with a hoof. “Phew! Finished work just in time. I hope you can use some apples.”

“Applejack! So good to see you! And yes, I can always use more apples. I’ll add them to the cellar. Please, come in and have fun.”

Fluttershy wandered in soon after, thankfully without bringing Angel with her. Pinkie was certain she’s included the rules in the invitation now, and Twilight had just decided to ignore it. Pinkie welcomed Fluttershy, who headed straight for the refreshments and got a glass of punch.

Rarity arrived after her, dressed to impress, even though it was just their small group of friends. She sauntered inside and stood regally next to Applejack, who was fanning herself with her hat. They began to chat about whatever they found important, while Pinkie waited at the door for Rainbow Dash.

After fifteen minutes past the start time of the party, Pinkie had to assume Rainbow Dash wasn’t coming. She had either forgotten, or she had pointedly ignored the invitation and decided not to alert Pinkie about it. It stung, but even friends sometimes let you down. She left the door and went to talk to her other friends. She wanted to make sure everypony was having a good time, despite the missing individual.

As she went from pony to pony, Pinkie determined that everypony was having a good time. They talked, they ate, they played games. She organized it all and made sure to include things for everypony, including the meek Fluttershy. She was willing to play pin the tail on the dragon, but not twister. They even played some board games, during one of which, while they were debating the ruleset, who should burst through the door, but Rainbow Dash.

“Sorry I’m late! I got caught up in some Wonderbolts business!” she shouted.

Pinkie looked at the clock. It was half-past seven, which was a good three hours after the scheduled start time. She didn’t want a better explanation than that, but she was livid that Rainbow wouldn’t even try to let her know she was going to be late. She jumped to her hooves, the game forgotten, and pushed her nose up in Rainbow’s face.

“Wonderbolts business? And you couldn’t even think to make a call and let me know you were running late?”

Rainbow looked stunned. “Sorry, Pinkie. Like I said, it was Wonderbolts business and I couldn’t—”

“’Wonderbolts business’ huh? Doing what?” Pinkie demanded.

“You know… business.”

“Drills? Exercises? Schmoozing? Planning? Organizing?”

“You know… we had to—”

“What is it, Rainbow Dash?”

Twilight tried to interject. “Pinkie, please. She came. Isn’t that all that matters?”

“No, Twilight. That isn’t all that matters.” Pinkie whirled on them, her mane losing some of its poof. “I gave you all a whole month to plan ahead and show up. I needed to talk to you a month ago and I wanted help feeling better, but you couldn’t come! None of you could help! You were all too busy and every one of you wanted advance notice, so I gave you a month!”

Applejack stood up from the game board. “And we’re glad y’did. Gave us all a good amount of time to prepare, but sometimes, life just throws ye a curveball.”

Pinkie turned her glare at Applejack. “And it’s such a curveball you can’t let me know you’ll be late?”

“It came out of nowhere!”

“Oh, yeah? Explain what happened in detail!” Pinkie said, turning her withering gaze on Rainbow Dash again.

“It… well… Soarin wanted to…”

“Wanted to what?” Pinkie demanded.

Rainbow lowered her gaze to the floor. “…get drinks.”

“Get drinks, hmm? And getting drinks is Wonderbolt business? Business that’s so important and mandatory that you would give up coming to my party, which you agreed to come to a month ago, so you could ‘get drinks’ with Soarin and the Wonderbolts?”

“…no.”

“That’s what I thought,” Pinkie said. She turned to look around the room, eyes falling on each pony in turn. Rainbow Dash was first, then Fluttershy, then Applejack, then Rarity, then finally Twilight. There was a chewing sound, and her head whipped around to find Spike, sitting on the snack table, chowing down on the cheese and crackers.

Her mane went flat.

“Everypony out!” she screeched.

“Pinkie, please,” Twilight said as calmly as she could. Pinkie jabbed a hoof into Twilight’s chest.

“No, Twilight. I explicitly said I wanted to spend some time with my closest friends. I didn’t want to babysit a baby dragon.”

