Jazz Hands

by GravelordNito

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Princess Luna, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 6560

Anon gives his pony companions a hands-on lecture about the most sacred of all human cultural customs: The Jazz Hands.

It's Hearth's Warming Eve, and Anon is hosting a party in his humble abode on the outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres. Having been in this foreign land for just short of a year, Anon decides it's about time he taught his pony friends a little more about some of his home world's customs... And also make up some of his own along the way. Twisted truths and shenanigans ensue.

Rated Teen for some suggestive themes.

Published 2018-07-28 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-28 03:40:01 UTC

You Like Jazz?

'Twas Hearth's Warming Eve, and all through the town,

Ponies were sitting inside and eating a lot.

"Anonymous, would you please be so kind as to pass me the cake?" Celestia asked gently in her usual motherly tone, leaning slowly across the food table as she did so,

"...What, the whole thing?" Anon teased, his usual mischievous side obliterating his vocal filter,

"What kind of gluttonous heathen of a ruler do you take me for, Anonymous?" Celestia shot back, giving him a deadpan look as she did so,

"One who doth inquire endlessly as to when the latest shipments of baking ingredients will arrive at the royal kitchen, dearest sister," Luna interrupted, snickering slightly at the look on her sister's face as she momentarily slipped back into her old tongue.

Celestia sighed explosively, before muscling her way past the giggling guests at the party towards her intended target at the other end of the table. As she reached out with her magic for the cake knife resting on a plate beside the yummy oh-so-gooey triple-chocolate fudge cake, a pesky, writhing hand quickly grasped it and pressed it back down towards the plate, cancelling her magic as a result. In a bout of genuine frustration, Celestia looked up into the eyes of Anon, silently begging him with the best puppy-dog face she could muster. All she wanted was this one thing; she would never ask anything more of him than this,

"Now, now, Celestia; don't you care about preserving the ripeness of the royal flanks?" Anon gloated, milking his ruler's desperation for all it was worth. Softly stomping her hooves and dancing in place in frustration, Celestia contemplated simply bypassing formalities and dunking her face into the cake; however, she allowed this impulse to pass, as she was already making enough of a fool of herself as things were.

With her sister's whining noises and impending tantrum getting a little out of hand, Luna stepped up to her sister's aid and sagely said,

"Anon, we promise that we shall ensure our sister does not overindulge this night,"

"Well, before she gets any of this cake, she's gonna have to promise me she'll start calling me Anon, just as I've asked her to do many times before; the formality of calling me Anonymous makes me feel uncomfortable," Anon replied, crossing his arms with a smirk while still holding onto the knife.

"Okay, Anon! Anon!!! ... *ahem* Anon, can I please have some cake? Please?!" Celestia was practically melting with disdain while looking like she was about to have an aneurysm as she sprinted in place.

"Hmm... What else is in it for me?" Anon slowly replied, tapping his chin with the knife,

"Anon, enough! While we understand the pleasure of teasing our dear sister, we must insist that you cease in taking this joke too far," Luna demanded, albeit retaining the amused look on her face,

"Alright, alright, I yield," Anon slowly set the knife down on the plate, making sure to watch Celestia's face as he did so with a wry smile. Immediately, said face lit up like she was a filly on the last day of school, her tongue practically lolling out of her mouth as she once again reached for the knife with her magic.

Unable to stop himself, Anon pinched the handle of the knife with his thumb and forefinger, "but first..." Celestia looked like she was about to cry, as the contact caused her magic to fizzle out once more. She let out a low, sad whine in response as her ears drooped and her legs almost buckled beneath her; Anon's smile dissipated upon seeing this, as her whine had sounded genuinely tragic: like a wounded, helpless animal during its final moments. "You know what? Never mind..."

Celestia gasped as he relinquished the blade, her wide smile returning ten-fold as she eagerly sliced off a generous slice of cake before trotting happily back to her seat by the fire. Anon turned to Luna, and before he was able to speak, she cut him off,

"We know what you want to say, Anon; our sister does not act her age when cake is involved,"

"Ya don't say..." Anon turned back to the table, before slicing off a piece of cake for Luna and then one for himself,

"Oh, erm... Anon, don't you think we should join the rest of our friends in eating the main course before diving into the dessert?"

