Celestia Robs A Bank

by LIL DASHIE GRINGO

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Violence, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1118

Celestia robs a bank to pay back her sister for breaking her PS4. Things don't go well as planned.

Celestia robs a bank to pay back her sister for breaking her PS4. Things don't go well as planned.

Inspired by my tenacity to uplift my pure boredom right now.

Published 2018-07-27 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-27 02:10:01 UTC

GIVE ME THE MONIES!

Celestia sat in her bedroom, her bottom plopped onto her bed as she played video games out of pure fun. Today marked as her day off from civic duties and shit, giving her the time to goof off and have some ‘god-time’ alone. Since Luna had to take over for her reluctantly, Celestia raided her room for her video games. She grabbed her PS4 and purposely messed up her game stash as an excuse to finding Dark Souls.

She was getting angry, controlling the controller with her controlling magic spell while she pulled on her sheets with her hooves.

“Come on, dammit! Why won’t you DIE!” She said to the large screen Samsung TV with 8K Ultra High Definition. She died twenty times within the first thirty minutes, Always to the black large soldier that blocked her way from getting to a strong sword of mightyness. If she had this in her arsenal, she would be able to not die as much.

Which would be pretty cool if she hadn’t died again.

“Fack!” She tossed the controller at the TV out of anger and broke it, which it fell onto Luna’s PS4 and breaking it too.

“FACK!” Celestia-sama got up from her bed and lifted the TV from the PS4, throwing it out the window and accidently hitting a bystander who said ‘ow’. She frantically franticed in place, looking at the PS4 shrink out its last bit of life with small sparks.

“I broke her shit! Now how am I supposed to pay for this? I’m broke!” She screamed, pacing around her room of many treasures as she tried to think of how to pay Luna back without her knowing about the system. Then something came to her as fast as a fastball thrown by Clayton Kershaw.

Sunbutt trotted over to her broken window, looking over the city of fortune to look at the biggest place she laid eyes on, ignoring the ambulance sirens that were outside her castle for some reason.

The bank.

She knew what she had to do in order to get her sister’s money.

****

“Hello, madam! Welcome to Canterlot bank of Celestia! Enjoying nice weather we’re having today?” Said the nice looking brown stallion clerk to the nice looking pink mare.

“Oh, it’s just marvelous outside! Not really into the humidity, but at least this building has air conditioning. If my husband was here, he’d have a fan with him everywhere saying how ‘horrid’ the heat makes his coat.” She snickered, “He’s such a baby.”

The clerk cackled before continuing the transaction. “So, how may I help you today?”

Before the mare could answer, the front door was slammed open with an AK-47 as a masked white tall pony popped into the room, their uncontrollably wavy tail and mane flowing as they cocked the cock of their gun.

It was Celestia.

“EVERYPONY GET ON THE GROUND NOW BEFORE I START SHOOTING THINGS!” She said, shooting the gun at the chandelier above them with amazing accuracy. Everypony got down, but bowed instead of cowering.

“Princess Celestia, how are yooouuuuu? It’s so wonderful to see you, guurrrl!” said the mare from earlier who apparently didn’t know her place. Celestia taught her this by smacking the butt of her AK to her head, knocking her out on the floor.

“Bitch, I’m not Celestia. I’m Ms. robber, you fucking fuck!” Walking over the sleeping pony, she stepped up to the clerk from earlier and got their attention by pointing her gun at him. “Alright clerk, give me the money or I’ll-”

Before she could finish, her AK went off and offed him in the head.

“Shit, hold on.” She turned on her safety before going to the mare clerk next that just witnessed her coworker’s death. She smiled though because her favorite killer princess was here!

“Okay, give me the money or I’ll do you like I did to that other guy.” Celestia pulled down her gun a bit, curious. “What’s his name?”

“Dave.”

“Right, like I did Dave.”

“Of course! How much would you like to take out?” Celestia put away her gun, letting it sit on her back. What kind of question was that?

“All of it?”

The mare hissed before replying. “Oooh, sorry. Wish I could, but our shipment hasn’t come in from our depot yet. It was scheduled to come in today, but got delayed.”

“What? For how long?”

“The teller is thinking about a couple more days.” Celestia-chan jumped at the news, frantically franticing on her hoovsies.

“Well how much do guys have now?!”

The pony typed away at her computer keyboard before answering the princess. “The teller tells me about thirty thousand bits.”

Sunny Hi-C took out her gun again and pointed it to the clerk again. “Give me all of it.”

“Alrighty!” She got up from her seat and stepped over her dead coworker before going to the back, opening the door for Celestia to follow her, her gun still trained on her with much focus.

A few minutes later in the bank and out of nowhere, a huge white truck crashed through the building and left the bank, an explosion erupting it and collapsing it to the ground. Sunbutt was close to getting the job done, but she had to run from the popo.

“PULL OVER RIGHT NOW, CELESTIA. WE WANT TO WORSHIP YOU, PRINCESS.”

“FUCK YOU PIGS” She tried to fire the AK but it was out of bullets; she didn’t bring any extra mags.

She threw it at one of the police cars and it spun out of control into the truck, making her lose control and hit her castle before it blew up with the rest of the cops.

****

GAME OVER, YEEEAAAAAH!

“Celestia damnit!” Luna threw her controller at her TV before it broke and fell onto her PS4. She calmed down before throwing both outside her window and replacing them with new hardware, playing the same game.

“That’s what we get for playing extreme mode. We didn’t think it would only give us one magazine throughout the whole level. You understand us right, sister?” She looked over to Celestia who was in a full body cast, hoisted up onto the ceiling to treat her wounds. Her answer was muffled as Luna dropped the controller by her side.

“Here, We’re going to the lavatory for a minute. Help yourself.” After Luna left, Celestia tried to cherish this moment for the longest she could bare, holding the controller with her magic to try and play the game.

But her magic was too weak and it fell on her head, knocking her out.

Author's Note

Why did I do this?