“Teen dragon.”

“What.”

“He grew his wings, he’s a teen dragon, not a baby.”

Pinkie just stared at Twilight in disbelief. The look of someone who would question why anyone would want to know the difference between a soup spoon and a teaspoon. She stared for a moment, then silently pointed at the door. Her mouth shut with a quiet click, but her eyes spoke volumes. Everypony left.

Introspection

Pinkie stayed in her room for the next three days. She began by laying on her bed and staring at the ceiling. Nothing happened and nothing changed, but she pondered. She pondered her position in life and the effect her friends had on her.

Her “friends”.

Was there no respect in their relationships? Did they not take her seriously? Did they think that she would accept everything they did to her without any repercussions? That she was willing to put up with them forever; ever the silent, watchful, bubbly, perky, Pinkie Pie? The happy-go-lucky pony that wouldn’t be bothered by anything?

Twilight had brought Spike. Applejack hadn’t even bathed. Rarity treated her party like it was some formal function, Rainbow Dash couldn’t even be bothered to show up on time. The only one that showed some modicum of respect was Fluttershy, who had ditched Angel to come alone. Twilight hadn’t even done that. She’d been explicit in her instructions. There was no excuse. No excuse at all.

Pinkie lay there, and she stared. She watched the roof do nothing for some hours, then drifted off to sleep. When she woke up, nothing had changed. She hadn’t even shifted during the time she was unconscious. She lay there again, watching the roof, until Mrs. Cake came up and knocked on the door.

“Pinkie Pie, are you alright in there?” she asked.

Slowly, she pulled herself to a sitting position. Her head lolled as she sat up, and she turned to the door. She stared at it dumbly until the knocking came again. She dragged her hooves out of bed and flopped off the side, then carried herself over to the door. She pulled it open, scowling at the chubby Mrs. Cake standing in it. “What.”

“Oh, I was just wondering if you were doing fine, is all. You haven’t come out in a while, and the Mr. and I were getting a little worried.”

“I’m fine.” She started to close the door.

“Well,” Mrs. Cake said, blocking the door with a hoof. “I was taking a break for tea and wanted to know if you’d like to join me.” She smiled wide, trying to appear non-threatening. Pinkie paused, the door stuck against Mrs. Cake’s hoof.

She stared at Mrs. Cake, looking her straight in the eyes, trying to figure out what the mare wanted. She was pudgy, her cheeks rosy and warm, and her eyes didn’t hold any hint of malice, but something about it felt off to her. Pinkie shook her head, telling herself it was all in her imagination, and slowly nodded. “Okay,” was all she said.

Mrs. Cake’s smile widened and she beamed at Pinkie. “Well, that’s wonderful! I’ll be at the small table downstairs in the back. You know where it is. It’s away from all the customers, so it’ll just be you and me.”

“Thank you,” Pinkie said. Mrs. Cake nodded and walked away, leaving Pinkie in her room.

Pinkie looked around her room and stepped in front of her mirror. She looked herself over, trying to decide if she needed or wanted to do anything with her mane. It was flat and unkempt, like she had slept fitfully, though she’d woken up in the same position. She mussed it a bit, then gave up and wandered down the stairs to the small room where Mrs. Cake was waiting for her. She sat down heavily and stared at the teacup and little tea cake in front of her. Mrs. Cake was on the other side, sipping calmly at her own cup, not saying a word.

The two sat in silence for a while. Mrs. Cake didn’t bring anything up, she just sat quietly, waiting for Pinkie to make the first move. She was patient, and eventually Pinkie caved in.

“What is it?”

Mrs. Cake relaxed at Pinkie finally saying something. She breathed out and smiled. “I was just wondering what was going on, what with you being all locked up there alone. I thought I’d invite you for some tea. Something completely unthreatening. Just wanted to spend some time with you, dearie.”

Pinkie put on a smile. “Thanks.”