"No. Let's join your sister and eat dessert first, like savages," Anon said bluntly, smirking as he booped Luna on the nose on his way back towards the rest of the group. Luna went cross-eyed for a second before shaking her head slightly and stifling a sneeze,

"We can assure you that we are not a 'savage'!" Luna called after him, receiving a hearty chuckle in response, which she returned in kind as she followed him back to the group.

The rest of the party-goers had long since filled up their plates and returned to their seats, seemingly content with their meals. They had front row seats to witness the drama at the table, and so had been watching on while giggling with mirth between themselves. The party's other attendees consisted of Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack. Pinkie had been the only other pony to be eating sweets instead of savoury; although, the others took no notice of this, with it being Pinkie Pie.

Anon took a moment to admire his own handiwork, feeling proud of himself for planning this party without Pinkie's assistance. Streamers coated the furniture and ornaments, while tinsel and glitter covered the surfaces and crevices; he had also prepared a large table of food consisting of anything and everything his pony friends could ask for, as well as a nice, warm fire and a circle of chairs next to it. He had also managed to get his hands on a record player, which was idly playing one of his favourite gentle tunes in the background of the party. It was raining outside, but Anon felt that only added to the comfortable mood he was going for with this party; he hoped he was succeeding.

Celestia was humming contentedly as she greedily, yet gracefully devoured her slice of cake, her ethereal tail swishing from side to side as she ate. Anon could not help but laugh upon seeing this, catching the mare's attention as he did so; a blush spread across her fair white coat, and she hid her face behind her wing for a moment as she swallowed her mouthful,

"W-What's so funny, Anonymous?" She asked,

"Anon." Anon replied, feigning an unimpressed look. Celestia's eyes dilated as she realised her mistake, before correcting herself,

"My apologies... What's so funny, Anon?"

"Oh, nothing much, Celestia; I was just thinking about a funny story Twilight told me last week," Anon lied, causing Twilight to perk up, a curious look on her face as she commented,

"I did...?" She lifted a hoof to her mouth in thought, staying in that position for a while as the gears slowly turned in her head,

"Heh, I somehow doubt that..." Rainbow Dash muttered, before being silenced by an elbow to the shoulder from Applejack,

"Uh, yeah. Yep. It was a great one. Anyway, Applejack?" Anon asked, desperately changing the subject and causing the farm pony to cast him an inquisitive glance,

"What's up, Anon?" She replied,

"What do you think of the food? And don't just compliment the apples; they're yours,"

"Uh, it's mighty fine, thank you. Why d'ya ask?"

"Just figured I'd get the opinion of the best cook here," Anon complimented, causing the farm pony to blush slightly and pull her stetson down over her face,

"Hey!" Pinkie whined, pouting her bottom lip as she looked over at Anon with a hurt expression. Rainbow Dash suddenly looked very alarmed at this, looking towards Anon with a desperate expression that screamed at him to salvage the situation,

"Well, the best savoury cook at least..." Anon quickly corrected, with sweat suddenly pouring down his face. The last thing he or anyone else wanted was an upset Pinkie Pie on their hands... And hooves. Pinkie seemed to accept this, but not without turning back to her food and muttering to herself about how apples are sweet too.

Anon could sense a collective sigh of relief wash over the room as the disaster was averted. Anon also felt especially proud of himself when he noticed that his restoration skill had increased to 97, while his speech skill also rose to 19. Only 3 more levels to go... Anon thought to himself, patting himself on the back as he did so, while also completely ignoring his lacklustre speech level. After all; as long as you turn around, the fire is gone.

Fluttershy was looking down at her plate, taking dainty nibbles every once in a while as she politely listened to the rest of her friends converse. Rarity had noticed this, and was prodding questions at Fluttershy, attempting to start conversation,

"So, Fluttershy, darling; are you looking forward to our spa session this weekend?" Rarity questioned, grimacing in preparation for the minimalist answer she was sure to recieve in response,

"Oh, yes, of course. But, I was just thinking about how much fun me and my little animal friends are going to have this Hearth's Warming season; Angel Bunny has actually agreed to let some of the other animals keep us company as we sleep," Fluttershy replied, smiling dreamily as she said so, "he always gets jealous, but this season is very special,"

"W-Well, yes, darling, that's great to hear! Do you have any Hearth's Warming traditions of your own you can share with us?" Rarity eagerly asked, feeling pleasantly surprised by her friend's substantial reply,

"Yeah, Fluttershy, you and your animal friends must have some pretty unique things you like to do for the holiday season," Anon jumped in, attempting to fan the flame of Fluttershy's confidence in speaking. However, as soon as all eyes and ears were trained on her, Fluttershy once again began to hide behind her mane and curl into herself,

"O-Oh, well, nothing, really..." Fluttershy mewled, as Rarity gave Anon a small scowl for scaring her off. However, she knew he was only trying to help, and soon after gave him a warm smile as an apology. Meanwhile, Twilight was still thinking to herself over what she had apparently told Anon, slowly spiralling closer and closer towards a mental breakdown as she did so. Anon figured it was about time he stopped that from happening, for everyone's sake,

"Hey, Twilight...? Hello?" He called, as she slowly looked over towards him before blinking in confusion equally slowly,

"Yes, Anon?" She asked with a little tilt of her head, causing Anon to crumple slightly and clutch at his heart before muscling up the courage to face her again,

"Y-You seemed lost. Just t-thought I'd wake you up," Anon replied through gritted teeth. Come on, Anon, you can do this! She's just a little purple pony... An adorable, sweet little pony... Anon's agony ensued like arsenic coursing through his veins, dropping him out of his seat and onto the floor, causing everypony to gasp in alarm. "P-Please, T-Twilight... Just..." Anon felt as though he was about to black out. I thought I was immune to the magic of this land? That's why Celestia couldn't get to the cake unless I let her... This must be some other kind of magic...

"Anon, are you alright?!" Twilight asked in alarm, standing up from her chair as everpony else looked on in concern. "Do you need me to... t-take care of you, Anon?" Twilight asked breathlessly, causing Anon to suffer another palpitation,

"Twilight, PLEASE!!!" Anon screamed in agony, "Spare me this torment!"

"I-I don't understand... Am I hurting you, Anon? H-Here, let me check you out," Anon's eyes widened further, becoming bloodshot as she said this. Twilight gasped, as she quickly trotted over to him before laying a hoof on his shoulder as he pawed helplessly at the carpet. Twilight's words had driven him to the edge of his sanity, causing him to roll onto his back as he stared dizzily up at the ceiling. So, this is it, huh? Death by diabeetus... Anon thought to himself as he began to lose consciousness. Well... I can think of worse ways to go, I suppose... Anon let a small smile work its way across his face as a tear rolled down his cheek, his life flashing before his eyes. Anon had never really had anyone he cared for back in his home world; it was just kind of a cycle of shades of grey every single day.

Most of the memories flashing across his mind in this moment were from his short time here in Equestria, and all the friends he's made.

He remembered meeting Applejack, and helping her around her farm, before going back to her house and having a meal with her family as they laughed and joked in each other's presence.

He remembered how Fluttershy was terrified of him at first, with him being an unknown creature and all, but eventually opened up to him when she caught him feeding some of her squirrels.

He remembered meeting Rainbow Dash; her fascination for him and his athletic ability was a little intimidating at first, but since then they had begun visiting air shows together and hanging out on warm summer evenings by the river.

He remembered meeting Rarity, and asking her to make clothes for him; he admired her enthusiasm in creating clothing for an alien creature, her enthusiasm being somewhat infectious as he watched her dash around her shop, stitching some new outfits together for her new friend.

He remembered when Pinkie found him on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest when he first arrived: broken, alone, frightened and confused. She had given him reassurances of his safety before hurriedly taking him into town and to Twilight Sparkle, who had nursed him back to health and taught him of the new world he had now found himself in.