“Tea’s nice, isn’t it? It’s a nice, calm thing you can do with friends, without any expectations except drinking tea and eating little confections, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is,” Pinkie said. She picked up her teacup. The tea had gone lukewarm, but she sipped it, then drank it all in one gulp. She shoved the cake in her mouth and ate it quickly, then swallowed. Mrs. Cake refilled her cup and she drank that to wash the cake down. She was feeling more energetic.

“It’s a great way to find out what’s troubling somepony, and a good way to find out how they really feel. Clearing the air, don’t you know.”

Pinkie smiled, but her mane remained flat on her head. “Yeah. Yeah it is. To find out how they really feel…”

Mrs. Cake smiled brightly. “Feeling a bit better, Pinkie Pie?”

“You know what, Mrs. Cake, I think I am. I think I’m feeling great.” She smiled wide, eyes sparkling with the beginnings of an idea. “I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I think it’s time I really, truly, cleared the air and found out a lot of things, and tea is going to help me do that.”

“Glad I could help, Pinkie. Do you need anything to help with that?”

Pinkie shook her head. “You’ve already helped a lot.”

Mrs. Cake smiled and nodded. “I’m glad I could, Pinkie. We’ll see you in the shop soon?”

“Probably not until after I’ve sorted this all out, Mrs. Cake. Thanks again!”

Mrs. Cake left with a smile on her face, leaving Pinkie to her own devices. Pinkie, meanwhile, took the opportunity to disappear down into her party cave. She grabbed a pencil and paper and began writing out a long list of instructions, grievances, problems, solutions, and many other seemingly random things. Gummy stayed in a corner and blinked.

“No, Gummy. I’m going to invite them one at a time. I can’t have them all there at once because I won’t be able to focus on one of them. I need them to be separated.”

Gummy blinked one eye, then the other.

“Yes, I will if I have to. I’ll force them to talk to me, and we’ll figure things out.”

Gummy licked his eyeballs.

Pinkie stopped and looked at him in horror. “You’re right. What if they don’t? What if they won’t reconcile. What if they try to reschedule tea!” She paced in a small circle. “I can’t keep bringing them back over and over again to talk things out. We’d lose our train of thought and have to have the same conversations over and over. I think—” she looked at gummy. He yawned. “Yes. I think that is the best choice.”

Gummy smacked his lips.

Pinkie shook her head. “No, I think that’s as far as we need to go. They’ll quit rescheduling or ignoring me after this, don’t you worry. I’ve got everything planned out, and there’s no way it can go wrong.” She held up a large sheet of paper. It had cutesy designs on it, but in the middle was a big red X. “No way at all.”

Investigation

The next day, Fluttershy received a letter. It read:

“Dear Fluttershy. I would like to have you over for tea and cakes two days from now. Please come to my room. We will have tea there.

-Your friend, Pinkie Pie.”

It was a small message, and simple, but it was an invitation. It didn’t mention anypony else, and it didn’t say anything about a party, so Fluttershy wasn’t sure what to make of it. There wasn’t any mention of cupcakes or balloons or anything else. Still, she had a lot of free time, and she could certainly make the time to visit Pinkie. She wrote a quick letter back saying she would love to and left it in her mailbox with the flag up.

Two days later, Fluttershy approached Sugarcube Corner with a small bag on her back. She brought some of her own tea just so she could share it with Pinkie. It was a sweet berry tea she’d found and thought the sweet taste would be perfect for her friend.

She stepped inside, said hello to Mr. and Mrs. Cake, then went upstairs to where Pinkie’s room was. It was closed, strangely, so she knocked and waited.

“Come in,” Pinkie said from inside. Fluttershy apprehensively pushed open the door.

The room was dark, with just a few candles sitting at a table in the center of the room. Thick blankets had been hung to cover the windows, and Pinkie was wearing a frilly pink outfit. Her mane was flat on her head, and she motioned to the seat across from her. Fluttershy went in and sat down, staring at the décor.

“Pinkie Pie, are you okay? Why is it so dark in here?” Fluttershy asked.

“I wanted to make it seem a little more quiet. I thought we could talk. Talk about things that matter. Like friends and friendship.”

“O-oh,” Fluttershy said quietly. “I guess I understand. What exactly did you want to discuss about our friendship?”

Pinkie poured the tea, which was piping hot. It steamed in the cup as she pushed it over to Fluttershy. “I wanted to talk about treatment of friends, and most of all; respect.”

“Respect? Do you feel like I don’t respect you?”

“Not you. You followed the rules. You didn’t do anything except ask me to reschedule. The others, though. They weren’t very respectful. Twilight brought Spike, Applejack was dirty and sweaty. Rarity made the rest of us look bad, and Rainbow Dash brushed off my party to go hang out with other friends after she agreed to come!”

“Okay…” Fluttershy was nervous, feeling like this was building up to something. “What do you suggest?” she asked carefully.

“How do I make ponies respect me?”

“Just be yourself. You can’t ‘make’ ponies do anything.”

“Iron Will taught you how.”

“Iron Will didn’t teach me anything good! He was mean! I was a bully!”

“So I should be a bully?”

“No! Just be nice! It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on them.”

“So I have to make them change their behavior.”

“What? No!”

“How will I get them to respect me, then?”

“Pinkie Pie, you can’t force ponies to do anything. That’s mean.” Fluttershy sighed. “Why do you want them to respect you?”

“That’s a stupid question. Because everypony should be respected.”

“But you’re talking about being mean.”

“No, I’m trying to get respect.”

“You can’t—” Fluttershy stood up. “I’m not going to argue with you, Pinkie. Don’t be mean. I think I should go.”

Immediately, Pinkie Pie was up and between Fluttershy and the door. Here eyes were wide, and her face was a terrifying, angry grimace. “No, no, no. You don’t get to leave until we’re done talking about all of this!”

Fluttershy tried to push past her to get to the door. “Pinkie, I don’t want to do this right now! I don’t know what ideas you’ve gotten in your head, but they’re bad! You can’t force ponies to do things!”

Pinkie Pie grabbed Fluttershy by the hooves and threw her down to the floor. Fluttershy’s head cracked against the wood and her vision swam. “I can, and I will! Ponies will learn to respect me! Just because I like parties doesn’t mean I’m stupid! In fact, I think you and I are going to start a party,” Pinkie said with a grin, “right now.” Her hoof cracked into Fluttershy’s head, and Fluttershy went limp. Pinkie giggled madly to herself.

Thankfully, Fluttershy was light. Pegasi typically were, due to their flight bones and innate magic. She was easy to carry, and Pinkie Pie took her to the slide leading down to her party cave. She found a table, swept all the papers off it, then laid Fluttershy down on it. She pulled out a series of kitchen utensils and looked over Fluttershy. Without too much work she could get the pegasus prepared and she wouldn’t even have to change much. There would be respect, and there would be friendly faces at her parties after this. She would stay for tea. That wasn’t in question. She was ready. She was prepared. Pinkie wasn’t a joke. She slammed a hoof on the table and her lower lip trembled. Parties weren’t a joke! She would prove it!

Rarity got a letter in the mail. It was from Pinkie Pie, asking her if she would please visit her for tea in two days’ time. She would be waiting in her room at Sugarcube Corner.

Rarity wasn’t against tea, or even against Pinkie Pie. It was an easy thing to say yes to the letter, and she left the letter in her mailbox. Two days later, she was on her way to Sugarcube Corner, dressed in a fancy summer outfit with a wide-brimmed hat. She trotted regally in the doors and bid Mr. and Mrs. Cake a fond hello. They nodded back, motioning that Pinkie was upstairs waiting for her. Rarity went upstairs and rapped on Pinkie’s door, then waited. The door swung open to reveal a dim interior with the windows blocked off and just two candles next to a small table. Pinkie was sitting in the dark, smiling.

“Oh… well, hello, Pinkie Pie,” Rarity said as she walked slowly inside. “What is… all this?” She indicated the room.

“This is a private tea party for just us two so that we can talk,” Pinkie answered. Gummy crawled onto the table and blinked. Pinkie picked him up and moved him to the side.