He remembered all the hours he and Twilight would spend together in conversation, feeding off of each other's curiosity and enthusiasm. He remembered falling ill, likely as a consequence of the viruses of a foreign world, and Twilight immediately taking him to the sisters of the diarchy in a panicked rush, as she had found her magic did not work on him.

He remembered them being unable to help him with their magic either, before taking him into a ward and looking after him with motherly affection.

"-non? Anon? Anon?! Please, say something!" Twilight looked panicked as her head loomed over his; Anon's moment of melodrama passed as he looked up at Twilight, feeling refreshed from the sea of pleasant memories. However, the sight of Twilight's face hanging over his, and the light tickling of parts of her mane on his collar bone put him back into overdrive. He quickly sat up, frightening everyone in the room as he did so; He looked down at Twilight as she sat on her haunches at his side, looking back up at him with tears in her eyes. The sight almost caused a resurgence of his diabeetus, but he thankfully managed to keep it under control as he ruffled her mane in response with his right hand, smiling sweetly at her,

"Thanks for your concern, Twilight, but I'm fine. Us humans just have little episodes like that sometimes," Anon reassured her, booping her on the snout as he settled back into his chair. The rest of the room all looked to be relaxing now, as small conversations between them broke out once more.

"S-So it's not my fault you were in pain just now?" Twilight sniffled, looking towards Anon expectantly and inadvertently causing him to wince a little in response to the sight,

"No, Twilight, don't worry. It just happens randomly to us; it's nothing to worry about," Anon lied in his most soothing tone, which seemed to brighten Twilight's mood some. Celestia was finishing her third slice of cake as her curiosity piqued for a moment,

"Anon, returning to the topic of traditions; do you humans have any cultural quips that you could tell us about?" Celestia asked calmly, waiting patiently for an answer. Everyone looked over towards Anon as he answered,

"Well, we actually seem have a holiday to mirror each of yours, as it turns out, and each with almost identical traditions accompanying them,"

"Oh? Such as?" Luna jumped in, genuine interest written across her face,

"Well, for starters, we have a holiday in some parts of my world called Christmas, and it is quite similar to Hearth's Warming in that it's a time to relax with friends and family, celebrating with food and gifts. We also have Halloween, which is very similar to Nightmare Night; kids dress up in costumes in order to get adults to give them candy once they answer their doors. Finally, we have Valentine's Day, which is just like Heart's and Hooves day; it's a time to spread love and generosity."

The group had been listening intently to this speech in respectful silence, before Rainbow Dash spoke up,

"Kinda interesting how our cultures are so similar. I wonder how far that similarity goes..."

A smirk slowly spread across Anon's face as he saw this as a perfect opportunity to have some fun. His inner jerk was egging him on from his left shoulder, telling him to use this as an opportunity to spread confusion and fear. Meanwhile, his inner pervert was calling from his right shoulder, telling him to work with the idea as an excuse to get a little more of a 'feel' for these cute little ponies. Choosing not to question why both of his opposing consciences were negative ones, Anon decided to see this through in order to spice up this otherwise mundane evening of idle chatter and indulgence.

"Well, I'm glad you asked, Dash," Anon said in a cheerful tone, while sitting back in his chair and folding his arms, "I was just about to tell you about the most sacred, universal culture that us humans hold..." This sentence immediately had the desired effect, with all eight of the ponies leaning forwards as he beckoned them slightly closer. Lowering his voice to almost a whisper, Anon continued, "We must speak respectfully of this custom, as it is revered as deathly serious in all parts of my home world..." The ponies leaned in even closer, lest they miss the big reveal, as silence enveloped the room between Anon's speech. One could hear even a pin drop in the silence, as Anon finally continued, "We call it... The Jazz Hands...

"J-Jazz Hands..." Fluttershy muttered, trembling as she dared utter the words, glancing nervously at his hands before catching herself in case she come off as disrespectful, "I-I mean... What are these s-special, sacred... J-Jazz Hands...?" Fluttershy carefully uttered, dipping her head in respect as she did so.