“Talk? About what, exactly? It’s a little unnerving if I might say,” Rarity jumped when the door shut behind her. She was sure she had left it open, and nopony was near it. She sat down across from Pinkie, tense and wary.

“About us. About me. About you. About parties,” Pinkie began. “It’s been some time since I’ve felt disrespected, but that last party was something else. It really gave me something to think about, especially when it came to Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack. I don’t feel like they gave me or my party the respect they deserve.”

“Darling, they didn’t mean anything by it. We all have lives outside of you and your parties.”

“No!” Pinkie jumped up and put her hooves on the table. She pushed the tea and the cups off the side where they shattered on the floor. Rarity scrambled backward. “Fluttershy was right and wrong at the same time! You all do have lives, but you do not treat me with any level of respect! Just because it’s a ‘Pinkie Party’ doesn’t give you the right to smell bad. That’s rude to the other guests. Nor does it give you the right to bring uninvited ponies—or dragons, as it were—to the party. Nor does it give you the right to brush it off after RSVPing!”

“Darling, things happen!”

“Then it’s respectful to say so, and apologize for not coming, or saying you’re gonna be late!”

Rarity inched toward the door. Pinkie stalked after her. “And you, all dressed up fancy, making others feel like they’re not as fancy or as good or as pretty as you. It makes you the center of attention!”

“I like being the center—”

“It’s my party!” Pinkie shouted. Rarity flinched.

“Who are you trying to impress right now, Rarity? Me, or just everypony around you as you arrived? I don’t think it was for me, so I’ll assume you just wanted to show off to whomever you walked past. Not a thought to actual, lil’ ol’ Pinkie. I’m just a blurb on your daily schedule of stallions to blueball.”

Rarity gasped. “Pinkie!”

All Rarity could see was Pinkie’s eyes in the dark. She didn’t see the club coming down on her head until she was already unconscious. She crumpled to the floor and Pinkie picked her up. “Trying too hard, Rarity. We’ll make sure you don’t dress too hard to impress this time. You’ll be just like everypony else.”

Applejack received a letter from Pinkie Pie. It was short, inviting her to tea in two days’ time. It smelled faintly of perfume, which was strange. Pinkie didn’t wear any perfume besides whatever she picked up in the bakery. It was genial enough, but Applejack couldn’t really find the time to come. She sent her a letter back saying she didn’t have the time, and that a few trees had contracted a fungus. She needed to clear that up before she could be going off willy-nilly to have tea. Big Mac and Applebloom needed her there on the farm. She put the letter in the mailbox and thought that would be the end of it.

She was wrong.

In two days, she was out in a far section of the grove checking for signs of the fungus when she saw a balloon. It had just enough helium in it to float above the ground with the string dragging along the dirt. It was powder blue, wafting here and there with the faint breeze. It floated behind a tree and she went after it.

“Pinkie?” she called.

Blackness awaited her.

When she woke up she was tied to a chair in a dark room. There was only a single candle in the middle of a table, and the sweet scent of sugar and honey reached her nose. From the darkness into the candle’s light, a pink hoof came. It placed a saucer and a cup in front of Applejack, then disappeared into the black.

“Pinkie? What the hay is goin’ on? Why am I here, and why am I tied up? Is this one of your pranks again?”

“Hello, Applejack. I hope you didn’t mind me bringing you here, but I really didn’t want to reschedule again. You’re always so busy, I think you deserve a little break, don’t you?”

“Pinkie, ah have responsibilities at the farm. Ah can’t be gallivantin’ off, especially when the trees are in danger. Ya wouldn’t expect me to ignore a fire, and this is the same kinda thang.”

Pinkie’s face came out of the darkness. The candle light made her eyes look bigger than they were, and the shadows transformed her frown into an unnerving smile. “Applejack, come on. You can’t just keep rescheduling. All work and no play makes Jack a dull mare.”

“Ah’m not a dull mare, ah’m a responsible mare,” Applejack insisted. “Now let me go, ah have work to do.”

Pinkie shook her head. “No can do, Applejack. We’re going to have tea, and you’re going to like it.”

Applejack twisted and struggled in her seat. The ropes bit into her hooves, and she wiggled until her chair fell over. She tilted into the table, knocking the candle to the floor and spilling the tea. Something shattered. Applejack heard a “tsk” sound, then something heavy hit her in the head.

“Ow! Consarnit! Somethin’ hit me!”

“Damn farmers. Hard-headed in every way.” Pinkie hit Applejack again, and again, and again, until she stopped moving. Pinkie breathed heavily in the dark. Gummy yawned. “I know, Gummy. Maybe one too many times, but I had to take care of her somehow. She ruined tea.”

Gummy made a smacking noise with his mouth.

“No, I only have two more to go. I’m going to step it up, though. Applejack’s family will notice she’s gone. We’re going to have tea with both Twilight and Rainbow Dash tomorrow. By hook or by crook, we’ll have tea.”

Twilight and Rainbow Dash received a letter that same day. It invited them to a tea party at Pinkie’s house tomorrow. It told them to not worry about bringing anything, please. Don’t invite anypony (or anydragon) else. No Starlight Glimmers or Spikes or Embers or Trixies or anything like that. No Spitfires or Soarins or Fleetfoots (Fleetfeets?) or anypony else. Just themselves, and all alone in the afternoon.

Predictably, Pinkie received a letter back from both saying they couldn’t make it on such short notice. She wasn’t surprised, but she wasn’t deterred either. She knew how to get them both to agree. She had decided beforehoof that she was probably going to have to do this the hard way, and she was more than ready.

Twilight was in her castle, going through her books. She had a stack of them on her desk already, filled with books on several strange topics including; Teaching to the test: How to prepare foals for the working world. And another title called; Expectations and how to Barely Meet Them. Spike was elsewhere in the castle busy making snacks. So Twilight was all alone when Pinkie stepped inside the office. Twilight turned to look at her visitor and smiled.

“Hello, Pinkie Pie. I got your letter. I’m sorry I couldn’t come, but I have to prepare a new curriculum for the school. It’s going to have to go by every teacher before I can put it into effect, though. You haven’t seen Fluttershy or Rarity, have you? I haven’t been able to get ahold of them in the past few days.” Twilight turned back to her work while she talked. Pinkie crept closer.

“I have, actually. I can even help you get in contact with them. It’s just a matter of… knowing where to look, you know?”

Twilight was oblivious to the mare’s actions, and remained facing away, focused entirely on her books. “Oh, do you? Where have they gone? They didn’t say anything.”

Pinkie jumped on Twilight’s back. One hoof went around the alicorn’s horn, the other held a cloth in front of her muzzle, and her hind hooves trapped her wings to her sides. Twilight struggled, but every time she attempted to bring her magic to bear on Pinkie, Pinkie jerked her horn back and forth, nullifying the spell. Twilight threw herself back and forth, but Pinkie was used to holding on to fast-moving things. The mechanical bull at the local bar was a breeze for her. She knew how to ride, and she was good at it.

As she rode out Twilight’s slowly-weakening efforts, Pinkie thought about how much harder this would have been had she not been best friends with Twilight. It was a pretty major factor in attempting to stop a princess. Chrysalis, Starlight Glimmer, Tirek, and all those others didn’t stand a chance against the princess of friendship, but Pinkie had subdued her so easily just be being her friend. She wondered if that was Starlight Glimmer’s plan, but as Twilight fell to the floor, she dismissed it. She didn’t need to worry.

Once Twilight had stopped moving, Pinkie checked her pulse to be sure she was still alive, then shoved her into a sack and slung it over her back. She poked her head out to the door to make sure it was safe, then skipped merrily down the halls and out the door. Nopony really paid her any mind as she wandered into the bakery and upstairs with a lumpy sack on her back. Pinkie had done it often enough with flour, corn, potatoes, and myriad other foodstuffs. Her quirks were accepted as just part of what Pinkie did.