Anon's inner jerk was gloating so much that he was practically filling the room with his ego inflation, nearly drooling over the fact he had all eight of these mares hanging off his every word,

"Well... Are you sure you want to know? What has been said cannot be unsaid, after all..." Anon said in a dangerous tone, causing everypony to shift in their seats slightly in discomfort. However, curiosity got the better of them, as Applejack pushed,

"Y-Yea, we're sure as sure can be, Anon..."

"Alright, I hope you know what you're getting yourselves into; I cannot be held responsible for the consequences, is that understood?" The entire room hesitantly nodded in agreement, causing Anon to silently cheer as he had just gained himself a safety net lest this go too far. "Alright, let me just go and... Prepare a few things for the ritual, first..."

With the tone set, and the mares seemingly held in suspense, Anon used this opportunity to stand up, lock all of his doors and hide the keys, returning to a group of very nervous and confused-looking mares once he was finished.

He knew that they had no chance of escaping him once he did this, as all of these ponies had proven themselves exceptionally physically weak compared to him. They were less than half his size after all, with the exception of Celestia; plus, their magic was useless against him. Feeling like an evil genius and rubbing his hands together in excitement and anticipation, Anon's third and least influential conscience whispered to him about how this may be a bad idea, and may potentially leave him a lonely man in a foreign world if he scares them off. Shrugging off the warning about how he may be about to act more like a total maniac than an evil genius, Anon finally cleared his throat before beginning,

"Jazz Hands... Jazz Hands are simultaneously feared and loved throughout my world, as their destructive power is beyond anything imaginable, yet they may also bring the greatest joy to those that utilise them correctly," Anon took a moment to make sure he had retained their attention before continuing, "now, I will give you a first-hand demonstration... But-! Don't worry, my Jazz Hands are perfectly safe, and once they have completed their task, they return from whence they came. All I need you ladies to do is just to make sure to hold... still..." Anon slowly finished as he held up his hands by either side of his shoulders. The ponies collectively gasped, focusing their gazes on his hands and not daring even to blink, with the exception of Fluttershy, who squealed and curled up into a ball, looking at his hands through her mane. Pinkie looked excited and was bouncing up and down slightly, which earned her a quick collective frown from the rest of the ponies, before they then returned to looking mortified, holding their breath in anticipation of what was to come.

Anon's grin widened, as he began to turn his hands back and forth, gently increasing the speed over time as he did so. This caused the ponies to lean back slightly as Anon began to rise to his feet; setting his sights on his first victim, Anon made for Princess Luna, slowly approaching her with a terrifying grin on his face, as his hands continued to turn and writhe in a frenzied rhythm. Luna scrambled from her chair, retreating back against the cabinet behind it,

"S-S-Stay back, Anon! We do not like this anymore! Enough!" Luna yelled in terror, shaking her hooves in his direction before tucking them into her front in a submissive display. As Anon continued to approach her, he bent down and brought his hands closer to her sides. A low chuckle escaped Anon's throat as his writhing hands finally settled on her coat; they were not moving for a moment, simply resting there as Anon looked deep into Luna's eyes, soaking in this moment for as long as it lasted. After around half a minute of petrified silence and stillness throughout the room, Anon took in a deep breath, before yelling at the top of his lungs,

"JAZZ HANDS!!!" Anon began to spasm his hands on Luna's sides, as she exploded into a terrified laughter at the sudden, intense tickling sensation; immediately, the other ponies' eyes dilated in realisation, and they all scrambled in different directions, desperately looking for an escape route. Pinkie was the only exception, bouncing behind Anon's shoulder while shouting,

"Oh! Oh! Pick me! Do me next!" Anon's inner pervert caused him to begin to salivate upon hearing these words, kneeling down over his current victim and not letting her have even a second to breathe. Luna was sweating with terror, writhing uncontrollably as she began to cry amidst her explosive laughter,

"N-No.. P-Please... AHAH - ah, s-stop..." Luna desperately pleaded, before her consciousness began to slip away, leaving her in a panting, sticky bundle on the floor. With this, Anon finally stopped his sacred Jazz Hands, with the ritual for this victim being complete. However, as Anon looked around the room, he decided to ignore Pinkie's incessant pleas for him to 'do her' for now, and instead focus on the baby pink tail sticking out from under the food table, as it was quaking in terror. Anon's eyes met those of the tail's owner as she peeked over her withers, causing her to freeze in place, her eyes going wide with a sinking dread. Anon grinned as evilly as he could before muttering in a deep, guttural tone,

"Jackpot..."