Inside her room, she set Twilight up in the chair across from her own, tied her wings to her sides, and jammed a ring over her horn. Then she waited.

Twilight slowly woke from unconsciousness and blinked. “Pinkie? What’s going on?”

From the darkness on the other side of the table, Pinkie smiled. Her pearly-white teeth glinted in the dark. “Hello, Twilight. It’s tea time.”

“Pinkie, what are you doing? You can’t just force ponies to come have tea with you. I have a lot of work to do!” She tried to cast a spell and untie herself, but it fizzled. “What?”

“Twilight, were you just trying to leave?”

“I can’t stay here, Pinkie. I know you want company, but I can’t be here all the time. Sometimes you have to deal with your problems yourself.”

“That’s just going to be unacceptable, Twilight. Rarity’s busy. Applejack’s busy. Rainbow Dash is busy. Fluttershy is the only one who seems to have any time at all, but she’s too scared of me to hang out and have tea lately.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You said you knew where they all were. Where have they gone, Pinkie?”

“Oh, they’re all here. I invited them for tea. Except Rainbow Dash. I’m going to invite her after you and I have had tea.”

“Pinkie, what do you mean they’re all here? Are they tied up like me? Let them go!”

“Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. What do you take me for? A monster? They’re all fine, and we’ll all have a nice evening having tea, and nopony will be too busy to have tea with me, and it will be wonderful, okay?” Pinkie’s head bobbed back and forth as she spoke, her flat hair waving with the motion.

“Pinkie…”

Pinkie stood and forced the cup of tea to Twilight’s muzzle. Twilight struggled to keep her mouth shut, but Pinkie squeezed at her mouth until it was forced open. She poured the scalding hot tea into Twilight’s face, spilling it all over her. She choked and sputtered, moaning in pain. When the cup was empty, Pinkie forced a cake into her mouth. Twilight coughed.

“There we go. Delicious tea and cakes. The kind of thing everypony needs to take time to enjoy every now and again. Wouldn’t you agree, Twilight?”

Twilight was too busy coughing to answer.

“I’ll bring Rainbow Dash soon, then we’ll all have fun, okay?”

The room spun for Twilight. She couldn’t keep her eyes open. It was only as she passed out that she realized Pinkie must have drugged the tea. The last thing she saw was Pinkie’s wide smile looking down at her.

Immolation

Rainbow Dash received a letter. It was from Pinkie Pie, inviting her to come have tea at her place. It was short, with only the words “TEA”, “SUGARCUBE CORNER”, and “NOW” written on it in red crayon. The mail wasn’t supposed to come until tomorrow. It had already arrived today and this wasn’t in it then, so who had put it there and why?

It being the afternoon, Rainbow Dash dismissed it as a joke and tossed the letter into a pile on her table. The pile was mostly fan letters and other things she couldn’t be bothered to respond to. She never wanted to throw them out, so she kept them all piled up in the mistaken assumption seeing it would eventually give her the impetus to actually respond.

She never did.

She returned to her room and sat down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling where a huge poster of herself was stuck. It had her as the focus, with the other wonderbolts in the background flying past, and her name in huge letters along the bottom. She had bigger, more important things to be doing these days, and she had less and less time to devote to going along with Pinkie’s ridiculous pranks.

Maybe she could do with some fun, though? It might be entertaining to show up and see what Pinkie was going to do with this one. After that fiasco at her party the other day, she could show the mare a little bit of attention. Having made her decision, Rainbow Dash jumped off her bed, wandered along the cloud floor and out the door.

At Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow pokes her head in the door and looks around. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were at the counter and in the kitchen, respectively. There were a few ponies buying things, and a few others at some tables nearby. It all appeared too good to be safe, so Rainbow carefully crept inside, keeping an eye out for anything hidden or set to spring.

As she was crawling along the floor, Mr. Cake saw her and waved. “Hello, Rainbow Dash! You here to visit Pinkie Pie?”

She looked up at him in alarm, then swept her head left and right, looking for the trap. When nothing sprang out, she stood up and approached him. “Yeah, she invited me for tea, I think? The letter was a bit confusing.”