Applejack and Rainbow Dash had headed into Anon's bedroom, fleeing in any way possible from the second set of screams erupting from the front room. They slammed the door behind them before trying to open his window, both panting with exertion as they found to their dismay that it was shut with a lock on its handle. Rainbow Dash felt her heart sink as Applejack's legs began to tremble,

"The key! The key!!! We have to find it... Where is it?!" Rainbow Dash panicked, looking around frantically,

"Ah don't know, Dash! Shut up and look fer it!" Applejack replied, as they both looked under his bed, in his cupboards, his closet, his bedside table... Nothing. Applejack looked as though she were about to lose her bladder control as a crazed look came over her face, "Ah know! Let's jus' break the window!" Applejack frantically suggested,

"Are you crazy?! That's dangerous, and Anon will make us pay for it later! You're getting way too into this whole thing, AJ; Anon's not actually gonna hurt us, you know..." Rainbow Dash reasoned, but Applejack was having none of it, as she began to buck the pane of glass with all her might,

"Why ain't it workin'?!" She screamed, bucking like a crazed bull in her frenzy. Dash simply ducked for cover, expecting it to break any second and knowing she couldn't reason with Applejack. "Consarn it! Who in the hay uses reinforced glass fer their bedroom windows?!" Applejack barked as she spread her front hooves out in front of her, preparing to dash at any given moment,

"We have to calm down, AJ; let's just think about this for a moment..." Rainbow Dash trailed off as she heard the door to the bedroom slowly creak open, having not noticed the screaming had ceased. Standing in the shadow of the doorway, Anon stood with his head stooped and his hands poised, grinning with dripping malice as he began to chuckle in victory. Applejack let out a guttural scream and dove under the bed as Rainbow Dash found herself unable to move, frozen in fear. Anon continued to laugh as he closed the door and put his dresser chair under the handle, cracking his knuckles and preparing his Jazz Hands as he looked down at Rainbow, who was cowering in his encroaching shadow,

"Any last words...?" Anon snarked, lowering himself down to her level...

Rarity, Twilight and Celestia had set off down his hallways, his sizeable home seeming like a labyrinth in their panic; they had realised to their horror that Anon only had one entryway to his home back through in the front room, and so their only hope of escaping was to find a window. None of their magic was strong enough to channel a teleport with Anon in such close proximity, leaving the magical beings feeling naked, bare and vulnerable,

"Should we split up?!" Shouted Celestia, as they sprinted down the hallway in their mad dash,

"No! No, please... Don't leave me alone!" Rarity cried as she began to bawl in terror,

"Umm... Oh... I don't know what to do..." Twilight thought as she whipped around, searching for a solution. Seeing they currently had three options, Twilight came up with a plan, "Okay, Rarity, I need you to go in and search that broom closet... I'll check the bathroom, and Celestia carry on down the hall!"

"Got it!" Celestia affirmed as she set off at a sprint. Rarity just continued to cry, reaching out for her friend as Twilight closed herself in the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Twilight could hear Rarity squealing on the other side of the door, scratching her hooves on the door in her desperate effort to get in,

"Rarity, lock yourself in the broom closet and try to find somewhere we can leave through!" Twilight pushed, but her advice fell on deaf ears, as Rarity continued to bash on the door in her tantrum, whining with all her might, "Rarity... I think you're taking this a little too seriously... He's not going to kill you..."