“Oh, that’s Pinkie, you know? She’s been having a tough time lately, and it’s great that you guys are all coming to visit. She needs it.”

“Oh, are the others here?”

“Oh, no,” Mrs. Cake said, “They came earlier in the week. I suspect they’ve gone home by now, but they all stopped by, don’tcha know?”

“Oh, well. Then I guess it’s safe?”

“Safe?”

“I was expecting a prank.”

“Oh, no, dear. Not at all. Pinkie’s just not been herself. You’ll be fine. Go ahead on up. She’s in her room.”

“Thanks, guys.” Having heard that her other friends came by and hadn’t yet complained about any pranks, Rainbow felt emboldened. She hurried upstairs, not worried about anything.

At Pinkie’s door, she felt a little more apprehensive. She could smell a little bit of smoke or incense, and there was no light coming from under Pinkie’s door. She raised a hoof to knock, but it swung open of its own volition, revealing a pitch-black room with a single lit candle on a table. Close to it, there was a teapot and a single cup, set neatly on a single doily. Rainbow recoiled.

“Uh… Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie’s voice floated out of the darkness. “R a i n b o w D a s h,” it said. “So good of you to come and join me on time for my little mare to mare party. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting you to arrive so soon. Didn’t you have something else you were planning? Somepony else you were visiting? Somewhere else you were going?”

“Nnnnno? I put aside this time just for you, Pinkie.”

Pinkie’s upside-down head appeared in the soft candle light. Rainbow had stepped inside the room and the door shut behind her. She felt something wet grab her leg and she jumped. It was only Gummy, latching onto her hoof. She shook him off. He tumbled away and blinked.

“Oh, Rainbow.” Pinkie’s head lolled back and forth, her flat mane swinging gently. There was a thump, then her head righted itself. Rainbow could hear the tap of her hooves, but Pinkie’s head stayed exactly where it was. “You think a simple tea party is so much more important than a full-on party with others? I must say, I don’t understand your reasoning.”

“I… thought I was rude last time, and figured you deserved me showing up today.”

Pinkie blinked, and Fluttershy’s mane suddenly appeared in the light. Her mane was covering her face, drooping long and thick over her. “Now? You think I deserve it now? Why not then?”

“Fluttershy’s here?”

The sound of moving hooves could be heard, and Rarity’s rich, blue mane appeared in the candlelight. It wasn’t as smooth or clean as it usually was. Pinkie reached out to brush it, her own head staying perfectly still while she did. “Answer the question, Rainbow. Why now?”

“Rarity?” Rainbow’s voice was getting a little strained. She sounded on the verge of panic. “Why are you all in on this? This isn’t funny!”

Applejack’s hat dropped onto the table from the darkness. Pinkie Picked it up and placed it on somepony outside the light. Rainbow could suddenly smell something like rotten apples. She swallowed.

“Rainbow, tell me why you treat me so poorly? Am I just a joke to you?” Pinkie asked.

“Pinkie, this isn’t funny! Stop it! I’m scared!” Rainbow turned around and tried the door handle, but it wouldn’t budge. She felt something slick and wet on her leg again and kicked wildly. Gummy blinked at her from the table among her friend’s heads. She screamed and pushed at it with her hoof. Something slipped off her and disappeared in the dark.

Pinkie glared at her from the candlelight. Twilight’s head swooped down from above and into the light. She was hanging upside down from something, and her eyes and mouth were sewn shut. Twilight shook wildly, and her other friends all lifted their heads. Each one had their eyes and mouth sewn shut. They all shook, the sound of rattling wood filling the air. Rainbow Dash screamed.

Below Pinkie’s room, in the front of Sugarcube corner. Mr. and Mrs. Cake smiled at each other. Mrs. Cake came up and pecked him on the cheek, staring up at the ceiling. “Respect is important, isn’t it, dear? Especially for Pinkie.”

He nodded. “Always respect Pinkie.”

“Always,” they said together.

The End.