"Twilight, ple-" Rarity stopped dead in her speech as her banging ceased,

"Rarity? Rarity, what's wrong?" Twilight asked in a worried tone. However, instead of an answer, she heard a sudden, gut-wrenching scream fill the air as Rarity tore off down the hall, running from her pursuer with everything she had. Seconds after Twilight heard Rarity take off, she heard long, heavy footsteps thudding along the floor as Anon sprinted down the hall after her, and away from the bathroom. The aggressive nature of the pursuit sent tremors through Twilight's legs as she began to feel a dreaded, yet oddly tantalising fluttering in her chest. While Twilight was using Cadence's calming technique to calm herself down, she began scanning the room for a means of escape; however, she was interrupted by the result of the chase from down the hall,

"Rarity? what are you...?" Celestia asked, before the both of them suddenly screamed in unison and seemingly sprinted out of Twilight's hearing range. Twilight couldn't help but feel that this was getting out of hand, but continued on regardless. Twilight's fear was replaced by a determination to escape as she began scanning every inch of the room for anything which she may use to achieve that end. Unfortunately for her, Anon had only one window installed in his bathroom, and it was much too small for her to fit through; however, this did not mean she was not going to at least try.

Climbing up onto the washing basket, Twilight pawed open the window, before poking her head out and getting a blast of rain and cold wind to the face. Attempting to squeeze through the hole, Twilight got herself stuck in the middle, and had to use her wings to push herself back into the bathroom. Silently cursing to herself, Twilight desperately began searching for another solution. Her focus was interrupted, however, as she was greeted by a pair of footsteps approaching the door of the bathroom. Twilight felt that familiar feeling of dread return as she sprinted over to the sink and grabbed Anon's toothbrush, holding it to her chest like it was the holy grail: her one lifeline. Twilight waited by the door in silence, hearing nothing but her own pulse beating in her head, before she slowly became aware of a loud breathing sound coming through the keyhole of the door,

"...Twilight... I know you're in there... Why don't you come out here for a second? I have something amazing to show you... I bought you a new book as an early Hearth's Warming present... W-Wanna see?" Anon breathed, his voice ringing out in all kinds of sinister as Twilight swore she could hear his saliva pooling by his feet,

"N-No, Anon... Please, enough of this. I don't want to f-feel your Jazz Hands," Twilight pleaded, sweating profusely and trembling in fear as she did so. Upon being teased in this way, Anon recoiled for a second, holding his hands to his head in bliss before eagerly continuing,

"Oh, but, Twilight... You'll love them, I swear. I just want a quickie; a one and done, you know? It's a cultural thing, after all; it can't be helped. I did warn you. Just be honest with yourself, Twilight; you want this," Anon grumbled through the keyhole in a hushed tone, before suddenly bellowing, You all told me you wanted this!" Anon was trembling with excitement and anticipation; however, upon receiving no response, he decided to resort to drastic measures once he realised that she had locked the door. Anon turned to his broom cupboard, haphazardly digging through his equipment before finally striking gold.

Returning from the broom cupboard, Anon held his woodsman's axe that he used to help Applejack remove dead trees with on Thursdays; upon walking back up to the door, Anon felt a sudden surge of creative inspiration as he raised his axe above his head. Anon felt endlessly gratified by the satisfaction of saving the best for last as he prepared his barrage.

Twilight was trembling on the other side of the door; she felt trapped, helpless, and without any method of escape. As things stood, all that stood between her and Anon's Jazz Hands was her toothbrush and the wooden door...

"A-Anon... Stop, please..." Twilight muttered to herself as she felt her sanity slipping, utterly enveloped by the sweet intensity of the situation,

"Twilight!? You won't let me in?! Then, I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!" Anon gleefully announced, as he brought the axe down hard on the door to his bathroom, eliciting a horrified screech from the mare on the other side upon witnessing the tool coming through the door. Anon continued to mercilessly hack at the door until its central panel fell out, and upon reaching through to grab the door lock, Twilight yelped and lashed out with the toothbrush, causing Anon to bring his hand back through the door in faux agony.

Instead, Anon decided to put his face up to the broken panel, looking through and finally looking Twilight in the eyes as he maniacally announced, "Heeeeeere's Nonny!!!"

Twilight began hyperventilating upon hearing this, dropping the toothbrush and curling up on the floor. Anon suddenly snapped to his senses as a result, pulling away from the door for a moment, before cradling his head in his hand and looking at the axe in disgust, "What am I... Doing?" Anon began to feel a strong sense of regret washing over him, as he quickly reached through the massacred door, unlocked it and made his way to Twilight's aid. "Twilight? Twilight, please, answer me!"

"Wha... A-Anon?" Twilight rasped as she regained consciousness in his arms,

"Twilight, I'm so, so sorry... I didn't mean for this to go so far! The whole 'Jazz Hands' thing was a joke; a bending of reality..." Anon pleaded for her forgiveness, as Twilight broke from his cradling and slowly rose back to her hooves,

"Anon... That was... Exhilarating!" Twilight suddenly perked up, seemingly regaining all of her energy at once like a switch being flicked. Anon held a sneaking suspicion that it was almost as though she had never passed out in the first place...

"Uhm... What?" Anon looked dumbfounded, "I just terrorised all eight of you... I'm a terrible person!"

"No, no, Anon... It was... Fun. I'm pretty sure we all knew you were joking about the Jazz Hands from the beginning; it was very obvious from your tone of voice. Plus, the innocent act of tickling Luna kind of dispelled any concerns we could have of you harming us. Well, that, and... Well... Discord was telling us all about a visit he had to your world a few weeks ago; one of the first things he told us about was how fascinated he was by the 'Jazz Hands' and 'Mexican Wave' that you humans seemed to use every once in a while."

Anon didn't know how to handle what he was hearing; his inner jerk was telling him to simply accept it and blow this all of as a fun little joke; his perverted conscience was pumping its fist in victory, while his less influential third conscience was telling him to round up the ponies and beg for their forgiveness,

"Twilight, that's... Ah..." Anon felt a little embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he heard the other ponies approaching the doorway; they all looked exhausted, as though they had just finished a satisfying workout. Anon took this moment to admire how Twilight had managed to avoid becoming so breathless despite his homing in on her,

"Phew-ee; ah do love a good workout!" Applejack shouted, stretching out her back legs as she sighed contentedly,

"Our sincerest apologies, Anon, it seems we instigated all of this by beginning our role-play... We simply thought it would be a fun break from the mundane to play along with one of your little pranks, and it seems like we got a little too caught up in the moment," Luna explained, holding a hoof to her snout as she lightly chuckled,

"You mean 'we' as in...?" Anon carefully questioned, earning him an indignant huff from Luna,

"We mean 'we' as in 'all of us' were caught up in the moment! While you are included in this, you are not to solely be blamed for the result. Besides, we think everypony here can agree that the result was hardly a negative experience, right?" With a collective murmur of agreement, Anon felt satisfied the issue was resolved,

"Well, okay, I guess... So, with that settled, let's...?" Anon started, looking to all the happy smiles surrounding him, feeling as though he had dodged a bullet with this whole ordeal,

"Yes, let's." Twilight chirped, leading the way back to the front room, where they all settled back down by the fire, discussing how much fun this night had been, and drinking to their hearts' content before slowly drifting off to sleep one by one.

Anon and Twilight were the last two awake, looking at each other across the fire with a comfortable warmth settling over their hearts,

"Anon?" Twilight started,

"Hmm?" Anon drunkenly replied, almost falling asleep in the process,

"You're going to have to replace your bathroom door, now," Twilight chuckled, which quickly spread to Anon, as he chose to ignore that reality for the moment,

"I'll get to it at some point, Twilight..." Anon felt his eyes drooping as he began to drift off,

"And Anon?" Twilight asked,

"Yeah...?"

"Thank you for the best Hearth's Warming Eve of my life..." Twilight said with a warm, genuine smile, as she also began drifting into the realm of the sleeping.

Anon smiled softly and grunted his response, unable to retain his consciousness for any longer. Within seconds, the pair finally joined their friends as they fell asleep by the warmth of the fire, letting the soothing white noise of the rain and the crackling of the log fire lull them into a deep, peaceful slumber.

Author's Note

Heh, The Shining is a great movie. :pinkiecrazy:

Well, I hope you enjoyed! I tried my best to make this comedic while also having some heart-warming moments scattered in there as well. This was just a random idea I had one morning, so I decided to make it a reality while I work on releasing my next big story. Thanks for reading and please consider checking out my other work if you enjoyed this one! :twilightsmile:

Lots of love from Lord Nito :heart: